Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[You have died.]

The singular message prompted itself before Han Sooyoung in the air, a fashion similar to the system of the ‹ Star Stream ›. The format remained embedded with cold, simple words that served her the mere purpose of a reminder, a demise far too misfortunate and cruel.

Bbzzzttt…

A tiny noise was produced overhead her, inaudible for a few, long moments due to its consistent faintness. Upon entry, the first ray of light began to present itself, bestowing her with its pristine brightness. Silver in color, it had warmth that nestled the entirety of her being. And, in slow yet eccentric motions, the gleam of it which danced, began producing vague trails that formed syllables of letters.

[Constellation ‘Han Sooyoung’.]

Skepticism stirred within the brew of the latter’s scattered emotions. Crossed arms and a leg shifted forward to lean her weight onto, Han Sooyoung rather proudly kept her chin high. As the shown words phrased in front quickly changed into a different set of ones, she disregarded any other insignificant thought to observantly extract its motives.

[I have not come to harm you. Instead, I would like to propose a deal.]

“A deal?”

[Yes, I shall even provide you with a little time to hold out for longer.]

“I–‘Hold out for longer’? What even under the condition of?”

[It may cause uncertainty, but there are in fact no conditions.]

“Do you think I’m incapable of providing anything worth that amount of time?” Han Sooyoung took slight offense, but it was an opportunity in her favor that she would have taken regardless. “In addition to that, your offer is outright ridiculous; anyone with a basic mindset would know that everything comes with a price. So, what is it that you want from me?”

[It's your cooperation that I seek, no less.]

“Listen here, I’m enunciating that it wouldn’t benefit you; the aftermath of probability that you’ll receive might be costly. Interfering with the scenario like this–”

[Pay it no mind. Listen to my words and do not warn me of things I am already wary of.]

The former automatically sealed her lips shut, lending her ears in the process. She silently hoped that it would result in a worthwhile conversation.

[You will be given the limited time of two weeks to live in the rather irrelevant events of the past.]

The matter became rather confusing to Han Sooyoung, “Why are you doing this?”

[I pity you.]

It appeared to be a laughably incredulous situation—to have a being that never once knew nor personally empathized with her appear before her very eyes to propose a sketchy deal. “But, don’t I at least have the right to refuse?”

[Truthfully, no.]

The offer wasn’t credible in all aspects, well, not as if it wasn’t odd in itself for there to be such a foreboding presence in a desolate place where not just anyone can gain access to. The weird encounter made Han Sooyoung think for a little while, she as well, deserved to have some answers. “Are there any subtle changes in this ‘past’ that you speak of?”

[You shall find out yourself, no?]

With slanted eyes, she cursed under her breath. “Sly bastard.”

Consuming her whole body, the light swallowed Han Sooyoung into its luminescence. The sensation of it had an offset tingling, which had slowly traveled through her veins. Paying it no mind, she placed her focus on the growing dizziness it brought instead.

Chapter Text

“Sooyoung,” A low tone greeted, unfamiliar and a bit comfortable all the same. When her head tilted upward, a person stood before the desk, hands pliant on narrow hips. “It’s the third time you’ve slept in.”

A voice that belonged to Han Sooyoung, but wasn’t personally said according to her wishes spoke in her stead. It sounded young, a little girly, and tired. “Teacher?”, a momentary pause, “Oh, it’s just that I’m feeling a little unwell lately.” The words poured out continuously, growing more pitiful than the last syllable said. Her change of tone made the man’s expression a little distraught; acknowledging the unrealistic woes, he approved of her request to be sent to the infirmary.

As her little feet trudged along the halls, the clarity of a tired face and distasteful height made its way to the surface of a glass window’s reflection, the sight couldn’t help but make Han Sooyoung scowl a little. Other than her young appearance, there was something off about everything. For the little girl, the memory of her alma mater wasn't something that she recalled vividly. Even so, she was beyond certain that her old uniform consisted of a different color palette. When she drew to a simple conclusion, she feigned a pause and came to realize that it wasn’t her school at all; it was a different one that she didn't even recall or know the name of.

Picking up a light noise, a mature female voice trailed off from near right. “Could anyone please escort Dokja to the infirmary?” Moments of deafening silence later, he declined to do so himself. “No, it’s okay; I can go by myself.”

Han Sooyoung, who had been walking, decided to do a full turn upon hearing the familiar voice. It took a while for her to grasp the figure of a male student, tattered in a few noticeable bruises. He was slightly limping on one leg, supporting himself by holding onto the doorway. For the briefest of moments, there came the sound of student chatter and mocking laughter.

Diverging her gaze upward, the simple classroom sign allowed her to muse to herself. She reckoned that Kim Dokja would most likely be around almost 15 years of age; and if that had truly been the case, then the 1863rd Han Sooyoung would have already begun serializing ‘Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse’.

Thud.

Han Sooyoung encountered the failure of Kim Dokja's attempt in holding himself up, and it clearly became evident in the audible sound that stringently made its way across the decks of hallways. His feet entangled as the trajectory of his fall became the floor itself, and without realizing it further, Han Sooyoung leapt forward and clung to his upper arm to provide assistance. She stiffened as her actions felt like they had been suddenly done on instinct.

Not only that, next to her was the already chastened Kim Dokja, whose appearance was even redder than before. His pupils, which shook anxiously, refused to receive any outsider's gaze.

“It’s alright,” cooed Han Sooyoung in a manner that was foreign to her. “I’ll help you up.”

Her right hand remained unusually still and wrapped around his, the distance shared being oddly intimate. With that being said, she could almost hear the subtle palpitations of his heart, accompanied by the soft heave of his breaths. “Where are you headed?” A soft murmur from him, quiet yet frail all the same.

The farthest that she could remember from her junior days were the bulky seniors and hunks with abrasive, brash personalities. Yet if anyone were to observe Kim Dokka more intently, he was nowhere close to the description in the slightest.

Recalling his question, the decision to be a little discreet pondered in the already occupied Han Sooyoung, “The infirmary, I don’t know where it is though.”

“Oh, I’m headed there too.” Kim Dokja nodded along to loosen up the awkward atmosphere.

When he finally began to relax, he was then asked by her to lead the way. Adjusting to his pace like some kind of walking stick or personal human cane, Han Sooyoung only stepped when he did.

“This is the place,” Kim Dokja murmured upon arrival, slipping off of her grasp to lean against the wooden wall. “I can manage from here on out. Thank you.”

His fingertips that hovered above the knob opened the door. The room, spacious and neat, made a comfortable place for anyone’s speedy recovery. Beside the center desk stood the nurse, who was absentmindedly rearranging around the place. Gathering her attention, Kim Dokja shut the door a little loudly.

“Oh! Dokja? It hasn’t been a while since you've visited here.” Kim Dokja swallowed thickly, only taking a nearby stool and sitting on it wordlessly. The nurse’s full blown concentration remained on the bruised boy, which led to her approaching him not a while after.

Han Sooyoung’s eyes that observed the latter in front of her, remained still, taking in each careful detail. In her sights, Kim Dokja’s lips were shut closed, dark hair sectioned in messy strands. Occasionally, his slightly calloused fingers fidgeted around; as if to seek some kind of therapeutic comfort. There lingered a look of dejection and uneasiness creasing in his face, “Nurse, there’s actually someone else that came with me too.”

The woman tending to his wounds stopped and turned her head in Han Sooyoung's direction, the expression changing to one of sheer surprise. “Oh! What brings you here?”

“I’m just here to get some headache medicine.” Her request didn’t go unnoticed, and she was shortly given the approval to take what would help. The little girl scurried around the drawer and took a singular pill according to the nurse’s instructions.

After obtaining what she had asked for, Han Sooyoung had nothing much to focus on other than the rolls of bandages being used on Kim Dokja. Surely, if it weren’t for the few spots having been intentionally missed due to being unblemished, she could almost guarantee that he would have ended up looking like a pre-wrapped mummy.

“Ah right, I almost forgot,“ The soft utterance of the nurse crossed the room smoothly. “l have to record your names on the list.”

“What list?” With raised brows, the inquiry left Han Sooyoung’s lips in an attempt to quench her confusion.

“It’s to take note of the activities happening here, as well as what we have to show to your parents in the meantime.”

Had there always been such a requirement?

“My parents don’t really check on my school activities.” Both excused at the same time, even in the exact tone. Partly bemused, the sudden synchronization made Han Sooyoung freeze and stare at Kim Dokja. He was quick to receive her gaze.

“Well, it used to be mandatory to check, and there wasn't much of an option until they changed it. But if I’m being honest, the name I’m waiting to be listed is yours, little girl. You see, this guy keeps coming here, so much that I already know his name.”

Han Sooyoung stiffened and instead gave a glance at Kim Dokja as he shifted on his seat, “Uh, I’m from class 2, year 7.”

“Alright, but the name is?”

“Han Sooyoung.”

Hands clasped together, the nurse repeated, “Alright! Han Sooyoung, and Kim Dokja, again, it is for today!” A nod or two was the only affirmation they could offer, and when it felt like the conversation was beginning to die down, Han Sooyoung immediately shot up an attempt to start another. “So, you’re Kim Dokja?”

“Yeah,” He exuded an impression of not being the talkative kind; and frankly speaking, she wasn’t really the type to be one either. Perhaps only at this time had their personalities fit the other like a jigsaw puzzle. “Han Sooyoung, right?” He exchanged and quietly scanned her face. Only a hum came out of her in what he presumed to be confirmation.

“...”

Tearing her attention off of him, dark irises glued themselves onto the desk near her, fingers tracing circular motions on the surface. Keeping him busy with another thing rather than at her, she quizzes. “You don’t look like you’ve got a lot of friends.”

“Ah—What..?”

Strangely, the straightforward approach made Han Sooyoung feel a bit regretful, but different methods would have ended up taking longer, and she was definitely not the type to keep beating around the bush. “So, we should be friends.”

Kim Dokja was clearly stupefied by the sudden suggestion. “But, didn't you already see me getting bullied by other students? If they see you hanging around with me, you might be affected too.” Hearing him with crossed arms, a snort came out of Han Sooyoung. “Cut the crap; don’t act like you don’t know who I am.”

Followed after her was silence, and Kim Dokja gulped before letting out his thoughts. “I–Am I supposed to?”

Well, that was a bit of a letdown, but it was an answer that she was also expecting. Taking into consideration that the young man had little to no friends, he most likely wouldn’t be hearing about the latest things. However, Han Sooyoung was unlike him; quite popular for being the product of two well-known individuals: a prominent figure and an actress. Anyone would want to giddy up with her and get to her silver lining. Many would tell her honestly about what she asked for, all in hopes of retaining a well-balanced relationship or to get in her graces.

Contrary to her, Kim Dokja was one who needed a sincere friend that was to be trusted, and Han Sooyoung, other than herself, had everyone but that. With various information in mind, she was certain that Kim Dokja had no other choice but to take her hand and build a foundation of friendship. But, when there came no reply after a few long minutes, Kim Dokja himself continued, most likely out of formality. “Honestly, I don’t think we could be friends.”

“What?”

“It’s just that we don’t really even know each other.”

If that sort of tactic proved to have been a failure, then she supposed that trying something else would do. Her mouth began speaking as if methodologically coaxing him further, “Are you kidding? There’s no such thing as being familiar with strangers, everything starts with unfamiliarity and the lack of knowledge about the other person. People want to make friends to learn more about each other.”

“It… kind of seems like it’s tiring.” There was no excuse that he was willing to take. And it was evident in the reluctance present in his eye unto to the very thin lines of his mouth that shifted into a crumpling frown. “…But if you’re this persistent then I guess it can’t be helped.”

“So,” she delightedly worded out, “that means you’re going to be my friend?” Kim Dokja nodded and turned away as Han Sooyoung's lips twitched, a grin of triumph to celebrate the astounding victory. Although his reaction practically screamt ‘forced’, she concluded for it to go away in no time. “Then from now on, let’s do a lot of things together. Got that?”

“...Are there really set rules on friendship? Why do I have to do as you say?”

“It’s just an invitation. But, you probably don’t know much because you don’t really have that many friends, do you?” Kim Dokja’s eyes widened, tinted red glows on his cheeks from what she believed to be embarrassment. Han Sooyoung recognized her choice of words immediately, “I mean—I didn’t mean it that way. I’m sorry...”

Interrupting them with the last finishing touches, the nurse’s words leave with a pop of her lips. “All done, Dokja. But I’m not exactly sure if you’ll be able to move around this freely… Oh! How about I call any of your guardians to come pick you up?” Kim Dokja’s head shook almost automatically, silently signaling to do so himself. He got off of the stool, feet leaving a soft thump as it met the wooden floorboards.

“Then I’ll write a note as a letter for you, okay? Take it to your homeroom teacher.” Kim Dokja accepted the paper hesitantly, excusing himself afterward. Between the two students, there was not even the smallest bid of farewell. Han Sooyoung’s mood had dampened slightly in disappointment, but she figured that it wasn’t an appropriate time just yet. Since it seemed like it was time to leave already, Han Sooyoung made her way about the door. Unexpectedly, the nurse blocked her before her hands could even wring up to the knob. “Hey, are you sure that the pill is all that you really need? We have an ice pack too.”

The two stared at each other for a stretched amount of time before Han Sooyoung offered an icy decline, “Ah, no thanks. It doesn’t seem to be a physical injury, I just feel a little light-headed. That’s all.” Neither of them said anything more, and the student herself was also not expecting a response. There was no need to be persistent over someone who insisted on the state of their well-being anyway. Turning over and leaving, Han Sooyoung politely excused herself out, shoving the unopened pill in her skirt pocket as she strode.

When she made her way to jerk her body in a corner, she slightly prayed about a certain method that would hopefully work. There was no guarantee that it would be effective, but there was also no reason to give up on trying…

Ah, she realized, the scenarios don’t exist in the current timeline. Obviously anything like skills or abilities wouldn't be available for use. For her, it was a bummer, but at least it wouldn't make her look crazy if she ever tried to use it for a dire situation in the future. With a sigh, Han Sooyoung tilted her body to leave the spot and uncoincidentally met an elder’s passing gaze.

“What're you doing here?” His strict voice suspected as he began eyeing her down. The awful awkwardness of the moment began to stretch as she delayed her response. If she played her cards correctly, then it would be a lot easier to get out of any troubles. In addition to that, words that contained only the truth wouldn’t result in any bad outcomes. “I came from the infirmary, but I'll be going back to my class now.” Staring at her from head to toe, she was shooed away by the simple flick of a hand.

That was unexpectedly easy…

“...ja..” She paused, ears fetching the unfinished name being mentioned. Paying attention to the conversation, two students were snickering amongst themselves. Her eyes registered the sight of a torn book being swayed in their hands, pages flowing all over the ground in a pile.

“Seriously, why’d you have to steal his boring book?” One of them spoke with what she described to be a shit-eating grin. He then snatched the object from the other’s hold before skimming through its contents. “..This is actually pure trash—I mean, who reads about fantasy stuff these days?”

“Go figure. He must’ve gone weird because his murderer mom couldn’t check up on what he has to do anymore.” As they whispered to themselves and snickered away, Han Sooyoung heard the book being shoved elsewhere. She took a short glance at a nearby trash can that shook from the weight of the throw. The severity of their bullying became so visibly disgusting to the point where the thought of it made her deeply annoyed, the loud thuds of her footsteps were left clear as she gaited. If it were to happen again, then she surely wouldn’t let such a scenario slide without a fitting consequence.

When Han Sooyoung departed and made way to the classroom, she paused before giving in and creaking the door open. Offering a reasonable excuse for arriving so late, she strode and sat on her desk without even masking her growing boredom. Meanwhile as the teacher spoke, she paid her full-blown attention to the whirlwind of passages written down on the backside of her notebook, over 7 pages of ideas flowing within the paper. It almost felt like the words were exuding outside of the bound page. Though, the life of what she had written down unfortunately snipped out to be short-ended as she shut the notebook closed.

The lesson was not at all very interesting to Han Sooyoung. Well, history wasn’t something that she was a fan of after all. Speaking of history, it reminded her of how she used to think that Kim Dokja seemed to be good at those. It was as if he could easily spot the identities of constellations, and even knew how their backstories unfolded. It made Han Sooyoung skeptical, making her wonder if Kim Dokja’s praise for Yoo Sangah’s intelligence in the matter was a little backhanded. But, that's only because he showed quite the smarts in it too.

“Sooyoung,” Another student whispered, nudging her gently. “The teacher’s asking you to read the textbook; pages 49 to 51. Hurry.” Han Sooyoung stood up abruptly and skimmed through the pages before reading out loud to the class. She ought to properly pay attention next time.

—·

Events that escalated during the day were not much. After classes were lunch, and then after that was the afternoon period of classes again. At the final hours of the waning afternoon, students were then allowed to leave the school premises. To be either picked up by their parents or to go home by themselves, the second was a better option for Han Sooyoung.

Falling in line with students to exit the gate, she rummaged through her pocket and threw the small pill away. Not to her care though, since she didn’t bat a single eye to her much undermined acts of littering. She’d felt another object in there, and when she took it out, a simple wallet came into view.

Opening it, a rather hefty amount of pocket money was fit to the brim, enough to be a whole month’s salary worth of an ordinary office worker even. Did the money come from my original parents? Maybe they’re supplied by the being that allowed me to come to this world instead. It made her wonder if they were similar to the capabilities of the Dokkaebi king.

Ignoring the very obvious factors, Han Sooyoung considered thinking about other plans—plans on how she’d exactly return back to her own house. To her, both walking home and commuting were far too much of a hindrance. The thought of investing in a much easier and affordable way, however, still lingered on her mind. Han Sooyoung herself knew that she was far too young to get a license, Neither a four-wheel vehicle or a motorcycle would do. Then, how about a bicycle?

…Maybe I should stick to that.

As she made her entry to one of the stores, her feet trudged toward the receptionist, taking out a girthy wallet in the process. Only had his eyes gleamed when Han Sooyoung’s hands slapped generous amounts of several thousand KRW on the counter. Further leaving a lasting impression with the most demanding voice she could muster, she declared. “I want the most durable, highest quality bike you’ve got. Now.”

Money truly does make its way to the pinpoint of luxury in the world, since Han Sooyoung was now riding away with a bicycle desired and sold for a whopping price in the market, her school bag set on the basket. For her, the purchase wasn’t all that bad, and the amount she gave could not even compare to the monthly salary she used to have as a high paying author.

Getting out of her train of thought with a swift right turn, Han Sooyoung followed the route to where she believed the address placed on her ID would take her. Thankfully after a considerable amount of time, she finally made way to the correct path. The place, well, was a little different than she expected. It was still very much inhabitable, and odd enough, those that stood on the porch were the exact bodyguard and caretaker in her memories. The occurrence was… indeed very strange, exceptionally uncanny in all dimensions. How could it have been possible?

In the process of calming down, Han Sooyoung stepped inside and didn't make haste to discard her school belongings. Her clouded mind busied her, going as far as to ignore every irrelevance about how her day had gone. Barely having had to breathe, she changed out of her school uniform, and made way to the peaceful chambers of her bedroom. As for her, it was best to adjust and pretend that she’d not think about those people outside her quarters.

Han Sooyoung sat and thought deeply. She had to make do for the day to sort out what was needed and required to be acted. Thus as the busy girl she was, her mind focused on crossing out a minority of things including the production of ‘Three Ways to Survive the Apocalypse’. Han Sooyoung conclusively thought about other factors that also became an obstacle, the surge of hindrances brought to her situation weighing on her. Her head ached as she thought of the presence of the other Han Sooyoung. To her, even the idea of coexisting was doomed to be more than just risky.

If the other Han Sooyoung found out even the slightest whiff about her, it would most certainly lead to a butterfly effect, creating a time paradox. She noted mentally that her movements would have to remain minimal and unimportant to the time flow. But, if she were to at least do anything that would help rationalize Kim Dokja a little bit, then that much served to be more than enough.

Scribbling flow charts and little details onto a separate journal, Han Sooyoung’s hands wobbled with each stroke as to mark down every single point she wanted to make. After much excruciating work, her small hands flexed as both palms pushed against the desk. When she made way to swivel off of her seat, she proceeded to collapse in between the satin sheets. It’s not long for her to begin rising up and turning off her lamp, allowing her to satisfyingly plummet down with a soft thud. “By tomorrow… there must be much to look forward to then.”

Chapter Text

The sound of soft drought awoke Han Sooyoung, the feeling of her eyelids were heavy as if laced with weight that accompanied her heightened drowsiness. She could subtly or even barely notice the consistency of chimes brought by birds; their feeble noise allowed further for her to leave the confines of slumber. “Oh, I woke up earlier than planned.” Mused she expressionlessly, almost zoning out before returning to occupy her senses with luminous light blinking.

The symbolic numbers on the alarm clock were shown in faint light. Even if she chose to fall back asleep, it was a valid option regardless; more sleep meant more energy, and more energy meant that she could gain more perseverance to do as best as she could for the rest of the day. And yet despite knowing that, Han Sooyoung still ended up deciding to silently admire the simplest of life forms outside of her window. Back then, she always thought that such a peaceful sight would remain as it always had regularly, to be something that at least remained constant.

It only came to her that the last moments of her life would and should have been spent on doing things that she had never done—to be placed onto the valuable things that she wanted, but was too late to experience. Eventually, there came the slight feeling of acceptance occurring within—acceptance that it would be the last time; yet it somehow didn’t feel as horrible as Han Sooyoung once thought it would be.

To be given the chance to keep on living, even for a short amount of time, it was more than just a blessing. She held the fabric of her clothes tightly in hurt, her head dropping low. Kim Dokja, I hope that you at least took the time to think this way as well, to have appreciated yourself just as much as I, and many others have. I want to give up, but there are so many things that I have yet to do—so many things that I didn’t get to do with you.

Feeling a bit overwhelmed, Han Sooyoung’s mind lost its sense of clarity for a minute. Mayhaps a person slowly changes once they are at the revelation of death itself. Snapping out of it, she pushes herself out of the comfort of her sheets to clear her mind instead. The daily cycle of the shortened life pitifully given to her would start at ‘this’ house—yet she was determined to have it end with home.

“...I shouldn’t ponder, it’s time to get ready for school.”

—·

Keeping herself kept for the last time, she rigidly stepped out, legs meeting the cold breeze of the morning air. There was enough time for idle chit-chat, but interacting with the same people that she hadn’t spoken to as much had her feeling rather stuffy and awkward. “There’s no need to drop me off, I’ll go by myself. Understood?”

Ordering people around was not something exactly in her field of expertise, but it still felt like something that she had always been doing for quite some time. Maybe she had gotten used to doing it–but since when exactly? Was it when she became the team leader in the 1863rd, or the experiences she had with KimCom in the last one from Kim Dokja’s periodic absence? It was no wonder if either were the case.

Taking the bicycle, the school bag of hers remained settled inside the basket. There was no need for her to say farewell, and this was reciprocated to her as well. Given not for the fact that she needed a source of income, it would have definitely taken less time for her to skedaddle out of the hands of both her parents and acting guardians. It didn’t bother her at all knowing that those responsible for her never honestly cared about what she felt in general; because in reality, she’d already long been aware that she was simply a pitiful child born from an affair, unwanted yet talked about behind closed doors, all simply due to her lineage.

Pedaling continuously, the sight of a bundle of fur stood out, causing her to forcefully brake. As the tip of the wheel nudged the unidentifiable creature, it poked its head out. A pup? Its body quivered from fear, yet it bared its teeth at her, gnashing in what she believed to be an act of defense. A small creature, visibly scared yet persistent to live on. It was slightly interesting—too interesting that Han Sooyoung had to personally approach it herself. “That’s quite the spirit.”

After it eased into her presence, there stood no chance of her ever denying at discarding it. Thus, Han Sooyoung coddled it carefully in her arms. Standing and getting onto the bicycle from exactly where she left it off, she made a swift turn to return back home. The least those people can do for me is to treat what I shall bring to them with sincerity, even if it means they see fit in treating me oppositely.

They were lenient with the new pet, allowing Han Sooyoung to safely, albeit skeptically, entrust them with it. After further instruction, the caretaker and her immediately separated without any other word. To her, she hoped that the concurring events would not be as burdening and uncomfortable. The proposition of insincere people buttering up to her became nothing more than stuffy and dreary. So, if they were still determined to do it otherwise, they ought to at least try their best in deluding her until the end.

Uneventfully, it appears as though these people are but a gruesome, fateful encounter. “Good morning, Sooyoung!” The simple and empty greetings began pestering her, followed up by stacks of an abundant more. The memories she had of these strange, unknown individuals were little to none, a bleak and empty slate. “Morning, I guess.”

With repetitive hits to her shoulder, a male laced his words with a carefree tone. “Ah, come on, don’t be so stiff!” In accompaniment of irritation, Han Sooyoung’s jaw clenched as she grimaced. “Oh but, I don’t remember us being close, no? Anyone could tell that you’re all just near me for each of your own malicious purposes.” The small group of people paused alongside him, not following along with any of her short steps. “Hey… What’s suddenly gotten into you, Sooyoung?”

“Is that really important?” They seemed offended, taken aback even. “Bitch,” another male interrupted, “just because you think you’re so special doesn’t mean you can treat people like that. I’m so tired of this shit.” The hallway crowded slowly with students endlessly murmuring in the sidelines. “If you think we’re making a scene, just know that it’s all because of you.” Shoving himself directly into her face, he pointed and pushed at her shoulder viciously. “Hell, you’re not even a legitimate and wanted kid! What makes you think you’re no different from regular folks?”

“I’m well aware; but so what? If you're done with the petty talk that’s just as low as you, then get out of my face already.” The mocking response of her ignited something in the guy, a vein bulging on his forehead. With a raised hand, his clenched fist packed a punch to throw at Han Sooyoung. But as she braced herself for the aftermath of a swollen cheek or maybe even a bruised face; She, however, was left unscathed.

Kim Dokja obstructed himself in front, receiving a direct hit to the face. He quickly got knocked down, body in collision with the hard ground. The boy had just gotten a severe injury yesterday, yet he was already throwing himself into danger. “Kim Dokja!” She called out exasperatedly, kneeling down to steady him. “Idiot, why did you do that?!”

He was staggering, taking shallow breaths as his nose bled a crimson red. Han Sooyoung’s eyes nervously hindered back and forth between Kim Dokja and the violent person. She knew that she couldn’t possibly do anything with her current capabilities. As she watched the boy retract his stained knuckles, his lips curled into a mock-smile; and it momentarily reminded Han Sooyoung of Kim Namwoon. “Ah, so you’re actually friends with this loner? That’s a bit of a shame, I guess! I’ll have to beat the living shit out of the two of you then.”

Breaking up the fight in time, a supervisor grabbed him away just before he could strike another blow. Shortly being taken to the infirmary afterward, Han Sooyoung remained unscathed, only Kim Dokja was the one who got hurt, and she felt it to be her fault. “...You didn’t have to take the hit.”

“And why would I not?”

“Because I can fend for myself, you moron.” She was tempted enough to smack him in the head, but the thought quickly became discarded. Hearing her, Kim Dokja scolded with cheeks slightly puffed up. “And if you couldn’t?” He had enough and shifted his eyes away. Han Sooyoung silently trailed her eyes across his face as if searching for something on it. Other than the frown evident on his face, she took note of how he fared quite the better complexion compared to yesterday.

Gradually, a soft smile made its way before the corners of Han Sooyoung’s lips, she did not know why it did, nor did she much less notice it. “Stand up for yourself too, you keep throwing yourself into danger.” Kim Dokja noticed the slight curve tugging her lips and looked away, a fleeting feeling bubbling up in his chest. He, too, did not know what it was. “I was trying not to, but you looked like you weren’t even trying to run away. I had to step in in case anything else happened.”

“So, we’re friends now? Like willingly this time?” Han Sooyoung’s grin turned wide as she blurted the words out cheekily. Knowing that she wasn’t one to be giving up so easily, Kim Dokja nodded, somehow feeling a little bit warmer at the thought of a collectively newfound bond. Though after a while of silence, Han Sooyoung began to slowly and timidly look down at the floorboards. Kim Dokja seemed to notice this and patiently waited for her to take her time. After opening her mouth, closing it and then repeating the process all over, she finally pieced together an apology. “Uhm, sorry again for pressuring you yesterday about wanting to be friends. I could’ve given you some time to think about your decision.” To her relief, Kim Dokja shook his head. Perhaps it was alright to be sparing with such a genuine person. “It’s fine. Thanks for wanting to be my friend.”

—·

The ringing sound of their school bell echoed across the hallways, if it were light, it would have illuminated every corner with its sound no matter how soft. “Alright, you may now all be dismissed for this subject.” With that being said, Han Sooyoung hastily grabbed her school lunch bag and left the classroom. It would be an exaggeration to say that she felt quite excited, but she still somewhat felt it, even just a little bit of it. Her feet led her to the all familiar classroom she had come across the day prior. When she paused just near the entryway, her head tilted to peek inside for a short while. Her irises carefully inspected the room to look for Kim Dokja. When she’d identified him, she noticed that he was seated near an open window; and was not too far placed from the classroom’s further corner. Having had a book in his hand, and looking like he’d almost be sucked in it, Kim Dokja’s peace had then been startled by Han Sooyoung who called out to him so unexpectedly.

“Oh.” She mouthed, realizing her mistake as she practically slithered away from the door and slumped her back against it. Kim Dokja closed his book shut and stood up quickly to accommodate her. Putting away his things inside his bag respectively, he approached the door carefully. When he finds her gaze, he asks gently, waiting for her. “Do you need me for something?” Han Sooyoung nodded and straightened up her form. Feeling the shame in her chest leave, it took less than a moment for her to invite him rather confidently. “Um, do you want to have lunch together? I know a good spot (that I want) to sit at.”

Learning this, Kim Dokja pondered for a moment but nodded eventually. His features softened slightly at the thought of not being lonely even at mealtime despite his name’s meaning. “Go on, get your stuff. I’ll be waiting out here.” Han Sooyoung waved her hand as if shooing him away, and Kim Dokja warmly obliged as he stepped in, got his belongings and walked out. The two shared a silent walk as he followed her path, trailing ahead of him as to navigate their destination.

Once they arrived, Kim Dokja glanced at the peaceful area and observed Han Sooyoung who quickly sat on a nearby bench. She tapped small pats atop the surface of the wood a few times, indicating for him to be seated. Right in her tracks, he went along with it and sat next to her. “It’s rather calm here, don’t you think?” Kim Dokja mentioned, having Han Sooyoung nod in response. “That's why I chose it. It just gives you a clear mind sometimes. Plus, it’s a lot closer to the vending machine over there.” Making her point, she lifted her finger at it and Kim Dokja made out a small ‘oh’ with his mouth as if it were a revelation.

For quite a while, Han Sooyoung didn’t say anything after that, remaining silent as Kim Dokja did. They were only left to eat and quietly admire the fleeting scenery that would be left all over again once classes would start. Though despite it all, it seemed both Han Sooyoung and Kim Dokja appeared content with the simple indulgence of the meal and their accompaniment alongside each other. Perhaps words weren’t enough to say what was truly needed to be said, and that the moment itself would have been a speaker fitting of professing words clearer and louder than anything else.

The rest of the day became nothing short of uninteresting other than the events related to Kim Dokja. By this, Han Sooyoung had practically been giddy at the thought of school hours ending soon—if not for her staring at the classroom clock every ten minutes. Even with it, she still motivated herself to keep striving forward, conscious about her limited hours—careful not to take such an opportunity for granted. When the time arrived for her to finally leave, she had practically almost fumbled over (and nearly bumped over a bunch of students) from rushing too hurriedly at her bicycle, which she immediately tipped over slightly for its seat to adjust to her height comfortably. On her way, she couldn’t help but notice a small building in one of the less crowded places in the area—Maybe she’d consider visiting sometime.

—·

Once Han Sooyoung had returned to her living space, she’d done almost the same thing the day before, almost routinely. She mused to herself silently if she should also make it a habit to ignore almost everyone entirely. But she couldn’t do that to everyone, just selectively and limitedly. As she entered her room with a sigh, she closed her door and sat down, her back pressed against it. Maybe it was best to not hold attachments for good.

Resting her forehead against her knees as she curled up into a more prominent ball, a barely noticeable sound reached her. Turning over to the sound, her eyes spot the small animal she’d found earlier near her side. It had clawed on the fabric of her clothes, making prominent wrinkles form as it tugs with its claws. “Hey, stop it.” Han Sooyoung mumbled with a feeble smile, caressing its head gently. Had it noticed her sadness and decided to lift her from her sorrow? Perhaps Han Sooyoung would never know, or she needn’t know.

Continuing to pet it softly, she rested the bundle of fur on her lap and distracted herself for just a little while. “Hmm, on second thought… What should I name you?” She quizzed to herself before looking back at it as if deciding upon the most boring idea ever. “Dokja would be nice. It’s funny.” The dog, seemingly unimpressed—as if understanding what she was saying, huffed and licked at her palm. “I don’t mind if you dislike it; I’ll keep the name, and you’ll come to me eventually when I call it out to you.”

After a long time of stretched silence, Han Sooyoung slowly stood up and placed it down carefully. But briefly, she made a slight pause mid-action, an unreadable glint in her slightly somber eyes. Walking away from its company, she swiftly turned off her bedside lamp and called it a night. Even if it was just a simple thing that earned her a laugh, or a fleeting occurrence that made her heart warm, she knew full well that she couldn’t and shouldn’t give in. To her, there should never be anything that’d make her falter, or have her hurting once more in the end.

Chapter Text

“Why exactly did no one wake me up?” Crankily said Han Sooyoung who had begun stuffing toast and other things she could into her mouth as quickly as possible. In her hurriedness, she nearly choked on her half-chewed breakfast and struggled with it. “Miss Sooyoung, please be more mindful and eat your meal properly.” If she had known the turn of events her late night weeping would have brought her, then she would’ve set up 3 alarms in advance instead of relying on one. However, it was much too late to stay mad at it further. Haphazardly putting on her shoes and running out of the house, there was no doubt that she had pretty much just thrown her backpack onto the basket of her bicycle and left with it straightaway. She didn’t even have time to spare a farewell to Dokja, the dog. Well, it was not as if it was a requirement for her anyway. But, it still eased her mind to do so if she had the time and opportunity. Afterall, she wouldn’t have enough time to greet it in a manner special to her due to the already foreboding time that ticked and bit at her days.

When Han Sooyoung had finally come in contact with the concrete floor of her school grounds, she was already a panting, sweating mess. To be damned with this childish body! The stamina in this isn’t nearly enough at all. Once she grasped a rough hold of her disheveled self, she ultimately decided to be civil and requested for a late pass. However, even after all that had happened, she still dared brazenly enter her class as if nothing occurred. As she sat down with a ‘’This is soooo boring.” look written all over her face, silent murmurs that were directed at her surfaced up into light airy words. Han Sooyoung only feigned obliviousness to the matter of relentless gossip at her already tarnishing reputation, not giving too much of a care altogether.

In addition to the fact that her day was as bad as it was already, her teacher kept egging her on to answer almost every question on the board—deeming her to be negligent enough to not be paying adequate attention to the lesson, and that it were to be her punishment. “Since you’ve answered so well, then I guess we’ll move on to set 3 of today’s—” Han Sooyoung had already drowned out the lecture with her own clouded mind, aimlessly wandering down to memory lane and holding back any form or crease of a frown at any of the special moments she’d been reminiscent of. As nostalgic as she was, hunger began taking its toll on her since she’d barely even passed her breakfast as a proper meal. I wonder what they packed me for lunch. Wait, lunch? Han Sooyoung dwelled upon the thought of her lunch, in which case, she realized she’d unbelievably forgotten when she had been too hasty—the proof of it being her not-in-sight lunch bag being near.

Famished, she was, Han Sooyoung grumbled in defeat. Which from her frustration, allowed her to slip both hands underneath the black locks of her hair as she rested both elbows on her desk. All perhaps to reassess. Noticing her unusual behavior, the curious deskmate to her right glanced at her pale and uneasy features. “Something wrong?” At the question, she bashfully shook her head and gave out an awkward chuckle. How exactly was she supposed to hold off for longer on the already worsening day? What a waste—Should I have just cut classes instead…?

Without realizing it, she basically floated through the entire session, tirelessly setting her mind on not thinking about food. Although she could have most likely just bought something to ingest at the cafeteria, the wait line would’ve been too much of a hassle for her; she had already begun to lean into the fact that she’d most likely pass out from starvation before the line would get any shorter. Talk about exaggeration indeed. Rubbing at her temples, a groan had been let out of her, allowing her to pause briefly in order to piece back her mind. “Han Sooyoung.” A voice then interrupted, barely coherent if not paid much mind to. “What now?” As irritated as she’d gotten, the feel of it quickly disappeared once she basked in the sight of Kim Dokja, who had sought her out first.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Was I bothering you? I thought—” Waving her hands dismissively, Han Sooyoung took down the idea of it and assured him it was nothing of the sort. “Oh, no. It’s fine, I swear.” Kim Dokja breathed out a sigh of faint relief at her consoling(?) gesture. “In that case. I’m here to ask if you would agree to have lunch with me again; only if that’s alright with you. And, we could also go immediately since I already brought mine with me.” He appeared rather sheepish, with his eyes scouring at anything but her face or figure. Letting out a quiet, embarrassed chuckle, Han Sooyoung rubbed her neck. “Actually, I kind of forgot to bring my lunch.” They both stared wordlessly at each other before Kim Dokja snapped out of it and offered. “Oh… Then we could share my lunch; If you’d like?” With his offer, she thought to reject it openly seeing how skinny he already was. Unfortunately, her stomach and the look Kim Dokja had in his face said otherwise. Scratching her neck as she smiled wryly, she let out another awkward laugh. “I mean… Don’t mind if I do…!”

When she followed him to their (then usual) spot, Han Sooyoung radiated a certain presence—a different mood to her. To enjoy a meal with Kim Dokja, and one where she wouldn’t worry about any hindrances; where she would just stick alongside him with no other purpose than to repose from everything else… For her, the thought of it was rather… “Han Sooyoung.” He called out, recollecting her attention back onto him. “Uh, yeah?” She perked casually with a silly smile, kicking at pebbles under her feet as she awaited the extension of his intended words. Her eyes secretly peered at his conflicted face, wondering what he was going to weasel on about this time. “There’s something that I… nevermind.” As confused as ever, Han Sooyoung scanned his face thoroughly, inquisitiveness biting at her mind. She didn’t even try to hide or brush it off any longer that she had practically been searching all over his face.

In some instances, Kim Dokja kept his mouth agape, then his face would crumple as he decides not to go on further with his mouth shut entirely. Full-fledgedly withdrawn from her presence at one point, they sat on the same bench and lounged underneath a completely awkward atmosphere. Kim Dokja solely focused on the food he’d portioned for himself, and Han Sooyoung beside him couldn’t pry her eyes off of his face out of curiosity of his silence. She’d never seen him so disoriented before. “Hey, Kim Dokja? You’ve been spacing out since earlier. Come on; if there’s something in your mind, then just say it.” She mentioned, waving her hand in front of him to gather his attention. His response was that of a stiffening posture and a weary look, which shortly shifted into providing her of a gaze that inclined with hers and a mouthed apology that was barely one at all. With uneasiness and a sigh, she brought the topic to a close and placed the subject elsewhere to at least enlighten the mood.

She knew that all familiar look all too well, something she recognized like the back of her hand. Not for the first time, she was quite grateful that her wittiness steered a bit of something trifle like ambivalence away. “So um, I thought about it… How about getting a drink? I mentioned the vending machine yesterday — let’s check it out and hope it’s not busted…?” When it seemed like her strategy worked, she lent him a hand that was then accepted without an ounce of burdened hesitation. She hoped that she could have at least eased a piece of what was weighing his mind through an action not so obvious that he’d think he is burdening her with it.

“I wonder what drinks they’ve got.” She brought up aloud, looking at him to bait out a reaction. He only nodded along as if relating to her thoughts. But, when both their feet stepped in front of the machine, Kim Dokja was left disappointed as seen directly on his face; Han Sooyoung on the other hand was the opposite.

Set in front of them were two remaining beverages of a lemon flavored tea, and (oddly enough) a tomato flavored drink. “Everything else is stocked out…” Stated the obvious by Kim Dokja. The girl nodded, purchasing both. He eyed them for a while and suddenly recalled how Han Sooyoung had a bunch of lemon candy wrappers in her lunch bag previously. He concluded to himself that it must’ve been a flavor that she favored. Yet compared to her, him with the tomato drink was rather… “I think I’ll take the tomato; I mean—you like lemon, right?” He announces rather loudly without processing it in his head. His statement startled Han Sooyoung; as when she took a closer inspection at his face and how he carried himself after he said so—it definitely seemed like he was forced to do it. But, how come he was so willing to do it?

Who are you kidding? I already know that you hate tomatoes. “Actually, I don’t really like lemons. I mean, they’re okay but they’re kind of not my first option; I think I prefer tomatoes on my list. So, you take the lemon and I take the tomato. Well, unless you’re not okay with that?” The exact moment Han Sooyoung said that, relief seemed to have flushed into Kim Dokja’s face instantaneously. Nodding and (albeit foolishly) trusting in her word, Kim Dokja gratefully received the drink. He stared at it being cupped in his warm hold before glancing right at her. “Do you have any other plans?”

By the sound of that, Han Sooyoung looked up from her own drink. “Should we just warm up and talk about ourselves? I mean, I think I have much to learn about you, Kim Dokja.” After such, she smiled infectiously, subtly causing him to as well. Satisfied with his momentary reprieve, Han Sooyoung’s shoulders eased up. It was nice to see him finally at ease. Thus, she sighed contentedly to herself. It’s nothing magnanimous, but take it that I’ll endure anything for you—even just simple things like sacrificing my favorites. Although sometimes, it is also alright for me to indulge in foreign things once not so familiar with—because there could be instances, like now, that’d occur where I never might get to.

—·

Time seemed to pass by rather eventfully for Han Sooyoung, whereas she’d have already failed to grasp even the miniscule details she had never gotten to admire intricately without her hours slipping right through her. But it didn’t matter too much to her now, so as long as she enjoyed herself—or rather Kim Dokja—to the fullest, that proved to be more than enough. And, maybe it would be more worthwhile to enjoy it alongside him more than she with nothing to her accompaniment.

Guiding himself up, Kim Dokja struggled to balance himself onto the seat of her bicycle. “Hang onto me. Don’t fall off.” The owner of it instructed, assisting his hands to hold a firm grip as she adjusted her position. “Will it be able to handle both of us?” He quizzed, tense at the idea of it possibly turning over. Han Sooyoung only shrugged it off, making a small amount of his uneasiness be dispelled. As he clung onto her though, his arms enveloped the small of her waist and held on tight. And when she pedaled, he closed his eyelids shut and relied instead on the girl’s experience.

Once the cold breeze fluttered against his face, Kim Dokja’s restlessness calmed, and his eyes gradually opened. He was left stunned by the scenery made bare in front of him, his eyes practically brimmed and swelled with novelty. “I never took this route before.” Spoke he to himself silently, which caught Han Sooyoung’s ears. “Me too. Isn’t it nice to try something new?” Kim Dokja acknowledged her, practically gawking at the picturesque view of the vastness of the area. Though it seemed to be akin to the streets of Seoul typically, there was that infinitesimal feeling of freshness at a new sight that—bit by bit—bloomed calmly.

Han Sooyoung was quiet for a hefty duration as well, solemnly admiring (or so it seemed) the peaceful sight that she once remembered to be in ruins. How long had it been since she’d taken the time to look outward at the world that moved to evolve so steadily? She knew herself well enough that she never had the time to, but she never knew it could be a time so short-lived. Perhaps it was her fault; but maybe the experience of having been blessed for two more weeks is something granted and meant for her — to keep her from regrets that only fueled her heart to regret even more things. She wondered why her heart kept wavering at foolish desires she knew full well to not be fulfilled in the end. …. Keep it together, Han Sooyoung. Don’t falter so easily like this.

Subsequent to their periodic prolong of silence, she turned over to him instead and inquired of his home address to drop him off. But, he had this aura of uneasiness clinging to him that caught her curiosity; whatever it was, she was wishful to keep him from feeling that way. Yet before she even asked, the boy himself mustered up whatever courage he had built to speak to her first. His eyes carried a silhouette she couldn’t recognize—dark as if laced between worry and disdain—but to what?

“Uhm, hey. Han Sooyoung. Sorry if this might come off as rude. But, do you always have that look on your face? Or just occasionally sometimes?” Kim Dokja brought up hesitantly, a bit anxious that he may have had overstepped. Han Sooyoung, who pedaled continuously, had the smile on her face paused. There was that indecipherable haze that dreaded her gaze. Her frame winced at the bold, but not entirely false claim.

Was the topic he wanted to bring up much earlier related to this? But why must he ask? Why does he think so? “I don’t get it. What are you bringing up now?” Fondling with the garment of her clothes with his fingers, he feigned wordless to her for a stretched span. Kim Dokja couldn’t see the expression she was wearing, but he could somehow feel the weight of it. “Well sometimes, it’s like you’re just staring at an endless void that’s full of your thoughts. I mean, it’s not like I’m berating you for it or because it’s a bad thing; It’s just that you appear sad sometimes when you look like you’re thinking about them. That’s just how I see it, but maybe I’m misunderstanding.”

“It’s…” Han Sooyoung trailed off, unsure about what to use as an excuse. “But it’s alright—” Kim Dokja erupts suddenly, “if it helps you, then I’ll distract you from whatever it is that you’re feeling. Until you’re fine, I’ll make sure your sadness goes away.” Loud laughter burst from Han Sooyoung at his declaration; causing a mixture of relief to swell in her holed up heart as she nodded along. Tears threatened to spill from her waterlines, and even she didn’t know why so. Kim Dokja, while you are still so naïve, I’ll make sure to nurture this side of you and not let anyone take advantage of it. Because for the next 13 years, you will only get to rely on a fickle story that you carry along with yourself. So, you must grow stronger, even if alone.

The affection that Han Sooyoung kept receiving and tried so hard to keep began to seep out before she even realized. And she foolishly believed it would stay if she just kept holding on. Still, it was ultimately leaving her in the end, having her be bequeathed bare and clinging onto nothing.

For a fraction of his genuinity, she seemed grateful, even going as far as to open her mouth to raise another subject into matter. But before she could say anything else, Kim Dokja suddenly lifted his hand away from her hip and stretched his pointer finger toward a building. Adjusting his position, he rested his chin on her shoulder for her to hear. “Oh! That’s the apartment complex I stay in; you can drop me over there.” Said he as he shifted the trajectory of his finger onto the sidewalk. Han Sooyoung affirmed and halted once they’d reached the spot and spoke; trying to cover the fact that she still could not keep herself from retaining the state of his cheeriness that tugged on her wounded heart prior.

“I’ll drop you off here. Be careful though.” The moment she said that, Kim Dokja almost went tumbling down from the seat while getting off, causing Han Sooyoung to release her dominant hand from the handlebar to steady his arm. Her foot instantly took balance of the sudden shift and stomped on the ground to provide support as to not tip the bicycle over. “...So much for telling you to be careful.” When Kim Dokja’s face expelled light red from embarrassment at that, Han Sooyoung couldn’t help but snort at him. “Alright, alright. I won’t tease you anymore. So off you go.”

—·

Rechecking the little drafts and notes she compiled, Han Sooyoung tirelessly reviewed each and every one to cross off any mistakes or unimportant variables. Hell, she even made sure to do her sketchy activities in the middle of the night so as to not attract any unwanted ‘visitors’ to her room. Stifling a yawn, Han Sooyoung skimmed through the contents of the paper one last time and hid it in a rather conveniently smart spot in her room. Once she was satisfied, she stood up whilst stretching her limbs. She then made a short move to turn off the lights to darken up the room. As she prepared herself for bed, she shut the blinds and pivoted to crash down onto pure softness.

Han Sooyoung’s gaze remained fixated at her ceiling as she quietly laid atop the plush of her mattress. Though, her senses returned once she felt a wet stroke on the back of her palm. “Hm?” It seemed like the little pup wanted a moment of her attention, yet, her irises retained its concentration upward. She thought meticulously about what to do and how to invest her time efficiently. Then, something came into mind. “Oh, how about I try visiting that cafe? But, maybe with Kim Dokja? I’ll text—” Then and there recalling the current year, she proceeds to groan out of frustration. “Right, smartphones don’t exist yet. I guess I’ll have to visit his house tomorrow. Completely uninvited…!”

Letting the thoughts disperse quickly from her mind, Han Sooyoung’s body twisted slightly to accommodate Dokja’s small size instead. She tucked the dog closer in her arms, bringing its small frame in and finally coddling it fondly. “Let’s just hope he doesn’t kick me out. Or us; If you wanna come too.” As she smiled contentedly, sleep began to lull at her, allowing her to soundly drift into slumber. “Goodnight...” Barely murmured Han Sooyoung’s fading voice.