Archive of Our Own ^beta

The digital world had always been an escape.  Ken had always felt safe running there, always thinking of it when things had gone wrong.  Going away from the real world, something he could control and live in a fantasy for when he believed it to be fake.  It had been that way for years to him, until it had all become just as real as his world.

How could it be that he almost ruined this place, and it still was almost an escape when it was as real as the life he struggled through now?

Ken had been more quiet today than any other before, sitting down on a rock while the others celebrated the latest renovation to one of the digimon’s village.

Oikawa had given everything he had left to repair what he could of the world, but they still had to do their part to fix what even he couldn’t.  Usually Ken didn’t mind it, feeling partially responsible for the damages, but today he wasn’t all there in his mind.  Sitting and staring down at the ground with a stern frown holding to his face.  Wormmon was brightly cheering with Veemon, front claws clasped delightedly in the happy digimon’s hands, right up until he had noticed Ken sitting all alone.

Lost in his thoughts, spaced out and staring emptily ahead of him.

Wormmon had stopped his joy all at once, tilting his head with a soft hum as he wandered over towards the boy’s still spot. “Ken?”

He called up with a quizzical expression twisting his features, except Ken hadn’t even noticed his partner approaching even then, not reacting.  His eyes had been trained blankly on the ground until he felt a gentle tug against his pant leg, eyes widening as he looked down to his concerned partner. “Ken?  What’s the matter?” Wormmon didn’t hide his concern, cocking his head to the side with his question.

Ken blinked, before his eyes lifted weakly with a small smile lifting the corners of his mouth.  He reached down, lifting Wormmon up into his lap carefully.  It was a confusing kind of day for him, but he had been trying his best not to raise any of their concerns.  Not when he wasn’t even sure how he was supposed to feel. “It’s nothing…  Just that kind of day.”

Of course, the others had started to notice the two having paired off on their own, looking over with some confused looks.  Wormmon had understood, though, he didn’t need to be told again.  He might not know dates well, but he did know seasons well enough.  Wormmon’s blue eyes had softened sadly, tapping his claw supportingly against Ken’s hand that held him so gently. “Do you want to head home?  It is still early.  We could sleep in!”

He remembered how much Ken had wanted to sleep when he had felt like this, but things felt different as time passed.  Maybe less dark than before.

Ken shook his head with a small laugh, patting Wormmon on the head. “That’s okay.  I don’t think sleeping will help all that much.”

“Help with what?” Kari had walked over with the others, Gatomon tucked safely under her folded arms.

Ken had hesitated for a second when he’d looked up, seeing their attention all on him as they stopped a few feet away.  He wasn’t great with the attention, even when they meant well.  Cody was a bit less outright, though he held a bit more of an unconfident look than anyone else. “We don’t mean to push…  It’s just that you’ve been acting a bit odd today.  I think we all noticed it.”

He hadn’t meant to.  Ken really just knew it was unavoidable it was going to show, though, not getting defensive.  He finally sighed, though nodded in understanding. “It’s a hard day.  That’s all.” Maybe he couldn’t look them in the eye when he said it, Ken felt that was it when he looked down to find Wormmon’s eyes.

A sort of comfort.

So, Ken had taken a deep breath to steel his nerves a bit more, before trying again to be more specific. “It’s Sam’s birthday today.” Cody’s face had fallen the fastest out of them all, Ken could see it out of the corners of his vision.  Maybe because he could empathize the closest, he could guess as much. “It’s not a big deal anymore, not really at least.  It’s not like it’s all that painful anymore… but it just feels—“

Ken’s hand around Wormmon had tensed for just a moment, his digimon gently nuzzling his head into Ken’s palm for some support. “Almost.. empty.”

He didn’t feel as much, couldn’t think as well… he just felt like a shell of a person today, all things considered.

It didn’t seem like anyone expected that answer with their reactions, Davis even recognizing it wasn’t exactly a cheer you up kind of thing.  T.K. frowned, though he figured it did make a lot of sense with how Ken had been acting. “If you want, we are finished up here.  I don’t want you to feel like you have to stay.”

Yolei nodded instantly in agreement. “Yeah!  We’ve already handled everything.”

They were all as supportive as expected, but Davis cleared his throat to interrupt before anyone else said anything. “Hey, unless you want us around!  You don’t have to be all alone, you know.”

Ken was a bit taken aback by the offer, though Yolei nudged Davis with her elbow.  She gave him a rather harsh look, huffing under her breath. “Davis—!  He probably wants to be alone right now.” Everyone seemed to have conflicting opinions on what he needed.

“And what if he doesn’t?  It wouldn’t be helpful at all to just leave him!”

Gatomon’s eye twitched in annoyance watching the two fight, as they weren’t being quiet at all with their discussion right in front of all of them.  Ken looked a bit awkward, even, Gatomon’s tail lashing sourly.  Children. “They fight like newborn kittens…  They aren’t getting anything solved at all.”

Kari agreed with a soft hum, looking towards Ken with a gentle look. “Ken?  What do you want to do?” Yolei and Davis had paused in their not-so-quiet squabble when Kari offered her own simpler solution, Hawkmon sighing in relief from beside his digidestined.  She meant well, but there were easier options, clearly.

Ken seemed unsure at the very least, shifting his feet against the grass as he thought.  It was odd having other people around, he had to admit.  But being alone was all he’d ever been on this day every year before this one.  Having his friends around so far?  It made it feel so much less overwhelming to suffer through, even if he wasn’t sure it was exactly what he wanted.  It was better than being alone.

“I’m not sure— I don’t think I want to be alone, but I think it might be for the best.” Ken was choosing his words carefully, finally finding it in him to pull his gaze back to his friends who had been waiting patiently for his answer.

Cody seemed to understand most, however.  He’d lost his father, he understood how these days could be.  But asking to be sure was always the right thing to do, not assuming. “How come?”

Ken gave a halfhearted shrug, leaning forward a bit as Wormmon twisted around in his arms, resting his head on his digimon as he held him for some support. “I used to spend this day in the digital world every year to get away from it.  I guess I feel like I owe it to him not to…  I haven’t visited his grave since the funeral.” It was a harsh reality for him, especially as a kid, always looking to hide away from reality.  But he didn’t need an escape now.

He was rooted in the reality of the situation now.

“You don’t have to do it alone if you don’t want to.” Kari stepped forward, offering a hand out to Ken.  He definitely seemed unsure, but Kari at the very least was sure of her answer, smiling at him slightly. “I don’t have anything planned today.  And Sora’s mom has a flower shop we could drop by before you take the bus back home if you just want to come with us through our home computer.”

Ken’s surprise was easing, a small smile easing onto his face.  Confirmation that no matter what, he wouldn’t be alone?  It was putting him more at ease, his hand reaching out to place itself in Kari’s. “If you’re sure you wouldn’t mind..”

But Kari only smiled, looking down at Gatomon. “Not at all, Gatomon?”

The feline digimon only matched her happy look, shaking her head firmly. “Nope!” Gatomon wasn’t bothered by helping a friend.

“Cody?  Can we go too?” Armadillomon frowned, looking up at Cody with worry.  He didn’t want to be left out, but he knew Cody had a lot of things to do usually, whether it be kendo or time with his family.  The digimon started to all turn to their people, mixed expressions of concern on each of their faces.

Cody thought for a moment, not responding immediately.  He wasn’t so sure. “My mom might get worried if I don’t come home to eat…” They had been out all morning again since they’d wanted to get an early cleanup start, he didn’t want to stress her out with the thought of him skipping meals.

That was when Yolei smiled brightly, however, raising a hand to interrupt. “Hey, you could call her from my house!  My family’s convenience store has plenty of food, we can just have a picnic when we get where we need to be, that way no one has to worry.”

Hawkmon and Armadillomon perked up, looking at each other with brightening eyes. “Oh, splendid!”

“You said it!”

Cody laughed slightly, nodding with some relief relaxing his shoulders. “That would be great, thanks Yolei.”

“We aren’t busy either, but I can bring some plates if you need us to.” T.K. offered, Patamon nodding excitedly and flapping his wings.

Davis glanced between them all, clearly feeling out of place before loudly announcing. “Hey, I want to help out too!” Veemon agreed instantly, balling up his fists with a determined huff.

“Yeah, we can do stuff too!  Don’t forget us!”

T.K. solved their complaints rather fast, though, happy look not faltering. “You could come with me, I’ll need another set of hands if we find anything else we need to bring.”

For once, they seemed in agreement, both matching each others’ smiles for a change. “Alright, yeah!  We’ve got it handled.” With each of them in agreement, it seemed that was that.

—

And so…

To the real world they’d all gone.

Everyone split up into their agreed pairs once they’d appeared in Kari’s room, even if it wasn’t the most usual pairing for most of them.  Ken held Minomon close to his chest as he walked out beside Kari.  Peering around as they walked through town made him feel slightly out of place.  No matter how many times he came through their side of the digiport, it always felt like a whole new place.

Kari was staying close to him most of the walk, Gatomon quietly peering out from inside of her bag, skimming the fronts of each store until one felt familiar.  She beamed a smile, pointing it out from the others for Ken’s sake. “There it is!  They have a lot of options here so we don’t have to settle for anything.  Do you know what we’re looking for?” She pushed the door open as they got nearer, holding it open for Ken to pass through as he paused to look around.

“I.. um—” Ken found himself faltering in his words, skimming their vibrant surroundings.  There was certainly a lot of options, floral arrangements of all kinds displayed all throughout the windows and through the aisles.  The scent of the flowers all around was pleasant, though he knew it would be a bit hard to pick with them all. “I’m not so sure..”

Did meaning matter?  Color?  Price?

Ken wouldn’t know, he hadn’t bought flowers before, looking to Kari with a soft frown.  Looking for her help, really.  He wasn’t feeling so helpful giving an answer as unspecified as that, but she didn’t seem bothered at all. “That’s okay.  We can just look around until there’s something that stands out to you, right?”

Ken blinked, but he melted into a matching smile with hers.  No pressure, that he could handle. “Right..”

Though staying close to each other for comfort’s sake while they looked around, they were taking their time.  Ken was skimming the different notes on the sections, and while he saw a section for grievance?  None of the flowers seemed to draw him in.  Even with the brilliant colors that lit the section, they felt dull to him.  It wasn’t a day to remember death, not to him.  A day to remember the life lived.. that felt right.

It was Sam’s birthday, after all.

Ken eyed the words ‘celebratory arrangements’ for a few short moments, before he wandered a bit into the aisle to look around a bit.  Bright yellows, reds, all different shades greeted his vision, most standing out vividly in contrast to the ones next to it.  Kari had followed him after a moment, looking around with a small relaxed smile.  Her eye was caught first, lingering just for a moment on a mixture of white and vibrant pink petals.  Kari reached out to take the bouquet into her hands, checking the plants over first before giving a small hum of appreciation. “I think I’ll get these… I think they’re beautiful, do you think he’d like them?”

Oriental lilies, not a bad choice in her opinion!  But she wanted to consult Ken first before she bought them.

Ken looked over, before giving a small nod.  They were a bit more vibrant than he personally would go for, but they were pretty all the same. “He would.” Sam wouldn’t be picky, Ken couldn’t even imagine he’d be upset with any color flower.

So why was it so hard for him to pick out even just one?

Ken’s eyes narrowed a bit in thought as he looked through the shelves one by one, trying to settle on any one of his options.  Gatomon peeked her head out of Kari’s bag just a bit, tilting her head up at the girl. “Is he really okay?  He’s taking an awful long time looking at flowers…” She wasn’t used to picking flowers taking so much thought, though she chalked it up as maybe a human thing.

Kari gave a small shake of her head, resting her hand subtly over Gatomon’s head to give her some gentle reassurance and hide her from any passerbys. “He has a lot on his mind.  Besides, if you wanted to get something for someone you lost, wouldn’t you want what you gave them to be perfect?”

Gatomon seemed to understand more, eyes softening with a hum.  That made it a lot easier to see why he was taking so much time. “I guess so…” The image of Wizardmon had instantly come to her mind, Gatomon feeling a deep sympathy for Ken as she tucked down a bit more back into the bag.

He could take all the time he needed, as far as she was concerned.

Ken had been entirely silent as he looked through each bouquet, though he only stopped when a familiar color had been blurred in the corner of his eye.  He’d tensed on reflex, head turning to his left with wide eyes… to see a small collection of purple flowers clustered together.  For a moment he’d almost thought—…

No, that would be ridiculous.

He suppressed the idea that even for a moment… he’d seen it as Sam.  The colors were scarily similar, the purples assorted from light to dark.  Periwinkles, huh?  Ken had moved towards them for a moment, fingers on his one hand retracting just before they’d touched the fabric wrapping holding them together.

“Gentle.”

Ken could almost hear Sam’s voice chiding in his ear.  He’d never needed the reminder when he was younger, he’d always been so gentle as a kid and they’d both known it.  But Sam had always fretted over him, maybe hovered just a little too close when he was with him…  So that’s exactly what Ken was.

Gentle.

He was slow in picking it up, almost trembling with how little pressure he put into the movement.  He stood staring down at the flower before taking a deep breath to calm himself, the smell of the flowers hinting at the air.  It wasn’t a strong scent at all, more delicately floral than anything.

Kari wasn’t trying to interrupt, though she’d come up to Ken’s side without him even noticing.  The look on his face had been a little worrisome, but it had softened over time.  She didn’t raise her voice much, not wanting to startle him as she spoke. “What’d you find?”

Ken was quiet, his eyes flitting back to Kari before back to the flowers.  He just couldn’t get out of his head much today. “Just flowers.  They smell nice.”

Minomon was curious with that comment, squirming in Ken’s one hand with a small noise of struggle. “I wanna smell too, Ken!  Can I?  Can I?” He was squirming in his cocoon, eyes glittering as he reached his stubby arms for the flowers.

Ken and Kari both cracked smiles at the energetic display, Ken bringing the bouquet in a little closer for the little digimon to take ahold of. “Careful.. we still need to pay for them.”

Minomon closed his eyes as he leaned forward with a dramatic inhale, sucking in as much air as he could and puffing his little chest out as much as he could.  When his eyes had opened back up, they were practically sparkling as he giggled childishly, looking up to Ken with a happy look. “They smell so pretty!”

Ken couldn’t stifle his laugh at the dramatics, shaking his head.  Silly, but he loved him for it. “They do, don’t they?” Keeping the darkness inside of him at bay had always been a struggle before, but with all of the light surrounding him…  Ken couldn’t imagine a better way to spend today. “Try to stay still, we have to go up front to pay.”

Minomon hurriedly nodded, carefully letting go of the flowers and sitting back rigidly still in Ken’s arms to not draw any attention to them.  Pretending to be a toy or a plushy, it didn’t matter!  He just had to stay still and go under the radar long enough for them to be in and out of there.

The cashier up front had waved after a couple with a bright smile, turning back to the counter and making eye contact with Kari who had taken the lead for them. “Hello!  How can I help you two today?”

Kari held a polite smile as she turned her bouquet to show the barcode tag, Ken seeing this and hurriedly doing the same. “Two bouquets, that’s all we need for today.”

The cashier gave a cheery nod, taking her scanner and pulling it over to the counter edge to scan the codes for them. “Lovely choices!  Is there a special occasion?”

Kari’s smile had faltered for a second, almost hesitating with her answer.  Ken had responded quickly, however, not wanting to make either of the girls feel bad. “Something like that.” Was his smile forced?  A bit.  But he knew she had meant well by it.

The cashier nodded, though reached to the side and offered out one of the note cards that people usually bought to go with their gifts. “Here you go!  Would you like one or two?” Free with a purchase, if they wanted them.

Ken found himself quiet for a moment, before just reaching out to take the note card in hand without an argument. “Just one is fine..  Thank you.”

He never liked speaking his mind to strangers, they didn’t need to know what they’d said wrong.  She was only trying to help, smiling happily as she checked the cash register. “Alrighty then!  Your total is 5,960 yen.”

Paying for the flowers and stepping out, Ken had released the tense breath he’d been holding, Minomon having broken his frozen state to look up with some worry. “Ken?”

Kari rested a hand on his shoulder the second they’d stepped out, a subtle frown settled on Her face. “You know, you didn’t have to take it if you didn’t want to.  I could’ve told her if you didn’t want it.”

Ken was a lot more soft spoken than he had been as the Digimon Emperor, that was for sure.  But it wasn’t always a good thing, clearly.  Ken had only shook his head, however, looking over to Kari as he held Minomon gently closer to his chest to comfort him a bit. “It’s not that.. I think I just didn’t want to make her feel awkward.” Though, he couldn’t help but drag his eyes back to the note card held between his fingers with the flowers. “But.. now I’m not too sure what to do with it.“

He couldn’t exactly take it back.. that would be even more awkward than the previous conversation could have been.  Throwing it away would be more wasteful, he didn’t dare do that.

Kari hummed in thought, tilting her head for a second. “Well.. maybe you could write something for him?” Ken’s look turned curious, his attention turned to her with some questioning.  Kari gave a small shrug of her shoulders, thinking before offering an example. “Maybe there’s something you want to say.  Something you didn’t have the chance to?  I’m not sure, but it could be something to think about.”

Ken took it into consideration, nodding slightly despite being unsure of it as they started to walk again.  But Ken was silent most of the walk now, thoughtful as he eyed the note card through the corner of his eye.  Something he didn’t have the chance to say.. huh?

Maybe it was worth a try.

—

Ken and Kari had taken the train together to Tamachi after their walk all the way to the main station.  They didn’t talk very much on the ride over, letting the quiet last for a while.  Ken had expected them to be the last there already, spotting the time, so he didn’t feel like he needed to rush to be the first.

Instead, he’d turned his full attention to the card.  Nothing that he needed to do, but writing felt almost therapeutic.  Maybe Kari had a point after all.

He had more to say than he’d expected to.  The second his pen had touched down on the paper, it was almost as if it had a mind of its own, scribbling clean lines as he kept his eyes rooted on the paper.  He hadn’t looked up most of the ride, Minomon quietly watching with a sad expression on his face.

For someone who wasn’t sure what to say about today, he wrote an awful lot.

When the train had slowed to a stop, Kari had gotten Ken’s attention before the doors opened.  He’d hurriedly folded the note and capped his pen, tucking it away as he stood.  The two stepped out to find everyone else sitting and talking on the bench waiting for them to arrive.  Each of them seemed to be holding at least a bag or two, no one empty handed.  Maybe a bit more than they’d planned to grab, but plans changed.

Yolei waved them over, smiling as she stood up from her spot. “Hey!  We were worried you guys missed the train.”

Ken offered a small guilty smile. “Sorry about that.. getting flowers took a little longer than I thought it would.” Maybe he should have hurried after all, some doubt lingering before Yolei just shrugged it off.

T.K. slid his cloth duffel bag more securely over his shoulder, smiling as he shook his head. “Don’t worry about it, it’s okay.  We didn’t really know where to go after we got here, so we’ve been waiting for you two just in case.” They hadn’t really taken much time to look up maps of the area, and they hadn’t been there too much before.

Maybe it would’ve been smart to, though…

Ken seemed to understand with that, relief making his shoulders relax down with a nod. “It’s not far, it’s down this way.”

Walking into the graveyard had been maybe the easiest part, but when they laid their eyes on Sam’s grave, most of that calm had subsided.  Since the last visit… the entire grave itself seemed almost overgrown.  Dead bracken, vines, and the dirt that muddied up the kanji that should have been Sam’s full name remained almost illegible against the stone.

Ken stared longer than he would like to admit, stomach twisting at the sight as he held Minomon’s cocoon a bit tighter in his grip.  Not only would Sam not like that..

If his mother had ever seen that, she’d be dismayed.  He could just imagine her reaction, how she’d tear up and cover her mouth at the sight of her baby’s grave.  After realizing how little they were doing for Ken by drowning in their own grief, it seemed his parents put all of their efforts into giving Ken the love he deserved.  Even if that left little time to themselves to grieve Sam properly.

The untouched grave was a slap to the face with that thought.  Another thing that was his fault.

Ken’s jaw had tensed as he took it all in, Cody’s eyes softening with concern. “That’s Sam’s?” With how Ken had so casually mentioned it without much distress, they’d just expected it to be a normal visit.  But it seemed it wasn’t so casual of a thing anymore.  Not with the state of the grave.

Ken was the first to walk up from the frozen reactions between them all.  And the first to crouch down and start immediately cleaning up the grave, setting his flowers aside on the stone to start breaking the dead bracken carefully between his fingers.  Unraveling a few of the vines away from the base of the stone, the offering area his first concern.

Nothing about this was okay, Cody immediately by Ken’s side without a word needed between them.  No matter their custom, a grave like this wasn’t exactly pleasant to see.  Especially in Japan, it was anything but honorable to leave a grave like this in good conscience.

Disrespectful, and just wrong.

Yolei watched for a moment, before looking over to Davis. “You brought napkins, right?”

The boy paused, before nodding and fishing one of the packs out of his grocery bag to hand her. “Uh.. yeah, but why?”

Yolei had taken the napkins, crouching down to set down some of her groceries to find a bottle of water. “Well I’m not standing here while they do all of the work.  Who wants to help me clean up the monument?” She stood up, looking over to the others.

Davis may not have known what the word monument meant.. not at all in fact— but he’d volunteered quickly, confusion pushed aside with a frown. “I’ll do it, hand me some.”

Maybe they weren’t the best compared to washcloths, but they didn’t have many options.  Kari and T.K. took a few napkins themselves to help clean up the empty bowl sat just in front of the grave before setting it back.  Yolei and Davis took some extra time to go over the engraving to make sure Sam’s name stood out against the stone, Yolei finally smiling in some contentment as she stepped back. “That’s better.”

Ken sighed softly, letting his head bow down for a moment as he rested a hand on the stone, Minomon held close the whole time.  Something about seeing Sam’s grave like that had broken his dazed thinking of today.  He hadn’t been so determined to do something all day until then, taking a few breaths to ease the weight on his chest.  Sam wouldn’t deserve to ever be forgotten, how could he have not noticed how bad his grave had gotten?

How could he have left him alone?

Ken felt Cody resting a hand on his shoulder, letting him take his time to collect himself.  Upamon had even hopped down near Ken’s leg, gently nestling up against it with a soft concern.  It was a lot for Ken to see today, clearly.

Ken shakily exhaled as he straightened back up, giving a nod to Cody with a gentle look. “I’m okay.. thank you.  All of you.”

“It’s really no problem, Ken.  We wanted to come with you.” T.K. insisted, watching Patamon snag the corner of the picnic blanket peeking out of his duffel bag to spread out across the ground in front of the grave.  He giggled as the blanket spread over the ground, flying around to adjust the corners out.

Minomon made a small noise of discomfort, Ken pausing and hurriedly looking down when he’d noticed his harsh grip.  He’d instantly adjusted, frowning at himself so fast. “I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to.” Despite Ken’s instant guilt, Minomon merely hopped down, eyes squinting up in what he could guess to be a smile.

“It’s okay!  Can we eat now?  Can we?”

Ken stifled a laugh, rolling his eyes slightly despite being happy to have not hurt his friend.  It was either play or food with the in-training digimon, he wasn’t surprised. “Go ahead.  I’ll be there in a second.”

DemiVeemon seemed to light right up, finally running over and hopping on the picnic blanket with a happy laugh. “Dinner time!” Poromon and Upamon were quick to scamper over, giggling excitedly as they bumped into one another.

Most of them had settled down to get the food out, except for Yolei.  She grabbed a bag away from the rest and a plate, before she’d walked up beside Ken.  She cleared her throat to pull his attention, before offering out the bag. “I brought some rice, and some extra chocolate covered rice balls.” Ken was a bit confused at first, but Yolei glanced towards the empty stone in front of them.

A bit of hinting to her point before making it. “I might need some help setting it up.. but I was thinking maybe leaving some for Sam?  If that’s okay, Cody said it was polite but I didn’t want to do it without you knowing about it.”

She didn’t want to keep pushing him, but it was the opposite of what he felt.  He softened his eyes for a moment, before nodding and getting down on his knees. “I think he’d like that.” Yolei shared a small smile to match the one Ken hadn’t even noticed curling his lips.

A plate was set up beside the bowl that now held fresh rice and a set of chopsticks, a few chocolate covered rice balls left on it.  When paired with the bright bouquets, the grave didn’t feel so sad to look at any longer.  Ken felt more at ease already.  It didn’t look abandoned anymore, enough for him to actually join his friends just a few feet away, Yolei hurrying behind him.

The younger digimon were quite the noisy eaters, Poromon slurping down a full packet of energy jelly with a bright expression.  Watching them eat, however, Ken had the realization dawn on him just how empty his stomach felt.  He didn’t feel hungry, per say, but he was suddenly beyond aware he hadn’t eaten anything today.  He grabbed a packaged bento box, trying to ignore how his mouth watered with how slow he started eating.

Ken wasn’t improper, and he didn’t rush eating.

That would be embarrassing, having it that obvious he hadn’t taken care of himself today.  Minomon was staying by Ken’s side, occasionally opening his mandibles hungrily for Ken to feed him a bite of his food.  There was some quiet chatter, nothing too important for a while.  Though, Ken had noticed the small glances Minomon kept giving him before looking back to the grave with a mixed expression.

His bouncy partner being that quiet?  Ken wasn’t oblivious to it, humming as he paused in eating.  Not exactly worried yet, but getting there. “Minomon?”

Minomon tensed up, his antennae on his head perking up as he hurriedly looked up to Ken with a few blinks. “Mm—?”

Ken set his chopsticks down into the bento box, sitting back a bit to lift Minomon up and into his lap for a moment. “Is something wrong?”

Minomon hesitated visually when questioned, making a few disgruntled noises while fidgeting his little hands against his outer shell nervously.  Avoiding eye contact was a bit of a tell for him, clearly, black eyes focused down more on Ken's lap and sweater than his face. “Not really..”

Ken was a bit confused, tilting his head.  Of course, everyone had turned their attention more towards Minomon with that.  It was clear something was wrong, Ken setting aside everything just for him. “You don’t have to pretend...  Whatever it is I’ll understand.” Coaxing him gently to say what was on his mind usually worked.

Minomon looked up with a sad look, taking a moment before questioning in a small voice. “What was Sam like?”

Ken was taken off guard, wide eyed for only a moment before it relaxed in understanding.  It was not something he’d normally expect to be asked, but with how today was going…  Minomon being afraid to ask made so much more sense.

“I wanted to ask the same.” Kari admitted with a small smile, knees tucked into her chest. “You don’t talk about him much.. but I get why.  If you want to talk about it, of course.”

Ken sighed softly, though nodded as he sat up a bit more straight.  Minomon still seemed worried that he might have upset his partner, though squeaked as he was adjusted to sit more properly in Ken’s lap. “It’s not that I don’t like to talk about him.  I guess— it’s that I just don’t usually want to spoil the mood usually.” Ken admitted, though gave his partner a small smile. “And I don’t mind you asking.”

Minomon almost smiled up at him in relief, exhaling softly before brightening up.  He’d always wondered, but Ken had used to close himself off when he had been the Digimon Emperor.  Even at the mention of Sam had Ken unnaturally angry, but he was a lot more like himself now.

Trying to put the whole likeness of a person into words when they were gone, however.. was easier said than done.  Ken had to think for a bit, a few foggy memories of Sam coming to mind. “He was nice.” Maybe he didn’t like how simple it sounded the second it came out, tapping a finger as he backtracked a bit. “Well.. at least most of the time.  I remember him being close to me when I was little.  Maybe like Davis but less hot-headed.”

DemiVeemon failed to hide his giggles behind his blue hands that rushed to his mouth.  Davis huffed, pouting as he leaned forward, glaring in mock offense down at his digimon. “Hey-!” Yolei snorted, having to stop taking a drink of her water the second it almost came out of her nose.

“It’s hard to imagine Davis without the hot-headedness.” T.K. held a wide smile, looking for Ken to continue after a moment.

Ken chuckled softly, nodding. “We used to share a room, so we were around each other a lot.  He even taught me how to blow bubbles out on the balcony when it was just us home.” The more gentle memories that he had, Ken hoped he never lost them.  Sam had always made the soap and water mixture just for them to go and blow bubbles until they ran out. “I was better than him at it, but he was even more of a genius than even I am so I guess I don’t have him that beat.”

It was sad to reminisce, sure, but also oddly freeing.  Minomon hummed softly, watching the fond expression melting onto Ken’s face.  He liked that look, tilting his body to the side to mimic how Ken would tilt his head in questioning. “Do you think he’d like me?”

“He would have loved you.” Ken didn’t hesitate to say it, he was sure of that.  Someone else who cared about Ken almost as much as he did, Sam would have loved to have met him.  Maybe if things hadn’t gone so wrong, they might have gotten to meet.

Funny how things could change so fast.

“He sounds a lot like Tai to me.” Kari looked to T.K. who had shook his head with her words, smiling a bit himself.

“I could see a little bit of Matt too..  I guess big brothers just want what’s best for us.  They care a lot, pretty similar if you ask me.”

Ken nodded, though wasn’t so sure with that in mind. “I’m not sure if he’d agree.” Of course, the two had looked back at him to continue, though it took a second for him to find his words again.

“It was one of the last times I remember talking to him.  I upset him a lot.” The digivice.. he remembered having it in hand.  Writing on the train to Tamchi, he’d been thinking about the same moment again and again.  Almost guilty as he sighed to himself. “It was the first time I’d gone to the digital world and come home… he caught me with his digivice in my hand.  I don’t think he’d ever been so mad at me.”

Ken scoffed with empty humor as he looked down, looking at Minomon who held his hand so gently in support, just watching him quietly. “And now that he’s gone..  I can’t believe I ever asked for him to disappear.”

He remembered how Sam had hit him, but his mind glared right over the fact.  One of the last times Ken ever saw his brother, and yet it was anything but comforting.  Wishing him away.. drowning in that grief and guilt had swallowed him whole once.

Cody frowned, taking notice of all of the sullen but understanding looks everyone else had.  All except for him had at least one sibling, maybe having it hit closer to home for them.  Yolei shrugged a bit, though her expression was a mixed one. “Sometimes people just get on your nerves.  Especially siblings.  I know my sisters love to go too far, and maybe we say some things we don’t mean.  It’s just a part of having a sibling I guess.  It’s not that you didn’t love each other.”

Quite the opposite.  They cared about each other deeply, maybe that’s what made it sting so much.

Davis winced a bit, but even he agreed. “My sister is annoying, and we fight every day and say things like that.  It doesn’t mean I don’t care about her, though.” It was just how they were!  But hearing all this…

Part of him almost felt guilty, always fighting with his sister when Ken had lost his brother.  What if he lost Jun and they were in a fight like usual?

Would he have the same regrets?

Davis didn’t like that thought when it hit him, leaning into his hand a bit as he slouched forward.  Ken maybe needed to hear all of this, though, listening to his friends with undivided attention.  They knew a lot more than he did about this type thing, he could guess.  Just hearing their points of view was helping him feel a bit better.

Gatomon had gotten up wordlessly with a stretch, moving over beside Ken and resting her head into his lap.  Ken’s eyes softened, resting his free hand gently over the digimon’s head and petting her to feel the fur against his fingers.  It was a nice distraction, at least, some kind of consolation. “Thank you, guys.. all of you.” They didn’t even need to come here today, and yet they did.

Ken really did have good friends.

“It’s no problem at all.” T.K. insisted so, not needing to be thanked.  None of them needed it! “Now let’s eat, and maybe you could tell us more.  If you feel up to it.”

It didn’t sound so bad.

While the group of them enjoyed their food, talked, and just let the time fly by… they weren’t alone.  Being watched from a short distance, soft purple eyes flitting down to the note card left open on the grave.

To: Sam

I don’t know what to say, but I hope I find the words writing this to you. I think it’s been five years since you were gone, maybe the weirdest thing to realize. I’m older than my older brother… It’s not a good thought, but I know it was unavoidable. I still remember that night you caught me with my digivice. I wish I hadn’t taken it, that maybe somehow I’d never thought to touch it without you there.

Maybe then I could have you happy in my memory, and not feel so heavy thinking about it. I never meant to make you mad. I hope you rest well, I want you to know I still think of you. I have friends now that understand me, they came here with me today to see you. Especially Wormmon, he’s been here since you left. They all remind me a bit of you every day.

I think of you, I love you, and I think I always will.

From: Ken♡

Sam exhaled shakily, sitting on the edge of his grave and watching the group sadly.  His chest ached even seeing Ken, but even more reading what he had. “I didn’t mean to get so mad.. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

Speaking to Ken, even if it fell upon deaf ears.  Wracked with the same remorse that weighed down Ken’s chest all day.  Sam fists balled up, sighing shakily as he drew a leg up to his chest with a sad frown. “I just didn’t want you hurt… it wasn’t that I didn’t love you.  I love you so much.. I’m sorry, Ken..”

“He knows.” Wizardmon commented, Sam pausing and blinking towards the digimon that perched on the opposite side of his grave, lounged calmly beside him.  Never alone, not in the afterlife.  The friends of their friends, an unlikely pair.

Sam hesitated, but his eyes found themselves right back on Ken’s bittersweet smile as her broke into soft laughter.  He’d grown up so much… “How do you know?” How could he.. he’d never said it.  Maybe because they were brothers, never being the ones to say it until it was too late.

But Wizardmon only chuckled softly to himself, humming as he watched the group alongside him. “I just do.  That’s the face of a boy who knows who you are, spoken.. or not.  And his friends seem to know that as well as he does.” Helping him to see it clearer.

Sam snickered softly, but his lips had curled into a weak smile watching them.  Maybe it was easier to believe, seeing Ken finally smile after so long. “I hope you’re right, Wizardmon.”

He really did.

Wizardmon nodded, crossing his legs with a stitched smile beneath the cloth that sheltered his mouth from view.  Watching Gatomon peer up with one eye peeked open, smiling ever so slightly.. he knew he was right.  Their friends would keep each other safe for them.  Present, or not.