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Chapter Text

It was a tiring afternoon when he decided to step out for some fresh air and coffee. Even though he hadn’t done anything heavy the day before, he felt groggy waking up for some reason. The crisp breeze carried the scent of roasted beans and freshly baked pastries as he walked into Coffee Bees, his favourite café. A familiar warmth settled over him, as if the place itself welcomed his return. The air was thick with the invigorating aroma of freshly brewed coffee, an uplifting scent that hinted at a rich, nutty flavour. For some reason, he loved the aroma more than the coffee itself.
He had a usual spot—a quiet corner by the window, bathed in soft golden light, where he would sit comfortably and sip on the coffee as he flipped through his textbooks, filled with underlines in different colours of marker. Most of the time, the café would be almost empty, as early morning was the rush hour. But today, the space across from him was occupied.
A boy sat there, sipping black coffee, his gaze buried in a book, but for some reason, it didn’t look like he was concentrating on the book. His mind was fixed somewhere else, in a different realm.
—
I looked at him for a good few seconds, and why did it feel like he wasn’t just another stranger? No, “familiar” wasn’t the right word—he felt like a missing piece, a presence I had lost and longed for without realizing it. It was absurd, this pull I felt toward him. And yet, I couldn’t look away. Ugh, this not-so-fresh sleep is messing with my brain, I thought.
“Here’s your usual order, Feng Mian.”
The waitress—someone who had come to feel like an older sister—placed my coffee in front of me, her voice gently pulling me back to the present.
“Thank you,” I murmured, offering a distracted smile before my eyes drifted back to him.
And that’s when I saw it.
A scar across his face.
A scar that I had given him.

Chapter Text

“We told you not to trust that lowly person. Now see what happened.”

“You ruined our family.”

“A-yang, please listen to me.”

He abruptly opened his eyes, sighing as he ran a hand down his face. These nightmares had become frequent. Strangely, he remembered every single detail. Normally dreams would fade, but these stayed behind—sharp, vivid, and aching, as if they weren’t dreams at all.
He was used to waking like this now: a messy, confused head and a heart that throbbed with a pain he couldn’t explain.

A groan escaped my lips as I forced myself to wake up from the bed with a pulsing headache. The headache was brutal, like someone was slamming a hammer against my skull. I dragged myself to the bathroom, gripped the edges of the washbasin, and stared into the mirror. My body felt weak for some reason.

That guy in the dream… looked exactly like me. And someone was crying?

I shook my head slightly to clear my senses.

“A-yang, please listen to me.”

I whispered the words to myself, and suddenly I felt a pang of pain in my chest, and instinctively my right hand flew to my chest, while my left hand gripped the sink harder. I started gasping for air as if something was choking me. My vision began to blur, my knees felt weak to the point I couldn’t even stand properly, and I collapsed onto the bathroom floor, holding my chest with teary eyes.

A-yang, please listen to me.
A-yang… A-yang…

The name ‘A-yang,’ a foreign name, filled my ears. I heard whispers and screams of people I didn’t even recognize. Those voices devoured me as I crawled on the floor trying to breathe, screaming to myself. My nails dug into my palms, and I kept pounding my chest like I could knock the pain out of it.

Minutes? Hours? I don’t know how much time has passed. Eventually, the whispers faded, and the pain dulled. I was left gasping, drenched in sweat, too exhausted to move. My throat felt like sandpaper. I swallowed, but it only made the dryness worse.
I was thirsty, but I didn’t have the energy to get up. I felt like I’d been nailed to the ground. Somehow, after a few failed attempts, I got up and pulled myself to the kitchen, where the water bottles were kept. I opened the refrigerator and gulped the water like my life depended on it. If anyone saw me, they would’ve wondered if I was showering with it. I was drenched, but I couldn’t care less.

But even before I could drink to my satisfaction, I got a call from my superior.
The superintendent of police…

Chapter Text

“Team leader Feng, come to the station within 30 minutes” the voice from the other side demanded in a hurried voice. Mian wasn’t feeling that good with the request. He pressed two fingers to his aching temples, brows drawn in a frown. “Sir, it’s my day off,” he replied, hoping for a moment of mercy.

But what came next only worsened the pain in his head.

“Is your comfort more important than serving the nation?”
The raspy voice practically yelled, then hung up before Mian could respond.

He placed the phone on the table, leaned forward, and let out a long sigh. His entire body still felt like a mess. His head throbbed and his heart ached—as if someone had run a blade straight through it. It was the kind of pain he couldn’t name, couldn’t explain, but it sat heavy in his chest like it had lived there forever. But all he knew was it wasn’t the time for this. He has to go….

He took the water bottle and chugged more gulps of water before walking to his bedroom to change into his outfit.

The moment he stepped inside, one of his teammates rushed over, clearly anxious.
“Leader Feng! Superintendent Zhou is looking for you—he’s furious. Please go in right away.”
Feng Mian let out a soft sigh and gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder before walking toward the superintendent’s office.
Even before opening the door, he could hear the sound of hurried footsteps pacing back and forth. Inside stood Zhou Jiancheng a man in his late forties, his hair almost grey with few black strands here and there. He was almost the same height as Feng Mian but a bit shorter. He was on the phone, steps sharp and restless. His face was pale with sweat, his hand trembling slightly as he ended the call. The second he saw Feng Mian, he crossed the room and grabbed his shoulders.

“Feng Mian… we’ve got a big problem.”

His eyes were wide. Desperate.
“The wife of Chairman Huang Chen has been murdered.”

Mian blinked. For a second, he stood frozen—not because he didn’t know who Huang Chen was, but because his mind was still foggy from the pain earlier that morning.

“Why are you just standing there?” the superintendent barked.
“Huang Chen… from Huang Law Firm?” Feng Mian finally asked, throat dry.

Mian felt a chill crawl up his spine. To lay a hand on someone from a family that influential…the person behind it had to either be a fool or have nothing left to lose.

“Yes, Huang law firm” my superior’s reply brought me back from my thoughts.

“We better find the culprit as soon as possible, otherwise we are done. This is the order from the chief, so don’t even think about resting until you find that bastard. It’s the homicide and violence team’s duty” he commanded like a cold ice. No, he acted tough to hide the fact he was melting like an ice out of fear.

“Yes, sir,” Feng Mian said, standing straight before offering a salute.
And with that, he left the office, ready to dive headfirst into a case that would change everything.

Chapter Text

Feng Mian plopped onto the couch as soon as he came back home. Groaning, he shook his legs in order to remove his shoes, as he was too tired to do anything after going through hundreds of files and footage today without any break. He didn’t have any proper meals yet, other than some almost expired cup noodles stacked on his office drawer. He hit his head slightly with both of his hands out of frustration. It’s not that he doesn’t love his job, but his heart was bleeding for some unknown reason, and it came into the way of his work, where he can’t even focus properly and has to replay every file multiple times. As he was questioning everything that happened, he heard a soft knock on the door.

“Your delivery is here.”

For his temporary relief, the food he ordered came on time.

He sluggishly got up and walked to the door; he didn’t even look up after opening the door as he got a text from his colleague. But just as he was about to close the door after receiving the package, his glance fell on him.

He was met with a guy with a tan complexion, dark brown eyes, and dark black hair where the strands fell on his face messily under his cap, eye bags evident under his eyes, and just then a high-pitched wail drilled into his skull like a shriek of metal.

‘AN AN’

He lost his balance, his right hand covered his right ear as his left hand held the door to stand properly, he felt dizzy, his eyes getting blurry, and the heartache worsened. Even before he could realize what was happening, he felt a hold on his arm—the delivery boy from before.

Their eyes met for a second before he collapsed and lost his consciousness.

“An-an, come on, you are so slow. The market will be closed by the time we reach there.” Feng Mian half yelled and laughed as he was looking back at his ‘dear friend’—the ’one he cherished the most—as he was running. Following him at a steady yet slow pace was a fine young man, rigid-looking at first glance. “Mian’er-ge, slow down a bit; the market won’t close anytime soon. Don’t worry.” The guy replied in a cold tone, the complete opposite of Feng Mian’s cheerful, hurried voice.

Mian stopped in his tracks and turned back to look at him, arms crossed with a grin. “What if it gets closed? What about my hot savory dumplings?” He pouted as his voice echoed across the street for him to hear.
A chuckle was received as a response.

“Why are you laughing?” Mian stomped his feet and approached the guy. The fine, tall young man scanned Mian with a small smile, his eyes scanning every single detail of him with adoration evident in his eyes. “If the market is closed by the time we reach, I’ll carry you back home.” His smile widened, but his tone was still cold and distant. Whereas Mian’s yellowish fair face flushed a tint of red, he coughed to hide the nervousness. “Nonsense,” he said with a small smile forming on his lips as he looked sideways to hide the smile from the guy in front of him.

The guy was taller than Mian, with dark brown eyes that contrasted with his tan yet fair complexion. a bit long button nose with a defined yet soft jawline. The most beautiful smile with well-aligned teeth, however, he seldom smiles. But when he does, Mian loves it.
The guy was wearing a muted fog-grey hanfu with light jade-green faded sleeves and the same-shaded outer layer and collar. For his shoes, he wore almost torn, noticeably stitched, dirty yet clean shoes. His long, silky black hair was tied up with a grey ribbon. There were no ornaments embellishing him, other than the jade green waist tie around his waist with a small sunflower work stitched on it on the right side. His dress was so simple and plain compared to Feng Mian’s bright aqua green multiple-layered dress with gold embroidery along the wide, loose sleeves, spreading to the upper part of the sleeves like tree branches bearing peach peonies with a red shade. His hanfu had multiple layers with almost the same but somewhat different shade of aqua green. Even the collar had some gold embroidery with tiny reddish-peach peonies. The peonies were small in size compared to the peonies on the sleeves. His hair was tied in an aqua green ribbon along with a few gold hair ornaments dangling from his tied bun, furnishing his left open hairs that reached till his waist, which is longer compared to his ‘dear friend,’ whose hair is almost above the elbow. Nevertheless, both of their hairs were smooth and straight.

The gentle breeze was soft, brushing through the long strands of their hair, fluttering the loose ends of their robes as they stood face-to-face beneath the yellowish-orange lantern glow, surrounded by the quiet chitchatter of people passing by.“I am serious.” The guy Mian referred to as ‘An-An’ said in the same tone as before, but his smile was wider and teasing now. Yan An, if you’re not coming, I’m going by myself,” Mian huffed with a pout, throwing his arms dramatically as he turned and started walking ahead.
Yan An watched him for a beat, lips curled into a helpless smile. He shook his head and followed with quick steps. Mian, sensing him catching up, couldn’t hide the grin spreading across his face. He raised a hand to cover it.But before he could take another step, he felt a tug at his waist—the red peony-embroidered sash around him pulled gently, stopping him in his tracks. He stumbled back slightly, landing softly against Yan An’s chest.Looking up, he met eyes with the taller boy, who now smiled openly down at him. Mian’s heart thudded in his chest. He should’ve pulled away or said something smart or annoyed, but he didn’t. A part of him wished time would just freeze. Neither of them spoke for the first few seconds; Yan An broke the silent eye-staring contest by letting him go. “Go slowly, I can’t keep up with your pace.” This time his voice was more undertoned and sweet rather than his usual cold and distant tone.

He fluttered and opened his eyes. He had no idea how much time had passed, but all he knew was that the delivery guy was gone. He pushed himself to get up, whimpering from a sharp headache.He looked around and saw something covered on the dining table with a note pasted to the net cover. He tried to get himself up slowly and limped to the table in pain and discomfort, internally and externally, and picked out the pasted note.

“I don’t know if you will like it, but it will help you to feel good, I can assure you that. Take care of yourself“

Feng Mian’s lips curved into a tired smile after reading it; it’s been a while since someone said something like this to him. He didn’t recall anything like this after his brother’s death.He pulled the chair and sat on it and took off the cover. The sight in front of him wasn’t any great buffet, but it was enough for him to energize. Rice, spinach salad, and sunflower seed soup.

I didn’t even know these ingredients were there in my kitchen. I chuckled before taking the spoon to taste the soup first…Just after having one mouthful, I stopped, not because I didn’t like it, but I don’t know the reason either. The soup was warm and familiar. It shouldn’t have made me cry, but it did, and I remember finishing the rest of the food while crying.  

Chapter Text

Just as I finished the heartful meal and placed the chopsticks on the table, I remembered something—the ordered food.

He came to drop off the delivery and ended up cooking for me. I chuckled and shook my head in disbelief. But in every case, this meal is far better than the ordered junk food.I pushed the chair and got up to clean the dishes. But still I couldn't understand what happened to me at that time or what the name was; however, all I could piece together was that it was my voice....

As I was done with the dishes, I decided to take a quick shower. I stripped myself of my clothes before getting into the shower. The cold water gushed over me; the sensation of cold water made me forget about the unknown numbness I had been feeling since the morning temporarily, and I couldn't ask for anything more.

——-

Feng Mian was taking a stroll on the street with his retainer, Lin Xue. He was walking in an upright position, his head held high as he passed the small shops he didn't even glance at, though he knew each one by heart. Followed by Lin Xue, his head dropped a bit lower, his hands in front of him almost held together at waist level. He was wearing navy blue pants with a light blue top with slightly loose sleeves underneath and white shoes. That was the uniform color code for the noble's retainers in the Feng family. Even though Feng Mian looked like he wasn't paying attention to those commoners' worlds, actually he was paying attention. He was searching for somebody, someone dear who makes him feel like spring. After passing through countless shops, he finally saw him, sitting at a restaurant's table drinking what was assumed to be soup. He almost raised his hand to wave at him, but he snapped into reality even before his body could act on it.

He cleared his throat and turned around to face Lin Xue and commanded in a stern voice. "From here, I would like to walk alone; you can go back home." His retainer was taken back with this command; he nervously replied, "But master, I'm here to follow you everywhere you go. If Lord Feng gets to know that I left you alone here, my life will be in danger."A small smile appeared on Mian's stone face. "Don't worry, nothing will happen to you or your family, I can assure you of that." "But—I" Lin Xue tried to say something back, but he couldn't help but stutter and swallow his words out of fear and his respect and adoration for Feng Mian. He knows that following someone all day long is suffocating to both of them, but that's his life. He can't run away from it; only death can make him escape from it. Feng Mian noticed the worry on Lin Xue's face; he patted him on the shoulder and asked in a calm voice, "We've known each other for more than a decade; have I ever gone back on my words?" to which he shook his head, indicating 'no' as a response. "Then, don't worry," Feng Mian said before turning his back on him. Lin Xue sighed and bowed before leaving him alone in the middle of the street filled with commoners.

After he made sure that Lin Xue had gone far away from his sight, his steps moved to the shop where he saw him—Yan An. Yan An was devouring his soup in delight; he didn't even notice Feng Mian approaching him until he sat on the wooden chair opposite to him. His face brightened just by the sight of him; he placed his chipped clay bowl on the wooden table before capturing Mian's face clearly. Aware of the surroundings, he quickly got up and bowed to Feng Mian, and Mian kept the same demeanor he had with Lin Xue. "Take the bowl of soup and follow me," he said in a small voice, but still it was enough to turn some heads, but Yan An could care less; he took the bowl of soup and followed him without a word, like a loyal puppy trailing behind its master. The way of walking of both of them was so different: Feng Mian walked with his chest popped, head held high, and hands tied behind his back in a graceful, manly way, whereas Yan An walked just how Lin Xue followed Feng Mian....

They kept this position till they reached the back of an isolated house with a bench in front of it—one of their usual spots—

Their demeanor totally changed as they reached there. "An-An, why didn't you buy one more bowl? I wanted to taste it too," Mian said in his usual playful manner. His voice was light yet deep. "Ah, that didn't cross my mind at that time. I'm sorry, Mian'er ge." Yan An replied in a calm tone, seriously feeling guilty for not buying an extra one. "But, you can have mine, and if you like it, I will go and buy more. Alright?" He asked, raising his eyebrow, hoping Feng Mian wouldn't get upset. And to his delight, Feng Mian was completely okay with that.

"Come, sit here." Yan An sat on the bench and patted the side near him with his left hand, as his right hand was holding the bowl of half-finished soup. Mian made his way to him with light hops like a child. They sat together on the wooden bench; if someone saw them, it was clearly evident that they both belonged to two different worlds.

Mian's flowy hanfu was off-white cream shaded with gold embroidery on the outer layer. The outer layer was filled with tiny gold stars. The stars spread to his outer layer sleeves and the collar. For his inner layer, it was a plain cream-white shaded cloth. The highlight of his dress was the thick waist belt embellished with gold work. The huge gold flower in the middle of the belt was eye-catching, and his hair was tied into a bun, decorated with a gold hairclip. His messy strands of hair freely existing just like him, just like the wind. Whereas Yan An was wearing a jade green outer layer, which can't even be distinguished as green because of how brownish and worn out it was. He had a gray inner layer underneath, which covered his chest area. His clothes were worn out, a rope tied around his waist to keep the dress in place. Despite all of this, he still looked handsome effortlessly. He had that manly aura. His foot was covered with rope shoes, an evident chain mark on his left ankle. It wasn't a fresh wound, but it still looked like it still hurt. He himself looked like he was burned alive, but thanks to the 'wind' who came along and lessened the intensity. The intensity of the flame he was carrying in his heart...

But none of them mattered when he was with Feng Mian, not the scar, not the stares, not the talks, not the burn on his skin, not the weight in his heart. Everything felt light and colorful—like spring breaking through a long winter—when he was with Feng Mian. His smile lightened the surroundings, and his honey-like voice melted into his ears. His existence gave him a purpose to look forward to, and his presence made him feel seen and made him feel that he belonged somewhere in this world. Nothing mattered when that boy was with him...Even though both of them weren't sure what bond they have or how close they are, or whether what they have is right or wrong. All they knew was they found each other for the good; they were each other's light and warmth and wouldn't want it any other way.

"I thought I wouldn't be seeing you today, but I'm glad I did." Feng Mian said with a relieved smile, looking at the sky as his hands rested on both sides of the bench as he leaned back. "I'm glad as well, very glad," Yan An replied, not looking up, focused on stirring the soup. Feng Mian drifted his eyes from the blue sky to Yan An's face. As he was about to say something, Yan An cut him off. "Here, drink it while it's still hot." He raised the wooden spoon to Mian's mouth, to which he gladly parted his lips and accepted it. "Is it warm enough?" Yan An asked as Mian nodded, smiling, his eyes crinkling. "You should drink it as well; it's tasty," he said, urging the younger guy to drink it. Just like that, they both took turns drinking the warm sunflower seed soup under the shade of the house roof on a sunny day. Far from the crowd, from judgment, just them and their little world.

Chapter Text

The next day he was asked to go to a place, the crime scene where Huang's butler was murdered, assumed to be on a wasteland field as the body was found there.

By the time I reached there, my fellow teammates were already there, standing together, talking, and trying to understand the situation. The police cars parked at the road, I could hear the faded sirens, commands, questions, and random theft—missing cases being informed by other officers from walkie-talkies. Citizens and journalists trying to take a picture of the crime scene as the duty officers were blocking them, asking them to step back, their rambling, and their shouts. Everything was a mess, and I was used to it, but because of the strange things that have been happening since yesterday, made me feel nauseous , even this small chaos was too much for me to take.

The reeds swayed with the wind, and I heard someone sneezing—guess that person is allergic to pollen—

One of my teammates named Rui Xi yelled my name and waved at me with a gleaming face as soon as she noticed me, which led the other members to notice me as well, as their actions were followed by a smile and a bow.

“Leader Feng! You are here.” A woman in her early 30s around the same age as him, sprinted to him; she was wearing black leather pants and a black top underneath, along with a black leather jacket and white platform sneakers. She saluted him as she approached him. “Leader Feng, this has become a serial murder case, I fear. The killing pattern is almost identical to Huang Chen’s wife’s case, and also, uhm, the drawing we saw on her body seems to be his signature,” she said with both hands on her hip.“Hmm, I understand. Good job!” He said before passing her and moving to the crime scene. The morning sunlight hit his tired face perfectly, his black boots sunk into the wet soft mud as he took his steps to the crime scene. His head is still not at its best state because of his lack of proper sleep last night. On his way he flashed a small smile and nodded to his other teammates as they were standing near the crime scene, looking through some pictures taken at the crime scene of Huang Chen’s wife.

I reached the crime scene; the butler’s body was covered in a white cloth with the yellow tapes and local police surrounding it. I approached them and took out my ID from my pocket and showed it to them in order to get into the area. As I got in with plastic sheets covering my boots, I squatted down near the body to investigate it.I looked at my side, where two of the crime scene analysts were standing outside the crime scene. I asked them about the estimated time of the death, and I was hit with the information that it’s been approximately 7-8 hours. I nodded and checked my watch; it was 8:14 am in the morning at this moment, so this murder happened around 12:14 am to 1:14 am. I took a mental note before putting on my blue gloves and removed the white cloth covering his face area, and I found out something predictable, as Rui Xi already gave me a heads up, but still it was a bit disturbing. A sunflower was carved on his right cheek with a sharp object. She is right; it’s most likely to be a serial murder case, but what’s confusing me is that last time the sunflower was carved on her palm, but this time it is on his face.

Is it by mistake, or is there a reason behind it?

Chapter Text

Feng Mian was going back to his residence on a rainy day alone as Lin Xue was severely sick. Lord Feng didn’t let it slide for an off day, however he couldn’t say anything as he was granted off days till he gets better by Feng Mian— his master—

The clouds spat out their tears heavily, that even his umbrella wasn’t that helpful. His goal was to reach his residence as soon as possible. His steps quickened with each step as the downpour intensified. The little puddles splashing water as he walked.

That’s when he noticed a man who seemed to be around his same age wearing a raggy sack-like clothes struggling to pick up huge wooden boxes.

He decided to stand there and notice him for a while.

That guy was dragging the boxes from the outside to the shed inside, Feng Mian noticed him trying his best to carry the boxes but he couldn’t help but drop them just after a few steps. He kneeled down in frustration , he seemed tired. Witnessing how much he was lurching, he decided to help him. The direction of his journey changed, he walked towards him under the pouring rain, the off white shaded with aqua green embroidered umbrella slightly shielding him from the rain. The lower part of his hanfu as the same shade of the umbrella’s embroidery, drenched by the water mixed with mud as he walked. The water droplets fell one by one from the corners of his umbrella like transparent pearls.

He closed the umbrella as he reached the place where his legs took him to, and as soon as the guy noticed Feng Mian, he stumbled in fear and fell backwards causing a splash, horror was evident in his face as he looked up “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, please spare my life, he got up and kneeled , the muddy water sticking on his dress. Mian was used to it, but he didn’t like this power he held, it suffocated him, whereas his family and his parents found satisfaction in it.

The pleading voice of him pierced into his ears, he looked at him with a slight smile and knelt right in front of him, which made the guy move abruptly in panic. He folded his hands and started to plead more desperately. His body was trembling, not because of the chilling rain.

Mian looked at him for a beat of second before clasping his ornaments filled, firm hands with that guy’s folded trembling cold bruised hands.

He froze, his eyes widened in shock, his hands trembled continuously in his grip.
“It’s okay, you are fine” Feng Mian whispered with the same smile on his face, eyes melting as his grip on that guy’s hands tightened.

The water dripped from his forehead to his sculpted nose, and a few droplets settled on the tip of his nose not flowing down, while the rest of the droplets grazed his lips, then his Adam's apple and got absorbed by his clothes… The bright coloured stones on his hair pin were overshadowed by his amber eyes, roofed by his stuck together wet eyelashes. “I’m not here to harm you” he said looking at the guy staring back at him, whose face was drenched as well, his strands of hair sticking to his face like a sculpture embellished by vine branches. The rain washed over the dirt of his face as it drizzled through his skin.

Both of their wet dresses clung tightly to their bodies showcasing Mian’s well sculpted, beautiful body and the guy’s malnourished almost bone like body.

“I’ll help you with the boxes” Mian said as he withdrew his hands from him and got up positioning his hands behind him. That guy was still in surprise, knelt down, his hands no longer folded, it was freely placed on his lap as he looked up at Mian. However, his eyes didn’t scream horror or fear anymore, rather it was filled with surprise, relief and adoration.

The smile on Feng Mian’s face widened, he forwarded his right hand to him “Hmm” to which the guy accepted by holding his hand, he wasn’t trembling anymore but still his touch was charged with caution.

As soon as he got up, Mian let go of his hand and bent to carry a box, “It will be easier with two people” he said with his sweet smile still intact on his face. “But, master this is not right” the guy stuttered, “Oh, come on” Mian raised his voice slightly, but not in anger, the calmness in his voice was still apparent.
“Do you want me to get sick? Cut the small talks, let’s finish the job first” his grip on the edges of the box tightened as his shoulders relaxed a bit. Without uttering a word back, he nodded and went to hold the other side of the box.
They looked at each other and nodded to pick it up together at the same time, but just then the guy interrupted the flow “Are you su-“ and even before he could complete it, Feng Mian shushed him off, his eyes screaming “you being for real?”

Unknowingly a smile formed on the guy’s face even before he realized it, but in a blink of an eye that smile was replaced with his usual reserved face.

Around 30-45 minutes passed by, they carried the boxes in ease one by one, sharing glances and little smiles intentionally and unintentionally along the process. Nowords were said or heard other than occasional gasps, strained whines because of how heavy those boxes were.

After almost two hours they were done with everything. Feng Mian plopped on the stair with his back leaned on the pillar, breathing heavily, “Ayoo, finally all done, See! It was better than struggling all alone” he said with a wide smile as he ran his left hand through his wet and sweaty forehead.

“Yes, thank you for the help master” the guy said standing a bit far from him at the opposite side, slightly to the right side from where he was sitting. “Ayy, don’t just stand there, come sit here” he patted on the side near to him. “But, I won’t give you the pillar, it’s mine” he dramatically waved his hands and hugged the pillow and squished his cheeks against it. His voice was cheerful, almost like a child who got his favourite sweet or toy.

Even without realizing the cage he was stuck in was no longer there, the wind was finally able to fly freely, dancing and messing around the fire.

Chapter Text

“I’m aware that I’m crossing the line, but would I be honored to know your name, master?” The guy nervously asked as he begrudgingly sat near to him, not too far, not too near, his hands clasped together on his lap.

“Feng Mian,” he replied, his gaze fixated on the gloomy sky. The pouring had already stopped by then; the only thing left was the gloomy sky, their wet clothes and hair, and the water droplets plunging from the sharp corners of the wooden slab roof.

“Master Feng M—” the guy tried to say his name but was interrupted by Mian. “Feng Mian,” he repeated in a stern voice, his smile fading, but to his surprise he only received silence. His gaze ripped from the sky and turned to look at him, his back still pressed against the pillar, the hands that were placed on both sides of him retrieved from that position and going in front of him, clasped together as he leaned forward.

He saw the guy looking at him with those confused small eyes. Mian looked down and chuckled lightly before looking at him again. “Feng Mian, call me Feng Mian. Not Master Feng Mian.”

The guy’s eyes grew wider. “But Mas—“ but Mian interrupted him again. “What’s your name?” he asked as he placed his hands behind his head and leaned back against the pillar, his eyes never leaving the guy. “Yan An,” he replied in a low voice as he fiddled with his fingers, looking down.

“Yan An” Mian repeated the name like a prayer; just then the guy named Yan An’s stomach growled, which made him suddenly cover his stomach with his arms in embarrassment.

Just then he heard a chuckle; he lifted up his head and saw Feng Mian smiling widely at the sky, which made him look down in more embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I didn’t eat anyth—“

“Do you like meat-filled dumplings? I have some with me.” He was again interrupted by Mian, not letting him complete his sentence. Yan An looked at him for a beat of a second; the expression in his eyes changed, and a side of him Mian had never seen yet came out. “Will you let me talk? Why do you keep cutting me off?” he half yelled, his face getting slightly red, but that’s when he remembered to whom he was shouting….

His breath hitched, panic rose from his chest, his eyes widened in realization, his body froze in horror, he couldn’t move, he felt stuck, and to increase his trepidation, Feng Mian laughed, loudly, carefree. His hands back to his lap, his eyes closed slightly, his wet sticky hair slightly moving as he rocked back and forth as he laughed.

Even though he was scared, he couldn't help but notice how beautiful his mirth was. It sounded like bell jingles, rhythms to ears, and glitter to the heart.

“I’m sorry, master; that was my bad.” Mian said, his gaze falling on him, his voice filled with tease as his giggle-filled mirth continued.

“Master Feng Mian! I didn’t mean to disrespect you; please forgive me.” Yan An's voice was laced with panic, and his voice was hurried. He quickly got up from the stairs and knelt on the wet, muddy pathway, hands on his lap, looking down in fear.

The laugh slowly faded… Then the sound of clothes rustling was heard, and then he felt someone approaching him, a sigh, and then a tiny splash.

There was Feng Mian, the only son of the well-known noble family Feng—who are connected to the royal family—kneeling in front of him again with a mischievous yet soft smile. “My dress has been drenched already; I don’t mind it getting wet again.”

Yan An slowly raised his head to face him, his eyes filled with fear and confusion, just to meet a man who was smiling at him. “But, my knee hurts, so can we please sit on the stairs again? Please, Yan An,” he said with sweetness laced in his voice.

Yan An wasn’t able to process anything; he didn’t know if he was blessed with a sweet dream as an escape from his nightmare life, or if it was really a blessing in his dingy life—and is he the light that came into this life of his…?

However, even before he could process everything, he felt a tug on his wrist, and before he could react, he was pulled up by Mian; he was pulled gently to the stairs—his grip soft yet firm.

They sat on the stairs in the same position as before, with Feng Mian owning the pillar and Yan An next to him. Mian’s hand still held onto Yan An’s wrist. His eyes were fixated on Yan An’s lowered face, whereas his gaze was on his wrist held by Mian.

Both of them had the same expression despite having two different views. A glimpse of a smile couldn’t be seen in either of their faces, but there was something lingering in the air. Feng Mian’s gaze slowly lowered to Yan An’s wrist where his hand was, and then he half whispered, a small smile creeping up his face,

“Yan An, I like the name.” 

Chapter Text

Days have passed by since then…

He did look for him in the same place again, but unfortunately he was nowhere to be found…

He checked some well-known shops around the commoners; some days he waited there till night, till the shop closed. He alternately changed places looking for him, intimidating everyone who came to that shop. Some days he ate from there; some days he bought two meals, hoping the boy would show up. And slowly he became a familiar face; people started approaching him as his intimidation slowly wore off… Even before a month passed by, he became the commoner’s favorite nobleman. The children loved him as he bought sweets and toys for them; the teenagers became his go-to friends. They hung out, laughed together at each other’s silly jokes, and played with each other, and finally he felt like a 17-year-old.

He couldn’t ask for more, except for Yan An showing up as well, but his presence never embraced him, and he begrudgingly convinced himself that he might not see him again, but he would be someone he will remember for a long time, as well as be thankful for being a door to this life he is living right now sneakily.

______

“How’s your fever now?” Feng Mian turned his head back a bit to the back and asked Lin Xue. “I’m much better, thank you so much for your kindness, my master,” Lin Xue said as his gaze was fixed on the ground. “Hmm,” Feng Mian hummed and looked to the front, his hands behind his back, his posture straight. “Let me know if you need anything,” he said as he took a step forward, followed by Lin Xue doing the same.

“You don’t have to follow me.” Feng Mian stopped his feet, his voice firm.

Lin Xue’s steps halted, his head still stooped low, not looking up. He didn’t say a word back and nodded. He bowed for the one last time before stepping back. He knew this moment would come now or later, as he had been used to this pattern for the past weeks, but he never dared to ask him the reason; moreover, he was thankful for the fact that he never let Lord Feng step on him for letting Feng Mian roam alone.

Feng Mian stood there, his back still facing him, his hair slightly dancing with the breeze as the corners of his cream gold hanfu tried to kiss the breeze by swaying in the direction of the breeze.

He stood there till Lin Xue’s footsteps were no longer audible…He finally looked back just by turning his head to make sure he really left and disappeared into the light dust that blocked the view from the other side, to his relief.

And then he turned to the left and moved forward—the market of commoners—where you will rarely see a noble, unless you are there to boast or harass the poor people in the strength of wealth that brings power…

Feng Mian’s tall figure turned a few heads in fear, confusion, and even joy. His steps were stable as he walked. His hands tied behind him, the golden hairpin in his hair smiled at the sun’s reflection.He didn’t have to look where he was going; it was like his home by now, and the ways were imprinted in his heart. But strangely, he couldn’t shake off the feeling of missing that boy with the beautiful name—Yan An.

Chapter Text

Just like every day, Feng Mian made Lin Xue leave in the midst and started his little journey to his home. His red sachet filled with sweets made up of milk, and on his right hand a few books were covered in a satin silk cloth for Shu Wei, a friend of his who was into reading. As a person born in a low-class family, she could only dream about learning to write or read, but then one day she found herself eavesdropping on the classes taught to the young master from the Xie family.

One day she stole money from her parents, which was saved up for their rice, to buy books, only to end up breaking her passionate heart, knowing that a low class like her would never be able to feel a book in her hands….

And on her way back, she met Feng Mian…

____

His steps quickened as he turned to the left, to the market, his heart pounding in excitement and joy.

And that’s when he heard a voice—a cry—his steps halted, and he stood there for a beat of a second to understand from which direction the cry was coming. As soon as he comprehended it, he ran in the direction, his cream-gold hanfu retreating in the air with an abrupt rustling sound as he ran, not too fast, not too slow, the sachet on his waist swinging back and forth…

A narrow road hidden behind a few closed shops—there he saw a boy getting beaten up and kicked by a group of older-looking people, who didn’t seem like commoners nor nobles based on their clothing. They were wearing muted cream inner robes with a dusty maroon-shaded outer layer with a sash around their waist, the same shade as their inner layer, embellished with a coin-shaped token dangling jewelry, whereas some people’s were decorated with a small jade pendant. Their hair was tied up in a bun with carved wooden hairpins, whereas the boy on the ground was wrapped up in a muted jade green robe.

“How dare you wear this color?”

“You low piece of shit should know your place.”

“This is our color, only for high class, not for beggars like you.”

The self-proclaimed high-class men physically abused him and spat on him with cruel insults, ignoring his apologies and pleas, not realizing the real high-class man was standing behind them.

“High-class men, you say?” his voice echoed, making them stop the fit and turn their heads. Their eyes widened in shock, and the group moved back slightly in fear. Panic lacing their voices, they spurted out excuses.

“My Lord, this is a misunderstanding.”

“We didn’t mean it in that way.”

“We—we were talking about this lowly shit.”

“Look at him wearing the color designated for scholars like us!” Their voices erupted one by one.

Mian stayed silent, listening to these so-called excuses; his gaze fell on his feet, and he took a deep sigh before looking up. “Oh? That gave you the right to beat up an innocent?” His anger-filled voice resonated. He didn’t raise his voice, but his presence itself was enough to terrorize them.

His gaze fell on the figure lying on the ground, cuddled up, bruised hands hugging himself, his knees close to his belly, his hands covering his face, his hanfu a mess, mixed with dirt and torn, whimpering in pain, unable to move. His gaze went back to the so-called high-class men again. “Will you beat me up into a pulp if I wear your color?” He raised his voice, his voice gritty, which made them panic more.

“No, Lord, how do we even dare?”

“We are nothing in front of you.”

“You people are nothing in front of him as well,” he growled. “You got education, wealth, and a position, and still you can’t stop the rottenness in you? You still want to torture these poor people who already have nothing to start with?”

“Shame on you,” he raised his voice as he trembled slightly in anger, his left hand rolled into a fist, and the grip on the silk satin wrap tightened.

He took a step forward. “Come fight me if you dare, you lowly peasants,” which made them scurry backwards as they pleaded for forgiveness. “Run if you value your lowly life!” Feng Mian gritted his teeth, his voice calm and stable, but rage was evident in his voice and eyes.

“Yes, Lord, please forgive us,” they cried in unison and scrambled like a flock of birds being chased by a hunter, stumbling on each other, tripping and falling, their cries echoing in the area.

Mian looked at the curled figure lying on the ground near his feet. The expression in his eyes softened, his fist loosened, and he slowly crouched beside him, which made the guy flinch in fear. He whimpered in pain, his voice cracking.“Are you alright? Come, I’ll take you to a physician.” Mian said calmly, making sure not to scare the boy. He slowly took his bruised hands in his; with a trembling body, he desperately cried, “Please don’t hurt me.”The voice—The voice was oddly familiar—A smile formed on Mian’s face, happiness bubbled up in his chest, and excitement filled him as these words left his lips. “Yan An! Is that you?” 

Chapter Text

Yan An looked up, hearing the familiar voice, his eyes filled with hope, and then Mian saw him—the guy he had been searching for the past weeks—

His face was bruised with fresh and old wounds, mixed with dirt and dust, his eyes tired, dried tears evident on his ruined yet handsome face.

“Yan An!” Mian let his name slip out of his mouth in a worried and surprised tone and proceeded to pick him up, and to his surprise, Yan An didn’t flinch nor say anything defensive. He let Mian pick him up; however, as Yan An was taller than him, it was kind of hard for him to balance him and walk simultaneously. But he didn’t give up even though he stumbled on the way and almost dropped him down. His grip on him tightened as Yan An wrapped his left arm around his shoulder. Feng Mian’s eyes were fixated on the road ahead, each step cautious, making sure not to stumble again, whereas Yan An’s eyes were glued on Mian’s determined face. He noticed how his gold hair ornaments dangled as he walked. His eyes then slowly drifted from his ornate hair to his face, his eyes scanning his soft yet chiseled jawline, a small scar under his chin.Unconsciously his fingers caressed the scar, making Mian flinch and stop. His eyes drifted to him, and Yan An quickly retrieved his hand. Realizing what he just did, he slightly panicked. “I’m sorry, master,” he said as his eyes went everywhere but him.A soft smile formed on Feng Mian’s face, his eyes scanning Yan An’s face for a beat of a second before looking back at the road and walking off to the market.

——

As they reached the market, people surrounded him with joy, but their expressions changed once they noticed the bruised boy in his arms. “Child Mian, who is this?” One of them, who looked like he was in his late 40s, asked while others looked at him with curious eyes. He smiled” He is my friend; his name is Yan An. He is injured; we need—“

“Why is his dress so dirty?”

“I’ve never seen him around.”

“He is covered in bruises; he must be a bandit.

”Even before he could complete his sentence, murmurs arose from the crowd, which irritated Feng Mian a bit, but he didn’t show it. Instead, he cleared his throat for their attention. “He is injured; we need to help him,” and he walked forward and stopped in front of an empty veranda and laid him there slowly and carefully. “I’ll find something to clean you up,” he said, his voice calm as he gazed at him with warmth before walking away.

Yan An lay there, his body aching severely, his wounds stinging, witnessing Feng Mian slowly fade into the crowd as whispers from others were passed around like a mantra. He was one among them, but why did it feel like he was always the odd one out, no matter where he went…?

Chapter Text

Feng Mian walked back with a wooden tub of water and a clean cloth. His steps were cautious as his eyes went back and forth on the tub and the path in front of him as children ran around him and tugged on the hem of his hanfu. “Mian gege, Mian gege, come play with us!”

“Sweethearts, will you guys help me to cheer up another gege? Then we can all play together,” he said with a soft smile, his voice calm, and as a response, the goofy beans enthusiastically nodded, giggling, and followed him like ducklings following their mother duck.

Mian’s steps slowed as the little ones clung to his sleeves, their giggles fading when their eyes fell on the bruised figure curled up on the veranda. “Is he the gege you told us about, Mian gege?” One of the children asked, looking up at him swinging right and left, clinging to his dress. “Mm,” he looked at the child and hummed with a warm smile as he set the tub down beside Yan An and sat beside him.

Yan An’s eyes slowly fluttered open as he felt the presence of someone beside him, and his eyes were met with a concerned Feng Mian and a lot of giggly yet curious faces. “Can I please get some water, Master? I’m thirsty,” he requested, his voice barely audible and hoarse.

Feng Mian looked back at the crowd. “Why didn’t you give him water? What’s with your expressions?” He asked, not in his usual calm tone; rather, it tasted like disappointment.

The crowd looked at each other, their eyes guilty, scared, and confused.“Child Mian, we are afraid that he must be a bandit; his demeanor is intimidating, and his clothes… seem to be expensive but torn. We are afraid he stole them,” one of the ladies in her late 30s said.

“Mian, Dad asked me not to approach him; that’s why I just stood here,” one of the teenagers said, voice laced with shame as other teenagers nodded in agreement.

Mian sighed as the giggles of the children and them calling Yan An ‘gege gege’ resonated in the background.“Yan An is not a thief… and in case he is, I’ll let him rob me.” He paused, then he continued, “I will do everything in my power to protect you; all of you are my family, and I would never bring harm to you. Please don’t forget that,” he said, looking at the crowd before drifting his eyes back to Yan An. “Please wait a moment, I’ll bring some—“

“Mian,” someone cut him off. Mian turned back to see his friend Xu Kai with a small pot full of water. "It's for the injured guy there,” he said with a soft smile as his eyes flickered to him.

“Oh! I have some medicine in my house.”

“I’ll warm some tea.”

“Let me bring some clothes for him to change.”

Voices erupted from the crowd as they scrambled here and there with an aim.

A smile appeared on Mian’s face; he chuckled and shook his head slightly before turning back to Yan An. “Gege, come, let me help you sit up,” he said as he wrapped his arms around his torso and shoulder in an attempt to make him sit up and took the pot of water from Xu Kai and raised it near Yan An’s mouth and tilted it little by little as he drank little by little to his satisfaction.

“Done?” Mian asked, warmth evident in his voice and face, as Yan An slightly pushed the pot back, letting him know he drank enough, to which Yan An nodded lightly, his face still reserved and not a glimpse of a smile visible.

Mian gave back the pot to one of the little gremlins, and the child jumped from the veranda and ran giddily to one of the shops as Mian yelled in admiration, looking in the direction. “Be careful! Don’t trip.”Xu Kai took the cloth and dipped it in the water and squeezed the water off and leaned in to wipe Yan An’s face with it, but he flinched; his eyes closed, his hands up in a defensive way, making the teenager flinch as well.Feng Mian smiled at this sight, familiar with this situation. “Let me do it,” he said as he took the wet cloth from him. “Mian, I can—“ “Don’t worry.” Mian cut him off and proceeded to clean him off, and this time he didn’t flinch, didn’t react; he sat there letting Mian clean the dirt and blood from his body as he felt the flame in his heart lighten…

——

After a while, a grandpa came with a bowl of warm soup—sunflower seed soup. “Here, child, drink it. It will energize you,” he said as he passed the bowl to Feng Mian.“Gege, your hands are injured; let me feed you.” He scooped a spoonful and raised it to Yan An, to which he hesitated and didn’t open his mouth.“Gege, it’s fine. Drink it before it gets cold,” he said, lifting the spoon closer to his lips, but even before Yan An could taste his first meal after two days, a few guards stormed in with a horse neighing. One of them, assumed to be their leader, hopped off from the horse and came forward. “We have an announcement.” 

Chapter Text

“The landlord wants all of you to evacuate this place in two days,” the leader said, his head held high, his voice strong.

“Evacuate?”

“Landlord?”

“What’s going on?”

The people whispered to each other, not understanding what’s going on. Feng Mian placed the bowl of soup on the veranda and walked towards them, his demeanor intimidating. “What do you mean? What landlord? No one cared about this land for the past two decades,” his voice stern and clear.

“So? Now the landlord wants it back,” the leader commanded, even though he was a little bit intimidated by Feng Mian.

“We need to talk,” Mian said, walking out of the area, his steps stable, followed by the leader with a stoic face, as the guards stood there with sharp eyes, intimidating the people. The children tugged at their mothers’ dresses in fear.

Mian turned back after reaching far away from the people. “What are you trying to do?” His voice was stern. “Young Master Feng, you heard it.” The leader’s voice softened.

“I heard that loud and clear. I asked, ‘What’s your lord’s ill intention?”

“I can’t disclose it, Young Master. My apologies,” he said, bowing.

“Tell your lord that these people will live here and they won’t go anywhere. This is their place; they made it their home when everyone trashed this as a non-suitable place,” his voice powerful and commanding.

“Young Master, I don’t know why you are siding with those lowlifes,” the leader said, his voice no longer in the soft tone. “I don’t know what’s wrong with siding with other humans.” He paused. “You do remember you are still one of them, right?”

“Young master, I—“ The leader tried to say something, but Feng Mian cut him off. “You know how hard you worked to escape this world of yours; don’t forget your roots.”

The leader looked down in embarrassment. Nostalgia? Anger?

“Tell your lord that the people will stay here, and no one is going to evacuate them from here for your greedy intentions,” Feng Mian said before turning his back to him, and he walked off.

“I will deliver your message to my lord, but don’t expect mercy.” The leader bowed stiffly, as his fists clenched at his sides, and went back to the guards soon after Feng Mian disappeared from his sight. “Let’s go,” he said as he glanced at the people for the one last time and went away with the guards on horses neighing loudly as he whipped them hard.

———-

As Mian came back to the people, curious yet scared faces surrounded him. Even Yan An’s attention was on him despite not being able to stand up properly. “Don’t worry, I’m here,” were the only words that came out of his mouth, a small reassuring smile on his face as he walked to Yan An from the crowd. “Gege, did you drink the soup?”

Chapter Text

“SHU WEI! GIVE MY SWORD BACK” Xu Kai yelled from the other side as Shu Wei ran with his sword made of wood, all giggly. “CATCH ME IF YOU CAN” she yelled as she ran. “SHU WEI, WAIT TILL I CATCH YOU” he said as he stepped up to catch up with her, a wide smile on each other’s face. Giggles bubbling from their lips, their hearts happy.

“MIAN!!!! HELP ME” she yelled as she ran around Feng Mian, who was helping Aunt Shen to carry the ingredients to her shop. “WEI WEI” followed by Xu Kai’s voice.
Both of them ran and circled Feng Mian as he smiled at their silliness.
“Oh guys, let me go, I have things in my hand” he said, sighing softly like a tired yet content sibling. “TELL HER TO GIVE MY SWORD BACK”, Xu Kai said, not stopping chasing her. Mian shook his head slightly, a warm smile on his face. Then he noticed Yan An sitting on a few brick towers braiding Li Grandma’s long gray weak hair, as grandma talked about her grandchildren like a ritual.
“Go disturb Yan An and Li Grandma, but don’t push them off. Yan An’s wound hasn’t healed properly yet,” he said as he pointed towards them with a mischievous expression, and he ran off laughing, the ingredients in the box shaking slightly as he ran.

“No more Mian to save you, Shuuuu Weiii I’m coming for you”, Xu Kai said, trying to grab her, but the grasshopper she was, didn’t let him catch him. She ran to Yan An, her mirth echoing the surroundings like music. “An gege An gege” she ran to him, her voice cheerful, making Yan An look at her with a wide smile. His bruised face covered with herbal patches. “An gege, tell her to give my sword back, please”, Xu Kai whined as he panted for breath. “Shu Wei aah, give it back to him, he took hours to make it” Yan An said, his voice calm. “Okayyy, but I have a question for him” she said, as she hugged the sword tight, the smile on her face faltering “When you become a guard or soldier, will you work for bad people?”

“No”. Xu Kai’s answer was firm and short.

“Hmm”, her smile came back as she heard his answer. And uhmmm…. Will you marry someone rich then?”

“I can't,” he answered, his voice still firm.

“If you could, would y-“

“I don’t want to”, he cut her off, his eyes never wavered, as if he knew what he wanted all along.

“Oh” a shy smile crept up on her face. “Why not?”

“I already like someone stupid” his face betrayed him with blushed cheeks, not matching his cold tone.

“Hey, I’m not stupid” she sulked, pouting.

“I didn’t say it’s you” he said, trying to hide his blushed cheeks.

“Oh”

“Hey, hey, don’t cry” he said, his voice laced with panic and worry.

“I’M NOT CRYING. I ALSO LIKE SOMEONE, SOMEONE SWEET, HANDSOME AND SUPER COOL. AND AND ONE DAY I WILL MARRY HIM AND WE WILL LIVE HAPPILY” she yelled in a hurried way, stumbling on her words. Her face became more grumpy as she stomped her feet and walked away, passing him.

“Wait wait wait, you like someone cool?” Xu Kai’s eyes widened, “Who who who, Li Yun? "Ren Lang?…..” He named several names, curious to know who she liked, and followed her with quick steps. “I won’t tell you hmph” she walked off, her face still pouty. “Oh come on, Wei Wi aah tell me, you can keep my sword, tell me his name” he whined. “I’m going to give this sword to that cool guy” she said as she ran away and yelling “DON’T FOLLOW ME”

Yan An had a wide smile on his face all this time, witnessing these two bickering. His eyes flickered towards Feng Mian’s figure— who was trying to lift a large wok and place it on the mud stove with Uncle Mu. His gold-embroidered hanfu tucked all together between his thighs.

Yan An felt a warmth in his heart, a different type of warmth he had never felt.

“Grandma, I’m done, you look so beautiful” he said with a warm smile, his voice laced with sweetness as she looked at herself in the mirror and smiled with her teethless, wrinkled face.

The neighbourhood was lively, filled with little gremlins’ mirths, old people's chatter, and the sound of cooking and bargaining.

The next two days went well and calm, just like spring amidst all the struggles….

Chapter Text

As usual, Mian came to see his found family with gifts in his hand, but as he reached the left corner path to the market, he felt uneasy; something was not right. The ground had a lot of smudged footprints, as well as signs of something being dragged along.

And something in him snapped, and the clothes and meat he bought for Yan An and the people fell from his hands, making the dust rise up lightly as his eyes widened in realization. He ran, with all his might, his heart hoping for everything good, but it was too late to hope….

His steps halted; the view in front of him was heartbreaking. He saw his family losing themselves. He coughed violently as the smoke devoured him; devastating cries echoed as houses and shops were burned down. Injured people tried to bring out more severely injured ones as they winced in pain and gritted in willpower.

His eyes twitched in pain, and his veins bulged with tension. His hands trembled as the corners of his eyes tightened.

“My baby, my baby, my baby, THEY KILLED MY BABY,” a mother screamed, holding the breathless infant in her arms, engulfed to her chest, as one of her arms bled severely.

“MY SHOP, MY WHOLE LIFE! What will I do now? Tell me what I will do now?” A man screamed to the sky, hitting himself on his head as he knelt down, tears purging from his eyes, “Take me as well. TAKE MY LIFE AS WELL.”

The shop was burning as the wooden doors and roofs fell dangerously close to him, but he didn’t move an inch, as if he really wanted the flame to swallow him.

Mian’s trembling body ran to him, but even before he could pull him away, the greedy fire devoured him….

Screams and wails erupted from each corner as the fire danced heavily on their lives as many of them jumped into the fire, accepting their fate.

Dead bodies were lying on the ground like a battlefield, a bloody pool surrounding them, the sand crimson red. Some of their abdomens were torn open, as crows surrounded them. Their lifeless eyes stared at Feng Mian as if they were screaming to be redeemed…

The sky darkened not with clouds, but with wings. That day was a living hell for the people, while it was a heavenly feast for the scavengers…

The sound of the clamor of caws and sharp rattles filled the air as the crows squabbled over their feast, their caws mixing with the soul-wrenching wails of the people who lost everything.

Mian felt weak, his knees felt weak, his heart rate rapidly raised, and his hand flew to his chest as he felt an invisible iron rod piercing through him. He felt dizzy, his surroundings were blurry, and his eyes filled with tears, red, bloody red.

“MIAN!” Shu Wei’s voice was heard from afar; his eyes shot up to the direction he heard her voice. “Shu Wei,” he called out, his voice weak, his throat dry, his voice barely audible. “MIAN!” her painful voice getting clearer as she crawled closer to him, one of her chopped-off legs bleeding severely, leaving heavy blood stains on the way, her nails digging into the mud.

“SHU WEI!” He screamed, noticing her, his voice filled with pain and shock. He jolted to her and slid down to kneel, his trembling hands cupping her tear-dried cheeks, his eyes burning in rage and raw pain. But her breaths were already shallow. Her lips quivered. “I… I don’t want to die yet,” she whispered. “I didn’t get to finish…the books you gave me.”

“It’s okay, it's okay, you are not going anywhere, nothing will happen, nothing,” he stuttered as he choked on his words, and he tried to pick her up, but then she stopped him, tears brimming in her eyes. “Gege Yan An gege,” she paused, her voice cracking. “They—they killed him,” she stuttered, swallowing hard. “HE WAS TRYING TO PROTECT ME, HE WAS, HE WAS, MIAN, AN GEGE DIED!” She screamed, clawing her nails into Feng Mian’s skin, the pain of her heart heavier than her bleeding, lost leg…. 

Chapter Text

Feng Mian's body froze, his eyes widened in pure despair, his knees gave way, and he fell to the ground, his hands dropping from Shu Wei's face.

"You killed him."

"You murderer."

"You brought him here."

Murderer. Murderer. GO TO HELL. Unknown voices pierced him like a blade as the wails and caws faded into the background.

He scrambled up, his legs nearly giving out , hands fumbling through the air, his eyes darting everywhere as the crows waited patiently. He ran a few steps in the direction Shu Wei had crawled from to find Yan An, then his steps halted. He turned back and knelt beside Shu Wei's bleeding leg, tearing his expensive hanfu to cover the wound and stop it from bleeding further as she winced in pain. He picked her up in a bridal carry, just like he carried Yan An that day, while she clung to him weakly-his warmth providing some comfort to her cold body, her heart hoping Yan An was alive and that what she saw was an illusion-the vision of him getting stabbed by a knife in his side abdomen.

"Mian," she whispered, looking up at him, her voice weak, " leave me here and go check on gege; maybe he is alive." Feng Mian stopped, the expression in his eyes slightly changing. He looked at the figure in his arms. "Can you please tell me where you last saw him?" His voice was hopeful. "Leave me here," she said, weakly pointing her index finger in the opposite direction from which she had crawled back. "Go save him. I can't be saved," she said, a small smile on her face that screamed acceptance and pain.

"No, I'm not leaving you here. I will save both you and him, and the others," he said with determination in his voice as he moved toward the direction she pointed out. "I- I could've helped him, but I ran away to save myself, letting him fight them by himself. I deserve death," she said, her voice trembling with guilt, her eyes half-closed. "You are not wrong; humans are built that way. Don 't blame yourself," Mian said, his eyes never drifting from the path ahead , his voice firm and understanding.

But he couldn't walk any further; his arms trembled from exhaustion-both internally and externally. The smoke made it harder to breathe.

He couldn't carry both.

He couldn't save both.

Shu Wei's breath had turned shallow, her lips slightly bluish , her blood soaking into the silk of his ruined hanfu, yet she still clung to him like a ghost too afraid to let go. "Mian," she whispered again, weaker this time, "go."

Ahead of him, the wails faded, as if everyone had abandoned him even before he could act; the street turned to ashes, and the crows swarmed the area. His heart grew heavier. His eyes scanned the area like a prey seeking forshelter, and that's when he saw it. A small ruined shop, not burned but attacked with force. No bloodstains , hidden behind a house-it had shadows, it was concealed , a place where no one would give a glance.

He quickened his steps there as he felt her body growing cold, his arms and knees ready to give way at any moment. He entered in and gently placed her down, elevating her injured leg on a stone, hoping it would reduce the blood flow . She flinched slightly as her leg touched the stone but said nothing. She was afraid-afraid of letting Yan An die alone, thinking everyone had abandoned him.

"Stay here," Feng Mian said, brushing her hair from her face. "I'll come back with him; I promise to save you both. Please don't lose hope , wei wei aah" She looked at him, her eyes half-closed-"I never doubted you, Mian gege." A small smile formed on her face—her first time calling him gege despite him being 1 year older.

His throat tightened. His hands lingered on her face, trembling. "Mian ge, if I don't make it, please let Xu Kai know about my feelings; please let him know that I stole the sword from him to carve his name. Please tell him he was the cool person all along. Plea -" she paused, her throat feeling uneasy, her heartbeat palpitating , "please tell him not to end up like those people." Her smile faltered. "Shu Wei aah, don't say that. You are not going anywhere , just wait for me, okay? And Xu Kai-just wait; I will make sure you can give him his sword back." He held her hands and caressed her fingers for the one last time before he stood up, his face drenched with tears.

He hesitated for a moment.

Then he left.

The crows that had waited silently in the trees, far behind them, slowly began to move. One fluttered down, perching atop the crumbled edge of the wall. Watching. Waiting. The place he thought was safe wasn't safe in the end, and she knew it; she knew it all along. But she would never blame him; the only person she would blame until her last breath would be herself. If she hadn't run away alone when Yan An came to her rescue, maybe her legs would still have been fine; maybe she wouldn't have been attacked in the alley. "Thank you for the books, Mian gege," she whispered to herself, a tear rolling down from the corner of her left eye as she closed her eyes in acceptance...and the dark birds surrounded her.