Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Fade is stalking a not-quite-mortal named Ghost through the halls of the station. Fade is one of the most ancient gods in the Pantheon. Said to be third-born directly after the King of Darkness, Fade has had many names over the years as the language shifted. Fatum. Fata. Fate. Fade. His power is destiny, something even other gods must bow to from time to time. Fade carves paths for all living creatures, arranges their lives, and corrects their courses. Unlike most gods, Fade did not confine himself to one Avatar. He has one, a young man named Chuang, but the nature of his work meant that all mortals were useful tools to ensure that everyone bowed to their destiny. Fade hovers behind Ghost as the new arrival to Space Station No. 8 slips through the crowds in the Loop, watching as the man steers away from even brushing shoulders with others in the masses. Ghost tentatively approaches the silk seller, Ben, asking about accommodations on the station, and Fade slips into the mind of the merchant and takes over for a brief moment.

"I don't know who still has rooms. You might ask Jeb. He's the bartender at The Space Bar. He usually knows." Fade replies.

"Where is the Space Bar?" Ghost asks.

Fade points and releases his hold on the silk seller, who blinks in confusion.

"Sorry. I must have spaced out. Can I interest you in a tunic?" Ben apologizes.

Ghost shakes his head and heads to The Space Bar, Fade following close behind. As Ghost walks in, Fade gathers up the threads of Ghost's fate and yanks, steering Ghost to a seat visible from the door. Sunshine should have no trouble spotting him there. Fade waits with Ghost until Sunshine walks into the lounge, then drifts out, returning a tiny nod from Sunshine as he passes. He makes his way back to his temple and carefully slips into his Avatar's body.

"Is Ghost taken care of?" Chuang asks.

"Yes."

"What's next?"

"Check on Ben. I used him."

"He won't remember."

"Just in case."

"No one ever remembers, my lord. Everyone thinks they just zone out for a minute."

"I know, but Ben is devout. I don't want any harm to come to him. Now, let's get to evening prayers."

Fade moves through his worshippers as they kneel in his temple, winding sacred threads around spindles. Fade listens to their prayers, once or twice altering fates to align with their desires. Fade is seen as a fickle god, with many of his most devoted followers going their whole lives with their prayers unanswered, but Fade has a system. He seldom grants selfish desires, and he tries not to trample on the toes of other gods. Many of his followers pray for love, but that is not his dominion. Passion rules there, and Fade will only step in when fates get tangled or confused. Fade remembers an earlier Avatar named Jeff, who had missed his soulmate in two lifetimes before Fade had stepped in and corrected his fate with Trinity. Passion had brought their souls together, Fade just ensured they actually stayed together.

Suddenly, a staggering force slams into Fade, and Fade feels himself ripped out of Chuang. Chuang collapses to the floor, shrieking in pain, limbs jerking as if having a seizure. Fade tries to slip back inside his Avatar, but Chuang's robes transform into red and black leather armor, a red horned black and silver helmet surrounds Chuang's head with a red sigil emblazoned on the tinted plexiglass of the mask. Fade's Avatar has been stolen by Hatred. Snarling, Hatred stands up and sweeps the contents of the altar to the floor, shattering ornaments.

"Hatred! What are you doing?" Fade demands.

"You ruined my life!" Hatred shouts.

"I saved you!"

"You damned me!"

"You were going to die, forgotten and alone, just another homeless Fless Dust addict roaming the halls of the station. Passion saved you when he chose you as his Avatar!"

Fade doesn't know exactly why Hatred remembers his time with Passion when the god's other Avatars don't, but Fade thinks the spark of divinity in Hatred allowed him to keep his memories.

Hatred rips tapestries off the walls, shatters the offering bowl on the floor, and reaches out to a terrified worshipper, knocking the sacred spindle from her hands. Fade's followers flee the temple screaming, and Hatred continues to wreak destruction.

"Let Chuang go!" Fade commands.

"No! You stole everything from me, so I'm taking everything from you!"

"You were dying, Hatred!"

"Better to die than to live without him!" Hatred hisses.

"All I did was let you live. Passion chose you himself."

"You made him leave me!"

"Passion gets bored easily. He never stays with anyone for long. You knew that!"

Hatred grabs a wrought iron candelabra and starts hammering on Fade's altar, gouging into the dark wood, splinters flying everywhere.

"He was my everything!" Hatred rages.

"He was never your fate."

"Why not?"

"You were always meant to be a god. Serving as Passion's Avatar was always just the stepping stone."

"I hate being a god! I hate being subordinate to Passion! I hate having to avoid him all the time! I hate thinking of him with Eight! That should be me!"

"Once an addict, always an addict," Fade sighs.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean you replaced one high with another. You swapped Fless Dust for Passion."

"You don't know what it's like! He was warm and powerful and omnipresent and then he was gone!"

"Why aren't you destroying Passion's temple?"

"I can't!"

"Why not?"

"I need him! Even as a god I still need him!"

"You don't need him. Any more than you need the Fless Dust."

"At least the Fless Dust never abandoned me!"

"Would you prefer to be a homeless addict again?"

Hatred coalesces his power into a ball of sickly red lightning in his hands and fires it at Fade, who stands unruffled as the physical attack passes through his body. The lightning ball spatters on the far wall and a spiderweb of cracks forms across the smoking blackened stonework.

"We're on two different planes. You can't hurt me while you're in Chuang," Fade warns.

"Give him back!" Hatred snarls.

"You don't have a body anymore, Hatred. There's nothing for Passion to inhabit even if he still wanted you."

"Why would you give him to me and then take him away?"

"Passion does not bow to my whims on these matters. I bow to his."

"What do you mean?"

"Passion chose you, but you were dying of an overdose. All I did was change your fate so that you would live a little longer."

"Better I had died!"

Hatred starts shredding the pillows Fade's worshippers kneel on during services and brown downy feathers drift to the floor.

"Make me mortal again!" Hatred demands.

"No. That's not your fate."

"Make Passion want me again!"

"That's not your fate either."

"So I'm destined to be alone for the rest of eternity?"

"You need an Avatar."

"I just took yours."

"Your own Avatar. One you choose."

"Who would want to be the Avatar of the god of hatred and conflict?" Hatred spits.

"Lots of people. You have many followers."

"I never asked for this!"

"You never asked for Passion either, yet you enjoyed your time as an Avatar."

Hatred collapses to his knees in the temple, tears his helmet off his head, and sobs brokenly in his gloved hands.

"I need Passion!"

"You don't. You need community. Carve out a temple for yourself. Choose an Avatar. Engage with your followers."

"How will that help?"

"It will fill the void. Instead of Fless Dust or Passion, you will have acceptance and belonging."

"I want Passion!"

"You can't have him."

"Give me Passion or I will kill Chuang!"

"That is not Chuang's fate."

"Try and stop me!"

Fade reaches into Chuang's mind, grabs a firm hold of Hatred, and heaves the young god out of Chuang’s body. Hatred spins in Fade’s grip and attacks Fade, raining heavy blows with his fists on Fade's body. Fade grasps the threads of Hatred's fate and jerks them taut, freezing the younger god in his tracks.

"Let me go!" Hatred spits.

"Not until you control yourself."

Hatred wriggles in the binds of his destiny, but Fade holds on, looping the threads of fate around Hatred's struggling body. Immobilized, Hatred hisses in displeasure, and Fade kneels on Hatred's prone body. Fade quickly checks on Chuang, unconscious on the floor, and determines that the Avatar is shocked but unharmed. Fade turns his attention back to Hatred, who glares up at him in undisguised hostility.

"Go to Talay," Fade commands.

"Why?"

"You will find your Avatar there."

"I will not do to anyone what Passion did to me. I won't promise salvation to someone and then take it away."

"Your Avatar is willing. Eager even."

"Then what?"

"Take your Avatar to Pannalix."

"What's on Pannalix?"

"A ten generation Civil War. Seize the planet, end the war."

"Why would I end it? Conflict makes me powerful."

"Worship makes you more powerful."

"I'm the god of hatred, who would worship me?"

"You have power over hatred and conflict. You can create them, feed them, and nurture them, but you can also take them away."

"I can?"

"It's your dominion. You can do whatever you choose."

"It's Passion's dominion."

"Hatred is a kind of passion, yes. But conflict isn't."

"I don't ever want to see Passion again. Not if I can't have him."

"I don't control Passion. If he wants to appear before you, that's his business."

"Please don't make me see him. It hurts."

"Eventually, you will cross paths. You are his underling. Just as he is Sunshine's underling."

"I can't."

"You can."

"I don't want to."

"I don't doubt that."

"Why couldn't he choose me?" Hatred cries.

"You are not his fate. And he is not yours."

"Is Eight his fate?"

"None of your business."

"What happens now?"

"Go to Talay. Get your Avatar. Take Pannalix. Establish your home world."

"And I don't have to see Passion?"

Fade runs through Hatred's fate and sees a meeting with Passion in the near future, cursing himself for his soft heart, Fade pushes the meeting back several more years.

"You do, but not for some time." Fade explains.

"How do I find my Avatar?"

"You'll recognize him when he prays to you. You'll feel the pull."

"Why are you helping me? I destroyed your temple. I attacked you."

"Apparently, I'm a pushover."

"I hurt you."

"Passion hurt you first."

Fade sifts through the threads of Hatred's fate again, and sees a future where Hatred is free of his addiction to Passion. With several snips at the threads and judicious knots, Fade brings that fate to the foreground.

"Your need for Passion will fade. It will just take time." Fade assures Hatred.

"I never want to feel anything like that again."

"Your bond with your Avatar will be very like your bond with Passion."

"Then I don't want an Avatar."

"It's the only way to heal, Hatred."

"I hate this."

"I know."

"You said once an addict, always an addict."

"Yes."

"Won't I just get addicted to my Avatar?" Hatred asks.

"Yes. Unless..."

"Unless what?"

"There are two who can change your nature. Sunshine and Lucid."

"Sunshine hates me."

"He does," Fade agrees.

"Who is Lucid?"

"Our newest god. Even newer than you. You'll find him in the botanical gardens. But you have to go tonight. From tomorrow on, he'll be very busy."

"What can he do?"

"He's a talented healer."

"He can cure me?"

"Maybe."

"Can he take away my obsession with Passion?"

"That will now heal on its own, and Lucid is about to leave the station."

"The botanical gardens?"

"Yes. Go now if you want to catch Sunshine and ask permission."

"I need Sunshine's permission?"

"Sunshine is very protective of Lucid. He's kept the rest of us away from him. Any contact with Lucid must go through Sunshine."

"Sunshine would never give me permission."

"You won't know if you don't ask."

"Why does Sunshine hate me so much?"

"I don't know. Sunshine does not confide in me."

Fade lets the threads of fate loosen from Hatred's body, and Hatred stands, flexing his joints.

"Thank you for helping me. I owe you one," Hatred says.

"Of all the gods to owe a favor to, I am the one you want to owe the least."

"Pretty sure that's Sunshine."

"In this, I am far worse than Sunshine."

"Why?"

"I am the only one you cannot bargain with."

Hatred looks at Fade's implacable face and huffs a laugh.

"I should help you clean up," Hatred murmurs.

"You can only do that through an Avatar, and Chuang has been through enough."

"Sorry about that."

"Learn to control yourself."

"I know."

"A shuttle leaves for Talay in the morning. I suggest you be on it."

"I will be. See you around, Fade."

Hatred drifts out of Fade's temple through the large wooden double doors and Fade slips inside Chuang's mind. Waking the Avatar up, Fade closes the doors to the temple and puts in a call to maintenance to clear the wreckage from the prayer hall.

"How do you feel?" Fade asks Chuang.

"I'm okay. That was intense."

"I imagine."

"Continue cleaning up in here. I need to inform Sunshine what happened."

"Of course my Lord."

Lucid drifts through the double doors of his temple to find Sunshine. Sunshine is not going to be pleased. Fade only hopes that Sunshine will save his wrath for Hatred and leave Fade alone.

Chapter Text

Fade makes his way to the Temple of Sunshine, and under the glasteel windows in the ceiling, Fade begins to pray.

"What is it, little brother?" Sunshine asks.

"Hatred stole my Avatar and attacked me today."

"What?" Sunshine snarls.

"He blamed me for losing Passion."

"I knew Passion's proclivities would get us into trouble someday!"

"Chuang is okay. I talked Hatred down. But he made a scene in my temple, so I thought you should know."

"I'm going to ban him from the fucking station!" Sunshine swears.

"No need. He's leaving tomorrow."

"Good."

"Why do you hate him so much?" Fade asks.

"Back when he was a mortal he stole the golden sun icon from my temple and offered it to the Ride shrine."

"And you let him live?"

"Passion chose him and interfered with my hunt. Then he got powers, but he's been on thin fucking ice ever since."

"I told him to ask you for permission to approach Lucid."

"I don't want him anywhere near Lucid. Especially not now," Sunshine warns.

"Eventually Lucid must meet us."

"Not yet. He's still too fragile."

"As you wish. I need to get back to my temple and oversee the cleanup."

"How bad is it?"

"It's destroyed."

"I'll set aside taxes to rebuild it."

"Thank you, brother."

"You're welcome, Mammitu."

"Only you call me that."

"It's the name you were born with."

Fade bows to Sunshine and goes back to his temple. Inside, a workman is dividing up the torn tapestries into 'save' and 'trash' piles, and Fade takes over the man to shift his favorite tapestry into the 'save' pile. Just then, Hatred drifts back into the temple, looks around, and shakes his head in embarrassment.

"Why are you back?" Fade asks.

"I have nowhere to go until the shuttle leaves tomorrow."

"So you're going to what? Hang out?"

"I need to avoid Passion and Sunshine, and apparently Lucid, or Sunshine will kill me. I know they're roaming the station. Nowhere is safe."

"Fine. You can stay here for the night." Fade sighs.

Hatred settles into a corner and watches the workers haul away the wreckage.

"Tell Chuang I'm sorry," Hatred offers.

"I'll tell him."

Silence reigns for several hours, and Fade notices that Hatred looks more and more sad as time passes.

"Will it ever go away? The longing for him?" Hatred asks.

"Yes. It will just take time." Fade replies.

"How much time?"

Fade checks Hatred's fate and makes a few adjustments.

"Thirty-seven years."

"That long?"

"Unless you can get Sunshine to agree to let you see Lucid."

"Sunshine hates me."

"You stole from him."

"Did I? I don't remember."

"The day you were chosen."

"That day is a blur."

"You were overdosing on Fless Dust."

"Should I apologize?"

"Yes, but don't expect it to help."

"Does Sunshine not forgive?"

"Forgiveness is not one of his best-known qualities, no."

"Really?"

"You've heard of Cawdor?"

Hatred shivers and hunkers down in his corner. They watch the workmen in companionable silence, but Hatred startles as Fade slips inside a laborer to save another tapestry.

"Do you do that often?" Hatred asks.

"Mortals are useful tools."

"Does it hurt them?"

"No. They don't remember it. I'm surprised you remember Passion."

"Does Chuang remember me?"

"Yes. You were quite rude with him."

"Sorry. Can I take over anyone?"

"Probably, though you should wait for someone you have an affinity for. Someone you’ll stay with."

"Why?"

"Because you don't want to do to them what Passion did to you."

"I hate him," Hatred sighs.

"Thus your name."

"My name used to be Park."

"I remember."

"I used to follow Ride, but then Passion chose me and I thought that I would never worship another god as long as I live."

"And now?" Fade asks.

"Now I'm one of you, and there's no one left to worship."

"You could still worship Passion or Sunshine."

"Never again."

"It's not good for a god to be an atheist," Fade warns.

Hatred lets out a bitter laugh.

"None of them saved me. I would have died at Ride's altar, he didn't save me. I would have killed for Passion but he abandoned me. Sunshine despises me. Who's left?"

"Rain God?" Fade suggests.

"What good is weather to me on a space station?"

"What about me?"

"I don't need a god, I need a friend."

Fade runs through Hatred's fate again, looking over the future. He can shave another six years off of Hatred's addiction to Passion if he becomes Hatred's friend. Sighing internally, Fade caves.

"I'll be your friend," Fade replies.

"Really?"

"Yes, but there are rules."

"What rules?"

"No more tantrums on the station, never touch Chuang again, and apologize to Sunshine."

"I really didn't mean to. I just got so mad seeing you."

"I don't like messes. Control yourself, or we're not friends."

"I'll try."

"Rage on your own planet. Not here."

"I said I'll try."

"Good."

"Thanks, bestie."

"Bestie?" Fade arches an eyebrow.

Hatred laughs.

"I've never been to Talay before. What's it like?" Hatred asks.

"There's a lot of water."

"Have you been?"

"Once, long ago."

"Can I talk to you while I'm there?"

"Sure."

"How?"

"Two ways. One, call Chuang on comms. Two, pray at one of my shrines."

"How will I recognize your shrine?"

"See that symbol?" Fade asks, pointing at the pyramid of three inverted triangles carved on the wall of the temple. "That's on all my shrines. That or a spindle. But on Talay, it's the triangles."

"And on Pannalix?"

"Never been."

"I'll build you a shrine there."

"Sure. Or just, you know, call on the comms."

"Why are you being nice to me?"

"You need a friend."

"I haven't had a friend since I was a child."

"I know."

"I had associates, then I had Passion, but no friends."

"Fless Dust addiction is terrible on relationships."

"I miss it."

"Fless Dust?" Fade asks.

"Yeah."

"It ruined your life."

"On Fless Dust I was happy. Brave, confident, powerful. I felt invulnerable."

"It killed you."

"Why did you save me?"

"Passion wished it."

"Why did he choose me?"

"Only Passion can answer that," Fade sighs.

"I wish he had let me die."

"That's your addiction talking."

"I miss him. Every second of every day. More than I miss the Fless Dust."

"I know."

"I hate him."

"I know."

Suddenly Hatred growls at the entrance to the temple, and red lightning forms in his hands. Fade lunges towards Chuang, takes him over, and barks at the new visitor poking his head in the doors.

“Get out!”

The man scurries away.

“I thought you said I wouldn’t have to see Passion for a while!” Hatred cries.

“That wasn’t Eight. That was Far.”

“It looked like Eight.”

“No tattoo, grey streaks in the hair. It’s Far.”

“What did he want?”

“I don’t know, but you stole my Avatar and destroyed my temple in a very public display. Far was probably curious.”

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did that. I mean, I know why, but–”

“Do you know what a dry drunk is?” Fade asks.

“No.”

"It's when you have all the behaviors of an active addiction despite not using."

"So?"

Fade gives Hatred a pointed look, and Hatred’s face turns thoughtful.

“How do I fix it?” Hatred asks.

“Having a community will help. Take care of yourself. Meditate.”

“Meditate?”

“Yeah.”

"How do you know all this?"

"Many addicts are devout believers in fate."

"How do I build a community?"

"First, get an Avatar," Fade instructs.

"I'm scared."

"Do it anyway."

"Won't I just need them the way I need Passion?"

"Probably."

"I don't want that."

"You want it desperately enough to attack me and destroy my temple."

"What does it feel like? An Avatar?" Hatred asks.

"I'm not the best god to ask. I use whomever I please. Chuang is a formality. We're not close."

"Chuang was afraid of me."

"Of course he was. You hurt him."

"Will I hurt my Avatar?"

"Not if you get permission."

"You don't get permission."

"Fate doesn't need permission," Fade shrugs.

"Will I be as close to my Avatar as I was to Passion?"

"If you choose to always inhabit your Avatar, yes."

"I miss having a body. I miss yarig tea. I miss chocolate and acki balls. I miss sex," Hatred sighs.

"You can have all of that with your Avatar."

"Even sex?"

"Even sex, though if it makes you feel better, you can negotiate that with your Avatar."

"I don't want to force my Avatar to have sex."

Fade snorts. He's seen Hatred's Avatar in Hatred’s future. The man would be thrilled to fuck for Hatred.

"I think you'll be fine." Fade assures Hatred.

"Do you miss it?"

"I never had a body."

"But you've had Avatars."

"I enjoy ice cream," Fade admits.

"Have you ever had sex?"

"No. I don't inhabit anyone that long. I spend an hour at most in a mortal."

"You don't know what you're missing."

"Sex is not something that interests me."

Hatred hums.

"Can you tell me anything about my Avatar?" Hatred asks.

"He's prayed for you for a long time."

"Why haven't I heard him before?"

"Because he's on Talay. You are a young god. Barely a hundred. You can't hear individual voices from so far away yet."

“I don’t get many prayers here on the station.”

“The station is a relatively peaceful place.”

“Except when the pirates attacked. I’ve never felt so much power.”

“Hatred is a strong emotion. And conflict is heady,” Fade agrees.

“Can you tell me what Pannalix is like?”

“I don’t know much. I’ve never been. It’s urban. War-torn. Their major export is weapons.”

"And I'll be their god?"

"You're already their god."

"I am?"

"Who do you think created you?"

"I thought Passion did."

"No, he merely introduced you to the divine," Fade corrects.

"He didn't make me a god?"

"No. It was always your fate."

"Did Passion know that?"

"I don't know."

"I hate him."

"You've said," Fade sighs.

"I'm sorry. I miss him so fucking much."

"Passion is your past. Your memories of him should have faded when he left you. Pannalix is your future."

"Why didn't they?"

"Probably the spark of the divine in you."

"I still have to see him though."

"He won't go to Pannalix. Not for a long time."

"I still have to follow his will."

"You still feel his pull?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry."

"Can't I ever be free of him?" Hatred asks in a small voice.

Fade runs through millennia after millennia of Hatred's fate, and shakes his head.

"You will always be subject to Passion, but the day will come when you don't care." Fade reports.

"In thirty-seven years."

"Thirty-one now."

"What changed?" Hatred asks.

"You made a friend."

"Thank you."

"Don't make me regret it."

"Will you?"

"I don't know. The only fate I can't see is my own." Fade admits.

"Really? Why not?"

"I cut the threads allowing me to see it."

"Why?"

"Sunshine asked me to, and I don't want to fight him."

"But why would he ask you to?"

"Because if I could arrange my own fate, I could be more powerful than Sunshine."

"So Sunshine asked you to cripple yourself?"

"Yes."

"And you did it?" Hatred asks, baffled.

"Yes."

"You could have taken his place as ruler of the Pantheon!"

"I don't want to."

"Do you control Sunshine's fate?"

"On occasion."

“What’s that like?”

“Awkward.”

“I bet it is.”

“Sunshine very much likes to control his own destiny.”

“Who doesn’t?”

“Well, as a god, you have far more freedom than a mortal.”

“Why?”

“I try not to interfere with other gods. The last time I did was when Sunshine found Lucid, and that was sixty or so years ago. Before that it was you.”

“What would have happened if you didn’t save me that day?” Hatred asks.

“You would have died and immediately ascended to the godly plane.”

“I never would have been Passion’s.”

“No.”

“You should have let me die.”

“Perhaps.”

“He hurt me so badly.”

“You hurt yourself,” Fade corrects.

“How?”

“You knew how he was before he even approached you. You fooled yourself that you could change him.”

“He offered me everything I ever wanted.”

“And he delivered. For nine weeks.”

“Losing him was worse than dying.”

“Your death was peaceful. On your own terms. Your choice. Your death from Fless Dust would have been painful and messy. Not a neat clean hole through the head.”

“I regret my death. I should never have given Passion so much power over me.” Hatred sighs.

“It was a good death,” Fade shrugs.

“Do you think Passion mourned me when I died?”

“I don’t know.”

The noise outside the temple picks up, indicating a shift change. It’s almost time for Hatred to leave.

“Will I see you again?” Hatred asks.

“I’m always here,” Fade replies.

“Can I call you sometimes?”

“You can.”

“Thanks for letting me stay here. And for talking to me.”

“Any time, Hatred.”

“And thanks for being my friend.”

“You’re welcome. Apologize to Sunshine before you leave.”

“He won’t kill me?”

“Not this time.”

“Encouraging,” Hatred snorts.

Fade laughs.

“See you around, Fade. I’ll let you know when I get to Talay.”

“Okay.”

“Can, I– Can I get a hug?”

Fade examines Hatred’s future and sees another three years shaved off of Hatred’s obsession with Passion if they hug. Fade stands up, pulls Hatred to himself, and embraces him, patting him on the back.

“Find your Avatar. Find happiness.”

“I will.”

Hatred drifts through the double doors of the temple and heads towards the Temple of Sunshine. Fade heaves a weary sigh and looks around at the remains of his temple. At least it’s safe for worshippers, even if it’s bare. Fade slips inside Chuang’s body, rolls up the sleeves of his robes, and moves to the pile of tapestries to be saved.

“Come, Avatar. We have a lot of work to do.”