Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Rouxls had been having… issues, lately. Not the usual ones of nobody would use his puzzles or he really needed to get in the good graces of an evil overlord sometime soon – in fact, with everything considered, he was living quite comfortably. Being swept up into Castle Town was one of the better things to happen to him in life, and he obviously wasn't going to complain about the free housing. It was the kind of luxury – or at least mildly safe – life he'd always deserved! There wasn't too much to complain about if he stayed away from the Addisons and their advertisements they'd taken over half the town with.

In regards to his typical problems? They'd all been overwritten after he finally – finally! – scored a role as second-hand to... well, he'd initially thought that TV Guy was evil. Apparently, he was just eccentric. And a little sad and weird? No critique on Rouxls' part! Everyone in Castle Town was a little sad and weird. Outside of Rouxls himself, naturally.

Regardless, Rouxls hadn't let that strangeness deter him from filling the role of co-host as best he could, and Tenna – TV Guy’s real name – had been beyond receptive. He’d been strangely enthusiastic, actually. While Rouxls had initially been on guard and suspicious, it turned out that the eagerness was just another part of Tenna being really lonely, God, okay. Sure, Tenna had a less-than-savory track record with employee care, and he could be a bit over-the-top, like he was compensating for something he felt he lacked. That wasn’t that big of a deal! Everyone did that last thing anyway, Rouxls was certain. It was nothing Rouxls would up and leave over, and besides, Tenna had been doing much better in the employee treatment category!

(Rouxls felt pretty content at his side, at any rate, even if he only half-counted as “employed”.)

In exchange for occasionally helping out with an episode of Tenna’s little show when needed, Rouxls got to personally offer creative insight on the games! He had an outlet for all of his puzzles, and Tenna actually listened! None of Rouxls’ other evil monarchs did that! That alone was good enough reason for Rouxls to be enjoying himself, not to mention that Tenna was overall quite amicable. And charismatic. And a shockingly good friend. And –

Well, there was plenty good about him. More than the average leader Rouxls took to following behind, shining in their shadow with all his endless glory. Tenna was someone worthy of Rouxls’ intelligence and prestige, and that was truly what kept Rouxls around.

…And the power and status. Of course. Even if that had fallen to the wayside of Rouxls’ mind, it certainly wasn’t irrelevant! It wasn’t as if Rouxls would stay without…

…

He didn’t need to think about that too hard. He’d done very well his entire life not mulling over nuance, and by the Gods, he sure wasn’t going to start! Rouxls was smart on his own merits. Who needed to consider things when they’d always make the right decisions and think the right things the first time!? Not him! Definitely not him.

Working with Mr. Tenna was a grand deal with all that in mind – more of a business partnership than a henchman thing, but Rouxls wasn’t complaining. In fact, it was quite cozy in its own right! When Tenna had dragged in that weird puppet that smelled vaguely of garbage, though? Rouxls had some… poorly internalized complaints, to put it lightly.

The explanation had been a bit long winded and interspersed with the clunky marionette yelling protests through glitchy advert headings. Despite Rouxls’ hesitations, he’d always been listened to by Tenna, so he graciously sat down and heard Tenna out on why the weird spam-mail-obsessed freak deserved to stay in the studio. They’d known each other at some point, as it turned out, and the puppet – Spamton was his name – had gone through some awful horrors to mangle him into… whatever he was now. What, precisely, those horrors were remained unknown. Frankly, Rouxls didn’t want to know anymore. It felt like he’d be messing with some powers beyond his pay grade if he figured out the mystery.

Still a fun story, even if Rouxls couldn’t get his head around it; not out of a lack of intelligence, just merely that it sounded so deranged Rouxls wouldn’t have believed it from anyone but Tenna. He didn’t question it too hard and Spamton found a place in Tenna’s little castle studio room, usually sleeping on top of the garbage bin. Initially, Rouxls had planned to not look at him too hard and hoped they were never assigned on a project together. Things wouldn’t be so hard if they went to plan! Even if Tenna was endeared to the little beast, Rouxls didn’t have to be, so long as he reserved his judgements for notecards he’d throw into the same trash can the thing slept on.

The whole ignore it and don’t think too hard about it plan had only lasted so long. It wasn’t like Tenna had a plethora of employees at his beck and call anymore, and soon enough, Rouxls had found himself working on decorations and puzzle planning with the menace. Spamton talked just as much, if not more than Tenna did, too, so shrugging him off and working silently was no option, either. At the time, Rouxls had clenched his jaw and barely handled the annoyance.

These days, though? Rouxls thanked whatever deity or being favored him enough to let him up in such a position.

Spamton certainly wasn’t any less strange than Rouxls had initially taken him to be, and the puppet wasn’t refuting that by any means. There was just… more to him than that initial freakiness. He knew more than Rouxls had initially taken him to, and he was rather friendly once Rouxls was able to see through his buggy phishing-scam-esque statements. He started see why Tenna had liked the puppet, with time. The two former partners were similarly enthusiastic. Eccentric. They wanted an audience, some group of people who loved them, and Rouxls supposed he could understand the desire. Of course, fans flocked to him wherever he went, but others weren’t so lucky!

(Why Tenna and Spamton didn’t have suitors out the door, Rouxls couldn’t fathom a reason for.)

The two had gone from begrudging frenemies to rather amicable coworkers – friends, if Rouxls could be so bold, and he would be – in no time at all. With that, Rouxls had two darling companions at his side who he had the pleasure of working with every day, along with a reliable place to stay and a cozy studio to hang out in. Really, he shouldn’t have been troubled at all! He was at the top of the world! Every Darkner worth their salt surely envied him by this point, though they likely did even before all his current success.

There was just some… strange nagging feeling. In his chest, maybe? He’d noticed his heart picking up speed at random times in the day as of late, mixed with a strange nausea and lightheadedness. Darkners couldn’t fall ill outside of the transforming into statues thing, far as Rouxls knew, and he knew everything within reason! If they could get sick, Lancer likely would’ve gotten whatever disease Rouxls was suffering from back when he was in his era of eating just about any object in the Card Kingdom available to him. Good lord, children could be little devils. Delightful ones! Usually.

That left Rouxls tough out of luck. If he had no ideas, he doubted any average Darkner would know anything, and as insightful as Tenna and Spamton could be, he figured telling them would only make it worse. Tenna might do something as bold as putting Rouxls on bedrest or telling him to take a day off! Mortifying. Downright evil. Rouxls would never. Not unless it was on his own accord, of course, because he could take breaks whenever he wanted! He just… didn’t want to. The idea of being away from Tenna or Spamton for too long while they worked alone was making that nausea creep up again, so he doubted it’d do anything good for the plague that Rouxls was battling..

Only one option, then! Keep on working. Rouxls wouldn’t surrender his status all to continue being sick over the fact he wasn’t working – what was he? Some sort of fool? It had to be that he simply missed his job, and that was why the idea of that TV-head and the chaos creature of a puppet were making him sweat. Troublesome, but easy to disregard.

There wasn’t much to be done today, a small mercy to his ailing self. Rouxls had gotten a memo from Spamton, which was crammed under his door and written in all capital letters, that there was a TV Time episode to be hosted in the Café. Fine and well and dandy, as far as Rouxls was concerned! They’d hosted there before, and it typically didn’t get too noisy until the show actually started. Even if the odd bird butler kept shooting him strange looks when he didn’t think Rouxls was looking, Spamton made it bearable, and he’d be there this time around. Perfectly fine. So long as work cured his inexplicable illness, he’d be right as –

Not rain. Using weather metaphors felt odd after all he’d gone through with… those two.

He’d be fine. That was the important part!

After adjusting his cuffs a normal amount of times in the mirror, then combing through his hair until it perfectly swooped over his forehead, Rouxls headed out into the hall. Upstairs was the studio and some of the other residences, though Tenna’s was the only one that mattered to Rouxls as of now. He didn’t exactly need to head inside, since he already knew his assignment elsewhere, but… hm. For some reason, that pulsing in his chest that might’ve been his SOUL acting up was guiding him right to Tenna. Strange. Was this illness some kind of parasite, hoping to exploit his relationships with those around him? A computer virus, of sorts?!

…Wait. Rouxls wasn’t a computer! Nevermind, then. He would be entirely fine.

He still wasn’t the sort to deny his heart, diseased or not. Rouxls started up the stairs immediately, idly combing back his white locks as he went. Did he look good? Tenna did have an affinity for complimenting Rouxls’ looks, and Rouxls didn’t want to give him a reason to not do so this time! Not that Rouxls didn’t try to look good for others, he simply… didn’t have to try as hard. Tenna was an absolute darling, if Rouxls did say so himself! It was natural Rouxls would need to put in some extra effort to impress him.

Rouxls managed to make it most of the way down the hall before a door was thrown open next to him.

“Gah –” He yelped in a manner he would call utterly dignified, as he did everything. “Who goeth there?! Do note testeth mine Capabilities in battle, or Else –”

“Oh It’s You.”

Ah. Grand.

In front of Rouxls, towering over him to a degree he wasn’t entirely comfortable with, was Queen. Her hand held onto the door she had very nearly hit Rouxls square in the face with, head tilted just slightly. If he had to guess, she was scrutinizing him, though it wasn’t as if she had eyes to give much away with. Maybe she was admiring his beauty? Anyone would! It didn’t exactly make Rouxls feel as odd as it did when Tenna or Spamton commented on his appearance, but it would do. He’d never deny some royal attention, long overdue as it may be.

“Mine Queen!” Rouxls clasped his hands under his chin. Even if he had no interest in defecting from Tenna’s ranks, he had to put forth a good impression! You know. Just in case. “Looking stunninge as ever. To whateth do I owe this Occasione?”

“Oh It Isn’t About You.” She held a hand in front of her mouth, screen displaying the letters LMAO. Rouxls still had no clue what that meant! Or how to pronounce it, for that matter. No bother. It was likely some modern nonsense. “I Actually Kind Of Forgot You Were Here. Or How Much You Look Like A Lamp. What’s Up With That.”

Rouxls very politely held his tongue on the fact he was the lamp that had spent a frankly embarrassing amount of time in her room. How hadn’t he seen the opportunity he had with Tenna and Spamton sooner? Queen didn’t seem to care much about the answer anyway and continued onward, looking around idly in place of meeting Rouxls’ gaze. Certainly due to how intimidating and dashing he was, he imagined. Gods, he really was stunning.

“I Wanted To Ask About: Weird TV Guy.”

“Mine Tenna! Thoust hast seen his Grace? His Charme? Isn’t he just Dashingeth?” Rouxls rocked back on his heels at just the mention of Tenna. He’d utterly lucked out working with the man, truly! Rouxls’ own prowess at winning over royals never failed to shock him.

“Oh Yeah He’s Kind Of Cool And Funny I Guess. I Show Him Cat Videos And He Asks Me What Keyboards Are. LMAO. It’s Fun.” Queen’s screen flashed those strange four letters again. “Not Really What I Was Talking About But: Thanks For Asking.”

“I could talketh about Mine Tenna for Eons if I musteth.”

A moment of silence passed. Queen looked directly at Rouxls, frowned, then shrugged.

“That’s Nice Honey Schmookums,” another pause, “Um. Rocksels.”

“It ist pronounced, ‘Rules’.”

“Yeah That’s What I Said LOL.”

“You Literally did Note.”

“Anyways.”

“Anyways???”

“Anyways,” Queen repeated, gesturing as though she were swirling a wine glass, “Have You Checked On That Guy Lately.”

“I… have not. Why? Has Calamatie occurredeth?” That nausea, the fluttering of his chest, that heat – it was rising again at the idea of Tenna on his own. The thought of him being hurt, with Rouxls swooping in as a hero to save him…

“Oh No,” Queen started before hesitating and backtracking. “Well Maybe I Don’t Know. What Do You Count As: Calamity.”

“A dragone holding him Captiveth, only to Release him once I cometh in wielding mine Daggere on a nobleth Chariot?”

“Oh,” Queen poorly suppressed a snicker, “Then Probably Not I Don’t Know. There Has Been A Total Of: Zero Dragons Today.”

Pity, that.

“I Was Just Wondering If He,” she made a circular motion with her wrist, “Like. Normally Sits In His Room Pacing Fervently. And Doesn’t Leave For Five Hours.”

“Five?! He normallye only takeseth, Like, two!”

“He Should Get That Checked Out Maybe.”

“No, no, I doeth it too.”

“Yeah No I Should’ve Expected That,” Queen said as she leaned back on the doorframe. Rouxls got the vibe she wasn’t saying that in a particularly charitable way, but he let it slide. There were bigger issues to address than that! Such as the thrumming of his SOUL in his chest, for instance! …Wait, no. He was ignoring that. Right, right.

“I will… go Investigateth his troublese…” Rouxls murmured, beginning to step backward. “Do noteth Disturbe me, wench. I have to Attende to mine Compatrioteth.”

“I’m A Computer Not A Wrench.” “Wench.”

“Yeah No I Heard You.”

“Thou ist the oneth who requires, as Thou puts it, ‘Checkinge Out’.” Rouxls narrowed his eyes at her. He was still uncertain if she acted stupid on purpose, even after knowing at least a couple details about her by now. It also didn’t matter to him at this point! …Or at any point. Who said monarchs needed to be intelligent?

“People Check Me Out A Lot LOL.”

Okay. Whatever.

“That is… Nice. I Guesseth.”

“No Not Really They’re Weird About It. But: We Ball.”

That time, Rouxls was the one to go silent. He blinked once, twice, then shook his head and groaned.

“Whatevere. I will be Aloneth with mine beloved Hoste, if thou doest not Mindeth.”

“I Think You’re Going Anyway. Why Would You Care About My Opinion LOL. But Yes I Want You To Go I Literally Asked.”

“...Kinde of Forgoteth about that, amidst the Everythinge Else.”

“I’m Really Good At Making People Lose Track Of Time I’ve Heard.”

“Thou shalt not distracte Me from mine Maineth Goal!” Rouxls turned on his heel, not intending to waste any more time with Queen. As great of a ruler as she could be – she wasn’t at all, but Rouxls felt a bit morally obligated to call her okay, at least – she was also particularly good at being insufferable in conversation. Nothing Rouxls, in all his effortless grace, couldn’t handle. He just had more to deal with in the present moment. “Onwarde I venture!”

“Have Fun Honey Sweetie Goober Pie.”

Rouxls would address Queen’s overuse of borderline infantilizing pet names some other time. He was on a one-minded path to Tenna’s room, which, thankfully, wasn’t but a couple yards away. Queen was still watching him when he knocked on the double doors with his mouth opened in the biggest smile he could manage. It didn’t even feel forced, as it so frequently had been around the King! Miraculous. Tenna’s presence could really work wonders.

“Tennaaaaaa, mine Liege! Thou’s favorite Assistante Supreme has arrived for an obligatorie Check Uppeth!” Rouxls folded his hands behind his back, mimicking the posture he’d used when “posing as” (he called it practicing to be) Butler Supremeth. Despite his knocking, there was no answer. In fact, there weren’t even footsteps attributable to Tenna’s frantic back-and-forth pacing. Just crickets.

…Well, not actual crickets – point being that it was quiet!

Rouxls tried again, rapping his fist on the doors a bit harder.

“Tenna, mine deareste, could you Please openeth the door? Thoust silence ist Worryinge.”

That got a response. Rapid steps around the room, the noise of a few things being picked up and rearranged, followed by a voice Rouxls could recognize anywhere. For a moment, he was caught up in how honey-sweet it sounded, though the actual words processed in his brain soon enough for that not to last.

“I’ll be juuuuust a second, Kaard! No worries here, none at all, just have my hands a little full!”

Hm. Concerning. Still, as dutiful as ever, Rouxls waited outside the doors for whenever they’d open. It was just when he was starting to get worried and pondered breaking open the doors himself that Tenna’s antenna poked through a crack between the double doors, followed by his head widening the gap. Rouxls couldn’t help beaming just at the sight. No wonder Tenna’s show had grown so famous, with a CRT screen like that.

“Rouxls! Rouxls, Kaard, honey, baby,” Rouxls heard Queen laughing in the most flat cadence fathomable, “what’s the matter? Thought you’d be heading straight off to work! I didn’t – well, if I knew you were showing up, I’d have dressed for the occasion!” He could practically hear the canned laugh track playing, even if Tenna wasn’t on the air at the moment. It always felt like Tenna was performing, even when it was just him and Rouxls.

No matter. Maybe. Probably. It was a little worrying, sure, but… the whole world was a stage, wasn’t it?

“I could Nevere deny a chanceth to witness mine Deareste host,” Rouxls assured, his grin only widening. Tenna’s screen flickered a couple times before stabilizing, followed by a half-hearted chuckle. It was so adorable flustering that man! The colors his screen would transform into while he tried to still his surely beating heart… ah, Rouxls could feel his ailment flaring up again at the mental imagery. He tried to bookmark the visions for another time where he wasn’t trying to seem normal. Because he was, in fact, incredibly normal.

“That’s… really nice, actually, but, uh,” Tenna shifted his weight, head rocking a bit more out of the gap in the doors, “kinda busy right now… So, it’s – you’re fine, you can… y’know. Skedaddle?”

“Queen saideth thou hast been Pacinge for hours. More hours than is Usualeth, even.”

“I Did Say That LOL,” Queen piped up from her doorway.

“Wh –” Tenna left his room to look across the hall at Queen, who looked not a single bit fazed by her own actions. “Don’t eavesdrop! Come on, what – are we on television 24/7 now or something!? Get a room!”

“Okay To Be Fair You Act Like You’re On TV Anyways So.”

“Thaaaaaat’s…” Tenna looked over at Rouxls before snapping back to face Queen. “Not the point! Go! Shoo, get out, leave me to it!”

“Nobody Likes Their Private Data Leaked Anymore. It’s Sad.” Despite her momentary complaints, Queen slinked back into her room and let the door click shut behind her. Only then did Tenna seem to relax at least somewhat, shoulders slumping back as he directed his attention onto Rouxls again.

“It’s… nothing! I’ve just been – thinking, and –”

“Thou art a Poor liar.” Rouxls paused before tacking on as fast as he could manage, “Meant as no Insulte to thou, of courseth! Just – it’s – ‘tis truthfully a Virtueth, to be so Honeste!” Nailing it.

Tenna frowned, the smallest peek of… were those fangs? The smallest peek of fangs, goodness gracious, slipping over his lips. His trepidation was poorly hidden, but evidently, it didn’t stop him from stepping aside to give Rouxls room to head into the studio.

“I’m fine, Kaard! I’ve never been not fine! There’s no time in the bookings for that kind of thing and we know it. If you really wanna say hi, though… Well, what kind of host would I be, shooing away my biggest fan?!” Tenna clapped his hands and laughed a bit too loud.

“...Biggeste fan?” Rouxls only got a couple steps into the room before stopping, his feet failing him between the title he’d been given and the current state of the studio. It was… not pretty. While Tenna had clearly tried to rearrange it, there were still multiple papers covered in marker scrawlings spread across the floor. A few boxes containing old episode recordings had been tipped over, leaving VHS tapes spilling from the cardboard flaps left agape. Rouxls found himself having to tip-toe just in hopes he wouldn’t step on something important.

When Rouxls looked up, Tenna had already shut the doors with a trembling hand and looked away from everything. His screen cast a soft glow on the door behind him, which he’d trained his gaze onto rather than acknowledging any of the toppled objects in the room itself. Rouxls couldn’t blame him. God, what had happened? Frankly, Rouxls was starting to entertain the dragon idea again in a different manner of speaking

“What…?”

“It’s – I – It’s just complicated. Please. I’m fine. Don’t… Don’t think too hard about it! That’s what we do. What I do. You don’t have to think, just –” Tenna turned around on his heel and pointed at his screen, which was now displaying an episode of some action-packed cartoon. Rouxls only looked at it because it was the closest thing he could do to staring Tenna in the eyes. The show wasn’t as transfixing as the man before him, nor was it as deeply worrying. “ – look at me! Please. I know you want to leave, I know, but just stay, I can make it all better –”

Rouxls took a step back. He held up his hands, palms facing Tenna, then folded them under his chin. His gaze panned across the floor, taking in the wreckage at his feet, before Rouxls chuckled.

“Who saideth Thise was going to frighten me off, Mine Deareste?” The notion that some disaster would scare Rouxls Kaard, former servant to the Spades King, from the best job he’d had in years was enough to make Rouxls himself crack up. While he managed to suppress most of his laughter for the benefit of his companion, a few snickers still escaped his clenched teeth. Tenna obviously took it the wrong way, antennae sparking as he jolted.

“Wha – You know this isn’t some joke! What is this, a game to you?! I’m not playing with you, I’m –”

“No, no, I knoweth that much, I juste…” Rouxls stooped down, dropping to his knees to pick up a paper. Some old schedule for episodes that would be airing. Nothing new. Nothing necessary. He folded it up over and over until it formed a compact square before pocketing it. “A bit of mess is Hardlie my biggest worrieth. I find myself more Glade thou ist safeth and sound, to be Frank.”

“That’s not –” Tenna shook his head hard enough that it nearly hit the doorway. Rouxls made a beckoning gesture and Tenna, who at least seemed sobered enough to recognize the harm he almost caused himself, approached with tense steps. He stopped a few feet from Rouxls, refusing to come any closer. A shame. Rouxls could’ve used Tenna’s hand intertwined with his own, and he had the feeling Tenna would appreciate the same gesture. Oh well. It probably would’ve made Rouxls’ little ailment flare up even worse, anyway.

“What ist it, then?”

“You’re not a talker. You wouldn’t get it. I don’t want to make you get it. You shouldn’t have to hear it, it’s – it’s all dumb. Irrelevant. I’m irrelevant. No need to think about it, right, just… keep having fun. Shouldn’t have even come here, really, Kaard, you’re…” Tenna’s screen cut to black, snapped to his normal face for a second, then went back to the off screen. Rouxls also wished he could be seeing that pretty face that he’d grown so attached to, but he wouldn’t force Tenna to do anything. Not now, of all times. He sounded awfully hung up on something. For what purpose, though…?

“I faileth to see why, Precisely, thou thinkest I am not Earneste in my desire to Listeneth. If I did note wisheth to Heare mine darlinge speak,” Tenna’s screen took on an odd pink tint, “I would not Beckone for thou to do as mucheth.” Rouxls’ hands found another object – a VHS tape with a sticker label. June ‘89. He flipped the tape in his hand once before dropping it into one of the upright boxes remaining on the floor. “Come. Sit. Thou lookest like thoust hast seen a Poltergeiste of some sort.”

“Whatever you’re doing’s about as supernatural as one,” Tenna huffed with no bite behind the words. His feet eventually dragged over the floor until he sat down beside Rouxls, knees tucked up to his chest. As Tenna stayed utterly still and stiff, Rouxls moved to pick up another tape only for his wrist to be caught by Tenna’s fingers. Latex slipped around the cuff of his own gloves and Rouxls lifted his gaze, eyes meeting nothing but the side of Tenna’s head.

…Without another word, Rouxls inched his hand back and interlaced his fingers with Tenna’s. It was making his stomach flip and some odd heat crawl across his face, but it was… bearable. So long as it made Tenna feel better? Rouxls would do a hell of a lot.

“Thou couldeth have just Askede,” Rouxls said with a breathed-out laugh. Tenna responded with nothing more than a noncommittal grumble. Leaning back with his other hand propping him up, Rouxls tried again to get Tenna to say something, because the uncharacteristic silence was really starting to eat at Rouxls’ SOUL. “Did something… happeneth, or –”

“That’s the worst part!” Tenna threw up his free hand and then slumped forward, covering his screen as it flickered a few dreary colors before settling on his typical face again. “Nothing happened! I should be fine! I – I am fine, it’s a temporary setback, it’s just a minor… malfunction… Not malfunctioning. I’m in perfect health. I’m fine. I –” The hand Rouxls was holding twisted like a trapped animal. One squeeze later, more in hopes Rouxls could relish the touch for a little longer, and Tenna’s hand suddenly went limp. When Rouxls glanced up in surprise, Tenna’s screen was bathing his hand in a dim pink glow.

Cute.

Oh. Hm. That was a thought! A thought which Rouxls was happy to continue not thinking!

“Thou still has not Toldeth me what the Probleme ist…” Rouxls mumbled. He heard yet another quiet groan from Tenna before he sat up somewhat, hand once again stiffening in Rouxls’ grip. Rouxls found himself running his thumb over the back of Tenna’s hands just in hopes he’d calm down. Tenna had said he had no reason to be upset, but then… why?

“...When’s enough enough for you, Kaard?” When Rouxls remained quiet, Tenna continued, words rushing together like they were the scribblings of someone with no time to waste. “This – You’re seeing me here and you’re sitting around like nothing’s the matter! Everything is the matter and everything has to do with me! And you’re just – pretending nothing’s wrong! It is! You can tell, I – I know you aren’t stupid, so – c’mon! Pull the rug out from under me and just…” Tenna breathed for the first time during that rant, shoulders slouching. “Get it over with. This isn’t going to stay. Nothing stays. You won’t, least of all.”

Rouxls noticed the man had gotten smaller at some point, enough to where Tenna could’ve leaned on Rouxls and nestled against his shoulder quite easily. That would be comfy, wouldn’t it? And then it’d be easier for Rouxls to – there went the illness again! God, Rouxls would have to do something about these feelings after work. Later. His mind was elsewhere whenever Tenna was by his side, with those feelings not being helped by all Tenna had said. None of it made sense, and yet, Rouxls tried his hand at helping anyway.

“Have I… giveneth that Impressione?” Rouxls poked a finger into his own chest, letting it hook down to fiddle a bar on the front of his dress uniform.

“No! No, that’s… even worse than this being over nothing. You’ve been great, it’s… I don’t know.” Crumpling in on himself impossibly more, Tenna reiterated, “I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

That gave way to silence. Not necessary tense – Rouxls didn’t think of it as such, anyway – but certainly full of unanswered questions. It just didn’t make sense to Rouxls. Darkners loved Tenna! Rouxls loved Tenna just as much. More, in fact! How could he think he’d just be thrown to the curb so lackadaisically? Even Spamton, who had somehow been unwise enough to lose a catch like Tenna, had come back without forgetting Tenna for a second. It wasn’t reasonable.

Then again, did it have to make sense? Tenna wasn’t the first Darkner to believe in something false and he surely wouldn’t be the last. Even if it made his thoughts foolish, it didn’t make them less real to him. Still a silly line of thought, Rouxls believed, but he wouldn’t debate with Tenna when he seemed so set on the idea. Rouxls doubted he’d have much to say that Tenna didn’t already know either way. It wasn’t Rouxls’ fault that he was grand enough to be past things as trivial as self-doubt.

(Tenna was just… grand in other ways.)

“I suppose… I could stayeth in the Studio, perhapse?”

Tenna’s hand tightened in its grip around Rouxls’. He gave no verbal response, though, which Rouxls took as quiet motivation to continue.

“Thou dreadeth the Notione I would up and Departe at a moment’s whimst,” he elaborated while waving his free hand around, “therefore, the Naturale Solutionth is to… Not Leave, I presume.”

“...It’s… complicated, but – sure! Yeah.”

“Good enoughe for me.” Rouxls shrugged. “Then ist it note Logicale that I would taketh Residencie with mine deareste Host? That way, I shalt rarelie be beyond Arm’s Lengthe! That, I Imagineth, would cure many a Probleme, given my Aura of Radianceth and Calminge.”

Tenna made a noise that sounded like he had something else to say about that remark, but he fell silent before anything came of it. The dull electrical hum of his buzzing antennas was all that filled the room for a minute or two, with Rouxls idly running his thumb over the back of Tenna’s glove. It was… nice, for what the setting was. Sitting around, hand in hand with such a dazzling partner –

Nevermind. He needed to get out of here sooner or later. His face was starting to feel hot again for no good reason! Perhaps he could see if those Cyber City Darkners that Spamton reluctantly associated with knew anything about what ailed him, given its severity. He could stoop to their level temporarily if it meant he’d be able to stay by Tenna’s side without feeling so nauseous. Truly, a horrible fate, to be driven from his love…ly companion.

Oh, this virus was bad. Severely so. Hm.

“Worth a shot, I guess… Can’t hurt anyone but you, and you’re the guy offering, right?” Tenna’s voice snapped Rouxls back into a reality not full of pink clouds and the soft thrumming of electricity. “...You’re sure about – ?”

“I do note make a Habith of lying. I only do so Recreationallie, and for Malicious and Dubious purposeth. None of which I havest a Desire to participateth in with thou.”

“...What kind of…”

“Gettinge Hiredeth by Evil Monarcks, mostly.”

“Oh.” A beat. “Makes sense!”

“Point Beinge,” Rouxls flipped Tenna’s hand in his grasp, with Rouxls’ thumb now idly tracing grooves in Tenna’s palm that were barely felt through the glove, “I was being Honeste, mine dearest of Hosteths. I wish to helpeth however may be Possible, includinge assurancest Against your strange and vile Minde Terrors.”

Tenna laughed and let it taper off into a terse chuckle after a few seconds, his free hand now tensing and relaxing against his leg. The pink haze over his screen had faded, leaving only the face Rouxls had come to admire so deeply. A nice change. Seeing him so frenzied was… perhaps not abnormal, but certainly different in a way Rouxls didn’t exactly want to see perpetuated. Rouxls resisted the urge to turn Tenna’s head to face him just a little more. Probably not the time, tragically.

“You’re… something special. Kinda weird, but special! And, hey – who in this place isn’t a bit strange, am I right?” Typically, Rouxls would’ve protested being equated to anything akin to what other Darkners were. When Tenna said it, though… it almost sounded affectionate. It was a compliment! A compliment from his dearest business partner! Well, Rouxls was never going to refute such a thing! In fact, even with how hard his chest was thrumming with some angry fuzzy feeling, he’d dare to compliment Tenna right back!

“Ah, but thou ist the Strangest and most Endearinge of them alleth!”

The pink glow returned for a split second. Tenna shook his head right after, hand shifting to rub the base of his neck.

“Hah – oh, come on! You’re not even on camera! Don’t start flattering me now. Save it for later, sweetheart.”

“Oh, but thou makest it so hard not to Praiseth thou…”

“Kaard!” Tenna waved his hand dismissively and chuckled, the smallest glint of those fangs – good God, Rouxls was experiencing new feelings about those fangs – peering out in his grin. “Alright, alright, you’ve done more than enough. I shouldn’t be taking up your screen time now! You’ve got work to do! At this rate, they’re gonna start thinking I pay you just to look pretty.”

“Doest thou not Payeth me for as much?”

That earned Rouxls a firm elbow to the ribs before they both cracked up.

“You’re too much. No wonder you scored such a cozy place at my side! You’ve got a face for television and the voice and charm to match, I’m telling you.” Tenna got to his feet, a little unsteady at first, then tugged on his hand to prompt Rouxls up. Reluctant as Rouxls was to break the precious moment, he stood and dusted off his pants. A moment later, his hand slipped out of Tenna’s grip. He didn’t know who let go first, but he knew he was no bit eager to do so.

…They’d have to do this again sometime.

“Ah, and yet I am the Flatterer? Cometh on, mine Liege. Thou art the one makinge me seem so Lovelie…” Rouxls draped an arm over his forehead, then tacked on: “But please continue. It is quite nice. Always. Everything you doeth, I Mean. Very nice.”

He was so good at this. How did he not already have people waiting for his hand in marriage? Not that he needed anyone to put a ring on his hand, naturally. Rouxls doubted he’d accept anyone except…

Except who? His brain failed to fill in that blank, and the racket of fluttering fuzziness in his chest provided him no answer except a distracting racket. He gave up the mental subject just in time to see Tenna’s flustered face. Worth it.

“You’ve got work to get done, Kaard! You can spend your hours telling me what you think of me later! …Which I wouldn’t mind –” A cough meant to poorly disguise wherever that line of dialogue was going. “Nevermind! Foooorget I said that and get a move on! I’ll see you soon. And…” His shoulders fell, a bit of the showman’s bravado slipping away with the motion. “...I owe you one. For that. For… everything you do. Just keep me posted if you need a hand, alright?”

“Thou doeseth more than Enoughe for me, I assurest thee.” Rouxls hesitated as he made it to the doorway. “...But! I will nevere denyeth a Favor. Considere your offereth… duly noted.”

“Good. I’d do anything for you.”

Oh. That was making his ailment all the worse. Not that he exactly wanted Tenna… not to say things of those ilk, but…

“Noted! As mentioned Beforehande! Thank thoust for thine Kindnesse, and good riddanceth!” Before Rouxls could once again get swept up in his head, he shut the doors, waving with his other arm. Once the room was shut off and Rouxls had made it about halfway down the hall, he leaned against the nearby wall, slumped down, and covered his face with his hands.

“Big Talk Today Huh.”

Rouxls jumped in what was, once again, a very dignified and high-class manner. He didn’t need to look up to recognize the flat, robotic voice, but he still begrudgingly turned his head to meet the black screen that marked Queen’s face in place of eyes. He groaned, hands dropping onto his knees.

“Stop Doinge That all the timeth.”

“Let Me Consider (Not Considering At All).” Queen stood still, then smiled. “No.” And then she burst into her regally bothersome laugh, one hand over her mouth. “Anyways What Happened I’m Nosy.”

“That is Noneth of your Businesse,” he jabbed a finger in her direction, “with all due Respecteth, mine Queen.”

“Oh I Know You Don’t Respect Me At All LOL. But It’s OK It’s Kinda Funnier This Way I Think.” After a brief pause, Queen turned around so she could sit at Rouxls’ side, one leg crossing over the other. Her arms folded behind her head as she lounged like she were on a vacation beach, while Rouxls continued to have a complete and utter crisis about whatever plague he had. At least one of them was having a good time. Gods, what Rouxls would do to be with Tenna again, or working on decor with Spamton…

“Queen. Mine Queen. Mine Queen, which I am sayingeth in a Disrespectfule and Suspicious mannerst.”

“Yeah Most People Say My Name That Way What’s Up.”

“Havest thou ever… dealteth with… a Viruse, of sorts?” Rouxls refused to look at Queen’s face, instead preferring to stare at the cement of the floor. His eyes snapped up to Tenna’s door within seconds, though, and suddenly his shoes felt a lot more important to admire. His fashion was excellent. Everything about him was excellent. This disease – this plague – it was merely a test! He would prevail, as he did with anything! Nothing could hold him back. Nothing. Not even whatever had gotten into him as of late.

“Oh Like: Computer Viruses.”

“I am not a Computere.”

“Oh Wait This Is About You OK.” Her position shifted, with Queen sitting up just a bit more and letting her head rock to the side in perceived thought. Whether or not she was genuinely considering anything, Rouxls never knew, and now was no exception. “No Not Really LOL I Keep My Guard Up Too Much For That.”

“Thou doesn’t seem particularlie… Invulnerableth…”

“Well Yeah Because You’re A Harmless Twink. I Don’t Think You Can Do Anything Honestly You Would Fall Like A House Of Cards (Pun Intended).”

“Hey.”

“Sorry (Lie).”

“Thou – you –” Rouxls swallowed his urge to protest against being whatever a twink was. With a very deliberate sigh, he dragged his hands down his face, then tried again. “I have been… Dealinge with… some Personal Issuesth. I believe I have Contractede someth sort of Sicknesse. Something… Vile. It makeseth my heart Race, my face Heated, whenever I approache mine Liege or his latest Assistante. I fear there may be no cureth. That I am Curséd to spende Eternity suffering by their sides, forcedeth away from mine Darlingse…”

“Oh. Hm. Wow. That’s. Oh. Um. Hm. Ah. Well,” Queen stammered for several seconds, no doubt caught in the same perplexity that Rouxls had been facing lately. She then went silent, seemingly failing at finding a response.

“I understande my Plight is likely… difficulteth to Console me upone.”

“No It’s Not That It’s,” she paused again, “I,” once more, “Actually I Think I May Need Outside Help For This Do You Mind.”

“Why would thou needeth –”

“OK Awesome I’ll Get Back To You At Some Point Later Maybe (50/50 Chance).” Without any further hesitation, Queen hoisted herself back to her feet, already absconding to her room. “See You Later Rocksels Schmookums.”

“It is pronounced –”

But she was gone, her door slamming shut behind her. Rouxls blinked a couple of times, contemplating whether or not to try and burst into her room if only to correct her. Ugh. Not worth it. Why had he anticipated she would be at all helpful?! This sickness was definitely impairing his judgement if he was seriously relying on her.

He’d figure it out on his own terms or hide in his room trying. Not important. He had work to get done, for now! And work that would involve the other Darkner making his SOUL pulse.

…Though he was almost starting to not mind the feeling.

With a sigh and a roll of his shoulders, Rouxls headed off to what he was certain would be a perfectly tame, normal, and helpful interaction. All he needed was to get his mind off things!

…Right?

Chapter Text

The café was quiet. For now. Small mercies.

At least the journey over had been quick. Down a couple sets of stairs in the castle, across the paved pathway, and there it was! If Rouxls had to give the fluffy goat boy credit for anything, it’d be that he was certainly better with kingdom design than most monarchs Rouxls had worked under. He still had nightmares about the floor design in Card Castle. Goodness gracious.

On his way over, Rouxls had stopped to consult a Virovirokun and Ambyu-Lance that had been bickering not far from the castle. They’d been less than helpful, with the Virovirokun enthusiastically insisting he should embrace whatever sickness overtook him and the Ambyu-Lance wanting to give him some kind of quiz to fill out. Fools. The only one who offered puzzles was Rouxls himself! He brushed off any of their statements and ignored them from there on out, especially once they started snickering to themselves when they thought he was out of earshot.

So much for calling for help. His initial instinct to dismiss the notion that any Darkner would know how to help him was right. Nobody would come to save him.

Ah, well. He’d be fine! He was off to work after helping out the most delightful TV host he’d ever met! What more could he possibly ask for? And Spamton would be there, and he’d get to help with the episode, and… Oh, it was enough to make his hands tremble with excitement! Truly, he’d lucked out meeting the two of them. He had no time to waste getting to where he needed to be, so he shook off the thrumming of his SOUL that had risen again at some point. Nothing could take him away from the moment. Not even how warm his face was feeling.

Nothing.

With his shoulder, Rouxls shoved open the door to the café, flicking his hair out of his eyes as he strutted in. As expected from the lack of hustle and bustle heard from outside, there was nearly nobody inside. Just a few Swatchlings sweeping up the floors in advance, that one Werewerewire who kept crushing energy drink cans and adding to the mess, and the bird butler that presided over the café. No Spamton in sight, though… Hm.

Rouxls panned his gaze around the building once more before trying his luck with Swatch, the café’s host. Much as he loathed talking to the Darkner – he always thought that he was better than Rouxls, with his official butler title and his suit not pulled from the garbage or robbed from another Swatchling – Rouxls was also far from keen on hunting down Spamton while weaving between those in the building. For all he knew, Spamton had gotten distracted, clambered out a window, and was now trying to catch several mice to pawn off on some Castle Town resident.

…Just in case, Rouxls peeked over at the nearby windows. Sealed tight. Alright, so probably not that, but it wasn’t entirely shot down as a possibility yet.

He approached the counter and leaned on it with one arm, his other hand going to his hip. Swatch leveled him with a blank stare that Rouxls could tell, even from behind Swatch’s opaque glasses, was no bit fond. He was just jealous he didn’t have such wonderful coworkers, Rouxls was sure. If Swatch wanted to work for someone as beautiful as Tenna, he should’ve reserved a spot! His fault.

“Good day, Keeper of thine Establishmente.”

“...Good morning,” Swatch said, words clipped and a bit reluctant to leave his beak. “To what do we owe the pleasure, Mr. Kaard?”

“At leaste you’ve learnedeth some Mannerse.”

“We are always as polite as possible in any given situation. Unfortunately, there are few compliments we can offer when one breaks into Our Grace’s castle multiple times and attempts to steal our jobs. We sincerely apologize.”

“Thou art forgiven.”

Swatch’s shoulders tensed impossibly more. And for what purpose? Maybe Rouxls was supposed to play hard to get with his apology… Hm. He’d take note of that for the future.

“Might there be anything we can do for you, sir?”

“Oh, righte.” Rouxls pushed himself off of the counter, hands tented under his chin. “I was Wonderinge if thou hast seeneth mine Deareste Coworker? He is Short,” he lowered a hand to just above his hip, waving it side to side, “incrediblie Loudeth, black hair, glasses – they look a Greate dealeth like thoust’s Lenses, actually.” He squinted. “Did thou… Stealeth his charme?”

“We are not supposed to have this conversation in front of customers, as it is. If you have inquiries about certain events prior to our employment here,” Swatch gestured to the restaurant, “I advise you consult Our Grace, the Queen.”

Rouxls got the feeling that Swatch didn’t find it exactly saddening he couldn’t elaborate on the royal drama he was somehow affiliated with. Whatever. He’d ask Spamton later! That little freak adored spilling various details on the royals of the Dark Worlds. A shame Swatch was so polite, which was really just a guise for cowardice. Rouxls’ constant grace and heroics were part of his bravery, comparatively.

Gods, he was so great. Great enough that he almost forgot he couldn’t triumph over some silly little illness. Ugh.

“To answer your question, we believe that the creatu – er… man you are looking for –”

“No, thou can calleth him a Creatureth, perhapse even a Beast. He knowseth what he is.”

“...The creature you are looking for, then, was here decorating just a bit ago. We aren’t sure where he’s gone off to. Most likely to gather more supplies, if I had to assume myself, but I won’t put words in his m –”

“NO NEED TO, [Birdcage never used]!!!!”

Across the café, the lid of a trash bin was thrown open. It wobbled back and forth a bit in a fight to stay upright, only to lose miserably as it toppled to the ground. Scraps of paper and a multitude of soda cans scattered, which the Swatchlings flocked to begin tidying up while the nearby Werewerewire screeched and darted out of the café. Rouxls didn’t even jolt at the noise, already expecting some wacky entrance whenever Spamton was involved. It was charming, in its own right.

“Mine Honeye!” Rouxls gave a wide wave with one arm, leaning his entire weight onto the counter as if he were showing off an expensive car. That was a move he’d learned from Spamton’s old business posters he’d scavenged up! It was attractive when the little freak did it, so Rouxls would obviously look just as gorgeous. Maybe. He hoped. He couldn’t live with himself if he didn’t come off as charming to Spamton.

(...Had that always been a thing with him, or…? No, actually, nevermind. Probably better he put that in a box and never mulled it over ever again.)

“[Ace of hearts]!!!” After crawling out of the pile of garbage, Spamton bounced to his feet and waved back just as brightly. “ACTUALLY THAT’S A DIFFERENT [Customer]!!! BUT DOES IT LOOK LIKE I [sharing is c4ring]???”

The longer Rouxls stayed at the counter, the more aware he became of Swatch staring at him. He turned to face the butler and cocked his head.

“Is somethinge the Mattere,” he said in a manner that didn’t give any room for a legitimate answer. Whatever Swatch had to say about Rouxls’ dear companion, Rouxls didn’t want to hear it.

“...No,” Swatch muttered after too long of a pause. “Please, enjoy your time in the café. We’ll be waiting for you with rose-colored glasses.” He moved to grab a cup to clean off, then stopped, adding on: “And please do not leave worms on the floor this time. We know you have them.”

“I maketh Zeroe promises.”

“You know what’ll happen if you do.”

Rouxls glanced between the banners that were still strewn about on the floor, waiting to be hung up. Ugh. Nobody in Castle Town appreciated him besides his dearest hosting assistants. What a shame. “Fine! Fine. But do not cometh Cryinge in Misery to me when thoust findeth them Yearninge for a home.”

“We won’t.”

“Goode!”

“HEY HE Y HEYHEY!!! I’M STILL WAITING FOR [click twice] OVER HERE!” Spamton took a few steps, very narrowly avoided tripping over a Swatchling’s broom, then made it over to Rouxls’ side with a little more effort. Only now did Rouxls notice the energy drink can in Spamton’s hand, which had multiple holes in it and was slowly dripping sugary liquid wherever he went.

“...Can I haveth a sippe of that… Horrific Concoctione?”

“WHAT?” And then Spamton looked at the can in his hand as if he’d forgotten it were there. “ONLY [$4.99] AND BY THAT I MEAN [100% off]!!! TAKE A SWIG!!!” He thrust the energy drink towards Rouxls, who took it and began to down the contents in one swift motion. It was about a quarter full and incredibly sour-tasting, enough to make Rouxls immediately sputter, which led to him coughing a bit of it on Swatch.

“Wowe. This tastes like Shit.”

“[Check yes]!!!”

Rouxls swirled it around, contemplated the can for a second longer, then proceeded to chug the rest. After finishing the utterly vile beverage, he looked up and threw the can in hopes of it sinking directly into the recently righted trash bin. It bounced off the edge and clunked to the floor.

Silence.

“...If anyone askseth, I made a Sweete Dunk right then.”

“I’LL REMEMBER THAT!!!!!!! [Warning: He will not remember.]”

“Ahem.” Swatch cleared his throat, so rudely interrupting Rouxls’ bonding time with Spamton. Nonetheless, Rouxls raised his head to eye Swatch, and Spamton grabbed onto the counter so he could do the same with minimal effort. “We would appreciate it if both of you did what you came here for and left. Please.”

“OH YEAH!!! WE HAVE [Looking for jobs?] TO DO DON’T WE??” With a thunk of wood against wood, Spamton dropped down, spun around, and waved his arms up and down. “COME ON COME ON [Hop to it]!!! CAN’T LEAVE [Trash heap] WAITING!”

“Yes, yes, only because thou Promptede,” Rouxls said with a dismissive wave. He shot one more glare at Swatch, who may or may not have been reciprocating it – the glasses made it impossible to really tell, though Rouxls was good at educated guesses – before following eagerly behind Spamton. “Whateth still requires Doinge, pray tell?”

Spamton aimed a pointed kick at one of the broad sheets of cloth, the words IT’S TV TIME! emblazoned on each one of them, that still laid on the floor. Figures. Rouxls sometimes wondered if his only job when it came to decor was making up for how short Spamton was, though he’d never complain about offering help. Not when it came to Spamton – or either of his darling coworkers, for that matter!

(His SOUL pulsed again. Rouxls stubbornly swallowed down the sensation. He was having an otherwise good time, and whatever God wished to curse him in this manner, he wouldn’t entertain their desires!)

“Easie enough.” Without anything close to a second thought, Rouxls grabbed Spamton by the back of his suit jacket. When Spamton froze like a pacified cat, Rouxls frowned and gestured with his head to the nearest decorative banner. “Go On. Pick it uppeth. Thou hast participated in the Grande Arte of interior decoreth with thoun Trulie, no?”

“WAIT WAIT WA I T –” Spamton stiffened, twitched, wriggled around akin to a worm, then went limp again. He was trembling almost violently, and Rouxls couldn’t quite decipher if it was due to something he’d done or the energy drink Spamton had been drinking earlier. In hopes of solving the puzzle in front of him – that was what Rouxls was best at, of course! – he began to lower Spamton to the ground again.

That was met with Spamton clinging to his glove hard enough that Rouxls felt his skin indenting just a bit. He didn’t flinch, per se, but Rouxls felt the way his hand tensed under Spamton’s touch. Spamton clearly did as well, since he loosened himself just enough that it wouldn’t cause discomfort.

Aw. He cared! …Of course he cared! That was nothing remarkable, it was just… sweet?

And there went Rouxls’ SOUL again. He refrained from clenching his jaw too hard, lest Spamton assume it was his fault.

“IF YOU LET GO OF ME I’M [Custom chew toy]ING YOUR HAND.”

“Okaye, okay!” Rouxls raised his other hand in a poor mockery of defense. Truth be told, he didn’t buy that Spamton would intentionally harm him, but he wasn’t pushing his luck today. He was getting the feeling he’d done enough of that since entering this café. “Had I known thou felteth so Vehementlie about being held, I wouldst have done it far Sooner.”

“I JUST –” As Rouxls lifted him again, Spamton grabbed at the banner just before it was out of range, adjusting with time to the feeling of being in the air. “HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT WAS [In your skillset]?!?!”

“Thou art Incrediblie easy to holdeth, in mine Defense.”

“I’M A [Real boy]!!!! IT’S NOT LIKE I’M [Hitching a ride?] NORMALLY!!!” Despite his eternally loud fussing, Spamton had stopped struggling in confusion by now. Rouxls took that as an incentive to lift him to a more appropriate height to hang up the decoration in Spamton’s hands. With his other hand, Rouxls held onto Spamton’s hip, shifting his original grip to be more of a loose support against Spamton’s neck.

Spamton chittered and shook again in what Rouxls couldn’t mistake as anything but contentment. He bit the inside of his cheek to suppress any laughter at the noise. Whenever he laughed too much at Spamton, Rouxls had found the other would simply stop doing whatever Rouxls had found so funny. He couldn’t have that! Not when it made him feel so…

…Words were failing him all of a sudden. Such a terrible fate, to have one of his best qualities – his eloquent speech – stripped of him! Oh, well. Standing in silence while Spamton, with twitchy hands, pinned one end of the cloth sign onto a built-in nail on the wall was just fine with Rouxls. When it was hung up on its left, Rouxls stepped a few paces to the side so Spamton could work on the other end, the puppet hunched forward in concentration. Rouxls was certain he could stay like this forever, if he had to.

“COME HERE OFTEN [Pretty boy]???”

“Hm?” So much for the silence, though Rouxls also didn’t mind talking to whoever received the honor of getting to listen. Especially if that honor was bequeathed onto a dear friend! “Why doest thou Inquire?”

“[Birdbrains] OVER THERE WAS TALKING ABOUT [bait worm d3als]! THAT’S YOUR [Brand]!!! ONE PART OF IT, ANYWAY.” Spamton finished getting the nail through the banner and leaned backwards against Rouxls hand, prompting him to bring Spamton back to ground level. After the two headed towards the next wall of the café, Spamton picked up another banner, then grabbed Rouxls’ hand. “[Beam me up], KAARD!!!”

Rouxls did as requested, holding Spamton up to the highest point of the wall Rouxls could reach before responding. “I have hadeth some… Problemse with the Staff here, Previouslie.” Sugarcoated only because Rouxls couldn’t go on a tirade about Queen in here without being banned, again, and feeling at least a bit guilty. Queen had been fine as of late! Probably nothing to do with him no longer begging for employment from her. “Water under the Metaphorical Bridgeth, I assure thee! The Butlerse here and I have becometh quite amicable, have we not, Sire Swatch?”

Swatch very quickly became too invested in wiping down a coffee cup to respond. Maybe for the best. Rouxls was… exaggerating their bond, to an extent. But, hey! He was still in the café, wasn’t he? Rouxls: 100, Swatch: 0.

(Swatch might’ve gotten one point for the outfit if Spamton didn’t wear it better.)

“DID YOU REALLY SPILL [Fish bait] EVERYWHERE???”

“...Maybe.”

“SO YES.”

“Yes, okay, whatevere, it isn’t that Big of a Dealeth.”

“BUT IT’S A FUN [Deal]!!!! WHY DON’T YOU [Terrarium] THIS PLACE MORE OFTEN???”

Rouxls swiftly felt the eyes of multiple Swatchlings focused directly on the back of his neck. From in between his teeth, he exhaled a quiet sigh.

“Spamton. Darlinge. Mine Sweete,” he said in dulcet tones, “refraineth from giving me Fun Ideas until After we completest our Taskse.”

“[Great deal] HANDSOME!!!!”

Much as he tried to avoid it, Rouxls still felt his fingers twitch around Spamton at that compliment. While Spamton wasn’t shy with praise, his was typically much less… direct, simply by nature of how the little puppet spoke. It wasn’t as though Rouxls was going to turn down a compliment from a creature sweet as Spamton, though! It was just new and nice and warm and –

God dammit, there went that bothersome fluttering again! Rouxls must’ve grumbled a bit too loud this time around despite his efforts, because Spamton’s head swiveled just as he finished putting up the banner he was working on.

“SOMETHING [Gone Wrong] OVER THERE???”

“Nothinge,” Rouxls uttered in a manner he hoped was convincing. Spamton twisted around against Rouxls’ hands as he was lowered but made no verbal disagreement to what Rouxls assured him of. Good enough! They could both be liars, in that case! …Not to say Rouxls was lying, precisely. Nothing was wrong because he was perfectly well and good spare for the silly little disease he could swallow down. What, was an ailment going to knock the Duke of Puzzles down?! Laughable!

Back to work. It would pass as everything did, wouldn’t it? And Spamton wasn’t making it worse. He was not, and the fact that Rouxls’ fluttering chest sensation flared whenever the puppet spoke was irrelevant! Correlation, not causation! …Or was it the other way around?

“HEY HEY HE Y!!!! EARTH TO [Solitaire] OVER HERE!?!?!?” When Rouxls came back to the Dark World from his momentary daydream, Spamton was standing on a table and waving a hand in front of his face. Rouxls breathed out a laugh and pushed Spamton’s arm down.

“As I Mentionede, I am Fine. Thou merely cannot Conceiveth the amounte of Grandiose Ideas being stewedeth upon in my Large Minde.”

Spamton stood very, very still. That alone was atypical. Then, he tilted his head until it was at nearly a total ninety-degree angle.

“WOWIE!!!!!! YOU’VE GOT [Thoughts] GOING ON UP THERE????? AND HERE I THOUGHT YOU WERE JUST A [Pretty face]!!”

“Wha – Don’t sayeth that!” Rouxls scoffed and flicked Spamton on the head, which earned a cacophony of laughter from the puppet. “Thou art lucky I enjoyeth thoust Presence so muche.”

“AND YOU’RE LUCKY YOU’VE GOT SUCH [Presence and aura] YA WEIRDO!!!!”

“Takinge that as a Compliment.”

“GOOD NEWS FOR YOU [Big spender]!!!”

Before Rouxls could get too deep into their banter, much as he would’ve loved to, a Swatchling tapped Spamton’s shoulder and gestured for him to get off the table. Once Spamton begrudgingly did, the Swatchling began dusting off the tables, leaving the two guests to remember that… right, they had jobs to do. They exchanged glances while the Swatchlings continued their tidying work, delayed from Spamton’s grand entry earlier.

(Worth it, Rouxls thought with nothing less than adulation.)

“WHAT’S NEXT ON THE [TV listing] THEN???”

“Goode question…” Rouxls rocked forward on his toes as he scanned the area. Most spots had been tidied up by the Swatchlings by now, but there was a half-ajar box left on one of the tabletops. When Rouxls stepped towards it, he saw an all-capitals Sharpie label that simply read: SHOW DECOR. That made it easy! Normally, Tenna would’ve been more clear about directions, but… well. “Lookse like we haveth our Answere!”

“OH BOY!!!!!! I LOVE [Party accessories half off]!!!!” By the time Rouxls could turn to face him, Spamton was already clinging to Rouxls’ leg and clambering up to look inside the box. “WHAT’S THE [Wares] TODAY????”

“Let us See…” Rouxls pushed the lid of the cardboard container off the rest of the way. Some sort of table toppers, plastic tablecloths, cowboy hat shaped candle holders… Yeah, this checked out. “He did sayeth it was a Westerne themed episode Yesterday. Why, I cannot Parseth.”

“OH OH OH I KNOW THIS ONE!!!! [Call me on, Coach]!!!” Spamton’s hand flew up like he needed to be called on to speak. He spoke anyway, because of course he did. Endearing little freak. “ONE OF HIS [Old customers] USED TO LOVE A SHOW LIKE THAT!!! SOME KIND OF PUPPET [String-pulling] THING??? I DON’T KNOW!!! BUT HE REALLY [Got Into] IT!!!! MAYBE HE’S GETTING…” Spamton paused, then finished in a cadence that was almost reluctant, “NOSTALGIC.”

“Is that… Bad, per sayeth?”

Things went quiet. Awkwardly so. Rouxls’ hands shifted to fold under his chin as he squinted at the puppet next to him. Spamton rarely went so dead silent unless there was something serious going on behind the glasses that served as his eyes. Then again, it wasn’t as if Rouxls knew the situation, intelligent as he was. Perhaps Spamton himself was merely getting caught up in old memories.

“YOU WERE. LATE.” When Spamton spoke again, it was more purposeful, as if every word was being forced out. Like he was suppressing something. “WHAT… WHERE. WHERE WERE YOU.”

“Hm?” Rouxls hesitated, casting a glance in Swatch’s direction. He was too preoccupied with cleaning things, and regardless, he was polite enough not to eavesdrop… probably. The Swatchlings were in a similar boat, and to boot, Rouxls didn’t have a deep-seeded vendetta against them. It was… mostly safe to mention the truth, then, even if Rouxls still felt strangely fuzzy about the whole ordeal. “I was with our darlinge Hosteth, Sire Tenna! Why?”

“DID HE. DID HE SAY. ANYTHING?”

Another moment passed before Rouxls formulated a response to that. “He was feeling… Downtroddene, to putteth it Planlie. Worried about me Leavinge, as it wereth, though I could never dreamst of such a Horrid act.” He caught himself and tacked on, “Not to sayeth thou hadeth any control over –”

“I KNEW. WHAT. YOU MEANT.”

Rouxls’ hand went to his hair, his forefinger and middle finger catching a lock of it. It threaded in and out between them, up and down. Up and down. He wasn’t sure when he’d started doing it, but he knew it made those moments when his shoulders got so strange and tense a bit easier to bear. Better than telling everyone how stressed they made him with their complexity, anyway.

“...YOU. DID YOU TELL HIM. YOU WOULDN’T. DO SOMETHING? THE OL’ [[Kick ‘em to the curb!]]?”

“I would nevereth – in what Worlde would I even earnestlie Conceiveth doing such a Horrificke action to mine darlinge?”

“THE THINGS YOU SAY ABOUT [[Trash heap]] –” Spamton abruptly cracked up laughing before he could finish, rocking back on his heels where he’d perched on the table. No Swatchlings came to knock him down, this time. Perhaps even they knew when to have some tact. “...YOU SOUND LIKE A [Big shot]!!! LIKE SOMEONE HE REALLY [[Needs]]!!!!! I JUST WISH. I WISH. I.”

And then Spamton had gone rigid and unresponsive, staring at that box of decorations.

What was Rouxls meant to do in this sort of situation!? While he certainly knew about the history between his two coworkers and could gather enough to assume that Spamton didn’t think he was being a great partner to Tenna… What could he even say? He didn’t know the nuances of this whole dynamic! He wasn’t involved, beyond the two men both making his SOUL thrum uncomfortably until he wanted to gag up his ability to feel!

…When had his emotions on the whole disease gotten so visceral, anyway? He was nonchalant about it. He was normal. He was fine, he was…

But Spamton wasn’t, and that somehow became more of a priority. Did Darkners normally start thinking about others before themselves in these conditions? God. How did they live like this? …A thought that also got shoved to the back of his mind, because Spamton was bordering on catatonic and Rouxls desperately wanted to help with it. He didn’t need to know why, simply that he did.

“He speakest Highlie of thou, if thoust must Knowe.”

Spamton jolted as if electrocuted and spun on his heel near-instantaneously. “REALLY??????”

“Not todaye in Specificke, but… I have heardeth his Praises about thou. He believes in thou an… Inordinatest amounte. ‘Tis strange. But I cannot sayeth I would not do Juste the Same, when it comeseth to thounself!” Rouxls did a theatrical bow until he and Spamton were at eye level. “Trulie. Thoust should heareth his Words when thou art not Presente.”

When Spamton began buzzing once again, Rouxls had no room to contemplate if it were due to caffeine or not. Snickering under his breath just enough not to set Spamton off, Rouxls raised a hand and ruffled the puppet’s hair.

“YOU’RE LUCKY I’M SO [Genoris] OR I’D BE GETTING [Hands off the merchandise]!!!”

“I’ve pickedeth thou up Severale times this dayeth alone. Thou wouldst be Hypocrititicale to stop me Now.”

“AND WHO SAID I’M AN [Honest salesman]????” But Rouxls’ hand stayed on Spamton’s hair and didn’t get batted away, which was a rather good sign. It took Rouxls longer than he knew it should’ve to pull away. Who was going to blame him, though!? He had such an adorable man right at his fingertips, and – god dammit could his SOUL shut up for five seconds while he thought about the circumstances at hand?!

“Yes, yes, well…” Roulxs didn’t have much else to say on the point, talking only to fill the space while he stood up straight and regained his bearings. His gaze flickered down to the opened box and he frowned. Would setting up an episode really be good for Tenna or Spamton? Or himself, for that matter? Work wasn’t helping, being around friends wasn’t helping – gods, he was in a true trial of his own wits. A supreme puzzle for the supreme assistant! Things were making sense now!

…No, they weren’t. He wasn’t foolish enough to be tricked into that.

“Perhapseth we should… Consulte our darling honeye dearest Host? A breaketh would…” Rouxls picked up the lid and sealed away the decorations, containing whatever memories dripped off them in buckets. “...Do him well, I Presumest.”

“ON IT, [Cap’n]!!!!!” As soon as Rouxls finished speaking, Spamton squirmed off the table and dropped to the floor with a soft thud. A few Swatchlings moved out of the way to let him zip by as fast as he could go… which was surprisingly quick, given how small he was. In the middle of the café, Spamton stopped in his tracks, however. Rouxls tilted his head.

“Is somethinge – ?”

Spamton made a heart with his hands.

Oh. No. That was fine. Rouxls didn’t feel his SOUL clawing its way up his freaking throat at the mere sight. Everything was okay. Rouxls was not becoming weak in the knees over this. And it had nothing to do with Spamton. Never did! Because if it had anything to do with him, then Rouxls had to admit there was something wrong, and nothing was wrong. It was a test. A puzzle! And Rouxls would solve it and be fine, because the alternative was – !

…He couldn’t lose the best opportunity he’d had in his whole life. He was happy, dammit, and no cruel spectre, virus, or deity would steal it from him!

And so, with a smile, he winked right back at Spamton.

“Thou shalt see me Sooneth! This, I Promise!”

With that, Spamton skittered off, the door opening with a bit of effort from him and swinging shut just as soon. Rouxls had to actively resist the urge to collapse to his knees and start kicking things. Why couldn’t he just be left alone for a change?! Had he not proven his mettle enough to get to this point? Did he also have to drag himself through something plaguing his SOUL, driving him further and further in his mind from the two he cherished most?!

Gods, he needed a break. If work hadn’t, well, worked, then surely a break would! And perhaps further consultation? Reluctant as he was after the failed confrontation earlier, his options were growing horrifically strained, and he suddenly felt no more wise in this department than anyone else he knew.

…He really was doing terribly at this trial.

“Is something troubling you, sir? Don’t be blue. We’re here for you.”

That was enough to get Rouxls to groan into his hands. He pressed his fingers to his temples, rubbing them in circles as he began to pace around the tables. The Swatchlings had shifted away by now, standing ever-so-dutifully near the door and awaiting customers that wouldn’t be coming for some time. Rouxls found he had a potent aura that deterred others from entering rooms with him willingly. It served him well in moments where anyone else showing up would probably lead to violent combat on his behalf.

Moments like right now.

“I have Nevere felt bettereth in my Life,” Rouxls said through teeth clenched so hard his jaw hurt. From across the café, Swatch cooed in acknowledgement, offering no other words for a time. All that filled the room was Rouxls’ thumping footsteps, the occasional squeak-squeak of a rag on glass, and how god damned loud Rouxls’ thoughts felt. In the back of his mind, he swore he heard the sound of something filling a glass, but he didn’t care to find the source.

More background noise Rouxls didn’t care to parse. More building infuriation at the fact he couldn’t solve this one little thing. It should’ve been simple, should’ve gone away on its own, should’ve – what did he have to do?! Maybe if he weren’t surrounded by incompetent fools, he could’ve figured it out hours ago, but no! And the two Darkners who didn’t make him want to take up the cutlass again were somehow making things worse! What sort of game was this!? It was hardly a fun one, and Rouxls would have quite preferred to just back out now if the gods would allow i –

“Sir?”

“What?”

Rouxls turned sharp enough for his neck to hurt the moment he did it. Cringing through the ache, he looked across the building at Swatch, the corners of Rouxls’ mouth twitching to uphold a bared-teeth grin.

“Take a break. You’re tense.” Swatch gestured with his head to a mug on the counter, full of some drink topped with whipped cream and star-shaped sprinkles. Rouxls stared for a moment, then approached, leaning his full weight onto the wooden surface.

“At leaste Someone appreciatest mine Presenceth.”

“Don’t give us a reason to retract our favor, please.”

“Hmph.” Rouxls put up no further fuss, however, if only because exhaustion was starting to settle in. This was why he never made a habit of thinking! All it did was tire him out and offer him puzzles that nobody could solve beyond himself. They were rarely even fun puzzles. “...Thou were Listeninge, I taketh it?”

“It would be hard not to. We can assure you that no secret said in this café will find its way out, however.” Rouxls pulled his drink closer to his side of the counter and refrained from casting a wary look aimed Swatch’s way. Much as Rouxls disliked the butler most days, he wasn’t going to turn down some glimmer of literal sweetness in his time of need.

“...And why Nowe am I being showneth some Decencie, if I mighteth ask?”

Swatch went quiet. Not long enough for it to count as impolite or even a delay in his thoughts, but more of a way for him to contemplate his phrasing, if Rouxls had to guess. When he spoke again, his words were measured and certain. A miracle he didn’t get caught in the same trap thinking had landed Rouxls in.

“We noticed how you treated our other guest – Spamton, yes?”

“Indeede.”

“While you have been consistently disruptive on our premises, we acknowledge you are not… exclusively intending to cause harm. After all, why else would you have been so thoughtful towards such a… unique guest… despite having nothing to gain?”

“Whate elseth did thou Expecte me to do?” Rouxls scoffed at the mere insinuation he’d make any other choice. Despite his indignance – why wouldn’t he help one of the only people making his unsolvable predicament bearable? – Rouxls took a sip of the drink that had been made for him. Blueberry flavored, with some kind of vague pastry taste underlying it. Comforting. He’d never say that out loud, for that would imply he needed the comfort.

“There are choices in everything you do. We know you aren’t… inclined to politeness. There’s no shame in that – not for you. But it means your decisions to be kind mean all the more.”

“Where art thou Goinge with this. Because it Soundseth like thou art being… a Hatere.”

Swatch sighed. “The point of this is… if you were such an entity of destruction, you would not have prioritized his comfort over the furtherment of your goals. And you’ve mellowed out since joining forces with Mr. Tenna, too. While we will keep your past transgressions in mind, perhaps you are due for another chance. We merely have to wonder what has changed your mind, as we are certain employment under Our Grace would not do as much, nor did your time at the side of His Lesser and Now Ex-Grace fix you.”

“...The vile Monarcke?”

“Whatever you wish to call him.”

“Righte.” Another sip of the sweet drink. Rouxls swished it in his mouth before swallowing, now finding the floor a better subject to make eye contact with than Swatch. “Thou wouldst not Understande the Trials and Tribulations I am putteth through daily. When mine Darlingse are the only tolerable Darkners I knoweth of? It is only Rationaleth I will tend to their every Whim and Wante.”

“Trials?” Swatch let out a small chirp. “We have heard Tenna was once a harsh boss now and then, but –”

“No! No, no – Gods, no! Mine deareste Host would nevereth cause me Strife nor Stresse. No, it…” Rouxls brought a hand off his mug to comb lithe fingers through his hair. One lock was once again pinched between his fingers. Up, down. Up, down. “...Thou cannot mentioneth it to Anyone. Am I Cleare?”

“As mentioned earlier, what is said here is secure. You have our oath.”

“Fiiiiiiine.” Rouxls tugged on his hair hard enough to make himself squeak in pain, his hand pulling away afterwards. Not even that was calming his ever-aching SOUL. “I… haveth a Probleme I have been facinge. It is an… Unpleasante feelingeth. This fluttering, this Paine in my chesteth – my SOUL has been Replacede with some Fuzzie Nuisance. And those two have made it… Worseth. Yet… I cannot finde it within Mineself to mindeth, Regardlesse. Which is Far more puzzling! This burden should have made its Departurest days ago, and yet – no Solutioneth shows!”

Rouxls kicked a foot out, watching his boot scuff on the wooden floor. As Swatch remained quiet, his gaze firm on the back of Rouxls’ head, Rouxls drank the beverage made for him and tried to clear himself of thought. Maybe that was the solution. All he needed to do was become absent of extensive pondering and trust his SOUL on everything and anything! That was all his SOUL yearned for! Surely not the sound of Tenna’s voice or the feeling of Spamton’s hair or…

“So that’s what Our Grace meant…”

“What?”

“Oh –” Swatch stiffened. “– Nothing of importance to you, sir. Our Grace contacted us a bit before your arrival here, asking about… Well, nevermind. I was reminded of it.” He shook his head, a silent dismissal of the subject. Hmph. “You said these feelings were unfamiliar to you?”

“I would not be so… Preoccupiedst with them if they were Noteth.”

“Perhaps you should consult a couple… er,” uncharacteristic stuttering from Swatch, but Rouxls didn’t feel like solving another puzzle as of now, “a couple of other Darkners? A close set of them, maybe. Call it a hunch, but… Questioning a tightly-knit duo or trio of individuals could certainly clear up some of your quandaries. Merely a suggestion.”

Rouxls stared into his half-full mug as he contemplated. Who did he know that had such a deep bond with another? Someone who would understand how to solve the unruly feelings that even he wrestled with? They would have to be intelligent, well-versed in the world of visceral emotions…

…Something in his mind clicked. In one swift motion, Rouxls downed the rest of his drink, then slammed the mug on the counter.

“I have made a Brilliante revelationeth!” Rouxls pounded a fist down, beaming. “Thank thou! Oh, a millioneth times, thanketh thou! Thou may even breache the Top Ten in terms of Castleth Town Intelligence!”

“Is that a compl –”

“Good daye, O Wise Oneth! And a little something for the Roade, as it were…”

“It’s worms, isn’t it?”

Rouxls paused digging through his pockets. “...Nnnnoooooooo?”

“Please do not put worms in our establishment, sir.”

“How elseth am I meant to Paye thou?”

“Dark Dollars are an option, though we ask for no monetary compensation this time around. Your smile fulfills us enough.”

“Oh.” Rouxls hesitated. With immense reluctance and chagrin, his hands retreated, arms folding in front of his chest. “Boringe.”

“We do not make the rules, unfortunately.”

“Wouldst thou allow Wormseth if thou could?”

“Absolutely not.”

“Damn It.” Rouxls huffed. “Well, that Concludeseth mine questioning! Goodbye, ta-ta, so longeth – whatever! I havest work to do! …’Off the Clocke,’ as it were.”

“Goodbye, sir. We’ll be waiting.”

With that, Rouxls departed, slinking out the door and (against what Swatch insisted) leaving a couple of worms in the dirt outside. As they wriggled into the soil, Rouxls formulated his plan for the rest of the day. The episode would be called off for all the hosts’ sakes, which meant the staff wouldn’t be busy…

Yes. Yes! It was all coming together! Finally, the qualm his SOUL had been stuck in was solved! And all he needed to do was finish one little conversation.

Grinning wide enough to hurt his face, Rouxls started off towards the castle centerpiece of the town.

Chapter Text

Ten minutes until the meeting.

Rouxls had arranged it carefully. Disguised as a lamp – a very convincing disguise for the fools around him, if Queen’s words were any evidence – he’d slipped a navy blue letter sealed with wax into the hand of one Darkner. That man had then carried it off to his wife… Girlfriend? Partner? Whatever relationship status they were in, because Rouxls didn’t care to keep tabs on them. From there, it was simple enough for Rouxls to slink off and begin preparing for when the two would arrive downstairs.

He’d cooked them food in the form of three TV dinners that Tenna still sold on occasion. The cauldron had served as a decent heating implement in place of the “microwaves” back in the TV World, and it worked thrice as quick. Within not but a minute, Rouxls had three Salisbury steak meals lined up on top of a couch in the lobby, which blocked access to the strange and suspicious door Ralsei never looked too hard at. Weird.

Eh. Didn’t matter.

Rouxls had placed himself in the middle, picking at the meat with a plastic fork while he waited. His appetite was on a steep decline ever since this morning, though, so no actual eating came of it at first. Just a constant slicing and sliding motion. Cutting into the dense meat was cathartic, at least. The fibers pulled apart with just the right amount of tension to them. If Rouxls thought hard enough, he could imagine it was his very own SOUL being picked apart and drained of whatever horrid malady had been injected within it.

…Gruesome thought. Still, Rouxls continued his fantasizing as he diced the meat into smaller and smaller chunks until he could fit one on only two prongs of the fork.

It was a bit strange in its own right, being somewhere so quiet. Lended itself to that thinking he’d been avoiding for so long, too. Much as Rouxls clenched his teeth and jabbed meat onto his utensil only to scrape it off to repeat the process, he couldn’t distract himself forever. The sound of plastic on plastic was only so loud in such an empty room.

When was the last time he’d been so alone? …Eugh. He didn’t want to think of it. He’d gotten so used to company that loneliness simply felt… hollow. No comparisons or gloating or tails on one’s coat to chase after. Just himself. He couldn’t even make puzzles, for if he solved them, he’d already know the answer! Booooring. Everything was so boring without –

There his mind went. Thinking those thoughts that always drifted right back to his coworkers. In frustration at his SOUL and mind’s own inability to cooperate with his natural disposition, Rouxls shoved a chunk of meat into his mouth, chewing with force. His own grinding teeth at least forced his head into submission, if only momentarily. Had he always been so… hostile to himself?

It wasn’t himself, he insisted. The proper, un-ailing Rouxls would never be this easily distracted! He never would’ve needed to call off an episode, or consider his own lack of company, or God forbid ask for help with things! His head and heart had been consumed by something impossibly dark. At least asking someone, humiliating as it may be, would release Rouxls from this unholy trial he’d been placed in. A trial that not even imaginary violence could fix, too! Tragic, tragic.

He slumped in his seat and prodded at the food in the TV dinner dish. There was the meat, which Rouxls had already carved up far beyond any further toying with. In the few smaller sections of the tray, there were mashed potatoes, some kind of vegetable slurry, and what the box alleged was a “marshmallow dessert”. When Rouxls squinted at it hard enough, it looked far too similar to the melted down goop of a Dark Candy for him to imagine it was anything else. Despite the textural nightmare, he scooped up a clump of the gelatinous food on his fork and crammed it into his mouth.

Sickeningly sugary. Good. He deserved something for his efforts today, and the drink Swatch had offered simply hadn’t been enough to scratch the itch in Rouxls’ mind.

That was how Rouxls remained for those ten minutes. He shifted his position on the couch on occasion, kicking his heels out or lounging left or right as much as the other prepared dinners would allow him room to. It felt like a lot longer than it should have, to the extent Rouxls would’ve accused his unloyal guests of being late if he didn’t have such an acute sense of time. Thoughts made him lose track of time, so keeping pace was a good enough reason for him to shun any further pondering. Whenever an idea or musing that made his SOUL churn tested the veil between his subconscious and waking mind, Rouxls shoved another chunk of steak in his mouth and chewed. Hard.

(At some point, he swore he bit the inside of his cheek. He didn’t stop to check, lest his mind wander back to fangs on a CRT screen.)

Ten minutes on the dot passed when footsteps approached from the stairwell. Rouxls jolted – gracefully as ever, of course – into an upright position, swallowing his mouthful of food just as his two guests arrived. He put on an award-winning smile and leaned into the couch cushions once his eyes met theirs.

“Mine… Ex-Lovelies!” Rouxls drummed his fingers atop the couch, arms splayed over the top of it in a gesture he imagined was welcoming. “Taketh a seat. We havest… Muche to discuss.”

There, at each others’ sides, were Elnina and Lanino. Loath as he was to reconnect with his old flames, he had no intention of bonding with them in any regard. He didn’t need the power they offered him, and anyway, the feelings part of being in love was coming far too slow with them! When he found the perfect person, Rouxls was certain that he would know far quicker than he did at their sides. As it was, he was working with Tenna and Spamton, so he needed no couplings or even throuplings. He felt powerful when he was attached to the two hosts’ hips already.

That was all bonding was, at the end of the day! Power! And Rouxls didn’t need power as of now, so he didn’t need romance, so he didn’t need anyone. A shame for Elnina and Lanino, he was sure, but they’d manage. Or they wouldn’t.

All he wanted right now was some help with one little puzzle.

“Oh… Rouxlsy-p –” Elnina started.

“Never calleth me that Pet Nameth again.”

The noise the two weather hosts let out sounded suspiciously like a mutual sigh of relief. Curious.

“I have madeth… Dinnere,” Rouxls gestured to the TV dinners on the couch, “for us. I imagine this shalt be-eth an… Extendede Dialogue… about the Troubleth that hast arose.”

With slow steps that Rouxls had to refrain from calling them out on, Elnina and Lanino approached the couch. They looked at the positioning of the dinners, then up at Rouxls.

“Elnina, did you want me to – ?”

“Oh, hah – no, no, I should sit first, my sunny day!”

“I insist, my dearest drizzle! I will take one for – er – I will be a gentleman, and –”

“Oh my God, thou art both takinge Forever.” With a loud groan and his head rocking backwards, Rouxls stood from the couch, then gestured to it with his head. Almost immediately, Elnina and Lanino flocked to take their seats, pressed up against each other like Pippins at a poker table. Rouxls, meanwhile, sat on the opposite armrest. Nothing that bothered him.

The last thing he wanted to do was give them more hints. He’d heard their whispers in the studio prior to his employment, where every touch and attempt at getting in their good graces became an invitation to reignite the flame Rouxls had long since put out. For what purpose? He knew quite well he was charming, handsome, endearing – everything and more one could want in a partner. But they’d proven they hardly wanted him in their lives, with his demeanor being too bizarre, or something of that ilk. Why, then, did they continue coming back? Especially when they had nothing to gain?

It was… well, Rouxls supposed that if he had to make a comparison, it was akin to his compulsion to help Tenna and Spamton. He gained nothing but the happiness of his dear companions from doing so, but he still felt that urge to continue doing it. As if their contentment was the only reward he needed. It made the fluttering of his SOUL roar up even more ferociously, though, which was really harshing the vibe there. Perhaps Elnina and Lanino knew about the puzzle Rouxls was stumped by already, and that explained the overlap!?

Rouxls really was a genius for asking them to help him. No surprise there, of course.

“Ah… Rouxls?” Lanino’s voice cut the silence. “You’re… stabbing your food a bit much, there. Something the matter?”

“Hm?” Only then did Rouxls realize he’d been jamming his fork into another piece of steak, one of the few left in the tray. He shook his head and popped it in his mouth. Chew, chew, swallow. No time to divert his thoughts anymore, as nice as it would’ve been at the moment. “Ah, nothinge of Concerneth. Merely… pondering the Conundrum I hath landed mineself Withinst.”

“Right, and…” Elnina scooped a forkful of the veggie substance, frowned, then let it drop back into its container. “What is this problem you speak of? No offense, haha, you just… haven’t exactly been clear?”

“I don’t believe you’ve told us anything, in fact. You had the lamp deliver your letter in the studio!”

“How did you get the lamp to – ?”

“Okaye, okay! I understandeth that thoust have… Questionse.” Rouxls folded his hands under his chin, food temporarily left alone. His hunger had long since subsided with how his stomach churned at every little thought, anyway. No point in forcing it now. “All shall be Answeredeth, with time. For nowe, however… I must begin with the Situatione at handst.”

“That’d be… nice, yes,” Elnina muttered.

“For that matter, why did it have to involve us?” Lanino jabbed his fork in Rouxls’ direction, brows furrowed. Rouxls resisted the urge to flick something at him so he’d shut up. How did anyone listen to someone talk so much with such a tawdry voice? Nothing like the voices of his closest companions – oh Gods, he was going to start hitting himself with cinder blocks if he didn’t get this puzzle put together tonight.

“As Mentionede,” Rouxls leaned into the cushions again, albeit at an awkward diagonal angle given his position, “all shall be Answeredeth with Time. Mine issue is quite simple, though I Acknowledgest it may proveth… challenginge, for Darkners of thoun’s level.”

Elnina and Lanino definitely grumbled at that comment. Why, Rouxls couldn’t tell. It wasn’t as if he was lying!

“I have been… Plaguede, as it were, with some uniqueth issues. Even my Cunninge and Charminge mind cannot seemeth to focus when put to work! And in the presenceth of mine Darlinge Deareste friends, Spamton and Sire Tenna… The burden only Growst! It is troublinge! I cannot shake this fluttering within mine Chesteth, this yearning for something – it is painfulth, at times! I have never Felte anything akin to it! My consultations with others have turnedeth up… Largelie Empty. But!” Rouxls pointed at Elnina and Lanino, who were staring at him with wide eyes. “‘Tis why I hath consulted you twoeth!”

“...You want us to explain –” Lanino spoke up again, only to be shut up by Rouxls stretching a leg across to prod Lanino in the side with a foot.

“Husheth. The Professional ist speakinge.” After clearing his throat, Rouxls continued, hoping he injected enough bravado into his tone not to be interrupted again. If weakness would get Darkners to interfere with his mind’s hard work to solve this puzzle, he wouldn’t allow weakness. Simple. “As thou hath clearly Figured Oute, this must be a test from the Gods! A puzzle, crafted solely for Yourse Trulie.” Rouxls waved towards himself. “And, upon the great Swatch’s suggestioneth, I generously have contacted thou both to assisteth in mine Solvinge of this grand trial of minest. So, the question is –” He held out his hands above his now-lukewarm dinner, palms up. “– doth thou stand to the Challengeth proposed?”

The look he got from his two exes was one he’d only have expected if he asked anything difficult of them. Surely, this was all a simple task that the three of them could sort out before promptly splitting ways! Maybe the puzzle was taxing, yes, and it would take a while to figure out the why and how, but no puzzle was too challenging for Rouxls. He just needed a bit of… alternate perspective, no matter how inferior the perspective’s source was. So why were Elnina and Lanino staring as if he’d demanded to date them again, or something similarly absurd?

“Uh…” Elnina cast an uncertain glance Lanino’s way, which he matched once they made eye contact. “Well, I… don’t suppose we have much of a choice?”

“Thou doest not!”

“Okay.” She combed a hand through her cloud-like hair and huffed. “A – As long as my effervescent moon is – ?”

“Of course! Of course. I don’t foresee any other options for us, and… puzzles are intended to refine our minds! Such a challenge will… well, maybe it’ll make our broadcasting better?”

“Now you’re just making things up, Lanino.”

“A-hem.” Both weather people snapped to face Rouxls when he cleared his throat. “I would appreciateth if we remained Onne Topic.”

“...Right.” Lanino leaned into Elnina’s side and she mirrored the gesture, with Lanino beginning to pick at the salisbury steak in his food tray rather than looking at Rouxls. Understandable. Rouxls imagined his good looks and darling royal charm would distract from the task at hand. “These… feelings? When did they come up first?”

“Yes, that’s – that’d be a good place to start,” chimed in Elnina, who looked somehow more unsure than Lanino. Goodness, maybe Rouxls had made a bad call contacting them.

“Despite mine Memories of the feelings… I findeth it Difficulte to pinpoint precisely when they rearethed their Ugly Head.” Rouxls brought one knee closer to his chest, the other still extended halfway across the couch in case he needed to nudge sense into his two companions. “Some time after mine new Employmente underneath our Darling Hosteth, Tenna, but… hm. I supposeth it must hath been after Spamton’s arrival, too…”

“Oh, that little… card…” Lanino chuckled.

“No. He ist a puppet. Common Misconceptione, though. I shall let it slideth.”

“It was a figure of –” And then Lanino cut himself off and shook his head. “N – Nevermind. On topic, right?”

“Now thou art Gettinge It.”

“Mmmh.” Lanino shifted and poked his fork into the meat in his TV dinner. He looked over at Elnina, who had seemingly zoned out staring at her own food. “Elnina, my iridescent rainbow, how about you…?”

“Oh! Oh, um…” She crossed her ankles and lounged backwards into the couch, gripping her fork enough to make her knuckles pale. “So… ever since those two showed up, you’ve felt… strange? And that strangeness, it’s – describe it to me.”

“As I mentioned, there is… a Flutteringe in my SOUL, a sort of… acheth, if I must put a Worde to the sensation.” Rouxls gestured towards his chest with his free hand, chewing on the inside of his cheek. Since when had he struggled so much with verbiage? It’d happened in the cafe, and now it was happening here, too. Truly, this ailment intended to take everything from him. “It is persisting, like the Sicknesse it presentseth as, but… I have noticed it Worsene in light of thoughts about… Those Two.”

“Mr. Tenna and Spamton?” Elnina tilted her head.

“Yeseth. Ugh… It is as though the Gods themselves yearneth to tear us Aparte! Of course, I have not let that little Qualm stoppeth me from bathing withinst their Company.” Rouxls smirked. “I knoweth. My bravery is Immeasurable.”

“...Y – Yes, truly…” Lanino adjusted the lapels of his coat in a gesture Rouxls found mindless. Why was he preening himself now? There were bigger matters at play! The nervousness was sensible – after all, Rouxls had a habit of making everyone a bit intimidated in his great presence – but there was no reason for Lanino to try and impress Rouxls. He’d already failed that a while ago.

“So – and just to make sure we’re on the same page…” Elnina folded her hands, her meal forgotten in favor of the subject. Why had Rouxls even bothered making food? …Then again, this meant he’d have two extra meals after the fact… Nevermind, it was entirely worth it. “Two men have shown up in your life, and some time after, you started feeling… soft and fluttery? Like you’re on cloud nine, so to speak?”

“Refrainst from the weather puns,” Rouxls grumbled, “but yeseth. It is the strangeste of things.”

“...Rouxls, I…” Once again, Elnina and Lanino were trading looks. It was growing infuriating by now, but the desire to solve the issue he’d landed himself in far usurped his want to figure out whatever puzzle these two had going on. For the time being, anyway. Rouxls folded his arms and drummed his fingers on his forearms as he waited. Bouncing his leg would make the TV dinner fall, and he still wanted to eat that later when his stomach inevitably settled.

“Well?”

Lanino was the one to take the helm. “It’s… Rouxls, I – we think the answer is obvious. You’re… in love.”

“Oh.” A pause. Rouxls tilted his head to one side, then the other. “No.”

“What do you… mean, no?” Elnina cut in, looking awfully offended for someone who had no right to be so baffled. Ugh, maybe Rouxls should’ve consulted that clown around town before Elnina and Lanino…

“I believe that ‘No’ is a complete answer, is it Note?” The answer was yes, of course, but he’d give them the grace of letting themselves believe they came to that conclusion on their own. “I know how Romanceth feels. I hath heard Fairytales of the sensatione, and I knoweth love when I see-eth love! And this cannot be love. It hurts mine Hearte far too much.”

“Wh – Rouxls, I – you dated us before! You were the one to propose it, too!” Elnina elbowed Lanino in his side and he perked up, tuning back into the conversation after her exclamation.

“You… were, yes. So you must have been –”

“Oh, I figurede that the Love part would come latereth. I mean, thou doest not needeth love to be together! If one stays at another’s side for Longe Enough, it willst come about with time.” Rouxls tented his fingers under his chin. “And none of the Stories saideth it would hurt. It is a Divine feelinge, one to envy! I would knoweth if I saw it.”

“You weren’t in love w –” Elnina caught herself, mouth parted in surprise, and sighed. “No, this… explains quite a lot. Doesn’t it?”

“It unfortunately does…”

“Woah, woah, Guyse,” Rouxls chuckled, “thou art takinge it the wrong way. Of courseth I cared for mine Darlingse! Thou hath both been together for quite some time, no? So it must makest sense that I would entereth a Relationshippe and turn your weak duo into… a Power Trio.”

Lanino blinked in an almost frog-like manner. “You’ve lost me, I think.”

Elnina nodded. “I’m in the same boat. And… the boat is in a thunderstorm. Rapidly sinking.”

“Okaye,” Rouxls grumbled. He dragged his hands down his face before standing up, beginning to gesture with his hands. Perhaps a visual occupier would make this easier for them to understand? And here he thought them being a couple would be helpful. “It is a rather Simple Concepte. Love is the ultimate unifier, Naturallie. Therefore, it is the Goal any one person would pursueth. The single Opportunittie in life all creatures yearneth for. And –” One finger pointed up while Rouxls’ other hand went to his hip. “– it grants the most Powere one can achieveth, to boot! It allows one to Rise Uppeth in the ranks, to soar! And later on, thoust will get Blisse and Joy, etcetera, whatever.”

“No. Pause. Please.” Lanino hunched forward and Elnina slid to the side to accommodate as he spoke. “What… is the point of love, to you?”

A curious question. Hadn’t Rouxls already made his truth clear? What more was there to say? But every question felt like it’d unlock a part of the puzzle, no matter how much evidence proved otherwise, so Rouxls continued answering amidst his annoyance.

“Love ist the primary goal of Anye relationship! The ultimate pursuit! Until one is comfortablest in their positione, they shall seeketh love. A beautiful, flourishinge romance of the Ages!” Rouxls twirled on his heel, hands clasped at his cheek. “It is beautiful. Unproblimatique. Everything is solved when a Ringe meeteths one’s finger.” He held one hand out, miming sliding a ring on over his glove. “And here I believedst thou would Know, having met that goal…”

“That’s… not… Well.” Elnina brought one hand to her face and pressed her fingers against the arch of her brow. Her smile seemed somewhat strained. “Love is… It’s about finding another part of yourself! Someone that makes you feel complete! Like my bright sundrop…”

“...And my dearest raincloud…”

“We complete each other. I don’t know where I’d be without him! He makes me feel… the way you feel about Mr. Tenna and his little co-host. That’s what love is! That… the way they touch your heart. Your SOUL.”

Rouxls stared. He stared for what felt like ages, a mental clock in his mind ticking and reminding him of each wasted second. This couldn’t be love. The discomfort, the burning pain – it couldn’t be indicative of anything but a test from something larger than him. Romance was a dream come true. Something soft and kind and eternally good, and it never hurt, and it never felt like this. He’d chased the coattails of lovers for so long! He knew what it meant to love, and it never felt…

…Real.

Oh, gods.

“Thoust maketh… a tangible pointe… But! You hath both failed to acknowledge one… little… detail.” Rouxls waggled his finger and then brought his hands behind his back, if only to keep himself from fidgeting. He wanted the comforting motion of his hair between his fingers again. Up, down. Up, down. “I hath pursued couplings before, Many a Time! If this were love, I… I would knoweth! I would. I’ve – I have felt this way… not with thou, or with her Grace, the Queen, or that wickede Monarcke, the King –”

“Were you ever – you know. Happy? With them?” Lanino draped his legs over Elnina’s lap while she pulled closer to him, and ever-so-disgustingly, Rouxls imagined doing the same with his co-hosts. The thought made his face flush and his appetite go right down the drain all over again. In retaliation, he turned away from the couple and stared into the bubbling cauldron of green liquid. Neon. Like acid.

A part of him wanted to drown. The other section of his mind only wanted to swallow the feelings until they suffocated him, if they hadn’t already. He appealed to neither side and continued to think of nothing and yet everything. His head hurt. Nothing felt easy. Everything should’ve been easy, for he was the Duke of Puzzles, and nothing was unsolvable, and –

Against his better judgement, his hand went to his hair. Up, down. Up, down.

The motion was consistent. Rouxls wished everything was so simple. If things were natural, normal, easy, structured, then nothing had to be questioned or challenged, and he could never be wrong. He never had to feel this way. It felt more like a punishment than any verbal lashing he’d withstood before, yet somehow seemed akin to a divine blessing in the same way. Was he happy now?

…Of course, because happiness was the presence of his two co-hosts. How could he be discontent, regardless of the agony his feelings wrought about the whole situation?

Gods, what was he, a poet? He should’ve listened and choked down the thoughts when he had the chance. Not that the two weather handlers had to know they’d gained any sort of upper hand. They hadn’t. Rouxls was always on top. Always. This was just a temporary setback, a little hitch in the broadcasting, an advertisement that missed the mark –

Everything made him think of them.

“I am happy with them, but,” up, down, up, down, just like the carousel that troublesome jester spoke of, “the Happinesse of love is – it is differenth, it is… Storybook-esque! Nothinge ever goes wrong for the Grandiose hero and his princess, for they haveth the happy endinge when love strikes! This is not – it Cannote be –”

“It’s… Rouxls –” Elnina sighed. “It isn’t that easy. Love is messy, and it doesn’t always go right, and… some things are complicated. Things can’t always work out. There’s not one solution! But the real love shows when you… overcome those things. When things hurt and you stick by them anyway. Isn’t that right, my radiant sunbeam?”

Lanino laughed. Rouxls wanted to hit both of them with the dinners they’d been ignoring for the entire conversation. Or a brick. Or anything, really. He needed out of this dialogue before things got too serious and shook his worldview more than it’d already been rattled. More than anything, he couldn’t be wrong, and they certainly couldn’t be right. It would ruin –

Nothing would be ruined. Rouxls was perfectly fine. Comfortable. Safe. Correct.

“Then…” Rouxls turned on his heel, mouth stuck in a smile that was starting to hurt. Not even in a fun way, either. “What the Hecke did we haveth?” His free hand pointed between himself and Elnina and Lanino with two fingers.

“I had that question prepared, actually…” Lanino said with a light but joyless chuckle.

“We were a Throuple, were we not? I was to becometh Second-in-Commande by virtue of our Bondst and my battling skillse! And – even if thou Attesteth that these feelingse are… natural… they surely would have cometh later! Thou doest not need feelings to achieve Romance, the goal of all life and death!”

“...Y – Yes, you do? Have you –” Lanino trailed off, but didn’t get a chance to continue. One more glance between the couple was all it took for something to snap in Rouxls’ mind. His free hand clenched into a fist, which then bundled a handful of fabric on his sleeve within itself.

“You both are being Troublinglie Secretive. And I… am not… enjoyething it. At all. So,” his other hand mirrored the motion he’d made a second prior until he was holding onto his forearms like a liferaft, “what is so Confusinge?”

Both of the couple’s mouths opened and shut a couple times. Finally, Elnina took the lead, though she still wouldn’t meet Rouxls’ eyes.

“It’s just… a lot to take in, haha… A real avalanche of information! Yeah?” Rouxls didn’t respond to her. “Okay. Um – What we’ve been trying to say is… It’s surprising, that’s all! We thought you were with us, flirting with us, because… you liked us? So we thought you’d know… anything about being in a relationship. You were really bad at it when you were with us.”

“Terrible, haha,” Lanino agreed.

“Which we thought was just… the… essence of you, but… you didn’t like us? At all?”

“You were…” Rouxls thought for a moment. “Tolerable.”

“...Thank you…?”

“Thou hast received quite a high compliment, yeahth.”

Elnina shielded her face with one hand. “Good to know. I – you didn’t love us, though! Which is the problem. You’re feeling what love normally is, which… Yes, it’s a bit… much –”

“Thou art understatinge it. God.”

“...Maybe a little,” Elnina said with the bit of warmth she could seemingly muster. “That’s what’s beautiful, though! Isn’t it? Even if it hurts, it bothers you, it’s… nice, at the end of the day. To love someone and know you’re loved back.” She added on right after, with a startled expression: “Though sometimes they don’t, and that’s –”

“ – hardly a Concerne of mine.” With a wave of his hand, Rouxls dismissed the idea. “I am Remarkablie easy to adore, I knoweth.”

“...Well, Mr. Tenna does sound fond of you,” Lanino said with a shrug.

“That’s not the point, Lanino! The point is – this is what love is. And you’ve been looking for it so hard you never realized how it felt! It’s not a goal for you to achieve, it’s just… It simply happens. Does that make sense, Rouxls?”

Rouxls went still again. He rocked his head side to side a couple of times. His grip on his forearms loosened before his hands dropped entirely, his gaze doing the same as he focused on the floor. It made sense and he hated it. The idea of loving, much less being loved, felt more sour in his mouth than that garbage can energy drink he’d tried earlier. It burned the back of his throat and all the way down until it gripped his SOUL and made it pulse just for those two charming TV show hosts.

And yet, he found himself never wanting it to end. That was perhaps the most annoying part of all – that Elnina and Lanino were right. Agonizingly so. Loving those two had his SOUL in a vice grip, sure, but it was a vice grip Rouxls would take over never knowing them in such a way any day. It was just… confusing. More than anything, Rouxls hated not knowing things, and this was something he couldn’t make heads or tails of.

Rather than saying all of that out loud, though, Rouxls grumbled a sharp, “I supposeth. Yes.”

“That’s the spirit,” Lanino chirped, grinning. Rouxls managed to put back on his typical smile for the sake of it, because Gods forbid if he ever gave some indication he’d been triumphed over. The fact his smile had dropped at all made him queasy.. Rouxls was always on the winning side, and today, the winning side was the one where he admitted he’d been weakened by his two best friends. Winning was losing. Horrible. Rouxls felt that sourness in the pit of his stomach again.

“What do I… do-eth about it, then?” Rouxls almost had to spit the words out. Asking for help with the “puzzle” was enough for one day, frankly, but he needed some kind of solution. What else would he do? Go back to how he’d been before, waiting for the ache to subside and give way to himself being correct? …Not a bad idea, now that he thought about it…

“You could tell them how you feel and see if they’re open t –”

“I’m Not Doing That.”

“...Okay!” Elnina backed off and sank into the couch cushions, the slightest gleam of sweat appearing on her forehead.

“If I might, uh,” Lanino crossed one leg over the other, “writing it down could help. Since you… never thought about this before, maybe… having it on paper would help some! I would write Elnina love letters every day before I properly met her one cloudy day, and… Well. It helped. That, I promise.”

“Hm…” Shifting back, Rouxls regained his straight-up posture. He was in control. He knew things! Writing was a domain of his, for what was writing except making symbols? And symbols were used in puzzles, so – yes! This was a puzzle, too. Easy. He was a prodigy. “Like… the notes I used to haveth thou write?”

“...Oh… those.” Right after that subject came up, Lanino’s expression soured. “Perhaps… don’t throw them out, this time – did you not want to read our feelings because you didn’t care about them?”

“Was I supposede to?”

“Do you not care about their feelings?”

“Well, Naturallie, I care about mine Darlingse! Because they mattereth to me. Of course.”

Lanino’s eyes twitched. He covered his face while Elnina patted his shoulder, taking over the conversation with ease once more.

“Notes would certainly help you! You could keep all your feelings on them, plan out what you want to say to them, and then… Maybe you’ll feel better? And not have to ask ex-partners about those feelings, aha…”

“I Hearde That.”

“Oh.” Elnina went quiet.

“...But! Thou havest a point. I will… Considere mine options carefully. I supposeth anything that could grante me Reprieve is a welcome relief.” With steady footsteps – up, down, up, down – Rouxls walked back to the couch and perched on the armrest again, picking up his food. The tray was cold. No surprise. At least his stomach felt somewhat empty now. “The advice hast been… Enlighteninge, at any rate. I appreciateth the insight, regardless of the Resultse.”

“Well… It’s always nice to help someone out. Right, Lanino?” Elnina looked over at her husband, who was still grumbling into his hands. “Right.”

“I will sayeth, though…” Rouxls dug his fork into the last piece of cold steak, popped it in his mouth, then chewed and swallowed. No need to grind it into a pulp to distract his mind anymore. His head had long since gone elsewhere. “Thoust should respect that I hath moved onto ‘Greenere Pastures’, as it were. I have heard the Mumblingse… The dreams of when I willst rejoin your couplings… and I shall pre-emptively rejecteth those offers. Do I makest mineself Clear?”

“This conversation single-handedly killed any possibility of that. Don’t worry too much,” Lanino huffed.

“Well – that, and we thought you were… into us? So… maybe in another world. Not this one. Definitely a forecast of rainy days on that front, ahah…”

The silence that befell the three of them was brief, but not as tense as it had been before. Rouxls didn’t feel like getting too violent anymore, and the couple seemed less put off by Rouxls’ mere presence, if nothing else. He wasn’t keen on staying near them for too long, though.

Jabbing towards the stairwell with his fork, Rouxls piped up, “Thou can Leaveth, now. I require… contemplation time.”

Near-immediately, without any further prompting, Elnina and Lanino scrambled to their feet. With Elnina still rubbing Lanino’s back and Lanino himself grumbling under his breath, they headed up the stairs, Elnina only offering a quick wave goodbye before vanishing.

And then Rouxls was alone. Just him and three dinners that had long since cooled to a near-unpalatable degree.

The two other trays were already left on the opposite armrest. That provided Rouxls ample room to lean across the length of the couch, one arm draped dramatically over his forehead while the other clutched his own pre-made dinner. He sighed in a way he knew was far too loud, but perhaps if he was theatrical enough about it, some deity would take pity on him. He’d earned it for trying so hard, hadn’t he? He’d lived like this for a full week and then some and hadn’t even complained too much! The least the heavens could do was spare him some sympathy.

As it was, though, Rouxls was left to wallow in his own mind. The worst of fates, frankly. If he’d learned anything today – beyond the obvious love is a miserable beast that makes you happy and tortures you, somehow simultaneously – it was that his mind could be a frightening place if he let it run. When he had thoughts, they either managed to be about himself or the two men of his affections, and either option was an absolute recipe for disaster. He could ponder his own sense of self, or he could ponder how the two people he apparently adored felt.

…How they felt primarily about him, now that Rouxls considered it. Surely they liked him back. Surely? Then again, he’d always supposed everyone loved him, but nobody complained about such agony-inducing feelings when they were around him. Mostly, people said that he gave them migraines or made them want to collapse into unconsciousness, neither of which Rouxls had been feeling as of late. Probably some other compelling positive emotion was causing that, if he had to guess. Or jealousy.

That left Rouxls to one solitary question he had no tangible answer to. Did they love him back? Love him in this nauseating, intoxicating manner? He almost hoped they didn’t, because Rouxls couldn’t bear to be the cause of such misery to both of them. All he wanted was to make them happy. To see them smile. Hadn’t they been through enough pain to make them the way they were? Rouxls had never considered himself one to care about others’ feelings, those nasty things they needed to work out on their own, but… they were different.

Their happiness was his, plain and simple. Words alone could only do so much, even so, and words weren’t soothing the pain in Rouxls’ SOUL.

…Well. At least he could fill his stomach.

Sighing, Rouxls resigned himself to digging into room-temperature vegetable slush while trying to keep his mind from going too far off the deep end. If he wasn’t careful, he knew he’d think of far worse things. Like Tenna’s fangs, or Spamton’s voice, or…

Love.

All Rouxls could do was keep all those pretty words he’d heard for love deep, deep inside. Just for now. Just until he knew enough not to be wrong.

Who ever tried to do something without being absolutely certain they’d do it perfectly, after all? Not Rouxls! And that was precisely what made him so excellent.

He just had to make the perfect confession. For someone of his caliber, that’d be a fool’s errand.

Chapter Text

As it turned out, either Rouxls was less than a fool or planning a confession was not a fool’s errand. He settled on the latter conclusion for the sake of his own ego.

He’d spent what he considered an unreasonable time pacing up and down the hallway leading to Tenna’s studio. Luckily for him, Tenna was broadcasting some kind of game show that was loud enough to be heard from where Rouxls was walking. That meant Tenna hopefully hadn’t heard Rouxls, which gave Rouxls himself all the more time to figure things out! Surely, if he just kept walking back and forth while muttering under his breath, a solution would put itself together. How else were puzzles solved if not by one stressing their mind enough that everything clicked into place?

(Kris and their gang must have put their brains under immense duress to solve Rouxls’ puzzles back in Card Castle. He would’ve worried about them if they weren’t such pests.)

Nothing came to him, even so. Fleeting ideas at most and a deafening silence he’d come to resent with time at the least. While he typically would have welcomed the cool confidence that his lack of thought gave him, it felt more like sabotage than anything after a point. He was a prodigy! Someone that any monarch or evil overlord (or, as it were, oddball TV host and Addison) worth a second glance would give the spotlight to. Just because everyone else couldn’t see that didn’t make it less true! But Rouxls remained stuck in his own mind, subjected to the same loop of what can anyone possibly do about this?

At some point amidst his mindless – no – incredibly mindful pacing, the door to the studio opened. Rouxls straightened up and prepared to explain his absence in vague platitudes to Tenna so as to not worry him, but the only Darkners to exit were Lanino and Elnina. It must’ve been time for the last few studio employees to stop rehearsing their scripts and move along, then. Rouxls had spent far too long out and about, not even counting the fact he’d already exceeded the amount of time he planned to spend thrice over.

Great.

No, that was fine. Cool, actually. Really awesome. Rouxls suppressed an eye twitch and the urge to start pulling on his hair again. Before Lanino and Elnina could slip down the stairs, Rouxls trailed behind them, grinning wide.

“Sun Guy! Moon Girl! So happy to haveth thoust here –”

“No,” they both interjected at once.

“Yeah, okaye, that’s Fair,” he conceded on the spot. Before they could turn away, though, Rouxls tried something else, if only to see what he was working with. “...If I might asketh – how did Sir Tenna seem? And mine darlinge Coworkerth, of course.”

“Oh, they were…” Elnina hesitated, casting a glance in Lanino’s direction as if asking for permission. He shrugged with an indifferent frown and she continued accordingly. “They seemed… fine. Mr. Tenna has a show on. They both seemed a little antsy – haha – but… well, they’re always a bit on the edge. Except with you.” She blinked as if shocked by her own conclusion, then shook her head. “Anyways. They’re okay. No chance of rain there. Why?”

“Can a Duke of Puzzles such as mineself not ask after a man?”

“You did, uh –” Elnina looked past Rouxls to ensure the studio door was still shut and Tenna’s show was still playing. “You did explain you were deeply in love with… that man. And his strange little… friend?”

“Probablye the right word for it, yeah.” Rouxls tossed his hair over his shoulder and then settled his hand on his hip. “I wouldst have askethed about him Regardlesse of mine affections, though! This, I assureth thou of!”

“Right.” Only then did Rouxls realize both Elnina and Lanino had been taking multiple steps backward for the past few seconds, with the two being practically inside of the stairwell now. “Well… have a good time with that…?”

And then, before Rouxls could even wish them well with whatever they had that was somehow more important, they were both gone. Rouxls was once again alone in the hallway, looking ahead at blank walls that only reminded him of the inevitable future. So much for that.

It wasn’t that Rouxls didn’t want to see his coworkers! He wouldn’t have asked about them if he didn’t want to know they were okay. There was just this… new, creeping feeling. The idea he’d sour things if that secondary possibility Elnina brought up came to light – that they didn’t care for him in the way he did them. There was a chance, right? Neither of them had seemed so nauseatingly distracted, so maybe…

…God, what was Rouxls thinking? He was likeable! He was… loveable? Maybe? Ugh, he’d need to iron out exactly what he’d been envisioning when he said people loved him. He was attractive! Had a pretty face and charm, too! He’d thought that was most of the battle, but no! Apparently not!

He took a few steps back and spun on his heel to face the room doors. Queen was listening to some loud, bit-crushed nonsense music in her room, so she was… probably awake? If she ever even slept. Despite Rouxls’ curious mind, that question pinged only barely in the back of his head. Much as he was keen on avoiding the sources of his feelings that he couldn’t put to rest for long enough not to feel sick, staying around Queen felt like the worse alternative. Besides! He… did want to see Spamton and Tenna again. The nausea was worth it.

They were happy without him. There was no way he could fumble things by just being there, at least.

Despite his justification, he found himself dragging his feet as he approached the studio door. He raised his fist and knocked a few times, his other hand tucked behind his back.

“Mine deareste Honeyse! I hath returnede from battle! …The battle of Socializatione.”

There was the racket of wood hitting the floor, followed up by what was clearly Spamton yelling about having been the one to hit the ground. Rouxls couldn’t hide the warm smile that made its way onto his face. It was hard not to be endeared by the antics of his coworkers, really. Why had Tenna and Spamton ever lost their audience in the first place? …A query for another day, he decided as his hand fell to his side.

A moment after Spamton’s ranting began, the doors to Tenna’s room opened, with the host himself pulling Rouxls in by his wrist. Tenna’s screen still had an episode of some game show about money in briefcases playing on it, though it switched back to Tenna’s natural face soon enough. Spamton also made it back to his feet so he could wave to Rouxls, his permanent smile somehow seeming brighter.

…This was… nice, in spite of everything. Rouxls almost felt normal. Like he wasn’t under cameras and spotlights, or being dubbed some royal role that required his highest performance –

What was he talking about?! Nevermind. All that conversing with others nonsense had obviously gotten into his head! If he pondered any longer, he’d start thinking he didn’t need to prove his intelligence to everyone he met, or something equally deranged. Sobering up in his own company would fix whatever had jumbled his brain today. Perhaps that was the reason he hadn’t been able to make the perfect solution to the puzzle knocking around in his mind…

Ah, well. Bigger TVs and marionettes to… not fry. Stare at?

Rouxls would workshop that one.

“Kaard deck! I was starting to miss you, y’know!”

“YOU ALWAYS [Miss out?] HIM,” Spamton said with a light kick to Tenna’s calf. Ever since Spamton had found out he could cause very little lasting damage to Tenna on account of the size difference, he’d taken every opportunity to aim playful physical jabs at Tenna. Tenna himself had mentioned that it almost felt like he was being treated like something tangible. Something that didn’t just need to sit around until it was ready to be used up. Right after the subject arose, Tenna had dismissed it before it could get anywhere.

Not that Rouxls cared to say it out loud, but he’d made contact with Tenna more often since finding that out. As of late, Rouxls also found he wanted the simple touches just as frequently.

…Ugh. He hated how his thoughts drifted so easily now.

“Well. Thou willst be Pleasede to know, then, that I missedeth both of you!” Rouxls stooped down to ruffle Spamton’s hair, earning a pleased chitter from the puppet, then shook Tenna’s shoulder with more care than he’d put into most things in life. “I do hopeth thoust did not have too much Funne without me?”

“EVERYONE ON THOSE [Now in motion picture!] SHOWS IS TERRIBLE AT THE [Game]. IT WAS BAD.”

“Have a bit of mercy on them, Spam-can! The games are rigged anyway.”

“WHAT??? DO YOU KNOW FROM [Experience it yourself]???”

“Wh – no!” A pause. “I stopped rigging games ages ago. It’s pretty old-fashioned, even for me.”

“You two greweth out of hijackinge Puzzles?” Rouxls frowned. “Now I need to Uppe mine own Game.”

“...You haven’t been messing with the puzzles for the show, have y –”

“Nevere! I am a geniusth, not some Uncouthe Animal.”

“YEAH!!! I’M THE [Beast] TO YOU TWO’S [Beauty]!!!”

“Oh, you!” Tenna nudged Spamton with his foot and chuckled, then turned his attention back to Rouxls. “Enough of that! It’s getting late! Can’t have you missing out on your eight hours, right?”

“Please. Even thou doest not sleepeth that long.”

“That’s different! C’mon, I’m gonna violate some kind of law if I keep you awake, and I’m kind of trying to put that in the past. It’s new to me. Cut me some slack, will you?” Tenna rocked his head in a motion that emulated rolling his eyes. Spamton clambered up onto the trash can while Tenna was occupied, the bin tipping side to side before finding its balance once more. “I already explained the deal we’ve got to Spamton, so… don’t worry about that. We moved a couch in for you! Not the most comfortable thing ever, but it was that or piles of old newspaper, and that’s Spamton’s thing these days, so…”

“[Yummy compost!]”

“Hey. Thou art not one of my Wormse. Don’t eateth that.” Rouxls made a swatting gesture towards Spamton, who only stared back with opaque glasses and an eternal smile.

“Either way! We don’t have the newspapers. No compost eating fights until we get that shipment in! Rouxls, sweetheart…” Tenna pointed towards the couch, placed against the wall opposite to Tenna’s bed that always seemed incapable of fitting him properly. Rouxls held his tongue on that. He had enough sense to imagine that saying you should get a bigger bed, you know, to fit more on it probably wouldn’t have made his SOUL’s pulse slow any amount. “The couch is set up for you. Lemme know if you need anything! I don’t sleep well, so it shouldn’t be hard! Trust me.”

Not the most comforting of statements. Rouxls, once again, didn’t offer a response. Spamton was already curled into a flat disc atop the trash can, emitting a soft but significantly deep-fried rendition of a soothing music box tune. White noise, he’d called it. Rouxls considered it just noise, albeit noise he was willing to tolerate if it served as a reminder Spamton was around.

“Notede,” Rouxls said with a nod. “And… thanketh you. For thoun’s… Hospitalitie.”

“Hey! I said I’d do anything for you, and I meant it! I’m no cheat!” And then, with Tenna leaning in and holding a hand to his mouth like he were speaking to an audience, he said: “Off the cameras, anyway.”

Rouxls could almost hear the canned laughter that was meant to follow the statement. In place of a crowd’s chortling, Rouxls snickered to himself, one hand covering his mouth in reflex. Even though it was just Rouxls laughing along, Tenna reacted just as eagerly, his hands clasped at the side of his screen. Was he… blushing?

…Cute.

“Oh, you sound so darling like that! Remind me to make you laugh more. Gotta keep those memories saved…”

“Also notede,” Rouxls mumbled through the lump forming in his throat.

“Ack – there I go, keeping you up again!” Tenna waved his hands in front of himself and shook his head. “Get some rest! I mean it. I know you don’t have much planned for the next few days, but… Hey, you’re staying here. It’d feel pretty bad if you started sleeping rough just after moving in with me! Can’t make you regret it that soon, can I?”

Much as Rouxls wanted to say he couldn’t regret being around Tenna if the host had a knife to Rouxls’ chest, the idea Tenna would bring harm to Rouxls would probably only make Tenna feel worse. Instead, Rouxls shook his head.

“Thou never couldst.”

“HEY HE Y HEY!!! TRYING TO GET SOME [Shut-eye] HERE!!! SAVE THE [tree sap] FOR TOMORROW!” The loud voice cut through the room, grainy music going silent for a few seconds before picking back up when Spamton set his head down. Tenna smiled to himself, then waved a silent goodbye to Rouxls.

With that, Tenna – in a way Rouxls couldn’t think of as anything except uncomfortable – curled himself onto his bed and propped himself part-way against the wall. His screen flickered a few times and went solid black, shutting off. There was only the occasional twitch of Tenna’s fingers or antennae to indicate he was still functional, with his body otherwise limp.

With that, Rouxls was alone for the second time that night. Just him, the ambient buzz of electricity, and whatever tune Spamton intermittently decided to emit from… wherever he was getting that music. Rouxls assumed it was the same place Spamton played any of his sound effects, which was to say it came from god-knows-where.

With soft footsteps so as to not even risk disturbing the other two’s slumber, Rouxls approached the couch and laid across its cushions. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing on earth, but Rouxls had definitely slept in worse places in the Card Castle – that is, when he slept at all. There were a few star-shaped cushions in pink, yellow, and blue, which had been piled up against one of the armrests. When Rouxls leaned over the pillows to knock on the armrest, it made a sound like hollow wood. Probably a good call to keep them propped up there.

Rouxls slumped down until his cheek pressed against the yellow star, arms wrapping languidly around it. As busy as his day had been, he didn’t feel exactly… tired. Exhausted, maybe. Downtrodden? A little bit. Taking a nap felt almost blasphemous with how much he still had to sort out, though. His eyes wouldn’t stay shut for more than a couple of seconds before snapping back open in protest anyway, so he caved and rolled onto his back. The popcorn ceiling patterns felt like glyphs in the darkness, all coming together to ask one question – how are you going to get yourself out of this one?

It was all still a puzzle, at the end of the day. Feelings were boxes to be unlocked and pamphlets to be pored over until everything became one simple idea. All roads led to a question to be answered, and what were questions but word problems, which were just puzzles? So none of this should’ve been so hard. Even beyond the recent discoveries he’d made and his floundering attempts at finding a way to lay things out to his two dear friends, he felt… bizarrely conflicted.

There was something inside him. Something that thought a bit too out of the box. Rouxls was smart – of course he was smart – so he knew very well what one had to do to survive. The rules were simple. Always so simple. One had to be on the winning side, and if they lost, they had to masquerade like they’d been winning anyway. If someone lost, it was because they had broken the rules, and breaking the rules was unfair, and Rouxls was always fair. Except when he wasn’t. But then that was part of the rules, because he made the rules and the rules were simple –

This wasn’t simple.

Rouxls didn’t have the instruction manual at his beck and call here. There was a voice that clambered around in his ribs and asked him what he wanted to do, and for the life of him, he didn’t know. He knew everything except, as it turned out, how to win his very own game. He couldn’t win at feelings in this case – the best scenario was a stalemate, where both sides won out – and there were no rules written down for how to succeed anyway! There was nothing to chase after. No coattails to hang onto until he was given an order. No power dynamic to cling to and dig his heels into the loose soil of.

It was his move.

He hated when he had to take his turn. Wasn’t it so much easier to delegate? To give direction to the game and never play? Less risk. Less chance. More to direct. More to understand. And of course Rouxls understood, obviously, there was nothing he didn’t understand, but this was…

…

Grumbling, Rouxls draped his arms over his eyes. He was getting a headache. Too much to consider when it came to something he couldn’t consider in the first place. Pondering required there to be a ruleset, some kind of direction, and Rouxls had… none of it. Every possibility, every move on the chessboard, all at his fingertips. It was too fluid. Puzzles were easy, with their single solutions and easy directions. These new possibilities, new emotions… Ugh. If someone would just tell him what to do like the good second-in-command he was used to being, he’d be much happier and he knew it. Everything he’d learned about love and feelings was all wrong, and now what was he meant to do?

(He knew exactly what he needed to do. Figure it out. That was easier said than done and directionless to boot, though, so he marked the idea down as impossible, then cast it aside.)

The only winning move was not to play at all, but Rouxls’ hand was firmly chained to the metaphorical chessboard.

Sleep wasn’t coming any quicker like this. He couldn’t leave the studio, however, and frankly didn’t want to. One of his two companions would surely be awoken by the door opening, and the last thing Rouxls wanted to do was fumble his way through an explanation of why he was leaving them, if only temporarily. While whatever Rouxls said would be accepted, for he was a master at the art of speech, it’d also leave one or both of his friends worried about him in some manner. Not worth the trouble or heartache, and Rouxls doubted thinking on things more would help his problems anyway. Nor would ignoring them, either…

…Perhaps he could craft a ruleset for feelings yet.

Rouxls pushed himself into a sitting position and scanned the room. While it was dark, Rouxls had gotten used to carding through rooms in the dead of night enough to where it didn’t inhibit him much. He shifted until his legs hung off the edge of the stiff couch. There were still boxes stacked up, their contents cleaned from the floor after earlier that day. Most of them contained VHS tape and miscellaneous paperwork Rouxls was lucky not to have to handle, but there had to be some of his old belongings tucked in there. Kris had gathered everything that once made up the TV World, hadn’t they? So if Rouxls just looked hard enough…

He stayed very still, waiting until the music Spamton was playing got a bit louder. Then, Rouxls slid off the couch and landed on the ground with a soft thunk of his boots. He probably needed to get a different outfit to sleep in, but it was so convenient! No wasted time if he needed to hop up for any sort of night-time duty! It was simply a reflection of his superior capabilities and thought process. Simple. Everything was simple if he kept it that way.

Rouxls kept his gaze on Tenna and Spamton as he approached one of the topmost cardboard boxes. Spamton twitched a little, but the music didn’t stop, and Tenna remained limp and unconscious. With his worries eased for the time being, Rouxls hooked his thumb under the flap of the box and opened it, squinting to view the contents.

Paperwork. Lots of paperwork. Documents about which ad slots were when, a few old hiring contracts… Rouxls dug his hand in a bit deeper, letting his fingers search more than his eyes. Only when his fingers brushed against a pen alongside a stack of smaller papers did he stop. His hand wrapped around both items and dragged them to the surface so he could get a closer look.

There, clasped in fingers that were just hanging on, was a fountain pen and a few notecards. No more than ten. Rouxls didn’t bother to count, already retreating to his makeshift bed and splaying the paper out in front of him. His legs folded towards himself until his heels touched, leaving his gaze to focus down on the cards. Endless potential. A chance for him to write the rules, create the game, have power. And he still wanted power. He still wanted to feel like something was in his hands, directed by the shift of his fingers, because god, did it feel good. He understood why everyone did such terrible things for it. Never did he want to do what the King or Queen or even Tenna had turned to just to garner an audience, but he could sympathize.

They were part of the game, though. Rouxls was the one in control and he didn’t even have to play. He just had to write the instructions.

Elnina and Lanino had mentioned the feelings he’d had them write down. It was a helpful little piece of advice, he figured. Having the direction of one’s mind written down would make it much easier to abide by whatever arbitrary rules had been set by that same mind, no? And then throwing them out was a grand act of rebellion! A chance for someone to create their own rules, free from the feelings imposed upon their SOUL! …That, and Rouxls frankly didn’t care much to see what the inner workings of their heads were. It wasn’t like Rouxls could fix it. The rules of their worlds were a burden the two of them had to face alone.

Rouxls had his own troubles. Troubles that could, unlike their problems, be solved if Rouxls could just figure out what rules the damn things followed.

He sat very still for a bit, spare the bouncing of his pen between his fingertips. Soon, he brought his other hand down to pick up one of the notecards, pressing it against his thigh to make it easier to write on. He hunched over, tapping his pen a couple times to make sure the ink was ready. The nib met the surface and blue ink bled into the card, Rouxls’ wrist flicking down as he began to write. It came as easily as Rouxls wished everything did. Second nature. Simple rules to be obeyed, each letter only having one way to completion.

Only one way that mattered to him, at least.

The Rouxls (pronounced ‘Rules’) to ‘love’ are simpleth

No. They weren’t. Try again. There was only ever one solution, and by god, Rouxls would find it as he penned these rules.

have a Learninge curve, but any Puzzle Mastere worthst mine time will understandeth with enough time. Once thoust hath fallen into ‘Love’, these customs must be followed, or the gameth shalt become Unplayable.

Rule #1 –

His pen stopped. Rouxls let the tip hover just above the notecard as he waited for his mind to catch up, but it had screeched to a firm halt. He tilted his head to one side in the futile hope a new angle would make something slide into place. Nothing came of it. His frustration already mounting, Rouxls crossed out everything on the card and picked up a new one, teeth clenched into a grin that he hoped would make this situation feel pleasant if he smiled enough. It just made his teeth hurt, so he dropped the façade as soon as he’d taken it on.

New notecard. New possibilities. New rules. There were always rules, and Rouxls Kaard could be the one with his thumb on the pulse of these rules, if he could just –

…Maybe he needed a different approach to the rules. He’d been advised to write down his thoughts, after all! If he jotted those down, he could figure out exactly what the rules to feeling how he did were, and then everything else would come relatively easy. There were always rules. He could make them. He just had to figure it out, like he’d known the solution was to begin with!

(Ignoring that he’d tried to discard it for being too difficult.)

On the notecard he was pressing into his pant leg, he tried his hand at writing again.

As it is, I hath fallen Deeplye in love with mine two Co-Hostse. I do not knoweth what to do abou

Wrong. Admitting he didn’t know was on par with admitting failure, and Rouxls was always on the winning side. The paper was discarded onto the couch, flitting down next to one of the star cushions while Rouxls picked up another notecard.

When I am around mine darlings, I feeleth Onne Edge. But comfortablest regardless? It is a confusinge pli

Nothing could be complicated or confusing in the rules. Another card tossed aside and replaced with a blank one.

I hath not felt such a strong urgeth to make another Happy, and yet, withst them, it is – Rouxls hesitated. Difficulte, to suppresseth the desire t

Nothing could be hard for him. Nothing. The rules were supposed to make everything easy! Why couldn’t Rouxls just figure out a guide to working this all out and jot it down? Once he knew what to do, who to follow, and how everything would go, it’d be so much easier. That was all he had to do. It wasn’t that hard. It shouldn’t have been that hard.

…He grabbed another card, his thumb holding down the paper hard enough that his leg hurt where his fingers dug in. The pen stopped above the paper, Rouxls’ hand hesitant.

I think I’m scared.

Rouxls didn’t make a habit of dropping the accent. After a point, it was more his true voice than not, for playing the role of something only went so far until one became the role itself. It was a set of shoes Rouxls filled happily, though. It was a clear way to show everyone around him just how intelligent and refined he was! Nobody would question his capabilities when he spoke like that, and he didn’t have to prove himself if he already did with just a few statements in such an accent.

But there was nothing impressive about what he was doing now. He had no more solutions than some average Darkner off the street. Up long past when he should’ve been asleep, jotting down failed notes on cards he’d dug out of an old box. It was bordering on pathetic, or at the very least ill-planned. That gave him reason enough to slip, just for a second.

He was scared. Scared of spoiling what was apparently the first real relationship he’d ever had. Scared of knowing plenty and not knowing just as much. Scared of having nothing to abide by and nobody to defer to. Scared of not having control, be it in the form of a set of rules or a cutlass at his side. Scared of…

…He felt stupid. Which he was also scared of.

Grimacing, Rouxls shoved the notecard on his leg against the couch cushion, the satisfying crumple of paper a welcome damper to his mind. He still had control. Everything still obeyed the rules, and his feelings could bend to some ruleset, too. It wasn’t his fault he couldn’t figure out the directions! Nobody gave him a chance to and nothing was making it easy! Everyone else was wrong for making it seem so basic when they must have struggled tenfold if he was having such trouble –

“Looks like someone’s up late.”

Rouxls bristled like a cat, pen dropping onto his leg and then bouncing until it settled beside the ball of desecrated paper. The voice was soft enough that Rouxls almost thought he made it up, but when his gaze flicked upward, Tenna was leaning on the armrest with a smile.

…At least he seemed happy, Rouxls supposed. That meant he probably hadn’t heard or seen much.

“I was not awareth that thoust could be so Quiete,” Rouxls huffed with no heat behind the words.

Tenna gestured to two buttons on the front panel of his head. One had a plus sign where the other had a minus sign. When he clicked the plus, a bar showed up just under his mouth, a volume symbol on one end. He shifted to hit the button labeled with the minus symbol, making up for the prior increase.

“Handy, isn’t it?”

“Mmh.” A noise that passed as agreement was all Rouxls could muster up after his little… fit. Any upset had sunk away into the recesses of his mind, now replaced only with embarrassment and a hint of indignance that some feelings could get him so worked up. Tenna circled around to stand next to Rouxls while Rouxls himself not-so-subtly shoved the notecards he’d written on between the couch cushions. That was not something he could or would explain today. Or ever, probably.

“Did… something happen? Spamton was saying you seemed off earlier – are you running a fever?” Tenna moved to press the back of his hand to Rouxls’ forehead, which Rouxls reluctantly allowed. He wasn’t even sure he could run a fever in the first place, but… eh. Rouxls wasn’t complaining about the touch for the time being.

“I am fine. Though I appreciateth the Concerne… One such as I is neareth Invulnerable, I assure thee.” Although Rouxls did consider playing up some type of sickness when Tenna pulled back. “Merely a… Miserable night for sleepinge, as it wereth.”

“Happens to the best of us!” Even Tenna’s exclamations were somehow cranked down to a near-silent volume. Technology was bizarre, Rouxls decided. No wonder he never clicked with Queen… “You know, I’ve got something that could help. Always got Kris and their friends knocked right out once they settled down!”

That got Rouxls’ attention. “Do telleth.”

“Movie marathon!” Tenna pointed at his screen with both hands, rocking back on his heel and beaming wide. “What are we thinking? I’ve got anything you could want rrrright here! Anything to make you happy… and get you to bed, yeesh. Way too late for you to be staying up. You’re gonna make me lose sleep over you, at this rate.”

Rouxls paused, head tilted at a slight angle. He didn’t know many movies, now that he thought about it. He’d heard about them second-hand, mostly from Addisons or Queen’s rambling with the occasional review passed on from Lancer to Rouxls by proxy. None of the titles appeared in his memory at the moment, though, and he didn’t feel like straining for any more ideas at the moment. If his mind, as grand as it was, couldn’t pick up anything of importance right now? It probably didn’t matter. Given that and the fact Tenna was the one broadcasting whatever Rouxls would be watching…

“Thoust may pick whatever thou findseth suitable,” Rouxls said, adjusting his shirt cuffs as he stood. The white noise Spamton was playing had swapped to a grainy rendition of some jazzy love song, from what Rouxls could pick out of the lyrics. Rouxls tried not to let that color his perception of Spamton’s potential subconscious, instead focusing on the companion of his that was awake.

Tenna’s antennas had perked straight up, smile replaced by an almost quizzical frown. Rouxls quirked an eyebrow in a similar show of confusion, which took Tenna off guard enough to make him dismiss his brief puzzlement.

“Hah – what I find – ?” Tenna’s grin was back in earnest, and this time, Rouxls could see the fangs. On Tenna’s screen, a few tiny stars appeared, gleaming with a soft twinkling noise before vanishing again. “Well, geez, I haven’t been asked that in – doesn’t matter! I’ve got plenty to show you, Kaard deck! C’mon, you can sit on my bed!”

“I can What?”

“...Did you not want to, or something?”

Rouxls blinked. Either Tenna was oblivious to the implications or didn’t care about them. Whichever it was, Rouxls was not going to pass up the opportunity. He’d regret it and get embarrassed in the morning. If Tenna was so dead set on making him happy, then Rouxls would do the same favor for his dearest host! Anything to see that smile. Anything to feel…

…

With a pulse of his SOUL, Rouxls found he felt alright like this. Did he normally feel so content, so satisfied, so… cared about? Emptiness and aspiration was quite alright with him for so long, but with how comfortable this was, Rouxls was starting to wonder if he could ever go back.

Rule #1 – Never be alone again.

There were no notecards to jot things down on now, so Rouxls tucked the thought into his mind for the morning.

“Of course I do-eth. I was simplye… Surprised, by the initiative.” Rouxls waved a dismissive hand. “To bed, then?”

“To bed! Sorry if it’s a little cramped, I don’t… uh… plan for this. Usually.” With a nervous chuckle, Tenna walked over to his bed and tucked himself into the corner where it met the wall, trying to fold his already-shrunken form into a good position. Rouxls eased himself onto the mattress, also making an attempt at a comfortable way of lying down. Eventually, he ended up with his head against a pillow flat on the bed, while Tenna sat with his knees huddled to his chest and his screen aimed down at Rouxls.

The screen went black for a moment, flickered to static, and then finally settled on a proper movie. Rouxls could already feel sleep dawning on him, eyes half-lidded, but he processed that the movie was some holiday-based film centered around a moose-like monster and her salamander monster counterpart.

“I’ve never thought too much of the Falldark movies – they’re pretty same-y – but they’re good for binging! And they’ve got some charm to them. If nothing else, they’ll put you right to sleep.” Tenna said the last part like an audience aside, snickering right after. Rouxls didn’t have energy to do much but squirm a bit where he laid and shut his eyes. The audio of the film was quiet, but just about matched the volume of the music Spamton was playing, so it wasn’t too overwhelming.

It wouldn’t have mattered even if it was a bit much. Nothing mattered except being here, on Tenna’s bed, in the company of Rouxls’ two closest friends.

As he lulled himself to sleep, Rouxls almost forgot to hang onto control of the situation. The bit of him that didn’t let that thought slip would sort that out in the morning, he was certain.

Chapter Text

Rouxls woke up to nothing but the scratching of pencil on paper.

His head took a few seconds to catch up with his body as he rolled onto his back, white hair spilling over a poorly-stuffed pillow. One of his hands went to grab at the cushion and then push himself up, his other arm shifting so he could paw at his eyes with the inside of his wrist. He felt disoriented, certainly, but… quite well-rested. Actually, he felt less exhausted than most times he’d awoken in the past. What changed since last t –

The moment his brain, in prime shape as it was, remembered last night, Rouxls’ eyes shot open.

He turned to look over his shoulder first and foremost. Tenna was in the same position he’d fallen asleep in, screen now shut off. However long he’d been playing those cheesy movies, he must’ve passed out himself at some point. And then, Spamton… wasn’t on top of the trash can.

Rouxls squinted and rubbed his eyes again, just to be certain the still-dark room wasn’t playing tricks on him. Sure enough, the puppet must have woken up at some point, because he wasn’t asleep anywhere near his usual spot. The door was shut, though, and Tenna likely would’ve been roused awake if Spamton had slipped out. That wasn’t even mentioning that Spamton could barely open the door on his own. The question remained, then – where had Spamton gone?

A simple puzzle to solve. There had to be someone causing the noise Rouxls roused himself to, after all.

With just a few glances around, Rouxls’ gaze landed on a familiar form sitting on the floor. In front of the small puppet was a binder full of pages, chunks of trash – cut up bottles, crumpled paper, smoothed-out adverts – piled up on either side of it. Spamton was chattering to himself in an oddly quiet manner, hands fishing through the scraps on occasion and placing them on top of pages within the book. He looked concentrated on… whatever it was he was doing. Rouxls couldn’t tell from his sitting position, and the dim lighting wasn’t helping any.

Regardless, Rouxls tried to stay quiet, moving with caution he wasn’t used to keeping for long. The mattress didn’t creak under his weight, likely due to Tenna already sinking down the mattress with his typical size. Small blessings. Using short and quick movements to his benefit, Rouxls managed to swing his legs over the edge of the bed without disturbing Spamton. Rouxls kept his mouth shut for the moment, still. Too peaceful to break the silence just yet. His head tilted to the side so he could try to get a glimpse of what Spamton was working on.

No dice. Pity, that.

Even if he couldn’t observe whatever Spamton was up to, though… Rouxls didn’t want to disturb the tranquility. It was still early morning, if Rouxls had to guess – a rare moment where Castle Town wouldn’t be busy with something or other. Rouxls didn’t have to think just yet. He could sit and wait for something to happen, reveling in the comfort of this moment with Tenna and Spamton. Just for a fragment of time, the only rule was to relax, and it was one Rouxls was keen on following.

…Wait, what was he thinking? He had things to figure out! Relationships to smooth over! Direction to find! He couldn’t just sit around and be happy with such an unsolvable problem weighing down his SOUL! Preposterous. He was letting the domestic nature of things get the better of him, but there would be no creature comforts until he… comforted his SOUL… like the creature… it was?

Even his wordplay was rusty. Then again, maybe that was more his grogginess than anything to do with his two coworkers. Easier to blame it on the latter, really.

Rouxls made a deliberate motion to the side so the mattress would squeal. In what felt like milliseconds after the noise screeched out, like a cat, Spamton bristled. He jerked away from his little project and slammed the front cover shut, then hoisted himself up so he could sit on top of it. His gaze – or, rather, his glasses – met Rouxls, glancing him up and down before speaking.

“[Hochi Mama]! WHEN DID YOU START [Morning routine tips]??? I WOULD’VE SAID HELLO IF YOU SAID! ANYTHING!” While Spamton’s tone always sounded as though he were beaming, speaking through a clenched-teeth smile that Rouxls was familiar with, there was a hint of anxiety to his words for once. Some kind of… buzzing, testy static. Strange. Rouxls might’ve pried if he had the mind to at the present time, but as it were, he was preoccupied with his own business. Whatever Spamton was doing, it probably had nothing to do with Rouxls anyway.

After all, it wasn’t as if he were that important to his two coworkers. He wasn’t Spamton or Tenna’s world. That simply meant Rouxls had to give them the world and win them over! …Or find out in some tragic turn of fate that they both found him weird and strange and off putting. Luck of the draw kind of thing, really. He tried not to waste much time thinking of it, which ended up being counterintuitive as the situation cycled endlessly in his mind.

Rule #2 – Don’t think about it. Do not think about either of them! Not thinking about it helps. If you think about it, you start worrying, and if you start worrying, you think more, and thinking is quite bad, really –

“[Ace of Hearts]!!!” Spamton’s voice had picked up again, which Rouxls realized was at least in part because the puppet had strided up to the bed to wave at Rouxls. “YOU’RE STARING. WHAT, DO I HAVE [a cool new look!] OR SOMETHING?!”

Right. Rouxls had probably been staring. Which he would’ve done anyway, for any reason, any time of th – no thinking. Refer to Rule #2!

“Ah – no, No, thou art fine!” A pause. Rouxls fumbled to add something onto that, tripping over his tongue in a super cool and elegant way before landing on, “In the sense that thou art – thou haseth Nothinge wrong with him, thou art – You’re Coole. Yeah. Thate.”

“OH.” Spamton put his index finger and thumb out, pressing the gap between them to his chin. He studied Rouxls for a long moment – it felt long, at least – before shrugging. “IF YOU SAY SO, [Old Sport]!!!”

…That was easy.

“BUT REALLY! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN [Hide and seek]ING???”

“Calm thineself. I only juste awoke from mine Slumbere. Quite comfortable. Thou shouldst tryeth sleepinge here, some time.” God fucking dammit. “Not – juste – not Necessarilie with mineself or Sir Tenna within the bed, of courseth –”

“ARE YOU [Kitten] ME??? WHAT A [3-for-1] DEAL!!!” Rouxls tried not to tighten his jaw too much at how easily Spamton accepted the base statement. This had to be a nightmare. Or a dream? Sure, the acceptance was good, but it was all false hope! Rouxls wasn’t ready, he didn’t know enough – “I’D [Live] FOR A CHANCE TO BE SO. BE SO. SO. [[Redeem your sins today!]]”

“...What – ?”

Before Rouxls could prod any further, the bed shifted, and a glow became noticeable in Rouxls’ peripheral vision. In light of the distraction, Spamton skittered away and heaved whatever he was working with into one of the stray boxes within the room. So much for any of Rouxls’ current inquiries. Whatever. Another thing not to think about, he told himself. Less thinking. More doing, scheming, planning, acting – whatever made the ideal confession. Whatever proved he could do this perfectly. Proved that he knew every beat his SOUL needed to thrum in time with so that Tenna and Spamton were happy.

This was natural, wasn’t it? Everyone needed direction! Everyone. So Rouxls wasn’t the strange one for wanting instructions for these feelings! Simple, simple, easy, easy.

No time for justifications. Just as Spamton got everything put away – out of sight, out of mind, Rouxls hoped for his own sake – Tenna made a small, staticky noise and leaned forward.

“Kaard deck!” And then a nod in Spamton’s direction. “Big shot, hey!” Spamton prickled a bit at the nickname, but Tenna didn’t seem awake enough to notice. “You two are up early for an off day, jeez.”

“COULDN’T SLEEP!”

“I gotteth the Eight Hourse thoust wished from me,” Rouxls huffed, offering a playful shove to Tenna’s side that got Tenna snickering. “I hath a busy day aheadst of me. No time for extra Beautye Rest, I feareth…”

That got Tenna to sit up more, frowning. “What, did you make plans? Without me? I’m almost hurt, Kaard!”

“Nothinge of the sort, I assureth thee! I merely havest… Questse to complete. And I needst to ensure that Our Queen hath refilled the Medieval Water Bottle in the Dungeonse. We haveth a split-shift on it.” Not technically a lie. Rouxls had pawned off the duty onto Queen for the week in light of his supposed illness, and he didn’t have enough faith in her to believe she’d done it. He normally wouldn’t have checked, though, on account of not caring enough about the King as of present to worry. All he wanted was an excuse to talk these rules out with someone so familiar with rules. Who better than a machine who also once served as a ruler?

(Not to say that Queen was a very good ruler. Rouxls options were strained, okay?!)

“You still have to do that? Kinda thought Queen was taking it up full-time…”

“IF SHE DID, IT’D NEVER [get ‘er done!]. THEY’RE ALWAYS BACK AND FORTHING!!!”

“Don’st telleth me about it. Believe me. I’ve heardeth their spats.”

“Haha…” Tenna’s voice got a bit weak. “Well – you know couples! They fight sometimes, but… it doesn’t mean they don’t get along! Just – rough patches, you know how it is. That’s all.”

“Oh, no. I thinketh they hate each others’ Guts. Or whatever Machinerye they hath in there.”

“...Oh.” Was Tenna shrinking a bit, or was he just pressing himself into the wall? Either way, he seemed smaller somehow. Rouxls tilted his head at Tenna, but before either one of them could speak further, Spamton had clambered onto the bed and positioned himself in front of Tenna.

“HEY HEY HE Y!!! DON’T LOOK SO [Glum, chum]!!! JUST BECAUSE THEY’RE [Down and out], ROMANCE ISN’T [Dead and dying and screaming]! I BET IF THE CARD OVER HERE HAD ANY SAY, YOU’D BE LIVING THE [Honeymoon vacation]!”

Rouxls tried not to look too visibly floored at that statement. This felt like a mockery. Some kind of trick to get him to slip up and admit he was utterly floundering at this whole thing, as it were. He looked between Tenna, who’s screen had taken on a familiar pink tinge, and Spamton, who seemed more confused than anything else. Was this a trick? It wasn’t like Spamton was a great liar, despite being a salesman –

God, Rouxls needed out of this room before he dropped the ball on this.

“While that may be trueth, I,” Rouxls squirmed backwards and stepped onto the ground, pivoting on his heel so he could face the other two while backing up, “assure thee, I would not do-eth anything of the Sort, without,” his back hit the doors, forcing him to stop short, “m – mutual intereste in,” he grabbed the doorknob, “in the matter –”

One hand slipped behind his back and opened the doors.

“– and, of course, as Minion Supremeth, I would not be involved, merely an Advisore, so –” He nearly tripped over his own feet trying to get out of the doors, “– I shouldst really get that Worke done, now that I thinketh about it – good dayeth, mine Lieges!”

“Rouxls –”

Before Tenna could get anything more out, Rouxls shut the doors and staggered until he hit the hallway wall.

…He was right back where he started. Leaning against the side of the hall, hands now covering his face to hide how flushed it’d gotten, all while bemoaning the feelings he’d developed for his two coworkers. It was fine now, though! Had to be. Whatever practical joke was being played on him to get him to mess this up wouldn’t work, for he was the smartest Darkner that Castle Town had ever accepted into its ranks. He knew better than to thrust himself head-first into these emotions – without any rules, too! That would be unthinkable!

No, no. He had to plan things out. Get all the details down, know precisely how to handle the eventual dynamic, plot out the ideal confession that both of them deserved… and then he’d be okay. After all, if Tenna and Spamton were so stomach-sick over him, surely they were doing the same thing! Waiting to be ready. For Rouxls to be ready, if anything. They were so tightly-knit that Rouxls would just be another thread, waiting to be weaved in to finish their blanket of love!

His metaphors were still bad. Maybe it really was about Rouxls’ adoration for those two and not his sleepiness. Annoying.

Point being that Rouxls was fine. He hadn’t ruined anything yet! He was doing everything right – he never did anything wrong, not once – and if anything had somehow gone awry, he’d patch it up with his grand confession eventually. All would fall into place sooner or later, if Rouxls could just… figure out what “all” actually entailed.

One step at a time. One foot in front of the other. Tuning out the faint murmurs of voices that Rouxls could hear within Tenna’s studio, Rouxls walked with steady footsteps towards Queen’s door. It was never locked, the room itself always having some loud and pixelated music blasting from within. While the castle walls were fairly thin for the rooms, Queen’s affinity for noise would drown out whatever conversation they’d be having. No more fumbling for Rouxls!

…Not that he’d fumbled at any point. He was fine. Everything was going according to the plan that he was making up along the way, lest he violate Rule #2 and think too much. Thinking would make him worry about –

Nope. No. Nuh-uh. Not happening.

After straightening up and adjusting his outfit, Rouxls knocked on Queen’s door. He didn’t bother calling out, figuring that he was likely one of the only Darkners to turn up on a regular basis. She’d likely assume it was him and open the door without a second thought! …Though he wished she’d think a bit harder about it. He wasn’t that fond of her.

From behind the door, Rouxls could make out a somewhat familiar splatting noise, followed by the scrambling of tiny feet on the floor. Whatever creature was inside the room hopped up a few times, judging by the thunk-thunk-thunk of its feet hitting the ground, before finally getting a grip on the doorknob. The door opened just as a round shape fell down, bounced, and rolled to a halt in the center of Queen’s residence.

…Oh. Great. Because today couldn’t get any more awkward.

“Lancer,” Rouxls said with the most parental tone he could muster, which he was quite aware was barely passing as familial. “I… didst not knoweth you’d be… Here. Right Now.”

“Oh! Hey, Lesser Dad!” Waving with the eagerness of a dog seeing its parent for the first time in days, Lancer tumbled into a sitting position, grinning. “Yeah! Girldad wanted me to stay over. Something about showing me ‘Mobile Games’, I guess. She talks about them a lot!” He stuck his tongue out. “But I’m pretty sure all games are mobile if you do them and move around. I like to roll back and forth when playing games! Helps with agility. And with chewing on whatever the object of the game is. More mouth movement range.”

“That’st nice.” Rouxls clenched his jaw, already searching for Queen within the room. “Where… is that wench, anywayse?”

“She told me that she isn’t a wrench, actually. She’s a computer.”

“Wench.”

“I heard you!”

“...Thoust really does taketh after Her…”

“Nah. I only take after her when I play tag, and then I pounce on her and she shakes me up and down like a jar of bees.”

“Okaye.” This interaction was already growing tiring. Rouxls cared about Lancer, he really did, but… well, children weren’t exactly ideal conversation partners. He came to discuss rules with one talented in the craft! Rouxls firmly believed that if Lancer was told a rule, he would break it just because he was told not to. Charming in its own right, just… not right now. “Thou didst not answer whereth she is, though. Please?”

“Ooooh! Why didn’t you ask that sooner?”

Rouxls sighed through his teeth.

“Uhhhh… I think she’s –”

“Sorry Peach Boy I Was Guild Searching But They Keep Banning Me For Botting And I Don’t Know What That M –” As Queen slunk out from behind one of the giant speakers in her room, phone in one hand and wine glass of acid in the other, she turned from Lancer over to Rouxls. The volume of the music had been turned down just before she’d appeared. At least she had some manners. “Oh Who Let The Worms In?”

“I did! Me!” Lancer waved his hand in the air, then stopped to regard Rouxls again. “Oooh, did you bring worms, Lesser Dad? I’m hungry.”

“Uuuugh,” Rouxls groaned, but he turned out one of his pockets nonetheless to fork over a handful of worms. “Go on. Getteth thoust’s lunch.”

“Oh boy, oh boy!” After rolling onto his stomach and pushing himself to his feet, Lancer grabbed the worms Rouxls was offering, sitting right back down to start eating them. “Thanks for that! The floor here has no good worms! …No offense, Girldad.”

“None Taken IDGAF About Worms,” she said with an ever-regal laugh. “Anyways,” her attention redirected to Rouxls, “What Are You Doing Here I Thought You Were: Hanging With The Bros.”

“I waseth, which is Kinde of the Problem, actually.” Rouxls thought to lean against one of the speakers while talking, but thought better of it. The bass-boosted music buzzed in his muscles even from across the room. With a huff, he resigned to slumping down the door until he was sat on the ground. Lancer grinned over at him. Rouxls, in return, gave a tight smile. Good enough.

“Oh No Are You Having Your First Divorce. That One’s Always The Easiest If It Helps.”

“F – First –” Initially, Rouxls sputtered over the implications of a first divorce, though he caught up with the other insinuation quick enough to start protesting it. “We are not Marriede, so divorceth doest not… apply. Regardless.”

“Oh My Circuits Wait You Didn’t Figure Out Marriage Yet. Wow You’re Really Bad At This LOL I Thought You Were Already On The Track To That.” While Queen’s screen displayed a bright red LMAO, Lancer cracked up laughing.

“...Wait, what’s Lesser Dad bad at?”

“Getting Play.”

“Oh!” A pause. “Lesser Dad plays with me all the time?”

“Eat Your Worms Peach Boy.”

“Okay! Yay!”

Kids were incredibly easy to preoccupy, Rouxls had learned, and clearly Queen figured out the same lesson. Stepping over Lancer, Queen approached Rouxls and stooped down so she could kneel beside him against the door.

“Juste so we’re cleareth,” Rouxls spoke up before Queen could continue slandering him, “I have… figured out mine… Affectionse… with the help of a feweth… Allies. Of sortse.”

“Oh Is That Why Your Exes Seemed So Tired Today.”

“Wh – thou talkedeth to them?”

“Yeah We Talk About Cool Things Like: Television And Also Destroying Cryptocurrency. They Didn’t Want To Talk Today Though I Guess.”

“...That… might be-eth mine Fault…”

“Oh No Yeah That Explains A Lot.” Holding up one finger to signal for Rouxls to pause, Queen sipped from her wine glass. She polished off its contents before throwing the cup aside, watching it bounce harmlessly on the ground. “Damn I Thought That Was The Exploding One.”

“Okaye,” Rouxls mumbled in favor of asking more questions. He was already tired in a manner he was sure rivaled Elnina and Lanino’s exhaustion. Why had he thought that Queen would be a good help?

Oh. Right. Rules. How had he forgotten? Maybe he was doing a little bit too much not thinking?

…No such thing, he decided after a moment, then purged the idea from his mind.

“I… Thou art a computer. Am I correcte?”

“Yeah Pretty Much.” Queen’s attention, in the past thirty seconds it took for Rouxls to think of what to say, had turned to her phone. “Why Did You Want To Hear Their Search Histories Or Something.”

“No! What a wretched breacheth of Privacye…”

“You Care About That? Damn Okay This Is Serious.” Not serious enough for her to look up, apparently. Whatever.

“Due to thoust’s… capabilitiese. Thou wouldst be able to ascertaine… the Rules to this Romance Stuff. Right?”

“I Mean Yeah Maybe Kind Of Sort Of.”

“Ooooh, do I have to make time for more dads? My schedule’s kinda booked…” Lancer murmured the last part, deep in thought. As deep as Rouxls supposed a young child could be, at any rate.

“Don’st – Do not get aheadst of thineself. I am… Workinge on it.” Rouxls waved off Lancer’s words with a quick hand. “Once I hath developed the Perfecte confession, I shalt Winne their hearts, and they will concede to the ache withinst their SOULs! Then we can… figure outte the splitting of Fatherly Bondingst.”

“Okie dokie! But I want Wednesdays with TV Guy. He seems cool.”

Rouxls stared at Lancer’s grinning face for a moment. Then, he looked at Queen, who was back to being absorbed in whatever game she was playing. Wincing, he pinched the middle of his forehead and huffed.

“Was it that Obviouse?”

“Oh Totally.”

“You talk about them really nicely! Which I don’t think you’ve really done for anyone except yourself. And you love yourself, soooo…” Lancer kicked his feet. “Yeah! Obvious.”

“Grand.” With time, Rouxls’ hands dropped back into his lap. “Well, Queen. Thou heardeth the boye. He yearns for ye oldeth Polyamourous Fatherhoode. I require thoun’s insight to Fulfill the Beetle.”

“That’s me!”

“He’s More Of A Peach Honestly But Yeah I Get The Point Just,” Queen tilted her head at her phone screen, “Hang On A Second.”

In the time that Queen took, which was distinctly longer than a second, Rouxls decided to lean over her shoulder to see what she was playing. It was some sort of dress-up game, with Queen currently working on trying to put together an outfit on a monster woman resembling a dragon. She looked incredibly focused – at least, as focused as she could look without eyes to concentrate. Rouxls watched for a moment longer before nudging her with his shoulder, eyes narrowed.

“What iseth that? What art thou Playinge?”

“Oh This?” Queen held up her phone until it was between the two of them, giving Rouxls more room to analyze the screen. “It’s Called Infinity Knocky. Basically There’s This Shapeshifting Door Monster And She Dresses In Super Pretty Outfits And Concentrates Her Magic Because War Got Banned Or Something The Lore Is Weird. Anyways It’s Fun When It Like Works.”

“...When it workse?”

“Oh Yeah Every Update There’s a 50/50 Chance It Will Crash And Become Non-Functional (And The Updates Suck LOL).”

“Why doest thou… playeth it, then?”

“Outfits Are Cool And Also: It Has No Ads.” Queen moved to return to the game, hesitated, then added on, “No Offense To Your Spam Mailman Though LOL.”

“None taken. No Promisese if he hearseth you said that, though…”

“I Don’t Care I Can (And Will) Take Him No Adblock All Hands.” With that, Queen returned to her phone for a bit longer, finishing off the outfit she was working on. When she returned to the main menu of the game, it proceeded to crash, followed instantly after by an overheating warning on her phone. “Oh Damn I Should Not Have Left It Running For 8 Hours LOL.”

“Hm. That soundseth… Bad,” Rouxls said, as though he knew anything about phones. He at least was around technology enough in general to figure the giant red caution symbol was a poor sign.

“Yeah It Is LOL.” She threw her phone similarly to how she had the wine glass. The phone did, unlike the glass, explode. “Oh Oops I Kind Of Needed That. Oh Well.”

This entire situation was going so, so terribly. Rouxls was regretting ever thinking that Queen would have valuable information. Maybe he should have confronted things in the room with Spamton and Tenna, and despite his lack of proper confession or preparation, they’d give him a shot?

…No. This was superior to that, at least. He couldn’t ruin things. He had to be in control of the directions for this, if nothing else. God forbid he blunder this! If he messed up with this dynamic, Spamton and Tenna were so great that Rouxls would have nobody to blame but himself!

Scary thought. Rouxls shook off his trepidation and tried to focus.

“So… abouteth the Rules I came to discuss…”

“Oh Yeah You Wanna Know How To Get That Bag I Almost Forgot.”

“It soundseth as though you did, in fact, Forgete. Just Sayinge.”

“Yeah (I Totally Did).” She broke out into laughter, which Lancer mirrored despite having preoccupied himself with trying to hook his MP3 up to the speakers. If that thing started playing obnoxiously loud sound effects, Rouxls was going to consider biting a hole in the drywall so he could sneak back into the studio and hide under Tenna’s bed. That felt like the best of both worlds in such an awful, awful situation.

“...Well?”

“Uh,” Queen stopped all of a sudden, fingers pressed to her chin in thought. Various words cycled over her screen in red text, lips pursed tightly together while she pondered things. Rouxls had never seen her so deep in thought before, so even if he did severely doubt that she actually had decent insight, he decided not to question her. His own hands pressed into his lap while he glanced around the room, rocking side to side. Much as he itched to touch his hair again – no. Focus.

He wasn’t scared. Not now. There would be time to be terrified later.

“Okay I Thought For A Bit.”

“What incredible knowledge doest thou haveth for me?”

“Okay So I Searched: Tumblr And Also Facebook And Some Orange Forum Website The One Bird Child Goes On Sometimes.” Queen brought both hands to the sides of her head, fingers rubbing as though the motion would stimulate her brain further. Did she have a brain? …A later question, probably. “First Option: Have You Tried Dying Tragically In Their Arms. That Seems Popular And Also Results In Lots Of Loving Attention.”

“...I am Not doingst that.”

“Yeah, I don’t want Lesser Dad to die! Then I’d need another new dad. And they’d be even lesser, so they’d be, like… A Lesser-er Dad?”

“Yeah That’s A Good Point Actually.”

“I – Is it?” Rouxls stammered out.

“I Don’t Know But: Sounds Smart.”

“Yeah! I have the best ideas when it comes to dad stuff.” His MP3 connecting quest failed, Lancer plopped onto the ground, spinning around intermittently like a wind-up top. “...Nevermind. I’m outta ideas.”

Soon enough, Rouxls was also pressing his fingers into his temples, eyes squinted together so tightly they might as well have been closed. This was… maybe not the worst exchange he’d ever had with an evil monarch that involved Lancer, but it was getting close to that spot.

“Back to the adviceth. Please. If thoust would be-eth so kinde.”

“Huh,” a beat, “Oh Yeah Right What Was Number Two.” Queen tapped a knuckle against the side of her head, spaced out, then snapped back to attention. “Have You Tried: Killing Someone Else.”

“Preferably, omitte the results involving Murderst, if possible.”

“Got It So No Murders (Coward).”

“What did thou calleth me?”

“Nothing Honey Bunches (Coward).”

“Thoust isn’t whisperinge. Just… for the recordeth.”

“Oh Damn I’m Not.” Queen frowned. “That Would Suck If I Cared LOL.” And once again, her and Lancer cracked up into mad laughter.

“The advice. I’m Begginge.”

“Okay So,” Queen went quiet once more, “The Tumblr Girls Really Like Poetry And ‘Web Weaving’ Whatever That Means Have You Tried That Before.”

“...Like… some sort of Aracknide?”

“Yeah Something Like That But Like. For Words. I Guess. I Don’t Know LOL I Just Saw The Tags And It Was On Corny Poetry So.” She shrugged. “Anyways Maybe It’d Be Cute You Like Shakespeare Right.”

“What ist that?”

“Nevermind Don’t Worry About It.” Any questions were brushed off with Queen’s dismissive wave, which Rouxls couldn’t even exactly be mad about. He was too exhausted to actually care about the nonsense Queen spouted from her databases. All he needed was to come to a conclusion on how to make things better. Bigger! Hah – Rouxls could be his very own kind of big shot! Just like…

…Well, it hadn’t worked out too well for Spamton, from what Rouxls knew. It wasn’t like Rouxls was getting turned into a puppet, though, or whatever had led to Spamton’s downfall. He hadn’t really been clear, and Tenna was cagey about the whole thing.

Not the point. Rouxls shook off the quietly mounting worry before it could trigger some thoughts again.

“So… thoust is suggestinge I… Writeth something? For them? To show mine Unyieldinge Adoration?”

“Yeah That’s Option Number 1 Since You Shot Down Like Five Others.”

“Did that many have to do-eth with Murder?”

“Yeah LOL A Lot Of People Like That Stuff. And One Was About Pulling Wires Which Would Probably Also Be: Murder.”

“Oh, certainlye.”

“Yeah!” Lancer piped up. “One time I tried to bite TV Guy’s arm wires while he was asleep, ‘cause they looked like licorice. I think I almost died. Kinda fun, though.”

“...Don’t – don’st do that. Ever Againe.”

“Okie dokie!”

Rouxls regarded Queen again with a suspicious glare. “And thoust is Certaine this is the next besteth option?”

“The Internet Never Lies Except When It Does. But Would I Ever Lie To You?”

“Yes. Thou hast. Many times, evene.”

“Okay But Consider The Following: I Promise.”

There was a moment’s pause as Rouxls considered her words. Then, he shrugged.

“Guess I can’st argue with a Promiseth…”

“Yeah See I Would Never Promise And Then Break It I’m Not A Monster.”

“Thou art, in fact, Quite evil.”

“Yeah You Right.” Which led into another fit of regal laughter.

“...So… we haveth a Deale?”

“Wait What’s The Deal I Don’t Gamble (Except For Solitaire).”

“Solitaireth is not –” Rouxls caught himself before he ended up trying to make sense of Queen’s logic. “Neverminde. The delaleth is that I, Duke of Puzzles, shall construct a Grandiouse Epicke for mine beloveds that will sweepeth them offset their feet! And if it does Not…” He parted his mouth as he tried to figure out a reasonable consequence, then gave up when his mind drifted too far from home base. “I’ll figureth something out.”

“Oh Sweet You Have No Clue What You’re Doing I Love That For You.”

“Gah – I know what I am Doinge. Thanketh thou very Much.”

“You’re Welcome Sweetie.”

Enough was enough. Rouxls had figured out what he needed to do – write something wonderful that would prove he could keep the hearts of his partners safe and sound. There was no reason for him to continue tolerating Queen, even if she was rather nice and helpful when she wasn’t… well, not nice and helpful. Grunting from the pins-and-needles sensation in his legs, Rouxls stood up, stretched, and regarded Queen with a nod.

“Glade we are on the sameth page. Wherest does thou Recommende I seek out supplies? You know. For the Grand Epicke I haveth planned.”

“You could always go to Mx. Seam’s store!” Lancer stopped his spinning with enough force to make him skid to the side, thunking against the nearby wall. He sat up, unfazed. Strangest child in this Dark World or any other, Rouxls thought before he could stop himself. “They’re kinda creepy and weird. But in a cool way! And I like their jester friend. I dunno why Dad wanted him locked up.”

Rouxls blanched. “The… The Jestere?”

“Yeah! He’s there sometimes. The one you’d complain about on dungeon walks?”

“No, no, I… I knoweth Preciselye who thoust means.” Rouxls looked to Queen, feeling much more desperate than he was willing to let on. “Is that… truly the onlye option?”

“I Think That’s The Only Shop Here Yeah Why.”

“...Nothing.” It was everything, actually, but Rouxls wasn’t going through how much he didn’t want to be in the presence of that cryptic jester right now. At least it’d be more entertaining company? …Maybe?

Hopefully Seam kept that thing on a leash. Ugh.

“Well, this hath been an… Enlighteninge conversation. I will taketh mine leave. I have Writing Implements to gathereth.” He nudged Queen with his foot. “If thoust does not… minde…”

“Oh Yeah LOL.” After Queen hopped to her feet and power-walked over to one of the speakers, Rouxls slipped out the door, offering her only a lazy wave over his shoulder as he went. He had no energy for anything further than that.

…Even if he had forgotten to ask about the water bottle. Ah, well.

With the interaction he’d just had and the shopping he had coming up… Saying he was enthusiastic was a stretch. It’d all be worth it, though! Rouxls knew this would all culminate in the perfect show of love for his two partners – a real heart-winner for the ages! And nothing would go wrong.

Nothing could go wrong. Not when he followed the rules.

Chapter Text

Despite the horrors Rouxls knew laid inside, Seam’s store was rather cozy-looking. At least they could put up a good image. That still didn’t make Rouxls any more excited to actually enter, knowing what laid for him inside.

Jevil was… a curious little thing, to put it gently. Rouxls had encountered the jester in the past – Rouxls enjoyed the occasional walk through the Card Castle, and the dungeons where Jevil was kept was one of the most peaceful places. It would’ve been, rather, if Jevil didn’t make a complete racket every time he visited. He’d laugh uproariously and ask Rouxls barrages of questions, all while Rouxls was left to either helplessly try to ignore the chatter or find a better place. The damp, quiet downstairs basement called to Rouxls every time, still. And every time, the encounter would end the exact same way.

With that in mind, Rouxls was none too pleased to be subjected to the chore that was dealing with Jevil all over again. If nothing else, Rouxls figured he could at least avoid much conversation with the devilish clown, given that Seam was the one who ran the shop. Why, exactly, Seam would let Jevil into the store, Rouxls had no good guesses. Even if they’d known each other once, Seam seemed far too well adjusted for the mess that Jevil had become ever since he was locked away. Or… maybe Jevil was that way for a while before, and Seam merely took longer to get used to the whole thing?

Eh. Rouxls didn’t exactly care when or how their deranged bond had gotten to the point it did. All he wanted was to go in, purchase his wares, maybe ask for a little bit of poetry insight if he had to, and then depart to continue his work. …He didn’t have money, but that was irrelevant. Seam was a generous sort, maybe, probably, hopefully! And besides! Rouxls was a former Duke who worked alongside the grand and vicious King of Spades! Seam would be a fool not to service him regardless of monetary compensation. Rouxls would figure out some other present to grace them with in the future – a puzzle, perhaps?

No matter. Shifting his weight to one foot, then the other, Rouxls sized up the shop in front of him for a moment. It was an odd little tent, accessorized with buttons and ribbons befitting the doll-esque shop owner. At least Seam knew how to decorate, even if the help they’d enlisted for the shop itself was… of dubious quality, at best. A solid eight out of ten for aesthetic quality, Rouxls decided. His former shop would always outrank anything in Castle Town, but he could respect good work when he came across it!

…He was getting into his own head again. Enter, purchase – or, rather, swindle – then leave! Simple. Very simple! When had anything Rouxls dubbed simple ever not gone off without a hitch? Without any further trepidation, Rouxls opened the door a crack, then shoved it open the rest of the way with his shoulder.

The interior had a similar warmth and care in its decor. Multiple shelves, bathed in the warm light of a few lanterns, were piled with varying goods. Rouxls recognized a few kinds of potions, a couple handmade stuffed monsters, and boxes with labels identifying their contents. Some sections had banners with symbols on them, though Rouxls couldn’t figure out if they were meant to indicate the contents on the shelves or something else. If it was the former, what the heck was Rouxls supposed to glean from that symbol of two wings and three triangles?

His gaze turned from the wares – he hadn’t spotted what he needed, so what did he gain from deliberating? – to the counter. In front of Seam were a few monsters Rouxls recognized from his days in the Card Castle with ease. Pippins. The little gambling freaks. Those beasts would do anything for a little bit of risk or a game to play, not too dissimilarly to that vile jester Rouxls had been trying to avoid. Gods, had they found out about Jevil?

(...Ignoring the fact that everyone except Rouxls had apparently been aware of Jevil. Whatever. Not his fault.)

They hadn’t seemed to notice Rouxls yet, if nothing else, and Seam appeared equally preoccupied. As the group chattered, Rouxls attempted to creep closer, cautious to avoid any creaky floorboards. It wasn’t wrong to eavesdrop! If Seam wanted privacy, they shouldn’t have been having the discussion in their very public shop! Rouxls had a perfect excuse!

Well, that and he didn’t particularly care about the privacy of Seam’s work and conversations. That was more of a backburner thing, though, and Rouxls knew enough to be aware that’d probably earn him no brownie points with the shopkeeper.

“You’re betting a pretty penny on this idea. Not that it matters, but…” Seam offered up a fanged smile, orange glow illuminating their teeth. “...You must have your SOUL set on this, huh?”

“Are you kidding?! It’s just stupid obvious!” One of the Pippins threw their hands up after spilling various types of coins on the counter. Rouxls was certain only a few of them actually counted as currency. At least the Pippins found value in it… Fools that they were. “All three of them are tripping over their feet over this whole thing! There’s no way they won’t pair up. …Er – trio up?”

“All I’m saying is,” another Pippin chimed in as they dropped their own bet on the counter, “that salesman and the TV Time guy? They have history. I think the Duke – is he still the Duke?”

All the Pippins shrugged. Seam flicked the tip of their tail.

“Well, whatever he is, he just turned up one day. There’s no shot he’s making it with the other two! And he’s fumbled everyone else he’s been with before now – trust me, you should’ve seen the Card Castle drama.”

“Was he even with the King?” A third Pippin spoke up, using the counter to push themself to a more respectable height.

“Heck if I know. Does it matter? He’s rolled a Nat 1 with everyone in his life anyway.” “Good point, good point.” The Pippin lowered themself just as quick, turning to Seam. “What’s your bet, shopkeep? C’mon, we’ve got our hands in the ring!”

“My bet…” Seam paused, mouth quirked into a tiny frown of thought. The quiet gave Rouxls just enough time to catch up with the conversation, jaw clenched tight enough to hurt his teeth, but not quite long enough to start kicking walls in the shop and yelling expletives. Maybe for the better of everyone around him, much as he was tempted. “Ah, why not? All in on the three of them. How about that?”

“Wow, really? The second Pippin tilted their head. “I didn’t even know you put stock in love and all that. I mean, there’s… him, but…”

“Can’t an old cat learn new tricks?” Seam gave a wry smile, chuckling under their breath. “Call it what you want, but… those Lightners showing up? It’s been giving me good reason to want some kind of future. Even if all the future’s got to hold is whether or not I win this bet!” That only led into more laughter from Seam, which the Pippins matched with glee. Glee at…

…Yeah, okay, Rouxls was not in the mood for this. Sure, he’d known about Queen and Lancer being aware, but that was different! And those two weren’t gambling about Rouxls’ romantic life – incorrectly, mind, because Spamton and Tenna weren’t tripping over anything, and certainly not in Rouxls’ name! Why was there an entire gambling ring based around his affections!? He wasn’t that obvious! …Was he?

Uuuuugh.

Rouxls teetered between leaving and coming back later or telling off everyone in the shop immediately. After a moment’s thought, he landed in between the two options, with a lean to the latter. If they stayed for long enough, he’d chew them out! And then he’d grab his cutlass and make filets of all of them. Besides Seam, of course. Rouxls still needed the supplies.

“A-hem.”

The clearing of Rouxls’ throat was like a bomb going off in the room. Everyone went dead silent, the Pippins turning in a comically slow manner to face Rouxls where he stood. Seam looked at him, their head tilted, then snickered. They seemed… oddly unbothered by Rouxls’ presence, actually. Did they not care?!

…No, nevermind. Knowing how Seam tended to be, Rouxls wasn’t surprised in the slightest that they were unfazed. Still annoying. Why did Rouxls always have to get along with the most unflappable monsters?! It was starting to grow really troublesome that everyone he came to had little major reaction to his very stressful and grand feelings. Besides the gambling, which was perhaps the worst reaction Rouxls could’ve gotten.

Very swiftly, he was back to wishing he’d never felt this way. The joy – question mark, question mark, question mark underlined seven times – from last night had melted into dissatisfaction at how complicated the whole mess had been so far. It wasn’t like Rouxls was making it any harder for himself! It was everyone else’s fault for building love up to be something so easy, only to hit him with the brick of nuance. Such a nasty world this realm could be.

The silence dragged on, all eyes on Rouxls. Just before he could open his mouth to start really ripping into the Pippins, though, one of them swept their arm over the counter. Coins sprawled everywhere, jingling as they hit the wooden floor.

“Scatter!” The Pippin shouted. On cue, they darted past Rouxls’ legs, one of them stopping only to stick their tongue out at him before continuing to scramble off. None of them stopped until they were long out of sight, leaving Rouxls to stare at the mess they’d left. His gaze panned upward to meet Seam’s eyes – eye, rather.

“Didn’t think you’d be around here,” Seam said, their smile having returned. “Don’t worry too much about the coins. They’ve got no value as far as I’m concerned. It’s more for the love of the game than anything, really…”

“...Righte,” Rouxls mumbled. He stepped over the mess as he approached the counter, still cringing at the memory of what he’d witnessed. Impolite bastards. If they were going to gamble on this sort of thing, they could’ve at least asked him! He could’ve been in for so much money if they’d let him participate… which probably shouldn’t have been the part he was angry about, but he was, damn it!

Seam had seemingly picked up on Rouxls’ frustration. With a flick of their ear, Seam slipped away from the countertop for a moment, then returned with a small teacup in their paws. They pushed it over to Rouxls, head cocked to the side.

“Sorry you had to see all that. I figure you’ve seen a lot worse, with all your little journeys, but… It’s impolite, isn’t it?”

“It was. Glade someone realizes that mucheth…” Rouxls huffed as he took the cup in his hands. Second time he’d been offered a drink by a shopkeeper attempting to pacify him. Maybe he needed to gamble on that, too? …God, the Pippins were rubbing off on him. It wasn’t his fault that money was an especially enticing prospect! Before he could take a sip of the brown beverage in his hands, Rouxls stopped and stared at Seam. “If it were so Impolitest, why was thoust Participatinge?”

“Oh, that? Simple, really.” Rouxls was starting to loathe the word simple. “I don’t see why it matters. Whatever you’re trying to figure out… it’s going to come to a head anyway, isn’t it? So why not have a bit of fun while it lasts?”

It was starting to make sense that Seam and Jevil had reconnected. Still, Rouxls held his tongue on that thought, even if he was certain Seam would’ve deserved that dagger dug into his side for what he’d been doing. A sip of the drink in Rouxls’ hands revealed it to be some kind of warm tea – unsweetened, but still palatable. For now, Seam would be getting off scot-free.

“Whatever thoust believeseth, I suppose,” Rouxls conceded in favor of trying to start another fight.

“Nobody said you had to agree with me! But you were asking, weren’t you? Just figured you deserved an answer.”

“What, does thou expecteth moi to agree with Gamblinge on mine Romantic Endeavorse? No. Absolutely noteth.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. And it’s not anything bad, you know. It’s all fun.” Seam slumped over until their paws pressed against the counter, then let them move upward until their paws held up their chin. They watched Rouxls with an air of curiosity, tail curled at their feet. Rouxls hated it, frankly, but he was in little position to nitpick. Tragic. “When all’s doomed to fall to shadow somehow… Is it so wrong to find some light now and then?”

“Thou wast being Nosye. And you didn’st even asketh!”

“What, would you have let me if I did?”

“No.”

“Hee hee…” Seam rocked their weight to the side, letting their stare wander onto one of the banners on the wall. Good. Why were they eyeing the one with the wings and triangles so keenly, though?

…None of Rouxls’ business, probably. And even if it was, he wasn’t really in a grasping for information mood right now.

“That asideth,” Rouxls hand-waved the subject away while sipping on the tea between statements, “I do need some… Helpe, with what thoust was betting uponst.”

“Oh?” That grabbed Seam’s attention. Their ears perked up and their head turned, smirk fading into a quizzical frown. “Well, don’t keep me waiting. What’s the trouble?”

“I wouldn’st refereth to it as Trouble, per se.” It actually, in fact, was meant to be a solution to the otherwise-prevalent trouble he was facing. Not that Seam needed to know Rouxls, at any point, had struggled with this arrangement. “I require… resourcese, for my inevitable Grand Confessioneth.”

“I don’t make love potions, if that’s what you’re asking for. It’s unethical.”

“No! Gods, why doest everyone assumeth I plan to Violate the privacy and decisionseth of mine Loverse?”

“...Well.” Seam’s tail flicked and they looked at Rouxls as if he was supposed to know what they were referencing. He didn’t.

“Well?”

“Rumor gets around quick. Heard about your last little… pairing like this. It didn’t go well, did it?”

“Gh –” Rouxls stiffened, then grabbed onto the counter with his free hand, shooting his best glare in Seam’s direction. As expected, they were unfazed. Expecting it didn’t make Rouxls feel any better about the reaction, still. “That was… differente. I didn’st come into Contacte with them, knowing I was… intendedeth to feel this wayst.”

“Yeah, that’s where love gets you. It’s a horrible thing, isn’t it?” Even without meeting their eyes, with Rouxls’ own stare fixed on the cup in his hands that seemed far more interesting right now, Rouxls could feel Seam’s sharp-toothed grin pointed at the back of his neck. He shifted away at the sensation. Somehow, that only made him feel like he was being watched further. Annoying.

“Not thate horribleth. I suppose.”

“They’ve really got you hook, line, and sinker, then. Hee hee…”

“I considereth mineself no Fishe.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“Anywayse,” Rouxls said firmly, for he was getting really tired of being talked in circles, “I am, as they sayeth, ‘In Love’ with them. So.”

“Got that part. Congrats.” After Rouxls downed the rest of the tea and slid the cup aside, he looked over at Seam just to have his suspicions confirmed. The shopkeeper was practically beaming, though not in a way that looked anything less than ominous. Whatever. Rouxls had spent far longer in this shopping trip than he’d planned to already, so he wasn’t going to bicker with the hand that was… feeding him? Exchanging wares with him?

Semantics.

“I hath been advisedst by mine… Acquaintance, of Sortseth, Queen… to pursue writing a grand Epicke, as to prove mine Adorationse and such. Therefore, I am in neede of materials. Not love potionse. Do Not give me Love Potions.”

“Hey, I already said I didn’t have them.” Through their snickering, Seam set Rouxls’ cup on an empty shelf, then drew backwards to begin searching through their wares. “What’re you looking for specifically? Paper? Fancy fountain pens? One of those little…” They made a motion with their paw as if searching for words. “...pop-up cards? I’ve got most anything. You gather up a lot of junk when you stop caring what counts as junk, hee hee.”

Taking that as his cue, Rouxls slinked around the counter, peering over Seam’s shoulder. The box they were presently going through mostly consisted of sewing supplies, which was nothing Rouxls had much interest in. His hobbies were fully booked up, between game show work, pining after two men he worked with, puzzles, and the occasional cosplay! Huffing at the sight of the box, Rouxls turned around and tried to help – in some fashion, at least – dig through the boxes of product.

“Doest thou even know where thingse in this shop areth?”

“Eh. Fifty-fifty. I don’t care much for organization. A little bit of chaos… It goes a long way. Don’t you think?”

Rouxls tried his best not to look too queasy at the word chaos. Maybe if he ignored the notion that horrible imp was anywhere around here, Seam would forget Jevil existed? Gods, Rouxls wished he could do the same.

“I supposeth so, though it is makinge this Shoppingge Endeavor quitest a chore…”

“The work is probably good for you. You’ve got nothing but time. Might as well make good of it and help a poor old cat, right?”

Rouxls squinted. “Thou connote be that oldeth.”

“Never learned not to ask a monster their age, I take it?”

“...Why wouldn’st you want to knoweth one’s Age?” After shutting a box of miscellaneous game pieces, Rouxls looked over at Seam, who was doing very little in the looking around department. How tragic that the one time they chose to be serious was when it came to Rouxls doing work. Almost as sad as it was utterly anticipated. “That is… Kinde Of an important thinge to knowst? Right? I’m being normaleth here.”

“It’s a saying… sort of.” Seam’s tail tip flicked in thought as they tried to find their words, paw pressed to their mouth. “It’s just not polite to ask someone’s age unless they offer it up themselves. Kind of makes it seem like you think they look aged, or something of that ilk.”

“That is Really Fuckinge Dumb.”

“Language,” Seam quipped, though their smile surrendered any legitimacy they had quite easily.

“I am beinge serious! If one doest not sayeth they think One Thinge, why wouldst another then assumeth one means Another, Distincte Thing?” Rouxls had forgotten about his own hunt for supplies – not forgotten, just… rightfully and briefly surrendered it, he told himself – to gesture around, teeth clenched. He was right! That was silly to assume! Creatures only said exactly what they meant, and if someone didn’t say something explicitly, they didn’t mean it! Other monsters were simple-minded like that. Rouxls “overthought” everything because of his genius and calculating mind.

Very easy to understand, really. Rouxls was surprised Seam was looking at him weird over it.

“Well. Guess that explains your history of missing signs, so I’ve heard…”

“And what is that Supposede to meaneth?”

Seam huffed out what resembled laughter, one ear flicking. “You’re worse than I thought. There’s a lotta things monsters don’t say out loud. You just have to… figure it out. Like a puzzle. You like puzzles, right?”

“Yes, but normale monsters don’t just… Expecteth one to knowst when a Puzzle Solving Endeavore is occurring! Wouldst thou expecte me to know we were playinge a Numbers Game if I simplye did not sayeth it?”

“Numbers game?” A pause. Then, Seam questioned further, “Sudoku?”

“Whatever it is calledeth. I maketh the Rules here.”

“Mmmh.” Seam nodded as if they knew something Rouxls didn’t. Irritatingly, Rouxls was almost starting to believe they did, since Rouxls didn’t buy that Seam was just plain stupid. Or insane. Maybe Jevil’s insanity had rubbed off on them? “It’s not quite like that. Folks like to… ‘say’ things. Body language, reactions – those sorts of things. It’s like a second language for monsters, one that you just sorta… know. Should’a come free with your brain, is what I’m saying.”

“...Well, nobodye ever taughteth me this ‘Body Language’, and I am not Bilinguale. So.”

“It’s not –” Seam caught their tongue between their teeth, shook their head, and dropped whatever they were going to say. “Guess you’ve got a point. Clearly, nobody ever taught you about not wearing your heart on your sleeve! Hee hee… Well, I’m no teacher.” They waved Rouxls off with a paw, finally focusing on another box of wares. “Guess that’s a discovery for you to figure out, hm?”

“...Indeede,” Rouxls muttered, trying not to let irritation seep through too much. This was… new information, and Rouxls hated new information that he didn’t already fully approve. It felt like every time he had everything figured out, someone came over to tell him he’d had it all wrong, and that was insufferable after a point. Why had nobody told him that he was doing this being a monster thing entirely wrong until he actually needed to do it right?

Not to say he was ever wrong. Rouxls wasn’t wrong. He’d just been misled! Tripped up! Quite simple, really. That took any responsibility off of him, for he beared no such burden in the first place! He hadn’t been informed of any secret languages Darkners spoke in and never taught him to communicate in, so he wasn’t to blame for not knowing their encoded messages! And he hadn’t known how love was meant to work, so all his floundering was fine! He’d make up for it, anyway. All he needed to do was find these stupid, foolish, elusive writing supplies.

“I don’st know how you findeth Anythinge in this place, mind.”

“I just remember where a few things are and sell them. Folks complain pretty little, actually. Isn’t a bad move, business-wise.”

“Righte, well. Kind of would be Niceth if thoust could remember where Paper is. At some pointe. Soon, preferably. Just Sayinge.”

“Don’t act like I’m punishing you. We’re both getting some enrichment out of this, aren’t we?”

“That iseth… a Word for it.”

Seam hummed before pulling back from the shelf they were investigating, dusting off their paws. “If my old writing things aren’t out here, then… hm. I suppose they must be in the back room. You’re probably better off staying out here rather than checking there. Wouldn’t want to scare off good business.”

“...What doest that… Meane.”

“Oh, come on.” Seam side-eyed Rouxls, head tilted back. “You’ve heard of my co-owner, haven’t you?”

That was perhaps the worst combination of words Rouxls could’ve heard leave Seam’s mouth. He paled – in so far as he could pale, anyway – and his mouth went dry on the spot, leaving him standing a bit foolishly behind the counter while Seam eyed him playfully. Was he supposed to say something? He tried and fumbled at reading whatever secret body language Seam was allegedly using, which left Rouxls as confused as he was before. After a bit too long of a pause, Rouxls tried his ever-eloquent words, gnawing at the inside of his cheek.

“The… Jestere. Correct?”

“I’m impressed. I thought you were out of the loop on that, not being a patron and everything…” Seam chuckled as they leaned forward again, approaching a door behind the counter. “He doesn’t do much real work, but he’s an honorary member. I wouldn’t complain about having him back no matter what he did, really. Those Lightners are a generous sort when they want to be, aren’t they?”

“Yes,” Rouxls mumbled in favor of saying actually, I wish they threw that imp’s tail into the acid pits Queen loves so much. He still needed his supplies, after all. And his dignity.

“Anyway… if anywhere in this old shop has what you need, it’ll probably be right back –”

The door flung open before Seam’s paw could settle on the doorknob.

“SEEK AND YOU SHALL FIND, FIND!”

Rouxls told himself the squeal he let out was perfectly dignified. Seam, on the other hand, didn’t even flinch as they eyed the new presence in the shop. They even reached down to “pet” the creature’s jester hat, laughing warmly.

“Eavesdropping again, are we, Jevil?”

“I THINK OF IT AS EAVESLIFTING! EAVESDROPPING WOULD BE RUDE AND UNHELPFUL… BUT MINE IS SO VERY NICE AND GRAND!” Nonsense, nonsense, nonsense. And worse yet, it was loud nonsense. Rouxls’ hand dragged its way up his chest until one finger looped around a lock of his own hair. Up and down. Up and down. The only way to survive whatever eternal carousel ride Jevil claimed to be on was for Rouxls to put himself in a far more comfortable one!

Up and down went his finger around his hair. Up and down, and everything was okay.

“That’st… niceth, thank thou,” Rouxls lied through his teeth like the professional he was. “I was juste looking for something in Thereth, if thoust does not… Mind…”

“IN WHERE?”

“The closete thou Bursteth out of.”

“WHAT CLOSET?”

“...The one behind thou?”

“BEHIND WHO?”

“You.”

“WHO’S YOU?”

Rouxls gave a deadpan stare to Seam, who seemed all too content to watch the dialogue between their two companions go on for eternity. When they noticed Rouxls’ glaring, though, they gestured for Jevil to move aside, and he merrily obeyed.

“Play nice for a bit, you two. I shouldn’t be long back here, if I remember how the boxes go…”

“I SHUFFLE THEM UP! LIKE CARDS IN A DECK, DECK! IT’S FUN!”

“I’m not surprised in the slightest,” Seam said with affection Rouxls couldn’t comprehend having for Jevil. Only when Seam was already most of the way through the back room doorway did their earlier statement process, causing Rouxls’ eyes to widen.

“Wait, ist thou leavinge me with –”

The door clicked shut. Rouxls blinked at the closed door, then let his eyes slowly pan over to Jevil. Between the time it took for Seam to disappear and Rouxls to process they’d done so, Jevil had climbed onto the countertop to stare directly at Rouxls. Jevil laid stomach-down on the wooden surface, legs kicking in the air like he was somehow entertained by the sight in front of him. Ugh, and that horrible grin – if Seam seemed like they knew something, then Rouxls was certain Jevil knew everything.

…And he was insane, to boot. Fun, fun, fun. Rouxls should’ve just figured out a Plan B. Maybe the murder search results were preferable, when it came down to things…

“SO… THE DUKE FALLS HEAD OVER HEELS FOR THE LORD OF SCREENS AND THE PUPPET OF DREAMS! HOW FUN, HOW FUN! AND WHAT DOEST THOU PLAN TO DO ABOUTETH IT…?”

“Never stealeth my speech style Againe. I will sueth you.”

“YOU’RE SO CRUEL!” Jevil made a dramatic gesture of surprise, one gloved hand over his mouth as it formed an ‘o’ shape. “FINE, FINE! JUST ANSWER! I WANT ALL THE DETAILS! DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT’S BEEN SINCE THERE WAS GOOD GOSSIP HERE? AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES!”

“Thou art a greedy, greedy thinge.”

“IT’S PART OF MY CHARM, UEE HEE HEE!”

“I despiseth thou’s Strange Laughtere, too.”

“THAT’S ALSO PART OF MY CHARM! YOU’RE REALLY CHECKING BOXES AND CLEAVING SCREENS THERE, CARD DECK!”

Rouxls squinted at the choice of words, but said nothing on the matter. Trying to make sense of Jevil’s words and unjumble whatever phrases he’d picked up was like talking to one’s own echo.

“I have, as it is… Fallene for mine darlingest Coworkers. Sir Tenna and mine Lovelye Spamton are quite darling, when thoust getseth to know them…”

“OOH, OOH!” Jevil waved his hand in the air and sat up straight as if he were waiting to be called on in school. “PUT ME IN, COACH! I KNOW THIS ONE!”

“You know – okaye. Whatever.” Rouxls pointed at Jevil’s raised hand. “Go ahead. I Guesseth.”

“THANKS!” Jevil’s hand shot down into his lap. “I KNOW THAT PUPPET BOY! THE SILLY STRINGS MAN! THE BIG SHOT! HE WAS FUN FOR A BIT! AND THEN HE WASN’T WHEN HE CHICKENED OUT. I DON’T THINK HE WOULD NOW, THOUGH… SO HE’S FUN AGAIN, AGAIN! FROM NOW ‘TILL THE END!”

“...Am I supposed to Extrapolate some kinde of Meaningest from whatever thou art sayinge. Because, just for the Recordeth… I am not. At all.”

“I GET THAT A LOT!”

“Perhapse thou shouldst tryeth speaking more Coherentlye, then.”

“I’M LOUD AND CLEAR, CLEAR! PERHAPS IT IS YOU WHO CANNOT HEAR?”

“Uuuugh.” Rouxls dragged his hands down his face, rubbed circles over his cheekbones, and then continued to twirl his hair as he spoke. The lock of hair around his finger was the one threshold between him and utter madness, and he was not testing that barrier today. “Just… elaborate. If thoust could be-eth so very Kinde.”

“OOOH! WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST ASK FOR THAT?!”

Rouxls narrowly suppressed a very loud groan of exhaustion.

“BACK WHEN HE MADE IT BIG, BIG… I WAS STILL ON MY TRAVELS, ON MY WORK! WE CROSSED PATHS, ONCE, MAYBE TWICE… NO! IT WAS ONE TIME! HE GREW SCARED! WHAT A FOOL, WHAT A SILLY…” Jevil got up to stand on the countertop, twirling on his heel while he talked. Rouxls looked away almost immediately, having no interest in getting dizzy due to the strange clown’s pirouette. “I TOLD HIM OF STRINGS! OF CHAINS! OF GARBAGE NOISE! HE CALLED ME MAD, MAD! IT MADE ME SAD, SAD! …NOT REALLY, THOUGH. IT’S NOT MY FAULT HE TURNED FROM DESTINY’S EYE!”

Garbage noise.

Finally, a phrase that made… some very narrow amount of sense, Rouxls supposed. He’d heard that mentioned by Spamton and Tenna in the past, the two of them saying they’d heard it from a phone once upon a time. What exactly garbage noise was or what it meant in a sentimental way, Rouxls had no idea on. At least Jevil wasn’t utterly incoherent, though. Something to work with.

“I… see-eth. So thoust knew mine darlinge Spamton? And… taunted him?”

“OH, OH! SUCH A HARSH WORD! WHY, I COULD KILL YOU FOR THAT, YOU CARD!” At the mention of violence, Jevil’s hands took up position as though he were wielding a scythe, though no such weapon manifested. Rouxls took a few steps backward anyway. “I WON’T, WON’T! DON’T, DON’T! I’M SWORN OFF THE BLOODSHED, YOU FOOL! AND WHEN HAVE I EVER BITTEN, ANYWAY?”

“Thoust frequently tried to biteth me in The Dungeonse.”

“DID I?”

“Yes.”

“HAVE I?”

“Yes.”

“COULD I?”

“Let’st do Somethinge Else.”

“YAY!”

Rouxls had never considered slamming his head into a hard surface more than he did right now. Up and down. Up and down.

“Thou never clarified what you Dideth, if not tauntinge…”

“OOOH! RIGHT, RIGHT!” Jevil did another spin before leaping down, bouncing on his tail like a coiled spring. “I MERELY TOLD HIM THE RULES! THE PAVED PATH, NEAT AND NARROW… BUT HE’S SO VERY FREE, FREE! THE CALL OF CHAOS HOLDS US ALL, IN THE END… ISN’T IT GRAND? ISN’T IT A BALL?”

“If mine name did not maketh it Obviouse, I am not keen on… Rule Breakerse.”

“OH, BOO HOO HOO… SUCH A BORE!”

“I am goinge to get Two Partners. And thoust will, Unlike Me, die-eth alone. And sad. And with a lame arse Partnere.”

“I’M TELLING SEAM.”

“Wh – no. Do not. I needeth their wares.”

“DON’T DO WHAT?”

“Don’st telleth th –” Rouxls caught themself before he could start on another conversational feedback loop. After a sigh through his teeth and a few more twirls of his hair, he shook his head. “Nothinge important. Thoust would remember if it were.”

“TOO TRUE, TOO TRUE!”

After that exchange, Rouxls was left in unexpected – although certainly not unwelcome – silence. Ever since last night, when he was scrawling on notecards hoping to put together some kind of sense to his emotions, he’d noticed himself thinking a bit more. Feeling, too, for that matter. It bothered him still, though not as much as it would have prior to now. It was… part of the whole love and stumbling to confess thing, he supposed. One had to ponder all avenues of their feelings to make an ideal confession, no?

It got under his skin when every bit of silence led back to all of that, still. Jevil’s commentary certainly hadn’t helped – maybe the little devil was a madman, but there had to be some truth to what he was saying! What had Jevil said to Spamton, and how had it come true? …Or, rather, how had it come true and been defied anyway? What sense was Rouxls supposed to make of any of this? How did Tenna factor in? How did he factor in?!

Was he even important in the equation of Spamton and Tenna’s prophetic ties?

…Nonsense. Of course Rouxls could still be important! He just had a little bit more to prove, and there was nothing wrong with that! He would prove it all with the confession he had planned, after all. Nothing and nobody would stand in his way, be it destiny, chaos, the rules he was clinging to for dear life, or whatever else! He knew what he was doing. He had to know, or all of this was for naught, and maybe he’d have to confront the idea he wasn’t so sp –

The back door creaked open before Rouxls could have some accursed thought. Convenient.

“I told you it wouldn’t take me too long,” Seam said with their ever-prevalent grin. As soon as Seam stepped into the main shop, Jevil bounced up to cling to their arm, his eyes wide with intrigue.

“WHAT’S ON THE MENU TODAY, DOLLFACE?”

Rather than responding verbally – or waiting for Rouxls’ response, for that matter – Seam walked up to the counter and placed down the box. They pried open the lid and gestured with their head for Rouxls to come over, and he stepped up to their side so he could peek at the box’s contents.

Inside was a variety of writing supplies. Nothing incredibly fancy, but certainly high class and befitting of someone who was once the court’s magician. Rouxls’ gaze caught a starry fountain pen and several pads of similarly glittery paper, all colored in shades of purple and blue. It was… perfect. All that Rouxls could’ve ever asked for and more. He barely noticed the grin creeping onto his face until Seam poked the side of his mouth with one of their claws.

“I take it you want the box?”

“Ah –” Rouxls straightened up and adjusted his shirt collar. “If thoust wouldn’st mind – what typeth of Paymente is expected?” As if he had payment beyond worms and perhaps a poem or puzzle if he was feeling generous. Rather than imposing some type of monetary benefit onto Rouxls, however, Seam simply shoved the box into his waiting hands.

“You can have at it. I’ve got no need for those kinds of hobbies anymore. Jevil’s the creative one of us both, if you can believe it.”

Rouxls glanced at Jevil, who was attempting to carve a heart into the wooden counter.

“Somehowe, I Can, actually.”

“You’re better than some, then.” Before Rouxls knew it, he was being waved away by one of Seam’s paws, prompting Rouxls to slink out from behind the counter. “Have a good time with all of that. And, if you ever finish your work… Let me see a bit of it if you’re up to it. Who knows what a bit of poetry could do for my spirit.”

After the entire incident in the shop, the last thing Rouxls had on his mind was lifting Seam’s spirit. Then again, they had graced him with an utterly brilliant selection of writing utensils and a means to confess his undying love… hm. Well, reading a grand poem was mutually beneficial. After a bit too long of contemplation, Rouxls nodded curtly.

“I suppose it is the Leasteth I can do for thoust.”

“Thanks, Kaard. Don’t work too hard… or do. Heck if I’ll be the one to tell you what to get done in your life.”

“AND REMEMBER! THE STRINGS ALWAYS RING, RING… BUT YOU’RE THE ONE WHO CAN CUT ‘EM! DON’T LET THEM TIE YOU DOWN! DON’T LET THEM TIE ANY HEARTS DOWN! SAVE THOSE BEATING PULSES! BECAAAAAUSE… THEY BEAT FOR YOU!”

More nonsense. Rouxls still graced Jevil with a somewhat-friendly wave, which Jevil himself was all too eager to return as Rouxls slipped out the shop door. The feeling of grass under his boots felt odd after being in the shop for what felt like a long time, though he doubted it’d been more than an hour. It felt like another world in there, was all. And Rouxls had been given so much to think about!

…The moment thinking occurred, Rouxls’ thoughts drifted back to Jevil’s jumbled words. He winced, though he couldn’t place why any of what Jevil had said would hurt. It was all garbage noise, at risk of using the phrase utterly wrong. Rouxls didn’t have to worry about such trivial things as a mad clown’s ramblings, even if they were ramblings Seam appeared to find some sense in. They were both lunatics, regardless of how good one such lunatic was at their work.

Before Rouxls could ponder such dreary things too hard, he looked at the box in his arms again. He had his own work to get done – and it was delightful work, too. With the contents of the shoebox he held, he’d win over the two greatest bachelors Castle Town had ever known!

Love was so easy.

Chapter Text

Rouxls really had to stop insisting things would be easy before knowing that it’d be true.

In his defense, most things did come easily to him! It wasn’t his fault that for some reason, this entire love thing was complicated and built on a bunch of social notions he hadn’t been invited to the convention on. Not that it mattered, of course. He’d been doing an excellent job working it out almost entirely on his own, spare for the odd conversation here and there. Rouxls was an expert in every puzzle he needed to solve, and he held firm to the idea that this was merely another brain teaser.

Just… instead of having boxes to move, he was poring over shimmering paper to find the perfect words. More of a cipher to crack than a jigsaw puzzle to assemble, he supposed. It was all puzzles at the end of the day.

It had taken Rouxls a while to find a good place to work, given Tenna’s studio was obviously out of the question. Queen’s room wasn’t exactly unavailable, and she had been helpful in her own odd way last they spoke. However, Rouxls figured it’d only be a matter of time before her noise music grated on his mind too much for him to get the simplest of words down. He could certainly work in stressful conditions, but Queen had a habit of… testing his limits, so to speak. Hardly an ideal place to work on romantic literature, at any rate.

Then there was the cafe. While it was often quiet spare for the ambient noise of the patrons, Rouxls wasn’t keen on risking Spamton or Tenna showing up for an ill-advised late afternoon coffee. Spamton couldn’t even drink the coffee very properly, spilling it over the table half the time until he was provided a straw by a disgruntled Swatchling. Why did he not just ask for the straw to begin with? What an oddball.

Charming! Still incredibly odd.

Point being, Rouxls was tough out of luck unless he wanted to chance another run-in with his two coworkers. Even beyond not wanting to spoil his mastermind scheme to win their affections, Rouxls wasn’t all too sure how a talk with them would go over after the morning’s events. They were expecting something of him! A grand showing that would prove exactly how much he’d do to prove his earnest love! And he…

…Did not have that yet.

So things would only be okay once he did have that. And he would! He just… couldn’t chance running into them until then. Which was fine, and he did not feel like his SOUL was choking him out over the idea of not seeing – or, at least, speaking – to the two of them for a while. If anything, the lump in his throat just motivated him to work all the harder!

Probably. The weight forming on his shoulders was encouraging. Maybe. Sort of. Kinda?

Rouxls shook his head. After plenty of elaborate deliberation and musing over the rest of the areas in Castle Town based on how likely it was Rouxls could get any work done in them, he’d ended up here. Tucked into the corner of the room just prior to that eternally-shut grand door. Rouxls didn’t understand all of the hype and heroics other Darkners placed on it, frankly. He could make doors shut forever, too, if someone just let him use some superglue. Beyond his own opinions on the relevance of that door, though, it was a fairly neutral space for him to stay with little risk of his two dearly beloveds stumbling across him. As per usual, he’d hit the mental jackpot in terms of ideas. What was new?

…Okay, maybe a couple of his latest ideas had fallen flat. Didn’t matter. He was learning! Doing great at it, too! Whatever setbacks he’d had before landing on his final conclusions hardly mattered, and anyways, as he had assured himself many a time, it was everyone else’s fault. Case closed.

With that clearing his mind of any unnecessary worry, Rouxls had settled down into the corner of the room with that silly dummy of the dark prince. It’d been turned into a fashion mannequin for the Addisons in the room, but given the advertisers were rather quiet this time of day, Rouxls shrugged off their presence. While they could certainly cause a ruckus if they found any “willing” customers, Rouxls had found they were usually content to talk among themselves if they remained unprovoked. Thankfully, Rouxls had zero interest in coming near those Darkners.

Yes, yes, he knew that they were former friends to Spamton… sort of. He actually wasn’t all too sure about the relation Spamton had to any of the Addisons beyond the fact that they were loosely tied in some manner or another. It wasn’t something he’d lingered on mentally for long. Not that he planned on starting now. He had far bigger concerns, such as how he could win over the heart of the one Addison that mattered to him – and Tenna, of course.

(Was Tenna also an Addison? He did have the same long nose… Hm. Food for thought. After Rouxls obtained the hearts of Tenna and Spamton, he’d have to do some personal categorization of what Darkners the two were exactly. Fun! He loved hearing the two of them talk.)

Regardless of whatever affiliation Addisons had with Spamton, Rouxls wasn’t keen on engaging with them. They could be so noisy and demanding, and they never respected Rouxls’ ideas to draw in more business! He still couldn’t see any issue with his idea to make all customers go through a hamster ball maze to be able to buy wares. It’d be invigorating! But no, all the Addisons had to laugh in his face! Well, they’d be receiving absolutely zero business from him in return.

Besides, Rouxls doubted any of them had an affinity for poetry.

After settling into the corner furthest from the business-focused Addisons, Rouxls had gotten to work on writing his grand romantic epic, all dedicated to Tenna and Spamton. The idle chatter lended itself as some helpful white noise, but the environment could only do so much – after the time he’d spent, Rouxls had remarkably little written down. Most of what he’d come up with had been crossed out in favor of more flowery lines, which were then also crossed out for being a bit… much.

He’d never struggled with any of his work like this before. No matter what he wrote, it all felt insufficient for capturing the true, lovely spirits of the two Darkners that had caught his eye. Eyes? He could share the eyes between both of them – unrelated! While he could talk on and on about the beauty of the two of them, it felt as though loving prose fell flat for truly capturing the spirit of how Rouxls had come to admire them at all. It just felt… wrong. Insufficient. And there was no way for him to carve out his own thoughts and spill them onto paper, letting them arrange themselves as they pleased, so…

Rouxls rubbed his temples with both hands, letting the pen and paper Seam had given him fall to the ground for the time being. All this thinking – new territory, really, since everything usually came so simple to him – was giving him the worst headache. Normally, when things got too much for him, he’d taken up the habit of heading into Tenna’s studio and lying on the floor until his mind found some respite. Tenna didn’t ever really get it, but he didn’t judge, and that was enough for Rouxls. Just another example of how thoughtful, respectful, and kind the host was!

So why wouldn’t all of that come out on the page as perfectly as it did within Rouxls’ mind?

When his eyes opened to squint at the writing supplies as though they’d personally offended him, Rouxls noticed the Addisons had stopped their talking. He looked up in a way he hoped was subtle, only to find that the group of four were staring at him in a way much more obvious. Fools. No wonder they got no business.

Despite his thoughts, however, Rouxls refrained from calling them out. He wanted to let them believe he was oblivious to whatever they were plotting – likely some silly business proposition – and he… honestly, he just really wanted to avoid those guys. They were weird and could get so pushy, and Rouxls had enough on his plate! Was it a crime for the grandiose Duke of Puzzles to not want to uphold conversation with a lesser Darkner?

Of course not. He made the rules, and the rules said he didn’t have to do anything he didn’t want to. Especially not when he was preoccupied with much more beautiful creatures.

Still, the Addisons lingered in his mind even more than they had when they were chattering, which was really making writing difficult. Rouxls picked back up the paper and fountain pen, tapping the nib on the surface. And yet, his mind wouldn’t cooperate with his hands. Why they couldn’t work together, just as his body had always cooperated in the past? He was typically so great at everything! How was it that something as simple as expressing himself was a roadblock?! He expressed himself great! Too well, even!

(Ignoring that sometimes it felt like he was tripping over his own feet to prove something, naturally. There was nothing to prove that wasn’t already true.)

It was almost satisfying when Rouxls eventually heard the soft footsteps approaching him. He lowered the paper a bit too fast, fast enough that it was clear he’d been expecting someone to come over sooner or later. If it were that obvious, then he hoped his disgruntlement that his expectations had been met showed just as well. Either way, the blue Addison standing in front of him didn’t seem deterred in the slightest.

Sometimes, Rouxls loathed just how enticing and wonderful he could be to the average Darkner. Hmph.

“To what do I oweth the Pleasurest?” Rouxls said as he crossed one leg over the other, pad of paper sliding into his lap as he dropped it. This shady businessman would not be earning the right to view Rouxls pouring out his own heart, if Rouxls had any say in the matter.

“Cole Collar! You can just call me Cole, though. I’ve heard so much about you,” gushed the Addison – Cole – while he extended a hand and fixed his collar with the other. Fitting. “I would’ve thought you’d be busy, busy, busy! I’ve heard Tenna works his employees to the bone, haha… Or do hosts get special privileges?”

Oh, grand. Rouxls would never claim to understand the cryptic body language or encoded social messages that Seam spoke about, but he could certainly catch on to an underhanded compliment. Darkners gave them to him all the time, after all! And passive-aggressive statements like that were invitations for Rouxls to very immediately sneer at the speaker, naturally. What else would he do when he was slighted, much less his darling host, Tenna? Rouxls had to protect Tenna’s honor!

“I don’st toucheth those who handle Dark Dollarse in spades,” Rouxls huffed, brushing off his hand on his pant leg as though the mere offer disgusted him. “Too much… contamination risk. I might picketh up on thoust’s Bad Vibes, or something equally awfulle.”

Cole’s hand hovered in the air for a moment, then retracted, clenching into a fist for a split second on its way. Perfect. Rouxls could play this back-and-forth game for as long as Cole wanted to entertain it. Really, some recreational condescension would probably be good for his health. It wasn’t as if Cole wasn’t asking for it, with the way he’d introduced himself.

“No offense taken.” Cole had very obviously taken offense. Rouxls tried not to look too proud of himself. “We’re so happy to see you, though! Like I said, we’ve been hearing a lot about you, y’know. Especially lately! Seems like the Duke of Puzzles has been moving on up in the world, hasn’t he?”

“If thoust was not awareth, I am already quite On Toppe. So to speak.”

“Well, you know what I meant.”

“I don’st. Elaborate.”

“...Uh,” Cole cleared his throat, shot a glare towards his coworkers as they looked on like a flock of clustered birds, then fixed his shirt again and continued. “You know! Making a lot of big business moves! Not just everybody ends up at Tenna’s side, and when they do… Well. Things tend to happen to them. It gets to their head! But you seem to be taking the fame…” He looked Rouxls up and down. “...well! What’s your secret, man?”

“I was already Famouse. I did not needeth mine dear hosteth Tenna’s assistance. I accompanye him simply becausest… I Want To. So.”

“Hm.” There was a beat of silence where Rouxls could feel himself being scrutinized. He backed up against the corner he was in and squinted at Cole, uncertain of what was going through his head. How Rouxls hated not having control. As if in a bid to regain it – not that he’d ever truly lost it, of course not – he spoke up, head tilted in confusion and agitation.

“If thoust is thinking something, I adviseth he speak Out Loude. Otherwise, thou simply lookseth like there ist nothing behindeth his eyes.” Rouxls waved his pen around Cole’s face in a circular motion to emphasize the point.

As if knocked out of whatever stupor he was caught in, Cole blinked a couple of times and then shook his head. His arms folded over his chest as he leaned against the wall, making Rouxls feel a bit less caged in by the salesman’s mere presence. Then again, if Rouxls really wanted out, he could probably just kick Cole in the shins and make a run for it… but… no. That would probably look bad. Pity.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I willst, actually.”

“Right,” Cole mumbled despite waving off what Rouxls was saying with a hand. “Anyway –”

“No. Hangeth on. Thoust has not closed the subject of why you Approachested me simply to judge mine Darlinge host.” Rouxls jabbed his pen forward, threatening to poke Cole in the abdomen. “Speaketh.”

“Look – okay – everyone knows you’re into him and Sp –” Cole caught himself as though he’d been about to say something venomous. “His co-host. Him and his co-host. It’s not like you’re the most subtle about it. I’ve just – we’ve heard things, and we’re worried. Alright? So don’t be so prickly and just let me help you out here.”

“Since when was I askinge for thoust’s helpeth?”

“If you want to get screwed five ways to Sunday, be my guest, but I’d prefer that didn’t happen to you.”

Rouxls hesitated. He didn’t believe a single bad thing that anyone would have to say about Tenna or Spamton, much less this haughty salesman. And yet, he couldn’t suppress the urge to at least hear Cole out, if only for his own mean-spirited purposes. In fairness, Cole had started it! Whatever witty remarks Rouxls made were therefore completely reasonable!

With that in mind, though, Rouxls lowered the pen in his hand and stared at Cole with what he hoped was nothing short of suspicion.

“Fine. Go onne. Though don’t expecteth my immediate Truste and Compliance.”

“Thank you,” Cole huffed, like a weight had been dragged off his shoulders with that one statement. He made a motion to the Addisons behind him and they relaxed as well, leaving Cole to sit down while they continued their idle chatter. Somehow, Rouxls felt even more chained down now that Cole was properly at his side, and that whole kick his shins and leave plan was looking very tempting.

He refrained, though. For now.

“So… how much have they both told you already? I figure you’ve gotta know something if you’re so close to them.”

Rouxls made a noncommittal noise. He was no bit excited to spill details about the past lives of his coworkers to someone who, in his eyes, was no better than a strange telemarketer at Queen’s doorstep. Cole didn’t take that well, however, already moving to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“Whatever. I’ll… I’m just gonna safely assume you only know the bare bones. Tenna and his… little friend – they worked together for a while. And it didn’t go super well.”

“What? Is thoust nostalgic or somethinge? Why doest this matter. Like. At Alle?”

“Because they’re working together again. Keep up. You should be more worried about getting wrapped up in Tenna’s business practices and…” Cole winced. “Whatever’s gone wrong with his co-host.”

“Thoust can sayeth dear Spamton’s name, you know.”

The way Cole reacted to hearing the name Spamton would make a bystander think Rouxls had said something far more vile. Cole stiffened, shoulders locking like a soldier called to duty, then grimaced and shook his head. Rouxls opened his mouth to prod further – what did the Addisons have against the poor puppet? – only to be silenced by Cole’s hand on his shoulder. No matter how much sympathy Rouxls tried to muster and gave up on feigning, he couldn’t bear the sensation of touch, and he shrugged off Cole’s hand almost immediately after it settled.

Few deserved the honor of contact with the grand Rouxls Kaard. Even fewer would be welcomed when the touch came.

“We don’t… talk about him much, anymore.”

“You are talking aboust him, though. Activelye. As we speaketh.”

“It’s – saying his name means you have to… think about what happened. It makes it real.”

“But it’s already realst. Thoust pretendinge it’s an Untruth doesn’st make that. Well.” Rouxls twirled his pen. “Un… Untrue.”

“True. You could’ve just said true.”

“My mind is Hugeth and thoun’s is small and Uneducatedst.”

Cole’s eye twitched. Then, he buried his head in his hands and sighed for a long few seconds before prying his face out of his palms. For some reason, Rouxls was getting the idea Cole was exhausted. Could he not handle Rouxls’ clever inferences? Most couldn’t. It wasn’t his fault he was so grand at puzzles. Take that, Seam! Rouxls could intuit so much, and it wasn’t even that tiring!

“Listen. I know it must be hard for… a Card Kingdom resident. You don’t know a thing about how cutthroat and cruel business can get. The way it rips friends away from you. But,” Cole grabbed onto Rouxls’ sleeve, tight enough to where Rouxls couldn’t pull away again, “you have to understand when I say what happened to Tenna’s coh – to Spamton – was a tragedy. Maybe he brought it on himself. But I don’t believe Tenna helped one bit.”

Whatever Cole was saying sounded weighty and worthwhile in its own right, yes, yes. But it was incredibly hard to focus when all he could do was feel Cole’s hand clinging to Rouxls’ shirt, ever-present and digging in so firmly. Rouxls tried to tug away and Cole only clung tighter. It was a violation of the highest degree. Nobody treated royalty this way and got away with it.

In one harsh movement, Rouxls yanked his arm away with force, enough to where Cole jerked forward slightly from the pull. Rouxls sneered at the Addison, who was left with his hand hovering in the air mindlessly. What? Did he expect Rouxls to just lie down and take such disrespect?

At this rate, Cole was lucky Rouxls was still narrowly willing to hear him out.

“Get to the Fuckinge Point.”

“That’s not, uh – that’s not advertiser friendly.”

“That wouldst be so cool. If: I Cared.” Rouxls’ bared teeth refused to curl back behind his lips as he slid against the wall ever tighter. To some, he might’ve appeared as a cornered animal, but if anything, Cole was the one under pressure. Rouxls was being generous. “Go on. What is thoust’s Grudge against mine dearest of deareth Hosts?”

“It’s not a grudge, it’s – you’re getting the wrong idea.” Cole puffed out his chest, fixed his shirt, then slouched forward right after with his hand pressed to his forehead. “Spamton was… I still care about him. Really. But just a bit after becoming a big shot, he started hanging out with Tenna more and more, you know? I don’t buy that it’s just coincidence! And then, once Spamton left him, that – the phone. I heard the garbage noise. The day he just… vanished –”

“Garbage noise.” The way Rouxls repeated the phrase must’ve sounded especially contemplative, for Cole perked up with something akin to satisfaction. Rouxls almost wished he hadn’t let on about knowing anything, but… ah, well. At least he’d get an answer to his musings, maybe, probably, hopefully.

“He said – ?” Cole seemed to recognize the way Rouxls had clammed up, for he stopped that line of questioning before it could even start. “Right, yes. Uh… The phone. Spamton would talk on the phone for ages, until he was spending more time with it than with us. And then he was at Tenna’s side more often than not, making all the big shot plans, and he didn’t need us. Just Tenna and the fame and whatever the he –” A cartoonish censor noise came from Cole’s lips and he slapped a hand over his mouth. “...Whatever the heck was being spouted to him on the other end of that line.”

“So. Thoust believeths that mine dearest Tenna is… responsibleth for our darling salesman’s Backslide, so to speake.”

“Not… exclusively, but,” Cole ran his hand down his face again, “I don’t think he helped. I think he made things a lot worse. And I feel like he was – using? Exploiting? Spamton. Or something? I – I don’t know, but – Tenna’s far from innocent. And I swear to whatever angel’s listening, he’s just going to try and use you, too. He seems all glitzy and glamorous and showy, and he is! But then you try to get close and it’s scar tissue and masks all the way down. He wants someone else to make him something. Without someone to lean on, he’s just… nothing.”

Rouxls blinked once. His pen tilted back and forth between his fingers, thumb sliding to press against the nib just to have some sensation that wasn’t Cole’s lingering touch. It wasn’t that Cole had said anything absurd – just something stupid, which Rouxls had fully expected.

“Ist that supposed to be-eth… Bad?”

“What?”

“Yes, yes, I am well awareth of the Moral Quandriese that cometh with manipulationst and whatnot, but!” Rouxls twirled his pen around and then pointed it back at Cole like a weapon. The pen was mightier than the sword, wasn’t it? “Thoust should be equally awareth that Sir Tenna hath changed Immenselye. He ist a brilliant employer! One for the ages! And I hath seen a Great Manye evil boss. Trusteth me on this one. He could sucke So Much Worse.”

“Okay, understood, but –”

“Doest thou thinketh I care if he is a Fraude?” Rouxls shifted so he could prop up his chin in his other hand. “So what if he needseth mine heart and SOUL to fillst his Own? So what if he is empty? He is Tenna. Thoust fails to recognize that I have seeneth mine lovely Host’s heart, bloodye upon his sleeveth, and I have Adored it all the samest. I hardly needeth thine’s testimoniale. Thoust will not swayeth mine Hand.”

Now it was Cole’s turn to stare, somewhat aghast at everything Rouxls had just said. His mouth opened and shut in a futile attempt to retort, body slouched forward enough to where he was almost huddled in a ball. Rouxls took the opportunity to stand up with his pen and paper, then nudge Cole with the side of his boot, frowning.

“I believeth this conversation is Overe.”

“You don’t get it.” Cole stood up, hands trembling as they dug into the dirt. He was unsteady on his feet for a moment and reached out for Rouxls’ arm yet again, a desperate bid that Rouxls didn’t entertain for a moment. Rouxls jerked away and Cole stumbled, but regained his bearings with nothing more than an indignant huff. “Tenna’s going to just… take and take. That’s all he does. I saw how Spamton was, a little before he ran off to take that last call. He was frazzled and panicked and couldn’t stop muttering about what Tenna would think! All that CRT does is drain Darkners of their love until they’re emptied out. He’s never going to be satisfied. You might think he cares about you, but it’s all just – he wants attention.”

“Everyone doeseth. He’s not unique for That.”

“The attention’s never enough for him. He could have everyone in the world and everything he wants, and he’d just… drive them away and then throw a fit about it. I’m trying to help. He’s a drain at best. Like a salesman who begs for your time with no wares to make it worth your while. Like a thief.”

Okay. This conversation had taken a turn from stupid, to maybe insightful, to really uncomfortable all in the span of a handful of minutes. Rouxls took a step back, very aware of how hard he was squinting at Cole. The Addison seemed like he was genuinely pleading with Rouxls, but why? Everything he said meant nothing to Rouxls. Either it was downright false or simply insignificant – since when had it become a crime to want attention? Rouxls, personally, yearned for it every day. Who didn’t? It was what kept Darkners yearning for a future! The idea of praise, of love, of community and attention and favor.

Nothing wrong with wanting to be adored, Rouxls reasoned.

“Now, if thoust would kindly Moveth –”

“Wait –”

Before Cole could make another futile grab at Rouxls and make Rouxls himself consider violence, the sudden clatter of something falling over caught everyone’s attention. Even the other Addisons, who Rouxls could just barely see in his peripheral vision, stopped their conversation to look towards the source of the sound. Thankfully for everyone, the culprit showed itself – himself – soon enough.

“HEY HEYHEY HE Y !!! TALK ABOUT A [Red Flags] OVER HERE!!!” From the entrance to the room came Spamton, staggering in with an armful of assorted supplies. Mostly trash. It was always trash. Rouxls noticed the smallest glimpse of some comparatively pristine paper within the clumps of garbage, but Spamton clutched the items tighter when his head turned to face Rouxls. Pity. He was curious. He’d just have to ask later.

“Spam – ?” Cole was the first to speak up, swiveling on his heel to face Spamton while Rouxls stayed still in awkward shock. “How long have you… been here?”

“[Long time no see] COLLAR!!!! I COULD RECOGNIZE THAT VOICE [from Hell]!!!” Spamton waved with his full arm and his standard bravado, scurrying over to stand between the two other Darkners. “I SURE HOPE YOU AREN’T [[Cold Calling?]] ON MY FAVORITE [Ace of Hearts]!”

“I wasn’t – Spamton, it’s…” He shot a pleading look Rouxls’ way, which Rouxls only returned with a passive shrug. Resigned to his fate, Cole backtracked and got to the point, albeit with nothing short of pure reluctance. “I was trying to warn him about Tenna. You know how he was, and even if you want to give him a second chance… Darkners like him don’t just get better. We both know he’s never going to be satisfied. You don’t deserve to be stuck like this, man! We’re here for y – ow!”

Much to Rouxls’ satisfaction, which he gladly let show on his face, Spamton directed a sharp kick at Cole’s leg before he could prattle on any further. While the hit surely didn’t hurt much more than a bug bite, it made a point, and that seemed to be more than enough for Spamton.

“C’MON, [bark and collar]! WHAT, DO YOU THINK I CAN’T [Get a GRIP, man!] MYSELF?!” Spamton twirled around and then settled by leaning against Rouxls, who tried his best not to tense at the sudden contact. Not out of the stress and unwelcome crawling sensation that Cole’s touch had brought time and time again. It was something warmer. More fluttery. Like Rouxls wanted to bury his hands in Spamton’s hair and hold him there, keep him so close Spamton could very well bury inside him –

Oh, goodness, he felt lightheaded.

“It’s not that,” Cole mumbled just as Rouxls remembered he probably needed to tune into the conversation a bit more. “I know you’re – well. You can… You’re…”

“IF YOU HAVE NOTHING [Great] TO SAY, [speak up]!!!!”

“...Okay, you’re, uh. Really unhinged now, actually. And you’d make a terrible salesman. I’m not sure how you scored a job? But I still care about you, Spamton, and you’re making a mistake getting tangled up with Tenna again! Don’t you remember what he did to you?!”

“WHAT, WERE YOU THERE!?!? GEE, YOU SHOULD’VE [See Something, Say Something]!!! DIDN’T YOU [Screw off] BY THEN?”

“Well – I wasn’t there, sure. But you were always stressed leaving him, so I thought – !”

“[CRT]’s DONE NOTHING!!! IT WAS ME.” And then Spamton’s voice somehow dropped – though it always kept a loud and boisterous cadence, and his grin was eternal, his tone took on something more despondent. Reflexively, Rouxls’ hand found Spamton’s hair as he kneeled down. “IT WAS ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALWAY S. ME.”

Cole went quiet. He looked between Spamton, who was twitchy as ever but had become oddly reflective after speaking, and Rouxls, who was doing his best glare in Cole’s direction. Finally, after a moment that stretched on for an eternity, he sighed and dropped his shoulders.

“I’m worried. I don’t… I don’t know what happened, but I don’t trust him. He was leeching off your fame, Spamton. You can’t just handwave that away!”

“IF ANYONE’S A [blood sucker!], IT’S ME!!!! TRUST ME. FOR ONCE.” Spamton jerked his head abruptly, forcing Rouxls’ hand away. Despite his own reluctance, Rouxls obeyed the line drawn and pulled back, standing up straight while his glare fell into something more solemn. Just when he was getting comfortable, too… “ME AND [Trash heap] ARE PEACHY AS [Arizona Sweet Tea] NOW!!!! NO STRINGS ATTACHED!!! NOT A SINGLE [Phoneringing.sfx]!!!! JUST ME AND HIM AND [card deck] OVER HERE!”

To emphasize the point, Spamton grabbed onto the hem of Rouxls’ shirt and tugged him down again – albeit, Rouxls was willingly hunching over. Spamton was far from having enough force to make him kneel. Rouxls’ face grew peculiarly warm, but he paid it no mind, too enthralled by being put at the same level as Tenna to care.

“Indeed! Our bond is unshakablest. Whatever troubles cometh, they shalt be dealt with Swiftlye! Thoun’s concerns haveth no place with us. Focus on thine’s own Endeavorse. Ist thou even making any salseth?”

“We were having a moment, man. You’re killing the vibe.”

“WHAT’S THE VIBE????”

“...Nevermind.” Cole raked his fingers through his hair. “Uh, concerns aside, I… I guess I trust you two just enough to let this slide. But I won’t pretend I’m not worried sick, still. If anything happens with that TV guy… You know who told you to stop.”

Rouxls had another few witty comments queued up. Unfortunately – or fortunately, depending on how he thought about it – Cole slipped away before he could retort, rejoining his crew of Addisons. Only then did Spamton lean away from Rouxls’ leg, using the grip he had on Rouxls’ shirt to begin pulling him away.

“[ACT NOW]!!! YOU CAN’T STAY HERE AFTER THAT [trainwreck]!!!!” Spamton demanded, using all his force to try and get Rouxls out of the room. If Rouxls had been unwilling, it would’ve been a fool’s errand. As it was, though, he was no more interested in sticking around the Addisons than he had been before talking to Cole. With a firm nod, Rouxls walked behind Spamton until they reached the entrance to Castle Town, where the two sat down against the wall.

“I do have to thanketh thou for… Intrudinge, so to speakst. I was getting, gyehehe… Testy.”

“I HEARD!!!! AND I’D NEVER LEAVE MY [jack of all trades] IN THE MUCK!!!” Spamton folded his arms over Rouxls’ knee, which was lifted casually to his chest, after dropping the trash on the ground. Comfortable. This was… nice, actually. Almost nice enough for Rouxls to forget he still had some affections to prove, damn it all. At least the conflict could lend itself to some creative inspiration in the future. Though… there was another concern in light of Spamton’s arrival.

“How much did thoust heareth? I… did not noticeth thou watchinge. My mind is Incrediblye Perceptive, as thou would knoweth, but – you know. Mine attention was… Elsewhere.” Rouxls hooked a finger into his collar and tugged on it, avoiding eye contact. For some odd reason, he suddenly felt remarkably nervous. For what? He was doing everything right! Perhaps he was just anxious as a residual from the talk with Cole, where he’d been so bitterly cruel to Tenna?

Yes. That had to be it. And it was nothing to do with Spamton leaning even closer to him, because Rouxls was not at all nervous about love. Nobody in his position who was as great as him would be. Right?

Right.

“NOT LONG!!! [Limited time deal]!!!!! I JUST HEARD MY [Ace of Hearts] GETTING SNAPPED AT AND [Snap, Crackle, Pop!]ED INTO ACTION!!!”

Good. Rouxls’ confession hadn’t yet been soured. He nodded in a very cool and composed way, hand moving from his collar to toy with a lock of his own hair.

“Fortunate that thoust arrived when you diddeth, then,” said Rouxls, humming in agreement with himself. His gaze then flitted over to the garbage, mouth quirking into an intrigued frown. “What ist thou collecting… All Thate for, anyhowst?”

That question got Spamton to stiffen. His little tics and twitches ceased entirely, hands frozen on Rouxls’ leg. Rouxls let out a small, confused noise, and Spamton responded by pushing away and then gathering up the supplies. He made a point to hide the nice-looking paper from Rouxls again with a shift of his arms, much to Rouxls’ chagrin.

“NOW THAT YOU [1 new mention] IT!!!! I WAS!!! IN THE MIDDLE!!!! OF SOMETHING!!! SO. IF YOU DON’T. [Mind your manners] ME…”

Before Rouxls could inquire any further, Spamton started his way into Castle Town, then disappeared inside the centerpiece palace within seconds. Rouxls got to his feet, but was far too slow to even begin catching up to wherever Spamton was off to. Tenna’s studio, most likely, but then… why had he darted off so hastily? What was he scheming?

Rouxls looked at the paper and pen in his hands. He could sit right back down and go back to work, only arriving once he’d proven that he had a place within Spamton’s heart. Or he could chance the odd conversation if the morning’s situation got brought up at all and prove that he had his priorities in check. That he cared about Spamton. Worried for him just as all his friends still did, misguided as those such as Cole were. Not to mention, Rouxls had to check on Tenna – hopefully none of the gossip about him had actually come his way.

The supplies were pocketed as Rouxls made his choice. His better judgement advised him to give Spamton some space, but his best judgement told him to trust his SOUL. And his SOUL was leading him right back to the loves of his life.

Off he went to the studio, then, for a perfectly normal conversation…

…

Oh, who was he fooling?