Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

  The trill of the brass bell reverberated through the corridors, marking the long-awaited end of the semester. It was summer break, at last. In less than a heartbeat, the once-quiet hallways were swarmed with students from every year, their laughter echoing off the wooden walls and alcoves. 

Yet, Erik Lehnsherr remained rooted to his seat in the softly illuminated classroom, ears ringing from the slamming of doors and shrieks of merriment around him. 

 Finally, he could claim some time for himself—to return to the welding project he’d been itching to finish, if not for the interruption and academic pressure of exams. A quiet smile grew on his face as he imagined it: long hours alone in the workshop, the hum of metal responding to his will, and no one around to pester him.

That thought dissipated when he heard a familiar voice call out from beside him. “Hey!" 

Erik turned around and looked up to face the standing boy, furrowing his eyebrows. “What is it, Charles?”

Charles’  ocean eyes sparkled, a smile tugging the corner of his lips. Giggling, he reached into the top right of his jean pocket and uncrumpled some sort of flyer.

 Erik swallowed.

“Well?” Charles probed. “ Take it .”

 Still grinning, Charles tucked a loose chocolate-coloured curl behind his ear and looked at Erik expectantly.  The latter boy narrowed his eyes and gently took the flyer from Charles’ grasp, carefully scanning it. 

"An invitation. To a party ,” Erik drawled, face absolutely deadpan. "Really, Charles? You’ve known me for years. I never come to these things unless it’s for a birthday or something.”

The boy handed it back to Charles in an attempt to continue packing his bag, but stopped when he gently seized his wrist. At his touch, Erik felt his heart skip a beat.

"Oh, come on ! Just this once..." Charles begged, features now contorted into an over-exaggerated frown. He dropped his pal’s wrist and gestured for him to answer. 

“I don’t understand why you want me to go— it’s just going to be full of other trust fund babies, obscenely wealthy and insufferable people, a lack of decorum and lots of underaged drinking.”

“Okay,” the telepath scoffed. “ Nice to know that’s what you think about me.”

 The moment the words left his mouth, Erik felt it; a wave of bitterness emanated from Charles. Sometimes, the intensity of feelings betrayed their owner, spilling out even when he’s oblivious to it. Yet, Erik never blamed his friend for it, or even made Charles aware of it when those moments of psychic emotional projection came. After having lived with mutant powers and facing intolerance, Erik kept quiet in understanding– even when it hurt.

Right as Charles turned to walk away, Erik bit his lip in regret for making such a harsh joke. 

“Wait! No!” Erik abruptly stood up, followed by the grating scrape of his chair. “That’s not what I meant… I just— why are you so insistent I come?”

Erik felt the change almost instantly. The bitterness Charles’ emitted started to fade, replaced by something warmer. 

Charles shook his head. “Don’t you get it? It would mean the world to me. You know it's the last time we can do something like this before the hell-of-a-semester we have after summer! I’ve been to so many, and it’s getting awfully boring especially because you’re not with me.”

“Well, you have Raven— she’s definitely a party animal!” Erik commented, suppressing a laugh as he recalled his friend’s cheeky grin every time her favourite songs came on the radio before morphing into the singer to belt out the lyrics enthusiastically (which was always met with a tired groan from Charles).

“My sister is great. But it’s different... I just want my dear old friend there with me as well. Is that too much to ask?”

Erik paused for a moment, replaying his companion’s words in his head. He never understood why Charles cared so much about someone like him. Despite his greatest effort not to fall for Charles’ pleading, a part of Erik could never say no to that face. So, even when every part of his brain told him not to, Erik’ heart relented. For Charles, it always would.

“Fine. Where and when?"

Just like that, that stupid, adorable grin was back on Charles’ face.

…

The next thing Erik knew, it was nightfall. The fabric of the suit he wore clung to his skin uncomfortably, and he was already starting to regret his decision. Head spinning, the boy ran his fingers through his neatly combed brown hair. He stared at the wooden door looming before him, ears pricking up at the faint chatter that leaked out into the tranquil night.

Erik hadn’t even knocked yet when he felt something, like a breeze brushing the inside of his head. 

Charles .

He clenched his jaw, eyes widening. It was quite the sensation.

“Come in,” his voice echoed in Erik’s mind. “I’ve been waiting.”

For a heartbeat, emotion surged—hope, anxiety, something else he refused to name—but Erik smothered it instantly. Years of practice had taught him to build a defense, not to hide everything, but just enough to bury the parts his telepath friend wasn’t meant to hear. The thoughts entwined with feelings Erik dared never voice aloud… It all had to be buried, deep inside of Erik where everything rotten was kept in the dark for nobody to ever touch.

With a shaky breath, Erik focused his power, coaxing the door open by its metal knob. The entrance swung open, revealing Charles standing in the foyer. Erik’s breath caught as his gaze poured over the boy smiling before him. He admired the soft fabric of Charles’s blue pencil-stripe shirt that matched his cerulean irises, casually unbuttoned down to his collarbone.

“I’m so glad you decided to come!” Charles cheered, slightly tiptoeing to sling an arm around the taller boy’s shoulder. 

 “Okay, I can go back home now right?” he jested in response.

Charles laughed sweetly, nearly spilling the pungent drink he held in a red plastic cup as it swayed over the plush, patterned carpet beneath their feet. Erik’s attention subtly drifted downward to Charles’s khaki shorts—well-worn and perfectly tailored, clinging just right to his lean frame. It was unfair, how good he looked.

The telepath hummed as he gestured for his friend to walk in, taking his hand and guiding him through the hallways of the Xavier mansion. Then, the corridor opened into the main room and Erik nearly recoiled. The trashy music was deafening, lights strobing violently in colours he didn’t even know existed. The air was hot and thick with the scent of sweat, alcohol, and cologne. He grimaced as he looked around the mess of drunken teenagers carousing wildly.

 To Erik’s relief, Charles led him out of the crowded living room and up a winding staircase to a study on the second floor. The noise from below faded into the soothing sound of a phonograph spinning a jazz record instead. The room smelled of old leather-bound books with a lingering sting of vodka. 

It wasn’t perfect — but it had to do.

Inside, five others sat cross-legged on a rug in a circle. Erik recognised some of them, from seeing them occasionally hanging around his amiable and popular friend at school.

Charles beamed and began introductions. “This is Jean,” he chirped, nodding toward a red-haired girl with intense eyes that seemed to look right through Erik. “Scott,” he added while gesturing to a boy wearing a pair of glasses with ruby-red lenses. “Hank,” he acknowledged a boy, who Erik knew as the school’s star pupil and absolute genius. “Jubilee,” Charles continued, addressing a girl who looked like she had an ecstatic energy. “And Ororo,” he finished, smiling towards a woman with striking white hair.

They all seemed… different somehow. Erik couldn’t quite put his finger on it, initially thinking it was just their unique appearances.

 But when Jean’s eyes met his, suddenly a voice echoed in his mind. “So, you’re Charles’s mysterious brooding friend, huh?”

Erik blinked, startled.

And then, he noticed Jubilee’s fingers faintly emitting small colourful sparks of electricity emitting tiny sparks of colorful light as she waved at him. He caught Scott adjusting his glasses warily. Hank’s muscles tensed slightly, and Ororo’s presence had something that felt unimaginably powerful about it.

The metal bender’s jaw went agape. They were like him. Mutants . 

Then, from the doorway, a familiar figure stepped in. Her vibrant blue skin and yellow eyes were unmistakable.

“Raven!” Erik greeted joyously, walking over to give her a hug.

She gasped in surprise, “ You , at a party? Did Charles, like, use his powers to make you come here?”

“No, dear sister,” the telepath chuckled. “Just my charm.”

Erik almost remarked that Charles’ joke was actually rather true, but opted to stay quiet instead.

The three sat down with the circle, and Erik felt oddly comforted. It was lovely to be amongst those who also bore the burden. Those who knew what it felt like to have such special gifts.  But then, his eyes fell to the center of the circle. A glass Coke bottle lay there, empty.

Oh. No, no, no. This cannot be happening!

Charles reached for it. “Everyone ready to break the ice with a round of spin the bottle?”

Chapter Text

Scott sighed, leaning away. “We’re really doing this? Who the hell came up with this again?”

“Me, of course. So, rules are simple,” Jubilee chortled. “Whoever it lands on first has to kiss whoever it lands on next. Fun! 

“No cheating, okay, Jean?” Ororo quipped, “I know you want an excuse to kiss Scott but…”

Scott smirked playfully at the redhead, while Jean just rolled her eyes, huffing, “Haha, funny.”

Hank grinned, shushing everyone, “Quiet, it's about to stop!”

Erik’s pulse quickened, and he was afraid that soon his heart would explode. The bottle slowed, and as it lost energy, came to a halt.

The first one was Charles.

At that moment, Erik swore he could have thrown up.

The circle erupted in laughter, some teasing, and others wiggling their eyebrows at a shrugging Charles who had a flattered expression. 

Raven nudged his shoulder, commenting, “The next one better not be me… because that would be disgusting.”

The whole group guffawed once more, but Erik’s face stayed eerily still. Then, Charles bent over to spin it again. If only the bottle was metal, so he could control it…

Please not me. Please—

As if the universe went against him, it landed on Erik.

Charles turned to him, smiling widely like this was all perfectly harmless. “Erik?” he asked gently. He knitted his brows together as he studied Erik’s countenance of pure horror. “What’s wrong?”

Erik couldn’t move, unable to even look at Charles. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, waiting, confused. He could sense his mental defenses slipping, the danger of Charles hearing something becoming imminent by the second. Something that wasn't meant to be known by anybody except the stars in the night sky, who were the only ones Erik had the privilege of communicating his laments to. Something that would ruin everything. Something forbidden.

“I’m sorry,” Erik choked, barely audible. “I have to go.”

He ignored Raven, who tried grasping his hand, and Charles who cried out,  “Erik! What— wait!”

Tears welling up his eyes, Erik pushed to his feet, nearly tripping as he stormed out from the room. He ran down the stairs, pushed through the partying crowd, slammed the door using his powers– the only thing he could control at that moment–  and stumbled out into the darkness. He staggered on, to the side of the mansion where nobody could see him in that state. Crestfallen, Erik slammed his back against the brick wall,  sliding to the ground with his knees pulled tight to his chest.

 The first sob escaped. Then it kept on coming and coming, the next one louder and more broken than the last, like a relentless tide whose wave crashed on the shore growingly violent each time. The warm river of tears should have stung as it tirelessly flowed down his face, yet the only thing Erik could feel was the agonising gnawing at his heart.  Soon, his weeping was the only sound that echoed through the night.

Only God knows how long Erik had waited for a chance to do something like that– to feel what it would be like to finally pour out all his wretched emotions that had been festering so deeply inside of him. To alas stop the unbearable ache that came every time Charles’s meaningful words spoken with that gentle voice struck too deeply, every time he looked impossibly radiant, every time he enchantingly laughed in victory once he won during their regular chess matches, and every time their eyes held each other’s in a silence that stretched for too long.  The chance came– but it wasn’t how Erik wanted it to be. How he needed it to be. So he ran, he ran like he always did. And now, he was all alone all over again.

Chapter Text

But, not even a minute had passed when the sound of footsteps inched closer, gravel clattering as somebody approached. 

“Erik?!” 

Of course. Charles .

The weeping boy didn’t have it in him to raise his head, instead burying it deeper and pulling his knees even tighter to himself. With no warning, a metal chair shuddered and flew into the hedges. The porch light above them cracked with a sharp pop, sparks flickering as the bulb burst.

“Eri—” Charles' voice got louder as he crouched down to the ground beside Erik, gasping. “Agh! Erik, you need to calm your mind!”

The creaking of metal only got louder, the iron fence that ran along the lawn bending like flowers wilting in wintertime.

“I'm so sorry I made you do this. I shouldn’t have forced you to do anything you didn’t want to. Just– look at me. Please, Erik.” His voice broke. “ Please .”

With hearing the genuine worry and pain in his dear friend’s voice, Erik swallowed, rubbing his eyes and slowly lifting his gaze to meet his. He savoured in the solace his friend’s eyes gave him, the cool icy blue casting a spell on him– a far cry from his own bloodshot eyes. The metal around them stopped its furious trembling, screws fell back into place, the fence bent into its right shape,  and it was quiet at last. Charles was observing Erik like he was torn in pieces, terror evident in every feature of his face. That alone made Erik want to curl up and die, slowly and painfully like he deserved. Then, as his eyes wandered around his face, Charles noticed a fresh scratch down Charles’ cheek, still red and raw.

Erik’s stomach twisted, staring down at the scratch, voice hoarse from all the wailing. “Did I…?”

Charles’ jaw tensed, a hand raising quickly to touch it. He tried to conceal a wince. “It’s okay– it was an accident. You didn’t mean too.”

“Fuck,” Erik hoisted himself up, walking away from Charles, turning his back as he was unable to look at the pain he’d caused his dear friend.  

 The English boy extended his arm, reaching out to touch his friend’s shoulder, only for him to jerk away in a swift motion. 

“No, stop. Don’t .” Erik spit out, head slightly tilting back but not quite looking at Charles. “Don’t touch me. I’m rotten.” Dejected, his head fell, eyes glued to the neatly-trimmed grass of the lawn. “Every single part of my body, tainted to the bone. Do yourself a favour and go back to that big, shiny house of yours and just… forget me, okay? You’re– too good for me.”

“You think I’m... good ?”  Charles’ huffed. “I was the one who started this in the first place. I made you come to this… silly party. I almost made you do something you obviously were uncomfortable with– I'm deeply sorry for that.”

Upon hearing that, Erik turned on his heel to face Charles. The cold night breeze rushed past them. The taller boy contemplated his friend’s broken expression, before sorrowfully ripping his eyes away to stare at the ground again.

 “That’s not the problem, Charles. All I do is hurt, destroy, mar. My rage, my agony– it all ruins everything ,” Erik choked, his eyes watering once more, thinking he was probably about to go back into that mental spiral. “And it will ruin you.”

“Oh, old friend… there is so much more to you than you know. Not just pain and anger. There’s good, too. I felt it. I always did, and still do– even now.” Charles’ gaze darted around Erik’s face, but his voice remained steady. “And if you will ruin me– so be it. I would let the rot consume me whole if it means you stay by my side.”

Erik faltered, meeting his gaze again. “Charles, what are you…”

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“I don’t—“ Erik gulped, pure confusion and doubt visible in his countenance. 

“Hm… I’m not sure how to tell you… so, I’ll show you.”

Erik sharply breathed in as Charles’ forehead pressed to his. Images and emotions rushed into Erik’s mind. They were unfamiliar…not his. Charles’ . Him—through Charles’ eyes. Not the monster. Not the weapon. There were memories—stolen glances, quiet admiration, thoughts that Erik had shared as well, which he always deemed to be reprehensible. But… it turned out, he wasn’t the only one who had them. The weight of Charles’ devotion hit Erik like a gunshot, yet all he could do was breathe through it.

He pulled back to whisper, “Is this… really how you see me?”

Charles nodded. “Yes... I was trying to tell you. All along. So please. Just tell me… I want to know what I am to you.”

Erik stared at the beautiful boy standing before him for a long beat. 

“You’re everything.” Pure adoration sparkled in his eyes instead of the usual rage. “And more.”

There it was. The chance , another one— but finally, it was how Erik always imagined it to be. 

He kissed Charles—desperate, unguarded—and let it all go. The walls he’d held for years crumbled as his emotions surged forward. He poured everything into it—the guilt, the sorrow, the longing. The love . He felt Charles gasping into the kiss, overwhelmed by the force of it—felt it the way only he could, not just with his body but his mind. Raw, aching love poured through the bond, and for the first time, Erik let him understand just how long he’d been holding it back. Something deep and electric, unspoken for years. 

They broke apart, breathless.

“You… love me?” Charles stared at him, puzzled.

Erik laughed dryly at that absolute understatement. “Hmph, yeah.. I really do.”

The telepath’s voice broke as he shook his head in pure disbelief. “Then why were you so… disgusted? Before, at the party?”

“Oh, no, no! I was scared ,” Erik frantically explained. “That it would mean nothing to you, but haunt me forever.”

“Gosh,” He gave a tired, rueful chuckle. “Why didn’t you give me any signs? It’s been, what, two years?” 

“I… didn’t know how,” Erik mournfully admitted. “Why didn’t you ?”

“Erik,” he simply scoffed, a confused smile playing across his face.

“What???”

He smiled, but after studying Erik’s perplexed expression, his mouth slightly open in apparent disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”

Erik just laughed nervously, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly.

“Oh my goodness.” Charles slowly muttered. “Why do you think I’ve always been so caring to you… all the time?”

“You're like that with everyone!!” Then, he remembered all the times Charles never bothered to disguise his obvious affection towards Erik, even in front of all his friends. “Oh…”

Charles shook his head, exasperated yet somehow amused. “We wasted so much time… and we kept hurting each other inadvertently.”

“At least we balance each other.” Erik declared jokingly, though there was truth to it. “Nobody else is going to, so I guess it’s meant to be?”

Charles grinned, and Erik felt warmth bloom in his chest. They moved toward each other again—finally, freely—

“ABOUT DAMN TIME!” 

The two boys jerked apart, both frozen like deers in headlights.

On the porch, Raven stood with her arms crossed, grinning. Ororo, Jubilee and Jean guffawed behind her, packed like sardines in a can. Hank looked mildly annoyed yet nodded approvingly as he handed Scott a twenty-dollar bill.

“Told you it’d happen before the year ended,” the latter boy smugly smiled and sighed contentedly. “Thank heavens! I thought I’d lose when Erik ran out just now!”

Charles groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Didn’t I tell you all to stay inside?!”

“Don’t worry, Charles,” Jean managed to blurt out in between giggles. “We’re all different here, anyways.”

And despite himself—despite everything—Erik laughed. For the first time in what felt like forever, the storm inside him didn’t stir. The walls didn’t have to hold. He wasn't running, or fighting, or hiding. He was just there . Surrounded by people who understood him.

 And somehow, that was enough.