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It all started as a normal day.
Tony had been awake all night finishing some paperwork (thanks Pepper), but it was 11 o’clock and the genius needed some coffee (all the pot would be a good start) and then a shower.
He smiled as he saw the day on his phone. He was looking forward to the kid’s visit.
So, with that in mind, he headed for the kitchen to start his day.
-
Tony was at his workshop when F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice announced the arrival of his protégée.
Tony counted to 10 before he smiled as the door opened automatically, and then an elated teenager came running.
“Mister Stark!” Peter Parker was holding his mobile, shaking the device in front of his eyes.
The grin on his face and his Bambi eyes shining with emotions were making Tony nervous, the genius thought for a second.
“Uh… kiddo, everything alright?”
“Mister Stark, you must see this! You are trending!”
Tony frowned. That doesn’t sound so… bad.
If it was bad, Peter wouldn’t be so ecstatic, so… perhaps something related to the Avengers?
“Ironman is always-”
“Well, yeaah” Peter said, stretching the ‘a’. “But I meant you YOU.”
“Ok” this was his turn to stretch the ‘o’.
“Well… more specifically, your ass.”
“My… what?!”
Tony’s mind was frenetically researching for what fucking videos the kiddo has been looking at. He knew that when he had been young, he had done lots of fucked things and people (like the fucked specie that it was) had wanted to ‘share it’ in media… but he thought that he had managed to get rid of all of them!
‘Well,’ a voice said in his head, ‘you know what people say, the internet is forever’.
‘Well fuck!’ screamed another part of his brain.
Before Tony could snatch the teen’s cellphone and throw it in the toilet (he will buy another for the kiddo, but with parental control!), Peter showed him a post in Twitter that was a… X Poll?
BlackWidow
I.could(and.will)kill.u.in.2938.differnt.ways.
#America’s ass is a fact, no one can deny it, but can we talk about Tony Stark’s ass in the spandex suit that (tragedy) had to be covered with the Iron Man’s armor? People, how would you call it?
@CapitainAmerica@StarLordOfTheGalaxy@WinterSoldier@KingT’challa@[email protected]@TheHawk
And, it wasn’t bad, there were 4 options.
Earth’s ass – 10%
The Ass of the Galaxy!” –40%
Interdimensional Ass – 37%
Stark Legacy – 13%
Peter Parker giggled like a scholar girl and then said, “Mister Stark, you are The Ass of the Galaxy!”
“Excuse me?!”
“Well, that title could be wrong… the option of ‘the interdimensional ass’ could win too.” The serious look on the face of the teenager as he was looking at his phone was all Tony Stark needed to say ‘fuck the ‘never Google your name’ rule.
And then, as soon as he did it on his mobile, the same link appeared in X…
Well, fuck!
It was on Twitter.
He was going to kill Nat.
“I think ‘Stark Legacy’ was Mister Rogers’ suggestion.”
Tony’s eyes looked confused. Peter, without any mercy, continued.
‘Earth’s ass’ was Mister Barnes’s and… oh! Mister Quill was the one who got ‘The ass of the Galaxy’ so popular… Mmm… I wondered how he made so many aliens vote…”
“What?” said Tony, shocked.
Then there was laughter. Peter had the audacity to laugh at him, Tony thought as he turned his face to look at the teenager who seemed to be very entertained by the situation.
“Mister Stange came up with ‘Interdimensional Ass’!”
“No way!”
“No way, he thought he was using Mr. Wong's account!!!” Peter laughed almost hysterically as he continued trading the comments. Tony, on the other hand, was pretty sure he was blushing because he could feel his face getting warm as the seconds passed.
“I can’t believe it.” Whispered the genius after reading all the comments.
“Mister Stark… if you were to vote, who would you choose?”
Tony frowned as he looked at the teen grinning at him. “All of them were pretty stupid names for his ass!” he wanted to scream, or “you are so grounded Spiderling”.
But then he realized what the question the teenager had asked. Not ‘what’ but ‘who’…
“Peter-!”
“What? I think you could be a beautiful queen/king.”
“Benjamin-!”
“Or maybe a good war-partner”
“Parker”
“Ok, then… The Iron Mystic Ruler”
“No lab until you get a Doctorate.”
“No, wait!” Tony turned his blushed face to the teenager, and then he said. “I didn’t mention the ‘Star Ruler’ because you don’t like going to space! Do you want to still have the option?”
Tony turned around and was leaving when Peter’s voice made him stop.
“Oh, it ended! It seems like Interdimensional Ass won! OMG, 63 percent!... Well, it seems like Iron Mystic rules is the winner.” Peter smiled and then lifted his arm in victory. “Shall I call Mister Strange, Dr. Dad, now?”
“I will never answer your calls again.”
“Wait, wait!... Mister Stark, you can’t do that. What if I am in danger?!”
And with the sound of Peter’s voice, Tony went to kill a certain spider.
-The End-
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