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Elder McKinley stood in his room ironing his shirt. It had gotten muddy from a Ugandan child throwing mud on it. He was wearing only his garments and his slacks.
He suddenly heard the door to the living quarters swing open and closed forcefully as well as a loud clamor from the other elders. He didn’t know what was going on and he didn’t have time to figure it out, because only a few seconds later the door to the room he was in swung open just as violently.
Elder McKinley gasped at the sight. Elder Cunningham was yelling and panting incoherently, having been the one to slam the door open. Leaning almost his entire weight on him was Elder Price. Elder Price seemed woozy and it was very obvious why: a huge stain of blood went down his otherwise pristinely white shirt. All the blood was coming from a bullet hole in Elder Price’s right shoulder. Elder McKinley felt like vomiting. He finally tuned in to Elder Cunningham’s jabbering.
“... AND HE GOT SHOT BY GENERAL BUTT-EFFING-NAKED IN THE SHOULDER AND YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO ACTUALLY KNOWS FIRST AID…” Elder Cunningham screeched.
Elder McKinley walked over to Elder Price to get a closer look at the gunshot wound.
“Ok ok ok, Elder Cunningham, it’s ok. I’ve got him,” Elder McKinley ordered, pulling Elder Price’s arm over his shoulders instead. He tried to turn off the butterflies in his stomach as he did so.
Elder Cunningham started sobbing and ran from the room.
Elder McKinley clumsily guided Elder Price to his bed, swallowing his concerns about the blood getting all over his sheets. Elder Price groaned like some sort of zombie. His breathing was shallow and clearly painful.
“Thank you,” Elder Price moaned softly.
“Yeah, of course,” Elder McKinley replied, still feeling totally nauseous. “Ok, on three I’m going to guide you into sitting on the bed, ok?”
Elder Price nodded. The two men adjusted their positioning to allow this to be easier. Elder McKinley put his hands on the sides of Elder Price’s torso. Elder Price put his hands on Elder McKinley’s shoulder.
Elder McKinley looked into Elder Price’s beautiful brown eyes. Elder McKinley forced himself to snap out of it and get back to what was important.
“Ok… 1… 2… 3,” Elder McKinley said. Quickly but controlled, Elder Price sat down on the bed. He groaned in pain. “It’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok, it’s ok.” Elder McKinley stuttered, mostly to calm himself down.
“Ok, now let’s get your back against some pillows so that you’re still sitting upright,” Elder McKinley instructed, still queasy. Elder Price tried to move but he groaned from pain and stopped.
“I can’t…” Elder Price breathed faintly.
“No it’s ok, you can, we just have to do this slowly, okay?” Elder McKinley insisted. Elder Price groaned. A tear rolled down his face. Elder McKinley wiped it away slowly. The two locked eye contact for a moment. Elder McKinley felt the very strong urge to lean in. He fought it off.
Carefully, Elder McKinley assisted Elder Price in getting him properly propped up on the pillows.
“Can I undress you?” Elder McKinley asked. Elder Price raised his eyebrow, confused. “To clean the area! Sorry, I should have led with that.”
Elder Price nodded weakly. Elder McKinley’s hands shook with both fear and arousal as he slowly undid every button of Elder Price’s shirt. He tried to stay focused on the task at hand, but Elder Price’s sultry stare as Elder McKinley did everything wasn’t helping the matter. Finally Elder McKinley got to the bottom button, trying to ignore how close his hands were to a certain area. He pulled Elder Price’s shirt out from being untucked in his pants and he slowly and carefully guided both of Elder Price’s arms out of the button down. He realized he forgot about Elder Price’s tie.
He gulped and tried his very best to stop his cheeks from flushing as his shaking hands got closer to Elder Price’s neck. He undid the knot and pulled the black tie away, throwing it on the floor. Now for the matter of Elder Price’s undergarments. Mormons basically never took their garments all the way off except for showering so Elder McKinley did not take the matter at hand lightly. He pulled the white undershirt out of the waistband of the shorts. Elder Price groaned. Elder McKinley had to move more quickly and get over himself. He pulled the shirt up, seeing more and more of Elder Price’s exposed chest.
Woah the lord is REALLY testing me right now Elder McKinley thought to himself.
He once again routed the uninjured arm out of the sleeve. Then he guided the shirt over Elder Price's head so that he wouldn’t have to move the shoulder of the injured arm. Then he succeeded in taking the shirt the rest of the way off. Now there was nothing between Elder McKinley and Elder Price's heaving, blood-covered chest. Elder Price was clearly not someone who hit the gym or anything, but he had a swimmers body. He had lean, yet defined, muscles but almost no chest hair.
Turn it off, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off, turn it off, Elder McKinley chanted to himself. It was no good. His homosexual thoughts weren’t going anywhere.
Elder Price slightly writhed to adjust himself. Elder McKinley felt himself swallow literal drool.
Forcing himself to actually focus on the task at hand, Elder McKinley grabbed a first aid kit and returned to Elder Price’s side. He took out disinfectant and a gauze swab to clean the area.
“This is going to hurt,” Elder McKinley warned. Elder Price nodded, giving consent. Elder McKinley winced in anticipation and sprayed the area. Sure enough, Elder Price groaned loudly in agony. “I’m so so sorry.” Elder McKinley said, apologetically. He then took the gauze swap and removed some of the excess blood. He could already tell that he was going to have to remove the bullet and give Elder Price stitches. The pain would be unbearable. He had a horrible idea.
“I’ll be right back,” Elder McKinley said quickly. Before Elder Price had time to express his protest, Elder McKinley was already gone.
Elder McKinley ran out into their common room. “Where’s the huge bottle of whiskey that Keke Nutumbi gave us as a housewarming gift?”
No one answered, them all being too dumbfounded at the idea of a follower of the Book of Mormon asking for a bottle of booze.
“I need it to save Elder Price’s life! Usage of mind-altering substances is acceptable in life or death situations or when prescribed by a doctor!” Elder McKinley explained, totally making this up as he went.
Elder Thomas snapped out of his shock and pointed to one of the kitchen cabinets. Elder McKinley ran to the cabinet and pulled out the fully untouched ¾ liter of alcohol. It was heavier than he expected but he pulled it off of the shelf and ran back into his room where Elder Price waited expectantly.
Elder Price’s eyes widened fearfully at the sight. He shook his head.
“Elder…” Elder McKinley started.
“No. No whiskey,” Elder Price groaned. “I’m not breaking any covenants.”
“This isn’t a party, Elder,” Elder McKinley insisted. “It’s a life or death situation. God’s not gonna smite you for surviving.”
Elder Price hesitated.
“...It’s wrong,” Elder Price protested.
“It’s mercy,” Elder McKinley replied. “If you don’t now, you’re about to wish you had.”
Elder Price groaned in a combination of pain and reluctance. Finally he nodded.
Elder McKinley rushed back to the chair next to the bed. After a couple tries, he figured out how to open the bottle. It was full to the brim. He didn’t want to accidentally spill whiskey on Elder Price’s bullet wound. He had another option.
Forgive me, heavenly father, Elder McKinley thought, in a quick prayer. Then he took a swig of the alcohol to decrease the likelihood of spilling. It was absolutely disgusting. It had a burning flavor and he felt like his esophagus was on fire. The smell wasn’t helping his already churning stomach. It tasted like burning awfulness. He could only imagine the face he must have been making. Elder Price seemed even less keen on taking it now.
“It’s not too bad,” Elder McKinley lied. In reality he didn’t understand how alcoholics got past that flavor. “This stuff is pretty strong, so it should only take a couple minutes to kick in as long as you drink enough of it.”
Elder Price looked to the sky for a moment, obviously saying a quick prayer as well. Elder McKinley slowly brought the huge bottle to Elder Price’s lips. He tipped it slowly back so as to let a gentle trickle out. Elder Price immediately winced at the taste but kept drinking. Elder McKinley was temporarily distracted by the gulping motion in Elder Price’s mouth and throat, as well as the tension in Elder Price’s jaw bone making his already perfect bone structure even more defined.
Finally Elder McKinley stopped the flow of whiskey, hoping it was enough to be numbing. Elder Price coughed and sputtered.
“That’s awful,” Elder Price groaned.
“I know. I know. I’m so sorry,” Elder McKinley replied, sympathetically. His mouth was also still on fire. A dribble of whiskey had dripped out of Elder Price’s mouth and was on his chin. Elder McKinley cautiously reached out his hand to wipe it away. Elder Price didn’t do or say anything to encourage or discourage Elder McKinley. Elder McKinley rested his hand on the side of Elder Price’s face and wiped away the whiskey with his thumb. The pressure of his thumb made his lip move as well.
His homosexual thoughts were not usually anywhere near this bad, but having to heal the hottest elder he’d ever met while that elder was shirtless was a whole new territory.
Elder McKinley, in the moment, ended up being glad he’d taken a gulp of the whiskey because he was better able to judge when the numbing factor would have started to take effect with Elder Price. While they were waiting for the numbing to be stronger, Elder McKinley used various methods of stopping the flow of blood to decrease the amount of blood loss that Elder Price was experiencing.
After a few minutes of repeatedly making sure that Elder Price stayed conscious and gathering materials while waiting to be numb, Elder McKinley finally decided that the amount of lost blood was too much for him to not get started, even if it hurt.
“Elder Price, I think we have to do it now,” Elder McKinley warned. Elder Price nodded.
“I understand… just… do it fast,” Elder Price said, weakly. Elder McKinley grabbed the pliers from the table. The disinfectant platter was ready for the bullet to be placed. The medical needle and thread were also ready to go. Elder McKinley had done this whole process several times on dummies and had no problems, but this wasn’t a dummy. This was Elder Price. Elder Price noticed his hesitation.
“Listen, Elder McKinley,” Elder Price commanded. His words were slurred, both from the pain and blood loss, but also now from the slight inebriation. “Whatever happens… Thank you. I know this must be hard. It’s not great on my end either. I think you're great. You’re going to make some wonderful Mormon woman very happy someday.”
I don’t want a Mormon woman, I want you, you dumbass. Elder McKinley thought. Then he immediately recoiled at even thinking a swear word. No wonder alcohol is sinful.
Elder McKinley inhaled and exhaled heavily before finally deciding that the time was now. And the next steps had to happen very quickly.
“And Elder McKinley?” Elder Price asked. Elder McKinley nodded in response. “If I scream… just keep going.”
Elder McKinley nodded, obligingly. Without any further hesitation, he stuck the pliers into Elder Price’s chest (making him yelp and groan loudly, as Elder Price warned) but quickly felt that he had grip of the bullet. Elder McKinley felt actual tears stream down his face as he tried to tune out the screaming and remind himself that even though he was inflicting this pain temporarily, it was what had to be done. He carefully yet quickly pulled out the bullet and dropped it in the disinfecting liquid. Elder Price screamed and then panted as this happened. Elder McKinley retrieved the thick piece of gauze again and pressed it on Elder Price’s wound to slow the bleeding. Elder Price groaned loudly again at having pressure put on such a pained area.
Elder McKinley bared down, forcing himself to feel no emotion other than determination. He grabbed the medical thread and needle. Elder Price, upon seeing the thread and needle, voluntarily grabbed the bottle of whiskey and drank as much as he could before putting it back on the table. Then Elder McKinley removed the gauze to reveal the bullet hole again. He locked eyes with Elder Price once more to gain his consent for what he would have to do. Elder Price nodded once more.
Elder McKinley pinched the wound shut, making Elder Price scream again in agony.
“FUCK that hurts!” Elder Price yelled. Elder McKinley forced himself to ignore the expletive.
He geared up and finally started sewing. Tears ran down his face as he made stitch after stitch, desperately trying to ignore the sounds of Elder Price’s screams. Finally and painfully, the job was done.
Elder Price panted with relief.
“Are you ok?” Elder McKinley asked.
“I’ll be ok,” Elder Price responded. “The alcohol helped. The alcohol definitely helped.” Elder McKinley chuckled. Elder Price reached his unaffected arm towards Elder McKinley and wiped away his tears with his thumb. Elder McKinley melted into the feeling of his warm hand. He didn’t realize that Elder Price’s hand was covered in blood, and therefore getting blood all over his face, nor would he have cared if he did know.
Elder Price groaned again, the pain of his situation hitting him again.
“More booze?” Elder McKinley offered. Elder Price nodded. Elder McKinley handed him the bottle. It was then that Elder McKinley realized that neither of them had any judgement as to how much alcohol it takes to get someone drunk or even how much is dangerous. But when Elder McKinley noticed that Elder Price wasn’t even wincing at the taste anymore he pried it from his hands.
“You should slow down,” Elder McKinley said.
“ You should slow down,” Elder Price replied, hiccuping slightly. “Do you like me, Connor?”
“W-what?” Elder McKinley stammered, caught by surprise.
“You know… do you think I’ll do something incredible?” Elder Price asked. Elder McKinley exhaled in relief.
“Of course you will. Of course you will,” Elder McKinley said, reassuringly.
“Y’know some of the elders said that you have hell dreams almost every night,” Elder Price said, randomly.
“They told you that, huh?” Elder McKinley groaned.
“Yeah,” Elder Price hummed. “Why?”
“Why did they tell you that I have hell dreams every night? I have no idea why they told you,” Elder McKinley said.
“No, why do you have hell dreams every night in the first place?” Elder Price clarified.
“Um, y’know…” Elder McKinley mumbled, shuffling where he sat slightly. “The, uh, homosexual thoughts. Mostly.”
“Ohhhh,” Elder Price cooed, drunkenly. “Don’t worry, that won’t affect my opinion of you. If we weren’t Mormon, I’d date you.”
Elder McKinley was too stunned to speak at first.
“What?” Elder McKinley said, almost too silently to be perceptible.
“Oh yeah,” Elder Price babbled. “I mean what’s not to love. You’re cute, funny, well-groomed, and kind.”
“Stop,” Elder McKinley said, not in a coy, please-compliment-me-more way, but instead it was gently desperate. His heart couldn’t take this.
“I’m serious. And you have a great bedroom manner,” Elder Price said. “Oops, I meant bedside.”
Elder McKinley’s heart genuinely ached with all the things that could not be. He wished Elder Price would stop. He wished Elder Price would let him believe that he was just something to scrape off of your shoe. He couldn’t take any notion that the two of them might, in some universe, be a couple.
“Stop, Elder Price,” Elder McKinley pleaded.
“Call me Kevin,” Elder Price requested.
“No I just-”
“Connor,” Elder Price demanded. “Call me Kevin.”
“Kevin…” Elder McKinley said, defeated. “Stop.”
“Why?” Elder Price asked, childishly.
“Because!” Elder McKinley exploded. “Because I have been uncontrollably attracted to you ever since I met you! Because you have become the object of my future damnation! Because you are so… ridiculously gorgeous. Because you are lying in front of me shirtless. Because I have never wanted anyone so badly in my entire life. But especially because you will never want me. Not really. Because you’re straight. Because we’re Mormon. Because-”
Suddenly Kevin reached his good hand out and grabbed the side of Connor’s head and brought him closer to his face and, not wasting another second, Kevin kissed Connor. At first the kiss was abrupt and awkward… but then it was passionate and warm. Connor was in complete and total shock at first, but then he reached his hands forward and supported Kevin’s head as the two of them kissed. He had never felt such euphoria in his entire life. All of a sudden everything he had been saying didn’t matter. The sensation of Kevin’s short hair in between his fingers made Connor feel catharsis better than any sermon or conversion could have ever done.
But the moment passed, as all moments do, and soon Elder Price pulled his head backward to look Elder McKinley in the eyes. Then his eyes flickered shut. At first Elder McKinley, who was still holding up Elder Price’s head, was very concerned. Then Elder Price began lightly snoring. Elder Mckinley held Elder Price’s head to his chest as he decreased the amount of pillows below Elder Price to just one pillow. Then he laid Elder Price’s perfect head back on the pillow. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. It didn’t feel real.
Deciding that it would be a long time before he would understand what to do with these feelings and memories, Elder McKinley decided to pretend it didn’t happen long enough to finish what he was there to do. He grabbed some gauze and covered Elder Price’s wound and put a medical patch over it. He rubbed Elder Price’s defined pectoral muscles slightly as he did so. He didn’t feel the same happy excitement as he had earlier. Instead he just felt sadness. Like as if he was cuddling a teddy bear in the grocery store that his mom wouldn’t let him buy.
Elder McKinley stood and walked over to the other bed. It was usually his companion, Elder Thomas’ bed, but Elder McKinley’s usual bed was currently taken by his forbidden situationship. Elder McKinley realized he was still crying. He was too tired to keep thinking about anything.
He walked out to the living quarters of the missionaries where they were all sitting impatiently.
“Is he gonna make it?” Elder Cunningham whimpered.
“Yeah. Yeah he will,” Elder McKinley said, his voice filled with an uncommon melancholy. “I’m going to sleep. But I’ll be in the room with him just in case anything goes wrong.”
Without saying anything else, Elder McKinley went back to his room. He wanted to walk right past Elder Price but he noticed that Elder Price didn’t have any blankets. Elder McKinley groaned at his own stupid caringness. He pulled the blankets from the bottom of the bed over Elder Price and nestled them against Elder Price’s chest. He felt another tear escape his eye. He had seen glimmers of the life he wanted and it hurt so badly that it would never happen.
Okay, Connor McKinley. Time to turn it off. For good.