Chapter 1: Company
Chapter Text
Words from my heart pour from my fingertips, for my mouth cannot speak, and my keyboard keeps me company.
Chapter 2: Your Ghost, My Despair
Chapter Text
I wish I had more warning,
Like a sign;
Something to prepare me
For this sudden sadness,
This immense emptiness.
This gaping hole left in my heart
That I thought had healed.
These intense waves of grief,
And this unshakable longing, for you.
For us.
It’s tearing me apart.
I miss you in my waking moments,
I’m haunted by your ghost in my dreams.
And although you are still alive,
To me you died years ago,
When we went our separate ways.
The spark that we shared, remained ‘til the end.
But ultimately, it just wasn’t meant to be.
You weren’t good for me,
And I wasn’t good for you.
I know it was for the best,
But I don’t miss you any less.
Chapter 3: I Still Miss You
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I still miss you.
I still think of you.
I still dream of you.
I still cry about you.
I still want you.
...I still need you.
Chapter 4: Without You
Notes:
This is an older entry that I'm not super proud of, but it helped me cope at the time I wrote it, so I figured I'd share it anyway.
Chapter Text
Without you, I am nothing
Our break feels like eternity
Perpetual suffering with uncertainty of the future
Your silence when I need you most, stings
It's salt in my wounds; wounds that you caused
You've thrown me away, what do you expect me to do?
You know I'm not well
You sent me home that night when I was vulnerable
One call in the morning, and that was that
You have people you can turn to,
I do not
You have people to support you,
I do not
You have family here you can talk to, hold and hug...
I do not
Chapter 5: This is Real
Notes:
Another older writing, not my best work for sure, but maybe it will resonate with others. Trigger warning for implied sui thoughts
Chapter Text
If no one cared,
How would you feel?
If they thought it was all a lie,
How would you deal?
If everyday you wanted to die?
And they just didn't believe you,
How you were feeling inside,
They said that it wasn't true.
That it's just a bad day,
It's just a phase,
It won't stay,
But that's not the case.
And YOU know it.
And YOU feel it.
And it has consequences, you see them.
(But they don't)
You're feeling grim.
(And they won't)
Nothing inside but pain.
And hurt.
They look at you with disdain.
And so you revert.
Back to who you were before.
You pretend to be happy.
"Don't walk out that door."
But in truth you're feeling crappy.
They say they love you. "We're here for you."
You want to believe them, but it's lies.
"No matter what you do."
And everyday, another part of you dies.
You hope that one day, maybe,
You will finally be able to heal.
That they will see.
That this is REAL.
And it's happening NOW.
You'll get help.
They won't let you down.
They'll step in. They're understand how you felt.
You won't have to be in pain,
They'll believe you, finally.
And you won't have to live in vain.
ashuees on Chapter 3 Thu 19 Jun 2025 03:05AM UTC
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tenebris_boulevard on Chapter 3 Thu 19 Jun 2025 06:28PM UTC
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