Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kai was known for his confidence. Being able to waltz down the street and sling winks and perfect smiles to everyone who walked past. His confidence, however, was just as fake as high-fructose corn syrup. In fact, it didn't even exist. The question is, how did he end up like this? Nobody was just born with such issues, no, problems were made.

It all started when he was five. Well, four. August 14, 20XX. His birthday.

The week started off like any other, Kai getting up early to watch his dad get the forge up and ready, watching the smoke plumes and ashes and small glowing embers. He loved watching his dad work. On days where he couldn’t go watch his dad, he stuck to his mother like glue. Most often, she would be teaching Kai how to do laundry, how to cook, and other mindless chores. Normal kids would typically complain or beg to do something else, but Kai enjoyed every bit of time with his parents. He also enjoyed spending time with his little sister. Nya. She had been born two years ago, when he was three. She had been the pride and joy of the family, so incredibly intelligent from such a young age.

Everything changed when his fifth birthday hit. He woke up earlier than he normally did (which was still really early), ready to wake his parents up by jumping on them. When he opened the door though, the bed was empty. He scoured the whole house, looking for them, though his search was fruitless.

Maybe they just went to the store? Yeah! Mommy and daddy would never leave us! He thought. So he patiently waited on the doorstep, minutes slowly trickling by, until he heard the telltale sound of Nya crying. Bummed, he went inside and took her out of her crib gently. 

“Ni-ni, you’re okay. I’s got you. Mommy will be here soon. Dada, too.” He whispered. He bounced her carefully the way his mom showed him, patting her back all the while. 

When Nya’s crying stopped, he left the nursery and went to the fridge where his mom had a few baby food containers prepared. He took one out and let it sit on the counter for a few minutes, knowing Nya didn’t enjoy the freezing cold food against her sensitive teeth. He played with her and watched her diligently while he waited for their parents to come home.

Hours passed. No sign of them coming home.

When night finally arrived, he tucked Nya into her crib and went off to his parents bedroom, climbing clumsily onto their bed. He waited and waited even more until he could barely keep his eyes open. Just before the bedside clock hit midnight, he sang to himself.

“Happy birfday to me. Happy birfday to m-me. H-happy birfday dear K-Kai… happy birfday t-to me.” He couldn't contain his sniffles and tears, softly crying himself to sleep.

He was seven years old when he learned what confidence was.

The heat never bothered him, but he knew it bothered Nya. That’s why he was currently working so hard and diligently on this man’s order to make sure she wouldn’t have to work alongside him in the forge. She was a bright child, despite only being five. She was amazingly smart, and she was only getting smarter everyday when she went to the kindergarten he worked hard to pay for. He was happy for her, pushing aside his desire to learn and read and write so that Nya could have a childhood while his crashed and burned.

Not once did he ever blame her, nor hate her for anything. She was his whole world the only person he had left. She was also the reason two men in suits knocked on the door of the forge and asked for his parents.

“Uhm, they're at work right now… you can come back later when they're here?” He offered hesitantly. He was super nervous, he didn't know why these people were here and he didn't know what to do. It must have been obvious he was lying, because the taller one raised his eyebrow and gave a look of suspicion. 

“Are you hiding information from us?” The scary man leaned into his space, searching and scanning all of his movements. He took a breath, forcing himself to calm down, trying what he’d seen on TV before. Kai’s demeanor shifted, standing more relaxed and hopefully seeming oblivious.

“No, sir! The only hiding I do is in hide and seek!” He exclaimed, faking cheer, but trying not to go over-the-top. Convinced, the man gave him a once-over before returning to his original stance.

“Could you perhaps give us a phone number?” The other asked. Kai shook his head, he didn't know their phone numbers, and told them as such. 

“Well then, we’ll just come back later this evening. Six o’clock sound good?”

“Uh, yeah. Yes. Six o’clock is right when my parents get home.” He lied, plastering a fake smile on his face.

“Alright, kid. We’ll see you then.” With that, Kai waved them off and eagerly slammed the door shut, letting out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

Inside, he was panicking. What did those people want with his parents? He had heard rumors of people who take kids away from parents who neg-negi-gelt- ignored their kids. Could they be looking to take us away? No way! I can't let Nya and I get separated! With a goal in mind, he set to packing what little they had, (Kai had to resort to selling a lot of their belongings to make ends meet).

By the time Nya was dropped off at home, he greeted her with a backpack and a duffle bag and he took her by the hand and marched off without a word. When she questioned where they were going, his heart sank as he lied, “camping.”

They walked a while before Nya started to lag behind, her little legs having a hard time keeping up after so much walking. He sighed and picked her up, continuing on. Kai had no idea where they were going, but they had to go somewhere far, far away.

At ten, he was pretty good at hiding his true emotions. 

He would often be restocking the shelves of tea when Mystake would ask him to sit down and have a cup of tea with her. In fear of losing his job and not minding the herbal drink, he would obediently sit and make idle chatter. However, the topic of his feelings and emotions was unfortunately more common than he'd like. 

“So, Kai. How have you been lately?” She’d always ask. Keeping up appearances (though sometimes she’d press a little harder), he’d politely respond with:

“I’ve been good, what about you?” And it wasn't always a lie, sometimes he would actually be good. Yet, that wasn't always the case. A vast majority of the time, he’d be down and really upset about some things. Even then, he made sure to keep on a stoic face and continue to brave the cutting world so his baby sister would live comfortably. 

Sometimes when he’d have a particularly bad day, he’d come home, cook a simple meal, before holing himself up on his couch-turned-bed and silently crying himself to sleep. He never wanted to burden anyone else with his issues, so he’d bury them deeper than the Mariana Trench. 

Kai had reached the ripe age of twelve when he fully grasped the concept of confidence and subtlety. 

After a long, tiring day of waiting on grumpy people and serving disgusting smelling dishes and dealing with snappy old people, he came back to their dingy little apartment only to hear the sadly familiar sound of Nya crying. 

With his big brother-senses tingling, he set down his things and headed straight to his sister’s room. He knocked on the door quickly before slamming the door open. 

“Ni-ni? Sis, what's wrong? Why’re you crying?” He knelt next to her where she was sitting on the bed with a towel under her. Eyeing the towel, his thoughts only prepared him for the worst.

“K-Kai,” she sobbed. “I-I- I’m dying!” She yelled at him, he tears worsening. His eyes widened. Trying to play it cool, he schooled his face into one of neutral concern.

“Hey, hey, shhh. Breathe. Slow down. Why do you believe you're dying?” He placed a warm, tan hand on her knee. She hiccuped, breathing deeper. She took a moment to collect herself a little more before responding.

“My… I-I’m bleeding from d-down there… I d-didn't know how to t-tell you!” Nya sniffled, avoiding his eyes. Thank my lucky stars I have female coworkers who don’t know when to stop talking. He thought to himself. He sighed, running his free hand through his messy hair.

“Well, I have good and bad news. Which do you want first?” He stood up, putting his hands on his hips.

“Good news always c-comes first!” 

He sighed again.

“Well, good news is… you’re not dying.” Kai sat on the bed next to her, placing his hand on her knee again.

“And the bad news…?” She questioned quizzically, tilting her head in the classic Smith sibling fashion.

“The bad news… it’s your period. Which you will have every month, for the rest of your life.” Nya’s face paled. She had heard about it from her friends at school, but didn't know much about it. Heck, she was surprised her brother knew about it.

“But, as a good older brother, I’ll go get you some supplies, okay? Do you want pads or tampons? Or I can get you both so you can try them out?” He offered softly, not wanting to scare her anymore than she probably is. She sat there thinking for a moment.

“Can you… can you get both?” 

“Of course, Ni-Ni. You know the difference between them, right? Eh, It’ll be better to explain with visuals. I’ll be back. I’ll grab some dinner while I’m out, alright? What sounds good?”

Going into the convenience store, he’d walked in confidently. As Kai stared at the endless shelving of period products, he felt significantly less confident. But, he was doing this for his baby sister, so of course he had to tough it out and get her the best of the best. Within his budget, of course. Though, as he was looking at the prices, he was wary. Who knew pads and tampons could be so expensive? But he was determined. If he needed to miss a few meals here and there, Kai would gladly do so for her. She was his everything.

So with that, he carefully grabbed a box of medium size pads and a box of small tampons before heading up to the counter. There he picked out a few of her favorite candies and threw them up with the toiletries. Kai artfully wore a nonchalant expression as he paid and checked out. Nobody eyed him or freaked out at him buying feminine products, and he sighed.

One day, there’d be a day where Nya could get these herself, but until that day, Kai would happily buy them for her.

When he was freshly fifteen, he had fully given up on trustworthy adults in his life. 

“YOU SCUM! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERIOR IN THAT TONE! YOU’RE FIRED!” His boss screeched, face red and spit flying. Kai flinched, reeling back as if he’d been burned. He ripped off the apron and threw it to the ground in rage.

“Fine! See if anyone ever comes to this crappy restaurant after the amount of bad reviews I’ll leave!” He shouted, grabbing his things from his locker and barging out the back door. 

When he made it home, the small apartment was empty. Exhausted and too tired for a kid his age, he showered numbly and sat on his makeshift bed. He scrolled on his phone, absentmindedly applying for new jobs and sending in his resumé. By the time he was done, his stomach was growling and he sighed.

Kai heaved himself up and made himself a cup of cheap ramen noodles, not caring if the temperature burned him, he ate in a dazed stupor. It wasn't that uncommon for him to be fired, which unfortunately hurt his resumé and reputation, but luckily they were all small and odd jobs anyways. Kai just hoped he could find a replacement job soon. One job really wasn't enough to take care of the two of them, and especially not Nya’s growing needs. He already was quite thin from how many meals he’s skipped just to keep her well fed and content. But it didn't matter. He’d give up everything for his baby sister. Including his life, if the need ever arose.

Chapter Text

Now present day, while Kai was seventeen and still taking care of his little sister, Nya had been trying to persuade him into letting her get a job. 

“Why do you even want a job?” He turned back to chopping the orange bell pepper, trying to cook dinner for them.

“I just want to help you out! You always do so much, I want to help.” She answered. He sighed, chopping faster.

“Ni-Ni, I’d be fine if you wanted to get a job for your own spending money or even just experience. But to help me out? No. You don't need to waste your spare time trying to help your very capable brother. I’m fine. I don't need help. We’re living comfortably now and I only work two jobs. It’s normal to work two jobs.” He wanted to stop sounding like her father, but she needed to realize it was his job to take care of her.

“Two jobs isn’t normal! None of my school friends have parents or siblings working two jobs! Most of them have stay-at-home moms! Let me get a job.” Nya stomped and slammed her hands on the countertop, her tone crisp and unruly. 

“No. End of story. You’re not getting a job. At all. You ruined your chance by being rude and demanding. Wait till next year and present a new reason and I might think about it. Now go to your room.” His voice was quiet, but his words carried. He didn't check over his shoulder to see her expression. He just continued chopping vegetables. That was when it hit.

“I HATE YOU! YOU’RE THE WORST BROTHER IN THE WHOLE WORLD! SELFISH, UNCARING, AND MEAN!” She screamed, running off to her room. Her door shut with a slam that made his heart clench. Kai shakily put down the knife. 

All he wanted her to do was trust him. Trust he was okay and perfectly fine with taking care of her. She was his purpose in life. He wouldn't know how to go on without her. Those words struck a cord in him, though. Every doubt and fear he’d had raising her was hit as if they each had targets. Kai was scared.

That’s why he finished dinner, put a serving on a plate with a pair of utensils and left it in front of her door with a note next to it that said nothing but: 

:(

He distantly hoped it to be enough, since he couldn't write out an extravagant apology like he sometimes wished. 

Quietly, Kai slipped on his gi and leapt out his window, despite the sun only setting now. He sat on the edge of the ninja’s meeting place, and watched the sunset. Kai couldn't help but think of what she said. Selfish, uncaring, and mean. He didn’t think he was any of those. But what would I know? Kai thought bitterly. Tears burned his eyes, his breathing picked up. Did she really mean that? Am I really a bad brother? Does she really hate me? Kai’s heart caught in his throat, choking him. He felt his body pushing, begging for air but he couldn’t breathe. He ripped off his cowl and mask, desperate to get some air in. It didn't work. He started clawing at his throat, willing it to let him breathe. 

He was struggling so much, he didn't hear when the other three ninja appeared at the same time, all bickering (quite loudly), before falling silent as they watched the red ninja. 

“Kai? Is everything alright?” Zane, ever so concerned, sat next to him. Kai was startled, but it didn't help his panic, only furthered it. He was heaving for breath, a small croak left his throat. That's when the ninja knew there was something wrong. 

Jay was quick to understand the situation, pulling him further from the ledge where he was sitting until they were across from each other. Jay pried one of his trembling hands from Kai’s neck, bringing it to rest over his own heart. 

“Kai, you’re having a panic attack. The panic is causing your lungs to close off. I need you to calm down so you can breathe with me. Can you do that for me? Of course you can, you’re strong like that. That’s it. Copy my breathing.” Jay expertly navigated Kai to open his airways, calming him enough to where he was able to breathe without any long breaks or dramatic hitches. 

“Alright. We’re gonna play a little game, yeah? You can do that. I know you can. Name five things you see.” Hand still over Jay’s heart, Kai’s eyes jumped everywhere, frantic.

“I-I see C-Cole ‘n Zane- uh… y-you, a-and a Prime E-Empire ad ‘nd the-the sunset–,” he gasped. Jay squeezed his hand.

“Good job. Very good. Can you name four things you can hear?” Jay rubbed his thumb over the back of Kai’s hand softly.

“Uhm… m-my heartbeat… and- and honking, lots of h-honking. Uh- the thrum of-of Zane’s power source ‘nd your b-breathing.” He was quiet for a little while before answering, listening obediently. He felt his shoulders relax a little bit.

“That’s great. Good work. What about three things you can feel, hm? Think you can do that?” 

“Your thumb- on-on my hand. The wind from b-before. And the-the cold concrete o-of the roof w-we're on.” Jay smiled sweetly at him.

“Two things you can smell?” Jay prompted, not missing a beat.

“I can smell the-the cologne C-Cole put on and the c-chocolate cake Zane w-was baking earlier.” The freckled teen giggled at the latter.

“Finally, one thing you can taste.” Jay let go of his hand as he watched Kai take back control.

“I can t-taste the pack of gummies I h-had after work.” He took a deep breath before running his hands over his face to wipe away the tears.

“Sorry about that, I’m fine.” He muttered.

“Are you sure about that? You seem… shaken.” The other two, Cole and Zane, sat on the other side of Kai, Cole bumping his shoulder with his own.

“I just…” he sighed, gliding his hand through his already mussed and non-gelled hair, (which was definitely a surprise for the others, since they’ve never seen him with his natural hair; let’s just say they adored it). “Nya and I got into a fight. She… said some really hard things.” Zane, Cole, and Jay all shared a look.

“Hard?” Zane prompted. Kai’s shoulders slumped.

“She said- she called me selfish, uncaring, and mean. She said she hated me and that I was the worst brother in the whole world.” He stated simply. His voice was rough, like he was trying to hold something back. Cole scoffed, gaining the others’ attention.

“Seriously? She had to have been saying that. There’s no way she means it. Dude, you’re the most selfless guy I know. You’ve given up so much for her. You gave up looking for your parents because Nya was your priority. You gave up your childhood to provide and take care of her. You work two jobs and a ninja side gig to protect her and give her a normal life. You give up your own personal safety for the sake of everyone in this city. And uncaring? Please. You care more than Pythor about his fangblades. When Jay broke his ankle on Chen’s island? You were the first to help him and take care of him. When I turned into a ghost? You were the one to comfort me and test my new powers with me. When Zane got sent to the never-realm? You were the one to start hatching a plan to get him back. Kai, you are one of the most compassionate people in this entire realm. And even your fans know you're not mean. Sure you can be stern and firm, but never mean. You might say some things in the heat of a moment, but you always apologize. I know Nya knows all this about you, even though she doesn't know the ninja side of things. Kai, you’re the most perfect older brother anyone could ask for.” Cole waited to see Kai’s reaction. 

They watched in silence as tears streaked down his pretty golden cheeks. A small radiant smile peaked through as he wiped his tears. 

“I didn't know you could wax poetry, Cole.” They all giggled as Cole blushed.

“I gave up much more than that, though. I gave up something everyone in the world has complained about.” He leaned back, letting his elbows lock and hold him up.

“What do you mean, Kai?” Zane looked confused, as did the rest of them. He chuckled self-deprecatingly.

“I gave up my education. Safe to say, I’m illiterate.” He refrained from looking at anyone as it sunk in. There was a crisp silence before Zane spoke up

“Kai… I don't think you ever told us, what age did your parents leave?” Zane seemed apprehensive.

“On my fifth birthday. I remember singing to myself in their bed as I drifted off to sleep, waiting for them to come back.” He sniffled anew, fresh tears falling.

“Oh, Kai.” Came from Jay.

Sobbing started up as he curled into Zane’s side. 

“What did I do… what did I do for them to leave me?” He cried into the nindroid’s chest, anger, sadness, overwhelming guilt and self-hate bursting out of him with one shout. He bunched his fists into the white gi. Strong arms embraced him from behind, he breathed in and could instantly tell it was Cole. Jay was on Zane’s other side, running his fingers through Kai’s messy hair and whispering sweet nothings to him as he cried in anguish. 

This moment they knew. They knew all of Kai’s confidence was nothing more than a mask.

An hour passed as he slowly wound down, comfortable in their hold. Kai found himself growing sleepy, and it didn't take much more of Jay’s hushed whispers, Cole’s humming, and Zane’s methodical tapping to lull him into a fitful sleep. Cole was the first to speak up.

“Should we bring him back to his apartment? Do any of us know where that is?” The resulting shaking of heads led Cole to sigh. Jay paused and fished into Kai’s pocket.

“Jay, what are-,” Zane was cut off by Jay unlocking Kai’s small, broken phone. The background was a collage of new and old pictures of Nya, throughout her life. It was adorable. The phone didn't have a lock on it, so Jay opened up the hidden message app and found Nya’s profile and started a new private chat.

Big Bro: hey, this is one of Kai’s work friends. He’ll be staying with us for the night.
Big Bro: don't worry, he’s safe. Just know he loves you and feels bad about your fight.
Read 8:27 PM

After that, the three bickered about whose house to take him to, and they decided Jay’s was the best option. Zane carefully lifted Kai bridal-style, making sure the younger’s head was tucked against his shoulder. Zane took a moment to stare at Kai’s handsome features. The perfect nose, pretty full lips, high cheekbones, and long eyelashes resting on cute subtly-freckled cheeks. 

A flush rose to Zane’s own the longer he stared. He clutched onto Kai a little tighter before inquiring for Jay to lead the way.

Once there, Jay provided them all with clothes to change into and out of their gi. He had a plethora of clothes, all in different sizes from his mother, Edna, getting into sewing and forgetting to take his measurements. With that, Jay, Zane, and Cole messaged their own parents, and they settled on Jay’s crazy huge bed. 

Ed, on behalf of Edna, brought in some fresh chocolate chip cookies and three glasses of milk, already aware of Kai being zonked out. The three teenagers gave their thanks quietly before digging in. It was still a little early to go to bed, so they played video games on Jay’s console for an hour or two before finally tuckering out and cuddling up around Kai. It didn't take long for the three to knock out, soothed by the sounds of each other’s breathing.

When morning came, Kai snuggled closer into his pillow, trying to go back to sleep. That was, until he heard a deep deep chuckle and cracked one sleepy eye open. He noticed his pillow jolting with every laugh let out, and he saw what his pillow was. His pillow was Cole. Cole. Cole Brookstone, the earth ninja. 

Kai shot up faster than a Fourth of July firework, blinking sleep out of his eyes while furiously fighting the blush on his face. His upright stature didn't last very long because two sets of arms dragged him to the side. There, he was crushed between Jay and Zane, Jay wrapping around him like a snake. Cole was still laughing, Zane humming the exact same tune he had been last night. Jay was the only one still seriously trying to sleep and it was cute the way he nuzzled into the crook of Kai’s neck, mumbling incoherently.

Wait. Cute? Jay? Since when has Jay ever been cute? Kai shoved those thoughts down and closed his eyes, trying to go back to sleep.

His attempt was useless because of Zane and Cole’s giggling and the sound of a phone camera shuttering, which caused him to glare at them. 

“Shut up! He’s trying to sleep! And I was too before I heard your annoying laughing.” He pouted, continuing to glare. Zane at least had the gall to seem a little sheepish, yet Cole was unabashed in his amusement. Kai couldn't help admiring the two’s… beauty. Zane, despite being a nindroid, was elegantly drop-dead gorgeous, whilst Cole was ruggedly handsome in the best way. He would never understand what they saw in him to keep him around.

The sound of a throat clearing brought him back to reality.

“See something you like?” Zane teased, a knowing look on his face. Kai was quick to bury his face under a pillow and groan.

“For your information- no. I was wondering how I was stuck on a team with such idiots–,” he grumbled. Kai couldn't see it, but he knew Cole and Zane were wearing twin cheshire grins. He brought the pillow down. 

“But in all seriousness, it's really unfair how attractive you guys are. I just don't know you guys keep me around, I’m nowhere near as handsome or pretty like you guys–,” he was cut off by a hard flick to his forehead. When he went to complain, he stopped and took in their disapproving and upset faces. He was confused. Did I do something wrong? Are they going to leave? Did I ruin it? Of course I did, I ruin everything– a gentle cold hand on his cheek broke his train of thought.

“Kai. You are one of the most beautiful people in all the realms. You are what most consider ‘a sight for sore eyes.’ Not just the physical aspect, but your personality and heart for people is one of the most attractive things about you. You are stunning inside and out. Do not sell yourself so short. And please, do not speak about my friend like that.” Zane switched to running his fingers through his messy hair while Cole fidgeted with Kai’s hand, nodding along aggressively to what Zane had to say.

Jay cuddled closer, which was amazingly still possible, clinging to him like a baby koala. Kai had never felt so assured, so confident in their love for him than in that moment. 

The morning passed with ease, the four enjoying each other's company. Eventually though, they dragged each other out of bed and found Ed and Edna preparing them a traditional breakfast. Kai felt overwhelmed with such a simple gesture, but he'd never had a home cooked meal from an adult in way too long. 

The moment he took a bite, his tense muscles relaxed and he slowly chewed to savor it. Almost like he could taste the love that was poured into it as it was being made. Kai was ravenously hungry, A) because he was a teenager, and B) he hadn’t eaten anything since the pack of gummies he’d munched on after his second work shift the day before. (Thankfully, he’d already had today off, since it was a Saturday. He was eternally grateful.) He ate two healthy helpings and soaked in the warmth of the atmosphere.

Next thing he knew, the four of them were relaxing on the couch, the others shoving a controller in his hands and teaching him how to play video games. He’d never smiled so much in his life and he never wanted the fun to end. He loved spending time with his best friends crushes. Kai knew he was lucky with who he had as friends, but maybe someday, strong maybe, he would be able to see that maybe everyone else was just as lucky as he was. For now, though, he was content knowing that he was loved for all of his curves and edges, and he loved them for all of theirs in return.