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Despite the happy facade Amy puts up, a pit was forming in her stomach, anxiety creeping up her spine. She can't shake the feeling. This was the second time Blaze has shown up after a devastating plan Eggman had concocted, bringing the world to its knees both times. The second time was the most helpless she had ever felt....
The pleasantries that were shared after Blaze's arrival delayed this reaction, as just being able to see her again was something she felt too grateful to feel worried about. Being able to see her was the most refreshing event after all that had transpired in her absence, and she dared not waste it while she felt as happy as she had been. Now, that time had brought itself to a close, and her brain swam is the uncomfortable thoughts of what she had been through. Her mind was spinning as the thoughts crept in, and she widened her smile to try and hide the fear locked behind her eyes. Amy hoped the babbling of friends would be a good enough distraction to keep anyone from paying too much attention to her. She found herself continuing to stare at the cat as she continued on with the others, fear and anxiety keeping her locked onto the friend who never got to see how horrible the Metal Virus was. Blaze turned towards the hedgehog, as if she had felt her gaze boring into her fur. Amy didn't notice, her expression now cast down into a concerned grimace while she lost herself to her thoughts. Only when Blaze moved did Amy realize that she had stared considerably too long, and made an effort to stir herself up, desperate to avoid confronting the cat about her distant gaze.
"Whew, I think this heat might be getting to me, I'm going to run inside and cool down a bit. You guys have fun without me!" Amy explained to the group, begging silently to be left alone. Sonic, Cream, and Vanilla all gave understanding gestures and asked if she would need anything, but Amy waved them off reassuringly, simply saying that a bit of water and shade would do her well, and walked off as the group resumed their cordial gathering.
Amy made her way to the kitchen in Vanilla's house. She could feel how stiffly she moved with every weighty step, her feet dragging against the floor, body tense with fear. Her tail wagged, a foreboding sense of danger setting her off, yet she couldn't be anywhere safer. Amy reached for a glass from the cabinets, her hand shaking as she removed it. Perhaps water would help calm her nerves after all?
She pulled a glass pitcher filled with water from the fridge filling the glass to the brim, praying that the cold water would ease the raging storm in her mind. She gulped at the glass for a moment, drinking in the cool liquid. She pulled it away from her lips, and leaned onto the counter, her eyes closed as frustration continued to pile up as she impatiently waited to see if the water would drown out the horrors that played in her mind.
A faint tapping noise made her ears perk up. The tapping turned into the familiar sound of heels on floorboards. Amy spun around to see Blaze had followed her in, guilt now making her gut feel like a bag of bricks. Of course Blaze had noticed the discontent on Amy's face outside. It was her job to read people, after all.
"Blaze! I-I..." she stammered, trying to say something to quickly hide her nerves. Blaze cut her off before she could even gather her thoughts. "Amy. Is... is everything alright?" she queried, delicately choosing her words. Concerned laced her words, she knew that something was wrong, and Amy knew she wouldn't be able to avoid it any longer.
Tears welled up in her eyes as the pain of loss filled her. She didn't speak a word, slowly shaking her head as she brought her hands up to her head to desperately fight off the tears that ran down her cheeks. Blaze brought a hand up, reaching out for the hedgehog as she moved in to comfort her. Amy could feel her legs growing weak, and her body heated up as it continued to handle the cacophony of emotions flooding her body.
Amy instinctively sunk to the floor, overwhelmed by everything. Blaze guided the hedgehog to the floor as her legs weakly folded under her body. Blaze brought herself down onto her knees, one hand now placed on the small of Amy's back as her body heaved with labored breathing, each breath coming in gasps as she fought through a teary sob now.
"Amy... what's wrong? Did something happen? Did I... do something wrong...?" she asked cautiously. Amy shook her head again, looking up to the cat with puffy, reddened eyes. She tried to speak, but all she could manage was a feeble croak as emotion still left a lump in her throat. Blaze reached for the glass of water Amy had made, and slowly brought it up to Amy's lips. Amy took the glass, slowly sipping at the cool liquid again, now doing its job to lower the heat her body was letting off. She tried clearing her throat as tears still stung her eyes.
"I-I thought everything was over.... after the war..." Amy managed to speak. Blaze stared at her friend with deep concern, listening intently to see what pained her so badly. "I thought... I thought I'd never have to lose more innocent lives. But... but after Neo... it was so... so much worse than I could have ever..." she trailed off, tears flooding her ducts again. Blaze gently rubbed her back, attempting to soothe the hedgehog.
Amy looked over at Blaze with nothing but pain and fear.
"I-I don't want to die..." she sobbed.
Amy felt the cat pull her into herself, embracing the hedgehog in a tight hug. Amy sank into her body, welcoming her friends compassion as she broke down.
"It was... so cold..." she stammered. Images of their final fight flooded her mind. "A-and I couldn't f-feel anything... I stopped... existing." Amy's body shivered, her body remembering how the metallic sludge clung to her body, overtaking her very being. It was like falling into a frozen lake, and being dragged to it's frigid depths, the life being choked out of you as you struggle to fight back, but the cold makes your body lock up, and your efforts grow feeble, and each fleeting second is more panicked, more painful than the last. The worst part came after.
The feeling of absolute nothingness. No consciousness, no body to inhabit, no surroundings to ground yourself to. The absolute deprivation of existence.
A warmth began to seep into her skin again. It chased away the nightmare, and melted the sense of freezing her body imagined. Amy looked up to see the cat with her head tilted down and her eyes closed, tears rolling down her cheeks as she concentrated. Amy could feel the warmth radiating gently from Blaze's own body, and huddled into her just a bit more. Amy's heart swelled at the sense of security Blaze's compassion brought.
They sat together for another moment, silence enveloping them both for a time.
At last, Amy stirred, sitting on her own, without the support of Blaze. She carefully wiped at the tears that stained her face, regaining control of her own emotions. Blaze let out a small, concerned sigh. "I've missed much, haven't I?" Amy nodded. "More than you know..." Blaze rested her hand on top of Amy's as they sat near each other. "Are you well enough to tell me how much? I would understand if you weren't, and I don't want you to feel pressured into telling me," Blaze asked, reminding her to take it slow if she needed to.
Amy sniffled a bit as she took in some deep breaths, trying to muster what strength she could. With one last exhale, Amy shook her head to clear it, looking up to meet Blaze's caring stare. She could feel her heart swell again, and decided to open up to Blaze more.
"Ok... well, you know about the war that consumed the world before the fight with Neo. Some days... I still think about what it took from us all. How many people we lost. Knuckles and I held out for so many months, watching as we struggled to do anything against Eggman's army." Amy took a deep, ragged breath in, emotion threatening to take over again. "Some places still haven't fully recovered, and I feel... responsible. I know I could have done more but I was just... so scared. Without Sonic... it was hard to keep looking forward. We were fortunate to get Sonic back. There's no telling what would have happened if he hadn't come back..."
Blaze gave Amy's hand a reassuring squeeze. Amy squeezed back, and took another deep breath. "After the fight with Neo, we all thought it would be over, but after you left, we learned that someone managed to restore the Doctor's memories, and even sooner after, he showed us something worse than we could have anticipated..." Amy said, giving Blaze's hand another tight squeeze, toughing out the painful memories.
"Sonic and I went to investigate an old base of Eggman's, and we got there, we were jumped by two lackeys with a container full of a metallic liquid on their backs. After a scuffle, the containers poured out onto them and they inexplicably just... changed. They weren't people anymore..." Amy could feel the emotion rising in the back of her throat, it tightening as she recalled the horror of that moment, and what it would result in. "Sonic managed to fight them off, but... he got some on himself. It didn't get take him over immediately, and we almost thought we could beat it... but then I had to watch as it slowly stripped away his free spirit. His love for the adventure. His own desire to run with the wind... it got people hurt..."
Blaze's expression sank with a dark understanding. She moved her other hand onto Amy's hand she was already clung to, gently caressing it between both of her own. A few tears rolled down Amy's cheeks, even as she desperately fought them back.
Another swallow of water. An attempt to clear her throat. And a small silence.
Amy started again. "Sometimes I'm glad that I got what experience I could with leading the Resistance. It helped... slow things down. I'm afraid of the thought of... what would this world be like? If I didn't have that. What would it have been like the next time you came? Would it have been alright in the end? Or.... or would you have been the next victim?" Amy gripped Blaze's hand hard with that last question. She had seen too many friends become lost to the virus. Thinking of one more joining their ranks hurt.
"What matters is that it is over now, Ms. Rose." Blaze spoke this time. She had waited silently, listening to the whole story. "You, your friends, and your world survived. And as painful as it is, you lost people on the path to freedom, but in doing so, saved countless more lives. You do not have to live with the regret of what has happened, because it is done. It is now part of the past. You can use that knowledge, that experience, and make the world better because of it."
Amy sat there silently for a moment. She mulled the words over in her head. And then she asked Blaze a question. "Does... being in charge ever get easier?" It was a fairly simple question, but it still had much weight behind its words. Blaze took a moment to consider it. "No, I wouldn't say it does," she concluded. "There are times where leading is easier than others, but there are other choices that require great will to pick. Sometimes, even a sacrifice to be made, whether that be lives, services, or something else. No one choice is ever simple either. By making one choice, sometimes you must abandon the others. Other times, you must find a new choice to make, one that isn't so obvious."
Amy nodded, appreciating the princess's experience. "I often grapple with the idea that maybe I could have chosen better in the past. Perhaps there was a new conclusion I missed that could have lead me and my people to even greater heights. But now... now I only look around to see the people I have met. The happiness I have found because of the choices I have already made. I cannot change them. I do not wish to change them. I have mourned, and I will likely mourn again one day. But I will do what I must for what is right, and Ms Rose... I hope you will too. Learn to live without that regret."
Blaze stared at the hedgehog with a sweetness Amy hadn't seen from her before. She could feel herself slowly heating up, and now, she had no more water left to cool down with. She gave Blaze a small nod of acknowledgement, and began to unfold her legs from under her body. Blaze followed after Amy, slowly bringing herself upward.
As Amy finally managed to get herself off the floor, she managed to surprise herself and her feline companion. She reached out and embraced the princess tightly, seeping in the residual warmth the cat had to offer, with a sudden flare-up of heat coming in a short wave. Blaze had her arms out in surprise, but slowly she brought them in, returning Amy's gentle sign of appreciation.
"Thank you, Blaze. I... I won't forget what you've said. No regrets."