Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Unknown:

knock knock its ME

Hawks:

Who’s there?

Unknown:

me

Hawks:

Who’s you?

Unknown:

me

Hawks:

Who’s you???

Unknown:

ME!!

Hawks:

WHO!?

Unknown:

r u like… trying to be mean?

Hawks:

No, I genuinely have no clue who you are??????

Unknown:

…

i feel so dumb rn

Hawks:

You and me both buddy

Unknown:

its izuku lol

Hawks:

IZU!!!!

You finally got ‘Raser to give you my number?

Izuku:

YE!!!!

took AGES tho

dad was being all “he’s a grown ass adult” and “u barely know him”

but i hit him with the “I have no friends and hawks makes me feel cared about” and he broke

Hawks:

Damn-

Izuku:

i probs culdve just asked pops but that’s boringggggg

Hawks:

Yeah Mic wuld do anything to make you smile without a second thought

You have so much power right now

Izuku:

ugh i culd take over the world if i just used my power effectively…

as it is i get ice-cream and snuggles to so i’ll take the win :>

Hawks:

Jealoussssss

Present Mic hugs are the BEST

Izuku:

uve clearly never had a dadzawa hug

Hawks:

NO????

Izuku:

i’d kill for dadzawa hugs

like u KNOW he cares when he hugs u

pops’ hugs r good, but dad’s hugs?

to die for.

Hawks:

I cannot picture Eraser giving anyone a hug-

Izuku:

thats kinda y it’s so good yk?

like ik I only have to ask for one and he’ll give it, but when he hugs u and u haven’t asked for it, it’s genuinely like FUCK

i’ll be about to break or having flashbacks or whatever shit and dadzawa will hug me and it all goes away cuz he cares and he NOTICES

Hawks:

I need a Dadzawa in my life I fear

Izuku:

i didnt know what i was missing before but now if i ever had to live without him i wuld not survive

Hawks:

Valid as FUCK

Izuku:

anyways

toodaloo or whatever the fuck

i gotta go have a nap

tired as shit

Hawks:

I’m guessing you went on patrol last night?

Izuku:

woah im just having a nap at 8am

thats so normal

how ever did u ever guess -_-

yea I went on patrol last night -.-

Hawks:

Go to sleep

Izuku:

no u

Hawks:

I literally just woke up

Izuku:

fine go fuck ur boyfriend then

Hawks:

A) You are too young to be thinking of that and

B) Dabi isn’t my boyfriend!

Izuku:

u knew who I was talking about tho

that speaks for itself

also fuck off

i literally read smut

and I’m 15 im not even that young

Hawks:

Child.

Izuku:

oh yeah?

how about i tell you about this latest fic I was reading?

it had this guy with a kraken quirk

and then this other guy with a monster fucking kink

and basically they

Hawks:

SHUT

SHUT UP

STOP IT

I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT THIS FROM A CHILD

Izuku:

stop calling me a child and being weird about my hobbies and i’ll stop telling u shit u dont wanna know

Hawks:

Fine fine

Anything to make it stop

I like pretending you are innocent

Izuku:

…

ive literally killed ppl before…

Hawks:

FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT YOUR MERCENARY ERA

Izuku:

era? LMAO

Hawks:

Shut uppppppp

Who raised you like this? I need to have WORDS with them

Izuku:

well dad taught me how to bribe, threaten and blackmail my way to victory

but pops was the one to teach me how to use ao3

he also put on permanent filters to make sure I never ever run into any smut about my dads cuz i do NOT want to read that stuff

honestly I avoid japanese hero fanfics cuz ik too many of them and it makes it weird

plus no one ships u right like DAMN

Hawks:

Oh?

Izuku:

they dont know about dabi

if they did we wuldnt have this problem

trust me

Hawks:

I don’t know why I put up with you

Izuku:

u love me rlly

Hawks:

Gremlin child

Izuku:

:>

i live to be just that :>

Hawks:

Weren’t u supposed to be going to sleep?

Izuku:

yea…

ugh fine

byeeeeeeee

Hawks:

Good night :]

Izuku:

gnnnnnnnn

——————

Izuku:

ur name is so boring in my contacts

i need to spruce it up

drop ideas cuz inspiration is low

Hawks:

Give me some examples?

Izuku:

dad is dadzawa purely cuz every time I run into any of his students I not so subtly show it to them and they start calling him it and it’s the funniest thing

Hawks:

Should I jumpscare ‘Raser by calling him that next time I see him?

Izuku:

YES

anyways

pops is SCREAM… self explanatory-

nem is Cafe Goddess cuz i swear she is yet to take me to a cafe that isnt brilliant and we go to a dif cafe like every week

Hawks:

I swear thats Midnight’s second quirk like damnnnnn (that and her skills at managing a horny fan base she has taught me a LOT)

Izuku:

miruko is Thumper cuz of that one prequirk movie i forced her to watch which successfully made her cry (still proud of that)

Hawks:

What movie? I wanna bully her

Izuku:

Bambi, and u can only bully her if u make it thru the movie without crying… gl!

Hawks:

I just googled it

This is an animated movie???

Izuku:

dont watch it now i rlly dont wanna deal with a sobbing bird rn

Hawks:

I don’t think it’ll be that bad but sure

Izuku:

anyways

tensei is Vroom Vroom, again, self explanatory

Hawks:

Yup

Izuku:

all might got hit with “balls might” for the dumb shit he pulled with me

Hawks:

If I didn’t have to be contactable by him as a hero, I would have straight up blocked him for that shit

Izuku:

u dont have to do that for me!!

its fine!!

Hawks:

No, but I do hate him for what he did to u because that was dumb as FUCK and also I care about you and he pissed me off by hurting you

Izuku:

imma move on or else i will cry-

anyways

detective tsukuachi is Crime Buster but not for the obvious reason

he just stops me right before i commit a crime (outside of vigilantism) all the time and yeah

so its me specifically who cant do crime

like bruh u swear he calls me right before i murder ppl all the fucking time like how does he KNOW

Hawks:

That seems like a good thing for the rest of the world all things considered-

Izuku:

mean

anyways do u need more or do u have inspiration?

Hawks:

I don’t know to be honest

Izuku:

sadge ok

u’ll be Birb for now until something better comes up

2 sec….

done ur birb now

Birb:

What do you want your name to be?

Everyone else is hero name or normal name so you will be the first with a nickname on my phone

Izuku:

hmmmmmmmmmmm

The Bestest Ever

Birb:

I’d rather it be one word

Izuku:

fair ok

hmmmmm

Smart

Epic

Cool

Magic

Woah

Birb:

…

Really?

Izuku:

ugh fine not that then ok i get it

hmmmmmmmmm

Crime.

Birb:

What?

Izuku:

Crime.

im a little crime gremlin

Birb:

You do realise I can’t call you crime… right?

Izuku:

idk what u mean

Birb:

I cannot be messaging “crime” while doing hero work -_-

Besides you aren’t even the most criminal criminal I know

Izuku:

rude

fine

no generic descriptors of my awesomeness and nothing damning

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

maybe something green theme?

Birb:

Broccoli.

Izuku:

what?

Birb:

You are Broccoli now.

Broccoli:

what?????????

Birb:

You look like a broccoli

So you are broccoli.

Broccoli:

i-

i am so confused rn-

Birb:

Broccoli.

Broccoli:

ok i am never getting anything out of you about this am i?

Birb:

It just fits ^v^

Broccoli:

…

ok then?

Birb:

^v^

Broccoli:

welp

ig ive been successful with the names?

i guess???

Birb:

Great success ^v^

Broccoli:

r u good?

ur practically spamming that emote

Birb:

Cuz it looks like a bird!!!

It’s got a beak!

And I just found it!

Broccoli:

ur bf suggested u use it didn’t he?

Birb:

HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND

Broccoli:

he so is!

Birb:

He ISN’T!!!

Broccoli:

uh huh uh huh whatever u say.

what. ever. u. say.

Birb:

Get those passive aggressive fullstops out of my face

Broccoli:

get ur face out from up ur ass and look around to see the OBVIOUS

ur in LOVE

Birb:

I AM NOT!

Broccoli:

ugh

one day.

one day you will see it like everyone else can

until that day, I will continue to say it cuz I want to be able to say “I told you so times 1000” and it still be tru

Birb:

Go away broccoli head

Broccoli:

fine but only cuz pops is calling me and I do actually have to go

Birb:

Oop- byeeee

Broccoli:

bye dumbass :P XD

Chapter Text

Birb:

Watcha doin?

Broccoli:

thinking about murder

Birb:

OH-

Broccoli:

endeavor rlly wouldnt be that hard to kill yk?

Birb:

I-

WHAT?

Broccoli:

dump a tonne of water on him to deal with the fire issue

bring a fire extinguisher just in case

and then kill him

bro doesn’t know how to fight quirkless, that much is obvious in how he fights

i could easily take him if i incapacitated his quirk

and then i could kill him in SO MANY different ways

slit his throat- boring but iconic

gunshot to the head- same as above

skin him alive- might risk him getting a handle on his quirk again but I could always just use the fire extinguisher which wuld probably hurt like hell on the skinned parts

drowning him would be a safe bet

burning him alive would be harder but also the definition of karma

Birb:

I fear I must stop you here

You can’t murder Endeavor.

Broccoli:

but I just told you how I could!

Birb:

Let me reiterate

You won’t murder Endeavor

Broccoli:

but hes such a BITCH

Birb:

And yet he is still the number one hero, so you can’t kill him

Broccoli:

ugh i’ll just have to get help from your bf instead

i am sure he wuld be willing

Birb:

How many times do I have to say this

I AM NOT DATING DABI

Broccoli:

oh yeah?

ur not dating Dabi?

or was his name…

“Hot stuff” like you called him last night

Birb:

HOW THE FUCK DO YOU KNOW THAT?

ALSO I WAS MESSING WITH HIM IDIOT

Broccoli:

i wanted to hang out with Toga

came a little early on accident

and boom

overheard the end of the meeting

Birb:

You have got to stop hanging out with villains

Broccoli:

a little hypocritical coming from you don’t you think?

Birb:

Shut up

I’m on a mission

Broccoli:

right right

and that mission requires you to go to their game nights

and hang out with them

and buy Toga milkshakes at the blink of her puppy eyes

and fall in love with Dabi

Birb:

STOPPP

ITS IMPORTANT FOR THE MISSION

Broccoli:

AH HA!

YOU DIDNT DENY THE DABI THING!

YOU ARE IN LOVE

Birb:

I am NOT

I just didn’t deem it worth reacting to

Broccoli:

sure sure

whatever u say

i totally believe you

(NOT)

you stinking stinking LIAR

Birb:

Go away

And don’t even DARE murder Endeavor

Broccoli:

fine

i’ll go talk to more interesting ppl then

Birb:

I know for a fact that ur parents and Nem are teaching rn which tells me that you are gonna message Miruko

Don’t you dare suggest she murder anyone

You know she’ll impulsively do it

And I don’t wanna have to fix that mess

Broccoli:

no promises!

Birb:

I’m telling your parents

Broccoli:

tattletale

fine

ugh ur so boring

Birb:

uh huh whatever you say

Broccoli

don’t “whatever u say” me that’s MY LINE

Birb:

That is such a generic and common like you can’t claim it!

Broccoli:

i can and i WILL

Birb:

Why do I even put up with this?

Broccoli:

cuz ur dumb?

Birb:

I’m leaving now

Broccoli:

lameeee

——————

Broccoli:

i just watched u

1- get jumped by a criminal

2- drop all ur chicken nuggets off the side of the building

3- fight and capture the criminal in record time

4- only to leap off the side of the building and catch every nugget in ur mouth before they hit the ground

idk whether to be disgusted or impressed

Birb:

Why would you be disgusted???

I had to save those nuggets!

Izuku:

i was gonna point out the mild cannibalism in u eating nuggets

but then I remembered ive seen chickens eat scrambled eggs before soooo

Birb:

WHAT???

WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT???

Broccoli:

the same reason u eat nuggets i imagine

tastes good

Birb:

But- but they- but that’s cannibalism!?

Broccoli:

i fear you have no room to speak here nuggie boiiiii

mmmm

that’s ur name now

Nuggie Boi.

Nuggie Boi:

Huh?

You know what? I don’t think I WANT to know.

Broccoli:

probs not

anyways

wanna go beat up the criminal who almost made u lose ur nuggets with me?

Nuggie Boi:

Yes. Immediately. 100%.

Broccoli:

wow, all it takes for you to stop being lame about my murderous tendencies is risking some nuggets?

need to remember that in future.

im getting into my vigilante gear, gimme like 5 min lol

Nuggie Boi:

I fear if I beat up a criminal who is already in jail I will get in a lot of trouble

But you know what would cheer me up?

Broccoli:

what?

Nuggie Boi:

Come flying with me :>

Broccoli:

need i remind u I DON’T HAVE WINGS?

Nuggie Boi:

Nah lemme carry you

Broccoli:

yk what?

sure

why the fuck not

Nuggie Boi:

LETS GOOOOOOO

I’ll be at ur place in 5min

Broccoli:

Oki :D

cya soon :D

Nuggie Boi:

^v^

——————

Broccoli:

hawksssssssssssssssssssss

i fear im going insane

Nuggie Boi:

Weren’t you already?

Broccoli:

shut upppppp

Nuggie Boi:

Sorryyy

Go on with ur story

Broccoli:

so im here right

just sitting here chilling

and then everything goes dark

Nuggie Boi:

Are you ok???

Broccoli:

yeah, it was only for like a second

but see the problem is

idk if it went dark cuz the lights flickered

or if i just blinked real slow

Nuggie Boi:

I-

What?

Broccoli:

i just…

did the lights flicker

or did I blink real slow

Nuggie Boi:

Wtf Izuku?

Broccoli:

don’t be meannnnn

Nuggie Boi:

Sorry :(

But also srsly r u like… ok?

Mentally I mean?

Broccoli:

HAWKS!

Nuggie Boi:

WHAT!?

IT FEELS PRETTY VALID TO ME!

Broccoli:

ok yeah maybe it is

but no need to be mean about it!

Nuggie Boi:

I feel there is plenty of need :p

Broccoli:

oh yeah?

Nuggie Boi:

Yup

Broccoli:

so what ur saying is that it’s completely ok to ask someone if they r ok mentally

IF it’s a valid question in the circumstances

even if it’s mean?

Nuggie Boi:

Please don’t take my words out of context

Broccoli:

i would never do that

on another note

r u ok? like mentally?

Nuggie Boi:

WHAT DID I EVEN DO TO YOU?

Broccoli:

im just talking about your huge (and very much reciprocated) crush on a villain ;p

Nuggie Boi:

I DONT HAVE A CRUSH ON DABI

Broccoli:

who are you trying to fool here?

cuz ur certainly not fooling me

maybe urself? idk

Nuggie Boi:

Why.

Why do I even hang out with you

What did I do to deserve this hell

Broccoli:

i mean you did fall in love with a criminal, that’s a pretty bad start

Nuggie Boi:

YOU’RE A CRIMINAL! YOU CANT SAY ANYTHING

Broccoli:

i may be a criminal

but at least im not a hero who fell hopelessly in love with the villain they are supposed to be observing

Nuggie Boi:

Ok shut up

Broccoli:

no :>

Nuggie Boi:

I hate you

Broccoli:

u love me rlly

Nuggie Boi:

Nope

Broccoli:

come onnnn

im like a little brother to you

admit itttt

Nuggie Boi:

Not a chance

Broccoli:

but it’s trueeeee

Nuggie Boi:

I will die

Broccoli:

ur my brotherrrr

Nuggie Boi:

Nope

Broccoli:

u areeeeeeee

Nuggie Boi:

What are you even talking about

Broccoli:

don’t lie to urself hawks

ur smarter then that

and ik u see me as a little brother

just admit it

Nuggie Boi:

FINE

Broccoli:

LETS GOOOO

I KNEW IT

Nuggie Boi:

Why do I put up with you

Broccoli:

cuz I’m ur little brotherrrrr

Nuggie Boi:

I’m leaving

I can’t-

Broccoli:

IM UR BROTHERRRR

U SEE ME AS A BRO

THATS SO CUTEEEEEEE

AHHHHHHHHH

:DDD

Nuggie Boi:

I’m going to bed

Goodnight

Broccoli:

its only like 6pm?

Nuggie Boi:

And yet dealing with ur insanity has left me exhausted :p

Byeeee

Broccoli:

*sobs*

Nuggie Boi:

Shut up -v-

Broccoli:

*sobs harder*

Nuggie Boi:

I got nothing

Gn lol

Broccoli:

r u actually going to sleep?

damn

commitment to the bit ig?

Nuggie Boi:

I am going to sleep

But that’s mostly because I didn’t sleep at all last night thanks to a mission

And I have to get up at 4am tomorrow for another one soooo

Broccoli:

yeah ok valid lol

imma go pester nem instead lol

Nuggie Boi:

You do that -v-

——————

Broccoli:

ugh

Nuggie Boi:

U good there?

Broccoli:

pain isn’t real

its fine.

Nuggie Boi:

Genuienly I don’t know if you could have said anything MORE concerning

Hello????

Broccoli:

im fine

its fine

everythings fine

Nuggie Boi:

Are u in a fire or some shit?

Broccoli:

huh???

Nuggie Boi:

That dog from that one meme

Broccoli:

ok ik what ur talking about but that is so

like

idek what to say LOL

Nuggie Boi:

^v^

Anyways

Are you ok!?!?

Broccoli:

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

good question

Nuggie Boi:

Why do you have to be so disturbingly ominous?

Broccoli:

funsies?

anyways i got stabbed on patrol

Nuggie Boi:

WHAT??

Broccoli:

twice

Nuggie Boi:

WHAT!?!?

Broccoli:

and also shot once

Nuggie Boi:

WHAT!?!?!?!?

Broccoli:

and i have a concussion

Nuggie Boi:

IZUKU!?!?

Broccoli:

and i broke my wrist

Nuggie Boi:

IT KEEPS GOING!?!?

Broccoli:

i also sprained my ankle

Nuggie Boi:

I was so worried it was going to be so much worse I’m glad the worst is over

Broccoli:

also i got 3rd degree burns on my hands

Nuggie Boi:

STOP I’M GOING TO HAVE A HEART ATTACK

Broccoli:

and im pretty sure someone bit me?

Nuggie Boi:

I am so concerned right now

What the fuck happened

Broccoli:

right so i was patrolling

Nuggie Boi:

Yeah?

Broccoli:

and then everything went to shit

Nuggie Boi:

No kidding

What happened though?

Broccoli:

well i was able to ignore the first stab pretty easily

the second one drew a lot more blood but like eh oh well

the gunshot was OUCH

like fuck that shit

never again

the fucking force of that sent me stumbling and i almost fell of the roof

caught myself just barely

thats when my shoulder dislocated

Nuggie Boi:

SORRY YOUR SHOULDER DISLOCATED?

Broccoli:

yeah but u just popped it back into place so im fineee

Nuggie Boi:

You terrify me

Broccoli:

i try :>

anyways

dropped onto a balcony, only for the fucking villain to slam my head through a glass window and then again into the wall

which ouch

(concussion)

fought him off but he managed a fucking good hit on me which broke my wrist

thankfully I can fight with only one hand

Nuggie Boi:

How are you alive

Broccoli:

i have no clue

anyways i don’t even know when the sprained ankle happened ngl

Nuggie Boi:

Understandable, the other pain was probably pretty distracting

Broccoli:

that and the pure adrenaline keeping me going lol

so then i dealt with the guy who slammed my head and broke my wrist, and i finally managed to get back onto the roof

and guess what?

another fucking villain was there

and she swung a pipe at me so i grabbed it in an attempt to pull her off balance

but life fucking hates me and her quirk made the pipe burning hot

hence the burns

Nuggie Boi:

Genuinely how are you alive?

Broccoli:

well dad made it there right as the burn happened which rlly helped

he’d gotten my sos msg

but turns out

there was fucking 30 of them on the ground

so I finally get down to the ground and we get surrounded and im kicking and fighting and screeching

and we got out

but yeah pretty sure someone bit me in that part

Nuggie Boi:

What. The. Fuck.

Broccoli:

idk!!!!

it was just a normal patrol!

Nuggie Boi:

You didn’t do something stupid like say it was a quiet patrol did you?

Broccoli:

no! i did that once and NEVER AGAIN

Nuggie Boi:

Good

But seriously

Are you ok?

I presume you saw Recovery Girl?

Broccoli:

yeah, Dad practically dragged me there

or well carried cuz i culdnt exactly walk on my stabbed leg

Nuggie Boi:

Good, that’s good

Are you recovering well?

Be honest

Because I know your habit of brushing off injuries -v-

Izu?

Where did you go?

Are you ok??

Broccoli:

Hi Hawks, Eraserhead here, Izuku is not supposed to be using devices with his concussion.

I am confiscating it for now.

Nuggie Boi:

IS HE OK?

Broccoli:

He should be alright, Recovery Girl worked her magic, but he is still well and truly injured.

Nuggie Boi:

Are you ok?

Broccoli:

I’m fine, thank you for your concern.

Nuggie Boi:

Now you’re the one in a flaming room

Broccoli:

What?

Nuggie Boi:

The “I’m fine meme”?

Broccoli:

What?

Nuggie Boi:

Nevermind

Message me if you need anything

Or if Izuku needs company ^v^

Broccoli:

Will do.

Chapter Text

Nuggie Boi:

Izuku!!!

I heard you got your phone back today!!

Are you ok?

Broccoli:

yea!

ugh the sleep this week has been >>>>

i swear i spent like no time awake

it was good

when ur so tired even insomnia feels bad and lets u sleep >>>

Nuggie Boi:

Nice!

Do you need me to let you get some sleep?

Broccoli:

nah

i only just woke up lol

Nuggie Boi:

Fair

Anyway

I think this entire escapade has earnt you a new name

Broccoli:

escapade? that your word of the day or something? :p

Nuggie Boi:

Shut upppp

Anyways

Your new name is

(Drumroll please)

How tf.

How tf:

what?

HUH?

why?

Nuggie Boi:

Cuz like How tf are you alive?

How tf:

i fear u r pathetic at names

Nuggie Boi:

what did I do!?

How tf:

literally this

this is so bad

srsly

get fucking Dabi on the phone

i need to speak with that man

Nuggie Boi:

You’re going to be weird!

How tf:

i wont!!!

i won’t spill the secret I promise

i just need to talk to him

pleaseeeeee

im sad and in pain :(

Nuggie Boi:

little emotional manipulator here i see?

(dabi here btw)

How tf:

please help

Nuggie Boi:

y is that ur name????????

How tf:

cuz hawks apparently SUCKS at making nicknames

this was his attempt to bully me for nearly dying in like 10 dif ways recently

Nuggie Boi:

& u let him choose THAT?

How tf:

i literally didnt get a choice

thats y i got you to come

Nuggie Boi:

well yea obviously u need me

ur stuck with fucking birdbrains

How tf:

pls save me

give me a less embarrassingly lame name

Nuggie Boi:

the way “how” would b better cuz at least then its only 1 word

like damn that says something about that birds naming skills

How tf:

ur supposed to be helping not just mocking Hawks -.-

Nuggie Boi:

but its so fun

anyways

id probs go with one of these:

Immortal?

How alive?

Danger Magnet

Alive on spite/lives on spite

something like that? idfk

How tf:

well those r all better then this soooo

let hawks come back and choose from that list

thanks dabiiii

Nuggie Boi:

u needed help so desperately it was embarrassing

handing u back to bird shit now

I’m back!

How tf:

its honestly wild how different ur texting style and Dabi’s texting style is lol

Nuggie Boi:

How so?

How tf:

well for starters he would never say “how so” LMAO

and its pretty clear u are actively typing the capitals since u don’t have auto caps on which is like… embarrassing

i dont have autocaps on and lemme tell u, I do NOT capitalise shit.

Nuggie Boi:

Interesting

Anyways I looked at Dabi’s list

I think “immortal?” Is pretty on point?

How tf:

ill take that

Nuggie Boi:

Oki! ^v^

Immortal?:

genuinely so much better lol

i think we need to bring dabi in here permanently

i need that man’s sanity

Nuggie Boi:

Did you really just say “I need that man’s sanity” about an arsonist who has nearly killed ur parents’ students on multiple occasions?

Immortal?:

WELL WHEN YOU PUT IT LIKE THAT IT SOUNDS BAD

Nuggie Boi:

Ahh yes

Only when put like that

Immortal?:

look if i had to put up with u constantly id probably go a little murder hungry too

Nuggie Boi:

See you have to understand how little that means coming from someone who was a murder hungry mercenary at 9 years old.

Immortal?:

well-

no need to be like that about it!

Nuggie Boi:

Just pointing out facts ^v^

Immortal?:

how does dabi put up with you like DAMN

Nuggie Boi:

Don’t be mean!!

Immortal?:

oh of course not I would never be mean to you…

anywaysssssss how did that billboard feel when you flew into it this morning

Nuggie Boi:

SHUT UPPPPPPPP

Please tell me that wasn’t in the news ;v;

Immortal?:

luckily for you it was not

Nuggie Boi:

THANK FUCK

Immortal?:

unlucky for you I saw it coming

so I filmed it

and now I have a gif of you thwacking into the billboard

Nuggie Boi:

Don’t you already have like 10 different gifs like that?

Immortal?:

no!

don’t be silly!

this is my 34th!

Nuggie Boi:

WHY

Immortal?:

that’s exactly how i feel when i see you flying and not looking where you are going!

it’s honestly almost painful to watch!!!!

Nuggie Boi:

YEAH WELL IT HURTS ME TOO

Immortal?:

just your pride or your head too?

OH WAIT IS THAT WHY YOU CANT REMEMBER TO LOOK WHERE YOU ARE FLYING?

CUZ OF THE BRAIN DAMAGE!?

Nuggie Boi:

The urge to say “I’m telling dad” and run to Eraser while crying is strong with this one

But I shall remain stronger this time

Immortal?:

besides you know he would side with me :p

Nuggie Boi:

It’s not fairrrrr

Why do I always get the judgy eyebrow and the “you’re an adult” talk???

Immortal?:

trust me, I also get the judgy eyebrow

the only difference is that I get the “you’ve fought villains twice your size to the death and lived, I think you can handle a hero being annoying” talk instead

Nuggie Boi:

that quote felt personal

damnnnn

Immortal?:

unrelated but

aunt nem was trying to set me up the other day :/

Nuggie Boi:

Was it anyone good?

Immortal?:

idk

i shut her down FAST

Nuggie Boi:

You didn’t collect all the gossip for me? ;v;

Immortal?:

not this time

sorry big man

Nuggie Boi:

All good

But you owe me

Immortal?:

oh yeah? whats that I owe you?

Nuggie Boi:

You gotta tell me about any potential partners before they become not potential

Immortal?:

i am always telling you about the potentiality behind you and Dabi but apparently that’s not what you want sooooo

not sure what you want from me

Nuggie Boi:

Go away -v-

Immortal?:

never :j

——————

Immortal?:

im being bullied :(

Nuggie Boi:

Why do I doubt that

Immortal?:

rude!!

Nuggie Boi:

As ‘Raser says, “you’ve fought villains twice your size and lived” so you’ll be fine

Immortal?:

its one thing to fight villains

its a whole separate thing to be forced to go to school!

i didnt consent to this!

Nuggie Boi:

‘Raser’s taking you to school???

I thought you got out of that?

Immortal?:

yea I already graduated cuz I speedran the online high school courses

but apparently i “can’t be trusted” and “need to be babysat”

and dad says none of their friends r free to watch me

not that i need to be watched

Nuggie Boi:

Why do you need to be watched?

What did you do this time?

Immortal?:

bold of you to assume I did something

(sidenote I HATE that i can’t capitalise i to add emphasis like that :/

Nuggie Boi:

Well? Did you do something?

Immortal?:

fine yes ugh

i tried to go on patrol

Nuggie Boi:

You still have a broken wrist???? And several stab wounds??? Sure the concussion’s gone but…….

Immortal?:

shut uppp

im fine

ur all so over protective

i only need like 1 or 2 more healing sessions with recovery girl

Nuggie Boi:

You’re the one who should be dead give how insanely injured you get on the regular

You can’t speak!

Immortal?:

i thought Ii could count on you for support :(

Nuggie Boi:

You can, and I am supporting you by saying you CANNOT go on patrol!!!

Immortal?:

meanie

Nuggie Boi:

Nah uh.

Immortal?:

yah huh!

Nuggie Boi:

I’m not getting into this again

The last time we did this it got to 578 messages

Immortal?:

so ur admitting defeat?

good.

Nuggie Boi:

Why are you like thisssss

Immortal?:

u love me for it

Nuggie Boi:

are all little brothers like this?

Immortal?:

idk ive never had one

but I have been told im the best at everything sooooo

Nuggie Boi:

By fucking who?

Immortal?:

just because it was me talking to myself doesnt mean its not true!

Nuggie Boi:

Why am I not surprised?

Immortal?:

cause ur a meanie panini!

Nuggie Boi:

Yeah I doubt that’s the reason

Immortal?:

ur no help

im gonna go ask nem for help

maybe she will set me free

Nuggie Boi:

Pretty sure the kid she was trying to set you up with is in ‘raser’s class so I doubt she will be any help what so ever

Immortal?:

fuck ur right

y does the universe hate me so?

Nuggie Boi:

The universe doesn’t hate you Izuku

Immortal?:

pretty sure it does.

Nuggie Boi:

It definitely doesn’t.

Immortal?:

it does though, doesn’t it?

Nuggie Boi:

This feels like a loosing battle

Immortal?:

what?

got tired of punching the dead horse?

Nuggie Boi:

-v-

Pretty sure the term is “kicking” a dead horse btw

Immortal?:

shhhhhh

they dont need to knowwwww

wait hey isnt it “beating a dead horse”?

i just googled it

it is.

we are both idiots.

Nuggie Boi:

I’m gonna pretend this entire conversation didn’t happen because this is too many failures for one saying…

It’s embarrassing-

Anyways

Are you at school now or?

Immortal?:

dumbass it is 3am

Nuggie Boi:

Ok look- I just had lunch

Immortal?:

how THE FUCK

Nuggie Boi:

My sleep schedule is a tad broken-

Immortal?:

ur overworking urself again arent u?

Nuggie Boi:

No!

Immortal?:

oh yeah? and whens the last time you slept?

Nuggie Boi:

I’ll have you know, I slept from 1pm to 7pm!

Immortal?:

ok that is a decent amount of sleep, just a fucked up time wth?

Nuggie Boi:

Night shifts :/

Today was my paperwork day tho so I’ve been on my office, forgot it was so late ngl-

Immortal?:

im making the executive decision not to question you

Nuggie Boi:

That does seem wise

You should go to sleep if you have to go to school in the morning

Immortal?:

Nah

if I don’t sleep tonight i can blame the insomnia, steal dad’s sleeping bag and sleep the day away

Nuggie Boi:

I want to argue against that idea as a whole but I really can’t find a single flaw in it-

Immortal?:

im just that good :D

Nuggie Boi:

Right…

Anyway, I should get back to work

(Save me)

Immortal?:

id come over to save you but all the windows are locked and Dadzawa’s got an alarm set up on my door so i cant leave without waking him

Nuggie Boi:

Damn

Immortal?:

look…

this may not be the first time this has happened…

Nuggie Boi:

You went out to patrol during the day didn’t you?

Immortal?:

several times.

also several times at night before dad caught me

and also ive done it before when injured…

the parentals not trusting me is valid

Nuggie Boi:

Do you just have zero self preservation???

Immortal?:

pretty much yeah!

also im ahead in all my college classes and im constantly bored as fuck

Nuggie Boi:

-_-

Immortal?:

dont be like that :(

Nuggie Boi:

I really have to go now, the paperwork is glaring at me and if I don’t get this done before Dabi comes over he’s gonna be such a pain

Immortal?:

Oooooooooooh date night?

Nuggie Boi:

Shut up?

No?

Immortal?:

yeah its def date night

ugh ur so OBLIVIOUS

Nuggie Boi:

No???

Why are you so insistent on this one?

I’m not dating Dabi

Immortal?:

but u SHOULD be

Nuggie Boi:

You are seeing signs that don’t exist

Immortal?:

u question ME?

MY analysis!??

Nuggie Boi:

Ok that sounds bad but I swear it’s not like that-

Immortal?:

MY ANALYSIS??? THAT PEOPLE PAY GOOD MONEY FOR??

Nuggie Boi:

It’s not like that!

Immortal?:

one day u 2 are gonna get together and ur gonna be all like “woah Izuku was right! He’s so amazing”

and then ull see!

Nuggie Boi:

Sure, whatever you say Izuku -v-

Immortal?:

exactly.

whatever I say.

im always right after all.

Nuggie Boi:

I’m leaving.

Chapter Text

Immortal?:

ew

ew

ew

ew

i hate this

Nuggie Boi:

School?

Immortal?:

school.

Nuggie Boi:

what happened?

Immortal?:

i walked in

Nuggie Boi:

…

That’s it?

Immortal?:

there are CHILDREN around

Nuggie Boi:

Yes…

That is how schools tend to be

Immortal?:

im never here when CHILDREN r around

Nuggie Boi:

…

I believe in you

You’ve got this

Immortal?:

i dont got this

y are they all like that?

Nuggie Boi:

Like what?

Immortal?:

staring at me

Nuggie Boi:

are you a kid their age not in uniform following ‘raser?

Immortal?:

…

u raise a valid point

Nuggie Boi:

I know I do

Immortal?:

stillllll

its freaky

Nuggie Boi:

You know what’s more freaky?

Raser being comfortable around you

Get him to ruffle ur hair and all the kids will have a heart attack

Immortal?:

*cat mode activated*

Nuggie Boi:

Wh- what?

What’s cat mode?

Immortal?:

shove my head into his hand so he will scratch it

works every time

Nuggie Boi:

Now see that I’ve got to see

Immortal?:

u were right

that startled a LOT of them

they r now openly staring, mouths open catching flies

oop dad yelled at them to go to class

or well not yell cuz he’s dad

but like did the intimidation thing that is equivalent to being yelled at by anyone else

Nuggie Boi:

Poor kids

Immortal?:

poor kids!?

poor me!

im the one who is here against my will!

these guys signed up for this!

Nuggie Boi:

You’ll be fine

Immortal?:

idk if i will be

Nuggie Boi:

‘Raser’s gonna have gone insane by the end of the day won’t he?

Immortal?:

yea

i already started it off with a “yeah I’m a M.I.L.F Mad Indecisive Local Freak” shirt which he glared at me so loudly that I got changed

but he also didnt accept my “I’m into BDSM, Big Dumb Submissive Manwifes” shirt

or my “fucked up brain with shit to do” shirt (apparently I cant swear at school which RUDE but ok)

he said no to the “I do crime for fun” shirt as well but tbf i think that one was to stop the hero hopefuls going feral on me

he eventually accepted the “I’m with stupid” shirt but I think that was cuz we wuld be late otherwise

Nuggie Boi:

I feel bad for him

Immortal?:

FOR HIM!? HES THE ONE THAT MADE ME COME AT ALL

Nuggie Boi:

Because you have no self preservation skills!

Immortal?:

ugh remind me why i put up with you again?

Nuggie Boi:

Cuz u love me and I’m your only friend

Immortal?:

i have other friends!

Nuggie Boi:

Oh yeah? Who?

And Midnight doesn’t count, she’s your aunt

Neither do your parents

Immortal?:

dabis my friend!

Nuggie Boi:

Dabi’s a criminal

Immortal?:

so am i?

besides im not the one in love with him

Nuggie Boi:

I’m not in love with Dabi

Immortal?:

liar

anyways

toga’s my friend!

kurogiri’s chill

Nuggie Boi:

Kurogiri doesn’t count he’s like everyone’s unclearound the league

Immortal?:

fair enough ok

night crawler and i have teamed up a few times

Nuggie Boi:

A vigilante who very VERY rarely patrols in your area doesn’t count

And besides we all know you put up with him at best

Immortal?:

yeah hes kinda boring ngl

oh I’ve had some good chats with Stain?

Nuggie Boi:

You’ve also actively tried to arrest him several times

Immortal?:

he doesn’t try kill me though?

thats like besties when it comes to Stain

Nuggie Boi:

Stain the mass murderer does not count.

Immortal?:

u just wanna disqualify everyone

Nuggie Boi:

You’re lucky I didn’t disqualify Toga

Immortal?:

shut up

Nuggie Boi:

Never <3

Immortal?:

oh EW

EW

EW

Nuggie Boi:

You good?

Immortal?:

all might is here

Nuggie Boi:

Ouch

Immortal?:

at least Endeavor isnt

flaming pile of trash

ugh

Nuggie Boi:

Valid reaction

Immortal?:

ugh do u think I culd punch him in small might form and get away before he or dad catches me?

Nuggie Boi:

No.

Immortal?:

yeah dads pretty fast

so fast in fact that hes already shaking his head at me like he knows what im thinking

Nuggie Boi:

He definitely does

Your “I want to punch someone” face is very distinct

Immortal?:

im cool like that

Nuggie Boi:

Ur definitely something

Immortal?:

rudeeee

oh hey nedzu says he wants to talk to me

what

what was that

dad just full on noped nedzu and dragged me out of the room

wtf???

Nuggie Boi:

Oh yeah no ‘raser is terrified of Nedzu

And he knows how smart you are

He has been desperately keeping you separate for a reason

Immortal?:

huh…

maybe I should find nedzu just to make sure dad never takes me back here

Nuggie Boi:

One conversation with Nedzu and I guarantee you will be at school every day of the week for the foreseeable future

Immortal?:

huh???

Nuggie Boi:

Trust me

Once Nedzu gets his claws on something

He never lets go

There is a reason ur parents are as skilled as they are, but it took years of rat god to get them that way

Immortal?:

how tf do u know all this

Nuggie Boi:

Nedzu got his claws on me

Luckily the HPSC being dicks was enough of a distraction to keep him at bay when it came to me

But he told me that much

Immortal?:

huh

interesting

ok

ill stay away from the rat

but only cuz i hate school

not because im listening to you

Nuggie Boi:

Sureee whatever you say

Immortal?:

its true!!

Nuggie Boi:

rightttt

Immortal?:

i hate u

im leaving

Nuggie Boi:

You do that then

Enjoy school

Immortal?:

i hate u

Nuggie Boi:

You love me really :>

Immortal?:

seems unlikely and untrue

Nuggie Boi:

And yet here we are

Immortal?:

exactly.

here we are.

it not being true

Nuggi Boi:

:(

Immortal?:

fineeeeee yes I love u too -_-

Nuggie Boi:

My fav fledgling <3

Immortal?:

why do I put up with you

Nuggie Boi:

Brother privileges :D

Immortal?:

ugh

Nuggie Boi:

You’ve got this!

——————

Immortal?:

i did not in fact “have this”

Nuggie Boi:

Uh oh

Immortal?:

y r they so LOUD

AND DRAMATIC

Nuggie Boi:

…

Like you?

Immortal?:

no!

Nuggie Boi:

…

Right

Immortal?:

i’m ignoring u

anyways

they keep trying to talk to me!

idk what to do

Nuggie Boi:

Have you considered…

Replying?

Immortal?:

ew no

Nuggie Boi:

Izuku…

Immortal?:

what?????

its not like they r gonna like me anyways

they dk im quirkless

thats all

Nuggie Boi:

You don’t know they will be quirkist

Immortal?:

they have hero quirks

be serious

Nuggie Boi:

So?

I have a hero quirk?

Immortal?:

yea but ur traumatised

its different

Nuggie Boi:

Fine, what about Mic?

Immortal?:

hes in love with dad

must i to say more?

Nuggie Boi:

Try them

If they are quirkist bastards, ‘Raser will beat some sense into them

And if they aren’t, maybe they’ll be your friends

Immortal?:

seems highly unlikely but fine

Nuggie Boi:

Make sure ‘Raser is in the room, just in case though

Immortal?:

he will be

hes refusing to let me out of his sight

hes fake sleeping rn

hence the students annoying me

Nuggie Boi:

Probably the best time to do it since it will be their real reactions

Not their scared of ‘raser reactions

Immortal?:

good point lol

Nuggie Boi:

I’m full of good points

Immortal?:

full of yourself more like -_-

Nuggie Boi:

Sure

Whatever lets you sleep at night

Immortal?:

i dont sleep at night

insomnia wont let me

Nuggie Boi:

I got nothing then

Go talk to the kids

Make friends

Immortal?:

do I haveeeeee to

Nuggie Boi:

Yes

Immortal?:

ur such a meanieeee

Nuggie Boi:

I’m sorry for trying to give you a social life

Immortal?:

i have a social life

Nuggie Boi:

*I’m sorry for trying to give you a social life OUTSIDE OF VILLAINS

Immortal?:

rude

Nuggie Boi:

Valid tho?

Immortal?:

sigh

fine

Nuggie Boi:

Good luckkkkk

Chapter Text

Immortal?:

ugh

Nuggie Boi:

Are you ok?

They weren’t quirkist were they?

Immortal?:

no- or well most of them no, dad dealt with the two problematic ones

but they took me telling them as a sign i liked them for some reason?

and now they wont stop talking to me

the pink one keeps asking weirdly personal questions

like everyone else is all “y r u in our classroom?”

then the pink one is just like “so u into girls? boys? both? neither? whats your type? Ddo you have a partner? can I set you up with someone?

like huh???

Nuggie Boi:

Who were the quirkists?

Immortal?:

dont kill students

dad will be mad at me if u do

Nuggie Boi:

I wouldn’ttttt

Immortal?:

u would

the pink one just asked me what hair products i use?

thats a switch up?

wait y is she recommending me hair products now?

she keeps saying im doing it wrong and i need to look after my curly hair?

Nuggie Boi:

Ohhhh

Yeah I’ve heard that people with curly hair have this weird tight nit group where it’s like that? I’m not sure why

Immortal?:

i…

ok then?

Nuggie Boi:

Don’t ask me

Anyways

About those quirkist kids?

Immortal?:

talk to dad

everyone has been introducing themselves but i am yet to take any names in, so i have no clue who they were

Nuggie Boi:

Fair though

Immortal?:

can you like cancel work for the day

i need to be saved

Nuggie Boi:

You know I can’t :<

What’s wrong now?

Immortal?:

some kid just came in, started waving his arms around like crazy and telling me off for my unheroic shirt and unauthorised presence

o great now hes mad at me for using my phone

shut up mister rules man

no one likes you

Nuggie Boi:

Izuku what have we said about saying ‘no one likes you’?

Immortal?:

that it might be true so i shouldnt say it?

Nuggie Boi:

*Sigh

Close enough sure

Whatever

Immortal?:

:D

Nuggie Boi:

Just want you to know that my secretary, Robin, is laughing at you

Immortal?:

A) i hate you

B) how the hell does your secretary even know me

Nuggie Boi:

A) No you don’t

B) I’m talking to her and she was asking why I was laughing so I shared

Immortal?:

mmmmmmmmmmmm

i dont like it when you A) B) me back

Nuggie Boi:

Is it because I have good arguments?

Immortal?:

shut upppp

maybe :(

Nuggie Boi:

You love me though :)

Immortal?:

ugh yes fine

although despite your job as a hero u havent saved me yet

so im starting to doubt ur love for ME, ur FAV bro

Nuggie Boi:

I would save you if I could

In fact

If I recall correctly

Immortal?:

o shit this never goes well for me when u say that

Nuggie Boi:

I did save you after you almost walked off the edge of the roof because you “forgot roofs do that” and by “that” you meant they have vertical drop that is the edge of a building… something every roof has

Immortal?:

honestly?

fuck u

no reason to call out my mistakes like that

Nuggie Boi:

It was funny! Is that not a good enough reason?

Immortal?:

no not really

Nuggie Boi:

Sadge

Immortal?:

ikr

Nuggie Boi:

how are you going?

Immortal?:

well the rule obsessed one is still obsessing over my lack of care for the rules

but im obnoxiously ignoring him

Nuggie Boi:

Are you not obnoxiously ignoring everyone?

Immortal?:

rude

valid

but rude

Nuggie Boi:

You should talk to some of them

Immortal?:

do I have tooooo

Nuggie Boi:

Yes

Go make friends or whatever

Immortal?:

ughhhh

nah im gonna wait till after dad introduces me

im feeling out the vibes

Nuggie Boi:

Your dramatically standing in a corner messaging me aren’t you?

Immortal?:

maybe

pink girl is still asking questions

every now and then im nodding or shaking my head or shrugging

thats friend making right?

Nuggie Boi:

Uh

Sure?

Immortal?:

o this kid just walks in

man looks like me after i pull an all nighter for patrol and then dont sleep all day and rinse and repeat

good times

i wanna patrol

Nuggie Boi:

Too bad

You can’t patrol

Immortal?:

fuck u

maybe hes a vigilante too

u seen any purple haired vigilantes?

wait he probs hides that

cuz he wouldnt want dad to know who he was

light build, not weak

probs 5 or 10 cm shorter than dad?

Nuggie Boi:

…

No

You are literally the only vigilante I’ve ever had the pleasure of getting close enough to in order to actually gage their height

Although with how small you are I thought you must be further away at first

Immortal?:

im not that short :(

Nuggie Boi:

Yeah you are

Immortal?:

yea i am :(

Nuggie Boi:

Go talk to the kid

See if he hates sleep as much as u do

Immortal?:

ill have u know

i ADORE sleep

sleep just hates me

Nuggie Boi:

insomnia is a bitch

Immortal?:

insomnia IS a bitch

Nuggie Boi:

You should say that to him

Immortal?:

look im shit at social etiquette

but even i know ur not supposed to do that

walk up to someone and just be like “insomnia’s a bitch”

Nuggie Boi:

but it would be funny

Immortal?:

…

it would be

——————

Immortal?:

FUCK

i made a friend :(

Nuggie Boi:

Most ppl don’t get that upset over that fact?

Immortal?:

yeah but im cool like that

(Pops is gonna force me to do so much more socialising now he knows its possible)

Nuggie Boi:

Wait

Is this the insomnia’s a bitch kid? Did you actually do that??

Immortal?:

yup

walked up to him, was like “insomnia’s a bitch amiright”

he looked about ready to punch my in the face till he saw my matching eyebags

then he said “mine are gucci, what about yours?’ tapping his eyebags

it was friendship at first sight

Nuggie Boi:

“Gucci” eyebags has me DYING

Immortal?:

mine are Prada

Nuggie Boi:

What are mine?

Immortal?:

hmmmm

urs are probably Hilde Palladino

not as well-known but no less expensive

only the diehard eyebag collectors recognise them

(Cuz you hide them under that makeup)

Nuggie Boi:

Fair

Immortal?:

oop dads getting up

gotta go let him introduce me

actually wait no

im annoyed at him

imma just keep msging you

Nuggie Boi:

Don’t get me in trouble

Immortal?:

imma get u in trouble

Nuggie Boi:

Noooo

Immortal?:

im kiddingggggg

o look hes explaining why im here

or well the slightly altered truth

Nuggie Boi:

Do they know you’re a vigilante

Immortal?:

they will in

3

2

1

OOP

RULE LOVER GUY ABOUT READY TO MURDER ME

Nuggie Boi:

HUH??

Immortal?:

bros halfway between screaming that its a crime and sobbing

not sure about that

Ohhhh wait is this the Stain kid?

Nuggie Boi:

The Stain kid?

Immortal?:

the kid who tried to kill Stain

yea it issss

iida right?

holy shit

bro can’t speak

Nuggie Boi:

That’s top secret, remember?

You shouldn’t even know

Oh, and please don’t do anything stupid

Immortal?:

how stupid would it be to say “u can’t speak”?

cuz I just said it

Nuggie Boi:

I’m starting to understand ‘Raser’s struggles now

Immortal?:

tehe

welp dads giving a lecture about how useful vigilantes are

this is boring as shit

u doing anything interesting?

Nuggie Boi:

Paperwork :/

Immortal?:

ew

ill keep giving u a running commentary then

u clearly need the distraction

Nuggie Boi:

i really do

Immortal?:

oh?

Oh, thats interesting?

Nuggie Boi:

I’m not there, I have no clue what the context is -v-

Immortal?:

dad’ talking about my fighting skills and i can see a bunch of them trying to fight back the “but he’s quirkless?” Argument

surprised its taking this long ngl

usually it comes up at the mention of vigilante

o there it is

someone asked

oh?

wait

dont volunteer me for shit!

wait actually never mind i do wanna beat them up ok

should have trusted dad mb

Nuggie Boi:

Huh??????????

Immortal?:

apparently i get to fight them

and then when i win i get to help dad teach them stuff

Nuggie Boi:

Oooh sounds fun

I love the “when” not “if”

Immortal?:

they get to use their quirks too oooh this will be fun

i have to study their quirks now

i know some stuff about some of them cuz i love eavesdropping

wait i have my notebook where i analysed their quirks i forgot about that

lemme grab that

yeah ok this is gonna be easyyyyy

Nuggie Boi:

YEAH

BEAT THEM UP

(But not too badly)

Immortal?:

oh come on

im an “untrained quirkless null”

how could I possibly win?

Nuggie Boi:

Who the fuck said that?????

Immortal?:

some kid who is now expelled

damn dad works fast

the grape fucker

oh come ON IIDA!! CHILL!!

HE DESERVED THAT

I DIDNT EVEN DO ANYTHING THAT BAD

Nuggie Boi:

What did you do?

Immortal?:

literally just gave the dickhead the middle finger on his way out

and iida be out here trying to scold me

fuck off you get the middle finger too then idiot

ugh rule followers r so annoyinggggggg

like im not even a student

what part of me screams follows the rules????

Nuggie Boi:

No clue

Immortal?:

SHUT UP IIDA

ugh this guy is gonna piss me off so much

i can feel it already

hes being all “it’s rude to type on ur phone while someone is trying to talk to you”

basically he’s making me type one handed
cuz the other hand is stuck constantly giving him the middle finger

i do not give two flying shits ruleboy

Nuggie Boi:

I can feel Aizawa’s sigh from here

Immortal?:

it is concerningly loud isnt it

Nuggie Boi:

It really is

Immortal?:

finallyyyyy

dad told iida to shut the fuck up

Nuggie Boi:

Somehow I doubt that’s how he phrased it

Immortal?:

nah hes too boring for that

but he did make iida back off

Nuggie Boi:

And your still glaring at him aren’t you?

Immortal?:

*gasp

How did u know? :o

Nuggie Boi:

I just know u that well

Immortal?:

pffffft fair

Nuggie Boi:

Anything else happening?

Immortal?:

nah not rlly

dads about to start the actual class so itll probably be boring for a bit here

imma play games on my phone

Nuggie Boi:

Message me if anything entertaining happens

Immortal?:

of course

im not a monster

i would save you from paperwork if i could

i swear that stuff is the actual devil

Nuggie Boi:

Honestly yeah feels that way

Immortal?:

im so glad i dont gotta do that shit

Nuggie Boi:

Don’t show off

I’m gonna start committing vigilantism at this rate ;-;

Immortal?:

u shuld

its great

Nuggie Boi:

I can’t

Immortal?:

u wuld get to have more time to spend with ur bf ;)

Nuggie Boi:

FOR THE LAST TIME DABI AND I ARENT DATING

Immortal?:

but maybe if u became a vigilante

u would gain the basic fucking observational skills

which wuld let u work out that u 2 r head over heels in love with each other

Nuggie Boi:

We are not

Immortal?:

u are!

ffs it’s like im talking to some stupid fucking wall sometimes

Nuggie Boi:

Hey!

Immortal?:

ask dabi out and i’ll stop bullying u

Nuggie Boi:

For how long?

Immortal?:

a month.

ill give u a full month bullying free

Nuggie Boi:

I don’t believe you would be able to help yourself bullying me when Dabi rejects me

Immortal?:

FOR FUCKS SAKE

hes not gonna reject u!!

Nuggie Boi:

He’s going to reject it.

Luckily for you that’s not a challenge you will have to face since I’m not stupid enough to try it

Immortal?:

i dont know why i bother

Nuggie Boi:

Because you’re obsessive and needy?

Immortal?:

at least id ask someone out if we were both obviously pining

Nuggie Boi:

Lies.

There is no way you would do that

Coward.

Besides that’s a whole different thing! You said both pine! Neither of us pine!

Immortal?:

at least admit ur pining

i wont like tell him or anything

but u gotta admit that much

Nuggie Boi:

I’m not doing this

This is silly

Immortal?:

UGH YOU SUCKKKK

Nuggie Boi:

You swallow

Immortal?:

…

. . .

Nuggie Boi:

I can feel your silence

It is judging me

Immortal?:

it is.

Nuggie Boi:

Rude

Immortal?:

valid tho

Nuggie Boi:

Fuck off

Immortal?:

no u

Nuggie Boi:

Maybe I will

Immortal?:

good

Nuggie Boi:

:<

Immortal?:

…

im not sorry

Nuggie Boi:

:,<

Immortal?:

u are not gonna guilt me into being sorry

its not happening

Nuggie Boi:

TvT

Immortal?:

not happening.

Nuggie Boi:

TvT TvT TvT

Immortal?:

ugh FINE

IM SORRY

u happy now?

Nuggie Boi:

:>

Immortal?:

i hate you

Nuggie Boi:

No you don’t :>

Immortal?:

im starting to wish i did

Nuggie Boi:

Heheh

Immortal?:

im leaving

i have better things to do

Nuggie Boi:

Oh yeah? Like playing dumb games on your phone?

Immortal?:

shut up

at least i dont spend all my spare time playing Papa’s Wingeria

Nuggie Boi:

Rude

Accurate

But rude

Immortal?:

i try ;)

Nuggie Boi:

I’m struggling to remember why we are friends again

Immortal?:

cuz im cool as fuck and ur a lonely bitch

Nuggie Boi:

Woah

No need to call me out like that!

Immortal?:

o but there is so much need

Nuggie Boi:

Please why are you like this

Immortal?:

cuz mama didn’t raise no bitch

Mama also didn’t raise me

but that’s like probably unrelated to my deep seated trauma that results in me being like this

Nuggie Boi:

I-

Do I need to call your therapist

Immortal?:

nah

as long as im joking everything is fine

the moment i actually want to shoot myself in the head is when i realise mayhaps i shuld call my therapist

Nuggie Boi:

MAYHAPS

MAYHAPS!?!?

YOU THINK!?

Immortal?:

shhhhh im fineeeee

Nuggie Boi:

Somehow I doubt that

Immortal?:

bully

Nuggie Boi:

Nah uh

Immortal?:

DID YOU JUST NAH UH ME

BITCH

Nuggie Boi:

:P

Immortal?:

i just remembered i dont have to be talking to u

y am i

Nuggie Boi:

I’m doing paperwork and you feel bad?

Immortal?:

nah that doesnt sound right

im probably just doing it to get even more chances to bully u

heheh

Nuggie Boi:

Wow

I know “honesty is the best policy” and all but have you ever considered… lying?

Immortal?:

oh yeah

lying is so much fun

i lie all the time

did you know my name isnt actually Izuku and that’s just a lie i tell people so they never know my actual name?

Nuggie Boi:

Wait WHAT?

Immortal?:

heheh that was another one of those lies

izuku is my real name don’t you worry :>

Nuggie Boi:

Now in overthinking trying to work out which is true

Immortal?:

big L i guess

Nuggie Boi:

You’re a big L

Immortal?:

yea well ur a fridge!

yea! how does that feel? huh? idiot.

Nuggie Boi:

What

Immortal?:

i… idk

im tired ok

Nuggie Boi:

I was gonna say “go sleep, it’s not like you gotta be awake for school despite your age” but….

Yeah…

Immortal?:

wow

way to rub salt in the fucking wound

Nuggie Boi:

Well technically salt can help a wound heal

Immortal?:

sure but ur not supposed to rub whole ass salt crystals into it

and it hurts like hell regardless

Nuggie Boi:

Ehhhh what even is pain

Immortal?:

how come you get to say that and no one bats an eye

but when i say that

everyone starts keeping an eye on me and dragging me along to school like they dont trust me

Nuggie Boi:

I’d say “because they DON’T trust you” but tbh they don’t trust me either

You haven’t been around when Dabi lectures me about that

Immortal?:

aww he wants to keep you safe like a good boyfriend should

u should ask him out

Nuggie Boi:

I’m not- why- why are you like this?

Immortal?:

We have been over this already

✨trauma✨

Nuggie Boi:

Oh yeah that was like a whole conversation

Immortal?:

got a certain someone on your mind distracting you? (hint hint its dabi)

Nuggie Boi:

No

Paperwork is just ugh it’s so pedantic

Like I don’t knowww???

How would I even remember exactly what happened that day at that time???

Isn’t that why I have a body cam???????

Immortal?:

u have a body cam?

Nuggie Boi:

Yeah but it’s off when you or Dabi or any other… illegal forces… are around

Immortal?:

illegal forces

IM DYING

that should be my contact name

izuku, AKA illegal forces

Nuggie Boi:

……..

Remember how I said I can’t have crime on my phone?

Same problem

Immortal?:

boringgggg

i bet dabi has crime on his phone

Nuggie Boi:

Dabi has a lot of things on his phone

Immortal?:

he doesnt have me on his phone :(

Nuggie Boi:

L

Immortal?:

don’t “L” me!

im cool!

Nuggie Boi:

Anyone who has to say they are cool is definitely not cool

Immortal?:

i might be

Nuggie Boi:

But you’re not though

Immortal?:

wow

no need to be a jerk :(

Nuggie Boi:

I’m just stating facts

Not my fault you can’t handle them

Immortal?:

:(

:((

:(((

:((((

Nuggie Boi:

Don’t pyramid of sadness me!

Immortal?:

I WILL PYRAMID OF SADNESS ANYONE I SO PLEASE

Nuggie Boi:

I-

Sometimes I think maybe you are just fully insane

Immortal?:

woah

valid

but woahhhh

Nuggie Boi:

:)

Immortal?:

:(

Nuggie Boi:

:)

Immortal?:

:(

Nuggie Boi:

:)

Immortal?:

:(

u know i can out last you in this

u are doing paperwork

Nuggie Boi:

Shit your right

Fuck it

I’ll let you win just this once

Immortal?:

>:)

Nuggie Boi:

-v-

Immortal?:

i think u should give me dabis phone number

Nuggie Boi:

Not happening

I already have to deal with you both separately

I don’t need two forces of chaos combining like that

Immortal?:

:(

can u at least put him on the phone for a bit?

Nuggie Boi:

…

Izuku.

I am a hero.

Immortal?:

when has that ever stopped u before?

Nuggie Boi:

I’m doing paperwork.

In my AGENCY.

I cannot have a villain here with me.

Immortal?:

honestly i forgot you had an agency

dad doesnt

Nuggie Boi:

Eraser is living the dream

Mic has one though doesn’t he?

Immortal?:

yea but pops agency is basically just a radio station at this point

plus the crisis hotline he started is all based there

so like when hes there its usually for that stuff

he does his paperwork at home mostly

Nuggie Boi:

Wait paperwork at home is an option????

Immortal?:

yea???

o right

the commission

not sure for u

cuz they want you to show ur face at the agency and stuff right?

plus they probs wanna watch u

ew that sounded creepy- well they are creepy but its usually in a different way

Nuggie Boi:

…

Ok no need to call me out like that

Immortal?:

im more calling out the commission i fear

Nuggie Boi:

I still feel called out :(

Immortal?:

loserrrr

Nuggie Boi:

TvT

Immortal?:

that doesnt work on me

i know you arent actually crying

Nuggie Boi:

How come you can get away with it but I cantttt

Immortal?:

because im way less mentally stable than u?

means i culd actually be crying and yk that

Nuggie Boi:

Less mentally stable then me really says something

Immortal?:

it does

i have problems

Nuggie Boi:

We know

Immortal?:

we!? WE!?

WHO IS WE

WHOS THERE WITH U

Nuggie Boi:

I-

No one?

Immortal?:

ohhhh so the “we” is just referring to urself

now whos got problems?

Nuggie Boi:

Izuku…

I want to remind you that just a moment ago you said and I quote

“Because I’m way less mentally stable than you?”

…

Any insult on my mental stability just comes back on you

Immortal?:

…

FUCK

Nuggie Boi:

:>

Immortal?:

i hate u

i need to talk to someone to get over this but my parents and nem r all teaching

u should give me dabis number so i can recover from this travesty

Nuggie Boi:

No.

I am NOT falling for that

Immortal?:

no?

Nuggie Boi:

No.

Immortal?:

:(

Nuggie Boi:

-v-

Anyways I should get back to work

Immortal?:

loser

Nuggie Boi:

Shut up

Immortal?:

fine then

jerk.

Chapter Text

Immortal?:

oooooooh its timeeeee

Nuggie Boi:

Time for what?

Immortal?:

time for me to beat up the class

Nuggie Boi:

Hey aren’t you injured?

Should you be doing this?

Immortal?:

im fine

recovery girl helped out this morning which was nice

still sore but nothing that is too bad

and she said the stab wounds wuldnt open up anymore

so dad is letting me cuz there’s no actual danger that i’ll die

“unlike patrol” apparently (rude) (i wuldnt die regardless)

Nuggie Boi:

Fair enough I guess

Don’t get hurt though

Immortal?:

i wonttttt

the plan is to not even let them lay a finger on me soooo

Nuggie Boi:

Understandable

Lmk how it goes ^v^

Immortal?:

i will

currently I’m just waiting with dad

they r all getting changed but im already in clothes i can fight in

(im never not)

(im not crazy enough to wear a blazer and tie)

Nuggie Boi:

Valid

Don’t think they get a choice there though

Immortal?:

thats stupid

do they at least teach them how to fight when wearing that shit?

if something happens do they gotta just go to the villains like “time out we gotta go get changed real quick we wont be long”

like that’s not gonna go well for them

theres a reason i can fight in every single outfit i own

including my 6 inch platforms that i only wear on the odd occasion

Nuggie Boi:

Ohhhh I remember the platforms

I was thinking the other day

Immortal?:

did it hurt?

Nuggie Boi:

No, fuck you.

Anyways

You know those rhinestones? The little gems you can buy at craft stores that have sticky backs?

Immortal?:

yes…

what about them?

this seems… random?

Nuggie Boi:

Oh I was just thinking you should add rhinestones to your platforms

Could be rlly cool!

Immortal?:

im sure it could be

but im suspicious you just want more shiny things to exist

Nuggie Boi:

Maybe…

Immortal?:

magpie.

Nuggie Boi:

Woah

Don’t confuse me with those fuckers

(I hate magpies)

Immortal?:

ok

1. A) wtf did magpies ever do to you????
2. B) what do you want me to say “ohhhh u like shiny things… like a hawk” when hawks arent even known particularly for that

and

1. C) ur not even a hawk so you cant complain. u are literally just a parakeet

Nuggie Boi:

Ok so fuck you for points B and C

But about the magpies

Mostly they r fine

But one time I went to Australia in spring for a hero conference

Immortal?:

terrifying start but go on

Nuggie Boi:

Yeah well I tripped over and startled a mother magpie ONE TIME

And for the entire rest of the trip, every single magpie EVER hated me

I was being swooped constantly

Immortal?:

well maybe you shouldnt have spooked the poor mother

Nuggie Boi:

I SHOULDNT HAVE SPOOKED HER!?!?!?

SHE SHOULDN’T BE CONSTANTLY SWOOPING ME!!!!!

Immortal?:

nope

im on her side

this is all ur own doing

magpies are great.

Nuggie Boi:

Have you ever been to Australia?

Immortal?:

no?

Nuggie Boi:

Trust me, their magpies are fucked up

Immortal?:

ok I googled it

WHY THE FUCK ARE AUSTRALIAN MAGPIES SO HUGE

WTF

THATS NOT A FUCKING MAGPIE THATS A WHOLE ASS BIRD OF PREY

Nuggie Boi:

EXACTLY

Immortal?:

holy FUCK

Nuggie Boi:

Those things scare me

I’d rather be attacked by a hawk

Immortal?:

crazy (but valid) thing to say

Nuggie Boi:

;v;

Immortal?:

oop i gtg

class is about to get here and i need to stretch

(And mayhaps show off a touch)

Nuggie Boi:

Show off a lot

It’d be funny

Plus, it will scare them

Which will make them better hero’s cuz they should be aware how good a potential enemy could be

Immortal?:

i am a potential enemy.

Nuggie Boi:

I wasn’t talking about u -v-

Immortal?:

i know.

i was tho

Nuggie Boi:

You scare me

Anyways go do your stretches

Just drop into splits like it’s a comfy position, that always freaks ppl out

Immortal?:

thats cuz my splits r so good i dont feel the stretch no mo and it IS relatively comfortable

the fear on ppls faces makes it way more comfy tho lmao

Nuggie Boi:

Demon child

Immortal?:

i live to deeply disturb ppl

Nuggie Boi:

You succeed

Immortal?:

ik

hmm i shuld do some over splits but there is no chair around or anything high enough to actually fucking stretch

Nuggie Boi:

Big L ig

Immortal?:

oh well

oooooo students showing up now

Nuggie Boi:

Have fun traumatising them

Immortal?:

i always do

Nuggie Boi:

Ik

Immortal?:

:>

oooh they did not like me going from splits to a bridge to a walkover

that creeped them out a lot

that was fun

not me waving and then immediately contorting my body in the least human ways possible as i go into my next stretch

Nuggie Boi:

I love you actively traumatising the kids

What’s Eraser doing?

Immortal?:

hes just getting annoyed at them for being distracted by my stretching

he told them to go stretch

im gonna copy everything they do but like way better

Nuggie Boi:

pffft ok you do that

Immortal?:

aint no way some of them cant touch their toes wtf

Nuggie Boi:

I do not want to think of the contortionist things you are about to do

Immortal?:

touched my toes folded in half the wrong way lmao

Nuggie Boi:

Horrifying

Immortal?:

ok look

im just having fun

Nuggie Boi:

Waiting for someone to ask if you’re sure you don’t have a flexibility quirk

Immortal?:

bro that’s the first thing they said upon seeing me

Nuggie Boi:

PFFFFFFT

Immortal?:

ok im gonna go actually properly stretch instead of just mocking them lmao

cya in a bit

Nuggie Boi:

Byeeeeee

——————

Immortal?:

and im back (back again)

Nuggie Boi:

Ayeee

How traumatised are they now?

Immortal?:

oh its great

i went for a light warmup jog thru something the class called dads “hell course” but it was literally just a basic obstacle course

like what?

Nuggie Boi:

Ok

Not to be the devil’s advocate

But I have in fact done that course

(I was supposed to prove it was possible for someone outside of ‘raser to do it)

And like I did it? But it was pretty hard

So u seeing that as something for a “light warmup jog” is once again terrifying

I’m so glad the mercenary era is over

Immortal?:

u need to stop referring to my time as japans best assassin as my “mercenary era”

Nuggie Boi:

But it’s funny :<

Immortal?:

the ppl i killed might not agree with that

Nuggie Boi:

Well yeah but u had standards

Immortal?:

my standards were pretty low

Nuggie Boi:

Literally all of the ppl you killed were abusers or aggressively discriminated against ppl

Immortal?:

ok true

and I have no regrets

(other than the fact that i didnt kill Endeavor while i had the chance)

(if i kill him now dad will ban me from patrols for a year and I can’t handle that :/)

but still!!!

Nuggie Boi:

Look just be happy I’m not calling it ur emo era

Immortal?:

bro no

Nuggie Boi:

:>

Immortal?:

at least get the music genres right

mercenary me was a punk rock enthusiast

emo me was pre crime

Nuggie Boi:

“Pre crime” is crazy

Immortal?:

pre crime is accurate

emo music was from age 4 to whenever i started doing crime

think i was 7? not too sure

lost track

Nuggie Boi:

Stop saying concerning shit

Immortal?:

but concerning shit is like my whole vocab

Nuggie Boi:

This is why no one likes having conversations with you

Immortal?:

hey

werent u telling me off for saying “no one likes u” to someone earlier

fuck u

u little hypocrite

Nuggie Boi:

My bad

Immortal?:

yes u r bad

bad at seeing windows and billboards

(crashing into billboards this year count: 49)

Nuggie Boi:

;-;

Immortal?:

Be grateful the count restarts at the start of the year

cant believe ur averaging 10 per month tho

thats like

1 every 3 days

Nuggie Boi:

IT’S HARD OK

Immortal?:

THEY R BILLBOARDS

THEY R LITERALLY DESIGNED TO GRAB UR ATTENTION

AND NOT BY FLYING INTO THEM

Nuggie Boi:

Oh like you’ve never run into a billboard before

Immortal?:

ONE TIME

ONE FUCKING TIME

YOU CANT SAY SHIT

Nuggie Boi:

I totally can.

‘Shit.’

See? I just did it :p

Immortal?:

i hate everything about this conversation

imma go take my mild annoyance out on dad’s class

its FINALLY time to beat them up

(dad had to warn them to stay away from my wrist since that one is still healing but other than that im ’free game’)

(like i would let them touch my wrist)

Aww apparently im not allowed to use that against them :/

Nuggie Boi:

Pfffft

Good luck? I guess?

Immortal?:

i wont need it

Nuggie Boi:

I know ;-; that’s why I was so hesitant

Immortal?:

pfffft

ok i rlly gotta go now

Nuggie Boi:

Byeeeeee

Chapter Text

Immortal?:

i beat them up so bad

Nuggie Boi:

PFFFT I love the wild notifications I get from you

I’m just here

Doing my paperwork

Like a civilised person

Then all of a sudden

“I beat them up so bad”

Is that even the right tense

What is the past tense of beat

Is it spelt like that?

Immortal?:

ok so i look away from my phone for TWO seconds to demonstrate a move dad was talking about (something i did to beat Red Hair Hardening Quirk Guy)

and i come back

to a breakdown about grammar

like i would fucking know the answer regardless

Nuggie Boi:

Haven’t you literally graduated already

Immortal?:

yeah? so?

its not like i retained ANYTHING

Didnt u graduate too?

Nuggie Boi:

Nah I never went to school

Or

Not proper school

Immortal?:

fuck i forgot how depressing ur life is

we be vibing in depresso expresso type energy

Nuggie Boi:

r u like… functioning rn?

Immortal?:

nope i wanna fight more ppl im so hyped up but dad wont let me

he says I need a break

what i NEED

is to be able to patrol again

ugh i MISSED this feeling

the adrenaline >>>>

bro i feel so high on it rn

Nuggie Boi:

One day I’m going to take u to a theme park and watch u get high on adrenaline without anyone actually getting hurt for the first time

Immortal?:

wow dont say that like im some sort of low brow thug

Nuggie Boi:

Tbf u are a criminal

Immortal?:

yeah but im a criminal with STYLE

Nuggie Boi:

Oh shut up

Immortal?:

:>

Nuggie Boi:

*Rolls eyes tiredly

Immortal?:

lets be honest

those eye rolls r affectionate too

Nuggie Boi:

*Sigh…

Yeah

Your right

Immortal?:

i know i am

im a fucking GENIUS

Nuggie Boi:

Sometimes I worry about you

Immortal?:

mmmm

u probably should

ANYWAYS

Nuggie Boi:

…

Alright what terrifying concoction of a conversation starter has your mind conjured up now?

Immortal?:

how much money do you think someone would have to pay u for u to agree to fight someone to the death?

no consequences outside of ur own conscience

Nuggie Boi:

What????

Immortal?:

well see i dont have much of a moral compass so like my response is “depends who”

i wuld kill endeavor for free if u remove consequences

but like you could not pay me ANYTHING to kill some ppl yk?

(looks at my dads)

(I love my dads)

Nuggie Boi:

I love your random wholesome moments in the middle of you talking about actual murder

Immortal?:

:>

but ye anyways the Yellow Hair Electric Quirk Guy asked me and now im curious what a somewhat sane persons answer wuld be

but pops is teaching and cant answer so ur my next best shot

Nuggie Boi:

Remember how you had your mercenary era?

Well, I had my training to be a mercenary era so I’m definitely not someone sane, but honestly it depends on who it is

I don’t want to kill anyone if I can avoid it so the absolute least they would have to pay me to actually kill someone would be like $100 and that would be for someone I really hate

*cough* All Might *cough*

Immortal?:

someday u r gonna have to stop hating All Might like ur life depends on it just cuz he was mean to me that one time

Nuggie Boi:

Never.

Back to the topic tho, for most ppl the absolute minimum would be like

Probably at least $1000, or actually probably 10,000 but idk

Immortal?:

bet u wuldnt kill Dabi for $100000000000000000

Nuggie Boi:

No shit? He’s my friend

I wouldn’t kill a lot of people for any amount of money

Immortal?:

wuld u kill me for $100000?

Nuggie Boi:

Boy is it tempting, good money, finally one less annoying gremlin in my msgs

Immortal?:

u love me tho rlly

Nuggie Boi:

I do unfortunately

So no, I could not be paid to kill you

Immortal?:

:>

Nuggie Boi:

But knock u out? Look… I wouldn’t be opposed

Immortal?:

if someone pays u to knock me out, i’ll let u if u split the cash 50/50

Nuggie Boi:

If someone offers u money to let them knock you out you say NO

You know that, right?

RIGHT?

Immortal?:

mmmm depends how much money

Nuggie Boi:

NO

U SAY NO

NO MATTER WHAT

DON’T LET PPL KNOCK U OUT FOR FUNSIES

Immortal?:

now i wanna know how much it wuld cost to knock me out

im gonna hire a hit on myself

Nuggie Boi:

Don’t you fucking DARE hire a hit on yourself

Immortal?:

not a lethal hit!

Nuggie Boi:

I don’t CARE if it’s non-lethal

Don’t fucking do it

I will tell ‘Raser!

Immortal?:

fuck u

U little tattle tale bitch boy

this is why dabi would never date u

IM KIDDING DABI WULD DATE U REGARDLESS OF UR TATTLE TALE HABITS

Nuggie Boi:

Wtf was all that screaming about

Like no kidding Dabi won’t date me I’m not stupid

Immortal?:

im going to SCREAM

PLEASE WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS

that’s it.

i need dabis number.

Nuggie Boi:

I’m not giving u Dabi’s number

Immortal?:

i could get dabis number.

Nuggie Boi:

You will not get Dabi’s number.

Immortal?:

i am going to get dabis number.

Nuggie Boi:

Oh yeah? Well, I’m going to tell Eraser about that time you ate all his expresso ice-cream in one sitting so you could “meet god” while writing an analysis on a quirk you saw in passing

Immortal?:

u wouldnt

he would ground me for life for that

thats like

my one big secret from him

and if he ever finds out im so fucked

Nuggie Boi:

I have evidence

Immortal?:

no way

Nuggie Boi:

I took screenshots

Immortal?:

but i deleted the msgs!

Nuggie Boi:

Too late though

I got the screenshots before u deleted them

Immortal?:

fuck you fuck you fuck you

Nuggie Boi:

So

We have a deal?

Immortal?:

yk what? How bout this

u delete those screenshots and i wont ask for dabis number from anyone other then you

Nuggie Boi:

I’m not going to give u Dabi’s number ever

Immortal?:

u might change ur mind

i can be hopeful

but if u r so sure u wuld never give me his number this is a promise that unless Dabi actually comes up to me unprompted and gives me his number, u r the only person I will ever ask for it from

Nuggie Boi:

Fine

But you have to swear it

Swear it on…

What is even sacred to u

Bruh

I know you don’t give two shits about ur mothers grave

Immortal?:

wow no need to remind me of my trauma like that

fucking rude

true

but rude

i’ll swear it, and if i break that oath i will tell eraser the truth about the expresso ice-cream

Nuggie Boi:

Sounds like we have ourselves a deal

Immortal?:

it would appear so

Nuggie Boi:

Good.

Immortal?:

i still think u should ask dabi out tho

Nuggie Boi:

im not going to ask him out

Immortal?:

why NOT

Nuggie Boi:

Because he doesn’t like me like that!

Immortal?:

u are so fucking blind

Nuggie Boi:

I am not!

Immortal?:

u r so!!!

ur so blind u dont even know ur blind

but i know

so i know to spell it out for u

Nuggie Boi:

I’m not blind and you know that

Immortal?:

u culd be

u never know

Nuggie Boi:

I fear I would know it even if no one else knew

How would you even know?

I could be wearing contact lenses

Then I’d be able to see and know I culd see but u might think I’m blind

Immortal?:

sure but are you wearing contact lenses tho?

Nuggie Boi:

No?

Immortal?::

exactly.

u should never doubt me

Nuggie Boi:

I’m so lost rn

What do you mean “exactly”

Is this not exactly the opposite of what you were saying?

Immortal?:

Honestly? I’ve got no fucking clue

Nuggie Boi:

This does appear to be our constant state I fear

Immortal?:

yup-

anyways dads calling

apparently i gotta go teach them how to not get beaten up so bad

lame

but i get to beat them up one on one in the process so i’ll take that win

i hope i spar with the insomniac

he seems cool

Nuggie Boi:

I love your names for ppl

Red haired hardening quirk guy

Yellow haired electric quirk guy

And “the insomniac”

Immortal?:

well if the others were more interesting they wuld get more unique short nicknames

Nuggie Boi:

Nicknames r supposed to be shorter then their actual name

I guarantee “Red haired hardening quirk guy” is way longer to write then his actual name

(Not me copy pasting the nickname because I’m too lazy to type that all out again)

Immortal?:

well yeah sure

but

consider this

i dont KNOW his actual name

Nuggie Boi:

Fair argument

Can’t beat that point

Immortal?:

ikr

im so good like that

Nuggie Boi:

I do have one counter argument though

Immortal?:

of course u do

when don’t u

ur so annoying like that

Nuggie Boi:

Have you considered asking for his name

Immortal?:

ok A) i dont care enough

B) no? he introduced himself, i didnt hold onto that information, i can now never ask again or the brain demons will eat me alive and i will never sleep again

C) finding out seems like way too much effort ngl

Nuggie Boi:

I…

Fair enough? I guess?

Immortal?:

is it really tho

Nuggie Boi:

…

No

Immortal?:

see i know its dumb and yet its still the way i live my life

isnt that crazy

Nuggie Boi:

you are crazy

Immortal?:

i live to be

u know what else i live to be?

Nuggie Boi:

…

I’m scared to ask but anyways

What?

Immortal?:

dabis friend.

u shuld give me his number

Nuggie Boi:

No

Immortal?:

surely

Nuggie Boi:

Not a chance

Immortal?:

u hate me

Nuggie Boi:

I don’t and you know that

Immortal?:

true but it’s so fun to say

Nuggie Boi:

-v-

Wait didn’t you have to go?

Immortal?:

o shit yeah BYEE

Nuggie Boi:

—v—

Chapter Text

Immortal?:

wow ur so judgy today

anyways

i fought the gravity girl, the stain kid and the purpled haired girl with good music taste

unsurprisingly i won them all like the epic icon i am

Nuggie Boi:

Oh yeah?

Immortal?:

Yup

Nuggie Boi:

Uh huh

Immortal?:

r u judging my epic icon-ness?

Nuggie Boi:

Yes. Greatly so.

Immortal?:

rudeee

Nuggie Boi:

:>

Immortal?:

._.

anywayssss

guess what?

Nuggie Boi:

What now?

Immortal?:

after this break i get to fight the insomniac :D

Nuggie Boi:

I am weirdly happy for you getting to fight your new potential friend

Immortal?:

IKR

im so funky and cool

Nuggie Boi:

Your definitely something

Immortal?:

at least im not definitely an idiot, yk, like YOU

Nuggie Boi:

…

Sure

U go with that

Immortal?:

hmph maybe i will

Nuggie Boi:

Ok?

Anyways that was unsettling so back to you- XD

How do u know “purpled haired girl with good music taste” has good music taste

Immortal?:

ooooh

yea that was fun

she was watching me fight the stain kid

and when i beat him she started humming another one bites the dust

and like

NO ONE knows prequirk era songs but they r literally the fucking best

so i asked her

she knows like every single classic out there

Nuggie Boi:

Niceeee

I’m sorry idk them :(

Immortal?:

ur all good

u don’t know them cuz ✨traumatic backstory✨ sooooo

Nuggie Boi:

Sometimes u say wild shit

Immortal?:

u say that like this isnt the hundredth odd time ive referred to ur past that way

Nuggie Boi:

And yet it’s still a crazy thing to say

Immortal?:

wuld u rather i not say it?

Nuggie Boi:

Nah, your fine it’s funny as fuck lol

Immortal?:

XD

Nuggie Boi:

So

What’s the insomniac’s quirk?

U got a plan?

Immortal?:

can’t tell what it is

all ik is its almost def voice activated- he talks way too much in fights compared to normally which is how i worked that out

but just talking wasnt seeming to work for him and he was asking questions so maybe i have to not respond?

im not sure

idk the activation requirements for some of their quirks so i was actively trying to avoid doing anything that might activate it

Nuggie Boi:

Interesting

I think I know the kid you’re talking about

Immortal?:

???????

Nuggie Boi:

Eraser mentioned him once, something about a case and how he had to be moved foster families

Immortal?:

is he ok??????

Nuggie Boi:

Yeah, as far as I know he’s somewhere good now

‘Raser trusted whoever it was

Immortal?:

huh

interesting

good to know

anyways

does this mean u know his quirk?

Nuggie Boi:

Yup

Immortal?:

r u gonna tell me?

Nuggie Boi:

If you asked Eraser, would he tell you?

Immortal?:

no :/

hes being all cryptic and “work it out urself u wont have me to tell u in the field”

like no shit but i could idk read the case files or something

Nuggie Boi:

…

Be honest with urself here… when have you EVER read a case’s files?

Immortal?:

fuck u actually

Nuggie Boi:

My point stands.

Immortal?:

ugh

so is this a no to u telling me his quirk?

Nuggie Boi:

It’s a no

(I don’t wanna get killed by Eraser for ruining whatever weird test this is)

Immortal?:

jerk.

anyways off to go fight him

he was one of the only ones relatively good at actual combat outside of their quirk so at least thatll be interesting

Nuggie Boi:

Have funnnn

Immortal?:

i will :D

i always have fun when im beating ppl up

Nuggie Boi:

At some point you’re gonna have to stop saying concerning shit like that

Immortal?:

nah uh

Nuggie Boi:

-v-

——————

Immortal?:

ok so update

the insomniacs name is shinsou (putting it here so i dont forget lmao)

he has a brain washing quirk activated by the target responding to his voice (he thought someone had told me and that i was scared of it so i had to clear that up)

Nuggie Boi:

Is that another one to add to the tragic backstory club?

Immortal?:

yea probably

anyways

he is indeed a good quirkless fighter (nowhere near me but he has potential)

Nuggie Boi:

That’s really good considering he’s a first year

Immortal?:

yea

but mayhaps most importantly

the boy is HOT

like holy shit

i pinned him and he tried to flip it and i almost fucking LET him

Nuggie Boi:

Holy shit you must have it bad to consider throwing a fight

Even fucking sparing I know how competitive you are

Immortal?:

oh i didnt want to throw the fight or anything

Nuggie Boi:

…

I want to ask questions, but my instincts are screaming “don’t ask questions, leave it alone, don’t ask questions, leave it alone, you don’t want to fucking know”

And I’m trusting those instincts

So, imagine me backing away slowly with my hands up

Immortal?:

pfffft

ur instincts r probably on point ngl

Nuggie Boi:

Delightful

Immortal?:

nem wuld understand

Nuggie Boi:

…

CAN YOU SHUT UP

Immortal?:

PFFFFFT

Nuggie Boi:

Please, please tell me something else. Anything else.

Did you fight anyone else? Pls tell me you did and you can tell me about that

Immortal?:

ooooooh I did

so I fought invisible girl which was a rlly interesting challenge trying to properly gage where she was, especially after she lost the gloves and boots

but when i did beat her, i realised she was not wearing a quirk enhanced suit, she was fucking NAKED

Which like WHAT THE FUCK

WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS

Nuggie Boi:

WAIT WHAT???

Immortal?:

i talked to dad cuz i was fucking angry and at least he didnt know or i wuld have never forgiven him.

thats like A) dangerous as fuck, there is nothing protecting u from an attack

B) WTF WTF WTF

C) the fucking elements? imagine being out at night literally naked u wuld fucking FREEZE

D) WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

E) there are SO many things wrong with that i cant even put it into a list WHAT THE FUCK

Nuggie Boi:

I can’t-

Who the fuck approved that?

Immortal?:

whoever fucking did i am going to find them

dads no kill rule can go fucking die in a ditch

Nuggie Boi:

Normally I’d tell u not to, but honestly that is fucking VALID

Immortal?:

IKR

LIKE WHY

WHY WULD U DO THAT!?

Nuggie Boi:

It’s not even like there isn’t invisible support gear

Like Hiromasa Tech literally designs so much shit like that for undercover missions and such

Immortal?:

exactly!

Nuggie Boi:

Holy shit that’s bad

How did they get away with that for so long???

Immortal?:

i dont fucking know

did no one mention it???

Nuggie Boi:

I mean obviously not?

Immortal?:

well yeah? apparently???

still?

wtffff???

i need to like go cool off before i murder someone for real tho

gonna afk, ttyl

Nuggie Boi:

“Afk”?

Giving Shigiraki energy there

Immortal?:

fuck off

im actually going away from my keyboard (phone) not just saying that and zoning tf out

Nuggie Boi:

I suddenly don’t like that you know enough about villains to understand what I meant when I said that

Immortal?:

yeah well i suddenly don’t like ur attitude

take that bitch

Nuggie Boi:

Weren’t you leaving?

Go away

Immortal?:

ugh fine

Nuggie Boi:

Byeee

Chapter Text

Immortal?:

get ignored

Nuggie Boi:

Welcome backkkk

What’s up? How you been?

Whatcha been doingggg?

Immortal?:

bored much?

Nuggie Boi:

Very much.

Please entertain me ;v;

Immortal?:

pffft ok

well i basically hijacked the lesson one student at a time and broke down why their costumes were bad

stain kid and sparkly boi have actually good costumes when it comes to defence

stain kids manoeuvrability issues are apparently unrelated to the suit so i wont blame the suit yet but i will say he needs to fix that asap

frog girl, electric boy, red and white hair guy, bird kid, tail guy, arms guy and tape guy all have room to easily add in protective layers and it pisses me off that they havent already

like bullet proof vest underneath at LEAST! PLEASE!

Nuggie Boi:

People really don’t realise how many heroes have full on armour under their costumes do they?

Immortal?:

it doesnt seem that way no

like r they idiots? heroes dont just magically get less injured by attacks just cuz they r heroes?

fucking idiots

Nuggie Boi:

Wait till they find out how much body armour I wear

Immortal?:

bro i wear more body armour then u do

i culd break them just by explaining my costume

(i am not wearing it rn so i cant, but I COULD)

anyways

purple hair girl with good music taste also 100% has better fashion then that

like ain’t no way

the salmon shirt? fucking disgusting

when dad is more stylish than u, u know u have a problem

Nuggie Boi:

Damn that roast- idk who was roasted more, the student or Eraser-

Immortal?:

def dad

anyways

i need someone to shoot me in the eyes before i ever see quiet kid or sugar something or other quirk guy ever again

their costumes r so fucking ugly but so clearly designed to be spotlight heroes

altho quiet kid wuld make a great underground hero if he changed that fuckass ugly costume

pink girls culd def be better

like she gives off good fashion sense energy and yet her outfit is an abomination…

but it is so much of an abomination that it almost works

Nuggie Boi:

PFFFT

Immortal?:

red hair hardening quirk guy and ponytail materialisation quirk girl r gonna give me a heart attack with their costumes

like i kinda get it with red hair cuz bros quirk is armour but also…

well

u know how i feel about relying on ur quirk

and ponytail does not give off the same energy nem does in the whole hero persona energy

she seems deeply uncomfortable with it but not willing to say anything and thats pissing me off

Nuggie Boi:

Damn

I love your immediate analysis

Immortal?:

bro this is like

not analysis

this is spark notes at best?

spark notes?

is that what they r called?

Idfk

tiny little notes

Nuggie Boi:

Neither do I tbh

Immortal?:

two idiots and zero brain cells

Nuggie Boi:

PFFFT

Immortal?:

oh I forgot to mention but gravity girls costume is actually kinda peak?

it has armour

matches her vibe

its cutesy

the colour scheme is epic like

I kinda adore it ngl

especially for a spotlight hero

oh and Shinsou’s is disturbingly similar to dad and mine

but like a different shade

hes got the dark purple instead

i’ll help him add more armour to it later but hes got some already

Nuggie Boi:

I love that only after literally everyone else gets a nickname because you didn’t bother learning their names did you finally mention the one guy who’s name you know XD

Immortal?:

not my fault hes hot

Nuggie Boi:

-v-

Immortal?:

:>

Nuggie Boi:

I’m not gonna fight u here

Immortal?:

thats cuz deep down u get me

its how u r with dabi except inverse

i like someone i bother to remember their name

u like someone u stop using their name

its y u never use dabis name to his face

its so cute btw i actually love it

Nuggie Boi:

It’s called friendly banter idiot

Immortal?:

no

calling me an idiot is friendly banter

what u do with dabi is flirting

Nuggie Boi:

It is not!

Immortal?:

oh yea?

then say something uve said to Dabi to me

Nuggie Boi:

No!

Immortal?:

y not?

Nuggie Boi:

Ur… u! Ur like my brother

Immortal?:

ok? so?

if Dabi is just a friend and u only have friendly conversations and no flirting it shuld be fine

say something

do it

Nuggie Boi:

I-

Shit

Immortal?:

gotcha

Nuggie Boi:

No

No there’s no way I’ve been FLIRTING

Immortal?:

U HAVE CALLED HIM HOT STUFF

Nuggie Boi:

AS A JOKE

Immortal?:

R U FUCKING STUPID

Nuggie Boi:

MAYBE

Immortal?:

AGHHHH

Nuggie Boi:

Why are u screaming!?

I’m the one going insane here!!!

Wdym I’ve been flirting with Dabi?

Do you think he noticed?????

Fuckkkk he probably thinks I’m weird as fuck

Immortal?:

painfully, im pretty sure hes as oblivious as u r

but if u want me to find out

all u gotta do is give me his phone number

Nuggie Boi:

Not a fucking chance

Immortal?:

:<

Nuggie Boi:

Not happening!

You will fucking send him screenshots of this like the brat you are!

Immortal?:

i wuldnt!

Nuggie Boi:

You would

Immortal?:

nah uh!

Nuggie Boi:

It’s not happening

You don’t get to make this any worse

Immortal?:

fucking hell

ur so stupid and i know dabi is too ughhhhh

im gonna implode

Nuggie Boi:

Can you like idk help me instead?

I’ve just discovered I’ve been flirting with my friend! For months!

Immortal?:

and he flirts back!

Nuggie Boi:

No he doesn’t!

Immortal?:

oh for FUCK SAKE

Nuggie Boi:

WHAT

Immortal?:

I CANT

YOU ARE SO DUMBBBBBB

Nuggie Boi:

HE DOES NOT FLIRT BACK

Immortal?:

I AM GOING TO THROW MY PHONE OFF A CLIFF

Nuggie Boi:

PLEASE DONT

Immortal?:

AT THIS POINT IT FEELS INEVITABLE

it have to go

dad wants me to do stuff but im dying

u have murdered my sanity

or what little sanity i had left ig

Nuggie Boi:

You go do whatever it is you gotta do

I’m gonna work on shoving this all into a box, locking it closed and chucking it as far into the back of my mind as possible

Immortal?:

of course u r.

what else did i expect

Nuggie Boi:

I truly don’t know

Immortal?:

welp

byeeee

Nuggie Boi:

Byeeeeeeee

——————

Immortal?:

ok so we had that little discovery about ur love life so now its time to talk about mine

Nuggie Boi:

I HAD JUST STOPPED THINKING ABOUT THAT

Immortal?:

no u hadn’t.

Nuggie Boi:

No, I hadn’t

Immortal?:

exactly

anyways

the class wanted my number so they could stay in touch and i begrudgingly agreed

mostly to let me bully them into better costumes

and then Shinsou (the hot insomniac) added it to his contacts as well

which was yay but not too special

until pink girl told me it was the first time he had ever been seen doing adding anyone and AHHHH

CAN I KISS HIM

I WANNA KISS HIM SO BADDDDDD

PLS CAN I???

Nuggie Boi:

if hes comfy with it then yes

if not then no

Immortal?:

no shit

ik what consent is bitch

what i need to know is can i kiss him

or will everything go to shit if i do

Nuggie Boi:

I doubt EVERYTHING will go to shit

I mean the world is unlikely to actually end

Immortal?:

shut the fuck up actually

ur so not helpful

Nuggie Boi:

I know <3

Immortal?:

im not gonna kiss him

Nuggie Boi:

And you were bullying me for that sort of thing

Immortal?:

thats different

i only just met the guy and i havent been flirting for months

anyways

i am going to get his number tho

Nuggie Boi:

Don’t you dare stop talking to me cuz ur too busy with him

Immortal?:

i would never

Nuggie Boi:

Good.

Immortal?:

i wouldnt dream of replacing u

Nuggie Boi:

As it should be.

Immortal?:

Of course

Nuggie Boi:

Anyways back to me and my problem

Immortal?:

nope

the only solution to ur so called problem is to ask the man out

cuz he will say yes and it will be that fucking easy

Nuggie Boi:

No!

Immortal?:

yes.

im not having this argument.

Nuggie Boi:

Uh oh

Not the passive aggressive full stops coming out

Immortal?:

yeah.

fuckin go deal with it urself.

ur a big boy.

Nuggie Boi:

I’m rlly not tho

Immortal?:

thats true

child.

Nuggie Boi:

Ok well I was meaning cuz I’m kinda short

But you can’t say anything about age

You are a child.

Immortal?:

im a cool child.

Nuggie Boi:

You are a little brat

Immortal?:

thats true

Nuggie Boi:

I know it is

Unlike some ppl

I’m not a liar

Immortal?:

wtf am I even being accused of lying about

Nuggie Boi:

Dabi.

Immortal?:

OH SHUT UP

Nuggie Boi:

No <3

Immortal?:

fuck off

Nuggie Boi:

Also no <3

Immortal?:

oh well

im leaving now anyways

its lunch time and I get to hang out with the parentals and nem

Nuggie Boi:

Byeeeeeee