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Bangchan loves his kids all the same, right? No.
All of the kids know this, except for the favorite kid himself.
Han Jisung is Chan’s favorite kid. The latter always had a soft spot for the younger but he didn’t realize that it was so obvious. It was so obvious that even STAYs noticed that Chan was shooting hearts out of his eyes at whatever Han does. Anything at all.
Chan could never stay mad at Han, even if he did something to annoy the older or made him angry. In actual fact, Han has never done anything to make Chan mad, not that he can remember. Han is just an appealing person in general, that’s what Chan thinks and no one can convince him otherwise. Not like anyone tried, they all know how whipped he is for Han. From the once rebellious kid to the charming young man he is today, Chan would be lying if he says that he isn’t proud of Jisung for overcoming his difficulties to be a part of Stray Kids.
On the other hand, Han absolutely adores Bangchan. Deep down, he knows that everyone plays a part in making Stray Kids a big name today but it was possible only because of Chan. Since they were kids, Chan has been producing music and making tracks; so many tracks that may or may not be released in the future. Chan took charge all of the trainees, organizes dance practices for those who can’t keep up with the routines, and when they finally debuted on March 25th, 2018, he is their leader, leading their first Step Out. Han thinks that he would not have made it this far without his Channie hyung.
One day, a thought crosses Jisung’s mind. He was laying on the couch in Channie’s room, now turning to lie on his side and looks at the figure sitting in front his Macbook. “Channie hyung,” the figure only hums in response, fingers busy tapping on the keyboard as his head bobs to a new track sample.
“Have you ever loved someone so much, so so much, that you wish that you can vanish into them?” the tapping sounds stop and the figure swirls to look at Jisung, his features scrunching up in confusion.
Bangchan shakes his head and uses his hands to rub away the tiredness from his eyes, blinking a few times before he looks at Jisung. The younger is now lying on his back with one of his legs dangling off the couch as he stares at the ceiling. “Would you want to elaborate?”
“Um… it’s just a feeling that I have when…” Jisung pauses and turns his head to look at Chan.
“…when I look at you?”
It was only the two of them tonight as Changbin decided to go to the gym after dinner. Chan blinks as his tries to register what Jisung said, his ever pale cheeks heating up slightly.
“You…want to vanish into me…?” Chan’s words came out softer than he expected, his eyes never leaving the younger’s figure. It is pure luck that the lights are dimmed so that Han cannot see the pink face that belongs to his leader.
“Does that make sense?” Jisung is now facing the ceiling again, his arm tucked under his head for maximum comfort.
“Hmm…” Chan only hums in reply, an indication that he’s still thinking about the younger’s words.
“Ah, never mind! I’ll come up with something to say it better, hyung!” Jisung stupidly grins, waving his free hand to dismiss the whole conversation. “It’s getting late, are you almost done?” Chan turns his head to look at the analog clock hanging on the wall, its hands reading 3:25.
“It is, let me save the files and we can go back! The other kids are probably sleeping already…” Chan swirls back to face his monitors and starts closing and saving his opened files, unaware that Jisung was looking at him the whole time.
The next time they talked about this is a few months later, Han had made a song for Chan.
It was the two of them again, late in the studio, nothing out of the ordinary. Jisung whips out a thumb drive and plugs it into Chan’s Macbook, saying that he made a new song and the song isn’t meant to be released. “For hyung’s ears only.”
Saw your face and mine
In a picture by our bedside
It was cold in the summertime
High on a hill
You called
Two lovers
Regret their time
Once in a blue moon
I forget you
And once in your life
You’ll be mine
We were happy just to be alive
Can I
Vanish into you?
Can I
Vanish into you?
Chan was tearing up by the time the song ends. Han sitting on the couch behind him, shaking his legs as he eagerly waits for Chan’s response but tries his best to not let his eagerness show.
“Is the song that bad?” Han’s face turns into a grimace as soon as he hears Chan’s sniffles, standing up to grab tissues for the older. He passes the tissue box to Chan, patting his back sympathetically with a light frown.
“No, you idiot!” Chan exclaims with a watery chuckle as he briefly wraps his arms around the younger’s slender waist.
“It’s good, your best song in a while, actually,” Chan laughs and pulls back, a cheeky smile on his face. Jisung retracts his hand that was on Chan’s back, feigning a hurt expression.
“I’m kidding, i’m kidding!” Chan quickly hugs Jisung, he couldn’t bear to look at him. Damn this boy and his boba eyes…
“So… any chance for us to release this…?” Chan whispers quietly into Jisung’s ear, as if someone else in the room will hear their little secret.
“Noooooope,” Jisung drags, cupping Chan’s cheeks in his hands.
“For Channie hyung’s ears only.”