Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sunlight beams through the blinds of Robbie’s bedroom window, glinting on his eyelids and startling him awake. Summer comes quickly in LA, and it always shocks Robbie how quickly he has to trade out his sweaters for long-sleeved flannels and T-shirts. As his bleary vision adjusts to the mellow gold light of the room, the shine of his sleeping best friend’s sleeping bag on the floor hits the lenses of his glasses and makes Robbie wince. 

Beck’s been sleeping at his for the past week - a regular occurrence since his parents are rarely in town and, at a certain point, there’s only so many girls his own Hollywood Arts heartthrob can bring home before he gets bored. Eventually, just like every time, his RV pulls up at the front of the house and a high or drunk Beck stumbles in, arms falling all over Robbie before he collapses on his bed. They’d been playing video games till 3 last night, Robbie taking light sips from Beck’s dad’s old military flask. 

“Finally getting a taste for whisky, huh?” Beck had teased, a grin on his face as he bumped his friend’s shoulder and took the controller. Robbie, dazed out of his mind with just a few drops, had just smiled and leant his head against Beck’s shoulder. 

Now, it was morning, and the curly-haired boy knew that, in just a few minutes, his alarm would ring too early, as it always seemed to when he was with Beck. He shut it off, hopping off his bed to nudge his friend awake. 

“Beck,” he whispers. “Casting day today. For Sikowitz, ‘member?” 

He gets a groan in response. Beck rolls over; dark eyes, open just a sliver, meet Robbie’s. “Five minutes, Rob.” 

Robbie holds in a sigh. “Okay, B. Thank you, five, I guess.” 

When he goes into the kitchen, there’s a note waiting for him on top of the instant cereal he’d set out the night before. He recognizes his father’s neat print, and picks up the sticky note like he’s diffusing a bomb. 

Out of town for two weeks. I’m allowing you to have your friend over to keep an eye on you (and you won’t let me call Mammaw for this), so tell him to give you a ride to school and don’t be an idiot while I’m gone. -Dad

Robbie crumples the note and shoves it into the pocket of his jeans. Nothing his father says has ever been helpful - he doesn’t know what he was hoping for after years of his dad’s crap. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, dumbass , he thinks to himself, pouring a little milk into his cereal before knocking on his bedroom door. “Beck!” 

“Yeah, Rob, I gotcha!” he hears back. “Don’t come in, I’m changing.” 

Robbie, cringing, steels himself to ask Beck for a favor, something he doesn’t like to do with anybody, especially not Beck. Still, the feeling of guilt settles with him when he thinks about the alternative: his Mammaw. 

“Hey,” he calls through the door, “my dad’s out of town and said he wants you to stay with me and… give me rides. I, uh, I wouldn’t ask usually, but-” 

The door swings open, revealing Beck in a white tank top and unbuttoned blue shirt, the display quieting Robbie with a glance and a smile. “Not a problem, Rob, I was gonna stay over here anyway. Need the girls to stop coming over, y’know?” 

The curly-haired brunette could laugh. Sure , he knows what it’s like to have a barrage of girls at his front door. Robbie’s a regular… well, he’s a regular something , but it’s not a chick magnet. 

He settles on, “Yeah, I get it, I’m a regular Britney Spears,” earning a confused laugh from Beck in the distance.

Why was that the first thing I thought of?

After Beck scarfs down a bagel, dusting the crumbs off his mouth with a quick, elegant motion, the two climb into his car. Robbie instinctively calls shotgun despite there not being anyone else to compete with. He sinks into the comfortable feeling of Beck’s leather chairs, his cologne faintly wafting into Robbie’s face and the stereo a soft hum of pop and crooners, one of Beck’s mixtapes. 

It’s like a ritual , the brunette thinks, subconsciously inhaling the car smell. He probably knows the car better than himself, knows Beck better, so obviously it’s more relaxing to be with the guy than alone in his room, staring down at himself in silence while a movie plays or constantly noticing the holes in the walls where pins used to hold his posters up. Even if the drive is short, it’s better to be with the teenage pseudo-model, soaking in his jokes and astute direction ideas for his newest short film idea. 

The car pulls up to the parking lot of Hollywood Arts, Robbie sliding out with his backpack already on both shoulders. The two of them don’t have that many classes together, but they do have Drama first period with Sikowitz, so the shorter boy trails Beck to the little carpeted room, listening intently to his every word.

When the door swings open, Tori and Jade are engaged in surprisingly friendly conversation, Cat pitching in with little odd tidbits. Andre is listening to something intently, one ear connected to headphones, while he plunks out chords on a portable keyboard. Sikowitz is nowhere to be found. 

Beck slides onto a chair next to Jade, who automatically slides her legs over his, not missing a beat in conversation. Robbie feels a slight twinge of something in his chest seeing it, but quickly turns his suspicion toward the feeling - it’s not like Jade and Beck don’t touch, they’re dating, for God’s sake. He’s never liked seeing PDA much, but still. Get it together, Robbie. 

The sharp ring of the school bell brings Robbie back to Earth, and Sikowitz magically appears in front of the whiteboard like he’s been teaching for hours. As the bald man talks, Robbie can’t help zoning out again, eyes drifting toward Beck. His hands, one clasping Jade’s haphazardly and the other in his pocket, embody the lazy grace that Beck has as a whole so easily. The curly-haired boy distantly wonders what it’s like not to be so neurotic, to just be yourself with no issues. 

What would it be like to be Beck? To live in that perfect body, so strong and chiseled, to use that smart, underappreciated brain, to get so many girls there’d be a national shortage? Robbie thinks about it more, thinks about how he looks in Beck’s eyes. Is he the same goofy, nerdy puppet boy he sees himself as when Beck looks at him? 

At this thought, he jolts slightly, not enough for anyone to notice. Rex isn’t on his arm. He forgot Rex. That’s the first time that’s happened in a year. 

As if reading his mind, Beck softly taps Robbie’s wrist, keeping his whisper low and close to his friend’s ear. “You good, Rob?” 

“Yeah,” Robbie says, nervousness filling his chest at the lack of Rex cradling his hand. “I just- I didn’t realize I forgot Rex today.” 

Before Beck can respond, Sikowitz turns, facing the class with his usual unhinged smile. “So! Casting! I know our confident girls in this class love to take the lead roles, so I’ve decided to diversify. Bitter young Jade and the fabulous Tori will not be receiving their big-time parts today, but don’t worry - someday your time will come.” He sings the last part in a terrible Snow White impression. Jade grumbles, Tori following suit with a muffled hmph . 

“We are doing a lovely play penned by our own little off-putting genius, Sinjin!” Sikowitz announces, pulling Sinjin to the front of the class. He waves, adjusting his glasses, and smiles awkwardly. Before he can explain the plot, Sikowitz shoves him to the side, continuing. “I’ve picked your roles out of a hat, men in one, women in the other, delightfully delovely non-binaries dispersed equally. The play is a romance between a young prince, Filip Nester-” he shoots a suspicious glare at a now lightly blushing Sinjin- “and a visiting noble, Haniel Dowell, meant to marry Fil’s sister.” 

Andre pokes both Beck and Robbie’s shoulders, whispering. “Those names sound familiar, right? I’m not crazy?” 

They don’t have time to say anything back before Sikowitz is announcing names from a slip of paper. “Haniel will be played by… the charming Beck Oliver.” 

Quiet cheers fill the room. Beck smiles, distantly, almost as if he was expecting to get the part. Tori claps his shoulder, earning a glare from Jade that makes the brunette back off, arms crossed.

“Let’s see now,” Sikowitz mutters, scrawling roles on the whiteboard with a red marker. “Filip is going to be played by… Robbie!” 

A few seconds of silence, then polite claps. Andre shakes his shoulders from behind. “Nice going, man.” 

Robbie accepts the light praise with a quiet ‘thank you’, eyes darting over to Beck for any read of his face before looking back down at his lap. 

A romance. Between me and Beck. Is he weirded out by this? Does it make me, like, homophobic to be weirded out? 

Am I weirded out, even? 

Sikowitz keeps announcing roles until the board is full, Cat earning the role of Filip’s sister, Ianna, Tori and Jade once again taking the parts of an old married couple, and Andre managing to get the role of Ianna's handmaid lover, Antonia. Robbie still can’t look at Beck, thinking about their lines together, how they’ll interact, and still anxiously feeling the lack of a puppet on his hand. 

A script lands in his arms, carried and dropped by harsh wind and gravity. He looks up to see a darkly smiling Jade, holding a script of her own. “Wanna run lines, Rob ?”

 He freezes up, terror pounding in his chest until Andre appears behind her, bumping her shoulder lightly. She doesn’t react - Andre is one of the few people allowed to touch her without a threat of death. “Chill, Jade. We should just get into a table read or something since Sikowitz is giving us class time.”

“Hmm,” Jade says, her eyes hardening. “Sure, I guess. Don’t fall for Beck, though, Robbie. He’s such a good actor, I’ll have to force you two apart.”

Robbie chuckles nervously, standing to pull a chair into a circle just for the excuse of breaking eye contact with the often scissor-equipped brunette. The group joins him, reading out their lines with the best delivery they can give on a cold read. Tori seems checked out, occasionally shooting glances at Jade. He tries to read her blank face with no comprehensive result - maybe she’s a better actress than he thought.

To Robbie’s relief, class ends before he and Beck ( Haniel and Filip, he reminds himself intently) can get to their meet-cute scene. It’s a day where they don’t have classes together, either, so Robbie heads to second period trying to wipe the almost-terrifying idea of Beck and romance from his head altogether. 

The thought of Jade looming over him, however, lingers like a shadow.

Chapter Text

Robbie skips lunch in favor of going over his lines, additionally not wanting to see Beck at the lunch table where he usually sits. Odd and uncomfortably timed anxiety around flirting with Beck in front of a crowd is less pressing than the worry of getting his lines wrong, so he grabs a bag of Doritos from a vending machine and sits by his locker, taking in the scene of the period piece and reading through the pseudo-Shakespearean language. 

FILIP lingers by a table, sipping from a glass. He is clearly unfamiliar with the setting, and watches IANNA socialize gladly while he radiates discomfort. HANIEL, unbeknownst to him, taps his shoulder. 

HANIEL: 

Excuse me, would you happen to be familiar with the location of the restroom? 

FILIP turns to look at HANIEL. He is visibly flustered, and points before speaking. 

FILIP: 

It’s right over in the corner, although it may be difficult for you to find. 

Ugh , Robbie thinks to himself, this is so OOC, Sinjin.

HANIEL: 

(smiling) And why would that be? Do I strike you as locationally inept? 

FILIP: 

(backtracking) Oh! No, not at all, I just- 

HANIEL: 

Relax, good gentleman. I didn’t believe such a thing of you. To be true, I am actually quite atrocious at finding my way. Would you show me around, Sir…

FILIP: 

Yes, yes. And my name is Filip, good sir. Filip Nester. 

HANIEL:

Ah, the bride-to-be’s brother? Quite as lovely, if not more, to meet you, sir. 

FILIP: 

Why, thank you. I could say the same. I suppose you may be the first person to talk to me all night. 

HANIEL: 

That cannot be true, sir. Why, I imagine ladies are queueing down the block to ask you to dance. 

FILIP laughs, adjusting his tie nervously. HANIEL glances at him quickly, more so the audience can see, before reaching in to move FILIP’s hands and adjust FILIP’s tie. The two go silent before HANIEL pulls away, admiring his work. 

HANIEL: 

Perfect. You were a bit askew. Everyone knows it’s only perfect if it’s straight. 

FILIP winces visibly. HANIEL does as well. They are both silent for another moment before HANIEL chuckles. 

HANIEL: 

So was I really off when I said that? About you and the fairer sex? 

FILIP: 

Ah, well. Sheltered as I am, and with Ianna being the real prize. I haven’t had much romantic opportunity, no. But I mean, I’m sure any man’s escapades would pale in comparison to yours. 

HANIEL (smiling confusedly): 

How so? 

FILIP (beginning to stutter/hesitate): 

Well, I suppose, erm- I just mean you’re rather well-looking. And you have that, sort of- 

FILIP waves his hands, trying to gesticulate just what HANIEL possesses. HANIEL chuckles. 

“So, you’re saying I have charm?” 

Robbie can swear he hears that line out loud, jumping out of his skin when he sees Beck standing above him, the same smile he pictured on Haniel standing proud on his face. “Is my British accent good? I’ve been practicing.” 

The sight of Beck sends an unexpected jolt of panic soaring through Robbie’s core, his marrow throbbing and his stomach burning with an unusual electricity. He doesn’t even realise he’s been staring wordlessly at his best friend until his script falls out of his hands and gives him a paper cut. “Ow.” 

“Such a klutz,” Beck chuckles, dropping to the floor and sliding in next to Robbie. The second their shoulders touch, Robbie feels that course of shocks rolling through him, this time accompanied with a warm glow that almost makes him want to smile. Rather, it would if it wasn’t so goddamn weird . “So, you wanna run lines together? Probably be pretty awkward rehearsing a meet-cute by yourself.”

Gently, so as not to alarm Beck (since the teenage heartthrob didn’t seem to be experiencing the same biological phenomenon as Robbie), he moves his arm back, trying to put a normal energy into the conversation. “Nah, I think I’ve read enough. I’m all for the motto of the play, but Sinjin’s kind of a shit writer.” 

He could swear he hears a disembodied, offended “Hey!” from the nearby vending machine before Beck starts to speak again. “Aw. I mean, yeah, some of the stuff in here is a little…far-fetched, I guess, but I think it’s kinda nice. The whole premise of a historical forbidden love, two bachelors.” 

“And British accents,” Robbie admits. Beck elbows him, grinning hard, and Robbie once again shoves down the heatwave burning through his body from Beck. I must have a fever or something. 

“Have a thing for British accents, huh?” the taller boy teases, ruffling Robbie’s curly hair into a bird’s nest on his head. “I guess Cat’s gonna get you all riled up when she tries hers out.” 

Robbie mock-retches, adjusting his glasses with the motion. “Ew, bro. She’s playing my sister.” 

“Oh, come on,” Beck says, that same smile lingering on his face with a terrifyingly charming persistence. “You’re a good actor, you’ll figure out how to repress that urge. We all have to sometime.” 

In the haze of embarrassment at being romantically paired with Cat and the odd pride from being called good, Robbie faintly wonders what instance he’s talking about. Maybe before he dated Jade, they acted together? But Beck’s never had to repress a romantic instinct in his life. 

The lunch bell rings, exploding Robbie out of his reverie. Beck helps him up as the two shove their scripts into their bags. 

“Catch you at my car after school, man?” Beck double-checks, bumping Robbie’s shoulder once again. 

All Robbie can do is nod. 

***

Frank Sinatra gently sings a bossa nova from the stereo as the two cruise down the highway, the victor’s spoils of a Nozu takeout order piled in Robbie’s lap. He furiously attempts to pick up and eat an unagi nigiri while Beck hums along. His low tenor emerges into the same words Sinatra croons, reaching a near-perfect impression of the singer. 

“What can you say when a love affair is over?” Beck sings, lifting one hand off the wheel to gesture dramatically. Robbie laughs, his food finally reaching his stomach and basking in the warmth of Beck's greatness. 

“God,” the driver says, running his hand through his hair before stealing a sesame ball from the box between Robbie’s legs. The reflex to slam his thighs together almost crushes the box, but Robbie represses it. “Don’t you wish you could be like Jade or Tori, or Cat? With those voices. They’ve just got the talent of superstars, you know?” 

Robbie thinks about it and finds himself actually wishing he could be like Jade, but he doesn’t quite know why. Could be the singing. He’s not really sure. 

***

Robbie’s in a suit, drinking whisky from a punch table. He stands awkwardly, talking to no one. His friends seem far away as they socialize, and he feels like he’s falling away from the room when someone taps his shoulder. It’s Beck, also in a suit, and when he talks Robbie can’t quite make out what he’s saying, except he knows it sounds like safety wrapped in an accent. British, he thinks. The warm feeling from before isn’t as concentrated as it was earlier; it now spreads to every limb and organ. 

Suddenly they’re on the roof of Beck’s car, normally clothed, Beck in an oil-stained tank top and loose jeans. He feels himself start to sweat, breathe faster, especially when he looks back at Beck and sees eyes like hungry fire blazing back at him, dark with what he can only interpret as lust. He’s losing his mind, he decides, but an unnameable current brings him closer, ever closer, until Beck’s arm is around his waist and a hand in his hair. 

Robbie’s too close. He’s obviously too close. 

Beck presses his lips to Robbie’s and Robbie wakes up. 

Cold sweat drenches his T-shirt and shorts like a monsoon. What the actual fuck? 

He glances to his left, seeing the completely at peace face of his best friend, sleeping soundly on the air mattress they’d filled up last night. Silently, he creeps out of his bedroom, stepping upstairs and into the master bathroom’s shower. 

Robbie turns the water on, waits for it to get hotter. He may be ashamed of himself for even letting his brain visualize Beck like that, but he’s not a psycho, which is what people who take cold showers are. He’s rambling, even inside his head, but he forces himself to focus on his hands, his fingers, anything real. His dream is not one of them. 

Despite that, though, his mind keeps wandering back to the dream, the pseudo-feeling of Beck holding him, kissing him. He feels the water get hot, and steps into it, the kiss lingering on his lips without ever having happened. 

Robbie looks down at his lower half. 

Fuck. Fucking fuck. 

A gentle touch of his own hand, and suddenly he’s back there on the hood of Beck’s car, kissing him, tenderness turning to frenzy. Arms frantically slipping off Beck’s top, feeling the lean muscles of his torso and the heat of his skin. Dream Beck bites Robbie’s lower lip before kissing his neck, leaving a hickey behind. Kisses go down, further, further, and Robbie pulls him back up, panting like a bitch and trying not to let his tone sound like begging.

“Can I suck you off?” 

Dream Beck fervently agrees, Robbie rolling on top of Beck with the same hurry and almost throwing off his best friend’s pants. Thoughts like ‘what are we’ vanish from his brain as he finally sees Dream Beck’s cock, frees it from its cloth prison, gently lays it against his lips and takes a look back up at the heartthrob. 

Eyes still dark, beckoning and narrowed, accompany a nod that gives Robbie the go-ahead. 

He takes Dream Beck’s dick into his mouth, lightly testing the waters - a lick around the tip gives Robbie a muffled moan from his best friend, and suddenly that’s all he wants to do. Somehow it feels religious, praying to the god that is Beck through such an act of reverence, making him feel…

“So good, good for me, Robbie,” Dream Beck groans, hand on Robbie’s head white-hot fire sparked in a nest of chopped wood. 

That’s it. Robbie lets his tongue rest, just pushing his best friend’s member down his throat again and again, relishing the increasingly desperate noises coming from above, the fingers tightening in his curls until he hears the blurted, stuttering, “Robbie, I’m gonna-“ 

Robbie’s jolted back to reality, toes curling against the wet tile as he cums into his hand, some white splatters splayed against the wall. He pants, hands quaking as he tries not to think about everything he’s thinking about. 

His fingers shake as he runs them under the water. Robbie feels cold, bone-rattling panic, culminating in a yelp when he hears a knock on the door.

“Yo, Robbie! You good? It’s, like, two a. m.” 

“Yeah, I- I’m fine,” Robbie yells, quickly shutting off the water and scrambling for a towel. “Just… got hot, I guess.” 

You little perv , he thinks to himself, flinging open the bathroom door to see Beck, in the flesh, in his tank and boxers. Full-body heat comes over him, just like in the dream, looking at his best friend. 

Beck slings an arm around Robbie’s shoulder, pulling him in. Robbie is blind with the faint remnants of warm cologne and natural Beck smell. His heart strains to leave his chest, to rip a hole and beat right on Beck, as close to him as possible for eternity. 

“Seriously,” Beck says, a caring lilt creeping into his voice. “Are you good?” 

“Yeah, Beck,” Robbie half-whispers, leaning into Beck’s arm and letting him pull him down the stairs. “I’m fine.”

Chapter Text

Obviously, Robbie is functioning perfectly properly after last night.

It’s not unusual for him to lose sleep, wake up a little too early, and slip out the door with a dry, unopened cup of cereal in one hand and Rex on the other. His bag, hastily packed with each class’s necessities, shuffles furiously on top of his shoulders. Each thud on his back is a reminder of how fast he’s going. Of course, there’s no need to be reminded or even shamed by that - Robbie’s a guy who likes to be on time, which is the only reason he’s hurrying like the devil is on his heels to the bus stop about 15 minutes from his house. 

His brain maps out the route from the bus to the park near the school like wildfire while his ankles scream at him to stop run-walking. An anxious shiver runs down his spine as he thinks of the messages he might be getting from Beck as soon as the latter wakes up, but it’s quickly cut off by the sight of a familiar redhead lugging a cloth bag behind her. 

“Cat!” Robbie yells, only remembering to control his nervous volume once he’s spoken. Cat doesn’t look perturbed - she almost never does - and instead pauses where she stands, panting a little. 

“Hi, Robbie. Hi, Rex.” 

“‘Sup, Strawberry Shortcake,” the puppet responds, always on cue. “I’m arraying the alliteration for ya this morning.” 

“Oh, is that the name of that new drink from Nobu?” Cat exclaims, clapping her hands together. Rex facepalms and stays quiet, leaving room for Robbie to speak. 

“Do you need help with that, C?” he asks, pointing to the bag in both her hands.

She gratefully pushes it into his chest, smiling. “Oh my gosh, thank you! I’ve been dragging this sewing machine for, like, six miles!” 

“Six miles?” Robbie questions, looking down at her now noticeably sweaty forehead and put-up hair. “But I thought you only lived one mile from here.” 

“Yeah, but last night my brother freaked out and ran away, so we had to go find him. My parents told me to go to bed, and I woke up really early ‘cause my brother was screaming at me that he was my ride. He drove five miles in the wrong direction, and when I told him he was going the wrong way, he threw me out of the car.” 

“Jesus, Kitty,” Rex pipes up. “If I had hot stuff like you in my car, I’d never throw you out.” 

Cat elbows Robbie’s shoulder, looking a little indignant. “Robbie!” 

All Robbie can do is point helplessly at Rex, whose lifeless eyes stare blankly at Cat’s chest. Him, not me.

“Anyway, why are you at the bus stop?” the redhead questions, hands on her hips. “I thought Beck was driving you around.” 

“How’d you hear about that?” Robbie asks quietly before beginning to explain himself. “I, uh-” 

“Did you guys get in a fight?” Cat wonders. Her eyes are big with pity, patting Robbie on shoulder. “You know he loves you too much to stay mad.” 

“Cat!” Robbie exclaims, shaking her off. He hears Rex chuckle lightly at his side. “He doesn’t love me. We’re friends.” 

She eyes him for a quick second before her eyes widen with that pitying look again. “Friends love each other! Even Tori and Jade love each other.”
Robbie scoffs. “Barely.” 

The bus pulls up and Robbie follows Cat up the short staircase, taking a seat next to her with the sewing machine rattling on his lap. The trip is quick but feels like years; he’s boycotting Cat conversation after the he-loves-you remark, so every second of silence is an eon. 

After the bus pulls up at Hollywood Arts’ neighboring park, Cat breaks the silence as she heads to the nearby coffee shop on the corner. “Are you okay, Robbie?” 

The question shocks Robbie to the core. The blood in his hand goes cold as he holds the door open for her. He always forgets how perceptive Cat can be when she’s not so… flighty. 

He holds off on answering her until she’s ordered her sugary coffee and moves to a nearby table to wait. “To be honest, I’m not, Cat.” 

“Damn right he’s not,” Rex comments, and in response Cat grabs him off Robbie’s hand and shoves him into her bag. The two hear a quick yelp before silence. 

She takes a sip of her drink, eyes focused on Robbie’s, piercing through the lenses of his glasses. “Tell me why.” 

“I, um… so, Beck’s staying at my place, ‘cause my dad told me to have him over and stuff. And you know we got cast as co-protagonists in the romance play Sinjin wrote, which is obviously-” 

“-obviously a rip-off of Dan and Phil, and Smosh,” Cat finishes, nodding. “I know all that already. Get to the juicy stuff.” 

Robbie takes a deep, shaky breath. Cat slides her drink over to him and sticks the straw into his mouth. He almost wants to laugh when he takes a sip, her eyes trained on him until she sees him swallow - it’s a movie-level comedic moment. But still, the creeping reality of what he’s about to admit hits him, and he steels himself. 

“Cat,” and he pauses, “I think… I’m gay.” 

He expects something ridiculous. He pictures her flipping the table on him, calling him disgusting, or throwing her drink in his face. Instead, she stays normal. Continues to sip her drink from the same straw he drank from. “Really?” 

“Yeah,” he says, his eyes stupidly starting to burn. “I’m gay, Cat.” 

She gets up. Robbie’s still half-afraid she’s going to splash him, and shuts his eyes in preparation. Instead, he feels two lithe arms wrap around his shoulders, long hair nestling into the crook of his shoulder. 

“Thanks for telling me, Robbie,” she mumbles, her sugar-tinted lilt cradling the words, and Robbie feels like he might actually cry if she doesn’t let go. Thankfully, she does, going back to her side of the table and checking her watch with a quick glance before focusing back on the curly-haired boy. “But how’d you figure that out? I mean, it’s not like you just became gay outta nowhere.” 

At that, he feels his cheeks heat up. “I, um. Had a dream about Beck.” 

“Awwwww,” Cat coos, her glossy lips perking up into a smile. “What kind of dream?” 

“Cat,” he half-whispers, “you really do not want me to tell you about it.” 

“Oh, come on.” 

“ No .” 

“Pleeeeeease!” 

“Cat!” 

“Am I not your bestie?” she asks, eyes big and dramatic once again. He feels himself slipping into wanting to tell her, and a look at a nearby clock tells him he’s got more than time to spare. 

“Fine. I had a dream that we kissed.” 

“Aaaaand?” Cat pulls, taking a gulp of her drink. 

“And… then I went to take a shower and ended up… fantasizing about him.” 

Cat gasps, a grin spreading from ear to ear on her face. “Oh my God, you like Beck!” 

“Shut up, no I don’t! You can’t tell anyone about this,” he insists, motioning for her to lower her voice. She mimes zipping her lips shut in return, but squeals through them. “It’s just that he’s really hot, y’know? Everyone knows that. Who isn’t into Beck, right?” 

“Andre, Tori, me, Burf,” she begins, counting off on her fingers. 

Robbie sighs and gently pushes her hand down. “The point I’m trying to make, Cat , is-” 

“That you guys would be really cute together?” 

He gets up, half-faking offense and half-tired of the grilling. “I’m leaving.” 

As Robbie steps out the door to the coffee shop, Cat yells from the table, “Wait, you gotta tell me more about your sex dream!” 

***

The journey from first period Pre-Calc is like a prisoner’s walk to the guillotine. Robbie feels like time is dilating, making every step faster than it needs to be. Of course the one time he doesn’t want to be early to class, he is, and is greeted by the back of Sikowitz’s bald head jolting up and down furiously as he writes on the whiteboard. 

“Greetings, Robbie!” the jovial older man cries, drawing the few heads in the room directly toward him. He gives a half-there “Hi,” in return, plunking his bag down under a chair and sitting right above it. Quick scrolls through TheSlap show nothing’s too different, so he resorts to playing Flappy Bird until his phone is smacked out of his hand and Rex’s familiar face takes its place. 

“Hey, what the hell?” Robbie yells, looking up. The terrifying face of Jade looms over him, and he almost chokes on his outburst. Fuck, did Cat tell her? Already? 

“Why’d you ditch Cat with your puppet at the cafe?” she asks, eyebrow half cocked. “She made me lug her sewing machine over here. I didn’t enjoy it.” 

“Shit,” Robbie replies, seeing Cat peek over Jade’s shoulder. “Sorry, Jade. Really sorry, Cat, I didn’t mean to leave you with that.” 

Cat nudges him gently before taking the chair to his left. “It’s okay. Not worse than my brother, anyway.” 

As if the guilt train couldn’t pull farther into the station, the scent of faded leather and wood appears next to Robbie, warmth fading in and out against his arm as Beck sits down next to him. His almost-roommate nudges him gently, sending a ripple of jitters through his nervous system. 

Thankfully, before Beck can inevitably ask, “Where were you this morning?”, the bell rings and Sikowitz springs into action briefing them about their new play. They decide to do a last fifteen minutes of table reads before going into - Robbie audibly gulps, like a fucking cartoon character - class rehearsals.  

Grouped by ‘emotional intensity’. 

Could the day get harder? 

Not one to try for that, Robbie grabs Cat and dashes to a table, grabbing Andre with his other hand. If they want to say anything about his sweaty, anxious, definitely natural and downright attractive demeanor, they don’t, and he is eternally grateful. 

Fourteen minutes pass. Robbie starts sweating like a fish in a bear’s hands, and Cat pats his shoulder, as knowingly as she can. 

“It’s going to be okay, Rob,” she quietly whispers, and he tries to muster a grin. In the corner of his eye, he clocks Beck staring at him, something unfamiliar and borderline threatening haunting his gaze. Robbie looks away. 

Fifteen minutes. Maybe Sikowitz won’t- 

“Fifteen minutes!” the bald man shouts, startling everyone. “It’s time to get your move going.” 

The pit in Robbie’s stomach gnaws deeper. He watches in horror as Sikowitz lists the scenes on the whiteboard. 

“So, Beck, Robbie, Cat - get on up here!” 

The three oblige. He sees Cat and Beck snap into character, and attempts to do the same. I’m a good actor. I can do this. 

Please, God, let me do this. 

“My goodness, what a day!” Cat comments, her projection at the perfect volume. “Rather, very hot. I do hate to spoil the fun, but perhaps my lovely brother could accompany you while I fetch a parasol, Haniel?” 

Beck gives her a light bow of his head, setting his eyes on Robbie while speaking to her. “I’d be delighted. In fact, we may hike out a little farther, if that’s alright with you.” 

He barely hears Cat’s response. Her voice becomes a hum underwater as Robbie finally realizes he’s seen that look in Beck’s eyes before. 

“Shall we?” and Beck takes his arm. On autopilot, he marches in step with Beck, imagining the set changing around them until they’re at the set destination. Beck pantomimes shooting a few arrows, and Robbie follows suit, mentally counting them off until he mimes a failure. 

“I can’t quite get my bow to work anymore,” Robbie stutters, turning to face Beck. “Do you have any idea what’s wrong with it?” 

Beck steps closer and all Robbie wants to do is sink into the floor, but he can tell that SIkowitz is watching their dynamic closely and just itching to yell a constructive critique. He stands his ground, stays in character, stares back at that dark gaze. 

Miming examining the bow, Beck looks at him, quizzical. “I can’t seem to find anything wrong with it. Don’t take offense, but is it perhaps the way you’re shooting?” 

Fuck it, he’s still nervous. “It, uh, may well be. I’m not all too experienced. With archery, I mean.” These fucking lines, Sinjin.

Beck examines the pretend bow for just a few seconds longer before draping his arms around Robbie, pressing into him from behind and guiding his hands to hold the air. His mouth gets close to Robbie’s ear. “You aim like this, with your eyes glued to the target.” 

He’s following the script, he reminds himself as he turns his gaze to Beck’s close face just for a moment. Beck grins at him and he turns away. 

They keep running their lines, Beck still holding him tightly, before Robbie starts to feel something. Beck’s delivering a mid-length monologue, so all Robbie has to do is nod along and give that understanding expression he’s all too familiar with. It’s just that concentrating on such a simple task becomes ten thousand times harder when Beck’s dick is pressing into his lower back. 

“I’m sorry, I’ve overstepped,” Beck apologizes, loosening his grip on Robbie’s arms but not backing up at all. “I didn’t mean to share so much. It’s just… there’s something about you that-” 

“Mr. Sikowitz, I have to use the bathroom,” Robbie almost shouts, yanking the hall pass by its cord preemptively. The teacher can’t even get out his first syllable before Robbie is out the door. 

He runs to the blind spot near the bathroom, slumping onto the floor and biting his finger to stop from letting out a scream. 

You’re going fucking crazy, Rob. You’re losing your goddamn mind. You can’t even do your classwork without getting a boner, you creep. 

To his horror, his mind is right. He looks down at his crotch to see a noticeable bump in the denim, and slowly sidles into the bathroom in search of a free stall. He checks under all the doors before taking the big stall at the end. 

Robbie pulls down his pants, reaching a hand down into his underwear to lightly massage the ache away. He hoped it would get better; making contact made it so much worse. At the feeling of a hand, it’s just like last night. All Robbie can think of is Beck, fucking Beck, and his mouth and his hands and God, everything, and- 

“Oh, Beck,” he lets out, gripping the little weird wall panel. “Beck, please, oh, fuck,” 

He can’t stop making noise now that he’s opened the floodgates, and he almost doesn’t care. The picture, the sheer idea of Beck pressed into his ass without all that goddamn fabric in the way makes him whimper like a fucking dog. Beck’s hands up his shirt, on his neck, in his hair, pressing his hips and his thighs. Beck’s gorgeous lips, kissing him senseless, whispering things no one’s ever said - “you’re the only one”. Beck, perfect, on top, inside, everything, everything, all Robbie’s ever wanted, all anyone could ever need. Beck, Beck. 

“Beck!”

And Robbie, embarrassingly and for the second time in 24 hours, releases into his hand at the thought of his best friend. His head leans against the wall, one tear born out of ecstasy and shame bubbling in his eye and sliding down his cheek. 

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” he mumbles, eyes going in and out of focus while staring at the gray-blue wall. He wants to go home. 

Maybe he should. 

After a few more minutes, Robbie cleans himself up, washing his hands thoroughly of his crime. He doesn’t pause to look in the mirror - if he sees his own face, he’ll throw up. Instead, the curly-haired boy marches out of the bathroom to see Cat and Jade standing in front of him. 

Once again, his fear response kicks in at the sight of the domineering brunette, but he quells it. “Hey, guys. What’s up? Why are you out here?” 

Jade crosses her arms and silently stops Cat from talking, stepping closer to him. He restrains a shiver. “Robbie.” 

“Yeah?”

“Are you cutting again?” 

The shock is like a gut punch followed by a stab. He just stares at her, mouth agape and hands on his hips. From behind her, Cat mouths a Sorry. 

"Jade, what the hell-" 

"Are. You. Cutting again?" 

“No, Jade. I’m not," he scoffs, affronted. "Happy?” 

The reply comes out much more curtly than he’d expected it to, but Robbie stands by it, relishing a little in the shock on her face. 

“Why’d you run out then, Shapiro?” Jade quizzes. 

“I, um,” he pauses. The truth is terrible and will certainly result in his Dateline-worthy unsolved murder. “I can’t explain it to you, Jade.” 

She rolls her eyes at him, scoffing. “How is that supposed to make me not think you’re relapsing?” 

“I’m not fucking relapsing, Jade!” he half-shouts, shocking her quiet. “It’s not your goddamn business anyway, okay? You didn’t care then and you don’t care now, so drop it.” 

Jade, for once, shows surprise. She stands staring for just a moment before turning to leave. A pang of guilt blooms in his gut, and he catches eyes with Cat. 

The redhead locks arms with Jade, stopping her. The latter glares at her before looking back at Robbie, eyebrow cocked again.

“Jade, I… if you really wanna know, fine. I-” 

You’re not gonna say it. Please don’t say it. 

“-I’m… gay.” 

Fuck this, Robbie. You dumbfuck idiot. You left the room after her boyfriend manhandled you, obviously she’s going to know that you like Beck. She’s gonna call you what you are, a disgusting, dirty piece of- 

Jade wraps her arms stiffly around Robbie’s shoulders. She smells like metal and flowers, a surprisingly calming scent, and he feels the tears starting to creep in again. 

“This is the only time you’re gonna hear this from me,” she whispers. “I’m sorry, Rob, and thank you for trusting me with this.” 

He tentatively hugs her back, wiping his eyes quickly. “Thanks, Jade.” 

“And thank you for telling me before Tori.”

Robbie snorts. They separate, Cat darting in to give Robbie a two-second side hug before returning to Jade’s side. The curly-haired teen grins at her sheepishly. 

“So, what’s happening? Do you feel okay?” Jade asks in what he can only assume is her bedside manner.

“I think I’m just gonna go home,” Robbie admits. “I don’t feel so good.” 

“Do you want me to tell Beck to drive you?” the brunette inquires, what Robbie imagines as her version of care heavy in her tone. “He’d happily skip second period.” 

He starts to panic again, but to his relief, Cat jumps in. “He can’t! If Beck misses that class any more times, the teacher’s going to mark him absent every class - even the ones he’s at. She said so. I think Robbie should just take the bus home.” 

Robbie smiles at her again. She winks. Jade eyes them both before sighing. “Fine, whatever. Let’s go get your shit and get you outta here.” 

*** 

When Beck comes home at four o’clock, Robbie feels at least slightly mentally prepared for what the aftermath of his freakout might look like. He knows Beck won’t bring it up, and he’s right - Beck grabs a protein bar from the snack cabinet and sits on the couch about a foot away from Robbie, switching on the TV to some sports channel. 

Five, four, three…  

“Did I make you uncomfortable?” Beck asks, right on cue. “During the scene today, I mean.” 

It’s not the question Robbie was expecting, but he knows Beck has a right to the answer. “No, Beck. I wasn’t uncomfortable with anything you did.” 

“Then why’d you leave?” 

There’s a small imperfection in Beck’s relaxed tone, a chip in his porcelain on the word ‘leave’. Something raw under the surface, compelling Robbie to tell as much of the truth as he can. 

“I had to go to the bathroom because I felt like I had to, uh-” and Robbie thinks on his feet so fast the Flash couldn’t catch up - “throw up, and I almost did. When I came out,” - hilarious, Robbie - “I just figured it wasn’t worth it to stay at school if I felt so sick.” 

“Were you doing anything with Cat after that? I know she went out to look for you.” 

What is he asking?

Unsure of how to respond, Robbie clears his throat. “I- No. What do you even mean? Jade came out to look for me too.” 

“Nothing,” Beck mumbles, taking an aggressive bite out of his protein bar. “I don’t mean anything. Anyway, if you’re sick, we should fix up this room so it’s more comfortable for you.” 

“Aw,” Robbie teases, forgetting himself for a second. “Don’t get all worried. I’m not sick, I think I've just been a little anxious recently.” 

Beck’s eyes shoot to him. “How anxious?” 

“Why does everyone think I’m-” Robbie stops himself. “Not that kind of anxious, Beck.” 

Beck sits up, gets closer to Robbie. The smaller brunette’s breathing gets sporadic, halts itself, almost stops when Beck takes Robbie’s hand. 

“Just know I’m always here for you, Rob. Always.” 

“Good to know,” Robbie pushes out, smiling as normally as he can. 

*** 

It’s night again. Robbie can hear Beck’s soft breathing through the constant stream of soft summer air. His mind is once again filled to the brim of thoughts about Beck, thoughts that feel illegal so close to the person in question. He looks over, down. His best friend looks like a literal angel. He wants Beck. He’d let Beck kill him if it meant they’d touch. 

Close your eyes, he dissuades himself. Just shut your dramatic ass up and sleep. 

It’s five minutes until he feels a weight on the end of the bed and hesitantly lifts the covers. 

Beck is above him, breathing hard. 

Miraculously, Robbie doesn't speak. 

“Robbie,” Beck pants, hair falling into his face. 

“I need you.” 

Chapter Text

“I need you, Beck,” echoes out of Robbie’s mouth, his hand reaching to touch what isn’t there. The phantom weight of Beck’s body fades from his legs as his glance drops to the floor, where the real Beck sleeps. 

Dear God, he’s such a terrible friend. 

Robbie half-considers sleep. He thinks about the melatonin gummies lying inactive in the back of the pantry before giving up on the idea. Sleep’s not his friend: if anything, sleep is his enemy, giving his brain room for these stupid, lovesick hallucinations. 

Still, that realization doesn’t stop him from letting that all too familiar wave of warmth splash him with the force of a steamroller. This time, Beck’s not so nice: 

“Really? You know, Rob, fantasizing about me when I’m asleep next to you is a pretty depraved thing to do.” 

“I’m sorry, I-” 

“I called you pretty. Not even gonna thank me?” 

“Sorry- thank you, Beck.” 

“Good. On your knees.” 

Once again, pitifully, Robbie is crying while rubbing one out, yet it seems so much creepier now that he’s next to his best friend. He stops midway through, reaching for the little bottle of strawberry-scented hand sanitizer Tori’d given him as a stocking stuffer back in December. It sits on the edge of the nightstand, far enough that it feels like a taunt, judging him. Robbie squeezes out two pumps of the sanitizer and wishes he felt cleaner after rubbing it in, wishes he actually had Beck in his arms, someone to tell him he’s okay, that he’s not despicable, that he’s not sexualizing his best friend, that it’s not a crime to be attracted to someone, that it’s not-

“Robbie? Rob?” 

Brown eyes open, again. Robbie’s glasses are now askew next to him, and Beck Oliver is leaning over his sweaty, sprawled-out body with an expression of concern that could never be mistaken for anything else. Robbie curses himself and the world for the second time. Of course Beck wouldn’t hold him, console him, fix anything inside of Robbie.  

Robbie’s just, well, Robbie.  

As in, not worth fixing.

At least his fucking evening wood is gone.

“What’s up?” Robbie asks, feigning tiredness as he rubs his already overly dry eyes. 

Beck cocks an eyebrow, visibly confused. “You were making a shit ton of noise. I thought you might be having a nightmare, so I got up to check. Are you okay?” 

This must be the thousandth time Robbie’s had to lie to Beck, he realizes, or more like seven times in about two days. It feels like millions in years. He’s dammed the river of honesty with Beck, which - as he is now coming to terms with - sucks ass , because Beck is his best friend. Who can he talk to? Who can he even call? 

Tears, unwelcome and burning, start to flood Robbie’s half-blurry gaze. Beck immediately sits next to him, draping an arm around the curly-haired teen. He doesn’t know he’s making it so, so much worse. He doesn’t know that Robbie can’t lean into his touch like he used to, because it’ll kill him so much more. 

“Robbie,” Beck pacifies, sounding out the syllables delicately. “You can tell me anything, and I won’t judge you. We can talk about your dream all night if you want.” 

He’s so fucking caring. I hate this.
I hate myself. 

I’m so sorry, Beck. 

“I’m fine, Beck. I didn’t mean to scare you - it wasn’t a nightmare or anything. I just mumble in my sleep. Go back to bed.” 

Beck is not convinced. Clearly. But Robbie can’t help him reconcile with the lie or find out the truth - he’s focusing too hard on trying not to develop this infatuation, trying to ignore the dreams, trying to pretend that the fact that he’s gay and he’s already told two people doesn’t exist. He’s trying to pretend nothing is happening that wouldn’t normally be happening, and he’s hoping Beck will get the goddamn hint that nothing he could say would fix this.

And so Beck gives him one last glance before going back to sleep. It doesn’t take long for Robbie to start hearing those soft, faint little breaths from the floor that just make his heart beat faster as he creeps out of his bed, gets dressed, and sneaks to the front door. 

He walks to the bus stop for the second time that day. Robbie’s keys jingle around on the key ring attached to his belt loop, the carabiner connecting them occasionally giving his hip a gentle smack. The fact that he’s concentrating on these details means he’s dissociating, but that doesn’t stop him from glancing halfheartedly around the bus as he gets on it, the smell of exhaust filling and leaving his nose all at once. 

Robbie gets off after an hour and a half of zoning out to faint music in his earbuds, ignoring glances from anyone who tries to make eye contact. He pulls his hoodie tighter around him before just zipping it up, throws the hood over his head. His glasses fog with hot breath escaping a cold body. It’s unreasonably cold for summer. He’s not surprised. 

Eventually, he gets to somewhere he knows, staring out at the beach from the guard rails of the Ballona Lagoon bridge. The metal chills his palms as he grips it, grounding him. Robbie’s eyes wander to the telltale sign nailed to a pole on the bridge’s edge telling him not to do what he would surely have contemplated just a year ago. His scars burn under his jacket, summoned by the call sign of the rails. 

The brunette takes a deep breath, quieting the voices in his head. Each whisper of a different thought evaporates with a new exhale. The view of the night sky, lit by small stars, calms his pulse and his tapping fingers. 

Maybe everything will be fine. 

“Robbie?” 

Tori. Why is she here? 

The tall girl walks up to Robbie, leaning back against the bridge and drawing her faux-leather jacket around her shoulders. “Funny meeting you out here.” 

“Yeah,” he responds, non-committal. Robbie wants to know how far she’ll go with this before she gets bored talking to him. 

“Wanna tell me why you’re an hour and a half out from your house?” 

“You first.” 

Tori sighs, taking out a cinnamon Altoid and letting it sit in her mouth for a minute before responding. “I’m thinking about someone.” 

His cheeks redden, although whether it’s from the cold or remembering why he’s out here, he doesn’t know. “Me too.” 

“Hope it’s not me,” she jokes, elbowing him. He tries for a smile, and the pretty chestnut brunette sadly smiles back at him. “Can I be honest with you, Rob?” 

Robbie nods. 

“I’m in love.” 

Please don’t say Beck. Please don’t say Beck. 

“And…” she pauses, clearly embarrassed, “it’s Jade.” 

His heart stops in shock for just a second. Eyes widen from behind his glasses. 

“When did you figure it out?” he breathes, the exhale fog from his mouth. 

Tori laughs to herself. The heels of her boots hit the bridge rails twice, making twin clangs. “Around the time we started doing the play. It’s the second time we’ve played a couple, you know, and this time it was actually two women. Ever since rehearsing and realizing just how talented she is, and how funny, and you know she’s so secretly caring… I don’t know, I just can’t get her outta my head .” 

At Robbie’s slack-jawed face, she laughs, blushing a bit. “Sorry, I, uh, didn’t mean to overshare-” 

“I’m gay.” 

She stands frozen for a second. “Uh.” 

Now it’s his turn to apologize, clapping his hands to his mouth. “Sorry. Fuck, sorry, I-” 

“Don’t freak out, Rob,” Tori interrupts, pulling him into a side hug. “I’d never judge. I just wanna know how you figured it out. My awakening was Shego from Kim Possible.” 

He laughs a little, leaning into her arm before putting his head in his hands. “It’s really fucked up.” 

“If it’s not an animal or a kid, I don’t think it could be, Rob.” 

“It’s Beck.” 

Tori, like him, looks frozen just for a moment. Eventually, she chokes out, “And you-” 

“Since the play, yeah. I ran out of class because he grinded on me during the scene and I basically had a panic attack.” 

“I know, Jade thought you were relapsing! Is Sikowitz doing this on purpose?” Tori giggles, dropping her face in her hands as well. “Well, Cat and Andre certainly aren’t going to get together, so he can forget about that.” 

They laugh together. Robbie’s almost forgotten what it’s like to be friends with Tori, really friends. It must be easier now that he’s not pretending to be attracted to her, which is what it was, he realizes. Wait, oh my God- 

“What the fuck, is that what Rex is?” 

“What?” Tori asks, startling up from her focus on the beach. 

Robbie facepalms. “Didn’t mean to say it out loud. Uh, I just realized Rex is my straight persona. That’s why he hits on you and Cat all the time.” 

She stares at him for a second before cracking up. “Bro, that makes so much sense.” 

The two laugh together for a glorious moment, really for no good reason, but at least Robbie doesn’t feel alone anymore - someone else is trapped in gay pining hell with him, and thank God she’s not as insufferable as he thought. 

A ping sounds from Tori’s pocket, and her eyes glue to the message on impact. “Oh, shit, Jade’s here.” 

“What?!” Robbie yelps, jumping back. “Why?” 

“Because,” she explains, pacing, “I volunteered to meet her and Cat for coffee at this little place downtown that mostly drunk people go to. I just wanted to see Jade, honestly.” 

“Wow. Can… can I come?” 

The tall brunette stares down at him in disbelief. He starts to worry he’s done something wrong before she pulls him into a soft headlock. “Obviously, dummy. I’m not leaving you at Venice fucking Beach at midnight.” 

Jade’s black BMW pulls up to a small spot off the beach, oddly placed gravel crunching under the tires, and a familiar redhead jumps out of the passenger seat, sprinting to jump into Robbie’s arms. “Robbie! What are you doing here?” 

“Coming to coffee with you,” he coughs out, desperately trying to hold her up. Cat takes both his and Tori’s hand, pushing Tori into the passenger seat and Robbie into the back, following him eagerly. “If that’s cool.” 

“Rather have you at girl night than on the fuckin’ bridge,” Jade says, revving the engine and getting on the road. It only takes thirty minutes for them to get to the coffee house Tori mentioned - on the way, Jade, unlike herself, is gently swaying in her seat, harmonizing with Tori as they sing a pop duet Robbie can’t pin down. Her free arm is crossed over Tori’s, something he’s only seen her do with Beck. Tori leans her head on Jade’s shoulder, whispers something in her ear, and the both of them laugh before Jade lightly presses her black fingernail to Tori’s nose. It’s only midway through their moment that they notice him staring. 

“What are you guys doing?” 

Robbie’s suspicion is showing through his voice. He needs to fix his tone - he’s never been good at telling lies or keeping secrets, so it’s amazing Beck hasn’t figured it out by now.

Tori blushes a little, and Jade doesn’t. “We’re just out partying, Rob,” she intones, her voice rife with a little bit of danger as she plainly answers a different question. “Still doesn’t explain why you’re out so late.” 

“It’s like eleven-thirty.” 

“That’s late for you.” 

“Dick,” he says, and she cracks a little smile, Tori giggling lightly into her tight-fit sweater. “I, um, I’m still having that existential gay crisis from earlier.” 

“Robbieeee,” Jade drawls, snaking her hand through the seats to pat his knee. “Don’t even be worried about it. You go to a performing arts high school in Hollywood. Absolutely no one is homophobic - they literally can’t be, we’re an angry mob of gays.” 

“We?” 

She looks just a little disoriented for just a little moment, but that Jade composure is back within moments. “Well, I guess this is my coming out moment to you , Robbie Shapiro. I’m pansexual. Honestly, surprised you didn’t know.” 

“And I’m bi!” Tori half-shouts, her fist shooting into the air and her tone akin to a fighter game character. Bisexual Tori joins the fight! At her own remark, she lets out a manic giggle, Jade looking at her like… well, probably the same way Robbie looks at Beck. Perhaps more like the way Beck looked at Robbie in his fantasy - like uncut diamonds. 

Jade eventually parks and Robbie finally escapes the cloud of PDA Jade and Tori have unwittingly subjected him to, pulling Cat out and into the dimly lit shop. He grabs a number and some menus and throws them into a booth, panting but grinning as he sits. “So, coffee?”

Her face perks up, illuminated shortly by the light of her cellphone. “Robbie, I didn’t know you were coming to hang out with us tonight!” 

“I didn’t either,” he admits, ruffling his hair. “I told Tori all the stuff, but I’m still kind of freaking out about the Beck thing-” 

Cat shushes him quickly as Jade and Tori walk up to the table, almost gliding directly into each other’s arms. She does pat him on the back, and despite the surreality of his current life, he feels good. He feels safe.

They all order coffee, which wakes Jade and Tori up enough so that they’re just not quite their usual selves, limbs not intertwined but finding excuses to bump. As Robbie takes a sip of his drink, he recalls the bags lying in the trunk and the floor of the backseat. “What are the bags in the car for, by the way?” 

Cat freezes for a moment before her posture crumbles. “I’m moving out.” 

“Really?” Robbie asks, eyes wide. “Why?” 

“My brother,” she explains, her tone simple but somehow dejected. “And my parents aren’t doing anything about him. I don’t know if they can. All I know is I can’t live with them anymore. I’m…” 

Her fists ball on the table, trembling. Robbie’s entirely focused on her anger, her resentment, which are such uncommon emotions in Cat that they captivate him. 

“I’m not fucking dealing with him anymore!” she half-yells, banging her hands on the table. Thankfully, no one seems to notice except a passerby or two, and she quickly takes a shaky sip of her coffee, sighing after she swallows. “So I’m staying with Tori until my Nona comes back from her Kentucky chicken trip and I can live with her. I’m also gonna start seeing one of those emergency therapists until I have the money to pay.” 

Robbie pats her on the back, same as she did to him, and sips his drink. “That’ll probably be good for you. Back when my dad was still paying for a psychiatrist, I made a lot of breakthroughs whenever I went. Plus, they might have toys.” 

“Hopefully,” she replies, leaning her head on his shoulder - she can’t reach his neck, Robbie has grown tall in years - and anxiously twirling her hair. “Anyway, I wanna talk about you. Tell me about the problem.” 

“ Cat ,” he complains, pointedly leaning his head in Jade’s direction. 

“Right, right,” she says, waving his discomfort away. “Call him… Dingo.” 

Robbie raises an eyebrow, almost laughing. “Dingo?” 

She giggles too, elbowing him. “Yeah, tell me about Dingo. What’s the deal?” 

“Okay,” he begrudges, taking one more sip of his coffee before speaking again. “So after the whole, uh, bathroom thing ,” and he keeps his voice to a whisper just in case Jade is actually listening, which one glance says she’s far too invested in Tori to be paying an ounce of attention, “I went home and he asked me if he made me uncomfortable during rehearsal . And then once I blew it off, I went to bed and had another fucking dream about him. When I woke up, he was asking what was wrong, and…” 

“Oh, God. What?” Cat questions, eyes lit up and nails tapping her glass in a repetitive pattern. “Is it something, like, really bad?”

“I cried in front of him.” 

Her mouth goes slack. “Oh, girl.” 

Robbie can’t help but laugh at her profoundly camp shock. “Yup. So after dreaming about blowing Dingo for the second goddamn time, I lied and now I’m here. Better than ending up robbed and beaten up in Venice Beach, I guess.” 

“Dreaming about blowing Dingo is an incredible sentence,” Tori interjects, laughing across the table. Jade is missing, presumably in the bathroom. “But honestly, Rob, why don’t you just tell him?” 

“ Tori ,” he hisses, leaning across the table in an emphatic whisper, “he’s straight . And dating Jade, the scariest woman. And also, not in my league .” 

“Okay, first off, you don’t know he’s straight. Second, what if Jade leaves him?” 

Robbie’s face must show the shock he’s feeling, because both girls giggle at him. “Don’t worry, I don’t think I’m that tempting. I’m just spitballing.” 

Jade returns to the table, and Tori slings an arm around her shoulders without a second thought. “Jade?” 

“Yeah?” the intimidating girl replies, a slight smile on her lips. 

“Is Beck, like, open about his sexuality?” 

“Tori, what are you asking?” Robbie chides, kicking her under the table. “That’s a super personal question.” 

“No, it’s fine,” Jade corrects him. “Beck’s open. He’s bi.” 

How can the girls continue their conversation around him when he’s literally having a mental allergy attack? His hands grip his cup of coffee, the thoughts he’d dispelled on the bridge flooding back in a fresh layer. You really are a terrible friend, and you’re letting Jade down, and even if she ends up dating Tori, you’d ruin the friendship, but who are you to think Beck would ever date you? But you’re terrible, and you’re an aspiring homewrecker, and if Beck knew all the shit you think about him, he’d throw you down a flight of stairs, which is fine, because you deserve it, and you want him to grip you like that, toss you around, so really, you’re terrible- 

“Robbie, you’re shaking,” Cat whispers into his ear, taking his hand in hers. Her pink nails graze over the back of his hand, a soothing chill on his skin. “Are you okay?” 

“I just don’t know what I’m gonna do,” he whines, dropping his head into his arms on the table. “I feel like such a bad person, and I think I might be insane.” 

“But that’s what love is,” she replies, her voice sweet and cajoling. “It’s not usually supposed to feel easy. If being in love wasn’t hard, so many great songs wouldn’t exist.” 

Robbie sighs, leaning into her pink cardigan-clothed shoulder. “You’re right, but I hate that you’re right.” 

“I know. I’m not jealous of you.” Cat laughs, ruffling his hair and draining the last of her coffee from the white porcelain cup.

“You know, Cat,” and he sits up, rubbing his eyes with weariness, “you’re pretty smart.” 

She pats his shoulder, still smiling. “I know that too.” 

He feels safe again, comfortable. Robbie’s been hearing about the concept of found family - this must be it. Someone to support you and for you to support. 

It would only be perfect if, when he looked across the table, Jade and Tori weren’t making out. 

Cat elbows him, clearly shocked but trying to hide it. Robbie has to imagine he looks the same as her, so he turns her to look at his phone, frantically typing out a note and passing it to her as they both sneak glances at the pair. 

Bro what the hell?? I thought T was joking about stealing her away!! 

no literally this is SHOCKING 

altho the pda was baaaad in the car 

Wait I thought I was the only one who noticed!

rob jade booped her. jade has never touched anyone except beck in the context of not-violence, i’m not blind

Fair 

Dude they’re really going at it I feel weird watching 

yeah i like girls but watching this kinda makes my home life feel less awful lol

like i feel straighter than when i walked in

Lol no I hate this she’s legit cheating on Beck 

whoa i didn’t even think of it that way oh my god 

do you think she’s gonna break up with him? 

Is it bad if I say I hope so? Just for his sake yk

wouldn’t blame u lol 

Although he’d probably just have like a thousand rebounds as soon as they broke up

he do be a coveted piece of boy meat 

Gross

we’ve both said worse. you and i have literally both uttered the name ‘funky nut blast’ 

That was a terrible day 

aw i thought it was cute when beck wanted to stop you looking like a creep

I don’t wanna talk about funky nut blast anymore 

lol maybe you’d be his reboOh shit I think they’re done 

“What a funny picture, Rob,” Cat grins, punching Robbie’s arm. “That was hilarious .” 

You are not subtle , Robbie thinks at her as the two break apart. Tori wipes her now red-stained lips with a napkin. Robbie wordlessly offers her his compact mirror, and she sheepishly accepts. Jade looks as though she’s pretending nothing happened, which the tall curly-haired boy is perfectly fine to comply with. 

The rest of the night is a blur. Jade drives Robbie home first, pulling up the car a few feet away from the house so as not to wake Beck up with the glaring headlights.

“Get home safe,” the girls call from the car as he shuts the door behind him. He nods, untying his jacket from his waist - how’d it get there? - and throwing it around his shoulders. 

When the door shuts behind him, he gets a text from Cat, immediately disabling his ringer for Beck’s sake. 

ROB THEYRE LIT ABOUT TO KISS AGAIN 

No what?? 

bro jades gonna run us off the road 

Stay alive 

no promises 

Robbie clicks off his phone, holding his breath so it’s not too loud as he creeps into his bedroom. He muffles his footsteps against the carpet, slips off his jeans and socks, silently pushes himself back into bed and releases the exhale against his now-cool pillow. 

Just sleep. Just for now. 

*** 

The next day, Robbie wakes in his bed feeling only slightly tired and way less full of existential dread than yesterday. He turns over in his bed, eyes landing on Beck’s sleeping figure. His white tank top clings to his lean figure, pretty brown hair tousled and scattered in his eyes. Robbie has to clutch his chest to stop the heart flutters he gets. 

If this isn’t a crush, I need to see a doctor. 

Eventually, Beck wakes, changing and joining Robbie for breakfast. The latter doesn’t remember the last time he sat to eat, especially with his best friend. It’s still awkward, but not the same way it has been. Beck, thank God, doesn’t ask Robbie why he’s been weird, just sits and makes the same dumb, funny conversation the both of them always manage to make. 

It’s almost like the day the play was announced, except the scent of Beck’s car feels even more like a hug now - albeit an aggressively affectionate, ‘why were you gone so long?’ bear hug. The only other difference is now he’s wondering if he really does know Beck better than himself, prompted by a quick brush of Beck’s hand over his as he’s adjusting the volume on the speaker. The touch still makes Robbie cringe a little, just for the sake of pain, but for some reason it doesn’t hurt so badly anymore. He’s come to terms with the absolute terror of wanting someone like Beck, reconciling it with the fact that Beck’s one of the closest people in his life. 

“Hey,” Beck mentions, his eyes gluing to Robbie’s face. “You haven’t been… with Rex for a while. Not that I’m complaining, but what’s up with that?” 

Obviously, he knows that, but he can’t really effectively explain it to Beck without giving the whole gig away. “Oh, wow. I haven’t. I, uh, I guess I just haven’t really needed him all that often. He’s kind of a dick, you know?” 

“Yeah, tell me about it. I always thought he needed to shut his mouth,” the taller boy responds, patting Robbie’s shoulder with a grin. “I’m happy you’re the one to shut it for him. You’re the only one who should.” 

The touch hurts again. A little more now. Robbie chooses to ignore it. 

When they pull into the Hollywood Arts parking lot, Beck takes out his phone, half-glancing before his attention becomes entirely focused on the little screen in his hands. 

“You okay?” Robbie asks after about two minutes of blank stare. 

Beck falters. Robbie’s never seen him do that. “Oh, uh- yeah, yeah I’m fine, Rob. I’ll see you for lunch.”

The curly-haired boy doesn’t believe him. He’s known him too long to believe his bad lie, his pause and stutter. Beck’s not a good liar - he just tends to lie by omission, and this isn’t one of those. But he understands needing to be left alone, especially after the past few days, so he just hmms and gently shuts the car door behind him. 

*** 

“So clearly it’s lunch now,” Robbie finishes narrating to Cat and a newly informed Andre, the latter’s eyes wide as plates. “No sign of him. I’m supposed to be the moody one here.” 

“Do you think- no, no way,” Cat ruminates, shooting a nervous look at the two boys. “You guys don’t think Jade would break up with Beck over text, do you?” 

“You think she’d break up with him at all?” Andre questions. “She holds onto him like he’s a diamond and she’s an angry dead lady. Ice-cold grip.” 

Their conversations melt as Jade and Tori arrive at the table. They haven’t told Andre it’s Tori that Jade kissed last night, for the sake of privacy, but he knows she’s in the loop. Jade takes one look at the three of them, setting down her tray with a plunk . “Spit it out.” 

“Did you break up with Beck?” Cat says. Robbie and Andre look at her incredulously, and she returns both their gazes. “Sorry, reflex.” 

“I-” and at this Jade almost looks speechless, placing a hand over her eyes before sitting down. “Yeah, I did.” 

“Why?” Tori posits, looking shocked. Robbie’s surprised she doesn’t know, and evidently so are Cat and Jade.

Jade moves from everyone’s eyelines, taking a bite from her grape Uncrustable. “I don’t know, it's just… we’re not working together anymore. That’s it, end of story, and not that it’s anyone’s business but mine and Beck’s.” 

But it’s because you cheated and you feel guilty is the unspoken sentence hanging above the five of them. It is almost the only sentence between the group for the whole lunch period, Cat and Tori desperately trying and failing  to make conversation so the silence isn’t so awkward.

When the bell rings, Robbie wrings his hands, praying time will move faster so he can go home and check on Beck. As if they can hear him, the hours move like molasses pouring out of a bottle - in other words, slow as fuck . 

       His feet tap fervently as the last five minutes of the day pass, and as soon as that final peal sounds, he bolts out to the bus, clutching his pass and running like he’s never run before. 

         Never chase a fool in love, Robbie , his mother’s voice sounds in his head as he throws himself into a seat, panting. You’ll never catch up.  

*** 

        When Robbie enters the house, it’s dead silent save for the distant, crackly hum of a TV upstairs. All the lights are off, leaving a dim, gray glow from the natural afternoon daylight in every room. He grabs a bag of popcorn from the pantry and quietly walks up the stairs, pointlessly since Beck definitely knows he’s here. 

The bedroom lights are also off. Beck lays on the floor, gently sliding chips into his mouth while staring up at the TV. His flask sits next to him, cap open. At the sight of Robbie, Beck’s face stays still, a little glimmer forming in his eyes. “Hey, Rob.” 

“Hi,” Robbie returns, cautiously walking into the room and sitting on his bed. He struggles for something to say that won’t make Beck shut down. “Didn’t see you at lunch.” 

“Fuck, yeah,” Beck says, taking a swig from the flask. “Sorry, Rob. I needed to go home. Or, I guess here, because this is where I came.” 

He laughs, speech noticeably slurred. Robbie has to wonder how long he’s been drinking, but is distracted by Beck spilling a little bit of whisky on his top as he drinks. “Shit,” he mutters, pulling it off in one smooth motion. 

Robbie can’t move his eyes. He’s seen Beck shirtless before, he has to remind himself of that, but it’s gotta be different this time because the curly-haired boy can not take his fucking eyes off of Beck. Beck grins at him, popping the flask closed and pushing himself up onto Robbie’s bed, thigh bumping Robbie’s. “Wanna play Mario Kart?” 

The brunette agrees, swallowing the lump in his throat with a swig of whiskey and grabbing the controllers. Immediately, his head goes dizzy and his mind goes blank. This was not the best idea. 

They start a Grand Prix, Beck beating an intensely distracted Robbie to first place each round. “I win,” Beck sings out, punching Robbie’s arm before pulling him in by the shoulder. “What happened, Rob? You usually beat my ass at this.” 

You cheated, you bumped me and I went blind each time. Short-circuiting from the touch, the heat of Beck’s skin and the smell of his cologne mixed with whiskey and regular Beck scent, Robbie continues to not focus. His mind is getting hazy again, and the controller starts to shake in his hands. The alcohol is taking its effect - sure, that’s the only reason, Robbie . 

“Well, as the winner,” Beck’s voice drops to a low hum, sending shivers down Robbie’s back through his ear, “do you wanna play a… different game?” 

There’s no way what I think is happening is happening. 

Beck gets closer, between Robbie’s thighs. 

“Robbie.” his best friend intones, blending reality with fantasy. “I want you.” 

Infinite space. 

A galaxy. 

Circling moons and stars, waiting just for the right time. 

Narrowing in, to this planet, to this country, to this city, to this bedroom. 

Robbie’s almost sure he misheard. 

“You… what?” 

The fit boy sits there, breathing heavy, eyes suddenly dark in that same way as the fantasy Beck did, yet the curly-haired boy hadn’t known what to call it then. “I fuckin’-” and he breathes hard, desperately- “need you, Robbie, bad . Please. Just let me…” 

They look at each other in silence, save for their out-of-sync exhales. Beck leans down, so close Robbie can barely function. 

“Let me kiss you, Robbie,” Beck mumbles, cradling his roommate’s head in his hands. “Please, I just wanna…”

Robbie, of course, nods. “Yes,” a half-audible whisper. 

Beck leans down, ever so careful, brushing the hair off from Robbie’s face. He takes the brunette’s head in both hands again, pulling him up just slightly so their lips can meet. 

The world stops turning. 

Or maybe it’s never turned until now.

Robbie’s arms wrap around Beck’s chiseled torso, pull him in under the blankets. Their legs tangle, Beck too focused on kissing Robbie to care about the rough kick the latter delivers him by accident. 

“Sorry,” Robbie gasps out when Beck breaks the kiss, trailing kindred pecks from his cheek to the base of his neck. 

“Never apologize,” Beck returns, his voice low and distracted. Brown eyes meet Robbie’s, intense and dark. “Fuck, just touch me.” 

Is this a dream too? 

He tries his hardest not to think about what’ll happen when they stop moving together, instead focusing on the sparks between them, the comforting scent of his best friend’s flannel, the warmth when their bodies touch. “Beck,” Robbie pants. 

The boy in question looks up from his busy task of kissing Robbie’s collarbone. “Yeah?” 

“C- um. Can I suck your- um-?” 

Robbie’s not as confident as he was in the dream to say the line, so he just nods down to his best friend’s lower half. He could swear Beck’s eyes transform into cartoon stars. He kisses Robbie a little more, a little harder, and then breaks away. He stares down at Robbie like he’s made of diamonds. “Robbie, you don’t have to.” 

The curly-haired boy sits up a little. “I want to.” 

Beck swallows. The motion of his Adam’s apple going up and down is so subtle, but Robbie is so focused on him he notices everything about him - how his skin seems to be radiating heat waves, how his pink lips look glossy from a quick run of the tongue, how his hands gently yet firmly grip Robbie’s waist. 

“Definitely, um, then,” Beck emits, hesitating for a moment before pulling down his boxers and laying back against the bed frame. Robbie sits up a little more and gets on his hands and knees, crawling closer to him. It’s awkward, Robbie can’t deny that, but the excitement barely concealed on Beck’s face makes him want to laugh. He knows Beck too well. 

He gently wraps his fingers around Beck’s member, sheathed in cloth. Beck gasps, biting his lip. He didn’t think the heartthrob would be so sensitive to touch. 

So pretty. God, how will he react when I…

Robbie puts the head to his lips, timidly licking Beck’s tip like a popsicle. Beck grips the sheets for dear life, panting already. “Robbie- fuck, can I…” 

He motions to Robbie’s hair, and the latter nods, accidentally taking more of Beck into his mouth with the motion. Beck lets out an exquisite groan, his hands slipping into Robbie’s curls, lightly gripping the hair at the back of his head. Robbie leans into the touch, moving down onto Beck’s member and feeling it pulse in his mouth. 

Warm. Beck’s got warmth, that’s really just what it is. Careful, stunning, godlike warmth Robbie feels blessed to touch, to want, to even witness . The brunette can’t help but think as much as he’d love to make Beck cum like this, just the two of them sweaty and panting in Robbie’s dinky bed, he just wants Beck to kiss him again. 

Like a mind reader, Beck softly places two fingers - index and thumb - under Robbie’s jaw and chin, pulling him up off Beck’s cock and onto his lap. 

The second kiss is calmer than before, the desperation in the taller’s lips replaced with a new taste. It’s the Danaë by Rembrandt. It’s a wintergreen Altoid dissolving in his mouth after a sip of Pepsi in the freezing cold. It’s magic, Robbie supposes, that anything in the world could be this good, and that Robbie of all people would be able to have it. 

Or maybe Beck’s just a really good kisser. 

He leans his face into the crook of his best friend’s neck when Beck reaches down to stroke Robbie’s dick, handling him like he’s holding something precious. Robbie presses a hard kiss down into Beck’s skin, the noise he was about to make shamed into a muffled groan. 

“Baby,” Beck says, smiling, pulling Robbie’s sweaty face to his own. “Robbie.” 

“Y- yeah?” Robbie pants in return, almost salivating from the touch of his best friend. 

“Don’t,” and Beck is breathing really hard, pulling Robbie closer into him so that their bodies feel like one. “Don’t cover your mouth. I wanna- fuck, I wanna hear you.” 

With that, he starts stroking faster, spitting on his hand to make Robbie’s cock wetter. He moans, fingers digging into Beck’s back, whimpers when Beck kisses his neck again, kisses his lips and bites them when he pulls away. He can’t stop - he’s never felt this animalistic, this vulnerable, this fucking good. Beck starts to leave hickeys on his sensitive, open skin, and Robbie’s eager pants turn into word salad, praising his best friend, pulling him closer. He doesn’t know when his shirt got pulled off, but there’s little purple bites everywhere from his neck to his torso, and he’s alive, he’s alive. 

He notices Beck grinding into his still-clothed legs, groaning every time the denim comes in contact with his cock. Robbie gets closer, just wanting to make it easier and prompting an aggressively loud noise from the taller. 

Beck pushes him down onto the mattress, both of them breathing in-sync. “What- what are you doing? What did you just do?” 

“Did I do something wrong?” Robbie asks, fear he didn’t know he had creeping into his voice. Beck, above him, laughs and descends, kissing Robbie again. 

“Nothing’s wrong, it just felt really good. Would you do it again?” 

Breathing out his relief, Robbie tentatively moves his knee up to Beck’s groin again, rubbing against his barely-on boxers. Beck’s eyes go wide, his kisses getting even more passionate, more furiously given. 

“Fuck, that’s so good, Robbie. You’re so good,” and he presses the fate-sealing kiss to the hollow of the curly-haired boy’s throat. Robbie half-screams, releasing onto Beck’s stomach and briefs, falling back onto the sheets with the feeling that he actually might pass out from the sheer sensation of having a god on top of him. 

“Like praise, huh?” Beck teases, ruffling Robbie’s hair. “Good thing I love giving it.” 

“You’re, hah ,” Robbie pants, “still hard.” 

“Oh, don’t worry about it, it’s fine-” 

Robbie gets on his hands and knees again, looking at Beck with what he can only assume is wanton intensity. “Can I finish the job, Beck?” 

With a whispery “yes” from above, Robbie takes his best friend into his mouth again, this time not hesitating to put the whole thing in his mouth before withdrawing with a wet pop . He lifts Beck’s cock again, sucking on the tip, and Beck almost screams, hand slipping into Robbie’s hair again. “So good, so fucking good for me, Robbie, yeah, please-” 

Beck cums in Robbie’s throat, Robbie breathing hard so he can swallow and licking his swollen lips. When his best friend opens his eyes again, they’re glazed over, pupils dilated. He pulls Robbie into his chest, wrapping his arms around him. “That was fucking amazing.” 

“Yeah,” Robbie agrees distantly, still struggling to concentrate after having experienced perhaps the most intense orgasm of his entire life and while being so close to Beck. Still, though, while he’s pressed to Beck’s fit, warm chest, one thought gets through: 

Fuck. I just got to third base with my best friend. 

What the hell do I do now?

Robbie shifts, and Beck gently holds him, pressing a light kiss to his neck. “You leaving?” 

“What? No,” Robbie refutes, his arms clinging to Beck by instinct. “I, uh, was just thinking about, um…” and the truth is terrible so he doesn’t let it through, “a shower.” 

“Ah, I get it,” Beck says, his voice still slurred but clear as day on top of Robbie’s head. “You could go take one if you want, but… okay, don’t think I’m weird for this, but I like to cuddle.” 

How in the ever-living fuck did Jade break up with this man? 

“Unless you wanted to take a shower with me,” Beck jokes, a little nervousness creeping into his tone. Robbie feels heat flooding his face, and he holds Beck just a bit tighter, nestling his head into the crook of his best friend’s shoulder. 

“No, this is good. This is fine.” 

And he can feel Beck smile above him as the latter presses him closer. “Good.” 

It only takes a few minutes for Robbie to fall asleep, but to his mind’s credit, there are no dreams about Beck, about anything or anyone, for the whole damn night.

Chapter Text

HANIEL: 

My good gentleman, dear Filip, you amuse me so. 

FILIP looks taken aback at this comment. He sips from his glass, looking back at his companion from the edge of the balcony. 

FILIP: 

How’s that? 

HANIEL chuckles, stepping up to FILIP and swinging an arm around him. FILIP is visibly taken aback by the arm, and settles awkwardly, prompting HANIEL to laugh again. 

HANIEL: 

I’ve just never met a man like you. Someone so…

Now FILIP is smiling, although he looks ashamed. 

FILIP:

So?

HANIEL settles, smiling. 

HANIEL: 

So unwittingly and disarmingly charming, and yet so unwilling to believe he might be so.

FILIP: 

(pause, looking away) If only I could believe your flattering words, Lord Dowell. 

HANIEL: 

(eyes longing) Yes. If only you could.

*** 

Robbie wakes in the dim morning light of six o’clock, bedsheets wrapped loosely around him as he feels the remnants of sleep sweat dissolve on his body. It takes him a second to remember where he is - actually, more than a second, even a goddamn minute because he has to rub his eyes, put on his glasses, and actually withdraw from the arms of his best friend to put on clothes before he thinks to himself, one leg in a new pair of underwear: oh, shit. I kissed Beck Oliver. I have to specifically do a wash cycle because of Beck Oliver. I gave a fucking blowjob to Beck Oliver. I have just slept with Beck fucking Oliver.

Bragging rights? 

In a panic he hasn’t felt since probably days ago, Robbie throws himself into his new clothes, sprints down the stairs as quietly as he can, brushes his teeth and leaves the house with his backpack sandwiched between his hands so the pins on it don’t make any noise. He’s running to the bus stop for the fucking third time and he’s starting to hate his life and his weak legs. 

This time, he rides the bus alone - obviously, since Cat‘s riding with Tori from now on, and Rex’s always helpful insights are no longer welcome or available - and it’s only a few minutes into the ride that his stomach grumbles, loudly . Fuck, breakfast. 

When he gets to the stop near school, he runs into the coffee shop, hoping for some miscellaneous sandwich he can get. The absolute barren nothing in the snack case makes his stomach drop even farther down, which the barista seems to see on his face. “Sorry, man, we haven’t had our shipment yet. You want a drink?” 

Robbie walks to Sikowitz’ classroom with a big sugary coffee in his hand, hoping it’ll make him slightly less hungry. It does not - by the time he sits down, his stomach hurts, he’s dehydrated, his blood sugar is spiking and he’s still fixating on the fact that he literally blew his best friend last night. On top of that, there are forty-five minutes left until the bell rings. He’s gonna be stewing for a while. 

Eventually, he zones out long enough for Cat and Tori to appear in his field of vision, taking seats next to him and giving the usual good morning s. Cat already looks much happier, the bags under her eyes she’s been developing subtly for the past weeks almost gone. 

Tori’s manicured nails tap Robbie’s shoulder, a turn revealing her concerned expression. “You good, Rob? You look stressed as hell.” 

“I, um, yeah, I’m not feeling great.” 

Cat turns, her face immediately going worried. Robbie feels an intense wave of self-hatred wash over him at stressing the poor girl out on impact. “Did something happen? Did you and Beck have a fight?” 

Before he can correct her question, Beck walks into the room, glowing as always, maybe even more today. Shortly behind him is Jade, who takes the furthest possible seat away from him, closest to Tori. Beck sits down next to Robbie, because at some point Cat magically transported herself behind the two, between Jade and Andre. He nudges Robbie, who forces himself not to melt into the touch, and mumbles into his ear. “Hey, stranger. Saw you forgot your breakfast this morning, so I brought you a protein bar. It might help you till lunch.” 

Robbie’s heart is beating like a drum in a marching band as he accepts the bar, a quiet “thank you” emerging from his lips. Beck smiles at him, every nerve in the curly-haired boy’s body setting on fire at the sight. I must be literally insane. 

Sikowitz strides up to the board, wiping off the scenes from the list of last class. “Alright, my lovely little chickens. We continue with our lightly memorized rehearsals, and with feeling this time. If any of you are feeling extra nauseous,” and he looks directly at Robbie, who can feel himself blush, “please do let me know in advance . We’re starting with the Ianna, Rhetta, and Charlotte couple advice scene, so Tori, Cat, Jade, get up here.” 

The three girls stand up and assume their positions as their roles. Robbie takes a second before focusing on them to dart a glance at Beck, expecting him to look pissed or sad or something at the sight of his now ex-girlfriend. Instead, he looks vaguely interested, eyes registered on the mini-stage while popping Skittles into his mouth. 

Cat starts the scene, perfectly portraying her character and following the stage directions to a T. He observes the three acting as a salvation, focusing so hard on them that it doesn’t even seem like he’s sitting next to the guy he blew seven hours ago. 

But, of course, every scene has to end. The girls bow and take their respective seats, and next up it’s- 

“The adorable Robbie and Beck,” Sikowitz says, clapping his hands with what can only be described as childlike glee. Robbie curses whatever acting talent he might have been given, because it’s not doing him any favors except a consistent A in this fucking class.. 

Beck and Robbie assume their positions. This is the first love scene - of course it is, now . Sikowitz with his fucking perfect timing. 

His best friend mimes opening a door, and the show begins. “Filip.” 

“You sent for me?” Robbie replies, feigning (sort of) nervousness. 

Beck pulls him into the ‘room’, shutting the mime door. “I did, good Filip. I wanted to talk.” 

“So your letter said,” the curly-haired boy replies. “What was it you felt was so personal? I’m hardly your closest confidant.” 

“On the contrary, my dear sir.” Beck pulls him closer, hands firm on each shoulder. “I’ve never felt so close with anyone. There’s such a… a connection between us, one I’ve never felt for anyone.” 

“Anyone?” Robbie breathes, eyes barely glancing at the script, which he can tell Sikowitz is happy with. Maybe this hellish situation will actually end in me getting more parts. “But, Haniel-” 

“Dear Filip, I know what you’ll say. You’ll say I’m thinking impulsively, or that I don’t know what I’m talking about, but I do, I promise I do,” Beck beseeches, eyes gazing into Robbie’s with an expression so goddamn longing he feels the character in Beck’s face slipping away a bit. “Please, Filip… my dear.”

“Haniel,” he sighs in return. They gaze at each other for a second. He knows what’s coming. Beck knows what’s coming too. Robbie fully expects a stage kiss. 

It’s not . A stage kiss. 

The tall brunette places two fingers to Robbie’s chin, the same way he had when they kissed for real, and the latter knows it’s intentional - he can see the little smile on Beck’s face that he’s trying to repress before they kiss. It would be charming if Robbie wasn’t starting to panic about how alarmingly real this play is getting.

It starts chaste, lips on lips, no tongue. Beck moves from just supporting Robbie’s chin to holding his face in both hands to one hand in his hair and the other at the dip of his back. Robbie, somehow, remembers to wrap his arms around Beck’s neck, their figures lowering into a dip. Suddenly, there’s open mouths involved, and horrifically, Robbie realizes two things - one, he really does trust Beck to keep him standing in this weird dip position, and two, he’s starting to really get into this kiss. 

Don’t you dare. Don’t you dare, Beck. 

Beck, quickly before withdrawing, bites Robbie’s lip. Robbie holds in his responding moan as Beck moves his mouth to Robbie’s cheek, his jaw, and oh fuck , close to that spot, the telltale one that’ll make him remember very publicly and embarrassingly . He distantly remembers the line that will stop all of this from happening in front of all their classmates, friends, and Jade .

“Haniel,” he sighs, before letting a sober look wash over his expression. “Haniel!” He pretends to throw Beck off of him, his acting partner’s eyes blazing back at him all too familiarly. “We can’t do this, Haniel - for God’s sake, you’re engaged to my sister !” 

Beck has the face of a man who forgot he was acting, but somehow incorporates that into the character, pressing closer again. “I don’t care, Filip. I can’t care. I’d marry anyone, reject anyone, do anything if it meant… if it meant I could be with you.” 

Beck shines somehow, with his hopeful eyes and his sweet tone. Robbie lets the tears come to his eyes, stopping them before they fall. “Are you even sure about this? Is this really what you want?” 

Beck takes Robbie’s hand and plants a light kiss to the back of it, looking up from his stooped position. “More than anything.” 

Robbie looks at him, wiping his eyes before lowering into a slight bow. “Then, your wish is my command, dear Haniel.” 

Beck lets joy creep over his features as he pulls Robbie closer again. “As yours is to mine, my Filip.” 

There is a beat where they’re in each other’s arms and Beck is staring at Robbie like he’s the whole world. Robbie, unfiltering, lets what has to be a profoundly adoring gaze overtake his face as he looks back. It would be romantic - unfortunately, it kinda does - if it didn’t feel like the scene was over and the music stopped. He counts the seconds in his head and starts to wonder why the hell Sikowitz hasn’t called “scene” yet when the bald man does indeed do that, clapping rapidly and jumping out of his seat. Others join him, although they refrain from standing. Robbie propels himself out of Beck’s arms and into a bow, which his best friend joins him in after a moment. 

“I knew I picked the right lead actors,” Sikowitz proclaims, clapping Robbie on the shoulder as the two sit down. “I mean, Buddha , such passionate chemistry is only rivaled by my love for coconuts. You two should be proud of yourselves.” 

Beck smiles, eyes glued on the teacher as he does the little artificial smile he’s so good at giving. “Thanks, Mr. Sikowitz.” 

The dust settles, and as more people go on, Robbie hears Cat leave from behind him. About two seconds later, his phone silently vibrates in his pocket. 

meet me in the bathroom ok we have to talk about wth that was

Robbie cringes thinking about telling her. Then again, he probably should. 

Ugh. 

*** 

“Robbie, what the hell was that?” Cat shouts the second he comes into view. 

Robbie runs up to her and makes a loud shush noise, hands covering his eyes. “Dude, please be quiet.” 

“Okay, but explain.” 

But does Robbie even want to tell her the truth? 

He looks down at Cat. The stern-looking redhead stares back up at him, foot tapping anxiously. Robbie really doesn’t want to lie, but… it’s just that he knows what she’ll say. She’ll inflate his delusions, give him false hope. Then when he does something stupid, he’ll still have her, and all his friends, but he won’t have Beck. He can’t let her make him happy. 

“There’s nothing to explain,” the curly-haired teen lies through his teeth. “I like him, and he’s a great actor. That’s all it takes to make convincing chemistry.” 

“ Bro ,” Cat half-yells back, shaking him by the shoulders, “he was two seconds away from giving you a hickey . Do you know how many times Jade’s shown up to school with a hickey?” 

“No, Cat, I don’t.” 

“ Once ,” she emphasizes. “And Jade loves hickeys. I hate that I know that, but it’s true.” 

Robbie is thinking so fast on his feet he feels like Hermes. “I mean, Cat, I don’t know what to tell you. If it’s in the stage directions, Beck will do it.” 

Cat backs him into a wall, her index pointed directly at his heart. “And another thing. You’ve been acting like Beck’s skin is made of fire for the past few days. Suddenly, you’re cool to kiss him in front of everybody? Something has to have changed.”

At his silence, her eyes soften, face melting into a please let me have this expression. “I promise, Robbie, I will always be there for you. If something happens, I am the shoulder to cry on. Just tell me.” 

Fuck , he feels really bad. His silence is growing greater. The lies are fading at the sight of her Bambi-like eyes. 

But he just. Can’t . 

“I promise, Cat. There’s nothing I need to tell you. Don’t worry.” 

Cat looks at him for a moment, really looks. She stares for so long Robbie starts getting uncomfortable. She stares like she knows he’s lying to her. 

“Fine,” she eventually says, turning around with a flip of her hair. “Let’s just go back to class then, I guess.”

As she storms to class in front of him, he can swear he hears her mutter, “Maybe he’ll suck your dick on stage and you’ll fucking tell me the truth then.” 

Cat opens the door, sits down next to Andre, and fumes. Tori shoots him a questioning look as he sits down next to Beck. He doesn’t return it. 

When class ends, Cat leaves without looking at him. 

He leaves without looking at anyone else. 

***

Beck gets home and Robbie is waiting inside, pacing anxiously. At the sight of the tall heartthrob, his stomach jolts, but he pushes it down and confronts him. “What the hell was that in class today, Beck?” 

His best friend just smiles, unfazed as he slides off his backpack onto the hardwood floor and strides into the kitchen. “A play, I think. Sinjin wrote it.”

“Okay, smartass,” Robbie sighs, a hand falling over his eyes. “You know what I mean.” 

“Maybe I do,” Beck returns, peeling an orange with heavy concentration before snapping his gaze to Robbie. “Why? Is there a problem?” 

Robbie’s reeling, and the shock must show on his face, because Beck is clearly holding in a giggle as the former rants. “A problem ? Yes, Beck, I think a problem might have happened when you tongued me in the middle of class in front of your ex-girlfriend and all of our friends.” 

Beck just laughs again. The curly-haired boy feels, exasperatingly so, kind of like he’s talking to a wall. “Why are you laughing?” 

“You’re funny, Rob,” Beck says, pushing past him and grabbing the script for the play out of his bag. “You wanna rehearse a scene?” 

Robbie considers his options. This feels dangerous in a primal sense - either they’ll hurt each other’s feelings or he’ll lose his chance to keep things normal with Beck by turning down his request. Still, there’s a glint in Beck’s eye that makes him restless, fingers tapping at the sides of his legs. 

“Sure,” he ends up with, withdrawing the script from his own bag and drawing it out. “Any ideas?” 

Beck comes closer. Intimidation overtakes him like a fog on the road at night, but he refuses to give into it, give into whatever the fuck Beck’s trying to do. “The fight scene?” 

“Why?” 

“Because,” and now he’s near enough to mumble, “I think pinning you down and sitting on top of you might be fun.” 

“Okay, what the fuck?” Robbie shouts, backing up so far he falls onto the couch behind him, limbs sprawled awkwardly until he manages to collect himself. “What do you even mean?” 

He sees a flash of hurt blend with developing black in Beck’s visage, that telltale expansion of his pupils giving too much away. The tall heartthrob takes a deep breath. “Robbie, I heard you in the bathroom that day you left school early.” 

What?! 

“Oh my fucking God,” Robbie chokes out, his face descending into his palms. He takes a second to breathe normally, to clutch at his chest until things quiet in his body. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Beck sits down next to him, leans back against the cushions of the couch and breathes out. “Because as hot as it was to hear you screaming my name in a bathroom stall, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. God, you were all I could think about for that whole day. I had to follow in your footsteps - I ‘went to the bathroom’, like, three times.”

“Huh?” Robbie breathes, genuinely confused. He’s never been the best at reading signals, but he was pretty sure when he got up this morning that Beck wouldn’t want anything to do with him. Now, something’s changing in his best friend’s demeanor, something intimate that he was clearly wrong to attribute to drunkenness. 

The tall brunette pulls Robbie by the two fingers under his chin, just like before, and he can feel Beck’s soft, warm breaths on his lips as they look back and forth at each other. 

“Robbie,” Beck admits, smiling, “I like you.” 

Robbie can’t think of a better response than to ask why. It’s not the right answer. Beck pulls him into a hug, lips brushing Robbie’s neck and chests pressed together. “That’s stupid. Don’t ask that. Just tell me-” and he breaks the hug, eyes boring into Robbie’s with that Beck charm, “do you like me?” 

Fuck. Is this a joke? Can I back out? Can he even back out? He literally gave me a handjob, that’s hard to explain heterosexually. He sounds really genuine, and why would he lie to me? But still. Oh, fuck, Robbie, you’re spiraling. 

And somewhere in his head, he hears the voice of his mom, resonating as he looks at Beck. Robbie, did I ever tell you not to chase what you wanted? 

Cat, there, next to her, yells, tell him you like him, Robbie!

“I do,” he blurts, hands quivering on his thighs. “Like you, I mean.” 

Robbie doesn’t want to look up, but he does, and all he finds is warmth. They don’t move for a second, just look at each other, quietly breathing. When Beck finally lunges forward, it’s fast and slow, a bullet train moving in water. They kiss, forever and ever. 

Robbie, breaking from him, has eyes filled with tears, and he tries to wipe them before Beck can see. “Is this even real?” 

The tall brunette, hugging Robbie firmly, laughs a little. “I think so. I hope so.” 

Beck wipes a tear off Robbie’s cheek, kisses the spot where it landed. They laugh at the action for just a precious second before settling into the embrace, Robbie's chin nestled between Beck's neck and shoulder.

God, I hope so, too.  

Chapter Text

“Oh, Beck , holy fuck… ” 

Robbie has his back pressed to a wall, hands in Beck’s gorgeously soft hair as he receives a blowjob for the first time. 

Beck, it’s turned out, is skilled with his hands and his tongue: he knows, for example, just where to grip Robbie around the thighs as he slides his mouth down Robbie’s length, bobbing at a gentle and tantalizing pace. His tongue darts in a calculated pattern, following a seemingly intuited biological map and hitting every sensitive spot. Robbie feels so good he almost forgets to feel awful, except he can’t forget. He feels cruel for gripping Beck’s hair too hard; he feels bad for moaning so loud; he feels ashamed that he’s making Beck feel like he should be offering Robbie such a one-sided service, because there’s no way Beck is getting off from hearing his friend whine every two seconds. When he catches himself on the verge of a scream after a particularly adept swipe across his shaft from Beck, he bites his lips shut so hard it starts to hurt. 

Robbie expects the pleasure to ramp up into that beautiful place of flotation he always achieves with Beck, whether directly or not, but instead, it stops. Beck’s mouth pops off his dick, and his best friend stands to face him. 

“Why- why’d you stop?” Robbie pants, his mouth somehow dry and wet at the same time and his voice embarrassingly needy. 

Beck is so close (something Robbie is still getting used to) as he tilts Robbie’s head up just slightly to look him in the eyes. “Why are you so apologetic?” 

“Oh, I- sorry,” slips out of Robbie’s mouth before he can realize that it probably wasn’t at all the right thing to say. “I mean, sorry. I, um-” 

“Why do you feel so bad for existing, Rob?” Beck mumbles, pressing a soft kiss to the skin right below Robbie’s right ear. “I just wanna make you feel good.” 

Robbie can feel himself getting harder. “Please, Beck…” 

“Let’s make a deal,” his best friend responds, withdrawing a little. “If you don’t apologize for anything, I’ll make you feel really, really good.” 

It’s almost painful now. Like, comically so, how bad Robbie wants Beck. His fingers twitch at his sides, frenetic. “What if I do?” 

“You’ll get a punishment,” Beck responds simply, tone even. 

“What kind?” Robbie asks, trepidation taking over his horniness for a good few seconds. He knows Beck wouldn’t do anything that bad, but he’s been on the receiving end of punishments that make the word terrible for him to even hear. 

Beck kisses his cheek. “Not that kind,” he promises, before his voice drops to a whisper. “The fun kind.” 

Robbie swallows. “Okay.” 

“You’re sure?” the heartthrob says, drawing closer. “You don’t have to.” 

“I want to.” 

With that, Beck comes back to him, a soft kiss taking over the two of them, a fire in tinder. “Good,” he breathes, eyes locked on Robbie’s lips, “I like games.” 

It deepens - Beck cups his face, holds his waist before his hands move down to Robbie’s back, his ass, his hips. His tongue stays in Robbie’s mouth for a bit, the kiss just as intoxicating as all of their kisses have been, but this time Robbie feels driven to open his eyes. In front of him, he sees Beck’s eyes closed, sees peripherally the spots where their faces are touching, feels the warmth of having such a beautiful guy want him like he seems to. Beck kisses him for just a few moments longer before pulling back, dropping to his knees again. “I’m gonna suck your cock now, Robbie.” 

Robbie, beside himself, moans at the prospect. One look down betrays Beck’s devious smile as he keeps talking. “I don’t want you to apologize, and I don’t want you to feel bad, so if you do that, I’m gonna take it out of my mouth, and I’m going to just kiss it. Which isn’t what you deserve. You deserve the best, but you also deserve to think better of yourself. So, you ready?” 

“Fuck, yes,” he sighs before a gasp escapes his lungs, Beck rapid-fire taking Robbie’s whole length into his mouth, his tongue devoted to every single area. Robbie’s hands push into Beck’s pretty hair, rake through it eagerly. He hears 

“Ah! Sorry,” Robbie blurts before slapping a hand to his mouth. 

Immediately, Beck stops his tongue, wet mouth sliding agonizingly slowly off of Robbie and twisting into a playfully smug smile. “Well, you know what happens now, baby,” 

Beck takes Robbie’s dick in his hand, getting a little closer before giving the tip the lightest kiss he can muster. Robbie undergoes a whole-body shiver, feeling his toes curl in his socks. “You like that, huh? Well, it’s all you’re getting until I feel you’ve learned your lesson.” 

Between the words, he slowly peppers kisses, soft lips against sensitive tissue jolting Robbie’s nerves like a sexy defibrillator. Robbie can feel the ache in his bones, his breath, and he starts panting hard. A drop of precum drips down his length slowly but surely, and Beck looks at it sliding down before making direct eye-contact with Robbie. “Should I take care of that, Robbie ?” 

The emphasis on his name on Beck’s teasing, soft lips makes him twitch with restraint. Robbie bites his lips, feels himself torn. He doesn’t want to inconvenience Beck or make him uncomfortable, but God, he’s throbbing, and he wants- no, he needs Beck’s mouth on him again, no matter how hard he has to beg.
“Yes, please, Beck,” he beseeches, nodding vigorously. “Please give me your mouth.”

Beck smiles. “Good boy, Robbie.” 

He slowly but surely licks a stripe up Robbie’s shaft, eradicating the precum, and then draws back, talking right to Robbie again. “Now there’s a new consequence. I’ll keep using my mouth, and if you do anything self-effacing - cover your face, apologize, or muffle your mouth - I’m going to do something much, much worse than the kisses. Okay?” 

Robbie nods, and Beck slips his cock into his mouth again, this time drawing special attention to his tip. His tongue swirls around it like a sucker, and Robbie can feel the whimpers rising in his throat. He knows Beck told him not to hide them, but they’re so damn embarrassing. Maybe if I just breathe really hard, the noises will go away and he won’t even be able to tell.  

He does just that, breathing soundlessly and trying just to focus on the pleasure, the sensation, the little moan Beck lets out around his cock when he shoves his hands into Beck’s hair again. Robbie focuses so hard on not making a sound that he doesn’t notice, for a second, that Beck’s stopped, still on his knees. 

“You thought you could play with me?” Beck teases, his tone playful but undercut with something darker. “You’re so fucking gorgeous, Rob. What I’m about to do to you can’t even make you prettier.” 

Beck sips a little water from a nearby cup before returning to his task at hand, moving his mouth down, up, down, up, repetitively driving Robbie out of his mind. He grips the wall, his hands, Beck’s hair, his pockets, anything.

“Scream for me, Robbie,” Beck pleads, his eyes taking on a false puppy-dog look for the plea before they return to their lusty black state. “I wanna hear you loud because of me.” 

He takes all of Robbie in one quick go, sucking slowly, intently, looking up at Robbie with eyes that say I know you want to . 

Robbie does, so he does. He lets out a loud whimper, fighting the urge to cover his mouth or cut off the noise. Beck groans around his dick, taking it even faster and more devotedly before popping off it completely. This time, Robbie groans, cock still throbbing. “Beck, please …” 

“What is it, baby? Do you want me to do something?” Beck asks, playing dumb before hitting his tongue against the tip, slow hit after slow hit. Robbie almost cries because of how painfully turned on he is. His best friend continues to smile that evil smile as he gives the lightest touches of his lips to Robbie’s inner thighs, his pelvis, and his tip. “All you gotta do is ask, Rob.” 

I shouldn’t. 

Fuck, I have to. 

“Please, fuck, make me cum, Beck. I’ll do whatever you want, I promise, I-.” 

Beck stands for a moment, taking Robbie in with his stare, and then stands to kiss the curly-haired brunette so tenderly he almost forgets he’s being edged. “God. Fuck, you’re so pretty, Robbie. But you only got it two-thirds correct. I’m here-” and he gets close, so close, “-to make you feel good, baby. I’ll do whatever you want if you just ask.” 

And so Robbie is lifted, his arms around Beck’s neck and his legs supported by Beck’s strong hands. Beck kisses like a cloud made of sugar, bites gently down on the skin right under his ear and prompts a little shiver. He softly thrusts Robbie against the wall, slipping his jeans down and moving his hips to brush lightly against Robbie’s. Their cocks press together, and Robbie moans, kissing Beck again. “Beck…” 

He trails off once he opens his eyes again, realizing their position is directly across from the full-length mirror stuck to the wall. “Beck, we’re, uh- we’re facing the…” 

Robbie can barely form the sentence, too engrossed in the soft and constant movements of Beck’s hips, but the taller seems to understand, grinning. “Yeah, I know. I thought it was unfair that I get to see you cum and you don’t. I want you to see it too.” 

At first, despite Beck’s wishes, he tries to close his eyes, just hanging on to Beck as the latter’s groans become louder. However, his eyes get forced open by a sudden twinge of extra pleasure - the presence of Beck’s warm lips on the hollow of his throat. He bites his lip, trying not to look, but he has to. In spite of himself, he doesn’t even really mind it, eyes gluing to his own fucked-out face in the slightly smudgy mirror. Beck’s just so good at what he’s doing that Robbie can’t think of anything else but his body on Beck’s. 

“Robbie- Robbie, I’m gonna finish,” Beck pants into Robbie’s collarbone, sucking on the skin there lightly before closing with a kiss. 

“Good, I’m there too,” Robbie breathes in response, kissing Beck breathlessly so their cacophony is contained within their mouths. “Fuck, let’s do it together.” 

They move in sync, once, twice, before the two of them are motionless and sweaty, gasping. Beck holds him like porcelain, his mouth pressed to Robbie’s before their foreheads slump together. Robbie could swear in a court of law that this could be an out-of-body experience.

Eventually, the two catch their breath, moving to the shower. Regardless of the manner of what they just did, Robbie still feels bashful letting Beck look at him, and vice versa. Beck doesn’t seem to share these qualms, even going so far as to reach over Robbie for the soap, grinning. “Sorry.” 

“Canadian,” slips out, the joke breaking the barrier of awkwardness between them, at least for him. Robbie starts laughing, Beck joining him and shoving him by the shoulder. 

Somehow, they’re close again, and the tall heartthrob leans down to kiss him. “Stupid joke,” he mumbles, the water turning hot as their skin touches, arms wrapping around each other. Robbie finds himself gasping for breath again, even if they’re not messing around. 

Later, as the two get ready for bed, Beck throws a pillow at a changing Robbie to get his attention. “Hey, uh, quick question.” 

“Hmm?” 

“You wanna sleep together tonight?”

 The idea should knock the wind out of Robbie, but instead he can think about it without panicking. For the first time, it seems like Beck might be more nervous than he is. 

Before his best friend can start backtracking, which one look at him says he’s about to do, Robbie grins at him. “Definitely. Although I know you’re just suggesting that ‘cause your back hurts from sleeping on the floor.” 

Beck smiles at him, rolling up his sleeping bag. “Or it’s because I want to see your pretty body face when you’re sleeping. You have the cutest expression when you’re asleep.” 

And as he manages to leave Robbie breathless for the millionth time, the taller laughs. “It could be the back pain, though,” he calls, leaving the room. “Don’t get too hung up on one thing.” 

***

“So Cat’s still mad, huh?” 

The question is proffered to Tori and Andre, who nod a definitive yes in unison. Robbie slams his head on the desk, groaning. “I just don’t get it. How does she have a problem with me for not dating Beck?” 

“She wants to be there for you, Rob,” Tori explains, patting his head. “And that kiss was hella realistic. I barely believed you when you said y’all were still just friends.” 

Andre nods again. He pulls his headphones fully off his neck, eye contact full and intense. “Just to be clear - you would tell us if-” 

“ Yes, ” Robbie glares, slipping his homework back into his textbook and earmarking the page. Andre raises his hands in surrender, reaching back for his headphones. 

As if the irritation couldn’t get worse, Trina walks in, her tall heels clicking against the floor repetitively. However urgently she might be trying to walk, the four-inch wobble is making it difficult. Eventually her eyes land on her sister and light up in alarm. “Tori!” 

    All three of them wince at the high-pitched frequency of her voice, Tori rubbing her eyes with exasperated familiarity. “Yes, Trina?” 

“Is it true Jade and Beck broke up?” 

Tori’s face goes red, something Robbie hopes (for her sake) Andre doesn’t notice. “How’d you hear about that?” she returns, voice coming out a choked whisper. 

Trina seems not to notice either, the aggressive flavor of her strawberry gum radiating from her rapidly chattering mouth. “Everyone knows. I just wanted to check with my most reliable sources before I made my move.” 

This time, it’s Andre who chokes, muffling a laugh. “Your move ?” 

“Yes, my move ,” she retorts, fluffing her hair a little. “Just think about it. Beck’s the hottest guy in school. I’m the hottest girl in school-” 

“ Debatable ,” Andre coughs, sipping from the water bottle sitting next to him on his table. 

Trina ignores him, her voice lifting into a tone-deaf Avril Lavigne impression. “ Can I make it any more obvious ?” She flips open her contact mirror and dabs some lip gloss before shutting it dramatically. “We’re literally a perfect match.” 

“Trina,” Tori interjects, her expression drenched in the essence of a headache, “don’t you think it’s a little soon to ask Beck out? He just came off a breakup.” 

“And anyway, Jade’ll want him back soon,” Andre adds. “They never stay broken up for long.” Clearly, he thinks twice about that statement after he says it, mouthing a Sorry to Robbie, who just wants to sink into his chair. 

Tori’s sister takes on a self-satisfied smirk, patting the table like the back of a pickup truck as she says her parting remark. “By the time I get through with him, he won’t even remember Jade exists.” 

As soon as she fades out of their field of vision, Tori and Andre burst out laughing, the former elbowing Robbie in her convulsion. “Can you even fucking imagine ?” 

“Although, Robbie, you might want to make some kind of big gesture,” Andre pants out, reaching the interlude of his laughter after probably a good minute. “I mean, he and Jade dated for years, and he still let girls hit on him all the time. As… Trina as Trina is, you don’t want him to take a chance on the first rebound he sees.” 

As the two keep chatting, Robbie’s eyes bore into the wood of the table, leaning his head against his laptop’s cold surface.

Okay, am I the rebound? Beck said he liked me, but maybe he meant, like, ‘oh yeah, keep hooking up with me, buddy, old pal. I sure do like it when you volunteer to give me a BJ, homeslice’. He wouldn’t end up dating Trina, but what if Andre was right? Maybe he’ll get back with Jade if she gets sick of Tori. Maybe I fucked this whole thing up by hooking up with him in the first place.

Man. Fuck, I miss Cat.  

***

“Hey there, hot stuff,” Beck calls with a wolf-whistle from the window of his car, patting the passenger seat. “Want a ride to 7-Eleven?” 

Robbie slips into the car, shoving his bag underneath him. “Beck, what are you doing?” he hisses. “Do you want people to know?” 

“Relax, Rob, it’s fine,” the taller says, giving the curly-haired boy a once-over before his eyes turn to the windshield again. He licks his lips as he pulls out of the parking lot, one hand running through his hair. “So, yes, 7-Eleven?” 

The shorter man leans back in his seat, a tired sigh dripping from his mouth. “Yeah.” 

Beck, between turns, shoots a glance at Robbie. “Long day?” 

“Kinda,” Robbie admits. His feet tap anxiously against the mat on the floor of the car. 

“Wanna talk?” 

It’s an offer that really shouldn’t be so shocking to Robbie - even if they weren’t hooking up, Beck would probably ask about his problems. It’s just the way he asked - that domestic inflection, a simple two words carried by the note of caring in Beck’s voice - that makes the curly-haired brunette want to melt. 

“I just…” and Robbie falters. He doesn’t want to tell Beck about Trina. “Cat’s mad.” 

From the side, he looks confused. “Why?” 

Robbie bites a piece of his lip skin off, fidgeting absentmindedly as he decides to dance around the truth. “Not really sure. She thinks I lied to her, and now she won’t talk to me. I haven’t seen her all day, and I’m pretty sure she skipped lunch so she wouldn’t have to see me.” 

Beck hums in thought, fumbling for his Coke in the cupholder a couple times and missing entirely. “Would you-” 

Before he can finish the sentence, Robbie is reaching for the bottle and holding it up to Beck’s lips, waiting for the nod that’ll tell him when to put it down. Swallowing, Beck smiles at him, white teeth biting his bottom lip just for a second. “Uh- I mean, it’s a miscommunication, right? Cat’s hurt because she thinks you lied. First off, did you?” 

“Uh,” Robbie gulps, a wave of guilt filling him. “Yeah, I guess I did.” 

“No need to feel so bad, Rob,” Beck laughs, ruffling Robbie’s hair. “You just made a mistake. All you have to do to make it better is talk to her.” 

Robbie groans. “How am I going to do that? She hasn’t even read any of my texts.”

“Well, you know she’s staying at Tori’s, right? Just go over there,” Beck suggests, making a turn into the secluded parking lot of the shopping center. “I’ll drive you over after we do this.” 

We’re literally a perfect match. I’m gonna make a move. 

“No!” he blurts, so unexpectedly loud it makes Beck jolt in surprise. “I- I mean, no, don’t give yourself more work to do. It’s a long drive.” 

“It’s like ten minutes from here,” Beck says, his smile incredulous. “You shouldn’t avoid Cat, man. It’ll just make your argument worse.” 

“No, it’s not that-” 

“Then what is it?” 

Beck looks so innocent as he asks. Robbie wants to tell him, weighs the pros and cons of telling him carefully in his head. Pros: emotional burden lightened, may be closer with Beck after telling him. Cons: Beck might be interested in Trina. 

He decides on a compromise. “Do you think Trina’s hot?” 

The silence in the car could be cut with a knife. Then, Beck breaks out laughing, his hand shaking on the gear now set to Park. “What?” 

“It’s not funny,” Robbie whines. “Would you… like, would…” 

His best friend laughs for a couple more seconds before shutting off the car. “No, Rob, I wouldn’t. I’m not into either of the Vega sisters. My type’s pretty sophisticated, but they always gotta have…” 

At that pause, Beck leans over the seat, taking Robbie’s face in his hands. His last remark before the kiss comes as a throaty, broken-up whisper against Robbie’s lips. “...the prettiest eyes… and lips… I’ve ever seen.” 

Robbie feels like he’s melting away in Beck’s grasp. As he’s lifted to straddle Beck in the driver’s seat, he quickly checks the emergency brake before returning the kiss fully, pressing pecks to Beck’s collarbone. “You smell nice,” he mumbles before kissing Beck again.
“Thanks,” Beck replies, a hint of earnestness in his tone. “I put it on this morning ‘cause I kind of thought you might like it.” 

“You put cologne on for me?” the shorter asks, heat pushing into his cheeks. 

Beck looks almost equally bashful when he nods, almost beginning to ramble. “Well, you like leathery citrus smells, right? And I had a bottle of this Paco Rabanne cologne left over from babysitting this minor celebrity’s cat for a week, so I thought you might like it. If you wanna get it, it’s called 1 Million. That's not the price, but it is pretty expens-” 

Robbie kisses him hard, cutting off his chatter. Without a second of hesitation, Beck kisses back, hugging Robbie’s torso close. “I’m happy you like it, I mean.” 

“I do,” Robbie returns, more light kisses given to anywhere the light touches Beck’s skin. “And I don’t want to wear it, I like it a lot better on you.” 

“Oh, really?” and Beck flips him over so his head presses into the headrest, legs locking together. “Tell me, Rob, have you ever gotten a blowjob in a strip mall parking lot?” 

Robbie swallows his spit, his mouth getting dry instantly. “No.” 

“Do you wanna?” 

“What if we get caught?” 

Beck’s eyes go dark, hungry, and Robbie can feel himself getting hard at the sight. “I’ll make sure I’m the only one who sees you cum, Robbie. You can be sure of that.” 

And with Robbie’s eager nod, Beck undoes Robbie’s fly, releasing his dick from his boxers and getting to work. It’s not like last night - Beck isn’t teasing him (well, at least not as much; the kisses he presses to the tip between swallows tell a different story) or delaying his release, he’s eager. Robbie grips the seat, the other hand sprawled out in Beck’s hair. “God, your hair is so fucking soft,” Robbie stutters out. “Is there - holy God, oh, that’s fucking good - fuck, anything about you that isn’t fucking attractive?” 

Beck draws back, smiling up at Robbie. “Vocal today, huh? Say more.” 

“Beck,” Robbie complains, hiding his eyes. 

“Tell me what you think makes me attractive,” the kneeling man replies, “and I’ll finish you off so well, we’ll have to muffle your mouth when you cum.” 

Robbie shivers, embarrassed at the idea but simultaneously confident there’s no one who can do Beck worship better than him. “Okay.” 

Beck starts stroking with just his thumb and forefinger, slow to an agonizing degree. “Start anytime, baby.” 

Panting, Robbie pulls up a mental list, trying not to short-circuit when the touch is already almost enough for him. “Your hair frames your face really nicely. It’s always soft and it- it looks really good.” 

“Keep going.” 

“You, hah,” Robbie continues, “you’re physically really fit and you have these stunning model features. You look so good in a tank top and jeans that there should be a law saying no one else but you can wear them together. Your eyes are the prettiest shade of brown, oh my fucking God , that I’ve ever seen.” 

Beck starts to lick the tip again, pressing a light kiss to its peak. “A couple more.” 

Robbie squirms, the hand in Beck’s hair quivering until Beck holds it there. The firm warmth of his palm calms the unfocused brunette enough to get the last sentences out. “It’s not just your body, I mean, you’re really hot, everyone knows, but you’re also so fucking funny. You’re talented and creative, and so good at everything you try, whether you want to do it or not. You’re - ngh - so compassionate and caring, and so nice to me, and I- oh fuck , Beck, you’re so good at making me cum, please…” 

One final grin from Beck emerges before he takes all of Robbie into his mouth. Robbie’s pants slip down his legs, leaving the boxers half-on, half-off as he quakes. His jaw falls open, whimpers free-falling from his throat into the (hopefully) soundproof chamber of the car. It becomes an endless stream of chatter, devolving into a chant of Beck’s name, and eventually, a yell that’s so loud Beck has to muffle it with a kiss, making out with Robbie like there’s no tomorrow. When they’re done, Robbie clings to Beck’s shoulders. “How… am I… supposed to… functionally shop at this place without my knees buckling under me?” 

“That good, huh?” Beck says, kissing him again, shorter this time . “Don’t worry, I’ll hold you up. You look like you could use an Icee, too - my treat.” 

Blissed-out, wordlessly, Robbie presses a hand to Beck’s shoulder before he can open the car door. It takes a second for him to think of the right words, but he gets them eventually.

“Give me a second. I just need to chill for a couple minutes.” 

Thankfully, Hollywood Arts’ heartthrob nods, reclining the seat all the way back so Robbie can have a second to close his eyes. With his eyes shut, Robbie feels Beck lay on his side next to him, fingers toying with his curls. “It was that good, huh?” 

“What, you’re doubting that?” Robbie replies, laughing a little. When he opens his eyes again, Beck looks occupied. The curly-haired brunette is a little taken aback. “You really are?” 

“No, it’s not that…” the taller trails off. “Uh, nevermind. Ready to go in?” 

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Robbie stutters, sitting up too fast and hitting his head on the roof of the car. “Ow!” 

“God, you’re cute,” as Beck leaves the car, holding the door open for Robbie. 

Robbie climbs out, kissing Beck quickly as he does. “Same to you.” 

***

One Icee and a shared bag of peanut butter cups later, they’re pulling into Tori’s driveway. Despite what Beck said about not liking Trina, Robbie maintains his doubts. As much as they all like to make fun of her, Trina isn’t ugly - she’s actually pretty attractive, if you look past her glaring personality. But if he could do that with Jade , Robbie thinks , why not with Trina? 

Tori answers the door. “Oh, hey, guys! What’s up?” 

It’s Beck that answers for Robbie, who feels the lump of shame piling up in his throat. “Rob needs to talk to Cat, and she’s avoiding him, so we figured we’d come here.” 

“Oh, yeah,” she nods, “she’s here. Hiding in her room after Trina tried to steal her Valentina heels. I’ll take you up.” 

As she leads Robbie to the stairs of her almost-palace, Robbie nudges her. “What about Trina?” 

“What about-” she glances back at Beck. “Oh. I’m sure it’s fine, Rob.” 

They go upstairs, down the hall and to the left. Robbie knows he’s nervous because he’s noticing that. Tori stops him in front of a tall white door with a faux gold license plate on it reading ‘T0RIV’. Next to it, a little piece of paper with ‘Cat’ scrawled in pink, glittery cursive shames him even further. “If I go in, is she gonna kill me?” 

“Don’t be silly, she’s not Jade,” Tori jokes, pushing him toward the door. 

With the quick realization that he should probably tell her too, he pulls her sleeve, making her turn around. “You should be here for this too.” 

A question rises and falls in her face before she nods. “Okay.” 

The room is big, decorated in Tori’s style with bits and bobs of her old public school life cluttering the walls. Across the room is a blue cot, which Cat is sitting on. At the sound of the door opening, her head whips around, and she sees the two friends standing in the doorway. “Oh. Hi.” 

“Hey, Cat,” Robbie says, trying not to sound too placating. “I wanna talk.” 

Silence for a second, then she turns away again. “Talk.” 

He takes a deep breath, releases it, and grits his teeth. “You were right.” 

She doesn’t look at him yet, but he can tell by the way her shoulders tense that she’s listening. “About?” 

“When we rehearsed that scene, and he kissed me… it was a real kiss.” 

Pause. 

“The night before, we… Beck and I hooked up.” 

“I fucking knew it!” Cat shouts, jumping up from her cot and pointing her finger directly at his throat. The door is shut behind him, and he starts to feel impending danger. “I knew there was something off. Hell, I knew you were lying to me!” 

The redhead breathes out for a few moments, the rage slowly disappearing with her relaxed shoulders. Eventually, she just looks up at him, eyes defeated. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

“Because,...” and Robbie falters before realizing and deciding on the truly honest answer. “Because I didn’t want to believe that it was really happening.” 

She keeps quiet. He takes that as a sign that she wants him to say more. “You’ve been really supportive of me, and I’m so happy about that, but I tend to run at the first sight of danger. For me, getting drunk and hooking up was danger, kissing him on stage was danger, believing that weirdo Robbie could bag superstar Beck was danger . I didn’t want you to enable me in thinking I was being silly. It’s just that I was.” 

Cat looks at him for one moment more before throwing her arms around him. “Robbie. As much as I cheer you on, I wouldn’t have told you there was anything going on unless I really thought there was. You think you’re not on the same level with Beck, or that he’s out of your league, but he looks at you like you’re the world sometimes. Tori can second that.” 

The two look at Tori, whose mouth is fully open before she shuts it and nods. “Sorry, still shell-shocked by the reveal, but totally. Sometimes I’ll try to get his attention in class, but he never hears me, because he’s staring at you.”

“Well, I’m sorry, Cat,” Robbie concludes, ignoring their praise a little. “I really should have trusted you.” 

“I forgive you,” she mumbles. “And I’m sorry too. Your business is your business.” 

“Excuse me,” Tori interjects, “where’s my damn apology? And Andre’s? You lied stone-cold to our faces and got grumpy when we asked if you were hooking up with him.” 

“Oh, right,” he remembers, “Tori, I’m so sorry, and you can’t tell Andre.” 

“Why?” the two girls ask, perplexity filling their gazes. 

“Because he can’t keep a secret, and he’s Beck’s best friend,” Robbie explains. “If we tell him that I have anything but a crush, he’ll either let it slip to Jade, or ask Beck about it.” 

“Ah,” the two settle, right before they hear a crash from downstairs. Cat looks at Tori, then Robbie, horror filling her gaze. 

“ Trina! ” 

The three of them rush downstairs to see Beck sprawled helplessly on the Vegas’ now upside-down couch and Trina in a bra and miniskirt with lipstick smudged around her lips and fear in her eyes. “Beck!” 

“Oh my god, Beck, are you okay?” Tori asks frantically, enlisting Cat and Robbie to pull the couch up as she does the same to Beck. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he musters out, rubbing his head. “She- she tried to kiss me, and I leaned back so far that the couch fell over. Sorry.” 

“Not a problem,” Tori says, her gaze turning to Trina with viscera Robbie hasn’t seen since the Kesha days. “What the fuck did you think you were doing?” 

“Seducing him?” she says, her tone half-guilt, half-questioning. 

Now, it’s Cat’s turn to get mad. “That man on the couch doesn’t like you, Trina! He belongs to someone else!” 

Trina scoffs. “Who?” 

Before Cat can blurt the real answer, Tori claps a hand over her mouth, stepping in. “Uh, Jade. Jade and Beck are back together.”

“What-” Beck almost shouts before Robbie, in turn, shuts him up, giving him a meaningful look. Beck catches the meaning and grumbles before addressing Trina. “Yes, Trina. I’m a taken man.” 

At that, he shoots a quick glance at Robbie, who goes full red. The eldest girl huffs. “Fine, whatever. You don’t deserve all of this anyway.” 

She stomps up the stairs, and the four friends sigh in relief. Beck stands up, dusting off the front of his jeans. “Good work on the quick lie there, Tori.” 

“Thanks. Although…” Tori trails off, her eyes widening. 

“What?” the other three ask. 

“Fuck,” Tori exclaims. “Trina’s probably gonna tell the whole school now that you and Jade are back together.” 

Beck groans. Robbie rubs his back, patting his shoulder. “It’s okay, B. Jade won’t let that rumor stand for much longer.”

“It’s not Jade I’m worried about,” he responds. 

Under his breath, Robbie hears an additional, “It’s you.” 

***

They’re home now, and aside from a glaring issue causing Robbie to nervously fidget every ten seconds, everything seems to be alright. 

The curly-haired brunette is currently trying to remove the lipstick stains from around Beck’s mouth with a wet paper towel and not succeeding very much. He sits on his kitchen island with a bowl of water and a roll of paper towels next to him in order to reach Beck’s face more accurately. Robbie concentrates so hard that he barely even notices Beck playing with his hair. “Whatcha doing, Rob?”

“Trying to get this stupid lipstick off your face,” he grunts in return, coming back with yet another red-dyed wad of paper. 

Beck chuckles. “You’re not jealous, are you?” 

Without thinking, Robbie scoffs. “No, Beck, of course I’m not jealous. Why would I be jealous that an attractive girl kissed you on the mouth so hard that it left a stain I can’t get the fuck out? Why would I be worried that the rumor you’re back with your ex might get her interested in you again? That would be stupid. No, I’m not jealous at all.” 

It’s after his little tirade that he realizes: 

1. He’s gotten so close to Beck that Beck is now directly between his legs. 
2. Beck is looking at him in that hungry way, dilated pupils and bitten lip. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to-” before Beck is kissing him, pulling him close like the world is ending. It’s just like every time they’ve kissed, in that it’s like no other. In between kisses, when Beck is devoting himself to the parts of Robbie’s skin without hickeys, Robbie stutters a laugh. “You’re into jealousy?” 

“What can I say? I like a protective guy, it’s cute,” Beck mumbles. “Let me ask you something.” 

He picks Robbie up by the waist, carrying him so his legs are wrapped around Beck’s hips. The curly-haired brunette gulps. “Yeah?” 

“Do you wanna go… all the way?” 

Robbie gauges his situation. He’s never had gay sex - he’s never had any sex at all, regardless of gender - but, as he looks at Beck, feels their hips press together, the warmth overtakes him. 

“Yeah,” he breathes, inches from Beck’s mouth. “I do.” 

“You don’t have to.” 

“I know. I want to.” 

“You’re amazing, Rob.” 

As he’s carried to the bedroom, Robbie tries not to let the anxiety get to him. It’s just sex, people do it all the time. In Beck’s hands, I’m safe.  

Beck lays Robbie on his bed, climbing in front of him. “Am I cool to take off your clothes?”

“Oh, uh- yeah,” Robbie says, removing his shirt and hoping Beck won’t make too much of a deal about his arms. “Sorry, I’m kinda nervous.” 

“Don’t worry, baby, I’ll get you through it,” Beck promises, slipping off Robbie’s jeans and underwear before taking off his own. “Just trust me, okay?” 

“Okay,” he agrees. Beck nods in happiness, scooting Robbie a little closer. “Now I’m gonna put a finger in. It has to happen for this whole thing to happen. It’ll be weird at first, but just give it a second, okay?” 

Robbie agrees again, and the heartthrob of Hollywood Arts wets his hand with an unknown fluid and gently traces the horizontal brunette’s hole before slipping a finger in. The push is foreign, and he tries hard not to tense up, breathing hard. 

“You okay?” Beck calls. 

“I’m fine,” Robbie replies. “Do whatever you need to, just slowly.” 

A nod from Beck’s end, then a slow pull of the finger, in, out. The pumping slowly increases speed as Robbie feels his tension fade. It almost becomes relaxing - that is, up until Beck’s finger goes up a little higher, making Robbie and his hard-on jolt. 

He pants. “What… what was that?” 

The taller chuckles. “I think I hit your prostate. Let me put, like, one more finger in, and then the fun can start.” 

Robbie feels himself start to squirm as the now two fingers move around inside him. His hands grip the edge of the mattress as the feeling combines with his thoughts, Beck where the fingers are. At the same time, he represses the anxiety, restrains it, reminds it that if Beck’s willing to suck his dick - twice! - there’s no way he’ll judge him. Still, there is one thought that comes to mind, making him stop Beck after recovering from the shudder of sudden emptiness. 

“Beck, I want this a lot, but… can you go wash your hands?” 

Beck pauses for a second before grinning. “Totally. Be right back.” 

He hears his best friend step into the nearest bathroom, hears the water and the soap, and his mind goes blank of anxiety. Beck steps back into the room after a few moments, takes Robbie by the legs, and smiles down. “Ready for me?” 

Robbie feels his member start to ache. “Ready.” 

Beck positions himself before slowly, agonizingly so, putting himself in. 

“Go,” Robbie strains, “all the way, Beck.” 

Beck’s smile turns to the same look of arousal he’d had in the kitchen, wrapping his arms around Robbie’s waist again. “My pleasure.” 

And suddenly Robbie is full, almost bouncing off Beck with how fast he’s moving. Robbie can’t muffle his mouth like before - all he can focus on is how good it feels, how fucking good it is. He has to consciously come out of distant space to kiss his best friend, pull himself up and feel Beck’s cock hit his prostate again. “Oh, holy fuck.”
“You like that?” Beck asks, his voice low and gravelly. “You like when I pound into you like that, Robbie?” 

Robbie digs his fingers into Beck’s back like he did the first time they hooked up, breathing hard. “Fuck, you’re good at this. Harder, harder, please -” 

Beck thrusts harder, hands cradling Robbie’s face as his lips kiss every inch of visible skin. He presses his hot lips to the hollow of Robbie’s throat, kissing down until he can’t reach any further. “Fuck, Robbie, so tight for me, so fucking good.” 

“Can we do it standing?” Robbie pants out between thrusts. “Like how you were carrying me before?” 

“You want it standing, huh?” Beck returns, picking Robbie up. His legs wrap around Beck’s hips, clinging to his neck. “You’ll get it standing, baby.” 

They continue at the same pace, but this time Robbie can feel it acutely, that outer-space jolt shaking him every time Beck hits deep enough. His dick is hard and pressing against Beck’s abs, which they both notice at the same time. 

“God, I wish I could suck your dick right now,” Beck breathes, wrapping his hand around it instead. “That pretty precum all wasted on my body. I want it down my throat.” 

Robbie whimpers, the words going straight to his groin. “You can’t say shit like that, Beck, you’re gonna make me-”

“Cum for me, baby. Do it. Let me hear you.” 

After a few more pumps, Robbie obeys, releasing onto Beck’s stomach with a whimper and slumping against him. For a few moments, he sees stars, but only until he realizes Beck hasn’t come yet. He’s stopped, and the two are on the bed, Beck on top of him. 

“What are you doing?” Robbie asks. “I want you to finish too.” 

Beck pushes the curls out of his face, smiling with so much endearment Robbie feels like he’s having a heart attack. “I don’t want to strain you, baby.”

“No, finish,” Robbie insists, tightening so much Beck moans. “Finish in me.” 

“Damn, you’re stubborn,” Beck replies, eyes dark. “I will.”

It only takes a few thrusts for Beck to comply with the request, panting into Robbie’s shoulder. “God, Robbie. I think that was the best sex I’ve ever had.” 

“Really?” 

Beck looks at him, really looks, taking in his whole body. “Of course, really. What, you’re doubting it?” 

His own words thrown back at him, Robbie smiles. “I need to shower, probably. Can’t have you dripping outta me the whole night.” 

“You’re gonna get me hard again if you talk like that.” 

“Oh no, whatever would I do.” 

***

The shower with Beck is great. Sleeping with him is perfect. 

Robbie twists in his best friend’s arms, throws his leg around Beck’s hips (it’s the way he sleeps, not necessarily anything else, although Robbie wouldn’t mind if it was). Beck does everything calmly, so of course how he sleeps follows the same doctrine. His breathing is even, hair scattered lazily across his face, eyes perfectly closed and at peace. Robbie feels himself holding his breath at how beautiful Beck is. He nestles his head into the crook of Beck’s neck, the tidal wave of warmth carrying him away to sleep, worryless and content. 

That is, until his phone buzzes.