Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1: Mission: Socialization

Wayne Manor had survived Joker invasions, demon cults, and a very unfortunate incident involving Batcow and a chandelier.

But this? This was madness.

Dick had gathered the entire Batclan with an urgent announcement. Everyone had expected it to be about a new villain in town, or at least a rogue Batcow on the loose again. Instead, they were staring at a bowl full of sticky notes like it was some kind of cursed artifact.

“We’ve tried the obvious fixes,” Tim said, adjusting his glasses. “Therapy was a bust. Vacation was a disaster. The last time we tried a date, we got another sibling out of it.”

“Which is why we’re not doing that again. This isn’t matchmaking.” Dick Grayson said, planting a whiteboard in the middle of the living room like a war general laying out a campaign.

“Thank god,” Duke muttered.

Dick cleared his throat and lifted the bowl. “This time, we try something different. Social reintegration. Human connection. In other words—he needs friends.”

“He has us,” Damian said, not looking up from where he was sharpening a batarang. “That is more than sufficient.”

“You stabbed a training dummy this morning because he didn’t say ‘good morning’ back.”

“It was rude.”

“Case in point.”

Jason groaned from the couch. “Look, I’m not against the whole ‘get B a social life’ thing, but can we at least pretend this isn’t an intervention?”

“It is an intervention,” Tim said without looking up from his tablet. “We’ve already tried luring him to therapy. This is the next best thing.”

Cass signed something quickly, eyes amused.

“She says Bruce’s people skills are tragic,” Dick translated with a grin. “Which is a gentle way of saying he actively terrifies everyone who isn’t a Gotham native.”

Stephanie raised a hand like she was in a classroom. “Question: are we doing this for Bruce’s emotional health or so we don’t have to be his only social circle forever?”

“Yes,” the entire room chorused.

“Great, just making sure we’re all honest here.”

Dick spun the whiteboard around to reveal the title:
OPERATION: MAKE BATMAN A FUNCTIONAL HUMAN BEING.

Below it were two columns: “Target JL Members” and “Tactics.”

“Alright,” he said, clapping his hands together. “We each draw a name from the bowl, then orchestrate a casual, organic meeting between Bruce and that Leaguer. No pressure, no matchmaking, just… friendly contact.”

“Lies,” Jason muttered. “This is absolutely matchmaking.”

“Not matchmaking,” Dick said, way too quickly. “No one’s dating anyone. This isn’t a shipping board.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Stephanie said under her breath.

“I’m serious! We draw names, we set up an outing—coffee, sparring match, whatever—and we send Bruce there without telling him it’s a setup.”

“Is that not emotional manipulation?” Damian asked flatly.

“Yes,” Cass signed, grinning.

“Absolutely,” Dick confirmed.

Everyone groaned. But not a single one of them left the room.

Because the truth was, Bruce Wayne—stoic, isolated, battle-worn Bruce—was getting worse.

And none of them could fix it by themselves.

So they tried together.

Damian crossed his arms. “Father doesn’t need ‘friends.’ He needs discipline. And more sleep.”

“Maybe if he had friends, he’d sleep better,” Stephanie said brightly. “You know. Instead of brooding on rooftops all night like a depressed raccoon.”

So, the rules were simple: each person would draw the name of a Justice League member from the bowl and try to orchestrate a “non-threatening, emotionally constructive interaction” between them and Batman. No ambushes, no date setups, no weird side quests. Just… friendship.

Cass gave a thumbs-up.

Dick handed her the bowl first. She drew a name, peeked at it, then nodded with unreadable calm.

Tim followed. He raised an eyebrow at his slip of paper, then gave a small shrug. “Doable.”

“Mine better not be Green Lantern,” Jason grumbled, reaching in. “I am not dragging Bruce to space Costco or whatever Hal does for fun.”

Damian picked his with all the grim ceremony of a ninja pulling a death scroll.

Stephanie glanced at hers and started giggling. “Oh this is gonna be fun.”

Dick went last. He looked at the name. He closed his eyes.

“Who’d you get?” Tim asked.

“…Hal Jordan”

Jason immediately burst out laughing. “Guess you’re going to need a bigger clipboard.”

Dick dropped his head onto the whiteboard with a groan. “Why did I think this was a good idea?”

“Because deep down,” Steph said, patting his back, “you believe Bruce can be normal.”

“I really don’t.”

“But it’s cute that you try.”

As the others continued bickering about which Justice Leaguers were least likely to flee from Bruce in conversation, Cass quietly walked out of the room.

Down the hall, past the library, to the study where Bruce sat with a stack of case files and a half-drunk cup of black coffee.

She stood in the doorway until he noticed her.

“Cass?” he asked, glancing up. “Is something wrong?”

She shook her head, then signed slowly:
Big mission. Family thing. You’ll see.

Bruce raised a brow, but didn’t press.

He never did with her.

Socializing the Bat (Step 1: Kryptonian Proximity)
♡︎ Tim's POV ♡︎

This was, objectively, a terrible idea.

And that was coming from someone who once hacked into the Pentagon on a dare and also had to explain to Bruce why there were now two Batmobiles welded together with a flamethrower engine.

But this? This was worse.

“Are you absolutely sure this is going to work?” Red Robin asked over comms, watching from the rooftop across the Metropolis skyline.

“Absolutely not,” came Nightwing’s cheerful voice. “But you pulled Superman. He’s the safest bet. It’s not like Batman’s going to growl at him.”

Tim stared through binoculars as Superman floated a few inches off the ground in front of the rooftop café they’d “coincidentally” rented out for this meeting.

“I don’t even know if they’ve talked before,” he muttered.

“Then this’ll be great,” Steph chirped in. “They can start with the weather! Oh wait, he hates small talk. Okay, uh… crime stats? Do vigilantes do that as an icebreaker?”

There was a long pause.

Cass just sent an emoji in the group chat: a skull.

Tim sighed.

He looked to the shadows beside him, where Batman was perched in his usual dramatic gargoyle crouch, cape fluttering even though there was no wind.

“I don’t see why this is necessary,” Batman said, voice gravel over gravel. “This is not a good use of my time.”

“You promised,” Tim reminded him. “One meeting. That’s all.”

“I said I would observe. That doesn’t mean engage.”

“Bruce.”

“…Fine.”

Tim toggled the signal. Across the street, Superman waved politely and landed fully. The rooftop was empty except for a tiny table with tea, coffee, and what Alfred had aggressively insisted were “non-threatening pastries.”

Batman moved.

The shadows shifted like they knew better than to disobey him. One moment he was beside Tim, the next he was across the rooftop behind Superman with no footsteps in between.

Superman didn’t flinch.

That was something.

“Batman,” Superman greeted, genuinely pleased. “Glad you could make it.”

“Superman.”

They stared at each other.

Long silence.

Tim swore the wind paused out of respect.

Superman gestured to the table. “Would you like to sit?”

“I prefer to stand.”

Another pause.

“Alright,” Superman said, still smiling. “That’s cool. I’ll stand too.”

Tim watched from his hidden vantage point, chewing a protein bar out of stress alone.

There was a beat.

Then, to Tim’s surprise, Superman actually tried.

“I’ve read a few of your case reports,” he said casually. “GCPD’s messier than I expected. How do you manage?”

“With contingency,” Batman said. “And overtime.”

Superman laughed. Not in a mocking way — more like someone genuinely impressed.

“That’s fair,” he said. “We don’t really do contingency plans in Metropolis. Half the time I’m just hoping Lex doesn’t invent a sun gun again.”

Batman actually… tilted his head.

“Sun gun?”

“Don’t ask. It was a Tuesday.”

They stood in silence for a few more beats, but it wasn’t tense now.

It was… tolerable.

Tim blinked.

Was it working?

Then Superman leaned in slightly, expression hopeful.

“You know, we should do this more often.”

Tim fist-pumped from the shadows.

Batman blinked. “...Do what?”

“Meet. Talk. Maybe coordinate. A lot of the others have been curious about you. I could… introduce you sometime.”

Batman paused. Then said, in a tone that was almost confused:

“You’re inviting me to a team.”

Superman smiled. “Not yet. Just… to a hangout. Casual. Friendly.”

Tim’s blood turned to ice.

Oh no.

He thinks it’s a date.

Back in the comms, Jason started howling with laughter.

“Is this going to be a thing?” he wheezed. “Because I will sell tickets.”

“He doesn’t know who I am,” Batman said flatly.

“Even better,” Jason replied. “It’s mysterious. Adds tension.”

Red Robin muted himself before he could scream.

Meanwhile, Batman remained still.

“I don’t… do casual,” he said bluntly.

“You’re doing it right now,” Superman said.

Batman glanced at the coffee. Then at the non-threatening pastry. Then back at Superman.

"...Hn."

And with that grunted syllable, he sat down.

Tim nearly fell off the roof.

“I think I just witnessed history,” he whispered.

Back in the comms, Steph shrieked. “We’re doing it! One emotionally constipated bat at a time!”

Cass sent another skull emoji.

Then a heart.

To be Continued...

Chapter Text

“Step 2: Operation Punch Your Problems”
♡︎ Jason's POV

Bruce was onto them.

Which meant things were about to get fun.

“Just to be clear,” Jason said as he paced the Manor’s study, “we’re doing this behind his back, knowing he’ll find out, and counting on the fact that he won’t be able to resist.”

“Exactly,” Tim nodded, typing furiously on his tablet. “Reverse psychology via vigilante guilt.”

“Brilliant,” said Steph, stealing a cookie from Alfred’s tray. “Morally questionable. Possibly treason. I love it.”

“I’m in,” said Cass.

Damian stood near the fireplace like a tiny general. “Father believes he can avoid basic emotional maintenance through sheer stubbornness. We must correct this flaw.”

Jason grinned. “Right. That’s why I told Dinah he’s been slacking and needs a sparring partner.”

Tim raised an eyebrow. “You lied to Black Canary?”

“Didn’t lie. Just curated the facts.”

“Did you mention she’s not the only one showing up?”

Jason shrugged. “Oliver volunteered. What was I supposed to do, say no?”

Steph cackled. “You set him up for a two-on-one sparring match? With hot people? I love this plan.”

“He’ll pretend to hate it,” Jason said, smug. “And then agree to a weekly rematch.”

Damian narrowed his eyes. “He may attempt to flee.”

“I’ve locked down the secondary tunnels.”

Cass nodded in approval.

♡︎ Later – Bunker Gym, Gotham City

The private gym was deep beneath an old Wayne warehouse, reinforced and forgotten by most of the family until recently. Perfect for secret schemes.

Dinah arrived first, rolling her shoulders and tossing a mouthguard from hand to hand.

“You weren’t kidding. He really needs to punch something, huh?”

Jason leaned on the ropes. “He’d never admit it, but yeah.”

Oliver walked in moments later, sunglasses on indoors like a true menace.

“I brought the bow. You said bring the bow.”

“Not for shooting,” Jason muttered.

“Details.”

Then—

Heavy footsteps. A flicker of shadow. Batman emerged from the stairwell, cape trailing like a stormcloud.

He stopped. Saw both of them.

“…This was supposed to be one-on-one.”

Dinah smiled sweetly. “Changed my mind. I’m feeling generous.”

Batman stared at them. “Fine.”

Jason smirked from the shadows.

♡︎ Thirty Minutes Later

Sparring with Dinah was already brutal.

Adding Oliver was borderline sadistic.

Batman was holding his own, but even Jason could tell he was getting into it. The way he moved. The way he timed his counters. He hadn’t let loose like this in weeks.

Dinah ducked a kick and grinned. “You’re fast today.”

Oliver jabbed with the bowstaff. “And grumpy. Just my type.”

Batman knocked him back with an elbow.

“You’re both chatty.”

Dinah rolled her eyes. “You’re welcome.”

Jason watched it all unfold with a satisfied sigh.

Across the hidden monitor, Tim was taking notes. “He’s not pulling his punches. That’s a good sign.”

“He dodged three flirtation attempts,” Steph whispered. “Is that progress?”

“Technically he blocked them,” Tim replied.

Cass didn’t say anything. But she tilted her head, eyes narrowed. Observing.

Carefully.

♡︎ After the Match

Batman was sweaty, bruised, and weirdly calm.

Dinah grabbed a water bottle and flopped onto a bench. “That was good. We should do this again.”

Oliver leaned against the wall, stretching. “We’re free next week. Same time?”

Batman hesitated.

“…Fine.”

Jason silently screamed with joy in the back corner.

He knew Bruce better than anyone. That tone wasn’t defeat—it was surrender. A quiet kind. The kind that meant: I’ll be here, even if I pretend it’s annoying.

As Bruce left the gym without another word, Jason sent a thumbs-up into the group chat.

♡︎ Group Chat: Bats4EmotionalSupport

Red Hood: TARGET TWO AND THREE DOWN. BRUCE IS HOOKED.

Spoiler: Setting up Diana’s schedule next. Cass, you in?

Orphan: Yes.

Robin: Focusing on Father’s physical resilience is wise. It keeps him distracted.

Red Hood: Operation “Punch Your Feelings” continues.

Orphan: He enjoyed it.

Red Robin: Huh?

Orphan: The fight. He liked sparring with them.

Everyone Else: [typing…]

Red Hood: …we’re geniuses.

—
“Step 3: Lasso of Trust (And Maybe Tea?)”
♡︎ Stephanie’s POV

“I can’t believe we’re doing this.”

“You say that like you aren’t currently assembling a tray of homemade scones,” came Tim’s voice through her earpiece. His tone was dry but undeniably smug.

“They’re from a box!” Steph hissed, shoving the tin of jam into a basket. “And Diana is literally a goddess. She probably eats gold dust and drinks sunlight.”

“Well, today she’s drinking tea,” Tim said. “Cass finished prepping the Tower’s side. You’re up. Go.”

Stephanie inhaled sharply, adjusted the basket on her arm, and rang the buzzer to the Wayne Enterprises executive rooftop. Which, for today only, had been repurposed by Cassandra as a neutral meeting zone. For “collaboration” purposes.

That’s what the email said, anyway. Bruce hadn’t read it yet. Cass had “borrowed” his account.

♡

Batman landed in a low crouch, cape fluttering behind him as he stepped onto the rooftop. His jaw was already tight.

“This is a trap.”

Stephanie beamed. “Hi B-man! Thanks for coming. We have tea.”

He blinked. Then narrowed his eyes. “Where is she?”

As if on cue, a glowing ripple shimmered through the air—and Wonder Woman stepped through a soft golden portal, her expression open and serene.

“Batman,” she greeted with a smile. “It’s good to see you.”

Batman’s expression faltered for half a second.

♡

♡︎ Tim’s POV (listening in)

“She actually showed up?” Tim whispered, watching via satellite cam.

“She brought him honey,” Cass whispered back through comms.

“She brought him— okay, Steph better not screw this up.”

♡

♡︎ Stephanie’s POV

“We thought it’d be nice,” Steph said brightly, “to organize a private discussion on, uh, Gotham-related cross-pantheon collaboration. Informal! Relaxed! No weapons.”

Diana smiled politely. “Of course. I always appreciate open dialogue.”

Bruce hadn’t moved.

“Sit,” Steph said, pushing his shoulder toward the seat. “It’s tea. Not poison.”

After a long moment, he sat. Slowly. Suspiciously. Eyes locked on Diana like she might try to interrogate him with truth magic—which, to be fair, she probably could.

The table between them was ridiculously quaint. Handwritten name cards. A floral centerpiece. Two tea cups.

“Are you… fond of jasmine?” Diana asked softly, pouring tea into Bruce’s cup.

His eyes flicked to the teapot. Then her. Then Steph.

“I don’t dislike it.”

Progress.

♡

♡︎ Tim’s POV

“He’s sitting. He’s drinking tea.”

Cass murmured, “He’s making eye contact.”

Tim’s mouth dropped open. “Oh my gods. She’s winning.”

♡

♡︎ Stephanie’s POV

Conversation started stiffly—Diana spoke of diplomatic strategies, mythological crime overlaps, minor magic breaches near Arkham. Bruce grunted responses.

But then Diana asked a simple question.

“What made you become him?”

Steph froze behind the plant she was hiding behind. That was not in the script.

Batman didn’t answer at first. Then, quietly:

“Gotham didn’t have anyone. So I became someone.”

Diana set her cup down gently. “That’s a heavy burden to carry alone.”

Batman looked at her. Really looked.

“…I’m used to it.”

“You shouldn’t have to be.”

Stephanie covered her mouth. Okay, she’s definitely flirting. That’s flirting, right?

♡

After twenty more minutes and exactly three scones, Batman stood.

“I have patrol,” he said, and nodded to Diana stiffly. “Thank you for the tea.”

He left with a flick of his cape.

♡

♡︎ Group Chat - Batkids Edition
Cass: Step 3 complete.
Tim: What did we just witness.
Steph: I think we accidentally made them soul bond over carbs.
Jason: Did she flirt??
Steph: HE DRANK TEA, JASON. WITH HIS MASK ON.

♡

To be Continued...

Chapter Text

"Step 4: Speed Dating (Literally)"
♡︎ Damian's POV

"Tt. You're all incompetent."

"I'm sorry," Stephanie said flatly through the comm. "Which one of us got Wonder Woman to laugh? Oh right-me."

"Cass coordinated it," Tim replied lazily. "Steph just brought the tea and nearly hyperventilated into it."

"You are all wasting valuable time," Damian snapped, cape fluttering behind him as he landed on a rooftop two blocks from Central City's Justice Hall. "Father will become suspicious soon. He nearly caught me rewriting the patrol logs."

"Did you delete his backups?" Tim asked.

"Yes."

"All seven of them?"

A beat.

"...There were more then 3 backups?"

A collective groan echoed through the comms.

♡

Damian ignored them, adjusting the encrypted signal emitter on his wrist. "Regardless. Today's target is more... kinetic."

"Flash?" Steph guessed. "You sure? Your dad might actually vaporize trying to keep up."

"He won't need to," Damian said with certainty. "He'll listen."

♡

♡︎ Flash's POV (sort of)

Barry was halfway through a monologue about quantum momentum as it applied to pie theft when he realized-

Batman hadn't said a word in seventeen minutes.

Which, to be fair, was standard. But he hadn't left, either.

"...And, like, I get that theoretically you could slow time to steal a pie from seven bakeries simultaneously, but then you have to ask-what about the ethics of dessert duplication, you know?"

Nothing.

Then a low voice, so quiet it practically emerged from the shadows behind him: "You said temporal displacement causes flavor degradation?"

Flash nearly tripped over his own boots.

"Yes! Yes, exactly! You get it. Like, you can speed through flavor, but the molecules haven't-wait, you were listening?"

Batman nodded once. Just once. But it was enough.

And Barry Allen, Fastest Man Alive, went completely red in the ears.

♡

♡︎ Damian's POV

From his vantage point across the street, Damian smirked.

"Told you. Father thrives in chaos. Flash is chaos."

"Is he vibrating?" Steph muttered.

"I think that's his normal state," Tim replied. "Look at Dad though-he's actually... intrigued."

On screen, Batman had his arms folded, the faintest tilt to his head as Flash enthusiastically gestured, talking at light speed. Bruce even nodded now and then. Nodded.

Cass texted silently:
Cass: He likes the voice.
Steph: Omg Flash is blushing
Tim: Are they... bonding over quantum crime theories?
Jason: I've never been prouder.

♡

♡︎ Flash's Internal Monologue (roughly 3.2 seconds long)

He listens. No one ever listens that long. He tracked all twenty-seven points of my lecture on micro-time law. I'm going to die. I'm already dead. He's scary and perfect. Focus, Barry, focus-

♡

Back on the rooftop, Batman murmured:
"That theory about molecular drag- there was a paper about that last year."

Flash's jaw dropped.

"You read that?"

Batman's gaze didn't waver. "Footnotes were sloppy. But the logic held."

Flash stood very still for the first time in hours.

Because he didnt think anyone would read what he himself wrote.

♡

♡︎ Group Chat: Batkids Edition
Damian: Step 4: Complete.
Tim: Dad listened to a monologue about pie physics and didn't interrupt once.
Cass: He respects his brain.
Jason: Flash is gonna pass out.
Steph: This is my favorite soap opera.

♡

And as Batman disappeared into the night once more, Flash remained rooted in place, one hand over his chest, heart racing-not from speed, but from something far more dangerous.

Recognition.

-

"Step 5: Light Up His Life"
♡︎ Dick Grayson's POV

This was a bad idea.

And that was saying something, because Dick Grayson had signed off on a lot of bad ideas. Roof-hopping in Gotham traffic. Pretending to be Batman for a week. Letting Jason teach Damian how to drive. All arguably bad. But this?

Setting up Bruce Wayne-the Batman-with Green Lantern?

"Insane," Dick muttered, pacing across the Batcave.

"Relax," Tim said over the comms. "It's Hal. He'll keep it casual."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Dick groaned.

♡

Hal Jordan was... a lot.

The man walked into the lounge like he owned the place. Sunglasses pushed into his hair, flight jacket slung over one shoulder, grin set to 'charm level: insufferable.'

And Bruce?

Bruce showed up like he was attending a funeral. Black gloves. Zero expression. Still in his costume.

"Bats!" Hal called out, dropping into the seat across from him. "Long time no awkward brooding."

Batman blinked. "We've never met outside missions."

"Exactly!" Hal said, cheerfully ignoring the tone. "Time to fix that."

♡

♡︎ The Hangout Begins

Green Lantern talked.

Boy, did he talk.

About dogfighting in Ferris aircraft simulators. About alien pubs on Oa. About the time Kilowog sang karaoke in the wrong gravity zone and shattered two moons. Bruce just sat there, hands folded, eyes unblinking.

Hal didn't seem to mind. "You're a good listener," he said, finally sipping his coffee. "Not what I expected."

Bruce nodded slowly. "Most people overcorrect when nervous."

"Oh, I'm not nervous," Hal said breezily. "I just like hearing myself talk."

Bruce huffed-barely-but Hal's grin widened like he'd won something.

♡

♡︎ Back at the Batcave - Later

Dick was half-asleep at the monitors when the ping came through.

"Batman is home," the system said blandly.

"Great," Dick muttered, rubbing his eyes. "Let's see if he survived Jordan."

♡

♡︎ Bruce Wayne's Room - Wayne Manor

The door clicked shut behind him. No cape. No cowl. Just Bruce.

He walked in, removed his gloves, sat on the edge of the bed, and stared blankly at the floor.

Silence.

Then:

"...I laughed."

He blinked at the wall.

"And I... liked it?"

Silence again. Followed by:

"I listened to Hal Jordans monologue for an hour and a half and 18 seconds. Voluntarily."

A long pause. Then his eyes widened, slow and horrified.

"...Oh no."

He replayed the last week in his head. The "sparring session" with Ollie and Dinah. Tea with Wonder Woman. That bizarre rooftop exchange with Superman. Flash's unholy speed banter.

Now Green Lantern.

His hands went to his temples.

"...They were all flirting with me."

He stood abruptly, stared at his own reflection in the mirror, and said:

"Oh my god I have crushes on six Justice League members."

The mirror did not offer help.

♡

♡︎ Group Chat: Batkids Edition - Later That Night

Cass: he's spiraling
Tim: he deserves it
Damian: green lantern was the last.
Dick: ...is anyone else kinda worried?
Steph: no
Jason: absolutely not

♡

And in the darkness of his room, Bruce Wayne laid back against his pillow, stared at the ceiling, and wondered when exactly he'd lost control of his life.

...Probably somewhere between the Amazon sparring match and the Lantern banter.

Definitely before the tea.

To be Continued...

Chapter Text

"Step 6: Mission Accomplished?”

♡︎ Watchtower – Justice League Meeting Room

"Next order of business," Superman said, glancing around the circular table. "We need to fill our open roster spot."

“Easy,” Diana said immediately. “Batman.”

“Batman,” Hal echoed, spinning in his chair.

“Batman,” Ollie said, already nodding.

“Batman,” Dinah added, casually sipping from her thermos.

“…Batman,” Barry said, mouth full of donuts.

J’onn blinked. “I was going to suggest someone else, but… democracy.”

Bruce, who was watching from the silent corner via security feed because of course he had access, muttered, “They can’t be serious.”

But they were.

And worse?

They voted unanimously.

♡

♡︎ Batcave – Hours Later

“Congratulations,” Tim said with a grin. “You’re in the League.”

“This wasn’t part of the plan,” Bruce muttered. “I never even applied—”

“You’re Batman,” Jason said, throwing an arm over his shoulder. “You don’t apply. You haunt your way in.”

Cass patted his hand. “We’re proud.”

Bruce blinked. “What?”

Dick practically tackled him into a hug. “We got you to socialize! And now you’re officially part of the most powerful team on Earth!”

“You make it sound like this was your idea,” Bruce said suspiciously.

“Ha… ha…” Tim and Dick chorused way too fast.

♡

♡︎ Titans Tower – Dick Grayson’s POV

“We did it,” Dick said, grinning at the Titans. “B got into the League.”

“Nice,” Starfire beamed. “He will bond with your… Justice Uncles.”

“I still think it’s weird you planned this,” Raven deadpanned.

“It wasn’t a plan—it was encouragement,” Dick said quickly. “Like… friendly matchmaking.”

Wally, halfway through a speed drink, snorted.

“Matchmaking?” he said. “Dude. You’ve been setting your dad up on dates.”

Dick blinked. “What?”

“You realize those were dates, right?” Wally said, raising an eyebrow. “Thats what we were doing for the last six months. Dating.”

Silence.

“I—what?” Dick squawked.

“You cuddle me during movie night. You leave notes in my helmet. You once called me ‘sweetheart’ by accident.”

“I thought I was being friendly!!”

“You kissed me on the mouth last week.”

“…Oh my god.”

♡

♡︎ Outlaws’ HQ – Jason Todd’s POV

“So the Bat’s in the League now,” Jason said proudly, arms crossed. “Told you the plan would work.”

“You mean the scheme you dragged us into under the excuse of ‘totally-not-romantic team bonding’?” Roy asked.

“Exactly,” Jason nodded.

Artemis rolled her eyes. “You’re all idiots.”

Roy leaned closer. “You do realize those hangouts are exactly the same as our 'dates', right? You know you’re with me, right?”

Jason blinked. “What?”

Roy snorted. “You flirt constantly. You made me coffee every morning for a month. You call me ‘handsome’ when you think I’m asleep.”

Jason turned red. “I—I thought we were just bros!”

“You kissed me during that mission in Corto Maltese!”

“I was being dramatic!!”

“You said ‘it’s always been you’!”

“…I might be an idiot.”

“Good,” Roy said, smirking. “But you’re my idiot.”

♡

♡︎ Young Justice Base – Tim Drake’s POV

“So, B made the League,” Tim said to the team, smug.

“Heard,” Bart said. “Solid dad upgrade.”

“We got him there through stealth and subtle manipulation,” Tim added.

“You say that like it’s normal,” Cassie muttered.

“Wait,” Kon said slowly. “All those ‘hangouts’… you do know they were dates, right?”

Tim stared. “Excuse me?”

Kon looked genuinely confused. “You set him up with Superman. You don’t think Clark didn’t get the wrong idea?”

“But I was just—encouraging friendly connection!”

Kon tilted his head. “Like the kind we have?”

“…We’re friends?”

Kon’s eyebrows shot up. “Tim. You’ve spent three Christmases at the Kent farm. My parents call you ‘son.’ You sleep in my shirts.”

“I—what?”

“We made out last week!”

“I thought I was dreaming!!”

Bart cackled in the background.

♡

♡︎ Wayne Manor – Later That Night

The Batkids reconvened in the cave, collectively reeling from the revelations of their accidental relationships.

“So we’re all dating our best friends,” Jason summarized.

“Unknowingly,” Tim added.

“Cass knew,” Dick muttered.

Cass sipped her tea silently. Didn’t deny it.

Bruce entered just then, pulling off his gloves. “I had a meeting with the League. They’ve officially added me to the roster.”

The Batkids cheered, louder than expected.

Bruce blinked. “Why are you all red?”

“No reason!” they chorused too quickly.

He narrowed his eyes… but let it go.

For now.

♡

♡︎ Batkid Group Chat – Later

Dick: guys. we’ve all been in relationships and just didn’t know it.
Jason: HOW did we not notice.
Tim: are we... himbos?
Cass: yes.
Steph: 100%
Damian: Tt. This is humiliating.
Duke: wait, I left for 1 hour what did I MISS—
Cass: everyone's dating. they didn’t know.
Duke: ...you know what. not even surprised.
Dick: but at least B’s in the League now!
Jason: mission success
Tim: final boss: explain to him those were all dates
Cass: he’s not ready
Damian: none of you are.

---

“Step 7: Wait, We’re All Dating Him?”

♡︎ Watchtower – Conference Room

It started innocently enough.

A standard League check-in. No world-ending threats, no planetary collisions. Just a chill meeting with coffee, pastries, and five very distracted superheroes.

Superman leaned back in his chair, sipping from a mug with a bat symbol. “So… how was everyone’s week?”

“Great,” said Diana. “I got to spar with Batman again. He nearly disarmed me. I haven’t stopped thinking about it.”

Hal snorted. “Same. Took him on a flight last night to patrol Sector 2814. He didn’t scream once. The man is made of steel.”

“Technically I’m made of steel,” Clark muttered.

Ollie leaned forward. “Dinah and I ran into him during an op in Gotham. We asked if he needed help, and he just said, ‘Keep up.’ I think we fell harder right there.”

Barry blinked. “Wait. I talked with him on patrol three nights ago. He didn’t interrupt me once. He understood everything I said. I’ve never felt so seen.”

Silence.

Then:

“…Wait,” Hal said slowly, eyes narrowing. “You’re all into Batman?”

“…Define ‘into,’” Barry mumbled.

Clark raised a hand. “In love with. Deeply respected. Want to give him a quiet farm life.”

“Want to challenge him in combat forever and maybe kiss him after,” Diana said dreamily.

Ollie shrugged. “Been mentally proposing for a week.”

Dinah casually added, “Already considered matching rings.”

Hal choked. “OKAY. Pause. Are we—are we all dating Batman?!”

A longer silence.

They all looked around.

“…I think we are,” Barry said softly.

“Guys,” Dinah said slowly, “We’ve all been going on dates with him.”

“And we just assumed,” Clark added, “that he was dating us too.”

“…We are dating him,” Diana confirmed with certainty. “And we’re not fighting over him?”

Hal blinked. “We’re okay with sharing?”

The group stared at each other.

Then, as if a silent vote was cast:

“Honestly?” Ollie said, “He needs all the love he can get.”

Dinah nodded. “And he deserves all of us.”

“I’m not giving up my farm dream,” Clark muttered.

“I want sparring rights,” Diana declared.

“I want more patrol rides,” Hal said.

“I want to talk to him about particle science and metaphysics while he looks like he wants to die but doesn’t stop me,” Barry added.

They all looked at each other.

Then nodded.

“Poly it is,” Clark said.

♡︎ Across the Room – Martian Manhunter and Aquaman

“…Did we just witness five people casually agree to date Batman… at once?” Arthur asked, incredulous.

J’onn stared, unimpressed. “Humans are strange.”

♡︎ Elsewhere – Batman’s POV

Bruce stood on the Watchtower balcony, overlooking Earth.

He had just finished another patrol with Green Lantern. Hal had called him “partner” and smiled a lot. Too much. He was ninety percent sure there was flirting. Or he was projecting.

Then there was Clark. Who had made him a thermos of coffee—black, just how he liked it—and asked if he ever wanted to “see the stars from Kansas.”

And Diana. Who had offered him a rare Amazonian flower after their last sparring match. Said it symbolized “bravery, honor, and the capacity for love.”

Bruce had stared at the flower for ten minutes before hiding it in his utility belt.

Now he was spiraling.

“I’m not dating them,” he muttered to himself.

But then… the conversations, the gifts, the compliments. The casual “join us for dinner”s. The way Dinah had fixed his cape. The way Barry had looked directly into his cowl and said, “You make me feel safe.”

He wasn’t dating them.

…Right?

Right?

He exhaled and leaned forward, trying to reason it out. But all he could think of was Superman’s hand on his shoulder. Diana’s laughter. Hal’s wink. Barry’s blush. Dinah’s voice.

And he was thinking… they were beautiful.

Oh no.

He was crushing.

He was crushing hard.

He was in his forties. This should not be happening.

“Stop it,” he whispered. “You are the night.”

The night was definitely blushing.

♡

♡︎ Watchtower – Later

Barry slid into the room with excitement.

“Did you invite him yet?” he whispered.

“We’re waiting for the right moment,” Diana said.

“We should plan it,” Ollie nodded. “Make it special.”

Clark beamed. “He deserves that.”

They turned to J’onn.

“Would you officiate?” Dinah asked.

J’onn stared. “…I will consider it.”

Arthur snorted. “He’s not going to survive this.”

♡

♡︎ Batkid Group Chat

Tim: guys. b’s in the league now.

Jason: how long until they fall in love with him.

Dick: …Tim. you didn’t tell them he’s Bruce.

Tim: they don’t know???

Cass: they’re dating Batman

Steph: we’re not telling them.

Duke: oh my god. he’s in a polycule and doesn’t know it.

Damian: Tt. Fools. All of them.

Cass: dad is spiraling.

Dick: he deserves love tho

Jason: he’s gonna mentally explode when he finds out

Tim: we’re watching a romcom. in real time.

Cass: step 8: survive the love confession.

Dick: or interupt it.

Chapter Text

“Step 9: Steal the Spotlight (and Also Your Dad)”

♡︎ Watchtower – Main Deck

The Justice League was ready.

It was time.

After weeks—weeks—of patrols, missions, training sessions, and “not-dates” that were definitely dates, the League had decided they were finally going to tell Batman how they felt.

They were all seated in the Watchtower’s observation deck. The lights were dimmed, the atmosphere calm. Diana had placed a symbolic Amazonian candle on the table. Barry had made cookies. Clark looked like he’d rehearsed a speech.

Hal tried to play it cool with Dinah next to him who was already imagining their honeymoon itinerary.

Batman entered the room exactly on time, cape fluttering dramatically as always.

“Is there a threat?” he asked, voice low and gruff.

“No threat,” Clark said gently. “Just… something important.”

Diana stepped forward, candle in hand.

“We’ve all been meaning to talk to you,” she said, voice reverent. “About… us.”

Batman tilted his head. “Us?”

“Yes,” Dinah said, smiling. “About how we feel—”

Then every League communicator in the room crackled with a loud screech of static.

“HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—”

Everyone flinched.

A voice rang loud and clear through the line:

“Dad?! Hey—uh—Batman, can you come home already? Jason set the oven on fire again.”

“Did not!” another voice yelled in the background.

“Tim!” Batman barked, eyes going wide. “You hacked the JL comms?!”

“Yeah, and? Look, can you pick up Jason before he breaks something expensive? Also, we’re out of coffee. Cass is threatening people.”

“...She’s not threatening,” came Cass’s voice calmly. “Just promising.”

Dinah blinked. “...Did he say ‘Dad’?”

Clark’s eyes lit up.

Tim’s voice continued: “Anyway, love ya. Come home before Alfred finds out Jason tried to roast marshmallows with a batarang.”

The line went dead.

There was a beat of silence.

Then:

“Those were your kids?” Barry asked, stunned.

Batman stood there, absolutely still. If he could melt into his cape, he would have.

“Yes,” he finally grunted. “Those were mine.”

“You have kids,” Diana said, starry-eyed.

Batman nodded slowly. “Five. Six. Technically eight.”

“...You raised them?” Clark whispered, clearly going through something.

“Since they were young.”

Ollie’s eyes were wide. “You raised a team of children to fight crime and didn’t tell us?”

“They weren’t for you,” Batman said, tone flat.

“I’m gonna cry,” Barry muttered.

“They’re so chaotic,” Hal grinned.

“I love them,” Dinah added immediately.

“They’re not dating age, right?” Ollie asked. “Because if they’re yours, they’re ours now.”

“They’re not dating anyone,” Batman muttered.

(At least… he hoped.)

Diana looked like she’d been handed the Holy Grail. “You’re a father. A hero and a father.”

“May I meet them?” Clark asked hopefully.

“No,” Batman said, already turning away. “I need to go. There’s a fire. And… my kids.”

He left in a swirl of cape, vanishing like a dramatic smoke bomb.

The Justice League sat in stunned silence.

Then:

Barry grinned. “So, if those are Batman’s kids…”

“They’re our kids too,” Clark finished, looking proud.

“I’m teaching the little one archery,” Ollie declared.

“No, I am,” Dinah said.

“They’ll learn how to fly,” Clark added.

“They’ll ride Themysciran horses,” Diana smiled.

J’onn entered quietly and blinked at the scene. “What… did I miss?”

Clark stood tall. “We’re stepparents now.”

“…Pardon?”

♡

♡︎ Batcave – Later That Night

Batman arrived to find the fire mostly extinguished, Jason still defending his marshmallow methods, and Tim smugly pretending not to know what he did.

Bruce walked into the cave and stopped.

Every single one of his kids stared at him.

“…What?” he grunted.

“You okay there, B?” Dick asked, head tilted. “You’re all red.”

“I am not.”

“You’re blushing,” Jason added.

Bruce groaned and walked past them. “You’re all grounded.”

“No, we’re not,” Cass said, already on the training mats. “You love us.”

“…I do,” Bruce muttered. “But that doesn’t mean you can hack the Justice League.”

“We can, though,” Tim said.

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose.

♡︎ Batkid Group Chat

Tim: mission success.

Jason: we saved our dad from a confession.

Duke: but we also made the JL want to adopt us.

Cass: they’re planning vacations

Steph: dibs on Themyscira

Damian: Tt. I will accept gifts.

Dick: wait. why are they calling me “our eldest” in the group chat they made

Tim: we’re in their contacts. they’re sending birthday reminders.

Jason: they’re our step-League now

Tim: step 10: accidental family

---

Chapter 10: “Step 10: Introductions During the Apocalypse”

♡︎ Somewhere between Earth and the End of Everything

The sky was cracking.

Not metaphorically—literally. Dimensional rifts tore through the atmosphere like broken glass, spewing eldritch horrors and time-warped chaos into the world below.

Stage Six crisis. The worst kind.

The Justice League was already spread thin.

Superman was fighting a serpent made of stars. Wonder Woman was holding up a collapsing mountain. Batman was missing—doing Batman things—and J’onn and Arthur were just trying to hold the planet together.

So of course they showed up.

Not the Bat.

The Batkids.

Accompanied by their respective, equally chaotic teams.

♡

♡︎ Nightwing & the Titans

A giant portal slammed open over the battlefield. A neon T logo lit up the sky, and a ship shaped like a T dropped a team of heroes with practiced ease.

“Titans, go!” Nightwing shouted as he led the charge.

Beast Boy transformed mid-air. Starfire was already glowing with rage. Raven was muttering in eldritch rhymes, and Donna Troy brought the thunder.

And Wally West—Kid Flash—zipped past at blinding speed.

“Hey, Nightwing!” Wally skidded to a stop beside him. “Miss me?”

“You were literally beside me two minutes ago.”

“Yeah, but I wanted a cool entrance.”

Nightwing laughed—actually laughed—in the middle of a battle.

“I swear, you’re the worst.”

Wally grinned. “You love it.”

There was a pause.

Then Nightwing murmured, “…Yeah. I do.”

They didn’t linger. The sky was breaking, after all.

But Wally’s ears turned red. And Nightwing didn’t stop smiling.

♡

♡︎ Red Hood & the Outlaws

A flaming motorcycle screeched across the battlefield, flanked by a spaceship and a flying princess of Tamaran.

“Red Hood, reporting in,” Jason muttered into comms, blowing up a dimension-worm with one shot.

“Red Hood?” Green Arrow’s voice crackled. “You brought the Outlaws to a world-ending event?”

“Would you prefer we stayed home?”

Roy appeared beside him, firing an explosive arrow.

“Nah, you just sound extra spicy over comms.”

“Shut up,” Jason mumbled, flushing under his helmet.

Artemis rolled her eyes. “They’ve been flirting all mission.”

Bizarro gave a delighted thumbs-up.

♡

♡︎ Red Robin & Young Justice

“Crisis confirmed. Deploying in T-minus now,” Tim muttered.

The Bio-Ship descended with Young Justice in formation: Superboy, Impulse, Miss Martian, Aqualad, and Wonder Girl charging beside him.

“Red Robin reporting,” Tim said into the JL channel.

He skidded to a halt beside Superman, hacking alien tech while avoiding black hole grenades.

“You’re working with Young Justice now?” Clark asked, impressed.

Tim nodded without pausing his typing. “We’ve been deployed on twenty-seven joint ops.”

Superboy landed beside them, cracking the ground. “We’re a well-oiled machine.”

“…You’re dating, aren’t you?” Clark guessed.

“NO,” Tim said too quickly.

Connor stared at him.

Clark stared at both of them.

Tim turned red. “Maybe.”

♡

♡︎ Spoiler & Batgirl with the Birds of Prey

A sonic scream split the battlefield as the Birds of Prey descended—Black Canary, Huntress, Batgirl, and Spoiler among them.

Steph landed beside Hal Jordan mid-battle.

“Green Lantern!” she shouted. “I love your ring.”

Hal blinked. “Do I know you?”

“Not yet! I’m one of Batman’s. Kinda.”

Hal looked concerned. “Is he multiplying again?”

“Oh, for sure. He’s got a horde.”

Cass landed beside Dinah and nodded seriously. Then she hugged her.

Dinah blinked. “Um… hi?”

“She likes you,” Steph called. “You passed the vibe check!”

Hal was very confused.

♡

♡︎ Robin & the League

Damian swung in from a glider with a team of League trainees—Jakeem Thunder, Emiko Queen, Traci 13.

“Mission acknowledged,” he said sharply. “Orders?”

Wonder Woman blinked. “You’re… Robin?”

“Yes.”

“You’re so small.”

“I’m lethal.”

He sliced through a monster’s throat in one motion.

“…Impressive,” she admitted.

“Thank you. I’ve studied your combat style. It’s acceptable.”

Then he gave a nod and vanished in a puff of smoke.

Diana looked vaguely proud and very unsettled.

♡

♡︎ Aquaman & Martian Manhunter: The Observers

High above, Arthur and J’onn were flying in tandem, shielding a city from collapsing skyfire.

“Do you… understand what’s happening?” Arthur asked.

“No,” J’onn replied. “They keep appearing in matching uniforms with excellent timing and confusing emotions.”

Arthur squinted down at Wally spinning Dick mid-air during a team-up move.

“…Are they dating?”

J’onn tilted his head. “They are.”

Arthur sighed. “So we’re in the middle of a crisis, and Batman's children brought emotional support teams who are also apparently their romantic partners.”

“Yes.”

“...Typical.”

♡

♡︎ Meanwhile, the JL Group Chat

Green Lantern: I’m being targeted by purple-clad children. I think it’s affection.

Superman: Tim and Kon were holding hands. Do I ask??

Wonder Woman: Robin called me “acceptable.” I think I’m honored?

Martian Manhunter: They are assessing us. One by one. This is strategic.

Aquaman: Am I being adopted or annexed? I can’t tell.

♡

♡︎ Batfam Team Group Chat

Nightwing: Step 10 complete. Introductions mid-apocalypse? Nailed it.

Red Hood: Roy is on fire and I’m so proud.

Red Robin: Kon just saved my life. I might cry.

Spoiler: I think Hal Jordan might propose. Not to me. Just in general.

Batgirl: Cass loves Dinah. It’s confirmed.

Robin: Wonder Woman is powerful. I approve.

♡

Later…

The rifts were closed. The skies repaired. Earth was (barely) still intact.

And the JL stood together watching their honorary children interact with their honorary partners like it was all normal.

“…You think Bruce knows this is happening?” Clark asked.

“No,” Diana said.

“Should we tell him?”

J’onn shook his head. “Let him rest. Let him believe he’s still in control.”

Arthur grunted. “We’re going to need more chairs.”

To be Continued...

Chapter Text

“Step 11: Accidentally Dating the Bat”

♡︎ Post-Crisis Protocols, Justice League Watchtower

The Earth was saved.

Again.

Now came the worst part—recovery.

Every major team had returned to the Watchtower. Healers were patching people up, diplomats were yelling over calls, and Batman had locked himself in a glass room surrounded by eight open report windows and no emotional exits.

Clark was dictating a mission log. Diana was signing off on international clearance. Arthur was still arguing with Atlantis.

Hal was laid out on a medbed, cracking jokes to try and distract from the three cracked ribs he refused to admit hurt.

Bruce—still in full gear—was typing quietly with the intensity of someone trying to forget he’d just watched his children flirt mid-battle.

♡

It was peaceful chaos.

Dick sat with Wally and the Titans nearby, joking loudly. Tim and Kon were curled on the couch, swapping battle notes and soft smiles. Jason leaned against a wall, eating trail mix while Roy stitched up his arm with one hand and teased him with the other.

Cass and Steph were doing push-ups. No one was sure why.

Even Damian looked… calm. Kind of.

The batkids were together. And safe.

♡

Batman didn’t speak unless prompted. He never did. But his eyes lingered longer than usual.

He caught sight of Nightwing laughing at Wally’s bad joke, and something in Bruce’s chest ached.

His kids had grown up. Somehow. Despite him.

Despite everything.

♡

“Hey, love—pass the stylus?”

Bruce froze.

Completely.

The stylus in question sat near his gloved hand. He picked it up slowly, turned to face the speaker—and saw Barry Allen, leaning on the back of the chair with a lazy smile.

“…What did you call me?” Bruce asked, voice a little rougher than intended.

Barry blinked innocently. “Love?”

The Watchtower froze.

Literally. J’onn accidentally froze the air when he stopped mid-telepathic scan. Arthur dropped his communicator into his tea. Diana’s pen snapped.

Clark looked up slowly from his paperwork.

“…Wait,” Hal said, eyebrows furrowing. “We are dating him, right?”

Everyone turned to him.

“What?” he asked. “I just assumed—after all those mission meals and movie nights and the group spa day last month…”

Diana added, “And the shared quarters rotations. We take turns. Like a well-organized triad. Or... quintet?”

J’onn tilted his head. “I believed this was an agreed-upon collective romantic entanglement.”

Bruce looked like he wanted to melt into the floor.

Or vanish into the shadows forever.

The Batkids exploded with laughter in the corner.

Dick nearly fell off his chair. “Oh my god, they think they’re all dating Dad!”

Jason wheezed. “I knew it. I knew something was up when Hal sent flowers!”

Steph was in tears. “Bruce is in a poly situationship and didn’t notice!”

Tim slumped against Kon. “This is the best day of my life.”

Even Damian smirked. “Pathetic. But mildly amusing.”

Bruce opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.

“I…”

Silence.

“I didn’t correct you,” he mumbled, and looked away.

The League beamed.

♡

Diana patted Bruce’s shoulder. “We’ll take you to dinner next time. Somewhere nice.”

Hal winked. “We’ll rotate like usual.”

Barry whispered, “I meant what I said, by the way.”

Clark gently said, “You’re not alone, Bruce. Not anymore.”

Bruce stared at the floor for a long time.

Then—finally—he relaxed.

Just a little.

♡

♡︎ Later, Batfam Group Chat

Nightwing: WE WON. THE POLY THING IS REAL. THEY THINK THEY’RE DATING HIM.

Red Hood: This is like a slowburn fanfic where no one realizes they’re in love.

Red Robin: Correction: THEY realized. Dad is still buffering.

Spoiler: Cass is writing a poem. It’s mostly grunts and bat noises.

Robin: I am compiling blackmail.

Signal: Do we get step-siblings now? Are the Titans dating the League now? Is that how that works?

Nightwing: One step at a time, Signal. One step at a time.

♡

♡︎ Final Note, From Batman’s Report

"Crisis resolved. No casualties. Minor interdimensional trauma. Team cohesion improved.
Personal note:
I appear to be… in a relationship. Possibly multiple.
Further analysis pending.

…I don’t mind."

♡

THE END