Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

With the guitarist's last strum of a minor chord resonating throughout the stadium, the drumbeat comes to a rest, the bass riff reaches the last note, and the looping synthesiser sample fades out.

The charismatic lead singer licks their dried lips and takes a step back from the microphone stand to heave a long sigh without being heard. Spotlights pointed at them turn on one after another. Following a beat of silence, the enthusiastic crowd goes wild with cheers and ovation. Thus another concert comes to an end.

The singer combs their sweat-soaked bangs out of the way with their fingers and leans towards the microphone once more. 'Thank you for coming! Please continue to support me!' The words dissipate into the rowdy crowd.

The sea of light sticks swells with a roar in response. A marvellous sight millions only dream of seeing.

The singer shoots back with a bright smile and steps away. As they walk off the stage, their stiff grin fades the instant they leave the spotlights. Everyone silently moves out of their way to backstage. Their manager and all the usual event staff know better than to disturb them at a time like this.

The first thing flower always does after entering their room is turn the lights off. It's not easy being a stage performer when you can't handle crowds, loud noises or bright lights for long stretches of time. They learnt how to endure it in the past years, but lately, they've come to feel that it drains their energy quicker as they get older.

But it's okay, they always tell themself, they love singing and will continue to sing until their body gives up. Yet, there are times the mind gives up before the body can — a scary idea flower doesn't even want to entertain. Not now. Now is the time for rest.

Dizzy and exhausted, flower allows their body to drop on the sofa like a battered sandbag. Right as they turn to recline, a knock is heard at the door. They groan in frustration. 'Miku, please, not now.'

Despite their pleas, Miku walks in. 'How did you know it was me?'

A question flower chooses to ignore. They're too busy covering their eyes from the bright lights filling the room through the open door. 'What is it?'

Unlike them, Miku seems to be brimming with energy. 'That was a great performance! Gosh, I was just a little afraid you'd have a hard time with such a long and elaborate concert after so long, but you did really well! Maybe you should do this more often. Because, like, and you didn't hear it from me, but I hear there are rumours among your fans that you no longer can—' She notices that flower is spacing out on the ceiling, clearly not paying attention to her words.

'Is everything okay?'
flower nods.
'Did something happen?'
flower shakes their head.
'Are you sure?'
flower nods.
'Do you want to talk about it?'
flower shakes their head.
'Is it—'
'Miku, I'm just a bit tired; that's all. Please let me rest. It was a long day.'

Their answer isn't enough to satisfy Miku, but she doesn't push further. She knows they don't like talking about their problems, and it doesn't seem like this time is any different. She says her goodbyes and quietly leaves, closing the door behind her. Had she stayed for a few seconds longer, she would've noticed the tears running down their face glistening with the light seeping into the room.

flower buries their face in the cushion and screams into it in frustration, until their voice cracks, already tired from the singing.

They set out to lie back down, but another knock is heard at the door the moment their head touches the cushion. Irritated, they sit up. 'I said I don't want to talk about it!'

After a couple seconds' pause, a woman's voice is heard. 'But I didn't say anything.' It's not Miku.

flower recognises the voice. '...Teto?' They scramble to get on their feet to open the door. 'What are you doing here?' There's a genuine surprise in their strained, creaky voice.

Teto smiles in response, but flower can't tell if it's a sign of sympathy or just amusement. 'I'm a fan of yours after all.' She sticks out her tongue with a wink but drops her flippant tone immediately afterwards. 'And, well, I'm worried about you.'

They can indeed read the sincere worry on her face, their eyes having adjusted to the light. 'There's nothing to worry about.' flower is adamant.

'Oh yeah? When was the last time you drank water?' But so is Teto. Seeing them taken by surprise by this seemingly unrelated question, she boops them on the nose with the tip of her finger. 'And what's with the face? Were you crying?'

flower wipes their eyes with the back of their forearm. '...I wasn't.'

Teto curls a lip in disbelief. 'Can I come in?'

flower hesitates for a second but realises they can't shoo her away like Miku. Teto is stubborn, they think to themself, and knows too much about them to let go that easily. They step aside to let her in. She reaches for the light switch, but flower grabs her hand. 'Please.' She doesn't insist.

The two face each other in the dark. flower returns to lying down on the sofa, their body almost limp with fatigue. Teto, meanwhile, sits cross-legged on the makeup chair nearby. She wants to joke that they look like a psychoanalyst and her patient, but holds herself back. Now is not the time for jokes.

Neither one wants to say the first word. After nearly a minute of silence, Teto concedes. She assembles her thoughts into a gentle question to lead the way and opens her mouth to speak, but gets cut off by flower's words. 'I'm sorry for always worrying you.'

She clicks her tongue. 'This isn't about me, flower. I came here to talk about you.'

They avert their eyes as if she can see them. '...I know. But you don't have to.'

The answer comes without missing a beat. 'Yes, but I want to.' Any other answer would've surprised them.

Chapter Text

flower remembers the day that brought them together. An uncomfortable early autumn morning. It was cold, but flower was drenched in sweat under their thin windcheater leaking in the cold. The bricks paving the ground were slippery with moss. They were sitting alone in a patch of greenery on the side of a desolate street.

Sobbing amidst the smell of rotting leaves with their head between their little knees, flower shifted restlessly on the cold, wet grass amongst bare trees. The frost had just begun to thaw. They idly tugged at a dandelion clock, watching its seeds fly with the dry wind.

'Miku is going to be worried again.' They nervously curled their black fringe around their finger. 'Why do I keep doing this? She's confused as always. But if I explained things to her... she'd be more worried than ever.' A strained sigh. 'I can't possibly live with myself if I spoil her happiness.' They closed their swollen eyes and let out a frustrated whine.

'Hey, what's with the face? Are you crying?' flower opened their eyes to look up at the source of the voice. A red-haired woman with a strangely familiar appearance stood before them, clutching a paper bag with fresh baguettes sticking out of it. She looked just a bit older than them. More importantly, they were wearing a worried look on their face. Unbeknownst to them, they would come to see this look again and again in the following months.

They wiped their swollen eyes with the back of their forearm. '...I'm not.'

The stranger curled a lip in disbelief. 'Can I sit here?'

flower hesitated for a second but ultimately shrugged their shoulders. Perhaps out of shame, perhaps out of surprise, they stopped crying once she sat next to them. Having lost their melancholic train of thought, they idly gazed at the ground, as if afraid to make eye contact with the stranger.

The two sat still side by side until flower broke the stuffy silence, reaching into their inner pocket. 'Do you mind if I smoke?'

The woman softly shook her head and nibbled on the crust of one of the loaves. flower lit up a cigarette and held out the pack to her. She politely declined. 'Thanks, but I stopped some years ago. It's not a great habit for a singer to have.'

'Huh. A fellow singer,' they thought to themself. 'I don't care. I have a lot of unhealthy habits for a singer anyway.' They shot a sassy smirk at her.

She appeared unimpressed by their bravado and chose to ignore it. 'I quit smoking because it was threatening my voice. My voice is all I have. It's how I earn my daily bread.' She seemed proud of the joke she made as she hugged the bag of bread, but flower wasn't even listening.

They scowled and put the cigarette out on the wet soil after taking a puff. It didn't taste good.

Following a few seconds of increasingly awkward silence, their companion broke off a piece from one of the loaves. 'Mm, would you care for some? It's fres—'

'Achoo!' flower shivered as they felt the chill seep into their bones. They regretted not considering the cold when they left in a rush. They rubbed their hands together to warm up, to little success.

The woman couldn't bear to watch in silence. She shoved the morsel of bread she was holding into their mouth and cupped her hands over theirs. 'Goodness, you're freezing!'

Food... Soft and fluffy. flower could not remember the last time they ate. Yesterday morning? Days melded together.

Warmth... They savoured every moment of being held by her soft hands warmed by the steam of fresh bread. A gentle pocket of heat in the midst of bleak, cruel cold.

A minute passed like this in silence. Perhaps two minutes. Or more. When flower came to their senses, they noticed the woman's wine-red eyes silently watching over them with a tender smile.

Realising how strange they'd been acting in front of a stranger, they pulled their hands away and stood up in such a hurry that they almost lost their balance. 'I— I have to go.'

They hurriedly stumbled away, leaving the woman gazing after them, giggling with bread in her mouth.

Once they tottered their way back, flower noticed the green-haired woman smoking outside the door. 'Gumi? What are you doing here?'

Gumi rolled her eyes. 'Waiting for you, obviously? Where did you run off to again? Good thing Miku is still asleep or she would be worried sick.'

flower clenched their teeth and tried to keep themself from shivering. 'I was just getting some fresh air.'

'Getting up in the middle of the night to rehearse at the studio by yourself... Suddenly starting to cry, smashing your guitar... Running off into the freezing rain when I come to check up on you... These aren't normal things to do, flower.'

'You were watching the whole time?' They glanced away.

'Duh? You've been acting strange for a while now. Even I'm worried. flower, you can talk to us about your problems. We're your friends.'

'I don't have any problems. Thanks for asking...' A predictable answer for Gumi. flower walked past her and entered the building. 'By the way, I suggest quitting smoking. It's not a great habit for a singer to have. Heh.'

She stared after them incredulously for a second, then put the cigarette out and followed them inside.

Chapter Text

'What a strange woman.' flower stared at the ceiling of their room, lying on their messy bed. 'I bet she thinks I'm even stranger.' They covered their face with their hands and kicked the air with both legs. 'What was I even doing there?!' They turned to the tattered bunny plushie sitting at the corner of the bed and watching them with what felt like silent judgement in its eyes.

They snatched and hugged the plushie, then turned to face the wall. 'A singer like me... She didn't look much older than me. But she looked like she's got her life together. Figured everything out. Got her music career on track, I'm sure. I bet she has no idea what it's like to have a panic attack before every concert.'

'What am I doing then? Sulking by myself. A worrisome burden on others. A pathetic mess.' They clutched the plushie even tighter into their chest and mumbled on. 'I'm trying my best to keep my problems to myself. Why won't they mind their own business?' They buried their face into the plushie that was used to absorbing their tears. '...I should probably eat something.'

Rin lightly banged on the table with her knife and fork. 'C'mooon! I'm starving here!'

An apron-clad Len turned away from the stove. 'I'm cooking as fast as I can! The pancakes won't cook faster no matter how much you yell at them!' His face and clothes were covered in flour stains here and there.

'What kind of pancake takes forty minutes to cook anyway? Did you put too much milk aga—' Her words were cut short by the irregular footsteps coming from the staircase, followed by the appearance of a gloomy silhouette. '...flower?'

'Uh. Good morning?..' Rin's surprise had surprised flower, which in turn surprised Rin again. 'What? Can't I join for breakfast?'

With a sheepish grin, Len apologetically threw up his hands. 'Of course you can! I just didn't know you were going to join us. I should've prepared more batter. But it's fine; we can share. Right, Rin?'

Rin sat in silence for a full three seconds until Len rudely interrupted her with an elbow jab accompanied with a forced grin. 'Right, Rin?..'

'Ow! Oh, yes, of course. Here, take a seat.' She pulled a chair from under the table with a loud scraping sound, causing flower to wince.

As flower sat down, Len set a little basket of sliced bread in front of them. 'The leftovers in the fridge were untouched, so I'm guessing you must be hungry. Here, I got this from a bakery Kaito showed me a while ago. They make great baguettes.'

'Hey!' Rin menacingly raised her butter knife at Len in protest. 'What about me?'

Unfazed by her gesture, Len turned away to tend to the pan. 'You can wait for the pancakes. I need the rest of the bread for something else. Let the girl eat in peace.'

He dropped his spatula after a moment of realisation at the same time Rin gasped behind him. 'Sorry! I mean— I mean let the they eat in peace.'

Although he turned back in panic to gauge flower's reaction, they didn't seem to have been paying attention to him at all. They were too busy stuffing their face with the plain white bread. Instead, they directed a barely intelligible question to Len with a full mouth in between bites. 'Say, where did you say you got this bread from?'

'The bread?' Relieved, Len knelt to pick up the spatula. 'It's just three blocks away.' He pointed at a direction with the spatula still dripping in batter. 'Turn right after the park and it's the little red building.'

flower got up and wiped the crumbs off their clothes. 'All right, thanks for the meal.'

As they walked out with determined steps, Rin broke her silence and pointed at the stove. 'Len... The pancakes.'

'Yes, yes, I know, more pancakes for yo— Wait... Oh no, the pancakes!'