Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

<may 3, 2025>

<James&Remus>

[8:49 a.m] James P.

I’m running late

Probably arriving by 9:15ish

[8:50 a.m] Remus L.
in the eight years I’ve known you

you’ve NEVER been on time

wasn’t expecting you before 9:15

[9:00 a.m] James P.

You take such good care of me moon-moon

[9:03 a.m] Remus L.
less typing and more biking

Need to prepare you for the next game

I’m just the pt guy, not like I have other patients…

[9:04 a.m] James P.

It’s just that I’m the most important

<3

[9:09 a.m] Remus L.
Or the one who tore his acl first season and drowned me in money after a beautiful recovery <3

You’re lucky the gunners pays me big bucks to keep your ass running around

<Unknown>

[9:23 a.m] Unknown
Hello Evan, this is Regulus from your Econ 304 class.  I’m sending you this message on behalf of your group from said class.

You have been absent for the past wee.

Pandora is worried about our timeframe since we need your part to finish the document

Remember it’s worth 60% of our final grade

Please answer me ASAP

[9:26 a.m] Evan Rosier (Econ).

Sorry Regulus, I think Evan might have given you the wrong number

[9:32 a.m] Unknown

Fuck

Sorry about the wrong text

[10:06 a.m] Not Evan Rosier.

You sound stressed

Maybe I can help you with your work, what you seeing in 304?

[10:36 a.m] Unknown
lol sure, because of all the wrong numbers in the UK I accidentally typed someone who knows their ass from their head in economics

Nice try

[10:49 a.m] Not Evan Rosier.

Rude

Kinda

But humor me, I’m bored as fuck at physical therapy

[11:03 a.m] Unknown

Fuck it, okay., it’s intermediate macroeconomics

[11:06 a.m] Not Evan Rosier.

Nice.  

Where do you go?

[11:09 a.m] Unknown
Not telling that to a complete stranger

[11:11 a.m] Not Evan Rosier.

Fine. Cambridge, class of 2024.

[11:13 a.m] Unknown

Cambridge, class of 2026.

[11:29 a.m] Not Evan Rosier.

Oh cool, almost with that hand on the diploma

Wanna complain about your group project or idk bounce an idea? I’m free rn

[11:03 a.m] Unknown

Can at least get your name if I’m going to do this?

Fucking hate group projects, tbh

Pandora and I have been working on it for days and im 90% sure he dropped the class without warning

Which sucks bc none of us are econ major, just fucking evan

[11:06 a.m] Not Evan Rosier.

you can call me Jay

and damn, classic evan

[11:09 a.m] Unknown
you don’t even know evan

[11:11 a.m] Jay

I don’t need to

i’ve been evan before

I actually majored in econ

[11:13 a.m] Regulus

so, you were the freeloader?

[11:29 a.m] Jay

More like the guy with a sports full ride that needed his grades

[11:13 a.m] Regulus

Yikes

you were >that< guy?

my boyfriend is that guy tbh, no hate

he’s on the lacrosse team

[11:29 a.m] Jay

Fun???

So, how much of your paper you have ready?

[11:33 am] Regulus
not enough

stuck trying to explain what the hell is the output gap
and why do i have to care about it

[11:34 am] Jay
it’s basically the difference between what the economy is producing and what it could be producing if everything was working perfectly

[11:34 am] Regulus
that means nothing to me

I’m just a poli sci major, I didn’t sign up to learn any of this

I wanted to read about revolutions and maybe lie in a park during summer

[11:35 am] Jay
okay, I was going to tell you to refer to my final paper but I think it might be too much bc I did a case study on post-COVID recovery

But like, imagine the economy is a giant art studio

[11:35 am] Regulus
it would never be this fun

but continue

[11:35 am] Jay
you’ve got all these people and supplies

but half the brushes are missing, someone’s asleep, and no one knows where the paint thinner is
so production is low

that’s a negative output gap

[11:36 am] Regulus
so we’re wasting potential

[11:36 am] Jay
exactly

like your group project

[11:36 am] Regulus
wow.

Im being dragged by a man named Jay

[11:37 am] Regulus
why are you actually good at this

[11:37 am] Jay
I’m funny for a living

-ish

[12:03pm] Jay
look, they’re basically asking you to explain how we dig ourselves out of economic disasters
like after a recession

I’ll be afk the whole afternoon bc of work but I’ll be back later if you need the help

<may 4, 2025>

[2:17 am] Regulus
you said i could ask for help later
so here i am
fulfilling the prophecy

[2:19 am] Jay
the timing is not what I had in mind

kinda bold to text a stranger at 2am

but honored to be summoned!

[2:20 am] Regulus
sorry, did I wake you?

i’m staring at this paragraph for the past twenty minutes
do i sound like i know what i’m talking about or am i just rearranging smart words

[attached: blurry screenshot of a Word doc titled “post-brexit economic analysis”]

[2:22 am] Jay

there’s a couple of repeated terms

but besides that, the paragraph is good, you got the main idea

[2:23 am] Regulus
that was sarcasm, wasn’t it

[2:23 am] Jay
no!!!

not at all

[2:24 am] Jay
want me to read it properly?

i’ll give you the nice feedback and the roast

[2:24 am] Regulus
that’s terrifying but yes

[attached: a Word document named “ECON ESSAY FINAL VERSION FOR REAL ITS THIS ONE”]

[2:30 am] Jay

[voice memo, 0:43s]
“Okay, so first off, you’re actually making good points, but that third sentence on paragraph eight? Sheer chaos. Is Slughorn still doing this class? He’s sort of my enemy but he doesn’t know this, it’s totally one sided. Also, ‘in the wake of economic turbulence’ is going to make Slughorn giggle and kick his feet… I don’t know, he was already old when I started so maybe he’s dead.”

[2:31 am] Regulus
lol yes, it’s slughorn

and you have an accent??? I didn’t imagine you with an accent

[2:32 am] Jay
confirmed, I was born in Brazil

we moved when I was twelve

pls tell me you’re at least in comfy clothes while suffering

[2:32 am] Regulus
hoodie. joggers. Pandora half asleep in my bed.
the holy trinity

[attached picture: a blurry mirror selfie. no face, just Reg in an oversized hoodie, bare feet, sitting over a comforter.]

[2:33 am] Jay
great.

I’m knackered and I have work tomorrow

 you should get some sleep at some point, don’t let this shit exhaust you

night, Regulus!

[2:36 am] Regulus
I’ll be in bed soon,

too sleep deprived for this

but thank you so much for your help, you’re a lifesaver!!

<James&Remus>

[9:49 a.m] James P.

I’m late again :)

[9:50 a.m] Remus L.
you’re literally the worst

Diggory got here earlier, you’ll wait and I’ll get to you when I’m done with him

[9:54 a.m] James P.

Was for a good reason moons

i was helping a stranger with his economy essay

this guy texted me 2am and I just helped him finish his essay

[9:55 a.m] Remus L.
such a kind soul, aren’t you?

Tinder or bumble?

and do I have to worry about them knowing you’re a superstar and wanting to date you just for the fame?

[9:04 a.m] James P.

not like that at all tbh

he doesn’t know I’m “James Potter”

besides, he has a boyfriend??? not that it matters as that’s not what’s going on

[9:09 a.m] Remus L.
let me get this straight

you, James Fleamont Potter, international football star, is now an anonymous econ tutor to a random dude at 2 in the morning?

Why do I feel like you’re leaving something out?

[9:49 a.m] James P.

bc you’re a paranoid mutt

It was just a wrong text turned into a friendly conversation. I was bored. He was stressed.

And I happen to like my major

[9:50 a.m] Remus L.
your major doesn’t leave you nose deep in sweaty guy’s crotches, try being me for a day

[9:54 a.m] James P.

At least I shower before physio!!!!!

<Regulus and Jay>

[4:34 pm] Regulus
you were right about the paragraph
i cut it down by half and slughorn emailed us saying our essay is “straight to the point” which is practically a gold star

[9:35 pm] Jay
you’re welcome!!

[10:36 pm] Regulus
i owe you a coffee or like a very bad drawing of a cat

[10:36 pm] Jay
coffee will do  :)

[10:37 pm] Regulus
you live in london?

[10:38 pm] Jay
maybe
I know you’re in Cambridge but during summer, do you?

[10:38 pm] Regulus
...maybe

maybe coffee when im back in town?

[10:40 pm ] Jay
what if i say yes and you say no

and then we have a tragic almost-romcom moment?

[10:41 pm ] Regulus
that’d be life being life, ig

living in almosts

[10:41 pm ] Jay
wow
devastating

[10:42 PM] Regulus
i do like a bit of drama

you already know what I do for a living

you mentioned work last night, what kind?

[10:40 pm ] Jay
sports, I work for a team

so, what’s next for you this week? Did you submit the paper?

[10:41 pm ] Regulus
we submitted it at 4am

Pandora is a kind soul, she kept Evan’s name on it… I hope he’s not dead or that’s fraud ig

<May 5, 2025>

<Regulus&Emma>

[11:02 a.m.] Regulus

need you to do your thing

don’t ask questions yet

Just tell me what you can find out from this number

[attached contact: “Jay”]

[11:03 a.m.] Emma V.

Who tf is jay

[11:03 a.m.] Regulus

Please

[11:04 a.m.] Emma V.

damn, don’t sound so desperate.

Gimme a sec

[11:14 a.m.] Emma V.

Okay. Weird.

There’s nothing.

No linked socials

No insta, no tiktok, nada

[11:14 a.m.] Emma V.

Is this person real? Like, who doesn’t have socials in 2025…  

Sketchy af

[11:15 a.m.] Regulus

He’s real.

heard his voice last night at least, so I’m pretty sure he’s real

[11:15 a.m.] Emma V.

Oh no.

[11:08 a.m.] Emma V.

Okay

His number isn’t linked to anything, I’ve tried a couple more socials

No WhatsApp photo

No Signal, no Telegram

No Instagram connected

Tried reverse lookup too. Blank.

[11:09 a.m.] Regulus

Blank like… private?

Or blank like… fake?

[11:09 a.m.] Emma V.

Private. Not fake.

Someone went out of their way to scrub this.

Did you text him first or the other way around?

[11:10 a.m.] Emma V.

Either he’s paranoid

Or he’s hiding something

[11:11 a.m.] Regulus

I texted first on accident, it’s nothing really important but we talked the past two nights and I just wanna make sure he won’t murder me or something

What kind of people?

[11:11 a.m.] Emma V.

dunno????  

have you tried asking HIM instead of stalking like a freak?

<Jay&Regulus>

[11:21 a.m.] Regulus

hey. random question.

are you in the witness protection program?

[11:23 a.m.] Jay

??

good morning to you too pixel on my phone

[11:24 a.m.] Regulus

I’m serious

I tried looking you up and it was like falling into the void

Who doesn’t have socials in 2025

[11:25 a.m.] Jay

wow

harsh

but kinda flattered ngl

[11:26 a.m.] Jay

I’m not into anything sketchy

I’m just… private

[11:27 a.m.] Regulus

it’s bugging me that I know nothing about you

not even your last name

and you know I live in Cambridge and what I study and that I’ll be in London for the summer

[11:28 a.m.] Jay

…

okay

that’s fair

[11:29 a.m.] Jay

I’m not trying to mess with you

I just like my privacy idk

[11:30 a.m.] Regulus

you’re making it very hard not to assume you’re a 42-year-old accountant with a second family in Leeds

[11:30 a.m.] Jay

ouch

first of all, I’d pick Liverpool

[11:31 a.m.] Jay

second, I promise you I’m not a liar

just… a complicated guy with a weird job

[11:31 a.m.] Regulus

so a spy

got it

[11:32 a.m.] Jay

you caught me

hey, I’m going to be a lousy texting stranger today, I have my 3 year old roommate with me, and totally not my secret Liverpool family

[attached picture: two pairs of feet wearing matching red converse sneakers]

[11:35 a.m.] Regulus

…what

[11:35 a.m.] Jay

I mean my son

he’s staying with me today

[11:36 a.m.] Regulus

you have a son???

[11:36 a.m.] Jay

oh, yeah…

three years old

didn’t you want some personal details? lol

[11:37 a.m.] Regulus

you’re casually out here helping me write macro papers while being someone’s actual dad??

[11:38 a.m.] Jay

he’s not a secret

he’s the best part of me actually

but I don’t like leading conversations with strangers with it

[11:39 a.m.] Jay

people treat you different once they hear “single dad”

they either get weird or weirdly impressed

I’m single, I’m a dad but his mom is pretty present too  

and I’m not trying to impress anyone

[11:40 a.m.] Regulus

hm

[11:41 a.m.] Jay

what does “hm” mean

[11:41 a.m.] Regulus

right now it means you’re kind of endearing

[11:42 a.m.] Jay

sounds like I’m growing on you

[11:42 a.m.] Regulus

like mold

[11:42 a.m.] Jay

a very fun mold?

[11:43 a.m.] Regulus

debatable

[11:38 a.m.] Jay

my kid is perfect and I love him  

but considering my job and his mum’s, I keep my expectations low or he’ll find a way to just eat glue professionally

[11:39 a.m.] Regulus

and how’s the proud glue-eater mum?

[11:40 a.m.] Jay

name’s Lily

she’s really good

she got married two months ago and honestly her wife’s good for them  

better than I was, if I’m honest

[11:40 a.m.] Regulus

My favorite actress’ name is Lily too

Idk why I said that

But keep going on reasons why you weren’t good for her, sorry to interrupt

[11:41 a.m.] Jay

we were too young

I had a major setback my first year out of uni, became a total ass. I was in pain obv, but my behavior was unjustifiable

she deserved more than half-assed sex and missed birthdays

[11:41 a.m.] Jay

she’s the best person I know

still puts up with my shit and somehow is raising the cutest child

[11:44 a.m.] Regulus

you are a little bit of a walking red flag

not gonna lie

[11:45 a.m.] Jay

when I was 22? Def

I’m a whole different person now istg

[11:46 a.m.] Jay

wait

you go full FBI trying to find me

and I’m the walking red flag?

[11:46 a.m.] Regulus

EMMA went full FBI

I just enabled her

[11:47 a.m.] Jay

same difference

who’s emma btw? Tell her I’m flattered. really

but I’m not hiding anything

I just like keeping parts of myself quiet for the rest of the world

[11:48 a.m.] Regulus

she’s my best friend/one of my flatmates

a pain in my ass since I was 5

what parts?

[11:49 a.m.] Jay

the parts people think they own once they know your name

[11:50 a.m.] Jay

if you stick around you’ll know more when I’m ready

promise

[11:51 a.m.] Jay

for now I just want to be a voice in your phone

who maybe makes your essay a little less shitty

[11:51 a.m.] Regulus

fine

but if you’re secretly famous and I find out from the news, I will block you

[11:52 a.m.] Jay

fair

[11:52 a.m.] Jay

he just poured juice into his sock

gotta go save the carpet

talk later?

[11:53 a.m.] Regulus

definitely

go rescue the sock

<Regulus&Rabastan>

[6:43 pm] Regulus

baby, did you get my note this morning?

[7:22 pm] Rabastan <3

yeah. was running late to training

[7:23 pm] Regulus

it’s fine, no need to comment or thank me or anything

Barty wants to know if you’ll sleep over tonight, he’s ordering thai

[7:24 pm] Rabastan <3

I said I got it. What more do you want?

Can’t, have to pack my bag

 [7:25 pm] Regulus

Right. Ok.

Pack for what?

[7:27 pm] Rabastan <3

Training was brutal.

Flying out early for the semis.

We’ll be gone a week.

[7:28 pm] Regulus

didn’t even know you made semis. congrats, I guess

would’ve been nice to know you were traveling.

[7:45 pm] Rabastan <3

Reg, I’m tired. I don’t have the energy to constantly babysit your feelings.

[7:45 pm] Regulus

I’m not asking you to babysit anything. I’m asking for basic communication??? Whatever Bas, safe travels.

[7:46 pm] Rabastan <3

No, you’re asking for constant updates, daily check-ins, emotional play-by-plays like I’ve got nothing else going on. It’s exhausting.

[7:47 pm] Regulus

Am I exhausting?

[7:47 pm] Rabastan <3

Sometimes? Yeah.

[8:12 pm] Regulus

I’m not trying to fight you. I just miss you

[8:16 pm] Rabastan <3

We’ll talk when I get back.

<don’t trust the bitch in apt 3707>

[2:17 pm] Crouch Surfer

ordering thai tonight

[2:18 pm] Crouch Surfer

and we’re watching love island

not even god can lift me from the couch tonight

[6:17 pm] Crouch Surfer

I’m on the bus, @poshspice ask major asshole if he’s coming for dinner?

[7:27 pm] Regulus

please stop calling my boyfriend an asshole, i’m begging

[7:28 pm] Crouch Surfer

I didn’t call him an asshole

I called him Major Asshole

it’s like a title

[7:45 pm] Regulus

he’s not coming

is just us tonight

[7:45 pm] Emma V.

@scaryspice fyi, @poshspice’s sulking

[7:46 pm] Regulus

@babyspice you’re a traitor wtf

I don’t sulk

[7:47 pm] Crouch Surfer
ok so he’s sulking *and* lying about it

[7:51 pm] Emma V.
let him vibe
he’ll be better by episode two

[7:52 pm] Regulus
...

@scaryspice get extra spring rolls

<James&Regulus>

[9:02 pm] Jay
[attached: photo of a blanket-covered child curled up next to him in bed]

we won bedtime

[9:03 pm] Regulus
[attached: photo of three empty food plates on a coffee table, Love Island paused on the TV in the background]
impressive

we’re on our third episode of love island

[9:04 pm] Jay
i havent had the time for realities in so long

think I’ll grab a beer and watch some tonight

[9:05 pm] Regulus
emma and barty are obsessed with all forms of reality tv

[9:06 pm] Jay
emma is the best friend, is Barty the boyfriend?

[9:07 pm] Regulus
fuck no

Actually, we fucked once

but fuck no

he’s my other flatmate, we share a three bedroom near the school

[9:08 pm] Jay
noted. absolutely not the boyfriend.

three flatmates at uni sounds like a sitcom waiting to happen

I only had Remus for the whole 4 years

[9:09 pm] Regulus
it kind of is

barty is like… a sugar rushed toddler

emma and I keep him alive, do the dishes and complain

[9:10 pm] Jay
remus folded his socks

could’ve been worse

what episode are you watching now?

should i start love island from the beginning or just dive in and we can comment?

Lily and Remus like to talk during episodes

[9:11 pm] Regulus
dive in. it’s more about vibes than plot

also yelling at the screen is half the point

we’re starting ep 4 of the 2024 season in two minutes

I can tell you when to press play

[9:12 pm] Jay
yelling at the screen sounds therapeutic

[attached: blurry photo of a half-finished non-alcoholic beer, love island paused on the tv at the background]
just say when

[9:15 pm] Regulus
okay play

also you’re required to pick a favorite within ten minutes

it’s part of the ritual

[9:16 pm] Jay
are there rules or do i just trust vibes?

[9:17 pm] Regulus
no rules. you just have to defend your fave with your life

Emma likes Nicole because she’s welsh and Barty likes fucking joey

But that’s week 1, let’s see how it goes

Chapter Text

<may 6, 2025>

<Sirius&Regulus>

[9:11 am] Sirius O. Black

when is mini me (you) back from war (college)?

[9:12 am] Reggie

term ends June 19

Can I ask why?

[9:15 am] Sirius O. Black

yes

[9:23 am] Reggie

...

that was me asking why

[9:27 am] Sirius O. Black

sorry, was grabbing coffee and I met this really hot guy in line

was kinda shocked

should’ve asked for his number but my brain farted???

I’m getting us tickets for an Arsenal match when you’re home

[9:32 am] Reggie

I don’t even like football

[9:35 am] Sirius O. Black

but you like me very much

we spent 4 years not talking so I’m making up for lost time, showing you my things and you'll get to show me yours <3

you’re staying at my place for the first time so I’m going to make this fun

[9:36 am] Sirius O. Black

bonding time with your big brother

[9:39 am] Reggie

about that, can I bring Bas for a couple of days?

[9:40 am] Sirius O. Black

I don't know why you'd want that

but sure???? 

mi casa, su casa

<James&Remus>

[9:26 a.m] Remus L.

have you ever LOOKED at someone and thought “damn I want him to ruin my life, step on me, make me his bitch”?

[9:30 a.m] James P.

you're the shyest person I know, then once in a blue moon you hit me with shit like that

but no

can’t recall that ever happening to me but please feel free to enlighten me

[9:33 a.m] Remus L.

l was in line at gregg’s when this guy came in

HEAVILY tattoed

Leather pants

Long hair

James I think I drooled on my coffee

[10:04 a.m] James P.

Should I book a venue for the wedding or wait until you know his name?

[10:09 a.m] Remus L.

fuck, I should’ve asked for his number

fuck

I’ll have to see him in my dreams tonight

[10:10 a.m] Remus L.

I have a slot for you at 3pm today

I know you’re supposed to have a month off but please don’t go lax on that knee

[10:14 a.m] James P.

yay, one month until we’re back to sleeping in hotel rooms instead of my lovely house

[10:19 a.m] Remus L.

decorated by your ex-fiancé and her wife, omg loser

Are you still talking with econ guy?

[10:24 a.m] James P.

yeah, stayed up til 3 talking about love island last night

[10:25 a.m] Remus L.

omg loser

[10:54 a.m] James P.

Listen here, fucker. I’m going to camp outside gregg’s until I see that man of your dreams, ask for his number, go on a date with him, seduce him and make you be our best man at our wedding

See you at 3

<Regulus&Rabastan>

[2:12 pm] Rabastan <3

arrived at the hotel in Dublin

[2:15 pm] Regulus

Oh.

Thanks for telling me I guess?

How was the trip, baby?

[2:24 pm] Rabastan <3

Don’t start. I’m tired.

[2:25 pm] Regulus

I’m not starting shit

you just disappeared last night and I haven’t seen you in a week

kinda hard to guess what mood you’re in

[2:27 pm] Rabastan <3

I don’t know what you want, then

I’m alone in my hotel room…

missing your pretty mouth around me

[2:28 pm] Regulus

I don’t either.

I just thought maybe I meant enough to warrant a text now and then???

[2:32 pm] Rabastan <3

You’re being dramatic again

I can think of something better you could do with your hands…

[attached picture: Rabastan palming himself over his grey joggers]

<opened at 2:33 pm>

<Jay&Regulus>

[2:54 pm] Jay

headed to physio straight out of the gym

I hope remus has a very clogged nose today

[attached mirror selfie: gym locker room, no face, shorts hanging dangerously low and outlining everything, towel slung around his shoulders, shirt off, toned arms visible with scattered tattoos; one over his bicep is half-hidden, another along his ribs reads something in cursive]

<opened at 2:55 pm>

<Regulus&Rabastan>

[2:57 pm] Regulus

[attached picture shows Regulus in bed, only covered by his black boxers, hand near to his cock]

[2:59 pm] Rabastan <3

there’s my good boy

Facetime?

[3:03 pm] Regulus

k

<incoming call Rabastan <3 at 3:05>

<call ended Rabastan <3  at 3:21>

<Regulus – Notes App Entry, things to talk to my therapist about>

I’m not really sure if I still want to be with Bas. I know Bellatrix approves of him, but it’s been three years. I feel like he only looks for me when he’s horny, or bored, or wants to control something. Am I that easy??? Was there a time when Bas used to make me feel safe?? I feel like I’ve never… Idk, I don’t know if I’m allowed to be angry bc like, I’m the one who keeps staying? I keep finding excuses for his behavior and defending him to my best friends. I’m not ready to say it out loud yet, but when I make up my mind I’ll have to do something about it.

<don’t trust the bitch in apt 3707>

[3:42 pm] Regulus

I think I just did something disgusting

[4:28 pm] Crouch Surfer

we judge and we don’t listen

[4:45 pm] Regulus

ok suppose I just saw a picture of someone really really hot

like

a possible 10

and got hard out of nowhere

[4:46 pm] Regulus

and suppose Rabastan wanted to… yk?

would it be ok to…

no

tmi

[4:46 pm] Emma V.

Nooooo please

Im curious

[4:47 pm] Crouch Surfer

@babyspice I think @poshspice got hard for someone else

and had sex with Rabastan thinking about this other guy

[4:48 pm] Regulus

It wasn’t sex… Like… Bas isn’t even in the country

it was just harmless facetime…

[4:49 pm] Crouch Surfer

@babyspice I think @poshspice got hard for someone else

and rubbed one on facetime with Rabastan while thinking about this other guy

[4:50 pm] Crouch Surfer

I listened

Now can I judge????

I mean, I’ve done it before

just last week I had sex thinking about that hot blondie from your econ class

[4:50 pm] Crouch Surfer

I don’t even know his name, just know he’s the love of my life

but that leaves me guessing @poshspice how hot are we talking

[4:52 pm] Regulus

you’re fucking crass

forwarded message: [attached mirror selfie: gym locker room, no face, shorts hanging dangerously low towel slung around his shoulders, shirt off, toned arms visible with scattered tattoos; one over his bicep is half-hidden, another along his ribs reads something in cursive]

[4:54 pm] Emma V.

you know what? Fair.

<Jay&Regulus>

[2:54 pm] Jay

knee’s holding up though

look okay?  

[3:42 pm] Regulus

I think I just did something disgusting

fuck

this one wasn’t for you

ignore it please

[6:15 pm] Jay

Kinda cruel, I’m naturally curious

[7:42 pm] Regulus

I put ketchup all over my pizza, nothing serious
also what the fuck does your rib tattoo say

[8:17 pm] Jay

 normal in Brazil, not disgusting lol

it's "no meu coração fiz um lar, o meu coração é teu lar"
means “in my heart, I made a home. My heart is your home.”

it's a song my mom used to sing to me when I was a kid

[8:32 pm] Regulus

oh

that’s actually so sweet???

the only thing my mum ever give me were her anger issues

and my big brother

[8:33 pm] Jay

I got it the day I turned 18

Mum cried… and not because she was happy

but I think she likes it now, at least the thought that I carry her wherever I go

you have a brother??

[8:34 pm] Regulus

What are you eating for dinner tonight?

[8:56 pm] Jay

wow

nice deflection

straight to foreplay?

[8:57 pm] Jay

I’m having a grilled chicken

 and sweet potatoes if I’m patient enough

I tend to be lax with my diet when I have my kid here

Yesterday we had a grilled cheese for dinner

[8:59 pm] Regulus

I’m you from the future then

Grilled cheese and a handful of sour gummy worms Emma left for me

[9:00 pm] Jay

Love me a balanced nutritive diet!

love island night tonight?

[9:04 pm] Regulus

love island Mondays! Today is the day Barty works later

Emma is telling me gossip about people I’ve never seen before while I watch her cut her own hair on our bathroom sink

[9:06 pm] Jay

oh :( I was looking forward to it

is it like… a desperation haircut? Or just a lil trim to keep the shape?

[9:07 pm] Jay

I have this friend, Marlene

she still does that bc she’s the only one she trusts with her hair

[9:09 pm] Regulus

neither

it’s a solidarity haircut

[attached picture: a mirror picture that shows Regulus’ sitting on the toilet lid, head shaved on the sides and Emma holding a scissor to her own hair in front of their sink.]

[9:10 pm] Jay
…

damn

[9:13 pm] Regulus

does it look that awful?????

I knew I had fucked my hair, she found me mid cut and tried to help

[9:20 pm] Jay

no!!! it doesn’t look bad at all

[9:23 pm] Jay

quite the opposite actually

[9:24 pm] Regulus

oh

thank you! :)

emma said it looked good but I mean

our group chat isn’t called ‘don’t trust the bitch in apt 3707’ for no reason

<don’t trust the bitch in apt 3707>

[9:28 pm] Emma V.

at first I didn’t want to say anything but like

you and Bas have a fight because he’s an ass

you feel awful with yourself

hours later you’re all smiles texting him again

I think it’s time we give you the “toxic relationships” talk you gave me when I was dating Benjy

[9:29 pm] Regulus

It’s not Bas

[9:30 pm] Emma V.

don’t mind me then, carry on

this week a hot new bombshell enters the villa!

Is it Jethro?

[9:30 pm] Regulus

Emma we’re in the same room… you can just voice your thoughts

but it’s such a pity that I think this guy is straight as a rod

it should be a crime to straight men to be nice AND hot as fuck

[9:31 pm] Emma V.

yes but @scaryspice is at work and I want him to feel included :(

oh so it is Jeremiah!

[9:33 pm] Regulus

it’s jay, just jay!!!!

[9:35 pm] Emma V.

It must be short for something

Something corny like jebediah

[9:49 pm] Crouch Surfer

@babyspice is actually my realest

I’m finally leaving the library in 10

@poshspice hot blond from your Econ class was here today

got his insta

[9:50 pm] Crouch Surfer

And a date tomorrow

If god hates gays, how come I keep winning?  

[9:30 pm] Regulus

it’s the second time you mention this guy today

And I have ZERO clue about who’s the hot blond guy

[9:49 pm] Crouch Surfer

ok you two pause whatever you’re doing

look at this man’s instagram

[9:50 pm] Crouch Surfer

[forwarded: screenshot of profile. Shirtless beach picture, username: @ero_ier, bio “I am not throwing away my shot”]

If god is truly on my side, I’ll be inside it tomorrow by lunchtime

[9:30 pm] Regulus

WAIT

WHAT THE FUCK

THAT’S EVAN ROSIER???????

THIS FUCKING BITCH

please ask him if he plans to go back to e304 tomorrow????

[9:31 pm] Emma V.

TWO HOT NEW BOMBSHELLS ENTER THE VILLA

<James&Regulus>

[11:49 pm] Regulus

ok like

I know we don’t have that level of intimacy yet

but can I ask you something personal?

[11:50 pm] Jay

can I reserve the right to not answer if I feel uncomfortable?

If then, yes sure!

[11:51 pm] Regulus

yeah obviously

so, yesterday you said you were an ass to your ex

why do you think that?

like

idk

sorry

[11: 52 pm] Jay

oof

ok, I’ll answer, let me think

[11: 54 pm] Jay

Lils and I met on our third year

so we did third and fourth together, she got pregnant during fourth and we split six months later

i tore my acl, which is on itself a nasty injury, but in my field it would mean that depending on my healing I wouldn’t be able to do the thing I love the most

[11: 55 pm] Jay

I was frustrated, under pressure in my career and a baby on the way. Remus now says he thinks I was straight out depressed but I don’t think that’s really what’s true

I needed a punching bag and unfortunately Lils got the worst of it

I’d forget birthdays and anniversaries

[11: 56 pm] Jay

Sometimes go 2 or 3 days without even texting AND SHE WAS CARRYING MY BABY?? As I said, an ass

she was the one who pulled the plug on us

rightfully so

[11: 56 pm] Jay

she got this major contract right after Harry was born and she flourished, and fell in love with this beautiful beautiful soul that helps in raising our kid with love

and im a corny ass man

[12:06 am] Regulus

i'm sorry for even asking

but at the same time you sound like you at least cared about her

idk

[12:07 am] Jay

does it help you in any way?

[12:08 am] Regulus

yes and no haha

i'm trying to figure out if I’m the problem

anyway. Sorry.

I’m not always this much of a headache lol

but thanks!

now go to sleep so you can rest for gym tomorrow :)

[12:09 am] Jay

oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you

did I cross the line earlier? With the gym pic and all

i was talking to my friend and he said it might be weird since you have a boyfriend 

[12:10 am] Regulus

not at all

[attached picture: Regulus in bed, sheets bunched around his waist, collarbone and one bare shoulder visible in the low nightlight. His hair still tousled from the new haircut, his face looks sleepy.]

<James&Remus>

[12:10 pm] James P.

 [quoted message: [9:26 a.m] Remus L.: have you ever LOOKED at someone and thought “damn I want him to ruin my life, step on me, make me his bitch”?]

well if it isn’t the consequences of my own actions

I now know exactly how it feels

<may 7, 2025>

<James&Remus>

[7:26 a.m] Remus L.

this day comes for everyone

anyway, good morning

guess what

[9:30 a.m] James P.

you had a breakfast burrito

[9:33 a.m] Remus L.

what?

[10:04 a.m] James P.

Idk, you told me to guess

[10:09 a.m] Remus L.

I had lemon cake and black coffee but that’s not it

Gregg’s guy

got his number

[10:14 a.m] James P.

omg

you’re growing so fast

[10:19 a.m] Remus L.

he’s a tattoo artist

aaaand he’s a huge arsenal fan

actually thought it was really cool that I’m the team’s pt

anyway, tell me more about the guy you want to step on you

[10:24 a.m] James P.

oh it’s nothing serious

remember the guy I helped with the essay?

he’s 1) crazy 2)crazy hot

my type to a t

<don’t trust the bitch in apt 3707>

[2:18 pm] Crouch Surfer

imma be honest with yall

I think I’m god’s favorite child

[2:19 pm] Crouch Surfer

I’m pretty sure I’ll be walking funny all day

[2:35 pm] Emma V.

you're disgusting

and I need details

[2:35 pm] Regulus

Do I wanna know what happened between you and Rosier?

[2:49 pm] Crouch Surfer

how do I say “best sex of my fucking life” in a way that’s super subtle and doesn’t hurt @poshspice’s ears?

[2:55 pm] Emma V.

Don’t think it’s possible

i want the dirty!!!!

[3:02 pm] Crouch Surfer

evan took me to lunch and then made me his dessert

God bless

I SAW god today istg

[3:05 pm] Emma V.

was it THAT good or you’re just being dramatic?

[3:07pm] Crouch Surfer

emms, I came home

took a shower

and I still feel dirty

I think I’m like in love or something

Either way I don’t think I’ll be walking straight anytime soon

[3:15 pm] Regulus

I’m muting and blocking you two

you need to be exorcised

or baptized, I’m unsure

[3:19 pm] Crouch Surfer

turning green with envy, love it

also, I have crazy bruises on my neck pls no comments

[3:05 pm] Emma V.

I need to get laid so bad

Please gays help a girl out and find me a suitable candidate

[3:15 pm] Regulus

That usually means she’s 5 minutes away from calling Amos Diggory

[youtube link to Tate McRae – Revolving Door]

(dramatic effect only, I kinda ship emmos)

Chapter Text

<may 9, 2025>

<Sirius&Regulus>

[9:11 pm] Sirius O. Black

you will NEVER guess who I’m hanging out with today

but like

think your WILDEST dream

[9:12 pm] Sirius O. Black

second to the day you were born

this is the best day of my life

[9:12 pm] Reggie

n o clue

[9:15 pm] Sirius O. Black

come onnnnnn, try to guess

[9:23 am] Reggie

Siri, I just spent the past four hours at the library and Barty wasn’t even on shift

i have this huge final that’s biting my ass

so help me here

[9:24 pm] Sirius O. Black

sorry, ok so like

remember hot guy I met at the coffee shop?

we had a date today, it was going super fine

we had dinner, conversation was easy

think about a GOOD date

[9:25 pm] Reggie

honestly can’t remember the feeling

[9:35 pm] Sirius O. Black

oof, tough life

anyways

his best friend called during dinner, her wife had a medical emergency and they needed someone to babysit their kid

[9:36 pm] Sirius O. Black

I was being SUPER normal about the whole thing

until

UNTIL

we’re at holland park, and I was freaking out about it

and its not like we’re poor, we’re born in islington

[9:37 pm] Sirius O. Black

we pull up to this cute white house

and I see them right as we’re parking

LILY. FUCKING. EVANS. but not only her, she has her wife with her, AND James Potter driving

also, I thought he’d be like a super flashy guy who drives a crazy car but it’s a super normal black car idk

[9:39 pm] Reggie

wait

WAIT

LIKE LILY EVANS FOR REAL,???

NOOOOOO

No seriously, she’s my muse

but like, didn’t Potter cheat on her???

[9:40 pm] Sirius O. Black

don’t know much

but they all left together

and now it’s me, my date and this cute ass kid

but focus, I MET JAMES POTTER

[9:42 pm] Reggie

sirius

i don’t care about football, focus on the IMPORTANT things

you met Lily Evans!!!!

[9:42 pm] Sirius O. Black

this is the most exciting thing that’s happened to this family since I got into oxford

[9:43 pm] Reggie

siri, i go to Cambridge…

[9:44 pm] Sirius O. Black

yeah, everyone expected you to

they expected me to become a junkie or something

[9:45 pm] Reggie

meanwhile I’m walking into an empty apartment because is Friday and Emma and Barty are going out and I’m too exhausted to even think

LIFE IS SO UNFAIR

<Regulus&Rabastan>

[9:44 pm] Rabastan <3

wish you were here

I’ve been thinking about your ass all day

[9:45 pm] Rabastan <3

[attached picture: Rabastan in low light, shirt off, hand inside his sweatpants, over his erection. The angle’s purposeful]

bet you’re hard just looking at this

[10:14 pm] Rabastan <3

what are you doing

[10:20 pm] Regulus

walking home from the UL

[10:22 pm] Rabastan <3

what’s wrong now

[10:26 pm] Regulus

nothing

I just said I’m walking home

[10:30 pm] Rabastan <3

sure

busy or avoiding me?

[11:12 pm] Rabastan <3

I fly back in three days

Game day tomorrow

I thought you’d be excited

guess I was wrong

[11:15 pm] Regulus

are you really coming back or are you just trying to keep me on a leash?

[11:17 pm] Rabastan <3

what the fuck is that supposed to mean

[11:20 pm] Regulus

you’ve been mia for 2 days

then show up like I’m supposed to be waiting hard and wet for you???

I’m not a toy, Bas

you don’t just get to turn me on and off

[11:35 pm] Rabastan <3

what are you even saying

[11:41 pm] Rabastan <3

is that bitch Vanity filling your head again?

we only fight when she tries to talk shit

[11:58 am] Regulus

don't call my best friend a bitch

she hasn’t said a word

not that she needs to

I’m capable of thinking for myself

[12:04 pm] Rabastan <3

right

and your thoughts suddenly turned hostile out of nowhere?

[12:12 pm] Rabastan <3

so what, you’re done with me now?

[12:15 pm] Regulus

I didn’t say that

I just don’t feel like being reduced to your porn category of the week

go watch something on Pornhub ig

<James&Regulus>

[4:15 pm] Jay

ugh nooooo

I still remember my 304 final

I’ll be quiet to let you study in peace!!!

Scream if you need anything

[5:19 pm] Regulus

I’m so distracted

I only like to study here when Barty is on a shift

[7:36 pm] Regulus

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[7:45 pm] Jay

is that you asking for help or a primal scream of desperation?

<may 10, 2025>

[12:07 am] Jay

u up?

fuck, I don’t mean it like that…

[12:08 am] Regulus

hey! yeah I’m still up

[12:09 am] Jay

had a family emergency today

I’m so exhausted

do you have any distracting juicy gossip?

we’re finishing up here but I still have around an hour drive to leave them home and then go to mine

[12:10 am] Regulus

hmmmm, let me think…

you want to hear about the crazy thing that happened to my brother or about my asshole boyfriend?

[12:11 am] Jay

I need cheering up, so I’m going with crazy thing that happened to brother

you can tell me about asshole boyfriend later

[12:13 am] Regulus

remember when you told me your ex’s name and I said my favorite actress is also named Lily?

so, my brother had a date today

a hot guy he ran into at a coffee shop or something

[12:14 am] Regulus

apparently his date is Lily’s best friend

her wife had to go to the hospital

and he found himself looking after Lily’s kid?????

[12:15 am] Regulus

I didn’t even know Lily had a kid, but she’s suuuuuper private about her life since she broke up with her ex boyfriend

he was a hot shot player

happened to play for my brother’s favorite team

[12:14 am] Regulus

It was annoying to have Sirius gushing over James Potter when he was involved in major cheating scandals

[12:17 am] Jay

…wait

James Potter?

[12:18 am] Regulus

yeah

do you not know who that is?

[12:18 am] Jay

I mean… yeah, obviously

big deal in the sports world

arsenal’s number 9

[12:19 am] Regulus

tragically yes

Sirius is fully in his redemption arc fanclub

but yeah, I think Lily had a kid!!!! I’m so happy for her tbh

[12:20 am] Regulus

Sirius said James picked them up, I think it’s bullshit

he disappeared for a whole year after the scandal

left his fiancée kind of out of nowhere

[12:22 am] Jay

but like

maybe he didn’t cheat

maybe he was just photographed outside a club with his manager lol

[12:23 am] Regulus

Oh no

are you in the James Potter fanclub too?

I just think people forgive good-looking men too easily

[12:24 am] Jay

...fair enough

it’s not really my place to defend him

[12:25 am] Regulus

sorry

that came out harsher than I meant

[12:26 am] Jay

I mean

I know the fame of the guy

but he’s been laying low recently

[12:27 am] Regulus

yeah, well

he’s probably laying low because his PR team taped his mouth shut

but he’s like EVERYWHERE, clear man shampoo, that huge ass nike endorsement deal

[12:28 am] Jay

oh so you know a lot about him?

...what if he actually changed?

people do, sometimes

[12:29 am] Regulus

yes and no

I know what his face looks like but I have his name muted on twitter so…

[12:49 am] Jay

sorry for the long silence

I was driving

still up?

[12:51 am] Regulus

yeah, I have a lot in my mind, can’t sleep yet

barty and emms are out

[12:53 am] Jay

can I ask you for something really stupid?

I’m super tired, can I call you so you can keep me company as I drive home?

you can tell me all about asshole boyfriend

<incoming call Jay at 12:55 am>

<call ended Jay  at 1:21 am>

[1:21 am] Jay

I swear I’ll be in and out in 5 minutes and then I’ll call you again

I reek

I just NEED a shower

[1:22 am] Regulus

do you think it’s too late to open a bottle of wine?

[1:23 am] Jay

oh totally not, it’s Saturday

i’ll drink with you

[1:32 am] Jay

ok, showered

i have a beer in my hand

call back

<incoming call Regulus at 1:33 am>

<call ended Regulus at 3:52 am>

[3:52 am] Jay

you have a really nice voice, btw

like I could just… listen to you talk forever

shit. sorry. I’m sleep deprived, ignore me

night, Regulus!

<James&Remus>

[7:27 am] James P.

good morning, it’s a beautiful Saturday to be hungover and running 10km

also a beautiful morning to only 6km because I feel like im about to shit myself

tell me

did Gregg’s guy live up to the hype or do I have to go back and seduce him myself?

[9:28 am] Remus L.

first of all, I hate you????

second of all… yeah. He did.

we watched Encanto until Harry fell asleep

then we came over to mine

[9:29 am] Remus L.

we had a couple of beers

talked a lot

then he went home

[9:29 am] James P.

and how was the sex??

[9:30 am] Remus L.

no sex

do you think I’m a whore????

[9:31 am] James P.

…

just the standard behavior

[9:32 am] Remus L.

you’re disgusting

and also, sadly, I think I actually liked this one

like. I didn’t want him to leave??

but I also didn’t want to be weird about it

[9:33 am] James P.

awwww look at you

my little emotionally available slut

i’m proud of you

[9:34 am] James P.

btw

i spent three hours on the phone with econ boy last night

[9:34 am] Remus L.

WAIT WHAT

you told me he was just a stressed-out stranger with bad macro notes

[9:35 am] James P.

yeah well now he’s a stressed-out stranger with a hot face, a hot voice, and a genuinely tragic taste in men

we talked about literally everything

his boyfriend’s an ass

LITERAL ass

he was drinking wine

he likes movies

he likes… Lily’s movies

[9:36 am] Remus L.

lol HE KNOWS LILS?

were you flirting???

[9:37 am] James P.

not on purpose

maybe a little

but kinda respectfully????

it’s confusing

he sent me a half-shirtless pic the other day

[9:37 am] Remus L.

this is getting deranged

[9:38 am] James P.

oh also

confession time

I know who your mystery date is

[9:38 am] Remus L.

???

what are you talking about

[9:39 am] James P.

his name’s Sirius

[9:39 am] Remus L.

how the FUCK do you know that

did Lily gossip?????

[9:40 am] James P.

because econ boy’s his fucking brother

it’s him

[9:41 am] Remus L.

OH MY GOD

THE CAMBRIDGE BROTHER????

[9:42 am] James P.

you’re dating my... friend's???????? b rother

which makes this, like, illegal?? incest-adjacent???

[9:43 am] Remus L.

what the actual fuck

is this a fever dream

you’re texting the little brother and I’m flirting with the big one???

NO JAMES THIS IS WRONG

wait

Sirius said his brother has a boyfriend

did you tell him you’re james POTTER????

[9:44 am] James P.

yeah

he does

and the boyfriend sucks

like, certified emotional terrorist

also no

im just Jay for him

it’s… bad, moons

[9:44 am] Remus L.

oh my god

OH MY GOD

[9:45 am] James P.

basically, yeah

but like

accidentally

through a wrong number

and then I just... kept texting back

[9:45 am] Remus L.

what the fuck

is this a fucking Netflix show?

[9:46 am] James P.

you’re being very dramatic for someone who literally watched Encanto last night and got soft about taking care of my kid with a rando

[9:47 am] Remus L.

DO NOT DEFLECT

you have a thing for a guy who doesn’t know you’re you

and now we’re both entangled with the same DNA pool

this is so cursed

[9:48 am] James P.

and yet

so deeply on brand for us

remember when we hooked up with the prewett twins?

[9:49 am] Remus L.

you need to tell him. like yesterday.

before it gets worse

before you fall head over heels for some boy who thinks your name is Jay and not literally James Potter, national tabloid trauma

[9:50 am] James P.

I KNOW

I know

Last night I almost did

then he said something like “I muted James Potter on Twitter”

and then I just…

idk crawled back into the closet

[9:51 am] Remus L.

you’re not in the closet

stop that immediately

[9:52 am] James P.

I’m scared, okay??

what if he finds out and it ruins everything

what if he thinks I was messing with him

what if he never wants to talk to me again

what if????????

[9:53 am] Remus L.

pick a lane

[10:05 am] Remus L.

you’re a fucking idiot

[10:06 am] James P.

you love me

[10:07 am] Remus L.

unfortunately

sirius said his brother is gentle so like, don’t fuck with him

also, careful with falling for someone with a boyfriend

even if he’s an ass

<don’t trust the bitch in apt 3707>

[4:42 am] Crouch Surfer

PLEASE PLEASE @poshspice @babyspice CAN I BRING THIS GUY HOME

LIKE PLEASE

[4:43 am] Emma V.

@poshspice is probably asleep by now

we’re bringing evan home

ppleaase don’t fuck too loud I need slepi

slekor*

sleep*

fuck im drunk

[10:41 am] Regulus

i woke up with my nemesis in my kitchen

can anyone tell me how and why?

[12:04 pm] Crouch Surfer

technically

he’s not your nemesis

he’s just a really hot guy who ghosted your econ group

and my..

my something something

[12:05 pm] Emma V.

also

I warned you

you were asleep

[12:06 pm] Regulus

I woke up to him making coffee like he lives here

[12:07 pm] Crouch Surfer

you’re just mad he’s hot

and bringing me coffee in bed

[12:07 pm] Regulus

that is NOT THE POINT

[12:08 pm] Emma V.

you’re welcome, bestie

[12:10 pm] Regulus

stop being horny for my academic nemesis

[12:11 pm] Crouch Surfer

whatever

we’re going to fuck again

play some music or smtng

[12:14 pm] Regulus

this is a hate crime

[12:15 pm] Regulus

so

if someone says your voice is “really nice”

is that a normal compliment or am I being flirted with

[2:42 pm] Crouch Surfer

being flirted with

unless it's from a therapist

then it’s sympathy

pity maybe

[2:43 pm] Emma V.

@poshspice is this the jay thing again?

fuck sorry

fell asleep

[2:43 pm] Regulus

I’m stressed and underfed and emotionally compromised

[2:47 pm] Regulus

I do not like him

he’s just… nice

[2:48 am] Regulus

and he makes me feel

idk

something

[2:48 pm] Emma V.

baby

[2:48 pm] Crouch Surfer

oh no.

you’ve caught feelings.

do you need a soft blanket or a large stick to beat them down with?

[2:49 pm] Regulus

can I do both

[2:50 pm] Regulus

I’m not that crazy

[2:50 pm] Crouch Surfer

liar

[2:54 pm] Emma V.

no but like

Reg

you’d tell us if this wasn’t just texting, right?

i'm in the Rabastan Hater Club

but you’re also my person

don't want your pea heart broken

[2:56 pm] Crouch Surfer

hey

[2:56 pm] Emma V.

you’re also my person

you two are my people

[2:57 pm] Regulus

we were on the phone for like… three hours last night

[2:59 am] Regulus

he has an accent

and he laughed when I ranted about Love Island

and he said my voice was nice too

like??? who says that???

[3:00 pm] Crouch Surfer

oh

oh noooooo

he’s IN YOUR WALLS  

[3:02 pm] Regulus

shut UP

he’s just a guy named Jay

<Evan&Barty>

[4:38 pm] Evan R.

just got home

did you mean what you said last night

or were you just high out of your mind?

[4:39 pm] Barty (library)

I meant it

unfortunately

[4:40 pm] Evan R.

so you like me?

like like-like me

like i was really the best fuck of your life?

[4:41 pm] Barty (library)

shut up

but yeah

[4:42 pm] Evan R.

I could get used to that

also you looked stupid hot in my shirt

you should steal it next time

[4:43 pm] Barty (library)

bold of you to assume there’ll be a next time

[4:44 pm] Evan R.

I already told my sister I’m in love btw

[4:45 pm] Barty (library)

you are unwell

[4:46 pm] Evan R.

correction: you are corrupting me

but I like it

makes life more fun

[4:47 pm] Barty (library)

you’re so annoying

why do I like you this much after like 3 hookups

it’s actually disgusting

[4:48 pm] Evan R.

because I’m charming

and pretty

and I fuck you better than anyone

[4:48 pm] Barty (library)

not a big deal

[4:49 pm] Evan R.

once is enough to make me your favorite

I’ve decided

I’m your favorite now

[4:50 pm] Barty (library)

…maybe

[4:51 pm] Evan R.

I’ll take it

I’ll make you say it properly later

with less clothes on

[5:12 pm] Evan R.

you know you moan when you’re about to come, right?

like you try to hide it but you make this stupid, hot sound

[5:13 pm] Barty (library)

you’re starting this now???

you left bc I have a final tomorrow!!!

[5:13 pm] Evan R.

I am the quiz

first question: what’s your favorite position?

second: when can I ruin you again?

[5:14 pm] Barty (library)

jesus christ

I hate you

[5:15 pm] Evan R .

no you don’t

you like when I pull your hair and say your name like I mean it

which I do

unfortunately

[5:16 pm] Barty (library)

why are you like this

why do I like this

[5:17 pm] Evan R.

because I make you feel good

and you know I don’t just want to fuck you

but also

I really want to fuck you

[5:18 pm] Barty (library)

what would you be doing if I was in your bed rn

[5:19 pm] Evan R.

you’d be on your back, shirt halfway off

and I’d be kissing your neck

just to hear you make that sound again

the one you made last night when I bit you a little too hard

[5:20 pm] Barty (library)

fuck

[5:21 pm] Evan R.

are you hard?

[5:21 pm] Barty (library)

yeah

[5:22 pm] Evan R.

good

touch yourself for me

[5:23 pm] Barty (library)

call me?

<incoming call Evan at 5:23 pm>

<call ended Evan at 6:03 pm>

[6:07 pm] Evan R.

you good?

[6:09 pm] Barty (library)

yeah

too good

which is a problem

[6:10 pm] Evan R.

you’re cute when you’re ruined

even over the phone

[6:11 pm] Barty (library)

you just guided my orgasm

let me feel 5 mins of shame

[6:12 pm] Evan R.

nothing shameful about the noises you make when you say my name

[6:13 pm] Barty (library)

Evan.

[6:14 pm] Evan R.

okay okay

i’ll behave

(for now)

[6:15 pm] Barty (library)

i hate how much i like this

you’re ruining my life

[6:15 pm] Evan R.

my plan tbh

I’ll let you study now

xx

[8:25 pm] Evan R.

Hey, are you done with studying?

wanna sleep over?

my bed kinda misses you

<James&Regulus>

[12:04 pm] Regulus

would you still talk to me if I said I’ve never seen Shrek

[12:05 pm] Jay

what the fuck

why would you say something so controversial

[12:05 pm] Regulus

just wanted to test the limits of our friendship

[12:06 pm] Jay

they’re hanging by a thread right now

[12:07 pm] Jay

you’ve missed key moments in cinematic history

[12:08 pm] Regulus

oh we’re being posh?

have you watched the 2023 Great Gatsby?

[12:08 pm] Jay

you mean the one with Lily Evans?

yeah

couple of times actually

Harry loves it

[12:09 pm] Regulus

your 3 year old loves the new Great Gatsby?

you’re deranged

[12:10 pm] Jay

maybe

[12:10 pm] Regulus

that sounds like a lie

maybe you have a crush on Lily

[12:11 pm] Jay

LOOOOOOOL

maybe like 5 years ago

I’ve moved on to other things now…

lately mostly

but think I can still recite the Gatsby lines by heart

[12:12 pm] Jay

Maybe we can watch it later?

I’m at the park with the boy

I’m tiring him out

He stayed up late yesterday and I need to fix his sleep schedule

[12:13 pm] Regulus

you’re asking me on a movie date using your toddler as a transition?

[12:14 pm] Jay

listen

you said you wanted to test our friendship

I’m just giving you opportunities to strengthen it!!!

[12:14 pm] Regulus

sounds like a trap

[12:17 pm] Regulus

yeah, think it’s fine

[12:18 pm] Jay

so is that a yes?

[12:19 pm] Regulus

it's a possible yes

just let me know when you’re free :)

<Regulus&Rabastan>

[6:03 pm] Rabastan <3

you still mad?

[6:05 pm] Rabastan <3

we lost the game

landed early

thought about stopping by

dropping my bag home

[6:06 pm] Rabastan <3

I can bring food

Just let me know if Emma and Barty are at the house

[6:09 pm] Rabastan <3

Regulus

fucking answer me

[6:20 pm] Regulus

oh

sorry about the game

yeah, emma’s home but barty isn’t

[6:22 pm] Rabastan <3

Be there in like half an hour

<James&Regulus>

[6:30 pm] Regulus

hey, my boyfriend came over earlier

hey…

can we raincheck on the movie?

[6:48 pm] Jay

yeah sure!

everything okay??

[6:49 pm] Regulus

yeah

just… something came up

sorry!

[6:52 pm] Jay

no worries

hope it’s not too serious!

[6:53 pm] Jay

we can do another night

or not

up to you

[7:01 pm] Regulus

I’d like to

just… not tonight

<Rabastans&Regulus>

[1:38 am] Regulus

you left your wallet here

[1:41 am] Rabastan <3

dw

I get it back during the week

I can use apple pay for now

[1:42 am] Regulus

yeah

k

[1:44 am] Rabastan <3

what now

[1:45 am] Regulus

nothing

just lying here

still can’t sleep

[1:47 am] Rabastan <3

I should’ve stayed then

[1:49 am] Regulus

you were already gone when I turned the lights on

[1:53 am] Rabastan <3

you’re always clingy like this after

I don’t get it

[1:56 am] Regulus

maybe because it didn’t feel like anything

you didn’t even look at me

[1:59 am] Rabastan <3

was tired

had a shit week

[2:01 am] Regulus

I know

but I’m not your stress relief

I’m not your way to forget a loss

[2:03 am] Regulus

or at least I don’t want to be anymore

[2:05 am] Rabastan <3

you’re being dramatic again

[2:12 am] Regulus

I just felt used

[2:14 am] Rabastan <3

you said “yes” though

you didn’t say stop

[2:15 am] Regulus

I know

and I don’t blame you for that

but there’s a difference between consent and connection

and I think we lost the second one a long time ago

[2:17 am] Rabastan <3

this is a mistake

you’ll wake up and regret saying all this

[2:18 am] Regulus

maybe

goodnight, Bas

Chapter Text

  <may 11, 2025>

<Regulus&Jay>

[1:35 am] Jay

hope you’ve had a good night!

[1:36 am] Regulus

you’re still awake?

[1:37 am] Jay

sorrrrrrrt of

haz threw up out of nowhere

[1:38 am] Regulus

oh no

is he okay??

[1:39 am] Jay

we’re on the couch now

he just stopped crying

[1:40 am] Jay

k

can I send you something?

[1:41 am] Regulus

yeah. Please.

[1:42 am] Jay

[attached: photo of an arm around a very small sleeping child with black hair, you can’t see the child’s face.]

[1:44 am] Regulus

you two look comfortable

[1:45 am] Jay

he fell asleep

I’m gonna put him to bed

can I call you?

[1:45 am] Regulus

can I call you?

[1:45 am] Jay

haha

ok, give me 5

<incoming call Regulus at 1:52 am>

<call ended Regulus at 3:16 am>

[1:17 am] Jay

I think you fell asleep

I’m turning off so I don’t hear you snoring lol

[3:19 am] Jay

also

your laugh?

it’s unfair how much I like it

[7:37 am] Jay

hello!! Good morning :)

[10:18 am] Regulus

fuck no

why are you up at 7 on a Sunday???

[10:39 am] Jay

perks of being a dad ig

hard explaining to a 3yo that he cant drink syrup straight out of the bottle

[attached picture: plate full of pancakes, with a very small bite taken out of the top one]

[10:48 am] Regulus

do you ever get a sunday morning to yourself?

[10:49 am] Jay

sometimes

but I kinda miss him when he’s with Lils tbh

being needed is... nice, y’know?

[10:51 am] Regulus

yeah.

I don’t think I’ve ever had that?

[10:52 am] Jay

I don’t believe that for a second

what are your plans for today?

<Regulus&Rabastan>

[9:02 a.m] Regulus

Morning. Did you make it back okay?

[9:07 a.m] Rabastan <3

To my dorm???

yea

why wouldn’t I?

[9:08 a.m] Regulus

Just checking. You seemed a bit off last night

[9:15 a.m] Rabastan <3

I'm tired, okay?

 Long week. Long flight.

Can we just... not?

[9:16 a.m] Regulus

"Not" what, Bas?

 Not talk?

[9:20 a.m] Rabastan <3

I don't have time for this right now. Training.

[9:21 a.m] Regulus

Right

Have a good day

<Evan&Barty>

[10:15 a.m] Evan R.

Morning, trouble

or is it afternoon now?

hard to tell when you leave my brains fucked out

[10:17 a.m] Barty (library)

Morning, asshole.

 I have a final on Wednesday that I NEED to study for.

Unlike some people who just abandon their class mates

[10:18 a.m] Evan R.

Hey!

I’m highly intelligent and normally helpful

I was just facing a crisis. I’ll talk to them tomorrow in class

[10:19 a.m] Barty (library)

Oh?

sorry

what kind of crisis?

[10:20 a.m] Evan R.

my landlord’s selling the building

gave us notice last week, so I spent the week trying to find another place to live

I completely forgot about the econ essay tbh

dick move from my part

[10:21 a.m] Barty (library)

Shit.

That sucks, man.

Where are you gonna go?

[10:23 a.m] Evan R.

No clue lol

my parents are pushing for me to move back to the dorms, but that’s a hard pass.

I need to find something this weekend, I have a couple of flats to go take a look today but I have to make a decision by Monday

[10:24 a.m] Barty (library)

Huh.

[10:25 a.m] Evan R.

"Huh" what? You got a secret stash of spare flats?

[10:26 a.m] Barty (library)

Well, we have a spare room... Emma normally uses as a weird engineer garage, but I could sweet talk her…

It’s got a bed, a desk, a window. All the essentials.

[10:28 a.m] Evan R.

You’re serious? Like, actually serious?

Move in with you after a week?

[10:29 a.m] Barty (library)

Why not? Saves you the travel.

Plus, then I get to see you make those stupid sounds all the time.

[10:30 a.m] Evan R.

You’re tempting me. But what about your flatmates?

[10:32 a.m] Barty (library)

Regulus will probably grumble for a bit, he’s not really into meeting new people and we’ve vetoed Rabastan moving in with us when we first moved, so you have to woo him. Emma is easier, we can invite them to lunch and try our luck today

If it goes wrong, I’ll visit the other flats with you

[10:36 a.m] Evan R.

ok

invite them

i’m paying :)

<don’t trust the bitch in apt 3707>

[9:08 am] Emma V.

If you’re a messy gay that leaves dishes around for your hotter roommate to clean and you know it clap your hand

[9:10 am] Regulus

not me

[9:12 am] Crouch Surfer

👏 👏 👏

Sorry

Totally forgot

can I make up for it with good lunch plans?

[9:14 am] Regulus

bold of you to assume we deserve nice things today

I’m mediocre at best

[9:42 am] Crouch Surfer

somewhere with an actual table

sweet tea with lots of ice

[9:43 pm] Emma V.

so not the kebab van?

tragic

mr. AlSwais will miss me terribly

I have lunch with him almost every sunday, and he yells at me

beautiful little relationship we have

[9:48 am] Crouch Surfer

I honestly don’t even know how to react to that

[9:49 pm] Regulus

I have to study @scaryspice!!!!

[9:49 am] Crouch Surfer

What about millworks huh??

Overlooking the river

posh plates and drinks

just what we deserve

[10:03 pm] Regulus

sold

<James&Lily>

[1:17 am] James P.

Hey, sorry for the late message! Just a warning

he threw up

but I don’t really think he ate anything different

[6:34 am] Lils (new number)

oh no

how’s my baby this morning??

[7:35 am] James P.

woke up brand new

[attached picture: Harry smiling at the dinner table, biting the first pancake of a stack]

[7:36 am] Lils (new number)

[voice memo, 0:28s]
“morning baby, are you feeling better today? Mommy loves you and auntie Ma loves you too!”

JJ, Remus wants us to go to have lunch with us and that guy he’s seeing

Mary still have a cast on her arm and said she’s not really in the mood

do you think maybe maaaaybe you could come pick me up?

[9:37 am] James P.

I’ll think about your case!!

How’s Ma feeling? Still in pain?

[10:34 am] Lils (new number)

I think she’s more annoyed than in pain

she said she doesn’t want to go meet the first guy Remus brings home while being in her worst mood ever

and I totally get it

[10:35 am] James P.

you two are so in love

disgusting!!!!!!!

(may this love find me, amen)

[10:36 am] James P.

pick you up at noon

is Harry coming? Should I dress him?

[10:37 am] Lils (new number)

Let me check with moons, wait

[10:49 am] Lils (new number)

yes please

dress him in that little blue shirt that has airplanes on it

I’ll dress to match him

[10:52 am] James P.

nooooooooooooooooo

It’s my turn to match the kid :(

[10:57 am] Lils (new number)

well

it’s me or you

otherwise people are going to think we’re together

[11:07 am] Lils (new number)

JJ, do you thik it’s too risky to bring Harry?

I know Remus would never bring us somewhere unsafe or too crowded

but…

we’ve kept him away from the media for so long…

maybe it’s best if we leave him at home?

[11:15 am] James P.

we've waited until now

we can wait a little longer

I can ask my mom to go to yours and help Mary

be there at noon

[10:37 am] Lils (new number)

Thankssss

<Regulus&Jay>

[12:05 pm] Jay

[attached picture shows James’ hands on the steering wheel and a partial view of his car system where you can read the song playing. “To Ocupado – Mc Yago, DJ R7”]

[screaming voice memo, 0:28s]
“alô amor, TO TE LIGANDO pra dizer que eu te amo, e que eu não consigo mais ficaaar, um minuto sem te ter... mas me liga depois que eu to ocupado que tem uma cachorra aqui de quatro, REBOLANDO PRA CARALHO, QUICANDO PRA CARALHO”

[1:06 pm] Regulus

omg a warning would be nice

literally played on the lunch table lol

what are you saying???

I cant understand shit

[1:37 pm] Jay

It’s in Portuguese

It’s a funk song

I’m too embarrassed to translate it

[1:46 pm] Regulus

I think I’m being wooed

either Barty is trying to get his boyfriend to move in

or they’re trying to invite me for a menage

[1:56 pm] Jay

Barty is the roommate? He has a boyfriend?

would you do it?

[2:16 pm] Regulus

not officially

do what?

[2:23 am] Jay

a menage with your roommate

omg im sorry I even asked that

stupid ass question

too intimate

[2:46 pm] Regulus

Chillll jay

but like

IF I didn’t had a boyfriend

and if I didn’t know Barty is homicidal jealous

maybe

[2:47 pm] Regulus

evan is kinda hot

I have to go, Emma is flirting with the waitress and I need to stop her

[3:07 pm] Jay

Wait

evan?

EVAN is Barty’s boyfriend???

also, why stop her??

[3:46 pm] Regulus

Oh yeah!

I totally forgot to tell you but yeah

Evan is alive

and apparently fucking my roommate

and moving in with us on monday

[3:47 pm] Regulus

Emma has this… thing.

She flirts as a hobby

but regrets it every time

<don’t trust the bitch in apt 3707>

<Crouch Surfer added Big Dick Rosier to the group>

<Emma V. changed the name Big Dick Rosier to Evan R.>

Regulus is smiling to his phone again

I’m scared

[3:56 p.m] Emma V.

@scaryspice, i bet  you tomorrow’s lunch he’s texting random economy guy again

[3:57 p.m] Crouch Surfer

not taking the bait

I don’t want him to poison me while I sleep

[3:57 p.m] Evan R.

can't believe I got promoted to group chat before I even moved in

do I get hazing or a welcome gift

[3:58 p.m] Evan R.

Oh yeah, I’m feeling very reassured about my new flatmate

Not getting homicidal vibes or anything

Just very very happy

[3:59 p.m] Emma V.

you literally asked for this

by the way, Evan do you do any sports or something?

[4:00 p.m] Evan R.

no

y??????????

<Emma V. changed the nickname for Evan R.  to @gingerspice.>

[4:00 p.m] Emma V.

Unfortunately we were hoping for a sporty roommate so you’ll have to be @gingerspice

<James&Remus>

[2:41 pm] James

so…

he’s cute ;)

[2:42 pm] Remus

christ

[2:42 pm] James

I’m just saying

you haven’t introduced anyone to us in like…

Idk

ever?

[2:43 pm] Remus

thank you for that very warm endorsement

[2:43 pm] James

seriously though.

he seemed sweet!

that tortured poet vibe

except like

tortured tattoo artist

[2:45 pm] Remus

he was

he is

I don’t knowwwww

talking about tortured people, their family story is kinda fucked up

[2:45 pm] James

Moons

he made you smile like a weirdo the whole lunch

I liked him

[2:46 pm] Remus

…

I liked him too

and it was so nice that he totally understood you and lily’s situation

but also

he’s your fan………..

he confessed after lunch

[2:47 pm] James

if he keeps you smiling like an idiot

he’ll be promoted to friend

who knows

maybe next scandal is that I’m dating him

[2:47 pm] Remus

Oh yeah

Right after I skin you alive

Are you still talking to his brother?

[2:48 pm] James

I’ll start planning the stag do

and yeah

[3:08 pm] Remus

dangerous shit prongs

if you’re going to be friends you should just come clean

[3:13 pm] James

...yeah

it’s stupid probably

I’m just afraid for some reason, I barely know him

[3:14 pm] James

he is clever.

Sharp

 like he could take me apart if he felt like it.

he made me laugh. properly laugh

 like belly laugh

[3:15 pm] Remus

james fleamont potter

sounds like you like him.

[3:15 pm] James

he doesn’t know who I am

actually no, he does

he thinks I’m the asshole who cheated on his favorite actress

and hates my guts :)

[3:17 pm] Remus

maybe that part IS a little stupid.

Sirius said he’s coming to his for a couple weeks during summer

maybe you can find your balls and tell him them

[3:17 pm] James

I think he’s lonely.

not that he’d ever admit it.

[3:18 pm] Remus

well.

so were you

until recently

<Regulus&Jay>

[4:12 pm] Regulus

you ever had a roommate move in with no warning?

because I feel like I’m in a sitcom

[4:13 pm] Jay

the one with the surprise flatmate

I’d offer sympathy but I think I’d honestly watch that

[4:14 pm] Regulus

ugh

I hate friends

not friends people, but friends the sitcom

I’m also not great on people

soon enough you’ll have live footage of me losing my mind while Evan sings in the shower and Emma builds a robot in the kitchen

[5:15 pm] Jay

a robot???

you’re joking

[5:16 pm] Regulus

I wish

she's a mech engineering grad “with focus on automotive”

but she dips her toes in other shit like household automation

it’s good that I can turn my lights on and off by screaming with an alexa

it sucks when she wakes you up to Mr. Saxobeat at 6am

Barty once said she’s daddy issues personified

[5:17 pm] Jay

she feels like a fire hazard

also kind of impressive?

[5:17 pm] Regulus

…stop flirting with Emma?????

[5:18 pm] Jay

I would never

my heart is spoken for

[5:19 pm] Regulus

oh

you’ve got a girlfriend?

[5:20 pm] Jay

what?

[5:22 pm] Regulus

you said your heart is spoken for

people say that when they’re in relationships or whatever

[5:23 pm] Jay

Oh

for all you know it could be a boyfriend????

Forget I said anything

Delete this from your memory

I had a concussion

[5:28 pm] Regulus

I have two essays due and I’m half drunk

If you want to keep me company this night

[5:29 pm] Jay

I’ll bring wine and make you forget what a thesis is

[5:30 pm] Regulus

deal

but no funk this time

[5:30 pm] Jay

rude

my culture is under attack

call you in 10?

<incoming call Jay at 5:42 pm>

<don’t trust the bitch in apt 3707>

[6:04 pm] Crouch Surfer

i’ve never seen him looking like this before

im scared

jay better be good

or at least good in bed

[6:05 pm] Evan R.

I’m confused

I thought Regulus was dating that lacrosse guy

the one built like a wardrobe

whats his name?

[6:06 pm] Emma V.

Rabastan?

both. we’re multitasking.

he texted a stranger thinking it was you

and now he’s giggling and kicking his feet to his phone screen

[6:06 pm] Crouch Surfer

you’ll get used to it @gingerspice

[6:07 pm] Regulus

I can see the messages popping in

Just in case you think ive gone blind

[6:08 pm] Emma V.

you’re no fun

[6:09 pm] Crouch Surfer

@gingerspice @babyspice how do you feel about “jaylulus”

[6:10 pm] Evan R.

Is it safe to know that much about his sex life???

[6:11 pm] Emma V.

you say that now but wait until the walls start shaking

I’ve lived through the beginning stages with Rabastan

I have PTSD.

there was moaning in french once

who even speaks French???

[6:11 pm] Regulus

People born in France…

[6:12 pm] Emma V.

I lied. I was traumatized and starving and my noise-cancelling headphones were dead

[6:13 pm] Evan R.

I literally moved in yesterday

what did I just sign up for

[6:13 pm] Regulus

We’re not like this anymore

Don’t worry…

[6:14 pm] Emma V.

yeah we’re not like this anymore

now Regulus only smiles at his phone and postpone breaking up with Major Asshole

[6:15 pm] Regulus

blocked

[6:16 pm] Crouch Surfer

you say blocked but you’re going to come into the kitchen later and dramatically light a cigarette while talking about how he “stayed up late correcting my economics essay” or some shit

you don’t even know his last name

[6:17 pm] Regulus

he did, actually

and then today he bought wine and is watching me correct my anthropology 304 essay

what have you done for me lately, crouch? Huh?

[6:18 pm] Emma V.

Barty just rage-cleaned the kitchen right after inviting Evan over

so technically love bombing

[6:18 pm] Crouch Surfer

I have a schedule to keep ok.

Sunday my turn to collapse emotionally

we're currently living through act 2 of Regulus attachment issues

act 1 was like two weeks ago when he finally emotionally turned Rabastan off

act 3 starts when Regulus dumps him via text but we’re a long way from home, Dorothy

[6:21 pm] Regulus

fuck you

I will leave this chat

[6:21 pm] Crouch Surfer

tell me I’m wrong

you literally texted me saying we should stop having sex a week before you started dating Rabastan… I know you, you little shit

[6:22 pm] Evan R.

You two had sex????

I want out.

[6:23 pm] Emma V.

too late

you’re a spice girl now

[6:24 pm] Evan R.

seriously though is this guy Jay like

a boyfriend

or a hookup

or is this a "we’re not talking about it" thing

[6:25 pm] Regulus

we’re not talking about it

[6:26 pm] Emma V.

A fourth mysterious thing

We don’t know his last name

he only exists in Regulus’ phone

things we know about jay: he’s been sculpted by god, he has a son

Reg only “doesn’t talk about it” when he’s trying not to catch feelings

[6:27 pm] Regulus

wow

so loud in here for people who don’t pay my therapy bills

[6:28 pm] Regulus

I’ve got a guy on a call drinking wine and telling me about his day

 i’m not doing this with you

[6:29 pm] Evan R.

come on reg

let us see his face!

[6:27 pm] Regulus

no camera, we’re just correcting my essay

[6:30 pm] Emma V.

Certified catfish

[6:30 pm] Evan R.

Certified catfish

[6:31 pm] Crouch Surfer

Certified catfish

[6:41 pm] Regulus

goodbye

<Regulus left the chat>

<Regulus entered the chat using the link>

[6:45 pm] Emma V.

you’re too easy to rile up

I’m beefing with a 9 year old

[6:45 pm] Regulus

goodbye!!!!!!

<Regulus&Jay>

<call ended Jay at 10:03 pm>

[11:41 pm] Regulus

can i tell you something stupid

it’s about my brother

[11:42 pm] Jay

always

hit me

[11:43 pm] Regulus

no nevermind I’m about to go to war

[11:45 pm] Jay

wait what?

what did I miss?

[11:46 pm] Regulus

[attached screenshot of a tweet

@evansdaily

"Spotted in London today! Lily was having lunch with her ex-boyfriend, the team’s physiotherapist and an unidentified man. (attached a candid shot of Lily laughing across the table from James, his prescription glasses halfway down his nose, smiling back. A third man is visible on Lily’s side)"

UNIDENTIFIED MAN MY ASS

THAT’S MY BROTHER

[11:49 pm] Regulus

he didn’t even tell me that little bitch

but like

ARE THEY TOGETHER AGAIN?

man I’ll drop her fanbase if that’s true

[11:50 pm] Regulus

she's too good for him noooo

no

seriously

anyone is too good for him

James Potter deserves to suffer!!!!

unfortunately he’s like too hot for this world

girls must drop their panties in front of him left and right

[11:52 pm] Jay

and men lol

[11:53 pm] Regulus

what about men?

[11:45 pm] Jay

don’t you think men hit on him all the time?

[11:55 pm] Regulus

as if

Potter is as straight as a rod

[11:56 pm] Jay

oh

do you think I’m straight as a rod?

[11:57 pm] Regulus

when we started talking yeah

now I’m unsure

[11:58 pm] Jay

oh okay

good

[11:59 pm] Regulus

good?

[11:59 pm] Jay

yeah, I’m flirting with you in a very homosexual way

more like

bisexual

but you get the point

<may 12, 2025>

[12:02 am] Regulus

I see

[12:03 am] Jay

yes. absolutely. zero shame.

you’re my roman empire.

[1204 pm] Regulus

you don’t even know what I look like

[12:07 am] Jay

lies

you’ve sent me a couple pictures

I know exactly what you sound like when you laugh.

I’ve replayed that call in my head so many times it might be unhealthy

[12:08 am] Regulus

gross

do not get emotionally attached, I’m legally fragile

[12:09 am] Jay

too late

I’m already checking my phone all the time like an idiot

[12:10 am] Regulus

...

okay. that’s kind of nice.

but you’re still not allowed to picture me.

[12: 11 am] Jay

too bad??

I’m imagining the exact opposite of what you look like just to spite you.

[12:12 am] Regulus

what, tall and blonde with blue eyes?

[12:13 am] Jay

yep. big energy, like, the most out there person you know

[12:15 am] Regulus

omg

stop picturing evan???

I feel like you’d cry if someone like that flirted with you

[12:15 pm] Jay

only if they didn’t sound like you

[12:16 am] Regulus

stop that

[12:17 am] Jay

sorry

but I don’t think I will

you can block me if you want, I wont bother you if you chose that but

yeah idk

[12:18 am] Regulus

Jay please..

stop that

[12:21 am] Jay

...I think I’ll risk it

goodnight, Regulus

text me when you can’t sleep again :)

[12:22 am] Regulus

I won’t

[12:23 am] Jay

sure you won’t

[12:25 am] Regulus

fuck off

[12:28 am] Jay

sweet dreams <3

Chapter Text

<may 16, 2025>

<Regulus&Jay>

[9:08 am] Regulus

ok but I’m STILL mad

have you seen the tweets??

[9:09 am] Jay

good morning to you too lol

what tweets?

I’m not on socials

[9:10 am] Regulus

who the fuck doesn’t have socials in 2025?

so weird

anyway

people posted more pictures of Lily and James Potter at lunch

and Sirius in the background like a fucking NPC

there’s one other guy there too, James’ pt, I don’t know his name yet

Sirius won’t tell me bc he is afraid I’ll start sending threatening letters

[9:10 am] Regulus

my brother

third-wheeling like it’s his part-time job

with James fucking Potter

[9:11 am] Jay

ah

yeah I saw it eventually

didn’t realize it would ruin your entire morning tho?

[9:12 am] Regulus

Lily is my muse

she’s the only person alive who could play Daisy Buchanan and make me like her

and my brother just… casually hangs out with her???

no heads-up??? no “hey Reg, wanna join the most iconic lunch in London today? Is just a two hour commute you can make it.”?

[9:13 am] Jay

maybe he didn’t want you fainting at the table

[9:14 am] Regulus

I wouldn’t faint

I’d just… be really composed and maybe cry later in the bathroom

but that’s not the point

[9:15 am] Jay

what is the point

because I’m still in bed trying to process your rage spiral before coffee

it’s a beautiful Friday outside and I want to run 20km today

[9:15 am] Regulus

the point is

he was there with Lily and James fucking Potter

and didn’t say anything

and now I have to find out from a tweet calling him “an unidentified man”

like. have some respect for our last name

[9:16 am] Jay

to be fair

if you’re going to be an unidentified man, at least do it next to Lily Evans

[9:17 am] Regulus

don’t distract me with flattery

she really is ALL that

I’m mad at Sirius AND James

[9:17 am] Jay

you’re always mad at James

[9:18 am] Regulus

because he deserves it

cheats on Lily, ghosts the world, then comes back like nothing happened

and now he’s doing candid smiley lunches with my brother?

I’ve seen romcoms start this exact way

They’re getting back together

and I’ll throw myself at the Tames because I refuse to trashtalk her in public

[9:19 am] Regulus

maybe I deserve to know when my favorite person is three blocks away eating beetroot salad with my other favorite person

[9:20 am] Jay

you’re so weird about her

like in slightly dangerous way

also awwww, your brother is your favorite person?

[9:20 am] Regulus

It took us legit 20 years to get there but lately he made it to top 5

she’s literally an icon

I don’t trust footballers around her

[9:22 am] Jay

I just think maybe your energy would be better spent finishing those essays

or like, I don’t know

yelling at your brother in person?

[9:23 am] Regulus

I already left him a 3-minute voice note. I even used the stern older sister voice, and I’ll get to properly scream at him in less than a month

he’ll feel the wrath

[9:24 am] Jay

remind me never to cross you

[9:24 am] Regulus

too late

you’re already on thin ice for defending Potter all the time during our last call

[9:25 am] Regulus

you’re lucky I find your voice soothing

otherwise I’d block you

[9:26 am] Jay

your standards are terrifying and yet I remain

do you want company later? I can offer snacks and silence while you rant

[9:27 am] Regulus

depends

will you defend James Potter again?

[9:28 am] Jay

never

I’m firmly in the Regulus Black anti-Potter support group™

I can provide you a list of things to trash talk about James Potter if you want

[9:29 am] Regulus

good

bring something to drink

it’s Friday!!!!!!

I have my economics final next Wednesday but nowI’ve got you and Evan on my team so I’m less stressed

<Regulus&Rabastan>

[9:32 am] Rabastan <3

hey

[9:35 am] Rabastan <3

did you forget you have a boyfriend

or are you just playing the part of emotionally distant slut again

[9:38 am] Regulus

good morning to you too

[9:39 am] Rabastan <3

don’t play dumb

you’ve been ignoring me for days

haven’t texted me since sunday

[9:41 am] Regulus

you said you were busy

I assumed you wanted space

also, you didn’t text either???

[9:42 am] Rabastan <3

space, not radio silence

there’s a difference

[9:44 am] Regulus

fine

sorry for not giving you the correct level of attention

would you like a formal schedule next time?

[9:46 am] Rabastan <3

I’d like my boyfriend to act like he’s in a relationship

can we hang out today?

I’ve been thinking about you

I need you

[9:47 am] Regulus

wow

okay

need me for what, exactly?

[9:48 am] Rabastan <3

Reg

come on

I haven’t been sleeping well

I need to sleep in order to perform on the field

you know I can’t sleep good when I’m wound up like this

and you’re the only one who knows how to fix it…

[9:50 am] Regulus

you vanish for days and only show up when you want something

classic

[9:51 am] Rabastan <3

I don’t vanish

I train. I work. I have things going on

don’t act like we don’t both know how this works

we fight

you push, I bite

and then you’re in my bed again

we both get what we want from this relationship

you always have

let’s jump the fighting part because I’m already horny

[9:52 am] Regulus

you just don’t seem to care when I’m tired or stressed

you just want me to be available

I don’t want to be “like that”

not anymore

[9:53 am] Rabastan <3

since when, Black????

you never complained before

[9:54 am] Regulus

back to Black, aren’t we?

[9:58 am] Rabastan <3

I didn’t think we needed to have this kind of shit conversation

not when you always opened your legs the second I walked in

you never complained before

[10:00 am] Regulus

well

surprise

I’m complaining now

[10:02 am] Rabastan <3

cool

so what, we’re done?

[10:03 am] Regulus

I don’t know

I think so

I’m tired of only feeling good for you in bed

[10:05 am] Rabastan <3

you’re not

you know that

[10:06 am] Regulus

do I?

because it really feels like I only get softness when you want to come

and silence when you don’t

[10:08 am] Rabastan <3

that’s not fair

[10:09 am] Regulus

what part?

you want sex, i don’t want to fuck you anymore

plain and simple

[10:10 am] Rabastan <3

fuck, Reg

I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an ass

but maybe I do need you like that

you calm me down

you let me forget things

[10:11 am] Rabastan <3

and you always let me in

and when I’m inside you the world is quiet

[10:12 am] Regulus

that’s not a relationship, Bas

that’s idk

an addiction

I’m tired of being the fix

I don’t want to be your warm, familiar place to fuck

you can get that anywhere else

[10:13 am] Rabastan <3

you think it’s easy for me?

you think I don’t want to be better at this?

but you you’re the only one who ever made me feel like I wasn’t completely fucked in the head

and now you’re pulling away because you want something else

something I never promised

[10:15 am] Regulus

you never promised

but I hoped

and that’s on me

[10:17 am] Rabastan <3

don’t do that

don’t act like you didn’t love it too

the way we fit

the way I touch you

you melt for me, Reg

don’t pretend you don’t

[10:18 am] Regulus

I melt for a lot of things

doesn’t mean they’re good for me

[10:21 am] Rabastan <3

so what now?

you fuck off with someone else and leave me here missing the way your voice sounds when you come?

[10:22 am] Regulus

you always reduce me to that

and you wonder why I stopped texting back

[10:24 am] Rabastan <3

I don’t want to lose you but I didn’t sign up to parent you???

not my fucking fault your parents didn’t love you enough

[10:25 am] Rabastan <3

I really don’t want to lose you

but if you’re walking away over this

maybe you never really gave a shit at all

[10:26 am] Rabastan <3

I needed you this week

but you were too busy what?

whining about your finals and getting wine drunk with your flatmates?

are you fucking the new guy?

is that why you’re doing this?

is that why he moved in?

[10:27 am] Rabastan <3

I’m out there every day busting my ass

and all I wanted

all I fucking wanted

was to come home to you

not whatever the fuck this conversation is

[10:28 am] Rabastan <3

but sure

go back to pretending you’re some fragile little thing who got used

like you weren’t just as hungry for it every single time

[10:29 am] Rabastan <3

I should’ve known this would happen

you always want attention until someone gives it to you

then you start with the guilt, like you’re too delicate for the consequences

[10:31 am] Regulus

wow

[10:32 am] Rabastan <3

you think you’re better than me now?

too good for my cock?

just because you’re too much of a coward to admit you like being wanted that way

you loved how I touched you

how I owned you

[10:33 am] Rabastan <3

don’t come crying to me when the next guy wants you for the same reason

except he won’t care enough to stick around after

[10:34 am] Rabastan <3

I did

I always came back

even when you shut me out like the little frigid bitch you are