Chapter Text
The next day, Robin sat on the edge of a boulder, his legs hanging downward. The cold was beginning to seep into his thighs, but the day was relatively warm for winter, and he wanted to enjoy the sun for a bit longer. Turning his face upward, he closed his eyes, letting the light sit on his eyelids in a blinding red.
But in the quiet, it was easy to hear the crunching of shoes on snow.
Robin didn’t know which was more surprising: that Tamala was still wearing heels, or that she was walking very well on them in the snow. These heels weren’t little stilettos; they were wider ankle boots with wedge heels. Still, he knew how much strength heels required in ideal circumstances, and snow was not ideal circumstances for heels.
“Hello, there, darling!” Tamala called out, smiling.
Robin braced himself. He knew that tone. The tone that dripped with languid enthusiasm, a theatrical imitation of casual chatting. She either wanted something or was hiding something. “Hello, Tamala.”
He and Tamala hadn’t talked much since the snafu with Hassian’s pin, but they had a truce, and Tamala was clearly taking advantage of that fact. “I was wondering where you were. Have you been avoiding me?”
“It’s a bit of a hike for me.” Robin shrugged, keeping his tone civil. He slid down from the boulder. “D’you need something?”
“Oh, of course not, lamb.” Tamala’s eyes sparkled. “I simply wanted to check in, see how you are. It’s been so long.”
Robin gestured to himself. “I am well. And you?”
“Oh, just wonderful, thank you. Although, there is something I was hoping to discuss.”
“Natcherly.”
“You see, there is something I’m very curious about. You humans…” She grinned, her eyes sharp. Gleeful. “Rumor has it you… don’t take kindly to multiple partners.”
Robin stiffened. “You and I aren’t dating as far as I know, Tamala, so I don’t know how that is relevant.”
“It isn’t, just idle curiosity. On an unrelated note… do you know where your little amour was yesterday evening?”
“He’s my boyfriend, not my pet. I don’t have him on a leash, and I don’t track his movements.”
Tamala waved dismissively. “No matter. I’m sure the Watcher would be more than glad to fill you in on their little… trip to the lighthouse.” Her eyes flashed, daring Robin to call her out.
Robin’s heart dropped. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He didn’t want to lose his temper, and he also didn’t want her to see the flare of emotion that her words caused. That was exactly what she wanted from him. Some part of him began panicking, fully aware of what she was implying. Whatever she’d seen, it could have been anything. It could have been them alone together, them talking to each other, them accidentally brushing hands…
It could have been them kissing…
It could have been them fucking…
“Y’know, Tamala, my dad told me some people listen with their ears and others listen with their nose.” Robin opened his eyes. “Do you know what that means?”
Tamala raised an eyebrow. “Enlighten me.”
“It means some folks will hear you the first time you say somethin’, and others need to be popped in the face to get the point.” Robin idly tilted his head to pop his neck. “Dad also told me to never hit a woman, but don’t tempt me. Never talk shit about Hassian to me again. D’your ears hear me, or does your nose have to?”
Tamala scoffed. “Oh please. I don’t believe for a second you would actually try something.”
“Would you bet your pretty nose on that?”
Tamala stared him down in silence. Robin held his ground. He knew there was some truth to what Tamala said. Robin was, by nature, a coward. He wasn’t prone to fistfights, and he didn’t really want a conflict with this woman, especially not one that would escalate that far. He’d very carefully avoided directly saying he would throw a punch, because if it came down to it, he wasn’t entirely sure he would be able to react that violently to Tamala’s remarks.
But he wasn’t necessarily making a threat. He was making a point. Whatever Tamala said, whatever she alleged, he knew what side he would take. Every time. And if it took an implied threat to get that across, then so be it.
Either Tamala got the point, or she believed the threat. She rolled her eyes. “Very well. If you’re going to be that much of a spoilsport.” She’d dropped her tone, and was talking in a much more frank manner, her deception exposed.
“You and I have very different definitions of ‘sport’.” Robin shook his head.
“But do keep in mind what I said, won’t you? I’d hate for this to become a… problem between you two.” Despite her apparent defeat, Tamala didn’t lose the excitement in her eyes.
Robin raised a hand in farewell and turned away. He knew better than to think he’d come out of that exchange on top. Tamala hadn’t started that conversation with the intention of a nice chat. She’d done it to mess with him. She wanted in on the drama.
The worst part is she’d won. It worked. The only reason Robin made any threat, implied or not, was because she’d gotten to him. The whole way back to the plot, all Robin could think about was what Hassian was up to with Subira.
Please tell me he didn’t…
Back at home he paced, wondering. “Tamala is unreliable,” he told himself. “Hassian wouldn’t keep this from me.”
He knows how you feel about the Watcher. If he wanted anyone else, sure, he’d tell you. But her? He might be lying to you.
“My disapproval hasn’t stopped him from telling me things before. He knows how important this is to me. He wouldn’t lie about something like this.”
But what if he wants to be with her? He knows that would upset you. He might be keeping it secret because he knows how you’ll react.
“He wouldn’t lie. He would tell me. He… he will tell me.”
What if he just doesn’t know? How long has it been since you told him? Does he even remember?
“He would remember something like this. He knows how much it matters.”
What if it’s true, and he just hasn’t told you yet? What if he was with her? What if he wants her? Which is worse, the thought of him lying, or the thought that he might be in love with her?
Robin stood in his bathroom, resting his hands on the sink. He scrutinized his reflection. “What are you actually afraid of?”
His reflection stared back with a straight face. Its finger tapped on the edge of the sink. Its eyes searched him. It took in his pockmarked skin, his round cheeks, his neck that seemed way too long now.
Is this why he did it? It wondered. Perhaps this simply isn’t enough for him anymore. The eyes strayed downward. He could almost see the scar under his shirt. Perhaps you’re not enough for him. He’s a beautiful man, and you…
Robin pushed away from the sink. “I should just ask.”
He may have been hoping to get away with this. If you ask, he can pretend he meant to tell you all along.
“He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t lie to me.”
Why not? If this isn’t enough for him, why would he care enough to be honest?
“He cares. I know he does. What about last week? When he came in from the snow?”
Ah, yes, when he snuggled into your bed for warmth. Being indoors is better than facing snow, no matter who you have to snuggle in exchange for shelter. For all you know, that night is when the spark died…
“If he didn’t care anymore, he wouldn’t have stayed!”
After you called him your beloved? After you wore his pin? When you spoke of a future? He’s invested now. That doesn’t mean he loves you. It means you’re too pitiful to push away now.
Tears sprang into Robin’s eyes. “He wouldn’t care about that. He wouldn’t just lead me on…”
He remembered holding Hassian by the fire. The gentle nights together. They’d talked about having kids. He’d been begging Hassian to move in with him. His heart began to split in his chest. How much of it had Hassian done out of a sense of duty? How many of his gifts were out of pity? How long had Hassian held on after his love had died?
His love was dead by now, surely. He’d found someone else. Someone stronger, someone more somber, someone more like him. Robin knew this wouldn’t last. He knew months ago that these feelings would fade. He’d expected himself to be the one to fall out of love, not Hassian…
Do you still love him?
This voice was quieter, gentler. Robin blinked. “Yes… Yes, I do.”
Is it really so inconceivable that he still loves you too?
“But if he was with someone else…”
Was he?
Robin closed his eyes. “Tamala is unreliable,” he said again, slowly. His voice was shaky in the quiet house.
He opened his eyes and looked around the empty kitchen. He didn’t remember walking in here. Numbly, he walked to the sink, grabbing a pot he’d left to soak.
“Hassian wouldn’t keep this from me.”
He focused on scouring the pot, ignoring the little voice telling him he didn’t truly believe what he said.
When he paused his scrubbing, he heard a gentle pawing at the door behind him. Frowning, he opened it, just a crack.
The kitsuu shouldered its way inside. As soon as it reached his leg, it stretched upward, reaching with its little paws. Robin held still. The paws made contact with his pants, and he felt claws sink into the material. Jumping, the little critter hoisted itself up, climbing his pants stubbornly, then sank its claws into his shirt and pulled itself up to perch on his shoulders. It wrapped its surprisingly strong tails around his neck to anchor itself in place.
Robin took a deep breath, accepting the reassuring weight. “Hassian wouldn’t keep this from me.”