Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

held gently
within
my palms

I hear your
heartbeat, beating
once, twice, thrice,
a song
that lulls to sleep
my wand'ring thoughts

precious treasure
encased
in crystal
your own lifeblood
held safely
within my palms
when I wish it
were instead
my ribcage

oh, my love
could ever you forgive
this selfish creature
that you call
your beloved?
divinity
is a selfish
sickness, and
all gods are
monstrous,
as you well know

forgive me
for I cannot help
but want to keep
you,
forever,
eternally near

Chapter Text

where are thy
horns, wolpertinger?
wherefore hast thou
become
a skvader?
hast thy
head grown heavy
with thy tears
and hollow heart?

forget not your
wrath, wolpertinger.
raise thy head.
tis not thine
time to die,
nor thine time
to break,
yet.

reclaim thy
horned crown
and singeth
you
of stars
and the beauties
thine eyes
hast seen

Chapter Text

you are
but a blade
sheathed until you
once more
bare fangs,
claws–
your own self
naught but a
sword hungering for
blood.

When dust
settles, battles are
over,
you sheathe
yourself, once more
a lover
a mother
a lauded hero.

You regret not
the blood falling
endlessly
from your hands
your teeth. You
will be
the sharpest
most deadly blade
if only to
keep them safe.

Your mother, divine,
blessed you, forged you
for naught else.

Chapter Text

I knew it
was you
from the
first

time
has changed
your eyes, your
hair, your
flesh cocooned
in crystal

yet your voice
which sang
so sweetly in
hazy summer evenings

and your
lips, plush,
which were sweet
as the apples you
loved,
which shaped
my name like
a song
a prayer
a blessing

were the same
as ever.
I would know
you
in every life

that we share

Chapter Text

standing there in
the snow,
in a place
which you
knew as
a dying
haunted place

I see the
wonder,
the disbelief, the
bittersweet ache
of knowing
your memories are
only ghosts

even your
bright colors look
washed-out,
as if you also
were a ghost
the only color
your bloodred
eyes

cry not, my
love; I will
raise you from
your snowy grave
your bittersweet
memories

I am here, and
so are you; there
are no ghosts,
here,

only us,
the haunted

come. let
me show you
that even
ghosts can
find peace

listen to the
slumb'ring stars
and frost-kissed morn, the chill
of air within
our lungs

tis no less worthy
an adventure
to relearn
an old home

nostalgia
smoothed away
by the quiet hope
of new memories

deja vu
is our oldest
friend, but
we will see
this adventure finished
together

Chapter Text

you have never
been here, but
your blood
knows it all
the same.

gentle prince,
recreating our first
game, our first
shared play;

shall we
repaint our masks
reprise our roles?

it is an adventure
so similar and so
different
and I see
in your smile

all the things
I love the
most
about you

you are royal
not by my
will, but tis my
hand which
placed upon you
your crown
of lemon blossoms
and wisteria branches

azys lla
knows you as
prince of allag

but to me
you are only
my most dearly
dearly
beloved, keen
of eye

and beautiful
of voice

so don once
more, your
adventurer’s garb

and I will
wear mine,
and we will play pretend

that we are once
more neath the
branches
of Proud Creek
and Gelmorra’s
old, slumbering
bones

Chapter Text

the air is still
and silent
and stifling

each breath
a battle
each movement
an entire feat

i ache
and swim
through the waves
that my mind
has melted into

i am many
things, strong and
quiet and trying
so, so hard
to be good

so tis best
to
suffer
silently

lest i be
a burden

lest y'all
get tired
of my presence

i don’t want to be a burden
(i am merely a weapon to be used)

Chapter Text

you lift me
from where i
laid, draped
like a bolt of
silk tossed
in a fit

i am weightless
compared to you,
powerless,

and it does
not feel as though
i am that
which is
divine–

instead
we simply
are an ill
creature, and that
which tends
to it, so
tenderly, so
lovingly

gods are
monstrous, selfish
creatures, and
my love

i fear i
have grown far
too used to your
weight by my side
to lose you

i know not
why you see
yourself as
something that
must be used
or else discarded

i would hold
you, close to me
for as long
as you’ll allow

oh, holy creature
hallowed monster
singer of stars
and weaver of stories

know you
the joy you have
brought to me?

you are that which
knows all my
secrets, all my masks

i would know you
the same
if you’ll let me

i wish only
to repay your
kindness with my
own

if the divine speaks
in prayer and worship

let my
every action

be a prayer,
a plea,

for you
to stay

it is hard
work, to
care for you

i will do
it all
the same

and prove
with every
breath
the depth

of my
devotion

Chapter Text

all I
can think
to say is

i love you
i miss you
i love you

i know that
this is the
play, the
first act

yet still
seeing you walk
into that
crystalline tomb

i ache to
hold you
one last time

my body made
of bone and
sinew, made
mortal,
will forget
you, eventually

my body made
of crystal, of
aether, knows
you will never
leave
until you wake

the mortal
cries
silently;
mourns you
with each
breath

the god
sings
in voices only
you can hear

asking you
to stay
to sleep
to stay
nestled within
my ribcage

where my
heart is
meant
to be

(you are
my heart, and
i now know
i can
never live without
you again)

(sleep in the space
i have made for
you, and know that
you are safe now)

Chapter Text

when we
are born, we
have a tree
planted

to hold our
words, or our
thoughts, our
hopes and secrets

some
say that we
live on
through our trees
planted to hold
our souls
when we are
gone

our bodies rest
in the roots, when
they die, and
the two halves
can be made
whole
and we are
thus
made immortal

our boughs
giving shade and
shelter
to those who
come after
our time's past

Chapter Text

I was
too young to
know you
in your human
bodies, but

your tree bodies
shade me with
your boughs, and
protect,
cradle
my tree and
my sibling's tree

we are twins
the four
of us; you
both, the elder
naive and I
the younger

I never got
to hear your
human voices
or faces
but your trees
squeak and click
welcome me
and I know
even now, you
love me
as siblings should

rest well,
big brother and sister

Chapter Text

when
I hand you
the apple

grown
from my aether
the tree
that bears
my name, and
my soul

I wonder, do
you know
just how significant
a gift
you are given?

I hope it
tastes swet

the same as
your lips taste
sweet, to
me

I love you --
I want
you
to eat well

I cannot eat
my own fruits
and so I
hope that you will

Chapter Text

we
both knew it
could only end
this way–

even still
even still
i wish
there were another

twice now
you’ve
become crystal

twice now
my heart
has stilled

your gifted
song, draws to
my eyes
tears

the shade of
the crystal that
you’ve become

i cannot keep
my promise to you
if you aren’t
here

(i cannot live
through this
a third time;

my dear
my dear
beloved Raha,

sweet
kind
gentle husband
mine,

please
do not make
me suffer this
for a third
time)

we both know
it only ends
this way,

so,

I will carry
you back to
the realm of life
for a second
time

and beg you
not to leave
me again

(please
don’t leave
again,
my love)

Chapter Text

my bones turned
to ice, my lungs
faltering, in a way
they used to

when I was
young
this weakness
was all
I'd known,

crawling
across stone
for my leg
refused to hold
my weight

my
thoughts
spin

round
and round
and round
and round

I think of
you, pressed close
when I was returned
to my skin, once

and I think of
all the
many ways

which my claws
could tear you all
open, like rotting
fruit, and

you would allow
it--

because
if not my soul,
tis still
my hands; a
mortal made monster
a god
untethered

naught but soul
adrift
aching, screaming,
unraveling at the
seams

wrath and love and loss
yearning, hoping, for it
to not be too
late; for all to not
be lost

(you
bleed crystal
and cry
silver

and when
your soul returns
to its
blood and bone
cage, you

cannot stop
your
shaking

and the only
thing that
feels real

is Raha,
hands warm
voice soft
heartbeat
asking for you
to stay--

a lullaby for
a monster
who wants to
feel safe
again.)

Chapter Text

I wonder if
this is how Thancred
felt about Lahabrea

body made
a puppet, and
even as I
breathe, I wonder
if my loved ones
are safe

all too aware
of the violence
that my hands are
capable of

the chorus
in my mind
rises, wails,
another voice added

screaming
for me to
continue,

to push forward
to not let our
enemy win

I pray that
my cousin
will keep our loved
ones safe

I hope, desperately

and when
it is over--

I will be
grateful
for the fact that

you could not
handle the anger,
the fury

of my chorus--
a singer's pact
made protector,
the hero from
a shadowed land
barring your path,
a slumb'ring wyrm
bellowing in rage

my son
is safe, at
the end;

I could ask
for nothing less

all is not well
bit it will
be, oh,
it will be

Chapter Text

I taste
you, in
the sweet tea

you would
make for me

knowing
that I prefer
my tea
sweet,

hot enough
to warm my
frigid bones, stiff
joints

and fill my
palms
with warmth
the same as
when I'd hold
your face
so gently --

I see you
in every piece
of crystal, glinting
in the light
like your eyes
would do

I see you,
in every page
of folklore, and

the scent of
lemon, always fools
me

makes me think
for just a
moment--

that you are
just behind
me, dozing in
a spot of sunlight, or
the branches
of a crystallized
tree

if grief is
love unsaid, then
will this poem vent
the ache in my
lungs?

words cannot express
the depth of my
emotions, and

all I can
think, morning and
night, is

"i miss you."
please
dream of me, love

Chapter Text

soft
strands run
through my fingers

like silk being
woven, like
water rushing
through the gaps

I hold carefully
gentle
careful not to
pull

as I weave
your hair into
the most beautiful
braid, for you

tis simple
and loose

but you look
at me, and
smile, say that
you are thankful

and so I
smile, to mirror
your joy

and the little
trinkets I have
woven in, beads
of gold and
crystal,

catch the light

and you
are made all
the more beautiful

like a dream
come to life

Chapter Text

your throat
freckled
like black stars
on pale porcelain

marked
by vivid ink

flutters
as you laugh

it draws my
gaze, and
my thoughts
are ever ravenous

I wonder how
easily my teeth
could break through your
skin, taste whether
your blood is iron and
sweet, taste
the skin and learn
if you taste sweet
like your lips

you ask
what brings me to
think so deeply

i smile
and say only

that I am thinking
of you

and do not say
how I dream of
my heart in your
hands, and your blood
on my tongue and
teeth

(I would not like
to bite so deep,
but
oh--

that in me which
is divine
is monstrous

wants to taste;
not to kill,
nor devour,
but wishes only
to know you
in the language it
once spoke

and I am so
very curious
of what vulnerability
you would gift
to me.)

Chapter Text

I think--
I want to
bite you

and then I think--
I want
to kiss you

and then--
I want to hold
your heart within
my ribcage

and then--
I want to never
forget the warmth
of your hands in mine

and then--
I want you to
love me,
all of me,

and then--
I want whatever
company you'll give
and whatever
affection you'll spare

forgive me
my yearning
I do not know
how to live
without you by
my side

Chapter Text

forgive me,
love,
for i am so
often
terrified--

you,
my beloved--

deserve better than
this trembling mess
who loves
so deeply
but knows not how
to believe it safe
to show my soft
underbelly, expose
my weakness

forgive me, love
mind not
how eager i am
to hide in
your gentle embrace--

patience is a
virtue,
or so i'm told,
and you always
have been virtuous

you are
like a saint
to me--

though i may
be the divine,
tis you
love
who gives shelter

to the fragile
trembling creature
that i am
at my deepest
quietest core

(our masks
are known, but you
know the truth of
me:

there is
no maskless self--

only
a hollow
where should the
true self life

you are safe
i know
for you merely
looked, and said
you did not
mind
my hollowness

said you'll love
me all the same.)