Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was in the middle of the night in the fade or based upon the clock in the lighthouse since there isn’t a proper day or nighttime cycle here. Rook would be standing on a ledge of the lighthouse courtyard, looking towards the endless void of the fade, her eyes dull. She can hear the voices of those she harms ringing in her ears from Miranthus. The fire, screams, Neve’s disappointing eyes and Tarquin’s blame. Rook, being an elf with heightened hearing, made the voices in her head much louder that night which is why she experiencing this earworm. She had to make a choice to help either a defenseless city or a city crawling with blood mages. Two dragons attack at the same time, yet everything is her fault. What was she supposed to do? She is a Lords of Fortune, treasure hunter and a thief. If Miranthus or just Treviso was another temple with few explorers, then she would know escape and get the explorers out. This was her way of thinking of small and narrow spaces because that is what she was used to, but now there’s this big open space. There were many people counting on her from both sides of the same coin. Ancient old cities with both vast histories and treasures. She had a history of destroying ancient cities for the sake of gold in the past. That is without causing so much bloodshed, as those places were not occupied. She had to make a decision right there and then, so she chose Treviso. Does she regret it no, but guilt of disappointing Neve when she needed her the most was heavy on her.

Then there is this dark pit inside of her that is making her believe she chose Treviso not for the sake of saving innocents, because the city is full of riches ready to be picked and it would have been ashamed for all that to go up in flames or perhaps, she was trying to impress someone from there. This conflicting feeling is one of the reasons why she can’t believe anyone's statement of her being a hero nor can look at Varric's shaving mirror. Heroes have honor. There hasn't been a day when she has earned a single badge of honor, but that just made her chuckle. It's a ridiculous notion to think there is honor amongst thieves. Tarquin had the right idea to not to trust her, who would a trust a thief with their own life yet those around her do.
What happened to Miranthus and the shadow dragons, but no happening around the world is her fault. She is walking disaster as everything she touches turns to dust. This is why she can't harbor any feelings or get close for any of her companions including him, that crow. Yet, they keep drawing closer to her like a moth being drawn to a light and she gives in. Varric is right about her charming personality; it will get her in trouble.

She looks towards her hands, covered in the same leather gloves she wore on the days of the dragons attacked, they’re covered in ashes, dirt and some blood. They don't even belong to her as these were a pair of gloves she snatched from some civilian in Treviso during the dragon attack because her Hands started to freeze from its ice breath even though her specialty in magic is fire. Her own magic couldn’t prevent her hands from obtaining frostbite and she was desperate. Even while she is trying to save a city, she can’t help but steal something.

She keeps thinking about it ,sounds in her head is making her hands shake and a feeling she hadn't felt in a long time came upon her since the first time she had to end someone’s life in a tomb during her first days as a Lord, which made her dull eyes turn fearful thinking about what she had done. Back then it was out of self-defense but this time around it wasn’t. She should have listened to Neve warning about disrupting the ritual, but she didn’t because she needed to act fast. She released the gods, everything that she did was her fault and now the blood of innocents was in her hands. She wipes off her hands trying to wipe it away, but it was still there, so she takes the gloves off and lifts them over her head to toss them into the fade. Then a voice from behind made her stop and stench of coffee filled her nose. She turns to see a familiar male figure, dress all in purple and also the other conflicting feeling.

"Rook?"

Chapter Text

Rook?” A certain crow crept up from behind, reeking heavily of coffee ever since his first cup from the Ossuary. He looks tired and miserable as always, but who can blame him? She would look like him if it wasn’t for her bright persona. Still, It must be some sort of joke or something for him to show up.

“What are yo-” He noticed her right arm up, pulled up like she’s ready to toss something into fade. He was right, as his eyes gazed upon the brown gloves in her hand, which looked worn out from over years of use, there’s a hint of blood on them as well from the scent through spite and other stench that’s of Rook, but someone else entirely. “I know you're not trying to throw away a perfectly- Well a pair of gloves.” He questioned her, that no matter how disgusting it is, gloves are the one thing you shouldn’t throw away so carelessly.

“No, I was just airing them out.” *She waves the pair of gloves demonstrating waving them like a shirt she just took out from the wash tub. “Uh huh…” He gives her a dubious look. “You shouldn’t throw them out.”

“You are right, I shouldn’t. There are not even mines. I snatched it off from some civilian in your hometown. Shameful, I know. The Lords of fortune preached about not stealing from those who are less. You know desperate times calls for desperate measures.” She admitted to her shameful act to the crow.

Lucanis would be thrown off by that statement as he has trouble processing that information. Desperate times calls for desperate measures. Does she even know what that even means? He is not trying to question her intelligence or anything. She is smart, but she does have her (Dumb) moments. Regardless, He knows that Rook seems remorseful from her actions, that’s all he needed to know. “What happened to your original pair of gloves?” He inquired, knowing she did come to Treviso with her own pair then realizing there was a moment she was bare-handed doing her fire magic in Treviso against the Dragon, she does not use a staff to cast her spells like most common mages. She uses an orb and sword.

“Sadly, it got burnt up by my own magic. Haha.” She chuckles sadly then sighs.

“Ah.” That makes sense to him. Gloves, even enchanted ones, must have limits to them, he noted. It could be perhaps that’s how much she pushed her limits that day when she helped him and the crows saved Treviso. “But, What are you doing out here at this time?” He gets back on topic, as he wonders why she is out here at this time, getting back on topic. He knows Rook for these past months, that she takes her rest seriously and savors every sleep she can get which is a side effect from her being a treasure hunter, constantly moving, can't take a moment to just sit down and relax as she always seems jumpy like something is about crawl around the corner. Something must be keeping her awake, he can tell by how distraught she’s looking and Spite sensing her emotions. Lost, fear and self-doubt.

“I was just remembering some old memories of my early days with the lords after what happened recently. It’s bringing up an old feeling that I haven’t felt in a long time and it’s keeping me up.” She says, She would tell him about her early days with the lords, when she first joined and shared the part where she had to take someone’s life to express how distraught she was after realizing what she had done, it scare her as beforehand as a run-a -mill thief she wouldn’t dare to cross that line even if it’s for gold Which Lucanis can relate to, which he shared her story of the first contract he done as a crow, but for him it was for family. They shared laughter because Rook's story was more lighthearted as the Lord’s way of storytelling is more colorful and always shines brighter sides than his. Then the conversation led to Treviso and Miranthus paying full price. That’s when the mood became sour because Rook stated that she might have saved his city out of selfishness.

“It's just I'm wondering if I did it for the right reason or not. If you knew me before then I used to do things for personal gain. Not for the sole purpose of saving the world.” She continues, Everything she did up was for self-interest, but the Saving world part comes later in the hunt like she did when she killed that double-crossed noble. It was not until she started traveling truly Varric that her inner alignment started to change. She started to question herself. Where her morals line from the choices she made in the past. That’s probably why Varric keeps jokingly that she walks in a straight line (vertical) because she has no idea whether she should go right and left.

“You did everything for the sake of gold before, right?” “Yeah, You can say that and glory if you want to add that in.” She semi-agrees with him. For gold and glory that quote has been embedded in her head from the moment she joined the Lords of Fortune. She knows everyone who joined the lords is doing it for gold and glory ,but for her it is something much deeper than that. Glory is not what she was seeking but gold. Gold is not always about the money; it is a perk but it’s the treasure. She is searching for a particular treasure. That is a story to be told another time and she has other issues to deal with. “Your home is paradise for people like me. ” She continues being ‘honest’ with him that there is a possibility she did it out of pure selfishness, leaving the part that he might be one of those reasons. “It’s like what am I doing this for, exactly? It’s not like there’s a chest at the end of this adventure.”

“Ha,no need to remind me. I had to keep you away from that jewelry stall.” He said, remember pulling her away from that Merchant stall, forcibly by the hand, her small elven hand that was rough and calloused from overuse. That perhaps Treviso wasn’t the first time she scorched her own pair of gloves. “But I understand what you’re conveying. It’s like an Assassin without a target.” He would explain it as a feeling of losing one’s way in life. Imagine all of your life, you have been trained to kill, then one particular target in your life challenges your way of thinking and that everything that you build upon starts to crumble. You are stuck in this limbo whether what you are doing is right. He would imagine how she feels as a treasure hunter. Gold is her motivation, but now it’s not.

“Exactly! Wait...” She turns her gaze towards the Antivan crow, concerned that he may be having these same thoughts she’s having even if someone’s life is equated to treasure. She is here for him if he needs her for anything.

“Don’t worry about me. Focus on yourself.” Lucanis shot her thought down before she turned this conversation about himself. His problem is his own and he rather not let her deal with his mess as She clearly has her own to deal with. “So please go on.”

“It’s just, are we cursed to suffer when doing the right thing? I mean let’s look at our profession, we’re not exactly the type of people to save the world compared to others. We came from the other side of the coin and every time we decided to do one good thing. It feels like we pay a heavier price.”

Lucanis does not have an answer to that because it just added to his list of reasons to brood at night. It did bring a new perspective to them both, that there may be some similarities with her that he can understand through the means of professionalism, A Treasure hunter and An Assassin may seem to come from two different worlds on paper, but there’s similarity since they both are unlawful professions.

“How does it make you feel?” “Conflicted. I’m conflicted about everything, conflicted with myself and I'm conflicted about y-” She cuts herself before she says about her feelings about him then this would make this whole thing even worse as she is still trying to sort that out. “I just don't know how to treat this anymore ...”

“Just continue treating this how you always have. It seems to be working so far.” He gave an answered, as whatever she was doing so far to keep her head in the game seems to be working fine.

“You want me to continue to treat this as a treasure hunt?! Because, that ship is already sailing, mister. It just keeps getting worse and worse. What makes it even worse, I'm used to it.” She raised her voice just to express her frustration then it went soft like she wanted to cry. She is just so frustrated with herself that she is so used to things turning into shit. “Oh, by Solas's bald head, I am so used to things turning into shit and people pointing it out. It’s just how it is when you travel with me, things start out great then turn to shit. One of the many reasons why they kick me out of the Lords. Everything turns into shit when you go treasure hunting with her, make sure you bring extra potions because you are going to need it, write a will and kiss any payments goodbye because you’ll leave empty-handed except for a story to tell. ” Looking back, she can see the disappointing eyes from them, yelling which hurt her ears so much and Isabela she didn’t say anything, but she can see in her eyes. It’s the same stare Neve gives her now. It is just a reminder of how much of a failure she is and why she has so much self-doubt.

He shouldn't have said that if she's going to get more upset, but it she seems has more to say.

“The thing that hurts the most is they trusted me which I don't know why. I am the least trustworthy person here. I don’t even trust myself around a coin bag, Aha. ” She nervously laughed as she has been very open to those around her and she feels like everyone is taking her words as some sort of joke. “Which is why I’m so conflicted why Neve is planning to come back and stay after everything that happened, the others and you. I don't know why you stay; I know you don’t trust me…”

You are an honorable woman, Rook. That’s why I stay…” He admits to her that one of the reasons he stayed was because of that, other than his contract. She does not give up even when she wants to as he can tell so far. As for trust, He wouldn’t trust her around a coin purse either, but He does trust her enough to know that she has his back. She also treats him fairly. She does not see him as a monster like everyone else here. She treats him like a normal person and She’s interesting. It’s one of the reasons why he is drawn to her and why he can’t let her near him.

“What...” Rook’s eyes widened as she chokes up. “I have honor? Heroes have honor and I’m not one of them. I am a thief and thieves like me don’t have that.,Lucanis. You and all people should know.” She said in disbelief that he was being a hypocrite to her at this moment. If it is just because she told him that he was a courageous man. That is genuinely true about him, he wasn’t a coward like her. There hasn't been a day that goes by that she just wanted to leave this job, but she just can’t even if she could. There is that little voice in her head that keeps telling her to keep going and Varric. Can’t forget about his Encouraging words. It’s what drives her, pushing her to past her own limitations and of course the thrill of the chase which is another issue in a half.

“But you do Rook. You’re not a hero but you are open and honest. You don’t sugar coat everything and you have this humility. The Lords of fortune have their own issues, but you’re different from them. You don’t flaunt around in gold, gloat about every victory and you admit your imperfection. It’s honorable.” He said, pushing himself to admit that she has some qualities that are admiral. He likes her imperfections which he finds beautiful just like her physical appearance. There is something about her elven face that makes him want to stare at it all day. She is so exotic looking. He would shake those thoughts away knowing no good would come from that especially with spite.

“Thieves do have honor. Just the one I know.” He bashfully said, He’ll be rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly while his eyes darted to the left not wanting to make eye contact.

She would be speechless, as she couldn’t believe what just came out of his mouth. A rush of heat came over her cheeks, a burning sensation and her elven eyes already large as it grew bigger. The world must be going to chaos when An Antvan Crow is giving you a compliment, usually that means he’s trying to kill you but in this case it doesn't as almost as if he’s flirting. “Pffbt, If you say I'm honorable then I'll believe it. Even though it's stupid saying that thieves have honor. But, coming from you. I guess they do.” She finally voiced with a weak smile by accepting his compliment even though she wanted to protest against it. She would turn to face the fade-endless sky again to look away from him cause if she didn't then she might just accidentally do something to him that she might regret like kiss him. “Honor, Huh. The most honorable thing I can do is return these, but I think it’s too late for that. So, I’ll keep them in my room as a reminder.” She squeezed the gloves, She does not display her stories like most Lords of fortune do as the scars she earned on her body tells that. She would hang these like a trophy in her room amongst the others to remind her not to make the same mistake twice.

Lucanis would sense a change in Rook’s mood, through Spite of course since he does not have any matters when it comes to sniffing people. She is no longer fearful and lost like before, but that self-doubt of her still lingers. Words can be sharp and deadly like a dagger. It does not leave you with a physical wound like a true dagger, but an emotional one. The lords really must have done a number to Rook’s psyche for her to be like this. He wishes he can help her more with this, but he is in the same state. It’ll be hypocritical of him to do so.

“Do I have to worry about you stealing more from my home?” He asked, in his own attempt to joke, but it didn’t come out that way due to his serious nature. It sounded more of him being stern to her than anything.

“At the moment, No.” She assured him, because she knows the next time she will steal from Treviso would be his heart.