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Chapter Text

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong

The war is over.

That’s what they said.  

The war is over.

But not for Eärien, who lost everything to it.

Her lover, her father, her brothers, and her nephews; now she was the only one left alive in the aftermath, unsure of what to do with all that life remained. How do you move on when you’re entangled in the tendrils of the past? When all you have left is a little boy who bears the name of your first love and the face of the man you love most in the world—your brother?

So Eärien spent half her day being strong for Estrid and the other half watching over Valandil. She would often sit by her nephew’s door, listening to him breathe, cry, and laugh.

That night, when she approached Valandil’s room, she heard singing—a beautiful, poignant melody that spoke to her broken heart. She opened the door slightly and was surprised to find Arondir, the Silvan elf, cradling a crying Valandil. They had crossed paths over the years, as Arondir was a close friend of Isildur, but they had never truly known each other until after her brother’s death. Arondir had become Estrid’s rock during those difficult times and Eärien’s ally.

They would often wander around Imladris, reminiscing about Isildur while getting to know one another. Eärien liked him; he seemed genuine and attentive. It felt nice to be heard, to be seen.

Valandil appeared inconsolable, but gradually, Arondir’s gentle rocking movements began to calm him. Eärien remained mesmerised by the scene, captivated by the peaceful expression on Arondir’s face. In that moment, she felt love surging in her chest, though it would take her some time to recognise that feeling for what it was. In that moment, she hoped the future might bring happiness to all of them—perhaps even together. 

Chapter Text

And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy

Walking through Imladris's woods was soothing for Arondir's battered heart. This war against evil had taken so much from him: first Bronwyn, the love of his life; then Isildur and his sons; and most painfully, Theo, his beloved son, lost to the same evil he fought so hard against. Now, here he was in Rivendell, trying to heal his wounds, but there was no coming back from the pain they had endured. Estrid, proud and strong, was doing her best to raise Valandil, but how could she keep going when part of her heart was missing? In truth, Isildur's son had become a source of joy for many of them, and Arondir swore he would do anything to protect Valandil and his future.

Those were Arondir’s thoughts as he sauntered among the golden and red autumn trees.

Then he saw her.

Eärien, the daughter of the sea.
Isildur's beloved sister.

She was sitting on the grass with her back to him. And even though he could not see her face, he could tell that she was laughing. In all their walks together, he had never seen her this carefree.
To Arondir’s ears, her laugh was the most beautiful sound he had heard in a long time.
As if she sensed his presence, Eärien turned to look at him, her smile growing even brighter when she recognised him.

And Arondir stopped abruptly as if he were seeing her for the first time.

Eärien had always been beautiful, but now, in her light blue dress surrounded by fallen leaves and radiating joy, she was captivating.
For the first time in years, Arondir’s heart sang.

That’s when he heard a child's giggle—Valandil. He whispered the boy's name and moved closer to Eärien to find sweet Valandil with her. Smiling, he sat down next to them.

"Estrid needed a moment to herself," Eärien said. "So this little rascal and I decided to go for a walk!" She lifted Valandil to her and kissed him lovingly on the head. "Say hello to Arondir!"

But Valandil didn’t speak; instead, he waved his hand and then threw himself at Arondir for a hug. Arondir took the boy in his arms and held him tight, only letting go when Valandil began to protest. Once free, Valandil returned to playing with his wooden toys.
When Arondir turned to look at Eärien, he found her already gazing at him, her smile radiant.

"Valandil loves you very much," she said. "Isildur was lucky to have you as his friend, and Estrid too... Your presence is a great comfort to her."

Before he could respond, Arondir found himself struggling to find his voice, tears threatening to spill at the reminder of his friend.

"I treasured their friendship," he replied, then added, "and I appreciate our talks. Our friendship truly gladdens my heart, Eärien!"

Surprise was written on Eärien’s face, when she turned to look at him. But then she smiled broadly, although her eyes glistened with tears.

"I'm sorry," he hurried to say, "I didn't mean to upset you."

"You didn’t. Your words make me very happy. I really need a friend right now, Arondir!"

She took his hand in hers. Then, she turned to look at Valandil, so she didn't notice the blush that spread across his face.

And, Arondir felt happy.

To be there in this moment.

With her.

Chapter Text

And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen

After Valandil's third birthday, Eärien decided to leave for Gondor and stay there for a little while. She first expressed her desire to Arondir, and although he was upset, he helped deliver the news to Estrid. Saying goodbye to Estrid and Valandil broke her heart a little, but Eärien wanted to spend some time with her brother Anárion's children, and Estrid understood.

As her twin, Eärien had always been closer to Isildur during their childhood. Being the older sister, she took on a maternal role after their mother’s death, particularly with Anárion, who was the youngest. She felt responsible for taking care of him because, despite what people assumed, he was the more reckless of the brothers. When he decided to leave home at a young age, it felt like a mother saying goodbye to her child. Eärien understood the pressure their father, Elendil, placed on them, which was often overwhelming. Therefore, she bid Anárion farewell without bursting into tears until she was sure he was far away. Years later, she experienced the pain of losing him once again. For good, this time. 

Meneldil, Anárion's first son and the king of Gondor, bore a striking resemblance to his father, making her time with him feel like a dive into the past, and joy for her heart.

She still remembers her arrival in Gondor. Though he was a king, Meneldil still looked very young. The moment he saw her, he ran up to her and hugged her, exclaiming, "Aunt Eärien! I have missed you!"

"Oh, I have missed you too, my boy!" she replied, kissing him on the cheek as she pulled away from their embrace.

"Tell me everything."

That was two years ago.

When Meneldil entered Eärien's room, he looked like a man. He approached his aunt, kissed her forehead, and handed her a letter. 

"From Imladris. I came here as soon as I got it!" he exclaimed.

Eärien smiled at him. "Thank you, my boy!"

Meneldil looked uncertain for a moment. "I'll leave you to it, then!" he said as he turned to leave.

Eärien stopped him. "Don't go," she begged. "Sit with me for a while. We can open it together!"

They opened the letter, which was an invitation to a ball addressed to them all. Estrid wanted to celebrate Valandil's fifth birthday.

"I'm sorry I can't accompany you, Aunt," Meneldil said.

"Do not worry about that, my boy! I know Estrid will understand you have your duties as a king! Perhaps your brother and sisters..." she wondered aloud.

"I don't think they will be back in time to join you on your journey home," he replied, sounding remorseful.

"That's alright. However, I hope you can spare some men to accompany me there!"

"About that!" he exclaimed, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. In that moment he looked so much like his father.

"Aunt Estrid sent an elf with this letter."

Eärien's heart raced. Could it be him? 

"He is waiting for you in the garden," Meneldil said, pausing before smirking at her. "He seemed anxious to see you."

Eärien felt her face grow warm. "Stop it!" she protested.

"Ohhh! So I was right. You and the elf?"

"Nonsense. Arondir and I are just friends!"

"Uh-huh," he murmured.

"Oh, shut up!"

Eärien thought to herself, How could this be her life?

"For what it's worth, I think you deserve to be happy for once, Auntie," Meneldil said sincerely.

His words touched Eärien deeply, and she could feel the love behind them. 

"I am happy," she replied as she took his hands in hers. "I have you, your brother and sisters, Valandil, and Estrid. You are all I need."

"You know what I mean. Dad told me how you raised him and Uncle Isildur. He mentioned how difficult it was for you back in Númenor and how alone you felt."

"Meneldil…" she said, tears in her eyes.

"You don't need to take care of us anymore. You can let go and just be happy. Take what you want," he said as he pulled her in for a hug. 

"Or who?" he added playfully as he was pulling away.

"You are playing with fire, young boy!" she joked, then, more seriously, she asked, "How do I look?"

"Breathtaking," her nephew replied earnestly.

Eärien smiled.

"I will see you tonight!" she said.

Meneldil nodded as Eärien left her room.

He stayed behind for a moment, looking out the window as he saw Eärien hurry into the garden. Even from a distance, he could see her radiant smile. "Uncle Arondir," he played with the words in his mind. "I like the way it sounds!" he exclaimed out loud.

He was smiling as he left the room. 

Chapter Text

And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

Arondir paced in the palace garden, absorbed in his thoughts of Eärien and their time together.

“This is fine,” he told himself in a vain attempt to calm down. “You are a Silvan elf. You fought against the greatest evils of Middle-earth. You know how to speak to women.” He was pretty sure he knew how to do that. Maybe.

“And this is Eärien. You know her; she is your friend.” Yes, a friend he was enamoured with. 

“You are fine... You can handle it... You can…”

“Arondir?”

Eärien framed his name as a question, which sounded silly because he knew his name.

“That is my name, yes!” He heard Eärien chuckle softly.

Did he say that out loud?

“Did I say that out loud?” he asked, too embarrassed to turn around and look at her.

“Yes, you did!” she replied, the smile clear in her voice. Arondir felt her approaching him hesitantly. She touched his shoulder—a gentle, friendly touch—and then came to stand in front of him. He still couldn’t bring himself to look at her.

“You’re flustered,” Eärien chuckled.

“You are cute when you are flustered!”

His face was burning; he could feel it. Eärien touched his cheek and searched for his brown eyes. When she finally found them, she sighed with relief.

“Hello, there!” she exclaimed.

But Arondir had lost the ability to form coherent thoughts. The moment their eyes met, he was struck by how beautiful Eärien was and how much he had missed her.

“Arondir?” she asked, her tone now tinged with worry. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m sorry,” he managed to say, trying to find his voice. “I just... I missed you!” He felt better after confessing his feelings. Eärien’s smile brightened, and Arondir was overwhelmed with love. She pulled him into a hug, and he could feel her crying.

“I missed you, too! I’m so happy you are here!”

Arondir held her closer. “I’m happy to be here!” 

And he genuinely was.

The goodbye hurt Eärien immensely, and Arondir could tell. They walked in silence for a few hours, the sound of the horse’s hooves the only noise around them. 

Arondir didn’t mind the silence; it gave him the chance to look at Eärien and relish being in her presence once again.

“You are staring!” she suddenly exclaimed.

“I’m sorry,” he replied, flustered again, like a young elf with his first crush. “It’s just...” 

Come on, Arondir! You can do this! 

“You are beautiful!” he blurted out. At his confession, Eärien blushed deeply and lost her balance for a brief moment. He caught her before she fell, his hands around her waist, while she tightened her grip on his arm to steady herself. However, she didn’t pull her hand away; instead, she caressed his arm.

“I don’t know what to say!” she whispered.

Her eyes bore into his before falling to his lips. Arondir noticed the movement, and his heart began racing. Gathering his courage, he held her face in his hands. Time to be bold, he told himself, and gently caressed her bottom lip. Eärien gasped for a moment, but her lips parted as she leaned into his touch. He closed the distance between them, but before anything could happen, he lost his footing and fell ungracefully to the ground, Eärien tumbling onto him. His horse had bumped into him, unhappy with the interruption of its march. For a moment, they remained still, too shocked to do anything, and then burst out laughing. They helped each other up.

“Well,” Eärien said, still giggling. Arondir loved hearing her laughter.

“We should move on!” And just like that, the awkwardness returned, along with Arondir’s insecurities.

“Eärien,” he tried to explain, “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable!”

“You didn’t!” she quickly replied. He could see she wanted to say more, but couldn’t find the words.

Arondir nodded, feeling confused and hurt. He started walking again, his head down. Unexpectedly, Eärien came to stand beside him and took his hand in hers.

“Give me some time, please!” she whispered, a bit rattled.

Arondir nodded again, dumbstruck. But Eärien was a solid presence at his side, and he felt hope surge within him once again.

Chapter Text

May God's love be with you always

Coming back to Imladris after two years away felt like returning home. Eärien was surprised to realise that, in just a few years, she had begun to consider this place her home. When she and Arondir returned from Gondor, they found Estrid and Valandil waiting for them. Her nephew ran to her upon seeing her, and Eärien scooped him up. His small arms wrapped around her neck, and she felt tears shimmering in her eyes. She missed her handsome nephew. She exchanged glances with Estrid, and they smiled at each other. She had missed her sister-in-law, as well. Over the years, she had come to regard her as a close friend, a sister even.

Eärien pulled the child down and stepped closer to Estrid, who took Eärien’s hands in hers.

“Sister!” Estrid said, happiness clear in her voice, “We missed you!”

“I missed you, too!” sighed Eärien, pulling Estrid into a tight embrace.

“Let’s go now! The birthday celebration is tonight, and there’s still so much to organise!” Estrid said, moving away from Eärien.

“Of course!” nodded the other woman.

“We need to find you the perfect dress!” declared Estrid. Then she moved closer to Eärien and whispered to her, “I have a few ideas that might help you conquer a certain elf!” 

Estrid’s eyes fell knowingly on Arondir, and Eärien felt herself blush.

“Come!” Estrid said, holding their arms, and she led her to the palace, leaving Valandil with a confused Arondir behind.

Eärien stood in front of the mirror, still unable to believe the image reflecting at her. Estrid had found the perfect dress, just as she had promised. The long-sleeved gown was light blue, adorned with golden accents and sparkling stones. Eärien’s hair was styled in a long, elaborate braid. She looked beautiful.

“This is too much, Estrid! I can’t wear this!” Eärien protested weakly.

“Don’t be silly!” Estrid waved her hand dismissively. “You are wearing this dress tonight! And you will enjoy yourself!” She paused for a moment, revealing a smug expression. “You might even dance with a charming elf…”

“Estrid!” Eärien’s anxiety began to rise. “Tell me you didn’t plan anything foolish for tonight!”

The other woman scoffed. “Of course not! I don’t need to; everyone can see that Arondir is very fond of you. I’m just providing the opportunity for him to make his move!”

“What makes you think I want him to?” Eärien retorted. But as she spoke, she realised she was being dishonest. Deep down, she wanted Arondir to court her.

“You’re blushing!” Estrid exclaimed softly. “You like him! He likes you! Nothing is stopping you!”

Eärien knew Estrid was right, but she couldn't shake the feeling that being happy would betray her family.

“I won’t promise you anything!” she finally conceded. “But… I might be willing to dance… once or twice!”

Estrid giggled like a young girl and hugged Eärien from behind. 

“Thank you!” she said, her voice filled with excitement. “That is all I ask!”

The ball was a success, and Valandil was having a lot of fun with the other young elves. There was some dancing, but Eärien did not participate. Arondir was not there, and she felt foolish for having such high hopes for the night. Needing some fresh air, she decided to leave the ballroom and walk among the trees of Imladris. A walk in the moonlight might lift her spirits.

As she wandered through the quiet nature, Eärien lost track of her surroundings and didn’t notice someone approaching her.

“Nothing is as beautiful as Imladris under the light of the moon, is it?” Arondir’s voice startled her, and Eärien turned to face him.

“Arondir!” she exclaimed, sighing. “I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight!”

“I’m sorry I was late to the dance,” he replied. “I had some things to discuss with Lord Elrond!” 

Arondir stepped closer, blushing. “But I’m here now!”

Eärien smiled, sensing his remorse. She took his hands in hers. 

“I understand! I just… I missed you!”

The confession made her flustered, and she lowered her eyes to avoid looking directly at him. 

“Do you want to dance?”

Arondir blurted out. Eärien looked at him, confused.

“Here?” she asked.

“Why not? We can still hear the music from the party!” he explained. Eärien could feel his hands trembling, and she realised he was just as nervous as she was.

“Come!” she said softly, leading him to the middle of the pathway. Eärien placed his arm around her waist, while she wrapped her arms around his neck. They swayed together, listening to the music from the party alongside the relaxing sounds of nature. Eärien rested her head on his chest, lulled by the rhythm of Arondir’s heartbeat. He hugged her tighter, sighing every now and then. Roused by his solid presence, Eärien lifted her head and began placing small kisses on his neck. She felt Arondir’s breath hitch, but instead of pulling away, he tilted his neck to give her better access.

Arondir caressed her back, running his hands over her body until they reached her hair. He tightened his hold on them, causing her to look into his eyes.

“Eärien,” he moaned, his gaze thoughtful and intense. Overwhelmed by emotion, Eärien didn’t know what to say. Arondir closed the distance between them and kissed her slowly. Eärien sighed against his lips, and that small movement prompted him to deepen the kiss. She felt his tongue asking for entrance, and she opened her mouth to welcome it, kissing him back as passionately as she could. However, when Arondir's hands began to move lower on her body, something within Eärien shifted. A wave of shame and guilt surged through her mind. She had to stop this. 

Abruptly, she pushed Arondir away from her. “Eärien?” he asked, confusion and hurt evident in his voice.

Tears threatened to fall as she whispered, “I’m sorry! I have to go!”

Chapter Text

I know I would apologize 

if I could see your eyes

Arondir stood paralysed where Eärien had left him—the ghost of her lips on his. 

Nope, he thought. I won't let you go! Not this time. 

He commanded his feet to move and followed her. Everything happened so swiftly that it didn't take long to reach her.

"Eärien!" he shouted. "Stop!" But she kept moving away from him. 

Arondir quickened his pace to close the gap between them. When she was finally close enough, he grabbed her right arm. The moment their skins touched, he felt some kind of electricity pass between them. And Eärien must have felt it too, because one moment she was looking at him, surprised, the next her lips found his. Eärien placed her hands in Arondir's now longer hair and pulled him into a bruising kiss. For a moment, Arondir was confused, but soon his body took over and he deepened the kiss. His hands moved to her waist, and he guided her backwards until her back met a solid surface. Arondir's body was on fire, the desire for Eärien burning within him. He pressed his body against her, and Eärien's hands left his hair to rest on his butt. The unexpected touch surprised Arondir, and a soft moan escaped his lips, quickly swallowed by Eärien's kisses. He stopped kissing her mouth and began placing gentle kisses on her neck. Eärien responded by tilting her head to give him better access. Arondir's hand wandered over her body and settled on her breasts. Eärien sighed as he gently cupped them. He found her mouth again. 

However, when Arondir kissed her cheek, he felt something wet. He paused to look at Eärien. Her eyes were closed, but tears were streaming down her beautiful face. Arondir caressed her cheeks and wiped them up. 

"Eärien!" he whispered, pained. 

"I'm sorry!" she cried, and repeated as she pushed him away and ran. 

Arondir was alone once more with a broken heart.

Two days had passed since the ball fiasco, and Arondir couldn't keep the kiss out of his mind. Although things hadn't gone as he planned—Eärien had run away and had been avoiding him ever since—the kiss lingered with him. It felt so good, and he felt flustered every time he thought about it. In fact, he thought about it far more than he should have, especially since he needed to concentrate on his tasks instead. 

But Eärien's lips had felt wonderful against his, and the way her body melted into his... 

Stop, Arondir! This is not the time, he scolded himself. Concentrate! 

He turned to look at Elrond, who was discussing a mission he was planning. Arondir should have been paying attention, particularly since he had volunteered for said mission because he hadn’t been focused on what Elrond was saying in the first place. 

Damn that kiss! Eärien was consuming his every thought. If only he could speak to her and explain his feelings... If he could make her listen to him...

Two hours later, Arondir found himself knocking on Estrid's door. 

"Come in!" he heard her call. Taking a deep breath, he entered the room. 

"Arondir!" Estrid approached and pulled him into a hug.  He needed that comfort. 

"So..." she began, trying to sound casual. "Things didn’t go as we planned at the ball!" 

"That's one way to put it," he said, feeling as awkward as a young elf with their first crush. 

"Did you..." He continued nervously.  Come on, Arondir, you can do this. "Did you talk with Eärien?" 

Estrid's expression turned serious.  "No!" she replied. "She’s not talking to anyone. I'm worried, Arondir!"  Great. Now he was worried, too.

"I never meant to hurt her!" he confessed. "If I had known this would happen, I would have never kissed her!" 

“Wait, you two kissed?” Estrid asked, her head snapping towards him. He had her full attention, now. Estrid seemed far too invested in the topic, if you asked Arondir. He nodded. He saw and heard Estrid squeal with delight.

"On the mouth?" she probed. She was enjoying this way too much. He shot her an unimpressed look. Estrid chuckled. 

"What? I’m rooting for you two!” After a moment, she asked, "Was it good?" 

Arondir sighed, feeling a mix of emotions. "Better than I imagined!" 

Estrid's smile widened. "Oh! This is so good." But then her expression turned serious. 

"Arondir! Just give her time," she urged him. "I know Eärien. She is feeling guilty about being here while they're not." Tears filled her eyes. "I understand how that feels.” 

Arondir knew that was true. He, Estrid and Eärien shared the same pain and losses. 

“Please!" she begged. "Don’t give up on her!" 

Arondir nodded solemnly. Eärien was the love of his life, and he would never give up on her.

“She is?” The question jolted him back to reality. “What?” he asked, slightly confused as he sat down on her bed.

Well, perhaps he was just pretending to be confused. Who wouldn’t after what he just confessed?

“Do not play games with me, elf!” Estrid knew him too well. She sat down beside him.

“Did you mean it?” she asked. “Is she really the love of your life?”

Arondir looked down, unable to meet Estrid’s gaze. He hadn’t intended to admit that, not even to himself. But now that the words were out in the open, he felt a sense of relief. Despite his past experiences and his best intentions, he had fallen in love with Eärien. He just wished she felt the same way. Resting his head on his friend’s shoulder, he let out a quiet sigh.

“Do you think she could love me?” He asked and felt Estrid placing a soft kiss on his head. 

“Of course!” She exclaimed. “She would be a fool not to!” 

He found Estrid’s hand and squeezed it as he whispered a weak thank you. 

Chapter Text

Cause when you showed me myself

I became someone else

It was night, and Eärien was about to sleep. Almost a week had passed since she last saw Arondir. Six days since their first kiss. The memory of that night still made Eärien blush. Arondir's lean body pressed against hers, the warmth of his hands sending shivers through her. She traced her lips slowly, feeling as if she could still taste him.

Sensing the echoes of his kisses on her mouth.

Everything that had happened that night was burned into her mind—a permanent memory of one single moment of happiness.

But Eärien couldn't afford to be happy, because, in her experience, happiness was always followed by despair. And she didn't think she could endure another heartbreak.

No, she had done the right thing.

Nothing good would come from them falling in love. She needed to let go... and let him go. An extraordinary elf like Arondir could easily find someone better than Eärien—someone who truly deserved his love and kindness.

As usual, Eärien drifted to sleep, comforted by those dark thoughts.

The next morning, Eärien was awakened by a knock on her door. She reluctantly got out of bed, still wearing her nightgown, and moved to the door. 

When she opened it, she found Arondir standing in front of her, a sheepish smile on his lips. 

"Can I come in?" he asked awkwardly. Eärien was stunned. A part of her wanted to run away from him. At the same time, she longed to crash into his arms, to feel his lips on her skin and his hands on her body.

She wanted him so ardently, and the thought terrified her because the last time she felt such desire, it was with Valandil.

But that was before the war, when she was young and reckless.

Arondir watched her with caution, his fear of rejection intensified by silence. Eärien felt herself blush and pushed the door open as an invitation to come in. She stepped back into the room, and Arondir followed her. 

"I'm sorry..." they both began to speak at the same time. 

An awkward laugh followed their simultaneous admission. 

"You go first!" Eärien suggested. Arondir nodded and moved closer to her, and she felt her body responding to his presence. 

"Eärien?" he said her name with such love that she felt weak in the knees. Their closeness was overwhelming, as her eyes flickered between Arondir's lips and his deep brown eyes. 

"Yes?" she managed to breathe, feeling exposed under his undeniable desire.

Eärien didn't know who had moved first, but now Arondir's fingers were tangled in her hair, and his lips were on hers. Her hands roamed over his body, clutching his clothes to pull him closer as Arondir devoured her with kisses. Eärien felt so lightheaded that she didn't realise she was now lying on her bed, with Arondir on top of her. 

In this position, she could feel his arousal. He slid down her body until he was at her feet. Slowly, he began moving up, lifting her nightgown as he went and leaving kisses on her exposed skin. Eärien’s fingers curled in his hair, guiding his action. When he finally reached her inner thighs, Eärien felt on fire, anticipating her own pleasure. He was so close now... He was…

A knock.

Eärien startled awake. It took her a moment to realise what had just happened. 

"It was just a dream," she whispered, hiding her face under the sheets. 

Another knock followed. "Lady Eärien!" she heard someone say. “I’m sorry, my lady. Queen Estrid wanted to know if you were awake!"

Eärien sighed. "Yes," she called out, "I'm awake."

She heard movements outside her room, then the door swung open. A cheerfully exuberant Estrid burst inside.

"Oh," she joked, "so you are alive! I was getting worried; it has been a week since we last saw each other!"

Eärien groaned, still hidden under the bedsheets. The bed creaked, and then she sensed some rustling. When Eärien opened her eyes, she found Estrid under the sheets beside her, smiling kindly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Estrid asked.

"Do I have to?" Eärien replied, suddenly feeling so tired.

Estrid turned sideways to look at her friend more closely.

"No, you don’t,” she said gently. “But I think it might help you!"

Eärien groaned again and fell silent, lost in her chaotic thoughts. Estrid called her name once, then again… until Eärien couldn’t ignore her anymore.

"What did he tell you about last night?" she asked, wanting to catch a glimpse of Arondir’s thoughts and feelings.

"That you kissed, and then you ran away!" Estrid explained. "Everything else is between him and me!”

“Uhm, does he hate me?" The moment the question slipped out, Eärien felt her heart pounding harder against her ribs. The thought of Arondir hating her terrified her.

Estrid chuckled, and Eärien felt like she was missing something. "He could never hate you," she replied. "Believe me!"

"I don't know why I keep doing this!" Tears threatened to fall, but Eärien stubbornly refused to let them.

"He is amazing..." she continued. "And I'm just a mess, Estrid." 

Estrid reached for her hand.

"I know. I'm a mess, too," she confessed. "What we went through, Eärien, would be too much for anyone to bear. But we are still here. We are still fighting. We deserve some kindness and happiness in this life!"

Eärien nodded, wishing she could be as strong as her friend.

"I don't know if I'm ready!" she admitted, ashamed of her fears.

"Take your time!" replied Estrid. "He will wait for you!"

A shiver ran down Eärien's spine at Estrid’s words. The idea of Arondir caring enough to wait for her was overwhelming. Eärien knew she needed space to think about her future. She recognised what she had to do. But for now, she just wanted to savour this moment of peace.

"Can we stay here a little bit longer?" she asked Estrid.

"As long as you need!" Estrid responded. And Eärien thanked the Valar that, amidst all this pain, she had found a friend like her.

Chapter Text

But I was caught between 

all you wish for and all you need

Eärien needed time to think, and Arondir was determined to give it to her. No matter how much his heart longed to be near her or how it skipped a beat every time he glimpsed her wandering around Rivendell, he understood her need for space.

He often found himself stopping outside Estrid’s room, listening to Eärien’s merry laughter as she enjoyed the company of her favourite nephew and her best friend. He wished he could join them, but he respected her will. Eärien already had his heart, and what was time compared to a possible lifetime of happiness? Arondir could do this; he could respect her wish. After all, he didn't need her permission to love her. He could spend his entire life loving her, and she could do nothing about it.

I could spend my whole life consumed by my love for you, Arondir thought. And it would be worth it. You would be worth it all... 

But now he was late for his meeting with Elrond. He hurried through the doors, hoping to find his friend in a better mood than the last time. A few months ago, Celebrían, Galadriel’s long-estranged daughter, had joined them in Rivendell, creating much confusion in Elrond’s mind—and heart. Little did Elrond know he was harbouring a crush for his best friend’s daughter. It was amusing to Arondir, especially considering the years he had endured Elrond’s relentless teasing about his relationship with Eärien. 

Who is laughing now, huh?

Not Arondir. Because he found himself the victim of a cosmic joke as he had to spend an hour listening to Elrond complain about Celebrían, who was in turn complaining about his lack of manners. 

“Can you believe her?” Elrond asked frantically as he paced the room. Arondir thought of responding, but it was clear that this was a soliloquy. 

“Elrond,” he said, trying not to sound exasperated, “my friend, perhaps we could adjourn this meeting to a better time?”

He didn’t add that the better time would be when Elrond was not obsessing over his crush. Elrond halted mid-paced to turn and look at Arondir, an astonished expression on his face as he realised the truth: love.

“For Eru,” he exclaimed, smiling despite himself. “I have to go!” And with that, he sped out of the room. 

Finally alone, Arondir sighed in relief. He wished his friend all the best since he suspected Celebrían felt the same. Estrid had told him so. Estrid always knew everything about everyone. It could be annoying at times, but Arondir loved his friend regardless.

As he turned the corner, he noticed Eärien and Camnir talking a few meters away. No one else could see them, as they were hidden from prying eyes. There was a familiarity in the way they stood too close, speaking softly and smiling at each other. Arondir felt a spark of jealousy rise in his tumultuous heart. He was aware that he was being ridiculous; Eärien’s feelings for him couldn’t have changed so quickly. Even if they had, she didn’t owe him anything. She had every right to be happy, even without him. Still, he found himself marching toward them.

Eärien’s eyes widened as she saw him approaching. 

“Arondir,” she mumbled, “what are you doing here?” 

At the same moment, Camnir greeted him with grace: “Commander Arondir!”

Arondir ignored Camnir’s presence and stopped directly in front of Eärien. She held his gaze, and he could feel the turmoil of emotions hiding in her eyes. 

“For Eru,” he found himself whispering, “you are so beautiful!” 

The blush on her cheeks made her even more stunning. How could she not realise just how incredible she was?

Camnir cleared his throat, but Arondir only focused on Eärien. He didn’t know what spirit possessed him, but in one moment, he was lost in her eyes, and in the next, he moved. 

He closed the distance between himself and Eärien and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Eärien looked surprised at first, but soon her hands tangled in his hair, pulling him closer. He heard Camnir say something and quickly take his leave, but he didn’t care. In that moment, the only thing that mattered to the elf was Eärien—the taste of her lips and the warmth of her body as she pressed closer to him. His lips moved from her mouth, trailing down her neck, kissing and nibbling as he went.

Eärien moaned in his ear, and the grip on his hair tightened. The gesture sent a jolt of pleasure through his body, and in another bold move, Arondir’s right hand found the hem of her light blue dress and lifted it enough to let him move his hand between her legs. He stopped the kissing to look in her eyes as he carefully moved her underwear out of the way. 

His movements were excruciatingly slow to give her the time to stop him. But she didn’t. She cupped his face and kissed him, and Arondir took that as the consent it was, moving his fingers to touch her already sensitive cunt. Eärien moaned in his mouth at the desired intrusion, opening her legs wider to give him better access. He moved his finger inside her, while her hands travelled to his waist to unfasten his belt.  Between one moan and a pant, it took her several tries to finally free his aching cock. 

The first touch of her hand on him felt amazing. For so long, Arondir had been dreaming of a moment like this—Eärien’s hands on his dick, his fingers in her. 

Eärien was getting close now; her little whimpers a clear sign of her approaching orgasm. But still, the grip on his dick was as strong as in the beginning, and she kept moving her hand even as her orgasm hit her. A few more moments, and Arondir joined her. 

They had stopped kissing a long time ago, now just panting in each other’s mouths. Her grip on his cock loosened as he pulled his fingers out. He brought them to his mouth and licked them clean, watching with fascination how Eärien’s eyes widened, before her lips found his once again. 

He didn’t care about the mess they were making—his sticky fingers on her neck, her hand barely cleaned of his cum in his hair again. He placed kisses on her cheek, collarbone, and neck. Finally, his mouth moved to her chest. With his fingers, he untied the laces of her bodice, freeing one of her breasts. Without hesitation, his lips were on her nipple, kissing and playfully biting it, while using his free hand to cup her other breast. Eärien tried her best to suppress her loud moans, but with no success. 

Surprising the woman in front of him, Arondir fell to his knees. He lifted his head to look at her, but quickly recognised the change in her eyes, and his breath caught in his throat, anticipating the inevitable.

Eärien turned her face away from him, whispering, “I’m leaving!”

What? 

"Eärien, what are you saying?" he asked as he stood up. 

"What do you mean you’re leaving? You just came back!"

The thought of being apart from her again was unbearable, even if he knew it was irrational.

“Camnir is a wonderful healer. I’ve been practising with him,” she explained, facing him. Her lips were bruised from kissing, and her eyes were red.

“I want to be useful. I need to be useful. Camnir is travelling across Middle-earth to help those still fighting against the Orcs, and I’m going with him!”

This couldn’t be happening. Arondir had to do something to stop her. 

“You cannot leave,” he said, cupping her face with his hands. “I love you!” 

This wasn’t how he had planned to confess his feelings, but desperate times called for desperate measures. 

Eärien smiled widely, wrapping her arms around his waist. She rested her head on his chest, and the moment felt like it lasted an eternity. Then she pressed a soft kiss to his lips. 

“I love you too, Arondir!” 

Her confession should have filled him with joy—and it did—but he knew there was no happy ending to this moment. 

“I do love you,” she continued, struggling to find the right words. “But I don’t know how to be happy without them.” 

And that was the stark truth. The war had taken everything from Eärien, and Arondir’s love couldn’t heal her pain if she didn’t know what to do with her life. If saving others could help her find purpose, who was he to stand in her way?

He nodded, once, then twice, before pulling her into his arms. 

“When are you leaving?” he asked, burying his head in her brown hair.  

“Tomorrow,” she whispered, and he felt her begin to sob. Arondir tightened his grip, wishing he could shield her from every danger and pain. But that was beyond his powers.

However, holding her and loving her—those were within his reach.

Those were the things he would do.