Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You don't have to go if you don't want to, you know that don't you?”

Hailey lets out a groan as she finishes putting her clothes away in the closet, she looks up to see Vanessa through the mirror leaning against the door frame who sees her with a smile. Having her friend back for the past few months has been like a godsend. The last year and a half was hard for Hailey in every way but having her here by her side makes every day a little better.

“I know,” Hailey says as she closes the last drawer. “But you said yourself that part of healing is taking the first step,”

Vanessa rolls her eyes as she walks over and sits on the edge of the bed. “This isn't what I meant” she says as she points to the diaper box. “I meant more about forgiving and forgetting.”

“It's not that simple, and you know it,” Hailey says with a shrug, “it would be easier if..” Vanessa nods in understanding. She knows everything Hailey's been through, she knows part of her past and she knows how hard it was to let someone into her life and now she's trying again, even though she doesn't deserve it, she's giving him another chance, she just hopes this time it doesn't end with Hailey and a broken heart like last time.

The sound of the door pulls her out of her thoughts and brings her back to reality, she gives her one last smile before standing up, “Alright, I think it's time,” she tells her before walking towards the door. Hailey follows her out of the room and down the hallway, “I'll catch up with you now...you try not to break his face.”

Hailey lets out a laugh as she nods. “I'll try.”

Vanessa moves forward to the bedroom and a smile forms on her lips when she sees the little boy waiting for her with a smile, as she watches him she can't ignore the fact that Thiago Upton is a spitting image of both of them, from his blonde hair with little curls and emerald green eyes, to the little freckles that start to form on his cheeks, even in his character, calm and full of sweetness and she can't ignore the little dimples that start to form, even though Hailey only has one. When she gets to the bed, she gets on her knees to face him, hugs him tightly and tickles him, who lets out a small giggle before returning the hug. 

“Your mommy is someone too strong, I don't think I could do what she's about to do,” she murmurs.

When Hailey stands in front of the door that divides them, her hand on the latch, her heart begins to beat faster than usual, but not like it used to every time she sees him, it's not love, it's hate, anger and sadness, full of memories she can't ignore no matter how hard she tries. So she takes a deep breath steeling herself to face him, she opens the door slowly to finally look him in the eye. 

“Hey, Hailey” Jay says with a half smile, his tone more loving than usual, the kind of tone he used to use when everything was fine. Because he can't help but smile every time he sees her, even though he knows he has no right to feel that way, not after what he did. The fact that he's here in front of her today is because he gave her a chance, one he never imagined would be possible a month ago.

A month ago

When Jay finally returns to Chicago, he feels different, it's not home, not anymore.

He walks out of the airport and the wind rushes through his body, he doesn't care, he longs to feel the burn on his cheeks again, he doesn't remember the last time the wind hit him.

There's no one to pick him up, no one knows he's back, he's all alone and he knows it's his fault.

As Jay walks through the baggage area, he watches the crowd, men running to the arms of their girlfriends, wives and family, they are returning home. He arrives at the area and as he waits for his luggage he plays with the small circle of silicone that runs along his finger, the only thing he has left of it.

As he gets out of the cab he feels a knot in his stomach, just remembering the last time he was here makes him nauseous, this is the place where it all started to go downhill. 

He shuffles to the entrance and takes a deep breath as he walks through the lobby door, the familiar sound of the door runs through his ears.

“Mr. Halstead?!” 

Jay doesn't even realize what he's saying if not until Mike, his old doorman stares at him, as if he's seen a ghost. “You here?”.

“Well I guess I've seen it all now...a dead man come back to life.”

Jay is about to say something but falls silent.

"What are you doing here? Or more like how come you're here?“ he continued ”I thought you were dead. We all did."

Jay shakes his head, “I...uhmmm..was on tour, a mission.”

Mike nods slowly.

“Do you know if Hailey is upstairs ..or in the district? ”At the mention of Hailey, Mike changes his posture to a more serious one. “What's going on, is she okay?”.

Mike falls silent. 

“Mike!? what's wrong?” asks Jay with wide eyes.

Mike runs his hand down his neck as he adjusts his cap. “She's fine...but Mrs. Upton hasn't lived here for a year.” Jay becomes paraplegic, he didn't even know she moved in, but of course why wouldn't she. “She still pays maintenance, some things are still here if you want to see..”

Jay is about to say yes. But there's no way to tell how he feels right now. “She...uhmm..still coming?” He says instead.

Mike denies. “Someone else comes by once a week for the mail and pays the bills, but I haven't seen her and I don't know where she went.”

“Thanks Mike,” Jay says as he walks to the door. 

“Nice to see you again, Mr. Halstead.”

Jay's anxiety increases with every step he takes, he feels like his whole world is ruined, Hailey moved without a trace, she could be anywhere, city, state even, not knowing where else to go, he goes to the only place he can get answers.

As he walks through the door of the precinct the sound of radios, cops talking, feels familiar somehow. He scans the room for a familiar face, but finds no one until he hears a familiar voice giving instructions, he waits in front of the desk until Trudy notices his presence. Once the cops disperse she returns to her desk.

“You're kind of far from Bolivia, aren't you?”

“I'm actually back.” Jay mentally regrets even saying anything. “I'm sorry”

“It's not me you owe apologies to” she says as she types on her computer without seeing him.

Jay is quiet for a while without saying anything. Until Trudy cocks her head to the side and says “What are you really doing here?”.

"I want to make it right. All the damage I caused."

Trudy knows he means it, by the look in his eyes, the desperation in his voice, but she also knows how much Hailey suffered as soon as he got on that plane, nonstop shifts, Hailey practically living in her truck, being the last to leave (she never left the district). 

“I heard she doesn't live in our apartment anymore,” it's Jay who breaks the silence. "Does she still work here? Is she still in Chicago?"

“It was too big an apartment,” Trudy replies. “You broke her in ways I didn't think possible, something in her shut down, Halstead” she continues, "It took her time to get back into the routine and I don't think it's fair to her to turn her life upside down. Not right now."

Jay nods. “You're right, she doesn't deserve this” he says as he turns around, “I'm sorry for showing up like this,” he says walking towards the exit.

“Do you still love her?” Trudy says.

Jay turns and a smile forms on his lips. “With all my soul.”

Trey lets out a grunt as he picks up a post-it and writes something on it, once he finishes he looks up and extends it to Jay. “I hope I'm not wrong about this.”

Jay reaches over and takes the small piece of paper in his hands, he looks at it and it contains an address.

“Your day off is in two days , I know she will be home.” She says, “Don't screw it up this time,” she finishes by dismissing him.

Jay nods and before he leaves he says, “Thank you.”

“Thiago I've told you, honey, you mustn't leave toys all over the house,” Hailey says as she picks up each piece all over the living room, puts them away in their place while shaking her head with a smile. She loves the boy, but swears he's a walking earthquake.

She hears a knock at the door, takes Thiago's favorite stuffed animal in her hands as she runs to the door.

“Seriously V, you left your keys again...” she says as she opens the door without even looking out the door. As she opens the door she feels like she can barely breathe. Her face changes color as swallows hard. Her gaze sweeps over him, he looks almost the same as last time and at the same time he doesn't look like him, his hair neatly trimmed, some scars on his face, the lines of expression more formed under his eyes, but the same freckles, green eyes with a glow she doesn't recognize.

His eyes light up at the sight of her and a smile forms on his lips. His smile.

“What the hell are you doing here?” She finally says in a low voice, almost as if she can't believe it.

“Hails...”

Frustration rises in her  just hearing him call her that. “What do you want?”

His voice trails off for a moment, “I...”, Hailey throws her hands up, waiting for him to say something, and stops looking at her like an idiot. “Bad timing?” He says instead.

Rather late, she means. Instead she replies, “So, You decided to come back”

“Can we talk? I want to explain” He says, and Hailey clenches her jaw because seriously, was that the best he could say? “I'm sorry I was late and I know it's not an excuse but...”

“Excuse?!” Hailey says curtly as she squeezes the teddy bear tightly in her hands. "Jay, you've been gone for two years and now you come here and what? You think everything is all rosy? That I'm going to run into your arms and cry?“

”No, I know," he says with a defeated sigh, which makes Hailey clench her jaw. “I know there's no logical explanation for what I did, but I..”

Hailey shakes her head, but she wasn't going to fall apart in front of him, she had to prove to him that she was different. “You're right, there is no logical explanation and I honestly don't want to talk about it, I have too much to do,” Hailey starts as she tries to close the door but Jay stops her. “Just go away,”

“Let me explain,” Jay pleads.

“I think you had your chance.” Hailey says, because he doesn't deserve her tenderness, not after how he trashed her. “You were able to answer some of my calls, texts..”

“I know and I regret it, if only you'd let me.”

“Look, I don't know what you're doing here or what you want, but I seriously have things to do and talking to you is not one of them.” She says.

“Mommy!” 

And then Jay hears a small voice coming from inside the apartment. “I didn't know that...” he begins.

Hailey just shakes her head as she lets out a sigh. “See ya, Halstead.” She says as she closes the door and leaves Jay standing there with a million questions.

Chapter Text

Jay knows that he ignored calls coming from his wife or rather ex-wife, messages in his inbox unanswered for months. 

He also knows that for months she longed to hear his voice, could hear it through voicemails. But he couldn't pick up the phone and call back, embarrassment wouldn't let him. As the months passed those attempted calls stopped appearing on his phone, no more messages, no more voicemails. 

By that point he knew he should go back, that he should put an end to whatever  he was supposed to be doing, get on a flight and go home because his marriage was in jeopardy, but he did none of that. Instead he kept extending his contract further and further until there was nothing left of his marriage. He felt a strange surge of emotions at not hearing from her, something told him she was not well. But by then it was too late. And then the inevitable came.

Divorce papers.

He remembers the anger and disappointment he felt the moment he opened that envelope and read the contents, realized he didn't deserve her forgiveness. How could he even be upset with her, not when he was the one who ruined everything and thought the last thing he could give her was this. 

They have been separated for 8 months and he has been in Chicago less than a week. He has no idea what to do or what will become of his life now. The only thing that made sense was her and now she's gone, and worst of all, she's not alone. 

“ Mommy !” 

That word echoes in Jay's mind over and over again since he left Hailey's house, he can't ignore that little voice that reminds him that Hailey was able to start over without him. And he should be happy for her, he no longer has any claim on her, he should forget her and move on with his life like she did, but something inside him tells him not to let it go, and he doesn't know why.

He came back. Just when her life was beginning to make sense, he shows up out of the blue and he looks her up. Why now? How long has he been in Chicago? Why didn't he look for her? Why did he leave her alone when she needed him the most?

All these questions haunt Hailey's mind. She wants answers but isn't sure she can hear every one of them. 

When Jay came into her life she allowed herself to believe again, to trust someone. He broke down every wall she had built and managed to reach deep into her heart in a way she never thought possible. She loved him with all her soul, he was her anchor, her home. And when he left her whole world came crashing down and a part of her was broken forever.

“Mommy!?” Thiago said for the second time. 

Hailey was so deep in thought that she didn't even notice when her son called out to her.

“Hey, honey, let me help you, okay. Mommy....is working” Vanessa said as she scoops him up in her arms and carries him into the living room. She turns on the TV as she settles him on the couch and gives him something to eat. “Here you go buddy.” She said before depositing a kiss on his head and walking back towards the kitchen where hailey was standing behind the counter.

“Alright, what has you deep in thought right now?” asks Vanessa as she stares at her. Hailey keeps her gaze fixed towards the door as she fiddles with the cup in her hands.

“Earth calling Hailey...”

Hailey blinks several times until she turns to look at Vanessa. “Sorry..you were saying?”.

“Are you okay? You've been weird the last few hours.”

“Uhmm...yeah, everything's perfect,” she says downplaying it, though she knows Vanessa doesn't believe her lie. So she lets out a sigh and after a few minutes says, “You believe in ghosts.”

“What!?” 

Hailey just denies and mumbles, “Jay was here.”

“Jay, what?” Vanessa says as she rolls her eyes. “What are you talking about?”

“He...he came back...he was here a few hours ago and...” she says quietly, ”he wanted to talk and I just...”

Vanessa reaches over to her her and puts a hand on Hailey's shoulder. “Hey, it's all good. What did that jerk say to you.”

“Not much, I mean, I didn't give him a chance to talk and then he hears Thiago and I freaked out and shut the door on him” she said.

“Did he see him?” Hailey denies at the question. She couldn't bear the thought of Jay seeing him and knowing the truth.

“That son of a bitch,” Vanessa lets out. First he leaves her alone in Chicago for months without communicating and now that he finally has a life he shows up again and the first thing he does is look for her. It must be a joke of the universe. Too cruel a joke.

“Did he say he'd be back? Did he ask you anything else?”

Hailey hadn't thought about it, all she wanted was for him to leave but now that she thinks about it Jay didn't get what he wanted. And she knows him well enough to know he won't stand idly by. “I don't know.”

“Well if he shows up again tell me alright. I'm not going to let him hurt you again.”

Hailey didn't know what to reply so she just nodded her head.

Days later.

Jay enters the district for the second time, but this time he feels heavier, full of questions and frustrations. He wants answers and doesn't know how to get them. So he goes to the one place where he knows he can find the truth.

“Second time around here, you really miss me, don't you?” jokes Trudy as she sees Jay approaching.

“I need to talk to her” Jay says as he walks towards the stairs.

“What the hell?!” Says “Halstead, wait!”

Jay just denies as he turns to look at her. “Just let me go upstairs, I need to talk to her, I swear I won't be too long.” He insists as he starts up the stairs.

“No, that's not it. You don't understand...Halstead!” says Trudy, but she knows he's more stubborn than he looks. “She doesn't work here anymore!” she then yells. 

Which makes Jay stop dead in his tracks, lets out a sigh, and plops down on the stairs. She doesn't work for the unit anymore. He shouldn't feel this way about her, he abandoned her and doesn't belong to her anymore, even if he thought she would be his forever one day. Trudy walks over to him and reaches out her hand to pick him up and guides him into the office. As soon as she closes the door Jay looks lost and vulnerable.

“For how long?” he whispers.

“Eight months...”

It's been eight months since Hailey left intelligence. There have been too many changes in the last two years, but he never thought it was possible for her to leave this job. She loved it, and now it's a reality. During the first few months they were married they had conversations about leaving the unit but that was just an idea. They agreed it would be when they started a family. And now that Jay thinks about it it makes sense, she left the unit to start a family. Without him. But of course he has to remind himself that she is now his ex-wife.

“You know she has a son now...” says Jay finally ”I heard that when I went to see her, why didn't you tell me?” He says in a louder tone.

“Are you serious? I took a big risk giving you the address. And now you blame me because she started over without you” Trudy replies in a more serious tone.

“What unit is she in now?” he asked.

“Come on Halstead, just let it go.”

“Let it go? This is Hailey we're talking about. I need you to listen to me” he said almost pleading ”She was a wife, the love of my life and I...”

Trudy almost felt sorry for him, but he was the one who left for no reason, not her.

“That would be crossing my boundaries” she tells him. 

Jay just denies as he walks out of the office, but not before saying, “I'll figure it out myself.”

“So the Martinez case is closed.”

“It turns out the wife hid the drugs in one of her current partner's abandoned lots. Martinez had no idea and as soon as we told him about the hoax he sang like a bird” said Hailey.

Hailey's partner was shocked and amazed at the work he had done. The last few days had been spent deep into working on this case and he doesn't think they would have been able to give her closure without his help.

“You're amazing.”

Hailey just nodded. “Just doing my job.”

“And you're humble too.” He said with a smile as they both walked down the street towards a coffee shop.

Hailey wasn't the type to leave in the middle of a shift and go get coffee or something to eat. It wasn't like smart schedules had allowed her to do that. But now her schedule was more flexible and her partner had insisted she needed a good caffeine fix, so why not. 

She wasn't very familiar with this side of Chicago, she didn't usually frequent this neighborhood so she let herself be guided by her partner who knows it like the back of his hand.

Meanwhile over the past few days Jay has visited every place Hailey used to frequent. The park she used to run to in the mornings, her favorite coffee shop, candy stores. Even her old apartment but she was nowhere to be found. She had no idea where else to look. Trudy wouldn't tell him what she did for a living or where she worked and he couldn't bring himself to go back to her house and talk to her.

Just when he had given up his search that's when he saw her. He would recognize those blondes wherever he went, of course they were shorter than he remembered. But it was her. 

He wanted to get closer, to talk to her, to tell her how sorry he was but there was something that stopped him, rather someone. And it was that Hailey wasn't alone, there was a man walking next to her. From where Jay stood he could see how the man, as he seemed to make her laugh, opened the cafeteria door for her and let her in before him. 

It was there that Jay knew, she wasn't alone, she had started a family, one that made her happy. And she didn't need him anymore.

Chapter Text

Her gaze sweeps down the street from the window of the coffee shop, she sees him. Absorbing his familiar and unfamiliar face at the same time. She has only seen him once since two years ago and he looks the same, but different. She should be annoyed with him, stalking her like this, come back as if nothing had happened, but she can't ignore the look in his eyes, the way he saw her when Thiago called out to her, it was as if a bullet had gone through him and everything had collapsed. At that moment, she felt that way too.

But underneath it all it's still him. Her Jay, or at least the one who claimed to be hers.

“So...how was your office?” Thomas said as he took a sip of his coffee. “Hailey...”

Hailey then snapped back to her reality, blinking a couple of times and then turning her gaze to look at him. “It's okay, I guess..” she says with a half smile.

"You guess? They gave you the biggest office the bureau could have" he tells her with a chuckle.

Hailey just denies as she lets out a snort. “I never had one...so it's okay” she says, downplaying it as she directs her gaze towards the window once more.

“Do you want anything else? Or...” 

She denies, “I'm fine...uhmm, actually I should go...” she continues as she stands up, she's about to pull out some bills but Thomas stops her. “See you later and thanks again” she says before walking out the door.

And when she walks out the door she can't hold back any longer and lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She can't believe he still has that effect on her, the way her gaze rested on him for a second. She knew it was him, how could she forget. The way her jaw clenched at the sight of them. Maybe if things were different, but they aren't and he doesn't deserve anything from her, not after how he tore her apart.

The adrenaline of her encounter with Jay still lingers in her mind as she walks through the door of her office, the silence is deafening, total silence. but when she sees her little boy everything becomes clear again. She walks around the room with gray walls, down the hallway they hear voices, the aroma of coffee flooding her nostrils. When arrive at her desk she looks at the photo on the small portrait. She is not a person who liked to display her personal life, but that photo was a reminder. That she started over for him, to give him the life and love he deserves, she's not going to let an old flame from the past ruin it.

Her job allows her to go out at a decent hour, spend time with Thiago. Eight months ago she didn't think it would be possible, her life was a nightmare. Long hours of work without rest, following leads, suspects. But now her job is more stable and allows her to have a life. 

Joining the FBI is not something she would have imagined for her career but a second offer came along and given her good track record and thorough training she finally became a supervisory special agent.

For the last 8 months she has been leading a group of agents in the most wanted division, she has traveled to a couple of places but her stay is more centered in Chicago, interrogating high profile criminals, giving orders and leading her team. But mostly coming home every night to be with her son. 

Something worthwhile.

Familiar faces greet him as he walks down the hallway, some young faces of recruits he doesn't recognize. But as he moves forward a wave of emotions floods his body, memories of this place, of the life he used to have. Almost as if nothing had changed, as if the last two years had not existed. But they did and now everything is different.

“Halstead” a voice is heard down the hall, he turns to see him and smiles “What are you doing here?”

“Hi Dante” 

Torres was the first recruit Jay took under his command and it felt good to have someone who trusts you, follows in your footsteps, someone to be proud of. And now that he sees him standing up he knows he made the best decision.

At the end of his class Jay invited him over for a drink, catch up and maybe even get some information from Hailey.

“I can't believe it's been two years,” Dante says as he smiles, “a lot of things happened and I still don't think you’re here after all.”

Jay nods, “I honestly didn't think I'd be back,” he says, taking a sip of his coffee. “But look at you, you're not a rockie anymore”

Dante smiles, “Thanks to you, you trusted me like nobody's else”

“You're the first one who's glad to see me,” he says with a sad smile.

“Did you…talk to her?”

Jay lets out a snort. “More like it was an exchange of words”

“Well you can't blame her and you know it, right?” He says.

“I screwed up and I don't know how I'm going to fix it,” Jay shrugs.

“You just have to be patient and give her space...”. He says, “it's not like you're going to show up at her door demanding answers or harassing her” he says laughing.

Jay rolls his eyes. “About that...”

Dante just denies. “Tell me you didn't.”

“For what it's worth she sent. me to hell so...”

Dante points a finger at him, scowling. “You sure had it coming”

Jay nods.

The two get into a healthy conversation, Torres tells him about his  time in intelligence, how Burgess is now a detective, Adam finally proposes, and Kevin has maintained a steady relationship. He doesn't mention Voight much even though he's still running the unit and does his best not to mention Hailey.

“You plan to stay in Chicago.”

Jay smiles, “Will's in Seattle, Hailey doesn't want to see me...I have nowhere to go and no job either, I don’t know...”

“Maybe I can help with that,” Dante tells him, "There's an opening as an instructor here at the academy. One of the bosses is about to retire and they know your background. I’m sure they'll give it to you if you want it."

Jay nods as he stares at him. “Why are you doing this?”

“I believe in second chances and even though I don't know the details I know that in time it will all work out.”

“You're not going to tell me where she works or are you?” Jay asks jokingly.

Dante laughs, “Don't abuse, okay”

“I thought so” Jay adds with a smile before taking a last sip of his drink.

Hailey returns home later that night, when she opens the door she sees Vanessa with Thiago beside her peacefully asleep.

“Hey,” she mumbles. 

“How did it go?” Vanessa asks, to which,m Hailey just denies. “Wine or are you more in a whiskey mood?”.

“Wine is fine,” she says as she drops her backpack on the floor and walks over to the couch, kisses her son's forehead and pulls him into her arms. He mumbles something Hailey can't understand but hugs him tighter. “I'll be right back” she says to Vanessa before turning and heading upstairs.

After putting Thiago to bed and changing clothes she goes downstairs to meet Vanessa who is already waiting for her with two glasses of wine in her hands. They sit on the couch and drink the wine in silence for a while.

“I know you're going to pretend none of this bothers you or that it didn't happen and that is fine if you don't want to talk about it but..”

“I saw him this morning”

Vanessa rolls her eyes. “Jay?”

Jay hasn't been a topic of conversation in a long time, but he's still become the center of her attention in the last few weeks.

“I went to the coffee shop with Thomas and there he was across the street.”

“Fucking bastard,” says Vanessa: “Did he say anything?”

Hailey just denies. “I'm not even sure he saw me.”

“You know you don't owe him anything right”

“I didn't think I'd ever see him again” she forced a smile. "I didn't think it would still hurt”

Vanessa sets her drink down on the table and reaches over to hug her. “Men are idiots”

Hailey laughs, “I thought you loved him”

"Yeah well that was before he broke my friend's heart…”

She just denies as the tension in her shoulders fades. “Thank you for being here”

“Always”.

As they sip their glasses of wine Hailey thinks more about it. She thought she was over him, that she was past it, that she could have a life without him flooding her thoughts. But every time she remembers him or even thinks about him it all comes back. Every promise, memory, words sayed. All about him.

Maybe she's not quite over him and maybe she never will be.

Our “ almost ” always haunted her. 

No matter how hard she tries.

Chapter Text

Life has not been easy in the last two years. The decisions he made, the people he pushed away. All of that is what Jay has been dragging around for the past few years. And when he finally returned home he thought everything would be back to normal, but  it's far from what it used to be.

It's been a month since he's been back, he hasn't seen Hailey again. He no longer frequents the places they used to go together, he stopped showing up in the district. Because if she could rebuild her life with someone else, what is stopping him from doing the same thing? But of course that's easier said than done.

Now Jay has two jobs. During the week he's an instructor at the academy, teaching some tactical and theory classes. On weekends he does home repairs, one of the gifts he inherited from his father that he now finally appreciates. He goes to the gym and goes running every day. He does everything he can to tire his body and mind, but no matter how hard he tries he can't get Hailey out of his mind.

As usual Jay walks through the halls of the academy with his coffee mug in one hand and folders in the other, but something stops him today rather than a voice. He turns slightly to see Vanessa talking to Kevin in one of the classrooms.

“Shit” he thinks.

She's not supposed to see him, he doesn't want her to think he’s here looking for Hailey. He guesses doesn't think too fast because he hears footsteps approaching towards the hallway.

“Okay, just remember I won't be here tonight” Vanessa says, “it's Hailey's turn to do surveillance and you know she can't leave early”

“I know, you're babysitting tonight ” Kevin says as he crosses down the hallway, they both walk towards the opposite direction of Jay

“That was close” Jay thinks as he lets out a sigh.

“Wait, I forgot my phone,” says. She stops abruptly when she sees Jay standing halfway down the hallway staring at her. “What the hell?!!!”

Nothing can get any worse now can it?

“You're a cheeky little prick of the worst, you know that?” Vanessa says in a loud tone. "After all the damage you caused you come here. What a bastard!" she continues as she approaches Jay. Once she is in front of him she can see his eyes full of fury as if she wants to punch him in the face.

“V I-”

“Don't even think about it by calling me that,” she threatened.

“I don't want to cause trouble, that's the last thing I want but if you let me explain what happened-” Jay says.

Vanessa lets out a laugh, “Explain...what a way to put it and a little late, isn't it?” She says as she shakes her head. 

"You know she loved you right? That’s really a good way to love and destroy her. You made her look like shit,“ she tells him annoyed ”You don't deserve her so leave her alone“

Jay just denies, ”I need to talk to her..."

“No! What you need to do is walk away and forget about her, that's what you need to do!” she finishes before walking away from him. “I won't say it a second time!”

Life has not been easy in the last two years. The decisions he made, the people he pushed away. All of that is what Jay has been dragging around for the past few years. And when he finally returned home he thought everything would be back to normal, but  it's far from what it used to be.

It's been a month since he's been back, he hasn't seen Hailey again. He no longer frequents the places they used to go together, he stopped showing up in the district. Because if she could rebuild her life with someone else, what is stopping him from doing the same thing? But of course that's easier said than done.

Now Jay has two jobs. During the week he's an instructor at the academy, teaching some tactical and theory classes. On weekends he does home repairs, one of the gifts he inherited from his father that he now finally appreciates. He goes to the gym and goes running every day. He does everything he can to tire his body and mind, but no matter how hard he tries he can't get Hailey out of his mind.

As usual Jay walks through the halls of the academy with his coffee mug in one hand and folders in the other, but something stops him today rather than a voice. He turns slightly to see Vanessa talking to Kevin in one of the classrooms.

“Shit” he thinks.

She's not supposed to see him, he doesn't want her to think he’s here looking for Hailey. He guesses doesn't think too fast because he hears footsteps approaching towards the hallway.

“Okay, just remember I won't be here tonight” Vanessa says, “it's Hailey's turn to do surveillance and you know she can't leave early”

“I know, you're babysitting tonight ” Kevin says as he crosses down the hallway, they both walk towards the opposite direction of Jay

“That was close” Jay thinks as he lets out a sigh.

“Wait, I forgot my phone,” says. She stops abruptly when she sees Jay standing halfway down the hallway staring at her. “What the hell?!!!”

Nothing can get any worse now can it?

“You're a cheeky little prick of the worst, you know that?” Vanessa says in a loud tone. "After all the damage you caused you come here. What a bastard!" she continues as she approaches Jay. Once she is in front of him she can see his eyes full of fury as if she wants to punch him in the face.

“V I-”

“Don't even think about it by calling me that,” she threatened.

“I don't want to cause trouble, that's the last thing I want but if you let me explain what happened-” Jay says.

Vanessa lets out a laugh, “Explain...what a way to put it and a little late, isn't it?” She says as she shakes her head. 

"You know she loved you right? That’s really a good way to love and destroy her. You made her look like shit,“ she tells him annoyed ”You don't deserve her so leave her alone“

Jay just denies, ”I need to talk to her..."

“No! What you need to do is walk away and forget about her, that's what you need to do!” she finishes before walking away from him. “I won't say it a second time!”

Hailey rushes to her office. She barely has time to drop off her things and brief the team on the stakeout they'll be doing tonight. When her phone vibrates in her pocket, she sets her things down on the desk and pulls out her phone to see a message from.

- You won't believe who I saw today.

She ignores it completely and takes the folders and walks back to the conference room. While the entire team prepares for tonight. Intercoms are set up as Hailey gives the orders and directs the team.

"All right, attention everyone! Tonight is important and risky at the same time. We are after one of the most dangerous suspects but that doesn't mean we won't do our job and get justice for the victims,“ she says ”Alpha Team will be in charge of each member's locations. Bravo Team I want them at the building entrances team Charlie will be with me at the exit" she continues as she hands each of them the building plans.

“Thomas will be giving us support from here and putting together the chronology”.

She is good at her job, that's why she was chosen as the leader of the group and for a couple of hours she has only one job, to capture the suspect and forget about a certain person.

When everyone left, Thomas approached her and softly says: “Are you sure you don’t need me off the field?”

“No, huh, I need you here tonight” she says.

He nods while putting his hands behind her back. “You alright? You looked a little off lately”.

Hailey immediately regrets her touch and backs away. “I’m fine..just need you here” says and walks away.

“You’re the boss”

After midnight, Hailey is already dead tired. The trip home from the bureau is quick considering the day she's had, and she's thankful for it as the long day she's had finally falls on her. She pulls out of the parking lot with her backpack slung to the side as she sends off the last of tonight's reports. All she needs now is a shower and to cuddle her little one if only for a moment. 

She enters the apartment to find total darkness and silence, almost as if no one lives here. It's nice to a point, after such a busy day a little peace doesn't bother her. She drops her backpack to the side as she takes off her boots, walks to the kitchen and pulls a bottle of water out of the fridge. There's a note taped over a pot of food.

- In case you need a late night snack. V ;)

She closes the door and heads for her room and the shower. She lets the warm water run over her body, but as she does so she can't help but ignore the memory that has flooded her mind for weeks, Jay. Where is he staying? Is he alone? Did he see her with Thomas and think she forgot him? But none of that is her fault. He left her, so why should she feel guilty?

Once she gets out of the shower and changes she walks down the hall to Thiago's room, quietly walks over to his bed and kisses him goodnight as she tucks him in and reaches for his favorite stuffed animal, tucking it under his arm before closing the door and leaving the room.

When she is back in her room she sets the alarm for the next day and plugs his phone into the charger, that's when Vanessa's message comes back to his mind. 

Who did she see?  Cannot be possible, right? She quickly denies and ignores her thoughts just wants to get into the lady and let it all go for once.

“Hey, I didn't hear you come home, how was the surveillance,” Vanessa says as she walks over to the kitchen and Hailey turns around. “Did you even get home?...because it looks like you didn't sleep this one all night”

“Around Midnight,” Hailey tells her as she takes a sip of coffee. “Insomnia won again” 

“How was your night? Did you catch anyone?”

Hailey shakes her head with a smile thankful that Vanessa doesn't want to know what the insomnia was about. "We did. Three of them are already talking."

“That's my girl!” 

Hailey looks curiously at Vanessa. “Who did you see yesterday?”

“What?” she asks as she rolls her eyes “No one, why?”

“V...” begins Hailey.

“I don't know what you're talking about I didn't see anyone or hear anyone” she says downplaying it “You know, you should eat something”. She continues as she walks into the kitchen and avoids her gaze.

“So the message you sent me is no one” Hailey tells her “Because I have it Right here and I quote, you won't believe who I saw today.”

Vanessa drops her shoulders and turns to look at her. “I saw Jay”

Hailey's expression changes completely and a surge of nervousness takes over. “You what?”

“I saw him at the academy, I think he works there.”

Hailey just stands there staring down at the table. “Hailey,” Vanessa says noticing how Hailey turns the subject over. “That's why I didn't want to bring it up..”

“He said something?”

“I didn't let him talk more like I think I kind of threatened him” she says.

Hailey runs her hands through her hair after letting out a sigh. “It can't get any worse or can it?”

“He can hurt you again I made it very clear to him”

“If as the guy wasn't too stubborn already” Hailey says raising her voice.

"Hey, what Jay did isn't right and he knows it. He also knows it's not in his best interest to get close to you" Vanessa replies.

Hailey nods. “I have to go with Thiago, I finally have days off and my son needs me” she says with a few sighs before turning around and heading to the bedroom with a knot in her stomach.

Thiago Upton was both the cuddliest and the early bird at the same time. Everyone in Hailey's family circle loved him and took care of him when needed. But as soon as the sun rose at dawn, that's when all hell broke loose. And who knew a son could inherit insomnia, Hailey doesn't think there's a study that says insomnia can be inherited. But here she is on a Sunday morning at 6 am getting ready in athletic clothes and putting Thiago in the stroller ready to go for a run and kill the boredom they are both in.

“Alright I think we've got everything,” Hailey says as she inspects the items on the couch. "Water bottle, ready. Caps, sunscreen, ready and most importantly...jogging stroller, ready." She turns to see her son who is already bouncing on the sofa with a smile on his face.

“Alright buddy come here” says hailey as he puts all the stuff away in the stroller. Once she finishes putting things away she secures Thiago in the stroller with the latches and makes sure to put sunscreen and his favorite hat on him. 

It's funny how even though she doesn't know him she looks so much like him. His favorite cap is the military design. Just thinking about the memory burns her soul. But she puts her thoughts aside, grabs her keys and they both walk out the door.

This wasn't exactly how Jay imagined his morning run would go.

It was supposed to be just him. A moment just to turn off his demons for a while and just enjoy the breeze running down his cheeks as his heart beat a mile a minute. But fate had different plans for him as he turned through the intersection that led to a park and that's when he saw them.

Actually, he shouldn't have been surprised by the ambush. It was a popular park in Chicago, everyone used it for training. And as a soldier, he had a routine that he kept to the same time and route every day was a way to relieve his stress. What he didn't expect was that Hailey would have the exact same plans and she would be the one ambushing him at 6 a.m. He was not expecting her.

Not that he didn't long to see her. God, he dreamed every day of this encounter. He just never imagined it would come true. And now what was he supposed to do?, run to someone else or pretend he didn't see her and continue his career? He guesses he over thought it because before he knew it he was in front of them and almost got run over by the stroller.

“Oh God. Are you all right?” she said in a concerned tone.

Jay guessed she didn't even notice who he was until she looked up and a pang of panic and fear gripped her chest. Hailey must have sensed his concern, for the expression on her face changed completely as she stared at him and hurriedly threw up her hands in a hurry.

“Sorry,” Jay muttered, trying to ambush a smile. “Are you okay?” Always worrying about everything else. So Jay.

Hailey noticed the change in his attitude, it was like territorial boundaries had been drawn between the two of them.

“I didn't hurt him or did I?” Jay asked cautiously.

“Uhm..no, I, huh, sorry...we're fine” Hailey lowered her hands, rubbing down the sides of her pants in a surprisingly nervous motion. "I just didn't think I'd see you here. That's all"

Jay nodded and stepped aside to give her enough room to leave if she wanted to. Though all he wanted was for her to stay. 

They both stood there looking into each other's eyes without saying anything, it wasn't until Thiago lifted the cover of the stroller and noticed Jay's presence. He was wearing the exact same red military patterned one as he was and when he noticed him he pointed to it with his eyes and said, “Mommy look!”

Jay looked down and noticed the little guy. He hadn't gotten a good look at him, not until now. Emerald green eyes, curly blond hair, freckles on his cheeks. And that's when he knew, there was no doubt.

What the hell did he did?

Chapter Text

Of all the scenarios Hailey possibly thought, none of them fit the reality she was living right now. And it wasn't that she didn't wanna see him again, God! She dreamed of this moment for days, however she didn't think their reunion would affect her this much.

Everything around her became less noisy, leaves falling from the trees, the breeze around her was the only thing to be heard. And then there was Jay with a confused and surprised face as he removed the headphones from his ears, that's when her heart started beating frantically. After a moment his gaze slowly changes to a tender one, one that used to be just for her. The one she learned to memorize quickly. As his eyes lit up full of hope and the corner of his mouth formed a smile.

“Hailey..” he murmured as he pointed at him and his shoulders slowly slumped. He had so many questions but at the same time he was so sorry for what he did and  upset. Not with her or him, but of the situation.

“I, uhmm...” Hailey searches for the words but can't formulate even a single sentence. “I have to go,” said instead. She grabbed the stroller again and just as she was starting to walk away Jay stepped in the middle of having her . “Jay...”

“We need to talk, I mean...it's obvious isn't it?” He said pointing to the stroller. “You can't just walk away and pretend this didn't happen or that I didn't see what I saw.”

That makes Hailey laugh. She can't believe he actually said that. "Oh, so now you want to talk? Where were you two years ago? when I spent every damn day calling and you didn't answer?" She said raising her voice 

“Hailey if I had known that..”

She just denied and as she was about to answer when her phone vibrated. Her eyes landed on the caller ID “THOMAS” then she let out a groan. “I gotta go,” she said before disappearing.

“Hailey!” 

“Damn it!” He said as he put his hands over his head and watched her walk away.

Hailey wasn't one to run or hide. But seeing the expression on his face, she couldn't help herself. Her heart aches in ways she didn't think possible but she also feels sorry for him. He didn't know anything for two years, Hailey did a great job hiding him and it's unfair even in a way but it was also unfair the way he acted two years ago.

When she is finally as far away from him as possible she allows herself to cry and let all her feelings come out, she plops down on one of the benches as tears run down her cheeks. She tries to keep her composure for her son, he does not have any quilts of what happened between them and doesn't deserve to see her act like this, but all she wants is to completely break down.

“Mommy” mumbles Thiago as he tries to get out of the stroller

Hailey quickly wipes her tears away, “Hey, mommy it's okay, all right” she tells him with a smile. “What do you say you and I go get waffles, huh?”

“Yeah waffles!” Thiago says as he moves into the stroller.

Hailey smiles and  stands up to continue on her way to a restaurant where they serve the best waffles.

And tried to forget what just happened. Even knowing that’s impossible.

Running has always been Jay's routine.

It's not that he enjoys it, it's simply a way to cope with everything that goes through his mind. 

The events of the past few hours invade his mind in the worst possible way. He reviews every wrong action he took over the past few months and each time the reality hits him harder and harder.

Their life was supposed to be different, they were supposed to start a family, care and enjoy every moment together. But none of that happened. And everything he once thought possible was in the past and he wasn't sure he could remedy it.

Maybe coming back from Bolivia had been a mistake, maybe he should have stayed there until he died. But that was no longer an option and now he is here and he has to face the situation.

He has been running for over an hour now, trying to exhaust his mind and ignore the memories from earlier, but every time he closes his eyes the little face with freckles and golden curls fills his mind. He stops for a moment, the park begins to fill with people, some running like him, others with their friends. The playground stops, there are children running happily as their parents chase after them. A reality he might now be experiencing were it not for what he did. A race car landed on his feet; he lifts it up and sees a boy approaching. “You've got a nice car there” he says to the little boy with a smile as he hands it to him. The little boy nods before taking it and running back to his father.

Suddenly Jay feels a knot in his stomach, he's spent the last few hours trying to take it all in, to downplay it and even blame her but he can't.  He needs answers and only she can give them to him.

As he slowed down his reality became even more real. On his way to Hailey's he didn't give much thought to what he would say to her or how he would start their conversation, but of one thing he was sure. He wanted answers and he wouldn't leave without them.

When he gets to the building he rides up the elevator and feels chills run through his body but he can't just pretend to walk away and leave everything, he must fight for her, for the little boy, for them. The elevator stops on the fourth floor, Jay walks down the hallway to apartment 103. He knocks on the door and lets out a sigh as he waits.

The door opens a few moments later revealing the man Jay had seen earlier. It was the same guy who was with Hailey in the coffee shop the other day. He's thought a lot about that day, how his fists clenched and his jaw tightened as a knot formed in his stomach. He honestly didn't think he would see him again until today. The man was about 5'7", brown hair, and had a padlock beard.

Jay had thought several times about who this guy was in Hailey's life. He didn't want to believe the possibility that he was her new partner, or worse the father of her child. It could also be her partner or friend, couldn't it?

Jay debates if he knocked on the right door, maybe he should say he was looking for someone else and turn around, but he doesn't think too quickly because the man says, “Can I help you with something?”

“Hey” Jay replies as he rejoins. “I'm looking for Hailey Upton.” 

The man hesitates for a moment before looking back inside the apartment and directs his gaze to Jay again. “Is it work or...”

“I need to talk to her.” 

The man nods. “And you are?” He asks without showing any interest.

“Is Hailey in or not?” Jay says in a lighter tone.

The man lets out a huff as he denies. “I don't know who you are or who you think you are but you won't talk to my girlfriend...so I recommend you get the hell out of here.”

“Girlfriend?” His voice trails off at the word that comes out of his mouth. He feels like someone has stabbed him in the heart. Hailey had completely forgotten him, everything they experienced together just faded away. Jay just nodded, there was no one to be sorry for or apologize to, he turned around and walked out the way he came in only this time he was full of anger and pain.

Once he disappeared Thomas shut the door with a smile.

“Who was that?” Hailey asks as she dries her hands with a towel.

Thomas smiles, "Real estate. They wanted to know if you were interested in buying," he says simply.

“You have to appreciate the persistence of these guys, ” Hailey laughs. “Last time Vanessa threatened them.”

“Sounds like something Vanessa would do,” Thomas laughs. 

“Thanks for making them leave,” replies Hailey politely.

Thomas nods and slowly walks over to Hailey, he takes the towel out of her hands as he looks into her eyes. "We both have the day off and it's great weather outside. I thought it would be a good idea for the three of us to go out together."

“Us?”

Thomas nods.

Hailey opens her mouth to say something as she turns away from Thomas, “I don't think it's a good idea, you know...we work together, I'm your boss and...”

“Hailey...”

“Thanks for coming and bringing the paperwork, really, but..”

Thomas gets her point and walks away from her. "No problem…. I think I should go" he says as he grabs his jacket. He turns towards the door and before he leaves he says, "We're not all like him. Some of us know how to appreciate what's in front of us."

“I know,” Hailey mutters but it doesn't reach Thomas' ears. "But there's a problem. You’re not Jay."

As she walks down the hallway he debates whether being here will do them any good. The tension between them is bad enough because it aggravates things. But she can't ignore the look on his face when he saw Thiago in the park. He knows it, she knows it too and they both deserve to have this conversation. She stops in front of the door and sees her name on it “instructor Halstead”. 

It's just a door Hailey, you just have to knock and come in.

A few minutes pass until at last a brave weapon knocks on the door and then her hand runs along the handle. A few seconds later she slowly opens it and sees him sitting on the edge of his desk with some sheets in his hand. His gaze sweeps over him for a few seconds, and then, she realizes that he is not alone. A young brown-haired girl accompanies him, she's tall, slim, wears civilian clothes so he doesn't think she's one of the freshmen in his class, she looks happy and her smile widens when he speaks. Hailey's jaw tenses as she sees them laughing and talking. 

And suddenly Jay looks around just as Hailey is about to turn and leave. “Hailey, what are you doing here?”

“I was under the impression that we needed to talk but this is clearly not a good time.”

Jay gets down from the table ready to go after her, but the girl stops him. “Wait!”

“You know, I wanted to talk to you, clear some things up but I think that is a waste of time since you're clearly over it” Jay notices the way Hailey is talking to him. She's irritated, but it's something else he can't decipher.

“And here I was feeling guilty, but clearly that I don't have to,” then she turns and hurries away.

Jay runs to the door but he's too late. She's already gone. 

That little jealous behavior tells him that she hasn't completely forgotten him and maybe just maybe he still has a chance.

All his thoughts were telling him to go home that night. But as he walked a light bearing the word “ Bar ” ran through his mind. He should have gone home, put on his running shoes and let all the adrenaline rush through his body. But instead his feet guided him to the bar. After all he had nothing to lose, all was lost and if it made him forget, so be it.

He hears chattering through the wooden door of the bar and sighs. He pushes the door open and walks to the bar, it's calm and quiet, quieter than he remembers it being, a few people at the back of the bar, two more people at the bar. The bartender greets him “Good to see you again kid,” he says as he sets a shot of whiskey down on the table. Funny how no matter how much time had passed Robert still called him that. He used to come to this bar with Will when they were teenagers, when he and Hailey met this became his favorite place. He turns to see a woman with dark hair, she greets him with a warm smile that reminds him of Hailey, her eyes are dark but piercing. He ignores that memory, instead he concentrates on his drink, he drinks it too easily, he vows not to do it anymore but here he is again trying to get over it.

Jay stared at his empty bottle, he didn't know how long he sat at the bar trying to drown his guilt with liquor. His drunken brain ran through every scenario he could imagine, but he never believed the day would come when he would see Hailey with someone else. He got up from the bar to find something stronger to drink when he bumped into a burly guy.

“Watch where you're going, asshole!” He shoved him towards the table behind him.

Jay lets out a snort as he stands up and tries to reach for the bottle himself to throw it. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

“Asshole!” he yelled and lunged at Jay. Everyone in the bar began to close in as the two punched each other. Jay tried to get out of there but the guy grabbed him by the shoulder and spun him around to punch him in the face, they both fell to the ground and Jay quickly turned around to kick him. Robert is already on the phone as it was all happening.

“Jay stop!” 

“That's enough” shouted Robert as Jay punched the guy.

Two more men got involved as they pulled them both away. They pulled the guy who started the fight away while another escorted Jay to a bar stool. Handing him a napkin to wipe himself, he took it while grimacing.

It was a few minutes before he heard the bar door open and didn't pay attention to who it was. Not until he recognized the familiar voice. He looked up to see Hailey talking to Robert.

“He’s at the back of the bar.” He said. “The police are on their way.”

She just nodded and pulled out her card to pay for the damage Jay had caused but Robert denied. “It wasn't his fault, and I'm sorry for calling but I didn't know who else to turn to.”

“Don't worry I got it” she told him before walking over to Jay.

Once she was in front of him he got a good look at her. She was wearing a gray sweatshirt and sweatpants. He guessed she was at his house, why was she here? She came all this way just for him?“ 

”Hailey I.."

“We'll talk about this later. Now we have to go before the police arrive and can't get you out of there.”

“I..” Jay let himself be dragged out of the bar into the street.

“Where did you leave your car?”

“What?”

“Never mind, let's go” she told him as she let go of Jay’s arm, she turned around to walk to her truck and watched as Jay started stumbling down the road. She then rolled her arm around his waist as she led him towards her truck. 

Once he was inside Hailey put the belt on him and when she finished she looked up and a lock of hair fell down his cheek. Instinctively Jay tucked it behind her ear and they both met each other's eyes. A real look this time. He opened his mouth to say something but she interrupted him.

“Just don't throw up on the way, okay” 

Jay nods and once Hailey is on the other side he sees her out of the corner of his eye. She's so focused on the road that she doesn't see he is seeing her. And he feels it deep in his chest, not as a small victory, or relief. But a feeling.

She still worries.

Chapter Text

Once in her parked truck Hailey let out a silent sigh. Her hands squeezed the steering wheel too hard, so hard that you could see her fingers whiten. She dropped her head back and turned it toward Jay, who had his eyes closed. That had been the limit for Jay. A hefty amount of drinks for him.

She got out of the seat and walked around the truck until she was facing Jay again, then opened the door and unbuckled the seatbelt. Getting Jay out in this state had been more difficult than getting him into her truck but not impossible. Once outside Hailey threw her arm over Jay's shoulder to support his hunched body. 

“Come on, buddy, we need to get you to bed” Hailey looked at her doorman and articulated “Thank you” with the most appreciative expression on her face.

“Mmmm...you...?” Jay muttered, slurring his words. “Are you mad at me?” he looked at Hailey in the eyes, totally unfocused.

“Not now Jay” she told him as they both got on the elevator.

The ride to the elevator was longer than she remembered. You could feel the tension between the two of them, conversations not yet addressed, truths not yet coming out.

The elevator doors opened and she was thankful there was no one in the hallway. The last thing she wanted was to have to explain to her nosy neighbors who Jay is.

Once inside, Jay looked up at the wall that contained pictures she couldn't recognize but no doubt caused a knot in his stomach.

“I” he said with a grimace. “Sorry”

Hailey wasn't sure what it was but did feel how tense her muscles were underneath her or the deep discomfort she felt. 

They made it into the apartment quickly and she was grateful for it. When they entered the room, she leaned him against the wall to close the door gently.

“Do you have to throw up?” She asked him knowing this would be one of the hardest parts of the night.

Jay looked at her with wide green eyes. “How bad do I look?”

“You need to get the rest of the alcohol out of your stomach” she rubbed his back with her hand in circles. “I know this will be one of the hardest parts, but you'll thank yourself in the morning”

She walked him to the bathroom and helped him kneel in front of the toilet. She took the glass from the counter next to the sink, filled it with water and knelt down next to him.

He looked at her with pleading eyes begging not to have to do this.

"You'll feel better after this, I promise. You're nauseous and pulling the trigger will calm it down. You can give up, it's okay."

He nodded and let it all out as she rubbed circles on his back.

Once he was done and cleaned him up, Hailey handed him the glass of water. “Rinse your mouth out and spit, then you can brush your teeth” she said as she stood up. “I'll get something for you to change your clothes.”

She walked out of the bathroom and headed towards her dresser, pulled out a shirt and sweatpants that belonged to Jay. She then helped him to his feet and made sure he was leaning against the bathroom counter before grabbing the extra toothbrush and toothpaste. He uncapped the tube, put a small amount on the brush and handed it to him.

Before he started brushing, he looked at her. “Why are you doing this?” he said. “You clearly hate me” then he started brushing his teeth. Hailey just watched him without saying a word. She don't trust her judgment right now to say anything.

Once he was done and had changed his clothes they both left the bathroom and Hailey helped him lay down on the bed, she placed a pillow behind him while Jay rested his head against the headboard. Hailey watched him out of the corner of her eye and noticed some cuts on his cheek and forehead. “We'd better clean that up.”

She went back into the bathroom and a few seconds later appeared with a first aid kit, sat on the edge of the bed and grabbed a cotton ball, then poured hydrogen peroxide over the cotton ball. She slowly wiped the cotton across the cuts as Jay grimaced. “Don't be a crybaby,” she muttered to which he just smiled and denied.  Once she was done and put everything away she let Jay settle on the bed.

“Are you staying with me?” he looked so hopeful, his green eyes widened as he looked at her.

She shook her head, “Vanessa isn't coming tonight so I'll sleep in the other room”

“Thanks for helping me tonight, Hailey”

She didn't respond, instead turning and walking towards the door before leaving. She saw him once more, she closed her eyes for a moment enjoying the comfort of his presence before closing the door completely.

As the light from the window streamed into the room it forced Jay to open his eyes slowly and he quickly realized it wasn't his bed or room. He glanced at the clock on the nightstand and was glad to see that he had slept more than usual for months: it was only 6am so he knew the morning light had woken him up. Though he quickly regretted it as a pounding headache was coming on. He let out a groan and dropped his head back on the pillow. On the other side of the bed was a glass of water and painkillers and a note “I know you'll pretend everything is fine but you'll thank me.” He smiled as he noted that Hailey must have put it on and he knew he would need it, and of course she was right.

After taking the painkillers he leaves the room and o can hear Hailey moving around the apartment, the sound of the TV in the background as the cafeteria beeps. It feels so natural and yet so unfamiliar. He leaves the room slowly and pauses in it to see Hailey squatting as he helps her son into the living room.

“Good morning”

Hailey looks up immediately at Jay's voice and he notices her mood change. “Good morning.”

“So you're still up before 7,” Jay says as he walks into the room that's filled with toys strewn all over the place, and then he sees him. And this time he has no doubt.

Jay smiles, and for a moment, it almost feels like all things are normal, like the last two years never happened and he never left her, like they're family. Jay would live here forever in this moment if he could, but he doesn't, and when the moment passes. The coffee machine beeps, and that brings him back to reality, where they are not together, where so much has changed, where he doesn't even know if he deserves to know the truth.

“You say that like you don't wake up in the wee hours yourself,” Hailey says as she walks with Thiago in her arms to the kitchen. She sits Thiago down at his coffee table, then pulls out two mugs and sets them on the counter to pour coffee into them. Once she finishes she slides one of the coffee cups over to Jay.

“Thank you” Jay murmured as he took a sip of the coffee.

She gives him a half smile as she sips her own coffee. She knows they should talk, gosh, they have too much to talk about. But she doesn't know how to approach the conversation or how to start one. She feels a knot in her stomach and realizes he feels the same as she notices the nervousness on his face.

“About last night I...”

 “Not in front of him,” she says, looking sideways at Thiago.

Jay nods and before he can respond the door slowly opens, revealing Vanessa tiptoeing in.

“Hey! You’re awake” she says without looking up. “Don't tell me insomnia won again...” She's speechless as she sees Jay standing in the kitchen.

“What the hell-” she begins, “What's he doing here?”.

Hailey knew how Vanessa would react and she doesn't blame her but she has to do this. She can't keep lying.

“Could you take Thiago to the park,” she tells her, “Please.”

Vanessa nods without taking her scathing gaze off Jay. She gathers a few things from her room and then reaches over to take Thiago in her arms. “We'll be in the playroom, call me if you need anything.”

When Vanessa leaves the apartment becomes less noisy, the air between them thicker.

Jay sighs. "I don't expect you to forgive me or tell me everything that happened the last few years. But we can't ignore the fact that-“

”It's yours Jay“

”Oh" thinks Jay. It's not that he didn't long for it or hadn't thought about the possibility of it being his. But hearing it out loud feels different.

“You want the truth don't you?”

Jay nodded.

Hailey picked up her cup of coffee and walked into the living room with Jay following at her heels, both taking a seat on the couch with quite a distance given the conversation they're about to have.

“It was when I..”

She nodded.

2 years 8 months ago:

Neither of us had to say it for both of us to know.

It was pragmatic. It made sense in every way. It would be foolish not to, and now was not the time to indulge in foolishness.

He would be gone to Bolivia for eight months. She would not see his face, smell his scent, hold him. Of course he feared their relationship would change.

But as he said, “You are the love of life.”

And she believed him, so yeah, fuck it.

Her arms squeezed him tight as she exhaled a long sigh. “We've both been through too much not to have a life together in whatever comes next.”

Jay looked at her. “I'm coming back,” he vowed. “I always come back.”

“I know.”

He held her gaze, his emerald eyes dull and sad as he kissed her softly, slowly, sweetly.

It wasn't enough. Nothing could ever be enough, not with the way Hailey wanted it. Her fingers closed over his jaw, the other hand in his hair to draw him tighter and closer, more ardent, like the earlier kisses that had brought her to what she needed now.

Jay returned her kiss with equal fervor now that she had initiated, sliding his tongue into her mouth, memorizing every nook and cranny as he had every part of her. To be loved so sweetly was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Hailey let him guide him with her hands on his hips to belatedly lay on top of him on the mattress, leaning down to cup his face and move her mouth slowly open and wet.

Before she could get very far, however, with the intention of removing his shirt. Jay grabbed her around the waist, stopping her with wide, hesitant eyes. “This...this isn't a goodbye kiss, is it?” She asked.

“No,” he assured her, running a hand through her hair. "It isn’t a goodbye kiss. One that indicates we'll be fine, why we'll be fine, won't we."

Jay kissed her harder than ever causing Hailey to let out a moan into her mouth. 

All inhibition and nerves were completely gone, their fingers were free and their throats emitted only moans of joy and pleasure. Hailey felt him harder in the way he removed her clothes, making sure to kiss the tip of her nose as he pulled her shirt up. His clothes joined hers, strewn all over the room, as Jay flipped her over so she was face down on his stomach, making sure she was comfortable, pressed together, attaching his lips to her neck.

Already familiar with the rhythm, the intertwining of their bodies heightening the connection already forged in them, Hailey's truth was making its way step by step into his firm grasp. He had always been full of surprises, his lips tracing her neck, collarbone and even her breasts, sweet kisses, willing fingers. Jay's hand slipped between her leg, eager as ever to make her cum, but Hailey stopped him by taking his hand gently.

“Come in me,” she said against his mouth. “I need you.”

Jay nodded, holding her by the hips so he could lift her slightly and sink her down on his hard cock. They both moaned in relief instantly. “God, you're beautiful and I'm going to miss you so much,” he mumbled, as his hands came to rest on her waist to help her enliven the rhythm faster and harder than before, but possibly better.

“I love you,” she replied automatically.

Hailey throbbed inside her, as her beautiful face flushed from the effort, her eyes misty with lust as she finished. Hailey's euphoria flooded her as he, collapsing against her bare chest as they both moaned, exhausted, panting and beaming.

“Good?” 

“Good” Hailey confirmed, kissing him sweetly. “You?”

“Better than ever” Jay chuckled as he ran his hand down her side.

Something came to Jay's mind that made him stop. “Wait,” he said, starting to pull away from her, to which Hailey groaned. Jay alerted himself by frowning as he thought before it was to hit him. His eyes were wide, "It's a full moon. You can't...Shit!"

Hailey bit her lip. She hadn't thought of that. “I'll take re one tomorrow,”

Jay squeezed her hand apologetically. "Okay, sorry, Hails. I didn't think about it."

“It's okay,” she said as she rolled to stand over him. "I don't want to waste it. I don't want to close my eyes, because then you'll be gone," she told him, digging her one into his skin. “Don't go.”

He smiled a cheesy smile at her, “What? You want to scream my name all night?”

She poked him in the chest. “You're amazing”

“Is that a yes?” He asked as he raised an eyebrow and a smirk loomed.

She pretended to think about it for a moment as she settled over him, kissing his lips, smiling against his mouth. “One more...”

Jay tangled his fingers in her hair, preventing her from moving or stopping. “One more of everything.”

“One more of everything,” he nodded.

Back to the present:

Hailey can barely hold back tears at the memory. She should have been over it, it was over a year ago. But standing here next to him remembering their last night together, it hurts too much. It hurts too much.

Should she just leave him like this? Tell him to go away and not look for her anymore? She has to deal with this if she wants to start over.

Hailey has no idea how long they remain silent, it's not until with a deep, heavy breath Jay says, “Hailey”

“I guess I forgot to take my pill after all.” She mumbles barely.

He chuckles, “I think we both got a little carried away.”

That makes Hailey laugh softly. Even in the midst of the chaos she manages to get a smile out of him. “The last thing we did was think about the future.” 

Her smile fades at the word future.

“May I ask, when did you know?”

She's not surprised that he gets right to the point. He never found out about her pregnancy and he knows from the look on her face that he's blaming himself, she does too. But it's selfish to say it out loud. Not when he's gone and she's had to stay and move on.

Hailey's hands clench the cup too tightly that she thinks she might break it. She holds her breath to keep from answering. Because she knows the moment she says it, it will hurt.

"It was two months after you left. I started doing overtime, took on a serial rapist case, who turned out to be the boss's son. We found a location so we went, the suspect was on the run, so I followed him."

Sounds like Hailey, Jay thinks to himself.

"We came to an intersection at the building. There was a girl there, she told me to run but I didn't, so the assailant and I exchanged a couple of punches and.." she continues. That makes Jay's stomach sink. "He hit me with a bat and I was knocked unconscious.

Jay shakes his head. "I .... .should have been there, I should have protected you." He says. “What happened next?”

“The team I worked with found me, they called Voight and took me to Med,” she tells him and turns to look at him. Jay's eyes are filled with tears. “I didn't have a concussion or anything, they ran tests and I knew”

“Why didn't you tell me?”

Her eyes land on him, and for a moment, she just watches him, as if trying to decipher what he just said. “What?”

“You tell me you knew by the second month, but you never said anything”

Hailey's mouth opens to say something, incredulous at what he just told her. Does he blame her? “Uhm... I don't know, maybe because I had a plan” she says standing up. “One that included having you back in 8 months..”

“Hailey”

She just denies. "You can't blame me. You think I didn't think about it, that I didn't spin the whole thing trying to figure out how it was going to work with you miles away!" And then it all comes crashing down, and she lets out the sob she'd been holding back so long. "You were supposed to be gone 8 months! YOU WERE COMING BACK, GOD!"

He stands up and approaches her but she pushes him away. “No,” she says sharply. “You can't pretend everything is okay”

He nods walking away, giving her space.

The room is too quiet, the clock hands tinkling and her heartbeat thundering loudly. She watches him as he stands alone watching her.

"I know that no matter how much I say I'm sorry. That won't be enough to make up for my mistake, what I did is unforgivable and I'm truly sorry."

Hailey nods as she bites her lip. 

“I also know that no matter what I say it doesn't mean anything to you..or that it's an excuse, I don't mean to hurt you anymore, but...” Jay hesitates for a moment, but then slowly moves closer once more and this time she doesn't pull away. Instead she follows him with her eyes, every movement. He lifts a hand and wipes away the tears on her face. "I know you don't owe me anything. And that it's probably very selfish of me to ask considering I threw it all away...but would you give me another chance? Would you let me be a part of your lives again?"

All the alarms in her head tell her no. That she should put it behind her and move on with the life she's built. She should protect herself and her son. But it's Jay, and yes she's hurting, angry about everything that happened and every voice inside her tells her to walk away. But she loves him, she hasn't stopped making them, and he's the father of her child.

How could she say no?

Chapter Text

Hope is the last thing to die. 

At least that's what people say, and Jay wants to believe it. She didn't respond positively to the second chance he asked her for, but it wasn't a no at all. For Jay, that's a sign that deep down she still cares about him. And Jay will take every crumb she wants to give him. 

The last time they spoke was a week ago when he drank too much and she took care of him during the night, and even after their talk, she invited him to breakfast. They didn't bring up the subject again or talk about anything very relevant; they simply enjoyed each other's company. 

Hailey asked him for time to think and decide how their lives would be from now on, and Jay agreed to give her the time she needed. Although it's easier said than done because every night he thinks about her. Her fingers gently brushing his cheek, helping him change his clothes, the way she looked at him and a little sparkle formed on her face, and of course the way she takes care of Thiago, the smile that forms on his little face when she talks to him.

Jay sits on the edge of the desk, holding his phone and listening to his brother's voice on the other end. It's the second time they've spoken since he returned, and although Will insisted that he didn't have to apologize for ignoring him for months, that doesn't mean Jay wouldn't do it. He wanted to start from scratch, and he had to start somewhere.

“So you've met Thiago,” Will says with a smile. “Who would have thought, right? You with a son.”

Jay lets out a sigh. “I don't know if ‘met’ is the right word.” He continues, “I've only seen him twice, he hasn't even seen me.”

“Well, it's not like you deserve to have everything just like that,” Will admits. “You said to yourself that you don't deserve forgiveness.”

Jay is silent for a moment, and Will thinks the line has been disconnected. Not until he says, “Were you there?”

“Jay...”

He just shakes his head. “Please tell me you were there for her.”

“Not exactly,” he says quietly. “She closed herself off too much when you left. She pushed us all away.”

Jay's smile faded. Of course she did, that's how she protects herself, building walls around her heart. She knows Will isn't to blame for him messing up or Hailey pushing him aside. He struggles to stay strong and not break down in front of him. “Thanks for trying.”

“I was there on the day of the birth,” he says softly. “I held him for the first time. The boy was so cute and so much like you.”

Jay runs a hand through his hair. “I'm glad you were there.”

“You're welcome.”

“And now what will happen between you? Will you try again? Will it be shared parenting?”

“I asked her for a second chance,” he says. “She hasn't answered me yet.”

“She's protecting herself and Thiago,” Will points out. “It's not easy to forgive you.”

“I know,” Jay says quietly. “I know I don't deserve another chance. I know she has every right in the world to be upset or not to take me back.”

Will doesn't respond at first. What his brother did is unforgivable, but he also knows what Jay went through and that it wasn't his fault. They've both suffered a lot in recent years, and only they can fix it. Then he sighs and says, “What's your plan? If she doesn't accept you back?”

Jay exhales, the tightness in his chest only growing worse. He hadn't thought about it, what he would do if she rejected him. Leaving again is not an option; he has a son and cannot abandon him. Not again.

“I don't know, do whatever she asks, I guess.”

Will nods one last time. “Then don't ruin it again. Don't give her any reason to.”

Jay lets out a laugh. “I'll try.”

He looks at his watch and lets out a sigh. He still has a couple more classes to teach, which leaves him enough time to clear his head and not go crazy.

“I guess I should let you go,” Will says. “Go teach those kids what it means to be a cop.”

Jay nods and says goodbye to Will before hanging up the phone. The deafening silence in the room leaves him with more questions than he wants to admit. Will's words linger in his mind: “ What will you do if she doesn't accept? ” He needs to clear his head.

He turns around at his desk and pulls out a bottle of liquor, uncaps it, and before he thinks too much about it, drinks it too easily, hoping to forget all the mental chaos for a moment.

Two days later.

Upon entering the coffee shop, he sees Hailey in the queue with her back to him. 

His mind goes blank for a moment. He doesn't know what to do; she asked him for space, so he should turn around and leave. His body doesn't move, and before he can try anything, Hailey takes her order and turns around, her eyes locking onto him. She looks spectacular; her elegant outfit, a black shirt paired with black fabric pants, and her wavy hair falling over her shoulders, looks so natural.

For a moment, time freezes, and Jay doesn't even realize that she is standing in front of him with her eyebrows raised, saying, “Are you following me?”

Jay blinks and clears his throat. “Huh, I, no... sorry, I didn't know you were here... I can leave if...” he begins as he turns to leave.

Hailey just shakes her head as a smile spreads across her face. “Actually... I was planning on looking for you,” she murmurs as she plays with her coffee in her hands. 

Jay turns around immediately, his eyes wide. “Really?”

She nods as she approaches him, looking at him for a moment. “I have an answer to your question.”

“Yeah?” Jay asks in a pleading tone.

Hailey nods with a slight smile. “It wasn't an easy decision to make, but I think it's the best one for everyone, at least for now.” Jay lets out a slow sigh as his shoulders move. It wasn't the answer he expected or hoped for, but it was something to hold on to. Just as he is about to say something, Hailey's phone rings, and she glances at it and lets out a groan. 

“Work?” He asks, trying not to pry.

Hailey exhales as she nods. “I have to go...” she says before walking beside him, then reaching out and handing him the coffee cup. “I have a feeling you need it more than I do.”

Jay hesitates for a moment. But then Hailey takes one of his hands and wraps the coffee cup in his fingers, allowing them to remain there, feeling his touch again. “You don't have to...”

Hailey looks at him once more with an amused expression. “Remember the bar we used to go to... I'll see you at 7 and then we'll talk.”

He nods. “I'll be there,” he murmurs as he watches her walk away.  She looks at him one last time before disappearing completely, leaving Jay with many doubts. 

Once she's gone, he lets out a sigh. For a split second, everything felt normal. It was brief, but he felt it. And he'll remember it forever.

“You are still here?”

Hailey looks up from her computer and a half-smile appears on her face as Thomas approaches and sits down next to her.

“I'm still here,” says Hailey, pointing to the reports on the desk. “The paperwork doesn't do itself.”

Thomas lets out a laugh. “I guess being the boss gives you the freedom to tell the other agents to do it for you.”

“So you'll do it for me?” Hailey asks with a raised eyebrow.

“Well...”

Hailey just shakes her head. “I thought so,” she continues. Her gaze returns to the computer once more. “Anyway, what are you doing here? I thought I was the only one here.”

“I was about to leave, but then I remembered that today is Wednesday, which means you have Vanessa as a babysitter,” he says, “So I was thinking, do you want to go for a drink?”

Hailey stops whatever she was doing on her computer and turns her gaze to Thomas. “I...”

“Oh come on, Hailey, you're entitled to a life too.”

She looks at the time on the computer: 6:45 p.m. In 15 minutes, she has to meet with Jay. It's not that she's putting it off or that she's spent most of the day mulling it over and that's why she's behind on her paperwork. But going out with Thomas is not an excuse that Jay wants to hear. She lets out a sigh before sending her files and turning off the computer, leaning back in her chair and watching Thomas.

“We already talked about this... you know I can't...”

“I know it doesn't look good,” says Thomas, “but it's not like we're going to tell anyone, right?”

She just shook her head. 

“Are you waiting for someone?”

Hailey frowned. “What?”

“I've been trying to ask you out for months, and all you do is make excuses. Your son, work, I think it's something else. Someone else. You know he's not coming back, right?”

That wasn't the answer Hailey was looking for, but she already had the idea in her head. He knows it. He knows who her heart belongs to, even after what happened.

“It has nothing to do with him.”

Thomas scoffs, shaking his head. “If you saw him again, would you run to him? Would you forgive him?”

“You don't know half of what happened,” she says.

“Answer the question.”

Hailey clenches her jaw and takes a deep breath as she looks at Thomas. He's stubborn like her, but he also speaks the truth. Deep down, she knows that if he weren't, she wouldn't be doing all this.

“I don't know,” she says slowly. “I'm sorry.”

Thomas nods. “When was the last time you spoke to him?”

-A few hours ago . She wants to say, but instead she says, “I haven't heard from him in a while.”

He nods one last time before standing up and walking toward the bullpen exit. “You know, sometimes to heal you have to let go, even if it hurts.” Once he's at the door, he turns to look at her one last time and says, “Don't stay up too late.”

Hailey nods, staring at him as he disappears and she is left completely alone again.

Maybe Thomas was right. Maybe she needed to start over, maybe she needed to forget and let go.

7:20

With every passing minute, Jay stares at the door, but she never appears. He begins to think she won't come. Maybe she regretted talking to him and just wants to forget about it, which Jay understands perfectly. He can't blame her for not forgiving him; he wouldn't forgive himself for what he did either.

Just as he finishes his beer and is about to leave, it's as if a magnetic attraction brings them together at the right moment. He turns to look at her when she is entering the bar and raises her hand to greet him before approaching him. She is still wearing her work clothes, her hair somewhat disheveled, but she still looks spectacular.

She sits down next to him and stares at the empty beer bottle. “Sorry I'm late, my case took longer than planned,” she murmurs.

“It's okay, I guess I was a little anxious,” he says with a half-smile. “I ordered you a whiskey sour, I don't know if it's still your favorite,” he says as he slides his drink toward her.

“You didn't forget,” Hailey says, taking a sip of her drink before turning her head to look at him.

She sees him smiling. It's soft and warm, like it used to be just for her. She returns his smile shyly and briefly.

“Hello,” she exhales.

“Hi,” he says softly, full of hope. “How was work?”

“It's work, you know…but it was fine.”

He can't help but stare at her. There's something she's not telling him, and he knows it. He's learned to read her over the years. But he doesn't press her. Instead, he lets her take the lead.

“When was the last time you ate?”

“Real food or...,” she says.

“Are you serious?”

She shrugs and lets out a sigh. “My schedule has been a bit busy these days.”

“We have to feed you then,” he says, calling the bartender's attention. “Can you bring us the menu, please?”

She just shakes her head but accepts the food, because he knows her so well after all this time and knows she won't eat anything until the next day.

Once she has food on the table, she looks him in the eyes again. “You said you've been here for a month?”

“Yes,” says Jay.

“Where were you before? Bolivia or somewhere else?”

“Mostly Bolivia, then Panama for a few months,” he says, “I worked with a unit.”

She nods slowly, showing no emotion, and that worries Jay a little.

“Why did you extend your stay there? It was supposed to be eight months.”

Jay knew this question would come; he's not stupid, and he knows what the real question is. Why did he abandon her? He understands her; he hurt her feelings, changed her plans for the future, and they were no longer going to be together.

A few minutes pass in silence. He concentrates on reading her as she plays with her fries without looking him in the eye. He has to tell her the truth, no lies. Whatever he says will have weight in their new relationship, or whatever it's going to be. It's going to hurt, but they have to give her something to believe in.

So he lets out a sigh and says, “I was afraid of losing you. I did it anyway.”

Hailey nods slowly and stares at her half-eaten plate. He knows it's not what she expected to hear and wants to ask how she feels, to get closer to her, but he doesn't. He no longer has the right to know anything about her.  

“Do you want to know what happened in two years?”

She looks up. “Eventually, but not right now.”

“Something more digestible, then?”

She nods.

“Why did you agree to see me?”

“You asked me a question,” she says.

“I know, but you could have ignored me. I'm glad you didn't,” he says as he steals one of her fries and smiles at her.

Hailey nods.

He's so much like he used to be with her. When they did their thing, they ate late, and he always scooped fries for her and not for himself, even though there were always more for him than for her. Their teasing and little salty kisses.

“I'm glad I agreed to see you too,” she admits. "I think it's time to tell you my answer, don't you? It's obvious it's killing you."

“Is it that obvious?”

She just shrugs with a smile. 

She bites her lip as she stares at him. His eyes are fixed on hers. “It wasn't an easy decision to make. There were a lot of red flags telling me not to do it, but if I want to heal, I have to make these decisions.”

Jay nods, swallowing hard. “I understand.”

“But forgetting you is harder than I thought.”

He smiles, full of hope.

“I'm not going to lie to you and say that I've forgotten everything and that we can go back to the way we were before. But I'm willing to try again, since we have something that binds us together,” Hailey begins, “Thiago needs a father figure, he needs you.”

I need you . She wanted to say.

“We can start with baby steps and see where it takes us. Meetings once a week, you can meet Thiago if you want, and we can go from there.”

Jay's eyes fill with tears as he listens to her. He can't believe it, she's willing to give him another chance. She's going to let him back into their lives, and he couldn't be more excited and grateful to her.

“I miss you so much,” he says. “Thank you for this.”

She hums, nodding once more. “We'll start from scratch.”

“Of course, I'll take everything you're willing to give me.”

Hailey looks at him with a smile, then extends her hand, and Jay follows suit. “We have a deal,” she says, shaking his hand. 

Both look at each other's eyes for a while, allowing themself to feel again.

“I guess we both have to work tomorrow,” he begins. Although he is glad to have her here and the last thing he wants is to leave her, they both have to process everything that has been said. 

He stands up and takes out his wallet, paying for the bills. He turns to walk away, and before he reaches the exit, she follows him and says: 

“Jay?”

He turns to look at her, his concern returning as he wonders if she has changed her mind. Perhaps it was too soon. She catches up to him so that she is standing in front of him. Her eyes move between his and the place. Her heart begins to beat too fast, and before he can process everything, she approaches and wraps her arms around his waist, and he immediately holds her. 

A familiar warmth spreads through them. He is surprised, but it feels good to have her like this again. He didn't think it would be possible to hug her and hold her in his arms. Hailey clings to him as she presses her head against his shoulder and lets out a sigh.

“I missed you too,” she murmurs.

He pulls her closer, letting her face fall on his shoulder, not wanting to let her go.

They reluctantly separate when Hailey's phone rings in her pocket. She glances at it for a moment before turning her gaze back to Jay.

“Work?”

“No, actually it's Vanessa... my free time is over.” She says with a laugh.

Jay nods once more as he watches her walk away. Before she leaves completely, she turns around and says one last time, “Do you want to meet Thiago?”

He opens his eyes immediately and nods.

“Good. We'll talk later and figure out something,” she says before disappearing completely.

Neither of them is sure how this new version of themselves will turn out. It won't be easy to deal with, they still have a lot to talk about and they will eventually. It will take time to be okay and fix everything, but one thing is clear, neither of them will give up. Their love is still there, maybe deep down, but it's there.

It will take time, but everything good takes time.

Chapter Text

It's been a week since she and Jay met at the bar. 

A week since she asked him if he wanted to meet Thiago. They've been texting, not as often as they used to, but enough to keep the conversation going and get closer. 

The day is passing too slowly for her liking, but slowly enough to keep her mind occupied and forget everything for a moment. After their strange conversation with Thomas, he didn't bring up the subject again, distancing himself from her a little, but like every morning, he still leaves a cup of coffee on her desk. She thanked him with a simple nod.

Upon entering Molly's, the place is busier than usual, probably due to this new tradition where people go bar hopping all night long. Hailey immediately regrets it. There are too many people and faces she doesn't recognize or want to meet. She hasn't even reached the bar yet to realize it was a mistake.

But from the look on Vanessa's face, she knows there's no turning back. After all, Kim and Adam offered to take care of Thiago, so that gives her a chance to take a break.

Hailey shakes her head as Vanessa drags her to the bar with her hands on her shoulders, pushing her toward the bar. “One hour and then we leave.”

“Yes... yes... whatever you say,” she says, laughing.

Once inside, Hailey is grateful that the bar at the back is free, because she knows there's no way she wants to socialize with a drunk stranger. So she orders a beer, hoping it will be enough to calm Vanessa's anxiety.

The next half hour passes as normally as possible. She and Vanessa strike up a conversation while the others laugh and enjoy the evening. There is a group of men in the other corner who have caught Vanessa's attention, and Hailey is about to say no when Vanessa nudges her.

“You know, I don't mean to pressure you, but there's a cute guy in the back who's pretty interested in you.”

“Good for him,” Hailey murmurs as she drinks her beer.

“Aren't you going to talk to him?” Hailey quickly shakes her head. “What about living it up tonight?” 

“That was your idea, not mine,” she says with a smile. “I'm fine here.”

Vanessa just shakes her head and laughs, but lets it go this time. Instead, she orders a round of shots for both of them. 

Hailey doesn't feel like talking to anyone other than Vanessa right now, but she's already ditched her for Kevin.  Something catches her eye across the bar, and she's not sure if it's the alcohol or her mind playing tricks on her. At first she doesn't recognize him, but then he turns around and she sees him, and she's stunned. She could recognize him even if she had a wheel of knowledge; she would do so without hesitation.

Of all the places she thought she might find him, she never thought it would be here. Not today, at least.

She has thought about him in recent days; they still have their meeting pending, and it's not that she's avoiding him, she just can't find the right moment. And she meant it when she said she could meet his son, they wanted to, but life has other plans. 

She sees him move and mutter something before his feet move in her direction. As he approaches, Hailey's heart begins to race, but she sees no way to avoid him.

Jay is nervous too, he has no idea why he even thought it was a good to approach her. Maybe she doesn't want to talk to him. Maybe she has company. Her boyfriend. And just thinking about the fact that she has a boyfriend makes his stomach churn. But the smile on her face tells him that she's happy to see him too.

“I didn't think you were a bar-hopping kind of guy,” she says teasingly. Maybe it's the alcohol talking for her, or maybe it's something new in her attitude, but Jay likes it.

“Same here,” he says quietly, pointing to the empty seat next to her. “Are you waiting for someone, or...”

“All yours,” she says. 

Jay nods with a smile as he takes a seat next to her.

“Do you have the night off?” Jay asks, trying not to sound nosy.

“Kim and Adam offered to babysit Thiago...so...” she says with a shrug. 

Jay lets out a laugh because he can imagine Kim and Adam as babysitters. “You should never pass up an opportunity like that.”

“I guess.”

“You guess...” he says with a raised eyebrow. “I'm sure your night has gone pretty well. I've seen several glances in your direction.”

“Jealous?”

Jay's cheeks flush when she asks him with a teasing smile on her face.

“Just making sure my son's mother is safe,” he explains, raising his hands in surrender, but the blush persists. “What about you? Aren't you going to ask if I'm with someone?” He asks, trying not to sound important.

“You're here talking to your ex, so... I guess that gives me a clue.”

“You're incredible...” Hailey just shrugs as she turns toward the bar and plays with the label on the bottle.

He does the same, and the words fade away and there is a change in the atmosphere. Jay remembers the last time they were in this same situation. The two of them are in a bar drinking, enjoying each other's company, only this time it feels different, more like them.

“How is Thiago doing?” Jay murmurs after a while, and Hailey turns around, surprised by his question. She assumes that the last thing he wants to bring up is the subject of his son, but she's partly glad that he's on his mind.

“He's fine, he's a happy boy.” Her voice is barely a whisper, but the tone of her voice tells him that she appreciates his interest. 

Jay nods and gives her a half-smile.

They fell silent once again. His mind is full of questions he doesn't know how to address, but he wants her to say something, and she doesn't. Leaving an uncomfortable feeling.

“Well, I'm really glad you're both okay.”

From the way Jay says it, Hailey knows he means it, but she also knows he's trying to distance himself from her once again.

“Do you need to get back to your date?”

Her question makes Jay sit up and look at her in surprise, then his gaze shifts to the empty space on the other side of the bar where he used to be, and he sees some guys chatting and a girl he had seen before in Jay's class looking in their direction.

“My class graduated, so they had a little reunion,” Jay tells her as he focuses on Hailey again. “You know I'm not a party person. I didn't even want to come.”

She nods slowly.

“But I thought you didn't care if I was with someone?”

Hailey lets out a click of her lips as she says, “I don't, I just didn't want you to feel compromised by being with me.”

Jay opens his mouth to say something, but instead just shakes his head with a smile.

“But if I had been with someone, would you have cared?”

Hailey knows where this is going, trying to make her jealous. She knows it's his way of flirting with her. But instead of giving him a chance, she just shrugs indifferently as a smile spreads across her face. “I'm just making sure I don't ruin your date, that's all.”

“I wouldn't mind if you did...” he says as he stares into her eyes and then at her lips. It's been a long time, but he swears they're both flirting right now.

He moves closer to her and even allows himself to reach out and play with Hailey's fingers. He expects her to pull away, but she doesn't. Instead, she smiles as she plays with his fingers. It's hard to interpret the dynamic between them, but he likes to remain hopeful. “I'm sure those guys are drunk, so I doubt they'll notice I'm gone.”

“How's work? Do you and your team get along?” Jay blurts out.

She nods. “Normal, I guess. Why? Are you looking for a job with the FBI?”

“If it means seeing you, yes,” Jay laughs.

Hailey rolls her eyes. “It could be complicated,” she challenges him.

“Maybe. But I tend to be cute... so...”

“Being cute could be dangerous if I became your boss.”

The words come out of her mouth before she even realizes what she's just said, giving Jay just enough time to raise an eyebrow and smile. “Oh, really? So you want to be my boss?”

“Shut up,” she says, laughing as she shakes her head and tries to hide the blush on her cheeks.

“Just to clarify, my boss would be very cute.”

She just nods as she takes the last sip of her drink. Jay is about to ask something when Vanessa arrives and says, ignoring Jay's presence completely, “Hey, I've been texting you. I thought something had happened to you.”

Hailey glances at him before focusing on Vanessa again. “I'm sorry, did something happen?”

“Kim and Adam got a case and need you to go back with Thiago.”

Hailey nods and stands up as she takes out some bills and leaves them on the table. “I have to go,” she says to Jay.

He nods. “Don't worry, I probably need to go too.”

Vanessa notices the dynamic between them but doesn't mention anything. Before walking away completely, she shoots Jay a sharp look and says to Hailey, “We'll talk about whatever was going to happen before I arrived.”

And once they walk away, Jay lets out a sigh. He returns to where he was before he saw Hailey, and by the time he returns, his students are too drunk to notice that he left and came back. 

So once he is completely alone.

The next morning.

“I know things got weird yesterday and I shouldn't have left you alone, but flirting with Jay, really?” Vanessa asks as they walk through the building. They get into the elevator with a cup of coffee in their hands.

Hailey glances sideways at Vanessa without saying anything. It's not that she doesn't want to answer her, she's just not sure what happened.

Her mind goes back to that night, the two of them at the bar, even though there was all that noise in the background, it was just the two of them. The way he looked at her, it was how he used to look at her before everything went to shit. His smile that is just for her, and most importantly, the touch of his fingers on her skin again.

“Look, I'm not saying it's wrong, I know you've been talking lately and all that... I just don't want you to get hurt again.”

“Well, you can rest assured about that, because nothing is going to happen between us,” Hailey finally says as she turns to look at her. “Our relationship will be friendly, for Thiago's sake.”

Vanessa doesn't believe a word Hailey has said so far, because she knows her and knows there's no way she doesn't still have feelings for him.

“So you'll do it? You'll let me meet Thiago?” Vanessa asks as they walk toward Hailey's office.

“I can't put it off forever... besides, I promised him,” she says, leaving her things on the desk.

“You promised him? When?” Vanessa says, choking on the naturalness with which Hailey says it. “I don't remember seeing him around here.”

“We met at a bar a few days ago, talked, and agreed to take it slow and see what happens.”

“Wait, you're going to try again?” Vanessa asks, raising an eyebrow.

“It's not like we're going to be a couple again,” Hailey explains, shrugging. “We'll just be Thiago's parents. We'll just be friends, like before.” 

“Huh... okay,” Vanessa says, not entirely convinced, earning a loud laugh from Hailey.

“We'll be fine, really. I have no interest in falling in love with Jay again.” Hailey says it believably, trying to believe it herself, and Vanessa wants to press the issue, but she won't now.

“Any other messes I don't know about?” Vanessa asks, eliciting a laugh from Hailey.

“Thomas asked me out before I met Jay,”  Hailey says. “And of course I said no.”

“I'm surprised it took you so long, to be honest. The guy drools over you every day and if he could, he'd lock you in a bubble,” says Vanessa.

“Anyway, I'm not interested. I already dated with a  boss once and I know how it ends so, I'm not going to do it again,” says Hailey, shrugging her shoulders.

“Good for you and bad for him,” jokes Vanessa. “And what about Jay? What's he up to now?”

“He's teaching some classes at the academy, some practical stuff,” explains Hailey. “I still don't know why he left the army. I haven't wanted to ask.” Hailey pauses, sitting down at the corner of her desk and taking a sip of coffee before saying the following. “I'm not sure I want to open those old wounds yet. I don't think either of us does, anyway.”

“Damn,” says Vanessa, slumping down on the sofa. She doesn't know what else to say. It's not that she doesn't think Hailey can get over it; she knows what she's been through and doesn't want to see her fall into that cycle again. Not again.

And before she can say anything, one of her coworkers knocks on the half-open door. “Sorry to interrupt, but we have a new case.”

They both nod, knowing that this conversation will have to come to an end.

Hailey finished the report she was working on, shut down her computer, and left the files on her desk before leaving.

The case they had been working on had been difficult: the double shooting of two teenage brothers in their own home, which led to the discovery of forty-six thousand dollars in cash and five bags of cocaine.

One of the most wanted targets had become the focus of her team, and on days like today, when she despaired at the insensitivity of people, she was grateful for her team for doing the best job possible and closing the case.

Once she got off the elevator, she said goodbye to the doorman, “Good night, Sully,” she called out as she headed for the door.

“Good night, Upton,” he replied. “Try to get some sleep, okay? You deserve a quiet night.”

Hailey nodded appreciatively as she walked out the building doors. She let out a sigh as she put her hands on the steering wheel. She couldn't keep avoiding this meeting; she couldn't do it forever. So she said, “Screw it,” as she took out her phone and scrolled down to find the right chat: 

-Free this weekend?

-Can we arrange a meeting if you're interested?

She watched the three dots appear on her screen. Nervousness coursed through her body. It didn't stop until Jay's reply appeared on her phone.

A smiley face emoji with hearts appeared in her chat, along with: 

-I'd love to.

-Okay, I'll send you the details. 

Hailey replied before closing her chat and heading home.

The weekend is passing too slowly for Jay. Since he received that message from Hailey, he hasn't been able to stop imagining what his first impression of Thiago will be like. It's something he's been imagining since he learned of his existence, and he's very nervous about how he'll react. He doesn't ask Hailey how much Thiago knows about their closeness, but whatever it is, Jay will take it.

He arrives about 15 minutes before the agreed time and takes a seat on one of the empty benches in the park while he waits. He looks around and sees happy children running and playing as if they had no worries.

His gaze focuses on a blond boy with curly hair who is approaching with small steps, holding the hand of a blond woman he recognizes immediately. Jay's eyes fill with tears. It's the first time he's seen him clearly, and now there's no doubt—it's really his son.

And then he sees the woman with him—it's Hailey.

She looks so beautiful in that floral dress with her hair falling over her shoulders. She looks happy.

He hasn't seen her since that night they talked at the bar, but the way she smiles as she helps her son take his first steps, there is a joy that captivates him.

They approach slowly, and as they do, he goes over what he should say. How has everything been? Does he know he exists?

Instead, he says, “Hi,” when she's close enough for him to hear her. 

“Hi,” she says with a small smile on her face. She seems excited to see him again. “You made it on time.”

“Yeah, well, I didn't want to miss it for anything.”

Hailey nods, lowering her gaze to Thiago, who is wide-eyed, watching the interaction between his mother and a stranger. She picks him up easily and places him on her hip so that he is facing Jay, a smile forming on his lips.

“Thiago, this is Jay... a friend of Mom's.”

And that's how it should feel when you get thrown a bucket of cold water. Jay didn't expect her to tell him who he really is, but he never lost hope. But he also understands completely. So instead of thinking too much he smiles and waves at him, and as soon as he does, Thiago throws his arms out for Jay to hold him.

Hailey is stunned by his reaction; she didn't expect him to react this way, it's as if a connection unites them. “I'm sorry, I swear it's the first time he's done this with strangers.”

“It's okay, don't worry,” Jay begins, rubbing his neck. “I allow myself to bring him something”, he starts. “You don't have to accept it if you don't want to... I didn't know what to give him so...” he continues, nervously as he turns to grab something from the bench. Hailey kneels down next to Thiago. Jay does the same and pulls a small stuffed animal in military uniform out of his backpack. The name Thiago is embroidered on one side.

He hands it to Thiago, who receives it with joy, then approaches Jay with his little arms wrapped around him in a small hug. Hailey's cheeks flush and her eyes well up at Thiago's reaction, and Jay hears her murmur a quiet “thank you.” Jay feels a connection with Thiago, and from the way Hailey is looking at him, he knows she feels it too. 

“Hey Thiago, do you like ice cream?” Jay asks.

“Chocolate!” Thiago says with a smile. 

Jay raises his eyebrows with a laugh. He can't believe he has the same taste as Hailey, now he knows he'll have to buy a lot of chocolate.

“Can... I...” Jay begins.

“Thiago has been very well-behaved, so yeah...yes you can,” Hailey assures him.

Jay nods and stands up while helping Thiago, who instantly wraps his hand around Jay's finger. The three walk with Thiago in the middle toward an ice cream stand. 

Once they all have their ice cream, they sit down on a bench. Jay takes Thiago's ice cream while Hailey settles him in. It feels so normal, as if the last two years hadn't happened. Jay kneels down and hands Thiago his ice cream. Then Thiago takes it and with his little finger takes a bit of ice cream and puts it on the tip of Jay's nose. This makes Hailey laugh, as does Thiago.

“So you think it's funny, huh!” Jay says, laughing.

Hailey just shrugs as she does the same thing to one of Jay's cheeks, but he is quicker and gently takes her wrist while looking her in the eyes. “I'm sorry,” he says, letting her go as he clears his throat.

The tension is clearly between them. Everything will be just as easy as it looks like now, but things are far from that way.

To Jay these little moments, even if momentary, count for him.

After a while, Jay plays a little with the toys Hailey brought with Thiago. She doesn't say much, instead letting the two of them have their moment and enjoying the view. 

They both look at Thiago, who already seems sleepy, so she knows that her time with him has come to an end. Jay helps by picking up all his toys and putting them in his backpack, then takes the stuffed animal and follows Hailey to her truck.

Once they arrive, Thiago waves goodbye with his little hand, and that small gesture makes his heart ache.

“Goodbye, buddy.”

Hailey settles him into his car seat and secures him. Once she's done, Jay hands her the backpack and stuffed animal for Hailey to store, closes the door, and turns to look at him. “Thanks for everything, you didn't have to do this.”

“I'm the one who should be thanking you.”

She nods and puts her hands in her pockets to hide her nervousness. “I guess I'll see you around...”

“Thanks again for everything.”

She waves goodbye one last time before getting into her truck, and Jay walks away a little as he watches her disappear.

He stands there trying to process what just happened, still unable to believe that today actually happened. Maybe it's not a perfect relationship right now, but at least they're two people willing to try, and that should be enough for now. He was happy, she was happy too; and in the end, that's what mattered.

Chapter Text

It's been a few days since he first met Thiago. 

He's relived that moment for hours over the next few days, and every time he does, he feels a twinge of pain in his stomach. It's not that he's not happy to have met him, it's just that every time he thinks about it, he thinks about all the moments he missed. And even though it's not entirely his fault, it still hurts.

When he arrives at his apartment, a wave of loneliness washes over him. There isn't much in it; it's almost empty, and that's fine because it doesn't feel like home. Because it isn't.

He takes the leftovers out of the refrigerator and while he heats up his food and quickly changes his clothes, he lies down on the sofa and takes out his phone. He scrolls through his contacts until his finger stops on hers. He hasn't spoken to her in a few days and he's dying to know how she's been, so he debates for a few minutes until he finally sends the message:

“Hi.”

As soon as Jay sends that message, he regrets it. A simple “hello” after everything they've been through feels a little awkward. He wants to know how she's been, how work has been going, how Thiago is doing. But he doesn't know how to broach the subject without sounding desperate.

While he waits for his food to be ready, three dots appear in his chat, then disappear and reappear. Jay feels like it's been an eternity before she finally responds:

“Hey, I thought you lost your phone.” (What she really meant to say was: I thought you forgot about me.)

“Sorry, for the ghost you.”

Three dots appear on his screen, and then a few seconds later she replies:

“I could have texted you and I didn't... so we're good?”

A smile forms on his lips as he sees the message on his screen.

“Always... How have you been?”

“Work has been kind of boring these last few days, which should be a good thing, I guess.”

“I bet you're dying for some action.”

A few minutes pass and Jay wonders if his message upset her. Maybe she took it the wrong way. Just as Jay is about to apologize, three dots appear on his screen and she finally replies: 

“Sorry for being late, I'm in the middle of a pillow fight and Thiago threw my phone under the sofa”

Jay laughed at her response. He's happy that they're both having fun. He can imagine the scene. Cushions and pillows everywhere, toys and candy all over the sofa, a movie playing in the background. 

And almost as if Hailey could read his mind, she says, “Do you want to say hi?”

Hailey's question makes his heart leap out of his chest. The fact that she wants him to be part of her life is incredible. She meant it when she agreed to give him another chance at her own pace, and Jay is more than willing to accept whatever little crumbs she wants to give him. A few minutes pass before her name appears on his screen. Jay answers the call immediately, saying, “Hey.”

“Hi, you,” she says softly. 

“So, pillow fight, huh?” he says, laughing.

“You know, a typical Tuesday night... plus your son can be a problem when he eats chocolate at night...” she begins.

“Oh! So it's my fault that he has the same tastes as his mother?” he asks in a teasing tone.

Hailey opens her mouth, but instead of answering him, she switches the call to video chat, just so she can stick her tongue out at him jokingly when he accepts. She looks so cute, wearing a bow in her hair, a loose-fitting shirt, and sweatpants.

“Hi,” Jay says with a smile.

“Hello again,” she says, but this time with a smile from ear to ear.

Time flies by as they strike up a quick conversation, she tells him about her week and he tells her about his day, neither of them asking awkward questions or mentioning the past. Instead, laughter echoes throughout the apartment. Jay can't remember the last time he laughed so hard in his life, and he begins to feel at home. A few more minutes pass until he hears a small voice running through the room, and seconds later, Thiago appears behind Hailey, resting his face on her shoulder and focusing his gaze on the screen.

Jay's heart starts beating too fast when he sees him. He could be close to him, but he swears he'll never get tired of looking at him. Even through the screen, he can see his beautiful face, his freckles like the ones he used to have, and those piercing blue eyes like Hailey's.

“Hey, buddy, remember Jay?” Hailey asks as she runs her hand through his hair. 

“Hi,” Thiago says to Jay as he waves at him.

“Hi, buddy.”

Hailey watches them both as Jay focuses his attention on Thiago, asking him questions. He disappears from the screen for a few seconds, only to return a few seconds later, showing Jay the stuffed animal he had given him. His smile only grows wider when he catches Hailey's eye and sees her smiling.

“I think it's become his favorite stuffed animal,” she begins as she adjusts the phone so they can both see Jay.

“Seriously?”

Hailey nods. “The other day he took it to the park, slept with him... we had a little accident with pancake batter, but nothing the washing machine could not fix.”

“So he's a waffle lover, huh?”

“Upton family tradition, right Thiago?” Hailey asks, and he immediately nods with a smile as he shouts, “Waffles!” causing Jay to laugh.

“I guess we'll have to go for waffles sometime,” he says. 

“Deal,” Hailey replies. 

A few minutes pass before Vanessa appears at the door, hearing the laughter echoing throughout the place. “Well, well, looks like someone's in a good mood?” she says, closing the door and dropping her things on the floor. Thiago completely forgets about Jay when he hears Vanessa's voice and runs into her arms. “Hey... I missed you too, cowboy,” she says as she hugs him and covers him with kisses. Thiago lets out a laugh as Vanessa lifts him up and brings him over to Hailey. 

“Don't tell me Thomas convinced you and that's why you're smiling...” she begins, causing Hailey to roll her eyes. 

When she doesn't respond, Vanessa moves closer, “What's wrong? Did you bite your tongue or...” she asks, then looks at the screen and understands everything. “Oh... shit, it's Jay.”

“Hi, Vanessa,” Jay says as he runs a hand through his hair.

“I think I'll take Thiago upstairs...” she begins, trying to escape the awkward situation she herself has caused. “You guys carry on, forget I said anything,” she shouts as she disappears from the room.

Jay hates himself right now. Disappearing like that for two years caused Hailey to meet someone else, and he shouldn't feel this way. They're not together anymore, but he can't help feeling hurt to see her with someone else.

After a moment, the room fell completely silent. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes, just exchanging glances and small talk, until Hailey murmurs, “I didn't mean to... Vanessa can...”

“It's okay, you don't owe me any explanations, Hailey,” Jay says with a reassuring smile. She nods as she bites her lip. 

“I guess I should let you go. It's too late, and I'm sure Thiago needs to rest,” Jay begins.

She nods as she lets out, “Yes... I... um, I should go see him...” Even do that is last thing she want to do right now.

He nods and before saying goodbye, he asks her to give Thiago a kiss for him. 

“Are we okay?” she asks a moment later.

“We always will be.”

She nods and a small smile forms on her lips. “Good night, Jay.”

“See you soon, Hailey.”

Any discomfort she had felt a few minutes ago vanishes when he says good night and she promises to talk to him tomorrow.

The next day, she keeps her promise and they talk for hours.

And he couldn't be more grateful.

Jay is rarely one to go out in search of food.

He prefers to cook, do the shopping on Sundays, and have everything ready for the rest of the week, but it has been a long week and the last thing he wants to do is go near the kitchen.

Who would have thought that teaching classes in the morning, doing repairs in the building, and unpacking his new apartment would be so exhausting? But that's not what's been putting him in a bad mood lately. It's the fact that he hasn't been able to see Thiago or even talk to Hailey. 

He texted her on Thursday morning; they were supposed to go out for waffles together, but she canceled, saying she had a complicated case and a meeting with her bosses that she couldn't avoid. Then on Friday night, he asked her if she wanted to go out for a drink, but she didn't respond until after midnight, saying she was sorry and had left her phone at the office while she was on a raid. He knows her job is more demanding; she's the boss, and he's happy for her, but he's also upset because he thought they would both try again and everything would be different, but is the opposite. So instead of getting depressed on a Saturday night, he walks to the pizzeria and orders the usual. He's so focused on his thoughts that he doesn't even hear the door open and footsteps approaching. He doesn't look up until he hears a familiar laugh coming from the line behind him. Then he turns around immediately, and when he does, his heart skips a beat.

“Hey!” She's the first to speak, seeming impressed to see him. 

“Hi, I didn't think I'd see you here,” Jay begins.

“Yeah, I just got off work, and honestly, I don't think Vanessa would appreciate salad for dinner,” she says with a laugh.

“I'd kill to see her eat something green,” Jay says, laughing.

They look into each other's eyes for a moment, words that don't come out of their mouths, tension between them is inevitable that they don't even notice when Thomas clears his throat. Hailey blinks a couple of times to return to reality and it's as if she's been hit with a bucket of cold water. Her ex and whatever Thomas is are in the same room, this wasn't how she wanted him to meet him. Well, she even thought they will met sometime.

A moment passes before Hailey says, “I'm sorry... I should have introduced you. Uh... Jay, this is Thomas, my coworker... Thomas, this is Jay, my—”

“Thiago's father,” Thomas says, giving Jay a piercing look. “It's a pleasure to finally put a face to your name,” he continues as he extends his hand.

“Jay Halstead,” Jay says sharply as he shakes her hand firmly.

And just then, Hailey wishes she could disappear, and it's as if fate is on her side because the waiter calls Thomas's name and he apologizes as he walks away toward the counter, leaving Jay and Hailey alone.

“I was planning...”

“It’s okay and he is right I'm just Thiago's father,” and with that, he grabs his food forcefully and, just as he passes by her, mutters, “I’ll see you around,” as he walks away completely leaving Hailey alone and so confused.

“You know that if you keep holding the glass like that, you're going to break it.”

Will's comment through the screen reached Jay's ears, and he looked down to discover the fragile disposable material about to collapse under the pressure of his fingers. He let it go, turning his gaze back to his brother on the video call and sighing before repeating for the twentieth time the only thing he had said in the last half hour.

“I can't believe she's dating that guy.”

Will suppressed a smile; seeing him lose his composure after casually running into Hailey and Thomas was something new for him.

“Technically, you’re divorced... besides, I thought you weren't the jealous type.”

Jay's jaw tensed as he took a sip of his own drink. 

“I know, and I know she doesn't owe me anything, but... him? Why her partner?”

“What's wrong with him? From the way you describe him, he seems like a nice guy.”

Jay's stomach sank just remembering his face, that confidence that tells you he's willing to do anything to get his way. And the look he gave him just hearing his name, as if he knew the damage he had caused. Instead of traveling further, he focused his attention on his slice of pizza and began to eat calmly.

“I can't believe you really think that  he’s practically a walking “red flag” If he does anything to Hailey or Thiago, I'm going to break his neck.”

“I think Hailey is more than capable of taking care of herself... after all, she's used to fighting idiots,” Will says with a laugh.

Jay just shook his head and let out a sigh.

“Listen, I understand you, okay? I've been in your shoes with Nat, and I know that the more you think about it, the more you hurt yourself. So instead of crying over something you knew would happen, why don't you focus your attention on Thiago... after all, he's the reason you're both here, right?”

He smiled when he thought of Thiago. Will was right, after all, their closeness was due to him and nothing else. 

“Are you okay?” Will asked after a moment.

Jay looked up at Will and gave him a half-smile. “No, at all.” 

“Want to know the weirdest thing I saw at the hospital today?”

“Yes, please”

He nodded and made sure to change the conversation completely for the next hour.

Jay hesitates as he stands in the middle of the building's reception area.

His last meeting didn't go as planned, and from the way he left, he knows Hailey was left with too many questions. Being here shows that he still cares. But even so, he hesitates.

He's not even sure why. Their relationship is supposed to be just a friendship, they both agreed on that, and on top of that, he knows she's working and has a very busy schedule for what inviting her to lunch or even coffee is too much to ask.

He knows he's just making excuses not to do it, but he's afraid. Afraid of losing her forever, even though he thinks he already did.

“Can I help you?” asks a young man as he approaches Jay.

“Uhmm... I'm looking for Hailey Upton, she works in the unit...”

“Intelligence, I know her,” replies the young man, and Jay nods. “She's out right now, but she should be back soon. If you want,  you can wait or I can leave her a message...”

Jay just shakes his head. “No... it's okay, I'll come back later,” he says before turning around and leaving the building.

It's not until later that night, when he walks through the door of his apartment, that his phone beeps. He puts his keys on the table and takes his phone out of his pocket.

His heart skips a beat when he sees the message. It's just a “hello,” but to him it means everything.

His phone vibrates again a few minutes later.

“I heard you were looking for me earlier,” she replies. “Sorry to have you walk for nothing  I had a meeting at Thiago's daycare. He says hi, by the way.”

Jay lets out a sigh he didn't know he was holding and replies, “Don't worry, I was nearby. Say hi to Thiago for me. Is everything okay?”

“Yes, everything's fine. Another child accidentally pushed Thiago while they were playing and he has a scratch on his cheek, but he's okay.”

He hates that someone hurt his little boy, but he knows Hailey can handle it.

“How was your day?”

She tells him about the recent drug trafficking case they closed and how Vanessa knocked out a man single-handedly. Then she asks him how his day was. Jay doesn't say much, just that he taught some classes and did some repairs in his apartment, nothing out of the ordinary.

“Can I ask you something?” she says after a couple of messages.

“Sure.”

“Why did you come looking for me?”

He doesn't answer at first, and it's not until a few minutes later that he finally says, “I wanted to see you... the things I did the other day.”

“I'm sorry.”

She doesn't respond, and that worries Jay. The last thing he wanted was to push her away.

“Do you want to come over? Vanessa isn't here, and Thiago is about to go to bed, maybe we can talk about it.”

“Really?”

“Just bring your ass her.”

And with that, Jay grabs his keys and jacket and drives to Hailey's apartment, wondering why. Why did she invite him to her house? Is it to tell him that she and Thomas are together and will start a family?

If there's one thing he knows, it's that with Hailey, you can expect anything. But that doesn't stop him from driving to her house and taking the elevator up to the third floor. When he reaches apartment number 10, he knocks softly on the door, and a few seconds later, she appears on the other side.

“Hello.”

He smiles at her as she steps aside to let him into the apartment.

“Are you-” they both say at the same time, causing Hailey to laugh.

“You first,” says Jay.

“Do you want something to drink?”

“Beer sounds good,” he says.

She nods and tells him to make himself comfortable. As he walks over to the sofa, he notices the photographs on the wall. He doesn't see Thomas in any of them, which is good, but something hits him harder, and that is the fact that he isn't in any of them either.

“So you were looking for me,” Hailey asks as she sits down next to him and hands him a beer.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have go without asking first...”

She hums, but says nothing she just takes a sip of her own beer.

“I should have told you about Thomas, is just...”

“It's okay.”

“No, it's not. You're Thiago's father and I should tell you, but I just...”

He puts his beer on the table and moves closer to Hailey. “Just what?” He ask softly.

“Is not a thing or at least no yet…it just hit me and I…I don’t wast you think is the same like with Adam because…”

He take her jaw up while looking at her eyes and show her a little smile. “We're fine, remember? And I get it.”

She just nods.

“Hailey...” he says as he lifts her chin with his hand. “I'm not mad at you, okay? You don't owe me any explanations. I'm the one who messed up, not you.”

There's a moment when Hailey stops and just looks at him silently. She can't believe he still has that effect on her, not after all this time. Jay is still so kind and gentle that it makes this even harder.

So instead of addressing the awkward situation, she tells him, “when you become so good psychologist”

Jay laughs, “I had my moments”.

“How bored es your day?” She ask him and he let out a laugh because she knows him very well before letting her how boring his day was compared to hers. A couple of classes where half his class fell asleep. The only good thing about that is that it allowed him to leave early and be here now.

“Well, if it's any consolation, my work meeting was worse, so...” Hailey says with a smile, her first of the night. “Thiago decided to throw all the toilet paper in the toilet, which meant I had to clean up his mess.”

“At least he has the excuse of being a child.” He said.

“You know, I think he uses it to his advantage,” she says with a laugh. “Being cute is something Halstead, I guess.” Jay laughs as he shakes his head.

He knows that Thiago is an incredible child and rarely gets into mischief; after all, it's the terrible twos.

LJust as he is about to say something, they hear Thiago crying on the other side of the room, and Jay quickly stands up. “Is he okay?” he asks worriedly.

“He's been having nightmares for the last few days,” says Hailey, standing up.

“Can I...” he says, pointing to Thiago's room. 

“Sure”, she nods and lets him go in.

When Jay enters the room is softly lit by the star-shaped night lamp, he kneels in front of the bed and when he sees Thiago with tears in his eyes, and it breaks his heart.

“Hey buddy, everything will be okay,” he whispers, and when he hears his voice, Thiago throws himself into his arms. “Mom says you can't sleep, huh?” he continues as he rubs his back. “You know, I used to have the same thing, and Mom used to read me a story. Want to try that?” Thiago nods.

“Alright lets out you comfortable first” he says with a smile.

Jay makes sure to tuck him in under his dinosaur-patterned sheets as he hands him his stuffed animal. He finds a way to lie down on his side while he takes out his phone and searches for children's stories.

It pass around twenty minutes when Hailey hears no noise coming from the room, so she slowly approaches the doorframe and hears Jay's voice saying, “And then, the little dragon looked at his mother and said, ‘One day, I will fly as high as you do...’” He continues, so focused on Thiago that he doesn't even notice Hailey watching them from the doorframe.

Seeing them together makes her heart ache and tears well up in her eyes. She spent many nights dreaming of this moment, a world where he never left and instead spent time with Thiago and her. A world where he didn't divorce her and if that weren't enough, seeing him like this with Thiago only increases the idea that has been wandering through her mind for the last few days. She still loves him and doesn't think she can stop.

And when she is about to enter to the room notices that has fallen completely silent. She sees Thiago sleeping peacefully on Jay's chest, and all she can hear is the soft sound of their breathing. So instead of entering, she turns around and slowly closes the door.