Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"So when can we finally come and see your boyfriend? Stop gatekeeping him from us" Baku said with a had over Sieun's shoulder as they were walking out of school.

Sieun shot him a glare and pushed his hand away "He isn't my boyfriend. Juntae and Gotak can come but i don't want you around him. You're a bad influence." he's kind of lying, he's said in a text to Suho before that the two of them would be great friends. Maybe that's why he doesn't want them to get close. He's not ready to share Suho yet. Maybe he never will be ready. 

It's been a little bit over a month since Suho woke up and it still doesn't feel real. He visits him almost every day when he's not extremely busy with school and he basically sleeps at the hospital on the weekends. He feels like if he doesn't see him for long enough Suho will disappear again, in another 2 year long sleep leaving Sieun alone and hopeless. Sometimes when he sleeps at the hospital he'll wake up in the middle of the night and lay his head on Suho's chest to make sure he's breathing. He's sure Suho knows, there's no way he doesn't feel a weight on his body, but he hasn't said anything. Sieun is thankful. He's not sure how to explain it without darkening the mood and making Suho feel bad or worried. 

"So can we come today? It's Friday so that means you're sleeping over there right?" Juntae says in a light tone and Sieun looks around feeling uncomfortable. He's not sure what his friends think about...this and he doesn't really care but when they actually acknowledge how crazy he is for spending all his free time in a hospital room he is curious about how they view their relationship. Or what Suho means to Sieun. Do they know Sieun's life revolves around Suho? Whatever they think, Sieun knows, he feels stronger than that. Sieun sometimes wants to crawl inside Suho's body and stay there forever, safe and comfortable. 

You'll lever catch him say this aloud because he knows he sounds like a lunatic and honestly obsessive, but he won't really deny this either. He thinks it makes sense. It's Suho. 

"Sure." 

And that's how they end up in Suho's hospital room. Sieun is sitting on Suho's bed, for convenience purposes only of course, while the three boys sit on the chair and the couch. 

"So when are you being discharged?" Baku asks bluntly. Gotak nudges him with his elbow and Baku throws him a questioning look. Sieun sighs, slightly regretting bringing them here. 

"I'm not sure yet. The doctors said i should be fine to go in a week or two but who knows. Maybe i'll fall in another coma by then." he says and chuckles. Everyone is looking at him with wide eyes not sure how to react to his "joke".

"Suho." Sieun says looking at him with teary eyes. "I told you to stop joking about that." his voice is low, trying to hide the tremor. Suho sighs and tugs at his hand to bring him closer and run his fingers up and down his arm. 

"Come on Sieun-ah it's fun. I'm just joking, you know that. I'm not leaving you again, don't worry." Suho has developed this habit since he woke up, always talking to Sieun with the softest voice and reassuring him every chance he gets. 

"You better. I'm not allowing you to." Suho breaks into a grin and Sieun's eyes soften. He had missed his smile so much, he has grown addicted to it at this point. Well- he's addicted to everything about Suho. For example, the way his fingers haven't stopped tracing Sieun's arm, sending shivers down his spine and making his breathing heavy. They're just looking into each other's eyes not saying anything with words. He had forgotten his friends were there until he heard someone clear his throat and mutter 'not my boyfriend my ass' under his breath. That was Baku and he made a mental note to kick him in the ass later. 

Suho was the one to break the eye contact and turn to them. They were just sitting there, awkwardly, trying not to disturb whatever was going on between the two. 

"Thank you, guys. For staying with Sieun all this time and for being his true friends. He's not easy to crack but he's the most warm-hearted person i know and he deserves to be treated kindly. So, thank you." he turned back to Sieun who had a small smile on his face by now. He regretted not doing this before the coma- smile. Show Suho how much he meant to him and how happy he made him. He didn't stop himself now from smiling or laughing. 

It still amazed him how Suho saw him as warm-hearted. At the beginning he thought it was ridiculous but the more Suho looked at him like he had saved a kingdom the more he had started to believe him. He didn't think his eyes were warm, but maybe he hadn't looked at them when he was staring at Suho. He was the only one he looked at with an open heart. 

"I don't know about warm-hearted but sure he's nice. We tolerate him." Baku chimes in again.

"I tolerate you." SIeun spat back and his friends all laughed like it was a joke. Maybe it was. He wouldn't trade them for the world and they probably knew that. 

"I'm just glad you're back man. I don't know how much longer i could stare at these sad eyes that just kept saying suho, suho, suho" Gotak said this dramatically time and Sieun stared at him like he was crazy. He had enough time to realise his feelings while Suho was in a coma, but he didn't think he was this obvious. And the last thing he needed was Suho finding out. Especially not like this. 

He looked back at him to gauge his reaction but what he didn't expect to see was a beautiful pink coloring his cheeks and a shy smile on his face while looking at his lap. Sieun blinked a couple of times trying to understand what Suho's reaction meant. 

"They can stare at me now it's okay." he says and turns his eyes on Sieun again with a knowing smile. Knowing? He knew? What did he know?

"I still think they're beautiful though." he continues casually and turns his eyes to Gotak who groans like this conversation physically pains him. 

"Okay sorry i've had enough. I need to leave now, this feels worse than seeing you make out." he gets up and Baku agrees with a laugh. 

"Yeah i think that's our cue to get the hell out of here, i regret even coming. No offense, Suho. You guys are just gross together." he throws his hands up as a bye and walks out with Gotak behind him. Juntae looks a little panicked as he gets up and looks at both of them with a flushed face "He doesn't mean gross as in ew gross like in a mean way, he just means you're cute together and i can't stand it gross, don't worry. We support you." with a sweet smile he waves bye and leaves as well leaving the two boys alone. 

Sieun doesn't dare to look at Suho, scared of his reaction. Leave it to his friends to ruin everything immediately. What will Suho even think after hearing all this. Does he think Sieun has said something? Fuck, he feels nauseous.

He sees Suho from his peripheral vision getting comfortable on bed, sitting a little higher. He feels Suho reaching out for him again and tapping on the outside of his hand  "Will you look at me now, or should i talk to the side of your face forever? I mean i don't mind, your side profile is pretty as well but-" he stops when Sieun whips his head to look at him and he chuckles "there we go." he smiles a little more before settling his eyes on Sieun's face. His eyes are as soft as ever, searching something in Sieun's face. The latter is staring back trying to decipher the look on his face and the thoughts behind it. 

"I missed you." he didn't even realise the voice was his, soft and vulnerable, scared but steady. 

"I miss you." Suho responded and Sieun almost forgot how to breathe. It's almost like their hearts were at sync, thinking and feeling the same things. Missing each other even when they're together. Why was Sieun even scared? This is Suho. He's not sure if they were married in their past lives but he knows they were connected somehow. They always will be. Like an invisible force bringing them together, not allowing them to separate. 

He moves closer and turns his body so he's face to face with Suho now. He leans forward and rests his forehead on his chest, just like many nights before. But now it's not out of fear, but relief. Suho is here and Suho understands him. He feels soft fingers patting his head and he sighs deeply. 

"I miss you all the time. I feel crazy when i'm not here, next to you." he says while clinging on his hospital gown and inhaling his scent. Suho's other hand moved to his back pushing him closer, trying to close every gap between them. 

"I guess that makes us two crazy bastards." he hears him whisper and he lets out an amused breath. It's not a confession or a promise. But it's Suho.

And that's all that Sieun really needs to be okay.

Suho by his side. 

Chapter Text

Sieun was fidgeting in class looking at the clock over the board. 15 more minutes to leave. To go to Suho. He would skip hagwon again today, something he never thought he'd do. Another constant in his life turned around for Suho. He loves it. 

He immediately gets up when they're dismissed and almost misses Juntae calling him "Sieun! I'm talking to you, why are you in such a hurry?" he says with an amused smile. 

"I promised Suho we would eat together today. He's waiting for me at home." home. Not Suho's or Sieun's home- just home. 

Suho was discharged 3 weeks ago, almost 4 months after he woke up. He wasn't in perfect shape yet, but he was getting stronger every day and Sieun was so proud of him. He had more or less moved in with Sieun after getting discharged not wanting to worry his grandma or tire her out by taking care of him. Sieun agreed and he was more than happy to be with him for as long as possible. 

Sieun was preparing for his finals, university not being far away now. He would tutor Suho often so he could enter high school again and finish it. He'd be in a class lower than Sieun which meant they wouldn't graduate together but that's okay. Sieun didn't think he'd ever see Suho graduate or be at his own graduation so he doesn't care. Suho is here and that's all that matters. 

They've been...close. They haven't put a label on it yet, since that day in the hospital. They hold hands and hug, smile to each other and maybe cuddle a little when days are rough for both of them. They haven't talked about it though. Sieun is okay with it. He knows and that's okay. However, lately he just can't stop thinking about it. 

Since Suho moved in his house, seeing him sleep, eat, talk, cook, just exist so domestically in the same space with him drives him a little crazy. Sometimes they sleep in the same bed and he wakes up to Suho's peaceful face close to his and the urge to kiss him almost makes him crazy. He knows Suho wants to kiss him too, he's caught him looking at his lips one too many times to be a coincidence, but he doesn't make a move either. Is he scared? Surely he knows how Sieun feels. 

Him and Juntae walk down the hallway and his friend looks more fidgety than usual. He keeps glancing at Sieun and then looks away when he gets caught. They find Baku and Gotak midway and they all walk together but the air feels strange. He doesn't want to question though, thinking that he's just imagining it. 

"He looks...good. I've never seen him before, should i ask for his number?"

"If he looks so good and he's by the gates he's obviously waiting for someone. A beauty like that can't be single." He hears people around him talking and he curiously looks ahead.

Maybe he should trust his intuition next time. He turns at his friends and they all look way too pleased with themselves. "Surprise" Baku screams with open hands and laughs while shoving Sieun forward. A couple of students glance back at Sieun walking towards Suho. The latter finally looked at him and a big smile took over his face as he raised his hand to wave at him "Sieun-ah!" he yelled and kept waving at him. He heard murmurs and he could feel eyes on him so he walked faster towards him. 

"What are you doing here?" he tried to act annoyed but he failed because he wasn't. He couldn't get annoyed even if he tried. He was secretly kind of pleased seeing him sooner rather than later. Suho chuckled and patted his head "What else? Picking you up, i missed you." Sieun felt his cheeks blushing and he heard some students giggling at the back. 

"I was going to come home immediately though, you know that. Couldn't you wait?" Suho looked at him with a knowing smile "No. I'd rather be with you all the time, don't you know that by now?" 

Sieun threw the bait and Suho caught it happily. 

He tugged at the sleeve of his jacket and Suho moved forward easily, hand still on Sieun's hair. "Aren't you tired? You didn't walk right? School's not close, you shouldn't tire yourself." he looked up at him with a small pout and wide eyes that he knew worked on the taller one. Suho's smile widened even more and this time raffled Sieun's hair with both hands almost like he couldn't control himself over how cute Sieun was. 

"How are you so fucking cute i'm going crazy." 

"Well hello there lovebirds. I decided to step in just in case there's some public indecency happening soon." Baku said and Sieun kicked his leg. "Why didn't you tell me? Was that why you looked all smug today?" his other 2 friends walked over immediately and they all had stupid smiles on their faces. "Come on, admit it, you love the surprise." Gotak spoke this time and Sieun rolled his eyes but turned to Suho who was smiling at him fondly. It caught him off guard how open his eyes were, even in public, with his friends looking, hell the entire school looking. Sieun found himself loving it. He was selfish like that; wanting Suho's undivided attention and love. Wanting everyone to know that they belonged to each other. 

He batted his eyes at Suho not sure what to do. He felt the urge to hug him but he didn't want his friends and everyone to see how clingy he actually is when it comes to Suho, they wouldn't shut up about it. Then suddenly, Suho put his arm around his shoulders and moved him to his side. Sieun dared to look around a little bit and there were students still looking at them, surprised. Surprised that such a beautiful person was standing in front of them or that he was here for Sieun? The thought of other people liking his Suho made him tense up and he moved his body even closer to Suho's side, clinging to him without even realising it. He just wanted everyone to look away and not perceive him, is that too much to ask? 

"Can we go now? People are staring." he said still annoyed and Suho rubbed his shoulder. He looked up and Suho was nodding his head with a pleased smile. "Yeah let's go, i don't like it when people look at you." he said and turned around while Sieun heard gagging noises from his friends and shocked gasps from random students. He thinks he heard murmurs like 'is that his boyfriend? i didn't even know Sieun could like anyone' and 'wow he's so good looking Yeon Sieun is one lucky motherfucker' but he also heard 'that guy is lucky too, Sieun's too pretty to be single'. He hadn't heard anyone except from Suho calling him pretty and he realised that he didn't care. He never cared about being perceived as pretty, not until it was Suho calling him that. 

His friends followed after them and they all started walking towards the bus stop. "Can we hang out today? We can go at my dad's shop and eat. My treat." Baku said and Gotak rolled his eyes "It's your dad's treat because he likes Suho can you shut up?" Baku looked offended so he jumped on his friend and they started fighting. The other three weren't even phased, used to their...weird dynamic. Suho had once asked Sieun if they were dating and honestly he didn't even know what to say. Baku was always trying to get with girls but he abandoned everything the moment Gotak called. So who knows. It's complicated he guesses. He can't even judge them, he's not any better. 

"Sorry guys but you should go without us. We're going home early today." Suho said and he tightened his arm around Sieun. Is he a insane for liking Suho's possessiveness? Maybe, but the latter isn't any better. They're both crazy bastards after all. 

At home they didn't speak. They had their little routine; Sieun took a shower and changed while Suho cooked for the both of them. After he got out of the bathroom he walked into the kitchen and he stood there. The scene of Suho in their kitchen cooking, humming a song mindlessly made him dizzy. It was so domestic he felt his chest tighten up. Without realising it he walked over and hugged Suho's waist while he was cutting the vegetables. He buried his face in his nape and exhaled softly. He felt the taller freeze and tense up. "Sieun-ah?" he asked in a small voice, almost shy. He was seeing this version of his friend more often lately and he loved it.

Sieun hummed in acknowledgment but he didn't move. His face was red from initiating this closeness, but he didn't regret it. He loved Suho's warmth and his soft gentle smell. He felt Suho's hands on his and he tightened his grip around him, in fear he was trying to make him move away.

"Baby, i'm not trying to make you go away, i just want to see your face." Sieun let out a small gasp at the nickname and he's sure Suho felt it on his nape. He loosened his grip and Suho turned around slowly. Sieun was looking at his collarbone, scared to look up. Suho put his hands around his shoulders and brought him closer again "Can i hug you?" he whispered, unsure and Sieun looked up surprised. The look in his eyes made his breath stop and he opened his mouth but no sound came out. How can he look so beautiful and so open? Everyone always talked about Sieun's eyes but he could argue for days that Suho's eyes were deeper. So expressive and full of love, he felt like he was floating in them.

Suho kept looking him in the eyes and he bit his lips, Sieun's eyes following the movement involuntarily. "Sieun-ah..." he said almost breathlessly and he snapped his eyes back up. Suho looked nervous but also wrecked. He almost looked in pain and Sieun couldn't take it anymore. 

"Suho-ya..." he said in a soft tone and Suho almost left out a whine at his name being called so gently. "Thank you for coming back to me." he said earnestly and Suho moved his hand to gently caress his cheek. 

"I'll always come back to you, dummy. Everything leads back to you." Suho said and something in Sieun snapped.

He moved his face closer their noses almost touching. He tightened his hands around Suho's waist and held his shirt in his hands to ground himself. He looked up at him almost pleadingly and Suho let out a small laugh that Sieun felt on his lips. "Please.." Suho whispered and that was all the confirmation Sieun needed. 

The kiss was gentle and a little awkward but it was perfect. It was obvious that he didn't know what he was doing but Suho didn't seem to care, immediately moving his head forward to lead the kiss. Their lips moved together and Sieun felt dizzy. He never cared about kissing or anything intimate but he wants to try everything with Suho- needs to. This is just their first kiss and he's already addicted. 

It turned more messy and urgent and Sieun let out a small noise that he didn't even know he could make and he tried to move away embarrassed. Suho groaned and chased his lips more hungrily this time. Oh. He liked that. 

"Baby, you drive me crazy." he whispered and Sieun moved closer so their bodies were flashed together. He wanted to be unable to tell where he ends and Suho starts. He needed to be consumed by Suho. 

Sieun kept making more noises after Suho bit his lower lip and intruded his mouth with his tongue. He had moved in between Suho's legs and he kept pushing for more and more this wasn't enough- suddenly the taller one moved away and Sieun whined at the loss. His eyes were still closed so he just felt the small giggle that escaped Suho's mouth on his face. 

"I think we need to stop now. I need to keep cooking." Sieun opened his eyes and looked at him almost offended. You almost ate my face and now you want to go back to cooking like it's nothing? 

It looked like he knew what Sieun was thinking because he gave him another chase kiss on his lips and moved away with a sweet smile "If we continue now, i don't think i'll be able to do anything else for the rest of the day. And you won't be able to either." Sieun blushed and quickly moved back to sit on the chair while Suho laughed and went back to cooking. 

He didn't hate the implication of that but Suho should eat all his meals and get better quickly, so he should be a responsible-almost-adult. He stared at Suho's back as he moved and he blushed even more at the thought of how he was tracing his hands on his back just a minute ago. He felt shivers down his spine so he bit his lip to not let out any other embarrassing noise. Responsible adult. Suho needs food. Self control, you remember what self control is, right, Yeon Sieun? For fuck's sake get your shit together.

The food was ready sooner than later and they ate in comfortable silence. Sieun had calmed down by now and the realisation that he had kissed Suho made him blush once again. He wasn't scared that Suho didn't like him like that, if the way he kissed him back was any implication, but he just couldn't believe he did that. Maybe he shouldn't be surprised however. This is Suho. His rules never applied to him anyways. 

After they were finished Suho got up and took Sieun's hand to get him up as well and looked at him in the eye "Should we watch a movie? I want to cuddle with my boyfriend." He had a cheeky smile, like he knew what he just did and how it affected Sieun.

He mouthed the word like he couldn't believe it and Suho looked at the ceiling with a stupid smile and then looked down at Sieun again "How are you so fucking cute, huh? You're going to kill me one day. I don't just kiss my friends, Sieun-ssi. I only kiss people that i am crazily in love with." Sieun tried to fight back a smile but he miserably failed and looked away.

"So how many people do you crazily love?" he asked and Suho laughed while tagging him by the hand to move to the couch. 

"Just one crazy bastard." 

"Okay good. Cause there's one crazy bastard for me too."