Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Returning to the 118 had come with a sense of home and comfort, of familiarity. Buck had been nervous on his first day back, for all of maybe five minutes before the comfort of being where he belonged had soothed his nerves and everything had settled around him.

And the first shift back had gone well, there had been a car crash, a woman who got wedged in a window, and wasn’t that a funny story, and a man who tried to save a cat and got stuck, which Buck had very carefully not laughed at, among other calls. Nothing too high stress for his first day back, but also a good range of calls. They were reassuring.

Oh he was sure he’d be able to handle the big high pressure calls, but it was nice to ease back into it a little. Even if he’d had to slap a hand over his boyfriends mouth to stop him from saying the Q-word to be an annoying little shit.

Buck wasn’t the only one who had nearly killed Eddie for that, Hen and Chim had both been seriously considering jumping Eddie and gagging him when they’d heard him trying to say the dreaded word.

That was another thing. The boyfriend thing.

Since they’d signed all of the paperwork Buck and Eddie had discussed what they were in a more official sense. Partners was probably the best word of course, it was far more grown up than boyfriend and it was certainly serious enough to describe how Buck and Eddie felt about one another.

They were partners in every sense of the word, a team in work and as a family unit and yet… well, Buck knew that both he and Eddie got a little thrill out of being able to call one another boyfriends.

It probably came from the fact that they’d both had to grow up far quicker than they should have, in different ways.

Eddie had been effectively parentified by his parents, forced to step up to take care of his sisters and be the man of the house at a young age, and then he’d gotten Shannon pregnant. That meant he hadn’t exactly dated much. Shannon had been his first and only girlfriend.

And Eddie had been so deeply closeted because of his parents that the whole boy part of the boyfriend thing was still new to him.

And Buck… he’d never been closeted exactly, romance hadn’t been something on his mind in his younger years since he’d spent most of his late teens healing from the damage that had been done by Jakeman. His first and only relationship, aside from the should have beens with Samara and one or two minor flings that had never gone anywhere. Of course he had been with Taylor for a short but intense period, which had crashed and burned and ended in deep trust issues that even after he got closure hadn’t magically faded away. He still froze up at the idea of Eddie seeing his back, though the man had been so fucking sweet and gentle, never pressuring or asking for more than Buck was already offering up. He took things at Buck’s pace and was so fucking kind about it.

Eddie’s patience floored Buck sometimes, and made him want to cry a little from the sheer overwhelming gratitude.

It wasn’t like he didn’t trust Eddie. He knew the man would never pull anything even remotely like the shit that Taylor had. But even knowing that the idea of it, of Eddie seeing the thick layers of scar tissue, made him feel panicky. Especially the idea of what Eddie would think when he did eventually see it. After all it would happen, no matter how much Buck wished he could somehow avoid it. 

He loved Eddie, wanted to spend the rest of his life with him, and eventually that would lead to sex, and Buck couldn't spend the rest of his life refusing to let Eddie see that one specific part of him.

The other man had a protective nature that usually made Buck feel all warm and gushy inside, and okay so did Buck in certain ways but still. He knew that if Eddie knew what had happened to him it would hurt him, and that didn’t sit right with Buck either. The idea of Eddie hurting over what had happened over a decade earlier. The idea of Eddie somehow feeling guilty despite the fact that it was stupidly illogical for him to feel guilty.

So the shirt stayed on, the back stayed facing away from Eddie and they built their relationship step by step. The sex was the least important part of it to both of them anyway.

Their relationship had started with that quick and easy friendship and grown into a deep love and trust. Sure when the time came Buck was sure the sex would be mind-blowingly good but that was not the main focus.

And calling themselves boyfriends? Yeah. Yeah that was part of it. Part of the whole beautiful experience. They were finally getting to have something most people had a lot earlier than they had.

It was sweet and perfect and Buck still felt giddy every time Eddie grabbed his hand when they were out in public with the kids. Such a small thing but it made his heart skip and race.

Hell, Shannon, Abuela and Tia Pepa had teased them for acting like love struck teenagers when they’d went to Pepa’s for a family dinner- the kids had ran around with Eddie’s cousins kids.

It was everything Buck had ever dreamed of.

His boyfriend and his family.

God he was lucky.

And when the first big call came since Buck started back? He forced down his nerves and he did his job- and he was proud to say that he’d done it as well as he ever had. He hadn’t let his nerves get the better of him, he’d managed to get the girl out of the car that was about to burst into flames without any incident and she’d been fine.

All in all, Buck was feeling great about his return to the 118.

He had earned his life back.

Spencer had been right, the decision to take his leg had been the right one in the end he knew, he had no regrets. And the team had welcomed him back, Bobby especially despite the fact that during the first few shifts the man had looked more than a little tense, his eyes constantly straying back to Buck as if he was terrified something would go wrong and he’d get hurt again.

But then, they had discussed that, Bobby’s anxiety. And… Buck knew he’d feel the same if Rina or Chris had gotten hurt so badly. He’d want to fuss over her and make sure nothing could ever hurt her again.

Hell he’d joked about wrapping her and Chris in bubble wrap after the nightmare with the tsunami, and neither of them had actually been badly hurt.

So he understood Bobby’s anxiety, the way he’d watched him so carefully during the first three shifts back, moving as if he was going to intervene on occasion.

Thankfully the others were also aware of Bobby’s anxiety and both Hen and Chim had slid between Bobby and Buck, blocking him.

It felt a little mean honestly, but Buck was grateful for it.

After all how could he prove to everyone else and to himself that he was really back if Bobby stepped in every time anything even remotely dangerous happened?

Thankfully the overprotectiveness had eased off after the third shift, and Bobby started relaxing.

And okay, during his fifth shift back Buck had nearly died laughing when a guy who was, quite frankly, a giant asshole, had gotten pissed off at Buck calling him out on his assholery and tried to kick Buck’s leg and broke his own foot. The look on the mans face as he’d screamed and hopped back, clutching at his foot had been so worth it, even if Bobby had been forced to reluctantly tell Buck he was not allowed to laugh at any patients suffering.

Not in front of them anyway though Bobby had then told him he was proud when they’d gotten back to the station.

Buck hadn’t felt very guilty. The guy had tried to kick him after all. And the idiot had caused the whole mess that led to the call- the man had glued his drunk and sleeping friends hands to the damn floor for god sake. And the glue he’d used had been strong stuff.

Still, Buck was pretty sure that friendship was over given how angry the poor guy glued to the floor had been. And he had at least gotten some comfort out of the fact that his now ex-friend broke his foot so that was something at least.

All in all, by the time Buck had been back at work for a month he could feel himself settling back into his own skin.

He could genuinely say he was pretty sure that his life had never been better than it was now, even with a missing leg.

And Buck could admit that he was looking forward to a nice hot shower after a particularly gruelling call.

Oh everything had turned out alright in the end, no one had been seriously injured, but even so.

A car had swerved off the road when a bee had gotten in through the open window.

The man behind the wheel had panicked because he was very allergic and with one turn of the wheel he’d come off the road and swerved into a restaurant full of people.

Luckily there hadn’t been any too severe injuries. broken bones were about the worst of it, but even so it had been hard work and Buck was looking forward to the feeling of hot water soothing over aching muscles before they sat down to have family dinner together.

Especially since it had been a busy day with non-stop calls so Bobby had told them he was going to take the station offline for an hour and a half so they could all catch their breaths.
That was something Buck was insanely grateful for.
 
It meant that Buck could take off his leg for half an hour while he showered and dried and he could have a little break before putting it back on when he was done.

It was the only time he’d be willing to take it off while on a shift. He refused to take the risk of not wearing it and having the bell ring.

Oh he was fast at putting it on, but even so if they were called out then every second mattered.

Buck would not be responsible for delaying their arrival and having someone die when they shouldn’t.

So yeah, being offline for a bit would be a nice break, and Buck was in a reasonably good mood by the time they got back to the station.

Yeah the call had been hard work but there had been no deaths. That was always something to celebrate.

Once they all climbed out of the truck Buck moved to head towards the showers, but a call of “Buckley!” From Martinez stopped him short and he turned, focusing on the other man, who had clearly just been in the locker room.

“Yeah? Everything okay dude?”

“Yeah, yeah but I figured I should let you know, there’s a couple of people here to see you?” which made Buck blink, startled, and he glanced back at the others, who looked just as surprised as he did.

Okay so not someone who’d planned on surprising him then.

“Did you get names?”

“No, there was some man and a teenager. I sent them up to the loft to wait for you. Figured whoever they are they couldn’t get in too much trouble just sitting around up there.”

“I’ll go check it out.”

“The rest of us’ll hit the showers.” Bobby’s voice was firm, “Buck do you need-“

“I’ll be fine.” He waved the offer off smoothly. “Whoever it is I’m sure I can handle them.”

And so Buck headed up to the loft area on his own, his eyes focusing first on a man with his back to him sat on the couch clearly waiting and then flitting towards where someone was playing pinball, and he blinked, staring for a long moment. Tall and lanky, straight blond hair. Teenager, wearing board shorts and a loose tee.

Then said teenager turned his head and Buck nearly stepped back, which would have been a disaster since he was on the stairs and he’d have ended up going head over heels tumbling down them if he hadn’t stopped himself.

Because holy shit. Holy shit, teenager he knew.

Repeat, teenager he knew.

14 years old, grinning ear from ear when his gaze landed on Buck.

That was a familiar grin in a familiar face.

That was Hailey Hotchner’s grin. Buck hadn’t known her that well but he’d met her enough times that he could remember what her grin looked like.

Hailey’s grin, and Haileys green eyes but Hotches noise and mouth.

Holy fuck.

“Jack?”

“Evan!” Jack was weaving his way around the pinball machine instantly, and Buck was moving towards the kid at the same time, laughing when Jack stopped just in front of him, fist held out.

There was no hesitation, no pause to try and remember.

Fist bump, pull back, Jack’s fist against the top of his, then Buck’s hitting the top of Jacks, hook the fingers together, shake and then pull back, both of them grinning at one another.

“You remembered it.”

“So did you.”

“God kid.” Buck wrapped an arm around Jack, pulling him into a loose hug. “What the hell are you even doing here?”

“Jack convinced me we should visit LA.” The voice was so familiar and Buck turned, focusing on the man who had been sat down, who was now standing and facing him.

And holy fuck did Hotch look different in casual wear, jeans and a loose polo. Still reasonably smart but.. “Okay who are you and what did you do with Hotch? Where’s the suit?” he was grinning as Jack laughed.

“I know right? He looks weird now but I’ve gotten used to it.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to call your dad weird Jack.” Hotch looked fondly amused. “Evan. It’s good to see you again.”

“It is really good to see you too.” And that was true. Hotch looked different now. In a strange way he almost looked younger than he had the last time Buck had seen him.

But then again, Buck knew that Hotch had felt the weight of his job. He’d been tired by the time Buck had left, and then Mr Scratch the fucked up serial killer had started stalking Jack and they’d gone into hiding.

Now he guessed they were out of hiding since Scratch was dead.

And Hotch had chosen to leave the BAU and focus on himself and his kid. And that weight that had once wore him down seemed to have vanished. He looked happier than he had in years, a wide genuine smile on his lips, with the little crows feet in the corners of his eyes.

“Since Jack’s been wanting to come to LA, catch some sun and waves I figured we might as well see if we could pop in and find you. Emily kept me up to date.” Hotches eyes flicked down to Buck’s leg before they flicked up again. “She said you’ve been doing well for yourself. Spencer seemed to think you’d found your place.”

“I have.” Buck nodded. “Not that I wasn’t happy before but-“

“Different types of happy.” Hotch nodded, “I understand Evan. Believe me.” He gave a faintly amused smile. “Honestly I realised while we were in Witsec how much lighter I felt. I did feel bad about leaving the BAU but I remembered how much lighter you looked after you told me you were leaving and I thought about actually getting to live a normal life and I decided to go for it. I was eligible for retirement and I’m glad I made that choice.”

“It looks good on you Hotch. Seriously Bossman-“

“I still remember you calling me that on your first day.” Hotch laughed, shaking his head.

“You gave me the most disapproving look. Like I disappointed you greatly.” Buck laughed at the memory, shaking his head fondly. “I was so nervous. Which was stupid because I knew everyone already.”

“You had nothing to be nervous about. And you still don’t. It looks like you found a place for yourself.”

“Yeah.” Jack nodded, “You look happy Evan.”

“I feel it kid.” Buck his arm slip off Jack’s shoulder. “And you have grown up. Holy shit last time I saw you I swear you were this tall.” He held up his hand and Jack gave him a dirty look.

“It wasn’t that long ago. I was like, ten.”

“You were.” Buck blinked, “and now you’re what… fourteen?” Jack nodded and Buck shook his head. “God see that feels unreal.”

Still, it was good, seeing that Jack had grown up so well. He looked at ease with himself despite everything he’d been through.

And he had been through a lot. Buck could remember how small he’d been when his mother had been killed.

Buck had only just started at the BAU when that mess had happened, and he’d offered to hang out with the kid sometimes.

Hotch had been more than willing to take Buck up on that offer. Buck was a cool older kid who Jack looked up to. Who Jack had been willing to open up to.

Their traumas were different sure, but both of them had been through a trauma and Buck had a shiny new psychology PhD that had taught him a lot about how the mind worked.

Jack was younger than Buck had been, and he processed what had happened differently than Buck had.

But still, there had been a rough level of understanding between them. They’d both found out far too young that the world had some pretty shitty people in it and bad things happened. It had allowed Jack to open up easier to Buck than he had to anyone else, including his actual therapist.

 Because of that Buck had always had a soft spot for the boy.

And Jack had always looked up to Buck in return, and that didn’t seem to have changed because Jack was grinning at him. “I bet I’m taller now than you were at fourteen.”

“You are.” Buck laughed, “Seriously, like, I don’t recall giving you permission to get so tall. Hotch did you give him permission to get so tall?”

“No, no I did not. He’s grown up far too fast.” Which earned a roll of his eyes from Jack.

“I’m pretty sure I’m growing up at a totally normal pace dad.”

“He’s a teenager.” Hotch chuckled, shaking his head, “And thankfully he has a good head on his shoulders.”

“You doing good in school?”

“Not graduating three years early but yeah.” Jack nodded.

“Still into soccer?”

“Of course.” Jack grinned, “But dad doesn’t try to coach me anymore. I’m trying out for the school team actually.”

“Ah yes-“ Buck paused, “Actually no. No I have no experience with that stuff. Homeschooling. And my daughter isn’t really a sporty person.” And that seemed to loose Jacks interest because he was drifting back towards the pinball machine and Hotch smiled at him as Buck moved towards him.

“Ah, the famous Rina I’ve heard so much about from Emily and Spencer. You decided to take a page out of your brothers book I heard.”

“I did.” Buck nodded, grinning as he hugged Hotch tightly, the man giving him a firm hug back before he pulled back. “Met her on a call and I never looked back. I actually adopted her on her birthday.”

“That’s a hell of a present.” Hotch looked proud. “You’ve made a good life for yourself Evan. I wasn’t sure where you’d end up when you left the BAU but it seems to me like you landed on your feet.”

“Yeah, you could say that.” They drifted towards the couches together. “Foot anyway.” Which earned a laugh from Hotch.

“I see you’re making jokes about it then. Emily told me. Not that I could have missed it. Your face was splashed all over the news at the time. Hero off duty firefighter saves his team in dramatic bomb rescue and loses his leg in the process. I had to make sure Jack didn’t look up any of the news footage.”

“Yeah it was not pretty.” Buck winced a little, “And I won’t lie the recovery’s been pretty rough at times but I got back here. That was more than I expected.”

“Well you always were stubborn.” Hotch nodded. “So. You have a new job, a new family, a daughter even. Is there anything else I should know? Since I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to see you again, we’re only here for the weekend.”

“Well I also have another kid who’s basically mine at this stage.” Buck admitted, grinning at Hotches raised eyebrow. “His name is Christopher and he’s my boyfriends son. He and Rina are really close.”

“Boyfriend?” and how was it possible that Hotches eyebrow seemed to go even higher? Clearly the man was a freak of nature with his eyebrows.

“Yeah. Yeah, Eddie. He works here actually. His son is eight years old.” Buck pulled out his phone, pulling up a photo he’d taken of the four of them when they’d went out to get ice cream the day before his first shift back, Chris perched on Buck’s lap in the booth, Rina tucked in close between him and Eddie, who had an arm draped across Rina’s and Buck’s shoulders as they squeezed together for the photo. “That’s us.”

Hotch looked at the phone, smiling softly at the picture. “You have a good family now Evan.” He clamped a hand over Buck’s shoulder and squeezed gently. “You’ve grown up a lot in the time I’ve known you.”

“I hope so. It’s been over a decade,“ Buck let out a laugh despite himself. “I don’t think the kid I was when I first met you would believe what I grew up into.”

“A good man.” Hotch said the words firmly. “You grew up into a good man Evan. You should be proud of yourself for everything you’ve accomplished over the years. And for the fact that you knew when to get out. Sometimes I wonder if I’d have been better leaving the BAU a long time ago.”

“Don’t say that.” Buck’s brows furrowed and he shook his head. “I know- I know the job was hard and it left it’s scars on both of us but we did help a lot of people. For all that I know I made the right choice in leaving… I also know I don’t regret any of it. Think of how many lives you helped save Hotch. You got out when you were supposed to get out just like I did.”

“That sounds like a good way to look at it.” Hotch nodded slowly before he shook himself. “I suppose at the end of the day all we can do is make the best choices we can in the moment.” He paused, “Now- there is one thing I’ve been meaning to ask you about.”

“Ask away then.”

“A bank robbery?” Hotch gave Buck an amused grin as his face flushed a deep shade of red.

“I am never going to live the fact that I was questioned in connection with a fucking heist down am I?”

“No. No I don’t think you are.” Hotch shook his head, a smile on his lips as he laid a hand on Buck’s shoulder and squeezed. “Emily said Penelope gave her a very excited run down of what happened. Did you take over an investigation you had no jurisdiction in?”

“Well they questioned me.” Buck huffed the words, “I don’t know what else they expected. If they’d done a thorough background check then maybe they’d have realised what they were in for.”

“Oh, I really doubt that.” Hotch chuckled, “You were always a bit of a trouble maker even as a teenager-“

“I was not-“

“Evan the day I met you you admitted you’d been compiling a notebook with information about the local serial killer.”

“I-I have matured since then.”

Hotch laughed before nodding his head slightly, “I suppose you have. You grew up Evan. I have to admit it’s been an honor getting to watch you grow up. A lot has changed since then.”

“I know.” Buck hummed, his expression going distant, “I made it out and Jakeman’s dead.”

“I heard.”

“He left me his house and a letter. I sold the house.”

“Did you read the letter?”

“Would you read a letter left by Foyet or Scratch?”

“I don’t know Evan.” Hotch admitted, his eyes flicking towards Jack. “I suppose that’s something no one knows until they have to make that choice.”

“I kept it.” Buck admitted after a moment, “Not in the house. I don’t want it in my new home near my daughter as stupid as that sounds. But it’s in my locker here. In case I ever decide I’m ready to see what he had to say.”

“Whatever it does say, you grew into a wonderful young man Evan.” Hotch squeezed his shoulder gently before tilting his head, “Now, how are you going to introduce me to your friends. I believe none of them know you were FBI?”

“I’ll just introduce you as Spence’s boss.” Buck’s lips twitched. “Though... I am ninety percent sure Hen and Chim haven’t realised that Spencer was FBI yet.”

“He doesn’t exactly come across as the typical agent does he?” Hotch laughed, shaking his head fondly, “Well, I’m looking forward to meeting everyone.”

Chapter Text

There was a serial killer in LA.

That fact had been on Buck’s radar for a couple of weeks now, an itch beneath his skin, though he hadn’t done anything about it. Not yet anyway.

It had been just over three weeks since he’d seen Hotch and Jack, which had been a more then welcome surprise, but life had moved on after they’d left and Buck had once again gotten back into the swing of things.

And now he was waiting. Going about his life in his usual way and half waiting for the inevitable call.

He didn’t know much about the situation yet. The LAPD had been doing a surprisingly good job of keeping a lid on the situation and preventing details from leaking to the press.
But word had gotten out. The day after Hotch had left Athena had mentioned that someone had been killed and that it was pretty brutal, though she hadn’t given any details. That was reasonable, the fewer details that leaked the better after all, less chance for idiots to mess with the investigation. Buck knew that from experience even if he did wish he had more information to go on. To decide if he was pushing his way into the investigation or waiting until they asked. 

Then a second body had been found, same circumstances as the other, though again the details had been kept vague. Only one had leaked.

The killer had left a small laminated piece of card with a phoenix printed on it. Athena had been in a mood after that since no one could figure out who the leak had come from. Buck had wondered if the tip to the news might have come from the killer himself. It was certainly a possibility.

So of course people started calling the guy the Phoenix Killer.

Still, none of the fine details about the where and the how had leaked.

Buck was aware of a third body being found.

That had made it serial. It was official, though everyone had been distantly aware that it was probably serial even before that point. The killer left a calling card, taking responsibility for the murders. That screamed that they weren’t done yet.

So Buck had been waiting.

The LAPD would obviously do what they could themselves first. Buck didn’t blame them for that, they’d want to bring the killer to justice if they could.

But… well, he wouldn’t be at all surprised to hear from the lead Detective at some point in the very near future. The LAPD did have his number now- for official use only if they wanted an FBI consult before deciding to request aid from the full force of the BAU.

And honestly there was a large chance that Buck would be able to handle making a profile himself.

If they asked. Which they hadn’t yet.

Not even when the MO shifted somewhat.

And that had given Buck reason to pause. Because the fourth victim?

Rumor had it that the fourth victim wasn’t dead when they found him. Someone- and from what Maddie had shakily whispered to him they thought that someone could be the Unsub- had called it in. Said there was someone dying. Had given a location, though Maddie hadn’t told him where, and had asked for them to send help.

From what Buck had been told a different Firehouse had answered that call.

It had been too late to save the victim, who had died maybe a few minutes after they arrived on scene.

But still, the fact that the victim was alive? Yeah that was concerning. What the fuck was going through this killers mind? Why had they called for help? It certainly wasn’t likely that it was because they’d had a change of heart so there had to be some form of ulterior motive.

It was a calculated choice, calling for help. So clearly the victim hadn’t just accidentally survived what had been done. The killer wanted his victim to be found alive, even if he wasn’t alive for long.

In any case, both dispatch and the firehouse that had answered the call had been talked to by the Phoenix killer task force, both to get the details on how the scene had been when they arrived and to impress upon them the importance of not sharing any details with anyone, for the sake of the investigation.

It was a big ask of course, but it was important and clearly everyone involved had taken it to heart because no one had been spreading rumors so far.

So yeah.

Buck knew there was a serial killer in LA.

And he was waiting for the LAPD to call him in to help build a profile. And he would do it, without hesitation, even if it meant he was going to have to come clean to the rest of the 118 about his job history since he’d be working on the profile in his down time during work he was sure.

It just hadn’t happened yet, and for now Buck didn’t plan on forcing his way onto the case. It would happen he was sure, he'd just prefer to do it the right way.

A bank heist was one thing, that had been fun. Serial killers? They were serious. It wasn’t the same. He needed to either be asked before he stepped in, or for it to get to a point when he couldn’t stand back and just wait anymore.

Or, the third option was getting called out to the scene, though no one knew for sure if the living victim would happen a second time. There was a chance the killer had gotten whatever he wanted out of that. Whatever the fuck that was.

The next victim could be dumped already dead like the first three.

The only thing that was certain in Buck’s mind?

There would be a fifth.

This guy had a plan. And it was not to kill four people and fade into obscurity. The calling card confirmed that if nothing else.

Killers only left calling cards like that if they wanted the attention. If they had some sort of plan.

Even so, Buck hadn’t expected the team to be called out at three in the morning on a Monday during a 24 hour shift.

He’d been lightly dozing, using Eddie as a pillow in the bunks when the bell had rang and the team had headed out.

They were informed of the situation fairly quickly by the Dispatcher, Linda, one of Maddie’s friends, that they had reason to believe that the caller was in fact the Phoenix killer and that apparently there was a woman ‘bleeding out’ in a cemetery.

Buck felt his skin crawling at the idea of it.

He hadn’t ever been a big fan of burial places in general- as if you could be- but Jakeman had definitely added an extra layer of fear of them.

They were just creepy. And given the time of day it was it was still dark. They only had five more hours left of the shift. Buck silently lamented the fact that they were going to have to spend a few of those hours dealing with this, and dealing with the police that would surely want to talk to them once they got back to the Firehouse.

So yeah, yeah Buck wasn’t in the best of moods by the time the truck pulled to a stop and they pulled the doors open, Buck gripping the lantern tightly as they all clambered out and Bobby spoke up, “Right people, we’re heading to the North-west corner of the Cemetery. We don’t know exactly where the victim will be but we’re going to find them and do our best to save them. Dispatch says that there’s a patrol unit on the way here to secure the scene. It’s Athena luckily for us but we do our job and save the victim.”

And with that all five of them were moving, all of them holding lanterns and straining to see, Buck treading carefully around the graves, flicking from headstone to headstone looking for… something. Anything out of the ordinary.

Then he heard Eddie’s voice calling out and he swung towards the sound of the mans voice, breaking into a run in time to see Eddie crouching down next to a figure, a woman, she’d been laid out face down on top of a grave Buck realised with dawning horror, a blanket draped over her back. And she was alive, hands bound behind her back, he could tell from the shape beneath the blanket. Her legs were tied together at the ankles, and Eddie was on his knees next to her. She was making a horrific faint gurgling noise, and Buck saw why when Eddie rolled her over.

Her throat had been slit, there was blood soaking the grass beneath her and even as Eddie clamped his hands over her throat and called more urgently Buck knew it was too late.
Even as Hen and Chim reached them she was dying, Eddie’s hands covered in blood as he almost toppled backwards and sat staring at the body as Hen and Chim tried to save her.

But it was too late. She was gone.

“Damn it.” Buck heard Bobby’s voice, soft and pained.

“We didn’t have a chance Cap.” Eddie was shaking his head, his gaze aimed down at his hands. “She’s gone.” Hen’s expression was exhausted in the dim glow of the lantern light. “I’m surprised she was even still alive when we got here.”

“Why the hell is this bastard playing games like this?” Chim sounded angry. “This is sick.”

And Buck found himself staring at the woman.

Blonde hair, fair skin.

There hadn’t been any information released about the killer thus far. Did he have a physical type? She looked like she was in her late twenties but it was hard to say. Probably around the same age as himself and Eddie.

“Athena’ll be here in a moment.” Bobby shook his head, “I’ll radio in and let them know that there was nothing we could do. We wait until she’s here then we go back to the firehouse and we’ll go offline until the police come. I imagine they’ll want to have our fingerprints and such to make sure they can rule any of our prints they find on her out.”

“Of course cap.” Hen’s voice was heavy. “God she’s so young. They need to catch this guy soon.”

And Buck could hear the others talking but he wasn’t really listening. He was looking around slowly.

Secluded area, back corner of the cemetery. There was a woods that backed onto the cemetery. It would be easy enough for the killer to hop the fence and hide in them when he heard anyone approaching. He could observe from the shadows and leave as soon as he’d gotten whatever it was he wanted out of it.
Buck’s eyes scanned the trees, eyes narrowed.

He couldn’t see or hear anyone but all that meant was that they knew how to be silent.

He could probably vault over the fence and try and find them. He was sure that they were probably watching and yet… no.

No as much as a part of him wanted to he knew that it would be one of the stupidest decisions he could ever make. The woods would be uneven terrain and it was dark. With his prosthetic that was just asking to have a fall and when you added in the very very high probability.. no. No it wasn’t a probability it was a certainty, the womans throat had been slit.

The killer would at the very least have a knife.

He'd be playing into their hands and probably end up with at least one stab wound and that wouldn’t do anyone any good.

The best thing he could do was focus on the victim and the scene. The killer had wanted them to find her like this after all. It had to reveal something about his psychology… Buck blinked, eyes narrowing a little as he moved quietly towards the fence, and yes, yes he hadn’t been imagining it.

The fence itself was low, waist height roughly, wooden panelled and… yes. Yes there it was.

A simple piece of laminated card with a Phoenix printed on it, a flaming bird, all fiery reds and oranges.

There was nothing else on it and he didn’t touch it. Best not to get his finger prints all over it after all.

But… why the Phoenix.

Why had the killer chosen that bird to represent itself?

Buck knew a lot about them, about the mythology. He could remember when he was younger, he’d been fascinated by the idea of the Phoenix. After he’d read the second Harry Potter book at Samara’s urging.

He could still remember the deep dive he’d done into mythological creatures in general which had been spurred on by those books.

It was believed to originate from ancient Egyptian mythology though there was some debate about that.

A very long lived bird, only ever one at a time. The Phoenix would die in a burst of flames and be reborn, life from death. From destruction.

It was a curious symbol for a serial killer to adopt as their own.

Were they saying that they were one of a kind? Unkillable? Maybe a cycle of killers but... no that didn’t fit. It didn't feel right and Buck had long ago learned to trust his instincts.

There was something Buck was missing he was sure.

He'd need to look at the files.

He didn’t care if the LAPD asked anymore he was working this case.

He shook his head slightly, turning his gaze away from the pinned up image and back to the others. They’d all backed away from the body a little.

No one was speaking, they were taking it in Buck was sure.

So he took a moment to look at the body itself, properly this time instead of the brief looks he’d had so far.

He stood by his first guess about her age, she looked reasonably fit too. She was wearing casual clothes, which wasn’t much help in telling how she’d been picked, a pair of jeans and a short sleeved tee which was sitting oddly on her, the fabric gathering in a way that didn’t seem to make sense.

Weird. A part of Buck wanted to look closer but he knew the others would probably be more than a little freaked out if he did.

And in any case he didn’t have any gloves.

Still, he could see a reasonably amount. She was led on her back now, body positioned awkwardly because of how her hands were bound behind her back.

He could see a fairly fresh bruise on the right side of her temple. Hit over the head at least once then.

Was that how she’d been subdued when she’d been abducted?

Her neck was bloody, sliced open deep, head hanging back in a grotesque fashion. And for a moment Buck couldn’t make out anything beneath the blood.

Was that how he always killed? Did he always slit the throat? Except. He found himself moving closer, holding up a hand when he heard Bobby draw breath, probably to ask what he was doing.

And Buck crouched down next to her, pulling his flashlight from his pocket- it was his personal one not LAFD issue. Long and slim. And he used it now, not caring that he was getting blood on it as he carefully used it to push the hair away from her neck, strands sticking in the wet blood.

“Buck you can’t-“

“Hen. I know you’re trying to be helpful but don’t.” Buck hated down sharp his voice came out, hated the surprised little noises that came from his family.

He twitched forward when he heard Eddie moving behind him, “Don’t- don’t touch me-“

“Buck-“

“Everyone just let me-“ ahah. He’d gotten the hair out of the way enough to see the womans neck.

And suddenly Buck didn’t feel triumphant at all.

He felt kind of sick actually.

Bruising, deep mottled bruising that he could see now probably wrapped all the way around her throat, largely concealed by the cut and the blood until he’d actively looked for it.
He felt bile in his throat but he swallowed it down, ignoring the burn as he stared at the bruising.

He couldn’t tell exactly but it looked like the bruising was around an inch to an inch and a half thickness around her throat. Something that wide had wrapped around it and pulled.

She’d been choked by a belt.

He recognised those bruises, the deeper red on the edges that had almost welted from the tightness.

He'd had marks like that around his own throat for weeks.

He could almost feel it again now, leather, tight, pinching at the skin of his throat, cutting in, blocking off his best attempts to draw in frantic needed breaths.

No.

No.

Choked by a belt.

Face down on top of a grave, a blanket draped over her back.

This all felt too painfully familiar.

He swallowed hard, trying to force his suddenly racing heart to slow.

That was a losing game he knew but he had to try. Had to hold on to some semblance of calmness and clarity for the sake of the poor woman who’d been murdered.  He couldn’t let his own trauma distract him yet. He would allow himself to process that later. Even if the feeling of tight leather around his neck didn’t seem to go going away any time soon.

“Hen-“ his voice was a little hoarse despite his best efforts, “Do you have any gloves.”

“Of course I do Buck but you shouldn’t be touching the body anymore than we already have.”

“Buck I know this is… hard.” Bobby sounded pained. “I think this might be one of the worst-“

“Just give me the damn gloves-“

“Here.” Eddie was holding a pair out and Buck turned a little, giving the other man a small nod, absently noting that Eddie had wiped the blood off his hands as best as he could onto his pants. “But Buck what are you doing?”

“I need to see something.” And okay Buck did know he shouldn’t be moving the body too much but… he had a horrible gut feeling about what he was about to find.

If he was right then there was going to be a lot more trouble he was sure.

And he pulled the gloves on quickly before oh so gently rolling the woman back so that she was face down again, offering her a silent apology in his head.

She deserved more dignity than she’d been given, in life and in death.

But he needed to see this for himself- because the way her clothes had been crumpled didn’t make sense unless his sudden theory was right.

So he rolled her over and he noticed immediately that the blanket was sticking to her back.

“Is that-“ Chim cut himself off, sounding horrified, “Is that-“

“The blankets stuck to her back with drying blood.” Buck breathed the words slowly, blinking down at the sight.

Then he was peeling the blanket away.

He knew what he would find before he even saw it but that didn’t mean that the sight didn’t have him wanting to bolt.

He'd been right about the clothes, they had been draped awkwardly because they had been cut, directly down the middle of the back, so that the t-shirt was held together by a small

amount of fabric at  the neck.

That had given the killer a clean canvas, he’d been able to get the shirt out of the way to get to bare skin.

Not that there was much skin left of her back.

Buck could heard the horrified noises from behind him. Chimney sounded like he was gagging and he could hear Eddie trying to reassure the other man. And he could heard Bobby whispering a soft prayer under his breath.

It wasn’t as if all of them hadn’t seem some pretty bad things over the years. They were firefighters for fuck sake, they’d seen some really bad things. Injuries that would make most people run screaming didn’t phase them usually.

But this wasn’t that was it?

This was different because someone had done this to the poor woman on purpose, for no reason other than to hurt her.

Accidents, stuff done in fits of rage? Those things they were all used to.

Buck knew his team wasn’t used to such brutal sadism as was on display now.

Her back had almost been flayed. With a belt, he knew that instinctively.

And he could almost feel that pain now, as well as the phantom feeling of the belt around his neck.

The pain of the belt slicing into already raw and painful flesh. Over and over and over-

Buck reeled backwards, pulling away from her and staggering to his feet.

“BUCK!” Hen caught him as he almost fell backwards but he could barely feel the hands that steadied him.

And he was swinging around, staggering one step, two step, three step, four step.

Then he was dropping to his knees and he felt the acidic burning sensation as he heaved, emptying his stomach.

He'd gotten far enough away from the body that he shouldn’t be contaminating the scene too much at least.

And then Bobby was there, crouching next to him, hand on his back. “Okay. Okay Buck I’ve got you it’s rough I know.”

And a hysterical voice in Buck’s head wanted to say ‘No, no you don’t know. You don’t you can’t know’.

Because yeah. Yeah it really fucking was rough. But it wasn’t because of the scene itself. Buck had seen worse, had witnessed so much worse but it was the familiarity that was clawing at his skin, making him feel like he’d been dipped in acid.

He closed his eyes, blinking back tears, and then Eddie was there, and he could distantly hear Athena’s arrival, but there was a roaring in his ears and all he could let himself focus on was the hands on his shoulders, drawing him in close, shifting Buck’s head so that his face was pressed into the other mans shoulder.

“Okay. Okay Buck. I got you Carino.”

He was shaking, fuck he was shaking Buck realised. He couldn’t seem to stop the full body tremble that had taken over.

It was too familiar.

The scene wasn’t the same, it wasn’t the same he knew that, the differences were significant. The slit throats, as new as they were they were different.

And the victims weren’t kids this time.

There were differences.

And of course he was dead.

But… among certain circles Buck knew he was fairly well known. A lot of freaks who were into serial killers would know about him.

Any young impressionable newcomer looking for a bit of fame could have stumbled across him and been inspired.

Sure it was odd that they were committing those crimes in LA not back in Hershey but there had been stranger things.

But still. Even if it was a copycat… Buck felt like he was going to puke. A copycat who was living out their sick and twisted fantasies as if they weren’t taken directly from Buck’s worst fucking nightmares.

And there were still things that weren’t quite adding up.

Why keep the last two alive? Why slit the throats why call? It didn’t make sense he was missing something.

He knew why he was missing it. He knew something his brain just wasn’t allowing him to actually make sense of what he was missing. He wasn’t letting himself think what he needed to think to figure this out it was an almost physical blockade in his own mind.

He needed to calm down and allow himself to process everything.

But of course that was easier said than done.

Especially when he could feel himself slipping.

And god but it had been years. Years since he’d felt like this, since he’d felt his mind almost disconnecting from his body. He could feel himself almost going numb, his mind drifting and going distant. He wasn’t blacking out.

He knew that.

He was dissociating, even as Eddie’s arms wrapped around him, even as he felt hands on his back, heard worried voices- Eddies, Bobby’s, Hens, Chims and Athena’s.

Oh. Athena must have arrived.

Bobby and Athena were talking weren’t they?

And then- then an arm was wrapping around him, pulling him to his feet and he could distantly hear Eddie whispering, “Okay- Okay Buck we’re getting you back to the truck we’re going home. We’re going to get you home okay? Back to the firehouse. I’ve got you. I’ve always got you Buck.”  

Chapter Text

Buck started coming back to himself as they pulled into the firehouse. Which was why he pulled himself free from Eddie’s gently grasp and stumbled out of the truck himself.
He wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing at first, as his legs carried him across the bay towards the lockers. He could sense the concern from the others. None of them knew exactly why he’d reacted the way he had, of course they didn’t. They wouldn’t understand. All they knew was that the call had been horrific. They didn’t know about his history.

“Buck-“ that was Bobby’s voice, “Buck we should all get to the showers you have blood on you-“

“Let him go. I’ll go with him.” And that was Eddie’s voice, low and reassuring. “You get yourself cleaned up too Cap.”

“I’m fine, I didn’t get any blood on me.”

And... Bobby was right Buck did have blood on him. He’d kneeled in the pool of that poor woman's blood. But- but he couldn’t seem to tell his legs he should be turning around and going into the showers. They weren't obeying his floaty distant brain.

Instead he was stumbling towards his locker, hands shaking as he turned the lock, opening it quickly and grabbing his bag, tossing it to the floor in a smooth motion.

“Buck- Buck what are you doing?” there was that concern again, so fucking thick Buck could choke on it. “Tesoro you need to stop and breathe. You should be getting cleaned up Athena’s going to be with us as soon as she can. And she’ll probably have the lead Detective for the Phoenix killer case you need to get cleaned up-“

“Don’t call him that.” Buck spat the words like they poison. “Don’t call him that that’s what this sick fuck wants. The fucking Phoenix killer.” It was in here somewhere where had- Buck’s fingers brushed against paper and he almost yanked his hand back as if he’d been burned.

But he didn’t.

Instead his fingers curled around the envelope and he pulled it out, heart thudding in his chest as he stared down at it.

Even years later his handwriting had been the same. Buck had stared at it day after day on the board in class. The way the letters slanted slightly, neat and legible. So that it was easy for the students to read he'd always said. 

A part of him wanted to shove it back in. To push it down, pretend it wasn’t in there but… but he couldn’t do that. There might be something important inside of the envelopes.

Copycat killers often wrote to the killers that they idolised long before they went on to copy them. Jakeman could have mentioned some crazed fan in his letter. It wasn't likely but Buck knew he couldn't not check.

“Buck-“ Eddie’s voice softened, “I know it was a hard thing to see. I know… believe me I felt sick too but you need to get cleaned up-“

“Go shower.” Buck’s voice was more level now, steadier almost. “I’ll follow you in.” He managed to focus his gaze on Eddie, taking in the deep furrow between his brows.

He felt a little guilty. Eddie shouldn’t have to be worried about Buck. It was fine. He was fine. It was a copycat and Buck had handled those before right? So everything would be fine. Yeah it felt a little more personal than usual because of who he was copycatting but if anything that should just be more motivation right?

And he smiled at Eddie, a wide but forced smile. “Seriously Eddie.”

And after a moment of Eddie’s eyes searching Buck’s features for… for something he gave a small nod. “Okay.” His lips brushed the top of Buck’s head. “It’s okay that you were… upset by the call.” He added, “You know that right?”

“Yeah. Yeah I know. None of us are feeling our best right now.”

“And you can talk to me. If you need to.”

“Always.”

Buck watched Eddie grab his things, “Might as well get changed back into our normal clothes by the way. I don’t know if you really heard while we were on our way back here. You seemed really spaced out but… Bobby’s taking us offline for the rest of our shift. We won’t get called back out even after the Detectives are finished with us.” A pause before, “Are you sure? I can stay-“

“Go.” Buck waved a hand. “Go Eddie. I’m okay. I’ll be fine I promise. I’ll see you in a few minutes sweetheart.”

He watched Eddie move away, clothes tucked under his arm, before he turned his gaze back to the envelope in his hands.

Still gloved. He hadn’t taken them off. Huh. That… that could be good. If there was something important in the letter it’d be easier if his fingerprints weren’t on there.

He closed his eyes, forcing himself to take a deep breath.

Jakeman was dead.

Jakeman was dead he couldn’t hurt Buck anymore.

Even if this was some deranged copycat that didn’t mean anything. Buck was going to be fine. Jakeman was dead.

So why weren’t the pieces fitting right? Why was there a little voice at the back of his mind screaming for him to just think?

He pushed that voice down and slipped his finger under the flap of the envelope, opening it in a fluid motion before he tipped the contents into his hand.

It wasn’t a letter exactly.

It was a piece of paper, with the same Phoenix design as Buck had seen at the Cemetery printed onto it. Bile rose in Buck’s throat again and he found himself having to tilt forward, leaning against the lockers to stop himself from collapsing as he stared at the paper in his hands, eyes blown wide.

It was the same. It was the fucking same.

So- so Jakeman had known maybe that- no.

No.

Buck was denying it, he was trying to deny what he knew was true but that was stupid and he knew it. He could feel the ice flooding his veins, feel the terror creeping over him, spreading from his toes and fingertips to engulf his whole body.

If Jakeman had arranged this with some demented fan then that would have meant that he had known he was going to die.

And he couldn’t have known about the fire unless he was the one responsible for it and Richard Jakeman was not the type to commit suicide. Buck knew the man well enough to know that, no matter how much he wished he could believe otherwise.

He was a fighter, he didn’t give up and accept defeat anymore than Buck had ever been willing to.  

Even as he’d been dragged away he’d wanted to finish what he’d started with Buck. Joel had told him that much, Jakeman had been fighting to get back inside, to try and finish choking the life out of his teenaged victim.

Jakeman and Buck were survivors. The clawed and fought against everything to get what they wanted, though Jakemans desire had been much more… disturbing.

Buck highly doubted the years in prison had made him suicidal. Possibly more unhinged but not suicidal.

So no. No the copycat theory didn’t fit right. Not given the very clear message.

The Phoenix.

And fuck. Suddenly Buck could remember being fourteen, always so eager to show off and share new information with anyone who was willing to give him the scraps of attention he’d so yearned for.  

Mr Jakeman had always been willing to listen with that fond smile on his face that had made Buck feel seen. He had made Buck feel as if he wasn’t a complete failure or waste of space. Buck had felt like a somebody and that had made him desperate to prove himself to the man. That he deserved that smile, that he was worth something more than everyone seemed to expect of him.

It had been after class one day, Buck had stayed inside to help the teacher clean up since the rest of the class had caused an unusual level of mess, and he’d spent a good twenty minutes rambling on and info dumping about Phoenixes to the man, who had smiled and let Buck tell him everything he’d managed to find out about the magical birds.

The Phoenix wasn’t killed by the fire it was reborn, given new life.

And just like that all of the pieces of the puzzle that Buck had been trying to avoid seemed to drop into place.

If Buck had opened this letter when he’d gotten it months ago he’d have known from the very start that Jakeman was- he’d have known what was going on. He’d have been involved much sooner. After all, even if he hadn’t understood the message the picture was trying to portray at first he’d have certainly realised there was some sort of connection.

But he’d refused to open it and so he hadn’t gotten involved and the man had noticed his absence. So he’d decided to try and get Buck’s attention some other way, if he knew Buck was a first responder then- then leaving the victims alive like that… eventually he’d have gotten lucky. Buck would show up to the call and he’d realise. It was a ploy to get his attention. 

Which was what had happened wasn’t it? He’d fallen neatly into the mans plans. It made a terrifyingly twisted amount of sense.

This was about him.

Him and Jakeman.

Oh fuck.

Fuck he needed to face facts. But thinking the words made him feel like his legs were going to give out beneath him.

Richard Jakeman was alive.

Richard Jakeman was alive.

Richard Jakeman must have planned it out and faked his own death to escape prison somehow. Buck was a little hazy on figuring out the how right now but that could come later.

Richard Jakeman was alive and he’d come to LA.

It wasn’t a copycat. He was doing all this to fuck with Buck, to mess with his head, to drag him into some twisted game.

Buck had known other men like Jakeman. They didn’t take failure well. Didn’t take being outsmarted lightly. And Buck had marked him hadn’t he? He’d blinded the man in one eye and permanently scarred him.

Jakeman had had over a decade in prison to plan and prepare for what he wanted to do to Buck.

He was going to try and finish what he started wasn’t he? Or something even worse, though it was hard to imagine anything worse than that.

Buck could feel that tightness in his skin, the prickling sensation that came with the anxiety suddenly gripping his chest.

He managed to turn the paper over with shaking hands, swallowing hard as his gaze focused on the handwritten message.

It wasn’t long. Just four words.

See you soon Evan.

Oh.

There it was.

Suddenly Buck felt itchy all over, dirty and wrong, the itch was deep beneath his skin, a crawling dirty sensation. 

Jakeman had been at the fucking Cemetery. He’d probably been watching. Had he seen Buck’s face, when he’d been looking into the woods had Jakeman been watching back. Had he felt a thrill of triumph, knowing that his target was finally aware of what was going on?

His skin was crawling. He wished he could climb out of it.

Buck felt tears dripping down his cheeks but no noises were escaping his throat. He felt like his voice had been whisked away from him suddenly.

The paper was fluttering to the floor, slipping from Buck’s fingers and he reached into his pocket, fingers fumbling clumsily with his phone and he typed out a brief message, fingers not wanting to cooperate.

Em. Need help, come with team ASAP. Bring Spence. Phoenix case. Federal. SOS. Do not call. Can’t talk. Tell Spence I dissociated. Safe right now.

After that was sent Buck found himself turning, his mind blank as he stumbled towards the showers, almost bumping into Chim when the other man emerged, still towel drying his hair.

“Buck-“ Chim blinked, “Are you okay-“

“Need- need to shower.” Buck managed to wave a hand at Chim, ushering him away as he kept moving, reaching the shower room, “Eddie?” Buck’s voice cracked a little, and a moment later Eddie was emerging from one of the shower cubicles, towel wrapped loosely around his waist, his expression filled with concern.

“Bu- holy shit Buck-“ and Eddie was lunging forward as Buck finally felt his legs giving out, Eddie catching him before he could hurt himself and lowering them both to the floor. “Buck- Buck... Carino-“

“Eddie-“ Buck felt the sobs climbing out of his throat and bubbling out as he grabbed at the other man, “Eddie I’m not okay. I’m not. I’m not okay.“

“Buck-“ Eddie’s arms were around him, “Buck talk to me baby what do you need? What’s going on here?”

“N-need to shower-“ Buck managed to choke the words out, “Need-“ he needed to try and wash away the feeling of that monsters eyes on him. Maybe that would stop the prickling crawling sensation, even if he knew it would do fuck all for the feeling of the belt around his throat and the lashes at his back.

“Okay- okay.” Eddie was shifting, pressing his palms to Buck’s cheeks, “I can get you into one of the cubicles if you want okay? I need you to keep talking to me baby.”

“S-shirt. Need m’shirt off.” Because suddenly it felt too rough against his back. And he was aware that the pain was almost certainly in his head, but it felt like sandpaper dragging against raw fresh wounds and he wanted it off.

No. No not wanted, needed it off.

“You do.” Eddie nodded, “Of course you do if you need to shower but you don’t usually let me-“

“Please-“ it came out as a pleading sob. “Please Eddie. D-don’t care just- just help me get it off.” His fingers felt clumsy as he tried to fumble with the buttons. He couldn’t seem to grip them right, fingers slipping uselessly against them.

“Okay okay.” Eddie pressed his lips to the top of Buck’s head, hands closing around Buck’s ever so gently to stop him. “Okay carino I’m here. I’m here I have you.” Eddie  released Buck’s hand to get to work, and unlike Buck’s his fingers made swift work of Buck’s shirt buttons and he was easing it over Buck’s shoulders, “Do you have your clothes? You don’t look like you do are they still in your bag? We’ll get you cleaned and then I’ll wrap you up in a towel and go grab your clothes okay baby? We’ll take your leg off after you’ve was-“ he faltered, voice catching a little, because his hand had brushed over the back of Buck’s right shoulder, over uneven skin. “Baby?” Buck could hear the sudden uncertainty in his tone, hear the sharp intake of breath. Sure Eddie had known Buck was hiding something, logically he must have been aware of that, he knew that Buck was always careful to hide his back.

That they never did anything that might show Eddie his back. But he hadn’t known what Buck was hiding. It was only logical that his first  thought hadn’t automatically been scars that covered the whole of his back.

And Buck was lurching forward, pressing his face into Eddie’s shoulder, sobbing loudly.

He could hear the moment Eddie’s breath hitched, the moment he actually saw his back for the first time, then strong arms were wrapping around him and Eddie was shifting them, sitting and pulling Buck into his lap.

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you Buck I’ve got you God I’ve got you. I’m not letting go.”

They sat like that in silence for several long minutes. Buck did hear someone else trying to come into the showers but Eddie barked a harsh, “Out!” at them and they left.

Buck was grateful for that and he showed it as best as he could, curling closer into Eddie’s arms, into the comfort and safety that always felt so easy with Eddie.

He didn’t want anyone other than his partner to see him like this right now. He needed Eddie.

After what felt like a lifetime Eddie moved a little, clearly reluctant. “Buck, Carino… you don’t have to tell me anything okay? But- but I really feel like I need to ask… your back… it looks like hers Buck. The only difference is yours healed. You don’t have to tell me anything you know that- I am never going to try and force it but Buck… it’s bad you know this is bad.”

“Healed.” Buck whispered the word. “Is it?” he managed to lift his head, forcing himself to look at Eddie. “It never heals. I can feel every moment of it Eddie I can feel it so how can it be healed? How can anyone heal from that? Physically it- it fades into scars but that doesn’t mean it’s healed.”

“God.” Eddie was blinking, clearly forcing back his tears. “No wonder you reacted how you did-“

“Belt.” Buck managed to get the words out. “He hit her with a belt. Over and over and over. He took his time. Gave her breaks between sessions but they don’t help. After a certain point the pain doesn’t even fade at all. It just hurts all the time. You learn to adjust to it.” He paused, “I adjusted. Pain isn’t the same for me anymore. There’s a reason I didn’t pass out when the ladder truck first landed on my leg. There’s- there’s a point where pain is just… when you can keep yourself together no matter how bad it hurts. Just- just takes a lot to break a person that badly.”

“Buck…” Eddie tightened his arms around Buck. “Fuck. Fuck okay. Okay here’s what I’m gonna do. We’re going to get you into the shower cubicle. We have a shower stool-“ it had been brought specifically for Buck, “So I’m going to take your leg off once you’re sat in it. I’ll help you wash and dry. Once we’re done I’ll get your clothes and then we can put your leg back on and we can go back and join the others. Does that sound okay?”

And Buck managed a slow nod, “Yeah. Yeah that uh- that sounds okay.”

“I love you. Okay?” Eddie’s lips brushed the top of Buck’s head again, “I’m going to get up now. I’ll be with you in just a moment.” And then Eddie was sliding out from under Buck and disappearing for a moment before he returned and pulled Buck to his feet. “Okay- okay I’ve got you.”

And Buck let Eddie take over, stripping him down so that he was in his boxers, carefully taking his leg off once Buck was sat on the stool.

And Buck let Eddie help him wash, hell Eddie did most of the work. Buck knew he was in… not a dissociative state but he wasn’t exactly able to focus on the present either. That was the shock. That was probably it he was in shock. But that was okay because Eddie was taking care of him, scrubbing the blood that had seeped through his pants legs and had stained his knees in a careful practised motion, washing away the feeling of eyes on him.

It was soft and gentle and intimate and Buck had never been more grateful for anything than he was for Eddie in that moment, with his unending patience when it came to Buck.
Buck lost track of time, but before too long Eddie was towelling him dry and helping him back into his leg and into a pair of loose shorts and a tee. Soft and comfortable. Buck’s usual choice after a difficult day. God Eddie knew him well.

By the time he was fully dressed Buck was feeling more level again, and when Eddie straightened up, that silent question in his eyes he actually felt steady enough to respond. “I’m okay.” Not a lie exactly. Admittedly it wasn’t entirely true either but it wasn’t a lie. And Eddie seemed to pick up on that because his fingers smoothed through Buck’s still damp hair gently.

“What do you need from me?”

“You.” That was easy. It was so simple and easy.

Buck needed Eddie to be Eddie and that was all. He was pretty sure the other man was the single most perfect partner he’d ever even imagined having.

“Okay.” A flash of soft amusement flickered across Eddie’s features, “I’ll rephrase that then. What do you need right here and right now? Are you feeling steadier?”

“Yeah. Yeah I am.”

“Good. Today’s been a rough day.” And wasn’t that the truth. Buck was pretty sure this was the lowest Eddie had ever seen him.

Which was saying something since Eddie had been there for the worst days during his recovery after the amputation. “Do you need to call Spencer?” Eddie added with a tilt of his head.

“No. No I- I sent a message. Before I joined you in the showers I sent a message.”

They would come. That much Buck knew.

Hotch had promised him on the day he’d left Virginia that if he ever sent an SOS message the BAU would come running.

And when Emily had taken over Hotch had told her about that promise she had called him and told him that the promise stayed. That if he ever really needed them they would come running, no matter what else was going on.

And he needed them now. He needed the BAU because he knew he couldn’t do this without them.

Oh he would have to face his past now. He hated it, but Buck knew he had no choice.

at least this time he wasn’t a terrified fourteen year old chained up in a basement.

He was a grown adult, he was stronger now, more experienced and smarter. He had his family around him.

This time Jakeman would die.

Buck would kill him, just like he’d killed Doug. He’d make sure the man couldn’t hurt anyone else again.

It would help if he could blink without the images of that poor woman flashing in his mind though. Without the memories of the pain, the fear.

He knew exactly what she’d gone through in the lead up to her dying moments because he’d gone through it too and that made it very difficult to think clearly. At least it did right now when everything was so fresh, when the realisation still had him reeling.

“Good.” Eddie’s voice helped. It gave Buck something to focus on. “That’s good. Whatever is going on here I know he’ll come if you need him and I get the feeling you need him.”

“I do.” Buck swallowed hard, “I really do.” He forced himself to take a deep breath. “Thank you.” His voice was soft, “For- for being-“

“Being a good boyfriend?” Eddie raised an eyebrow, “Don’t be a dumbass Buckley. I pride myself on being the best boyfriend ever when it comes to you. I’m not going to stop now. You’ve had a hell of a year. No one expects you to be able to handle everything and this call-“ he shook his head, “I- you know we’re probably going to have to talk about it right?”

“Not yet.” Buck swallowed hard, “I- I know I’m going to have to but I’d rather not have to talk more than once.”

“You won’t have to.” Eddie shifted a little. “Athena’s out there. And Maddie too.” he saw Buck’s confused look. “Chim called her. He said you looked really bad when you were on your way in here. Which he wasn’t wrong about. He was worried about you.”

“So he called Maddie.” Buck finished, letting out a slow breath.

That made sense. And… it would be better if he could tell everyone at once he supposed.

There was no way he could keep it a secret anymore. It was too dangerous, everyone needed to know about Jakeman in case he tried anything. And fuck he would have to find a way to make sure that Rina was completely safe. And Chris.

They’d have to tell the schools, make sure they knew that they needed to implement extra security measures for the kids.

Carla would need to know too.

Buck didn’t know if Jakeman would hurt Rina and Chris just to get to Buck, but he was smart enough not to rule it out.

He'd rather be over prepared and have them safe.

“Oh this is not gonna be fun.” He muttered the words, running his fingers through his hair as he met Eddie’s gaze. “You sure you’re willing to stick around even with my baggage?”

“Whatever baggage you have-“ Eddie grabbed Buck’s hand, pulling it up so he could brush his lips over Buck’s knuckles. “I want to share it with you. Within days of meeting you you took on my baggage- don’t give me that look you know what I mean. I was a single dad right up until I met you and I haven’t been a single parent since then because you stepped up.”

“My baggage isn’t exactly as… manageable as yours. Or cute.”

“Well you’re cute enough to make up for it Buckley.” Eddie’s lips brushed against Buck’s again, a soft little thing. “Now are you feeling up for going out there?”

“Yeah.” Buck took a deep breath, “Yeah I think I am.”

Chapter Text

Buck was still tense when he and Eddie headed back up to the Firehouse loft, but he was as ready as he could be to face what he’d have to, he was sure of that much.

And at least he would only have to go through this mess once, because Eddie was right, Maddie and Athena were both there, along with Hen, Chim and of course Bobby, all of them gathered in the little kitchen area clearly waiting for him and Eddie.

Athena, Maddie, Hen and Chim were all sitting at the Island and Bobby was- Buck felt a soft smile forming on his lips.

Bobby was whisking up some pancake batter, taking care of them all.

Taking care of Buck especially because he knew that Buck had a soft spot for pancakes these days since they were Rina’s favorite.

“Hey-“ that was Athena’s voice, “You look better baby. How are you feeling I know the scene was pretty rough.”

“It must have been horrible.” Maddie’s voice was soft. “It was bad enough being on the other end of the phone when that bastard made the first call-“ what? Buck forced down his panic. He’d deal with that in a moment because Maddie was still speaking, “It must be so much worse seeing what he did in person.”

“It- it was pretty bad.”

“You’re telling us.” Hen let out a huff, shaking her head, “That poor woman… how can anyone do that to someone?”

Buck felt Eddie’s hand on his shoulder tighten slightly, a silent comfort. After all Hen didn’t know any better did she?

“Someone would have to be sick to do that.”

“Well you are not wrong.” Buck slid onto one of the island stools, next to Athena.

Eddie didn’t sit, standing next to Buck, and fuck Buck wanted to cry because Eddie was stood there so that Buck could lean against him a little. How the fuck was Eddie so damn perfect?

“It’s definitely not for the faint of heart.” Bobby shook his head, “We’ve all seen some pretty tough sights in this job but there’s definitely something about knowing someone did that to her on purpose that makes it feel heavier I have to admit. Accidents and stuff done in a fit of rage are one thing but that...”

“They’ll catch the bastard soon.” Athena said the words firmly and Buck paused.

“They?” not we. They. As if it was no longer up to the LAPD, which like, it wouldn't be but... surely that was too fast.

“Yeah.” Athena nodded, “Ransone was packing up to come here to talk to you lot when he got a call from the higher ups. Apparently some big league FBI team are taking over the case. Flying out here on some private jet to do it.”

And oh holy fuck.

The devil might work fast but Emily Prentiss was even faster than that wasn’t she? God he loved her.  That woman was fucking unstoppable, but of course she was, she always had been, especially when it came to helping and protecting people she loved. She’d broken the law more than once while Spencer had been in prison after being framed for murder after all.

Of course if he sent a text like that she was going to come running to help.

“We’ve been asked to stay at the Firehouse until they can get here to talk to us.” Bobby added. “Which I know it isn’t ideal since it’ll be a few hours but apparently their lead Agent was very clear on that.”

“I’m just surprised Ransone was so willing to hand the case over. He says he knows the team that are coming in though. Apparently they were called in by one of ‘their best agents’.” Athena paused, clearly noticing the way Buck’s lips were twitching. “One second Buckley- isn’t your brother FBI?”

“Wait?” Hen blinked, “Spencer’s FBI? That guy? Really?”

“Okay rude.” Buck laughed despite himself. “I’ll have you know that Spence is one of the best SSA’s the BAU has.”

“Did that make sense to anyone who isn’t Buck?” Chim blinked, “Cause I did not understand a word of that.”

“Supervisory special Agent.” Buck grinned, “In the Behavioural Analysis Unit of the FBI.” He saw Maddie’s raised eyebrow and shrugged, “What? No one asked what Spence’s job was and he was trying to separate himself from work a little so we agreed no shop talk with any of my friends or family. He’s a profiler. That’s what the BAU specialise in. Profiling certain types of criminals. The serial types, the ones that aren’t just simple murders or crimes like that.”

“I did not expect that from someone who spent several hours doing magic tricks to entertain our kids.” Hen blinked. “So let me guess. Your brother wanted the case so he could check up on you?”

“Nope.” Buck shook his head. And okay. Okay this… this was a good place to start. He could handle this part. He actually felt pretty good with this part. “Nope Spencer didn’t ask the BAU to step in. And I gotta say I am impressed with how fast Prentiss worked I mean, I dunno how long I was out of it in the showers but still, she worked fast. Must have already been awake when I sent her the text.”

“What?” Athena’s eyes widened a little. “Wait, what? Ransone said one of their best agents called it in.”

“I don’t know if I’d say I was one of their best but I was pretty good I guess.”

“Wait-“ Eddie blinked, “Wait a damn second Buck-“ he pulled back a little, a startled look on his face, though his lips were twitching up a little in clear amusement.

“Yeah.” Buck felt his cheeks flushing at the stunned looks he was getting, “Now’s probably as good a time as any to tell you guys that I’m ex FBI. Well I say ex. I still have my badge I’m just not exactly active duty unless I need to be. I'm basically... a consultant if the LAPD or the BAU ever need me- though if the BAU need me it'd be done through facetime.”

“You.” Chim blinked, “You? Ex FBI? The guy who nearly wet himself laughing at that guy who got stuck in a dog flap. The guy who once spent an hour trying to come up with every synonym possible for the Q-word. The guy who had a two month long prank war with me.“

“Okay- okay but see that was fucking hilarious and I wanted to have them in my pocket for if ever I needed to say something was… serene. And you should have witness the prank war between my brother and Morgan, we're not all as serious as you'd think.”

“How?” Bobby gaped, “I didn’t know that you were FBI Buck, how was I not informed?”

“I didn’t want you to know. It was supposed to be a nice clean break and a fresh start. I discussed it with the Chief when I first started. I wanted my new career to be completely unconnected to my old one.” Buck shrugged, “Loved the job. But it was… heavy. Seeing the worst in the world all the time drains you. I reached a point and I made the choice to leave because I knew there was only so much I could witness and not be changed by it.”

“Okay that I can imagine for you.” Hen said the words softly. “But Buck you came to LA at twenty five. Isn’t there a minimum age for FBI agents? How long could you have even have been working there?”

“I was with the BAU for five years.” Buck hummed, “And... yes there is usually a minimum age requirements. But uh- there are exceptions. Very rarely. I’m the youngest ever field Agent in the history of the FBI.” he felt his face flushing, “I mean, to be fair I was being raised by one of their best agents I’d been surrounded by the team since I was fourteen years old I mean really-“  

“I suppose the PhD at 19 helped.” Buck shot Maddie a betrayed look when she spoke.

“You agreed not to tell anyone!” he could feel the stunned looks.

“Well you didn’t mention that you were a federal agent Evan,”

“Wait you have a PhD?” Hen gaped.

“At 19?!” Chim sounded almost offended, “Seriously Buckley?”

“I was finishing my thesis when I started as a sort of work experience type thing at the BAU okay?” Buck flushed, “I was a- a gifted child. Graduated high school at fifteen.”

“Always knew you were smart.” That came Eddie, who was watching him with a soft proud look that made him feel all warm and gushy inside.

And this? This was an excellent distraction. All of this was making it far easier for him to breathe. This was what he’d needed.

“Gifted he says!” Chim was throwing his hands up in the air, “Don’t PhD’s usually take years to get?”

“I got mine in four.” Pause, “My first one.”

“First? First? How many do you have Buckley?” The finger Chim had aimed at Buck seemed very accusing somehow.

“Two. And a Masters degree,”

“Two PhD’s and a Masters?” Hen blinked, “Holy shit Buckaroo you really are gifted aren’t you?”

“I am. And I am also a dumbass. Being a genius doesn’t... it doesn’t change anything right?”

“No.” That was Bobby’s voice, and Buck felt something ease in him at the way Bobby was looking at him. The soft fondness in the mans gaze. “No it does not Buck. You’re still you. Though I wish you’d felt comfortable telling us about your past sooner. It doesn’t change anything.” He paused before, “So what did you study?”

“Psychology, Chemistry and my Masters was in Fire Science actually, I got curious after this really interesting case.”

“You-“ Chim sounded very strangled, “You studied Fire Science because you got curious.”

“Yes.” Buck gave a sheepish grin. “Yeah. Yeah I kinda did.”

“That is just not fair.” Chim huffed the words, “How do you get the looks and the brains Buckley?”

“I don’t suppose you have anything to do with May’s sudden interest in potentially studying psychology in college?”

“May wants to study psychology?” Buck blinked, gaze snapping to Athena, eyes wide and face flushing a little. “Really? That’s amazing.”

“I figured it was because of her newfound interest in those true crime podcasts and those books you brought her.”

“Yeah about that-“ Buck rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, “I didn’t buy them. I called Rossi and told him I wanted a signed set for her and he just sorta sent them to me. He’s the one who wrote them I’ve known him for years. He was with the BAU before I joined them.”

“My god.” Athena blinked, “Buckley you know, every time I think you can’t surprise me you go and pull something new. I suddenly think her interest in psychology is more about her wanting to be like her big brother. Not that I’d say that’s a bad thing.” Her eyes narrowed then, as if she’d just thought of something. “If you were FBI I’m guessing you’re pretty well trained hm?”

“Of course.”

“Well I suppose it’s a good thing you know how to use that gun of yours isn’t it? You’d have been in a whole lot of trouble if you couldn’t.” And oh. Oooh. He could see that knowing glint in Athena’s eyes.

Whoops.

She’d figured out the whole Doug situation hadn’t she? Because looking at it logically if aware that he was a well trained FBI agent who had once been a profiler it did look a lot different. She knew that he wouldn’t have been that reckless given his past experience and knowledge with criminals like Doug. But he could also see in her expression that she wasn’t angry. That was comforting at least.

“Yeah. Yeah I would have been.” And there was a tiny nod, a slight flicker of approval in her gaze.

Oh yeah. Yeah Athena knew exactly what Buck had done. But she wasn’t mad at him. She understood.

“All this does help explain how you convinced those detectives to let you work the bank heist-“ Buck shot Maddie an appalled look as she smirked at him and the others stared.

“Traitor I told you that in confidence!”

“You-“ Hen was blinking rapidly, her eyes narrowing, “What does she mean you worked the bank heist.”

“Well- well worked probably isn’t the right word-“

“Is this why Mercer and Walsh both asked about you multiple times after the ladder truck accident?” Athena raised an eyebrow, “Buckley, you better start talking.”

“Or I’ll be kicking your ass.” Hen was glaring, “Because what the hell? You worked the case.”

“I mean-“ Buck tried to stifle his giggles. “Okay so it had my interest so when they were questioning us I told them who I was and I- I may have- basically bullied my way into taking over the investigation-“

“I’m going to kill you! They were investigating us Buck!”

“They did ransack our homes.” Bobby looked like he was fighting back laughter.

“Your homes maybe.” Athena waved a hand, “They were very respectful at mine.”

“Mine too.” Buck grinned, “Listen- listen I get the upset I do Hen. But in my defence, I was having fun. And I mean, I convinced them pretty quickly that the idea of you guys being responsible was ridiculous. But we wanted the people actually behind it to let their guard down y’know.”

Hen gave him a look at that before, “One second- you asked me about- about the scorpion venom-“

“Yep.” Buck laughed, “That was for the case. Was the key to it honestly. Without that link it would have been a lot harder to prove that Marty was involved.”

“They trashed my house Buck.” Eddie was giving him an amused look, “Couldn’t you have asked them to be nicer?”

“Oh they were nice to me.” Buck shrugged, “Besides I totally helped you clean it all up once the case was all dealt with. It’s not like any serious damage was done.”

“You are a little shit.” Maddie’s expression was fond as she said that. “You are such a little shit Buck you were enjoying yourself.”

“I really was.” Buck found himself laughing, “I’ll be honest that case was so much fun. Zero regrets here.”

“Good to know.” Athena laughed, “I’d hate to think you had regrets about meddling and causing us all stress-“

“You were not stressed.”

“Okay, okay I wasn’t stressed I also found it funny.”

“Hilarious right? You couldn’t stop laughing-“

“You watched us in interrogation?”

“That’s it-“ Hen’s voice was low, “I am going to brutally murder you Buck. You hear me I am going to kill you-“

“Many have tried, none have succeeded. I begin to suspect that I may in fact be immortal.”

“We’ll have our vengeance Hen.” That came from Chim, “We’ll get it soon enough.”

“Good luck.” Buck winked and feigned blowing a kiss at them. “I look forward to kicking your asses in the battles to come. Eddie you’re on my side-“

“I dunno Carino you did let them tear apart my house.”

“If you join my side I will make out with you.”

“Sorry Hen, Chim. Buckley makes a good offer.”

“Children please-“ Bobby chuckled the words, setting the batter down.

Clearly he was temporarily giving up on the pancakes.

Understandable really, if somewhat disappointing in Buck’s view.

“Calm down. We’re getting a little side-tracked here-“

“Only because Buck’s a traitor.” Hen poked her tongue out, and of course Buck responded in the maturest way possible- by poking his tongue out at her in return which earned a long suffering sigh from Bobby.

“Sorry dad.” Buck gave an innocent grin, which earned him a raised eyebrow from Bobby and a snort from Athena.

“Playing the dad card now Buckaroo?”

“Hey if it works it works.”

“Nepo baby.” Chim grumbled that and Bobby laughed.

“Buck is not a nepo baby, I adopted him as mine after he joined there’s a difference-“

“I used to be a nepo baby.” Buck pointed out, clearly unashamed. “I mean yeah I did get in on my own merit but there is no way that even with my PhD I would have gotten into the BAU at nineteen years old if it wasn’t for the fact that Spencer was my big brother and I’d known the team for literal years at that point. I was such a nepo baby.”

“So not fair.” Chim laughed, “So so not fair.”

“Life’s not fair.” Buck chirped, “Sorry not sorry.”

“Don’t worry Howie.” Maddie leaned in to press her lips to Chim’s cheek- and it really was sickening how his expression shifted into a soft sappy look. “I still think you’re the best.”

“Awe. I’m gonna puke.”

“As if you and Eddie aren’t sappy.”

“We are so lucky.” Chim stage whispered that to Eddie, “Right?”

“We really are.” Eddie laughed, sliding closer again and wrapping his arms around Buck, pressing his lips to the top of his head, which made Buck grin smugly.

“There is still one thing I don’t fully get.” Athena’s gaze was on Buck. “Why call in your old team?” She raised an eyebrow, “I can understand that the scene was a lot. Though I’d have thought you’d have been used to that sort of thing if you really are ex FBI. But- why did you call them in?”

And Buck’s smile vanished.

There was the part he’d been dreading. But- but they needed to know. No matter how much Buck didn’t want to have to tell them. He knew they needed to know for their own safety. But- okay. Okay he knew how to do this. He could do this. It would be easier if he explained it in a more detached way at first.

“I called them in because it’s a BAU case. I-“ deep breath. Deep breath. “I know who’s responsible?”

“What?” Athena’s eyes widened, “Buck-“

“This isn’t his first time killing.” He could feel everyones eyes on him. “The BAU caught him before. He was believed to be dead- fire in his prison but… clearly he’s escaped.”

“Are you sure?” Athena frowned, “Not a copycat or something?”

“No. No it’s not a copycat.” Buck managed a strained smile, running his fingers through his hair and tilting himself backwards so he was leaning more against Eddie, who took his weight without any hesitation, arms tightening around Buck.

“Can you tell us more about it?” Maddie tilted her head, “Or is it- do you have to keep it secret for the sake of the investigation.”

“Well none of you are about to be calling in making false confessions so I doubt telling you guys the details will do any harm.” Buck managed a wry smile. “It was a bad one. You know there are calls that stick with you?”

“We all have those.” Bobby’s voice was quiet, gaze turning haunted for a moment, and the others were all nodding.

“Well this case was it for me. The one case that I will never-“ Buck shook himself, blinking rapidly before he spoke again. “Serial killer. He was killing teenagers- between thirteen to fifteen. Generally around fourteen but there was a little leeway either way. He alternated between boys and girls. He kidnapped them, kept them for five full days.” Gaze forward, not looking at anyone but staring at the wall straight ahead of him.

Buck could do this. He could do this. “During that time he kept them chained up in his basement. His motives weren’t sexual.” He paused.

“He was narcissistic and psychopathic. He was good at the act but it was all surface level. He had a family but in his family life the fractures shone through. He was abusive towards his wife and highly controlling towards his kids. Twins. A boy and girl. They were fourteen when their mother packed her bags and took them. He spent four years looking. He only found them after they turned eighteen. He reached out late in the evening. Five days later they responded and told him to go to hell. That was his trigger. He lost it at the idea of them defying him like that. It didn’t fit in with how he viewed the world. His first victim was a boy, he had similar features to the bastards son.”

“Fuck.” Chim breathed the words, “Fuck that sounds bad.”

“During the time he had them he beat them with a belt. Repeatedly-“ Eddie’s arms tightened even harder around Buck, and he could feel the other mans tension. Eddie was realising. Buck could feel it.

“He beat them so badly that their backs were pretty much flayed. Spencer believed that the bastards father probably used a belt to discipline him during his childhood. He was doing what his father did before him but taking it to a much worse extreme. And on the fifth day he would wrap a belt around the victims throat and use it to choke them. Once they were dead he’d take them to the local graveyards and he’d lay the victims out on a random grave, face down with a blanket draped over them to hide their back. Then he would go out and find his next victim. Boy, girl, boy, girl. They were surrogates for his children.”

“That-“ Athena’s face was ashen and she shook her head slightly, “I can definitely see the similarities but the slit throat of the last two… and I mean they’re adults now. This guys targeting adults.”

“He is.” Because Buck was an adult. His children were no longer the central focus of his homicidal desires. Hell the woman had been fucking blonde. “It’s him.”

“How was he caught?” Maddie’s voice was tight. “How- how many poor kids died like that?”

“Ten. Ten kids died.” Buck knew every name. He’d spoken to each of them at their graves believing it was finally over.

Would it ever be over?

“He had eleven teenage victims but only ten died.”

“What happened to the eleventh?” Hen tilted her head, her expression soft. “Buckaroo what happened to the eleventh.”

“The eleventh victim was an idiot who realised who the killer was and tried to be a hero.” Buck forced himself to speak. “He was friends with one of the previous victims. He stumbled into the truth. He was a… a lonely kid. Not trusted. When he realised- when he found his friends bracelet in the bush outside of the killers house he decided he had to get inside to try and look around. He was an idiot. He snuck in and got caught. He didn’t save the girl-“ Eddie’s lips pressed against the top of Buck’s head again.

“He tried. But he failed. But- but the killer bit off more than he could chew.” He couldn’t help the damp laugh which bubbled out. “Sorry- sorry I- that’s not funny really.” He was crying he realised, tears leaving damp streaks down his cheeks. “He watched Clara die. Then he took her place. The killer didn’t pick him he had no choice. But- but the dumbass kid was fourteen. Fit the pattern. And I think- it’s complicated. The bastard had a soft spot for m- for the kid. Before. But the kid was a stubborn little shit. A fighter.”

Buck managed a small smile, ducking his head a little and looking down at his hands. “It’s a long unpleasant story but to make it short the kid never gave up. He fought for every  chance he had and he managed to call for help and buy enough time for the FBI to find him and save him.”

 “Well that’s something at least.” Bobby breathed the words. “God. I can understand why that stuck with you if you worked that case. “Though I’m guessing that poor kid was scarred for life.”

“Physically and emotionally yeah.” Buck nodded, “Yeah you could say that.” He could feel Athena’s narrowed eyes on him, could see Maddie’s furrowed brows. Hen and Chim hadn’t caught on quite yet at least. And Bobby hadn’t, though… Buck wondered if that was because the very idea of it had Bobby going into denial. Buck knew how protective he was.

“What was the guys name then? We’re going to need to know.” Athena said the words carefully, her gaze never leaving Buck.

And Buck knew. He knew what would happen when he said it but he had to didn’t he? There was no avoiding it long term.

“Richard Jakeman. His name is Richard Jakeman.” And there it was, Maddie’s face lost what little color it had had and she was lurching to her feet, the stool flying out from under her as she did.

“Richard Jakeman?”

“Yeah.”

“Richard Jakeman. Like-“ Her voice caught, “Like your highschool history teacher? That Jakeman? The teacher you used to tell me was your favorite teacher ever?”

“Yeah. Yeah I was not such a great judge of character back then huh?” his voice was weak, and he turned his head slightly, pressing back against Eddie who was shaking a little.

“Buck-“ Maddie looked like she was about to start crying- “The eleventh victim… please.. please Buck-“

“Spencer was the FBI agent who- who got to me first. He carried me out of there and he saved me. Spencer saved me that day.”

Chapter Text

The silence that followed that was heavy, and Buck could feel everyone’s eyes on him, the sheer horror in everyone’s faces as the realisation sunk in, and he swallowed hard.

“I was a dumb teenager who trusted his teacher.” He spoke softly, “It was a mistake.”

“Buck-“ Bobby looked horrified. “Oh god Buck you-“

“I uh- his fourth victim was my best friend. It was her bracelet I found in his bushes I- I wanted his help finding my phone. Which it turned out he’d stolen because he wanted to try and find out if the FBI had anything on him. He- he must have realised how much I bonded with Spencer so quickly I guess.”

“Buck-“ Maddie’s voice was almost hoarse. “Buck- please tell me- I-“ she shook her head, clearly struggling to find the words. “Evan you told me that when you- that-“ she shook her head clearly struggling to get the words out. Which was understandable, Buck had struggled processing it when he'd found out that Maddie had been abused. Neither of them liked thinking about one another being hurt after all. “The broken ankle?”

“I-“ Buck exhaled, “I fought. I tried to get Clara and myself out. I figured if I tried calling for help it might be too late because I didn't think anyone in the area would take me seriously and let me use their phones so I distracted him and snuck inside and I found her. I tried to save her but before we could get out of the basement he was in the doorway. I tried to attack him, tried to fight but I was a skinny undernourished fourteen year old and he was a grown adult I didn’t stand a chance.” He could remember every single second of that first fight. The panic and fear.

The pain.

“Buck-“ Eddie’s voice was low, “You don’t- you don’t have to tell us if it’s too much.” His voice was soft, so soft and reassuring. “It’s up to you Carino.”

“Eddie’s right.” That came from Hen, “God I can’t even imagine- I get why you reacted how you did at the scene now. You dissociated. The trauma of it... and now it's all been pulled to the surface.”

“I did. But-“ Buck took a deep steadying breath, “I think I can do this. I think maybe I need to. This- me and Jakeman- this is what it’s all about. All of what he’s doing. So I think I need to tell you.”

“Then you tell us baby.” Athena’s voice was firm. “You tell us whatever you need to tell us.”

“He-" Deep breath. "We fought. I managed to get him off me. I was- I was trying to get up. To make my way up the stairs.” His voice was quiet, strained. “And then I felt this pain and I remember my arms giving out and- and I looked back and... my foot had been half off the step sorta hanging over the edge of it. We were still on the stairs and- and he stomped on it. With how my foot was positioned… all three bones in my ankle just snapped it- it looked so wrong.” He shuddered, remembering looking back, seeing it bending in the wrong direction, almost hanging limp.

“Then he kicked my head and I passed out. When I woke up I was cuffed to a radiator, and he’d managed to get Clara back and had her back where she was when I found her, in middle of the room chained to the support pillar. Jakeman was there too. He uh- he’d put a splint on my ankle while I was unconscious. It wasn’t on right but he’d done that and-” Buck shook his head, “And he killed her right in front of me. I hadn’t... before that point I hadn’t seen her back she’d had a blanket wrapped around her. I didn’t know what he did to his victims. All I knew was that he kept them for days and that it wasn’t rape. But I saw her back then. Saw what he did. And I watched him wrap the belt around her throat and pull. I heard her die.”

“Jesus.” Chim looked horrified. They all did. “That- you were fourteen?”

“Yeah. Yeah I was.” Buck shook his head, “I watched him wrap her up and take her back out of the basement. Tried to scream for help but the basement was soundproofed and the door wasn’t exactly open for long. And- and I fought. Every chance I got. When he moved me to the pillar I tried. Didn’t work.”

“You were fourteen.” Eddie spoke softly, “The fact that you fought at all was brave Buck, you are so so strong.”

“Yeah well it didn’t do me any good.” Buck gave a weak shrug. “He used the belt on me. Multiple times a day. I uh- I kinda felt jealous of the kids who he had during the school year because he’d have had less time with them. It was summer so- so he had all the free time he needed. I did try to refuse to eat or drink at first but that didn’t do any good. He just forced it down me and I realised pretty quick that starving myself would be a really stupid thing to do if I wanted to try and fight.”

“That was smart.” Bobby nodded, “Buck you did so good-“

“I kept track of days by figuring out that when he was gone for a really long time it was probably night and he was sleeping. I uh- my back got infected around the third day. I know a lot of it sort of blurs together in my memory of those parts of it. I remember the fifth night though. Knew it was my only chance. My last chance of getting out of there alive. I managed to figure out that if I had a little more leverage I could get the cuffs off even if it would hurt. Used my blanket, ripped strips off, wrapped it through one of the cuffs and clamped it under my foot so I could have more leverage to get them off. I- that took hours. I had to keep stopping because it hurt so much.” Buck looked down at his wrists, “I sliced my wrist open doing it but I managed to get a hand free which meant I wasn’t as trapped. And- and I had a plan. I just had to get to my phone. I mean yeah. It was across the room but still. I could crawl so I did. And- and I managed to get it and turn it on but-“

“You didn’t have signal.” Athena said softly.

“Yeah. So like I said I uh- I managed to drag myself up the stairs somehow and I... when he came in I kicked him down them which hurt like hell, and I got out and- and I crawled down the hall and I called Spencer because- because I knew Spencer would listen and he answered so fast. He told me- he told me he'd realised I was missing. Jakeman sent him a text pretending to be mom so that he wouldn’t notice but he’d realised and he’d been looking for me. I told him who it was and that we were at his house but then… then I heard that click of the lock from the basement unlocking and- and I slid my phone down the hall.” He closed his eyes, he was talking faster now he knew. Struggling to get it all out, “Because if he saw the phone he’d know I called for help.”

“And if he knew that he’d take you to another location before help could arrive.” Athena nodded, “Buck- baby you were smart you did the smart thing there. Not many kids that age would have had the presence of mind to do that.”

“She’s right you know.” Chim spoke up. “I wouldn’t have done that at fourteen. Hell I don’t think I’d have even thought of using the blanket to get leverage to bust out of the cuffs.” He shook his head, “You’re a fighter Buck. Always have been, always will be.”

“I know.” Buck nodded. “I know I did the smart thing. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to outrun him with a broken ankle. Still getting caught again fucking sucked, I know it was... I wasn't getting out of there on my own but it felt like I failed. He literally threw me back down the stairs he was so angry at me.” A shiver ran through Buck at the memories. “I- that- that hurt I already had a bunch of injuries, not even just my back and I full on went head over heel he threw me so hard. I tried to crawl away. Which did nothing.”

Buck pressed his lips together tightly, “He grabbed me and he was taunting me. But- but he fucked up because he- he mentioned Samara. So I-“ he flushed, “I uh- I was angry and scared and he had me by the hair and he was leaning in so close I could smell his breath so I- I just pushed myself up and I bit down on his cheek. Tore a chunk of flesh out I think. I know that I caused a lot of damage before he hit me and I stopped biting. There was a lot of blood. And he was in pain but that made him angrier and then he was on top of me and his hands were around my throat and I was still desperate and terrified so- so I just… I clawed at his face and I had my eyes closed but I could feel it. Feel blood and bones and flesh and-“ he shifted a little. “I felt his eye pop.” And he saw Maddie wince at that. “I uh- I literally burst his eye, popped it with my fingers. And that must have hurt because he fell off me at that and I managed to crawl across the room to the metal table that was pinned to the wall and I tried to hide under it but… I was in and out of it at this point. I know he dragged me back out. And I know he managed to get the belt around my throat. And he was tightening it. I remember that. Then the door burst open and Morgan- one of the Agents, he shot Jakeman in the shoulder and I managed to knock him off me. And then-“

“Spencer was there.” Maddie finished softly, “Spencer was there and he saved you. God no wonder you trust him so much.” She shook her head, “And- I know this isn’t really... in the long run this probably isn't important to you and I understand even more now, not that I didn't before- but.. mom and dad-“

“Didn’t notice I was missing until Spencer called them out on it.”

“How-“ Bobby shook his head, “I- if there was a serial killer targeting kids May or Harry’s age-“

“I know I’d notice if they were gone for more than a few hours without contact.” Athena looked equally appalled. “Even during school hours I would be checking in, especially if it was a smaller town.”

“And there you have the reason they gave me up.” Buck gave a small shrug. “Given the circumstances the fact that they didn’t notice their fourteen year old son being missing for days? Yeah that didn’t exactly look good. CPS were going to get involved but Spencer managed to get some strings pulled. If mom and dad signed over full legal custody of me to him then they could avoid the embarrassment of an investigation. It was probably the only thing they have ever done that really helped me.”

“I am so sorry Evan.” Maddie shook her head, “I should have been there I should have-“

“I dunno.” Buck held up a hand, “I- I’m not sure how much you being there would have changed. But if you had stayed there I’d have told Spencer I didn’t want to leave. Because I’d have wanted to stay with you. And leaving Hershey was the best choice I could have made at the time. It saved me. And yeah it hurt. Knowing that I was so easy for them to throw away like a piece of trash, that they didn’t even want to see me-“

“Wait-“ Eddie’s eyes narrowed, “Are you saying what I think you're saying? Did they at least come and visit you in the hospital to say goodbye? I know your parents were bad but...”

“Hah, no. No they didn’t come. Not once. That was part of why Spencer decided he wanted to take me in. He was so angry on my behalf.” Buck shrugged. “And I mean like I said it did hurt. I uh- I don’t know why I was never-“ he shook his head, “But what they say do and think doesn’t matter. They failed me.” His voice was quiet. “They failed me every chance they had not to so I don’t regret choosing to leave I don’t regret picking Spencer. He actually cared for me. If it wasn’t for him I don’t- I know for a fact that I would have a lot more issues than I do. Spencer is the one who taught me that I was worth something. That I wasn’t stupid. He did everything he could to make sure I had the life I deserved and it wasn’t always perfect or easy but my late teens were spent surrounded by people who loved me. I don’t think I could have ever asked for more than that.”

“You deserved that Evan.” Maddie was blinking rapidly, sniffling a little, “I am so so grateful that Spencer managed to give you what you deserved. And I am proud of you, you know that right? I mean I have always been so proud of you but I am- I am even more proud of you now. God Evan knowing what you went through? I look at you and who you are now and- it amazes me.”

And okay, okay damn it Buck found that he was having to blink back tears. And Eddie’s lips were soft on his cheek.

“I think that’s something we can all agree with your sister on Carino.”

“You are always going to be an annoying dumbass baby brother to me Buckaroo.” Hen spoke up, “Doesn’t change a damn thing but I am proud.”

“I’m still pissed that you have two PhD’s and you didn’t tell us I mean how rude is that? And you own a house because you are such a nepo-baby.” And Buck let out a bright laugh at that.

Fuck. Fuck but he loved his family, they knew him. They knew what he needed right now and who could ask for more than that?

It was more than he’d have ever dreamed of at fourteen. Or at 24 when he’d made the big scary decision to leave Virginia. He’d never expected to build a second family.

He'd been so sure that he’d hit the jackpot with his BAU family. That nothing could ever come close.

But it had. It had and he still found it hard to believe sometimes.

Hell Bobby and Athena didn’t even have to say a damn word they just shot him reassuring smiles and something inside of him eased. He felt safe, surrounded by his family.

And soon his BAU family would arrive and then? Then Jakeman would never get close.

“The only thing I don’t get.” Athena spoke up after several long minutes of comfortable silence, “Is how you’re so certain it’s him and not some sort of copycat. The similarities are obvious I’m not saying they’re not. And clearly whoever’s doing this.. it’s too much of a coincidence that you’ve been dragged into it but it could still be something else. From what you said Richard Jakeman was caught and supposedly died. I- I’m not saying you’re wrong but it is a leap to say that he’s escaped without something more concrete. I believe you I just... you'll need more than that to convince other people I'm giessing.”

“He sent me a letter.” Buck winced, “I- sorry I just- he sent me a letter Athena. It was definitely from him. It’s been years but I still recognise his handwriting. He sent me a letter and in that letter was a piece of paper with that fucking Phoenix printed on it. He chose the Phoenix because it was my favorite mythological creature when I was a teenager. I remember telling him all about the mythology of them. He was one of the only people who would listen to me at the time so- so I did a lot of talking to him.” Which in the long run had been a mistake but how had he been supposed to know that?

“Buck-“ Eddie gave a soft look, “You were a teenager who trusted his teacher you shouldn’t feel guilty for you that you know that right.”

“Logically yes. In practise… not really.” Buck shook his head. “It also symbolizes life from fire which is real fucking on the nose given the fact that like I told you, his supposed death happened in a fire-"

"It does make a twisted sort of sense." Hen nodded slowly, "If he supposedly died in a fire and fire symbolises rebirth..."

“His rebirth is his escape from prison.” Buck finished, “I’m assuming the fire was part of his escape plan. He probably had someone on the inside help him, get some dead body to place in his cell to burn to a crisp so that no one knew he was free.” Buck grimaced.

“He might have been a sick and twisted monster, but Richard Jakeman has never been and will never be stupid. He knew what he was doing he took calculated risks and they paid off for him in the end.”

“He’s the one who left you the house isn’t he?” Bobby spoke up softly, and Buck paused, turning his gaze to the man, who was watching him with a strange look on his face. One that Buck couldn’t quite place.

“Yeah. Yeah he was.” Buck snorted, “Hope I don’t get in legal trouble for that. Not sure how it works if it  turns out that the guy who left me my inheritance isn’t actually dead.”

“That’s why you reacted how you did.” Bobby was watching Buck very carefully now. “When you realised who left it to you, you lost control. The lawyer was about to say the name when you tried to attack him wasn’t he?”

“He was.” Buck nodded, looking down at his hands. “And- I know I shouldn’t have-“

“Buck if I had known the situation I would have never sent you home for that.” Bobby cut him off firmly. “I knew you must have had a reason for that reaction but I never imagined… of course you reacted badly, and that Lawyer, he knew what that man did?”

“Oh I have no doubt about that he knew who I was and who Jakeman was.”

“Then he had no right coming here and disturbing you in your place of work and triggering what I’m going to guess is-“

“PTSD. I was diagnosed at fourteen.” Buck shuffled a little. “I can generally manage my triggers. I had some that were worse than others obviously and I spent a lot of time and energy working my way through them. But there’s always going to be some things that are hard to deal with. And some days I feel it more than others. When I first... after I first got out of that basement I couldn’t stand being shut in any rooms. I had to have the door open slightly. Just a little, so that I didn’t feel trapped. And it’s stupid but I couldn’t- I couldn’t handle the sight of belts for the first six months. And the sound of a belt cracking? I still flinch if I hear that to this day. And- and honey. Someone made the mistake of putting honey in some oatmeal for me in the hospital and I threw up and smashed the bowl.”

“Honey?” Maddie blinked, “You used to love honey. And I know you keep some in your cupboard.”

“I do.” Buck nodded, “I worked hard on that one. It uh- it sounds stupid-“

“Baby.” Athena frowned, “Nothing’s stupid.”

“Honey has antibacterial properties. The day I met Spencer- we saw Jakeman, he poked his head out of his class. I thought he was just being nice and checking on me at the time. Which was wrong. Obviously. But he asked me for one of my random facts so I told him some stuff I learned about honey. How they used to use it on wounds because of the antibacterial properties. It can help with healing and stopping infections.” He let out a weak laugh, “I actually tested it on my leg when I came off my skateboard one time. I was really excited because it seemed to work. And then… when he realised that the wounds on my back were infected he brought down this big jar of honey and he spread it on my back before he went back up for the night. I could smell the scent of honey mixed with blood and I can tell you that it’s not a nice smell.” He shook his head “But it did sort of ease the pain a little and while it didn’t heal me I think it probably helped slow down the infection enough that I survived. Because… because the infection did get pretty bad.”

“You-“ Hen blinked, “That is incredibly messed up but I’m stuck on the fact that as a teenager you slathered your leg in honey to see if it helped heal it better. That-“

“Isn’t how a normal kids mind works?” Buck shrugged. “Most kids would go to their parents for help fixing them up but mind wouldn’t have given a shit. So I fixed myself up in the best way I knew how and that included experimenting with honey. It’s not on the same level as antibiotics but if you’re hurt and all you have is honey..”

“Ah yes-“ Chim snickered a little, “Cap we should add jars of honey to our gear-“

“We are not adding jars of honey to our gear Chim.” Bobby chuckled, a fond look on his face. “And Buck, as much as I have no problem with your tangents and I honestly find them entertaining you have gone off on one.”

“Right.” Buck paused, blinking as he tried to focus, “Sorry. That’s probably partially the stress. I’m trying not  to spiral too much right now but it is not easy when I know he’s out there.”

“Where is the paper?” That was Athena again, her expression soft. “It could be fairly significant evidence.”

“In the locker room on the floor.” Buck admitted sheepishly. “I- when we came back here I- I was trying to convince myself it was some copycat fan or something. Which would have been great for me. But- I- as well as the house he left me the letter so I decided I needed to open it because maybe he mentioned his copycat because that’s the sorta thing he’d do. Instead I found the picture and a note saying ‘See you soon Evan’. Which… I mean that was a lie.” He shook his head, “It’s been months. But- he thought he’d catch my attention with the first kill. He assumed I’d have read his message and realise that if someone was leaving a Phoenix symbol behind it was him.”

“But you didn’t read the letter.” Eddie hummed, “And you weren’t paying him the attention he’d been expecting so he decided he had to find some other way to force you to pay attention.”

“Leaving the victims alive.” Athena nodded, “So that they have to sent out EMS to the scenes.”

“He must have figured he’d do it as many times as it took for the 118 to be called.” Buck shuddered, “It’s no secret that I’m a firefighter. My face has been splashed across the news multiple times lately. Especially after the ladder truck disaster and the tsunami.” And Buck had nearly killed Eddie for recording that particular news report by Taylor Kelly so that he could show it off to Abuela and Tia Pepa because he was a proud partner. The asshole he was.

“That’s true.” Chim nodded, “The news can’t get enough of the LAFD’s amputee hero firefighter.”

“This whole situation is dangerous and messy.” Buck let out a huff. “I hate it. I hate it and I feel so on edge right now-“

“Mi Amor-“ Eddie squeezed his shoulder’s gently, “You know what. It’s been a really long and hard day for you. How about we go and nap until your other family arrive hm? I’ll text Carla and let her know we’re suck here and I’ll ask Shannon if she’s free to watch Rina and Chris for the day. Right now you need to try and switch off that scarily big brain of yours -for once.”

Chapter Text

Buck could admit to his exhaustion as he curled into Eddie’s warmth.

The beds in the bunkroom weren’t made for two of course, and they especially weren’t made for two reasonably bulky men, but Buck didn’t care. That just gave him an excuse to tuck himself into Eddie tighter, his head resting on Eddie’s shoulder as the other man wound his arms around Buck, tight and protective.

They were alone in the room, the others were still outside, Bobby had probably resumed his attempt at pancakes though Buck wasn’t sure if the batter would still be any good given the fact that it had been set aside for a while during Bucks… explanation of the situation. Buck knew that the rest of the team would stay outside of the room, at least for a little while.

They were giving him and by extension Eddie some privacy.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was small in the silence of the bunk room, the only sounds coming from him and Eddie, the slight rustles as they shifted, the faint creak of the bed beneath them. “I- it’s not that I wanted to-“

“Buck-“ Eddie’s arms tightened around him and Buck felt Eddie’s fingers combing through his hair, “Do you remember? When I first saw you in the hospital after the ladder truck bombing. I told you that I knew you had secrets.” And Buck shifted a little again so that he could peer at Eddie, looking at the other mans face, seeking any sign of deception.

There was nothing. Eddie wasn’t lying to him. He was as open as a book to Buck in that moment.

“I told you that I was okay with that and that I knew you’d tell me when you were ready. And that they wouldn’t change anything. Well I was wrong. They do change things. I think somehow I love you even more now.” And Buck felt his face flushing, his eyes widening a little as he stared at Eddie, lips parting.

“Really?”

“Buck I always knew you were incredible. You saved me. You saved me when I first met you. And I’m honestly not surprised that you’re a genius, I always knew you were ridiculously smart.” He chuckled, “The fun facts you tell us all told me that Carino. The fact that you were FBI was surprising but… now that you told me I can imagine it. And I can also see why you left. But you know what amazes me most?” Eddie’s had was resting in the small of Buck’s back, Buck could feel it through the fabric of his shirt. “How brave you are. How strong you’ve always been. God Buck there’s not many people who could live through the things you lived through and come out as kind as you are. You survived. That’s what you do- you’re a fighter. A survivor. But you’re so much more-“

“Eddie-“ Buck felt like his face was on fire.

“No. No I’m talking Buck. I’m not done yet. ‘Cause Buck. With everything you went through you still choose to spend every day of your life trying to make the world a better place for everyone else. No one would blame you if you’d grown up to be paranoid and guarded and bitter and cold but you are- you are so bright and open and warm. I swear when I’m with you it feels like I’m sat out in the sun on a warm day, basking in your glow and you deserve to know that.”

“A-Are you trying to make me cry?” Buck found himself sniffling a little., “Cause if you are you- you’re doing a good job.”

“I always like causing those kind of tears.” Eddie chuckled, “I can tell when you’re crying happy tears, overwhelmed tears, sad tears angry tears. I can tell what’s what with the whole range of Evan Buckley tears hm? And these kind of tears? Make me know that what I’m saying is sinking in.”

“You know I love you too right?” Buck’s voice was soft. “Y-you know that right?”

“Of course I do.”

“You’re… I-“ Buck exhaled. “You’re one of the best people I know you- from the day-“

“Don’t you lie to me Buckley.” Eddie snickered, “The day we met you acted like a brat-“

“Fine, from the end of our second ever shift.” Buck managed a faint laugh. “I- I don’t think I ever just clicked with someone the way I did you. You know that? And you- you’ve never let me down you’re just… there always when I need you. You know? There was something about you. And… fuck when I saw you with Chris that first time? I remember thinking ‘Oh. Oh. I need him to be in my life forever’. You and Chris. Knew that right from the start. You- you are so good. I know you have your struggles... I know you used to find it hard to ask for help and show any signs of so called weakness but you opened up and you let me in and you have no idea how much that means to me. I know how hard it is for you. I know that you always felt like it was all on you and you put too much pressure on yourself because of how much you care, but you let me in and you let me help you so easily.”

“Of course I did.” Eddie’s expression was soft, “Don’t know how anyone can ever say no to you Buckley.” He pressed his lips to the top of Buck’s head. “You’re so.. genuine. Even if you had a hidden past you were still so open. Your feelings were always so clearly real and honest.” He paused, “I know I was guarded but now? You have my heart in the palm of your hands you know that right? You and our kids. Our family. I cannot imagine a life without that now.”

“I know.” Buck nodded, “I know Eddie.”

“Can I see them?” Eddie asked that carefully. “You can say no.”

“The scars?” Buck’s voice was small, “You saw them earlier.”

“I did. But I didn’t let myself look too closely.” Eddie admitted, “I knew I’d get angry and in that moment you needed me to be calm so I held it together as best as I could and I didn’t look too close.”

“Okay.” Buck shuffled, sliding off Eddie so that he was perched on the edge of the bed, and he felt the bed shifting and dipping as Eddie sat up.

Then he took a deep breath, peeling his shirt off carefully, keeping his back to Eddie.

He flinched a little when he felt Eddie’s fingers brushing over the raised edges, the ridges of scar tissue. But his touch was gentle. So gentle and Buck swallowed hard, “Rina’s seen them.”

“What did you tell her?”

“That a bad person hurt me. I didn’t give her details. Enough that she understood but it didn't traumatise her.”

“Of course you didn’t. You’re a good dad, you’re better than I am at figuring out the lines with the kids. I know I struggle with that sometimes-“

“You’re an amazing dad Eddie-“

“I know. But I struggle with being too protective of Chris sometimes. And Rina too now”

“That is true. But I’m protective of them both too.”

“You’re better at balancing it. I swear the first time I saw you with Chris I knew that you would be a great dad.” Eddie laughed softly, “Didn’t realise quite then that Chris would be one of your kids but I’m so glad he has you as well and me and Shannon.”

“I’m glad Rina has you too.” Buck paused, “She sees you as a second dad, you know that right?”

“I know.” Eddie’s lips twitched, “I’ll never be her favorite parent, you’ve got that bond with her. Wouldn’t dare push my way into that. But I know Buck I know she loves me too.”

“Good.” Buck nodded, “That’s good.” He twitched a little as Eddie’s hands moved again, pressing flat against his back this time. “Eddie-“

“I’m here Buck.”

“I don’t understand-“

“Every part of you is beautiful. I don’t- I don’t know if you hide it just to keep people from asking questions or out of shame but you are beautiful. All of you and that includes your scars.” Eddie hummed, “They tell a story.”

“It’s a fucked up story-“

“It’s your story Buck. The story of how damn brave and stubborn you are. Two of the things I love most about you. Yeah it's fucked up, and I hate that this happened to you. I wish I could kill that man myself, but god look at you and what you grew into even with what happened? How can any part of you not be stunning?”

“They’re not beautiful Eddie you don’t have to lie-“ his breath caught when he felt Eddie’s lips press against one of the more pronounced ridges of scar tissue, on the back of his left shoulder.

“They are to me.” Then Eddie’s hands left him and Buck twisted so he could look at Eddie. “No more hiding. You don’t have to keep your back to the wall when we’re in the showers. You don’t have to wait until you’re alone to change shirts anymore. I see you. And as angry as I am at the thought of anyone hurting you like this… I want to see it. I want you to feel like you can trust me to see you like this.”

“I do.” Buck let a few tears drip down his cheeks as he shifted, twisting in his seat and almost climbing into Eddie’s lap, letting the other man pull him down again as they led down, Eddie’s hand smoothing over his back beneath the blanket that he pulled up to cover them both.

And he fell asleep like that, his whole body relaxing in Eddie’s arms.
…

Buck woke up to a hand on his shoulder through the blanket and a soft voice. “Buck.” Bobby’s voice, “Kid. You’ve got a text. Chim found your phone in the locker room so I put it on charge. It beeped a couple of minutes ago. It says it’s from Emily? And you have some other texts from Spencer I think but they’re older.”

“Em’ly.” Buck blinked slowly before carefully squirming his way out of Eddie’s grip, smiling a little at the still asleep huff of disappointment Eddie let out as Buck pulled himself out of the bed, grabbing Bobby to help himself balance.

“Yeah.” Bobby had a steadying hand on his elbow, a soft frown on his lips. Buck wondered why for a second before he realised why Bobby was looking over his shoulder. The scars. But thankfully Bobby pushed his reaction down and managed a smile, “Come on. Let’s head back up to the loft. Chim and Hen are cleaning the trucks. They got bored so they’re trying to find jobs.”

“Makes sense.” Buck let out a soft noise as he followed Bobby out of the bunks, snatching up his loose tee and pulling it on as he went as headed to the loft area, smiling faintly when he saw Maddie, curled up on the couch, a blanket draped over her.

And Athena was sat at the island again, clearly on her phone.

“Hey baby.” She shot him a reassuring smile, “Just texting Michael to let him know he’s gonna have to make sure May and Harry get off to school okay this morning.”

“You didn’t have to stay-“

“Don’t be stupid of course I had to stay. Gotta make sure my husband and our idiot eldest are okay now don’t I?” which made Bobby chuckle fondly.

“Well I’m feeling better now than I was earlier.” Buck admitted, “It was.. it was a lot.”

“I’d bet it was.” Athena set her phone down. “It’s okay not to be okay baby. What you went through… and now that man’s back? But you know we’re gonna be there right?”

“Course I do Athena.”

“Every step of the way.” Bobby squeezed his shoulder gently. “Now I did make some pancakes earlier. Do you want me to warm them through for you?”

“You’re my hero.”

“That’s a yes then.” Athena laughed, “Should have known Bobby. Buck can never say no to your pancakes.” She patted the seat next to her and Buck slipped into it, noting that his
phone was there waiting for him.

He grabbed it quickly, pulling open his messages, starting with the most recent.

Hey Ev, just so you know the jet’s landing now. Sorry we took so long, I had to go get Spencer in person he had a meeting with some of Diana’s doctors so his phone was off. When we land I’ll be sending Simmons and Alvez to get the run down from the local PD and Tara and JJ said They’ll talk to the latest victims family. I figured whatever’s going on you’d probably prefer just Spence, Garcia, Rossi and I there at first if you dissociated, JJ wanted to be with us but she offered to go with Tara so she wouldn't have to deal with the family alone. We’ll be with you soon.

Ten minutes ago. Depending on traffic it could be another half an hour or so before they arrived.  And Garcia had come, Buck should have expected that, he knew she’d take any excuse to visit him, and it wasn’t like she couldn’t still do her job well enough as long as she had a decent computer with her and he knew she would.

God he had the best families.

Then he looked at the slightly older texts.

Ev, Prentiss told me about your SOS. I know you might not be able to text but we’re coming. I’ll be there soon. Text me as soon as you’re feeling more steady okay?

And that was Spencer through and through. He was probably going out of his mind but he was also endlessly patient when it came to Buck.

So he typed quickly.

I know it probably doesn’t matter because you’re already on your way here but I’m feeling better now than I was. More level. I just woke up from a nap. See you guys soon and tell Emily she’s a fucking badass bitch for pulling this off so fast.

He clicked send, leaning back a little and setting his phone to the side so that he could focus on his pancakes- which Bobby had drizzled with syrup and-

“Did you chop up strawberries and blueberries just for me?” Because Buck was the only one who generally requested that specific combo. Which earned him a warm smile from Bobby.

“Of course kid. After the day you’ve had I figured you deserved a bit of a pick-me- up.”

“Have I told you recently that you’re the best dad in the world.” He grinned as Bobby’s face flushed a little, that proud smile forming on his lips.

“Well I have a kid who’s worth the effort.” Which earned Buck a gentle squeeze of the shoulder from Athena, who had a fond look on her face.

“You eat up kiddo. What were those texts about anyway?”

“The jets landed and the team are on their way, some of the team anyway.” Buck paused thoughtfully, though he did take a bite of his pancakes before he continued, “Some of them are gonna go to the station. I guess they might set up base there. They’ll want to look at the case files. Not sure if they’ll have looked at them on the way here.” If Buck knew his family they’d probably been too busy worrying about what the hell was going on with him. Besides they would probably prefer to talk to him over reading the files because if he called them in then he clearly knew something.

But they would still need the files.

“And Tara and JJ are going to talk to the victims family I think. The ones I’ve known for years and years are coming straight here to see me, other than JJ but I guess it would be unfair for Tara to have to deal with the family on her own. The fact that the others are coming straight here makes sense. I told Emily that I dissociated, she knows that it must be big.”

“Do they all-“ Bobby hesitated, “I assume they all know a lot more than we do about-“

“About the Jakeman case?” Buck paused, “Honestly- Spencer and Garcia definitely. And JJ too even if she was the Media Liaison back then. Emily… she wasn’t on the team when it happened but she was told most of it I think. Back when I met her I still had a lot of triggers and issues so she sorta had to know. But I don’t know if she knows the fine details of the case. And the same goes for Rossi. He knows I was nearly the victim of a serial killer when I was a kid, and he knows the names and the whole torture part of it but I can’t say he definitely know the details. As for Tara, Alves and Simmons… I doubt they know too much. They know I’m Spencer’s brother and that I had a traumatic childhood but-“ Buck shrugged, “They all joined the team a lot more recently. Spence, Garcia and JJ are the ones who were involved back when I was fourteen.”

“It’ll be good to meet all of your other family.” Bobby spoke firmly, “I wish we were meeting them under better circumstances of course but it will be a genuine pleasure to meet them all.”

“Uh huh.” Athena nodded, “And I will be very interested to meet this David Rossi that my daughter is such a big fan of. See if he lives up to her high opinion of him.”

Buck snickered, “Rossi is pretty cool I have to admit. He’s been doing the job for longer than I’ve been alive. There isn’t much he doesn’t know about profiling.”

“Though he isn’t her favorite profiler I’m sure.” Athena’s amused words made Buck blush. “I just wish you’d told us Buck.” She hummed, “For one thing I would have been a lot less worried about you in the aftermath of the Doug situation.”

“Yeah.” Buck pressed his lips together tightly. “That was a… complicated one.”

“It was self defence is what it was.” Athena’s voice was firm, “You were defending yourself after a criminal who was intent on killing you broke into your home. The fact that you’re Ex FBI doesn’t change that fact.”

“It just explains why you were so calm after the fact.” Bobby’s lips twitched a little. “I was worried about you kid. I thought for sure you were bottling up your feelings and when you do that it tends to get messy. Turns out you're just more able to cope with that sort of thing than most people.”

“I know.” Buck hummed, “And I know you thought that contributed to the lawyer thing.” He paused, “I don’t suppose you got his number because they’re going to want to look into him.”

“Actually-“ Bobby’s brows furrowed before, “Yes, yes actually I do. His card is in my office. I was going to look him up but I got sidetracked with other things and I completely forgot about it.”

“That.. is actually perfect.” Buck blinked, “Like, seriously perfect. Garcia can do her thing and check him out and then depending on where he’s based we might be able to haul him in and question him. Though.. probably not.” Buck’s brows furrowed, “If we’re being realistic he’s probably in Pennsylvania since that’s where he’ll probably have been hired from.”

“If nothing else you can probably get in contact with him over the phone.” Athena squeezed Buck’s shoulder softly, “I know it’s hard baby but we’ll get there.”

“We always do-“ Buck paused as his phone buzzed, putting down his fork, raising an eyebrow at the text.

Garcia incoming. She just nearly took out Spencer’s eye trying to get out of the car faster than him so she could get in to you first. Pretty sure she broke his foot. Rossi and I are on human crutch duty.

“Oh god-“ Buck couldn’t help the laugh that burst out, “Brace yourselves everyone-“

“BAMBI!” the yell came from below, and Buck had to resist the urge to duck and try and hide, “I require the presence of my Bambi right now!”

And Buck stood up, flushing at the raised eyebrows from Bobby and Athena as he moved over to the railings, leaning over them slightly to look down. And there she was, blonde hair piled up on top of her head, wearing- a black dress printed with sunflowers, yellow tights and a bright sunflower yellow cardigan. Pure Garcia.

Something about that sight was so familiar it was soothing. “Hey Sunflower! I missed you too!”

“Oh my goodness!” Garcia was rushing to the stairs, grabbing the railing as she came rushing up to him, ad Buck moved quickly, meeting her at the top of them and hugging her tightly, spinning her as he did.

“Ugh.” Garcia was gripping him as tightly as she could, “You look tired. And you sent an SOS Evvy. What happened?”

“Can we wait until the others get up here.” Buck’s lips twitched a little, “Emily said she thinks you’ve broken Spence’s foot.”

“Oh hush.” Garcia waved a hand dismissively. “His foot will be fine.”

“Uh huh.” Buck looked down at the black very very high pointy heel. “Jeesh Garcia you could kill a man with those.”

“In defence of you Evvy? Always.”

“You’re gonna make me cry,”

“You always were easy to make cry.” Garcia pinched his cheek lightly. “Now. I want to meet people.”

“Of course.” Buck turned, “I would introduce you to Maddie but she’s passed out on the couch so let’s start with Bobby and Athena.”

“Ah! The famous duo.” The woman beamed at the couple, who had moved so that they were stood side by side, watching with a  bemused amusement. “Evvy told us all about you two. He always said you’d make a great pair-“ which earned a raised eyebrow from Bobby and Buck flushed.

“In my defence I am a profiler I can’t just switch it off.”

“He only told us good things I promise.” Garcia beamed at them, “He told us that you were family. And Evvy deserves all the family he can get so that must mean you’re good people.”

“We try. And Buck’s the reason we’re a family-“

“Even if he was a cocky little shit when we first met him.” Athena winked and Buck groaned, which earned a gleeful look from Garcia.

“Oh if you have stories I am going to need all of them like right now and I will trade-“

“No-no-“ Buck let out a panicked little noise, “No that is not allowed this is as bad as Spence and Maddie becoming friendly-“

“That was good and you know it.” And Buck whirled, his gaze focusing on Spencer, who was limping, his arms flung over Prentiss and Rossi’s shoulders.

All three of them were looking at him, and Spencer had that soft look that was generally saved for Buck, and sometimes for Diana. But mostly Buck.

“How you feeling Ev? Your SOS had us all worried. What’s the big rush? The local PD hadn’t called us in yet but clearly you know something they don’t.”

“Detective Ransone was more than willing to hand it over, he didn’t put up a fight when I told him you reached out.” Prentiss added, “He’s always trusted your judgement. Think he had a soft spot for you after that first case. You impressed him.”

“I like Ransone.” Buck shifted uncomfortably, and he could feel Rossi’s eyes on him. The suspicion in them, and he was picking at his nails he realised. God he’d thought he’d left that habit behind a long time ago.

“This one of our old cases rearing it’s head again?” that had Spencer and Prentiss looking at him with surprised expressions.

“Why an old case.”

“Because Evan seemed very sure that this was our case.” Rossi pointed out, “And it has to be something bad. Evan can handle the usual types of bad.”

“Rossi’s right.” Buck said the words softly.

“Bambi?” Garcia’s hand was on his shoulder. “Bambi… what’s going on?”

Buck swallowed hard, forcing himself to lift his gaze, to meet Spencers eyes.

And it was a testament to how well his brother knew him, it really was.

He could see the moment Spencer realised what was going on. He didn’t have to say a word, Spencer could just see it in his eyes. He gave a little half shake of his head, his eyes filling with horror. “No. Ev-“

“It’s why he chose his name.” Buck’s voice was soft. “The Phoenix rises from the ashes of fire. I told him that.”

And then Spencer was pulling away from Prentiss and Rossi, closing the distance between them in seconds despite his limp, and Garcia had to step back because Spencer was wrapping his arms around Buck, who was curling in on himself, tucking himself into Spencer’s chest as he had always done as a little kid.

“I’m here Ev.” Spencer breathed the words, “I’m here. It’s gonna be okay. I’ll make it okay.”

Chapter Text

Buck closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath as he held onto his brother, clinging as though he was a fourteen year old terrified boy again. As if over a decade had just vanished, years of experience and well earned confidence stripped away turning him into a child desperate for the comfort of the person he trusted most in all the world. And Spencer’s chin was resting on top of his head as he hummed softly, the noise familiar and soothing.

They stayed like that for a few long moments, no matter how eager for information Prentiss, Rossi and Garcia were they knew better than to interrupt the moment. And Buck pulled back when he was ready, meeting his brothers gaze as the older man asked. “You’re sure?”

“Yeah. Yeah I am. He uh- the letter. I opened it.”

“Where?”

“I-“ Buck paused, “I left it in- I dropped it in the locker room-“

“I went and got it when you went to try and get some rest.” Athena spoke up, “I wore gloves and put it in an evidence bag.” She pulled it out from a pocket, setting it down on the kitchen island, “I didn’t want to leave it there and let it get lost under the lockers or trampled on.”

Spencer nodded, pulling away from Buck and moving to Athena, swiftly opening the bag and pulling the paper out, examining it carefully before he exhaled slowly.

“What is it?” Prentiss’ voice was soft, “Come on you two. We need to know what’s going on.”

“Do your family know?” Spencer spoke up, “Did you tell them? If not we can go somewhere-“

“I told them.” Buck’s smile was strained, “It’s okay Spence they know.” He turned his head to look at Emily, swallowing hard. “We know who the Phoenix killer is. Richard Jakeman.”

And both Prentiss and Rossi looked confused for just a moment, clearly trying to place the name while Garcia let out a horrified noise, a hand clamping over her mouth.

“Him?” her voice was muffled. “Him?”

“Yeah. Yeah him.” Buck nodded, wrapping his arms around himself protectively. “The guy who kidnapped me when I was fourteen.”

“Oh my god-“ Prentiss’ eyes widened at that, a horrified look on her face as she realised what that meant, “Oh Evan-“

“Well damn it.” Rossi grimaced, “That explains why the name sounded familiar. I thought he died. Spencer didn't you say the creep left Evan a house?”

“Faked his death I’d guess. He’s been planning this.”

“Which means you’re the target.” Rossi said the words simply, “I assume that letter is the one Spencer mentioned you being left when the man died? Which means he’s trying to play a game with you. I hate it when the twisted ones do that.”

“I didn’t open it until now.” Buck let Garcia wrap her arms around him, wrapping one around her in return, “Didn’t want- I didn’t want to know whatever he had to say to me. I mean- I figured what whatever it was it didn’t matter because he was dead and I shouldn’t waste anymore of my time and energy on him. Except he’d not dead. I guess he leaked the Phoenix calling card to the news to try and drag me in.”

“Except because you hadn’t read the letter you didn’t know.” Spencer’s brows furrowed. “We’re going to need to know more. Everything you have.”

“The LAPD are going to give you everything.” Athena spoke up, watching the newcomers by Bobby’s side, “I’m Sergeant Athena Grant of the LAPD.”

“And basically my mom.” Buck added, “And that.” He nodded to Bobby. “Is Captain Bobby Nash, who is my boss and also pretty much my dad.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you both.” Prentiss nodded slightly, “It’s nice to put faces to the names-“

“I don’t need any introductions actually, for future reference.” Garcia chirped, “I already looked into every single person my Bambi told me about-“

“You do realise that’s creepy right?”

“Hush now Bambi. I was only looking out for you.”

“Garcia, what did we say about scaring the normal people?” Rossi chuckled softly, an amused look on his face before-

“Oh don’t worry.” Bobby was waving a hand dismissively. “I wouldn’t call my team particularly normal either. We have Buck after all-“

“Why do I feel like that was meant to be almost an insult?”

“Well sweetheart-“ Athena’s voice was amused. “Should we make a list of the chaos you’ve gotten stuck in during the last year alone?”

“I-“ Buck faltered, “Uh- um- Chim got a rebar through his skull last year!”

“He did. And we all teased him for that relentlessly when he was healed.” Bobby laughed, “You called him Rebar for months Buck. Besides, you have to admit trouble does seem to follow you around kid. You keep things interesting. It’s a good thing. I mean, Doug, the ladder truck the tsu-“

“ACK!” Buck lunched, almost knocking Garcia over in his haste to clamp a hand over Bobby’s mouth, the older mans shoulders shaking with laughter as Athena practically cackled.

“Baby- what-“

“Did-“ Spencer’s voice was strained, “One second did- was- did he just- I heard there was a Tsunami but you weren’t in work at the time you don’t live in any of the effected areas
Ev.”

“Uh-“ Buck could feel his BAU family’s eyes on him. “Um- you see-“ he hesitated before sighing and letting go of Bobby, “Rossi, the leg was in fact worth the money. It survived the tsunami better than my car did.”

And Rossi muttered something in Italian at that, which was probably some complaint about idiots if Buck had to guess, which had Buck flushing, a sheepish look on his face.

“Oh my god.” Spencer was covering his face with his hand, “Oh my god Evan,”

“Bambi-“ Garcia was storming towards him, her eyes narrowed and Buck let out a panicked squeak and he scrambled backwards, which just made Athena and Bobby laugh at his panic. “I am going to kill you!”

“Someone stop her! This isn’t fair-“

“Oh?” Prentiss was stifling her laughter, “I’m sorry, is Mr big strong firefighter afraid of Garcia?”

“I have a strong desire to keep living so yes!” Buck tripped over the leg of one of the stools, yelping as he fell, landing with a thud and throwing his hands up to shield his face when Garcia reached him and swatted the back of his head.

“You deserve that for not telling your family you were caught up in a tsunami!”

“I was fine! Some bruises, a couple of cuts and my stump was a little sore for a few days I was fine!”

“How is it always you?” Rossi sighed heavily, “You know, as much as I’ve missed you, I have not missed the sheer amount of bullshit you get yourself into.”

“I don’t get myself into most of it it- it follows me.”

“Honestly I don’t know which of you two are worse.” Prentiss hummed, “Between you and Spencer…”

“I like to think we’re pretty equal.” Buck shot Spencer a grin, and Spencer laughed, shaking his head.

“Statistically I think you have worse luck than I do Evan. In pretty much every metric we could measure it in, which is impressive given some of the stuff I’ve been through. If we’re talking frequency of traumatic events and near death experiences-“

“Okay but what timeline are we working with here Spence because the statistics change based on-“

“Okay okay-“ Garcia was holding up her hands and laughing, “Don’t go all genius duo, you make everyone else feel stupid when you two start bouncing off one another.”

“They make me feel old.” Rossi huffed the words, rolling his eyes fondly. “I don’t know how they can talk so fast and keep up with one another.”

“I know the feeling.” Bobby chuckled, “When Buck gets talking about his latest Wikipedia binge I can hardly keep up with what he’s saying-“

“Oh hush.” Athena laughed, “Those internet binges came in very useful during our trivia night last week Bobby.”

“I live to serve.”

Bobby chuckled fondly. “That you do kiddo.” He paused before adding, “And for the record-“ he was looking at Prentiss and Rossi. “I know that there is not that much we can do to help you. We don’t know what we’re doing when it comes to serial killers. But we do love Buck. And all of us are willing to do whatever we can to make sure that he’s safe and this monster gets what’s coming to him.”

“I would be more than willing to shoot him myself.” Athena spoke up, “If he so much as shows his face near Buck.”

“We’ll keep that in mind.” Prentiss laughed, a fond smile on her lips. “Though I think you might have to get to the back of the line with that one.”

“Good to know.” Athena nodded, “Usually I’d get offended but given the situation, just this once I’ll let it slide, since you’re as much his family as we are.” She gave an amused smile. “You’ve even known him longer than we have so I trust that you love him as much as we do.”

“It’s good to see that Evan has good people looking out for him.” Prentiss gave a small nod. “He deserves that.”

“I got lucky twice.” Buck gave a small smile, “Not many people get two families like I did.”

“We’re the lucky ones kid.” Bobby chuckled before shaking his head, “Now I’m guessing you lot all need to talk- Buck will need to give you everything he knows right?”

“Yeah, yeah he will.” Prentiss nodded. “I assume we’re okay to do that here? I was hoping to ask if we could make the firehouse our home base. Usually it’s the local Police station that we set up in but given the circumstances… especially now.. it feels like it would make sense to stick somewhere close to Buck. And I’m sure he’d rather not have to take too much time off work.”

“Not if I can avoid it. Though… if I do have to I understand.” Buck shot Bobby a hesitant look and Bobby responded by giving him a reassuring smile.

“As long as your team think it’s safe for you to keep working I still want you on shift where I can keep an eye on you Buck. And yes, I have no problem with your team working here. It makes sense, it means Buck can be kept in the loop that much easier.”

“Honestly if he’s at work he’ll be surrounded by people we know can be trusted, and we’ll be close by when you’re not on calls.”

“Means we’ll know where he is too.” Rossi chuckled, “No ones going to get the jump on him if he’s on the job. He’s almost safer at work than at home-“

“I’ll be staying with you Ev.” That came from Spencer, “And that’s not a request that is an order. You are not going to be alone.”

“Sir yes sir.” Buck rolled his eyes, ducking his head out of instinct to avoid the-

“Did you just throw a ball of paper at me?”

“Because you’re being a little shit Evan. This is serious.”

“I know. I know it is.” Buck’s shoulders drooped a little, “I get it okay. You’re the protective detail right? Because I’m his target. I get it. I’m guessing the fact that I’m dating a big strong Silver Star Vet isn’t going to help my case?”

“Not even a little.” Prentiss laughed, rolling her eyes fondly. “We want one of ours with you when you’re not out on a call. I know it’s a lot Evan but it’s for your own safety.”

“You know I am fully trained and I do have my own gun,”

“Which you don’t even have on you right now.”

“I… will have it as soon as I go home.” Buck let out a huff, “You know this is going to worry the kids.” He paused, “Fuck- th-“

“Eddie told us he was calling Shannon to ask her to watch the kids for a while remember? She’s not at work apparently.” Bobby cut across Buck before he could start really panicking, his voice soothing. “Rina and Christopher are fine Buck. They are safe with her.”

“I-“

“No one is going to say you’re not a good parent because you got sidetracked while dealing with something like this.”

“He’s right.” Rossi gave Buck a knowing look, “As someone much older and wiser than you, you’re doing just fine Evan.”

“Now.” Prentiss took a deep breath, “I think it’s time you filled us in on everything that’s been happening. Don’t you?”

“Yeah. Yeah I do.”

…

Buck felt drained by the time they were done. JJ and Tara had arrived about an hour in, JJ giving him a tight hug and whispering that they’d catch Jakeman, Tara giving him a warm smile and a less tight hug a moment later.

Alvez and Simmons had arrived half an hour after that.

Maddie had woken up, and along with Chim and Hen she had, after being given approval by Bobby and Athena, and Prentiss, headed to Chim’s.

That was something Buck had insisted on. He didn’t want Maddie alone at the moment. He didn’t think Jakeman would come after her, but there was a chance and he’d rather avoid it if they was at all possible.

After all Maddie had met the man before, even if she hadn’t been in his history class back when she’d been in school. Hell she’d known his kids who were a few years behind her.

She hadn’t been friends with them of course but she’d met  them more than once.

So yeah, there was a chance she’d be targeted. So she would stay with Chim for now, where she’d be a lot safer. When she wasn’t working she’d either be at home with him, when Chim wasn’t on shift, or she could come to the Firehouse when he was on shift.

It wasn’t perfect but it was safer that way.

The kids would be protected too of course. If Buck and Eddie weren’t available there would be an agent with them- after some discussion it was decided JJ would be best suited for that role, since she already knew and got along well with Rina.

Oh Spencer knew both of the kids better of course but his priority was Buck at this stage. While Buck and Eddie were working JJ would be with the kids if they weren’t in school.

If it was deemed necessary and the threat level increased Alvez would probably join her in protection duty.

Hopefully it wouldn’t.

After some discussion it was decided that the first course of action would be looking into how he got out of prison. If he had an accomplice they might be able to use them to track wherever Jakeman was hiding now.

So Garcia was doing a deep dive on all of the employees of the prison and on all of his visitors, as well as trying to get access to all of the copies of any correspondences he’d had during his time in the prison.

It was a good start, even if Buck felt jittery and impatient. He didn’t want to have to wait for the files to come through. He wanted more now. He wanted answers, wanted to know where Jakeman was and what he was planning. Because he was planning something.

And not knowing that plan? That was a special kind of torture for Buck.

If he knew he could prepare himself. Brace for whatever was coming but he couldn’t, so he was jumpy and fidgety and he knew it was showing from the worried looks the others were shooting him as they went over what they had so far.

Which was pretty much nothing. They were going through the fan letters currently- and wasn’t that a pleasant experience?

Looking at the photos of them and reading what fucking idiots were writing to write to a known monster who killed children?

It made him want to claw his own eyes out.

The only comfort was the fact that Eddie had woken up and joined them, gathered on the couches in the loft of the Firehouse, Buck curled into his boyfriends side, head resting on the other mans shoulder.

He had told Eddie that he could go home if he wanted, after all the kids would probably be missing them, though Rina got along well enough with Shannon.

They wouldn’t be too worried. Shannon had apparently told them that it had been a complicated call that meant that they had to stay late in work.

Eddie had refused to leave him, kissing the top of Buck’s head and telling him not to be an idiot. Telling him that he was sticking by his side no matter what.

Buck had told him he didn’t know how long that would be for. He wanted to be involved he wanted to help track Jakeman down. He needed to be involved.

It didn’t matter that he felt like he was balancing on a tightrope when it came to his self control right now. That he wished he had the numbers of every single sick and twisted fan that had written to him while he was in prison.

He wanted to call them, to tell them in vivid detail what their idol was, what he’d done. How much of a monster the man was.

He wasn’t sure which were worse. The ones that were obsessed with him because they looked up to him, because they were twisted sadists like he was and wished they had the nerve to do what he did, or the ones who didn’t believe he’d done it.

Serial killers often had fans like that. The ones who insisted that they were set up.

As if he hadn’t gotten arrested whilst he was in the middle of actively trying to choke the life out of Buck. As if there was any world in which he could possible be innocent. It was insane, laughable even yet based on the letters there were people who believed that.

Or maybe the worst were the ones who did thought they could change him.

They did believe he’d done it, but they thought he was somehow wounded deep down inside. That if they could just talk to him, if they could be given the chance they could fix him.

That infuriated him. Even if Jakeman was wounded- even if Spence was right and the man had likely been abused by his father that didn’t justify anything. So what if he had trauma.
Maybe if the man had been out of his mind Buck could have agreed, people did things during psychotic breaks that they would never do if they were in their right mind.

But Jakeman hadn’t been in the middle of a psychotic break. Oh he was a sick and twisted man and Buck wouldn’t call him sane, but he hadn’t been in the middle of a breakdown he had known what he was doing and chosen to do it.

Buck had more than his fair share of trauma but he’d never used it as an excuse to lash out and hurt someone else. To torture them.

The idea of anyone making excuses for Jakeman had his fingers curled into tight fists, his eyes hard, expressions grim.

He was trying to lock it down.

The last thing he needed was to lose control in the middle of a discussion. If he could just focus on Eddie’s arms around him, on Eddie’s chin resting on top of his head, but it was impossible.

Which was why after the twenty seventh letter Buck pushed himself up off the couch, muttering an excuse about needing to go to the bathroom before he slipped away.

He didn’t go to the bathroom.

Instead he slipped up to the stairs that led to the roof, taking them two at a time and letting himself out, breath catching in his throat as he moved towards the edge of the roof, leaning on the ledge, arms braced against it as he closed his eyes and leaned down, pressing his forehead to the cool stone, not yet warmed up by the heat of the morning sun.

“Y’know kid, for someone missing a leg you’re still annoyingly fast. You make it hard for an old man like me to keep up.”

Buck lifted his head a little at that, turning slightly to look back at Rossi, who joined him, turning so that he was leaning back against the ledge, his eyes on Buck. “How you holding up kiddo?”

“I’m fine-“

“Sure, you came up here because you’re totally fine.”

“I can handle it Rossi-“

“Didn’t say you couldn’t. But you shouldn’t have to. Those letters are a tough read for someone who wasn’t personally involved in the case. You were one of the victims. That makes it a hell of a lot more personal for you Evan.”

“I get the psychology behind it.” Buck said after a moment, “I do. I do Rossi. I have a PhD in fucking psychology I know a lot about how the brain works and why-“ he paused, “But I just... getting it in principal isn’t enough because how can people look at what he did- look at the evidence and think- think that he’s innocent or- or misunderstood? I think I prefer the psychopaths honestly because at least they own what they are. They don’t- they don’t pretend they’re good people in their letters. They know they’re fucked up. But the ones who think he’s innocent are delusional and the ones who believe he did it and want to fix him just- I don’t-“

“You know the psychology Evan.” Rossi’s hand was on his shoulder. “But that doesn’t make it easier to deal with. A lot of them are projecting, some of them are closet psychopaths who think if they can fix him they can make their own desires away. Or they’re just dumb as dirt.”

Buck let out a weak laugh at that, “Well I definitely won’t say they aren’t dumb.” He closed his eyes, “I knew this was going to be tough Rossi. I knew that but I don’t- what good is reading the fucking fanmail going to do-“

“Evan you know the answer to that-“

“Yeah, yeah I do and I know. I know I’m being stupid and impatient but I don’t want to sit around reading his letters to try and find out if some of them was an accomplice or knew anything about his prison break I want to be out there trying to find him. I want to feel safe again. And it’s stupid. I’m older I’m stronger. I haven’t been stuck in a prison cell for over a decade. If it came to a fight I’m pretty sure I’d come out on top these days I’m not a weak and scared fourteen year old anymore. But-“

“But you still feel like a weak and scared fourteen year old.”

Rossi hummed  the words. “Evan. He tortured you. You can’t expect your mind and body to respond rationally to any of this kid. You’re being too tough on yourself.”

“I don’t know what to do Rossi.”

“I know what you should do.” Rossi squeezed Buck’s shoulder tightly. “Get that man of yours and go home with him and Spencer. And get your kids home with you, spend some time with them. I know that I wish I’d gotten that chance to spend time with Joy when she was still a kid. Don’t let him take you away from them for even a moment more than necessary Evan. Seems to me like you’ve got yourself a good solid family.” He chuckled, “You’re doing better that I ever did on that front. Make the most of it. You’ll feel better for it and when you come back here you’ll be able to focus and handle it all better. Family and love is a tonic for all of this and we both know that.”

“That might just be some of the best advice you’ve ever given me Rossi.” Buck shot the man a wry smile. “Thank you. For following me up here.”

“What can I say kid, with age comes wisdom.” Rossi squeezed his shoulder again, “Now come on. Lets get you out of here.”

Chapter Text

Thankfully both Eddie and Spencer were more than happy to head home, and Prentiss had given her approval too, though she’d also ordered Buck to let Spencer make sure the house was safe when they got in. So he and Eddie waited in Buck’s car while Spencer went on ahead of them, though he’d left one of his guns in Buck’s hands, just in case he’d said.

Admittedly neither of them believed Jakeman would be stupid enough to try anything right outside of his house, in daylight on a street that did in fact have other houses and people who would see.

Still, the weight of the gun in his lap was reassuring, even as Eddie threaded his fingers through Bucks, leaning a little closer.

“You know I’ve never actually seen you with your gun.” The other man had a little grin on his lips, “I wonder which of us has the better aim hm?”

“We should test it out some day.” Buck grinned back a little, “I know a pretty good gun range in the area.” He squeezed Eddie’s hand back at the other man. “We could easily test out which of us has the better aim some time if you want to.”

“Hm, not sure my ego can handle that.” Eddie’s lips twitched, amusement dancing across his features, “I’m not a bad shot but I get the feeling you’re better than me.”

“Probably.” Buck grinned, “I’ve been trained by some of the best. And you wouldn’t know it to look at him but Spence is probably one of the best shots in the entire team. And I’m not far after him.”

Eddie hummed at that, “I can admit, I’ve had all the training- and I’m really good at the hand to hand fighting but I’ve never actually shot at a person to kill.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Buck hummed, “I mean, you were a medic. You were there to help people not to kill them.” He paused, “It’s not… it’s not a nice thing to have to do.” He said the words carefully, brows furrowing as he considered his words. “And the first time is… heavy. I guess. You don't make that decision lightly.” He pursed his lips together tightly, “But after what I went through… I don’t feel too much guilt if I have to pull the trigger. Every single person I have shot was either to defend myself or someone else. Sometimes it’s a split second choice and I’m going to chose to save the life of the innocent person or myself every time. I don’t like doing it but-“

“You do what you have to in the moment.” Eddie nodded. “I get it.. or.. I get it in principal. I’ve never had to do it but I can understand the logic. And I know you well enough to trust you with that.” Eddie pointed at the gun. “Probably more than I’d trust most other people. More than I trust myself even I think.”

Buck felt a rush of warmth at that, shooting the other man a wry smile, “That means a lot Eddie. Though I really fucking hope I don’t have to use it any time soon.” He paused, “I’ll have to start carrying my gun with me again. Like I did while I was waiting on Doug to make his move.”

“I hate this.” Eddie’s brows furrowed, “I hate knowing that you’re in danger. That you’re going through this. I can’t even imagine what it must feel like.”

“Don’t think anyone can Eddie.” Buck pointed that out softly, “But the fact  that you’re still here even knowing everything is… it’s big.”

“Just tell me what I can do to help you. Tell me what you need and I will do it.” Eddie leaned in, brushing his lips to Buck’s cheeks. “Anything.”

“Right now I just need you. And Spencer and our kids.”

“Well that I can do for you.” Eddie hummed softly, “Once we’re safely in I’ll call Shan and get her to bring Chris and Rina home. We’ll keep the kids off school tomorrow too. They can go back in the day after when we’re back in work hm? And then your friend JJ can pick them up from school and keep an eye on them until we’re done with our shift. We’ll try and keep things as normal as we can for them but you deserve a couple of days of peace with our kids after the shitshow this morning.” Eddie leaned in then, pressing his lips to the top of Buck’s head.

It was such a gentle gesture that Buck flushed, closing his eyes and tilting his head forward slightly, and as he knew it would Eddie’s head met his, foreheads pressed together, fingers intertwined.

God Buck loved him. He wasn’t sure what he’d ever done to somehow deserve a man like Eddie Diaz but god he was grateful to have him.

If Eddie really still wanted him, even knowing everything? Knowing the baggage that Buck was carrying, that he would carry for the rest of his life- because he knew trauma like that would never go away even if it was much more manageable now.

Then fuck it all Buck was going to cling to the other man, was going to make the most of what he had. The gift he’d been given he knew that much.

He was drawn away from those thoughts by the feeling of his phone buzzing in his pocket, and as much as he didn’t really want to pull back he did, untangling their fingers so he could pull his phone from his pocket, unlocking it and pulling up the message before he let out a startled laugh, rolling his eyes. He should  have been expecting that really.

“What is it?” Eddie leaned closer, “Who texted you Buck?”

“Fucking Taylor.” Buck rolled his eyes, “God knows how she found out so quickly but she knows the BAU are in town.”

He turned his phone so that Eddie could see.

Hey Evan. I heard that your old team are in LA. I’m guessing for the Phoenix case. Any change of an exclusive?

“Seriously.” Eddie snorted, “I didn’t know she had your number.”

“Yeah, I called her to complain about that segment she did on me after the tsunami.” He shot Eddie a narrow eyed look, “Remember? The one you recorded to show everyone-“

“I am a proud boyfriend, I might not like Taylor Kelly but I mean, she was not wrong about you being a hero.” Then Eddie paused, his eyes narrowing in thought.

“Eddie?” Buck raised an eyebrow, leaning back further. It was funny how he could almost see the wheels turning in Eddie’s brain as he thought about… well about something. Buck wasn’t actually sure what he was thinking about yet but he was clearly putting something together.

“Wait a damn second-“

“I’m waiting.”

“You said she wrote about your past. When you were 19 and you knew her she wrote about your past and she was going to publish it.” Eddie’s expression was not happy. “I- I didn’t know about your past then holy shit did she- did she actually write about what happened to you when you were fourteen?” his voice was filled with horrified disbelief and Buck felt his face flushing a light shade of pink.

“Yeah. Yeah she did. She saw it as an uplifting story of a child genius overcoming his past burdens and tragedy and all that shit. I saw it as a gross invasion of my privacy after I told her something hugely emotionally significant to me.” Buck huffed the words, shaking his head at the memories. The betrayal he’d felt. “She was the first person outside of the BAU and my therapist that I’d ever talked about my past with. In detail I mean.”

“And then she did that.” Eddie’s expression was dark. “That’s fucked up Carino. You didn’t deserve that. You deserved so so so much better.” His lips pressed against Buck’s forehead again. “I mean, yeah your story is inspiring as hell, I won’t deny that. Knowing what I know now? Yeah I look at you in fucking awe. But that’s your story. Your choice. I’m so so sorry she did that to you baby. I’m angry on your behalf right now.”

“I worked it out with her.” Buck gave a half hearted shrug, threading his fingers through Eddies, “It.. I mean it fucked me up for a long time but Taylor and I had that talk and we worked it out. It’s not like she didn’t get any sort of punishment for it. What she did derailed most of her plans for her career she’s only recently managed to get past that.”

“You can forgive her if you want to Buck, that’s your choice. But that doesn’t mean I won’t be mad on your behalf.” Then Eddie smirked a little, and his hand shot out, snatching the phone from Buck’s hand.

“Hey! Eddie what the- what are you-“ his eyes widened because Eddie was leaning away from him, tapping at Buck’s phones screen a shit eating grin on his lips that meant trouble.

And okay. Okay Buck did fucking love that grin. It was incredibly sexy on Eddie. But still.

“Eddie! Eddie don’t you dare. Whatever you’re doing stop it right now.” Eddie dodged when Buck lunged, laughing at the panic in Buck’s voice.

“I’m just sending her a text-“

“Eddie no! No you get mean when you’re all protective.”

“You love that about me. I saw the way you looked at me that time the asshole made a comment about you parking in a handicapped spot at target that one time-“

“Okay but the way you tore him apart was hot! This is not hot!” Well… maybe a little. But Buck wasn’t going to give Eddie that satisfaction when he was being a little shit.

“Are you saying she doesn’t deserve a bit of meanness baby?”

“I’m going to kill you! Give me back my phone-“ Buck lunged again, laughing breathlessly as he caught Eddie’s wrist and tried to wrestle his hand back down so that he could reach the phone, “C’mon Diaz!”

“You love it when I’m mean Buckley-“

“Stop flirting and give me back my phone-“

“Nope, I’m having too much fun-“ there was a knock on the window from behind Buck and he let out a shriek, head snapping around, eyes wide. And he felt his face go a brilliant shade of red when his gaze focused on Spencer, who had one hand covering his eyes, and he heard the other mans voice, even if it was muffled by the glass of the window.

“Really Evan? We’re not even in the house yet can’t you two keep your hands off one another for five more minutes.” And Buck was off Eddie in an instant as Eddie choked down his laughter, which was, admittedly, a beautiful sight with how Eddie was half led, his hair messed up from their struggles, eyes shining with amusement and face flushed.

Fuck but he was a beautiful man.

Buck forced away those thoughts as Spencer opened the door. “Eddie took my phone.” Buck mumbled the words, somehow feeling like a little kid in school getting told off for pulling another kids hair.

“He-“ Spencer blinked, “Evan you’re a grown man. Why would your boyfriend steal your phone.”

“To be fair to him I did.” Eddie looked unashamed. “But only because Taylor Kelly texted him asking for an exclusive.”

Spencer paused at that, eyes flicking between them both. “I see. And you took his phone because…”

“I was going to text her telling her to suck a dick.” Buck almost choked at that, and Spencer just barely managed to stifle a snort of laughter.

“I see.” There was a pause before, “I assume you were going to use proper grammar and punctuation. She’s a journalist I’m sure she’d appreciate that.” Which earned a roar of laughter from Eddie and a horrified yelped from Buck.

“SPENCER! You’re supposed to be on my side not my boyfriends!”

“Evan.” Spencer levelled a faintly amused look at him. “You and I have discussed Taylor Kelly multiple times and you know exactly what I think about that woman. In case you’ve forgotten I’m the one who picked up the broken pieces when she shattered your heart.”

“I wouldn’t say shattered I only knew her for a couple of weeks-“

“Buck-“ Eddie’s lips twitched, “I say this in the most loving way possible. Because I adore you and you know I do. But when you fall you fall fast. Even with your trust issues. I can completely imagine you falling head over heels in a couple of weeks. You throw yourself into things headfirst.”

“I mean-“

“I’m not saying it’s a bad thing.” Eddie soothed as he straightened up, “It’s part of why I fell in love with you so quickly. The way you threw yourself into helping me with Chris.”

“I love kids-“

“I am aware. You have two of them, I'd be concerned if you didn't love kids.”

“And Chris was adorable. Of course I wanted to help.”

“See, see” Eddie threw up his hands, “How could I not fall head over heels in love with you when you’re like this?”

“Eddie-“

“There’s nothing wrong with it. How much you care. It just means that sometimes you’re a little more prone to getting hurt.” Eddie gave him a look. “Which means that as your boyfriend and the man who’s ridiculously in love with you, I get to defend your honor from people who break your trust.”

“If you want some help with that I’m sure Garcia would be willing to do some hacking to prank her-“

“Don’t even think about it.” Buck huffed the words, “I love you both but you are both idiots. No revenge pranks-“ Buck aimed his look at Spencer. “I love a good prank war but Taylor Kelly is not family. We don’t have prank wars outside of the family Spence. You know that. Normal people can't handle the sort of shit we pull.”

“She deserves it.”

“We should revisit the prank war thing some other time though.” Eddie piped up. “Because I think we could have a lot of fun with that if we target Chim. Hen’s too scary but Chim…”

“… We will revisit that.” Buck’s lips twitched. “He’d love a good prank war.”

“Uh huh.” Spencer looked amused, “Well, before you two get more side-tracked and I have to go inside to avoid seeing my baby brother in a compromising situation, I’ve checked the house. There’s no one inside. It’s all clear.”

“I didn’t think he’d be in there.” Buck shook his head, “He wouldn’t try to kidnap me like that. Not so soon after I realised. That would take away the fun.” He didn’t bother hiding the bitterness in his voice as he climbed out of the car, handing Spencer back his gun as he did. “He’s going to want to play with me for a little bit longer at least. And I doubt he’ll try and take me from the house when he does come for me.”

“Even so we have to be careful you know that Evan.” Spencer gave him a sympathetic look. “I know this sucks but it’s for your own safety Ev. And at least we’re keeping you involved. Most targets don’t exactly get to be so involved in the cases they’re usually have protection details and they can’t usually go about their normal lives. Look at what happened with Emily. She had to fake her death.”

“That was different. Doyle had people. Jakeman-“

“Probably has at least one accomplice.” Spencer pointed out even as Eddie joined Buck, the shorter mans arm sliding around his waist to pull Buck close. “We can’t forget that. Someone has to have helped him to escape prison and with his facial scarring it won’t be easy for him to get around unnoticed.”

“Do you guys have any pictures.” That came from Eddie, “I mean, based on what you said we should be able to tell at a glance if he shows up, but I feel like it would be a good idea for us to see pictures of him. And for the schools to know about him too. Not that they would release either of the kids to anyone not on the approved pick up list.”

“We’ll have to make sure they have JJ on the list.” As they spoke the trio headed inside, Buck and Eddie headed straight into the kitchen, where Buck’s crutches were propped against the table.

And it was funny how smoothly their routine worked even when the world was falling apart around them.

He saw Spencer pausing in the doorway and watching them as Eddie drew out a chair for Buck to sit down before moving over to the coffee machine, pulling out two cups before he paused, “Spencer?”

“I’ll have a coffee.”

“Perfect.”

And while Eddie made the three of them coffee Buck carefully took his leg off, humming softly as he did, massaging the skin of his stump.

It wasn’t painful or anything but even so, it was never a bad idea to treat the leg kindly after hours of being in the prosthetic.

Soon enough Eddie was setting down two cups of coffee and he shot Buck and Spencer a reassuring grin. “I’m just going to step out and call Shannon. Explain what’s going on a little. I won’t give her any details but she does need to know something’s going on. She’s not going to be able to take Chris out without someone else there for a while so she’ll have questions.”

“Of course.” Buck nodded, “Do what you gotta do Eddie. You know I trust Shannon. She deserves to know what’s going on.” He watched Eddie slip out of the room before he focused on Spencer, who was watching him with a small smile.

“You know-“ Spencer’s voice was soft, “When you told me he was your Maeve I wasn’t sure. But watching you two? Don’t think I’ve ever seen a couple so suited to one another.”

“We make a good team.” Buck rubbed his stump again, massaging it a little. “On the job and at home.”

“That you do.” Spencer hummed, pulling out a chair and sitting down across from Buck. “How are you holding up Ev? Don’t try and lie to me okay? I know you’re not doing well and no one expects you to.”

“For now I feel… level.” Buck said the words slowly. “I know that’ll change. It always does but… right now I feel okay. When I first realised? When it really hit me I was a mess. But Eddie helped me though that even if he didn’t know what was going on.” Buck paused, “I was a wreck, he cleaned me up. I had the last victims blood on me. He takes care of me Spence.”

“Of course he does. He loves you.” Spencer gave a faintly amused smile at that, shaking his head fondly. “You know I was so worried about you when you came out here. And.. okay I can admit that my worries were valid given the current situation, and we’ll be talking about this tsunami later. But… at least I know you’ve got good people around you.”

“I do.” Buck nodded, “I really do Spence.”

“So, this evening we’re going to try and relax and take your mind off of everything. Which is a tall order I know.” Spencer squeezed Buck’s shoulder lightly. “The kids will be back soon. I have a load more magic tricks to show Chris and Rina. Though I think Chris will probably be more impressed than Rina.”

“She was very annoyed that you wouldn’t teach her how to do any of them-“

“But that takes away the magic.” Spencer winked at Buck, amusement in his eyes. “I’ll get kicked out of the Magic Circle if I do that.”

“You aren’t part of the magic circle.” Buck shot back with a laugh, rolling his eyes. “And we both know that.”

“The kids don’t.”

“Okay true.” Buck grinned, leaning back in his chair, running his fingers though his hair. “We can watch a documentary with the kids this evening before bed. There’s that one about dinosaurs that Chris said he wanted to watch. And Rina loves watching pretty much anything as long as she’s got an excuse to get cuddled up under the big blankets and eat popcorn.”

“Who can say no to big blankets and popcorn?” Spencer flashed Buck a wry smile. “But I assume we’ll be feeding them more than just popcorn right?”

“Yeah.” Buck hummed, “I made some pizza dough a couple of days ago. I think today would be a great day to do homemade pizza with the kids. We have the toppings.”

“That sounds great.” That came from Eddie, who was stepping into the kitchen, a wry smile on his lips, “I assume I’ll be on clean up duty hm?”

“Well-“ Buck couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips as he focused on the other man, “You’re certainly not on cooking duty. Spencer would you believe me if I tell you that this man burned pasta the other day?”

“In my defence you were being adorable with the kids and I was distracted so I forgot that I had it on the burner.”

“Eddie. It boiled dry and we had to throw out the pan! We were this close to having to call for a housefire babe!” he held his thumb and forefinger just slightly apart, “This close. This close Eddie! We’re firefighters! The team would never let us live that down.”

“You are being overdramatic-“

Buck had his phone out in seconds at that, unlocking it and pulling up a picture of the offending pan, which earned him a raised eyebrow from Spencer, who turned his gaze to Eddie. “Okay. So we’re never leaving you alone in a room with Rossi because he might just kill you for your crimes against pasta.”

“Rossi is proud of his Italian heritage.” Buck shot Eddie an amused look when the mans expression turned confused. “He’ll be very offended that you managed to mess it up that bad. I still remember that time with his cooking lessons-“

“He loved you.” Spencer laughed, “Yours was his favorite.”

“I like cooking.” Buck beamed proudly. “Food is love.”

“Which is why your food always tastes so good.” Eddie moved in, pressing his lips to the top of Buck’s head, “Want me to get the stuff out? It’ll be easier for me since you’re taking a break from your leg.”

“My hero. How long until the kids are here?”

“Maybe half an hour.” Eddie hummed, “Which means we can set up the pizza stuff ready for them. As much as we both find it funny watching Chris and Rina trying to shape their pizza’s it does tend to end badly.”

Which was true. Chris’ last attempt had been a disaster. Some parts of it had been so thin that the toppings had fallen through when he’d picked it up, and some parts had been so thick there was more crust than topping.

“You have a point.” Buck laughed, “Spence, if I handle making mine, Eddie’s and the kids bases do you think you can handle doing yours.

“I’ve never done it before but I’m sure I can manage” Spencer laughed.

And soon enough the bases were all made, Chris and Rina’s were smaller than Buck, Eddie’s and Spencer’s of course, and Spencer helped Eddie get the toppings and the sauce out from the fridge, setting it all up on the table.

And when the kids came in, Eddie letting them through the door, and reached the kitchen, Chris let a whoop of excitement, “PIZZA NIGHT! And uncle Spencer’s here-“ there was the thud of a bag being dropped, and Rina was sprinting in from the hall, her face lighting up too.

“Uncle Spencer!”

Within seconds the two kids were in Spencers arms, and Spencer was laughing as he hugged them both back, Chris practically climbing into Spencers lap.

The boy had gotten quite attached to Spencer when he’d been in LA after the ladder bomb incident. It was nice for Buck to see how much his family loved one another he had to admit.

“What are you doing here uncle Spence?” Rina was beaming, “How long are you staying?”

“I’m not sure.” Spencer smiled warmly at both of them, “I’m here with the team on a case Ri, but hopefully I can stay a week or so after the case is over hm? Spend some time with my favorite kids.”

“I’m one of your favorite kids too right?” Chris’ voice was hopeful and Spencer nodded.

“Of course Chris-“ he moved his hand behind his ear, pulling it back and flipping a shiny coin between his fingers. “How can I not love a kid who makes me rich every time I see him?”

“Cool!”

Chapter Text

Pizza and documentary night was a hit, which wasn’t even a little surprising to Buck. Especially not with ‘Uncle Spencer’ there to help entertain the kids. It was one of the things Spencer was best at.

And he could admit that he loved having his family all gathered together like this. Sure it wouldn’t be forever but he’d make the most of Spencer being around while he could. And the kids were too. He’d helped Chris with assembling his pizza, making sure the cheese and pepperoni didn’t end up going all over the table and Eddie had watched with a soft look on his face.

Eddie was carrying a sleepy Chris to bed, and Rina was padding her way to her room too, and before long Spencer was in the spare room settling down for the night and Buck found himself and Eddie in their room, sitting down on the bed and setting his crutches to the side, the ensuite bathroom door open since Eddie was just brushing his teeth.

“Thank you for being so cool with this.” Buck was pulling on his baggy coffee stained sleep tee. “Having Spencer stay here I mean. I know it was insanely last minute.”

“Are you kidding me?” Eddie poked his head around the door, his voice a little muffled because of the toothbrush in his mouth, “The kids love him Buck.” His face disappeared for a moment, there was running water, the sound of Eddie spitting and then his face reappeared, a crooked smile on his lips. “It’s so much easier with another pair of hands to help entertain them. Especially when I’m distracted by worrying about you-“

“Eddie you sh-“

“I know I don’t have to, but Carino I love you. It’s my job to be worried about you. It’s not something I’ve ever minded. I know that if the situation was reversed you’d be looking after me too.”

“I would.” Buck admitted, letting some of the tension seep out of his shoulders as he settled back into the bed. “I do enjoy the extra snuggles I get when you’re worried about me.” He admitted after a moment, a smile flitting across his lips as Eddie’s head disappeared again.

And before long Buck had done his teeth and changed fully and he was settling down into bed next to Eddie, “We gonna try and have a quiet day with the kids tomorrow?"

“I like the sound of that.” Eddie hummed, “We can watch some movies. Maybe bring the kids in here in the morning to wa“ he paused, blinking, “One second…” he turned his gaze away from Buck, “That’s what was weird-“

“What?”

“When we in here I thought that something was off. I couldn’t figure out what it was. Buck since when do we have a DVD player? The TV’s got all of the streaming sites on it we don’t have a DVD player in here.” The other mans brows were furrowed in confusion and Buck blinked.

“We don’t-“ he turned his head, eyes widening a little. Because yeah. Yeah okay there it was. A DVD player set on the set of drawers across from them, just below the TV.

What the fuck. How had he not noticed that?

“Why the fuck do we have a DVD player?”

“Maybe one of the kids put it in here? They both have one in their room right?”

“I mean yeah but I don’t think, I mean Chris’ has stickers all over it and Rina’s is pink and sparkly.”

“… Maybe a present from one of the team?” Eddie was shaking his head as he said that.

It was a ridiculous idea of course. But… neither of them could understand why there would be a new DVD player in their bedroom. They didn’t have one for fuck sake.

“Let me-“ Buck shifted a little, pulling the TV remote from out of the little bedside table, pausing for a moment as his gaze focused on a second remote, smaller. A DVD player remote. He pulled that one out too.

It wasn’t as if they watched TV in bed often. They’d put the TV in the room for the days when Buck was struggling while the kids were out of the house, during his recovery. Now they occasionally used it after the kids had gone to bed if they wanted to cuddle up and watch a movie without worrying about being distracted by the kids.

But they didn’t have a DVD player. Buck knew they didn’t, they’d agreed it was pointless. They had all of the online services that they could need. They didn’t need a damn DVD player in their bedroom.

But it was there, and the little green light was blinking at Buck to show that it was in fact turned on.

So it had been plugged in. It could even be connected to the TV.

He pressed the button in the top corner of the remote, and a moment later the TV was blinking to life.

Buck tilted his head slightly. It had been on Netflix last. But the channel had clearly been changed to whichever the DVD player was plugged into.

The picture quality wasn’t great, a little blurry. Like it was older.

It probably was Buck decided.

All he could see looked like grass and mud and sticks. The ground, in a woods maybe?

“What is that?” Eddie’s voice was tight. “This… I’m not the only one thinking this is weird right Buck? This feels kinda creepy.”

“No. No it’s weird.” Buck shifted, tucking his right leg beneath his stump so that he was almost cross legged- would be if he had his prosthetic on. “It’s very weird.”

“You don’t- the timing..”

“I don’t know.” Buck could hear the worry in Eddie’s voice. And he couldn’t blame the other man. The timing was definitely very suspicious. “But.. whatever it is… I think we need to watch it. Or I do at least. If you want you can go. If it’s from him it could be bad.”

“Buck, Carino I am not leaving you.” Eddie pitched his voice low and soft. “You should know better than that by now. I’m just worried. If… if it is that fucker then he’s been in our house.”

“I know.” And Buck was very much not letting himself process that until he knew for sure if it was Jakeman who had left it or not. “But- but he’s not here now and this is and I need to know what’s on it.” He pressed the play button and the view on the screen started moving.

It was shaky, as if it was… a hand held camera maybe?

Then a familiar voice filtered through the room. Different, slightly altered in the recording, and young and male, a little higher pitched than Buck had thought it was back then. So young.

“Is your camera on yet?”

“I’m pretty sure- yeah yeah. It’s working.”

“I don’t know why you’ve gotta record everything.”

Buck hit the pause button, his breath catching in his throat, his whole body stiff.

“Buck? Baby what is it?” Eddie’s voice was thick with concern, “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.

“Not a ghost.” Buck’s voice caught in his throat, “I-“ how?

How could... it didn't make any sense this... no.

He felt a sinking sensation in his stomach.

The video camera. Of course she’d had it with her pretty much all the time hadn’t she?

He could turn this off. Stop watching it. Buck knew he could. Jakeman was playing twisted games but- he’d almost forgotten what that voice sounded like until now.

He clicked the play button again, and the camera was moving, not quick smoothly but smoother than it had been just moments before.

“I told you Ev-“ The voice laughed, “I have to practise. I want to be the best movie director in the world some day. I need to practise now. This’ll be worth money in the future I’m telling you, like when famous people sell of the childhood drawings and stuff. I’ll be famous!”

“Do directors actually do the filming.”

“I will when I’m a director. I want total control of my projects.”

The camera focused and Buck heard Eddie let out a punched little gasp at the sight of the boy on the screen.

Fourteen, messy blonde hair, a bright grin on his lips with that oh so familiar smudge of pink by his eye.

“Oh my god that’s you.” Eddie breathed the words, “Oh my god Buck-“ because Buck was pausing it again so Eddie could speak. “That’s you when you were a kid. You look... you look so young. You were adorable back then.”

“Yeah. Yeah it is me.” Buck’s voice was soft. And he clicked the play button again, watching the camera follow the teenage version of himself as he rushed towards one of the trees.

They were in the woods. Back in Hershey.

“You’re not gonna just leave me behind when you get all rich and famous right Samara?”

Another soft little noise from Eddie.

“Don’t be stupid Evan. Who else is gonna bring me my favorite sodas if not you.”

On screen Evan laughed, tossing his head back, bright and genuine.

“I’ll be the best PA you could ever hope for. Don’t need to even finish highschool for that right?”

“Oh come on Ev. You’re gonna finish highschool.”

“Mom and dad don’t think so-“

“Your mom and dad are stupid.”

“No, no pretty sure I’m the stupid one.”

Eddie’s hand caught his, and Buck was painfully grateful for that. He knew his hands were shaking as he stared at the screen.

Samara’s voice. He could hear her voice. He could remember it in a way he hadn’t been able to in so long.

In some ways it was a gift. A beautiful gift. She had been his first real friend, one of the most important people in his life. The idea of forgetting something so important as her voice? That had never sat right with him.

Of course in other ways it was a slap in the face. A reminder of something so important, of someone who’d been ripped away from him.

Samara hadn’t left. She’d been stolen. And he was so painfully glad for Eddie’s presence. For the mans hand, firm and strong and oh so real grasping his, keeping him anchored.

“Oh come on Ev you’re not stupid.” And Buck could picture it.

That look she’d always get on her face when he’d say something she’d decided was ridiculous. She’d almost dismissed his own self doubt in a way that had made it hard for him to argue with her. As if he was being ridiculous to think so poorly of himself.

the memories brought a few stray tears to his eyes.

“Tell that to my parents and teachers. I think there’s only one teacher in the entire school who doesn’t think I’m stupid. Mrs Ross actually told me the other day that she’d never had a worse student in her entire time as a teacher.”

“Isn’t she your Math teacher?”

“Yeah.”

“Well you’re not a natural with Math sure, but that doesn’t make you stupid. You get there Ev. And you’re really smart with other stuff.”

“Like what?”

“You know more about trees than anyone I’ve ever known. S’kinda weird but also really cool.”

“That’s not smart. That’s just weird. Not kind. Just.”

“It is too smart. Evan you spent like an hour last week explaining why that type of pear tree smells so bad-“

“That’s just cause I got curious and I looked it up- did you know that it was native to Asia-“

“See someone who’s stupid wouldn’t know that.”

“Well tell my mom and dad.” Teenage Evan scoffed, starting to scramble up the trunk of the tree. “When I try to tell them things they just tell me to stop being annoying.”

“Like I said, your mom and dad are stupid Evan. You’re not just going to be my PA or whatever you’re going to be something amazing I just know it.”

“Not if I stay here I won’t be.”

“I still say you can come and stay with me. I can hide you you know.” Samara’s suggestion had seemed so… calm back then. She’d been so relaxed about it.

“Like they’d even look. They probably wouldn’t even notice until school called them to tell them I was missing. But I’m not sneaking into your house and hiding in your room Samara.”

“Why not? I’ve got almost a hundred bucks saved up from my birthdays. I’d just need to do a little more planning, maybe see if I can help mom out for some extra money and then I could run away with you.”

Onscreen Evan paused mid climb, tilting his head backwards and almost hanging off the tree as he looked back towards the camera, eyes wide.

“Samara you love your parents. You wouldn’t just run away with me.”

“I mean, yeah I love them. But you’re my best friend Ev. I’m always going to be there when you need me. So. You and me, we’ll run away together. Once school finishes I should have enough money saved up. I’ll bring my camera and we’ll find someone who appreciates my talent and you-“

“I’ll push trolleys? Not like I’m good for much else-”

“You’ll be whatever you want to be Evan.” The camera lens swept down, and then up again and it shook slightly before onscreen Evan yelped.

“Hey you just  threw a stone at me!”

“Yeah, cause you’re being mean about my best friend. And I get protective of my friends!”

“Okay okay!” Onscreen Evan finished scaling the tree, the camera was now tilted upwards as he dragged himself onto a reasonably thick branch, half laying down on it length wise, wraps and legs wrapping around it tightly. “No need to attack me.” He paused before, “I don’t even know what I want to be anyway. Not like you do. You’ve always wanted to do stuff in movies. I don’t know what I want to do.”

“That’s why you have to find yourself to figure it out. That’s why we’re gonna skip town once school ends for the summer. Run away and figure out who we’re going to be.”

“It does sound pretty great. And getting away from mom and dad would be great. Though… I wouldn’t wanna stress out Maddie.”

“Like she ever really bothers calling anyway.” Buck could almost hear Samara’s eyes rolling at the mention of Maddie.

She’d never actually met Maddie, but she hadn’t liked her. Not once she found out that the woman had left Buck on his own with their parents. It wasn’t fair to blame Maddie of course but they’d been teenagers and Samara had been so protective of him.

He missed her so much even all these years later. It was an almost physical pain and it didn’t seem like it would be going away any time soon.

There would always be a spot in his heart that belonged to Samara.

“She does sometimes. It’s not her fault I bet Doug doesn’t let her call-“

“You’re too nice Ev. You deserve better than that. I bet I could kick all their asses. They’d totally deserve it you know.”

“Samara!” He was giggling. He was actually giggling, Buck could see how his younger face was flushed, how he had that goofy little grin he was trying to hide.

God he’d been so young then.

He knew it, intellectually speaking anyway. But... he was just a kid. Only a year older than Rina was.

He'd been a kid. And fuck but that made his eyes sting, and he was frantically trying to blink back the tears that wanted to fall.

He missed Samara so much.

“What? You know I’m right.” And Evan watched himself laugh again, hand moving to cover his face. And he snorted weakly as he watched himself fall, yelping and grabbing at the branch too late as he swung and dropped.

He heard Eddie’s sharp little intake of breath beside him as he dropped out of view of the camera, at the thud and the sudden grunt of pain. Then the camera dropped, the view rushed by and it landed in a pile of leaves and sticks, not showing anything really. But the audio was still there.

“Evan! Oh my god are you okay?”

“Ugh, I think so.” He had been. Buck could remember, he’d bruised his back a little but he hadn’t hit his head or anything. All of the damage had been superficial.

“Don’t scare me like that.” There was rustling, the sound of Samara helping him up. “You really need to stop climbing up stuff. You’ll get really hurt one of these days.”

“Hey, I haven’t broken any bones since I started hanging out with you so I mean, really that’s a sign I’m getting better.”

“That is not how we’re judging that Ev.”

“I think it should be-“

“And I think you need to be more careful not to get hurt.” She huffed. “Just cause your stupid parents don’t care doesn’t mean other people don’t dummy. Do you have any cuts or anything,”

“No, no I’m fine. See, I’m pretty much invincible I think.”

“Don’t go testing that theory dummy.”

“You’re my friend you’re not meant to call me dummy!”

“I’m the only one allowed to call you dummy. I’ll hit anyone else who does. Only I’m allowed to make fun of you.”

“I don’t think that’s how it’s meant to work-“

“Well it does- oh crap my camera-“

“I- oh no you dropped it.”

“Yeah cause you decided to let go of the branch dummy. I hope it’s not broken mom’s never gonna buy me a new one.”

There was more rustling, and then the camera was being picked up, and Buck let out a weak laugh at the very up close view of his younger face, he had a stick caught in his hair and a smear of mud on his cheek but he was focused on checking the camera for damage, “I think it’s okay. It doesn’t look like anything’s cracked or anything. If it’s broke I can buy you a new one. I got some money saved up from my birthday. Pretty sure they only gave me that cause Maddie called and reminded them what day it was.”

“Your parents suck-“ The camera was turned, the younger Evan still holding it, pointing it towards Samara.

The tears did roll down Buck’s cheeks at that, nails digging into Eddie’s hand so tightly that it had to be painful, though the other man didn’t say a word. Maybe because he could see, he could see how tightly Buck was trying to cling to his composure.

He hadn’t seen her face in so many years.

He missed her. Samara’s face in the camera was laughing. Her dark hair was hanging loose around her face, almost as messy as his own, though it lacked the stick that he’d picked up when he’d fell. Her brown eyes were shining with amusement and her grin showed the little gap between her two front teeth.

Her darker skin was flushed slightly, and she was ducking her head as she held up her hand to try and block the camera.

“Evan! Stop that!”

“What? You were filming me!”

“You know I don’t like appearing in my own work!”

They were both giggling like little kids, and Buck found himself letting out a damp laugh, unable to drag his eyes away from the TV, even as younger Evan stumbled backwards when Samara lunged towards the camera.

“You should show yourself off Samara! It’s your work after all! Bow-“

“I am not bowing-“ There was more laughter, the camera swinging wildly, jerking and swinging upwards so it was pointing towards the tops of the trees above them, sunlight filtering through as there was a thud again, and more laughter and rustling.

“Get off me Samara!”

“No, no you’re gonna get what you deserve Ev!” something caught the camera, there was a hand in front of the lens. And then the screen went black.

Buck clicked the pause button on the DVD remote, staring at the screen.

“Buck-“ Eddie’s voice was soft. “Sweetheart are you okay?”

“I-“ Buck closed his mouth, swallowing hard as he tried to pull himself together, at least a little.

Fuck.

Fuck but he hadn’t expected that today.

“Sorry I just-“ Buck closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe in, a juddery shaky little noise. “I haven’t seen her face in so long.”

“Oh Buck.” Eddie squeezed his hand gently, “Baby… Carino it’s okay.”

“That- I uh… I remember that day. It was the day before she was taken.” He managed to get the words out despite the tightness in his chest.

“She seems like she was an amazing friend Buck.” Eddie’s voice was gentle. “She believed in you a lot. Cared about you a lot.”

“I was lucky to have her.” Buck paused “I- I always wondered. What happened to her camera I mean. She- she used to carry it around pretty much everywhere with her. Every other night she’d download what she’d recorded onto her computer at home and she’d save it all. She always knew what she was going to do with her life. She had direction. I used to feel so lost. Especially when I was with her cause I didn’t understand how anyone could just know so easily.” He paused. “I admired her for it though. And she used to promise me that no matter what happened she’d take me with her. Wherever she went I’d go. We’d be somebodies together.”

“She’d be proud of you.” Eddie said the words gently, fingers brushing over Buck’s cheek, swiping away a tear. “Look at everything you became Buck. She’s proud of you.”

“I- I thought she must have left the camera at home. She didn’t film anything that day. So I assumed the camera was at home.” Buck shook his head slightly. “He must have hid it somewhere. Like a trophy. I- I’m uh… I’m surprised he even managed to get it working honestly. Let alone that he managed to get it all transferred onto a DVD disc.” His voice caught. “He- he kept her fucking camera Eddie.”

“Oh Buck.” And he was crying, trembling as Eddie pressed a hand to his face gently. “I know. I know. Do you want Spencer?”

“No- no I- I want you.” The second Buck said that Eddie was almost hauling the taller man into his lap, letting Buck press his face into his shoulder again.

“Then you have me Buck. You’ve got me. But- we’re going to need to tell Spencer about this.” There was an undercurrent to Eddie’s voice, clearly restrained but there. “If he did this then that means that that monsters been in our house Carino.”

“I know.” Buck sniffled, “We- we can’t keep the kids here.” He lifted his head after a moment. “I don’t want to send them off tonight. Spencer cleared the house. Jakeman isn’t here we know that. He- he didn’t know we didn’t have a DVD player so that explains why he missed that but-“

“We let them stay tonight. In the morning we figure out where they’re going to stay. And where we’re going to stay-“

“I don’t want to run away. I- I am angry he came here but I don’t want to run away and hide Eddie. That would be letting him win.” Buck met Eddie’s gaze. “I know it’s risky, but… after everything he’s done I refuse to let him have any victories. He did this to get into my head.” He swallowed hard. “The- We’ll have to give the DVD to Garcia. See if there’s any kind of evidence she can get from it.” He sniffled a little.”

“I’m sure if you ask she can give it back after.” Eddie’s voice was soft. “I know that he left it here so there’s an element of creep from that, but… you deserve something of her to keep. And I saw your face when you were watching it Buck. I’m sure there’s some way you can keep that footage. Even if you never watch it again you can still have it baby. You deserve that.”

“That-“ Buck felt his expression soften as he stared at Eddie, “God I love you.”

Chapter Text

Buck and Eddie hadn’t meant to fall asleep without telling Spencer about the DVD. Buck blamed it on the sheer levels of exhaustion he was feeling. The bone deep weariness that had been dragging him down as Eddie had simply held him close, lips pressed to the top of Buck’s head. Tender in a way that still made Buck feel loved even after they’d been doing this for months.

Buck had fallen asleep in the other mans arms, and Eddie hadn’t wanted to move or wake him, not after the emotional turmoil of watching such an important part of his past, forever saved. Of seeing the face of someone he'd loved and lost.

Captured moments that he’d shared with someone who had once been the most important person in Buck’s life.

So yeah, neither of them meant to fall asleep, but Buck didn’t feel overly guilty about it. Yes Spencer and the rest of the team would need to know, but he didn’t think a few hours would make much difference. There was very little they’d be able to get from the DVD player and remote. It was a pretty generic brand, tracking down where it was sold would be difficult, though Buck had no doubt that Garcia would do her best.

The only piece of evidence that they had that they might be able to use was the disc, and given how late it was there wasn’t likely to be much of a chance for Garcia to work her magic.

Still, when morning came Buck hadn’t had a choice but to face the music, so to speak.

Eddie had distracted the kids when Buck had pulled his older brother aside and talked to him.

It hadn’t been a nice conversation. Spencer was understandably upset that he hadn’t been told about the DVD. That they hadn’t told him that Jakeman, or at least someone working with him, had been in the house. Buck could understand that, Spencer was a protective brother, he wasn't angry exactly just stressed and worried.

Still, he had been somewhat sympathetic when Buck had quietly explained just what had been on the DVD, the frustration fading into a soft sad look on his face.

Even so, no matter how much none of them liked it, they all agreed that the Buckley-Diaz home was no longer safe for the kids to stay in. Not until Jakeman and his accomplice were caught.

Buck hated it. Hated every fucking second of it. He’d sat there at the kitchen table as Spencer had called Emily, explaining the situation change to her.

And then Buck had called Bobby and Athena. He knew that they had enough space in their home to squeeze Rina and Chris in. It wasn’t idea, but they’d be safe there.

Unsurprisingly they hadn’t hesitated to say yes. Athena’s voice soft and soothing and she’d reassured Buck that they’d take care of Rina and Chris. Rina could share May’s room and Chris could stay in with Harry. Neither of the kids would mind.

Hell, Chris would think it was an extended sleepover, he'd love it.

That was what they planned on telling him. That because Buck and Eddie had to do some extra work for a few days they were going to stay with Athena and Bobby.

JJ would be picking them up from the house and taking them. She’d been given the addresses, so she knew where she was going.

After the calls were done Buck let Eddie take Chris to his room and Buck headed to Rina’s room with the girl, sitting down on the bed next to her.

And god she was so fucking perceptive.

She was watching him carefully, her eyes narrowed. “Somethings wrong dad. Isn’t it?”

“It is.” Buck would not lie to her.

Oh he wanted to. A part of him wished that he could lock her away nice and safe and shield her from what was really going on. But Rina was a smart girl, her eyes were piercing him, as if she was trying to read his mind. To find out what was going on.

“Dad I’m not a baby. I want to know what’s going on. I need to know what’s going on to protect Chris right?”

“That’s not all your job sweetheart.” Buck pointed out gently. “But, I am going to tell you. Not every detail- you don’t need every detail but you deserve to know what’s going on.”

Because she was smart enough to know that her Aunt JJ wasn’t going to be watching them just because she wanted to hang out with Rina.

Rina deserved some of the truth even if Buck hated telling her it.

“So what is it dad? Why’s Eddie taken Chris to his room.”

“Because you and Chris are going to be staying with Bobby and Athena for a few days.”

“What?” Rina tensed, just a little, her eyes wide, “Dad why?”

“It’s for your own safety sweethea-“

“I don’t care about safety dad I want to be with you! Why are you sending us away-“

“I am not sending you away.” Buck wanted to cry but he managed to force the tears back as he pulled Rina into his side. He hated the hurt in her voice.

Rina had grown so much. She'd become so much more comfortable than she'd once been, more confident in herself. But sometimes old fears could be a bitch and Buck didn't blame her for feeling as if he was abandoning her. He'd probably have felt the same if this had happened with him and Spencer. “Baby this is the last thing I want. I want you and Chris here. In our home. But-“ he took a deep breath, “But do you remember, months ago I told you about my back.”

“Yeah?” Rina frowned a little, “Of course I remember dad.”

“Well the man who did that to me. He’s managed to get out of prison.” He felt her stiffen up beside him. “And he’s in LA.”

“Dad-“ there was panic in Rina's voice at that, her eyes suddenly blown wide. 

“It’s going to be fine baby.” Buck shifted a little, so that they were face to face, and he was pressing his hands gently to her cheeks. “That’s why your uncle Spencer is here. And the rest of my Virginia family. They’re here so that they can make sure I’m safe. But the thing is while we were out we think he came here. And- and he’s not here now. We’re still safe sweetheart. But if he's been here once he could come here again, and Eddie and I have agreed that we want to have you and Chris out of the house while he’s still out there. This is nothing you’ve done wrong baby. You understand that right?”

“I-“ Rina was shaking a little, her eyes wide, “Y-yeah dad but- but if you have some bad guy coming after you-“

“I know it’s scary baby.” Buck pressed his lips to the top of his daughters head, pulling her into a tight hug, blinking back his tears. “I know. But I will be just fine. You’ve met all of my Virginia family. You know they’ll look after me right?” he pulled back a little, gently tilting her face up so that she was looking at him, and Rina managed a nod, swallowing hard.

“Y-yes dad. I know. Especially uncle Spencer I just-“

“I know. I know baby you don’t have to say it.” Buck smoothed his fingers through Rina’s hair. “I know it’s scary. But I promise you. I am going to be fine. I’m going to help them send him away for good this time.”

“You’ll stay with uncle Spencer and Eddie right?” Rina asked after a moment, her eyes narrowed a little. “Do you promise me dad. I’ll believe you’re safe if I know you’re staying with them.”

“I promise you Rina.”

“And you’ll call? Every day?”

“Multiple times a day. So often that you’ll get sick of me. And Rina you can always call me. The only reason I might not answer would be if I’m on a call with the team. And I don’t answer then you have your uncle Spencer’s number.”

“I do.” She seemed to be relaxing a little, though her brows were still furrowed, “JJ’s gonna stay with me and Chris because you’re scared that the bad guy might come after us. Isn’t she?”

“I don’t think he will. But there is a small chance of it and I am not taking any risks with your safety Ri. I’m your dad. It’s my job to protect you no matter what. And right now as much as I hate doing this, the best way to protect you is to send you to stay with Bobby and Athena. I want to be here. I want to be with you I do.”

“Why can’t you?” Rina tilted her head, “We could all stay with Bobby and Athena dad.”

“Because I can’t just wait baby. I need to be doing something. And right now that means that I have to go and spend some time with my Virginia family so we can try and find out where the bad guy is so that we can stop him. I know him better than anyone else. I need to be there to help them.”

“I guess that makes sense.” Rina admitted reluctantly, pressing her lips together tightly. “But I don’t like it dad.”

“I know. I don’t either. But for now we’re stuck. And It does suck. But we are going to make the best of it Rina. You are going to stay with Bobby and Athena. You get to hang out with May and Harry, and I’d appreciate it if you kept an eye on Chris for me and Eddie okay? He isn’t your responsibility but I know you love him so just keep an eye on him for us. And you update us about both of you as often as you can. I want so many texts that my phone runs out of space from them you hear me?”

“I hear you dad.” Rina nodded, taking a deep breath, “But you’re gonna text me back as often as you can okay? So that I know you’re safe too.”

“Of course baby.” Buck kissed the top of her head again, “And, as much as I know everything that’s happening right now is really scary, I want you to do something else for me.”

“What is it?”

“Try to have a nice time. I promise you Rina, I am safe. He’d be insane to try anything with your uncle Spencer and Eddie around. This is just all an annoying blip and once it’s over we can go back to our normal lives. Spend time with May, hang out with your aunt JJ. I bet between the two of them you can have a great time Rina. She’s there to protect you and Chris but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun.”

“I’ll try.” Rina nodded slowly, “I will try if it’ll make you happy dad.”

“It will.” Buck pressed his lips to the top of Rina’s head again. “I promise you it will make me so happy. I need to know that you’re okay. And part of that includes you being happy.” He brushed his fingers through her hair before taking a deep breath. “Now, we’re going to pack you a bag to take with you. Enough clothes for a few days- if it takes longer then Athena’s already said that your laundry can go in with theirs so that won’t be a problem. And I want you to take anything you really think you need okay?”

“I can take my sketch books.” Rina said after a moment, “And that smaller set of the acrylic paints. And my oils. They can probably fit in my bag right?”

“Of course” Buck nodded, watching as Rina pulled out her bag and started filling it, letting an amused smile flick across his lips at the way she stuffed the clothes in compared to how carefully she put her art supplies in the bag.

Well, her priorities were very clear.

And once she was packed they headed back out of the bedroom, and Buck saw Chris’ bags, packed and set down by the door, while Eddie helped Chris with his shoes.

When the inevitable knock came at the door it was Eddie who opened it, giving JJ a strained smile as he stepped aside so that she could come in.

Spencer was waiting in the guest room. He’d said his goodbyes to the kids before JJ showed up.

He probably knew how hard it was for Buck and Eddie, sending their kids off.

And sure, sure it was with JJ.

And Buck trusted JJ, she was great with kids. She got along well with Rina, of course he trusted JJ.

But that didn’t make letting his kids leave with her any easier. It didn’t make having to say goodbye any less painful. Sure he’d be texting them and calling them  multiple times a day. And sure he’d be able to go to Bobby and Athena’s to check up on Rina and Chris. And he trusted Bobby and Athena with them.

But it wasn’t the same as having them safe at home with him and Eddie.

And he could see the sympathy on JJ’s face the second she walked through the door. “Hey Ev.” She was moving towards him, hugging him tightly. “How are you holding up? Emily told me what happened last night.”

“It… it sucks. I won’t lie.” Buck managed a forced smile, “But there’s not much I can do.”

“We’ll find him Evan.” She squeezed him gently before pulling back. “And I will look after Rina and Chris as well as I would Henry and Michael.”

“I know.” Buck nodded, pulling back. “Doesn’t make it any easier does it?”

“Not even a little.” JJ’s expression was sympathetic. “But Rina is an amazing kid and I’m sure Chris is awesome too. They’ll be fine. I’ll make sure of that.”

“I know you will JJ. I do trust you.” Buck shook his head slightly, taking a deep breath. “I just hate that it’s come to this.”

“I know.” JJ laid a hand on his shoulder. “Hopefully it won’t be for long. I know- I know how hard this must be for you right now.”

“Thank you. For doing this.”

“Don’t be stupid Ev. I don’t need any thanks.” JJ ran her fingers through her own hair as she stepped back. “Emily and Garcia are going to be coming here in an hour. Garcia said she’s picking you up the latest in high tech security cameras. I know you probably have some in storage-“

“No, no Garcia can buy me the best if she wants to. I trust her judgement on all things tech.”

“As you should. Tara and Rossi will probably be here later as well. Alvez and Simmons are flying out to visit the prison and see if they can find out how Jakeman managed to escape.”

“That makes sense.” Buck nodded slowly, “When did they leave? It’s not exactly a short flight.”

“It’s not.” JJ nodded, “They took the jet so that cuts it down a little. They left first thing this morning. We probably won’t get much in the way of answers until this evening at the earliest but the prison have said they’ll cooperate fully which is something.”

“Not exactly much but better than nothing I guess.” Buck let out a breath. “Rossi and Tara?”

“They’re taking a look at the crime scenes in person and talking to the first few victims families. Not that it’s likely to give us much. We know who did this. But if we’re lucky they might have spotted Jakeman or the accomplice.”

“Hopefully.” Buck let his gaze flick to the kids, who were stood by the door, Rina holding both her own bag and Chris’ bag as Eddie crouched a little in front of them, talking to them both.

Probably telling them to behave for Bobby, Athena and JJ.

“Go.” JJ squeezed his shoulder before moving her hand, “Say your goodbyes okay? I’ll send you pictures of them if you want.”

“My phones gonna be going off non-stop at this rate.” Buck was joking, but… “Please do. Rina’s already promised to send me lots of texts and we’re going to call one another a lot but… god this is stupid. I’m usually fine. I can handle being on shift and leaving the kids with Carla or Shan for entire days if I have to. I don’t- I don’t know why this is effecting me so much-“

“Because it’s different Evan. The reason why you have to say goodbye is going to effect you. That’s normal you shouldn’t be beating yourself up about that. Now give them big hugs and say goodbye. You’ll see them again soon enough.”

“I know. Eddie’s already called the schools. We uh- we decided to pull them out temporarily. We weren’t going to but-“

“But then he came into your house.” JJ nodded, “I’d do the same thing if someone got close to Henry and Michael like that I’d be going out of my mind.”

“I love being a parent. I do, I really really do. Fostering and then adopting Rina is probably one of the single best decisions I have ever made in my life. But I didn’t… I didn’t
anticipate this part of it.”

“The worry.” JJ nodded, “The way it hurts to be away from them for too long? Yeah that’s normal Ev. You’re a good dad. To both of the kids not just Rina.”

“I try.” Buck took a deep breath before moving away from JJ and crouching in front of Chris and Rina, Eddie straightening up and stepping back.

“Hey guys.”

“Dad says Rina and I get to stay with Bobby and Athena for a few days.” Chris’ voice was bright, a huge smile on his lips. “He’s letting me take my new lego sets to build with Harry.”

“I bet you boys will love that.” Buck reached out, brushing a stray curl out of Chris’s face. “And you’re going to be good for them right? And for JJ too okay? You listen to her.”

“I will Buck.”

“I’ll make sure he does.” Rina’s voice was determined, though her eyes were a touch shiny. “Don’t worry dad. We’ll be good.”

“I trust you both.” Buck held out his arms and both of them moved quickly, Chris having to shuffle with his crutches a little before they were both in his arms, Rina clinging tighter than Chris.

Which made sense of course. She knew what was going on. Chris didn’t. As far as he knew this was just a fun chance to spend time with his friend and his honorary grandparents- and Buck had noticed that he’d occasionally call Bobby and Athena Grandpa and Grandma.

He didn’t do it as often as Rina did, but he was picking it up from her Buck was sure. Their little blended family really was getting about as blended as is was possible to get.
Buck even knew that Chris had told his teacher that Buck was his ‘second dad’. And Rina often told her teachers that she had two dads, though Buck would always be the main dad.

She’d told him that after he’d found out, as though she’d been worried he’d be upset. He’d laughed softly at that and kissed the top of her head, reassuring her that no, no he wasn’t upset that her teachers thought Eddie was one of her dads.

If anything it just made things easier with the schools. And Shannon had approved of it when Chris had told her.

And god but Buck hated this. He hated having to send his children away. But at least Chris was still in good spirits, and Rina was smiling when she kissed his cheek as Chris started trying to wriggle his way out of the tight hug.

Buck released him when that started, rising to his feet and telling them that he loved them both, again, before he joined Eddie and watched JJ help them both out and into the car that was waiting parked just outside.

Buck blinked back a few tears as they pulled away, and then he twisted, letting Eddie’s arms wrap around him, his face pressing into Eddie’s shoulder as he took a deep shuddering breath.

“It won’t be for long.” Eddie’s voice was tight, “We’re still going to see them Buck. You know Bobby and Athena won’t mind us visiting.”

“I know.” Buck lifted his head, “But- how long will it be Eddie? I thought it was over. I thought I was done with him. When I sold that house I said goodbye to Jakeman and everything he did. I was free. Now? Now it feels like I’m never going to be free.”

“You are baby.” Eddie gently pulled back, his expression calm and determined, “We are going to find this bastard and take him out. He’ll get what he deserves and you know he will baby.”

“Why does it feel like the worlds falling apart around me then Eddie?”

“Because you just had to send our babies away and that’s never going to be easy. But Buck, I’m here. And Spencer is here.”

“I know.” Buck took a deep breath. “I- I know.” He closed his eyes- in for five and out for five. “We should head back inside. Maybe I can do some stress baking while we wait for Prentiss and Garcia to come.”

…

Five batches of cookies later Prentiss and Garcia did indeed arrive, and Buck and Spencer spent a good hour putting up the new cameras Garcia had brought for the house and setting them up.

By the time they were done, they were down a dozen cookies- courtesy of Eddie, Prentiss and Garcia snacking on them, and the house had so many cameras outside and inside that the only angles that weren’t covered were inside of the bedrooms and the bathrooms- and even then there were cameras outside of the bedrooms and bathrooms that covered the windows and meant that no one would be able to sneak in.

They were motion sensor cameras- or at least the ones that had been set up outside were. Garcia had carefully selected the ones that would pick up on movement in the app she’d downloaded for both Buck and Eddie.

If anyone came they would know. A notification would be sent directly to their phones and all they’d have to do was pull up the footage.

If anyone who was uninvited showed up even while they were out of the house they would be able to call the police immediately and hopefully catch whoever it was in the act.

And of course once that was all set up Buck turned the conversation to next steps. To what was happening in their investigation.

Several of the fan mail senders lived in Pennsylvania. Some were relatively close to the prison, so Alvez and Simmons would be checking them out when they got the chance- after they went to the prison itself of course. As far as Garcia had been able to find none of the fans were LA locals, though there was one who did live in California, in Fremont, though she seemed unlikely to be connected to the current situation.

She was still looking for links to LA, anyone who had family in the area. But so far she hadn’t had any hits.

She did take the DVD, watching it carefully on her laptop- downloading it onto a thumb drive at Eddie’s soft request.

And it was Eddie who brought up the lawyer again, all of them gathered around the kitchen table.

“Ugh.” Garcia’s nose wrinkled, “Him. Our number one focus was the fans but I have started doing a little digging into him. So far I don’t have much. He lives in Hershey. Archie Rushman, he’s a legit lawyer, specialises in dealing with wills and probate stuff. So that tracks with Jakeman hiring him to set up his will. But- he doesn’t exactly have much in the way of clientele. And he doesn’t work for any of the big firms. He set up his own law firm about two years ago. Barely makes enough money to pay for his office from what I can tell. I’ve tried to trace the number on the card, it says the phones in Hershey but that doesn’t guarantee anything.”

“He could have just left it there.” Buck nodded slowly. “What else?”

“I’ll be looking deeper into his background. The priority was the fans but I can shift it a little if you want Ev.”

“We know that Alvez and Simmons will be going and trying to find him tomorrow.” Prentiss spoke up. “We’ll know then if he is in Hershey or not. And they can probably find out more about who he is as a person from the people who know him. Garcia-“

“I will dig into his family life.” She declared, “I’ll even go so far as finding baby pictures if that’s what it takes. See how he ended up representing Creepy McCreeperson yeah?”

“Everything we can get helps.”

Chapter Text

It turned out that Archibald Rushman? Not in fact in Hershey. Alvez and Simmons had tried to go to his offices, and then to his home address. In both cases they’d found no one there.

That? That officially bumped him up the list of ‘people of interest’. They’d sent out a description of him to every officer in the area, and of course they’d sent out the latest images of Richard Jakeman too.

That had come from security footage from the prison, just a few hours before he’d supposedly died.

Buck had stared at it for a good ten minutes when Garcia had first brought up the image for him to see.

The man was older now of course. Over a decade. It had changed him.

The man had lost weight, his face was thinner than it had been, his cheekbones more prominent in a way that made his dark eye seem almost sunken. His other eye was… creepy. It was very visibly fake, a prosthetic. It was simple, a white orb in the place where an eye should be.

It had to be about as basic as they came. There was no attempt to make it look realistic. And yet somehow, staring at the grainy security image, Buck almost felt as though the man was staring straight at him.

And there were the scars. And fuck. Buck had known they would look bad. Logically he had known, but still. Three deep jagged lines, still raised, white from the age of them, from just above his left eye, down, across his eyelid and to just below his eye.

And below that was the scar on his cheek. That one was different of course, circular almost, he could nearly see individual teeth marks, and there was a sunken in part of the scar that had to be from a chunk of flesh that Buck had ripped out with his teeth that day.

The scars were hideous.

But they were useful. No one could hide with scars that distinctive.

It was later that evening, when Garcia was in the middle of her deep dive that they found out the nature of the connection between Richard Jakeman and Archie Rushman.

Buck and Eddie had been going through the list of fan mail while Spencer and Prentiss talked quietly, Buck and Eddie had been firm, presenting a united front about staying in their home, much to Prentiss’ frustration. She’d decided therefore that the teams base, while Buck and Eddie weren’t on shift would be their house, and when they were on shift it would be the Firehouse.

It wasn’t as if there wasn’t space in the house, they’d had worse accommodations before after all and Buck had blow up beds as well. They’d make it work, one way or another.
Garcia had been combing through Rushmans history.

He was 40 years old. Mother had died when he was ten, had remarried three times, each time ending in divorces.

He'd had two step siblings over the years, both younger than him.

One of them was a brother, who he’d lost contact with when the mother had divorced Archies father. He wasn’t likely to be involved. He’d been seven at the time, and they’d moved out of the state.

The third wife had had a daughter, Archie would have been eighteen at the time of the marriage, and the daughter was eleven. The marriage had lasted six years.

When Garcia had read out the name Buck had found himself snatching up the list of fan-mail writers until he’d found it.

Annabell Stoll.

So he’d grabbed up Garcia’s tablet, flicking through the files. Garcia had set them all up, organised into names of sender- and of course there was a file for those that had been sent without a name on them.

There had been a disturbing number of those too.

“Got it.” He pulled up the file, hissing sharply. “Annabell Stoll wrote him- fuck she wrote him hundreds of letters. There’s no way we’ve looked through all of them yet.”

“So.” Spencer pulled a face, “We have a serial killer, a deranged fan and an older step brother who’s a lawyer. We have the connection at least.”

“It seems like he wrote back too.” Buck pulled a face, setting down the tablet and sliding it across the coffee table to Spencer, “I can’t- I can’t read whatever they wrote to one another I can’t do it.”

“I’ll look through it.” Spencer picked up the tablet. “Garcia was she on his approved visitor log?”

“No, no not from the records I can find. But if a guard was involved with this then there’s every chance that the visitor logs have been altered.”

“I am looking through Rushmans financials.” Garcia added, “Seeing if there’s anything out of the ordinary. And I’m looking into Annabell’s background too.”

“So.” Prentiss leaned forward a little. “For some reason Annabell Stoll has an obsession with Richard Jakeman. Spencer the letters, what’s the general theme?”

“Hero worship, she thinks he’s innocent.” Spencer spoke up, “She mentions knowing him and knowing that he could never do such terrible things.” Buck could almost hear the eyeroll in his voice.

“That implies that she’s met him right?” Eddie’s voice was a little hesitant. “I’m not as good at this as you guys but if she’s talking about knowing him I’d guess that she’d actually met him,”

“It does.” Spencer nodded, setting the tablet down- “I wish you’d printed these off-“

“Spencer we are not cutting down a dozen trees just because you’re  at technophobe.” Garcia huffed the words, “I know you prefer-“

“If I had the actual paper in my hands it would be a lot easier that’s all I’m saying. But Eddie is right. So where would she have-“ he paused, “Garcia. Can you get up Annabell Stoll’s educational records?”

“Oh ask me to do something difficult please that’s just too easy let me just-“ there was the sound of her fingers flying over her laptops keyboard and then “Oh. Ooooh.”

“What is it?” Buck frowned, “What did you find?”

“Annabell Stoll attended Milton High.”

“Oh.” Buck blinked, swallowing hard, “That answers the question of how she met him.”

“It does?” Eddie paused before, “Oh. I’m guessing that was your school?”

“Yeah. Yeah it was.” Buck nodded, “Which means that Richard Jakeman was very possibly Annebell Stolls teacher.”

“I don’t know this guy.” Prentiss hummed the words. “Not in the way you two do.” That was aimed at Buck and Spencer, “Do you think he groomed her?”

Spencer looked at Buck at that question. “You knew him better than anyone Buck.”

“I’m not sure.” Buck admitted, “If he did it wasn’t for sex. Jakeman was a lot of things but he wasn’t a hebephile. But… I was always an outcast when I was a kid, and Jakeman was always really kind to me. He gave me more attention than he did the other kids. I wouldn’t say he groomed me, I was still more than capable of seeing through him when I was confronted with the facts. But if Annabell Stoll was in any way similar to me I suppose he could have formed a similar type of bond with her. It depends on how she was as a teenager.” Buck was drumming his fingers on the coffee table, his expression distant. “It’s plausible to think that if she was that isolated, as isolated as I was, she might have come to see him as the only trustworthy adult. Maybe. But we don’t have enough information on her to know for sure. I highly doubt that Jakeman had romantic feelings for someone who used to be his student that much I am pretty confident of.”

“But he wouldn’t have to.” Prentiss pointed out,. “He’d hardly be the first serial killer to pretend. Whatever the nature of his connection with Annabell Stoll is, he’s manipulating her.”

“She and Archie were step siblings for six years, and those years were probably some of her most formative years.” Buck said the words slowly. “Archie’s father had three wives. Garcia, how did the first one die.”

“Let me check…” Garcia paused, “It’s down as an accident. She fell down the stairs, her son witnessed it. But looking at her records… she was in and out of the hospital. And so was Archie.”

“Okay. Okay so we only have so much to go on so I’m going to speculate here. Abusive father. That’s probably why the next two marriages ended. So Annabell grew up with a probably very abusive step father. Archie was eighteen at the time, he’d have known what his father was like,”

“Looks like he left for college as soon as he was out of highschool.”

“So, Archie knows full well what his father’s like.” Buck stood up and started to pace, letting his mind work. “If I was in his place I would feel guilty as hell for leaving an innocent kid there to get abused. But he needed to get out. So he went and left his new step mom and step sister behind. His step sister grew up in that environment, which explains why she was susceptible to Jakeman. She latched onto him because he was the only adult in her life who showed her any real care. The mom was probably fucking drowning in it if she was being abused. So a few years after she leaves school she hears about Richard Jakeman being arrested for being a serial killer and she can’t believe it. Not him. Not the one teacher who ever noticed her. Who treated her like she was worth something.” Buck took a deep breath. “So she starts writing to him. And Jakeman… I’ve said it before I’ll say it again, Jakeman isn’t stupid. I’m willing to bet he responded to as many of the fan mail letters as he could. Most of them are gonna be useless to him but he’s not one to miss a chance.”

“So he cultivates the relationships he thinks could turn out lucrative for him.” Spencer nodded to himself, “A lot of those letters have people offering to send him gifts. That sort of thing is useful when it comes to bartering in prison. Reputation is important and so is what you have when you’re in there.”

“You should know.” Buck let out a weak laugh, “I sent you enough money.”

“And I spent it well.” Spencer gave him a small smile, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder lightly. “Now you’re on a roll so keep going. Jakeman realises he can use her.”

“Maybe she mentions Rushman. I don’t know enough about his character at this stage. But… a childhood of abuse. He covered up what was probably his mothers murder. Likely due to manipulation. Maybe he blamed himself for Annabell’s shitty childhood.” Buck speculated. “What we do know is that for some reason he became Jakeman’s lawyer and the chances are that Annabell asked him to.”

“The question is how deep in this is he now.” Prentiss frowned, “How loyal is he to his sister. How much guilt does he feel?”

“How far has he gone.” Buck ran his fingers through his hair. “We know he’s not in Hershey. We need to try and track down Annabell Stoll. She’s important in all of this. Jakeman doesn’t love her but he’s using her. And she might know where Archie is.”

“Will she talk?” Eddie frowned, “If she’s obsessed with Jakeman like you think then will she help if she knows you’re trying to track him down and arrest him again.”

“Probably not.” Prentiss shot Eddie a small smile, “But if Alvez and Simmons can find her she might slip up. It’s not much of a lead but it is a lead.”

At this stage any lead is something.” Buck ran his fingers through his hair. “I know most of this is speculation but-“

“No. No-“ Prentiss held up a hand, “You’ve always been good at the speculation. You’re good at people. Understanding them and the way they think. I wouldn’t bet against you.”

“It is impressive.” Buck’s gaze shifted to Eddie, who had a strange look in his eyes. Was that… admiration? Mixed with love? It made him flush and duck his head a little.

“I mean.. I guess I do have a Doctorate in Psychology but… most of what I said is speculation we have no actual proof. I could be way off.”

“I am probably biased because I’m head over heels in love with you, but the way you pieced all that together was impressive as hell Buck, and I am unashamedly in awe of you. I’m in a relationship with a literal genius.”

“Awe.” Garcia cooed the word, “You two are just so cute! Seriously, I’m gonna get cavities I love it so much!”

“Garcia!” Buck felt his face flushing even brighter- he was probably firetruck red at this point.

“No, no we are.” Eddie laughed, “I’m unashamed.”

“God I love you too.” Buck’s expression softened as he looked at Eddie. Who was looking at Buck as if he was the sun itself.

“You’re too humble Buck, seriously-“

“I took a few facts and ran with them it’s not that crazy.”

“It does fit though.” Spencer shot him an amused smile, “It fits the current evidence we have and if the evidence disproves your theory then we’ll shift it.

“We call Alvez and Simmons.” Prentiss was pulling her phone out, “And we tell them our working theory. We still want to know if he had an inside man in the prison. We’ll find out if there’s any connection between any of the prison employees and Rushman. And we’ll see if we can track down Annabell Stoll.”

“She might not even be in Hershey.” Garcia pointed out, “Who’s to say she didn’t follow her super creepy hero to LA.”

“We’ll send out pictures of her to the LAPD too if you can find any Garcia-“

“If. If!” Garcia let out an offended huff, “You keep underestimating my amazing technical skills Emily! It’s very rude of you.”

“You know Garcia Em.” Buck let out a bright laugh, “If there are any pictures of Annabell Stoll online, she’ll find them.” He paused, lifting his head at a knock on the door.”

“That’ll be Rossi and Tara.” Emily remarked lightly.

“I’ll go let them in.” Eddie rose to his feet, and a few moments later Rossi and Tara were joining them. They seemed to think Buck’s speculation was reasonable too, especially when Garcia found that Archibald Rushman had drained his savings of 20k four days before the fire at the prison.

So almost certainly bribery then.

One of the guards at the prison had been paid 20k to help with Jakemans escape. Alvez and Simmons had that on their list to dig into now- and Buck had been very entertained when he’d been watching Garcia and Alvez’ back and forth over the phone.

Money may have changed hands between him and Rossi on who would make the first move between them.

Garcia was like a little boy pulling a cute girls pigtails with Alvez, and on Alvez’s part he seemed so soft and fond, as if the insults were adorable. Which honestly they kinda were.
Spencer and Tara were too smart to get involved in a bet with Buck, but Rossi was rich enough that he was willing to have some fun, while Prentiss rolled her eyes fondly and didn’t comment on them betting on their teammates love lives.

Of course the no fraternization rules would be a problem, but everyone on the BAU team knew that Prentiss would simply pretend not to notice what was going on between them, as long as they didn’t make it obvious.

And Buck could admit, later that evening when he and Rossi were in the kitchen, cooking for the team and Eddie, that even with the spectre of Jakeman hanging over their heads, he was enjoying having all of his family around.

…

The boost Buck had gotten from simply having his family around wore off around the time that victim number six turned up.

Cases like this were rarely solved within days. Buck knew that, Jakeman wasn’t the sort to be taken in easily. He had accomplices.

That had been confirmed by Alvez and Simmons who had managed to find out which guard had been behind helping Jakeman escape.

Once they’d had him? He’d sang like a bird, desperate to get some type of plea deal.

He confirmed that Archibald Rushman had paid him to help Jakeman escape, and to alter the vistor logs so that Annabell Stoll’s name didn’t appear on them at all.

He had also erased the security footage that might show her.

Clearly Archie hadn’t wanted his baby sister to be easily connected. He hadn’t been able to tamper with the letters but they must have thought that they’d done enough.

And Buck could admit that Annabell Stoll wasn’t easy to track down. She wasn’t at her registered address. And she’d been very reclusive. There were no pictures of her on social media or the internet in general- or at least not any that weren’t over a decade old.

 Her mother had died four years ago, so there was no rout to her there.

They did manage to track down Archie’s father.

One conversation with Alvez and Simmons had confirmed a good chunk of Buck’s theorizing.

He was an old drunk, unashamed of the fact that he’d beaten his first wife to death and terrorized his son, his next wives and their children.

Buck could almost feel sorry for Annabell Stoll.

She’d been even more vulnerable than he had. He could understand why she’d imprinted so strongly on Jakeman, he was good at making kids feel seen and cared for.

Almost.

Because even with her history and how vulnerable she’d been he couldn’t understand how anyone could not understand that the man was a monster.

The evidence had all been so solid for fuck fake! It wasn’t something Jakeman could deny, he’d been caught red handed, literally! He’d had Buck’s fucking blood on his hands! He hadn’t been set up there was no conspiracy. Buck hadn’t been some monster trying to make Jakeman look like the bad guy.

And yet she was so convinced. She couldn’t believe that the man who had once treated her kindly was the monster that the news had portrayed him as.

That he was.

Jakeman was playing her. He was playing her and Buck found it incredibly hard to feel sympathetic. Maybe that was cruel of him. Maybe he should see her as a victim.

But she’d played a large part in getting him out of prison.

Buck would never not see her as somewhat responsible for what was happening now. Six people dead.

The sixth victim was a man, Jakeman was keeping to his pattern Buck could tell that much. Alternating between men and woman.

He hadn’t left this one alive.

There was no need for that anymore after all.

The two he’d left alive had served his purpose. He’d gotten Buck’s attention. He’d probably witnessed Buck’s reaction, probably revelled in the fear in his expression.

So he didn’t need to leave them alive again.

The man was blond of course. Jakeman was being very specific with his type now. He was pickier. Which made sense, not only was each and every victim a message now, but he also had a much larger potential victim pool in LA than he’d had in Hershey didn’t he?

So blond and blue eyes? It wasn’t too difficult for him to select victims in the right sort of age bracket fitting that description in LA.

Buck had gone with Spencer to the crime scene, the whole team that was in LA had gone, other than Garcia who was coordinating with Alvez and Simmons. They were trying to see if Jakeman had talked to any of the inmates about his plans if he ever got out, though so far they hadn’t had much luck.

He and Spencer had gotten there after Emily and Rossi, Tara was taking a shift helping JJ with Chris and Rina, since they’d been desperate to get out of the house. Buck had given approval for the two agents to take the kids to the zoo.

It was usually Buck and Eddie’s thing to do with the kids- mostly Bucks, but he wanted to make sure they were as happy and distracted as they could be.

Chris had picked up that something was wrong by now, the visits from Buck and Eddie weren’t really enough.

Eddie was going with them, a fact which Buck was painfully grateful for. They could at least have some sense of normality, and Buck trusted JJ and Tara to keep the three people who had become his family unit safe.

And Buck was glad for that.

If he hadn’t sent Eddie off to the zoo with the kids then the other man would have insisted on staying with Buck and coming to the crime scene with him.

Buck could admit he might have appreciated a little comfort but… he was glad Eddie didn’t come.

He was pretty sure the other man would have lost his mind if he had.

Because this time? There was no subtlety.

When he arrived Rossi was stood there waiting, a serious look on his face- strained almost, and he moved towards Buck and Spencer as they approached, shaking his head sharply.

“No. No you need to leave. Evan you need to leave-“

“What- no I told you guys I could handle this. Prentiss called me in I told her I could handle it why are you trying to block my path-“

“He’s okay Rossi.” Spencer was nodding. “We discussed it when Prentiss told us there was a body. He can handle this. I know it’s a lot but Evan is fine-“

“No.” Rossi was shaking his head, “No. You really don’t understand. He shouldn’t see this, Prentiss hadn't actually seen it Buck you need-"

“I need to see this.” Buck shook his head, “I have to see this through Rossi. This is another message for me just like the others I have to see it.” And as he said that he ducked past Rossi’s arm, his attempt to stop Buck.

Prentiss was stood by the grave where the body had been found. The photos had clearly already been taken because the body had been rolled over, and Buck’s gaze focused on it.

And oh. Suddenly Buck could understand why Rossi had been trying to stop him from getting close.

The man had blond hair and bright blue eyes which were wide open, staring eerily up at the sky, gaze lifeless. He’d been left like the other victims, had the wounds on the back and the vivid painful looking marks from how Jakeman had choked the life out of him, almost certainly with the same belt that he’d been using since he’d started this sick game of his.

No slit throat this time. That had only ever been to slow the death so that he could lure Buck into his game.

That was fine, Buck was able to handle that.

The part that had him stumbling backwards was the simple fact that Jakeman had drawn on the victims face.

Smudges in red. And without context they might be something so simple as accidental marks, simply where he’d gotten blood on his hands and accidentally gotten it on his victims face.

Except for the fact that the marks were in the exact same spots as Buck’s birthmark.

Spencer caught him when he stumbled back, when his breath caught in his throat, and he could feel how tense Spencer was as he held Buck tightly, spinning him around and pressing Buck’s face into his shoulder as he hissed the words, “That sick son of a bitch.”

He wasn’t just choosing victims with blond hair and blue eyes to resemble Buck anymore. No he was making his statement that much clearer.

The victims were being painted to look more like him.

Chapter Text

Seeing the body with the fake birthmark painted on had hit Buck like a tonne of bricks and he wasn’t afraid to admit that.

It was strange. Buck had known that Jakeman was targeting him, that this sick game he was playing revolved around him. And yet seeing yet another vivid piece of proof of that fact? It made him feel sick to his stomach.

It wasn’t as though the man looked that much like him of course. He was shorter than Buck, slimmer too. And his skin was more tanned, but still, with the fake birthmark? It was more than enough.

And Buck knew, he knew that Jakeman undoubtedly only saw this ending one way. With Buck at his mercy once more. In Jakemans mind this would end when he finally managed to choke the life from him just like he’d failed to do that day all those years ago.

All of the rest of it? That was just him enjoying himself. Knowing the effect he’d be having on Buck.

The problem was they had no way of knowing how long Jakeman was going to drag this out. Or what he’d do when he made his big move.

The presence of the BAU would make it harder for him of course. The changes of him getting to Buck while he had his team protecting him were… slim, to say the least.

And he couldn’t go after the kids either. They were being guarded too.

So there was no way of knowing when he’s strike and it was killing Buck. He wasn't a patient man by any stretch of the imagination and the waiting drove him insane.

He and Spencer had gone straight home. Buck had headed into the shower. He’d needed to try and wash away the dirty feeling that came with seeing the body, seeing the blood traced onto tanned skin, specifically to remind Buck that this was about him.

And god but it fucking sucked.

Buck knew logically of course that none of this was his fault.

But looking at that poor man? Knowing what he’d suffered through? He could admit that it was hard not to feel at least a little guilt.

It might not be his fault but that didn’t mean it was easy to just dismiss the wave of remorse he felt. After all Jakeman was doing this to get at him.

He hated this.

Buck wanted this to be over already. He needed it to be over but he was smart enough to know that it was never that easy. Jakeman had more up his sleeve. Buck just wasn’t sure exactly what he had up said sleeve.

For all that Buck could understand the human psyche he still struggled when it came to Jakeman himself.

Buck was drying himself off after his shower, sat on his bed and smoothing the towel over his stump when his phone rang, and his lips twitched slightly when he saw the caller ID.

Eddie.

That was what he needed. His Eddie. He clicked the green answer button, flicking it onto speaker and setting it down on the bed. “Hey love. How’s the zoo?”

“According to Chris it’s ‘not as fun without his Buck’.” Eddie’s voice was amused. “Though Rina said something to him about trying to get Aunt JJ and Aunt Tara buy them stuff in the gift shop. That daughter of ours is a devious girl.”

“And adorable to boot.” Eddie chuckled, “JJ and Tara are doing a good job with the kids. They’re keeping them very entertained.”  

“I’m jealous of you right now. Spending the day with the kids.”

“I missed them.”

“I know. Even if we see them most days it still sucks.”

“I want this over Buck. I want our kids back in our home where they belong.”

“We’ll get them back.” Buck exhaled softly. “I know we will.” He paused before, “I was right. They found a body.”

“You knew they would.” Eddie let out a heavy breath. “Five days.”

“Five days. It was a man this time. Which… which we expected.”

“Still.” Buck could almost see the soft look on Eddie’s face, “Even if you knew it was coming that doesn’t make it easy Carino. How are you feeling?”

“Like shit. Spence and I came home. Prentiss and Rossi will be here soon I’m sure. Garcia’s already looking into the latest victim to try and trace when he was taken, see
if there was any camera footage.”

“You don’t think there will be.”

“We haven’t had any luck with cameras yet.”

“I know.” Eddie hummed, “Any idea who he’s taken this time?”

“We don’t know yet Garcia’s also got it set up so that she’s being alerted of any missing persons being reported.

“On average almost thirty adults are reported missing daily in LA. And that’s if the poor woman he’ll have taken this time has even been reported missing yet. Some people don’t get noticed for days. These are adults, not kids. Sometimes adults can fall through the cracks for a couple of days. Spencer’s going to be looking at every woman in the right age range who’s been reported missing but there’s no guarantee that he’ll find the right person. And even if he does… finding where Jakemans been taking them won’t be easy. We haven’t had any sightings of Jakeman or Rushman and that picture of Stoll that we do have is too old. We’re not going to be able to make an easy ID after over ten years who knows what she looks like now.”

“Breathe Buck.” Eddie hummed. “I know it’s hard but you’ll find them. One of t hem will slip up sooner or later and once you have one you’ll be able to use them to find
the others. You know that you’re the one who told me that.”

“I know. I know that. And I meant it I just-“ Buck let out a breath. “It’s frustrating. I know how long some cases can take, but this feels… it feels different.”

“Because of how personal it is. Of how it’s effecting your life baby. Of course it feels different-“ Buck heard Eddie let out a startled noise.

“What was that?”

“Nothing- nothing.” Eddie soothed quickly, “I’m fine. Some woman just bumped into me. Looked like she was in a rush to get to get out of the zoo- maybe she’s- oh crap she dropped her phone.” He could hear the rustle of Eddie’s clothes as he bent down, undoubtedly picking the phone up.

“I’ll go after her. Should be able to get it back to her. You okay staying on the line a second Carino?”

“Of course.” Buck moved a little, pulling his clothes on as he listened to Eddie taking off after the woman. He could hear Eddie’s voice, a little muffled from how he must be holding the phone.

He hummed to himself as he carefully started putting his leg back on, checking to make sure it was on right before he heard Eddie stop running.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry if I scared you but you dropped your phone?”

“I did? Oh you’re such a sweetheart, thank you-“

“I’m glad I got  to you before you got to your car.”

“So are we Eddie.” And Buck felt his blood run cold. Terror flooded his veins.

Eddie hadn’t given her his name.

“Wh-“ Eddie let out a startled noise, and Buck heard the sound of a car door swinging open, more rustling, and a sound that he was fairly sure was Eddie’s phone hitting the ground.

“There we go.”

“Pick up the phone.” The voice was male, “Give it to me.” Familiar.

A second later Buck heard the phone being picked up. “Evan.” Oh god. Buck felt like his throat had closed up. Felt like he was in the middle of the tsunami again, the water trying to drag him under. “Can you hear me Evan?”

“M-Mr- Mr J-Ja-“

“You can. Good. I will send you a text telling you where you have to go. You’ll be there within the hour Evan. On your own without a weapon. If you don’t then Eddie dies. Right now he’s just knocked out. Be a good boy and you won’t have to lose him the same way you lost Samara.”

“Please-“

“We both know begging’s never worked with me Evan.” The call disconnected, and Buck sat there, heart pounding in the chest in the silence as he tried to suck in a breath.

He felt like all of the air had been sucked from the room. Eddie was taken.

Jakeman had Eddie. Jakeman had the love of Buck’s life.

Buck didn’t have a choice. He flinched when his phone buzzed, looking down at it.

The address he’d been sent was that of a park. It was a thirty minute drive away.

Buck wouldn’t be able to drive his own car. Spencer and Garcia would hear him leaving if he did that.

Buck knew, as an Agent he would be advising the target not to go. To tell the team what was going on and come up with some sort of ambush plan.

But Jakeman had Eddie. Buck could not, would not, take any risks with his partner. His other half.

Losing Samara had felt like losing a limb but losing Eddie?

Losing Eddie would be like losing his soul itself.

Buck didn’t know who he was without Eddie, and he didn’t particularly want to have to find out.

There was no way Jakeman would have Eddie there at the park. The park was simply a meeting place. Buck knew that once he was there he’d be taken somewhere else.

Hopefully to wherever Eddie was.

Almost certainly. That would be the best way to ensure Buck’s compliance after all. Buck wouldn’t struggle or fight if he knew somewhere hidden away Jakeman had a gun on him.

And once Buck was secured where Jakeman wanted him? Then he’d be allowed to see Eddie.

Jakeman didn’t give a shit about Eddie. He was just a pawn to use against Buck.

And sure, Buck knew that if he went there was a large chance he wouldn’t make it out of this alive.

But maybe he’d get lucky. Maybe he would make it out. And if he didn’t at least he might be able to get Eddie out.

Sure Eddie would never forgive him if he died saving him, but Eddie would be alive. That was all Buck cared about right now.

He'd feel guilty of course. This would hurt Rina, But Buck had already set it all up so that Rina would be safe if anything ever happened to him. He’d done that after the adoption, had been planning it since the Ladder truck debacle. She wouldn’t go back into the system. She’d be safe and cared for and she’d still have Eddie and Chris.

So Buck forced himself to move, forced himself to stay calm as he finished getting dressed and making sure he was as ready as he could be. Maybe that would work out.

Buck wasn’t sure but he had not choice as he kept moving, pulling on a shoe- his prosthetic already had one, and opening up his window wide.

That was one of the perks of having a house all on one level. He could climb out of the window without having to drop too far. And the cameras were connected to his phone so while Garcia could access the footage from her laptop, she wouldn’t get any notifications of movement.

It meant Buck would be able to sneak away without them noticing.

He hated himself for it.

But he knew he had to. For Eddie, he would do anything for Eddie. He did have… a fragment of a plan. Maybe. It wasn’t much but he could try, so he did what he had to do. No weapons, and he wouldn’t be allowed to keep his phone. His clothes would be searched he was sure. They wouldn’t let him keep anything that could be tracked.

Hopefully he wouldn’t need anything that could be tracked. Maybe just maybe he could get himself and Eddie out of this. But he knew he couldn’t rely on that.

But… He did take the time to pull out an old notepad and a pen, carefully writing a series of short notes. Folding them up and setting them on the bed, the one with Spencers name written clearly on it on the top of the pile.

He doubted he had long to get away.

JJ and Tara would realise Eddie had been taken soon enough.

When they did they would call Spencer, and Spencer knew Buck. He would put him on lockdown. He wouldn’t let him out of his sight.

Buck had to get out before that point.

So he did.

Buck climbed out of his window, ducking low as he made his way around the house, breaking into a run as soon as he judged it safe.

He made it two blocks away before stopping, pulling out his phone to order an Uber.

When he made it to the park he was ten minutes early, and Buck sat down on the bench where he'd been ordered to wait, staring ahead and forcing himself to keep breathing steadily. The sun was bright, the world around them seemed so normal, people going out their day. He spotted at least three couples having peaceful romantic walks through the park.

Would Buck ever get to have that with Eddie again?

He had to believe he would.

If he went into this resigned to his fate then he would die. He was smart enough to know that.

He had to go into this believing he was going to find a way out of it alive.

Buck closed his eyes, forcing himself to breathe. In and then out. Steady.

He didn’t open them when he felt a slight movement next to him, heard the wood of the bench creak slightly at a little extra weight.

“Mr Buckley.”

Not Jakeman. Buck opened his eyes, turning his head very slightly to take in the sight of Archie Rushman.

The man was trembling slightly.

Understandable. Last time he’d been face to face with Buck he’d threatened to kill him. Had pretty much tried to kill him actually.

His hair was a little longer than it had been, greasier too. Rushman didn’t look like he’d been dealing too well with the stress of being an accomplice to a serial killer.

“Eddie?”

“You’ll be taken to him.”

“Will Jakeman let him go when I get there?”

“No. Not until you’re dead.”

“How exactly does Jakeman plan on this ending?”

“I don’t know.”

“You’re doing this for your sister aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

“You’re a fucking idiot.”

“Maybe I am. But I’m in too deep now. You’re going to come with me. I’ll be checking you for any weapons or anything that could be used to track you.”

“Of course.”

“Once you’re secured I’ll be taking you to Richard.”

“Of course.”

“You know if you attack me I won’t talk. And if we’re not back within a set time he’ll kill him. I have no phone you can use to track where I came from, and the GPS system in the vehicle is off so you can’t use that either, or at least not within the time you’d need to.”

“I know.”

“Good.”

Rushman stood up leaving the bench and Buck rose to his feet himself, following the man to a dark blue van- Buck snorted when he saw the words printed on the side. A taxi. Undoubtedly it was fake, not a registered one but it was advertised as a wheelchair accessible one.
Smart.

Buck let out a breath as Rushman unlocked the back doors and pulled them open. He could see the ramp attachment, set to the side in the back of the van, and- a wheelchair. Buck pushed down the tight anxious ball in his chest as he climbed inside, flinching a little as the doors closed behind them. There were no windows in the back of the van, but there was a little lamp which Rushman switched on that illuminated the back of the van well enough.

And Buck focused on Rushman. “Well. What now.”

“Strip down to your underwear. Shoes and socks off too.”

“You have got to be kidding me.” Buck stared at the man before, “Fine.” He gritted his teeth.

It made sense.

He'd hoped it would just be a pat down but clearly that was too much to hope for.

He did as he was told, staring blankly at the now closed back doors of the van, hands shaking a little as he did, tossing the clothes into a pile on the floor, and handing over his phone when Rushman dropped it into his hand.

“You know.” It was a struggle to keep his voice even, “You know what he is. Your sister is delusional but you know.”

“She believes in him. She needs to have something to hold onto.”

“So you let her hold onto a serial killer?”

“She’s… troubled. He’s the only reason she hasn’t killed herself.”

“Maybe she should.”

Buck half expected the blow, still his head snapped to the side from the force of the backhand, his cheek throbbing, mouth filling with blood, which he spat at the man, who looked disgusted as he stepped back.

“You don’t know her. You don’t judge.” Rushman hissed the words, “I don’t care that he’s a serial killer if he keeps her stable.”

“She actively helped abduct my partner. What does she think he’s doing?”

“Getting just revenge on the man who framed him-“

“She really is batshit-“ another backhanded blow had Buck stumbling a little. But he didn’t raise a hand to defend himself.

He couldn’t hurt Rushman. He couldn’t risk Eddie’s safety. Still, his petty jabs made him feel a little better.

“You are going to shut up or I will gag you Buckley.”

“Didn’t Jakeman tell you that I like to talk?”

“You know I’m beginning to understand why he wants to hurt you so badly.” Rushman grabbed a bag that had been tucked behind the wheelchair, “Put these on.” He ordered, opening it up and tossing a pair of gray sweats and a baggy gray tee out of the bag, “Your clothes are going to be dumped just in case there’s any trackers stitched into them.”

“Not gonna make me take off my boxers? Don’t think I’ve got anything stitched into those?”

“Don’t fucking tempt me Buckley.”

“I really wish I could punch you right now.” Buck snapped back, but he’d caught the clothes, and he pulled them on quickly enough. “And now?”

“Sit in the wheelchair-“

“You have got to be-“

“Sit. In. The, Wheelchair. If you don’t we don’t go anywhere, and your boyfriend gets hurt.”

“Fine.” Buck ground out, sitting down in the stupid chair, trying to force himself not to shake.

“Now you’re going to take your leg off.”

“No.” Buck blurted the word, his face paling, “No. No you have got to be kidding me I’m not doing that-“

“Eddie.”

Buck flinched. “You bastard.”

“You have two options here if you want your boyfriend not to end up like you almost did. You take off your leg yourself and I tie you to the chair after, or I tie you to the chair first and take off the leg for you. Now I don’t know fuck all about prosthetic legs. I’m willing to bet if I do it it’s going to hurt. Now choose.”
Buck closed his eyes, fists clenching tightly before he pulled the baggy sweats up so that he could get to his leg, carefully removing the prosthetic and the layers beneath it until his stump was exposed.

Jakeman and Rushman wanted him vulnerable. If he didn’t have his leg on or have his crutches it would make it a hell of a lot harder for Buck to pull off an escape.
He wished his hands would stop shaking.

“There you go.” Rushman picked up the leg, tossing it on top of the pile of Buck’s clothes before he pulled out some duct tape. “Lay your hands flat on the wheelchair arms. Now.”

Buck did as he was told, forcing himself to keep breathing slowly as the man carefully wrapped the tape around Buck’s wrists and the hard arm of the chair.

He did it tightly, not just Buck’s wrists but up a good chunk of his arm too, over and over again so that he couldn’t move them at all.

Buck couldn’t help but tug at it- an automatic reflex, and Rushman smirked a little at the slightly worried noise that slipped past Buck’s lips.

“Not so cocky now are you?”

“Go to hell Archibald.”

“Oh believe me, you’ll get there first. Now are you going to keep your mouth shut back here or am I going to have to gag you.”

“As much as I want to scream and rage at you right now I’m not risking Eddie’s safety.”

“Good answer.” Rushman patted Buck’s cheek- and god but he had to fight down the urge to lunge and bite those fucking fingers off.

He fought the urge, glaring darkly at Rushman as he gathered up the pile of Buck’s clothes, phone and his leg, and he watched as the man opened the doors of the van, slipping out and closing it behind himself, leaving Buck trapped.

The team would find the clothes and the phone and the leg as long as Rushman dumped them together. Which he probably would. Garcia would be able to track it once they realised she was missing.

Hopefully they’d be tucked somewhere out of sight. That leg was fucking expensive and sure Buck had a spare but he liked that one.

And he was refusing to let himself think he was going to die.

Not now.

Not like this. There was still a chance. If he got lucky he still had a chance. He still had a fragment of a plan. It had to be enough.

He took a deep breath.

Calm.

He needed to try and be calm right now. He needed to keep his head for as long as he could.

He knew he’d probably fall apart when he came face to face with Jakeman again. But if he could he’d try and keep himself together. He didn’t want to give the man the
satisfaction. So he needed to brace himself in advance.

Buck managed not to flinch when he heard the drivers door of the van opening. He heard movement in the front, then the rumble of the engine starting up.

When they started moving Buck found his hands gripping at the arm wrests tightly even though he was already taped into the damn chair.

Which hadn’t been secured in any way. The chair was rocking dangerously at every less than smooth motion- and Rushman was not exactly a good driver which meant that the chair was rocking and skidding in the back of the van for most of the drive.

And it wasn’t a short drive.

More than once Buck found himself praying to a god he didn’t believe in that he wouldn’t end up dead before he could even get to their destination.

He had no way of timing how long the drive took, but if Buck was making a rough guess it took an hour. He wouldn’t be surprised if Rushman had driven a purposely longer and convoluted route just to fuck with his head.

When the van finally stopped and Buck felt and heard the vibrations from the engine cutting off.

His breath caught in his throat a little and he forced himself to take a deep breath, glaring at the doors, and a few moments later they were swinging open and Rushman was climbing into the van, grabbing the ramp and setting it up before he came back inside again, a dark look on his face, “Remember Buckley. Inside of the house Richard is waiting. All it’ll take is one word from me and he’ll kill your boyfriend.”

“I know.” Buck glared, “I’m not stupid.”

“Good.” The man picked up a blanket, carefully laying across Buck’s lap and arms.

That made sense. He was covering the duct tape. Making sure no one outside realised that Buck was restrained. “Once you’re on the street you will sit there in silence waiting for me to put the ramp back into the van.” Rushman ordered quietly. “If you so much as blink in the wrong direction Eddie dies. If anyone speaks to you you will smile and answer politely and you will not so much as hint at needing help.”

“I don’t need help. I came here willingly didn’t I?” Buck shot back, “Or as willingly as possible given the fact you have my boyfriend being held fucking hostage.”

“Just behave. That’s all you have to do.” And then Buck was being wheeled out of the van, once more into the light of day.

Chapter Text

Buck felt so stupid. The moment he was wheeled out of the van he felt stupid. So much for him being a genius.

He should have guessed. Should have realised just where he’d be.

It made sense. In retrospect it was obvious. Jakeman wanted to strike where it hurt. He wanted to rub it in, he was obsessed with Buck. And really when he considered that, there was no other choice of a location he’d pick was there? It was all about Buck now.

So he’d decided to use Buck’s old house.

And god Buck felt sick when that sunk in. Jakeman was lying in wait in a place he’d once called home. He’d killed people there, forever tainted the once good memories that Buck had cherished.  

He'd met the couple who he’d sold it to. Young and hopeful for their futures. They’d planned on having a family, a life in the house. They would be trying for a baby within the year they’d told him. It was the perfect home for them.

Buck had wished nothing but the best for them both. He’d told them he hoped they found the same joy in the home as he had.

So what had happened to them? Buck wasn’t sure he wanted to know. He found that he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the house as Rushman shoved the ramp back into the van and closed the doors with a thud that made Buck want to get up and bolt. But no. No running away. Eddie needed him.

Then he was pushing Buck up the path to the door, unlocking it and pushing them in, bumping Buck over the slight lip of the door.

Buck winced a little at the feeling. And then he was inside, and the door was closing behind Rushman.

“My house.” The door was shut now. As far as he was concerned he didn’t need to stay silent anymore did he. “My old house. Fucking really?”

“Richard thought there was a nice irony there.”

“The couple I sold it to?” he didn’t want to know. But he needed to. He felt like he owed them that much.

“Backyard. Don’t worry they didn’t suffer like the others have.”

“God you’re a bastard you really really fucking are. They were innocent people they had nothing to do with this.”

“We needed a house with a basement and Richard wanted this one because it was once yours.”

Buck flinched a little. Swallowing hard.

The basement.

He had kept it locked up. He found his eyes moving down the hall, focusing on the door. Which  was not locked anymore.

“I assume you’re not gonna push me down the stairs into there like it’s a fucking slide are you? Jakeman wouldn’t get to have as much fun with me if I’m broken before he even starts.”

“Of course not.” Rushman grabbed the blanket, tossing it away and pulling- Buck’s breath caught in his throat a little.

A knife, a flip knife. Buck forced himself not to flinch as the man sliced through the duct tape, tearing it away from Buck’s arms. “Now.” Rushmans voice was firm, “We both know you can’t walk. And you’re not stupid enough to struggle on the way down the stairs because you don’t want to fall. So you’re going to behave.” Then Rushman was dragging Buck up so that he was standing, Buck grabbing at the other man automatically, hating how suddenly dependant on the man he was.

He managed to wrap one arm around the mans shoulder, clinging to him tightly as he was half dragged and he half hopped to the basement door, cringing a little as they got closer.

He couldn’t help it.

He knew what was waiting for him in that basement.

Maybe not the fine details but he knew enough to be scared.

He forced himself to still when Rushman pushed the handle down and pushed the door open. Thankfully the railings were on Buck’s right side, so as they started to descend the stairs he was at least able to grab onto them to steady himself a little, though he froze when he was half way down.

The basement was large, bare. But Buck didn’t need to wonder where Jakeman kept his victims. There was a central ceiling beam that ran through the ceiling of the basement. Thick and sturdy. It could certainly hold a good amount of weight.

And hanging from it Buck could see a set of long chained cuffs.

Buck wanted to scream and cry. He felt like puking at the sight of them.

He didn’t want to be chained up again. The idea of those cuffs closing around his wrists had his whole body slipping into panic mode.

But he had to try and keep his head. Panicking wouldn’t help. Then his breath caught in his throat.

Eddie. He could see Eddie, on the other side of the basement, Eddie was led there, his wrists bound with duct tape in front of him, with tape over his mouth and wrapping around his ankles. His eyes were closed but Buck could see his chest rising and falling. Alive. Eddie was alive and Buck was almost throwing himself down the last steps, wrenching himself free from Rushman, “Eddie!”

He was falling.

And then he was being caught by the arm, which wrenched it back painfully and he winced. “Ow!”

“Careful now Evan.” Buck’s head snapped up, eyes focusing on the man stood across from him. He'd been sat in a simple chair next to Eddie. Buck had barely registered his presence at first, not when his gaze had been on Eddie.

His breath caught, his heart sped up.

Richard Jakeman. He looked much like he had in the picture Garcia had shown them all, though… his face was a little less gaunt now. His skin less pale. Clearly freedom had been good for his health.

“Mr Jakeman.” Buck’s voice was suddenly very small again. And the man was striding towards him even as Rushman managed to get him down the last of the steps and held him up.

“Evan Buckley. My god you really have grown up.” He looked delighted, the scars on his face eerie in the harsh glare of the lights above them, they made the glass eye almost seem to glow.

“No thanks to you.” Buck hated how choked his voice sounded, “E-Eddie-“

“Is alive but unconscious.” Jakeman said firmly, “And he will stay alive. So long as you don’t try anything stupid right now.” His eyes flicked down to the empty pants leg. “Not that I think you’d stand any real chance of escaping.”

“What will you do to him.”

“When I’m ready I’ll let him go.” Jakeman was grabbing Buck’s right arm. “But only once I’m done. If I’m satisfied.” Between them Jakeman and Rushman dragged him to the centre of the room. And Buck didn’t struggle. He didn’t.

He wanted to. He wanted to struggle so badly but Eddie was there, he was unconscious and tied up and helpless. Buck refused to risk his safety. So he let them drag his arms up, let them secure the cuffs around his wrists.

And fuck but he really felt sorry for the other victims. None of them had been quite as tall as him. He could just barely keep his foot on the ground, they would have been on their tip toes at best.

Had they been kept like this the whole time? This was worse than being chained to a support pillar.

“Rushman. Leave us.”

Buck twisted, watching the man leave before his gaze focused on Jakeman again.

He could see the lines on the mans face that hadn’t been there before.

And then there were alone- or basically alone, what with Eddie unconscious.

“How long have you been waiting for this?”

“Since the day you got away of course.” Jakeman hummed, “I was so angry. But I’ve had time, time to plan and prepare. To imagine.”

“Sounds good for me.”

“Oh believe me. You will suffer.” Jakeman traced his fingers over Buck’s cheek. “I get to start fresh, redo my hard work all over again. It was simply a… compulsion before. A punishment but now? Now believe me I will enjoy hurting you.”

Buck flinched a little at that. Bullshit. It hadn’t been just a compulsion, Jakeman had enjoyed it back then even if he’d not been willing to acknowledge that he had, “Yeah, I guessed that much-“

“Did you guess that before I’m done I’ll mark you like you marked me?”

Buck felt his breath catch in his throat at that. “Like- like I-“ his gaze was drawn to the glass eye, to the scars on the mans face.

“There you go.” Jakeman patted Buck’s cheek and pulled back. “But not yet. I’ll be keeping you for days Evan. Just like last time. In some ways you’re lucky. I spent a lot of time filled with rage. I’m calmer now. More patient. Though perhaps it would have been better for you. Over faster.”

“Eh, pros and cons for both.” Buck managed to speak, his voice a little strangled. “I don’t particularly want to die.”

“They won’t save you this time. I’m not doing this alone this time.” He hummed, “You know. All those years ago I really did have a soft spot for you. I didn’t want to hurt you but you just had to get yourself involved. Really what I was doing could be called discipline.”

“Discipline doesn’t usually end in murder.” Buck’s eyes flicked towards Eddie again and Jakeman chuckled.

“Don’t worry about him Evan. He’s not going to wake up just yet. Oh he’ll get to see you scream, but not until I decide the time is right.”

“I don’t suppose you’re going to leave me to stew on what you’re going to do.”

“Oh no.” Jakeman smirked. “Not until I’ve beat your back bloody again.” He paused, “It’s not the same belt, sadly. That was was probably destroyed years ago. But the new one is just as good. I even cleaned it just for you Evan.”

“How kind of you.” Buck snapped that, shuffling slightly.

It was awkward as fuck. His wrists were already painful and so were his shoulders. And he was off balance since he didn’t even have his prosthetic.

“I know. I have been generous.” Jakeman turned around, walking away to- a large bag that was set next to Eddie’s unconscious form. “Now I don’t want to waste the time we have. If I could I’d keep you alive for a very long time. But… well I have a pattern to keep to. So we’ll need to squeeze in as much as we can into the five days.”

“You really do know how to make the most of things don’t you.” Buck eyed him nervously.

Scissors. He had scissors.

Well Buck knew what he was going to do with those.

He also knew he had no way to get away, so instead he forced himself to stay still as the man cut the shirt open at the back, pushing it aside to expose Bucks’ back.

He closed his eyes, trying to block out the noises as Jakeman returned to the bag. Tried to ignore the rustling. The footsteps.

They shot open at the sound of the belt cracking from behind him

Buck couldn’t help it, couldn’t help the little whimper that slipped past his lips. He’d never stop being afraid of that noise.

And then there was the crack again, but this time there was the pain too, white hot and blinding and Buck had to bite down on a scream.

It was just pain. Buck could handle pain.

Then there was a second blow, and a third.

Buck realised that Jakeman was doing it in a pattern almost. Diagonal blows across his back, first in one direction and then the other.

He was trying to cover as much as Buck’s back as he possibly could. To cause as much damage as he could.

Buck closed his eyes. It was the only way to stop the tears from falling. His fingers curled into tight fists.

His leg gave out beneath him around the twenty ninth blow and he was hanging by his arms, sharp pain lancing through his shoulders, which at least was a distraction from the fiery pain of his back.

And fuck but did Jakeman have more stamina now than he had then? It felt like he was hitting harder, the metal and leather biting into his skin painfully with each and every blow.

He wanted to cry. It hurt so so fucking much but he didn’t want to give the bastard the satisfaction.

He lost count after fifty. His whole body was shaking, Buck felt like he was going to pass out from the pain. But he also knew he wouldn’t.

He wasn’t going to pass out because he was too strong for that. He wouldn’t let himself pass out if he did then he was fucked. He had to outlast Jakeman that was the only way.

It was his and Eddie’s only chance. Because Buck knew. He knew that Eddie would be killed too. In the end.

And eventually, after what felt like a lifetime Jakeman stopped. Buck could hear him panting. Had he sounded like that last time? But didn’t think so, but then he’d never gotten that brutal last time. Buck could barely breathe his back hurt so much. He was slumped in the cuffs, head hanging low, whole body trembling. He couldn’t stop it.

It had been bad before. He could remember that.

But last time he hadn’t felt the blood dripping down his back, hadn’t been able to see it pooling beneath him.

He'd bled before, but never as much as he was now he was sure. Not until the last day when all of the wounds had reopened from his fall.

Fuck.

He didn’t even want to think about how bad his back much look right now. How long it would take to heal.

He knew he was compartmentalising. He wasn’t letting himself process it fully. There was that part of himself that he’d locked away, screaming for help that wasn’t going to come.

Jakeman was careful. They wouldn’t trace him back to the house.

At least not in time to save Buck and Eddie.

Buck had to save them both himself.

He let out a pained whimper when Jakeman patted his back, flinching weakly away from it, which made the man laugh, a breathless strained noise.

“You’ve gotten so strong.” His nails dug into one of the welts, and Buck forced back a pained groan, nails digging into his palms. “But it doesn’t matter how used to pain you are now. I will make you scream before I’m done with you.” He pulled his hand back, “So keep up the strong silent act Evan. It’ll give me that much more pleasure when I break you.”

Buck kept his eyes screwed tightly shut as he listened to Jakeman pull away from him and head up the stairs.

He flinched when he heard the lock click, forcing down the waves of memories that threatened to drag him under.

He needed to keep focused. Now was probably his best chance.

His only chance.

Buck took a deep breath. In and out. Then he shifted his hands so that he could grip the chains, gripping them as tightly as he could, and he pulled himself up.

On any other day he’d find it easy. Buck was strong, he was well aware that he was strong, usually it wouldn’t be a big deal.

But it was so fucking hard, the flexing of his arms, the strain had his back burning with pain, he stifled a scream, managing to push his hands together so that he could grip both chains with one hand.

That way he could let go with the other hand and fumble awkwardly in his hair- and yes- yes there it was. He pulled the bobby pin out of his hair, he felt a few strands pull out as he did but that wasn’t important.

Hooray for having a teenage daughter who left them all over the damn house.

And hooray for the fact that he and Spencer had both spent ages practising picking locks. He’d never done it with restraints actually on his wrists- it had been to triggering for him to have any kind of cuffs on his wrists.

But he should be able to do it. It was awkward but he should be able to do it.

He let go of the chains, dropping back down carefully so that he was resting once again on his foot. It was awkward but he managed to get some balance. Enough that he could, as long as he pressed his hands together, awkwardly unfold the bobby pin and slot it into the small keyhole on the cuff.

It took him several minutes before Buck heard the click and he felt the cuff open- but he didn’t pull his hand free. He dropped the bobby pin quickly, grabbing at the chain tightly so that the cuff stayed loose around his wrist.

Jakeman wouldn’t make the same mistake he had before twice. If he saw Buck uncuffed he wouldn’t come down. He’d never be that stupid. Buck had to stay like this.

Admittedly it was exhausting, all Buck wanted was to let himself drop to the floor.

If he had his prosthetic on he might have. If he had his prosthetic he’d have been able to get back off the floor and loop the cuffs back through the ceiling beam.

Without it he knew full well he’d never manage that.

Which meant he had to stay hanging.

So that was what he did, letting his mind slip away, go blank. He refused to give up. And if he let his mind drift then he didn’t feel the pain, the ache of his shoulder the searing of his back. The throbbing from the earlier blows to his face- though really that was minor compared to all of the other stuff.

Buck managed to zone out for a while, though he snapped back into focus when he heard a low muffled groan coming from Eddie, who was moving, lifting his head slowly.

Fuck.

He could see, he could see the moment Eddie’s eyes opened and focused on Buck.

Thank fuck he was facing Eddie. The other man couldn’t see his back. He didn’t need to know how badly hurt Buck was yet. “Eddie- Eddie baby it’s okay.” Eddie was trying to push himself up into a sitting position, clearly still out of it.

“No- no Eddie. Eddie I need you to stay down. Please. Please baby stay down. I know- I know you’re scared right now I know you want to get up and help me.” He could see the fear and anger and worry in Eddie’s eyes. “But you can’t. You can’t because if he comes down here and sees you’re awake then he won’t come down. I need him to think you’re still out. I have a plan baby I have a plan.” He blinked back tears at the almost whine that Eddie let out. “I know- I know you want to help me I know but stay down. Stay down please Eddie. Please if you’ve moved he’ll know you’re awake and he won’t come down. I need him to come down I need that if I want to get us out of here alive. Please. Please Eddie don’t- don’t do anything. Just… just wait baby okay? Just wait until I make my move.”

He could see it, the fear and doubt and indecision in Eddies gaze.

And he saw the moment when Eddie decided to go along with whatever Buck had planned.

He watched Eddie settle back down, laying there and watching Buck silently.

And when the inevitable came Eddie closed his eyes, though Buck could see the tension in his frame.

He tore his gaze away from Eddie, looking over his shoulder at Jakeman as the man made his way down the stairs.

“Evan.” His voice was warm. “How are you feeling after our little break?”

“Please.” Buck pitched his voice low, and it was so easy to add a tremor too it.

After all he was shaking, exhausted and drained. He didn’t have to fake the pain and brokenness. It came naturally.

“What’s that?” Jakeman came closer. And he’d left the door open. That was… surprising. Not perfect but it could be good, depending on if Rushman was still in the house.

Well there wasn’t much Buck could do about that right now was there?

“P-please-“

“Oh this I have to hear.” He sounded far too pleased as he stalked closer, moving so that he was in front of Buck, coming closer and leaning in. “What was that Evan?”

“E-Eddie’s awake.” The watched, a thrill running through him as Jakemans eyes widened.

Then the man was whirling around to look at Eddie, who’s eyes were open.

But Eddie was still bound and gagged on the floor.

Buck finally let go of the chain, yanking it down and grabbing the end of it that was loose as he toppled forward.

He heard Jakemans surprised yell, but it was cut off when Buck pulled the chain of the cuffs tight around Jakemans neck as they fell, Buck’s weight forcing the man to the ground.

And Buck was on top of him, wrapping the chain around, looping it and tugging, pulling it taught.

The man beneath him bucked and struggled, letting out gargled noises as he fought desperately to breathe.

And Buck could feel his world narrowing, until it was just him and Jakeman. He was vaguely aware of Eddie letting out a stunned muffled noise, of Eddie’s eyes on him but all he could focus on was the man beneath him, the man fighting desperately, uselessly, for his life.

Well fuck that. He could remember how it had felt with the belt around his neck. Buck could remember the fear, how much his chest had hurt as he’d desperately tried to suck in air, air that had been blocked by the bastard beneath him.

And Buck was leaning in, pulling it even harder, if that was possible.

He'd never felt like this before, never this out of control, never so angry and scared and filled with hate for anyone.

No one had ever deserved it as much as Richard Jakeman did.

Buck wanted him to hurt he wanted him to suffer. To feel every aching terrifying moment.

“This- this is what you deserve,” his voice caught and he let out a choked sob, “This is how you deserve to die. N-not in a cell-“ another choked gurgle came from beneath Buck. Jakeman was clawing at the ground beneath them, writhing and trying to knock Buck off.

But that wouldn’t work. It would have, when Buck had been fourteen it would have.

But he wasn’t a fourteen year old who was skinny and weak anymore.

Buck was a grown man now, he had more bulk, more physical strength than Jakeman now.

He'd only been able to get to Buck through Eddie.

This time Buck had the physical edge and he was using it. “N- not in a fire. Not by being shot. Y-you deserve this.” He could feel the tears dripping down his cheeks, hear the blood pounding through his veins, a roaring rush. “Like you did to us. Like you did to me you deserve this you deserve to die like this.”

“P-plea-“

“No. No you don’t get to beg. You don’t get to beg I begged, I begged you and you never listened you never stopped so why should I? Why should I stop why? Why?” Buck snarled that. Just the fact that Jakeman had tried to open his mouth and let out a plea for mercy felt like an insult to the memory of those he’d killed.

When had Jakeman ever shown any of them a shred of mercy? Even the so called mercy he’d shown Buck was a double edged sword.

There would be no mercy. Every attempt to draw in a breath, every twitch and jerk beneath Buck was deserved. Every second of fear and pain.

He could feel the struggles lessening, hear the gurgles dying down.

And he felt it.

He felt Jakemans body still beneath him as he passed out, but Buck didn’t let go.  

He couldn’t. He had to be sure. He had to be sure Jakeman was dead. He needed to know for sure or he’d never feel safe again.

Chapter Text

Buck stayed like that, even when he heard the crack of Jakemans neck breaking.

It was loud, loud in the basement and the noise seemed to echo and it made Buck flinch but he didn’t loosen the chains. He couldn’t he had to be sure he had to-

There was a noise and Buck lifted his head, gaze focusing fuzzily on Eddie. Eddie who had managed to squirm enough that he was sat up, who was trying to say something. Even through the duct tape Buck could tell that he was trying to talk softly to Buck, to soothe him.

Why was Eddie trying to soothe him? What- what was Eddie doing that for?

Buck felt dazed. Why was Eddie trying to soothe him.

His gaze flicked down again.

Oh. Jakeman was still beneath him. His neck was- yeah it wasn’t supposed to be at that angle was it?

Dead.

Jakeman was dead.

Huh.

Buck felt numb and somehow slow. Maybe shock a part of him thought. The numbness did feel straight. Not that he was physically numb, oh he could feel every physical painful sensation but mentally. Emotionally? He felt as though he’d been stripped bare and nothing was left.

He'd killed him. Jakeman was dead.

It was finally over.

He could feel tears dripping down his cheeks and he managed to shift, letting go of the chain, pushing himself off Jakeman and rolling the body over, the chain of the cuffs making a clattering sound as it was pulled away from the mans neck.

His eyes were open, dark staring blankly at nothing.

There was no life in those eyes now, no life in that face.

He could hear his heart pounding still, the blood rushing as everything else faded. Even the muffled noises Eddie was making.

Finally. Richard Jakeman would never hurt anyone ever again. Buck was looking at his body. He was dead and Buck was safe. Eddie was safe.

Rina, and Chris and Maddie and everyone Buck loved was safe from him now. He could finally feel free. He could have his life back.

Then Eddie’s noises turned panicked and Buck blinked, lifting his head and staring fuzzily at Eddie, who had managed to push himself up so that he was sitting. His face was red, who was trying to yell.

Why was he yelling was he mad at Buck?

No. No Buck wasn’t the one he was looking at. Buck turned his head to follow Eddie’s gaze a moment too late- a hand was grabbing his hair and he was being dragged back.

“You bastard!” Rushman was screaming, frantic, “You fucking idiot.” He almost threw Buck backwards and Buck had to stifle a scream when he hit the hard ground, pain flaring through his back, vision almost whiting out from the sensation of it, cold hard rough cement beneath his back.

“He can’t be dead-“ Buck grunted as a foot caught him in the ribs, eyes rolling back, a choked noise slipping past his lips.

“I-is.” He coughed the word before gasping in pain when the foot caught his face, blood filling his mouth again as his lip split open, the sharp pain and flood of blood in his mouth making him cough and splutter, “H-had it coming-“

“My sister- you bastard my sister needed him-“

“Tough luck-“ Buck managed to spit the words and blood at the man, trying to push himself up onto his elbows.

“I’m going to kill you and your boyfriend. Maybe that’ll keep her from killing herself- knowing his killers are dead-“ another kick to the ribs, Buck groan, and then his foot was on Buck’s throat.

For a second. Just a second.

Then Rushman was on the ground and Buck was coughing and heaving, turning his head desperately to see- oh.

Eddie had Rushman on the ground, an arm around his neck.

Rushman didn’t stand a chance. Eddie was bigger, stronger and well trained.

After what felt both like an hour and a microsecond all at once the man was dropping, body going limp.

Not dead Buck realised as Eddie released him. He was still breathing. But he was out cold.

Buck managed to focus on Eddie then, he could see the duct tape still clinging to his wrists, Eddie must have broken free, and there was some still attached to his ankles, though that looked like it had been torn rather than snapped.

And Eddie was turning to Buck, reaching up and ripping the tape off his own mouth even as he scrambled to Buck’s side, “Buck. Buck I’m here I’m here.”

“Eddie-“ Buck let out a sob, “Eddie-“ And Eddie was grabbing Buck’s arm, pulling him, trying to pull him into a sitting position and Buck cried out as pain shot through his ribs and back.

“Oh fuck.” Eddie’s gaze was on the floor beneath Buck- where he’d been led.

On the blood.

“Oh Carino-“

“Hurts-“ Buck’s voice cracked, “Hurts Eddie-“

“I’m here- I’m here baby.” Eddie was pale, “I’ve got you” Buck could see the other mans mind working, “We’ve got to get you out of here and call an ambulance-“

“C-can’t-“ Buck’s voice cracked, “I can’t- n-not- not got my- my leg.”

“Shit.” Eddie hissed the word. “Shit I don’t want to hurt you more than you already are.” He took a deep breath. “Okay. Okay I know what to do. It’s going to hurt baby but I don’t want to leave you down here with them.” With Jakemans slowly cooling body and Rushman’s unconscious form.

“D-don’t want you to leave me.” Buck could feel the shock sinking into his body, felt himself shaking.

He felt close to shattering right now.

And Eddie’s hand was on his cheek, achingly gentle as he smoothed his thumb below Buck’s eye. “I’m here. I’m here Buck. I’m not leaving you you know that. Do you think you can handle a firemans carry? I heard how hard he kicked your ribs I don’t want to hurt you more but I can’t- your backs too bad for me to carry you in any other way right now.”

“C-can handle that.” Buck nodded, and he let Eddie move, gently gripping Buck’s arm and hauling him over his shoulders, gripping his leg and arm to keep him stable.

And Buck didn’t scream.

He didn’t.

But that was, admittedly, only because he didn’t let himself. The movement felt bolts of pain through his ribs and back.

Buck wanted to give in.

A huge part of him wanted to let the blackness swallow him. Drag him under.

It was so tempting.

But no. No Buck clung to consciousness as Eddie ascended the stairs, each move jarring him more.

And then they were up, out of the basement and Eddie was moving towards the door, letting go of Buck’s arm to open it.

Eddie stumbled out of the house, sucking in a breath of the fresh air- or fresher than the air had been in the basement at least, and he staggering over to the grassy lawn, lowering himself to his knees so that he could let Buck slide off his back, gripping his arm carefully so that he didn’t fall back into the grass on his back. “Phone. I need to get a phone Carino. You need an ambulance god your backs still bleeding.”

“G-go-“ Buck nodded, “G-get- get a phone.”

And very thankfully that took less than a minute. They made a sorry sight, and a car driving past stopped, clearly noticing that Buck looked like he’d had the shit beaten into him, even if they couldn’t see the bloody mess of his back.

It didn’t take much for Eddie to convince the man in the car to hand over his phone, though the man didn’t leave his car, pulling up to wait.

Smart move, he didn’t know exactly what was going on. If something bad was going on a car was a good shelter, Buck could respect that.

A few moments later Eddie was on his knees next to Buck again, typing 911 into the phone and clicking the call button before clicking it onto speaker before he set it down between them.

“9-1-1, what’s your emergency-“

“This is Firefighter Eddie Diaz, I’m off duty right now I need an ambulance and the BAU unit that’s currently in LA sent to my current location.” He reeled off the address quickly- and there was a distant talking before-

“Diaz? Holy shit is that you.” And that was Josh’ voice. Whoever had taken the call had clearly handed it over, “Sending help now. Is Buck with you?”

“M'here.” Buck choked out a little sob. “I’m here-“

“Oh holy shit it is good to hear your voice. Sue! Go get Maddie tell her Buck and Eddie are on the line.”

“M-Maddie?”

“Your FBI agent brother called her and told her you’d gone missing. They called everyone. Athena and Bobby are out looking for you. They’ll probably get there before the ambulance.”

“How far out is the ambulance.” Eddie’s voice was so much steadier than Bucks. Which made sense. Eddie was calmer than him right now, less injured. He could keep his focus better than Buck

“Maybe eight minutes. How bad is it Eddie? What do they need to prepare for.”

“Broken ribs, a lot of deep open gashes on his back. There’s a dead man inside of the house and one who I knocked out who shouldn’t be waking up for at least half an hour if not longer-“

“I’m sending the information to the team now-“

“Josh!” Even through Josh’s headset Buck could hear the frantic voice, “Josh you have him on the line you have Buck?”

“I do- I do here Maddie-“ There was a brief pause before;

“Evan? Evan baby are you okay? Oh god-“

“Maddie-“ Buck’s voice cracked some more. “Hey-“

“Oh Buck. God what happened baby are you and Eddie okay?”

“We’re alive, and safe for now.” Eddie spoke up, hands pressing to Buck’s cheeks again, this time his thumb brushed over Buck’s birthmark.

“What happened Eddie?”

“I was tricked.” Eddie’s voice was bitter and- was that guilt? Buck let out a soft noise.

“S’not your fault Eddie. You- you didn’t know-“

“I should have. I bet they were waiting for me to be on the phone.” Eddie shook his head slightly. “They timed it Maddie. So that I was talking to Buck. A woman bumped into me, dropped her phone. I didn’t recognise her but I’m willing to bet she was Annabell Stoll.”

“The sister of the lawyer.” Maddie remembered, “Oh my god.”

“I chased after her to give it back. Got to her before she got into the car and then she stabbed me with something. I was out in seconds.”

“He- he was still on the phone.” Buck managed, “Still- still on the phone.”

“Oh baby.” Maddie’s voice was pained. “God Buck- you should have told Spencer-“

“C-couldn’t risk.” Buck whispered the words. “Risk them hurting him. Had- had to do what he said-“

“You handed yourself over didn’t you?”

“He did.” Eddie pressed his lips to the top of Buck’s head, “I came around and he was already there. But we’re out now. Jakeman is dead and Rushman’s out cold and we’re outside. I’ve got him Maddie.”

“I- I won’t ask what happened yet. You two just hold on okay?”

“I’m using a strangers phone.” Eddie added, “When the ambulance gets here-“

“Bobby and Athena will be there first. They’ll tell me which hospital to go to it’s okay Eddie.”

“M'sorry. Was the only way-“

“Don’t you go saying sorry Buck. Don’t say sorry okay? We both know you don’t mean it because it saved Eddie I understand baby it’s okay. I hate worrying but I understand. I know you I know how much you love him I understand it’s okay. Eddie how bad-“

“He’s barely conscious.” And… Eddie wasn’t wrong. It was hard for Buck to keep his eyes open. To focus on anything.

He was so fucking exhausted. And it hurt so much all over. It would be easier to pass out wouldn’t it? Except Eddie was holding him and Eddie didn’t want him to sleep yet. If he did he wouldn’t be holding Buck’s face like this, trying to keep eye contact like he was.

So Buck had to try and stay awake. For Eddie.

So that he wouldn’t get more worried than he already was.

“He’s holding on but I don’t know how much longer that’ll last. I don’t know how much of it is the physical trauma or the shock and emotional trauma.”

“God-“ Maddie sucked in a sharp breath, “God I hate that bastard. He hurt him again. He hurt him again and none of us could do a damn thing to stop him.”

“No, no we couldn’t but Buck did. Buck stopped him.” Eddie pitched his voice low. “He stopped him. You stopped him baby-“ and Buck let out a little sob, shifting forward so that he face was pressed into Eddie’s shoulder.

“Buck-“ Maddie’s voice was a little hesitant before. “That’s good. That’s good. If anyone got to do it, it should be him.”

“I kn-“ Eddie’s voice faltered, and Buck could hear a car pulling up, a door opening. “I know. Maddie I need to go. Bobby and Athena just pulled up.”

“Okay. Okay look after him okay Eddie? The ambulance is just a couple of minutes out.”

“Got it Maddie.”

And then Buck heard them, Bobby first, the mans voice frantic with worry.

“BUCK!” Footsteps, pounding towards him and Eddie. And then Buck turned his head slight as Bobby dropped to his knees beside them, the mans face tight with worry, eyes shiny. “Oh kid-“

“Dad.” Buck’s voice caught. “Dad-“

“I’m here Buck.” Bobby brushed Buck’s curls out of his eyes, “I’m here. And Athena is too.” Because sure enough Athena was crouching next to Bobby a second later.

“Hey baby. God look at you.” She was pressing a hand to Buck’s cheek.

“Mama.” Buck whispered that.

“I’m here baby. We’re here and so’s Eddie. You’re safe.”

“I know.”

And a distant part of Buck could realise how different this was from the last time. From the mother and father who had refused to even visit him in the hospital. He blinked back tears, leaning heavily against Eddie, letting himself take in the comfort they were offering, feeling the safety and warmth of their presence sooth him a little.

He was loved. He was loved and safe and Jakeman was dead.

He felt himself drifting, just a little.

He heard someone approach, felt Eddie shift.

Handing the phone back maybe? He was pretty sure he heard a car leaving so probably.

Then Eddie was holding him close again, oh so careful not to touch his back.

And the Buck heard the ambulance arriving, Athena’s startled noise.

“Captain Cooper-“

“Sergeant Grant. Captain Nash. I should have expected you two here when we were told it was Buckley and Diaz.”

“Bosko.” That was Eddie’s voice.

“Diaz, what the hell have you gotten yourself into now?”

“Trouble.” Eddie’s laugh was weak. “Buck here needs your teams attention. He’s got a lot of severe lacerations all over his back. Most of the skins broken-“

“Yeah, yeah we can see that.” That was a different voice. Probably one of the paramedics.

Buck felt Bobby and Athena shift away a little to give them space, though Eddie didn’t move, his hand shifting to soothe through Buck’s hair.

“He also almost certainly has broken ribs, he was kicked there more than once. And his face. He also might have hit his head when he was thrown back I couldn’t tell. I can’t see any obvious bumps or gashes. It’s hard to tell if he’s dazed from a head injury or from shock.” And Buck could hear more cars pulling up.

Could distantly hear Athena talking to them.

But it was so hard to focus, Buck pressed his face into Eddie’s shoulder, letting it all wash over him. He couldn’t really hear anymore. He was slipping away. The last thing he really heard with any clarity was something about the FBI team being on the way.

That was good. His family would be there soon.

He felt Eddie shifting. Then he was being lifted, and he let himself be moved, let Eddie guide him so that he was led on his stomach on a stretcher, Eddie’s hand never leaving his even as he was lifted into the ambulance.

And as the doors closed he let himself slip under completely.

…

Buck came around slowly. Led in a hospital bed on his stomach. He didn’t move at first. He felt comfortable, and in any case over the years he’d learned to take his time to assess a situation when he first came around.

Hospital bed. Face down because of his back. Because of Jakeman wasn’t it? Buck could remember what had happened even if the moments after that seemed a touch fuzzier.
Eddie had gotten him outside. Bobby and Athena had been there hadn’t they? And he’d talked to Maddie.

It was funny how different things felt this time compared to how they’d been the last time around

He could feel the needle in the back of his right hand. That explained the whole fuzzy comfortable feeling. The dullness of what probably should be some very intense pain. He could also hear the soft beeping of his heartrate monitor. Nice and steady.

So.

Buck was in the hospital. He was safe, stable and relatively comfortable. He could also hear soft voices. Muffled by something.

Outside of the room Buck decided, the door was probably closed.

And there was someone in the room with him. He could hear the breathing.

No reading though. That meant that it wasn’t Spencer.

Well there was only one way to find out who it was. Buck lifted his head slightly, turning it so that he was looking towards the source of the breathing. And yeah. Yeah he smiled tiredly, his gaze focusing on Eddie.

Eddie who was sat in the chair by his bed, who’s eyes widened when Buck moved. “Hey- hey baby.” His voice was tight, a little stuffy and as he leaned closer Buck could see that he’d been crying a little. “How you feeling.”

“Okay.” Buck hummed softly, shifting a little and wincing, though the ache was a little softened by the way Eddie reached out, fingers curling tightly around Bucks left hand. “Little fuzzy from the meds.” Now that he was waking more he could feel that familiar feeling- tight bandages, dressings for his back. Of course, it made sense. Just like last time. “What’s the damage?”

“Broken ribs.” Eddie’s thumb brushed gently over Buck’s knuckles. Your lips split open pretty badly and you’ve got some mean bruises on your face.” He lifted Buck’s hand, pressing his lips to the knuckles. “No head injuries, somehow.”

“My back.”

“It’s not in good shape.” Eddie admitted softly, “It’ll take at least two to three weeks to heal if not a little more. You’re not going to be in work for a while.”

“Ugh.” Buck groaned softly, pressing his face into his arm. “The LAFD are gonna fucking fire me sooner or later if I keep this up.”

“No they won’t.” Eddie let out a damp laugh, squeezing gently, “The LAFD love you too much. You give them so much good press Carino. The brave firefighter who saved his whole team while off duty and lost his leg in his process, who then saved a whole lot of people during the tsunami. Who now took down a fucking serial killer.”

“Pretty sure I’ve spent more time off work over the past two years than I have in work Eddie.”

“And the LAFD Are not going to hold that against you.” Eddie kissed his knuckles again. “I’ve been given two weeks off too. Bobby told me he expects me to be looking after you.”

“You always do.” Buck’s expression went soft, “Where is Bobby? And Athena and Spence and Maddie and- everyone?”

“Maddie and Chim are getting some air and some coffee, Bobby and Athena are going home to check on Rina and Chris- Bobby didn’t want to but I pointed out that you’d probably want to see them relatively soon so it’d be better if they were ready to bring them in.”

“What are they gonna tell them?” Buck asked that quietly and Eddie pressed his lips together tightly.

“I told them to tell Chris that you had an accident and cut all your back open. Athena’s going to take Rina and explain a little more- not in any detail but- I mean I know you try not to lie to her. You told her about-“

“I told her that the bad man who hurt my back before was in LA.” Buck nodded.

“I asked Athena to tell her that he did get to you a little but you managed to stop him and that he’s gone now.”

“I do not envy Athena that conversation.” Buck muttered the words, “Rina’s a smart girl. She’ll have questions. Which she’ll also ask us.”

“I didn’t overstep did I?”

“No, no not at all.” Buck squeezed Eddie’s hand gently, giving him a soft look, “I’m glad that you felt like you could give Athena that approval. They needed to have some idea what to tell her and I trust your judgement. Besides I’d probably say to tell her pretty much the same though- though I might have just told her to tell Rina he’s dead.”

Eddie winced a little. “I wasn’t sure what was the best thing to do there. She’s thirteen. I know she’s not a little kid. She’s older than Chris I just…”

“Eddie-“ Buck squeezed his hand again, “It’s okay I get it. Hell I feel like that half the time. It’s difficult figuring out what she is and isn’t old enough to know. But I prefer to avoid
lying to her if I can. So you handled it well.”

“Thank god for that.” Eddie looked relieved, shoulders slumping a little.

“What about Spencer then? Where’s he? And the rest of the family?”

“Spencer is just outside talking to Emily and Rossi. Garcia is in the gift shop and JJ and Tara are still with Rina and Chris.”

“Talk-“ Buck shifted a little, grabbing at Eddie’s arm to help himself sit up, ignoring the dull aches that were probably warnings that he should not in fact be doing that. “Talking about what?”

“The situation.” Eddie pressed his lips together tightly. “They said you’ll have to send in a report but you won’t have to do that for a while. Not until you feel better. Jakeman is dead. Obviously you won’t be in any trouble for that. And Rushman’s going away for a long time.” Eddie’s expression was troubled.

“Then what are they talking about?” Was Buck missing something? It was possible given the strength of the meds that he was on.

“Annabell Stoll.” Eddie grimaced, “I gave a good description but-“ he shook his head. “But she wasn’t in the house and they haven’t been able to find her yet.”

“So one of them is still out there.” Buck said the words slowly, “Rushman seemed to think she’d kill herself if Jakeman died. Maybe it’s wrong of me to think it but… I hope she does.”

“I don’t blame you baby.” Eddie shook his head, “Believe me I- I hope she does the world a favor. She might have… issues but she still helped those monsters get to you. As far as I’m concerned the world is a better place without her in it.”

“She helped them take you.” Buck’s voice was small, “I- I was so fucking scared when I heard it Eddie.”

“I know.” Eddie let out a soft breath, “I know Buck. I bet you felt about as scared hearing that as I did waking up and seeing you all chained up.” His voice was gentle, “Should have known you had a plan.”

“Yeah well-“ Buck let out a weak laugh, “I’m not sure how much longer I could have held out like that.” He paused, looking down and- “My leg- they- did they-“

“Garcia tracked your phone.” Eddie soothed. “And they found your phone, your clothes and your leg baby. It’s here.” He bend down, ducking low before lifting up-

“Oh thank god.” There it was. Looking perfectly fine. “I know I have the spare but-“

“But you love that one.” Eddie’s lips twitched and he pressed them to the top of Buck’s head. “I know baby. I know.”

“And-“ Buck took a deep shuddering breath, “It’s over. It’s really over now isn’t it?”

“Yeah. Yeah it is.”

Chapter Text

Buck had to wait until the morning to see Rina and Chris. All of them had hoped that he’d be feeling up to visitors, but of course by the time Buck had woken up it had been fairly late in the afternoon, and no matter how much Buck wanted to see his kids he knew that it wouldn’t do them any good to see him when he was passing out from exhaustion.

It had hit him when Spencer had returned to the room, that bone deep weariness.

Spencer had hugged him carefully- oh so carefully, avoiding touching his back, smoothing fingers through his hair as he'd soothed him through the exhausted shaking, the silent tears.

Buck knew there would be a talk in the near future. About the fact that Buck had snuck out the way he had. But Spencer wasn’t going to bring that up in the hospital while it was all so fresh.

He’d held on for long enough for Maddie and Chim to come back, and for Garcia to return from the gift shop with a frankly ridiculously huge teddy bear that Buck was fairly sure would end up in Rina’s room.

Prentiss, Rossi, JJ and Tara had all come in too, checking in on him and making sure that he was okay, but he could admit that he’d barely been able to keep his eyes open, and a part of him had been relieved when they’d slipped out and left just Spencer and Eddie in the room with him, his eyes slipping closed, though he didn’t fall asleep right awake, he was awake for long enough to hear Eddie and Spencer talking in hushed tones.

They were both in agreement that Buck was not to be left alone. Which was adorable and Buck loved them both for it.

And he loved them for the fact that they weren’t arguing over it. They actually discussed it. Both of them wanted to stay with Buck, but after some talking Eddie had agreed that he should head home.

Buck agreed with that, not that he didn’t want Eddie to stay.

He really did, which was startling in itself.

For years the only person he’d cared about being present when he was in hospital was Spencer. Other visitors were nice of course but he could cope without them, he'd needed Spencer. Now? Now he wanted Eddie just as much as he wanted Spencer. Maybe a little more even.

But Eddie should be home with their kids.

Oh Athena and Bobby would undoubtedly take good care of them, but Buck knew that the kids would need Eddie more than they needed their grandparents, it made sense.

And Eddie shouldn’t be sleeping in a hospital chair.

He had been through a hell of a lot, he’d been attacked, drugged, kidnapped, bound and gagged and more than a little  traumatised. He needed a real bed for the night. Being away from Buck overnight wasn’t ideal of course, but he had Spencer’s number and he could easily call the man if he needed to check in on Buck, and Buck knew that if he needed the same then Spencer would call Eddie.

So when Buck woke up in the hospital bed again he wasn’t too worried about the lack of Eddie, though he did miss him. Still, he felt a familiar warmth when he turned his head and saw Spencer asleep in the chair next to his bed, head dropped back in a way that Buck just knew would leave his big brother with a painful ache in his neck, mouth hanging open as soft snores slipped out.

It made him think of a comment JJ had once made on the Jet on the way back from one of their particularly nasty cases. About how Spencer was like a gangly limbed cat that could somehow sleep pretty much anywhere.

It was true enough, and Spencer always had loved his naps.

He shifted slightly, wincing as he pushed himself up and shuffled so that he was sitting, not easy to do but he managed, wincing at the ache from his back- still bearable. And that was surprising. Buck knew he usually struggled with keeping the IV’s in while he was sleeping because he tended to toss and turn a lot. It seemed that this time he’d managed to keep it in though.

And he was proud to note that he hadn’t woken Spencer up.

And, he was very pleased to also note, that someone had carefully set his leg and everything he needed at the bottom of the bed for him, which meant he was able to lean over and quietly pull it on, checking everything as he went.

Thankfully Rushman hadn’t damaged anything, and soon enough Buck had his leg on, and he felt tension easing out of him as he carefully slipped off the bed, grabbing the IV stand. He could see where the toilet was, it would be easy enough to get to and he could use the stand as a bit of extra support since it was on wheels.

Admittedly it took him longer than usual to walk there, a fact which was pretty understandable given how stiff his whole body felt and the fact that moving sent pain shooting through his back. Even muted as it was it was still unpleasant.

And when he re-emerged Buck faltered slightly, blinking at Spencer, who had woken up, though he clearly hadn’t been awake for long because if he had he’d have been turning the place upside down looking for Buck.

“Hey Spence.”

“Evan.” Spencer’s tense shoulders relaxed, his face softening. “If you needed the bathroom you should have woke me I could have helped you-“

“Spencer. Dude. I love you, like, with all my heart. But I do not want you helping me into the damn bathroom.” That made Spencer’s lips twitch.

“I suppose this is different from last time.”

“I can actually walk by myself this time around.” Buck hummed, “If I really needed help I would have woke you Spence. But I’m not asking for help when I don’t need it.”

“So stubborn.”

“This coming from you.”

“Touche. I can admit that I can be stubborn. But Ev, no one is as stubborn as you.” Spencer’s lips twitched fondly, and Buck could feel careful eyes watching him as he made his way back to the bed, Spencer ready to move and help if he so much as hinted that he needed it.

But not before. Never before. He knew  Buck well enough to know that it wouldn’t be appreciated if he did that.

Admittedly Buck let out a soft relieved noise when he climbed back into the bed, and Spencer tilted his head.

“More pain meds?”

“No. No not yet.” Buck pulled a face, “It’s… aching not hurting. But it feels tight with how the dressings and bandages are wrapped. Definitely not comfortable. And I hate sleeping on my stomach.”

“I know. But it’s safer than sleeping on your side at the moment, you have a tendency to roll over in your sleep.”

“I know.” Buck got as comfortable as he could, eyes flicking towards the clock on the wall.

7:30. It was pretty early, Buck was pretty sure Eddie would still be crashed out with the kids.

That thought made Buck smile. If he knew Eddie- and he trusted that he did, then the other man would likely have let the kids join him in bed for the night- they’d want him Buck was sure. It was understandable, they’d been kept away from the kids for far too long.

Oh Buck knew that in the long run it was barely a blip but even a blip was too long for his tastes. He couldn’t wait to wrap his arms around them both again and hug them close.

And Spencer could clearly pick up on what Buck was thinking- not that that was hard he was sure, because his brother gave him a soft look. “Eddie said he’d try and get the kids in for nine. Give the doctors time to come and check on your back.”

“That makes sense.” Buck gave a small nod, shuffling so that he could sit cross legged, “I don’t want Chris or Rina to have to be kicked out so that the doctors can see me and I sure as hell don’t want them to see my back. Not until it’s a little more healed anyway.”

“And it works out pretty well, Emily, JJ and Rossi are coming in to see you for an hour this morning.”

“Of course.” Buck paused, biting his lip. “The case is over. How long do I have until you guys go home?”

“Emily’s managed to arrange it so that we can stay until tomorrow, as long as we don’t get any urgent cases.”

Buck raised an eyebrow a little at that, pleasantly surprised.

He'd half expected them to have to leave after the visit.

“And how long until they think I can go home?”

“Hopefully later today. You’ll have meds to take and you’ll have to get the dressings changed daily at first-“

“Eddie’s trained enough to do that.” Buck nodded to himself. “And he has two weeks off so he can definitely help.”

“Perfect.” Spencer’s lips twitched, “I have to admit that I’m glad that you have so many people who are trained with that sort of thing around. You always have had a habit of getting yourself hurt.”

“Hey in my defence it’s not like I’m doing it on purpose anymore.” Buck snickered even as Spencer’s expression soured at the reminder.

“You never should have felt the need to pull stupid stunts in the first place Ev. God sometimes I wish I could go back in time and say everything I thought about your parents to their face.”

“You never did like them.”

“Of course I didn’t. But I was nowhere near as harsh as I could have been.” Spencer huffed the words, “As I should have been, if we’re being honest here.

“You wanted to get them to hand over custody.” Buck managed a shrug without hissing in pain- very impressive in his not so humble opinion. “You knew that you needed them to agree otherwise it would have probably gotten kinda messy.” He paused before, “A part of me wishes I could pay Rina’s parents a visit a lot of the time to tell them exactly what I think of them. But I don’t, because I do have some self restraint even if it’s not much.”

“You’re a good father.” Spencer gave him a soft look, a fondness in his eyes that made Buck smile and duck his head a little.

“I do my best. Haven’t felt like the best parent over the last week or so.”

“What you did is what makes you a good father.” Spencer nodded, “You did everything you could to make sure they were safe no matter what you actually wanted. That’s what a good father does. You put both of your kids first. You and Eddie.”

“Spence-“

“I’m a genius, you can’t argue with me on this.”

Buck laughed at that, “You know I’m not sure that argument counts if you’re talking to a fellow genius-“

“We never actually got you IQ tested, maybe you’re not-“

“Hah hah. Buck snorted, “You’re the one who insisted I was a genius.”

“I was wasn’t I?” Spencer chuckled, “That was a long time ago.”

“You’re not my parent.” Buck said the words slowly, “But you- you are the best big brother I could have ever asked for you know that right? You taking guardianship of me was the best thing that could have happened for me. I hate how it happened-“ He always would, “But you gave me family. I wouldn’t have taken in Rina if I wasn’t following your example.”
Spencer reached towards Buck at that, and Buck gave a small smile as the man gripped his hand gently and squeezed.

It was a comforting feeling, familiar.

“You know, you make me so proud every day right? It’s been one of the most rewarding things I could have asked for, getting the chance to watch you grow up.”

“Spence you’re gonna make me cry.”

“Well that’s my specialty.” Spencer chuckled, squeezing Buck’s hand. “But you do have the excuse of all of the meds in your system making you all emotional.”

“I do don’t I?” Buck grinned a little, tilting his head. “No one can judge me-“

“Since when has anyone ever done more than lightly tease you. You’ve always been soft hearted and open with your emotions; it’s one of the things people love most about you. I mean you cry at Disney movies-“

“Okay, okay yes but Bambi is fucking devastating and of course I cried during the Lion King, and Up. And Coco and-“ he saw the amused look on Spencer’s face and pouted. “Okay okay. Point taken I may sometimes get emotional.” He paused, flushing when he felt the grumbling of his stomach, and Spencer’s lips twitched. “You did miss most of your meals yesterday.” Spencer pulled his hand free, “I’ll go and speak to one of the nurses, see if we can get you some toast or something. Maybe some juice too.”

“And some Jello?”

“Jello after toast.” Spencer’s lips twitched, “I’ll see what I can do Ev. All things considered the hospital should offer some sort of frequent flyer special for you.”

Buck opened his mouth to try and argue against that but he faltered, “I cannot actually disagree there as much as I hate to admit it.” He paused before adding. “This year has not been great for me. Getting shot getting my leg crushed and losing it, the tsunami didn’t end with a hospital visit-“ he saw Spencer twitching at the reminder of that “-So let’s not include that. But still, all those and now this. I can admit that it’s pretty bad.” His lips twitched. “And I was in and out after I lost my leg cause of all the check ups and physio.”

“They should just have a dedicated Evan Buckley room.” Spencer snorted, “Saved at all times just in case you get yourself hurt somehow-“

“Get myself hurt?” Buck shot Spencer a mock offended look, “How is it me ‘getting myself hurt’? I am not to blame for like, any of my injuries!”

“I’ll give you leeway for the ladder truck, the tsunami and your back.” Spencer nodded, looking faintly amused, “Even if an argument could be made for the fact that you did knowingly put yourself in harms way with the ladder truck situation-“

“Spencer-“

“No, no. I’m letting that slide because I understand completely Ev. I do. They’re your family, you did what you had to. But I will not cut you any slack for the time you got shot.”

“I-“ Buck blinked, “Oh come on-“

“Ev.” Spencer gave him a look. “I may have snuck a look at the report on the Doug Kendall case. I looked at that footage Ev. I’m not stupid. I don’t blame you but come on. You let him shoot you.”

“… I plead the fifth.”

“Uh huh.” Spencer laughed, “None of us are going to do anything about it and you know it. Emily, Rossi, JJ and I have discussed the fact that you planned it all out.”

“Huh. What did they think of the plan?”

“They approved.” Spencer’s lips twitched, “But we do not discuss it ever again okay Ev? You know the drill.”

“Of course.” Buck nodded, amusement passing across his face. “Of course.” He knew the drill alright.

“Good.” Spencer rose to his feet, “I’ll be back in a minute Ev. I won’t be long, if they don’t have any food yet I’ll get something for you from a vending machine.”

And sure enough fifteen minutes later Spencer returned with two slices of toast.

Admittedly it was nowhere near enough to fill Buck up, but it was enough to at least sate the hunger a little.

And thankfully he had an excellent distraction in the form of Prentiss, Rossi, JJ and Garcia’s arrival.

He was especially happy when he realised that Garcia had brought a frankly absurdly large hamper of goodies for him.

There were some fruits, multiple bars of chocolate, bags hand sealed filled with candy. Another present which she set on the little bedside table- which honestly looked even smaller with the giant hamper set on it.

Buck couldn’t help but laugh when he saw it, watching her set it down carefully.

“Didn’t you leave me a giant teddy last night?”

“I did.” Garcia gave him a look, “But that was last night. This is this morning, I need to make sure my Bambi was being looked after!”

“Spence took good care of me. He even got them to make me some toast.” Buck grinned a little holding out his arms for Garcia, who wrapped him in a gentle hug.

And honestly, it was a pure Garcia hug. Buck didn’t actually know how she did it.

The hug was warm and tight and yet somehow she managed to avoid touching his back at all.

“Good. But you need more food. We have to keep you well fed and filled with energy for healing. Here.” She grabbed a bunch of grapes from the hamper, thrusting it towards Buck. “See, the classic hospital food.”

“I would rather have the chocolate bars honestly.” Buck snickered at the look on Garcia’s face. “But I appreciate it.”

“She was up at six this morning.” JJ’s voice was amused. “You should feel honored. She was making lists of everything she needed to make the perfect hospital hamper.”

“I was. I take looking after members of our family very seriously.” Garcia huffed the words.

“I know you do.” Buck gave her a soft look. “And I really, really appreciate it.”

“She woke me up.” Rossi huffed the words, “I love you kid but I’m not sure a hamper was worth being up at six this morning.”

“Awe, I’m not worth waking up early Rossi?”

“You are. A damn hamper isn’t-“

“It is a hamper to show Evvy we love him now hush!” Garcia pointed threateningly at Rossi- who laughed and held up his hands quickly.

“Okay okay!”

“Come on Rossi.” JJ was laughing, “You should know better than to poke at a worried Garcia.”

“Everyone should know better.” Prentiss moved to the bed to press a kiss to the top of Buck’s head. “How are you feeling this morning Ev?”

“Better than I was last night. Healing is gonna be a bitch.”

“It always is.” The woman gave him a reassuring smile. “I know you hate being stuck at home so while you’re off work you can join in on any cases we get if you want. Consult from the comfort of your home, it’ll give you a little extra money and keep your mind active if not your body.”

“You are a saint Emily Prentiss. Have I ever told you that?”

“You could say it more often.” Emily chuckled fondly as she pulled back. “You did good Evan. I hate that you did it in the way you did it but I get it and I’m proud of you.”
Buck found himself ducking his head a little at that. “I didn’t know what else to do- I couldn’t risk them hurting Eddie.”

“We know.” JJ nodded, “He had leverage. None of us are mad at you for slipping out-“

“Speak for yourselves.” Garcia huffed. “Spencer and I are very unhappy.”

“She’s not wrong.” Spencer admitted, tilting his head slightly. “I understand it but god I thought I was going to die when I realised you weren’t in the house.”

“You should have known by now.” Rossi chuckled, “Evan’s always been a sneaky one-“

“I have haven’t I?” Buck grinned, feeling himself settle into it as the familiar conversations flowed around him.

Reminding him that he made it out.

That he was home.

Sadly enough they couldn’t stay for too long- there were only so many people the hospital would tolerate being in the room at once and Prentiss had a lot of paperwork to sort out- reports and explanations of what had happened.
Buck didn’t envy her that.

And as much as he was sad to see the others go, he wasn’t too sad because he knew that they needed to leave so that Eddie, Rina and Chris could come in.

Spencer had gone to see them off and Buck was munching on a bar of chocolate when he heard the familiar soft knock on the door.

And it really was something, the fact that Buck could recognise Rina by the way she knocked on a door. The thought of that made him smile softly, and the soft smile turned into a wide grin when he saw Rina peering in through the glass of the door.

“Come in-“ he was barely finished before the door was swinging open and Rina was bursting into the room, wide eyed and frantic as she scrambled onto the bed in front of him.

“Dad!” her hands were twitching at her sides and she was practically vibrating out of her skin. “Are you okay? Eddie said Chris and I need to be careful because you’re hurt- he said your back-“

“It’s hurt.” Buck nodded, reaching out and grabbing Rina’s hand, gently pulling her forward so that she was practically in his lap, arms wrapping around her, “So you do need to be careful hugging me. But I don’t need to be careful hugging you right?”

“Never!” Rina instantly curled into his chest, resting her head on his shoulder, “Eddie and Chris are on their way in. I ran on ahead, Eddie told me I could if I really needed to. He told me where to come.”

And that made sense. Eddie knew Rina probably needed a few moments alone with him much more than Chris did since she knew more about what had happened.

“That’s fine baby.” Buck pressed his lips to the top of her head, smiling faintly at the messy braid.

Rina could do better by herself but she always liked having someone else do her hair.

It was something he knew was a sign to the girl that people cared about her. It was definitely something Buck didn’t mind doing.

And neither did Eddie even if he wasn’t good at it.

Buck knew Eddie had always hated trying to do his little sisters hair when he was younger. He’d been a kid himself, taking care of his baby sisters. Of course he’d never developed those skills.

And yet he’d tried, for Rina’s sake.

God he loved that man.

And he loved his daughter and he loved his son.

Fuck it all.

Buck loved his whole damn family.

“What happened dad?”

“I know that Athena and Bobby and Eddie would have given you a rough idea.” Buck pointed out softly. “What more do you want to know baby?”

“I- I don’t know.” Rina admitted, “I just… you’re going to be okay right? They said you are but-“

“But it’s hard to believe.” Buck nodded, “I get that baby.” He soothed. “But I am. A few weeks and I’ll be as good as new. Though the scars on my back will probably look a little worse than they were.” It was hardly surprising. They’d likely be thicker and more layered now.

God Buck hated that. They’d probably go through the itchy stage while they were healing too and that was almost as bad as the pain from the first stages of healing.

“The- the man who hurt you? He came back to hurt you again. Everyone else said he’s gone right?” Rina’s voice was small, her brows furrowed as she watched him.

“Yeah. Yeah he is.” Buck nodded. “He’s gone baby. For good.”

“You’re sure.”

“Very sure. He’s dead.”

“Like Doug.” Rina said that slowly. Clearly taking it in.

“Yeah, like Doug.”

She was quiet for a moment before she nodded. “Good.” Another pause, “Does that mean that Chris and I can come home and we can go back to being a family again? I know you only sent us away because you were scared for us but I hated it.”

“I know. And I don’t blame you for hating it.” Buck hummed softly, “And yeah baby. We’re going to go home. Things can finally go back to normal now.”

“Good.” Rina exhaled, “Because it sucked. I love Athena and Bobbys. And it’s been nice hanging out with May and Harry but they’re not- it’s not the same as being home with my family. And I mean, JJ and Tara were great but I missed you.”

“I know. Believe me I know.” Buck’s attention was pulled away from Rina by the door opening again, and he grinned again, focusing his gaze on Chris and Eddie, the latter holding the door open so Chris could clatter into the room, the boys eyes wide and excited.

“Buck!”

“Chris!” Buck shifted Rina so that she was tucked into his side, and so that he had a free arm, which he held out for Chris, who made a good job of abandoning his crutches as he clambered into the hospital bed to cuddle Buck.

“I missed you Buck. Are you coming home soon? I liked the sleepover but I wanna be home with you and dad.”

“You will be. You and Rina will be home and so will your dad and I.” Buck pressed his face into Chris’ curls.

Home.

With his family.

God was there anything better?

Chapter Text

Being in hospital always sucked, but going home from the hospital? Yeah Buck was fully willing to admit that was one of the best feelings in the damn world.

Admittedly getting home had been awkward. He’d been released that afternoon, Eddie going on ahead and taking the kids home ahead of time.

Spencer had driven him home, with Garcia riding with them, sat in the back with Buck- who was sprawled out across the back seats awkwardly since he couldn’t really sit properly in the car with the state of his back.

Still, the uncomfortable car journey had been worth it in the end, and Buck was all smiles by the time he climbed out of the car and with Spencer and Garcia’s help made his way back into his home, Rina and Chris both pouncing on them as soon as they were through the door and leading them inside to the couch, where Eddie had put a selection of pillows for Buck to use to lay down  comfortably on his stomach. And Buck noticed that the other man had gotten out the ottoman they’d got to use for Buck to put his leg up during the early days after he’d lost his leg, when the extra strain on the leg he still had had made it ache and swell uncomfortably.

It was a sturdy thing, soft and padded, a bit lower than Buck would have liked now but it would take his weight if he wanted to use it as a chair temporarily since there was no back rest, which was ideal for now.

And Buck made the most of being home, getting comfortable and letting Chris swarm all over him, Rina tucking herself into his side once her brother was settled and she knew she wasn’t going to hurt Buck.

The rest of the BAU had shown up not much later- they wouldn’t be spending the night in the Buckley-Diaz family home since there was no longer quite so much space; they’d sleep at the hotel for the last night, but they came over and Rossi had cooked for everyone, with some help from Buck, though he’d mostly just sat there and watched since everyone seemed determined to keep him doing as little as possible for as long as they possibly could.

And everyone seemed to be extra nice to him as well, again understandable given what had happened. Still, Buck would have been remiss not to make the most of it and get permission to give May Rossi’s number.

Buck didn’t know what his honorary little sister would do when she went out into the world. But based on her current interests… he had no doubt that she’d thoroughly enjoy the chance to talk personally to David Rossi.

He was already one of her idols, though a small part of Buck still felt very smug over the fact that he was in fact at the top of her list of idols and would be unlikely to be replaced.

Rossie hadn’t even seemed that reluctant honestly, he had said that if she was anything like Buck described then he was sure he could answer at least a few questions for her since she was extended family.

All in all, the homecoming was one of the better ones, even if a part of Buck was glad once everyone left and he was able to head up to his comfy bed and crawl into it and fall asleep, with Eddie sliding in next to him.

And okay, okay Buck could admit that he both adored Eddie and felt the ultimate betrayal over the fact that the man hooked his leg over the top of Buck’s right leg, essentially pinning it to the bed in a way that meant that he wouldn’t be able to roll over in his sleep onto his back.

It was annoying because Buck hated sleeping on his stomach and yet at the same time it was such a simple unbearably sweet gesture that he couldn’t really be mad at Eddie for it.

Especially when the man was so sweet when he woke him up- even if Buck did have to laugh at Eddie’s attempt at pancakes.

Saying goodbye to his BAU family was hard too.

Buck had known it would be, after all it always was. But there had been hugs and a few tears, and promises that were the same ones they made every time they had to say goodbye, along with Spencer’s added orders to Eddie to keep an eye on Buck, which had Buck pouting and grumbling, much to everyone’s amusement.

And after they left came the part that sucked.

Healing.

With the BAU gone and no longer around to distract him Buck could admit that it was hard.

Rina and Chris went back to school, as they should Buck had been very firm on that when Rina had tried to convince him to let her take some more time off to help while he got better.

He understood the impulse but she didn’t need to be spending her time stuck at home with him, she needed to spend the time living a normal happy life just like any other
teenager in the world and he’d be damned if he’d let her miss out on that.

So it was mostly just him and Eddie, though of course the rest of the 118 visited as much as they could and Maddie made sure to drop in as often as she could- though she couldn’t generally stay for too long, a fact which Buck couldn’t blame her for even if it sucked.

And hey, he loved spending alone time with Eddie, of course Buck loved that. He’d never get tired of it.

But still, it wasn’t easy. There was only so much that Buck could do and there were only so many documentaries he could watch and video games he could play. Which meant that he had time to think. Something he knew both he and Eddie had been avoiding doing too much of since the nightmare in the basement.

Buck didn’t want to think about it, about what had happened, about how scared he’d been. And he knew Eddie didn’t either. He knew that a part of Eddie blamed himself for the state of Buck’s back, after all Buck had only handed himself over because Jakeman had him.

Which was ridiculous, that hadn’t been Eddie’s fault. But even so Buck knew that Eddie looked at his back and he felt guilt.

He was so gentle when he changed the dressings, hands careful as they brushed over raw skin, making sure everything was clean and healing well before he’d carefully apply the fresh dressings and drop a soft kiss to Buck’s shoulder.

It was six days after Buck was released from the hospital before things came to a head.

Buck was sat on their bed, a small box open in his lap, legs half crossed.

It was an old box, thin wood, light enough.

There wasn’t much in it, just a few little things he’d kept over the years. Mementos from the good parts of his childhood with Maddie.

And a very old, worn and faded blue denim braided bracelet. It matched the one he’d left at Samara’s grave, of course.

He'd taken it off the day they’d found her body. Had locked it away in the little box.

He'd take it out from time to time to stare at it, less and less often as the years went by.

It wasn’t just a reminder of Samara.

It was a reminder of who he’d been before Jakeman. Of a teenage boy who couldn’t have dreamed of growing up into who he was now. Who Jakeman had been a fairly large influence for.

And now? Now that chapter of his life really was closed.

It was a strange, almost surreal thought. But a good one. Buck could breathe, possibly for the first time ever he could really truly breathe.

It had been different before. He’d believed Jakeman was dead, he really had, and yet… there had always been a tiny part of him that would never truly believe that he was safe from the man unless he saw it himself.

Now he had.

Hell he’d done more than see it. He’d killed Jakeman with his bear hands and he couldn’t find it in himself to regret that fact, no matter how violent and fucked up it had been.

Now he knew. He truly knew that Jakeman was gone.

His mind flitted back to the first time, to those days locked up in that basement, so young and afraid.

He’d been sure he was going to die down there, even as he’d fought with every breath not to he’d believed that there was no escaping.

He remembered sitting there, glaring at the cuffs that kept him trapped. And he could remember imagining it, how it would feel to strangle the man with them. He'd thought about it back then.

Now he finally knew for sure.

It wasn’t justice of course. There was no such thing as justice for monsters like Richard Jakeman.

But it was as close as anyone could hope to get. Jakeman had known a little of how his victims had felt in his final moments and Buck was content with that fact.

He could breathe. He was free, as free as he could be in any case.

Buck hadn’t expected the sudden tears that dripped down his cheeks, leaving wet trails.

He wasn’t sobbing, there were no noises slipping out, just silent tears as he let himself feel it. Let the reality of everything that had happened sink in.

Not that he’d been in denial or anything, but still, Buck was well aware that he hadn’t fully processed it.

Now that he had the chance to breathe he was processing and he let himself feel, the mass of almost overwhelming emotions making him bow his head, fingers closing tightly around the bracelet clasped gently in his hands.

That was how Eddie found him, and he heard the other mans breath catch in his throat.

“Buck- oh Buck… Carino.” And Eddie was suddenly crouched in front of him. “What do you need?”

“I don’t-“ Buck managed to swallow, throat too dry. “I don’t know.” He admitted weakly. “I just- I don’t think it really-“ he had to try and take a breath, to focus enough to form the words that kept getting stuck in his throat. “It’s- it’s hitting me for the first time now.”

“That makes sense.” Eddie nodded, “You’ve been through so much Buck. But it’s going to be okay. He’s gone.”

“Yeah- yeah that- that’s the big part of what’s hitting me I think.” Buck let out a shuddery breath. “It feels different than it did when fucking Rushman told me he died. It- more real y’know? Which… I mean it is. It is more real because he’s really dead. But I didn’t know he wasn’t dead so-“

“It makes sense.” Eddie soothed. “Being told someones gone is different from-“ the other man hesitated for just a moment before, “From killing them yourself. But... you know you did the right thing right? This isn’t some sort of guilt because if it is you have nothing to feel guilty for-“

“S’not guilt.” Buck let out a soft noise. “I don’t feel guilty and I don’t think I should either. I- It was self defence. And he deserved it.”

“He did.” Eddie agreed, “He really did Buck. And… I know you’re probably glad that it was you in the end. If anyone deserved to be the one to kill him it was you but-“

“But what?” Buck managed to blink, focusing on Eddie properly. “But what?”

“I know it was probably a good thing for you that you got to kill him.” Eddie said the words haltingly. “But I wish- I mean you should have never… it shouldn’t have happened the way it did. Buck… I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” Buck straightened up a little, wiping at his face with the back of his hand as he did. And yeah, yeah he could see the guilt in Eddie’s face.

Stupid guilt, but then, Buck knew better than most that emotions were tricky at the best of times. He couldn’t get mad at Eddie for feeling guilty when he’d been in the other mans position more than once. Blaming himself for someone he loved being in danger. For them getting hurt.

“I should have been more careful.” Eddie’s expression was heartbreaking. “I knew that they were out there and I should have realised that they’d use me to get to you. I was so worried that they’d come after the kids. It didn’t even cross my mind that I’d walk straight into a trap like that. I was careless and you paid the price. If I’d been more careful-“

“Eddie it’s not your fault.”

“Buck-“

“No. No it’s not.” Buck shuffled a little so that he was sat straighter, grabbing at Eddie’s shoulder firmly. “Edmundo Diaz shut up right now. Cause you’re being even more stupid than me and that’s not something I often get to say now is it?”

“Okay that’s rude-“

“Eddie you were trying to be a good person. You saw someone dropped their phone and you were trying to help them. And yeah, yeah in the end it backfired on you, but that doesn’t mean what happened after that is your fault-“

“Buck they used me as bait. If I’d been more careful-“

“Then they’d have found some other way. Some other person I love. Jakeman was going to find a way to get me Eddie. I know you hate it. I hate it too. But there was only ever one way that this was going to end. Him and me. And I won.”

“Buck you handed yourself over.”

“I did. And I’d have done the same for Maddie, or Chim or Hen, or Bobby or Athena or May or Harry or- okay you get the idea anyway. Eddie the fact that it was you they used doesn’t make you a failure. And for the record I’d do it again-“

“Buck-“

“Eddie I love you. I. Love. You. Capital L love. I cannot imagine my life without you in it. I will do whatever it takes. If someone hurts you I’ll come running you know that. And you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat and we both know it-“

“Of course I would.”

Eddie paused before, “Okay. Okay I understand what you’re saying Buck. But- I can’t help but feel like you got hurt because of me.”

“I know.” Buck let out a soft breath, “And... I know that me telling you it wasn’t your fault probably won’t actually do much to help. But Eddie there is no part of me that is looking at you right now and thinking that I wouldn’t have gotten hurt if you’d done something differently. Sometimes… sometimes bad shit just happens Eddie. We make decisions, they’re not right or wrong they’re just choices. You chose to help a woman who dropped her phone. That wasn’t a bad thing to do. You’re not to blame for the fact that she was Jakemans fucked up fangirl. It’s not your fault they chose to use you to draw me out. And- god if it helps you feel better about it, think of it this way. At least it was you and not one of the kids. Because eventually someone would have let their guard down. Right?”

“That-“ Eddie paused, nodding slowly. “That I can work with.” He paused, “The guilt won’t just go away though. Or the anger.” Eddie was shuffling a little closer, pressing his forehead against Buck’s.

“It won’t. Which is why we don’t bottle this shit up Eddie. We talk. To each other. You think I don’t feel guilty? Angry at everything?”

“What? Buck why would you-“

“You were kidnapped. And sure, sure they didn’t hurt you really but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t traumatic. I’m not the only one who suffered a trauma love. You did too.” And Eddie looked dumbstruck at that. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve been hyper aware of everything lately. Don’t think I haven’t noticed the anger you’ve been pushing down every day. You were kidnapped. You had to lay there helpless pretending to be unconscious, had to watch me kill a man. And you had to stop another man from killing me, and carry me out of that house bleeding and broken.”

“I-“ Eddie faltered before, “I was so afraid I was going to hurt you more. And there was so much blood. I’ve seen bad things before but-“

“It was different.” Buck nodded, his expression soft. “Eddie you won’t like this but maybe- I already have my old therapist’s number. Maybe we could find someone for you-“

“I don’t need-“ Eddie’s voice was sharp, the words coming automatically before he faltered, pressing his lips together into a thin line. “I- I’ll think about it.”

“That’s all I ask for.” Buck shifted a little, pressing his lips to Eddie’s. “We’re going to be okay Eddie.”