Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Nick’s sitting on the bench outside the office, knees splayed, rotating his mug of tea in his hands absentmindedly. For a moment he almost feels like he’s back at school, waiting to see the headmaster.
But this is the regional headquarters of the UK Police Force, and he’s an Inspector, waiting for his meeting with the Superintendent, for reasons as of yet unknown. Nick’s been mulling over what it could be about for the last few hours, ever since he got the memo requesting his attendance. Fortunately, Nick always keeps a spare uniform at work, so he’d been able to scrub up alright, despite being at the tail end of a night shift with more drunk and disorderly miscreants than usual to deal with. One had thrown up on his shoes.

Footsteps sound, and Nick looks up, into the face of his immediate superior, Chief Inspector Harry Greene.

Harry takes a seat next to him, slouching against the wall. Nick keeps his face neutral, even as he internally frowns at the scruffy attire and unkempt hair of his boss. Everyone knows that Harry Greene has made his way through the ranks thanks to an unhealthy dose of nepotism and old money, but Nick can’t afford to rock the boat. Thankfully, Greene is a fairly hands off supervisor, preferring the bright lights of the city to slumming it with Nick and his colleagues in the nearby town.

“Any idea what this is about then Nelson?”

Nick raises his eyebrows as he shakes his head, surprised that Harry wasn’t already in the loop - his contacts in the policing world mean that he usually knows what was going on before anyone else, be it restructurings, the sale of land, or a new taskforce; and it was no exaggeration that Greene loves lording his insider knowledge over his subordinates. In fact, that was the usual reason behind his infrequent visits to Nick’s police station. That, and probable boredom. Nick gets the feeling that Chief Inspector Greene is always looking to trip him up, to find something not up to scratch that he can then gossip about with his mates back at HQ. But Nick is a diligent officer, making sure he gives him no ammunition. He’s got form in keeping his real feelings under wraps.

The door opens.

“Greene. Nelson.”

Superintendent Farouk is a man of few words. He gestures to the chairs in front of his desk as he sits down, and waits for the door to shut behind them.

Farouk places his elbows on the desk and links his fingers together, resting his chin on top as he surveys the men. Nick feels like he’s being assessed, and shifts nervously in his seat. Even Harry knows not to speak.

Farouk breaks the silence.

“So, lads, I’ve got a new recruit for you.”

He nods at Nick. “For your station Nelson. You could do with some extra hands, yeah?”

Nick blinks, wondering what the catch is. “We could always do with the manpower,” he admits cautiously. “It’s a struggle getting the shift numbers sometimes.”

That’s an understatement. Nick’s pulled a double more than once in the last month, not willing to ask his officers to do anything he wasn’t prepared to do himself.

“Exactly.” Farouk doesn’t smile, but the corners of his mouth turn up, as if at some private joke.

Harry speaks up, his curiosity overtaking his apathy. “So what’s the deal with this new guy, that you need to talk to us both in person? Is there something wrong with him? What have they done?”

Farouk leans back in his chair, faking nonchalance as he settles his hands on his stomach. But Nick can see through him for once.

“They’ve done nothing other than be an exemplary trainee, a credit to the force. They just need to complete their probationary period attached to a station.”

Nick waits for the other shoe to drop.

He’s not disappointed.

Superintendent Farouk takes a breath, and looks Nick directly in the eye.

“They’re an omega.”

It takes Nick a moment to process the information.

Not so for Chief Inspector Greene, who immediately opens his mouth to argue.

“You cannot be serious! With all due respect Sir, …”

Farouk does not let him get started, and leans forwards, slapping his hand down on the desk. “With all due respect Chief Inspector, I don’t give a rat’s arse how you feel about this. There is no law banning omegas from serving in the force…”

“There should be” Harry mutters sotto voce, so only Nick hears him.

“... and the Chief Superintendent will have my head if we don’t show signs of a more progressive, diverse workplace.” Farouk looks straight at Nick again, perhaps because Chief Inspector Greene is refusing to make eye contact, clearly sulking at being put in his place. “Have you knotheads ever considered what it feels like for betas and omegas, having to put their trust in a bunch of alpha officers, when it might have been an alpha perpetrating the crime in question?!”

Nick feels a bit hot under the collar. Part of him is ashamed to admit that he hasn’t thought of that in all his years of service. But another part of him disagrees vehemently. I’ve always done right by victims, whatever their secondary gender is, and have made sure my officers treat all of them respectfully. Omegas already have so much; they need to stick to their bloody lane. It’s not like any of the rest of us have had a choice in the roles society prescribed for us.

Superintendent Farouk is presumably unaware of Nick’s internal conflict, though Nick wouldn't be surprised if he could read minds.

Harry pipes up. “But what about the practicalities, Sir? We can’t have an Omega in the station, going into heat, trying to build a nest. Not all our officers are mated. It’s madness!”

Nick finds himself nodding in agreement.

Farouk rolls his eyes. “This is to go no further, as private and confidential information, but the Omega in question is on both scent blockers and heat suppressors. There were no issues at all during their training, and there won’t be any going forward. Blockers are already mandatory for unmated alphas during work hours; this is no different. We can look at this situation again once they’ve completed their probationary period, but for the next six months they’re your responsibility Nelson. Got it?”

Nick manages to look Superintendent Faouk in the eye. He can’t believe this - it feels like he’s being set up to fail. He manages to contain the growl as he grinds out a reluctant “Yes Sir,” hoping to convey his unhappiness with the situation.

The Superintendent stands; the meeting is clearly over. “I’ll send them over tomorrow. Treat them like you would any other recruit.”

Nick sighs. “You know me boss. Firm and fair.”

“I’m counting on you Nelson. Don’t disappoint me.”

Nick’s got halfway down the street before realising that Harry’s still alongside him, releasing a steady stream of vindictive mutterings. In another setting, Nick might be vaguely pleased that he and Chief Inspector Greene are on the same page, but his mind’s been busy going over practicalities; he can spot a hundred and one problems that would undoubtedly come with having an omega as a rank and file officer.

He tries to hide his shock as Greene slaps him on the back in a distinctly camaraderie fashion. “Look, just remember Nelson, this recruit has to pass their probation, same as we all did. There’s no way an omega’s got what it takes. All you have to do is document the evidence and present your findings to Farouk. I’ll back you up.”

Even as Nick flashes a hollow grin at his colleague, he finds himself traitorously wondering whether agreeing with Harry (for pretty much the first time) means Greene’s got something right, or, more worryingly, he’s got something wrong…

Chapter Text

Charlie throws himself down in the nearest available seat and lets out a sigh as the bus sets off jerkily down the road.

It’s been … a lot.

His first day at a bone fide police station.

He smiles grimly as he remembers the naysayers, all those people over the years, ever since he presented, that told him he couldn’t do it.

That it wasn’t in an omega’s nature to control, to dominate, to be in charge of law and order and dish it out to citizens, be them alpha, beta or omega.

Charlie’s lip curls in disdain.

Fuck the lot of them.

He just needs to survive this probationary period and get his stripes, then there’d need to be a damm good reason for anyone to get rid of him, and he’s not going to provide them with one.

Charlie pulled his coat tighter round him. He runs cold, plus he doesn’t want others on the bus spotting his uniform underneath. He was given a locker, and it was suggested he keep his clothes in there, but Charlie knows how it works with rookies. At best, he’d find his uniform covered in shaving foam, and if the rest of the station find out his secondary gender it’d be a whole lot worse.

He feels his phone buzz, and extracts it from his pocket. He smiles, the first genuine one for the day as he opens up the group chat.

Elle Has Detective Spring signed off for the day?

Elle How do you feel about a take away tonight, to celebrate your first shift making the streets safer for us all?!

Charlie Elle, you need to stop calling me a Detective. I’m only a Constable, and Probationary at that

Charlie And if by making the streets safer, you mean getting a tour of a crumbling husk of a building with dodgy plumbing, and meeting way too many new people in one go, then, sure, let’s celebrate!

Isaac So you’ve survived your first day then?

Charlie I mean … yeah. I basically followed the Inspector round til he palmed me off on his Sergeant … who then passed me to the civilian admin for a crash course in how to file reports and book people without breaking the law

Charlie Though I couldn’t get a good read on the knotheads I’m going to be working alongside

Isaac Sounds a bit presumptuous of you Charlie … aren’t you supposed to be proving secondary gender stereotypes wrong with your revolutionary career choices?

Charlie Whatever you say Isaac, I’m certain all these huge alphas joined the force to bring out their sensitive side and love of flowers

Charlie You should have seen the Inspector. He’s got muscles on his muscles, and thighs the size of beer barrels

Isaac Developing a little crush are we Charlie?

Charlie Get fucked Isaac

Charlie And no. He might be a physically impressive specimen, but so’s my daily stool.

Charlie I spend more time concerned about the state of my shits than what my boss can bench press in his spare time

Tao I swear, I don’t look at my phone for five minutes and the conversation’s degraded into analysing your weird bathroom habits Charlie

Tao I’m rethinking letting you stay with us if you’re going to desecrate our toilet with your sordid sewage

Isaac renames the chat Shits and the fuzz

Charlie Piss off Isaac

Isaac Needing the john again Charlie?

Charlie … maybe?

Charlie I’ve still got half an hour on here before I change to get the 575, and you guys are not helping

Elle How on earth did we get from dissecting Charlie’s first day to this?!

Elle Charlie, why don’t you use the loo at the bus station when you change?

Charlie We’ve been over this

Charlie I will not use a segregated toilet

Elle Not even when you’re desperate?

Charlie It’s a matter of principle

Charlie An omega should not have to out themselves any time they need a wee

Tao Well it’s a matter of principle to me that you don’t end up defecating in our bushes again

Charlie THAT WAS ONE TIME TAO

Charlie AND THE CIRCUMSTANCES WERE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT

Isaac You were drunk Charlie

Charlie You ambushed me with shots Isaac. If anything, YOU were responsible for my actions

Elle Spoken like a true friend🤣

Isaac In my defence, I needed to stem the monologue on how gender is a construct, secondary gender doubly so

Charlie Which it is!

Isaac Babe, you know I agree with you by and large, but shouting over ‘Who let the dogs out’ in a greasy ‘Spoons when there’s a fight breaking out to our right and someone throwing up on our left is not a sound place for philosophical debate

Tao I dunno, I quite enjoyed Charlie telling that guy who tried to chat him up that he was the product of an outdated patriarchal system that belonged in the dark ages

Charlie No Tao, it’s the early middle ages, the term ‘Dark Ages’ is a misnomer. Don’t misquote me!

Isaac …Is there anything you don’t have an opinion on Charlie?

Charlie No

Isaac I thought you didn’t have an opinion on physically impressive policemen with buns of steel?

Charlie I hate you

Chapter Text

Charlie carefully wanders into the locker room, and immediately clocks that something’s wrong. The people all around him are frozen, some mid change, legs up on benches or bending over their shoes, and they’re all avoiding looking directly at Charlie. He’s clearly walked in on some prior conversation, possibly about himself, and you could cut the tension with a knife.

Charlie sighs internally and pads over to his locker. It doesn’t get any easier, starting at a new place. The trick is to pretend you don’t care.

As he starts to fiddle with the combination lock (he doesn’t see the point - he’d be willing to bet that everyone in the station already knows the code), a fellow constable steps up uncomfortably close, Hope Charlie thinks he’s called. Charlie only remembers as the bloke looked to be one of the few betas in uniform.

This guy does look directly at Charlie, his expression unreadable. He opens his mouth.

“I wondered if you could do with a blanket?”

Charlie pauses, and tries to keep his voice steady.

“Why would I need a blanket?” he replies neutrally, keeping his gaze on the dial.

Hope’s tone is relaxed, and he drawls out “Well, there’s not much in the way of quilts and pillows round here. A police station isn’t the place for an omega, you know?”

Charlie freezes, one hand still on his locker. They know. They all know. Fuck fuck FUCK!

He forces himself to breath, and opens the locker up.

It’s full. Of knotting toys.

Charlie’s chest feels tight.

There’s a snicker to his left, and a hint of a nervous giggle behind him.

Charlie stares blankly at the contents in front of him, here in the changing room of his first placement as an officer, as his brain clicks into gear, cogs whirring, deciding how the hell to respond.

Now Charlie looks back at Constable Hope. The man is smirking, triumphant.

Charlie really wants to deck him one, but he can’t risk jeopardising his placement.

“Everything alright in here then?”

The whole room jumps as Sergeant Sai Verma walks through the door.

His face is impassive, but it’s clear he’s picked up on the tension.

He looks around the room, and his gaze alights on Constable Hope and Probationary Constable Spring.

“You showing our rookie the ropes then Ben?” he enquires, carefully neutral.

Ben clears his throat. “Just giving Charlie here some pointers sarge!” His tone is jovial. “Wouldn’t want him making any schoolboy errors in his first week!”

Sergeant Verma’s expression gets more undecipherable, if that were possible. His eyes slide to Charlie. “Got everything you need Spring?”

Charlie slams his locker shut quickly, before Verma can take it into his head to peer inside. “All good thanks sarge!” he replies brightly. “Where do you want me today?”

The sergeant nods approvingly.

“You’re out on patrol with Smith for now. He’ll show you around, help you get a feel for the town.”

Charlie gives a silent thank you to not being partnered with Hope. He’s also even more grateful that he doesn’t have to get changed in a room full of bigoted idiots, as he’s already in his uniform.

He turns his back on his locker (and by default, Constable Hope), and follows the sargeant out of the room.

Olly Come on big bro, spill the beans, how’s it gone so far?!

Olly Have you busted any drug gangs yet?!

Olly Or had a high speed car chase down the high street with pedestrians diving for cover whilst you shoot it out with an internationally wanted criminal mastermind?!

Charlie Olly, this is the midlands, not the Bronx

Charlie I can’t imagine old Mrs Mulvaney from the corner shop pulling out her semi automatic because some teen has nicked a vape again

Olly If she’s anything like the guy who runs my local I totally can

Tori So have you been anywhere in the town other than the newsagents?

Charlie Yeah, I was put on patrol with a guy called Otis. He seemed okay-ish.

Tori Isn’t the plan for you to rent a room nearby so that you can get a proper feel for the place?

Charlie Maybe, we’ll see

Olly What do you mean, ‘maybe’?! Last week you weren’t even going to bother unboxing at Tao and Elle’s cause you wouldn’t be there long!

Charlie Is that why you left most of my stuff halfway up the stairs when you “helped me move”?

Olly Look, unlike you I haven’t beefed up my spindly Spring arms to annihilate every gender stereotype

Olly My skills of seduction will make more waves than your hammering on glass ceilings

Charlie Oh god, is there anyone you’re not willing to sleep with?!

Olly Clowns

Charlie Isn’t that a bit pot kettle?

Olly No, I mean literal clowns! I can’t get a read on what they’re really thinking!

Charlie Probably ‘god I wish this overgrown teen would shut up and stop hitting on me’

Tori Quit changing the subject Charlie

Tori What aren’t you telling us? Why aren’t you already looking at somewhere to rent?

Charlie …

Charlie Fine

Charlie So everyone at the station already knows I’m an omega

Tori WHAT

Olly No way

Charlie Yes way

Tori I need names, and places they’re likely to be alone and unobserved

Olly What, for your hit list?

Tori It’s better you don’t know Olly

Olly No, we’d be the dream team! I seduce them, you take them out

Olly Charlie you need to delete this chat for maximum deniability

Charlie Love you both, dickheads

Charlie So I don’t know how it got out

Charlie Yesterday Inspector Nelson told me that no one knew about my secondary gender at the station apart from him and the sergeant

Charlie He seemed genuine at the time, but that could have all been an act

Charlie It’s clear they don’t want an omega working with them

Olly So what’re you gonna do big bro? Request a transfer?

Charlie Like hell I am. I’m going on my own terms

Charlie I’m going to smash this probationary period, then they can kiss my magnificent ass goodbye

Olly We Springs do have magnificent arses

Olly It somewhat makes up for the stick arms

Olly Cover me in cotton wool and I'd get mistaken for a snowman

Tori Watch out Charlie. I wouldn’t put it past them to play dirty

Olly …

Tori Mind out of gutter Olly!

Tori Take care Charlie

Olly You’ve got this bro

Chapter Text

Charlie leans back on the bus, exhausted. Maybe he does need to find a place to rent locally; he can’t keep this up. It’s just he’d rather not give his colleagues the opportunity to mess with his life outside of work too.

There’d been other incidents like the locker, although that was mysteriously empty the next time he glanced inside. He’d taken to leaving his bag with Imogen on the front desk, trusting her ever since he overhead her berating one of the other constables, who was warning everyone to ‘look out for their jumpers before the omega nicks them for his nest’. Imogen was majorly pissed, and when another of them tried to sneak a baby rattle into his bag she laid right into him, saying being an omega isn’t a badge of shame, that it’s amazing to have the ability to grow another human, and that she’d never in a million years want to mate someone which such arsehole views and wouldn’t touch them with a barge pole.

Imogen’s gorgeous, and a favourite with most of the team, so things had quietened down considerably after her interventions, but Charlie still didn’t trust the other officers enough to leave any of his belongings within reach.

He and Imogen had had a few good conversations at the end of their shifts, and he didn’t even mind her quietly asking if he’d ever want to have pups himself. All Charlie could really do was shrug, admitting it was a moot point, as the likelihood of him being attractive to an alpha and vice versus was so low. Plus, he’s worked far too hard to give everything up for fatherhood - it’s not like he’d be accepted on the force if he got pregnant.

Inspector Nelson had been passing as they’d had that chat, and there was a little frown across his face at Charlie’s words.

Charlie’s not sure why; it’s not as if anyone would see him as a posterboy for parenthood. Maybe the inspector thinks that’s what he should be doing. Or maybe he feels sorry for Charlie.

It’s hard to say which, as Inspector Nelson keeps himself pretty closed off, even from his sergeant. Not that Charlie's been observing him particularly.

Charlie So what's with the inspector then?

Imogen Asking for a friend, are we?!

Charlie That’s not what I meant Immy

Imogen Sure Jan

Imogen You keep telling yourself that Charlie

Imogen I mean, he's gorgeous, right? When I first saw him I was so attracted!

Imogen But he's a closed book. Doesn't let himself get close to anyone as far as I can see, and I see a lot

Charlie You are the doyenne of the rumour mill

Imogen He’s a good boss though

Imogen He really bawled Ben out after he went off in that patrol car without you

Charlie Hope’s such a dick. He thought it was wasting time getting statements from all the omega witnesses and left me stranded

Imogen The look on his face when you walked into the station less than an hour later!

Charlie Well, I did track at school

Charlie He doesn’t know I threw up in the loos after, right?

Imogen Your secret’s safe with me Charlie

Imogen ALL your secrets

Charlie Think you’ve lost count Immy

Charlie Everyone already knows my secondary gender

Imogen Sure, that’s what I was thinking of

Imogen Ben tried to play the ‘mates with Chief Inspector card’ and Nick was not having it and told him to put a sock in it.

Charlie And how do you know that Imogen?!

Imogen I had some urgent documents the inspector needed to sign

Charlie Yeah right

Charlie What were they, new guidelines for enforcing parking violations in bus lanes?!

Imogen …

Imogen On cycle tracks, actually

Imogen Don’t judge me Charlie, I only put up with this job for all the tea I get

Charlie I can’t believe the inspector was oblivious to your charms, given you’ve got two thirds of the station wrapped around your little finger

Charlie Alright, three quarters

Imogen When I first started here I tried batting my eyes and complimenting his big strong arms, but he just looked uncomfortable

Imogen It’s a mystery

Charlie Is he already mated?

Imogen Nope. No mating bite

Charlie How do you know?!

Imogen I may have caught a glimpse of his mating gland after he got covered in blood the other week and needed to change his shirt

Charlie Oh right, when that stoned guy tried to fight us but was so out of it he ended up stabbing his own arm

Charlie That was a wild night

Imogen And clearly Nick was going to need salt to get the bloodstains out so I did the sensible thing and brought some to him

Charlie *Sensible*

Imogen Excuse me, I'm the epitome of sensible

Charlie That’s not the word that sprung to my mind Immy

Imogen You're just jealous Charlie

Imogen But don't worry, he was more concerned about if that guy had given you any more trouble in the ambulance than getting his shirt whiter than white

Charlie …

Imogen Changing the subject, I’ve been meaning to ask you why on earth the Inspector asked me if there were any omega charities that would accept donations of knotting toys a while back?

Charlie Oh

Charlie That’s … interesting

Imogen A load of them still had the price tags on

Charlie …

Imogen I reckon whoever bought them had been planning to return them to the shop so they weren’t out of pocket

Charlie …

Imogen I’m assuming some bonehead put them in your locker as a welcome gift?

Charlie … I mean, yeah, I just hadn’t realised the inspector knew

Imogen He wouldn’t have been in on it Charlie! He’s always been really respectful to us omegas and betas in the office

Imogen He’s a very nice, handsome, SINGLE alpha who I’m sure just needs the right mate to warm him up

Charlie My bus is here, gotta go!

Imogen Whatever Charlie:)

Chapter Text

To Charlie’s surprise, he’s approached by Inspector Nelson as he wanders in to start his shift.

“So, Spring, I’ve had a call from Superintendent Farouk.”

“Oh?” Charlie keeps his voice neutral. He’s met the Superintendent a handful of times, but hadn’t got a read on him at all. He wonders if there’s been complaints made about him. Charlie’s felt a bit on edge ever since Imogen mentioned that dickhead Ben was chummy with the Chief Inspector.

Inspector Nelson clears his throat; if Charlie didn’t know better, he’d think Nick looked … nervous?

“He’s told me that you are part of the regional police band that is competing next week to go forward to the countrywide championships.”

“Oh!” Charlie’s surprised; this wasn’t what he expected to hear.

“You didn’t mention it?” Nick says softly, framing it as a question.

Charlie’s confused, and scrunches his forehead up. “It falls on my day off, I didn’t think I needed to ask permission sir?”

Nick laughs quietly. “No, what I mean is, we should be there to support you. You’re representing the station and the region; those of us not on shift should be there cheering you on.”

Charlie’s lost for words, and stares at the ground. His usual anger at omega mistreatment and life in general has been superseded by discomfort, and he’s not sure why.

He sees Nick’s feet move closer, and looks up into soft brown eyes.

Charlie licks his lips nervously. “Did the Superintendent tell you all to show up?” he queries. “Because I’ve got to focus when playing, and it’s much easier when I know people aren’t judging me from the audience.” His mouth clamps shut, before any more embarrassing revelations fall from his trap.

“Charlie.” Nick looks determined. “It’s my decision, and we’re going to be there to watch you guys smash the competition!”

Charlie’s lips quirk in a slight smile, unbidden. “You might change your mind when you hear us Nelson. We could be shite for all you know!”

Charlie almost jumps when Nick lets out a laugh at that, a real laugh. He realises he doesn’t think he’s heard the inspector genuinely laugh before.

Nick grins. “Shite or otherwise, we need to look at practicalities. Have you worked out how you're getting there? It’s quite a trek, and unless I’m mistaken, you don’t have a car!”

Charlie feels self conscious again, which is stupid as being an out omega on the force means self conscious is his default setting.

“I was looking at trains. Someone from the band should be able to pick me and my gear up from the station.”

Nick’s eyebrows shoot up. “You’d have to leave at four in the morning for that to work.” He nods decisively. “I’ll loan Christian one of the work vans. He can pick you up from your place and drive you both there.”

Charlie opens his mouth in protest, but Nick railroads straight on.

“That’s settled then. Give Christian your address and he’ll be round at seven. The rest of us will see you when you’re on stage!”

Charlie and Christian have just finished unloading the van and getting everything inside when another vehicle draws up alongside, Nick at the wheel.

“Thought we might as well be early!” shouts Nick cheerfully from the open window as he switches off the engine and colleagues start to decamp.

He’s the only one looking happy - Charlie would have to be blind not to notice how annoyed most of his workmates look at being dragged here on their day off. Hope in particular looks massively pissed off.

He glances at Charlie and Christian with their empty hands.

“Needed help carrying your piccolo in Spring?” he snarks, out of earshot of the inspector who’s busy round the other side of the van.

“Nothing wrong with the piccolo,” states Charlie calmly, folding his arms.

Hope glances around, clearly checking Nick isn’t in earshot.

“None of us want to be here Spring” he hisses. “You owe us all big time!”

To Charlie’s surprise, Christian jumps in. “Speak for yourself Ben!” he frowns, putting a reassuring hand on Charlie's shoulder.

Ben looks dumbfounded, but rallies.

“Didn’t have you down for an omega bootlicker McBride!” he responds with a harsh laugh.

There’s a groan from behind him as Otis pushes forward. “Can it Hope, I can’t take any more of your bullshit; I’m not getting paid for it today!”

“That makes two of us!” Imogen’s last to clamber out. She does the smallest double take at Christian’s hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “I can get a ride home with McBride and Charlie here afterwards; I’ve had enough of this alpha/beta nonsense for one day!”

Thankfully, Charlie’s conductor appears before Charlie can get any more confused.

“Get your arse in here now Spring, we about to start warming up! We’ve only got a fifteen minute slot in the rehearsal room!”

“Yes Mr Ajayi” Charlie dutifully responds, and follows the man back inside, giving Immy a little wave goodbye.

Elle How did the competition go Charlie?!

Tao We’re really sorry we couldn’t be there

Isaac What they said

Charlie It was extremely rude of World Book Day to clash with my performance!

Isaac I’ll be sure to tell the organisers of your displeasure

Elle Are you on your way back now?

Charlie Yeah, Christian’s giving me a lift home too

Elle That’s really kind of him

Charlie Well I think the inspector told him he had to

Charlie But it’s alright, he’s a genuinely nice guy

Isaac Charlie, shouldn't you be making conversation with him rather than being glued to your phone?

Charlie It’s fine, Immy insisted he take her back too and he is not complaining

Charlie They’re currently discussing whether capybaras or quokkas are cuter

Charlie I’ve never felt more like a third wheel

Charlie And I literally live with you guys

Charlie I feel like I’m going to be getting a wedding invite within weeks

Charlie unless I throw up at such a sickening display of infatuation

Charlie That is if Christian doesn’t crash the van and kill us all because he’s too busy making heart eyes to look at the road

Charlie I’m currently curled up against the window whilst they have a very extended verbal foreplay

Charlie I hate these 3 seater vans

Tao I presume your kit is taking up the space at the back?

Charlie Yep. I’m seriously considering switching to piccolo to avoid this situation again

Elle How did your colleagues react when they saw you drumming?!

Charlie omg it was hilarious

Charlie only Christian knew (given he helped lug everything from your garage, and then into the venue)

Charlie I wanted to photograph the moment that bastard Hope saw me sit down on stage, and bring it out to savour whenever I need a laugh

Isaac But HOW DID YOU DO Charlie?!

Charlie Yeah, we won. Country championships next!

Elle That’s amazing!

Isaac Congratulations!

Tao Oh god, that means you’re going to be banging around even more downstairs now doesn’t it?!

Isaac Tao

Tao Fine. congratulations you noisebox. We’re proud of you