Work Text:
GREG: Hey hey hey good morning ARC Troopers
GREG: I’m here bringing you word that General Yoda has cleared the the hours of anyone who would like to take a course through the GC3 to do so. As vets we all are eligible for fee waivers and if you enroll in a class, let your COs know so we can move shifts around to keep coverage solid.
GREG: if you’ve got questions, you’re welcome to contact your captain or myself.
FIVES: I have a question
GREG: great. contact your captain
FIVES: no I want to ask you
GREG: okay what is your question?
FIVES: what do we get if we do the class?
GREG: you get a better understanding of yourself and the world.
FIVES: so no commendation?
GREG: this is an independent program. You have to take a lot of classes to get their version of a commendation.
FIVES: how many?
GREG: Rex can help you figure that out if you really want to do it
FIVES: Okay but like what if he tries to take my commendation before I get it
GREG: You can’t really steal commendations like this. They’re certificates. Personal ones.
FIVES: do the jedi have them?
GREG: No I don’t think so?
FIVES: So like. We could, hypothetically, get a certificate and outrank the jedi?
GREG: I mean I guess in this respect, yes? If it’s that important to you?
FIVES: Does CO Cody have a certificate?
GREG: Are you back on this shit, trooper?
FIVES: yes
FIVES: We’re soulmates, I want to make sure we take the same class.
GREG: Cody is taking a class on Jedi Philosophy and Mysticism
FIVES: but why?
GREG: Well probably because the general refused to stay on his microscope slide for the last time
FIVES: like…in a sexy way?
GREG: No.
FIVES: okay, how do I sign up?
GREG: you are not signing up for Jedi Philosophy. Pick a different class.
FIVES: no no I have a jedi and they won’t stay on my microscope slide. Its what I have to do.
JESSE: I am removing him, sir
GREG: thank you, trooper
FIVES: it’s what I have to DO, Captain
GREG: any other questions?
ECHO: Can I take 2 classes?
GREG: No only 1
ECHO: How about 3
GREG: 1
ECHO: how about….3 though.
GREG: Domino Squad may now take 0 classes. Thank you everyone in Domino Squad for distributing your waivers to others in need.
ECHO: NO IM SORRY JUST 1 I’LL JUST TAKE 1
FIVES: Rex are you taking a class through GC3?
REX: yeah I’m taking Jedi Philosophy and Mysticism
FIVES: why?
REX: Because the general is taking it.
FIVES: General Kenobi?
REX: no Skywalker. General Kenobi didn’t want to take it alone.
FIVES: can I sign up?
REX: if you want to. It’ll be a lot of reading though. Are you okay with that?
FIVES: yes
REX: okay, I’ll send you the form.
FIVES: who else is taking it?
REX: taking what?
FIVES: Jedi Philosophy and Mysticism.
REX: oh. Uh. I think Commander Gree and Cody are taking it. I think Cody might have signed General Kenobi up for it in the first place
FIVES: wow. Is that allowed?
REX: Cody doesn’t really handle disciplinary action as a matter of ‘allowed’ and ‘not allowed’
REX: the scale is more like a 1 to 10, ‘how much can I make you regret your choices’ sort of thing.
FIVES: And General Kenobi deserves this?
REX: Fives, do I look like I track these people?
FIVES: I’m just asking because you know, the war is coming to an end and I need a husband who can provide
REX: And you think jedi marry?
FIVES: seems like they can do damn near anything, no?
REX: I’m signing you up. You’re cleared for the 14:30 to 15:45 hours, add them to your morning shift.
[CO_2224 has created a new chat]
[CO_2224 has named the chat Jedi Philosophy & Mysticism (1430_1545hrs)
[CO_2224 has invited many new members to the chat]
CO_2224: [link]
CO_2224: [link]
CO_2224: [link]
CO_2224: [link]
GEN_OWK: Thank you, Cody that is very helpful of you.
CO_2224: I am here to serve.
GEN_SKY: Is that the syllabus
CO_2224: If you are at liberty to use your higher faculties, including the skill of literacy, you will be able to judge that for yourself, sir.
GEN_SKY: You could have just said yes
GEN_OWK: Cody be nice
CO_3636: Kote I’m going to stick my fucking hand in your mouth and break all your fucking molars if you bring this shit behavior out in public
CO_2224: understood
GEN_SKY: wow, uh. Violent?
CO_TANO: hey Skyguy, I’m going to stick my fucking hand in your mouth and break all your fucking molars if you bring this shit behavior out in public
GEN_OWK: How wonderful to be presented with so soon an opportunity to introduce some ground rules.
GEN_PLK: I could not agree more, Master Kenobi.
GEN_PLK: Commander, it pains me to see you speak to your batchmate in such tones.
CO_3636: with respect, sir, they’re the only ones that work on him.
CO_2224: I am merely providing direct links to course materials, General.
CO_3636: My ground rules for the chat is that nobody is ever supposed to give this raging asshole what he wants.
CO_2224: My brother in arms.
CO_3636: shut your stupid face that doesn’t work on me and you know it
CO_2224: Comrade
CO_2224: batchmate
CO_2224: coal to my diamond
CO_3636: we’ve already discussed this. You are the coal.
CO_2224: I am merely providing the course links.
CO_3636: yeah yeah fuck off it always starts like this. There are jedi in this chat. There are actual human troopers who do not have to live with you on the daily. Do not do this shit here.
CO_2224: Generals, you see I recommended to him the Stress Management Modules and he has taken personal offense. Please have my most sincere apologies for his manner of address.
CO_3636: you signed me up for water therapy.
CO_2224: the course description said stress management
CO_3636: I’m sure it fucking did
CO_2224: nostalgia is good for anxiety. You love to swim.
CO_3636: take it with me then
CO_2224: Unfortunately, I have already submitted all necessary documentation to enroll in Jedi Philosophy & Mysticism. You will need to take Stress Management alone. Next semester, however, if you are too lonely, I am happy to take additional ones with you.
CO_3636: It’s water therapy and there’s extra seats. I’ll ask the instructor.
CO_2224: You are too kind. I do not have time for 2 courses at the moment.
CO_3636: But I apparently do?
GEN_OWK: Cody dear it is impolite to enroll others in coursework without informing them.
CO_2224: Have no fear, sir. Commander Wolffe was thoroughly informed of the situation prior to his enrollment.
CO_3636: You sent an ACTUAL FUCKING PIGEON with a FUCKING NOTE tied to its leg. Anyways. I switched out. I'm in your class now.
CO_2224: Nothing satisfies you.
GEN_PLK: How wonderfully archaic, Commander.
CO_2224: Thank you, I trained it myself.
GEN_SKY: how?
CO_2224: Through grit and determination, General Skywalker. Now, we have more pressing matters to address, which include the readings of this course. I propose that to ensure success over the non-GAR members of the course, we divide and discuss readings prior to each class’s introduction and each propose a discussion point relevant to our personal interests.
FIVES: Hi. I’m seconding the commander here. That sounds great, commander.
CO_2224: Thank you, Trooper.
CO_TANO: I don’t think we have to win at class?
GEN_SKY: Yeah, I’m pretty sure we don’t need to strategize for class, Cody. It’s just like a thing you do. You don’t win.
GEN_OWK: Yes you do
GEN_SKY: ?????
REX: Sorry? We have to win?
CO_2224: Understood, general.
GEN_SKY: Obi-Wan, I’m sorry, what happened to ‘you only have to do your best, that’s what matters, Ani?’
GEN_PLK: I fear, young Skywalker, that you were not present for the majority of Master Kenobi’s padawanship.
GEN_OWK: If any of you fail to complete your reading and assignments on time, it will reflect poorly upon the rest of us. Please refrain from doing so.
CO_2224: Sir.
GREG: Sir.
REX: You’re taking this course too, Captain?
GREG: The Commander said it would behoove command to accompany him on this journey of knowledge and self discovery.
CO_2224: Well said, Lieutenant.
ECHO: Lieutenant?
GREG: I will make you proud, Commander.
WAXR: I will also make you proud, Commander.
BOIL: Sir.
GEN_SKY: I’m sensing a Behavior here, but okay. Sure. Whatever you want, Master.
CO_TANO: I’ll study hard, grandmaster!!
GEN_PLK: Hmmmm
GEN_OWK: I appreciate everyone’s excitement and cooperation on this. I’m sure we will have a marvelous time. Master Koon, if we might speak in private?
GEN_PLK: yes let us go to the council board.
GEN_SKY: are they gone?
CO_TANO: yeah
[GEN_SKY has created a new chat]
[GEN_SKY has named the chat Jedi Philosophy & Mysticism (1430_1545hrs) Vers. 2]
[GEN_SKY has invited many new members to the chat]
GEN_SKY: I need everyone to know right now that Obi-Wan and Master Plo are going to be monsters about this. If we fuck this up they will kill us and hide our corpses. This has to go perfectly.
FIVES: !!! wow!!!!
ECHO: This is at odds with my impression of the generals, sir? Are you sure about this?
CO_3636: No, this is right about spot on with my impression of these particular generals.
CO_3636: the good news is that Kote is also a competitive fuck. He won’t let us drown, will you, Kote?
CO_2224: I anticipated competitive behavior from our General. I did not anticipate it from yours.
CO_3636: oh yeah no.
CO_3636: He can and will take us to the absolute limits of his correctness and if he cannot, he will manufacture it instead
CO_3636: I guess you’ve never seen him and Master Windu’s message chains.
CO_2224: This is relevant information I would like to have seen prior to making certain decisions.
CO_3636: [link] never too late
FIVES: is that classified?
CO_3636: depends on how fast you read.
JESSE: hi, sorry I’m late. Also Commander, are they okay?
CO_3636: This is a question for Commander Ponds not us.
CO_2224: get ponds
CO_3636: there is no way Ponds is going to convince General Windu to take a class just so that he can counteract my General’s impending campaign of emotional terrorism.
CO_2224: we’ll see about that.
GEN_SKY: oh good. You’re just like them.
CO_2224: [surprise.react.gif]
FIVES: AHAHAHAHAHAH
BOIL: Sir, that was very funny. You can do that again anytime you want.
CO_2224: Noted. I am here until death’s sweet kiss takes me.
CO_3636: don’t encourage him.
CO_2224: furthermore, there is no need to fear. I will ensure that we do not fuck this up.
GEN_SKY: Why doesn’t that make me feel any better at all? Why does that make me feel worse, actually?
CO_2224: All the rest of you have to do is comply with my orders. Are we at an understanding?
GREG: lead on, Commander.
BOIL: Take us through this valley of death, sir. If I die, it was nice knowing you all.
WAXR: What he said.
GREG: no one is dying. The commander just said he would ensure our victory.
GREG: are you people now doubting your commander?
REX: absolutely not.
JESSE: you didn’t even hesitate
KIX: I believe in you commander.
JESSE: you definitely hesitated
GEN_OWK: Hello all, my apologies for the absence, I know it has been a few trying weeks. That said, the first day of our course with Professor Whux is upon us. I would like to ensure that we are all prepared.
GEN_OWK: There were three articles assigned. One of which describes the force, one of which defines organized religion. The last makes some incorrect assertions about the nature of mysticism within force cultures. I wish to ascertain that we, as individuals, have reviewed all three.
GEN_PLK: I would like to posit that the third essay’s data was collected by a 4000 year old slug.
GEN_OWK: Master Plo has elected not to participate in discussion on the third article. How are the rest of us faring?
CO_2224: Waxer has done the 212th the favor of reading all three articles during combat, sir. We are prepared for this endeavor.
GEN_OWK: oh Waxer, how ingenious you are.
WAXR: Thank you sir. I do try.
FIVES: So I’m hearing that none of you absorbed any of that.
FIVES: Me and Echo annotated our copy if you want actual intellectual debate, General Kenobi.
GREG: We annotated ours as a team, sir. Have no fear. We have collected discussion questions as well.
CO_2224: General I am prepared to seduce the instructor.
REX: WHAT
GEN_OWK: Cody you flatter me.
CO_2224: I have done additional reading to prepare myself should the need arise, sir.
FIVES: I didn’t even think of that.
GREG: this is why you will never advance higher than ARC Trooper, I’m afraid.
CO_3636: I’ve done whatever the opposite of doing that is.
GEN_PLK: I did see you reading earlier, commander. I appreciate your dedication to this task despite the somewhat chaotic last few nights.
CO_3636: it was easier when we got the lights back on, I won’t lie.
GEN_PLK: 😊 it was easier to do most things. I agree.
JESSE: I didn’t get it.
KIX: it’s okay I got it for us.
JESSE: like the 2nd essay: if there were other force-based orders, wouldn’t we have heard about them already?
GEN_SKY: you haven’t heard about them because they suck
GEN_OWK: now, now
CO_TANO: you haven’t heard about them because they’re the mystics!!
CO_TANO: like maul!
GEN_OWK: like maul?
CO_TANO: yeah like maul
GEN_OWK: Maul…is not a mystic, my dear.
GEN_SKY: whatever you say, big guy
GEN_PLK: Master Kenobi is correct on this point; Maul is not a mystic. He uses the same methods of engaging with the force that jedi do, despite his proximity to an indigenous Dathomirian force culture.
GEN_PLK: A true mystic would be someone like Master Qirbl of Rascibir, who channeled the force through lake water and trapped its energy in hollow stone vessels sunken at its very bottom.
CO_TANO: ooooooooh
CO_TANO: master, you’re so knowledgeable! are you going to help teach this class?
GEN_PKL: no no, that would be impolite of me. I wish to hear a fresh perspective on this matter from Professor Whux. It seems that he and I disagree on this point.
GEN_OWK: yes, and on that note, this is a reminder to everyone to be on your very best behavior. There are young people in this class who do not have the life experiences that you do. Things which are obvious to us will not be obvious to them, so we must not trample their opportunity for learning to get to our own, yes?
CO_3636: yes sir
GREG: of course, General.
BOIL: 👍
GEN_WIN: This man has stood before us all and poured from his mouth a river of horseshit so liquid and muddy that even a garden would weep at its arrival.
CO_0411: I’m sorry everyone. I hid the fee waiver link, but he found it on his own.
GEN_PLK: Yes, but he did it with such confidence, didn’t he, Mace?
GEN_WIN: there are 2 sessions of this nightmare per week?
GEN_PKL: you are welcome to drop out of the course.
GEN_WIN: why? Because it would please you?
GEN_PLK: Never does your absence please me. Rather, myself and the rest of this academically engaged group were hoping to gain new perspectives through this course and it is somewhat difficult to do so when you and our good, learned instructor are engaged in personal conversations for the majority of the session.
GEN_WIN: I cannot abide by this slop and slander.
GEN_PLK: then perhaps, for the sake of your blood pressure and the harmony of the rest of the class, you might remove yourself and focus instead on things which bring you joy and peace?
GEN_WIN: As a man who has personally witnessed the maelstrom of my innermost soul in its most content state, you surely understand why that is no longer possible.
GEN_PLK: yes. I was attempting to appeal to your higher faculties there.
GEN_WIN: it did not work.
GEN_PLK: I will attempt force next.
CO_TANO: Masters, please don’t fight!!
GEN_SKY: they’re not fighting, snips.
CO_2224: General Windu, I appreciated your insights in our class session very much.
GEN_WIN: Thank you, Commander.
CO_2224: they, however, are impeding my ability to focus and learn in the classroom.
CO_0411: KOTE.
CO_0411: General, please ignore my extremely rude batchmate. He incurred a TBI before he could spell, and it has had an averse effect upon his impulse control ever since.
CO_2224: In particular, I have difficulties learning while others are speaking
FIVES: you had a TBI?
CO_2224: who among us does not?
GREG: No one answer that.
GEN_WIN: I see. My apologies commander, I did not mean to disrupt your participation in this material. Though it is garbage, others did sign up to consume it. I will refrain from interrupting in the future.
GEN_WIN: I shall however, be writing to the board of trustees about the man’s fitness for instruction.
GEN_PLK: He is so familiar, isn’t he?
GEN_WIN: I swear I’ve seen his name somewhere.
GEN_PLK: I cannot recall the last time I published. Perhaps he was in a footnote?
GEN_WIN: footnote sounds about right
GEN_OWK: He is Master Qui-Gon’s academic nemesis.
GEN_WIN: What, that hack?
GEN_PLK: Mace, a gentle reminder that there are troopers present.
FIVES: we’re so fine, actually. Don’t mind us. Tell us about the hack.
GEN_WIN: Did we forget to publish Qui’s last book?
GEN_OWK: We did not. It has been in circulation for several years now.
GEN_WIN: someone check the reading list and tell me if it’s on there.
GEN_OWK: I inspected it prior to allowing Cody to enroll me. I can assure you there is no trace.
GEN_WIN: And you took this course anyways?
GEN_SKY: Wait, Obi-Wan, does Prof. Whux know you?
GEN_OWK: he does not.
CO_2224: I am hurt.
GEN_OWK: Cody you must forgive me. If you had known prior to this, you would have been so disappointed.
CO_2224: My heart? Shattered.
GEN_OWK: No, let me carry the shards
CO_2224: Here am I. A poor, hopeless man
CO_2224: Wanting only to understand those behaviors which impede the health and happiness of he, my superior officer.
CO_3636: Someone drown me
CO_2224: and lo, I am ambushed.
GEN_OWK: Cody no don’t be ambushed
CO_2224: forsaken and cut by dishonesty
CO_2224: Used callously for access to an old enemy
GEN_OWK: I hoped you would help me, Cody. I hoped you would stand by my side through these unfortunate times.
CO_2224: For what should I stand?
GEN_OWK: No I shan’t say
GEN_SKY: I hate to say this
GEN_SKY: But Rex, your guy is as embarrassing as mine. Make him stop.
GEN_WIN: Master Kenobi, I do not approve of the direction I fear this to be going.
GEN_OWK: For the honor of my poor, deceased master.
GEN_OWK: he died in my arms
GEN_SKY: not this shit again.
GEN_OWK: and all he asked of me was one thing
GEN_SKY: Obi-Wan I am begging you not to do this here.
CO_2224: You have never spoken on your late master to me.
GEN_OWK: it hurts my heart to do so
GEN_SKY: you blame him for literally everything that happens to you every day every week every hour
GEN_OWK: Now, I will not pretend that he was an easy master to live under, but he was mine
GEN_WIN: If by that you mean you chose him, pursued him and, persuaded him to take you on or else self-immolate. Then yes. I suppose he was yours.
FIVES: ASDFJALS:DFASDFASFA?SDFA???????!?!?!?
GEN_SKY: you did WHAT
GEN_SKY: OBI-WAN.
GEN_OWK: they were extraordinary circumstances.
CO_2224: Sir, I am taken aback.
GEN_OWK: what choice did I have, Cody? Master Yoda was going to send me to the Agricorps for the rest of my days. Master Jinn was my last choice and only option.
GEN_WIN: He wasn’t. You just kept fighting the other children.
CO_2224: I don’t know what to say.
GEN_OWK: Say you will not leave me
CO_2224: The thought never crossed my mind
FIVES: Should we be seeing this?
GEN_OWK: Will you help me, Commander? Will you help me right this wrong?
CO_2224: I will do anything, sir. Anything.
GEN_OWK: Including help me seduce this terrible professor?
CO_2224: Say less, sir, I am already there. I promised you before that I was prepared for this possibility to arise, did I not?
CO_3636: I’m going to fucking puke
CO_0411: Kote is joking, General. This is his way of joking. Hand over heart. He’s joking.
GEN_WIN: Even if he is, I fear, Commander, that Master Kenobi is not.
GEN_OWK: Master Kenobi is not.
GEN_SKY: Revenge is not the Jedi way.
GEN_OWK: How dare you dishonor your grandmaster. After all he did for you???
GEN_SKY: You don’t even LIKE him.
GEN_OWK: How dare you. 12 years I suffered
GEN_SKY: I thought he picked YOU. But you picked him, so that’s entirely your own fault.
GEN_OWK: Well eventually he picked YOU, but did I shy away from my promises to him, Anakin? Did I stray from the path he taught me? I taught you everything I know.
GEN_SKY: Why is this suddenly about me????
GEN_OWK: It is all a matter of honor. I shall prevail over this Professor Whux. It is what Master would have wanted.
GEN_SKY: I guarantee you that Master Qui-Gon would never have wanted you to seduce an old man in his name. He’s like??? 70+ years old, Obi-Wan. Come on. Just go write a book or something.
GEN_OWK: No, it has to be this way. I can do this
CO_2224: if he cannot then I can.
GEN_OWK: Cody, where would I be without you?
CO_2224: Dead sir
GEN_OWK: so true
GEN_SKY: Cody is 14 years old. You are not letting him anywhere near that guy.
CO_2224: Cody is 28 years old in natborn maturity and also your senior officer so, with respect, General Skywalker, I will make my own decisions.
GEN_OWK: I have always appreciated the vitality of younger men.
GEN_SKY: You’re 35.
GEN_OWK: Cody I require your assistance in the fresher in my quarters.
CO_2224: Lieutenant, take command. Our general needs me.
GREG: On it.
FIVES: Aren’t you a captain?
GREG: mind your business trooper
CO_3636: so I guess I should be the one to tell everyone since we’re all due in class tomorrow
CO_3636: don’t panic
CO_3636: but General Kenobi has shed his beard for the rest of the semester.
FIVES: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
CO_3636: yes well. He thinks he looks younger without it.
GEN_SKY: he does
CO_3636: and he and Kote have decided that the object here is to look as young as possible to get Prof’s attention.
GEN_SKY: someone needs to put the two of them in a rock tumbler and turn it on for the rest of time.
CO_3636: You think you’re innocent in this? Could you not have persuaded Kenobi out of it?
GEN_SKY: you’ve seen what I live with.
CO_3636: And you’ve seen what I do. Kote does have an off button worst comes to worst. Surely your jedi master has one as well.
GEN_SKY: Yeah, I mean. his name is Master Yoda and when Obi-Wan gets into one of these kinds of moods, he tends to break out the lighter fluid and matches to celebrate. I figured that’s the exact kind of energy we were trying to avoid here, so decided to keep mum. What’s your excuse?
CO_3636: my excuse is that if I call Alpha-17, he will assume that the whole batch is disgracing him and will recall us all for 2 months of running laps in the fucking dark until someone dies or Fox takes responsibility.
CO_3636: and you cannot even imagine the depths of that man’s depravity when Alpha isn’t looking.
GEN_SKY: so you’re a coward
CO_3636: like recognizes like, Skywalker.
FIVES: Tell me he kept the hair at least
CO_3636: he did not keep the hair
FIVES: how can this world be so cruel?
ECHO: There, there. There, there
BOIL: Wait that was the general??? THAT was the GENERAL?
WAXR: I am. In an ocean. Floating safe. Far from here.
CO_TANO: Hi did anyone get to chapter 6?
Submission – Midterm 1
Grade (weighted): 42%
Comments: please refer to student conduct policy, section 7, academic dishonesty.
GEN_OWK: I have never received a score so low in my life.
GEN_WIN: untrue. I graded your theatre performance.
GEN_OWK: Master, I was a child. You gave me 70% and a sticker.
GEN_WIN: Did I? Must have curved the grades.
GEN_PLK: Fear not, young Kenobi. For I have obtained a great wonder as well: 38%
CO_3636: sir I will take care of him for you. Name the day and time you would like him to breathe his last.
GEN_PLK: no no, my boy. This delightful. I must read his comments at once.
GEN_SKY: I got a 62.
CO_2224: I have received a 94%.
CO_3636: suck up
CO_2224: jealous
BOIL: I got a 12 😭
WAXR: Those are the points he took OFF, bonehead. You got an 88.
BOIL: I GOT AN 88
GREG: Is this exam curved?
CO_2224: Do not disappoint me, Captain.
CO_2224: read your score with pride
GREG: 89
CO_2224: you’re better than this.
FIVES: I got a 90
GREG: how dare you
ECHO: I also got a 90
GREG: what the fuck
KIX: I got a 67???????????
JESSE: Oh hell yeah I’m so proud of you Kix!!
KIX: Do you think he knows how bad I cried before????
JESSE: I’m sure he does
REX: We have got to do something about your test anxiety.
KIX: there is nothing to be done, I’ve tried everything. I just have to live like this. Forever.
GREG: what did you get, Rex?
REX: about the same as everyone here
REX: General Kenobi, does this mean phase one of the plan is over?
FIVES: Noooo Rex what did you get???? You can’t leave us hanging like this.
REX: it doesn’t matter what I got
CO_2224: it matters
REX: that is not the motivation you think it is
GEN_OWK: Phase one is over yes.
JESSE: watch rex got a 100%
REX: I didn’t get 100%.
FIVES: what did you get, then?
REX: …………99
CO_2224: come here captain, I just want to talk.
GEN_SKY: Obi-Wan your commander is terrorizing my captain still, please make him stop
GEN_OWK: He and Rex are studying together. They’re bonding.
GEN_SKY: yeah but they’re studying and acing tests on material that Master Qui-Gon would have shoveled into a cesspit
GEN_SKY: there’s no point in passing a class where the assigned texts aren’t even slightly questioned.
GEN_OWK: you’re not wrong, but if I at least try then Whux will notice me faster and I want him to think me earnest.
GEN_SKY: can’t you seduce someone normal for once?
GEN_OWK: you always have to work twice as hard for the older ones, Ani. They’re suspicious.
GEN_SKY: okay so have Cody tag-team with you. If he paints an actual expression on his face for once, he might look young enough to catch Prof’s eye.
GEN_OWK: I need him to help me cheat on my next exam.
GEN_SKY: pretend to be a couple and break up so Prof thinks he has a chance, then.
GEN_OWK: Ani, you are a genius.
GEN_OWK: Cody, it is vital for the operation.
CO_2224: you ask me to debase myself for the sake of the operation? What about my honor?
GEN_OWK: it is only one exam, Cody. And the material is so poor that passing the course itself means nothing. I know more about mysticism than this man.
CO_2224: of course you do, sir. But I do not. And I do not wish to fail any exam.
CO_3636: I’ll fail an exam any day. Give it here.
GEN_OWK: Ah. I appreciate that, Commander Wolffe, however I am attempting to create the appearance of a break up in addition to the exam.
CO_3636: why would you two break up? You’re not even together.
GEN_OWK: We need to be obviously single
CO_2224: I’ll break up with you, but I do not see why we both have to fail the exam.
GEN_OWK: because we both need to be taken into the office to break up, Cody. It must happen in front of him.
CO_2224: Can we not simply hack his course page and replace his assigned readings with alternate material?
GEN_OWK: Master Plo is using those materials for his own study. This is the only way.
GEN_OWK: Cody please. One must look wet and pitiful and naïve.
CO_2224: sir if I am forced to look like any of those things, I fear I will endanger the mission by eliminating all witnesses and then myself.
GEN_OWK: who then will be my boyfriend???
FIVES: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh I could do it?
Submission – Midterm 2
Grade (weighted): 59%
Comments: please message to set up an appointment
GEN_OWK: it is working.
FIVES: yeah. It’s working so well
ECHO: You good, friend?
JESSE: he’s still dazed from Kenobi laying one on him this morning
GREG: General, that was not necessary
GEN_SKY: Idk the way Fives burst into tears on holo was pretty compelling if you ask me. It’s okay, Fives, I’d do the same if I had to be that close to Master’s naked face.
GEN_OWK: You slept in my bed for 2 and a half years
GEN_SKY: I was a traumatized child.
GEN_OWK: Fives, your service was appreciated and your acting commendable. I am forever in your debt.
CO_3636: Yeah and you will forever be in Kote’s hate box, too. Congrats. I hear its warm in there.
FIVES: hate box?
GREG: he is referring to the commander’s heart.
CO_2224: it is a hate SQUARE.
CO_3636: nothing about you is parallel OR straight so pick a new shape or admit petty defeat by a measly ARC trooper
CO_2224: I will not forget this.
GREG: Sir you did very well on your exam.
CO_2224: the exam is meaningless.
CO_3636: Oh now the exam is meaningless, huh?
KIX: General Kenobi, what are you going to do in Prof’s office?
GEN_OWK: plead my case of course. And reveal part of my hand.
GEN_SKY: you’re going to tell him you’re an actual jedi?
GEN_OWK: I’m going to tell him that I am Qui-Gon Jinn’s student.
GEN_SKY: Even though he’s been dead for 10 years?
GEN_OWK: I didn’t notice
GEN_SKY: …okay let’s go with that. So he’s going to say ‘why are you so bad at my class?’
GEN_OWK: to which I will say, ‘I only know what the jedi tell me, good Professor.’
GEN_SKY: Oh poor you. So he will say ‘you never thought to think for yourself?’
GEN_OWK: and I’ll say ‘it is not my place to make that call.’
GEN_SKY: ‘well you’re in college now. you have to learn what’s right and wrong.’
GEN_OWK: ‘I wish only that I could do so. I would appreciate any guidance you might offer me, Professor. Anything at all.’
GEN_SKY: there’s no way that’ll work
GEN_OWK: let your old master show you the ropes, padawan mine. It works every time.
GEN_SKY: so. how’s suspension?
GEN_OWK: I still have to finish this godsforsaken class. They will not let me withdraw from it.
GEN_SKY: yeah that’s tough.
CO_2224: General Koon has somehow attained a 21% in the course so far, General. I fear that you could not fail more spectacularly than him even if you tried.
GEN_OWK: I am not going to fail. I am going to pass.
REX: with two marks of academic misconduct against you, sir?
GEN_OWK: I’ve done harder things.
FIVES: like shaved your beard?
GEN_OWK: I was thinking survived most of an impossible war, but I appreciate the vote of confidence, Fives, thank you.
REX: Mathematically, it isn’t possible.
GEN_OWK: we will see about that.
Subject: Extra Credit
Address: @benobi.3s.gc3.edu
Dear Professor,
I am writing to inquire as to the availability of additional credit for your course on Jedi Philosophy and Mysticism.
Having spent some time with the student conduct manual, as you recommended, I have seen the error in my ways.
My sheltered upbringing did not prepare me for critical thinking, as you mentioned, and several other personal afflictions have caused me to elude taking responsibility for my actions and education.
I ask now only for the opportunity to improve myself in this final stretch of the semester. What I shall take from this course will be more than greater knowledge on philosophy and force-sensitive sects, but also an awareness of the wider world and its complex systems.
Please allow me one more chance to participate in such conversations. If I am unable to demonstrate an ability to fruitfully conduct myself outside the Order’s walls, I fear I shall be prohibited from doing so in future.
Thank you for your consideration,
Ben
Subject: Extra Credit [Reply]
To: @bnobi.3s.gc3.edu
See attached.
GEN_SKY: how the fuck did that actually work?
GEN_OWK: flattery
CO_2224: why ‘ben?’
GEN_OWK: it’s a long story. I will tell it to you when you have finished forgiving me.
CO_2224: I shall set a timer for 400 years.
GEN_OWK: I thought we said 320
CO_2224: I shall set a timer for 420 years.
GEN_OWK: Cody, please.
REX: Even with additional credit, General, you need at least 30 points to attain a passing grade.
GEN_OWK: so I’ll find 30 points.
REX: this assignment is worth 10
GEN_OWK: no it’s worth 30
REX: what? No, it’s worth
REX: oh
REX: oh that is. Very dishonest, sir.
GEN_OWK: so is ignoring a man’s contributions to your field simply because you happen not to like him.
REX: I don’t know if this is the same thing.
GEN_SKY: he’s come this far, Rex, it’s not worth it. Just let him have it.
CO_TANO: Master Plo?
GEN_PLK: yes my dear?
CO_TANO: I don’t think you’re going to pass this class.
GEN_PLK: I do not believe I will either.
CO_TANO: what are you going to do?
GEN_PLK: nothing my dear. I do not need to pass this class to be satisfied for having taken it. I have been quite fascinated, as a matter of fact, to see what others do with our philosophy. Is it what I would have done? No. But what good does clutching it tight to our chest do?
CO_TANO: Master Kenobi does not seem pleased with what others have done with our philosophy.
GEN_PLK: Master Kenobi is not interested in philosophy, Ahsoka. He did not take this course in pursuit of it; he is interested in justice and honor, which is, I am afraid, your grandmaster’s greatest strength and greatest weakness.
CO_TANO: He has been more emotional than I’ve seen him get before.
GEN_PLK: Yes.
GEN_PLK: Obi-Wan is much attached to his late Master, you see. He died unexpectedly and Obi-Wan did not, I feel, have sufficient time to mourn his passing before he was given a padawan of his own to look after.
GEN_PLK: the result of that is this lingering attachment, and you can see how it still plagues him.
CO_TANO: but we are meant to honor our masters, no?
GEN_PLK: my dear, should I die, I would not want you to spend your life thinking of me. I would be content if now and again a memory of our time together flits through your mind to bring you comfort. For all other purposes, I shall already be with you in the force.
CO_TANO: Master Kenobi should feel for his master in the force then.
GEN_PLK: Oh, he has, and often he does. But that is a discussion for his masters and him. I tell you this only because I do not wish for you to become entangled in the same snare.
CO_TANO: thank you for your wisdom, Master.
GEN_PLK: mm hm
CO_TANO: do you think Master Windu is going to pass?
GEN_PLK: Ah
GEN_PLK: yes mace. Where did he go?
GEN_OWK: yes.
GEN_WIN: and I will not hear of this again.
GEN_OWK: yes master.
GEN_PLK: hello what is going on here?
GEN_WIN: Nothing which requires your assistance.
GEN_PLK: I think I shall be the judge of that.
GEN_PLK: Obi-Wan, what has happened?
GEN_OWK: I have behaved in a manner unfitting for a council member, Master Koon.
GEN_PLK: oh dear, he is thoroughly chastised already. Is that necessary, Master Windu?
GEN_OWK: it is. I am ashamed of how I have comported myself over a matter of pride.
GEN_PLK: Your shame brings me no satisfaction, young one. Mace, I ask again, is this necessary?
GEN_WIN: Sometimes, I do wonder if we did right by Master Kenobi by inducting him into the council so early.
SKY: what a dick what a dick what a DICK
OWK: leave it Anakin. It’s fine. He’s right.
GEN_PLK: I understand your reservations.
GEN_WIN: and other times, I am terribly glad we have done so, for left to his own devices he will surely discover tens of thousands of lethal ways to experience the force and its blessings.
GEN_PLK: now what is this truly about, Mace?
GEN_WIN: a mind trick. Through a holo.
GEN_PLK: through?
GEN_OWK: I understand that it was wrong, masters.
GEN_PLK: how in the name of stars did you manage that?
GEN_OWK: I only called upon the force and asked it if it might travel as waves do through the radiation of my transceiver.
GEN_PLK: well
GEN_PLK: let us meditate on that for a good long while before exploring its cause and application, shall we?
GEN_WIN: this is the dual saber chain all over again.
GEN_OWK: I was not aware you were informed about that.
GEN_WIN: do you think you lived in a time before group chats, Obi-Wan?
GEN_OWK: …yes.
CO_2224: General, you are needed at the front.
GEN_WIN: You sweet summer child. Qui would have put a pillow over your face decades ago if not for a private venting space constantly nearby.
GEN_OWK: I am needed at the front.
GEN_WIN: So I heard. make good choices.
CO_0411: Sir.
GEN_WIN: yes, Ponds?
CO_0411: the Galactic City’s Community College has requested a meeting.
GEN_WIN: Yes, put them through to comms.
GEN_PLK: Hm. Did we disgrace them with our abysmal class average?
GEN_WIN: no, of course not.
GEN_WIN: Last night I removed all the doors from the philosophy department’s personal offices.
GEN_PLK: Mace.
GEN_WIN: it will inspire them to collaborate and think more upon their baseless theories regarding our people. Mysticism, Plo? A whole class on mysticism? What nonsense. We defined force-sensitive mysticism two millennia ago.
GEN_PLK: yes, well
GEN_WIN: 45 credits, they are demanding for this class. 45. Highway robbery is what it is. The book costs less than 5.
GEN_PLK: they are trying so hard, though.
GEN_WIN: Do or do not
GEN_WIN: there is no try
GEN_PLK: Very well. Become more like your master, every day, you do. Though not immune to pride yourself, you are. Take heed, Master Windu. Revenge begets only more revenge.
GEN_WIN: It’s a risk I’m willing to take. Good bye, Master Koon. Congratulations on your 21%.
GEN_PLK: Congratulations, to you too, Mace on your 4.