Chapter Text
“Reg- hurry the fuck up! ” A voice shouted down the phone line, far too cheerily for before eight in the morning.
“‘m… coming, Dorky,” Regulus mumbled, pulling on his blazer and wiping the sleep from his eyes.
Regulus was fifteen and it was his first day of year eleven at Hogwarts, the god-awful private school he’d been attending since he was eleven. One good thing was it meant he only had three more years in the school- year eleven then two years of sixth form. The bad news was that he had to go to school entirely… although… Regulus had to admit to himself going to Hogwarts was better than doing three years of home-school like his parents threatened so often.
A second good thing was that Dorcas was going to be in the same school as him for the first time ever.
Regulus had known Dorcas since he was seven, sneaking out to play on the street with his brother. For Regulus, a home-schooled, sheltered kid, Dorcas had been a fascination. She was an ever-present constant in his life, the first friend he ever made besides… his brother , but he didn’t count anymore.
Regulus introduced Dorcas to Pandora and Evan while they were still children. When Regulus was ten and Dorcas was eleven, she went to her local state school and a year later, Regulus went to Hogwarts. There, he met Barty and the friendship group was complete. They’d been inseparable ever since.
After working till she dropped during year 10 and 11 for her GCSE’s, Dorcas managed to get a scholarship to the Hogwarts sixth form for art and textiles. In all honesty, Regulus didn't think she needed to go to school anymore- she was sixteen and had already won fashion design contests. She could have probably started her career as soon as she left year 11, but Dorcas wanted to get her Alevels.
Regulus didn't like Hogwarts. It was snobby and elitist and the food was disgusting but he did understand what Dorcas saw in it, it was a big, modernised school in the middle of London with old architecture and plenty of resources. For Dorcas, she could deal with the stuck-up kids and teachers if she got a good education.
And now she was waiting outside his house to walk to school together, shouting through her phone that if Regulus wasn’t out there in ten seconds she would drag him out herself.
Opening the front door, Regulus hurried downstairs to meet Dorcas, her clothes ironed to perfection by her grandma and a grin on her face. Being in sixth-form, she got to wear her own (albeit Hogwarts approved) clothes while Regulus had to wear a uniform. The lucky thing.
“Come on,” She said, taking his arm, “We are not being late today.”
“Dorcas-” Regulus sighed, “It's seven thirty. School starts in an hour and it’s a twenty minute walk- at most.”
She slowed down her walking a bit, rolling her eyes, “I know that, but we’re meeting Panda and Evan on the way, and I know there’s that news-agents you lot always go too, and I’ve got to pick up my timetable and we’re meeting Bee at the gate too-”
“I can guarantee you Barty will be late,” Regulus told her.
She scoffed, “Okay then- we’ll go to the news-agents, pick up my schedule and at lunch we can wave at Barty in detention, how does that sound?”
“Brilliant,” Regulus replied, he couldn’t help smiling a little bit.
They met the Rosier twins half way through their walk and they’d split off into pairs. Pandora and Dorcas practically speed-walking ahead, excitedly talking about which play they thought the drama department would be putting on and their new classes. Regulus and Evan fell into a comfortable silence, dragging their feet along the pavement muttering occasionally about how much they didn’t want to be there.
There was one thing gnawing away at Regulus’ stomach the entire journey.
Sirius.
Regulus hadn’t talked to Sirius in just under two months.
It was Friday night before the final week of the school year when Sirius reached his breaking point. There was a fight, a bad one. Regulus could still remember the screams… and the hits echoing down the corridor while he stood frozen in his bedroom doorway.
He remembered Sirius storming down the upstairs corridor and his mother following, the two of them stopping in front of the top of the staircase… and then the event which Regulus had been forced to deny and deny to social worker after social worker. When his mother raised both her hands in a fit of pure rage and pushed Sirius as hard as she could.
Regulus could only watch as his brother plummeted down the stairs, wincing with each thud against the steps. His mother crossed her arms and stormed off into her room. Even she wasn’t crazy enough to have actually thought about the action for more than a millisecond before she did it. At least Regulus hoped so.
Regulus remained frozen in fear at the top of the stairs, trying to work out what the fuck just happened.
It was a groan from Sirius, on the floor at the bottom of the stairs that snapped him out of it. Regulus hurried down the stairs and tried to pull Sirius up but his brother was having none of it.
“I can do it myself,” Sirius snapped, pulling his arm away from Regulus although his voice was hoarse from screaming.
Sirius was cradling his arm and had a considerable limp, as well as a black eye and a few cuts but Regulus was just glad he was alive. Wiping the blood trailing from his nose, Sirius walked up the stairs as fast as he could and started stuffing a duffle bag full of his stuff.
Regulus watched silently from the doorway as Sirius started packing up his stuff, a silent terror of being left alone trailing down his spine.
Halfway through stuffing a pair of joggers in the bag, he looked up at Regulus, “What?!” He shouted, harshly, throwing his good hand up, “Why are you standing there? What the fuck could you possibly want from me?!”
Regulus stared at him, face blank, “I- uh… I dunno…”
“Yeah- you never did, did you?,” Sirius seethed under his breath, swiping the contents of his desk into the bag with one fell swoop.
“What- What’s that supposed to mean?” Regulus asked, offense creeping into his voice.
“I mean, I just got pushed down the fucking stairs and you just stood there. I’m black and blue with bruises and you did fuck all to stop it,” Sirius spat.
“What- you’re- you’re calling me a coward?” Regulus snapped, eyes flaring with anger.
Sirius huffed out a breath of warm air, “Yeah. Yeah- I guess I am, Reg.”
Without another word, Sirius pulled the duffle bag over his shoulder and stormed past Regulus, down the stairs and out of the front door.
The next Monday, Sirius was back at school with a cast on his arm and a pair of crutches for his twisted ankle. He tried to catch Regulus’ eye across the corridor all day, his eyes so wide and pleading with apologies but Regulus turned away each time, never letting Sirius get a word out.
Regulus heard later on that Sirius had run off to the Potters, which… of course he had. Regulus had already sort of guessed that was where he went.
Regulus was angry at Sirius.
He was angry at Sirius for leaving him. Angry at Sirius for calling him a coward. Angry at Sirius for replacing him so quickly with James Potter. Angry at Sirius for existing in the first place and making Regulus feel like a part of his soul had been ripped out of his body now he had left.
But, deep down, part of Regulus knew the main reason he wasn’t talking to Sirius wasn’t because he was angry at him, because somewhere in his dark, twisted soul, Regulus cared about his brother.
Talking to Sirius could only hurt the both of them… they were headed down completely different tracks, Regulus would be going to University for politics soon and Sirius… well, Sirius would be able to do whatever he truly wanted.
The cracks in the rocks beneath them had always been there, carved by their family long before they were born. Sirius had merely jumped hard enough to open up a chasm and tear them apart. Now there was no going back, they were on opposite sides of a deep abyss, torn apart by the very ground they stood on. Any attempt to jump across it would end in devastation, the sooner Regulus accepted that the happier he would be.
After a few days of trying to talk to Regulus, Sirius gave up. It was somehow the most relieved Regulus had ever been and the worst feeling he’d ever felt in his life.
At the end of the final day of the year, when Regulus walked past Sirius and he only took one indifferent glance at him and went back to talking to James, Regulus rushed home, locked himself in the bathroom and cried until he threw up. Afterwards, he walked downstairs to dinner like nothing happened.
That was the last time Regulus cried over Sirius. Since that day, he shoved any emotions slightly related to the boy into a locked box in the back of his mind. They weren’t important and one day they would fade and the box would be able to be disposed of without a second thought. If Sirius had forgotten about him so easily, so could Regulus… at least, that was what he was really, really hoping was going to happen.
He had his friends, who needed a brother anyways?
A few weeks into the summer, Grimmauld Place got a visit from social services, so it seemed Sirius wasn’t going to let go of Regulus that fast.
When Sirius ran away and found his new family with James and his parents, it was clear to Regulus that he’d told them everything- everything that their parents had ever said or did to both of them. This resulted in social workers being sent round to Grimmauld Place multiple times over the summer. And each time, nothing was found- his parents were good liars.
Sirius running away had also resulted in Mr Potter, James' dad and the school’s fun, potentially mad but absolutely beloved science teacher, constantly looking at him like he was made of duct-taped together broken glass and asking him if he was okay twice in the final week of school.
Regulus had never had Mr Potter as a teacher. Which was lucky considering he actually liked Chemistry and having a constant reminder of his estranged brother for a teacher might put him off the subject a bit.
Regulus had been praying to any god that would listen, each night of the summer holidays for any other chemistry teacher- he would have taken Mr Slughorn for another year in a row if it meant he wouldn’t need to deal with that .
Barty sat next to him in form, after arriving twenty minutes late. Barty couldn’t care less what was on his timetable- every teacher hated him equally- but Regulus felt like he was going to throw up waiting for Slughorn, his form tutor, to hurry up and hand him the piece of paper.
“So?” Barty asked, when Regulus finally got ahold of his timetable, looking over at him lazily from where he was lying back in his chair.
“God isn't real,” Was Regulus’ only response, as he crumpled up his timetable into his blazer pocket and sank into his seat dramatically.
Barty laughed, “Could have told you that myself.”
First period. First period on the first fucking day at school. Chemistry, Fleamont Potter, Room: U11.
Correction, maybe there was a god. They were laughing at him right now.
✰
Pandora was already in U11 when he entered. She’d always liked Mr Potter and was talking to him enthusiastically about some article she’d read over the summer on cross-species genetics. Regulus ducked his head and disappeared to the back of the classroom just as she was making her way to explaining the debates of the ethics of it all.
Luckily for him, Mr Potter didn’t believe in assigning seats- which was one of the many things Regulus heard in his speech on ‘the joys of science’ and how ‘ they were going to have a great year together’ , which segued nicely into assigning the first homework, handing out a GCSE study guide and emailing each student links to revision resources.
Despite all of it, at least he got to sit next to Pandora.
The lesson was boring, your typical introductory sort of lesson, but as Regulus was about to slip out of the class and was starting thinking he might have possibly gotten away with not having to talk to his teacher, he heard a shout from the front desk, “Regulus! Can you just hang behind for a second, please?”
Why did he even bother getting his hopes up?
Everybody else shuffled out of the classroom, leaving only Pandora and Regulus standing in the doorway.
“Pandora, if you could just wait outside for a second, I need to talk to Regulus for a sec? I’ll write you both late notes if you need them,” Mr Potter said. Pandora shot Regulus an apologetic look, before ducking out of the room, shutting the door on the way out.
“Now, Regulus,” Mr Potter said, motioning to the desk nearest the door, signalling for him to sit down.
“I’m fine standing, sir.” Regulus said, refusing to move, leaning back on the desk behind him and crossing his arms.
“Of course,” Mr Potter responded, smiling kindly. Regulus was determined to break him into a thousand shattered pieces and make this the final conversation he ever had to endure with the man, so he responded with a glare.
“Now, as I’m sure you're aware,” Mr Potter continued, “Your brother, Sirius, now lives with my son James, in my house. Yes?”
Regulus simply glared more, building walls around him like Sirius had taught him to when he was little.
“So, I know that you might not want to talk about anything with me but if you ever needed to I just wanted to check that you did know where to go.”
“I don’t have anything to talk about.” Regulus replied, coldly, “I’m not my brother.”
“Regulus…” Mr Potter hesitated, “I’m sure you’ve worked out that Sirius has probably told me some of the things that happened to him, and that some of those stories included you in them as well.”
Regulus tried his hardest not to appear visibly panicked. This was definitely the most bold that Mr Potter had ever been with his interrogations, he’d never actually implied that he knew anything, it had always been, “You look tired, have you been sleeping enough?” or “When was the last time you ate, do you want a granola bar?”
He’d never actually acknowledged Sirius.
“Those stories might not have been true,” Regulus snapped, which he regretted immediately because what an obviously guilty thing to say.
“Regulus, I know that Sirius isn’t a liar,” Mr Potter responded, gently but firmly.
Regulus stared at the floor for a second, the silence consuming him, he had no response.
“Can I go- please?” Regulus asked, his voice traitorously breaking on the last word.
“Yes, you can,” Mr Potter answered, with a sympathetic smile. His voice sounded resigned, “I’ll leave you alone, I understand that it can be hard to talk about these things and I don’t want you to feel like it’s being forced out of you- but please, know that anybody in this building would be happy to help you. All you need to do is ask, alright?”
Regulus mutely nodded, although the words fell on dead ears.
Mr Potter wrote out the two late passes and held then out, Regulus took them, avoiding eye contact.
“I’ll see you next lesson,” Mr Potter said, kindly as Regulus left the classroom.
“How did that go?” Pandora asked, after a moment of walking in silence.
“Started interrogating me,” Regulus muttered, “Was worse than the other times though, like he's determined to make the one subject I actually enjoy at a living hell.”
“I know you hate him, but he does seem to care about you,” She said softly, “Have you ever thought about maybe talking to him? It might actually do some good.”
Regulus looked at her, raising an eyebrow, “Oh, so are you going to go and tell him about your parents?”
“Well- no,” She admitted, “But it's two different cases and you know it,”
“I’m fine,” Regulus snapped.
Regulus continued to glare at the floor which Pandora took as a hint to stop talking.
✰
The remainder of the school day went uneventfully, for the most part. Regulus and Pandora arrived almost ten minutes late to second period and Evan swore that some of the penne in his pasta pot at lunch tasted distinctly similar to plastic. He still ate it though.
The one other disturbance was Evan, Dorcas, Barty and Reg very nearly getting into a fight with a year 10 boy who shouted a name across the lunch hall at Pandora.
“I’m used to it,” She’d told them simply, which only made them more angry but after reminding them that getting thrown in isolation, and Dorcas being expelled, on the first day wasn’t a good look and they sat back down, reluctantly.
Having Dorcas at school was amazing, before it had felt like she was always absent, their friend group simply wasn’t complete without her. Despite this, Regulus was still willing for the bell to ring by the time it got to the final lesson.
“Are we certain Mrs McGonagall hasn’t been telekinetically winding the clock back all lesson?” Pandora whispered to him and despite himself, Regulus snorted.
After what felt like a million years, finally, the final bell rang and they met outside of school.
They began to walk, talking about everything that had happened; Pandora and Dorcas had signed up to work on the school's production of The Little Mermaid, Pandora making sets and Dorcas designing and sewing costumes. Pandora insisted Evan and Barty would make a brilliant Sebastian and Scuttle- the Crab and the Seagull - which Dorcas laughed about for a solid minute, (“Barty’s laugh does sort of sound like a seagull, doesn’t it?”)
Regulus kicked a rock, bitterly scowling at the group ahead of them on the path. Sixth formers- Sirius’ group of sixth formers.
Sirius and his gang of year 12’s were just ahead of them on the path, which was irritating because they were walking incredibly slowly and there was no way to overtake them without walking past them, which Regulus refused to do, of course. Now that Sirius was in the sixth form, Regulus hadn’t seen him at all today. This was the first time he’d seen his brother after the six weeks summer holiday and Regulus really did not want to be confronted with how much happier Sirius was probably going to look without him.
There were the usual ones hanging around him: Potter and Pettigrew, Sirius’ best friends/replacement brothers and Macdonald, Sirius’ ex-girlfriend, but there were others as well, new people.
“Dorcas? Who are those new people walking with Potter?” Regulus asked, nudging her on the shoulder, “Are they here on scholarships for the sixth form too?”
Dorcas looked ahead, squinting her eyes to get a good look at them, “Yeah, they are. I was talking to some of them today in form and our free period. The one with the red hair is a girl called Lily, she lives in the estate next to mine. She and another boy came from the same secondary and got the scholarship together. Apparently they’re national Chemistry Olympiad competitors, revised together outside of school and came first the under-18’s. Lily wants to go international this year.”
Regulus is silently very impressed but keeps a blank expression, “Is that the boy she revised with? ” he asked, pointing at a freakishly tall boy standing next to his brother
“Hmm, no, not him,” Dorcas responded, “That’s Remus. He’s good at English, he won a creative writing competition, I think. Also, just generally got really good GCSE’s. He's just moved here from Wales. I don’t know much about the boy Lily won the competition with, she doesn’t seem to talk to him much, avoided the topic all together really. He didn’t seem very nice when I talked to him though- I think his name’s Severus.”
Regulus has absolutely zero idea how Dorcas could possibly know all of this about so many people after only spending a day with them but he continues, “And the girl with the blonde hair?”
Dorcas immediately blushed, a dark red rushing to her nose and ears. She quickly snapped out of it though, tucking one of her braids behind her ears and clearing her throat, “Uh… that’s Marlene. She’s really quite extraordinary.”
It's quite the contrast from the reels of information that Dorcas had been able to recite concerning the others, “So, she got accepted to the school because she's… extraordinary?”
Dorcas scowled at him, “No. She’s an athlete. A swimmer, she’s won a bunch of medals. She has to go to practice before school most days and we have a pool and a swim team, so it makes sense.”
“And at which point of the day did you realise you wanted to snog her?” Barty piped up, loudly.
Dorcas gasped, shooting him a glare as if she was trying to turn him to stone and hissed, “Shut the fuck up,” before quickly turning around to make sure that Marlene somehow hadn’t heard from thirty feet ahead.
“So, who’s going out tonight?” Regulus asked.
The five of them hung out most nights. Barty, Evan and Pandora’s parents weren’t much better than his own, being self-concerned politicians or CEO’s who couldn’t give two shits about their kids. Dorcas’ situation was different, she lived with her grandparents and three little brothers and sisters. Her grandparents were saints, but it was a small flat and there was a lot of kids. So the five of them hung around after school for as long as they could.
He was met with four apologetic faces to his question. Apparently there was some sort of big fancy party happening hosted by the Rosiers which Barty, Evan and Pandora were required to attend and Dorcas’ grandma had a doctor's appointment that she needed walked to.
Regulus sighed, he didn’t mind being on his own but it was a bit more boring. A traitorous, fleeting thought crossed his mind of the days when him and Sirius' would meet at the end of the same street he was walking down, once all their friends had dispersed and they would get a bus to the Thames together, an unnecessarily long detour on the way from Hogwarts to their house. They’d eat ice cream or buy overpriced pizza with the money Sirius stole from their parents that morning and hang out until the sun went down.
Regulus forced the thought out of his mind, only realising that he’d been staring straight ahead at the back of his brother's head.
Regulus didn’t mind being on his own, there was something about it that was calming. A nice calming night- didn’t sound too bad, did it? Regulus thought as Pandora rambled about the same cross-species genetics article she’d been talking about that morning.