Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Susie couldn’t stand when people weren’t honest with her. Especially when they didn’t even outright lie, but instead just…kept things from her. Important things. Things that she wish she had known about, so that she could’ve made different choices, or even just so that she would KNOW. Because what’s the point in lying when the truth is gonna come out one way or another?

She thought Kris understood that. She thought Kris was one of the few people who would stick with her. They didn’t talk a lot, but she never thought that was because they were hiding things.

She had snuck into their house while Toriel was at rehearsal. With everything going on, she just wanted to surprise them. Maybe go by Castle Town again, hang out, get some time to just have fun. But she heard some broken voice coming from Kris’s room, a voice that very much was not theirs. It was coming through what sounded like their phone. Telling them ominous things that didn’t really make sense. Things about the fountains. She wished she got there earlier, if only to hear the beginning of the call, maybe it would’ve made more sense then.

And Kris was silent. Took it in. Said nothing.

As Susie listened, she realized…how long had Kris been talking to this person? Since the beginning of the week? How long had Kris known things about the fountains and never said a word?

Susie felt a pit in her stomach as she realized. Anger started bubbling up, and she felt her mind going haywire. Who the fuck are they talking to, why did it sound like the person on the other end was speaking another language? And why didn’t Kris SAY anything about this? Did they not trust her? Did they think she would just…get in their way?

If it was that last one, then maybe they were right. Because when Susie overheard that call from outside Kris’s room, with this unnervingly broken voice starting to say things she could understand, things about sacrifice and promises, Kris’s absolute silence, and eventually the bang of something being knocked over…

And when she peeked inside the room’s cracked open door, seeing the birdcage on the ground with Kris kneeling over it, their head in their hands and their body heaving, as if they were crying…

She wouldn’t let Kris keep going like this. Not when they clearly hated it. Not when they were in this kind of danger.

—

The look on their face was almost enough to make her regret it.

She was surprised at her own restraint, not confronting Kris right then and there, instead waiting until they were at Castle Town. Having asked Ralsei to talk to Kris alone, with both she and Kris insisting that he go up to his room to decorate it with their finds from the church’s dark world, he was too far away to see or hear.

The moment she brought up the phone call, Kris stiffened up, and refused to say a word. Then they ran.

Susie had to physically stop them from running, but Kris was both shorter and faster than her. They kept out-maneuvering her, she kept reaching out and stopping them, and the cycle repeated.

The Darkners that were in the castle lobby cleared out pretty quickly when they saw this. Susie offhandedly thought about how that made sense, since Darkners had this whole weird purpose thing that made them want to make sure that Lightners were only every happy… maybe Ralsei was the exception to the rule, and no one else would really be able to handle Lightners at their most upset.

The next time Susie got a hold of Kris, she steeled her nerves and did the only thing she could think of. She pulled them into a hug, catching them off guard for just long enough before pulling away so she could look them in the eyes.

“C’mon, Kris, you CAN’T just keep running like this forever. You gotta talk to me. That phone call was…” She didn’t want to let on just how fucking scared she was. “Weird. It sounds like you’re…in with something you shouldn’t be. What’s…what’s going on?”

Her voice slipped, and she almost didn’t recognize the soft, scared tone of her last question.

If the look on Kris’s face said anything, they felt the same way. It was what she could only describe as some mix of dread, sadness, and fear, creating an expression that Susie never wanted to see them wear ever again. She wanted to see them with a shit-eating grin accompanied by their laughter, or a soft little smile like the one they had given her at the diner.

But right now, all Susie had from them was this miserable look and silence. She kept looking at them, giving them a moment to speak up.

But Kris looked down, their hair covered their eyes, and the room remained silent. It was deafening.

She didn’t want to get angry. Not at Kris, not when she knew that something was so wrong, but their silence…after how they had bonded, after how much she had come to trust them…

Something bitter bubbled up to her throat.

“Heh. Should’ve known I’d never be in the clear.”

Kris shifted at that. Their head was still mostly down, but tilted upwards just slightly. Enough that she could see one of their eyes peeking out of the curtain of their hair.

Their eyebrows were furrowed in what looked like confusion and a little bit of dread. That was all she could really read from them. Their hands shook, just a little, and for a brief moment, Susie’s mind stopped in its tracks. She wasn’t so sure, all of a sudden, about what she was gonna say.

“Another person who’s not just gonna tell me the fucking truth.”

She wishes her mouth didn’t run faster than her mind.

Despite feeling just as angry, she regretted those words the instant she said them. She was even more sure that she made a mistake when Kris fully looked down again, stiffening up, their hands shaking even more as they started mumbling.

“trying to…protect…”

Susie was almost too stunned to say anything, but managed to get her question out.

“What did you-“

“I’m trying to PROTECT YOU!”

Suddenly, a switch had flipped. Their head whipped up, both of their eyes fully visible to her and their expression teeming with anger. The fury and clarity in their voice was something that she’d never even imagined.

Despite everything, she couldn’t stop looking at them.

….Had the room turned red while she wasn’t looking?

It felt like it as Kris came up to her and pushed her back, not with nearly enough force to hurt, but enough to make a point.

“Kris—“

“STOP!” They pushed her again.

More prepared this time, she recovered quickly, only to be met with another frantic shove. They tried again, and—

“KRIS!” Susie braced herself and grabbed both of their wrists. They thrashed in her grasp, but she held steadfast.

“Stop it! Just—let me…. stop….”

Their resistance became weaker and weaker until they eventually started slouching. Kris’s hands balled up into weak fists on her chest and their head fell. Their voice became mumbly again, repeating “stop” and “just let me…”

Suddenly, Susie could hear what Noelle was talking about the other day. Kris’s voice was different.

In any other situation, Susie would be all over the opportunity to say that she didn’t need protection, if anything, Kris and Ralsei needed hers. But the way Kris was talking, and how they were shaking in her arms…

Something was unbelievably wrong. And she’d be damned if she let Kris face it alone.

“Kris, what’s… seriously, what is going on?”

She looked down to get a better look at them and saw that their eyes were wide, with…oh, they were crying…

But they were still quiet. If they really thought they were protecting Susie by not saying anything, then she had a feeling that they would be here forever. She would just keep asking, and Kris would just keep spiraling. She needed to change her strategy. It took a moment before Kris started to let out a weak mumble.

“please, just…let me…”

“Hell no.”

Kris startled, but their tears stopped flowing and they had brought their head up just a little. They were still averting away from her gaze, but she could see their eyes again.

“Look, I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t know who you were on the phone with, or why you were talking to them. And maybe you’ve got a reason you’re not telling me. But something… something’s wrong. And I’m not just gonna watch you deal with it by yourself. Whatever’s got you like this, we’re gonna face it together. You, me, Ralsei, like always. And if you try to stop me…”

In an instinctive act of boldness, she brought a hand to their chin and held their head up so that they were looking at each other in the eyes.

“I’m gonna fight you, too.”

—

Kris couldn’t stop looking at her. Her smile wicked and wide, her eyes burning with determination, her hold on their chin firm. It took all of the willpower they had left to not lean into her hand, to not move closer to her.

They knew she said that in a half-joking way, but she didn’t realize how likely it actually was.

So she probably also didn’t realize how desperately they wanted that.

If anyone is going to stop them, if someone is going to cut their strings and most likely cut into Kris’s own flesh in an attempt to do so…

They want it to be her.

Chapter Text

Kris had a strange sense of deja vu that they couldn’t quite pinpoint. Maybe it was because they were back in the school supply closet. The same place they were earlier in the week, during their petty fight in the card kingdom when Susie was so insistent on being a bad guy. Her eyes had shined with certainty and her axe struck them with ferocity.

Now, her axe only nicked them like a paper cut. They couldn’t believe that Ralsei’s scarf was what hurt them more. Susie's hands shook and her expression harbored a sadness so painful that all Kris wanted to do was run up to her, throw their arms around her and shield her from all of the Knight’s blows. Like they loved doing, like they’ve been trying to do this whole time. At least until today.

As if sensing Kris's traitorous thoughts, the Knight put their sword on Kris's shoulder. Kris couldn’t bring themselves to look away from Susie, even as their vision started to blur and they became lightheaded. Automatically, they raised their own sword towards their friends. The Knight’s power shone through them, and they could just barely see as a flurry of black crystals spiraled from their sword.

As much as they hated losing all of their senses in these moments, they were at least grateful that it spared them from the sight of their friends falling to the ground by their own hand, just barely stumbling back up with the help of each others’ healing spells.

“...usie … SUSIE!” As the ringing in Kris’s ears faded and their mind started to come back to them, just barely enough to make sense of their surroundings again, they heard Ralsei scream. His expression was equally pained, and tears fell from his eyes rapidly. “I don’t want to either, but … we have to fight them, we can’t…”

Susie looked like she was about to shake her head, but looked back at the Knight standing behind Kris, and her eyebrows furrowed. Her jawline tensed, and Kris recognized the look of anger that took over her face. Her grip on her axe tightened, and they felt hope bloom in their heart.

But then Susie’s gaze shifted to Kris, and she stopped short, opening her mouth to say something. It took a few seconds, like she was struggling to find something to say.

“I…there’s GOTTA be some other way, we can’t hurt Kris!”

Angel, she cared about them so much. They hated it. Where was the vigor that she had promised to fight them with?

What hurt the most was that they couldn’t tell her that themselves. Not with the Knight behind them, not with their own faculties draining more and more every time the Knight used their soul to unleash a new attack.

But in this moment between attacks, Kris could look at her.

So they did. Their expression has been one of the only ways they could express themselves at all in the past week, so they used all their practice here to try and talk to her in a way they couldn’t do with their voice.

please strike me. swing at me with your axe. attack me with everything you have, and make it hurt.

She swung at them once more, but they could tell just from the pain of the cut that her heart wasn’t in it.

The waves of the fountain’s darkness made the room swell around them, a carousel of sight and noise that was nearly as dizzying as the freezing touch of the Knight subduing them once more. A cold touch on one shoulder, the push of the flat end of a sword on the other. Kris was forced down by both, and their knees collapsed under them. Stars danced in their vision as they kneeled, and they had only barely enough clarity to watch as Susie’s eyes widened.

They couldn’t even see what attack they unleashed this time, just vague images of dark stars exploding. They saw Ralsei take a particularly bad hit and clasped their eyes shut tightly at the sight of red trickling down one of his temples. They saw stars in the back of their mind, too, as they fought to keep their grip at the edge of reality. Chilling winds whipped around them, enveloping them in a cold that sapped so much of their energy.

Kris loved the cold. It was familiar, comforting somehow. Maybe because it left them numb. Kept them in a kind of stasis that helped them when…when Dess, when their parents…when everything they knew and loved slipped through their fingers, leaving them in the dust. Maybe then, that numbness was comforting. They felt like they didn’t have much to fight for anyways. But now they do. And now, more than anything, they wanted out of this.

“KRIS! Kris, can you…can you hear me?”

Susie’s voice alone pushed them up towards the ledge, helping them off of the ground, bringing them to open their eyes and see her bleeding, too.

yes! please, just…

Both Susie and Ralsei stumbled back. The Knight’s touch came down onto their shoulder more forcefully, and….

Oh.

Kris said that out loud.

The moment they realized this, a wave of stabbing pain washed through their body. If stars danced in their vision before, now they pummeled through it, blurring their sight and bringing Kris back down to their knees instantly.

No, no, not now, not just as they got through…

They never knew just how badly this would hurt, and how hard the pain would make it to express anything at all. Kris never thought they would say this, but … they would even take the soul’s control over this.

But as their vision started to clear up, they saw Susie reach out for them with hope in her eyes.

Her hair blew in the darkness. Tears fell down her face, and they mixed with streaks of blood from cuts on her cheek. She was cast in a warm glow of light from Ralsei’s heal prayer. She looked like an angel. The only one Kris wanted to see ever again. The only one they could think about as they let one last conscious thought pass through their mind before submitting to the darkness, hoping that somehow, somewhere, it would reach her.

please… stop me.

Their eyes fell closed, and their arm felt detached from their body as it moved up again. Lost in their mind once more, they tried to listen to know what was happening, only to be met with muffled shouts and grunts. They looked around. It was faint, but they swore they saw some cards lying on a rug in the abandoned classroom, wires on the floor, a glow of static from the TV…

And suddenly, a pillar of orange light burst through. The first thing they were conscious enough to register was warmth. Staggering warmth surrounding them. A lick of flame rushing past them, hitting their cheek.

Then, all sound and sight came back to them as they were violently jolted back into their own body.

Susie's axe was glowing the same bright orange, and she looked at them with equal parts horror and hope.

Her hair was completely disheveled. Kris was almost entirely overcome by the urge to bury their head in it again, to softly whisper an insult to her, to show their love in the only way they knew how.

But before they could act on that, all feeling came back to their body too. The warmth disappeared. They convulsed involuntarily, sparks of pain shooting up their arms and torso. Kris shivered. They felt so cold again.

But they no longer felt the Knight’s looming presence behind them, and relief filled their heart. The room lit up. The swirling waves of darkness were gone, replaced with the familiar sights of Castle Town. The room was finally still, and it got quiet. Kris could see unobscured, no darkness lingering in the corner of their eyes. They tried to get up from the ground, only for their knees to tremble the moment they tried to put any weight on them.

“KRIS!”

Ralsei immediately was at Kris’s side, guiding them to a comfortable sitting position.

“Kris, please, don’t try to stand up yet, you’re shaking! Here, j-just… let me…” Ralsei’s voice was panicked, but soft and gentle as ever, and it was a much needed comfort. Kris felt a familiar wave of healing envelop them, rejuvenating them a little bit. Everything still hurt, but it was more of a consistent ache than stabbing jolts, so they could focus more. Ralsei started to put his scarf around their neck—he must’ve noticed how much they were shivering—and Kris used their extra energy to look around for…

Susie was pounding at the door.

“DON’T FUCKING RUN AWAY! NOT AFTER WHAT YOU DID TO—“

Kris coughed. Mostly to get her attention, but once they coughed one time, they couldn’t stop. They felt Ralsei’s hands on their back again, trying his best to support them.

In an instant, Susie turned around. Her eyes widened and she ran back to them.

“Holy shit, Kris!” The relief in her voice was almost as tangible as the arms that wrapped around them, supporting their weak frame as they tried to return the embrace.

Ralsei looked at them with concern. “Kris, you’re all…”

They looked down at their arms and, oh, that’s what he was talking about. Despite feeling cold, their skin was hot to the touch and burns spread along their arms. As if they had a fever. But that all became an afterthought when they looked at Susie again and saw her miserable expression, filled with guilt. She traced their cheek with one of her claws, right where that last spark of flame had hit them. Her touch was so gentle, like it came from heaven itself. Kris couldn’t help it this time as they leaned further into her, even though they felt a little jolt of pain every time their skin rubbed up against hers.

After that fight, though, they couldn’t bring themselves to care. They wanted her comfort, and they could finally choose that on their own. So they leaned in closer to her, reaching out for any last shred of her warmth they could get their hands on. They listened to the urge from earlier and buried their face into her hair, taking a deep breath.

“…smells bad.”

Susie jolted at their voice. When Kris looked at her, they saw her completely bewildered, caught off-guard expression paired with a blush.

Even as she started yelling, she only held them closer, making their faces level.

“THAT’S the first thing you say??? Of fucking COURSE it smells bad! Yours does too! Holy shit, Kris, you fucking DUMBASS, why would you ever…”

The anger in her voice spilled away pretty quickly as she met their gaze. They were looking up at her with a faint, weak smile. Their eyes were shining, as if she had just lassoed the moon away from its orbit and presented it to them as a gift. As if she had hung the stars in their sky.

…She thought back to the one star that she had pasted above Kris's bed frame. It was still the only piece of decoration on their side of the room.

“you…stopped me. thank you.”

Suddenly, Susie was overwhelmed with the thought that Kris could have died. They could have died, and she would have never been able to see them again. They would’ve never gotten to eat in the diner together again, or draw stupid little doodles on the window, start shit at the corner store, find moss in the corners of the alleyway, have breakfast at Kris’s house and then kill time together during a boring sermon…

But they were here. Weak and tired, but here, breathing, in her arms. Safe, if she has anything to say about it. And she does.

Their expression shifted into a conflicted one, their eyebrows furrowed and hair covering their face. “don’t…i don’t deserve…”

“Kris. Hey, Kris.” She pushed their hair out of their eyes, looking at every part of their face as if she was committing it to memory. Maybe she was.

“Shut up. Yeah, you made some stupid choices, just…tell us next time, ‘cause we’re gonna make ‘em too, got it?” Her smile turned into a grin. When Kris let out a weak laugh in response, her grin became a little wider. “And, uh, you…don’t have to thank me for saving you, dumbass…”

Kris smiled and shifted closer, finding the strength to reach up and wipe away the tears that were falling down Susie's cheeks. She leaned into their touch, too, and they felt her breath on their face.

They couldn’t take it anymore. Finally, finally they could act entirely of their own accord. And Susie was right in front of them. The girl who had just saved their life in more ways than she knew, who leaped into action at the sight of them in danger even though they had betrayed her, and who looked at them now with so much love in her eyes that it hurt…

They finally closed the distance, and were surprised to find that they had met her halfway. Kris cradled her face as Susie’s grip on them tightened. They pressed closer to her, relishing in the feeling of being loved in this way despite everything they had done, everything they thought they would’ve had to do.

Kris couldn’t help but smile into the kiss, but soon after, they felt their arms get shaky. They tried to stay upright by moving their hands to her shoulders, but their arms gave out on them and they collapsed a little bit. They fell away from the kiss, but Susie caught them by their waist before they could go any further and supported their weight fully.

The feeling of exhaustion that made them fall reminded them of how vulnerable they were right now. That despite how badly they wanted to express every pent up feeling, their mental and physical energy had been used up.

With one last bit of energy from the kiss, Kris bumped against her cheek with their own burned one. They felt a tear drip down and hit the burn. It created a little sting that faded into their skin and became part of the mark that would stay with them forever. They don’t know whose it was, but they’d like to think it was hers.

They were tired, but so, so warm. Safe in Susie’s arms, Ralsei’s scarf wrapped around them, with Ralsei himself smiling warmly at the sight and standing guard next to them, the darkness at the edge of their vision felt comforting instead of numbing. So they allowed themselves to fall into it this time.

Even if they kept falling, Kris knew Susie and Ralsei would be there to catch them.