Archive of Our Own ^beta

Salieri coughed blood into his linen handkerchief that bored the embroidery of a wealthy patroness, which was now soaked in blood. Naples, Italy, was in a suffocating fog of disease and death. The echoes of the mourning drifted through the alleys-

Mozart was holding his umbrella in the romantic rain: Hey girlie hold still

Salieri: Broski  stawp moving so rizzingly, broski my music papers are going to get wet~~~~
*a music paper fell out of salary’s hand and out of the protection of the umbrell. BUT THENETH, Mozart caught the wet music paper*

Mozart: *looks judgingly* This piece of sheet music looks like [sheet]. *He flips the wet paper* No different. 

Salieri *smacks the backside of mozart’s head which also had a baldspot(mayhaps)*: YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO SEE THAT! Im still workshopping it (uwu)

*a very angry wife apears to be very angy*

*Mozart receives a fan to face(not like a fan person, but a literal fan)*

Mozart’s wife: WHERE HAVE U BEEN?! WHO IS THIS MAN!? *Mozart’s wife points to salieri* THIS [frick] DOESNT EVEN WEAR A WIG(translation:he poor). *realizes*

*Mozart blinks*

*salieri looks between them in silence*

Wife: is that so??? That's why you've been gone for a couple of days at a time????

Mozart: shoot

Salieri *pulls a piece of celery from his pocket and knawed on it like a herbivore*: huh, wut happened

*for the next 10 minutes Mozart met his fate by getting wacked in the face by his wife with a fan and a couple of punches in between here and there bc why not, let the ladies be angy. As they say, ladies first*

*Salieri watched, munching his celery, while Mozart getting his [butt] kicked in joy(Mozart wasn't in joy, salieri was)*

*by the end of mozart’s whooping saleri could tell that Mozart was wearing a wig bc it was half attached to his head*

Salieri: woah u wear a wig?? Can I put it on *salieri eagerly grabs mozarts dirty wig and places it horribly on his head* it smells weird… Is this why you smell weird???

Mozart: *smacks the white powdered animal on Salieri’s head off* Give it back, you pasta-eater! 

*Mozart hastily puts the wig on his head on his not-bald head, but t’was too late. A crowd surrounded the celery munching salieri and mozart*

Salieri: Oh no~~~ *Salieri waved his flabby spaghetti arms* they know that your’re bald. Ur baldy bald boi. ANd im older than you~~!

Mozart: *confuzzled* I don’t wear a wig because im bald-

Salieri*interupts*: is it because your hair isn’t fluffy. I heared that Shostakovich- oh shoot he isn’t in that era, nvm….

Mozart*confuzzled*: who? Um no…. Uwu. U dum frik, wigs are a sign of social status. And u don’t have a wig so you can’t be like us, EXCLUDING YOU, cool kids

Salieri: I want to become kewl ;-; but not smelly kewl

Mozart*scoffs*: first of all we need to get out of these crowd of peasant

Saleri: *looks around* r you okay??? R you sure your not on that snuff box stuff????? Theres no crowd

Mozart: 0-0 *Mozart grabs Salieri by his wrist* Lets go *mozart says under his breath*

Salieri: O-O  *heart rate increases*

*Both composers break through the crowd and was running together romantically through the rain*