Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was another perfect day at the new barn. Since Little Homeworld had been so successful, many gems had graduated and then gone on to become instructors themselves. No longer required full time, Lapis and Peridot had decided to rebuild the barn and move back there full time — though they did often still stop by Little Homeworld to teach a class or just say hi to everyone.

Today had been a full day at the barn, Lapis and Peridot had planted fresh crops in the morning, with Peridot programming the irrigation system to supply the optimum amount of water to all of the plants.  Now that the evening sun was setting, they had camp pining hearts playing on the TV while they worked on their latest Meep Morps.

“Have you finished making your Morp?” Peridot grinned, holding up her arms to try and cover it from Lapis.

“Yes,” Lapis said, pointing to a mostly empty packet of seeds slumped against the wall in the corner of the room. “It reminds me of when we planted those seeds this morning.”

“It’s perfect!” Peridot grinned. “Now look at mine. I call it, ‘Creazione di Pumpkin’.

She stepped back to reveal her work of art, an homage to ‘The Creation of Adam’ painting, though with Pumpkin taking the place of Adam and reaching out her little paw towards Steven’s outstretched hand. Behind him were depictions of Peridot and Lapis, who were supporting Steven.

Lapis raised an eyebrow. “I don’t remember it happening like that.”

“It’s a Meep Morp, not an autobiography!” Peridot insisted.

Lapis nodded, giving Peridot a thumbs up. “I like it.”

“I knew you would!” Peridot nodded. “Now turn off Camp Pining Hearts so we can practise our musical Morps.”

After pressing a button on the remote, with the television screen turning black, Lapis picked up her tambourine. Peridot already had her triangle floating in the air beside her, and she was working on playing the flute at the same time.

They began playing, a little unplanned ditty that was far from a work of art, but it did somewhat resemble music. Slowly, Peridot was getting the hang of playing two instruments at once (only 10 more and her one gem band would be good to go).

Then Peridot tried to add a third instrument, a harmonica. Trying to turn her head between the two, Peridot alternated between the instruments, getting more and more out of time as she did.

Lapis began chuckling and dancing, clearly not minding the offbeat plinks and tings and wahs and dings and tootle-oodle-oos. Peridot couldn’t help but find herself chuckling along, making the already difficult task of playing three instruments at once impossible. All of a sudden the triangle and its stick unexpectedly flew upwards and wedged itself into the roof.

For a second, both gems just stared at the instrument, but then they both began laughing. Peridot was so caught up in the moment that she didn’t notice that the instrument was gradually dislodging itself until it was already falling.

“Watch out, Peri!” Lapis exclaimed, forming her water wings and jumping above Peridot. Peridot extended her arm upwards, their hands catching onto each other as Lapis flew Peridot over far enough over to narrowly avoid being hit by the falling instrument just in time.

“Phew!” Both gems let out a sigh of relief.

And then they glowed.

Peridot had no idea what was happening. She was herself but she wasn’t. She was logical and illogical at the same time, happy and sad, brave and cowardly, alone but together. It all made no sense, it was contradictory, but at the same time every was so right, as it should be.

She was tall. That was undisputed, no contradiction there. She held out her hands, all four of them, and just stared. She’d had ten independent programmable fingers when she’d had her limb enhancers, but she’d never had four arms before…? And all four of said arms were teal in colour, not green…

What was going on?

What was happening to her.

Had she… fused?

With Lapis?

With a gasp, the two of them broke apart.

Peridot pressed her lips into a small line, pulling up her two arms and just staring at her two very green hands.

“Let’s just pretend that never happened,” Lapis whispered. “I won’t tell anyone, I swear.”

“Right…” Peridot stammered out, moving her fingers back and forth as she continued to stare at her hands.

“I’m just going to put Camp Pining Heart back on and we can forget this ever happened.” Lapis flew over and grabbed the remote, switching the episode they’d been watching on. “Join me?”

Peridot slowly nodded, gradually lowering her hands. Right. Camp Pining Hearts. That show they’d watched through exactly 94.38 times. Something normal. Something familiar.

Grabbing a trash can lid, Peridot used her metal powers to float up to their little television nook, settling down next to Lapis, and frowning as Lapis scooted over to put some space between them.

And, it hurt. It felt like a rejection of sorts. They’d fused for stars’ sakes! It had been life changing! It made no sense. It made so much sense. Every time Peridot tried to think about what happened the loops of contradiction would spin in her brain.

And the only acknowledgment Lapis seemed to be willing to give was that it had happened was the fact that casually brushing their arms against each other while watching their favourite show was now off the table. 

Peridot backed off, of course. It’s not like she was going to force Lapis to lie against her. Lapis clearly wanted space, and Peridot would give it to her. As far as Peridot knew, this was the first time Lapis had fused since Jasper. It must have been traumatic for Lapis. No wonder she didn’t want to talk about it.

And if Lapis didn’t want to talk about it, then Peridot wouldn’t push the issue… even though Peridot desperately, desperately wanted to talk about it.

Instead, the two watched their show in silence for the rest of the night.

Chapter Text

“Can you go and check on Lapis?” Peridot asked after the class she’d been teaching at little homeworld had concluded. Thankfully, Steven had stopped by — just the person Peridot was hoping to see. He could sing about his feelings and then Lapis would join in and Peridot would get some sort of insight about what Lapis was feeling. They hadn’t talked about the fusion, and Lapis was acting like nothing had even happened — just like she’d said she would. But surely it must be affecting her as much as it was affecting Peridot — Lapis just was better at hiding it.

Was Lapis angry? From what Peridot knew of Lapis’ time as Malachite, it was marred by anger and rage. Lapis had finally found an outlet, albeit an unhealthy one, for her to take out all those negative emotions. Had fusion with Peridot brought back those feelings to the surface?

Or was she upset? Much of Lapis’ life had filled her with sadness, being trapped in solitude in that mirror for thousands of years had led to bouts of depression, and even now little things could set her back into periods of melancholy. Maybe the fusion had pushed her into this state, and that’s why she hadn’t so much as spoken a word to Peridot since they’d put on Camp Pining Hearts yesterday?

Or maybe Peridot herself was the issue? Maybe this period of silence between them was Lapis’ way of saying Peridot had been bad at fusion? Peridot’s cheeks flushed green. But how was she meant to be good at it when she’d never fused before? She hadn’t known what she was doing. She hadn’t even meant to!

Or…what if Peridot had done it wrong? Lapis had briefly touched upon what fusion with Jasper was like while making Meep Moros with Peridot. How it was a constant battle to stay in control. How fusion was two individuals struggling against each other to impose their will. That’s not how Peridot had experienced it at all. She hadn’t felt like she was battling against Lapis. She didn’t exactly feel herself but she didn’t feel not herself either… Ugh, there was that contradiction that Peridot had been agonising about. It made her head hurt.

“Why do you want me to check on Lapis?” Steven replied, tilting his head in confusion. “Did something happen?”

“Nyargh,” Peridot grumbled with a pout. Lapis didn’t want them to tell anyone, and she couldn’t just betray her trust like that. “I— Mhhhm— I can’t tell you that!”

“O…kay?” Steven narrowed his eyes and quirked a brow. “I’ll go and check on her.”

“Thank you,” Peridot replied, practically pushing him out of the classroom door. “And remember to do lots of singing!”

With a nod, Steven began heading to the back of Little Homeworld. Sighing, Peridot summoned her garbage lid, sitting on top and flying herself towards the warp. She could have stayed at Little Homeworld for longer, but she didn’t really feel like talking to anyone else— only to Lapis, and that clearly wasn’t going to happen.

Pumpkin ran up as she warped to the barn, nuzzling against her leg. Peridot picked her up, giving her a hug as she commanded the garbage lid to float them both to the television nook. Everything was nice and soft and comfortable there — she and Lapis had set up pillows and blankets so they could relax while binging Camp Pining Hearts together.

“Did you uh… Did you see what happened last night?” Peridot asked Pumpkin. “With me and Lapis.”

Pumpkin nodded with a whimper, lowering her head before jumping up and affectionately licking Peridot’s face.

“At least you still like me.” Peridot said as Pumpkin curled up in her lap. She began to gently stroke Pumplin’s head. “I don’t know what’s going to happen now. I don’t think things are ever going to be the same. Everything’s ruined… again.”

Pumpkin let out an anxious squeak.

“Don’t worry,” Peridot reassured. “Lapis won’t take the new barn and run away with it this time… Or… I don’t think so at least.”

Peridot heard the sound of the warp being activated, saw the beam of light protruding up into the sky.

“Maybe we’ll just watch Camp Pining Hearts in silence again. That wasn’t so bad, right?” Peridot mumbled. “We could co-exist like that for the rest of our days.”

It wasn’t true. That was no way to live.

Peridot sighed and Pumpkin poked her head against her arm.

They were falling into their old ways. The ways where Peridot felt she couldn’t say how she really felt, because that would upset Lapis. But Peridot just really, really, so badly, didn’t want to upset Lapis.

It had been hard, back when they’d learned that the Diamonds were potentially coming to earth. Lapis had wanted to run, wanted to take Peridot and Pumpkin and the barn and leave earth. Peridot and Pumpkin hadn’t wanted to go.

And Peridot had let Steven get into her head and convince her to tell Lapis how she’d really felt, right as they were about to leave. And Lapis had torn their life together right up from the ground and left. It had ruined everything. Peridot being honest about how she felt had ruined everything.

When Lapis had returned, it had been their chance to start again. Peridot didn’t want her to leave again. If Lapis didn’t want to talk about fusing, then this time Peridot would stay quiet and pretend like nothing had happened just like Lapis wanted.

Peridot heard the sloshing sound of Lapis’ water wings flapping, and a moment later she landed in the television nook. Wordlessly, Peridot tapped the television remote and the TV turned back on to the episode of Camp Pining Hearts they’d left off on.

“Turn that off,” Lapis said.

Peridot sharply inhaled at the unexpected words — Lapis always wanted to watch Camp Pining Hearts — and, well, the fact that Lapis had said any words was a surprise in itself. Still, she obeyed, pressing the button and causing the TV screen to go black.

“Steven came and talked to me,” Lapis continued.

“Did you sing?” Peridot asked.

“No,” Lapis replied.

Ugh, that was Peridot's only chance to figure out what Lapis was thinking. What now? “I didn’t tell him anything.”

“I know,” Lapis sat down, holding her arms out. Pumpkin stood up in Peridot’s lap, hesitated for a moment, then jumped into Lapis’ arms. “He was worried about you.”

“Oh. He was?” Peridot asked, trying to casually rest her head on her hands but slipping slightly and nearly landing on her face. She quickly recovered, sitting up straight. “I don’t know why. I acted so normal all day.”

“Just like how you’re acting so normal right now?” Lapis raised an eyebrow.

“Extactly!’ Peridot replied. “Just the normal great and lovable Peridot.”

Lapis sighed. “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Peridot’s eyebrows furrowed. Was this a trap of some kind? “Only if you want to talk about it.”

“Well,” Lapis said, rubbing Pumpkin’s head. “I only want to talk about it if you want to talk about it. Do you?”

Peridot grumbled before exclaiming, “Obviously! We fused! It was literally life changing!”

“Peridot, why didn’t you say anything?” Lapis asked.

“Why didn’t I say anything?” Peridot questioned, incredulity slipping into her tone. “You’re the one who told me to pretend it didn’t even happen! And I… I just didn’t want to upset you…”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Lapis rubbed her forehead with a frustrated huff. “I just know fusion is not your thing, so I was trying to not make a big deal about it and let you know that I wouldn’t spread it around if anyone asked. I was trying to be considerate!”

“But what about watching Camp Pining Hearts?” Peridot asked.

“I wanted to give you space to process what happened. I didn’t mean to make you feel like you couldn’t talk to me.” Lapis lowered her head and sighed. “I’m so sorry, Peridot, I promise I wasn’t trying to force you into pretending the fusion didn’t happen. Do you forgive me?”

Curling her hands into fists, Peridot all but shouted, “Of course!”

“Thanks,” Lapis said, picking up the television remote, but not yet turning the TV on. “...I guess I was also so quiet last night because fusing with you was different than I thought it would be. It gave me a lot to think about.”

Peridot began nervously fiddling with her fingers and, her voice barely above a whisper, said, “What do you mean by that?”

“It felt…” Lapis trailed off, trying to find the right words before finally settling on one. “Good.”

“Oh.” Peridot blinked. That was basically the opposite of what she’d expected to come out of Lapis’ mouth.

“Yeah.” Lapis shrugged. “It was nothing like my fusion with Jasper, which was unexpected. I’d just thought all fusion would be like that, but guess not… How did it feel for you, if you’re comfortable discussing that.”

“It… didn’t feel bad, necessarily,” Peridot mused. “It just felt… unusual. Illogical. It made no sense and that’s frustrating. But would I say bad?... No, I wouldn’t.”

“Would you be interested in fusing again some time?” Lapis asked. “No pressure of course, I won’t be upset if you say no. I know how you feel about fusion.”

“Nyaaaaaa… stop saying that!” Peridot grumbled. “You don’t know how I feel about fusion at all!”

Lapis fell silent for a moment. “How do you feel about fusion?”

“I don’t know. After all this time I still don’t know.” Peridot admitted. “Do you know what happened when I first tried to fuse?”

“Garnet told me,” Lapis said. “She claimed it would be valuable information for a serious conversation. I guess she was right.”

Peridot nodded. “I… I just know I wasn’t ready to give it a try when Garnet proposed the idea to me, even though I was interested. I wanted to be ready, I even tried dancing, but I wasn’t ready. I never said that I would never fuse though. I guess I’ve been waiting to meet the right gem first — someone who understood me. And out of all the gems I’ve met, you understand me the most.”

Lapis smiled. “I feel the same way.”

“So…” Peridot said, offering out her hand and making a muffled hum sound. “I understand you. You understand me. It’s only logical that together we can help each other understand fusion.”

Lapis chuckled, gently placing Pumpkin onto a pillow before reaching out her hand and pulling Peridot into an embrace.

They glowed.

She stared at four teal arms. They weren’t her arms but they were.

And they were holding something.

A television remote.

She knew what that was. She knew what to do. She pressed the button and the TV turned back on. Two boys were racing, jumping over and under tree branches. Percy and Pierre. Pumpkin jumped into her lap, curling up.

Nothing made sense.

But everything felt right.