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1. Theowl22 on Chapter 2 Sat 21 Jun 2025 04:08PM UTC

   

   Kinda good idea but the whole dialogue formating is too close to each it other and there no single mention of who is saying who, so i recomend trying a different format for dialogue like this one where "The character Name is first: Then whatever they are saying is next" is a good way to include multiple character in a single conversation and make scenes more fluid

   As for the rest of the fic i say even thou is good it is kinda just a retelling of the game events, i say you should try to focus on those moment between the scenes of the games and try use description as the way to show the reader what anon sees and how his bias change his perception, like wich class he enjoy the most,how he see the classrooms of his dino classmates

   And also you vould try to focus on the "Original scenes" the one that are not part of the game and instade is what give this fic it own flavor and uniqueness, like anon finding the book in the first place or him interacting with characters he didn't even meet in game, etc

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2. 1. SnootoftheSnoots on Chapter 2 Sat 21 Jun 2025 04:15PM UTC

      

      I thank you for commenting on my fanfict, i did also notice how bad i wrote it and decided to redo it entirely, currently i still got one week of school and can't focus entirely on this project, currently im facing a problem where i lost all sense of what this story should be about, sometime i think about one thing, few days later my entire topic changes drastlicly.

      writing stuff alone is hard yet i thank you for helping me see my own mistakes.

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   2. 1. Theowl22 on Chapter 1 Sat 21 Jun 2025 04:36PM UTC

         

         If you want a recomendation try to write your ideas on a text document so you don't try to juggle them all inside your head

         that way you use those ideas and the text document as a rough base for a chapter or the story itself, expanding on things you like or think need more screen time while leaving some less important stuff in the background

         Last Edited Sat 21 Jun 2025 04:36PM UTC

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      2. 1. SnootoftheSnoots on Chapter 2 Sat 21 Jun 2025 06:09PM UTC

            

            i will definitly try it thx

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3. Cyrustheautisticpterodactyl on Chapter 2 Sat 21 Jun 2025 08:00PM UTC

   

   Damn, hurts but I'm excited for the next fic. Do you have a discord by any chance?

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