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Oli sat by the beach strumming a tune on his lute when Gem found him.
“Oli’s my name,
a singer of fame.
Stories from past and tomorrow.
I have heard every dream,
seen many strange thing.
Times of joy and sorrow.”
“That's really good," Gem said as she clapped.
“No no, it's not right yet, heard every dream seen many strange thing doesn't even make sense. Ugh, I just can't get it to rhyme and be understandable. Wait Gem, what are you doing here?”
“I came to check up on you. None of us have seen you in quite some time and we were worried.”
“Oh sorry,” Oli answered softly as he looked down, shoulders slumped.
“I tend to lose track of time. Especially when working on a project.”
“Well, we all know what that is like.”
“Hmm probably doesn't help, that I'm all alone here in the Olipelago.” Oli curled in on himself, absentmindedly plucking a few strings on the lute in front of him. “Sorry for making you worried, you can get back to whatever important empire running stuff you were doing.”
Gem isn't used to seeing the bard so … melancholy. Something deeper is clearly going on, though she doesn't know what. But she was sure of one thing, and that is she couldn't just leave him like that.
“Nah, that can wait. I'd rather stay with you.”
“Really?” Tears started welling up in his eyes.
“What's wrong? You can talk to me about anything.”
Instead of answering he just crumbled over, head landing in her lap as he sobbed.
“It's all right Oli, let the sun dry your tears.” She murmured as she ran her fingers through his hair, in what was hopefully a comforting gesture. It was very tangled, like he hadn't bothered to brush it for quite a few days. It was surprisingly nice just sitting there in the morning light despite this being their first time being so close and intimate.
Eventually the sobs quiteted down and shortly after he began explaining.
“I often dream of a past life. Most of you guys are there, but there's also a few others. It's, it's difficult to explain, sorry I'm probably not making sense.”
He was making more sense than he knew. Since he wasn't likely to elaborate on his own, she decided to help him along.
“Is it a good life?”
“Yes it was but …”
“But?”
“Uhm, so you know how we respawn? You could only do that 10 times before you died, permanently. And dying like changed you? Sometimes you were good friends with someone, and then they died and came back evil? There was a lot of heartache… Way too much.”
“That does sound hard. What made it good then?”
“We had so much fun, and I had a lot of great friends. Problem is even the good memories hurt now, because it's either with people who don't exist in this world, or people who don't remember them. Like these dreams started before I had even met any of you. Ever since I first remember waking up, I've had them. I lived on them those days where I thought I was all alone in the world. That life where I actually had friends, that I could only access asleep. But then I started meeting you guys, and I was so excited because even though you all looked different, you were clearly my dream friends. Except none of you remembered me, or our experiences. I was finally talking to my best and only friends, but the relationships were all one sided. So now I can't even enjoy the good memories, because it's a constant reminder of everything you don't remember!”
By now the tears had turned to sobs forcing his string of words to stop.
“Oh Oli,” Gem said, trying to figure out how to tackle this, while stroking his head.
“And I’ve been getting to know you guys, which is great and I try not to treat you like the other versions of you, but then something small happens that is exactly how one of them would react, and I can't help but wonder, but it disappears so quickly.”
“I'm sorry that we don't remember those things Oli.”
“No! It's not your fault, why should you remember something that never happened to you? You were never an arachnid making a web in my base, Joey never called me brother merman, and Sausage,” he choked on that name, sobs starting to press in again.
“This Sausage was never my sweet angel man, he didn't ascend into the heavens as I sang him off, no matter how much he looks and acts and sounds like him, he is not the man I lo”
At that word Gem tenses up and feels a sudden pain in her chest, as sobbing once again overtakes Oli. Love. He was definitely about to say love, or perhaps loved she couldn't be sure, but even if he was gonna use past tense, it was clear Oli is still heartbroken, and it doesn't really matter if he is still in love with that version of Sausage or not, so why is she getting so hung up over it? Why does the idea of him being in love with any version of Sausage, make her heart pound and leave a bitter taste in her mouth? She doesn't have time for these mysteries, she has a sad friend who needs her.
“Come on let's get you cheered up. Wanna fly over to Dawn and hang out with me?”
“Sure you don't have anything more important?” He asks, doing his best to rub the tears away.
“There's not anything pressing. Even princesses get to just have fun, sometimes.”
“Well I am an expert in fun,” he sniffs which is a good sign, at least he is trying to be his normal, cheerful, silly self.
Dawn was particularly bright and sunny that day. First stop was getting food, as it was nearing lunch time, and Oli confessed not to having had breakfast. She suspected he hadn't gotten a proper dinner either, but decided not to mention that.
“So what do you want to do? We could find something in the tavern, or we can always just snack on some golden carrots?”
“I, I really don't feel like performing in a tavern on a stage right now.”
“You don't have to perform. I would gladly just buy you the meal Oli.”
“Let's just stick with the carrots.”
“Of course well let's at least get some fresh from the greenhouse then.”
“Lead the way princess," he commented as he bowed, a small smirk on his lips. Whether she had actually cheered him up already, or he was just pretending she wasn't sure, but it was better than nothing.
As they entered the greenhouse knowing how Oli loathed silence, Gem started chatting about the crops and details of proper bee care, while doing her rounds of checking their beehives, and collecting honey.
“Of course I have citizens to do this, but I like helping them out and personally making sure my bees are given the best care possible.”
“You are always so helpful Gem. Not many delight in doing work like you.”
Looking for any excuse to hide her blush, she picked up a honey bottle. “Thanks Oli, here's some fresh honey. You should try dipping your carrots in it. Really brings out the flavour and softens the crunch.”
“You're right it's very delicious. Certainly much better than nothing but campfire fish and beets.”
“Take some home then, along with some more carrots. Gotta get your nutrients right?” Great Sun god, why did she add that part?
“You sure? I didn't bring anything to trade with.”
“Of course you can have my honey anytime you want. I'm sure you'll find a way to repay me later.” She giggled nervously, seriously why is she being so awkward suddenly?
“Uh alright.”
Next they walked to a patch of bare grass, to play with Apollo. It didn't take long for some children to come watch, as they often helped Gem play with the energetic bear. Oli’s presence must have made them unsure if it was alright, but the bard was usually an extrovert, and had already gained much of his normal energy after their alone time. And if he seemed uncomfortable by the children, she could always send them away.
“Don't be shy kids, join us. Oli doesn't mind right?”
“Oh no no not at all, the more the merrier. There's more than enough of this big bear, for us all.”
That was all it took to shake them of their nervousness. Oli was great with the kids, matching their childish energy in a way Gem could never dream of. Maybe she should invite him over just to hang out with the children of Dawn sometimes. He reminds her of Bdubs. He would certainly make a great dad one day, she thinks but then shakes her head. Why on earth was she imagining him with children? What is wrong with her today?
At long last both Oli and the children have spent their energy, and even Apollo seems content to just curl up on the grass.
“You're very fun mister,” Mia one of the older kids, says. “Where do you come from?”
“You too miss?”
“Mia.”
“Well Mia, I'm Oli Orionsound of the Olipelago at your service,” he answers with a flourishing bow that makes her giggle.
“That's not a real place,” Marcus, one of the boys who has a very obvious crush on her, grumbles.
“Oh it very much is,” Gem answers, deciding to intervene.
“He is actually our neighbour. We were just there this morning.”
“Sorry about him, he is just being stupid.”
“No no it's alright. My empire is very new and small, so I understand if you haven't heard of it before. It's probably only really the other emperors who know of it.”
“What's it like?”
“Well it has the most amazing tropical beach, that's great for swimming. And the finest beets in all the lands. And believe me, I have seen many lands in my time as a wandering bard.”
“You're a bard?”
“Can you sing us a song?”
“Oh, was a bard, I'm not really anymore, uh.”
“Please oh please oh please?”
Practically all the children had now joined in on the puppy eyes, and Oli looked helplessly at Gem.
“I can try to get them to back down if I really have to, but do you really wanna disappoint them?”
“Alright alright anything for my fans,” he answers, pulling out his lute. This is a giddy little tune I learned when I travelled with a group long ago.
“I'm a merry troubadour,
from a land of happiness.
Where money's not a chore,
for musicians penniless.
We'll perform where we stay.
Nothing can stop the arts.
There’s sun and song and play,
when the music starts …”
Gem couldn't help but be entranced by his music, but quickly started only half listening to his words. She was too distracted by how beautiful he looked, sitting there smiling and singing surrounded by children, and a quickly growing small gathering of adults attracted by his magical tunes. He took no notice of them, too lost in the music and joy, clearly thriving under all the attention. She couldn't help the warm, giddy feeling that spread through her body. It was such a happy contrast to this morning.
When the song ended, everyone cheered and applauded. Oli seemed surprised by how large his audience had grown, but his reluctance to play had disappeared, and it took little persuasion for him to start on another song, which turned into another, and another. People came and went, and those who could, got the joy of being able to listen while they worked. By the time Oli declared he couldn't possibly play anymore, Gem had completely lost track of how many songs he had played, but she was sure she hadn't had so much fun ever before.
“Want me to show you around? You never got a full tour the first time, and much has changed since then.”
Oli just nodded, voice likely tired from all the singing.
Taking his hand, purely so he wouldn't get lost, and stubbornly ignoring how it made hers tingle, she started her comprehensive tour talking about all the buildings, their functions and who lived there. They stopped by a booth in the marketplace to get some sunshine lemon drinks, which seemed to help Oli’s overworked voice. Despite that he only spoke rarely to make a joke or two before falling silent, seemingly having falled back to preferring letting her do most of the talking.
At long last they settled on a picnic blanket in a secluded spot, away from everyone to enjoy some food they had bought in the marketplace just before. It was nice and warm, as they sat and ate in a comfortable silence, until Oli spoke softly, but pointedly not looking at her.
“I'm very grateful you decided to check up on me, and didn't just leave me behind, when you had confirmed I hadn't gotten stuck in some cave or hole.”
“Of course not! You were clearly not okay. What kind of friend would I be, if I just walked away?”
That made him look up at her with a bewildered, but hopeful look in his eyes. “You really see me as your friend?”
“Yes. I may not remember any of those adventures you do, and I know we haven't interacted that much yet, but when we have it's always so much fun. Sure you can be annoying as heck, but in a fun way and you always make me laugh, and tell the best stories, and you are kind, and just have this wonderful energy that rubs off people, and makes everyone around you happier.” She finally stopped her ranting, knowing she could probably continue for an hour, and still not properly explain how much he means to her.
“Thank you … that means a lot,” he says, voice full of emotion backing up the statement.
“I, you know about those dreams I,” Gem starts but looks away and stops, unsure how to explain this, or even if she should. She has never told anyone else before, and she doesn't want Oli to think she is trying to make this about her. No, he won't think that, or laugh at her, or call her crazy. He deserves to know he isn't the only one with dreams of a different world.
“I kinda get it. I too visit a different world in my dreams, where I have adventures with a bunch of great friends. It is so much fun getting to not be the princess of Dawn, and not have any of those responsibilities. I can just build and have fun with everyone else, and I'm actually a really good fighter in that world. None of them are here though except False, there is a version of her in that world too. But our False is so reserved and secretive, I have no idea if she is connected to my friend, or not. It was really weird, seeing someone who looks so much like my friend, and having her distrust me, and treat me like a stranger. I'm guessing that must be kinda, what it has been like for you.” Having finished, she gathered enough courage to look at his reaction.
Oli looked shocked and kinda dumbfounded, but at least he wasn't laughing at her.
“I uh, haven't actually told anyone this before though.” She starts picking at the hem of her dress. “Was afraid they would call me crazy, or try to convince me they're just dreams, but I know it's real. Sorry if I'm rambling, I just thought you should know, I at least sorta understand your situation, and absolutely don't think you're crazy. Or if you are, then we're both crazy.”
“I … thank you.”
“No problem.”
“Is it like this world or?”
“Mostly yes, we respawn like normal. The Hermits don't live in empires, though some do create whole towns and castles. It's very varied and we use diamonds to buy things, instead of trading. Most bases are really big, and sometimes people create games and other amazing contraptions using redstone. Not me though. It's a nice peaceful place. Sure, sometimes there are rivalries, and there has apparently been some conflicts a few times before I joined them, but we're all friends in the end.”
“It sounds … nice. You're lucky.” His eyes are looking damp. Maybe talking about how great her Hermitcraft adventures are, wasn't a good idea. Actually a really stupid idea, since she knew his dream adventures made him sad.
“Yeah I guess I am. Sorry I thought it would help, but I didn't think about the fact that my experience isn't as unpleasant as yours.”
“No no I'm glad you told me. I, I shouldn't be getting so worked up about this anyway, it's stupid I should just get over it. I remember all my friends and they don't, so what!” That was definitely tears forming in his eyes, despite furious attempts to blink them away. And his chest was heaving in a way that suggested he was on the verge of sobbing again.
“No it's not stupid. It hurts. I know it does. I was hurt about Falsie too. Meeting one of my Hermit friends for the first time in this world, only to find she is afraid of me, and doesn't know who I am? That hurts, it still hurts and it's so confusing going back to Hermitcraft where she acts normal, and if I am honest I may have been avoiding her a little bit because of that, even though I should probably just try talking to her about it, even if she might just tell me I'm crazy. I should probably be grateful this False doesn't act like my friend, even if I wish I could be friends with her too, because it would probably just be very confusing.” She feelt the tears coming and stopped talking, because Oli doesn't need her to start sobbing too.
“It is, it's the worst, just as I start to think of you guys as different people, you laugh the same or have the same glint in your eyes. Even as fWhip stuck me in that cage for weeks with barely any food, I couldn't hate him, because I still saw elements of the guy I knew.” Oli’s annoyance didn't stop the tears, but at least he wasn't on the verge of sobbing anymore. It fades though into a tired sigh, as he wraps his arms around his legs, and his voice drops almost into a murmur. “Guess it probably didn't help, that he once captured me too when I was an atling, but at least I got out very quickly then, and he died so I definitely got my revenge for that. Or when Joey attacked me yelling about skeletons, he sounded so much like his dullahan life, it drove me insane! And then I woke up staring at Sausage, and he doesn't even have the decency to act different most of the time!”
fWhip did what to him for weeks? She was definitely gonna have to have a few words with that goblin later!
Gem pulls Oli into a hug, which he returns with a desperate grip, tears flowing stubbornly now, despite his obvious attempts to stop them. “It's okay Oli, let it out. It's not good to keep all that inside of you.” He stopped fighting, tears turning into more sobs, and suddenly she can't stop her own tears either, but at least they're silent, and it would be hypocritical to stop them, even if she feels bad about crying with him.
“I'm a mess,” Oli says after a few minutes.
“I don't mind. I'm a bit of a mess too,” she laughs, because the situation was actually kinda ridiculous. “I didn't even realise I had so many repressed feelings about False and my dreams. It actually felt really good to say it out loud, even if I didn't mean to.”
“You deserved to complain a bit yourself after all my lamenting. And it's nice to know I'm not completely alone with this.”
“Yeah, we should do this some more. Just letting out feelings. And if you want, I definitely won't mind helping you talk to the others. We can just start small, like explaining to Joe that you're not his arch enemy Skeletron, or in liege with him. Seriously as far as I know, that guy is a skeleton pirate, how the sun did he make that mistake?”
“Hmm … maybe.” To his credit Oli looks like he is actually truly considering it.
“Would it help if I promise to talk to my False about this version of her? And perhaps … try again to actually get to know the other False? It could be our little deal.”
He remains silent for a while, which leaves her no distraction from the heart racing idea she had just proposed. Would Falsie laugh at her, or would she be mad that Gem had found out her secret, if there was something there? What about other False, was she as good of a fighter? If she was Gem wouldn't stand a chance. She didn't even own a sword, much less know how to use one.
“Alright … I will try,” he answers, though he doesn't meet her eyes when he says it. “Guess I can come along with our False if you want some backup, since I don't have history with her.
“Really? You'd do that for me?” Was it really that easy to convince him? She didn't think he would actually agree, and certainly not promise to help out as well.
“Yeah. Course haven't actually met her, so she would probably be distrustful of me too, but at least you wouldn't be on your own. And you would be helping me with everyone else, so it's only fair.”
“Thank you … I would love that. I'll admit, I am a bit scared to meet her all alone. You make for great company. I'm sure you'd have no problem charming her. You've certainly charmed my villagers,” and me she adds in the privacy of her own mind.
“Think so?” Sun, he looks so surprised and possibly pleased.
“Yeah had Mia wrapped around your finger, even before getting out your lute. And when you started playing, you had everyone completely enraptured. I don't understand why you insist you don't like performing. You looked very happy. I certainly couldn't see an ounce of your supposed stage fright.”
The pleased look gives away to awkwardness as he scratches his neck. “Ah yes, well they were only children, maybe that helped. Or perhaps that I wasn't performing on a stage, or maybe being outside instead being in a stuffy old building. I don't know, sometimes I just … freeze up, and have trouble breathing while thoughts race through my mind a thousand blocks an hour. Makes it kinda hard to be a bard.”
“Has it always been the case? You told the kids that you used to be a wandering bard.”
He looks so small again, like this morning before he broke down. “That was kinda a lie. I have always been musically inclined, and with all those adventures I relive in my dreams I have wandered many places, and certainly learned a lot of songs. Many I don't think anyone here would recognise. I didn't have trouble playing them for other people back then, and even made my own versions a lot of the time.” Oli laid his lute out in front of him, and started to trace the outline. “But calling me a bard wouldn't really be accurate. It just felt like an easier explanation, especially since you guys kept calling me that.
“I'm sorry we gave you that title.” And that she made him melancholy again.
“It's … fine, really. I mean I do love to sing. I just wish it was as easy as it was back then. Don't want to panic and disappoint people.”
If it wasn't a problem before he arrived here, then it might be related to that. She was aware that trauma could manifest in many ways. And it might be something he could overcome. “Perhaps it's related to losing that life?
“What do you mean?”
“In your past life, you didn't have your stage fright, but you do now. Could be related to the trauma of getting removed from that, and placed into this reality.”
“Maybe.”
Gem gently guides Oli to look at her. “I don't think you should let fear stop you from doing something you love. You can always just start small like with the children, or just having a small audience you trust. I'm sure if we just told people it might happen, most of the Emperors would be supportive.”
“You think so? They wouldn't be mad, or make fun of me?”
“I know so. Most of them are very understanding people … If you want, you can always just start with performing for me. I know for sure you could never disappoint me.”
“Oh … ah … thanks?” It seems she has managed to make Oli, of all people, flustered. He is blushing and sputtering, and suddenly very interested in his lute. Her cheeks are also warm, and not just from the sun.
“I guess I could try? I do still owe you for those carrots afterall.”
“You don't have to do it now, Oli.”
“I … want to,” he says, still looking down at his lute.
“Well then, I certainly wouldn't mind a little private performance to end the day.”
“Okay … uhm.” He strums a few notes, but looks so unsure of himself.
“Don't think of it as playing for me to make up for something. I already said you didn't need to. Just think of it as playing for yourself. I'll be so quiet, you won't even remember I'm there.”
Oli readjusts his position to better play, which means he ends up looking away from her, and out into the fields surrounding them, face lit by the sun slowly starting to set.
“When I walk through forest, or walk by the bend.
When I walk by fields full of wheat.
I think of you always, my ever faithful friend.
I remember a boy, oh so sweet.
His voice is a little rough and uncertain, but it sounds heavenly and despite continuing to be very slow, it is growing slighter stronger.
“These words I have to shove.
Goodbye my dearest love.
Please forget not, your loyal friend.
Oh passion, oh passion, how it forces me,
to fill my heart, with unrest.
I never wanted, to do so to thee,
Life was so bright, and so blessed.”
His face is still angled away from her, but she suspects he is crying. The fact that he has paused a bit longer this time, and his voice being mushy when he starts up again, supports her theory.
“Why this pain always start?
It ever plagues my heart.
I might never, fully comprehend.”
A few seconds went by in silence, before she wrapped one arm around him in a comforting hug. “That was a really beautiful song, Oli.” Even if some bitter part of her, can't help but wonder if it was dedicated to the Sausage he knew, and quite possibly loved.
“Thanks,” he said voice still mushy from all the emotions that must have gone into the song. He wiped the tears away from his eyes, before standing up. “It's getting late. I should get home so you can go to sleep.”
His logic was sound, but it feels like a dismissal. “Okay, do you want me to escort you home?”
“No, no it's fine, no need for you to stay up late. Won't be any mobs to bother me in the air.” Something about his tone told her, it was more like he didn't want her company.
“Goodbye then.”
“Bye.”
She stands and watches him, until the tiny spec of him completely disappears, and prays to the sun that he has found at least a bit more peace.