Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

How is one supposed to lay low and live quietly, when all they’ve ever known has been chaos and death? The question troubled Levi frequently. After the Rumbling was disrupted, a massive part of the world, as they knew it, was in shambles. That shithead , he would curse Eren inside of his head. Sometimes, it was hard to put the blame on him; he was guided by unfathomable forces that he couldn’t free himself from and, despite that, he ensured a way for the people he trusted to put an end to that madness. Other times, he was unforgivable. Unforgivable for not living longer, for not surviving along with everyone else. He had so much to say to that blockhead. Regardless, there was no choice but to move forward. 

A year after the battle of Heaven and Earth, as they called it, Levi’s life transformed entirely. Having to get used to using a wheelchair was unnerving sometimes; he had always been on the move, so it cost him. However, that didn’t prevent him from living his life. The first year, he lived with Onyankopon in a makeshift home in Libero, helping rebuild the city, restore the flora and rehabilitate the refugees, the homeless and the wounded. The work was exhausting and devastating, more often than not. People would mourn their lives, their massacred loved ones, their homes, pinning the blame on Eren and the Titans. All Levi could do was remain silent; he was perfectly aware that it was technically his fault. The details wouldn’t matter to anyone. 

Slowly but steadily, he built a routine for himself. Once a week, he visited a doctor for a check-up. Usually, Gabi and Falco (“ the kiddos ”, as he referred to them) would accompany him and then they would spend the rest of their day together. Those two had become a huge part of his life, though he didn’t want to admit it. Their parents would often send him meals or desserts, as their way of expressing gratitude over him protecting their children. In exchange, he treated them to whatever they wanted and complied with the ridiculous plans they would come up with. Unbeknownst to them, he had discovered a newfound source of strength. He watched them grow and become softer, more mellow versions of themselves and full of life, as children should be. 

It goes without saying that he still kept in touch with the (ex) members of the 104th Division after they parted ways. Armin and his team, along with the former Marleyan Warriors, still had a lot of work to do as ambassadors, to ensure a peaceful treaty between Paradis and the rest of the world. Levi received numerous letters from them, updating him on the state of affairs every now and then. Take care of yourselves, you shitty brats, he always responded, with all the love in his heart. Apart from them, he also maintained contact with Historia, who was happily raising her daughter. The former Queen would always attach a photograph inside the letter and, if he was in the mood, he would send one back. The last person he corresponded with was Mikasa, probably more often than the aforementioned people. He was severely worried about her after she fled with Eren’s decapitated head, in order to bury it undisturbedly. As the only other remaining Ackerman he knew, he attempted to improve their relationship by writing to her every week, even if there was nothing new or thrilling to talk about. Mikasa didn’t respond as often, but when she did, her letters were filled with sorrow. For that reason, Levi decided to open his heart to her about grief and loss. Little by little, the envelopes returned thicker, as she pushed herself to do the same. “Thank you for making me feel less lonely,” she wrote once. 

Before he could register the change, he found himself in a new home outside of Odiha. In a short period of time, the city was rebuilt and life sprung back to it; by rebuilding the port, merchants and help from other places – many times unaffected by the Rumbling – arrived often, so the process was sped up. The idea belonged to Onyankopon, who speculated the change of scenery would do the Captain some good. At first, Levi was reluctant; afterall, that was the place where Hange sacrificed themself and died. Living there could serve as a constant reminder of their passing, as if the stitches they had graced him with after saving his life weren’t enough. After voicing his concerns to the kiddos, his mind was made up. “If I’m correct, Commander Hange never received a proper burial,” Falco pointed out hesitantly, studying the older man’s expression. “Maybe after moving there, you could make a grave for them,” the boy added. Gabi’s eyes lit up after taking a bite out of a waffle. “I heard that in some cultures, there are things called ghosts or spirits,” she said enthusiastically. “What if you run into Hange’s ghost? Wouldn’t that be amazing?” Her sincerity was so sweet that Levi didn’t have to think about it further. A few weeks later, he had gathered and packed his belongings and, with Onyankopon’s help, he moved into his new house.

It was a stone cottage consisting of a single floor, which was perfect for Levi to move around by himself. There were two bedrooms, a bathroom and the living room, which was connected to the kitchen in the same space. The cottage was surrounded by a long, log fence, creating a front and a back yard. Luckily for him, it was large enough to be able to take care of by himself. As soon as he arrived there, he started to move around using his cane to move more comfortably while cleaning. Whenever he got too tired or his knee was irritated, he used his chair. The place was also not too far from Libero, which meant that the kiddos could visit whenever and for as long as they wanted. Soon enough, he had obtained furniture to decorate the house; being the minimalist that he was, he only got whatever was absolutely needed. What he didn’t account for was the amount of miscellaneous items he would be sent by his acquaintances. For example, Armin managed to send him a telephone. Onyankopon had promised to install it for him, although he was wary of that strange machinery. Supposedly, that device was used for communication, where the user speaks into the transmitter, which was on the bottom of the handset, and sound from the other side of the line is broadcasted through the speaker. Armin had written down his number and asked his former Captain to give a call. Much to his misfortune, everyone from the 104th class now had his number and would bother him often. 

After settling down, he went around the town and looked for a job. In his state, and especially as a stranger to this place, he was afraid it would be hard to find anything, but his worries were proven wrong. A kind cobbler in the middle of the town had just started his business and was looking for help in the store. That man named Paul was in his late fifties already, working tirelessly day and night to get his store running by himself. His entire family, except for his teenage daughter, were the sole survivors of the Rumbling. It was difficult sharing his story, and Levi definitely withheld certain details, but he was honest about his intentions; he wanted to live a quiet life after decades of fighting and surviving. Paul’s daughter, Irene, who was present during that conversation, was moved and begged her father to hire him. And so, Levi found himself a job, which, much to his surprise, turned out to be way more exciting and fulfilling than he initially assumed. 

For a while, he thought his life was as gratifying as it could be. There was one thing missing though. Levi hadn’t heard of you in a significantly long time. It was as if you had disappeared from the face of earth. The last time you had seen each other was right before the Rumbling began. As one of the last remaining Scouts, you had been assigned to guard and protect Historia. The task was too grave to be assigned to just anyone, so Levi decided to hand it to you. There were no complaints on your part, of course. Historia was a fellow comrade and your precious underling, one of the best and most skilled too, there was no reason to decline. However, the thought of being parted from Levi was unbearable. The entire time you stayed with Historia and her husband, James, you tried to put on a brave face, but after Paradis was overtaken by Jaegerists and the Rumbling began, your fear and anxiety spiraled out of control.

Eren was killed and Historia birthed a lovely, healthy baby girl. It was hard for her too. When James was away, she would cry herself to sleep, missing Ymir. Your relationship with her had developed to a point where there were no secrets between the two of you, so she would speak her mind freely. Her husband was undeniably a dependable man and a great father, who loved her more than anything, but… it wasn’t Ymir. You spent countless nights comforting her, sitting outside on the patio of their house while the baby was sleeping inside. Other nights, you reminisced on your Scout Regiment days. Even with James present, you loved to share all sorts of stories and gossip before her class joined. That was the first time you ever revealed any sort of information about yourself to a Squad Member, like Historia used to be. She was surprised to learn that you joined before both Hange and Levi. Like most people, you started off as a Squad Member; you were only sixteen at the time and you were estranged from your family for that reason. That didn’t stop you in the least. You had always been headstrong and unwavering in your decisions ever since you were a child. A few years later, Hange joined. They were the most interesting person you had ever met in your life and your peculiar personalities immediately matched. 

“What about the Captain?” Historia’s eyes glimmered with curiosity. You smiled, taking a sip of your liquor. 

“He joined under unusual circumstances, along with two other people,” you explained. “They were all from the Underground and were promised citizenship, but we weren’t allowed to access any more information on the matter, so most of us had grown suspicious of him,” you smiled. “His friends were mauled during their first expedition by a Titan. I heard he snapped and went on a rampage and attempted to assassinate the Commander, but, Erwin being Erwin, inspired him into a change of heart.” You took another sip and finished your glass. “After that, I tried to approach him. I guess I always had a thing for oddballs. I leave it up to your imagination as to how that went, at least in the beginning.” Historia cackled, her cheeks flushed. “As we climbed the ranks, our relationship evolved. We did spend a substantial amount of time together.” You took a deep breath, memories flooding your mind. “The last rank I found myself in was of the Squad Leader and then everything went downhill,” you joked. 

When Historia’s daughter turned three years old, they acquired a telephone. It was easier to communicate with others, especially for business matters. In the meantime, she had hired a woman to take care of her child whenever she or James weren’t available. Thankfully, you weren’t needed that much anymore. Historia encouraged you to get in contact with Levi, but you faltered. After receiving the news that the Rumbling ended and Levi survived, you sobbed in relief. Through his correspondence with Historia, you were aware of his whereabouts and the state of his well-being, but a part of you couldn’t muster up the strength to visit him. It was agonizing and the feeling devoured you alive. 

It was one of those days where you found yourself home alone, along with the babysitter and the kid. The two were outside frolicking, when the phone rang; it was hard getting used to its grating sound and it always startled you. You walked inside and finally picked it up, as a familiar voice called for your name. “Jean?” you gasped in surprise. 

The Commanding Officer laughed. “That’s me,” he replied. “Did you finally get the hang of using those damn machines?”

A cacophony of chatting reverberated from the other end of the line and you instantly recognized Connie’s voice. “Just barely,” you exhaled dramatically. “How are you holding up?” 

Jean sighed. “Just barely,” he parroted. “Discussions aren’t going as planned and Jaegerists have a stronger grip on the people of Paradis than we calculated.” 

“That was part of the plan, though, wasn’t it?” Everyone comprehended that the negotiations for peace weren’t going to roll as smoothly as they hoped for, so it didn’t come as a surprise. “You all alive?”

“And kicking!” Connie shouted, so loudly that you winced and moved the phone away from your ear. “We miss you, Chief!” A faint smile curled at the edge of your scarred lips. 

“I miss you all, too,” you replied. Expressing your feelings had always been a struggle, but after everything, you had decided to put effort into being more honest about them with the people you cared for. “If you need Historia, you’re unlucky. She had arranged a meeting with Miss Kiyomi, so she’s currently away.” 

You heard a shuffling and a gruff that sounded like it belonged to Jean. “Actually, I didn’t call for her, but you.” This took you by surprise, but you remained quiet, allowing him to continue. “Someone’s been looking for you for a long time, but it seems you’ve been giving him the cold shoulder, not responding to his letters and all.” Your heart pounded inside your chest. It can’t be… “Captain’s been trying to get a hold of you, but with all this shift in technological advancement, on top of his personal stuff, he’s been having trouble contacting you, so I thought to give him a hand.” He chuckled and you rolled your eyes. “Write down his phone number and give him a call, will you?” 

A lump formed in your throat. The mere idea of hearing his voice again made your heart leap. You quickly jotted down the number Jean shared with you and expressed your gratitude before hanging up. Frozen in place, your thoughts drifted off. Would it be appropriate to call him? What if he's mad that I didn't write him a single letter? After everything he went through, I should probably avoid reappearing in his life, as I will only serve as a reminder of times long gone, a past that cannot be revived. However, Jean did say that Levi was the one looking for you. There was no excuse to avoid him any longer. Honestly, the only hindrance in your decision was your own feelings, the ones you wanted to bury deep in your heart and pretend as if they never existed, but that's not how feelings work. You bit the joint of your finger and headed to your designated bedroom, absentmindedly searching for something; your old diary. Fumbling through the inside of your bag, you picked up the tattered notebook, flipping through the yellowish pages. You stop at a random page and begin to read absentmindedly. 

Entry 23: A short guy with an equally short temperament was recruited recently. His name is Levi and he was apparently handpicked by Erwin, along with some friends of his. I observed them during training and they're actually pretty impressive at handling the ODM gear. Levi is also kind of a cleaning freak - not a single speck of dust remains after he's done! I don't think I can trust him yet, but he sure is an interesting fellow. 

Entry 27: Levi's friends were eaten by Titans during an expedition. Some weird stuff went down between him and Erwin, but it's resolved now. He was holed up in his room the whole day so I brought him food. When he opened the door, his otherwise sharp and intimidating eyes were swollen and betrayed his exhaustion. After thanking me, he shut the door in my face and I left. Unfortunately, I didn't get to talk to him more, but I will. 

Entry 31: Today I was successful in my “becoming friends with Levi” mission! Hange and I approached him during lunch, when he usually sits by himself, and I brought him an extra apple that I sneaked out from the kitchen. It's hard getting him to open up and he's a man of few words, but we talked a little. He's an Ackerman, which is fascinating - I've heard a lot about them. He also really likes tea, so I gotta keep that in mind. 

Entry 35: Right now, we're outside of the Walls. Hange and I were included in the research team, since we were both feeling a little sick - we'll still fight if we need to. It's very cold and I'm shivering. H is asleep, wrapped in a cocoon of their blanket. L is sitting opposite to me, staring at the bonfire - I wonder what he's thinking… Last night, during dinner, he approached our table and sat down next to us. As always, he didn't say much, but he offered us that tea he always drinks. It tastes like dogshit and neither of us enjoyed it, but the gesture was highly appreciated. I think he's starting to warm up to us! 

Entry 35: We retreated back to the Walls. Everyone turned out to be sick, so the mission was impossible to carry on with. I'm now in bed with a troublesome fever that started to bother me since yesterday. While I was writing in my journal to keep myself occupied, Levi came out of nowhere and planted himself next to me, throwing his blanket over the both of us. I was so shocked I couldn't say anything, and he immediately fell asleep. I couldn't help but smile and decided to also rest. Hange just burst in the room and showed me their ass: there's a huge, red rash, which is probably a reaction to some plant - an allergy. Now they asked me to help apply some ointment so I have to go. 

You didn't realize when you started tearing up; it almost happened automatically. Back then, writing was a form of distraction, a coping mechanism in order to think of something else other than impending doom. These notes brought a smile on your face; the memory of Hange frantically pointing down at their bare bottom made you laugh so hard that more tears spilled. 

After checking the very first entries, you chuckled to yourself; it was mostly shenanigans with Hange, after they joined, three years after you did. That's when you decided to pick up writing. Before their arrival, even if you felt like journaling, there was nothing notable to talk about, just death, exhaustion and your duties. When Hange entered your life as your roommate, you felt like something sparked inside of you. You clicked immediately with them and your bonding was instantaneous. Documenting wasn't part of your plans, but you wanted to keep the memories of precious moments with them – and later Levi – alive, and not just in your memory. 

He sought you out, you reminded yourself and bit down on your lip, recalling all of Jean's words. Holding the diary in your hands, you swiftly shoved it inside your bag and with a thundering heartbeat, you walked back outside. The phone was sitting atop of a small, circular table in front of the window that faced the garden. You picked up the handset and dialed the number that your fellow comrade told you to write down. It was the first time you had ever used that device and felt nervous. What if I call the wrong number? What if I break it somehow? Ignoring the doubtful voices, you heard a buzzing sound and waited for something to happen. After counting ten of those bleeps, you decided to hang up, when a thud interrupted the ringing and a familiar grunt startled you. “I think I told you brats not to call me every ten minutes.” The knot in your stomach tightened unbearably. Was that really Levi? A sigh followed his words. “Who is it this time? Gabi? I can't hear shit, is this junk broken?” 

You swallowed thickly and breathed in sharply. “It's not broken, Captain. I can hear you loud and clear.” Silence. Levi gripped his cane and his lips parted. He clenched his jaw and bit the inside of his cheek. It felt like his heart would explode from beating too fast. 

“Bug?” he whispered in surprise. Your mind spinned at the mention of your nickname – the nickname he bestowed upon you. “Is that you? Shit, I think this metal garbage really isn't—”

“It is me,” you replied, your finger toying with the spiral cord connected to the handset. “I see your vocabulary is as profane as I remember it to be,” you teased. 

“You still remember me?” Shit, he didn't mean to say that. 

“Surprisingly enough, I do,” you responded in a sarcastic tone. If anything, you loved to match his attitude. 

“Took you a while,” he rasped. “Is her Majesty grinding you to the bone?” 

“My gear, no,” you exclaimed. “She's a sweetheart, that one. Historia won't trouble me more than necessary. In fact, she's been pleading with me to take time off, go on vacation or something.” He could practically see the grin forming on your face. “I don't even know what that is!” Levi wasn't particularly spiritual or religious, but in that moment, it felt like the stars had aligned for him. What a perfect opportunity. “So, how have you been?” 

Levi cleared his throat, forcing himself to snap out of it. “The usual. Haven't you read my letters?” 

A pang of guilt spread throughout your chest. You did read his letters, every single one, multiple times, as a matter of fact. Every time he corresponded with Historia, he would send a separate one just for you, but you couldn't find it in you to write back. “The last thing you updated us on is that you moved out of Liberio, but nothing after that. I think it's been a couple weeks since you last mailed us anything.” Levi chewed on his lip; that was true . He had been so busy with settling down and getting used to his new life that he forgot to put pen to paper. 

He sighed and sat down on his chair, since his leg had started to hurt. “I've been busy,” he simply said. 

“I figured,” you smiled. “Why did you move there?” He understood the question well. Of all places, why that one? It was indeed strange. 

He recalled Gabi and her ghost stories, holding back a smile. “Wanted to test out some theories.” Before you were able to ask him about that, he called out your name again. “Listen, Bug,” he spoke in his monotone voice. “I have a spare bedroom and a bed here. If you're still looking for a place to decompress, you're always welcome. However, I have to let you know, I have a job and I clock out at three in the afternoon, so I'll be expecting you any time after that. Speak with Onyankopon for further details, alright?” 

Was your hearing betraying you? Did he actually say that? “Wait, Levi!” Your voice almost broke. “Are you serious about this? I don't want to be a burd—”

“Would I lie to you?” You didn't know why, but the solemnity and gentleness in his voice accelerated your heart rate. No, Levi would never lie to you, even if it meant hurting you. 

With weepy eyes, you cleared your throat and laughed. “Alright, I'll be coming at an unsuspecting time to catch you off guard, then. I don't want to see a single speck of dust in my room,” you teased. Levi grasped his cane tighter, resisting a laugh. 

“You got it, Bug.” 

Chapter Text

The journey to Odiha was less than a day long. As Levi instructed you, you arranged everything with Onyankopon’s aid. After crossing the sea to reach Marley, you disembarked in Liberio, where he waited for you at the port outside of his car. You embraced him firmly, having not seen him in a long time. Although you had interacted with him very few times before, everyone spoke so highly of him that it felt as if he was a close friend of years. Using his strong build, he carried your luggage and loaded them onto his vehicle. You were still unfamiliar with how those lumps of iron functioned. Apart from your belongings, there were some other boxes placed in the backseat. Onyankopon noticed your investigative eyes and explained that it was “the Captain's special order.” 

That day, Levi had begged Paul to let him leave an hour earlier than usual. It was one of those days where work was slower than others and asked for permission to return home sooner. Kind as always, the cobbler granted his request and Levi stormed out of the store. Before getting back, he visited the market to supply himself with ingredients to make your favorite stew; he had saved Hange's special recipe and prepared it quite often for himself. When he arrived at his humble abode, he immediately started to clean around the house, but mostly focused on your bedroom. The white cotton sheets splayed over the bed and Levi made sure to bring a heavier blanket, in case you got cold. Although it was still spring, some nights were chillier than others. In addition, he dragged two short stools in your bedroom so you could place your bags on top of them. Despite how clean the room was, it seemed as if something was missing; decorations. Ever since he moved in, he kept the place as simple as possible. The only sort of decoration were the drawings Gabi painted for him. Most of them were landscapes or objects, but she had attempted to sketch a few portraits too. The first one she gifted him was a drawing of him, along with the 104th members and Hange. The second one was an illustration of Eren; she had depicted him smiling, with his hair loose, as if being blown by a light breeze. Both drawings were stuck in his bedroom, mostly for him to gaze upon.

An idea was born in his mind; using his cane, he hurried to his backyard, where some daisies had bloomed, and cut a handful of them. Levi filled up a tall glass with water, where the daisies were put, and brought it to your room, propping it up on the nightstand next to your bed. Much better , he concluded with a proud grin. With that out of the way, he moved to the kitchen and started preparing the stew. He also brewed some tea in the meantime, although he was aware of your distaste for it. 

Around two hours later, he heard the sound of an engine nearing his residence. Levi stood on his legs and limped to the door, holding onto his cane for dear life. He hadn’t realized it until then, but he was very nervous to see you after so long. Despite the intense aching of his knee, he gritted his teeth and walked to the door. It was hard to admit, but, even in this state, he wanted to appear tougher than he was. It was ridiculous, honestly. In his letters to Historia, he had mentioned the fact he was using a wheelchair, which, ultimately, wouldn’t be surprising to you. So, what was he trying to achieve? There was no need to prove anything to anyone anymore, he didn’t have to be strong. No matter how foolish it was, he still balanced himself on his crutch and opened the door. The car was parked right outside of his fence and he saw Onyankopon unloading the baggage. Levi’s eyes frantically searched for a sign of you and when you stepped outside of the vehicle, his heart almost dropped; you looked ethereal . Your hair was slightly shorter now, styled in short braids, and you didn’t look as malnourished and scrawny as you used to. He watched as you smiled widely at Onyankopon, grateful for his initiative to carry your bags to the house, and he swallowed dryly. How do you still look so beautiful? 

When your eyes finally met his, his heart nearly stopped. He noticed you eyeing him from top to bottom and felt slightly insecure, but ignored the sentiment for the time-being. Fixing his posture, he straightened his torso and you charged towards him, unable to contain yourself; your entire body wrapped around him in a warm embrace, your cheek pressing against his. Carefully, you backed away, holding his face in your hands. Your thumb traced the scars across the skin, avoiding his lip. Levi spotted the tears gathering at your eyelashes and his bandaged hand reached out to you, pulling you close again for a hug. You had touched him with such fondness that melted away any previous diffidence born in him. The flowery scent of your hair filled his nostrils and he shut his eyes, savoring the moment. 

Taking a step back again, your arms flew behind your back and you stared at him flustered. “You look great, Captain.” 

“Don’t piss me off,” he scoffed, stepping aside and welcoming you inside his abode. 

“I’m not kidding, you do look great.” You grabbed your bags and entered the cottage, observing the space with fascination. The familiar smell of Hange’s stew didn’t go unnoticed, but you decided to comment on it later. 

After Onyankopon helped with the rest of the boxes, he announced he had to leave right away, since he had work to do back in Liberio. In futile efforts, Levi urged him to stay for dinner, or rest for a while before heading out again. “I seriously have to go, ‘Vi.” The nickname he gave him a while back surprised him. The taller man leaned closer, a smirk pulling at the corner of his lip. “Besides, I hate third-wheeling.” Before closing the door, he winked at Levi, who glared at him perplexed. 

He faced you again and caught you staring at him. “Something on my face, Bug?” 

“No, you just look… different.” A blush dusted the apples of your cheeks and the bridge of your nose. “Good kind of different, I mean.” In an act of avoiding embarrassment, Levi sat on his wheelchair and transported your belongings to your bedroom. You followed behind him, studying the house; your bedrooms were next to each other, and the bathroom was on the opposite side. 

“It’s pretty empty now, but you can rearrange it however you like, decorate it as you want and do as you please, as long as you keep it clean,” he instructed, moving outside to grant you space. You twirled around yourself and exclaimed heartily. 

“I love it, Cap–”

“Just Levi from now on.” His persistent stare burned your soul. “I’m not your Captain anymore – I haven't been in a long time – and I would prefer being referred to by my name.” I want to hear it from you more often .  

You nodded and smiled. “Will you stop calling me ‘Bug’, though?” 

“Don’t push it.” He redirected himself towards the kitchen and disappeared from your sight. “You can take a bath if you want, the towels are on top of the stool by the door, and then we can eat.” 

Accepting the offer, you locked yourself in the bathroom and undressed. The walls were built of stone, just like the rest of the house, but bright-colored, like sand. There was a stool inside the bathtub; that's where Levi probably sits. There were a few bottles containing liquid soap, as well as a bar used as body wash. The warm water lathered your naked form, your muscles immediately relaxing, as steam fogged up the window above your head. I could get used to this, you smiled to yourself. 

You stepped outside and wrapped yourself with the green towels he had left out for you. It was touching that he remembered that this particular shade was your favorite color; coincidentally, it was also the color of your Scouts capes. In a way, it felt like wearing it again. You looked around and mumbled a curse through your teeth for forgetting to bring clean clothes. That meant you had to walk out looking like that, praying Levi wasn't around. 

After successfully sneaking into your bedroom without being seen, you changed into something comfortable (loose pants and an equally loose shirt you borrowed from Historia, but never returned) and joined him in the kitchen. The table was made, with the stew still warm in the bowl, along with a large plate of salad and another plate with various types of cheese. It warmed your heart how thoughtful his welcoming was, providing all the things you loved. You sat opposite to him, but the table was small and the distance between you not that large; your knees were bumping against each other. First, you tasted the stew and it was as tasty as Hange made it, even down to the texture. All of the cheese that you tried was delicious and the salad as well. 

“So,” you spoke up, breaking the silence. “Tell me everything.” Your eyes were glued on him and he couldn't help but notice, feeling bashful. 

“There's not much to say,” he said, taking a bite from the salad. “It's quiet and peaceful, for the most part. I got a job to support myself – cobbler's helper, by the way – and that's it. I need to see the doctor once a week, although nothing is worsening or doing better for that matter. Onyankopon spends time with me the most, then the kiddos.”

“The kiddos as in that Gabi you mentioned?” 

“Yeah, and the other brat is Falco,” he munched loudly. “It's good to see them being kids and living their lives.” Despite his deadpan expression, his voice was soft. While he was busy with his food or talking, you were able to focus on him more; his hair had grown a little longer and his face was more wrinkly. His skin was also slightly more tanned, probably from working outside everyday for months after the Rumbling. He looked so beautiful. “How's her Majesty? Her brat giving you trouble?” 

You giggled and peeled your eyes away from him, shaking your head. “She's alright, she sends you her regards, actually. And the sprout is very well-behaved, for a three-year-old. Her parents have done an excellent job raising her.” You chewed on a piece of bread and looked around. “You talk with Armin’s team often?” 

Levi nodded, glancing at you. “Definitely more often than you,” he sneered. “They're doing what they can. I believe in them.” 

“How are you, though?” you asked sincerely. Levi didn't say anything, because, what was he supposed to say? You read his mind and your hand found his injured one, intertwining your fingers. His eyes snapped at you, full of befuddlement; he wasn't used to being touched so fondly. “I have been having a hard time, too,” you admitted, never taking your eyes away from his. “We have lost an unfathomable amount of things that were important to us, but we still have each other. We still have people that care about us. And most importantly, we're free, Levi. We can rest, at last.” 

Entry 57: Another expedition. We have been traveling for a while and managed to kill a couple of Titans we came across successfully. I haven't been feeling too well and Hange noticed, so they keep sticking by my side whenever it's possible. In the last few days, a guy named Moblit joined our company, and he's very nice and funny too. He's always drawing something; the trees, animals, titans we encounter. He's seriously talented. I sometimes wonder what he's doing here at all. Also, I have a feeling he likes H but I cannot prove my suspicions just yet. I also heard Levi keeps giving the other Cadets trouble for their cleaning abilities. He also barely sleeps (maybe 3 or 4 hours) and it's kind of concerning.

Entry 103: I haven't written in a while, but a lot has happened. I also didn't have a lot of time lately. Anyway, Levi is now a squad Captain and both me and Hange were appointed Squad Leaders! My group currently consists of 10 people, soldiers that I was familiar with and I can attest to, regarding their abilities in combat, as well as behavior. I'm kind of nervous to have a leader’s position, am I even good enough to do that? I guess we'll find out as time goes on. 

Entry 108: Today, one of our cadets clearly wanted attention and attacked me. I was able to immobilize him and ridiculed him in front of the whole Squad, but one of his buddies charged at me out of nowhere and broke my arm. Levi interfered and kicked him so hard that the guy passed out. I need to take time off, most unfortunately. The other Leaders & Captains can take care of my team, but I still feel horrible for leaving them. Erwin heard about my predicament and passed me a poetry book to read now that I have spare time. It's really heartwarming of him. Hange insists on feeding me, although I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself - I still let them because they get so happy! Levi visited me in his free time and cleaned my room, despite my objections. He was surprised at how tidy I kept my space. He also helped me apply ointment and reminded me to take my medicine, he changed my bandages too. I really like how he shows consideration. 

Entry 110: The most bizarre thing happened today: I desperately needed a shower, but it's hard to wash myself with a fractured arm. Hange was busy with work, so Levi accompanied me to the lavatory. He waited outside while I tried to take a bath, but I overexerted myself and I groaned out in pain. Levi called out my name a few times but I didn't want to alarm him, so I didn't respond, which only made matters worse. He ended up walking in while I was naked and rushed towards me. He scolded me about not being careful and had me sit on a bench while he washed me. Both of us were flustered, but I couldn't refuse his help, since my arm hurt terribly. It was the first time I noticed his hands: they're soft and his fingers are kind of short but slender at the same time. He takes care of his nails really well for a guy. At some point, when his hand was on my thigh, he asked me to open up so he could scrub my legs thoroughly. My heart was hammering in my chest, but he's a good person - he didn't try anything funny. From the corner of my eye, I noticed how red his ears had turned and I felt my face was hot like a freshly baked potato. After the shower, he helped me dress and then guided me back to my room, even helped comb my hair. His hands are skilled with killing, but I believe his touch is so gentle it could heal. 

Entry 115: For the most part, I've been sleeping and resting, so I can get back to duty quickly. Yesterday, Moblit visited me in secret and told me the Scouts went out for drinks after an unsuccessful mission. He wasn't pissed drunk, but I could tell he had a beer or two - he brought me one to enjoy! His cheeks were rosy as he admitted to me how thrilled he was that Hange picked him as their right hand man. I still can't tell if he has romantic feelings for them, but it's sweet how fond of them he is. I wa s going to sleep, but something occured and I had to write it down. While Hange was in the experiment room, studying Titan particles as always, a moth landed underneath the microscope. They laughed and asked us to take a look at the little insect. After Levi peeked at it, he snapped his head at me and said “It looks like you” in a rather nonchalant way. He noticed my startled expression and explained that both of us (me and the bug) had big eyes. An hour later, when we finally decided to retreat to our rooms, he waved and said “Goodnight, Bug.” Needless to say, the nickname will stick. 

There was a short period of time after lunch where you decided to unpack your bags. You removed the items that you were going to use most frequently and put them on top of the desk in your room. Your personal belongings expanded to the bathroom as well. The only problem was the clothes; not that it was necessary, but there wasn't a wardrobe or any drawers to store them in. Levi mentally cursed himself for forgetting about such an important piece of furniture. “You can use my wardrobe if you want. It's spacious enough for the both of us,” he suggested, leading you to his room. 

“Are you sure?” you pouted, holding a couple of garments. “I don't want to cramp up your space.” 

“Just put them in there.” Truth was, the wardrobe was indeed large, taking up the entire wall opposite to his bed. He opened one of the storage cabinets and gestured to you to proceed tidying up your clothes. “Want to go for a walk around the neighborhood later?” 

“You're the only house around.” 

“Tsk. The town then, smartass.” He rolled his eyes at you and earned a quiet giggle from you. “Have you tried ice cream?” You shook your head; you had never left Paradis this whole time, so you were entirely unfamiliar with all these luxuries. Even after the Marleyans arrived at your island, you rarely tried out new things. “I'll get you some. Sasha loved that shit,” he commented, throwing his coat over his shoulders before sitting back on his wheelchair. You rushed to his side and stood behind him, your hands on the chair's handles. With a wiggle of your eyebrows, you asked for permission to push him, which he gladly granted to you. 

The night outside was cold, but sweet. Levi took it upon himself to treat you to as many desserts as you could handle; he knew how much you loved sweets. That ice cream he had mentioned earlier was indeed a fine delicacy, you could tell why Sasha liked it. The street lights illuminated the streets, as you guided Levi to a small corner of the shore. The view of the sea at night was so peaceful. You marveled at the dark vastness, the light from the town reflecting on the calm waters. No wonder he wanted to stay in that place, it was brilliant and just what he needed. 

Since Levi felt exhausted, he suggested returning home. With your tummy full of delicious sweets, you felt like you could die happy. Back at Levi's house, everything was tranquil. He brewed some tea for you both to enjoy before bed and you joined him in his bedroom for a chat while drinking. The lamp hanging from the ceiling wasn't too bright; apparently, there was a function to set the brightness at a desired level. You watched as he started to undress himself with no regards to your presence. Besides, you had seen him nude before. The memory of him bathing in a pond caused you to fluster, since you always believed he looked attractive. 

While removing his shirt, avoiding your eyes, Levi started to unbutton his pants. That was he realized that you hadn't seen him bare in that state. There were no qualms about nudity on his part. He had seen you naked before and you had seen him. There was nothing to be embarrassed or shy about. But now, his body wasn't what it used to be. He was no longer as well-built and his body was full of scars and nasty bruises. It was unlikely of him to feel insecure about his appearance, but with you there… 

He noticed you placing your cup on his bedside table and approaching him. You looked so pretty in your nightgown. “Need help?” The question startled him. 

“You think I can't take my pants off or what?” 

You frowned at him, although you weren’t entirely unfamiliar with his crude tone when he was in a mood. “I'm just trying to help,” you replied sternly, raising your arms in surrender. There you were, butting heads after so long. “I saw you were spaced out and thought—”

“You think too much,” he snapped. He wiggled out of his trousers and slid them off his legs. The injury on his knee caught your eye; it looked deep, but the surface of the wound had faded. Without thinking, you crouched down in front of him, hugging your own knees, your fingers tracing the scar. A part of you was angry. Why would this happen to him? You wanted to see Eren once more just to kick his ass. Levi studied your face, stupefied by your gesture. The way you caressed his skin caused goosebumps to grow under your fingertips. He felt a chill run down his spine. “Hey, finish your tea and go to bed.” He knocked on your head as if he would a door and you poked your tongue out at him teasingly. 

Chapter Text

Over the weekend, the ‘kiddos’ showed up, uninvited. Falco had recently learned how to drive a car and asked for his parents' permission to borrow the family vehicle to visit their friend. Gabi heard from Onyankopon that he had a “special guest” and, both of them, being the mischievous rascals that they were, decided to find out who that was themselves. The Brauns had prepared a lot of meal packages for Levi and the two children used that to their advantage. 

You jolted out of bed at the sound of a horn going off incessantly outside of the house. Anxiously, you barged into Levi's bedroom and saw that he was already up, still in his sleeping attire, languidly balancing himself on his cane. His eyes were still swollen, his face puffy (and very squishable). You giggled to yourself as he headed to the door. As soon as he opened up, his eyes snapped wide at the sight of his visitors. 

“What the hell are you brats doing here?!” He took a step outside, watching Gabi carry the bags stuffed with food inside his house, while Falco proudly gloated over his car and the fact he was able to drive. Levi approached the younger boy and his eyes darted at him, then the vehicle. “Do your parents know about this?” he questioned with a hint of suspicion. 

The blonde boy nodded eagerly. “I've been learning how to drive for the past month. Nyanko taught me how!” Tsk, of course he did. Levi rolled his eyes and patted Falco’s head. “I didn't tell you anything because I wanted it to be a surprise. Now if you ever need a lift, you know who to call!” He smiled widely, his blue eyes disappearing behind two crescent moons. Levi couldn't help but grin; he enjoyed seeing them happy. “So, Captain,” he mused quietly. “Who's that over there?” 

Levi took a peek at you, already chatting with Gabi, who appeared to be bombarding you with questions. “That's a friend,” he answered plainly. 

“Your staring says otherwise,” Falco pointed out, earning a deadly glare from the older man. 

“I'm not staring.”

“You definitely were.” 

“Go introduce yourself, you little shit.” 

Falco snorted and walked up to you, introducing himself. He blushed when you commented on how similar he looked to Reiner. “My gear! You could be cousins or something!” After Levi urged everyone to enter the house, he changed clothes and isolated himself in the kitchen, preparing tea for his guests. Before you knew it, the kiddos had gathered every piece of information they needed out of you with their strategically posed questions. Genuinely excited to engage with Levi's young friends and make a good first impression, you didn't hold back disclosing anything about yourself. 

Sharing parts of your personal life wasn't as agonizing as you expected it to be. Part of the fun was seeing the heartfelt expressions on the kids’ faces. In the meantime, Levi had served everyone tea, using the special blend Onyankopon had gifted him: black tea with cardamom, ginger and cinnamon. He observed you with rapt attention as you narrated your story, occasionally stealing glances at the two juvenile listeners, who seemed positively enthralled. Although your life wasn't as brutal and complicated like his, there were still parts that fascinated him. For example, that time you were locked up as a Scouting Trainee for refusing to let Hange train while they were sick. You were confined for disrespecting and misbehaving against your superiors, but Hange had been sick for days and expecting them to run laps and clean toilets was abhorrent. Somehow, you got tangled up in a brawl with your instructor, landing a harsh kick on his crotch and then beating him nearly to death. Erwin intervened and came to your defense, advocating for Hange's safety, as he ultimately had that instructor removed from the Scout Regiment. Confinement and discipline were unavoidable, but it was worth it. And how could it not be? It was all for your dear friend and comrade. 

Running away from home to join the Scouts seemed to pique their interest. You never believed that the story of you running away from home at the tender age of sixteen was that mind-blowing, not when people with a childhood like Levi's existed. Simply put, you hated your parents for how shortsighted they had always been. Your wish to discover the world, to kill the Titans and destroy the cage your people were trapped in had been your dream since you were a toddler. Staying in the Underground, where you were from, would never allow you such plausibility. Your plan of stealing all your parents' money and fleeing upstairs happened overnight. It was Erwin and his team who found you roaming the streets of Shiganshina, while patrolling late at night, all by yourself. You immediately recognized the crest on his cape and begged him to let you join the Scouts. Miche’s comment on your horrid smell still tore a laugh out of you. To this day, you couldn't understand why he accepted your plea, but you were glad he did; he had literally saved your life after all. 

Before the atmosphere got too heavy from sharing your time with Historia, Levi suggested doing something more entertaining. Gabi shot up from her seat and asked him to tour guide them around the town using Falco's car. You felt his stare on you and looked back at him; you knew that gaze all too well. A feeling of warmth exploded in your chest, seeing him so eager to please those kids. Without a word, you both rushed to your bedrooms in order to change into something more outdoorsy and returned to the living room, only to find them gone already. Falco needed some time to get the engine started and Gabi was already sitting in the passenger seat, snickering amongst themselves. 

The backseat was smaller than you expected, both you and Levi feeling cramped next to each other. Gabi shot him a devilish smile, but he ignored it. At the time, he chucked it up to the thrill of meeting someone new, but their mannerisms were still odd. Regardless, he decided to go along. 

At first, he recommended a certain restaurant the four of you could have breakfast at. It was a small store with a rich variety of dishes that could satisfy anyone's palate. It was the first time you read about a dessert called “pancake”, something you had never had before. It could be served as savory, with ham, cheese, salad and a fried egg on top. Feeling adventurous, you ordered that dish, along with a cup of coffee, and treated the kids to whatever they wanted. Levi initially wanted a cup of tea, but you insisted on him getting something to eat as well. Through calculated persistence, he gave in to your nagging and got the same sandwich as Gabi. All of your orders were beyond satisfactory, and Levi geeked internally, seeing everyone around him joyous as you were. 

Your next stop was the store where Levi worked. Since it was closed, nobody could enter, but you still appreciated that he wanted to show you. Trying to get a better look, you leaned over and placed your hands on top of Levi's thighs, gazing out of the window. Momentarily, his breathing hitched, the sudden feeling of your weight on top of him making him flustered and panicked. Not paying too much attention, you accidentally slipped and almost tripped over. However, Levi's sharp instincts did not betray him and caught you on time. Your face was so close to his he could almost feel the warmth of your breath on his lips. “You’ve lost your edge,” he teased hushedly, maintaining eye contact with you. Pulling away, you reclined against the leather backrest and looked outside from the window on your side, your face a deep shade of red ad your fists plated in you lap. Unfortunately, it didn't go unnoticed by him. Nothing ever does. 

There was a large park on the other side of the town; that was the third destination. They were performing some maintenance work, but everyone was welcome. Falco parked outside, as close to the entrance as possible, and, one by one, you got out of the car. With the two kids marching in front of you, you found a bench to sit along with Levi, while your adolescent company took a stroll around the forest by themselves. Levi held onto his cane and asked you to fetch him a newspaper from the seller opposite to you. You brought it back to him and scooched closer, your shoulders touching as he flipped through the pages. “Peace talks between the island of Paradis and the rest of the world exhibit signs of amendment. Ambassador and current Commander of the Survey Corps, Armin Arlert, along with Wall Queen Historia Reiss, promise to strive for regulations against the Jaegerists, whose power and influence have yet to be ceased.” Levi sighed and started reading the next page. 

Your eyes scanned his face. “Seems like something is improving,” you commented, crossing your arms against your chest. “They name-dropped our little soldiers, Levi.” You nudged his shoulder with your own, him shaking his head in response. 

“I don't know how they do it.” His answer was honest. How are they not tired? That question tortured him. 

The corners of your lips curled upward, still staring at him with fondness. “They learned from their best.” 

He glanced at you, his heartbeat picking up speed. “Look, they have a picture of them,” he exclaimed and pointed with his finger at a photograph of Armin, Jean, Pieck, Reiner, Connie and Annie. You tilted forward, your back nesting against his chest. 

“Oh, look how beautiful they all are!” After a short pause, you continued in shock, “My gear, what did Jean do to his hair?”

“It looks ridiculous,” Levi scoffed. 

“It always did.” You laughed together, your head resting on top of his shoulder, as your eyes skimmed the newspaper for anything intriguing to read. “There's a place I want us to visit while we're here,” you whispered. Levi already knew, but remained silent. He couldn't forget the ghost. 

As soon as Gabi and Falco returned, you got back into the car and headed to where the Hizuru-owned hangar used to be. After the Titans trampled over them, the city rebuilt the place and created a proper seaport. While driving around, the car was quiet. Except for you, the other three were aware of what had transpired in that place, especially Levi. His frown had deepened, a veil of melancholy covering his features. Your hand timidly reached for his, your fingers grasping his severed ones tenderly. Bright as ever, the kids instantly sensed the drastic change in the mood. In an attempt to not deter too much from the topic, Falco and Gabi took turns talking about Hange and how impressive they were, praising their intuitive curiosity and overwhelming passion. Naturally, you began to share anecdotes and stories that you had experienced while living with them as roommates. When the smile returned to Levi's face, you felt like you could finally take a breather. 

A couple hours had passed since the kiddos decided to show up at your doorstep. It was early afternoon and since they needed to return to Liberio, Falco drove back to Levi's residence in order to drop the two of you off. Gabi hugged you tightly before she and her friend left, waving goodbye at you. You walked inside, the warm temperature of the house embracing you. Levi sat on his chair and headed to the bedroom, while you washed the cups you had used earlier for tea. 

“You don't need to do any chores while you're here,” he shouted from his room. 

“Why? You don't trust me to do the dishes?” 

He smirked, changing into a comfortable attire. “Well, it was the best you could do back then.” 

“I took great care of the stables, I'll have you know!” 

“It still smelled like horse shit.” 

“Always the gentleman.” 

Entry 135: We have been assigned to guard the Walls lately. The weather is getting progressively worse and we're all exhausted and on the brink of sickness. Levi stays by my side while we exterminate titans day and night. Tonight has been quiet for the most part, which is why I'm writing right now. A few minutes ago, Levi brought me two extra blankets – I have no idea where he smuggled them from, or how, or when, but it's hard to guess with an ex-thug. It's important that he did and now I'm not shivering like before. I gave him my scarf because he said he liked the material– it's really soft and doesn't prickle the skin, that's the truth. 

Entry 137: It's been a week since I last journaled. A flux of titans arrived and we have been exterminating them non-stop. We lost 3 soldiers, 2 of them were from Levi's squad, one from mine. He never says it, but it pains him a lot. Not only does it feel like a personal failure, but also hurts him to lose more comrades. We were discharged and returned to our headquarters – I finally took a shower. I found Levi sitting by himself outside in the cold, gazing at the moon. The sky was clear so the view was beautiful. I expected him to leave or ask me to leave, but he didn't say anything. We just sat there, marveling at the horizon. We remained like that for a couple minutes before he got up and left, but before going back to his room, he looked at me and said “Thank you for that.” I'm not sure what that meant, but if I was able to help somehow, I'm glad. 

Entry 141: We're at the Scout Regiment headquarters for the time being, since there were mice infestation issues at the other building and we needed to evacuate. It's large enough for all of us to live and sleep comfortably for a couple of days until the issue is resolved. Every day, we train and work hard to stay sharp. Hange studies titan behavior absorbedly whenever there's spare time and Moblit follows them around in frenzy. I keep both of them company, and sometimes Levi brings us tea, although we hate it. It's still the thought that counts. 

Entry 166: It was Levi's birthday today! We went to get drinks at a local bar and I discovered he holds his alcohol surprisingly well. I wasn't sure what to gift him at first, but I managed to get my hands on a beautiful tea set: white porcelain with detailed floral patterns in blue. After the birthday gathering was over and everyone returned back to base, I visited his room privately. He was wearing comfortable clothes and seemed curious about my visit. He invited me inside and I offered him the carefully wrapped box containing his present. I don't know why, but my heart was beating so fast it felt like it would leap off my chest. I realized that I was the only one who got him something, aside from Erwin, who gave him a sweater. He opened it and, for a fleeting moment, his expression revealed something nostalgic. I frowned at him and he noticed— I thought he was mad at me. “Bug, why?” he asked. I didn't know what to say. I was thankful for his friendship. I wanted to give him something that I assumed he would enjoy. It's because I wanted to repay him for gifting me a ring with a moonstone, which happens to be my favorite one, on my birthday. “I saw it and thought of you” is what I said. I expressed my doubts and he gaped at the tea set, then sat down next to me on the bed. He told me everything about his mother, why he holds the cups the way he does, awakening the Ackerman ability. I was speechless, since he had never shared any of that before. It was getting late, so I decided to let him rest, but before I left, he grabbed my arm and stared at me for a while. His eyes were so intense as he thanked me, his face really close to mine. “It means way more than you can imagine. I'll cherish it.” His words made me flustered, so I rushed outside. 

Entry 180: I got into another fight with people from my team today. The past couple of days, we always clash and I don't understand why. I discussed this with Hange and Levi, even asked for Erwin's advice, but nothing seems to be working. I think our members can't cooperate and everyone takes it out on me. As their leader, I always try to handle them carefully and delicately, but it doesn't make any difference. So, I ended up with a black eye today. I expelled the girl who did it, but I'm frustrated. Levi took care of my bruise and talked to me. He comforted me, but I couldn't listen to anything he said— my eyes were focused on the way his fingers felt against the skin of my face. When I mentioned that I had a headache, he had me lay my head on his lap and massaged my cranium. “You need to start hitting them back,” he said, leaning over me. “You know I can't. I've been with most of them for years now, it feels… wrong.” Maybe it was a lame reason, but it was mine. “If I have to take care of you again because someone laid their filthy hands on one of our best Scouts, I'll make sure to beat you up myself.” I laughed hard, accidentally throwing my head back. He jumped a little and I quickly realized I had accidentally hit his groin. My face turned red and I jolted upwards, holding my breath. It was one of the few times I saw him bashful. 

Dinner was entertaining. You chatted animatedly with Levi about the kiddos and how lovely they both were. Upon pointing out how attached they were to him, he gruffed. It was difficult to admit how terrifyingly similar the sentiment was. “Don't think I didn't notice that she holds the cup the same way you do,” you commented, glancing at him coyly. “You told them about your mom?” Levi nodded and finished his meal. You smiled at him, proud of how far he had come. He was the same, adoring person you always knew he was, but without the chains of grief and imminent destruction looming over his head constantly. 

Levi limped to the bedroom, needing to lie down. You followed him on your tippy toes and plopped down on his desk chair, dragging it closer to his bed. After ridding himself of his clothes and disappearing underneath the covers, you tucked him in. 

“You don't have to treat me like a sick man,” he glared at you, not used to the affection — your affection — just yet. 

You pouted, looking down. “I’m just excited to be here,” you replied nervously. “I'm really happy to be reunited with you.” There was a lot left unspoken, but he was no stranger to how your mind worked. You reached for his hand and engulfed it in your palms, cradling it like it was the most precious thing in the world. His heart beat faster and he prayed to the Gods you wouldn't notice his pulse throbbing at the bottom of his neck. 

“I, um, have an idea that I need your help with.” Your eyebrows perked up, staring at him with wide eyes. “You saw the backyard, right?” You nodded in response to his question. “I want to clean up a corner and turn it into a grave of sorts, for my mother, Hange, Erwin and everyone else.”

“But that would require way more space than your—”

“It's just one stone,” he cut you off. “I carved it on my own, but it's hard to clean up the garden by myself with this faulty leg of mine. Are you up for the challenge?”

Chapter Text

Levi woke up in the middle of the night to the sound of thunder and pouring rain. The crackling against his window startled him; it awfully resembled the sound of people transforming into titans. His heart palpitated, the survival instincts kicking in. The tightening in his chest only worsened and he swiftly leaped off the bed, using his cane to storm out of his bedroom. The noise of his door creaking open pulled you out from your slumber. At first, you assumed that he needed to visit the bathroom for a nightly leak. You smiled at yourself, recalling an incident where Hange knocked their head against the door, trying to find their way to the bathroom in pitch darkness. However, you heard heavy, irregular panting coming from outside, in the short corridor. Levi was standing right in front of your bedroom, contemplating whether to bother you or not. He couldn't possibly disturb your sleep for something so stupid. 

His chest felt like it was going to split open and everything would pour out in a pile of mush, like the internal organs of humans and titans alike he had spilled out countless times before. Swirling images of his dead friends flashed before him; his mother's corpse still on her bed, Isabel's severed head on the ground and her lifeless eyes boring right through his, Furlan's bottom half missing, Erwin's cold, half-dead body and his sunken, emaciated face. His entire squad wiped out in the forest, their corpses scattered and brutalized, Nifa's skull blown up. The nasty, Underground people he killed after he awakened his Ackerman ability at such a tender, young age. How much violence had he witnessed in his life? Buried memories of countless bloodied bodies, the gushing sounds of gore, the screams of dying, desperate comrades right before they're eaten, the crunching of their bones, the blasting blare of someone turning into a titan. His breath shortened, ragged and shallow, as his whole body trembled, gripping the doorknob, but never turning it. Is this how dying feels like? A stupid question, he thought. He almost did once, after all. It was so sudden and instantaneous then that he couldn't remember anything after the thunderspear Zeke exploded on that carriage. But he couldn't die now, not when you just returned to him. Not when his life had just started to gain meaning.

Before he walked away, your door swung open. He looked at you somewhat terrified. And he was; he didn't want you to see him in this state. Moments like that one occurred every now and then, but why did it have to happen now of all times? He swallowed thickly and his lips parted, gasping for air and visibly anxious. 

“Levi?” You stared at him, eyebrows furrowed in apprehension. “What happened?” 

His lips were pulled in a straight line, trying his best to come up with an excuse. “I'm… I— shit,” he coughed, unable to catch his breath. Immediately, you understood what was going on. It wasn't the first time you had witnessed him experiencing panic, though it wasn't often. Without wasting a second, you picked him up and carried him to your bed. Gently, you helped him sit with his back against the headboard and kneeled next to him, holding both of his hands.

“Hey, focus on me, alright?” Your eyes never left his, as you smiled sweetly. “I'm here, right now, right in front of you.” You took a deep breath, encouraging him to do the same with a single look. “You're safe, Levi. You're safe and I'm here. We're both alive and nothing will hurt us. It's just a thunderstorm.” He gazed in your eyes, his breathing still raggedy. “Squeeze my hand,” you urged quietly and he obliged, following your instructions. “I'm warm, aren't I?” He nodded, gulping again, his throat parched. You noticed the glass of water on top of your nightstand and brought it close to him, letting him take a few sips. “Focus on me, yes?” You grasped his damaged hand and splayed his palm over your chest. “You can feel my heartbeat, right?” You mimicked yourself and touched his vibrating sternum, feeling his beating heart underneath. He nodded again, his face heated from the gesture. All of his worries were instantly gone, now distracted by the way he could feel the warmth of your skin on his fingertips. Your heart was also racing and he wondered why. Were you that concerned about him? 

Where were you all those nights I went through this by myself? Suddenly, all he wanted was to keep you there with him, to never let you go. His bottom lip quivered and tears clouded his vision, as they soon spilled, trickling down his rosy face. Your arms embraced him in an instant, folding around his shoulders. “Don't worry about a thing, I'm here and I'll always be.” Your voice was so serene to listen to, so assured, that it melted away all of his troubles. You backed away, giving him space to move and breathe. His face had relaxed and his expression had switched from the previous terror to something indiscernible. The blush on his face was intense and he avoided your eyes. “Are you feeling any better? I saw you got chamomile tea in your cabinet, want me to brew you some?” Your voice was more cheerful, almost playful. He glanced at you for a second and nodded. 

Picking him up again, you carried him to the kitchen and set him down securely on a chair. His eyes followed you continuously while you moved around his kitchen in your nightgown; it was shorter than he had perceived it to be, the grey silk reaching around the middle of your thighs. Your shoulders were exposed and he realized how your trained build hadn't changed, compared to his. The way you carried him so effortlessly proved to him how you were still just as strong as he remembered. A knot formed in his throat, catching himself staring at your body. What am I doing? That's weird, he thought, slightly shaking his head. 

You turned around and looked at him, seemingly back to his regular self. “What a bummer,” you sighed. “We'll probably not be able to work in the backyard tomorrow morning. Everything will be muddy and gross. Think of the worms, yuck!” You grimaced in disgust and opened the cupboard, looking for a cup. Much to your surprise, you noticed that right in front of you was the tea set you had gifted him on his birthday a couple years ago. You picked it up and poured the boiling water inside, along with the tea bag. “Here you go,” you chirped, presenting him the beverage. You took a seat opposite to him, resting your head against your clenched fist. “We can take it slow tomorrow,” you said, yawning loudly. “No need to rush into anything. We can stay inside and relax, cook and whatnot.”

“I won't die,” he finally said. “I'm not that frail of heart.”

“I literally just soothed you out of a panic attack,” you retorted sarcastically. “Also, I didn't call you frail, I simply suggested we take it easy. Don't be stubborn, and don't forget you're a working man.” Your reprimanding reminded him of a married couple's bickering, making him smile. I could get used to this, he contemplated. 

Entry 189: I've gradually gained a bit of weight over the past few months. I had to get a fitting for my uniform and, although I usually ask Hange or Maria to tag along, neither of them were available. After a short discussion with Levi, he was willing to accompany me at the tailor's store. “Men are creepy, I won't leave my subordinate alone with an old man,” he said. I appreciated his concern and we visited the shop together. The tailor, who's indeed an old man named Romain, was absent, so it was just his son Pietro. The latter was around my age, maybe just a little younger, but capable enough to take my measurements accurately. At first, he instructed me to undress and asked Levi to leave the room, but he wouldn't budge. Pietro informed him that it was the store's policy, but Levi didn't listen. “I’m not gonna trust a random shithead to touch my comrade's body.” Upon hearing that, my heart did skip a beat, I won't lie. It was the first time he had ever been so overprotective of me. Before the argument escalated, I begged Pietro to let him stay in the fitting room with us, to which he begrudgingly agreed. I was undressed, just in my undergarments, and under Levi’s scrutinizing eyes, I felt slightly timid, which is silly because he’s seen me entirely naked before. While Pietro was taking my hips’ measurements, Levi approached us, looming over the tailor. His threatening eyes were fixated on his hands, observing every move and every touch closely. At one point, P asked me to part my legs so he could measure my thighs too, and L said “That’s no way to speak to a woman,” to which P replied (rather frustratingly) “I’m just doing my job, Sir.” When we left the store, Levi kept walking right next to me. Sometimes, I don’t get him at all. 

Entry 200: After Wall Maria was destroyed by those two abnormal titans a few days ago, I haven’t had time to write. I’ve been exhausted and sleeping 1 hour per day. We have been slaughtering titans that invaded without rest, but they won’t stop appearing. We had to abandon Shiganshina and move to Rose. My whole family was devoured. We lost many soldiers in the meantime. Hange and Levi are overworked but somehow manage, certainly better than me. 

Entry 204: I’ve been crying all the time and I snap at everything. Trost has been giving the people a horrible time, terrified people who survived a massacre and are starving, homeless and grieving. I heard they’re going to recruit new people to join the Scouts soon. 

Entry 209: Keith is taking care of those youngsters. Many of them are still underage, so my heart breaks for them. A couple of them were already orphans or lost their entire families because of the titans. Erwin said they’re going to start training next week. There are expeditions planned in the upcoming days, but Levi and Hange requested to split my team and incorporate them in theirs, so I can rest. I’m grateful, but it makes me feel worthless. Everyone is tired and needs to rest, so why would I alone have that luxury? I didn’t notice it myself, but Levi said that my weight gain is because I’m eating when I’m stressed out. I fainted yesterday, which triggered their objection to me joining the expedition. I saw our doctor and she pointed out I’m in a horrendous state. My thoughts are all over the place, since everyone is gone and I’m worried. I begged Moblit and Petra to look after my best friends and they both kindly reassured me. It felt so fucking selfish of me to ask them such a favor, but I’m delirious from the tranquilizing meds and I can barely keep my thoughts straight or my eyes open. I feel like crying again. 

Entry 213: The SC returned yesterday, mostly unvictorious. 3 members didn’t make it, one of them being my trusty subordinate Maria. H & L came back safe so I met with M and P and thanked them heartily for keeping their promise. When H entered our room, I ran towards them and hugged them so hard that we both collapsed on the floor. Levi appeared at that moment, so I pulled him down for a hug, as well. I cried for a long time and they let me. I promised that I would rest sufficiently and recover soon to join them next time. Earlier today, the SR went out for drinks and a proper meal, so I joined. I walked outside to get some fresh air and Mob followed me outside, holding his beer. We sat on top of some stairs and shared our drinks, while he confessed that he’s actually in love with Hange. I didn’t show it, but I was really happy to have my suspicions confirmed. He told me to take that secret to my grave, since he wasn’t planning on bringing anything up to them. I won’t betray him, but it’s still painful. I know they don’t feel that way towards him, but I still feel sad for him. Levi visited my room secretly while Hange was passed out in their bed. We visited the rooftop of the building and he kept holding my hand the entire time, which was rather soothing. We stargazed and he allowed me to cry again, as I felt immense relief, realizing he was there next to me and not dead. At one point, I mewled “I don't know what I'd do without you” as I sobbed and he caressed my cheek so gently that I couldn't cry any more. 

The sunlight directly shining down on Levi's face awakened him rudely. Still drowsy, he groaned in annoyance, cursing himself for forgetting to close the blinds. In a futile attempt to escape the blinding rays, he forced himself to switch sides, shifting the other way. As he flipped his body around, careful to not put too much pressure on his knee, he knocked against something, something warm and relatively large. Frowning, he rubbed the sleep from his eyes and focused on the object in front of him more closely. 

Why the hell were you on his bed?

With wide eyes, he slowly pulled away from you and examined the view: your back was facing him, still in deep slumber. Your breath was steady, meaning he hadn't accidentally woken you up. The strap of your nightgown had slid off your shoulder and the bottom of the silk dress had bunched up, your ass very much visible to him. His gaze lingered a little too long for his liking before he tugged at the heavy blanket and covered you up to your neck. Lying down like a plank, he stared at the ceiling, unblinking and his mind racing. Desperately, he recounted the events of the previous night. Indeed, you had taken care of him during and after a scare and everything after that was a blur. There were images, like you getting into bed with him and cuddling, that resembled more like a dream he had, rather than an actual occurrence. 

“Hey, Bug,” he whispered, softly pinching your arm. You whined, frustrated after being woken up, then turned around to face him with one eye open. “Why are you in my bed?” 

“Good morning to you too,” you huffed, scratching the side of your neck. After puffing out a deep breath, you smiled at him. 

“What happened last night?” 

Holding back a laugh, you decided to toy with him. “Well, after your little tantrum, we shared a night of passion.” Unable to resist his frightened expression, you cackled. “You're such a fool, what do you think happened? I simply crawled into bed with you to keep you company!” 

Levi glared at you with suspicion. “Just that?” 

“If you wanted more you could have asked, you know,” you teased, earning a sigh and an eye roll from him. “You were feeling vulnerable after I calmed you down, and I didn't want you to spend the rest of the night by yourself, so I stayed here. You lied down and we cuddled until you fell asleep. Do you not remember any of that?” God fucking dammit, how could I forget something so important? He bit the inside of his cheek and shook his head. “Don't worry, I'm sure you'll remember later. Has the rain stopped? It seems bright outside.” You stretched your limbs and got up from the bed, walking towards the window. Levi's eyes were glued on your legs, the nightgown not covering a lot. What's wrong with me? “Looks like the storm never happened,” you laughed. “Is it like that often?”

“No, you probably attracted the weird weather from Paradis coming here.” 

“Ouch.” You pretended to look offended clutching at your chest, but your theatrics never worked on him. After catching a glimpse of your hair in your reflection on the window, you gasped. “I look whacky, I should get to the bathroom. Do you need to go first?” With his negative response, you hurried to your room to get dressed up. 

Stunned in disbelief, Levi froze against the mattress. The recollection of the previous night was overwhelming, but he harkened back to the moment when you said “I'm here and I'll always be” to him, as well as you brewing him tea in the middle of the night. Once again, he thanked his lucky stars (and Jean's meddling) for bringing you to him. 

The sound of the water in the shower diverted his attention and he tilted his head to the side, eyeing the door. The memory of helping you bathe that time when your arm was broken flashed before his eyes. Levi was no stranger to the naked human form, male or female; those details are trivial to a soldier who's seen unspeakable nightmares, bodies torn and mangled and mauled and twisted up from titans. Seeing you nude wasn't a big deal, especially when you were unable to take care of yourself, and if there was one thing he could do, that was to clean you properly. But the sight did affect him, way more than he thought it would. At the time, he didn't register or overanalyze it. His main concern was to not get caught, knowing there would be consequences. In addition, he could tell you were feeling restless and insecure, so he needed to show you that he was going to behave like everything was normal, a routine of sorts. However, in the following days, the view of your body didn't leave his head. He felt horrible for being unable to forget about it, but still treated you like usual, as if nothing had changed. You did have a beautiful body, though, and paired with your wonderful personality, he felt like something had shifted. 

At some point, he realized that it wasn't the bareness, but your willingness to trust him, it was the fact you felt safe enough around him to let him witness you that way. No matter how bonded he was with other comrades, even the men, it was rare seeing them that way. The only other person he had beheld nude was Hange, after forcing them to bathe. He laughed at himself, remembering the scene with an odd sense of fondness. They smelled like absolute shit, I had no other choice. Now, in the present, he wondered how different your body looked from what he had memorized. You had definitely gained more weight over the years, but now you looked healthy, not like a ghost of yourself. He wondered if you still had that blemish on top of your right breast, a claw mark from a titan that trapped you during one of your first missions outside. Levi shook his head, pushing the thoughts away. I can't be thinking like a pervert, he thought, pushing himself up from the mattress and moving to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. 

The weather changed drastically soon. By the time you had finished your first meal of the day, it started pouring rain again. There was no way you could clean the garden under those circumstances, so you remained inside and decided to do chores. Despite Levi’s protests, you proceeded to do the dishes and dust off every single surface around the house. Before you picked up the broom, he grabbed your arm as you passed by him. “I didn’t invite you over to play maid,” he spat. Not only he didn’t want you to overexert yourself, but he was used to doing things his own way by himself, so this seemed… bizarre. 

You chuckled and manually removed his hand from yours. “When you live with someone, you need to split the work,” you said, walking away from him. You moved some items out of the way. “For however long I stay here, you’re going to get used to me helping out with housework. You’re not alone anymore, so you have to get familiar with the idea of receiving help.” Your lecturing peeved him, but, deep down, he appreciated your intentions. While you were focused on scrubbing a spot on the floor, his mind travelled to the period of time before you arrived. For a long while, you lived with Historia and her family and, prior to that, your home was the Headquarters. With Paradis in the state it currently was, there was no home for you, except for Historia’s residence. Levi’s eyes widened at the realization; you were basically homeless. Were you even aware of that much? If you left, where would you return to, in case Historia didn’t need you any longer? 

You noticed his gaze fixed on you with the corner of your eye. “Something wrong?” 

He shook his head, the deadpan expression back on his face. “I was just thinking.”

“Well then, share with the audience.”

He bit the inside of his cheek again. Why did you make him so nervous? “You have any idea how long her Majesty will need you?” 

You raised an eyebrow questioningly. The pout your lips formed betrayed your cluelessness. “Not really,” you replied, resuming your scrubbing. “Do you want to kick me out already?” 

“Tsk, that's now what I said. I was just wondering.” He shifted his gaze elsewhere and took a sip from the remaining juice. “I think it’s obvious, but you’re welcome to stay as long as you want.” Your eyes finally found his, a glimmer of optimism reflecting off of them. “No matter how long that is,” he added, avoiding the word forever, out of irrational fear. You smiled at him and nodded, blushing at the offer. 

Chapter Text

A month passed and neither you or Levi comprehended when or how it happened. You both adapted to this new routine so easily; he would leave early for work and you would do chores around the house. Sweeping and dusting had become part of your morning ritual, right after drinking a warm cup of coffee that Levi had brewed for you before he set off. Normally, you would spend most of the time reading a book or the newspaper, then journal for a while. Writing down your feelings was a crucial part of your day. By the time Levi was back, you had already cooked lunch and waited for him, so you could have your meal together. You had discovered (a long time ago) that you enjoyed watching him eat. The way his cheeks rounded with food was an adorable sight to behold. That was a revelation that dawned on you ever since you were all still young cadets; you couldn’t pinpoint exactly when you became aware of this habit, but, at some point, you found yourself searching for him whenever he disappeared during lunch or dinner, just so you could see him stuff his face with food. It was a pity that he didn’t eat much; for him, it was mere sustenance. However, things had changed. Levi now asked for seconds, occasionally thirds, in case he really enjoyed your dishes.  

On a weekend when the weather was sunny and warm, you agreed to work on the garden. After supplying yourselves with the necessary tools, you walked out in the backyard and started cutting down any weeds and evened out the grass. There were some overgrown bushes that you trimmed in a sphere shape and a large tree, whose kind remained unknown. The tree was left untouched, except for some extremely long branches that needed to be cut down, for safety reasons. With everything cleaned up, Levi proposed a break to catch your breaths. It was late in the afternoon, but the sun was still up. During your small repause, you snacked on a sandwich and immediately got back to work. 

Wiping his forehead with a tissue, Levi sighed. “We should head inside and continue tomorrow.”

“But we haven't finished the grave yet,” you objected, pouting at him. “I'm fired up, I feel like I can keep going for another hour or two!” 

“Well, I can't, ‘cause my knee hurts like hell and I'm sweating like a pig,” he rose to his feet and threw himself onto the wheelchair, puffing out a heavy exhale. “You can go first.” 

You hummed pensively, then smiled. “There's something I need to finish out here, so you go ahead and I'll follow soon.” 

Levi shrugged his shoulders and rolled inside. “Have it your way.” 

In the shower, Levi decided to take his time. Using the sponge Onyankopon got for him – an actual sponge with a soft surface, unlike the ones he was using up until now – he scrubbed down his sweat-slicked body. There were green particles in places he wouldn't have imagined otherwise, as well as concentrated mud on his face and arms. His mind drifted back to you, wondering what you could possibly be doing. Your image persisted before his eyes: your clothes, clearly pieces you bought from the local stores, hugging your form perfectly, especially as you squatted down or bent over. He couldn't believe how gorgeous you looked in those simple outfits. Or maybe he was too used to seeing you in your uniform, scrawny and frail back then. But now, your thighs were thicker, as well as your chest that protruded thanks to the tight shirts you were wearing, and your face was fuller, your cheeks rounder. He pouted and shook his head; he shouldn't be thinking of you that way, but, realistically, he couldn't deny that you returned to him a different person. His mind drifted further, when he noticed your neck, dripping with sweat and your face flustered. You constantly ran your tongue over your lips, trying to provide some semblance of moisture while focusing on your tasks. 

Why the hell am I thinking about all this? 

With a short sniff of his nose, he resumed his scrubbing. His fingers returned to his hair, washing every inch of his scalp properly. Once more, he recalled the time when you helped him with his haircut back when you were Scouts; he trusted you enough to trim his undercut and, after he chopped off the amount of hair he wanted, he would let you shampoo and rinse his head. Admitting it would stroke your ego too much, but he enjoyed the feeling of your digits massaging his scalp. Goosebumps would erupt all over his body, a chill down his spine when you put more pressure on the back of his cranium. It was the calmest he had ever felt during those moments. 

Unable to control his train of thought, Levi felt a molten coil at the pit of his stomach. He was overwhelmed with emotion over you ; all those memories, some of his most cherished ones, centered you and you only. Feelings that he had never experienced before tied to just you. And now you were there, living with him, at a place he can call home, sharing a routine, living in peace. Part of him – a part he was making his best efforts to leave in the past – questioned if he deserved that reality, if he was allowed to admit that he’s happy. Another memory sprung in his head; the conversations he had with Hange while he was recovering from the injury they saved him from. “When everything is said and done, let’s live to the fullest. Let’s embrace whatever life serves us with, especially the good things, with acceptance, shall we, Levi?” He could never forget that. Every time he doubted himself after the Great Battle, Hange would appear in front of him and scold him, an apparition meant for guidance. 

“Levi! Are you done? I’m back and I’m drenched, so you better empty that bathroom quickly,” your voice resounded throughout the house. The volume forced him to snap out of his daydreaming and rushed to rinse himself. With swift movements, he wrapped himself with his bathrobe (a kind gift from Gabi’s mother) and stepped outside. 

What he didn’t expect to see was you walking around in your underwear. The clothes you were wearing earlier while working in the garden had been discarded in a pile outside of your room. You noticed his curious stare and chirped, “Oh, these? I left them there because I’m intending to do laundry later. Do you have a basket where we could put the dirty laundry?” Levi stared at you surprised. The laundry basket was one of your innovative ideas while living as cadets in the dorms. He had found your concoction revolutionary and almost felt jealous for not having thought of it earlier himself. 

He smiled at you and nodded. “I’ll get one from the market on Monday, right after work,” he assured you, heading to his bedroom and shutting the door behind him. Taking a seat at the edge of his bed, he breathed out, long and hard. Momentarily, he had forgotten about you in your underwear, due to the fond memory. As soon as he was left alone, he lay back on the bed, crossing his arms over his stomach. Did you really appear like that in front of him? You were wearing a short, white top that only covered your breasts, the fabric clearly made of cotton, and your underwear, plain and also white. On his life, he didn’t mean to look, but he noticed two round bulges protruding from your top and since you were soaked from sweating, it didn’t take much to understand what he saw. His jaw clenched and struggled to swallow, dryly so. 

Levi stared at the ceiling, trying not to picture you like his mind wanted in that moment. What was happening to him? He hated thinking like those perverted men he had encountered in the Underground. They treated and spoke of women and their bodies in such deplorable ways, he had sworn to never ever become like that. The way his life progressed, the human body had become so trivial to him, a normal sight with nothing inherently sexual about it. And yet, when it came to you, his resolve, his beliefs, they all abandoned him. None of that happened at once, of course. The destruction of his determination was gradual, fluctuated over time, but arrived without fail. After you parted ways, with your following Historia, he buried those feelings deep in his subconscious. However, everything resurfaced the moment he saw you again, a month ago, alive and healthy. Hange’s words flashed before his eyes. He sighed, rubbing his face with a lotion. Your jaunty humming could be heard from the bathroom and his heartbeat sped up. Back then, he enjoyed listening to you sing. You had a melodic voice, more than anyone else in the Scouts. Sometimes, during expeditions, he would ask you to step in the middle of the campfire and sing, in an attempt to cheer up the others. The trick usually worked; by the end of each song, more and more people would join your repertoire, regardless of their singing abilities, and by the end of the night, everyone felt more relaxed. Levi would lean against a tree, hidden away from the rest of the company, secretly enjoying your voice. 

Entry 238: I used up all my notebook, so I started a new one. For some reason, it was much harder to find one big enough to be used as a diary than I thought. Anyway, for the past few months, I’ve been helping Shadis train the 104th class. Most of them are exceptional students and fast learners. We’ve had a couple who dropped out, unable to stomach the hardships. Some of them are settled on what division they want to be enrolled in, some of them are dead-set on joining the Survey Corps. I must admit, I do favor the latter a little more compared to the rest, since their drive is entirely different. For example, that one guy Jean Kir… something… is hellbent on joining the Military Police to “have an easy life” and, oh my gear, he pisses me off! Still, we need to treat everyone equally and prepare them accordingly. Some of them are underage, which concerns me, but I can’t judge; I also started that young. Sometimes, I tell Levi that I’m worried, but he can’t judge either. Speaking of L, I trimmed his hair today! His arm was a bit sore, so I offered help. He prefers cutting his hair by himself, so I only took care of his undercut, and after he finished cutting his hair, I begged him to let me wash his head. I think he moaned when I massaged his scalp, but I could be wrong. He definitely looked like he was enjoying it. He looked so relaxed that, I feel like if I kept going any longer, he’d fall asleep right there. Afterwards, he treated me to my favorite food. 

Entry 251: A couple days ago, I overheard some Cadets gossiping, talking about Hange and Levi being romantically involved. Although I knew it wasn’t true, it made me wonder if either of them harbored such feelings for one another. Obviously, I could never ask L about this, so I chatted with H during our time off. As expected, they laughed in my face. I should have known, but at least my suspicion was cleared up. I felt… relieved, in a way. Prying this information out of him, though, would be hopeless. Earlier this evening, after the meeting with Erwin and the other Squad Leaders ended, I suggested visiting a new tavern that had recently opened, but Hange was sleepy, so they headed home. Levi accepted the invitation, so the two of us headed there immediately after the summit was dismissed. We had dinner (quietly so) and then I ordered drinks. Everything had been great so far and with him laid-back as he was, I mustered up the courage to ask him about potential romantic interests. He was staring daggers at me, his mouth parted in surprise. “Huh? Where did that come from?” he asked. “Why are you avoiding the question, Captain?” His repulsed face made me giggle. “So there IS someone,” I said, and he took a sip of his beer. “Think what you will.” Annoying man. “Would it be sooo bad to provide me with a direct answer?” I persisted, testing the waters. He shot up an eyebrow and gulped down his drink. “It doesn’t matter, this shit is trivial and–” “Do you like Hange?” He gaped at me, baffled. The tiniest smile began to form at the edge of his lips and shook his head. “Of all people, why Four-Eyes?” “I know your personalities are vastly different but you shouldn’t be mean.” I felt so defensive all of a sudden. He noticed the bitterness in my expression and explained that this wasn’t his intention, but Hange wouldn’t be his no1 choice. “So, who would it be?” He ignored my question, although he heard me loud and clear, and then asked for another round of beers. It was already a strange conversation, so we changed the subject after that. He accompanied me back home, sticking by my side the whole time. Absentmindedly, I said that I had a great time and kissed his cheek, then walked inside my room. I didn’t realize what I did until an hour later. I guess the alcohol got the best of me. 
↳ Next day follow-up: I ended up apologizing to him, he said he didn’t mind it and then rushed to find Petra, although she was right behind him. 

Entry 266: I’ve been so busy between training and patrolling the Walls that I barely write. It’s already been nearly a month since my last entry! It makes me desperate, especially when something particularly shocking happens and I don’t have the time or energy to journal. The latest thing was an interaction between me and Levi. We visited the old headquarters to locate specific types of Titans for Hange’s research. I was glad to assist, because I was finally laid off from training. Thankfully, we reached the base safely and immediately got to cleaning, on L’s orders of course. Most of the day was spent on tidying up, preparing our dorm rooms and taking care of the stables, as well as sorting out our supplies. At night, I expected to pass out as soon as my head touched the pillow, but unfortunately, I couldn’t fall asleep. A little after midnight, I found myself in the kitchen, where he already was, sitting at the table drinking tea. I was startled to find someone there, especially him, but then I asked if he could brew some of what he was drinking for me and he instantly carried out my request. I took a seat next to him, our knees touching. When I started shivering, having forgotten my robe, he covered my shoulders with his jacket. I couldn’t help but blush at the gesture. After that, he asked me to put my tea down and his hand found the back of my head, bringing my face close to his. For a second, I thought he was going for a kiss, but instead, his forehead rested upon mine, his eyes looking straight into me. “You don’t have a fever,” he announced and we parted, resuming drinking his tea. During the couple of seconds his face was all up against mine, his breath hot on my skin, I could have sworn my heart had stopped beating. What I am surprised about is… why did I think he was going for a kiss? And why did him checking my temperature make my heart flutter like that? It wasn’t the first time it happened. Either way, I felt overwhelmed and my hands were shaking. The following morning, I woke up to a scorching cup of tea, just like the one I drank the previous night, on the table next to my bed. There was a little note next to it. 
                  " Hope it helps you feel better
                                                   — Levi” 
I didn’t realize how flustered I was until Hange was awake, pointing out how red my face was. Regardless, I smiled and finished the cup while I was getting ready. In an odd manner, all of that made me realize how much closer me and Levi were than I had assumed. Sometimes, I doubt how he feels about me. It’s not that I believe he hates me, but I didn’t fully understand just how much he cared up until now. I’m unbelievably happy he feels that way. 

Entry 269: We caught one titan and tomorrow we’re returning to Trost. Hange was so excited about the type of titan we caught that they were hyped up all morning. Right now, they're in bed next to me, writing down notes from their quick research from today, some notes of the titan's first impression. Levi is also in the room, drinking tea and doing some paperwork meant for Erwin on the desk next to my bed. It's quiet and comfortable. I keep glancing at both of them, observing them and smiling at myself at how blessed I am for having them in my life. ... After I finished writing that first paragraph, H shoved their notebook inside of their bag and tucked themself in bed. L hadn't completed his paperwork and asked me to accompany him to his room, so he could get it done there. I wasn't sure why he invited me, but I accepted nonetheless. His room was tidy and empty (I didn't know he was sleeping alone), the window open to refresh the air. He instructed me to sit on his bed and he focused on his documents. I watched his nose scrunch occasionally and bite his lip, his face pensive and a little frustrated – I could tell he didn't want to bother with all that admin work. He got up from the desk as soon as he had completed his task and he asked me to close the window and the curtains, which I did right away. When I turned back around, he was undressing himself. Now, I have seen him partially unclothed before, but something about the informality of his behavior, as well as the fact it was just the 2 of us, alone in his room, was… electrifying. I could see the scars on his torso, some bruises on his back. Speaking of his back, it's so toned and broad. I never really noticed it before. Same with his chest. All my mind could think of was how attractive he was. Almost unbothered, he wondered out loud if there was any tea left in the kitchen. After putting on his sleepwear, I informed him that we had used up all the tea and he sighed. “It's okay,” he said. “I don't feel like sleeping, do you want to stay here for a while?” I ended up keeping him company for a while, the night breeze cooling the room pleasantly. My back was hurting, so I laid down on the bed with my legs dangling off the edge and he did the same, right next to me. Our sides were touching and it felt exhilarating. He started rambling about how relieved he was to go back to Trost and then we chatted about the trainees. At some point, I shared how I'm not feeling like a sufficient instructor and he patted my head, smiling ever so slightly at me in a reassuring manner. I felt like my heart was going to burst as he said “You need to have more faith in yourself” and I felt my whole face turn red so I hurriedly bid him goodnight and went to my room. Why does he make me feel that way? It has never been like that before! It's frustrating. 

Entry 274: I had another couple of busy weeks. The weather is much warmer these days, so training has been particularly exhausting, especially for the trainees. Shadis had a back injury so I've taken over completely for a while. Thankfully, the class is pretty cooperative and we get along much better now. I always make sure to supply them with water and food – don't want them collapsing on me. Some of them share their portions and drinks with me, which I'm thankful for. Today was the highest temperature we've had in a long time, so I cancelled exercising and had them study inside and did a bit of gear training, 2 tries each person. The rest of the day we had time off and I stuck by Levi, who also had time off from patrolling. Hange was researching their titans, so we haven't seen each other yet. Anyhow, Levi and I were roaming the streets, mindlessly checking out each store and food stall. Later in the evening, right after dinner, we climbed on top of the roof and stargazed. The moon looked beautiful tonight, but my main worry was him. He always looks really nostalgic when staring at the night sky. I know he misses his friends – Isabela and Furlan – so I'm trying to ease the pain by creating nice memories with him up here. We talk and sometimes I make him laugh, heartily too, sometimes he talks more than me and I realize I love listening to him, learning about his worldview and innermost feelings. Moments like these are unbelievably precious to me and I want to believe that he feels the same – otherwise, why would he do all that? At one point, I felt a little dizzy and he instructed me to lie down on his lap. The back of my head rested upon his thigh and he looked down at me. We stared at each other, his hand patting my head. I'm now in bed journaling, waiting for H to return. I hope I won't fall asleep till then. 
↳ I fell asleep. That idiot snuck into the room one or two hours before dawn and collapsed on the bed, so I undressed them and tucked them in. 

After you went to sleep that night, Levi found himself restless and headed to the kitchen for some tea. You had already brewed some earlier for yourself so he reheated a small cup to drink. Out of the blue, he began to contemplate what you were doing after he abandoned your garden work. He could wait until morning, but curiosity got the best of him. Despite being pitch dark outside, he grabbed a lantern and used his cane to check out the backyard. Most of the garden had been cleaned completely; there was no patch of grass or any flora that was unkempt anymore. What he did notice was that, at the upper right corner of the yard, right where the tree was, there was a faint line at the bottom of its trunk that formed a square. Upon closer inspection, he realized that the line he saw was actually planting holes that you had dug. He smiled crookedly, wondering what flowers you were planning to grow in there. 

After heading back inside, he plopped down on the bed and gazed at the vase of tulips you decorated his desk with. Levi ended up falling asleep, wishing you would never leave his side. 

Chapter Text

Levi had arranged an appointment with his doctor that day. Her name was Marina Cauer and she volunteered to travel all the way from Liberio to Odiha in order to check up on him. Before he was able to object, she claimed to have been invited by the medical committee of the town and there was no reason for him to gloom over potentially burdening her. Marina was the first and only doctor Levi met after the Great Battle and he trusted her more than anyone. Despite her being younger than him, she was experienced and her treatment helped his health notably improve. In fact, she was the one who facilitated him acquiring his cane and wheelchair. In addition, she contributed the most during his rehabilitation; learning how to move around with his injured leg was a long and arduous process, which she only improved with her guidance and infinite patience. 

The doctor was supposed to visit the house after Levi had been dismissed from work. He had informed his boss beforehand that he needed to conclude his shift an hour earlier than usual for this reason, which Paul allowed without issue. As soon as he was back home, he scurried to the shower while you were doing chores, making sure the place was spotless. By that point, Levi trusted you enough with cleaning, he was even willing to admit you were somewhere around his level of tidiness. 

Around an hour after he was done bathing, Marina knocked on the door, calling for Levi’s name from outside. He hurriedly opened the door, a hint of excitement in his movements. The doctor was a young lady, maybe a decade younger than both of you, with dark skin, silky brown hair down to her waist and big, hazel eyes. Her nose resembled Hange’s, which made you nostalgic. With a gentle smile, you greeted her warmly, introducing yourself. 

“It’s such a pleasure meeting Captain’s people,” she exclaimed, shaking your hand enthusiastically. You hadn’t been approached by someone in such a manner in so long. “I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

You glanced at Levi, grinning. “You have?” 

“Is that surprising? From what I gathered, you were fairly close back in the day, weren’t you?” She looked at Levi, who appeared positively flustered. You weren’t supposed to mention all that, idiot. It was your turn to blush. Regardless, you smiled at her and asked about the beverage of her choice. “A cup of coffee would be delightful right now.” The doctor emptied her medical supplies on top of the table in the living room, with Levi seated on the couch next to her. “I’ve been traveling and working and meeting people all day and, even though my job is fulfilling as is, it does take a toll on me. I’ve come to realize as of late that two or three cups of coffee a day are enough to keep me going through the day.”

“That shit is bad for you,” Levi scolded her. “Three cups? Are you insane?” He earned a cackle from her and rested his injured leg on top of the couch. Marina leaned over and started feeling around his leg, inspecting every inch of it, and then focusing on his knee. 

“That’s old man talk,” she teased, eyeing his face for a few seconds. “I see your facial stitches are starting to fade! Your friend did a marvelous job on patching you up,” she praised, causing him to smile. Of course they did. “How’s your leg feeling? Does the medication help?” 

Levi nodded eagerly. “It doesn’t hurt more than it did last time we saw each other,” he replied honestly. “It doesn’t hurt less either,” he shrugged and she nodded solemnly. “I mostly use the chair, unless I’m in here, so sometimes I use the cane too.” 

The doctor hummed and pressed down on different spots of his knee. “Do you stand around a lot while you’re at work?” Her patient shook his head and she continued probing the damaged joint. “Are you getting enough sleep? I remember reprimanding you about that before.” 

Biting down on his tongue, Levi tried his best not to smile any bigger than he already was, avoiding your eyes. “I do, matter of fact. It’s been a couple weeks that I’ve been sleeping more than three or four hours.” He peeked at you in the kitchen and when your eyes met, he smiled timidly. 

“That’s splendid! The necessary amount is at least seven hours per day, so make sure next time I see you the goal is achieved.” She politely asked him to undress and peered at you. “Are you comfortable?” 

Confused, you pointed at yourself. “Me? I’ve seen him nude before, doc! Do what you need to do,” you said nonchalantly, turning around with your face blisteringly hot, preparing the coffee drink. 

With steady fingers, Levi unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off his shoulders, stilling under the doctor’s touch. Her eyes were meticulous and vigilant during the inspection. There was a laceration underneath his breast last time, which had been infected. Thankfully, since Levi diligently took his antibiotics and applied the right ointment, the wound had completely vanished. She instructed him to get dressed and then moved on to his hand. After unwrapping the bandages, she brushed her fingers over the incapacitated ones. 

“Like I said, I have a job now,” he rolled his eyes. “I can use them just fine, they don’t hurt me or anything.” Marina raised a suspicious eyebrow at him. “I swear, I feel no pain in this area and I can move them perfectly well.” 

A sigh of retaliation escaped the doctor's lips. She raised her arms up in defeat and stepped away from him. With nothing concerning at play, she prescribed Levi some more of the medication he had been taking for the longest time and announced her departure, clarifying she would visit again in a month's time, unless he requested her assistance sooner. You escorted her to the door and shook her hand, expressing your gratitude for her services and support towards Levi. “Take care of the Captain,” she whispered, her keen eyes making sure he wasn't within reach. “I don't want to speculate or come off as meddlesome, but your presence appears to be a crucial source of comfort for him. Usually, during our appointments, he's always been fidgety and uneasy, which I don't go out of my way to point out, since I don't want to make him feel worse, but that's the truth. Today was the first time I've seen him so peaceful.” Marina squeezed your hand and leaned in closer. “Keep me updated every once in a while, and call me if you need anything.” Turning around, she waved one last time and headed to her car with a beaming grin. 

You shut the door and faced Levi, who was still undressed. He wheeled around the house in his chair and reached the kitchen. Arriving home straight from work and waiting for Marina had him starving by that point. Today's lunch was what the Marleyans called a burger ; a piece of meat with vegetables and sauce between two thick slices of bread. It was your second time making this dish, along with baked potatoes, just how Levi liked them, and you felt more confident with the results. Besides, it showed on his face. You sat across the table, watching him eat excitedly, sauce dripping down his fingers and licking them clean with a contented moan. The action made your stomach churn, your chest suddenly numb at the sight. It shouldn't have affected you this way, but it did. Your thoughts raced and treaded to images you had long suppressed. 

Agitated, you excused yourself to your bedroom, feigning a headache. Behind the door, your breath slipped out irregularly and your insides felt like putty, replaying the scene over and over in your brain. Sighing, you slumped against the bed and crossed your arms over your stomach. Your feelings were so complicated, but you couldn't lie to yourself any longer. Danger didn't loom ominously over your head anymore, so why wouldn't you allow yourself to feel? My gear, I cannot possibly do that… What would the point even be? You tried to understand yourself, a futile attempt to figure out why you would even react like that over something so trifling. He was simply enjoying the food you prepared. But I wonder if he would enjoy other things in a similar manner… You shook your head vigorously, pushing the thought away. 

It's not like sexual attraction was condemnable. Levi had always been a handsome man in your eyes, from when he first joined the Scouts up until now, more than a decade later, with the passage of time and life experiences having impacted him in the ways they did. A lot had occurred between you in the meantime. Intense feelings developed because of this, feelings that couldn't be addressed or comprehended, let alone acted upon. Could this be a passing emotion? Maybe I've been lonely for too long and it's messing with my head. 

Before you concluded your contemplation, a hot sensation shot through you, down to your lower stomach and further down to your private parts. Your face scrunched in agony, realizing what this was about. You needed attention, to be taken care of. Heaven knows how long it had been since you last felt anything similar, and to find yourself in this predicament again because of Levi… It can't be helped, I guess. Without overanalyzing it, you closed your eyes and permitted your mind to wander. You thought of his tongue and lips running over the liquid substance on his hand and, suddenly, your imagination placed him between your thighs, the same motion being performed after he has made you cum with his mouth. A hand reached down to your underwear and slithered underneath. The hairs in your region tickled your palm and your fingers toyed with that sensitive little bud at the top. You bit down on your lip, knowing that Levi was practically right outside of your door. His manners would never allow him to barge in your room unannounced or without permission, but something about it electrified you. 

The splashing of the sink reached your ears and you knew he was doing the dishes at that moment. Reassured, you continued your ministrations, your head flooded with more obscene fantasies. You thought of his hands, with his lithe fingers and rough skin groping you all over, focusing on your nipples that had stiffened from the stimulation. Your free hand lifted your shirt and teased the soft pebble, feeling a groan bubbling in your throat. In your mind, he was lapping up your clit while shoving two relentless fingers in and out of you. You bit harder down on your bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed in arousal. A part of you wished he could see you like that; a dazed, blushing mess, soaked down to your underwear, and all for his sake. You needed him more than anything, and with that thought, along with picturing him kissing you while his fingers are still fucking inside of you, you managed to come undone. 

The soreness in your legs had your limbs trembling, as you stood up and took a deep breath. I need to take a shower immediately, clean that underwear too… Shit, I made a mess, didn't I? You smirked at yourself and walked out, heading to the bathroom. Right then, Levi passed you by to get to his room. 

He glanced up at you and squinted. “You okay? Your face is beet red.” He took a better look at you and frowned. “Why are you so sweaty? Got a fever?” As he said that, his hand reached up, intending to feel your forehead, but you jolted backwards and locked yourself in the bathroom. 

“I'm alright!” you called behind the door. “I think my stomach is battling something,” you lied, as you undressed yourself and jumped in the shower. 

Silence followed from outside. “Then why are you showering? Did you shit the bed?” You cackled at his question and shook your head. Only if he knew… 

“Just trying to calm my body down, jackass.” 

Levi stared at the bathroom door confused. In your defense, he had seen people with an upset stomach in that state before. He entered his room and noticed that you had replaced the flowers on his desk while he was gone. A couple of lilies, some decorative weeds and thin, smooth branches from the garden. He smiled, the muscles of his face growing taut. His luck was unbelievable. 

Entry 284: Not much to report today, but I still felt like journaling. The weather is getting progressively worse and the heat is truly killing me. We are forced to train inside, but it feels unbearable. Everyone sweats too much and gets tired too quickly. Along with Shadis and Erwin, we decided to suspend physical training until the heat dissipates, so we're mostly focusing on educational matters. Last night, right after I got back to my room from the showers, I was by myself, since Hange had a meeting with Erwin about the progress on their research. I was standing in the middle of the room in my underwear, looking through my wardrobe for my nightgown, when the door opened suddenly and Levi stormed inside, shutting close behind him. He was panting, as if he had been running or was in a rush, but it startled me. He looked at me and we both realized how inappropriate that was. Men aren't supposed to be in this side of the dorms, let alone in the room, and with me half-naked, it would look wrong if someone saw. I felt heat rise to my face, but I was curious about his state. Apparently, the trainees wouldn't stop pestering him about the heat and he needed to get away. I laughed at the situation, pouting at him. I approached him and touched his blushing cheek, since he was really warm. I didn't notice it immediately, still stunned by his sudden appearance, but he was wearing a white buttoned shirt, with the sleeves rolled up and, for the first time, I felt like the wind was knocked out of my lungs. Despite his troubled state, he looked stunning. At that moment, I really understood just how naked I was. I was so close to him and we stared at each other, breathing hard and deeply. I saw his eyes fleetingly glance down to my lips, then lower, and then his breath hitched, his chest unmoving and reddened. I wasn't sure why that look had my body temperature rising up, but I felt the strong desire to kiss him. I turned around and tried to get dressed as fast as possible, then opened the window to allow some fresh air inside. The atmosphere had changed after this. He stayed in my room for a while, both of us desperately trying to engage in conversation, but feeling awkward. When H returned, he left in a rush, in hopes the trainees would have gone back to their rooms. I told H about the incident and they cackled. “Since when THE Levi feels flustered over some skin and boobs? Didn't he bathe you completely naked that time?” They were right about that and it had me wondering. “Maybe he likes you,” they cooed, their face right in front of mine. I was so nervous that I pushed them away and they laughed. Surely he doesn't….. Right?

Entry 286: Today we were announced that the 104th class is supposed to graduate in a couple months. We will have to go on some mock expeditions with them until then, so my journaling might be more scarce than it is currently. Regardless, I'm excited to see them all graduating and following their paths. Hange and I got drunk earlier tonight and we somehow ended up gossiping about some couples in the Corps. Generally, it's not forbidden to form relationships with others, but it's not exactly advised either, for a long list of reasons. Either way, we usually know who's dating who or if there's something going on. At one point, I asked them if they had ever been involved with anyone without my knowledge. They told me that they had only ever messed around with a girl who ended up in the Garrison Dept and she died during the invasion of Wall Sina. Hange decided to dedicate their life and time to our cause, since romance is a fruitless endeavor. I couldn't stop thinking of Moblit the entire time. I asked them if they had any specific preferences, but they shook their head and rambled about how hopeless men are anyway. We laughed, but then my turn came. I didn't know what to say when they asked me, but all I could think of was Levi. They pointed out that we seem close, much closer than either of us are with anyone else (“Well, except for me!”) and my face must have betrayed me, because they threw themself on me and giggled. Levi visited us in our room later to say goodnight. He was summoned by Erwin after Hange and was heading to sleep. H looked at me after the door closed and I blushed really badly, while they poked at my sides. 

Entry 297: It's been a few weeks now and the weather is finally getting better. We have resumed training, but I cannot join them this time, since me and my squad are patrolling. In a few days, we'll head out for another expedition. I heard this one will be long, if we're able to make it so. I don't have many details currently, but definitely tomorrow. After slaying the titans who attacked the Walls today, Levi, who's also patrolling with his own team, brought me water and fruits. I twisted my ankle while using ODM and he carried me to the lavatory so I could shower (by myself this time, although I had to sit on a stool). After I was done, I wrapped myself with my robe and he carried me again to my bedroom. We received a lot of stares and glances and I noticed people murmuring when we passed by, but I couldn't care less. Since he hadn't showered yet, his body odor was strong and the scent of sweat emanating from his exposed neck and chest was intoxicating– it was all I could focus on. The feeling of his arms carrying me as if I weighed nothing to him, with no signs of struggle, was so impressive. He knocked on the door before entering and it appeared the room was empty, so he stepped inside and dropped me on the bed. “I'll tell the doctor to come check you out, so get dressed quickly,” he said and left again. As soon as I was left alone, warmth spread inside of my chest and down low, right between my legs. I had never felt like that before. I wanted to explore that sensation, but I couldn't at the time. Now that I'm recounting everything, this familiar feeling resurfaced. Since Hange isn't here yet, I might … I can hear them stomping right outside the door, so nevermind! 

Entry 305: I've been taking a few days off, meaning I still do patrolling, but, unfortunately, I'm not allowed to fight. Thankfully, we haven't encountered any Titans, and on the rare occasion we are ambushed by any, Levi's team takes care of the problem. For the most part, I'm forced to observe everything from the top of the Wall and it's frustrating, especially with this heat. Right now, they're renovating the headquarters so we can have a pool. I'm not entirely sure how it works, but it's like an enormous bathtub and people can swim inside. I cannot wait to try it! It's still early in the afternoon and no Titan has shown up, so Levi's sitting beside me, reading the newspaper. He's reading out loud whatever he finds particularly silly or actually important and informs me of any gossip the columns include, since he knows I enjoy some ‘social commentary’, as Hange puts it. We laugh and we talk and we're so close to each other that I can hear his breathing, despite the altitude and the noise around us (soldiers running around, horses, people yelling etc.) and I find myself not wanting this to end. I've discovered that his presence, his companionship, his friendship, is one of the most important things to have ever happened to me, one of my most valuable possessions. 

Entry 310: Today was supposed to be the day we embarked on the expedition, but the weather changed dramatically, with heavy thunderstorms that deemed the mission impossible for the time being. It’s still hot and, combined with the rainy weather, the atmosphere is really damn humid. Erwin believed we could still ride out the gates, but I advised against the idea. The storm would compromise our and the horses’ vision as well, which would consequently lead us straight to our doom. Thus, the expedition has been postponed for the time being. BTW, the pool is done so we visited it! It’s about 6 meters deep, so diving is allowed and everyone seemed to enjoy it. Hange dragged Moblit inside, him toppling over in the water with his clothes. At first, he felt timid, but watching H laugh so hard, his embarrassment faded away immediately. The trainees and the cadets joined too. It was heartwarming watching everyone enjoy their time and creating some blissful memories. Levi decided to stay outside. “It’s gross, I’m not dipping a single finger in this shit.” I explained that they clean it by adding certain chemicals, but he wouldn’t budge. However, when the pool was emptied and everyone went to have dinner, Levi pulled me aside and asked me to stay. With everyone gone, he locked the door of the pool area and checked around the room. I don’t know what he was searching for, but he came up to me and said “It’s all clear.” At first, I assumed he meant the space wasn’t littered by the previous attendants. Then he asked “You said they filter the water with chemicals to keep it clean, right?” I nodded and for a few seconds, he looked pensive. Then, he started to undress and I froze in place. He looked at me curiously and asked me to undress too. When I connected the puzzle pieces, my heart started to race so fast, I could have sworn it was going to plop out of my chest. We were both in our underwear when he stepped next to the shallow end of the pool and encouraged me to follow him, stretching out his arm toward me. I stood beside him and tested the water’s temperature with my toe. Since it was lukewarm, we both entered the water, him gripping my wrist securely. It was so exciting, but I felt so confounded. Why did he wait for everyone to leave? Did he plan on trying out the pool from the beginning or did he change his mind later? Whatever the reason, I was glad it was just the two of us. I was able to enjoy it to the fullest without the rowdy commotion from earlier. He audibly shuddered and I giggled at his sounds. I teased him about feeling cold and he splashed water on me. I shrieked and we kept splattering each other, when I suddenly felt his body against mine, pushing me against the tile. My heartbeat sped up and I looked at him, realizing I was caged between his arms. He stared daggers at me and suddenly his hand was grazing the side of neck, water dribbling down the skin, as he leaned his head in, blowing cool air against the spot he had touched. He returned to his previous position, his eyes never leaving mine. He made me so nervous and I don’t think he had any clue. I trembled at the cold sensation and his face tilted closer to mine, our noses almost touching. “Is it funny now?” he whispered, his voice uncharacteristically low and hoarse. My breathing was rough and my head felt hazy under his fervid gaze, my eyelids suddenly heavy and unable to remain open. Once again, I felt like he was going to kiss me, but he then stepped away from me and dived in the water, swimming around by himself. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT???!!!

On the last day of the weekend, both of you were having breakfast at the kitchen table, enjoying a hearty meal with a cup of lavender tea. The silence was interrupted when the telephone rang loudly. You were spooked by the sound and rushed to answer it. 

“Hello?” you responded, making sure you were holding it correctly. A familiar voice called out your name. “Good morning to you too, Gabi,” you smiled, glancing at Levi. After some lively chat and a rapid update from both ends of the phone, you questioned the reason for her call. 

“So,” she chanted, and you could almost see the smile forming on her face. “It’s my birthday in two weeks, right? And it would mean heaps to me if you and Levi were to visit.” Your eyebrows raised in surprise; you certainly weren’t expecting that. “I want to take Falco to the beach and it would mean a lot if you and the Captain were present. As far as I know, he hasn’t had many chances to enjoy the sea, and if I remember correctly, you were stuck with the Queen until very recently. Do you think you could convince him to travel back here for the weekend?” 

Your eyes found Levi’s again and he grimaced probingly. “I can definitely try,” you replied, biting back a smile. “But you could probably count us in already. What are your plans?”

“Well!” she exclaimed eagerly. “I’m planning to just gather everyone to enjoy the sea, eat delicious food and have fun. Pretty simple, right?” You hummed in response and she giggled. “There’s a music festival taking place, so we could visit that afterwards.”

“That sounds like the perfect birthday plan, Gabi! Will there be anyone else other than Falco?” 

“Nyanko, of course. Yelena, the weird lady, didn’t get an invitation. She gives me the creeps,” she chuckled mischievously. There was a sigh and a short pause following that statement. “Unfortunately, the only other people I knew here are dead or currently in Paradis, so it’s hard to invite anyone else.” 

“Wow, it got really dark all of a sudden,” you teased, in an attempt to not ruin the mood. “Any new friends you could’ve made there?” 

“There’s a couple people our age, but I’m not sure if we’ve reached that level in our acquaintance in order to invite them, you know?”

“It doesn’t hurt to try,” you commented cheerfully. “Do you like those kids?” She hummed positively and you decided on the most appropriate thing to say. Although you felt comfortable around her, you still didn’t know her that well. “That’s great! Maybe that’ll help break the ice and serve as a push for both sides to open up more to each other.” 

The girl on the other line exhaled in relief. “Makes sense,” she said. “We could get to know each other more that way, right? But I don’t want the rest of you to feel left out or anything.” 

“Don’t worry about the old people, sweetie, we’ll find a way to entertain ourselves, even if you’re not talking to us the whole time. The point is for you to have fun!” 

Gabi felt appreciative of your input and smiled. “Thank you so much! I need to go now, but, please, make sure to convince Levi,” she chirped and bid you goodbye. 

Walking back to the breakfast table, Levi stared at you. “What was all that about? Heard something about birthdays,” he pointed out, taking a sip of his drink. You sat down opposite to him and finished your food.

“It’s Gabi’s birthday in two weeks and she was kind enough to invite us to her beach party. Nothing extravagant or fancy, just nice company and snacks. She mentioned a music festival we could attend after that.” 

Levi rolled his eyes. “All I’m hearing is noise and crowds,” he grumbled. “Sand gets everywhere, too.” From under the table, you kicked his good leg. 

“The girl was excited to have our asses there, so you better ask your boss for a day off, either Friday or Monday,” you instructed and collected your plates into the sink. “Falco and Onyankopon will be there too, as well as some of her new friends. It won’t be lonely and we could both use a getaway every once in a while.” 

The way you talked about the plans as if you had lived with him forever had his heart swirling with emotions. In the end, he agreed to the invitation. “You pick out a present for her and I’ll book the train tickets for us tomorrow morning, alright?” For us, huh? Levi felt giddy, too giddy. Spending time away with you at the beach, being included in Gabi’s plans, making arrangements of his own; it all felt like a dream, but it was, in fact, the reality. A reality he couldn’t wrap his mind around. Of course, he wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

“Where are we going to stay?” he asked, already showing commitment. You smiled at his compliance and washed the dishes in deep thought. 

“When I first arrived in Liberio, I was told there was a hotel in the city, in case I was interested in staying there,” you replied. “I’m sure there's more. We can just pick one when we get there.”

Chapter Text

Two weeks until the Liberio trip. It was all you could think of. You left with Levi that morning, accompanying him to work, and you planned to visit the train station in order to book yourselves the tickets. Before you parted ways, he invited you inside the store to meet the cobbler and his daughter. The girl gasped when she saw you enter the shop behind him, pushing the wheelchair. 

“Levi, is that your darling?!” she asked, her grey eyes wide and covering her mouth in shock. You blushed at her question and laughed nervously. You had never seen hair that black and silky before. 

“Tsk, it's too early for your idiocy,” he dismissed her, tying his apron around his waist. He turned to you and pointed at the girl. “That’s Irene, my boss' daughter, don't mind her. She's only seventeen.” He pushed his chair at the working table and scanned the store. “Where's Paul?” 

“Dad went to the pharmacy,” she replied, her hands busy sewing a floral pattern on the side of a shoe. “Will you be staying?” Her eyes darted up at you and your lips parted to say something. Irene stared at you suggestively. Her round face was tilted, expecting an answer from you. 

“She's leaving actually,” Levi interjected, already working on a pair of boots. “Figured I'd introduce her to you, but you're being a pain in the ass.” He wiggled an eyebrow at you, motioning you to leave. 

Irene booed, sticking her tongue out at him mockingly. “But I wanna know how you got togeth–”

“Bug, you should go buy the tickets, please.” His pleading expression and the red tint on his face had you bidding the young girl goodbye, as you exited the store. 

What in the world was that even about? 

Taking your sweet time, you strolled around the town, getting yourself lost in various alleys and streets you hadn't visited until then. You recalled Irene's words: “your darling” and “how you got together” ? Is that what he has been telling people? It can't be… The daughter has probably misunderstood the situation. Blowing things out of proportion at that age isn't uncommon, especially when it comes to relationships. However, you couldn't stop thinking about how, despite his irritation, he didn't outright deny any of it. And he could have, especially in front of you. But he didn't. Sure, he called her silly and cut her off, but he didn't correct her either. Could this mean… 

You shook your head and focused on walking. It's unwise to drive into such conclusions. A part of you, though, couldn't help but believe this wasn't an accident or a miscommunication issue. Was it possible that he harbored feelings for you and described your relationship as if it was romantically established? You knew Levi wouldn't act so absurdly, it wasn't like him. 

Another idea popped in your head: What if he brought up the past of your relationship? It wouldn't be ludicrous to assume that something was going on between the two of you. Maybe he talks about me like a… crush of sorts? You bit back a smile, aware how out of line you were behaving. Maybe that's why he invited me to stay with him. 

A bright yellow dress caught your attention and you stopped in your tracks in front of the store it was being showcased. The garment was fairly long, possibly down to your calves, and there were white plaid patterns adorning it. There was a green bow that engulfed the waist and two pink ribbons at the top of the wide straps. It was obviously meant for spring or summer weather, the fabric not too thick or heavy. Next to that dress, there was a similar one, but instead of yellow, it was blue with red ribbons. You entered the store and got both dresses; the yellow one for you and the blue one for Gabi, hoping it would fit her. Even if it didn't, she could modify it however she pleased. Either way, you were happy over your purchase and then immediately headed to the train station. 

Having secured your tickets for the following Thursday evening, you returned home. You were informed that these new trains had cabins, meaning the passengers could sleep in there during the trip. Somehow, the idea had enthusiasm coursing through your body. After completing some chores left from the previous night, you lounged on the couch. Your eyes landed on the phone and the need to call someone was born in your head. You approached the machine and dragged a chair along with you, sitting in front of it, then dialed a few numbers, praying it would work. 

You waited for a while, then a click . “Reiner, I just told you I'm not done with the exposition yet! What are you in such a rush for, dammit? Do you like hearing my voice that much?” You laughed at Jean's annoyed tone and you could hear the confusion through the phone, realizing that it wasn't Reiner at the other end of the line. “Chief?!” 

“If I didn't know you any better, I would have assumed you two have mingled already,” you teased between short breathing pauses. 

Jean groaned and sighed frustratedly. “Don't say things like that or I'll break out in hives.” You giggled at his exaggerated comment and he cleared his throat. “How are you and the Captain doing? Is he giving you a hard time?” 

“Oh, not at all.” You moved your hands in a refusing gesture, as if he was right in front of you. “Odiha is a beautiful town and Levi is a great roommate.”

“Is he?” he asked, playfully suspicious. “Chief, if I didn't know you any better I would have assumed you are in love with the old man.” 

Your heart panged at the jest. “You're insufferable, you know that? And don't call him old man, his age is just fine.” After a short pause, you continued. “How are you all doing over there? Any progress?” 

Jean hummed pensively. “There's still work to be done, but it's coming along. The countries that are willing to accept a peace treaty are increasing every day, but there's always going to be some stubborn shitheads. Our biggest concern is Paradis and the remaining Jaegerists, to be honest with you. Even with Floch out of the picture, it's tough to negotiate sometimes. Extremism is a pain in the ass.” He took a deep breath and exhaled steadily. “But, like I said, we're getting there. Everyone's working exceptionally hard, so we'll achieve our goal, for sure.” His words were comforting to hear; each passing day was a day closer to peace. You smiled and you wished you could see Jean and everyone else, hug them and praise them face-to-face. 

“I hope you all know both me and Levi are eternally proud of you,” you said, refusing to conceal your feelings. “We read the newspaper every day and look out for any news. We saw your picture the other day and we cut it out and framed it in the house.”

“You did?” He sounded genuinely surprised. “Thank you, both of you,” he stuttered, evidently bashful. “When negotiations end, we are planning to visit you.” 

“That would be lovely, Jean! You're always welcome, although the house isn't all that big to house all of you.” You toyed with the spiral cord and thought of another subject. “How's Mikasa?” 

A few seconds of total silence ticked away. “I visit her every day,” he admitted, his tone now dejected. “She's doing well, but it's still rough for her.”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Go ahead.”

“Do you still love her?” You were fiddling with the cord, unsure if the question would put him on the spot. 

“When did I ever stop?” It was rhetorical, of course. “That's why I see her every day. I worry about her. She lives with Armin and Annie now, so she won't feel lonely, but it's hard. I-I’m trying to, y'know, make my move, as patiently and discreetly as I can, ‘cause I don't want to overwhelm her.” He was so timid all of a sudden and it was endearing to hear. He pretended to clear his throat and you heard the shuffling of papers. “What about you? Any potential suitors in Odiha?” 

You cackled. “Not really,” you blurted out. “None that I care about.” 

“Huh… That's intriguing. What about the Captain?” Yeah… What about him, indeed. 

“I don't meddle in his personal affairs, but he doesn't seem to have anything going on.” You tugged at the collar of your shirt, feeling stuffy. “When he's not working, he's at home or we spend time together outside somehow.” You wondered about something and debated going for it. “Has he mentioned anything to you before or…?”

Jean sniffed and you could hear the grin forming. “Oh, you know how the Captain is, man of few words, as usual.” Come on, Jean, that doesn't answer my question and you know it. “Nothing that I know of.” Asshole, I can tell you do! “Although, he did allude to wanting someone by his side to spend the rest of his days with, but not just anybody . He did bring that up once, yeah. Then, he became obsessed with getting ahold of you. So, I can't really tell.” If he was in front of you, you would have absolutely smacked the back of his head. It was clear what he was implying. All your speculations from this morning came flooding back. 

In the distance, you heard the familiar sound of a door being swung open and a voice calling for Jean. You couldn't quite make out clearly what they were talking about, but you heard him greet them by calling them ‘Pieck’. That must be her. “The Cart Titan?!” you gasped from the other line. 

“Uh, yeah, but not anymore,” he replied strategically. You wouldn't admit it, but you were eager to get to know her. “I need to go, but give us a call whenever you want, alright? Take care of yourselves.” 

The rest of your morning was spent leisurely. An hour before Levi was supposed to be done with work, you came across the gravestone that he had prepared for the backyard. It was inside a low cupboard, wrapped in newspaper. The stone was heavy and sturdy enough to not be blown away. You shoved it under your armpit and hurried to the backyard. The seeds you had planted specifically for the memorial Levi had prepared had started to bloom ever so slightly. Careful not to step onto anything, you placed the stone at the foot of the tree, securing it inside the soil. You were unsure if he was going to like it that way, but you wanted to do something nice for him. 

Fresh out of the shower, you tried on your new dress and waited for Levi's arrival, in order to show him. Not too long later, the knock on the door had you jumping from your bed and speeding to the living room, as he entered your shared house. On his lap, there were a few bags from the grocery store. That's why he was so late. You welcomed him and with your arms behind your back, you stood in front of him, twirling around. 

Levi stared at you seemingly unphased. “Is that new?” he asked, eyeing you up and down. You nodded warmly and he smiled at you. “You look nice,” he mumbled, but you didn't hear him. He had vowed to himself to be more direct with his compliments towards you and swallowed. “You look really nice,” he repeated coherently. Seeing your cheeks as tickled pink as they were, was enough for him to want to shower you with more compliments. Only, he couldn't possibly voice any of them. The dress enveloped your form so perfectly, especially your waist and your hips, and the top part accentuated your chest just enough to have him stealing quick glances while observing you. What a nice welcome. He asked you to twirl once more for him and you complied. 

“I got another one just like this for Gabi,” you cheesed, unfolding the girl's present to show it to him. 

“I thought it was my responsibility to get her a present.” 

“I know, but after leaving your workplace, I passed by this store and I couldn't help myself.” He could tell how sincere you were, so he didn't mind. “We'll tell her you picked it for her and I–”

“No, you'll give this to her as your gift and I'll get her something different,” he prompted. You stared at him, tilting your head to the side. “I'm sure she'll be happy to receive something you personally picked out for her.” The suggestion was brilliant and it did make sense. Anyone would feel considered after such a gesture. You smiled at him and folded the dress again, sealing it inside the bag. 

Levi headed to the kitchen and sorted out the groceries to their appointed place. You appeared in front of him again, tugging onto the ends of your new dress. “Do you actually like it or are you letting me down easy?” 

He glared at you for a second. “What would the point of that be?” He resumed sorting out a bunch of cans that were on the kitchen counter. “You’re beautiful no matter what you wear and this dress looks great on you. Why would I lie about that?” He didn't expect to utter those words so casually and it caught him off guard that he did. His face grew hot and avoided your gaze. 

You could have sworn your heart was beating so loudly he would be able to hear it if he stood any closer. The pounding in your ears became so intense that your words were stuck in your throat. Why do you say things that drive me crazy so nonchalantly? You thanked him and dashed to your bedroom, changing into your casual clothes. When you stepped out again, you noticed him moving towards the bathroom. Before he took a shower, you called out his name, as you handed him his cane. “Need you to check something in the backyard.” 

Holding his hand, you led him to the tree in the corner. You pointed at the gravestone and chewed on your lip nervously, awaiting for his reaction. 

He cracked a smile, glancing up at you. “You did this?” You nodded in response and looked at the gravestone. 

“I’m sorry I didn't ask you first, I just wanted to see how it would lo–”

“It's perfect, Bug.” His voice was shaking, but you didn't feel alarmed. You knew he was moved by your intention. “No need to apologize. Let's keep it that way and clean it often, alright?” His injured hand found yours and squeezed it gently. 

Entry 220: This expedition is exhausting, but, thankfully, we haven't lost any comrades till now. It's already been 2 weeks, so we consider ourselves lucky. From what I've gathered, we are heading north. Erwin hasn't disclosed the exact details of this operation, but we're looking for a large body of water called the ‘sea’. I've heard of it before, I've read about it in books, but it's taboo for some reason. There's so much outside of the Walls we know nothing about and I want to approach everything with an open heart and mind. In the meantime, we have been traveling and coming across various villages and small towns that were raided by titans. We're currently staying in an abandoned fortress, big enough to house all of us inside. It was intact when we arrived, but nobody was guarding it or was present to signify ownership. There's a forest opposite to us, a relatively small one, and in the middle of it, there's a waterfall. I wanted to take a shower, but I waited till everyone was done. When I got there, I got undressed and jumped in the water. It was really cold, but with these temperatures, it felt like a blessing. I heard a rustling and approached my gear, arming myself for a potential attack, but it turned out to be Levi. “I knew you'd come out here.” I hate how well he knows me. “I couldn't possibly leave you by yourself.” I hate how protective he is sometimes, because it makes my heart flutter. He crouched down next to my gear and I noticed he was unarmed. I asked him if he showered and he shook his head, trying to forget about the fact I was completely naked underneath the water. I sunk down further, hoping he wasn't able to see anything other than my shoulders. “Mind if I join?” His question startled me. I knew that if I refused, he wouldn't dare, but a hidden part of me, a part I was too scared to acknowledge, wanted him to join me so bad. I shook my head and he started to undress immediately. I turned around, allowing him some semblance of privacy and I felt the water ripple with his entrance. I faced him again and held my breath. He looked so beautiful under the moonlight and the glow provided by our lanterns illuminating his face. He moved towards the waterfall, holding a bar of soap, and quickly washed himself, then swam back next to me. He was so close I could feel his arm on mine. The only sound audible was the leaves rustling because of the breeze and the crickets quavering. We didn't speak a single sentence, we could only look at each other. Nothing would come out of my mouth, my heart was beating so fast I felt like I would pass out. I didn't know what was happening to me. While sitting next to each other, I stared at his face while his eyes were shut, focusing on his lips. That burning sensation from before pooled between my legs, despite the frigid water and I tried to steady my breath. He turned and looked at me with eyes that I had never seen before on him. He looked down on my lips and then lower. I realized my chest was partially out of the water and I sank deeper. His eyes were still on me. I felt like he wanted to kiss me or maybe that was just my imagination, a wish that I needed fulfilled projected onto him. He leaned closer and I felt his breath on my lips. I gripped my thighs so hard that I left marks that will definitely turn to bruises tomorrow and all I could think was how I needed those hands on my thighs to be his. His lips parted and I thought it was going to happen, but he stopped. “We should head back, you'll get cold if you stay out here too long.” He quickly jumped out of the lake and I accidentally caught a glimpse of his ass. When he headed back to the fortress, I splashed my face and decided to take care of the burning ache down to my crotch. I don't know what this is between me and him, but it drives me insane. 

Entry 226: We didn't find what we were looking for, on account that a lot of our comrades died. In yesterday's entry, I mentioned that dream about someone dying, and today we lost 7 soldiers. We're heading back to Trost for now. Levi and Hange's teams suffered losses too so the atmosphere was devastating. I lost 3 people and I feel like absolute shit. Sometimes I wonder if it's my fault. I wonder about what I could have done differently. But they were all fully capable soldiers and they were still outsmarted, just like L and H’s teammates. Erwin led us back successfully and we immediately visited the families of the fallen. That's the part I hate the most, because they never resent me for it. They always say “It was their dream to fight for humanity's freedom” and shit like that. Sometimes, I wish they yelled at me or kicked me to the ground and beat me up. Maybe they mean what they say and they respect the dead’s wishes. I watched Peter's mother's eyes roll to the back of her head as she passed out from grief and her husband croaked in terror. His mother's scream sounded just like his as he was being eaten alive. “Your son died protecting us,” I said. It was true. Peter jumped between me and the titan that was about to attack me. He put up a fight, but it all happened too fast. How does Levi do it without shedding a single tear? He probably suppresses everything. I'm in my room now, clean and alive. L brought me food and Hange brewed some tea and had a sausage sandwich. We hadn't realized it until then, but we hadn't eaten anything in the past 2 days. He sat down on the bed next to me and I collapsed in his embrace, crying and sobbing my eyes out, his hand caressing my head the entire time. 

Entry 250: It's been two months since that last expedition and because of that bombing threat we received, the Corps have been in complete disarray. People who loathe the Survey Corps and believe their money is wasted on us are probably behind it. I can't say I don't understand their frustration, but we don't want to die either. Erwin's assuming they have people working with them from the inside, meaning there's traitors. We are keeping everyone, even the trainees, detained in the headquarters so we have full control of the ins and outs. Hange is growing paranoid because of it and, honestly, me too. It's exhausting to think someone you know might be trying to kill you. It could literally be anyone and that scares me. About 2 hours ago, Levi visited our room. I asked him to keep me company while Hange and Moblit were investigating the situation. I have been so out of my mind that I haven't been able to fall asleep. He lied next to me and I cuddled him, my hand clutching the sleeve of his shirt. Half an hour ago, Hange returned with Mob and they both looked defeated and exhausted. H looked at me after they noticed me sleeping on top of L and I could tell they tried not to laugh. Mob said there's a couple suspects and everyone's being brought in for interrogation, one by one. Now I'm waiting to be called to participate in interrogations and I'm dreading it. I hate doubting my comrades, but it has to be done. 
↳ It's now 5 in the morning. I ended up beating the hell out of a trainee named Maki, who was apparently being threatened to keep her mouth shut about the bombing. She hadn't been involved, but she knew too much. She spilled everything and they're now trying to find the culprits. I felt horrible for getting physical with her, but from the moment she walked in, I could tell she was guilty somehow. I'm in Erwin's office and Levi's next to me, his arms and legs crossed. I can tell he's angry from the way he's breathing and his hair is in disarray. He's sweating more than usual too. His jaw keeps clenching. I asked him what had made him so upset and he said that this Maki girl had asked him personally for ODM gear training, since she was lacking the most practice. He said she came from a dirt poor family and joining the Corps was the only way to flee from the streets, but she lacked conviction. I asked him if he thought she was involved by choice and he refused. By her own admission, her life was being threatened and was promised a lot of money if she obeyed. I quickly realized he wasn't actually angry, but worried. He didn't want to voice out his fears, but I knew what it was. 
↳ I haven't written in 3 days, but today we were announced that Maki was found dead in her cell. Despite the culprits being caught, there's apparently more people involved than we thought. I didn't speak to Levi all day, out of respect for his feelings, but he stuck by my side all day. I think he needed company, but didn't know how to express it. Probably didn't want to talk about it either, and I respected that. I found him in his office, asleep on the chair, and I carried him to my room. Hange and I slept in their bed, while he was next to us. 

Entry 268: Some sort of peace has been restored in the SC and we have resumed training and patrolling. Today we took our teams out for dinner. While I was at the bar fetching a drink, one of our team members came up to me and started chatting. If I'm not mistaken, he's from Dita’s squad and his name is Ruben. We were chatting and he ordered both of us a drink. At first, I didn't think much of it, but soon I realized he was trying to flirt with me. As the conversation progressed, he would play with my hair or lean too close to whisper something in my ear. I didn't particularly mind, I don't judge people who do that, even with our rank difference, because at the end of the day, we're all people. However, I did notice Levi's stare from the other side of the bar, and his glare towards us was lethal. Completely ignoring whatever Ruben was ranting about, I had a thought: would Levi feel jealous if I flirted back? It was really stupid of me and there was no reason he would get jealous, but all those intimate moments we've shared… They've got me wondering if there's something going on. Putting my theory to the test, I started to become more touchy-feely with R and I laughed extra loudly at his jokes. I tried to not look at Levi's direction at all. At some point, R asked me to follow him outside. I didn't know until we stepped into the open space, but it was raining. Me and R found shelter under the tent and he stood next to me against the wall. “Chief, I've liked you for quite some time now– months actually. I was hoping you would consider my feelings and give me a chance.” The statement came as a shock to me, since I had never interacted with this guy before tonight. The door opened forcefully and Levi stormed out, pushing R further against the wall by the collar of his shirt. “Are you out of your damn mind? What do you think you're doing?” Ruben was taken by surprise as much as I was. “Who do you think you are, fooling around with your superiors? Is that why you've been slacking lately? Do you know how many complaints I've received from others about you skipping work?” His eyes were vicious and R looked like he was about to shit his pants. “The Corps isn't a matchmaker, get the hell out of my sight and make sure you don't forget your place and your responsibility, or else I will have you kicked out first thing in the morning. Understood?” Ruben didn't even dare look at me. He rushed inside and the two of us remained outside, the sound of pouring rain filling the gap between us. I asked him what that was about and he tutted at me. “You should focus on your job as a Leader. What the hell are you thinking, flirting with your subordinates?” He stepped away, heading back inside, but I grabbed his wrist and yanked him back toward me. His eyes shot up to me and my heartbeat started going off the rails. I didn't know why I did that, but I wasn't done talking. “I think I perform my duties sufficiently, so what I do in my personal life is none of your concern.” My ego wasn't as wounded as I made it seem, but I needed to establish some boundaries. “Or is that not what you're actually mad about?” That question slipped with the push of alcohol. His face was so close that I could feel his eyes smoldering my skin. I was breathing so visibly heavily, but I didn't care. Instead of an answer, he snatched his arm away from me and left, grunting. He didn't return to the bar at all. My good gear, what is that man even thinking? What is he feeling? He's so confusing...

Chapter Text

Time passed by so fast. Immediately after Levi left from work, he headed home and started to prepare his luggage. By that point, you were already done with your belongings and you had completed your chores, in order to leave the house as clean as possible while you were gone for the weekend. The train would leave at eight in the evening, and it would take about five to six hours to reach Liberio, since there were going to be a few stops along the way. You were entirely unable to contain your excitement and Levi could tell. He smiled seeing you pace around the house impatiently, gathering everything in the living room and urging him to pack faster. 

When you got to the train station, you waited for about an hour. There wasn't any reason to be there so early, apart from your worry of missing it accidentally. Levi was seated in his wheelchair, yawning. It was dark outside already. You shared a sandwich with him and chatted about his day at work. Tired, but always in the mood to talk with you, he shared the tiniest details about his shift. You listened to him narrate his experiences and smiled affectionately at him; there was something so heartwarming about him finding a new passion out of pure luck. That job not only sustained him financially, but also birthed a new purpose, a new hobby for him, one that he had never considered before. He wasn't just doing it out of necessity, but because he truly enjoyed the craft. A smaller voice inside your head wondered if you would be able to find something similar for yourself. 

The deafening sound of the train whistle interrupted your conversation. Standing patiently in line, along with a few other people, you boarded the wagon and searched for your seats. On the inside, the seats were separated in cabins. One of the employees guided you to your seats and you pushed Levi inside, as he adjusted himself in the tight space of the room. You placed your belongings on top of the couch opposite to you and you lounged back leisurely. 

“It's not bad, right? These new trains are meant for long hours of traveling, so they created these accommodations,” you explained, reading from a pamphlet. “I also think it's important because they provide people with jobs, you know. Times are hard now.” Levi nodded and you noticed his eyes were not focused on you at all. “Are you tired? Do you wanna lie down and sleep until we get there? I'll wake you up!” Initially, he wanted to turn down your offer, not wanting to come off as weak, but he was exhausted. He nodded hesitantly and you helped him lay down next to you, his head resting on your lap. So soft, he thought, sensing your thigh underneath his nape. “Close your eyes and rest,” you chanted quietly, playing with his hair. Your finger caressed his cheek, lulling him to sleep. 

You ended up falling asleep too, as the night breeze and the muffled sound of the train driving in the nightly silence, as well as Levi napping on your leg, all calming you down. Luckily, one of the staff members knocked on your door and notified you that you were to arrive in Liberio in fifteen minutes, so you had plenty of time to gather your bags and get ready to disembark. Levi looked grumpy to be shaken awake, but his expression softened upon seeing the ecstatic look on your face. He slid back to his wheelchair and placed his duffle bag on top of his legs, rolling out of the cabin with you following behind him.

With the train immobile, you jumped off the wagon first and an employee helped Levi descend safely. You waved goodbye and tipped the young man a generous amount of money, as you watched the enormous vehicle leave. “So, have you figured out a place to stay?” He didn't mean to sound as patronizing as he did. Thankfully, you knew him well enough to not take offense. 

You studied the map and searched for the place you had drawn a circle around on, a hotel called Mare. Pushing Levi, you handed him the map and started asking around the strangers you stumbled across for directions. The people of Liberio were incredibly helpful and you managed to find the building in no time. 

The reception was dimly lit by an overhead chandelier and an older woman was sitting behind the counter. Despite the late hour, she greeted you animatedly and offered you the key to your room. The receptionist called for an employee, who carried your bags to your room and showed you around the place. It was magnificent; you had never experienced such an accommodation before! The man informed you that the cleaning lady would knock on your door around ten in the morning to clean up, unless you hang the do-not-disturb notice on the outside of your door.

The room was big enough for two people, but there was one tiny problem: there was one large bed. Not wanting to bother the hotel's employees at this hour, you walked inside and froze in place. You looked over at Levi, who was setting his luggage on top of a wooden chest, right in front of the bed. He moved around the room, inspecting the area and muttering delightedly to himself about how impressive their cleaning was. 

“Aren’t you going to settle down?” he asked, slightly entertained. It goes without saying that, as soon as he saw the single bed, he was jumping from joy on the inside. The idea of sharing a bed with you made him giddy beyond belief and he fought tooth and nail not to show any of his amusement on his face. 

You gulped louder than intended and nodded, reaching for your bags. “Sure will.” 

“Which side are you picking?” His question was tantalizing. Somewhere deep down, you could tell he was enjoying this. He asked because he could see you chewing the inside of your cheek. “I was thinking of the right side, since it's closer to the bathroom. Easier access,” he pointed out, removing his shoes. 

“Go ahead, I was thinking the same thing anyway. Do you wanna take a shower first?” 

“You know damn well I do.” 

Both of you lied on the bed, clean and totally spent. It was so late you couldn't even tell the time on the clock anymore. Levi was staring at the ceiling, observing the chandelier above your heads. The design wasn't too flamboyant, just carvings on the outer part of the wooden cap. You smiled when he asked you if he should get something similar for the living room back at his place. There was something so casually intimate about that question. It almost seemed like a distant dream, having conversations like this one with him. 

The heavy blanket covering you was not large enough to cover two people at the same time. Levi noticed your shivering and his left arm stretched over your head. You felt your heart hammering again, as you instinctively lifted your head and allowed him to rest his bicep right underneath your nape. With a silent gaze and a tilt of his head, he invited you to scooch closer to him. He noticed the hesitation in your eyes and sighed, sliding even closer to you, so that your bodies were fully touching. Without a word, he shifted and lied on his side, facing you, his arm still tucked under you. Cautiously, his right hand reached behind your back and tapped on the warm skin, pushing you against him. You held your breath, your face now pressed upon his chest, his chin resting on top of your head, as he held you tenderly. As a testament of your appreciation, your hands found his severed one and clasped it, your fingers stroking the injured ones. Up until that moment, you hadn't had the courage to ask him to inspect them, although you had spent so many weeks together. But now, he was cuddling you, his scent – soap and lavender – filling your nostrils and the warmth of his body reminding you he was right there, alive, with you. 

The kiss you planted on top of his amputated fingers was unexpected to both of you. The gesture occurred naturally to you; you wished to have been able to do that since you first saw him after the two of you reunited. Levi glanced down at you, his breath stuck in his throat. You thought that, due to the lack of light, he wouldn't be able to see your blushing face, but he could. He could tell by your breathing suddenly taking up speed and the way your hand was slightly quivering around his. It was his turn to thank his lucky stars, once again, for you being unable to look at his face, since he knew he was an equally – if not worse – flustered mess. 

Entry 274: Nothing interesting regarding the Corps. Same old same old. A frustrating routine that never ceases. Hange said I'm more irritated than usual and I think it's because of Levi. Since the bar incident, we barely exchange any words, unless it has to do with work. I truly hate this feeling. I wanted him to be clear about what he scolded me for. I wanted him to tell me he felt… some type of way seeing me flirt with someone else. But now I don't care about any of that, I just want my friend back. He's been patrolling more than necessary just to avoid interacting with me. But today, when I found out he was in the showers, I burst in and decided to settle things. He was shocked and I was turned around the whole time, my hands awkwardly stuck to my sides. I told him plain and simple: “I don't like whatever is going on between us. If you're angry at me, please tell me so we can sort it out. I hate how distant you've become, you barely look at me or breathe in my direction. I know I acted foolishly at the bar and I apologize. Just talk to me, please.” I felt my whole body tremble. I had practiced that apology for days. I heard the water stop cascading on the tiles and a loud shuffling. My body was abruptly pulled and suddenly we were locked inside the shower stall. The space was too tight for the both of us and I felt like my heart was going to give out. He took a step back and leaned against the opposite wall. My hands were still on my sides and I could barely breathe. “I don't like this either. I'm sorry for acting out of line back then, I shouldn't have interfered. Your personal life is none of my concern, but I needed to set my subordinate’s head straight. Apology accepted.” His eyes were piercing through me and I noticed the towel was hanging loosely off his hips. I tried hard not to stare so I focused on his face. “So, are we friends again?” I asked with a meek smile and he scoffed. “When did we stop?” he asked and walked out. That night, I brought him tea to his room and I guess he didn't expect it. He smiled at me and offered me half of his salad and a loaf of bread. 

Entry 280: Another paperwork day. The other Leaders spent all day inside doing admin stuff and it was boring. Hange was getting easily distracted and Moblit had to finish everything for them. Levi diligently did his own and I followed his example so I could be done quickly. After a couple hours, we went shopping in the local markets. Erwin announced that there was a fancy gathering taking place in two days, since the King was going to visit Trost. I'm not in the mood for this nonsense, but it's the King. I asked Levi to accompany me at this clothing store, since I didn't own any formal clothes, other than an old, torn suit. I found a dark blue dress with a long skirt and an off-the-shoulder top, its fabric having a satin finish, and tried it on. I walked out of the fitting room and did a little twirl for Levi. He kept eyeing me up and down, scrutinizing the outfit. I really couldn't tell if he liked it or not. “It's alright for the event you need it for.” Helpful as always. I tried the same dress in a dark green shade. I felt more comfortable and confident in it and, maybe because of my change in attitude, he seemed to like it better. I decided to rephrase my question so I asked “How do I look?” and he tilted his head to the side. “Looks nice, I guess.” “Oh, my gear, Levi! You're not helping me at all!” “What do you want me to say?” “Just tell me how I look in this dress! Your honest opinion!” “I don't know why you're stressing over a garment you'll wear for one evening.” I sighed and decided he was the worst to have brought along with me. I went back inside the fitting room and started to change into my own clothes: a pair of brown pants, a white dress shirt and my Scouts’ jacket. I was going to buy the green dress and be done with it. “The color looks nice on you,” I heard him say from outside the curtain. I peeked through the covering and pouted at him. “You think so?” “I know so.” He looked away and scanned the area around us. “I don't really see the point in this, but you do look beautiful in that dress.” I smirked at his sudden shyness. “Is THE Captain Levi paying me a compliment?” He scoffed and left the store without me. When I tried the dress on for Hange, they started to woo over me and jokingly flirted with me, throwing cheesy one-liners at me every now and then. 

Entry 283: Tonight was the Ball for the King's arrival. It wasn't as eventful as everyone made it to be, just a series of ongoing formalities with highly important people. I couldn't care less about all that, neither did Hange and Levi. Still, we maintained a certain level of professionalism. The part we hated the most – or thought I would hate – was the dancing. Unfortunately, it was unavoidable. However, we were allowed to dance with whoever we liked. I was going to dance with H, who looked fine and dapper in their light blue, 3-piece suit, but Moblit got there first. I could honestly not be mad about it. Levi was my only other option, who looked frustratingly handsome in his suit, and he offered to dance with me “before some random perv got the chance”. I appreciated his offer, because I had noticed that I was receiving stares from numerous men in the room, which I didn't enjoy. His hand gripped firmly on my waist as we danced and I feel like anyone could tell neither of us was experienced in this in the slightest. Because of all the clumsy missteps and accidental bumping against other dancers, I couldn't stop giggling and then he would tighten his grip around me, shooting me a warning glare. Despite everything, he seemed to be amused just as much. The rest of the Ball was spent with my pointless chatting, meeting and greeting the King, more chatting and – most importantly – food. By the time it was over, I was pretty drunk; not the embarrassing, senseless type, but I wasn't taking anything seriously, I laughed an awful lot and talked too much. Levi guided me back to my room, but I didn't have my keys with me and Hange was nowhere to be found. We went to his room and he brewed tea for me, brought me water and a hastily made sandwich. He said it would be best if I slept in his room for the night and, in the morning, I should be able to sneak out. While he was helping me escape out of my dress, I pouted and asked “Why sneak out? Are you embarrassed of being seen with me?” He rolled his eyes and said “I'm seen with you all the time” to which I groaned and replied “Are you embarrassed of being assumed to have slept with me?” He froze at that. It's rare to see him awkward with nothing to say. He turned around and looked through his drawers, passing me a loose shirt and a pair of pants for me to change into. My question remained unanswered and we didn't speak until I was under his bedsheets. After much struggle and begging, I managed to persuade him to sleep on the bed with me instead of the chair. While I dozed off, I heard him say “The answer to your question from before is no. I would not be embarrassed about such a thing. I just don't want you getting into trouble, since you're in the male dorms.” His voice was barely audible, soothingly soft and mellow. He was calm and collected. Despite my brain being half asleep, I felt my heart thundering. Him admitting that he wouldn't be embarrassed about others thinking he sleeps with me… It's not normal, right? I thought he cared about his image and his influence as a sergeant, he said all those things at the bar. And now he's alright with it? The mere assumption one could make about something that's not even real? Sometimes I feel there's hints about his feelings towards me, but I can never be sure if it's that or him simply being kindhearted and nonchalant. 

Entry 288: I've been having horrible headaches lately, I think the humidity and the heat are getting to me. Hange's also been feeling under the weather. Patrolling and work continues as usual, but we go to bed extra early. I had a fever and all I could think of was him. How much I wanted him to kiss me on multiple occasions. I remembered the lake incident and it felt like my insides were on fire. I told Hange everything, without hiding a single thing. They smiled at me, their face flushed. “It took you a while, but I'm glad it happened.” They told me they had always suspected it, mostly because Levi never acts the way he does around me with anyone else. He does, but not to that degree. My stomach churned. I asked them if they thought that he might like me as more than just a friend, but they shook their head. “I could never pry this information out of him, not even with torture methods,” they cackled. I asked if they approved and they smiled. “You know love in our line of work usually leads to tragedy. Until you're absolutely clear about your feelings, don't act on anything you might regret later.” The trainees are now asking for my help so I have to go help out. A part of me cheeses so hard whenever they want me to teach them something. 

Entry 292: In 3 months, the 104th class will finally graduate. For many reasons, their graduation was postponed again, so it'll take some time. I can confidently say that there are some of them that I have already picked as favorites, but more than anything, I'm curious about Mikasa, whose last name is Ackerman. Levi has no clue about his family tree, so he can't ask her anything specific. I also like Jean, because he's rough around the edges, but I know he's a sweetheart deep down. We have many remarkable people and I can't wait to see them in action. Some of them excel at different areas, but everyone is talented in their own way. Christa's also pretty outstanding. Despite her petite size and her gentle demeanor, she's managed to climb up the ranks. She can utilize her size ingeniously and whatever she lacks in strength, she makes up for in tactics. Anyway, in a couple days, we're going on another expedition, and Hange wants to capture a titan and bring it back for research, but, just like most times, Erwin refused. I can understand his hesitation, it's risky indeed. But we won't improve our skills or knowledge if we're stuck on the same old shit we know about them up until now. I told them I will help, as long as nobody gets hurt or dies trying. 

The gentle smell of pancakes and honey dragged Levi out of his sleep. This dish had become one of his favorites since your arrival, so you prepared it often. It was much later than he usually woke up, around eleven in the morning. You paced around the room, your feet pattering against the wooden floor. He lazily pushed himself against the headboard and stared at you, calling your name quietly. 

“Oh, you're awake!” You were in the process of removing your clothes, as you watched him rub his eyes, a yawn stretching his mouth. “I brought us some breakfast,” you noted, hanging him the box with the pancakes of his choice. 

“Did you get anything for yourself?” he asked, looking at you while cutting one pancake in half. 

You nodded and showed him the package containing your meal: pancakes with strawberry jam. “The receptionist lady gave me fresh juice. They produce their own! Want a cup?” He nodded, his cheeks expanding with the food stuffed in them. “What do you want to do today?” you asked, placing the cup on his side's nightstand. “By the way, we don't need to do anything. We could just relax here and go out for lunch later.” 

From the empty way his eyes blinked, you could tell he couldn't think of anything. “I would like that,” he confessed. “It's not often that I get to do nothing for three days. Unless you're in the mood for exploring and sightseeing.” It was moving how considerate he was. 

Gulping down a generous bite of your pancakes, you carried your breakfast to the bed, sitting closer to him. “We could give a call to Gabi and arrange a meeting with her, like a pre-birthday plan!” 

“Sounds good,” he replied, mouth full of food and munching down on it. “You have her phone number?” 

“I do!” you exclaimed. You had a little notepad where you jotted down all the phone numbers you were collecting over the time and called it a ‘phonebook’. You showed it to him with a big smile on your face and he chuckled at your enthusiasm. “I asked the receptionist if we could use their phone to make phone calls if necessary and she was more than willing to let us use it whenever we want.” He nodded in response, finishing the first pancake. His eyes darted to you, watching you enjoy your breakfast. Everything was calm, the distant sound of vehicles and the busy city bustling from outside grounding him in the moment. Moments like that one reminded him how lucky he was to still be here, how delightful he was to be breathing, but also how grateful he felt towards everyone who contributed to him being alive. His mind conjured Hange's image and he realized that, in those weeks that you had lived with him, you never talked about that. 

“Hange would be so thrilled about the phone,” he blurted out. The comment caught you by surprise, but it was welcome. 

You nodded and smiled, not looking at him. “My gear, they would. We would have to keep this junk hidden somewhere so they wouldn't dissect it and reassemble it every two minutes.”

He snickered and glanced outside the window, noticing a bird resting there. “Can you imagine how many times they'd call the guys? Jean would yell at them and confiscate the damn thing.”

“I find that hard to believe,” you replied. “He loved them, despite everything. I think, if they were still with us, nobody would care about something like that. Just like you tolerate me.”

He rolled his eyes and shook his head. “I wouldn't spend all this time with you if I was simply tolerating you.” 

You tried hard not to blush and pretended to clear your throat. There was a question at the edge of your tongue, debating whether it was an appropriate time to pose it. The fork lowered on your lap and your gaze was empty. 

“Levi?” 

“Hm?” 

“How was it?” 

“How was what?” He knew what you meant and he regretted how well you knew each other, how perfectly tuned your minds were. 

A lump formed in your throat. “Their last moments. How was it?” 

Like a knee-jerk reaction, his fingers cradled the stitches on his face. How was it? There were a million emotions that he couldn't even begin to describe, no words were powerful or descriptive enough to portray how he felt accurately. 

“They were excited and laughed,” he said, trying to sound as stable as possible. “They knew it was their time to play their part and they executed it splendidly.”

“I wouldn't expect any less of them.” He noticed the trembling in your voice. “I’m sorry for bringing this up, I–”

“Don't apologize for anything,” he interrupted you. “It's hard for me to talk about it, but the more I keep to myself, the lonelier it feels.” You nodded in appreciation for his honesty. 

“May I ask how you felt?” 

That was a taxing question. “I felt everything and nothing all at once,” he spoke. “I didn't want to let them go, but I knew damn well I couldn't – I shouldn't – stop them. It would have been selfish and there was no space for sentimentality during that time. But I couldn't watch them rush off to stall the Titans. I could hear the sounds of their ODM gear, our comrades screaming for them, and all I could do was try not to collapse. I boarded that plane and everyone around me was sobbing and crying out in pain and my heart was sinking deeper and deeper.” Another hidden emotion resurfaced. He parted his lips to say something and you noticed him holding himself back. 

“Say it.” 

“I was thinking of you at the time. When they walked away, a wave of guilt choked me, telling me that you were going to hate me for allowing them to die.” 

Oh. Fuck. 

Being so vulnerable was hard for him. Thankfully, because of Gabi and Falco and Onyankopon, even Yelena whenever she wasn't being frustrating, opening up had become easier, but this particular matter was never brought up by anyone. Since you weren't there, you didn't know what happened. It was not a walk in the park to share those feelings and thoughts, but you deserved to know about your dear friend's last moments, even if the memories were unpleasant. 

You remained silent, trying to process everything. He thought… you would hate him? All the time you had known Levi, not once you thought to yourself you could hate him, in any degree or form. A pang of guilt stroke your heart. You threw the box with the breakfast on the dresser and rushed towards him, your arms wrapping around his shoulders and hiding your face in his neck, tears flowing down your cheeks. 

“Just how cruel do you think I am?” None, not at all. Of all the adjectives he could describe you with, cruel would never be it. “I’m so sorry for not responding to your letters sooner, Levi,” you cried, sniffling hard. “You carried this burden by yourself all this time–” 

“Stop apologizing, please.” His voice was so soft it sent chills down your spine. How could he be so considerate? An arm wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer. “We can't keep blaming ourselves, it's a stupid loop we need to free ourselves from.” He felt your head move, possibly nodding. “That's my girl.” 

Your eyes widened; what did he just say? What a horribly inappropriate time to get butterflies in your stomach. Maybe it was a selfish thought, but you imagined this is what Hange would have wanted. 

“Besides, we have all the time in the world, you can make it up to me anytime,” he continued, his tone more playful. You chuckled and clung to him even more. We have all the time in the world, huh? 

“Do you have anything particular in mind?” The question was uttered mostly against your will. It flabbergasted you as much as it did him. Between how promising it sounded and your breath against his neck, so temptingly close to his ear, Levi needed to liberate himself from your embrace, but he physically couldn't; he loved your touch too much for his own good. 

He swallowed thickly and lightly wiggled away from you. “You should go give the kiddo a call and come back to report.” 

You laughed at his words and saluted him teasingly. “Alright, Captain. Get ready while I'm gone.”

“I don't take that long,” he retorted, raising an eyebrow at you. 

“Levi, I've timed you!”

“Well, I take a bit longer now with my leg and everything,” he argued, crossing his arms over his chest. 

You snorted, although you didn't mean to. “Levi, don't give me that! I've known you for over a decade. You take at least half an hour, ironing your clothes, fixing your hair, washing your face and teeth,” you countered, listing every part of his routine with your fingers. He scoffed and stared at you. “Don't give me that face, me and Hange would wait for you outside your dorm room for what felt like hours!” 

Although your bickering lasted a while, neither of you felt any actual irritation or animosity towards the other. You loved his combative nature as much as he loved yours. Your squabbling continued as you got dressed up and until the door closed behind you. 

Alone in the room, Levi buried his face in the palms of his hands. It was inconceivable how worked up he got after every interaction with you. He wondered if it always felt like that and recalled moments from all those years you've known each other. It was true, he did feel like that most of the time, he just didn't allow himself the grace to savour the emotion in its entirety. However, the need to sweep his feelings under the rug was no longer necessary. So, why was it so hard to express himself as he wanted? 

Chapter Text

The restaurant was busy at that hour. The booth you had chosen was large enough to accommodate six people and was situated right next to the large window, with a view of the city street outside. A waiter had picked up your order and a few minutes later, Gabi entered the store. Much to your surprise, she took a seat right next to you. Levi pointed out how much longer her hair had grown since they last had seen each other and she flipped it in a grandiose manner to show it off. After ordering a parfait ice cream, she looked at Levi, sitting right opposite to the both of you. 

“Falco will join us a bit later, ‘cause he had to stay home and help his mother with some stuff,” she informed. “So, how was the trip? How was the train? It's awesome, right? Next time we visit you, we'll take the train too! I've only gotten a glimpse of it from outside, but it seems so cool.” Her enthusiastic ramble earned a giggle out of you. 

“It was a new experience,” Levi pointed out. “It was pleasant though.” He lifted an eyebrow at you, then glanced next to you, at Gabi. 

You nodded subtly and revealed the bag with the presents for her birthday. “I know it's tomorrow, but I wanted you to have this today,” you said, noticing the surprised glimmer in her eyes. 

“For me?!” she asked, her voice higher. With your affirmation, she accepted the bag and unfolded the dress. Her mouth parted while examining the garment and you bit your lip nervously. 

“I don't know you well enough, so I'm not familiar with your taste in clothes, but when I saw this, I thought of you,” you rambled and watched her pout at you. Gabi leaned over and embraced you with a cheerful exclamation.

“It's perfect! I will wear this tomorrow for my birthday.” 

After thanking you what felt like a thousand times, Gabi proceeded to update the two of you about life in Liberio after Levi's departure. For the most part, the situation has been relatively quiet. People are doing their best to move on every single day, they're working hard towards a better future, careful not to repeat the mistakes of the past. Her parents have found jobs of their own and she still worked in the refugee camps, while also helping with the city's flora restoration. The local government provided people like her a livable wage, although she had started off as a simple volunteer, so she had now become more independent. In addition, she had organized a weekly martial arts class, in order to teach people defense. 

On the other hand, Falco discovered his passion for machinery in the past year. He was hired as an apprentice at the town's most frequented repair shop and he's now considered one of the most brilliant mechanics his age. Gabi's rosy cheeks didn't go unnoticed by either of you and you sneered subtly at each other. 

Later, she mentioned how she had recently contacted Reiner and he was doing well. He said he truly wanted to be there for her birthday, but… duty calls. That was a sentiment she understood well and didn't hold any grudges against him. Pieck sent her regards to the ‘Captain’ and the rest of the team said they missed you dearly and promised to visit you as soon as possible. 

“What about Onyankopon and Yelena?” Levi asked, curious about their whereabouts. 

“Actually, Nyanko got a job recently as a merchant helper at the port. Yelena is… Well, she's doing her best, mostly. Her arm has been permanently damaged, so it's hard to find a job, but she's doing well at the refugee camp. She's doing more administrative tasks now, paperwork and all that stuff.” The girl gulped down a mouthful of parfait and you laughed at her brain freeze reaction.

“Tell us about those friends of yours,” you encouraged her, as your order was served. She looked up at you with her mouth full of her dessert and glanced at your meal. You could tell she was curious and with a tilt of your head, you urged her to take a bite. “Where did you meet?” 

Gabi swallowed the last piece of her dessert and washed it down with a few sips of water. According to her, they met at the camp. It was two girls and a boy, all three of them around her age. They were all orphans, who lost their families during the Rambling, and were still pretty shaken and timid around others. They participated in volunteering and helping around with planting trees and that was how she struck conversation. Despite their hesitancy, she ended up liking the trio; Marianne, Silva and Langer. Gabi noted that the more they hung out, the more they opened up, but she was still unclear about their feelings towards her. 

Levi hummed, his arms crossed over his chest. “To me, it sounds like they need a little push,” he said. 

“You think so?” 

“We all do, sweetheart.” You felt like an older sister, advising the younger one through these new experiences. “It seems they like you back, but they probably feel the same way you do. And I think it is great that you invited them to your birthday party.”

She frowned and looked down at her twiddling thumbs. “But what if they don't show up? Will that mean they don't like me?” 

“There might be many reasons they could possibly not show up for, but not liking you doesn't have to be one of them,” Levi replied sternly. Gabi nodded, accepting his logical argument. 

“I think you should just wait and see,” you added, gently squeezing her shoulder. “Don't be discouraged just yet. Will Falco join?” 

“Of course he will! I'd kill him if he didn't.” You shot another meaningful look at Levi and he blinked in understanding. “Nyanko will probably join us, as well. You won't be the only old people there,” she teased and Levi glared at her. “You know I love you,” she chanted, still taking bites out of your plate. You were surprised by the statement and glanced at him, noticing his shock. The gratifying sensation that erupted from deep within your heart made you smile; you always knew that Levi was loved and cherished, he was cared for by people around him and everyone made sure to show him, but it was rare to hear someone direct that word at him, much less hear him say it. It didn't matter, since Levi wore his heart on his sleeve at all times, and those who truly acknowledged his personality, they were perfectly aware of that. Still, it was refreshing to hear Gabi say that, especially after everything that transpired. 

The rest of your afternoon was spent at the restaurant and then a walk to the nearest park. The young girl pushed Levi's chair and chatted with you more about your life and interests. Despite the massive difference in upbringing and life experiences, as well as your age difference, you got along so well with her that the sisterly sentiment from before resurfaced. While showing you around the park, you rested on a bench and fed bread to some passing ducks. Levi joked about how it felt less lively without Falco and you laughed. In an attempt to get to know them better, you asked about her relationship with him, to which she blushed. Not wanting to put her on the spot, you ignored her rosy cheeks and looked away. She told you everything about their first meeting, how they were both Eldians who joined the Marleyan army to survive and how they grew closer as time went on. In the meantime, she mentioned her late friends, Zofia and Udo, who were tragically killed during Eren's attack in Liberio. Your heart sunk in your chest, guilt closing up your throat. 

“Captain knows this, but Falco confessed to me, we just never addressed it after the Rumbling.” The idea of her and Falco being together or something romantic occurring between them made your heart flutter. The fact that these kids finally had the chance to live normal lives amongst their struggle was comforting – blissful. 

“Will you do anything about it?” Levi asked, playfully scolding her. 

Gabi sighed and pushed the chair towards the park's exit. “I don't know, I- it's scary, y'know? Stuff like that has never been part of my priorities or something I'd ever consider. I thought I'd die on the battlefield.” She laughed at how morbid she sounded and Levi turned to face her with a raised brow. 

Hesitantly, you decided to join in, although you felt it wasn't really your place. “Do you have feelings for him?” You noticed her pout again and observed her contemplating face, searching for any signs of discomfort or annoyance. 

“I'm not sure, and what's more annoying is that I don't know how I can find out. There has to be some way, right? You two must know a secret to this!” 

The irony was killing you. The question of whether Levi had brought up your relationship to them like he did to his coworkers was born in you and you glanced at the back of his head. You immediately changed the subject by pointing out a large vehicle called the ‘ bus’. It was able to fit a lot of people inside, like a car, but it was much larger and more spacious. Levi had used them before and let you know that you need to purchase a ticket to board them. You looked at him and Gabi with pleading eyes and they smiled, while the latter offered to buy you a ticket from a nearby store. 

When the next bus arrived at the station, you and Gabi lifted Levi and a couple passengers lent you a hand. Fascinated was one way to describe you; you were in love with the people's kindness, with the technological advancements, with what the world was evolving into. The bus drove around the town, stopping every now and then, people ascending and descending from it. The open windows allowed a light breeze to ventilate the space and you felt invigorated. Your gaze averted away from the window and searched for Levi's eyes; they were already on you, a grin tugging at the edge of his lips. 

“What?” you asked nervously. 

“Nothing,” he said, breathing out a sigh of relief. “Your face just reminded me of a certain freak who got excited over things like that.” He recalled when they first interacted with people from Marley, introducing them to a series of new concepts, and how ecstatic Hange was. You were always just as curious as them, but didn't express it as vivaciously as they did. Still, he loved that look on your face, filled with hope and exuberance. (A look he often witnessed ever since you visited him.) 

Entry 294: We set out towards the 49th expedition yesterday. The mood was slightly off, since Hange has been begging Erwin to let them capture a titan alive and return it to the Walls, but he's adamantly against it. “Can't waste manpower and resources on something so dangerous,” he said. In a way, I understand him, he's the Commander and needs to make precise and hard decisions, but I don't believe Hange's request is unworthy of consideration. Unless we study and learn more about our enemy, we'll just keep going in circles. After we settled in an abandoned village, Miche immediately caught wind of a titan's presence. Hange headed off to chase it immediately and me and Levi rushed after them. Their behavior was reckless and it was a miracle we managed to get to the titan before it killed them (or anyone else for that matter). Not that I doubt their skills as a soldier, but they can act recklessly sometimes. After the titan was taken down, Levi was agitated and, to be fair, I can't blame him for being a little rough with them– he almost lost one of his soldiers because of their hasty decisions. I knew H felt bad for everything, so I reprimanded them privately later. In the meantime, we found a very important clue: the decapitated corpse of a former Scout soldier named Ilse Lagnar inside a tree and her notebook, where she recorded her journey after getting lost and encountering a titan, as well as her very last moments, right before she was eaten. It devastated me to see it, since she was one of my comrades. We returned to Trost and Hange studied her notes, discovering something unbelievable in the diary: the titans can communicate in an understandable language! I encouraged them to talk to Erwin again and they spent all night preparing a whole exposition for him, posing their original request again. They visited Ilse’s family and returned her uniform to them, as well as the notebook. They just returned to our room, along with Levi, and announced to me that Erwin greenlit their request!!! Next time he's going to let us bring titans back alive and real progress will be made!

Entry 299: A few days ago, we sent out the trainees on another mock mission. From the reports, it seems that the Jaeger boy is a feisty one. He's hot-headed and his decision-making skills aren't always sharp, but his passion and dedication to the cause makes up for everything. Some bandits kidnapped Christa and they all rushed to save her. It makes me happy that they cooperated to save their comrade instead of chickening out. For that reason, since they completed the mission successfully, we treated them to a generous meal at the usual place last night. Hange has stopped drinking, so we shared a small pint of beer and they left to continue their titan research. Couple hours later, an hour after midnight, the trainees returned to their dorms, since they have to attend class tomorrow. I was offered to be walked back to my room by Shadis, but he was pissed drunk and Levi pushed me out of the store, offering me his flask to have some water. I had gone a little overboard with the alcohol and had started to get out of control. I invited him into my room and he helped me lay down on my bed, first removing my boots. Maybe the liquor was exaggerating everything in my brain, but he looked breathtakingly attractive and the way he cared for me, although there were other people, even from his team, that were in a worse state than me, did something in my brain that I couldn't control or explain. He removed my jacket and then he went for my pants. Since I was sitting up, I pulled him down against me, him lying on top of me. He was shocked, but he didn't move. Instead, we remained like that for a while. I stared at his face, taking in how beautiful he looked. “You have a pretty face, y'know that?” is what I said, and I felt him stop breathing. Although I wasn't holding onto him and he was able to get off of me, he still didn't move. His arms rested on the bed, supporting his upper body above me. “Is that so?” he asked, eyeing my whole face. When his eyes locked onto my lips, I felt like my core was on fire. I nodded and smiled. “You reek of alcohol.” “Then why are you still on top of me?” He didn't have a response to that, and my heart was beating rapidly. “The view is nicer up close,” he said at last. I felt my temperature increase and heat spread down to my crotch. “Is that the only reason?” I knew I was playing with fire, but his eyes wouldn't stop glancing down to my mouth. I felt like he wanted to kiss me, but it could have been the numerous drinks. I felt something poking at my thigh and I realized that his hips were there. It took me a bit to understand and then I blushed at the possibility of him feeling turned on, especially because of me. I whispered his name and noticed his eyes were half closed, his lips parted and his nose was touching mine. We were both breathing hard, until he cleared his throat, got up and quickly helped me change into my nightgown, then tucked me into bed and left with a pat on the head. I feel like now that I'm sober and thinking about this with a clear mind, I could say with a fair amount of confidence that whatever I thought was going on between us is not one-sided. 

Entry 310: I don't understand how he can act so normally around me. Sometimes I feel like just standing next to him will set me on fire. Yesterday, a merchant introduced to us some rare delicacies and he shared his portion with me, since I didn't show up on time to buy anything. According to him, he guessed what I would have liked based on my tastes and kept my share in a separate box. This morning, I went to my office and I found him dusting off and organizing my desk. Sweet gestures like these speak so much for his character, but I feel confused, since he's naturally kind to everyone. I've confided in Hange about everything once again and they're certain that his feelings towards me aren't simply platonic, “but you can never know with him”. I don't want to get my hopes up, but I'm trying to clear things up in my brain and it's hard. Earlier tonight, I was patrolling with my squad on the Walls and for the most part, it was quiet. My team was relaxing when all the girls sat down around me and started chatting, while the dudes kept watch. Conversation led from one thing another and I heard them gossip about romance and sex. They usually didn't do that around me, but lately they seem to loosen up more. While they were chatting about Sihmi’s crush on Charles, I decided to participate and provided some feedback. Later, I described the situation between me and Levi, but presented it without mentioning names. The girls looked at me with mischievous looks and I swore up and down that it wasn't about me, although I don't think they believed me. Anyway, they think that “this guy should just confess his feelings and stop torturing the poor girl”, so I suppose neither Hange nor I are off the mark. “Is the girl totes sure she's into him?” Lav asked with a raised eyebrow. Answering as if the question was addressed to me, I nodded. “Then she should make a move,” Jill interjected. I asked how my “friend” should go about it and they remained silent for a while. “Maybe a straightforward confession?” Sarah proposed. The other girls immediately rejected the idea, along with me. “If a confession is out of the question – at least for the time being – maybe she should try prying more into his personal feelings or be more daring towards him,” Agatha suggested, earning agreeable exclamations from the other girls. I told them I'll keep all that in mind and ordered them to return to patrolling. I then went up to each of my men and asked them their opinions and they all agreed that “the dude” is “super into her”, so, once again, Hange is vindicated. Pry more into his feelings and be more daring? My gear, if I succeed in any of that without making an absolute fool of myself, it would be a miracle. 

Entry 316: Recently I've realized that, compared to when I first started writing about my days, my entries have gotten progressively longer. I think that, at some point, I subconsciously found great pleasure in journaling, because so many things happen and I want to keep these memories alive. Maybe when I'm old (if such a blessing is bestowed upon me), I'll read these back and understand what an adventurous life I've lived. I even thought of publishing these diaries, under a fake name of course, and maybe they'll go down in history as valuable sources. I laugh at myself, because I have some personal stuff going on in here, so it could be seen as dumb or unimportant, but I don't know. Maybe in the future someone could gain strength from this. I don't know where all this came from, but it was just in my mind lately. Anyway, after my doctor's appointment, I was told that the lump on my neck is alarmingly large and I'll need to undergo surgery to remove it. It could also explain why I've been losing so much hair the past semester. The doctor said that the sooner the lump is removed, the better. Hange offered to contribute in conducting the biopsy. Tomorrow I'll have the surgery and see how it goes. Hange told me that Levi called everything off as soon as he heard about the operation and said he will be present while the process is being done. 

Entry 317: Surgery was successful! I'm still shaken up and exhausted, but the lump was removed and the doctors, along with Hange and other scientists, are studying the nugget they extracted. I was under anesthesia the entire time and apparently, after I woke up, I found Levi sitting beside my bed, holding my hand. He asked me how I felt and I said I was alright. I was hooked up with various needles that provided vitamins and nutrients to my body. He asked me if I needed anything but I wasn't allowed to drink or eat unless the doctor permitted it. I pouted and he laughed. He told me about everything that happened while I was out, including the fact that the bouquets beside me were all by my squad. I started to cry, feeling moved. He mentioned that even Ruben visited and I noticed his face turn sour. Regardless, R didn't overstay his welcome and left a rose on top of my bedside table. I asked Levi the reason he was so displeased with him and he didn't respond immediately, as if he was trying to come up with an answer. Instead, he brought up how he was worried about me and watched over me while they were performing the surgery. He didn't let my hand go the whole time. After the doctor checked up on me, they brought me my first meal and a cup of water. Levi fed me everything and helped me drink whenever I needed it and, for a moment, I thought “How lovely it is to be taken care of by him and have all of his attention.” I'm writing this all down while he's sitting beside me, a newspaper on top of my bed, resting upright against my bent legs. The whole setting is so intimate and maybe it's the fatigue and the medicine for making me loopy, but I can only think of how I wish this lasted longer. What if our lives were just… this? It's just wishful thinking, but it brings me at ease. 

Since Gabi had to run some errands and prepare for her birthday the following day, she returned home around six in the afternoon. With nothing to do, you and Levi strolled around the city at a leisurely pace. He suggested you visit a certain spot at the marina in order to watch the sunset and you cheered at the idea. Upon arriving at the spot, you noticed other people hanging around, a lot of them couples that were hugging and kissing. You blushed at their displays of affection and you tried to avoid looking at Levi. You stood beside him and your hand rested on his shoulder, gripping it gently. Together, you watched the sky change from a bright orange to a softer red and then pink, until the sun set entirely and the sky was dark, the stars peeking out from the navy-colored blanket above your heads. 

After supplying yourself with dinner, you returned to your hotel. The lady at the front desk greeted you and informed you that your room was cleaned after your departure that morning, to which you responded with genuine appreciation. 

Back at your room, you undressed yourself and helped Levi with his own clothes. He washed his face and then you offered to apply ointment over his scars. You started with the ones on his face, which you traced softly with the pad of your ring finger. While lathering the skin, you stared at his wounded eye; you remembered Historia describing how Zeke Jaeger was responsible for those scars and you took a deep breath in pure anger. Despite that, you found him beautiful. Hange's love and care are what kept him alive, you thought. 

“You're staring,” he said and you snapped out of your bubble. 

Chewing down on your lip, you moved towards the abrasions on his fingers. “Sorry, didn't do it on purpose.” 

“Do I look that pitiful?” 

“Oh, shut up.” You felt irritated whenever he talked like that about himself. “I don't pity you in the slightest. I just think it's annoying that you look that great.” Your voice betrayed your amusement and you proceeded to apply ointment on his other scars; his shoulder, his bicep and the ones across his chest and torso. He didn't follow up with anything and you figured he decided to take the compliment. Focusing on his skin, you realized how firm his body still was and how attractive he looked. 

“Annoying? How so?” His question caught you by surprise. Now you had to respond while your face was a breath away from his. 

“Because you've always looked great and, although you've been through a lot, your charm hasn't been tainted in the slightest.” While coating the scar on his stomach, you felt your heart thrumming. 

“You think I've always looked great?” 

Part of you wanted to laugh and avoid the question, but your heart wouldn't allow it. “I do, I always have,” you blurted out. 

“What is the most attractive thing about me?” He was aware he was putting you on the spot, but he loved the validation he received from you. He also loved seeing you get nervous because of him. 

Done with smearing the treatment on his body, you stepped away, still facing him. “The whole of you is beautiful. I don't think I've ever been able to pinpoint the single, most prominent part.” You moved around the room tidying up your clothes and preparing the outfit for tomorrow. After a few seconds, you replied. “But if I really had to pick, it's a tie between your eyes and lips. Honorable mention to your neck.” You couldn't believe you said that, but you did. With your hands and eyes busy with your garments, you didn't notice him blushing intensely. 

“That so,” he trailed off, crawling on top of his bed with a tiny grin on his face. On the contrary, you were roaming around the room, mostly pointlessly, trying to find something to occupy yourself with to forget about how embarrassed you felt. 

Chapter Text

The weather on Gabi's birthday was favorable. There wasn't a single cloud visible in the sky and the temperature was warm enough, the sun shining pleasantly. The gathering was supposed to take place around noon, so you had woken up early to get ready and so did Levi. Since you were supposed to spend time by the sea, you wore something comfortable: a long, light pink skirt of silky texture, a bright green dress shirt and your boots, to avoid getting sand on your feet. Next to you, Levi chose a pair of black, loose pants and a beige dress shirt with his favorite loafers. On top of his lap, he had placed his present for the birthday girl and your bag. With your hair covered by your hat, you walked to the door and asked him if you were good to go, when he stopped you. 

“Don’t rush yet, I have something for you,” he said, and moved to where his luggage was. You stared at him, anticipating to show you what that mystery item was. He turned around and wheeled his chair in front of you, his hand extending towards you. A small, black tube was in the center of his palm. Tentatively, you plucked it away from him and inspected it, glancing back at him with a puzzled look. “Open it.” You noticed a faint line encircling the item and you pulled at it with the least amount of force you could muster. Inside, you saw something red, resembling a crayon, like the ones Historia's baby girl used to draw with. Once again, you timidly looked at Levi, who smiled at you. “Give it a twist,” he prompted. Wordlessly, you rotated the bottom half of the tube and the red crayon-like content emerged from inside. He noticed that your perplexed expression didn't disappear and decided to provide some details. “It's lipstick, Bug. You apply that to your lips and it gives an extra layer of color to them.” Carefully, you used the edge of the lipstick on the back of your hand and tested out the pigment; it looked truly gorgeous on your complexion. Such things didn't exist in Paradis as commonly for as long as you lived there, at least during your time as a Scout member, so you felt fairly astonished. “I've seen Irene wear this sometimes at work and I thought you might wanna try it out. If you don't like it, you can–” 

Before he could finish his sentence, you ran to the bathroom and tried to figure out how to properly apply that on your mouth. You felt like an amateur and, truthfully, a little ridiculous for not knowing how it worked, but since you were in a rush, you smothered your lips with it and walked back to Levi with an unconvinced smile. He snorted at the sight of the lipstick smudged everywhere around your lips and he brought a damp piece of paper, meticulously cleaning the excess pigment, limiting it to just the skin of your lips. The gesture had your mind running laps, but you remained composed and calm. The glances he stole from you while fixing your make-up didn't go unnoticed and had your stomach churning. Backing away from you, he pointed at the mirror opposite of your bed and urged you to check yourself out. Compliant to his instructions, you stood in front of the mirror and peeked at yourself; it was a strange sight, never having used anything like that prior to this moment, but after a while, you realized that the red tint complimented your face way more than you expected. You faced Levi and grinned, expecting his opinion. 

In all the years he had been by your side, he thought that you couldn't get any prettier than you already were. At first, he was afraid you might not like it or you would feel like it was an indirect commentary on your appearance, but you seemed so enthusiastic about it and all of his fears vanished. When he saw Irene wearing that thing, he thought it looked strange, but he noticed that more and more people around him tinted their lips. As soon as you agreed to his first invitation, he asked his young coworker to get him the same exact one, a task she immediately fulfilled, in exchange for some information regarding who it was supposed to be gifted to. 

“It suits you,” he commented, fumbling nervously with the remaining fingers of his right hand. “You look beautiful.” The adjective shot straight through your stomach, a knot forming in response to his praise. “We should get going, we need to be there in half an hour.” 

The walk to the beach was rather fun. As you pushed Levi through the crowds of people, the feeling of being alive dawned on you once more. All these people, survivors just like you and him, were continuing their journey, each of them in their own way. It was a strange feeling to analyze, since you didn't believe you would make it that far in life. Back when you were appointed as Historia's guard, you couldn't imagine what a future would be like down the line, how the world would turn out. You looked down on Levi's head, noticing the white strands of hair; you had a few of those too. Oh, my gear, we're growing old together! That thought was thrilling, reassuring. You thought back to his offer – staying with him for as long as you wanted – and you smiled to yourself. 

The beach finally appeared in your line of sight. You tapped your feet on the ground ecstatically and increased your speed. Levi checked his pocket watch and commented on how you had arrived right on time. Behind you, a familiar voice called out both of your names and you turned around,  Onyankopon’s tall frame towering over the two of you. His hair had grown out and was styled in a unique way, earning a compliment from you. He greeted Levi with a firm handshake and looked over at the beach, his sunglasses covering his eyes. 

“I took the day off for this,” he said, now his turn to push Levi. 

“You must like her a lot,” you pointed out, and paused your walking. 

“We did spend a significant amount of time together and she's a great kid, Falco too, so,” he shrugged. Upon seeing that there was no wheelchair-friendly path on the beach, Onyankopon offered to carry Levi on his back, to which the latter accepted. 

From afar, you spotted Gabi and Falco seated down on a large blanket, surrounded by various objects. With a loud voice, one you hadn't heard in years, Levi shouted out to them and the two teenagers acknowledged your arrival. As you drew closer, your eyes almost welled up; Gabi was wearing the dress you gifted her. Your lip quivered, feeling overwhelmingly emotional. Levi looked at you fleetingly and grinned. The birthday girl rushed towards you and embraced you first, spinning around herself to show off her outfit to you. Her hair was up in a ponytail, two strands of hair dangling on each side of her face, and you noticed she was also wearing lipstick, only a different color. Your compliments heartened her, her features illuminated with joy. 

From a quick scan of the area, you didn't detect the three people that the kiddos had befriended. Unfortunately, her sharp senses noticed you looking around and tutted. “They haven't arrived… yet,” she said, a hint of disappointment in her tone. 

“Don't worry Gabs,” you said, the nickname uttered impulsively, as you massaged her shoulder. “I'm sure they will.” 

Without wasting time, the celebrant invited everyone to join her at the picnic site. Around a meter or two away from the sea, she had scattered two large fleece blankets – suitable for a double bed – and fetched some pillows for her guests to sit comfortably onto, especially Levi. He appreciated her consideration and propped his leg on top of the cushion and since you didn't need yours, you passed it to him for additional leverage. Other than that, Gabi had prepared various snacks, enough for everyone to feast upon, of both savory and sweet consistencies. 

The ones talking the most were Falco and Onyankopon for a while. The first was sharing his progress as a mechanic; his interest in engineering was piqued because of his father, whose car had broken down a couple of times and had to be checked by a professional. During one of their visits, the boy had questions about the technicalities and began to write down notes about everything he learned, until he was an expert – at least in theory. At one point, when their neighbor had to change tires, Falco volunteered to help and successfully accomplished the task. So much so, that the technician who visited (the one from the repair store) was fascinated by the work done. Falco took responsibility for the tire change and the man offered to train him to become a licensed engineer. By his own admission, it was a tough decision, but it was the swiftest one he ever made. Ever since he joined the repair crew, he has been glad to immerse himself in this field and help people, while also deriving pleasure from what he does. 

“And on that note, if you ever need your vehicles checked, just call me!” Falco announced with a big, proud smile. “Our team is willing to travel anywhere to fix stuff.” Levi beamed with fondness, watching this person that he first met as an enemy, a child-soldier, speak so cordially about his current life. 

Next was Onyankopon, who, as previously stated, was working as a merchant's assistant at the Liberio port. That basically translated to unloading the merchandise that arrived either by boat or airplane. However, he mentioned how his boss has taken notice of his efficiency and, taking into consideration the fact he participated in terminating the Rumbling, he was willing to upgrade his position into something more appropriate for a “man of his caliber.” You were curious as to how his boss was aware of his participation in the Rumbling mission and Onyankopon clarified that his boss was one of the people stranded in Fort Salta and remembered the dangerous landing with the flying boat he was piloting at that time. 

“I'm truly grateful that I can finally do a job that doesn't involve physical labor, I won't lie,” he joked with an exaggerated sigh of relief. “All these years as a soldier, then the Rumbling, that damn landing, everything has taken a toll on my body, so I'm glad to finally be doing more admin work.” 

You looked over at Levi and grinned; you knew how much he loathed paperwork. On the contrary, you didn't mind, since you loved writing more than anything. 

Time passed idly, laughter and animated chattering reverberating around the beach. More people had visited, some of them braver than the five of you and taking a dip inside the endless, turquoise waters. Almost an hour and a half since your initial meeting had passed and Gabi looked around, fixing her hair. The girl frowned and started to unpack the snacks, asking everyone to dig in with a feigned smile. It was no secret to the rest of you how discouraged she seemed. 

In the distance, a cacophony of loud shouting towards your direction echoed throughout the beach. Your heads snapped towards where the sounds were coming from and Gabi's face blushed intensely, seeing three young people running towards your company. Both her and Falco immediately jumped up, their friends finally making an appearance. One of the girls panted heavily and offered a bag to Gabi.

“We're so terribly sorry for our tardiness! This is a cake for you,” Silva said, and Gabi started to unpack, stunned into silence. The cake was heart-shaped and was covered with red icing. 

The boy of their group, Langer, spoke up, seeing his friend struggle with catching her breath. “We had this ordered yesterday, but the bakery forgot all about it and we had to search for another one, it was so stressful! We truly apologize for coming so late, it wasn't intentional, I swear.” 

Gabi's entire demeanor changed from that point on. Because of her friends’ arrival, she and Falco practically ditched you and ran off to play around in the sand and test out the water, splashing each other. The adults remained at the picnic spot and conversed amongst yourselves, still feeling content with watching the kids enjoying their time. 

Some time later, the three girls sat beside you, as they asked for your permission to braid your hair. You stilled yourself and allowed them to style your hair however they pleased. Every now and then, you would glance over at Levi, who was still discussing a certain topic with Onyankopon that you weren't paying any attention to, and you would catch him staring back at you and smiling. The last time he could recall someone doing your hair was some girls from your old squad; back then, your hair was longer and you would tie it with a rubber band unkemptly, so, occasionally, your subordinates would fix it for you. He never expressed it, but he liked seeing you letting people take care of your hair, because of how relaxed and elated you looked. 

The rest of Gabi's birthday was lamentably wrapped up sooner than planned, since the weather got progressively – and pretty suddenly – worse. Early in the afternoon, you hurriedly packed everything up and found shelter in two different cars; you and Levi in Onyankopon’s, while the kids in Falco's. The pouring rain forced you to bid goodbye soon, as you drove away and headed back to the hotel. You retreated to your room and started to undress, preparing your outfit for tomorrow. 

“Did you have fun?” you asked, striving to make conversation. 

Levi hummed softly in response, taking his time to remove his clothes. “It was nice. I'm glad that her friends ended up coming.” 

“I was sure they would. Call it a hunch, but I could feel it in my gut.” 

“We should call the doctor if your stomach's feeling funny,” he teased with a smirk. You poked your tongue out at him and he snickered. “I have a surprise for you,” he said, rather dubiously. 

You glanced at him, your eyebrows knitted. “Another one? Are you feeling generous today, Captain?” 

“Not me, but Paul,” he replied. “I didn't tell you earlier, but he gave me Monday as a day off. We can stay for another day.”

Your mouth dropped and you couldn't speak a single word. “But the train tickets are for tomorrow!” 

He shook his head and smiled. “Don't worry about that. I invaded your privacy and took them from your bag so I could change them.” 

“When was that?!” 

“Remember when I left you to get Gabi's present?” You did remember that. He said the store he was looking for was close to the train station and… Levi could practically see the gears turning in your head . “That's when that was.” 

“And the room?!” 

“Rearranged it with the receptionist while you were on the phone with the kiddo.” You groaned at how prepared he was and how silly you felt for not noticing any of that. 

“My gear, you drive me crazy, Ackerman.” Something about the way you said his surname, combined with the fact that he's driving you crazy , it was exhilarating. It was also a boost to his confidence. 

“We can rest for a couple of hours and, in case the rain has stopped by eight, we can go out for dinner, maybe drinks too. What do you think?”All you could think of was how thankful you were for packing a spare outfit, just in case. 

Drinks. With Levi. In Liberio. 

You nodded in response and rushed to the bathroom and washed off the lipstick, which had almost disappeared by the time you got back. Turning on the shower, you stepped inside and soaked yourself, scrubbing your body down gently. You felt happy. You were excited. You couldn't wait for that evening and prayed as hard as possible that the rain stopped. 

When it was Levi's turn to shower, you heard him whine out loud and looked back at him, your hair still wet. You stepped outside the bathroom door and knocked. “Everything alright in there?”

A deep sigh. “Not really,” he replied, a short pause following his words. “Forgot to ask for a stool.”

It immediately dawned on you that he was naked in there, with just his cane. You knocked and announced your entrance, finding Levi slumped against the shower wall, shifting all of his body weight onto his intact leg. Moving intuitively, you removed your shirt and your pants and walked inside the shower, snaking your arm around his bare waist, while his arm wrapped over your shoulder. Levi felt like he could explode at any given moment. You were there, in just your underwear, while he stood next to you completely nude. He was aware that his face was on fire and just hoped you wouldn't notice. After helping him sit on the toilet, you left the bathroom for a few seconds and searched for something that could be used as a stool. There was only one chair, but it was covered with leather and you didn't want to risk ruining it. Irritated for the lack of chairs, you headed back to the bathroom. You could tell he felt uncomfortable, but you didn't falter; you wouldn't allow him to wallow in embarrassment. 

“Would you mind if I get in the shower with you?”

“But you just got done.” 

“It's alright,” you assured him with a smile. In an instant, you had him get back in the shower with you, only this time, with his cane in hand. “Hang on tightly for a second.” As soon as his hands were off of you, you mousily removed your underwear, leaving you nude as well. “Now neither of us has to feel awkward,” you teased, despite your worrisome heart palpitations. Tugging at his unoccupied arm, he placed it on top of your shoulder and you first proceeded to pour water on him. Then, with stable, calm movements, you massaged shampoo into his hair, wondering if he still enjoyed your scalp massages. It had been a long time since you last had the chance to do that. Almost as if he read your mind, his eyes closed and breathed out placidly. So, he does still enjoy it. You bit the inside of your cheek, trying not to make it too obvious you were also enjoying this. With his hair washed, you grabbed the sponge and squirted some liquid soap onto it, squishing it in order to produce bubbly foam. You started off with his neck, shoulders and back, then the front of his torso. It would be a lie to say you didn't feel frantic, your exposed bodies constantly touching. Still, you promised to take care of him, no matter what. 

On the other hand, Levi was trying to maintain his composure, or whatever was left of it. Painfully aware of how your chest felt against his, and your gentle rubbing down on his body, he was putting up a real fight with his own self. He never expected that to happen, but you acted so rapidly and decidedly, baffling him. No reaction was strong enough to prevent you from proceeding and, truthfully, he was overwhelmed by how naturally it came to you to assist him, that he simply didn't want you to stop. A press on his ass forced him to snap out of it and finally opened his eyes. 

“I think I can take it from here,” he stuttered, his tone ever solemn. You handed him the sponge and looked away, as he scrubbed down his crotch, still clutching onto you. 

“I can do your legs,” you suggested, watching him wash the upper parts of his thighs. The tone in which you spoke that sentence was so sincere that it felt like his chest was going to cave in on itself. You asked him like it was the most normal thing you could ever do, as if you had done that a thousand times before and this was just another instance. He stared at you dumbfounded and you snatched the sponge away from his hand. Lowering your body to the shower floor, you squatted, still supporting himself on you. With quick, but delicate movements, you cleaned his legs and feet, massaging his sore knee for a little, before standing up again. “All done! Let's get you rinsed and get out, alright?” Avoiding your gaze, he nodded wordlessly and you smiled. Water cascaded down his body and you covered him with his towels, leading him outside towards the bed. You got dressed again and lied down on the bed, your back slightly sore. “Wasn't so bad, was it?” 

Levi was lucky you were only facing his back. He could feel his whole face reddening and his breathing was shallow and erratic. Heavens, why did you make him feel this way?

Entry 319: It's been a few days since my surgery, and all I've been doing is sleeping in my room, eating and going to the bathroom. I don't journal that much, since I'm usually drowsy. My neck is uncomfortable because of the stitches and I can't sleep as I'm used to. Thankfully, the dear lovely Hange has brought me multiple pillows and positioned them in such a way that my body is resting adequately. Levi brings me the newspaper every day and reads it to me. Other times, he'll sneak in more food than I'm allowed to receive, just for my sake, and also has resorted to helping me shower, when the girls in my squad are busy or off-duty and absent. Whenever he stays over, usually when Hange is pulling an all-nighter, he'll narrate various events or his whole day to me in detail and update me on any important news or announcements for the Scouts. The other night, I woke up needing to visit the bathroom, and he carried me in his arms all the way to the common lavatory. Since it's hard for me to crank my neck or move around my head a lot, he lowered my pants and underwear for me and stood in front of me, with his back to me, while I finished my business. It was a strange gesture. I couldn't even call it creepy, because he's seen me naked so many times, he's probably bored of seeing me nude at this point! My gear, what a funny thought! 

Entry 322: My soldiers informed me today that many bandits have been spotted in places outside of the Walls, wrecking havoc. Levi's team, along with the Garrison Dept will investigate a couple places, so he'll be away for a while. Hange is always studying their titan specimens. Occasionally, my girls will visit and do my hair, since it's gotten too long. Today, I asked them to trim it a little bit and Agatha, along with Jill and Sihmi, took care of the task. My neck feels slightly better as well, and the biopsy showed that the lump was apparently a tumor. I'll need to take heavy medication for a while, but in 2 weeks I'll be able to start working again! I'm really excited to get back in action and be with everyone else. 

Entry 323: It's been a month since my last entry. I haven't been in a state to write anything down. A while ago, Agatha received a letter from her parents outside of the Walls. They lived in a small village in the south and said that bandits have been raiding places nearby and felt like it was going to be their turn soon. In a desperate effort, she begged me to leave by herself and go look for her family. I immediately asked Erwin if I could take my team and go, but he refused. Needless to say, Agatha wasn't happy with that. What I didn't expect was her departure in the middle of the night, along with the rest of our squad. I was frantically woken up by Levi and Petra storming inside my room, announcing that my team was nowhere to be found. Without care for Erwin and his orders – or any consequences for that matter – I mounted my horse and headed to Agatha's village as fast as I could. I didn't realize it, but Levi had followed me, along with his own team. When I arrived at the village, the whole place was burned down to a crisp and it was full of titans. In my frenzy, I slayed them all by myself and then immediately started to look for my comrades. On the other side of the village, a large pile of bodies, beheaded and all of their limbs severed. From the clothes, I recognized it was them right away. All 7 of them, dead in front of me. The smell of burned flesh reeked all over the area and I collapsed on my knees, throwing up repeatedly, while screaming and sobbing my eyes out. Only when I heard Levi's voice did I manage to snap out of whatever was going on with me. When he tried to touch me, I smacked his arm away and, at that moment, I knew I looked absolutely crazy to him. It was the first time I ever yelled at him that way. Despite my resistance, he crouched down next to me, our bodies touching, while he rubbed down my back to soothe me. I cried and I cried and I cried until I couldn't take it anymore. With a pounding headache, I asked Levi what I was meant to do. Petra approached us and squatted down in front of me, frowning in sympathy. She said that they had already sent someone back to the headquarters to report and return with reinforcements. After Erwin arrived, I felt like quitting right then and there, but Levi stepped in and explained the situation to the Commander. For the past month, my duties have been put on temporary hold and I've been visiting the families of my team, one by one. Erwin claimed it was partially my fault, as their Leader, for not disciplining them sufficiently. But even if I tried to prevent them, it was 7 people vs me. What should I have done differently? Tie a bunch of adults down to their beds so they won't escape? Even now I can't stop crying. The smell of their corpses is etched in my nostrils and skull and the sight burned into my retinas. Every night I wake up from nightmares, shouting and my heart pounding and it feels like I'm going to die. I sometimes wish I did, I wish it was me instead of my team. 

Entry 324: Two weeks since my last entry. I forgot to mention that I've been sleeping with Levi or Hange ever since that incident. I just feel safer with them by my side, and they let me cuddle them until I'm passed out. Levi told me that Erwin will lift my activity ban and I'll be able to return to my duties soon. Hange asked him to let me be part of their team (I think as a Corporal, but at this point, I don't give a damn about titles) and he received the suggestion positively, so I'm expecting it will happen. Last night, I fell asleep while I was knitting a scarf, a habit I've picked up recently. I felt Levi carry me to the bed and I immediately wrapped my arms around him. He was warm and alive next to me and I started to cry. “I don't want you to die, ever,” I mumbled. His fingers laced themselves in my hair and massaged my scalp. “You know that's impossible, right?” I nodded, feeling numb and overly emotional. I thanked him for everything and I felt his fingers slide down from my head on my face, the pads of his digits warm against my skin. He caressed my cheek and wiped away my tears, looking deep into my eyes. I pushed myself upward so we were on the same eye level and I looked at his lips, then his eyes. I felt so sensitive and delirious and all I could think of was how fragile our lives were, that we could die tomorrow or in the next 10 minutes. As slowly as possible, with my chest in pain, I leaned in closer. He didn't move away, but his eyes were lidded and his breath was shallow, his lips parted as if he was expecting it. But before I landed a peck, he turned his head away and his hands found my shoulders, pushing me back to my previous position. He tucked the blanket over my shoulder and propped himself properly so I could recline against him. “Go to sleep, you're tired.” His hand resumed patting my head and I think I fell asleep almost immediately. 

Entry 329: Since I've recovered fully and I can resume my Scouting duties, Erwin explained what my new position will be, which both me and Miche called it “co-leader to everyone”, meaning, I will be helping out the other Squad Leaders + Levi whenever they need me. Honestly, I hate that, but there's nothing else I could do. After my trial, I needed to be placed somewhere and do something, otherwise I'd end up in jail or executed. Levi and Erwin put a lot of effort into securing that position for me, so I can't complain (although I just did). Tomorrow I'll help out Marlene with whatever they have to do. I will also be training, which is the only joy I'll probably get out of this deal. In the past month, I've realized that I've grown a huge distaste for this job. Maybe because I'm still grieving and the horrible feeling hasn't vanished yet, but I'm tired. I look around at everyone and think “they'll be dead soon” or “they'll become Titan shit”, as Levi says. I briefly saw the trainees yesterday and they were all very sweet to me, after learning what happened, offering condolences and trying to comfort me. That asshole Jean was relieved by my story, since it only validated his decision to join the Military Police, and although I wanted to land a punch on him, I didn't have the strength or the guts, because I understand him now. I looked at the rest of the Cadets-to-be and cried in front of them. Some of them, if not most, will die one day. I hate looking around me and all I can see is death. I shared these thoughts with Levi, because I know he wouldn't judge me, and he was rather supportive. “I wouldn't want you to quit, you're valuable here, and I believe you have a bright future ahead of you.” I appreciated his words, but a part of me wondered “Is that only why you don't want me to quit?” I asked that out loud and he froze. He gave me a half smile and brushed his fingers through my hair. “Nobody trims my hair like you do, it would be a shame to lose such a good barber.” I laughed a lot, the hardest and most I've laughed in a long time. I couldn't say it, I feel like I could never vocalize it, but I did want to tell him that I love him. I care about him so much and he's important to me, it's always been that way. I'm getting sappy and I got an early start tomorrow morning, but this was a soothing feeling, in the midst of it all. 

Chapter Text

It was your final day in Liberio. After helping out Levi in the bathroom the previous evening, the weather didn't improve, so you decided to stay in your hotel room. The receptionist lady knocked on your door and informed you that you had a call from Gabi and you rushed downstairs to speak with her. She apologized for how her birthday plans transpired and you reassured her that, despite the sudden downpour, you had a lovely time and even joked about Levi being on cloud nine over meeting her again. Her sweet giggles warmed your heart; it was touching how accustomed you had grown to her, regardless of having met her a very limited amount of times. Before hanging up, she reported that the music festival that you were supposed to attend on her birthday was postponed to the following day, starting at six in the afternoon and asked whether you would be interested in joining her and Falco. Onyankopon and her new friends weren't able to attend, so it would be just the four of you. Without asking for Levi's input, you agreed and her cheers validated your decision. As long as she was happy, you didn't mind his nagging. 

It goes without saying that Levi didn't appeal to the ideal of the festival; too loud, too crowded and too overwhelming. You couldn't bring yourself to disagree with him, since you felt similarly, but you had never attended such an occasion before, especially under such circumstances. Eventually, he agreed. Not because he felt forced to, but because he did want to experience this with you , in particular. Also, he could never, in his heart of hearts, deny or disappoint the kiddo. 

Thus, you spent your last day waking up late and then getting breakfast at the nearby cafeteria. Levi watched you savor the meal with bliss in his soul; you used to struggle with food back during your Scout days, occasionally lacking appetite or overeating due to anxiety and your overall state. Ever since you visited, you've been enjoying food in a healthy way and he couldn't feel happier. Like most things, he never pointed it out to you directly, he doubted that you even noticed your digestive troubles; you didn't do it on purpose, but you made him sick with worry. With any given opportunity, he would bring you food or create a situation that involved eating, just to make sure you were well-nourished.

At a later time, you sauntered around the neighborhood, looking for local stores to buy souvenirs from. “What for?” Levi asked, innocently. “We can visit anytime we want.” You smiled at his response, your mind swirling because of the implications of it. 

“Need more clothes,” you chirped, pushing his wheelchair faster due to excitement. 

He craned his neck to glance up at you through his sunglasses. “What for?” he repeated in the same tone as before. “We don't go out that much.” He didn't mean to sound cynic, he was just… stating a fact. Back in Odiha, you didn't arrange frequent outings. 

Tired of his probing, you rolled your eyes at him. “I’ll wear them around the house and look pretty for you ,” you blurted out hastily, trying to sound annoyed to shut him up. From that angle, you could see his ears turning a deep shade of red, no answer coming from him. You smirked to yourself over your small victory. 

Only your victory was short-lived. “You look pretty without them, too.” Why the hell did I say that? That sounds wrong, that sounds so damn wrong. He gripped the handle of the armrest, feeling as if his chest was collapsing in real time. The silence between you was deafening. “I meant–”

“Yeah,” you choked, nodding to yourself. “Got it.” 

Your meeting with the kids was around seven. They had offered to pick you up from your hotel and head to the festival together. As they promised, they arrived at the arranged time with Falco's car. He helped Levi slip into the backseat and stored the wheelchair in the trunk. In the meantime, Gabi was recounting how the rest of her birthday proceeded; she ended up inviting her friends over to her house and they spent the rest of the evening together. Late at night, she asked for her parents' permission to let them sleep over, to which they agreed. Her mother prepared snacks for all of them and they went to sleep a little after midnight. Overall, it was a lovely time for her and she even acknowledged how much closer she felt to them after that. 

The festival was taking place at the park you had visited on your first day. It was just as Levi feared: swarming with visitors and raucous. Despite how staggered he felt, noticing your face contort with elation was enough to make him withstand hours of such an ordeal. He observed as your body instinctively grooved and danced to any song that was being performed and he thought to himself that he couldn't get enough of you. Feeling intimate enough, you pulled Gabi in and danced together to an upbeat song, both of you moving fast and clumsily, laughing your hearts out. 

Having moved to the far back, away from the crowd where the two of you pranced with other people, Levi and Falco observed you, each of them smiling for their own reasons. The first one to notice the other was Levi. 

“You're staring,” he remarked, nudging the boy with his elbow. 

Falco blushed and then sighed, covering his face in his palms. “Is it that bad?” Levi nodded in response and the youth groaned. “I'm screwed.” 

“Why? Didn't you already confess to her a while back?”

“I did, but we never brought it up again,” he stammered. “I don't think she can reciprocate my feelings.” He looked at Levi, his eyebrows furrowed. “Which is fine! I don't want her to love me back just because I feel a certain way. I just wish I knew what she felt.” 

Levi stared at him, fiddling with his missing fingers. He was aware that he was no expert on this matter and it would be disingenuous if he tried to give advice based on his minimal – and rather odd – experience. “Why don't you ask her?” 

“I don't want to make things awkward, Captain. If she doesn't feel that way, I will ruin our friendship because of my own selfish feelings.” 

“So you prefer to just suffocate throughout your entire relationship?” 

Falco sighed again. That's not what he wanted at all, but it was risky. Levi knew that, of course. He could understand a thing or two about risky romantic experiences. “I don't– I'm not suffocating, I swear. I'm unbelievably grateful we can still be friends, even after I confessed and all this time that has passed.” 

“But you want more than that.” Falco nodded in response. “Do you know if she likes anyone?” 

“As far as I'm concerned, she's not. She's been exclusively hanging out with me the whole time, and other than those three new people, she hasn't made any other friends.” He noticed Levi's questioning stare and it suddenly dawned on him. “You think… No, that can't be right, right?!” 

Levi shrugged and looked over at you and Gabi, still dancing, your faces flustered. “Sometimes the answer is so painfully obvious, right under our nose, and it's been there for a while, but we refuse to accept it.” Falco didn't know if the man next to him was speaking to himself or not, but he could tell there was something personal involved. 

“Is this how you feel, Captain?” The question surprised him. Levi looked at the boy as if he was caught red-handed committing a crime. 

“Would it be hypocritical of me to say that this is exactly what I'm also trying to figure out?”

Falco smiled and shook his head, his arm stretched out and reached for Levi's shoulder, giving a moderate squeeze. “Not at all.” 

The music was brought to a close and Levi noticed you returning, holding Gabi's hand while waltzing through the crowd, your faces flushed red and glistening with sweat. Falco jolted up and offered the two of you a seat on the bench. Levi returned with two large cups of water for the both of you and Gabi heard the familiar jingle of the ice cream truck parking outside. Not wasting a moment, you asked everyone what flavor they preferred and scurried towards the truck to buy a cone for each of you; vanilla for you and Levi, strawberry for Gabi and chocolate for Falco. You swore that no matter how many times you had it, ice cream was a dessert you could never get tired of. 

Much to everyone's surprise, Levi recommended wandering around the festival and checking out as many stands and attractions as possible. After that, he proposed having dinner together at a nearby place of everyone's choice so the kiddos could return home safely before curfew. Everyone was stoked with his plan and you ended up roaming around, visiting stalls and numerous merchants and artists displaying their goods. A large, green object captured your attention while you passed by and you halted your walking to take a look. It was a silver necklace with a sizable green gemstone of circular shape, a precious stone you later found out was named chrysoberyl, attached on a metallic, flower-shaped design, the leaves of which were plated with yellow-colored glass beads. You fell in love with the accessory immediately and you called for the stall owner. A young lady appeared from behind a curtain and greeted you politely. When you expressed your interest in the piece of jewelry, the lady informed you of the price and you had to refrain from frowning; it was way more than you had on you. Levi glanced at you and noticed your hesitation, immediately pulling out his pouch from his blazer. Since he hadn't spent anything other than water and a single meat-and-vegetables skewer, he had enough to purchase it for you. He offered the money to the lady and she asked if you wanted the necklace wrapped or if you were planning on wearing it right away. Impatient, you lifted your hand and collected your new present from the surface of the stand, clasping it around your neck. You left the park and made your way to the restaurant. 

“Why did you choose this?” Falco asked curiously. 

You smiled and looked at Levi. “It reminds me of the green capes and jackets we used to wear as Scouts a while ago. I loved that color.” It was true, that color was indeed gorgeous. However, you mostly adored that color on him in particular. You didn't know when it happened, but ever since, you associated the color green with Levi. 

The restaurant was pretty busy, but you found a table sooner than expected. Feeling like splurging, you ordered a steak for each one of you, as well as a serving of potatoes, pasta and a salad. Conversation was pleasant and the mood was spectacular, everyone in great spirits. Levi raised his arm and called for the waiter, to whom he ordered a glass of whiskey for himself and you. Gabi whined, complaining how it was unfair that the two of you could drink and they couldn't. Unphased, Levi promised that, as soon as they both became of age, he would treat them to any alcoholic beverages of their choice. “For now, let this old man enjoy a drink, will you?” he teased, initiating a toast. 

Curfew was nearing and you didn't even register how rapidly time flew. After checking his pocket watch, Levi requested the check and hastily paid for everyone's meals, as a treat. The four of you walked to Falco's car and he dropped you off outside of your hotel. Gabi jumped out of her seat and buzzed up to you, her arms enveloping you firmly. Softly, she expressed her appreciation for your visit and promised to visit you in Odiha soon. “Thank you for sticking with him,” she whispered, her eyes beholding you with adoration. “It's good to see him well. And I'm really lucky to have met you. It feels like having an older sister,” she said shyly, burying her face in your sternum. Your arms tightened around her shoulders, as your chest burst with emotion. Having your feelings validated and reciprocated towards someone else was rare, but always made your heart leap. With a kiss on the top of her head, you ushered her back into the car and waved at your young friends, as they drove away. 

Entering the hotel lobby, the receptionist wished for you to have a great evening and you called for the elevator. You pushed Levi inside and reached your floor, still humming a song that was stuck in your head from earlier. 

The room was cleaned again during your absence. There were fresh sets of towels on top of your beds and you excitedly started to undress right after after you locked the door behind you. Levi watched you take your clothes off one by one while you were singing, visibly in a great mood. His plan was for you to have fun and it worked. He smiled and with the corner of his eye, he saw your naked form entering the bathroom. His face burned and he breathed out heavily, as quiet as possible. From time to time, he realized that you had seen each other exposed so many times that you had grown accustomed to the sight. I wonder how normal that is considered. Regardless, it didn't render it less impressive in his eyes. Although it wasn't an uncommon display for the both of you, it still made his heart race. 

He waited for you to finish your shower and entered right after. This time, he had discovered a stool underneath the bed that he could use during his bath. It wasn't as comfortable, but he could manage. Taking his time, he felt his crotch harden, every single image and memory of you naked flooding his mind. It felt dirty, too dirty, doing something like that while you're in the other room, but he couldn't help himself. Carnal desire consumed every cell of his body, his very core, and his cock felt heavy and swollen and unbelievably painful in his hand. Emotions believed to have been buried in the darkest crevices of his heart long ago awakened and there was nothing to stop it. His free hand covered his mouth as he edged himself, in desperate need to make this feeling last a tad bit longer. He wished it was you, your hands, your mouth – fuck, fuck, fuck – and not his stupid hand, but he could only dream of this. He could only yearn for you, as he did for years. Ever since you parted ways, he promised himself that if you ever saw each other again – alive and well – he wouldn't waste a second, but it proved much harder. A coward through and through. However, you are there, with him, still comfortable around him naked. The scene from the previous night when you helped him bathe flashed before his mind; your chest pressing against his, your hardened nipples brushing against his skin. Your hands that massaged his scalp felt divine and the way you touched him was so gentle and so secure, he had to fight with all his might not to feel aroused. His cock twitched in his hand, sensing his release close. He wondered if that affected you at all, if there was any part of you that felt the same, even a little. If you did, would you still act this homely around him? 

The knot in his core snapped and he came all over his stomach, hand and thighs. Gods, how he wished it was you… With a firm shake of his head, he pushed the thought away and cleaned himself. He could hear you from the other side of the door calling out his name, making sure he was alright or whether he needed any help. Levi didn't want to waste any more time away from you and hurried outside, slipping in his underwear. He looked at you, in your satin nightgown, laying down on the bed reading a book. Judging by your face, you hadn't sobered up yet. 

“Did you enjoy our stay here?” he asked, packing his things for tomorrow. 

You hummed excitedly in response. “I loved it! I think we should come here more often, actually.” 

“You liked the kiddos, huh?” 

“Oh, Levi, they're lovely!” You clasped your hands on top of your chest, visibly moved. “We should invite them and have them stay for the weekends from time to time.” 

He nodded with a smile, amused by your eagerness. “Let's do that.” While searching around the room for his belongings, an idea formed in his head. 

“What's on your mind, Ackerman?” 

He looked at you and then at his luggage. “We should do this more often.” 

“This?” you asked, staring at the scars of his face. 

“Travel. We should travel more, I think.” He felt his heartbeat accelerate at the proposition. “Don't know if it's something you'd like, but I had fun. And since neither of us have been outside Paradis, besides Odiha and Liberio, I think it would be nice to see other places.” His eyes finally found yours, glimmering and impressed. “What do you think?” he stuttered. 

It was true what he said; you had spent most of your life in Paradis and, other than these two new locations in Marley, you knew nothing of the world. Seeing more places was like a dream and you couldn't think of a better person to embark on this journey with. “What about your job?” you asked, reluctance setting in. “I'm unemployed and traveling costs money. I can't rely on my savings forever and I can't burden you financially more than you already are–” 

“First of all, you could never be a burden to me, in any way,” he interrupted you in a solemn tone. “I make more than enough to support myself, but if you wish so, I can help you find a job back home. Then both of us will be financially secure and we can travel whenever we want.” 

Back home. The words were ringing in your ears like an everlasting promise. There was one problem, though. “What about Historia? Is it right for me to just abandon her?” 

Levi averted his gaze and clenched his jaw. “I think you deserve to lead a life away from all that. It's your choice after all,” he said bitterly. He felt his heart sink, as if you had refused. “When we get back, you can speak with her and give me an answer.” With a defeated demeanor, one he tried to conceal, he asked you to move away from his side of the bed so he could go to sleep. 

It was unclear what distressed him. A part of him knew it was simply a suggestion he voiced on a whim and couldn't possibly expect you to agree right away. But he did want you to accept it. He meant every word. Paul had a lot of connections, he would definitely be able to pull some strings and help you find a good job in the city if he asked him to. Historia was an issue, though. Did she really need your services at this point? Was it truly necessary? He thought it would be unfair if she did. A thought occurred to him: what if he asked Historia to dismiss you from your duties? After everything you have done, you deserve to live your life as you want. Despite how righteous he considered himself to be, it was selfish. Levi couldn't possibly decide any of this on your behalf, he had to trust your judgement. Based on your initial reaction, doubts aside, you seemed to be positive. That must be a good sign, right? 

Entry 335: My new duties are exhausting, but not as bad as I thought. Every day, I get to be active and I work with everyone for half a day, then I spend my time training the newbies with Shadis. I sleep way less than before, around 4-5 hours a day, and it's hard being on the move all the time, but at least I get to do something. The past 2 weeks I've been co-leading along with Lauda and, surprisingly, we've been getting along pretty well. We used to hate each other's guts up until sometime ago, after our competition over who's better at using ODM gear. For the past few years, I didn't have to work with him at all, but now we've made up. Hange praised us for not fighting and made a big deal out of it in front of everyone. Levi hasn't spoken to me much since I joined Lauda. Even when we're patrolling together, he's distant and doesn't say much. During dinner earlier, I sat next to him and, although we did talk, it was like he was forcing himself to speak. I could feel the change in his energy and demeanor so I stopped and finished my food in a hurry. When I got up to leave, he grabbed my wrist and asked “What's up with you?” I scoffed because I was so stunned. I just left and walked outside, but he followed me. He confronted me about it again and I felt like I was going mad. “What's wrong with me? You're the one not talking to me, you barely uttered a word during dinner. From the day I joined Lauda, you don't even greet me, we patrol the Walls and you don't even look at me. But ask me again about what's wrong with me.” Neither of us had realized how angry I was. I shouldn't have snapped and when I opened my mouth to apologize he dragged me to the back of the stables nearby. He looked upset and like he was struggling with what to say, but I needed to hear him say it. “It sucks that you're stuck being a lackey for others.” The ‘lackey’ comment stung, but I looked past it. “Imagine how I feel, Levi. That's not a reason to be cold towards me.” He wanted to say he wasn't being cold, but he stuttered, most likely understanding the situation. I thought “Does he miss us working together?” and my heart fluttered. “You could talk to Erwin and make me your lackey, permanently.” Both of us were flustered and fairly bewildered by what I had just said. “I can't do that, it's a miracle he managed to not get you expelled in the first place.” His voice was stable, but emotional. I knew he was right, but it still hurt. He looked over at me and stepped much closer, his eyes were intense on mine. “Did you want to be my lackey?” I swallowed thickly and dryly, my back resting against the wall. His eyes darted down to my lips for a few seconds then back at me. He was killing me. I nodded and my breath stopped, as if I expected something to happen. As always, nothing did. His head dropped on my shoulder and he sighed. “I can try filing a request to have you on my team after Lauda,” he said, but I couldn't listen. The skin of his forehead and his hot breath made contact with mine and my whole body was on fire. I needed him away from me as soon as possible and to have him explore my body bit by bit, all at the same time. I nodded eagerly and stepped away, pretending to fix my boots. 

Entry 340: Today was my final day as part of Lauda’s team. We both placed our fists on our chests and then he hugged me, ruffling my hair. Tomorrow, I will be joining Levi. It's the end of the week, so I decided to go for a drink and unwind. Hange joined me and I told them all about my time with Lauda. They laughed at how simple and complicated human relationships can be. I mentioned the conversation with Levi and they raised an eyebrow at me. “So he did make the request after all, huh?” I was startled by their statement and they cackled. “This jealous fool! From the day you joined Lauda, he's been talking my ear off about it! He wanted to transfer you immediately to his squad, but he was hesitant because Erwin gets so strict sometimes.” Levi? Jealous? Talking their ear off? Immediate transfer? My head was buzzing and it definitely wasn't the cheap beer. Hange doesn't drink, so I know it wasn't the cranberry juice putting words in their mouth. I laughed nervously and shook my hand dismissively. “I think you're misunderstanding this.” Hange is a lot of things, but a fool or a liar isn't one. More than anyone else, they're observant and notice everything about others, especially people they care about and spend most of their time with. They shook their head and grabbed my shoulders. “I know what I'm talking about! You just weren't there to witness it, and - oh! - how adorable he looks getting all grumpy over you bonding with another person!” I hastily covered their mouth with the back of my hand and shushed them. “Your red face tells me everything I need to know,” they said. “It's abnormal how neither of you realize it.” “Realize what?” “How much you like each other, of course! And it's even more annoying that neither of you are willing to admit it.” I ordered another beer and asked the bartender to pour some lemon juice in there. “I hate that you're the smartest person in the world.” They laughed at my remark. “You're not dumb, he's not dumb either, but you're stubborn.” They finished their beverage and rested their cheek against my shoulder. “And I know where this stubbornness stems from: you're afraid. Which certainly makes sense and I cannot berate you for that, but I just don't want you to have regrets, you know?” I wrapped my arms around their waist and my head leaned against theirs. My gear, what would I do without them? Later, we talked about their Titan research, all the new findings regarding their behavior and biology. I was never particularly good at remembering details about these creatures, other than the spot we have to aim for in order to kill them, their height and the characteristics that differentiate them. Next week, they will talk to the council in order to update the entirety of the military on their findings. It's great that Hange's my friend because I get to learn all this information firsthand and I can teach it to the newbies right away!

Entry 342: I joined Levi's squad 3 days ago and he hasn't left my side since, as if he's attached to my hip. Not that I mind, he's casual about it too, but it makes me flustered easily. I'm always professional, so I don't let it interrupt my work, but I love that we're back to how it was. I can't stop thinking of Hange's words and I feel… a lot. It's hard to imagine him jealous or agonizing over me, of all people, but I can't deny everything that has transpired between the two of us, nor deny Hange's experiences. Either way, I feel happy to spend time with him, as a friend and a fellow comrade. I'm familiar with most of the people of his squad, especially Petra. She's a great person and very dependable. I can't stand Oluo, I never could, but everyone in Levi's team is handpicked by him personally, so there must be something special about each one of them, despite their personalities. I mostly deal with paperwork so Levi doesn't have to, and instead of handling it himself, he naps while I take care of it. We sit in his office and he falls asleep on the chair next to me. At one point, he slipped and settled against my arm while I was completing a report. I put the pen down and froze in place, carefully reclining against my seat so I wouldn't wake him up, but also make myself comfortable. His arms had dropped from his chest on his lap and my eyes fixated on his hands: soft, sensitive skin, with faint callouses on the top of his palms and visible veins everywhere. His fingers were dainty – at least I saw them that way – and pretty. For a moment, I thought of intertwining our hands, to nestle my fist in his open palm. As slowly and steadily as possible, I moved my hand towards his with my heart hammering and baited breath. I planted my hand on top of his and breathed out. I languidly stretched out my fingers and entwined them with his. It felt wonderful. I felt the calmest I've ever felt and the most exhilarated I could ever be simultaneously. It was an odd feeling, but I wouldn't replace it for anything. I wondered if he would ever hold my hand while awake. I sat there motionless, staring at the desk in front of me. A ray of sunlight creeping through the windowsill revealed numerous particles of dust flowing in the air in front of me. I giggled, thinking how mad Levi would be if he saw. “What are you laughing about?” I heard his voice whisper to me. My chest froze and I looked down at our hands, still unmoving. “There's a lot of dust in here.” I felt his head tilt upwards. “Tsk, indeed. Remind me to clean after we're done today.” “Roger that, Captain.” “You, out of everybody in this place, shouldn't call me that.” My heart raced, as I felt his head shift, looking downwards. “I don't remember falling asleep this way,” he pointed out and I felt terrified. I was prepared for him to get angry at me, knowing he doesn't like having his boundaries crossed, but instead I felt his hand squeeze mine. “I didn't know where to put my hands,” I replied nervously. “Your legs are right there, it seems more convoluted to have one hand on my side than yours.” I could hear the smirk in his voice. “Since you're awake and alert, you can continue the paperwork where I left off,” I said and pushed him off of me, standing up from my seat. I excused myself to the bathroom and rushed out, my stomach feeling queasy. 

Entry 349: Today was kind of slow, but intriguing nonetheless. Levi, Lauda and Harold were patrolling with their teams, but nothing was happening. The two other men walked up to me while I was sitting at the edge of the Wall, my legs dangling, while Levi was walking up and down the spot we were assigned to monitor. Lauda and I were chatting like old friends and Harold joined the conversation effortlessly. Both of them were rather outspoken and friendly towards me. (I believe after what happened to my squad, everyone's been trying to be kinder towards me. Most of the time I'm grateful, but it gets to a point.) After a while, Harold was called by his team and left, so it was me and Lauda again. The two of us talked casually and I noticed Levi passing by and sitting down on a stool a little farther away from us, but within hearing distance. I realized that when Lauda asked me to join him after work for drinks and a meal. It was suggested so uninhibitedly that I agreed without thinking, since it felt like an outing with a dear coworker. He turned to Levi and asked him to join us, but the latter refused with a “tsk” and walked away. I didn't pay much attention, excited to be able to hang out with my comrades. We ended up going to the tavern later with a couple other of our soldiers – even Hange joined us, along with Moblit. It was truly pleasant and I felt rejuvenated. I returned to my room and I found Petra waiting for me outside. I was surprised to see her there and invited her inside. Her expression was serious, almost shy around me and, after some idle chat, she changed the subject, prefacing what followed by stating there was something she needed to ask me. “Are you and Captain Levi involved? Romantically, I mean.” Her whole face was red and couldn't look at me in the eyes, but still waited for my answer. My chest immediately hurt. “Where did this come from?” “I'm asking because I've noticed you and the Captain share a bond unlike any other and I was under the impression that you two were… you know.” “That is none of your concern, Soldier.” My mood changed drastically and had to put up a strict front. “I'm perfectly aware, Chief, and I'm not trying to pry into your personal matters, but–” “That's exactly what you're doing right now, though.” Her face was riddled with regret, I could tell, but I could also discern her honesty. “Are you asking me because someone made you? Tell me their name and I promise you won't get in trouble.” “I'm asking you because I'm in love with Captain Levi.” At her words, I felt like the room had just collapsed around me. “I have been, for a while now. I asked you because I didn't want to interfere, in case you were together. But if you're not, I'll be able to experience my feelings freely, without remorse, even if they're not reciprocated.” I felt so angry, but I couldn't show it in the slightest. “Miss Ral, your personal matters do not concern me, do as you please and know your feelings are safe with me, but don't involve me ever again. Understand?” With a timid smile, she left and I crumpled on top of Hange's bed. I felt mortified and mostly ashamed of myself. I couldn't compare to her. Petra is sure of her feelings, so sure she expressed them to me, someone she didn't know that well or have a chummy relationship with. That's the kind of person Levi deserves. But still, I love him too. I care about him a great deal and my feelings are strong. I wouldn't consider this competition or anything, because I feel like it's petty, but I felt… envious. I wondered if she would ever confess to him.

Entry 350: This morning, Levi picked me up from my room and we headed to the breakfast hall. We sat by ourselves at a corner table and the atmosphere was heavy. I didn't know how to strike up a conversation, but thankfully he did. As expected, he brought up my outing from yesterday, asking how it went. My face lit up and I narrated everything that happened. A petty part of me awakened and I exaggerated how much fun me and Lauda had and I noticed him gripping the fork firmly, his knuckles turning white. A small victory. “So, are you and that guy close now?” “That guy has a name and yes, we're pretty close now.” My tone was rather agitated, matching his. “And he's not a subordinate, so there's nothing to scold me about,” I added to see how far I could take it. “That's true,” he replied, his voice devoid of emotion. “Do you like him?” “He's nice, I had misjudged him back then because of that stupid rivalry, but now we're alright.” “That's not what I meant.” “What do you want to know exactly, Levi?” My voice betrayed my frustration, but I didn't care. Thank goodness, we were by ourselves in the hall. “I think my question was simple enough to understand.” I sighed and took a bite of my food. “Maybe I do,” I said coldly. “What is it to you? Are you going to lecture me again?” He groaned and looked at me totally infuriated. “I told you, I don't care about your personal life.” “Then why do you care whether I like him or not?” “Because– Nevermind, I have things to do.” He said that and left immediately. I was so frustrated I could have strangled him, had he not vanished from my sight. The rest of the day was not eventful, until nighttime, when I ended up in the kitchen to brew some tea, and he was there too. We didn't exchange any words, so I started to boil water, my back facing him. I didn't like that tension, but I was livid. He wouldn't admit he was feeling jealous, so there was nothing to talk about. I heard the chair moving and his steps drawing closer to me. “Are you okay?” “Been better.” “Are you mad at me?” His voice was soft and, although I couldn't bear to look at him, I could tell he was genuinely apologetic. I nodded without a word and poured the boiling water into my cup. “I'm sorry.” “Sorry for what?” “For acting like a dick.” “I just don't understand what the problem is.” He breathed out through his nose and his eyes followed me as I sat on top of the kitchen counter. He was struggling to say what he wanted, but I waited, even if that meant I'd lose some sleep. “I just think you should be careful who you get involved with.” “Why's that? Do you think Lauda is a bad person?” “Not really, although he's a scatterbrained glutton.” Unable to hold back, I giggled. “So what is it?” “Your feelings could get really hurt if you get involved with the wrong person.” “Then who do you think would be most suitable for me?” I anticipated his answer as if my life depended on it and held my breath. I could tell there was something he wanted to express but wouldn't. “Hange, probably. You two idiots are made for each other.” “Harsh, but I don't see them that way and you know that.” “But you see Lauda?” “Why are you so sure it's Lauda the one I want?” “Then who is it?” From his terrified expression, I realized he didn't mean to ask that. “Why would I tell you?” I answered playfully. He rolled his eyes and drank his tea silently. Later, he escorted me to my room, where Hange was sleeping already. 

Chapter Text

Life returned to its usual routine, a routine that you had missed those four days you were away from Odiha. With Levi back at work, you spent the whole day doing chores around the house. Dusting, sweeping and mopping were all done in an hour and a half. Before you started cleaning the bathroom, you decided to take a break. From the couch, your eyes landed on the telephone and Historia's face flashed before you. You had to make a decision; would you resume your guarding duties and follow her around for the rest of your life or would you stay with the only person life made sense with and live for yourself? On one hand, you didn't want to disappoint her or ditch her out of the blue, but you also felt happy here with Levi, the happiest you've ever felt in a long time, as a matter of fact. Would that make you selfish? Historia loved her daughter, you knew that, but her marriage was far from perfect; she didn't have the luxury to live with the love of her life anymore. You didn't want to pity her, since it was all her choice, but you had spent way too much time around her to know her true feelings. On the other hand, Historia was not a cruel individual. After all, she was the one who begged you to take time off. 

There was only one way to find out. Grabbing your phonebook from your bedroom, you reached the machinery and picked up the handle, then dialed your friend's number. As soon as she picked up, you could hear the laughter of a child – her child – and James' voice calling out her name. 

“Hello?” 

“Hey, Princess,” you spoke up. She chanted your name sweetly and you giggled. “What's this commotion?” 

“Oh, don't mind them, we're trying to get her to eat veggies and she's not having it.” 

“Oh, has that time come?” 

“We've postponed it for far too long, but now it just has to be done,” she commented, almost defeatedly. “How have you been? Enjoying your vacation? How's the Captain?” 

You took a deep breath. “It’s lovely here. We just came back from a little out-of-town trip and the Captain's at work right now.”

“A trip?! You need to tell me all about it soon as you get back!” 

A lump formed in your throat. “That's the reason I called you today, actually.” Silence from the other side of the line; she was expecting you to continue. “I've been wondering, when do you need me to be back?”

Historia hummed pensively. “Honestly, I haven't thought of that at all. I knew you were tired and I asked you to take time off so you could take a breather, but I've been managing just fine. I guess it's up to you, whenever you feel like it.” 

Another deep breath. Why were you so nervous? your finger slipped through the spiral cord and fiddled with it. “You know Princess, I really like it here. I'm so relaxed and, with each passing day, the feeling that this is where I belong sinks further in my heart.” You paused for a few seconds, choosing your words carefully. “I stayed by your side for so long and now I feel guilty asking you this, but I think I'd like this vacation to be permanent.” 

For a few seconds, you could only hear James and the bean sprout’s voices on the other side of the line. Finally, Historia made an indiscernible noise, then laughed. “Oh, Gods, I thought you'd never admit it!”

“What do you mean?” you asked nervously. 

“Don't take this the wrong way, but I've wanted to get rid of you for the longest time.” You frowned at her words, a smile hesitantly forming on your face. “I'm eternally grateful for your assistance this whole time and, had it not been for your support, I don't know where I'd be right now. But you deserve to move on! I remember you telling me that you're too old to decide what to do with your life, but I believe it's never too late. So, to hear you say this just now, I feel relieved. Did you seriously think I'd get mad at you?” You hummed shortly in response and she groaned. “Don't be silly, I would never take away your freedom just to keep you chained by my side like a dog. If that's what you want, then just do it.”

“Are you serious about this, Historia? I don't want to put you in danger for my selfish ne–”

“Do not finish that sentence,” she warned through gritted teeth. “You're not being selfish in the slightest. I have capable people of all kinds surrounding me and I'm more than satisfied. Besides, I used to be a soldier, remember? I haven't forgotten how to fight.” You finally smiled, placated by her reassurance. “Do you want to know a secret?” 

“You know I love secrets.” 

“After Captain Levi started looking for you, he tried to contact us all in order to get a hold of you. I spoke with Jean and Armin at the time and that's when we decided to do everything in our power to reunite the two of you.” You were at a loss of words. They had all conspired to bring you together… The thought warmed your heart. “And honestly, I knew you'd listen to Jean, which is why I asked specifically him to speak with you directly about it.”

“But why?” 

“Because it's just the two of you now,” she replied immediately. “And I've spent too much time talking with you. You let a lot slip when you're drunk, you know,” she teased and you blushed. Although she could be bluffing, you didn't intend on correcting her; there was nothing for you to deny, anyway. “And believe me, it's not one-sided. So, do as you please from now on and don't worry about me, alright?” 

Now, with this concern out of the way, you discussed your trip to Liberio and Gabi's birthday. However, you couldn't get it out of your head how your feelings towards Levi were very obvious to those young soldiers. Not only that, but apparently, his feelings were just as obvious. You remembered Hange talking about him reciprocating the feeling back then, but you refused to believe it. Or rather, you did believe it, but were too scared to do anything about it. 

As soon as you got off the call with your (now ex) protégé, you finished your chores and decided to prepare a meal for the both of you. The clock kept ticking and you couldn't wait for Levi to come home from work and announce your decision to him. 

A few hours later, while you were lounging on the couch, the familiar jingle of keys caused you to sit up straight. Levi entered the house, his face revealing intense fatigue. As always, you asked him about his day and prepared a plate of food for him and yourself while he rid himself of his cobbler attire. Both of you took a seat at the kitchen table and you couldn't conceal the grin on your face. You didn't want to bring it up just yet and simply waited until he had had his bath. 

In the meantime, he complained about one customer who had strong feelings about Irene operating on her pair of shoes. Angry on her behalf, Levi supported his younger coworker and informed the customer that she was working diligently on her garments, but the repair required more time, since the shoes were very old. The customer proceeded to throw a tantrum, criticizing Irene's skills, and then insulted Levi, addressing his disabilities. “How can a half-blind man with missing fingers even work such a handy job? Are you seeing yourself? What was Paul thinking?” Your heart was filled to the brim with rage hearing this, although he didn't seem particularly fazed by her affronts. Thankfully, Paul arrived just in time, after running some errands. The customer expressed her dissatisfaction, along with everything she had previously spouted at them, and Paul snatched the shoes away from his daughter’s hands and threw them at the customer's face, escorting her out of the store. “Never set foot in my business again, you old bitch!” Your appreciation for Levi's boss increased and you felt your stomach muscles relaxing, relieved he defended them from that rude hag. 

“Was Irene alright after that?” you asked, ascertaining an answer already. 

Levi took a bite off his sausage and chewed on it slowly. “She was hurt, but she didn't take it to heart. Irene knows her worth, she's been working with her father ever since she was twelve,” he pointed out. “A dumb customer's opinion wouldn't destroy her confidence that easily.”

“What about you?” 

“What about me?” He glanced at you and from the way you looked at him, he understood what you were referring to. “I don't give a damn about her opinion either,” he replied. “This lady is able to spew all this bullshit because I contributed to Eren's death. Let her believe what she wants. Besides, Paul is satisfied with my performance, so,” he trailed off and shrugged. In no way was he trying to deceive you, because he truly meant every word he said. Despite his awareness, the customer's words “Are you seeing yourself?” upset him more than he was willing to admit. Upon hearing that, he thought of you; how wonderful and beautiful you are, and how he was in that state for the rest of his life. He pondered how appealing he looked to you, how he probably couldn't match your caliber anymore…

“What a bitch, though,” you grouched, piercing the broccoli with your fork. It wasn't often he heard you cuss. For a moment, your eyes locked on his, then back at your food. “Insulting you this way… How low can someone get? What do your injuries have to do with anything? You're good at your job, you can get by just fine and you're handsome, just the way you are,” you huffed, crumpling a tissue in your hand. “She said that just to get to you.” The corners of his lips twitched into a smile. His aforementioned doubts vanished like smoke. After all, what mattered to him was your feedback and you never shied away from sharing it with him. 

Entry 356: It's the last month of the year and I can't believe how busy and tired I've been. Working with Dieter isn't what I could call a walk in the park. He keeps me occupied and orders me around constantly, which I think he does because, including it in his report, will improve my image. In that sense, I'm deeply grateful to him, but it's fine to lie about a thing or two! Anyway, next month, the trainees will be graduating and I'm excited. I can't wait to see all these rascals in action, no matter what path they choose. Levi keeps telling me that I shouldn't discriminate, and I really try not to, but there's a couple of them that I would love to have as members of my own squad. I don't know if or when I'll be able to assemble my own team again, but even if I can be their Leader temporarily, I'll be glad. Also, Hange has been spending most of their time in their research lab, so I have the entire room to myself. Last night, I invited Levi over and he joined me for a couple hours. Nothing significant happened, we simply drank tea and spent time in each other's presence. Lately, he looks really tired, the wrinkles around his eyes more prominent than usual. Based on that one time he fell asleep on me, I decided to put my theory that I'm comfortable to sleep with/on to the test. We were lying on my bed next to each other, while I was showing him a poetry book I found in Erwin's office. I kept reading some passages to him, until I felt his head drop against me and I smiled at myself, feeling validated. Since I was comfortable, I fell asleep as well. We woke up this morning with our heads touching and he yawned. According to his pocket watch, he had slept for 7 hours straight! We both rushed and got ready to head out to our duties. He didn't say anything, but I think he was bashful around me all day. At one point, I said “We should sleep together more frequently” and he choked on his water. Another small victory for me, especially since he didn't refuse. 

Entry 359: Because of their constant all-nighters in the lab, I decided to join Hange and spend time with them down there, since I hate that they're so alone, working all the time. I know Moblit keeps them company and he's more than happy to do so, but I feel bad, because we barely see each other these days. I'm now curled up in the corner on the comfortable armchair while they're reading and taking notes. Moblit went to get some sleep and we got visited by Levi instead. We let them rant about their discoveries and he would join in the conversation here and there. He squeezed himself next to me on the armchair and after a while, Petra showed up. She looked at me holed up next to him and I recalled our conversation. I didn't feel that bad, but there was nothing I could do either: we felt comfortable around each other and I wouldn't refrain from being myself around him for her sake. The reason she came was because Erwin announced a meeting tomorrow morning and then she left. After some shifting around in the armchair, we both managed to fit snugly on it and he eventually fell asleep. I'm writing and I hope he's not awake peeking at my journal, although I can hear a soft snore coming from him, which means he's definitely knocked out. He smells really nice and his hand is resting on top of thigh. Hange just looked at me and grimaced suggestively, poking their tongue out at me. 

Entry 363: I've been so busy and don't have much time to journal more than a couple lines every other day. The year is finally ending in 2 days. Dieter hasn't slowed down on my responsibilities, and I wonder how I'll be able to enjoy the celebrations for the new year. Not that I particularly care, I usually join everyone during the countdown and then go to sleep. This year, I find myself anticipating it, because I want to have fun with Levi and Hange. They're not big on parties and such, but I want to enjoy it this time. I feel like dancing and drinking and munching on whatever snacks there will be available for us and I want to remember that night. 

Entry 365: Happy New Year! I woke up with a pounding headache today, but last night was enjoyable. And very eventful. Two hours before midnight, the entirety of the Scouts gathered in the hall and there were food and drinks and live music. Hange kept sipping on some pomegranate juice mixed with the tiniest amount of whiskey, for the sake of the day. I started off with a beer and kept them coming throughout the evening. Since there were so many people, I chatted with pretty much everyone in the Department, even if we had never talked before. Levi hadn't joined yet, to avoid the crowd and the noise. An hour before midnight, Lauda approached me while I was hanging out by myself, since Hange was occupied with talking to other Squad Leaders. He was friendly as always and offered me another beer. We talked a little about work and then he brought us snacks. My eyes searched for Levi, but he was still nowhere to be found. Although Lauda wasn't being creepy or made me feel uncomfortable, I desperately wanted Levi to intervene. Half an hour before midnight, he finally showed up and noticed him with the corner of my eye looking in my direction. I could tell he was dressed for the occasion and I shot him a glance: he looked ravishing. Our eyes met and his face was apathetic, as usual, but his gaze lingered longer than I would have thought. Instead, he kept staring at us during the entire conversation I was having with Lauda. A minute before midnight, I found Hange and held their hands, as we counted down. The year changed and we all celebrated enthusiastically. For a moment, I wished my squad was there. Agatha would have forced all of us to dress formally and she would have done my hair. After midnight, the actual party began, with everyone dancing and drinking even more. I had even more beer and danced with Hange, clumsily so. At one point, they tripped and fell on their ass, laughing hard as Moblit helped them get up. Lauda grabbed my hand and danced with me in the sea of people that were also enjoying the music. While hopping around, I suddenly felt his hands on my waist, right above my hips, rocking my body from side to side and my heart picked up speed. It could have been the drinks, but I felt excited in a way. It was thrilling having someone touch me that way. Although, I do remember thinking “Wish those were Levi's hands on me” and I knew I was screwed. After three or four songs, Lauda whispered in my ear to follow him outside. (I'm now realizing this is going to be a long entry.) We exited the hall and walked outside of the HQ and he pulled me to the side, in an alley between two buildings. My back was pressed against the wall and his hands were cupping my face, tilting my head back towards him. He was staring down at me and I looked at him startled, although I had a feeling of where this was going. His forehead pressed against mine and his breath fanned against my face as he said “I want to kiss you so bad” and I felt like everything inside my chest was smushed into paste. The drunk part of my brain wanted to surrender, craving physical intimacy, but my heart and every other sense of my body were screaming against that. It wasn't rational, it wasn't calculated and, most importantly, it wasn't Levi. Every part of me felt that scorching rush and need to indulge, but it couldn't be with Lauda. He kissed me and I groaned at first. It didn't feel horrible, but I didn't want it. I tried to push him away, but he wouldn't budge. I found myself thinking “Maybe if I imagine it’s Levi, I’ll enjoy it and it’ll be over before I know it”, but it didn’t work. I whined into the kiss and pushed harder, and suddenly, I felt his whole body pulling away from me and a loud thud rang against my ears. Levi was standing before me, his fist up, and Lauda on the ground, covering his eyes. I gasped noiselessly and stared at them. “Can’t you see she’s not into it?” “What the hell are you talking about, Captain?” “She was pushing you away, but you ignored her. Didn’t know you’re that kind of trash.” I felt like I was going to throw up when I realized what was going on. I kneeled next to Lauda and told him “I can’t do it, I’m sorry. I’m not into you like that. Let’s speak of this when we’re both sober, but for now, take care of your eye and go enjoy the rest of your night.” He nodded and left right away. I was still on the ground and I bent over, vomiting furiously. I felt Levi’s hand rubbing down my back. He asked me if I was alright and I shook my head. I felt like my heart would burst. “Where did you even come from? How long were you spying on us? Why did you intervene?” “Did you want that shithead to keep kissing you?” I shook my head. “You didn’t answer my other questions.” “I just happened to be outside.” “That’s bullshit. You were watching us all night and you followed us out here, didn’t you?” He didn’t respond, only stared at me. “Are you trying to prove something?” “I’m not.” “Then why did you follow me?” He clenched his jaw and pursed his lips. “I just… had a bad feeling.” I scoffed and stood up, my hand on my forehead. “Levi, don’t give me that crap.” I felt my head throb, just like my heart. “Do you like me? Is that why you keep poking into my business?” A long, dreadful silence. “I told you, I don’t want you to get hurt.” I sighed defeatedly. I can’t remember a lot after that, but we went back inside and I spent the rest of the night by Hange’s side, dancing and drinking even more. I don’t know how or when I returned to my room, but I found a note next to my pillow when I woke up. 
“I apologize for yesterday. When I saw you dancing together, knowing both of you were drunk, I assumed… a lot, so when you left the hall, I decided to follow you. It’s true, I did spy on you for a while, but when I saw you struggling and him not getting off of you, I lost my cool and decided to take matters into my own hands. I already apologized to him and we talked– we will be fine, in case you’re worried about that. You were out of your mind and half asleep, so I took you to bed, since Four-eyes disappeared in their office. I stayed in your room, since I couldn’t find the key to lock the door. Hange returned around dawn. When you wake up and if you feel like it, join me for tea in the kitchen. – Levi”
Needless to say, I did just that. We didn’t speak of anything that occurred last night and I didn’t have it in me to be mad at him. Had he not interfered, I would have made a horrible mistake, or worse. 

Entry 370: Today our trainees graduated!!! It’s been a busy couple of weeks, but it finally happened! I’m so excited for everyone. Shadis sent them to the tailor shop to get their uniforms prepared and I accompanied them. I’m so proud of everyone! Other than that, I’ve been working as usual. Now that the 104th Training Corps class disbanded, I'm assigned to Hange's team. Despite my busy schedule, I visited our new members and congratulated them all in person. From what I learned, tomorrow they will commence their duties as soldiers, each of them part of whatever Department they chose. 

Levi finished his meal and headed to the shower. While waiting for him, you washed the dishes and prepared some tea. He changed into something casual and lied down on his bed, his knee in more pain than usual. You brought the tea to his bedroom and looked for the ointment meant for his injury. It had become such a common procedure between you two that you didn't even need to ask. While lathering and massaging his aching joint, you licked your lips and cleared your throat.

“What is it?” he asked, already noticing the change in your mood. 

“Levi,” you whispered, catching the trembling in your own voice. “I made a decision.” It felt as if the pain from his leg rose to his chest.

“Did you?” he gulped inaudibly, staring at you with knitted eyebrows. 

You hummed nervously. “I want to stay with you, here.” Your eyes darted up to his and found him looking at you with an astounded expression. “If you'll have me, of course.” 

He must have heard wrong. There must be a catch, right? It can't possibly be that easy. Or did his lucky stars smile upon him once more? He clenched his fists and chewed on the inside of his cheek. 

“Are you sure? You really want to live with me?” You nodded meekly at him and kept applying the right amount of pressure on his knee. “Did you talk to Historia?” 

“I did,” you replied, your hand now on his thigh. “I want to lead a life that I'm satisfied with, and I can't think of a better place than this,” you said, gesturing around the room. 

“Will you be satisfied living with me?” It was rare hearing him sound so diffident. 

Before he could continue the sentence and feed into his own doubt, you squeezed his thigh. There could not be a person more suitable for you to live with and you needed him to be aware of it. You braced yourself for what you uttered next. “There’s nobody else in the world I would rather spend the rest of my life with other than you. ” 

It sounded like a marriage proposal, he was positive of it. He stared at you, mouth agape and speechless. “Are you–”

“And I want to clarify that it's not out of desperation or lack of options,” you added in haste. “It just makes sense with you.” 

“What does?” 

“Life.” You scooched closer next to him and you placed your hand down on the bed next to his, your pinky fingers touching. “Life makes sense next to you, with you. Ever since I arrived in Odiha, in this house, I've felt the best I've ever felt in a while. So, when you suggested making this a permanent thing, I felt truly happy. I'm happy with our little routine, the daily life we've built over the past few weeks. And also,” you breathed in deeply. “I want to travel around the world with you.” 

Levi could have sworn he felt his stomach drop to his ass. It all sounded like a confession and a proposal at once and he felt like a fool for being unable to return the beautiful words and sentiments. He needed some time to process this all; you were right there, alive, declaring your decision to spend your remaining time – however long that was – with him. Not only that, but you reassured him that your choice didn't stem from rashness, but because his presence, his company, was pleasant enough. 

He smiled heartily and this hand engulfed yours, his thumb caressing your skin. “Tomorrow, let's go to work together. I'll introduce you to Paul and we'll ask for help with finding a job.”

Chapter Text

At seven in the morning sharp, Levi knocked on your bedroom door. Using his crutch, he waltzed inside and sat upon the soft mattress, gently poking at your arm, in an attempt to wake you up. You groaned and tugged on the blanket, covering your face. 

“Five minutes please,” you grouched. 

“Nope, you have to get your ass up and start getting ready,” he lectured you. “You are the one who wanted to find a job–”

“Oh, my gear, Levi!” you cut him off with a whine. “I know I did, leave me alone and I'll get up.”

“Now.”

“Fine! I will! Just leave the room.”

He didn't need to be told twice; your morning irritability was not to be provoked. Quietly, he left your room and closed the door behind him. Before taking another step, he pressed his ear against the wood. “I don't hear you getting up!” he shouted from the other side, followed by a loud thud hitting the door (he assumed it was a pillow). He laughed and then walked away, preparing breakfast for you: a quick sandwich and a cup of orange juice. While taking care of your meal, he couldn't help but smile, recalling your conversation from the previous evening. You wanted to stay with him. You reassured him in multiple ways about your decision. “There’s nobody else in the world I would rather spend the rest of my life with other than you.” It was impossible for him to forget that line. So much that he couldn't sleep at night, tossing and turning in excitement. After making a mental note to thank Historia and send her and her daughter a flood of gifts, he started to consider potential jobs you could take up. Odiha was a developed city and, as far as he was concerned, there were numerous businesses seeking to hire people. Based on your personality and skills, you could handle any responsibility. Back during your Scouts days, you used to do just about everything sufficiently enough to never receive a single complaint. 

You came out of your room dressed up and your hair tied in a simple braid, yawning and stretching your arms out, heading to the bathroom. “Made you something to eat before we go,” he said from the kitchen. You yawned again and nodded. “Did you not sleep last night?” 

“I did,” you replied while brushing your teeth. “‘M just sleepy.” 

“Is it that time of the month?” The last two weeks of each month, when you were expecting your period, you would get severely lethargic. 

“I think so.” You spat out the excess toothpaste and rinsed it off with water. “‘M surprised you still remember that.” 

There wasn't a single detail Levi didn't retain when it came to people he cherished, especially you. For example, he knew that you always brushed your teeth twice, since they wouldn't be as spotless as you wanted them to be after the first round. He heard the water running a second time and he grinned. 

With your breakfast cleared and yourself ready, you pushed Levi’s wheelchair out of the entrance door and locked it behind you, as you headed to town. The weather was warm, much warmer than the previous days, and the morning humidity had you sweating. Pointing out how summer was fast approaching, you asked your companion if there was a beach anywhere close to Odiha. Although he hadn't visited it yet, he had heard that the closest beach was about half an hour away from your location, using a vehicle. An idea was born in your head and you bit your lip. 

“What if I learn how to drive?” you proposed, looking down on the back of his head. 

Levi turned and glanced up at you through his round sunglasses. “What for?” 

“Wouldn't it be more convenient if one of us could drive?” Momentarily, you had stopped walking and stared at him. He shifted his gaze forward and gestured to you to keep going. 

“Cars aren't cheap, you know.” 

“I know,” you chirped, already entertaining the thought. “We could ask around, see what the market's like, and then I can start saving up.”

“ You ?” He was actually offended you presumed he wasn't going to contribute to your plan. “You think I'd let you pay for a car by yourself? What kind of leech do you take me for?” You smiled behind him and kept pushing forward, following his directions. 

Arriving at the shoe store, you spotted Irene, who had just unlocked the doors. The young girl noticed you approaching and raised her arm, waving at you frantically. Inside the shop, she welcomed you warmly and ran up to your side, curious about your recent trip out of town and your life with Levi. The latter scolded her and advised her to get to work, before her father arrived and caught her slacking off. 

“What brings you to our humble business today?” Irene questioned, her hands busy with polishing an old boot. 

“I'm looking for a job, actually.”

“A job? Here, in Odiha?” She cocked an eyebrow at you and focused back on her task. “Will you be staying here long-term?” Her quick suggestive glance at Levi didn't go unnoticed by you.

“I do want to settle down,” you replied, catching a glimpse of Levi's blushing ears. “My assistance is no longer needed by my previous employer, so I'm free to do whatever I like.” 

“Is there something you're particularly good at? Any preferences?”

“Not really,” you pouted. “Do you know anyone in town hiring, Irene?” 

Without taking her eyes off of the boots, she pursed her lips and her nose scrunched. “Well, there's a bakery down the street – Levi, you know what I'm talking about, right? The one that I told you that has been here for decades? – and the owners are this sweet old couple that lost their children during the Rumbling. There's also the refugee and homeless establishment of Liberio that could use a pair of hands. Oh! And in case you'd prefer a work requiring less physical activity, the local school might be looking for teachers.”

“I'm assuming that the last option would prefer someone educated,” you pointed out, chewing on the inside of your cheek. The role of a teacher wasn't entirely unfamiliar to you; during training, not only did you help the rookies with physical exercises and techniques, but you occasionally taught them history in class. At first, you weren't sure if you were suitable for that role, but you reconstructed the educational module, in order to be more compatible with your personality. That way, you and your students were on the same wavelength. 

“You don't look uneducated.” 

“Irene!” Levi barked at his coworker, glaring at her. “She used to be a lecturer and a coach back when we were in the Scout Regiment.”

“I doubt they would be willing to accept this as proof of my tutoring skills,” you smiled bitterly. 

“Loads of talkin’ today,” you heard a fourth voice speak, right after the entrance door’s bell rang. You turned around and faced Paul. It was clear whom Irene got her looks from. “You Levi’s friend?” You nodded, unreasonably nervous. “Welcome to our store! You've probably already met my chatterbox of a daughter.” 

“Hey!” 

“I did, thank you very much,” you said with a smile. “You’ve raised a wonderful daughter, sir.” He moved behind the counter, where the cash register was and searched through a pile of papers. After a quick glance at Levi, he nodded slightly at you. “Is there something we could do for you or are you simply paying us a visit?” he asked politely. 

“Actually, I brought her with me because we need your help,” Levi interjected. Paul turned his head and stared at him curiously, since he rarely asked for favors. “She's looking for a job and we were wondering if you have anyone in mind that would hire her. She's pretty much on the same boat as me, so…” he trailed off, unsure how to continue. 

“Got you, pal,” Paul counted on the stacked papers and hummed a melody. “My girl, are you interested in writing at all?” Your ears perked up at the question, your heart sparking with joy. 

“I-I do, but mostly in my free time, you know. I've kept a diary for a couple of years.” Why admitting that felt embarrassing, you didn't know. “Why would you ask?”

“I've heard from the drugstore that our local newspaper is looking for fresh blood, people who could revolutionize the press.” Paul grabbed a paper and started to copy notes from the papers. “Would you be interested in that?” 

Another look at Levi. Of course he was aware of your journaling, ever since you first began writing down on that tiny notebook you stole from the supply room. He nodded at you again, wordlessly encouraging you to go for it. 

“I'm not sure,” you hesitated. “Not sure if I possess the talent or the wit for such a position. I also don't know if I'll be able to force myself to write anything, since I write intuitively.” No response from Paul. “I don't mean to be ungrateful or rude, but maybe it would be best if I picked something more… handsy. The bakery Irene mentioned sounds like a great idea, though!”

“My dear girl, I'm sure you've lived a tough enough life,” he stated fondly. “You don't need to keep toughening it out for the rest of your life.” He finally looked at you, noticing your uncertainty. “You can give it a try! You could work elsewhere and write on the side, keep yourself occupied more creatively.” 

You beamed at the suggestion. It sounded plausible and also entertaining. You hadn't written in a long time, your diary abandoned before you even departed from Historia's place. Having a stable job and writing in your free time sounded like a dream come true. 

Thanking the cobbler, you wished everyone a great shift and took your leave. First, you headed to the bakery, since it was closer to your location. The store was packed, so you waited until the owners weren't busy serving customers and walked in, speaking to the couple and asking them about the job application they were advertising outside. After a short introduction and a brief report of your previous work experience, they rejected you right away. As kind as they were in manners and speech, the idea of hiring a former soldier rang unfavourably in their ears. Part of you believed that they simply didn't want an Eldian from Paradis in their business, but you couldn't swear on it. Grateful for their time, you scrammed and decided to visit the Rumbling Survivors’ establishment. 

Despite your experience, being an accomplished veteran didn't guarantee you a position in that field as you expected. An older man, the one in charge of the establishment, nearly kicked you out upon hearing of your Eldian ethnicity. “We don't need your kind here.” Although your titan-shifting abilities had vanished once and for all, a lot of people still upheld those prejudices close to their hearts. Up to a point, you could understand why, but you couldn't bring yourself to accept such disrespect anymore. With your head high, you denounced the man's behavior and beliefs and stormed out. 

The school was on the other side of the town. During your walk, you drew to a conclusion: you wouldn't return home without a job or, at least, one job interview. The sooner you got started, the better. Based on your two previous attempts, you could only imagine how a Marleyan school would react and treat you. 

The building was rather large and had a wide concourse for the students to play and hang out in. You climbed the stairs and asked around until you found the headmaster's office. The secretary instructed you to wait, since the principal was busy at the time, and you settled by the door. Kids of various ages ran around and you overheard their conversations; it warmed your heart listening to them talk about homework, games and normal things of that nature. That's how it should have always been. 

The principal walked out and invited you into her office. It was a woman in her forties, missing her entire arm. You swallowed hard, already feeling nervous. She'll probably blame me and my people for this. Taking a seat on the armchair in front of her desk, she thanked you earnestly for expressing interest in teaching, since they were seriously lacking faculty members as of late. After a detailed exposition of your background and experience in teaching, you stared at her, your hands clasped together stiffly. Her expression didn't display any signs of irritation, anger or disgust. Rather, she looked sympathetic, almost piteous towards you. 

“I'm impressed, honestly,” she finally said. “I feel like there are no words appropriate or accurate enough to describe how grateful I am for your contribution. Without you and your fellow comrades, we wouldn't be here right now. None of this would be possible,” she continued, gesturing vaguely around the room. It was overwhelming hearing such kind words. “You mentioned you were tutoring soldiers, didn't you?” 

“I did, ma'am,” you replied. “I can confidently say I was considered one of the most qualified lecturers within our ranks. I was mainly responsible for teaching history and my trainees always pointed out how I made the class very entertaining.” You caught yourself reminiscing about your classroom days, when you had to scold Reiner for falling asleep from time to time. 

Seeing you cheerful, Miss Ida smiled. “You certainly seem like you enjoyed it.”

“I loved it! Sometimes, I think I loved training and teaching more than the actual battle and the killing. There was a point to that, of course, but, in retrospect, I feel like that might have been my real passion.” Your sincerity emanated from you so evidently that you noticed the raise in the pitch of your voice. 

“Do you have a place to stay here in our beautiful town?” 

“I have,” you responded quickly. “I live with Levi Ackerman, the man I brought up earlier. He works for Paul Jeffers and his daughter, Irene. She's actually the one who encouraged me to apply here.”

“Irene? Irene Jeffers?” her jaw dropped, her glasses sliding down the bridge of her nose. “She was a former student of mine! What are the odds,” she exclaimed. “I'm glad she was able to make this connection, I appreciate that girl a lot. You know, she used to have a little brother, years ago, he was around seven or eight at the time. He was murdered in cold blood by hound dogs and his body was never discovered.” Your mouth dropped in terror. A part of you wondered if Levi knew of this already. “Their family went through a lot at the time. The rumor had it that it was the military’s doing, but because of their position, it would never be properly investigated. Her parents suffered a great deal. But Irene was so strong, too strong for a child. Even so, she grew up into a brilliant person.” Listening to her account had goosebumps growing down your back; you truly never know one's suffering. After hearing your name being called, your focus shifted back to Miss Ida. “I would like you to come next week, nine in the morning. I'll provide you all the material and tools you need to teach and you can prepare as you see fit in the following days. Since you're new to this, I will be facilitating you during class.” 

Unable to digest what had just happened, you gaped at her. “Really?”

“Really,” she mimicked your tone with a grin. “One thing about me, I always follow my gut feeling when making important decisions, just like this one, and right now, it's screaming at me that you'll be a great addition to our school.”

Were you dreaming? It was unclear to you. You had half a mind pinching yourself, but you had to save yourself from embarrassment. “Miss Ida, it would be my greatest honor to be part of this school. To be truthful, I feel slightly intimidated, since I've never done this before.” 

“You weren't a soldier or a killer before you became one, right?” 

The raw candor of her question astounded you. Denying the truth would be foul on your part. Thinking back to your first time using ODM gear, you broke so many bones that you couldn't move for over a month. But you learned, just like everything else in life. “I can't argue with that,” you chuckled with bated breath. “So, next Monday?” 

As you exited the school grounds, carrying an enormous bag with all the aforementioned equipment, you walked all the way back home. After taking a shower, you moved everything to your bedroom and began going through the documents Mrs. Ida had provided you with. There was plenty to memorize and familiarize yourself with regarding educational matters. 

Engrossed in your reading, you heard the familiar knock on the door. You gasped and rushed to the entrance, Levi waiting before you. Like most of the time, he looked exhausted, but still greeted you fondly. He pushed inside and noticed that the house was suspiciously warm. 

“Did you open the windows at all?”

“My gear!” you exclaimed at the realization. “I'm sorry, but I forgot,” you apologized immediately. 

Levi raised an eyebrow at you and placed the back of his palm on top of your forehead. “Are you alright? Did you get overwhelmed about the job stuff? ‘Cause you truly don't have to rush or anything–”

“I was accepted as an elementary teacher at the school Irene told me to check out.”

It was so quiet you could hear a needle drop. He stared at you with parted lips and blinked blankly. “Are you serious?” You nodded, biting back a smile. 

“I can't believe this, Levi!” you shouted, jumping around him. “The principal was so kind and understanding, she was accepting of my past and even praised me for what we did.” For a moment, Levi appeared distrustful; you knew that look well. “Don't be like that. Do you truly think she'd hire someone like me for nefarious reasons? Especially when children are involved?” There wasn't anything to reply that you wouldn't be able to refute. “Paul accepted you, despite your background.” 

“It could have easily been luck.”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Mr. Levi Ever-The-Rational Ackerman is bringing luck into the equation? You're getting desperate,” you teased. “C'mon, celebrate with me!” 

He tried hard to hold back a smile, but he couldn't, especially when you asked so sweetly. “I just want you to be safe.”

“You forget I'm just as much of a veteran as you are,” you retorted, running to the kitchen. When you first arrived, you had taken notice of where he stored the wines and other alcoholic beverages. “Will you drink with me, Levi?” You turned and looked at him, holding a bottle of your favorite beer. 

“Can I take a shower first?” 

Entry 371: I’m journaling right now out of necessity. I'm running on an hour of sleep and my hands are shaking, my chest hurts, I've been hyperventilating for the whole day… The unthinkable happened. After 5 years, the Colossal Titan returned and attacked us, along with the Armored one. It was chaotic, a massacre all over again. After I helped as many citizens as I could (those were my initial orders), I joined the fight. I mostly followed our former trainees, in an attempt to keep a close eye on them. “Screw the orders, I will protect them,” that's what I thought. In the middle of it all, I witnessed Eren, one of our boys, sacrifice himself for Armin, the boy I jokingly call Erwin's son. He was trapped inside a titan's mouth and, feeling defeated, I chased it, desperate to save him. In the midst of the pandemonium, the titan got stuck in between some houses and I managed to slash its nape. Before I even got anywhere near its mouth, I saw a flashing, like a lightning bolt, and a new Titan with long hair emerged from inside of it. It was regularly tall (for Titan height) and had long brown hair. Although I was standing right there, on top of the roof staring at the new titan's eyes, it didn't attack me. I knew it was Eren immediately. It couldn't have been anyone else. He roared and his arms flailed over me, attacking and killing another titan that was meaning to squash me. Despite my confusion, I followed him for a while and noticed that he didn't attack any other humans either, just the titans that had snuck inside the breached Walls. I knew something was odd, it didn't make any sense, but I decided to consider him an ally and protect him. When I found other Scouts, especially ones that knew Eren, I quickly updated them on the situation and we all returned to battle. For a while, I lost 2 other boys, Reiner and Bertie, and I was anxious the whole time, since nobody else had seen them. I assumed they were either dead or running around fighting. When the titans eventually vanished, the real problem began. We had to protect Eren from the people who didn't know. When I briefly met up with Levi, before being summoned to guide the citizens to a safe place, I asked him not to hurt Eren or his friends and begged him to trust me on that. Later, I learned that many of our new soldiers died. I helped with identifying the bodies, which was excruciating and had me vomiting everywhere I stood. Still, I had to fulfill my duty and honor our fallen. Eren is now kept locked up and was treated by a doctor for his injuries, which had strangely healed already. Apparently, his arm and leg grew back, despite having been bitten off, according to the Arlert boy. He will be visited by Levi, Hange and Erwin for interrogation. I'm thankful he listened to my request. No matter what, I felt like we shouldn't give the Military Police the chance to get a hold of him. I don't trust any other division other than ours, even if that sounds discriminating. But I do trust my comrades and my friends and I know there's an explanation to what's happening to Eren. I'm sure Hange will be thrilled to cooperate with him. 

Entry 375: It's been 4 days since the attack. I managed to sleep a total of 5 hours in the past few days. I'm still shaken up and extremely preoccupied with work. Eren finally woke up, healthy as ever. Erwin and Levi gave him a run-down of what transpired after he passed out and the two of them, along with Hange, decided to trust in him. From Levi's perspective, it appeared that the boy truly had no clue what happened to him, which wouldn't look good to anyone. That said, he was trialed by the Military, with Commander Darius as judge. I attended the trial, sitting in the far back. Although Erwin handled everything meticulously, nobody felt persuaded, until Levi stepped in. Much to everyone's surprise, he started kicking and beating Eren up, making an example out of him. The acting was genius, although I believe part of him wanted to do that regardless. It convinced the Military to hand Eren over to the Survey Corps and that was enough. Now he's part of Levi's squad and will be working closely with him and Hange. Earlier, Levi visited my room and asked me to pack my stuff, since we would leave for the old headquarters soon. During his visit, I asked him how he felt, knowing the responsibility was crucial. “I decided to trust your intuition and, so far, I haven't regretted it. That's all I need for now.” The indirect compliment was more than welcome. We went to the kitchen together and had tea after a long time. Despite how stressful and exhausting everything has been, we managed to have a pleasant conversation, as if nothing had happened. Since we were sitting side by side, our legs and arms were touching and I couldn't stop stealing glances at him, many times catching him already looking at me. The time might be mostly inappropriate, but all I could think of was how much I needed to hold his hand. Ever since the Walls were breached again, I've been dying to be embraced by him, throw myself in his arms and cry and wail and have him hold me and mend the broken pieces. 

Entry 377: Someone killed Sonny and Bean, Hange's lab rat-titans, so everything was put on hold and postponed. They have been investigating all day. I was part of inspecting everyone's ODM gear, as well as questioning and verifying alibis and whatnot. I hate to suspect our comrades, but it was an inside job for sure. Other than that, our graduated trainees picked the department they wanted to join. I wouldn't have expected Annie to be part of the MP, since she was one of our most skilled and strongest fighters– it's truly a shame to lose such a talented member. All in all, 21 people ended up in the SC. Tomorrow, we'll be setting out to the old headquarters. The place will probably be so dusty and dirty, all I can think of is how strict Levi will be with cleaning and I'm already reconsidering following them. (Of course I will, I want to be by his their side.) 

Entry 380: It's been a couple days since we arrived at the headquarters. I had forgotten how spacious the building was. We all fit here adequately enough, there's a kitchen and office spaces, a library, a room for scientific research. The first 2 days, all we did was clean the place thoroughly. Eren was constantly startled and worried, but eventually he relaxed and got used to all of us surrounding him. In private, I promised him that nobody would hurt him as long as me, Levi and Hange were around, unless he actually posed a threat, either to himself or us. Every day, Hange spends hours upon hours testing out his functions while in his Titan form and we watch, take notes and analyze the situation, as well as our deductions. I mostly leave it up to Hange's unbelievable brain to do the thinking, to be honest. Since Eren wants to use this power to help us and block the hole in the Wall created during the attack, we have to make sure there won't be unexpected complications. I can tell the poor boy's exhausted and it takes a toll on him, he's only 15 after all, so I frequently remind Hange to give him breaks. As for me, I have taken the responsibility of writing down everything taking place here, along with Moblit, who then evaluates my reports. Since this is my diary and my rules apply, I feel like expressing this strange feeling I've been experiencing. Much too often, Petra spends time by Levi's side. Of course I know the reason why – I cannot be irrational about that. However, I can see her indiscernible efforts to approach him emotionally. I've heard the way she talks about him to Eren and I see the look in her eyes when she does so. I'm certainly not mad at her, I'm willing to admit that much. I have nothing against her. I think what I'm jealous of (yes, jealous ) is that she's so casual about expressing her feelings and I'm not. It's stupid and immature of me, but I do feel that way. I don't know if she even has….. Levi walked in while I was journaling. He noticed that I wasn't busy, just holed up in my room by myself and invited himself inside. Since dorm rules don't apply here, we can just walk around freely. He was holding a large disk with two plates and two cups of tea and asked me to join him during dinner. (How did he even know that I hadn't eaten yet?) We sat next to each other and enjoyed our meals, mostly in silence. “How have you been?” he asked, striking conversation. “I'm exhausted, but ever since we came here, I feel a bit more relaxed than the previous days.” “You can? With him around?” “I don't feel scared of Eren. From the moment he looked at me in his Titan form, I instantly knew he wasn't my enemy. If I'm proven wrong, I'll deal with that in due time.” “That's what I want to hear.” The rest of the evening, I asked him to play card games with me. As always, he refused at first, until I pouted and playfully batted my eyelashes at him (I don't know why, but it works every time!). Because he lost, he would grant me one wish. Eventually, I asked him to spend the night in my room. He's dead asleep next to me, which is why I'm able to write right now. He looks so pretty when he sleeps. It's a rare sight and I cherish it dearly. I watch the way his hair veils his eyes, his cheek squished against the pillow, his lips parted and the light snore of his is making me giggle. He seems peaceful right now. I slicked his bangs back and he twitched, but didn't wake up. Instead he melted into my touch as I grazed the side of his face. I wonder if he ever dreams of his mother. 

Entry 383: I couldn't sleep last night because of nightmares. This phenomenon has been occurring a lot ever since I lost my squad, but especially during times of distress. For that reason, I've been asking Levi to sleep with me and it usually works: as long as he's around, I feel safe and I sleep soundly. Yesterday, though, he fell asleep on the chair in his office and Oluo, along with Gunther, carried him to his bed. Eren keeps experimenting in his Titan form and it seems to be paying off. Hange can't stop discovering new elements about Titan nature that we had never known before and they're ecstatic! I kinda pity Moblit for having to hear them rant all day, but I'm sure he's enjoying it (when they're not stressing him out). The weather was strangely warm today, so we decided to not pressure Eren too much. After dinner, when everyone was in bed, I left my room and decided to walk to that nearby lake, not even 5 minutes away from here. I found Levi near the entrance, flipping through the pages of an old book from the library. He noticed my presence and I froze. I revealed my plan to him and he stared at me blankly. “I'll come with you, I'm not letting you roam around in the dark by yourself.” “Titans aren't active at night.” “Perverts can be, bandits too. I won't repeat myself.” He did follow me to the lake and when we reached the pond, I undressed myself before him. My heart fluttered, suddenly very aware of my nudity. I entered the water and relaxed. It was shallow and I sat on top of a smooth rock, reclining against the edge. Levi was sitting down behind me, facing the opposite direction. For a while, the only audible sounds were the wind blowing and the splashing of water. I could hear him shift in the back and then the crinkling of something metal. Immediately, I realized he was removing his clothes and before I knew it, he was inside the water next to me. The images from that previous incident flooded back and I felt my whole body burn. However, there was nothing substantial to expect. Or so I thought. Levi looked over at me and noticed that I was shivering (admittedly, I had started to grow cold). “Are you cold?” I nodded and he moved around, trying to sit more comfortably, then turned to me again. “Come here,” he said and then gestured with his head. I stared at him confused and speechless. “On my lap,” he added. “I'll keep you warm.” Moving instinctively, I ended up seated on top of his thigh. I became quickly acquainted with the idea that nothing was platonic about my bare crotch making contact with his thigh, or his dick at the bottom of my waist, nor his hands on the side of my legs. Our breaths were ragged and we could both hear it. His palms were planted on me, so tenderly and firmly at the same time. His body was warm and it was as if every molecule of my skin could feel everything. My mind started to swirl with inappropriate thoughts and it wasn't long before my lower body reacted to the sensation of him underneath me. “Are you alright, Bug?” Something about the use of my nickname at a time like that fueled my desire. All I wanted was him to slip his hands between my thighs and help me relieve myself. “Are you?” I asked daringly. No response. So we both were feeling the tension. I heard him gulp and he shuddered against me after I moved, trying to avoid getting aroused on him. When something poked at my lower back, I gasped and swam away from him. In a rush, I said I thought some weird, slimy fish had attacked me and both of us were visibly flustered and embarrassed. I approached him again and he grabbed my arm, pulling me closer. Our faces were so tantalizingly close, shamelessly glimpsing at each others' lips. I whispered his name, my voice broken, expecting him to do something – anything – and his mouth parted, then hissed through his teeth, gently pushing me away. “We should go back, Bug.” “I don't want us to go just yet.” “So what should we do?” I looked at him, pleading and begging with my eyes to kiss me, touch me, have his way with me if he wished so. But the longer neither of us acted, I felt more discouraged. In the end, we left quietly and returned to HQ. I don't know how longer I can take this, I truly don't. 

Chapter Text

The concept of a new life was overwhelming, since you had no idea what that even meant. Up until now, you lived as a soldier, a shield, a weapon for others' sake. Your prospects were to die honorably doing the right thing, what you trained and dedicated your life – your heart – for. This chance to live with Levi, someone you always cared for and loved dearly, somewhere outside of Paradis, the place you were born and raised, and to be able to get a job that doesn't involve bloodshed and torment, was inconceivable to you. You often debated if you deserved that, any of that. At times like these, you tried to rationalize with yourself, you tried to persuade yourself that many of the people that you knew and were alive had committed horrible sins, just like you. If Hange were alive, they would also be guilty of that. Had they survived, would they not deserve to move forward? They certainly would, so why would it be different when it comes to you? Gabi, this wonderful girl that you found yourself so attached to, also carried a similar burden; she did kill Sasha and she attempted to kill even more of your friends. Still, none of that mattered now. Your best choice was to learn from the past and act accordingly in the future. 

The week marched on like usual. In the afternoon, after Levi returned from work, you would beg him to help you practice your speech for your first day in class on him and he gladly let you, holding back a laugh at your blundering stance and reserved tone. In your defence, you had never worked with children of that age range before. Your most recent interaction with kids was taking care of Historia's daughter. “You need to relax and stop being so stiff, you don't wanna come off as constipated,” Levi would often comment. The more you practiced with him, the better you got. 

On Friday night, Levi had planned to treat you. He got back from work with a new brand of beer and food bought from one of the most acclaimed restaurants in Odiha. It was obvious to him how hard you were preparing for your new job and he wanted to cheer you up. In addition, he had visited a bookstore and found an old poetry book. He remembered you used to pick books from Erwin's library from time to time and spent your free time reading, when you weren't busy journaling in that notebook of yours. Your face when you received everything he got you was enough to make his heart leap. He watched your eyes light up and your smile grow big, the red on your cheeks turning a shade deeper. 

That night, the phone rang incessantly. Before picking up, you wondered who it could have possibly been at that hour. “Hello?”

“Chief, is that you?” That was definitely Connie. “It's her!” he shouted, his voice farther away from the microphone. A loud murmur reverberated from the other line and you giggled. “How have you been?” 

“I'm pretty well, thank you very much, Springer. How are my little ambassadors doing?” 

“Great! Every day we're a step closer to peace,” he said enthusiastically. “The rest of the world has accepted to cooperate with us entirely, as long as Paradis gets rid of Jaegerists.”

“And how's that going on for you?”

“We're getting there,” Jean's voice spoke to you. “They don't want to give up authority, the people are scared, but we're working tirelessly to get them to work with us.”

“We're striving to make them understand that, unless every nation is on the same page, it will be Paradis against the rest of the world,” Armin said. “And that's not really beneficial, is it?”

“I hope they realize it's not,” you replied. “So, you guys resting at all? How's Reiner, Annie and Pieck?” 

“They're fine, just not in the room right now,” Connie answered, obviously munching onto something crunchy. “How’s the Captain? Is he there? Send him our regards!” 

You turned to Levi and looked at him. “The kids are saying ‘hi’,” you announced with a grin. “In other news, I got a job as a teacher! I'm starting next week.” 

“You are?!” Jean gasped. “You'll do a great job, I'm sure of that.”

“Reiner would beg to differ,” you joked, earning a few chuckles from the other side of the telephone. “I'm excited though, my first job other than a soldier. It's strange, you know.” 

“Must be,” Connie said. “But you're just the right person for that role. You'll figure it out.” You smiled and your lips parted to express your gratitude, but the young man interrupted you. “How are things going with the Captain? You two together yet or–”

“Springer,” you cut him off immediately, your tone threatening. 

“C’mon!” Jean chanted. “You've been there for over a month and nothing has happened yet?” You shushed him, his voice too loud. 

“Kirstein, I know where you live,” you warned playfully. You glanced at Levi, who was absorbed in fixing a part of his wheelchair. “It's not easy,” you whispered. “There's a lot that needs to be unpacked and addressed.”

“Then why don't you do it?” Jean insisted. 

Chewing on your bottom lip, you sighed quietly. “There's a lot at steak.”

“I guess I get that,” Connie blurted. “But you're both old, you need to get it together before you– Ow! Fuck you, man, that hurt!” You laughed, realizing he was smacked by Jean. 

“Don't listen to him,” Jean noted. “Neither of you are old and it's never too late, but the more you prolong it, the harder it becomes to act on it. You get me?” 

You hummed in response. “Thank you guys. Now, if you'll excuse me, the man of the house is treating me to dinner and beer, so I’ll have to hang up.” 

The weekend before your first day on the job had you on the ropes. Although you had spent a significant amount of time cleaning the garden and taking care of the flower patch you created for the grave under the tree, it wasn't enough to relieve your stress. None of that went unnoticed by Levi's attentive eye. For that reason, he suggested going on an outing, just the two of you. The idea was thrilling: there was a new bar that was celebrating its opening and there would be live music. Dancing and drinking would definitely help you relax. 

Around seven in the afternoon, you started getting ready. You had picked out a dark blue dress shirt and a white skirt that reached just above your knees. It was a length you weren't particularly used to, but you loved a little challenge. Before you headed out of your room, you used the lipstick Levi had gifted you. Standing in front of your desk mirror, you examined yourself and picked up the necklace that Levi got you at the festival, securing it around your neck. When you walked out, you spotted him in the living room, sitting on his wheelchair and waiting for you. He looked so charming, in a tight pair of black pants and a black turtleneck shirt, his hair parted as they always were. It was irritating how handsome he looked without putting any effort into his appearance. 

You approached him with a smile, handing him your bag to hold it in his lap. “Shall we go, Bug?” The sound of your nickname made butterflies grow in your stomach. With a click of your heels, you pushed him outside the door, occasionally stealing glances down at him, appreciating his good looks. The city was bright that evening, bursting with people of all ages, who had decided to enjoy their Saturday night outside. In addition, the weather was warmer these days, even at night. Discreetly, you would comment on traits or events that you would see or overhear to Levi and gossip together, while he berated you about being snoopy. Still, he would ultimately join you and start pointing out things of his own, joining you in your little “social commentary” game. 

As you reached the bar, you could tell right away that you would enjoy your time. The music coming from inside could be heard loud and clear, and it made you want to break out into dance immediately. Despite the congestion, you managed to find a table for two. There was a wide, elevated space where the band was playing music from and the rest of the stage was meant for people to dance around on. The waitress brought out the menu and both of you ordered two servings of lamb skewers, fried potatoes and a salad. As for drinks, for you it was beer, as always, and Levi asked for a new type of drink called vodka, an alcoholic beverage he recalled Yelena bringing up in conversation, mixed with cranberry juice. 

“You're enjoying this, aren't you?” Levi asked, amused by your joyful temper. You nodded, grinning affectionately, as you swayed left and right along to the rhythm of the music, arms tucked between your legs like an impatient child. 

“It's so much fun, isn't it, Levi?!” He nodded back at you with a smile, pleased with your disposition. “I can't remember the last time I attended anything similar.” It must have been years at this point, you contemplated. 

“Remember that time we were visited by the King?” Your order arrived and was placed in front of the both of you on the table. The first one to pick up a skewer was Levi, then your turn. “You were wearing that dress that we bought together.” 

You smiled at the memory of it; there was no way you wouldn't remember. “I loved that dress, even though I didn't have any chance to wear it at all. It's probably somewhere in Paradis, lost or destroyed somehow.” 

“We can find a new one similar to it,” he suggested, noticing your somewhat sour tone. “Or we can get one tailored to look just like that one.” All that usage of “we” tugged at your heartstrings. “I can ask Paul to design it. His hands are skilled in drawing.” 

A laugh barely escaped you. “I don't remember every detail from that dress,” you admitted, covering your mouth while chewing. “I don't remember most of it–”

“I do.” Why did he sound so unaffected by that? Casually acknowledging that he remembered how that one dress of yours from years ago looked like was not on your checklist. 

“How so?” It was a daring question, but you opted to stick to your guns. 

Levi cleared his throat, not breaking eye contact. “It was unique and it suited you,” he replied. “You know I'm observant and have a good memory.” He appeared to be bashful, so you hummed and kept stuffing your face with food. There was no way he could have forgotten how your body looked in that dress, how it embraced your toned body, your love handles and your ass. Even with the stubborn refusal to acknowledge his feelings, his eyes betrayed him, constantly flickering on your silhouette.

Finally set on testing that vodka drink, Levi took a sip and instantly shuddered, grimacing in disgust. He passed the glass to you so you could give it a try; it was definitely not for you either. With a loud cough, you cackled, looking at him in surprise. “Should've ordered wine,” he muttered, still frowning and clearing his throat. “Maybe that's why Yelena ended up the way she did, from drinking this crap all the time.” The comment drew another laugh from you and he smiled at your reaction. 

The upbeat song that was playing up until then ended. A young lady with long, brown hair walked on the stage and used a microphone, a new device that emitted sound from a machine called ‘speaker unit’. At first, she introduced herself as an Eldian named Elke and announced that she was going to perform a whole set of ten songs, in order to change the pace, compared to the previous, livelier ones. You and Levi glanced at each other, a playful twitch of your eyebrows acknowledging the singer's Eldian heritage. 

The first song was short and mellow, an introduction to the rest of her repertoire. There weren't any lyrics, just a sweet melody composed mainly of the piano and a violin. Before the second song kicked off, Elke invited the guests to come forth and dance along with her. Despite the setting, a few people climbed up on stage and pranced away, each person, couple or group in their own way. As time passed, more and more customers joined the dance floor. Levi eyed you, observing your face; you were enthralled by the sight of the crowd slowly swaying their bodies along to the rhythm. 

“Wanna go up there and dance?” His question was unanticipated. You stared at him, trying to figure out what he meant. “You seem like you wanna join them,” he noted, gesturing towards the stage. 

A blush creeped its way onto your face. “Are you in a dancing mood, Ackerman?” He scoffed and shook his head. “By myself?! Why would I?” 

“There's plenty of people that could dance with you.” You couldn't quite put your finger on it, but there was something about his tone that screamed diffidence. 

You pouted, gazing at the dancing bunch. “But I don't want to dance with just anyone.” Your eyes found his, staring at him beseechingly. 

“You must be out of your damn mind,” he scorned. Using his arms, he pointed at himself from top to bottom then glared at you. 

“So what?” you grinned at him. 

Levi sighed. “I– I don't have my cane with me and I can't really move in this,” he said, gesturing at his wheelchair. 

Assessing the situation, you came up with a rough plan. You stood up from your seat and approached him. “Can you balance yourself on your good leg?” With a hesitant yet affirmative look of his, you snaked your arms under his armpits and pulled him upwards. “Hold onto me tightly and step on my feet.”

“I'm not doing that,” he replied. “These are your new shoes, don't wanna get dirt on them.” 

“Take your shoes off then, silly,” you giggled. 

Maybe it was the alcohol talking, but Levi was awestruck by your lack of filter. He truly didn't want to join you, a hint of embarrassment coursing through him, but his body betrayed him. His hands gripped your shoulders securely and carefully adjusted on top of your feet, just like you instructed. With one arm on his waist and the other over his shoulder blade, you began to totter around the table, ensuring both of you were comfortable and your idea was effective. The song was over and you looked at Levi, who refused to give you the satisfaction of admitting he wasn't totally hating that. You snickered at his reddened ears and advanced towards the stage. 

Having joined the rest of the customers who were dancing along to Elke's songs, you swayed your and Levi's bodies accordingly. His chin was resting on top of your shoulder, when he noticed that people were staring at the two of you. A wave of insecurity washed him over, and his breath tickled your neck. “We're gathering a bit of attention, we should head ba–”

“So?” Gods, you would be the death of him. “We're not hurting anybody, are we?” The sincerity in your voice wasn't missed by him. For a moment, he wondered how he could ever be so lucky to be cherished as he was by you. “Unless you're tired or experience any amount of discomfort, I don't think we need to head back, right?” Truthfully, he couldn't argue with you on that. The way you were holding and supporting him didn't cause him any pain. 

“Aren't you tired, though?” he questioned. “Carrying a grown-ass man like this.”

“You forget I used to be a soldier up until very recently, I fear,” you sneered. “I've carried people way heavier than you. Right now, it's like holding a bunch of grapes.” 

Levi chuckled at your joke, realizing there was truly no chance to persuade you otherwise. For that reason, he decided to dispose of his apprehension and savour your warmth. 

Entry 294: After a month passed, Erwin announced the 57th expedition outside of the Walls. We embarked out of Karanes District, but we were attacked by a rather abnormal titan, one we had never faced before. We refer to it as the “Female Titan” due to its anatomy, and it was fast and skilled in combat, more than any other titan we had fought before. Because of Erwin's calculated plans, we managed to lure it inside the Titan Forest and momentarily restrained it. However, it managed to escape, using a particularly loud screeching sound that gathered numerous other titans around it. In the process, everyone in Levi's squad got eliminated, except for Eren. The latter transformed and managed to reach the Female Titan and battle with it, but he was overpowered. With Levi and Mikasa’s intervention, he was rescued and the expedition was brought to an end. As soon as we retreated back to Karanes, the Royal Capital demanded Eren surrender to them. I haven't received any updates about his situation yet, but I'm sure the Scouts will not give Eren up to anyone. Two nights after the expedition, I found Levi on the roof of our building by himself, reading a piece of paper. I was well aware how challenging everything was, losing his whole team, people he considered comrades and dear friends. I approached him quietly, sitting beside him. Without me asking, he revealed that the letter was from Petra, addressing her father, who handed it to him after the expedition. He allowed me to take a look at it and, even now, I wish I hadn't. The poor girl begged her father to let her marry Levi, essentially. My heart broke into pieces. It was so sweet and romantic and innocent that it brought me to tears. I think I was crying on behalf of him, as well. I noticed his lip quiver, but nothing would spill, be it tears or a cry of desperation. “I didn't know she–” “I did.” He stared at me surprised. “I couldn't say anything, I had promised her. Girl oath.” I tried to break the ice, but it was impossible. It was as if he couldn't fathom that someone could feel that way towards him, on top of the annihilation of his team. We didn't say anything else for the rest of our time there, we simply sat in silence, gazing at the nightly view. A part of me, as horrible as it might sound, felt happy about the fact he gave me the letter to read. That was a deeply personal letter, not only for Petra, but also him. It wasn't meant for anyone else to see it, but Levi trusted me enough to share it with me. I thought back to the last conversation I had with her, which was between me, her and Eren during one of his breaks. All we did was praise the Survey Corps and Levi. She did most of the talking, but her profound admiration for him could show. I can't feel anger or jealousy, I never could. Wherever she is, I hope she finds that love she was craving and have it be reciprocated. Petra, I'll stick by his side for your sake too. 

Entry 299: It seems that life will never be quiet moving forward. We were approached by Armin, who appeared to be seriously distressed. He confessed that he had a hunch regarding the identity of the Female Titan. Because of his keen attention to detail, he alluded to Annie Leonhart. Through thorough consideration, we attempted to capture her in Stohess District. Armin, Eren and Mikasa contributed heavily to her arrest, but before they were able to do anything, she transformed into her titan form and we had to revise quickly. Thankfully, Eren handled the task of restricting her in his own titan form, but it proved only partially effective, since she enclosed herself inside a crystalline husk, which was unable to break. In the meantime, a large part of the district was destroyed, along with the Wall. A new hoard of titans invaded, and I was tasked with aiding the citizens of Rose to safety. From that point on, the Scouts were separated into teams, each one with a different goal. A lot of our comrades died, like Miche, Nanaba and Gelgar. There were two new revelations: Christa's actual name is “Historia Reiss” and she's the last remaining member of the royal family. In addition, Ymir is also a titan shifter and she apparently risked her life to protect our comrades. Lastly, Levi just informed me that Reiner and Bertie might be working with Annie. I'm utterly overwhelmed with all this. I want to cry and scream and mourn the people I've known for years and died, but there's not enough time to process any of it. 

Entry 301: The Colossal Titan and the Armored Titan were Bertie and Reiner, respectively. They tried to kidnap Eren, but the Survey Corps intervened. Erwin got severely injured because of another irregular titan they referred to as “Beast Titan”. I'm currently in the Underground after leading the refugees from Rose and all I'm thinking is Levi and Hange. I haven't seen them in some time and I'm worried sick. One of our current goals is to protect Eren and Historia from harm's way. While treating some wounded people, I was reminded of some past expedition, where Hange and Levi were both wounded. It was rare for him to get injured, but he did. Since the nurses were overly preoccupied, I took it upon myself to stitch them up. We were in our tent, both of them with their tops off. First, I took care of Hange, who has some lacerations across their sternum and thighs. Although Levi was present, they weren't shy about being bare in front of him, although he had turned around out of respect. They covered themselves with a clean shirt and I approached Levi. His right arm, both thighs, and torso were messed up badly. Although we were pretty familiar with each other by now, I could still see the blush on his face and the red ears. In order to avoid infections, I cleansed the wounds with alcohol and then stitched him up. Each time, I would blow cool air to help alleviate the stinging pain, and he would glance down on me, while I was kneeling between his legs. With Hange in the room, everything felt awkward. And they were definitely aware of it, since they would circle around us, pointing out other wounds that needed attention. I know they were doing it on purpose because every time they passed by me, they'd bump the back of my head teasingly. Since I had to take care of his thighs too, he removed his pants and kept his underwear on. That was even worse, since I could kind of see the outline of his dick and, my gear, that's not a small thing. I could feel my face burning up, since I was so close to his crotch. Hange faked a cough, peering at me with an incredulous look in their eyes, their cheeks puffed out, as they tried not to laugh. I bring images like that in my mind to help myself relax during these difficult times, and now I have to head back to action. 

Entry 315: Rose was declared titan-free. The refugees from the Underground were sent back to their homes and I'm still watching over our two special kids. I heard that Minister Nick was assassinated under suspicious circumstances while Hange was investigating him on the secret behind the Walls. Erwin has woken up and was interrogated by the Mitras chancellery. Before that, he appointed me to assist Levi's squad, in order to carry out my order of protecting E and H. We captured Djel Sannes, who confessed to the Reiss family being the one true royal family. Upon learning this, Erwin decided to locate Rod Reiss, her biological father, so Historia can be crowned Queen. I didn't agree with the idea and I could tell that she didn't like it either, but Levi pressured her (rather harshly) into accepting the role. According to him, it will be beneficial in order to successfully overthrow the government. As my superior, I could only obey the orders, but I couldn't not feel disappointed. Either way, I didn't oppose him further and Historia gracefully accepted the challenge. Soon after, Dimo was murdered and his son, Flegel, was a witness to his death. Hange was able to save him from people who wanted to get to him as well and forced him to help us out. In order to drive out the murderer, we orchestrated a whole new plan. We were ambushed by the Anti-Personnel Control Squad, a subdivision of the MP, whose leader is called Kenny Ackerman, and they tried to capture Eren and Historia, who were unfortunately kidnapped in the midst of the battle that broke out. 

Entry 320: The coup d'etat was successful and the kids were brought back. We reunited with Hange and searched for the Reiss chapel, where the kids were being held. Kenny's squad was there, obviously working for the Reiss family. Historia saved Eren and then, in return, he protected everyone from the collapsing building by using a special serum that produced the same hardening ability as Annie. I was outside during all this, scouting and securing the area. Rod turned into a huge titan and headed to Orvud District. We rushed back there and with the help of the Garrison Dept, the titan was defeated. I'm writing down everything with half my brain functioning from exhaustion and with a limited amount of time and space. After everything was over, Levi confided in me that Kenny was in fact his uncle, his mother's brother, and handed him a serum he stole from Rod. His last remaining relative died. I still wonder what the connection between him and Mikasa is. Regardless, I could tell he was upset by this information. He didn't know this man's true identity, although he was the one who saved him after his mother's death and taught him everything about surviving and fighting. He was mostly unable to process it and chose to remain silent about it. Of course, I didn't pressure him, but he still attempted to open up, in his own way and pace. He told me that soon Historia will be crowned Queen of the Walls and proposed the idea of me becoming one of her official guards. “A person of trust should remain by her side at all times.” The idea wasn't necessarily bad, but I wasn't entirely positive either. He'll discuss this with Erwin and Hange and, with her consent, we'll see if it'll be set in motion. It's not like I don't want to protect Chr Historia, I definitely do. I'll feel much more relaxed knowing that I will be by her side. However, that means I won't be participating and working with Levi and Hange as closely as before. After the successful mission, we treated the squad to a feast. Levi stepped outside and I followed him in his little hideout behind a wall, where we could hear Eren and his two buddies talking about their dreams of traveling the world outside of the Walls. We listened with melancholy in our hearts. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, but I kept wondering if they would be able to make it that far– I sure hope so. We glanced at each other and I smiled bitterly at him. 

The walk back home from the bar was cheerful, mostly on your part. Some of the songs that were performed were stuck in your head, the melodies and lyrics combined randomly in your head. Levi had asked you numerous times to quiet down, since it was past midnight and you could get a noise complaint for singing so loud. Regardless, he didn't have it in him to scold you too harshly; deep down, he liked seeing you so carefree and happy. 

You kept pushing him up the road until you finally reached the house and he unlocked the door himself. Turning the lights on dimly, he advised you to head to the bathroom first for a shower. 

“I'm too tired for a shower right now,” you whined. 

“I don't wanna hear it,” he cut you off. “You smell like shit.” 

“I'll shower tomorrow,” you groaned and dragged your feet to your bedroom. 

“Your sheets will reek,” he barked back. 

“So? I'm the one sleeping on them, why do you care?” 

For a moment, he caught himself praying he was sleeping on your bedsheets. He tugged at the collar of his shirt and wheeled into his room, frustrated with the effects of that disgusting alcoholic drink he had consumed earlier. “What would you like to do tomorrow?” he asked loudly from the other room.  

“Hm… I think there's a place where they cook just about everything and you can place an order through the telephone, you specify your location  and they deliver your order at home. Isn't that fascinating?”

“That's a thing?” he pondered out loud. 

“Uh huh!” you exclaimed. “I have the flyer on top of the counter. We could order breakfast and have a lazy Sunday.”

Levi heard footsteps outside of his door, as it was pushed back open. Sitting at the edge of his bed, he had only removed his shirt so far, when you appeared in just your top and nothing else, except for your underwear. Your lipstick was smudged and slightly faded by now and the hair on your head was disheveled. After realizing he stared at you for far too long, he turned his head away from your direction and fixated his gaze on the floor, nervously fumbling with the button and zipper of his pants. 

“Need something?” he rasped, trying not to swallow too obviously in front of you. 

“Just wanted to check on you.” It was kind of true what you said, since you always did before going to bed. But, at that moment, you simply wanted to look at him a bit longer. You had spent such an amusing evening with him, you danced and ate great food and drank to your heart's content. And, on top of it all, he looked beautiful. More beautiful than ever, in fact. You could tell he was tense under your absorbed eyes and, truthfully, you enjoyed it. “Need help with that?” 

He sighed, annoyed that he couldn't get the button open. His hands were slightly unstable and the drowsiness didn't help. With two long strides, you found yourself kneeling in front of him, right between his parted legs. Indeed, the button was harder to pop open than you expected. Still, while working on it, you were awfully aware of your position in front of him and how temptingly close your face was to his crotch. Levi held his breath, feeling his skin break out in scorching sweat. He refused to look at you, knowing it would result in something far more agonizing than this predicament. 

“Are those pants new?” you asked, trying to break the ice. He nodded and cleared his throat. “So you haven't worn them too much, right? Probably why the hole is still narrow.” 

Heavens above, don't say that. Levi buried his teeth down on his tongue, feeling his stomach twist. At one point, you yanked at the fabric and tried to push the button through the aperture, but your fingers slipped and brushed against a spot they shouldn't. Levi clenched his jaw and shut his eyes, an accidental moan ripping from his chest. He attempted to salvage the situation by covering the sound with a heavy cough, but it proved useless. Your hands had paused for a few seconds and your eyebrows were raised, your eyes devoid of expression. 

“Hey, Bug, just bring me the scissors and I'll–”

“You're not cutting your new pants, Ackerman,” you interrupted, now concentrating on unbuttoning him. 

“Will you hit my dick again?” he asked, in an effort to make the situation less awkward. 

A smirk formed on your face. “Only if you want to.” 

“Tsk. Get the hell out of here,” he said, swatting your hands away from his pants. You glanced up at him, pouting with evident disappointment. With that look on your face and your current stance before him, his imagination started to run wild. 

“But I had it,” you groused. He stared daggers into you and you scowled again. 

“Quit sulking and go to bed.” With great determination and sweat trickling down his face, he managed to undo the button and removed his pants in one swift move. 

Standing now in front of him, you observed him hurriedly undress himself and limp to the bathroom without his cane. How flustered was he to be in such a rush? Either way, you felt victorious with your teasing. 

Chapter Text

It was your first day as an elementary school teacher. Levi woke you up shortly after he did and urged you to get ready so you could have breakfast together before you left for work. Noticing your restlessness, he abstained from making snide remarks on your untidiness or the lousy cooking. You each wolfed down an omelette with a glass of cranberry juice and some leftover bread from the previous day and made your way out. Coincidentally, the school was around ten minutes away from Levi's workplace, so it didn't take you too long to get there, arriving right on time. 

Your bag was filled to the brim with everything you needed and more; without realizing when, Levi had slipped a bottle of water and your sunglasses inside, two things you would have definitely forgotten due to anxiously shoving whatever was in your line of sight that morning. You stepped inside the school area and headed to your appointed class, where a few kids were already seated and chatting amongst themselves. They were all so young, around six or seven years old each. Catching their attention, you finally introduced yourself. As soon as the rest of the kids arrived, you reintroduced yourself with a smile. 

“You can call me Bug, though! It's a nickname I was given by a dear friend of mine,” you said, in an attempt to make them feel at ease with you. "Miss isn't really necessary."

The class you were now the homeroom teacher of turned out to be lovely. All the children were talkative and sweet towards you, with a few timid exceptions that can always be dealt with, with patience and time. Regardless, you made a great impression and when it was time to switch classrooms, a few of them admitted they couldn't wait to see you later or next time you had a lesson together. And honestly? You couldn't wait either. Although you were incredibly nervous, you channelled your Scouts tutor energy from back then and delivered a masterful lecture, answering questions and interacting with the students smoothly, as if you had been teaching for years. The headmaster, Miss Ida, who spent the last fifteen minutes with you in class, praised your sociability and composure and urged you to take a break until your next lesson. 

With the final ring of the bell, the students stormed out of the classroom and you quietly packed your bag, heading to the teachers’ office. The rest of the staff were kind to you, welcoming you with big smiles in their group. The P.E. teacher, Mr. Johan, was the only man in your midst and younger than all of you. He reminded you a lot of Connie, with his incredibly short hair and sprightly personality, and you smiled at his youthful disposition. While everyone else was chattering, your only thought was to leave and pass by the cobbler's store to pick Levi up and go home.

Upon arriving at the store, Levi was already outside, sitting on his wheelchair with Irene next to him. They were having a conversation, the young girl passionately talking about some topic while he stared at her. Almost as if he sensed your presence, his head snapped to the side and faced you. His eyes lit up as he waved at you and Irene greeted you loudly. 

“How was your first day?” she screeched enthusiastically, her doe eyes devouring you. 

“It was amazing!” you replied, mostly looking at Levi. “Most of the kids I had today were incredible and my coworkers seemed nice. I'll probably need to get to know them more, but so far so good.” You smiled at Irene and gripped her hand in appreciation. “Thank you for recommending this place to me, I feel like I couldn't have picked a better choice. It truly feels like I'm in my element.” 

Irene expressed her gratitude bashfully and voiced how glad she was to have been of use, insisting to never hesitate to ask for help, either her or Paul. With an eager nod, you parted ways and handed Levi your bag, as you pushed his wheelchair up the street.

“Was it actually that good or were you being nice?” he asked, tilting his head up to look at you. 

You chuckled at his suspicion. “No, it was actually that good. I genuinely enjoyed it and I believe that, as time goes by, it'll get even better – I will get better. It's a wonderful opportunity.” 

He focused back forward, grinning. It was a relief to hear you speak so heartily about your job, although it was just the first day. “Want me to cook? With all those brats over your head, you probably feel exhausted already.” 

“Kind of, but not that much,” you replied. “I feel emotionally spent, but, physically, I'm alright.” 

“That means you're cooking today,” he pointed out, earning a cackle from you. 

Passing through the house entrance, an idea popped in your head. “You know, I was thinking of inviting Mikasa over for the weekend.” 

“Mikasa?” 

“Yeah,” you answered, studying his expression. “I overheard this conversation of some parents today, where one of them was talking about a relative that lost everyone in their family and is basically living on their own now. I thought of her immediately and I was thinking since, y'know, you're both Ackermans and all her friends are busy with their ambassadorship business, it would be nice to have her over.” 

Levi appreciated your honesty and consideration towards her. Although he wasn't clear on what level of kinship he was on with Mikasa, she was still someone dear to him. They exchanged mail from time to time, and it was nice catching up every once in a while, but he felt hesitant inviting her over and it was hard to travel by himself. Now, with the invention of telephones and trains and airplanes, it was much easier. “You think it's a good idea?” he asked reluctantly. 

“I do. I would like to see her, as well. I haven't spoken with her in such a long time,” you said, chopping up some vegetables. “Maybe it sounds like I'm suggesting this out of pity, but I truly want to see how she's doing and spend some time with her.” 

When you ask so nicely, how could I possibly refuse? It's not like he didn't want to see Mikasa. On the contrary, it would be a great opportunity to bond with her over something that wasn't killing or destruction. 

“I'll give her a call tomorrow, alright?” he said, promising you to invite her himself. 

While having lunch, you ranted about your day to him at the table. Unexpectedly, he felt his heart swell with fondness. You were there, sharing a life with him, in a house you both cared for, working normal jobs, talking about everyday things just like everyone else, and you were even planning things with him. It sounded so simple and trivial that it felt unbelievable, like a dream he was about to wake up from. But he never did. Every day, he got to wake up and see your puffy face first thing in the morning, cook with you, look at you bare, laugh alongside you and spend so much time with you like never before. It almost felt like the two of you were a family, like those married couples he observed on the street or heard stories about from other people, since his own mother never had that. 

Would you ever want that with someone? With him? You never spoke fondly of such concepts, as far as he was concerned. However, he did remember that you weren't entirely indifferent to romance as a whole. As a matter of fact, he wasn't either, despite his greatest efforts to ignore his feelings. 

Entry 328: After Historia's coronation, we have been so busy with transferring orphans from the Underground up here. Although it's a tough job, we're both happy doing it. In the meantime, we learned that Eren has now acquired the Founding Titan and is testing out his abilities with Hange. The council has also trusted Levi with the serum that Kenny handed to him. Him, along with Hange and his new squad (which is officially composed of Eren, Mikasa, Jean, Sasha, Connie & Armin) visited Shadis in order to gather information on his involvement with Grisha Jaeger, Eren's dad. There's apparently a secret about Titans in their family's basement that needs to be retrieved, so they have to go back to Shiganshina. Using Eren's hardening ability, they will seal the wall and take the place back, or at least that's the plan. Historia also told me that the Corps has been recruiting many new soldiers, which is positive and encouraging. My relationship with her, although not entirely fresh, since I've known her for a while, is still awkward. We're both trying to get used to each other, while also adapting to our new roles. The sweetheart makes efforts to appeal to me by offering me food and it turns out she's quite the glutton, like me! 

Entry 335: Tomorrow the Corps are supposed to head to Shiganshina, so they were treated to another feast, as a form of spirit boosting. I keep worrying that something terrible will happen. Since Hange doesn't drink before missions, they remained in their lab and opted to continue studying Titan biology, based on Annie's crystalline cocoon. For just that evening, Historia allowed me to take time off and Levi accompanied me to the tavern. The soldiers were all gathered there before we arrived and they all greeted me enthusiastically. I was deeply moved, even by the newbies. After eating until I could barely move, I had two beers and decided to step outside for a bit, since the smell of cigarettes had started to bother me. Levi followed me with his own drink in hand and found a seat beside me on a bench. The streets were remarkably quiet, with one or two passerbys walking past us every ten or so minutes. “Please take care of yourself tomorrow,” I said, feeling slightly embarrassed. He didn't respond at first, as if he was contemplating what to say. “Will you miss me?” he asked sarcastically. “I will, actually.” “Don't say shit like that, I was joking.” “I'm not, though.” It got quiet between us for a few seconds. “I'm just another soldier, my death won't matter.” “It will matter to me. You are important to me, Hange too. If you disappeared, I don't know how I would manage.” “You'd manage just fine.” I groaned at his cynicism. “Must you always be so dismissive of my feelings?” He looked away and took a sip of his drink. It upset me, since I know just how sentimental he is, and because of that, I asked the following, “If I died, would you miss me at all?” I noticed how off guard the question caught him, his movements pausing momentarily. I could practically hear the gears grinding inside his brain, trying to figure out a diplomatic answer. I gave up on expecting an answer and finished the remaining portion of my beer. “Keep an eye out for Eren, too. And kill that Beast asshole for good, alright?” As I started to walk away, I felt a grip around my forearm. My eyes found his, already looking at me. Maybe it was just me, but I detected something desperate and apologetic in his stare. He pulled me down next to him and I plopped back on the bench. He guzzled the rest of the glass and cleared his throat. “I would– Your absence– I…” he groaned and swallowed thickly, burying his face in his sweaty palms. I laughed at his awkward disposition and smacked his arm playfully. “Message delivered, Captain. Just be careful tomorrow and come back in one piece. I have a Queen to protect.” I stood up and walked away, waving at him and threw my beer away. Honestly, it hurt my heart to leave him behind, but if I stayed any longer, my feelings would have spilled out and I don't know what I would have done. 

Entry 338: Shiganshina has been reclaimed, but at great losses. Most of Hange's squad was massacred, along with Moblit, who died protecting them. Just writing this brings tears to my eyes and it's hard to see what I'm noting down. Hange themself lost an eye during the ordeal. The Beast Titan did a number on Erwin's soldiers, killing dozens of them, and wounding him fatally, resulting in his unavoidable death. Eren battled with Reiner and did a number on him, along with Levi, Hange and Mikasa. In an attempt to win against Bertie’s Titan, Armin sacrificed himself and burned to a crisp. Levi was forced to make a choice: who to give the titan serum to. There was a heated argument between him, Eren and Mikasa, who refused to let their friend die. However, L and H judged that Erwin deserved the serum more. I don't know what was the exact reason, but he chose Armin instead and I'm glad he did. I would have done the same. Not because I don't trust or believe in Erwin (he's the one that saved me from the Underground after all), but I always believed that young people are the future and the Commander deserved to rest. The Titans escaped and those who didn't were exterminated, after Eren sealed the breach in the outer gate. After everything was over, they visited the Jaeger basement and found a couple books and documents left by Eren's father that contained information on his past in Marley and historical details on the Eldian-Marleyan conflict. My chest feels tight trying to jot everything down. There's so many tidbits I want to include, but I'm perpetually exhausted and have no time. Anyway, I met up with Hange, who I hugged for an absurd amount of time as soon as I saw them alive. They're now wearing an eye patch and I complimented their looks. They also gave me a letter that Reiner passed to them, meant for Historia, from Ymir. I was present when she went through that letter and I felt like it would have been better if I hadn't been there. “My only regret was that I never got to marry you,” Ymir confessed to her. I read that line over and over, sitting beside a sobbing Historia. How cruel. How unfathomably cruel. 

Entry 343: Ever since that battle in Shiganshina, I haven't managed to meet up with Levi. Staying by Historia's side is my number 1 priority and I can't afford risking her life or missing anything important. However, I know he's in mourning over Erwin and it pains me that I can't see him and be there for him. Yesterday, he visited the orphanage and donated a large sum of money on his and Erwin's behalf. When I saw him, I debated hugging him at first, but I ultimately jumped on him. I didn't expect him to return it as earnestly as he did. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and my face immediately heated up. There's scars on his arms, shallow ones, but I can tell he fought hard. I brushed his hair out of his face to take a better look at him and all I could think of was how desperately I needed to kiss him. I smiled at him and embraced him again. It was obvious to me he wasn't feeling his best, but he was trying. The kids surrounded us and greeted him with big smiles on their faces like always. Levi sat down and narrated the story of their fierce battle with the Colossal, Armored and Beast Titans and how we can finally return to Sina once it's cleaned up and rebuilt. One of the other caretakers (I think it was Augusta) called the kids over, since it was dinner time. Me and Levi stayed back and chatted by ourselves. I asked him what's next in store and he said they're going to find the ocean that the trio was talking about and after that, we'll know no boundaries. “Will you take me to see the sea when you find it?” “Sure. But I doubt it will be that fascinating.” “You give the Arlert boy too little credit.” “You think I'd keep him alive if I truly did?” I laughed at his bewildered grimace and he urged me to walk with him to the orphanage. Every time I watch him with the kids, something in my soul softens, as if life is kinder and more beautiful than before. For a second, I pictured him as a father, imagining how he would act around his own children. He would never admit it, but I believe he would make a splendid parent. He's always been so kind and caring, so doting and altruistic, generous and nurturing, so I caught myself fantasizing about him having his own little family. I don't know if I could ever become a good parent, although I'm not terrible with kids, as long as I don't have to take care of them all day. I recognize it's a huge responsibility and I'm flattered that Historia believes in me enough to be around them. 

Entry 360: It's been a couple months since Shiganshina started repopulating. Although my previous entries are short, there's nothing significant to rant about. Life is always the same for me: guarding Historia, running around everywhere with her, the orphanage and every other side project she has going on. I barely have time to see Levi and Hange, who's now appointed as Commander, let alone my former students. I write to them often, but we meet rarely, maybe once a month if we're lucky. Eren's behavior is unusual and, truthfully, concerning. He doesn't seem like himself anymore, just a shell of a man, a memory of somebody that's not really there anymore. Still, he speaks to me kindly, like always. Last time I came into contact with him, upon his visit to Historia, I looked at him and remembered the first time I saw him in his Titan form. Although I had no idea what that meant at the time, I chose to trust in him. A decision I made on a whim, but I felt like I had no reason to regret it. Observing him now, I feel like I'm having second thoughts, which I can't voice without proof or solid reason. 

Levi slipped out of his bed that morning determined. With a gentle shake of your shoulder and a soft whisper of your name, he invited you to have breakfast with him before you both left for work. Groggy and yawning, you dragged your feet to the kitchen and sleepily ate the meal he prepared: porridge with slices of apple, banana and a dash of cinnamon for your serving. He eyed your face, your eyes still swollen from sleep and red markings from your pillow imprinted on your cheeks. You were the most adorable thing he had ever laid his eyes upon.

As soon as you were ready to leave, you pushed him outside and headed to work. Since you arrived earlier than usual at the shoe store, you kept him company until either Irene or Paul arrived. A couple minutes later, the young girl appeared, cheerful and energetic as always. She shook your hand and waved you goodbye as you marched on to school. 

“She looks moody in the mornings,” she commented with a giggle, entering the shop, Levi following behind her. He rolled his eyes, although he couldn't deny the fact. “I can't believe you still haven't made your move with her.”

He shot her a glare, the wrinkle between his brows deep – a testament of decades of frowning. “Mind your business, missy.” 

Irene giggled at the nickname. Although she acted offended, it was obvious to her that this was his nickname of endearment specifically for her. “I'm just saying!” She tied the work apron around her waist and helped Levi with his. “What is so bad about putting your feelings out there? You clearly have feelings for each other.”

The words felt like a stake through his heart. Do we? “Might be true about my case,” he sighed, picking up a pair of loafers to examine based on Paul's notes. “Not sure about her, though.” 

“Ugh! You're such an exhausting old man,” she groaned, opening the windows. Levi's sniffing echoed throughout the store, as the place filled with the sounds of the city outside. “What are you scared of?” she asked, sitting down on her workbench. “Are you scared of rejection?” 

Levi smiled bitterly; he was unsure of why he was hesitating. All these feelings he bottled up and cast away for years, the looks, the touches, the smiles and the words you shared, every single moment meant something to him. Curse his stubborn and anguished heart, he never believed he could – or should – act on them. “Probably.” 

“Well, you either are or you're not,” she spat, irritated by his vagueness. “Stop being so cryptic and speak your mind honestly. That's the first step.” 

“You know, my leg doesn't work as it used to, but that doesn't mean I can't beat your ass.”

“My long, youthful legs do work, though, so you won't have time to catch me,” she retorted, sticking her tongue out at him. 

Levi chuckled and shook his head. “Shithead,” he muttered, earning a giggle from her. “Get to work before your dad finds out we have been messing around doing nothing.”

A couple hours later and four pairs of shoes repaired, he decided to take a break, satisfied with his job. Paul was talking to a customer who had just arrived to pick up their boots. The door closed behind them and Levi approached his boss, asking for permission to use the telephone. The cobbler pointed at the device with an encouraging gesture and stepped away, allowing him space for his wheelchair to fit behind the counter. Dialing a number from his tiny notepad, he waited for something to happen. What was he going to say? And how? For a second, he wished he let you make the call instead of–

“Hello?” Mikasa's familiar voice spoke. “Who is this?” 

Levi gulped. “Hey, almost-cousin,” he greeted, using the inside joke from their exchanged letters. Mikasa's gentle laugh was heard and he smiled, relieved she remembered. “How have you been?” 

“I'm well, Ca– Levi,” she stuttered, refraining from using his former title. “These gadgets are something else, aren't they?” she asked, referring to the phone. 

“Mhm, they certainly are. I'm used to them by now, but it still feels strange.” He licked his lips, thinking of how to bring up the invitation. 

“I was told the Chief is staying over with you, is that right?” 

Straight to the point, huh? “News travel fast, I see.” 

“I have known for a while, actually,” she said, the chirping of birds audible from the other side of the line. “The others told me right away. Are you enjoying your time together?” 

Levi took a deep breath in. “It's pleasant. It's nice having company.”

“And not just any company,” Mikasa commented playfully. 

He scoffed and a small grin tugged at the ends of his lips. “Just tell me how you are.”

She hummed calmly in response. “I'm doing much better than I was. I have a garden to tend to and I meet up with Armin and the rest frequently nowadays. I've also taken up knitting again.”

“Knitting?” He vaguely recalled her bringing it up in one of her letters. 

“Yeah, it used to be a hobby of mine when I was little,” she explained. “I'm making plush toys for everyone I know to pass my time.” Weird, he thought, but didn't judge too harshly. As long as it keeps her happy. “What about you? Still working at the shoe store?”

“Still do. Bug got a job as a teacher the other day.”

“Oh! She did? I remember her lectures while we were trainees, she was fun.” Mikasa sounded content and he felt relieved. 

“Actually, I have a proposition for you, from both my and her behalf.” The woman on the other line remained silent. “I don't know if you're busy or anything and whether you would be interested in traveling for that long, but you're welcome to visit us here in Odiha. The house isn't too big, but the three of us can easily sleep comfortably. Do you think you could make it for the weekend?” It's quiet for a few seconds and worry started to settle. “You can stay longer if you want, just know we're both employed so you'll be by yourself for sometime. Unless you don't–”

“Thank you, Levi,” she giggled. He let out a sigh of relief as inaudibly as possible and scratched the side of his neck. “Thank you for the invitation, both you and Bug.”

“So, do you…”

“I'll pay you a visit, yes!” A glint of excitement in her voice, that's good. “How's the weather over there? What kind of clothes should I bring?” 

When you showed up later that day to pick Levi up and walk home together, he was thrilled. Irene was locking up the windows from the inside as you entered the shop. He immediately noticed the fatigue in your features, but decided to not point it out. Watching you chat with Paul, who was finishing up some orders, he smiled, his chest exploding with warmth. You were part of his new reality, of his new life, and you adapted so perfectly in it, so seamlessly… Almost as if you always belonged there, as you were always part of the picture. He shook his head, pretending to fling a few strands of hair away from his face, and he caught Irene's eyes staring at him with a smug grin plastered on her face. With a roll of his eyes, he called out to you, encouraging you to get going. 

It was a nice afternoon to stroll through the town. Instead of heading straight home, Levi suggested grabbing something to eat and visit the market for groceries together. In the meantime, he updated you about Mikasa's visit and saw your entire face light up. You clapped and cheered, all of your tiredness vanishing in a matter of seconds. Unable to contain your joy, you leaned down and embraced him, your arms around his neck. Levi felt your fingers trace the base of his neck up to his undercut, slowly and gingerly grazing his scalp. Goosebumps shot from his nape down to his spine, as well as his thighs. A tingle in his hurt knee notified him that it was all getting overwhelming, although he was enjoying the display of affection, despite being in public. 

Chapter Text

Mikasa was coming in two days time and you couldn't hide your anticipation. Even while you were in school, you were making plans for the three of you (or maybe the two of you, if she didn't mind some “girl time”) and narrowing down options for what to cook for her. The part that truly terrified you was where she was going to sleep. The easy answer was your bedroom; there was no way you would allow your guest to use the living room, even if it was for just three nights. However, you didn't want to take the living room either and you doubted Levi would be willing to let you sleep in his bed. You decided to bring up the matter over dinner. At first, he looked skeptical, then he grimaced disappointedly. 

“I'll take the couch,” he announced decidedly. 

“I'm not letting you sleep on the couch, Levi,” you retorted, pointing at his leg. 

He scoffed, almost indifferently. “It's just three nights, I'll live.” 

“I don't want you to be uncomfortable, just so I can have a whole bed to myself.”

“Then what do you suggest we do?” He chewed on his vegetables, staring at you questioningly. 

You sighed and reclined against the backrest of your chair. “Do you really mind sleeping together? I promise I won't take much space in your bed–”

“That's not my issue, Bug.” The truth was, Levi's sleeping patterns had indeed improved since you moved in with him. That, however, didn't stop the frequent nightmares or jolting awake in the middle of the night, and he didn't want you witnessing any of that and having you worry. That was something he didn't want to bring up to you anyway. A hesitant thought sprung in his head and he cleared his throat. “Let's just sleep together and she can take your room. It will be fine, I guess.” Your smile grew large, larger than he anticipated, and he couldn't hide his blush. The two of you hadn't shared a bed since your soldier days, so he wondered how that would go. Moreover, all those feelings that pent up inside him, would they accidentally manifest in his sleep? That was for him – and possibly you – to find out when you did sleep together. 

The following day, Levi went to work oddly cheerful. It didn't go unnoticed by Irene, who loved to tease him over it. Since Paul was delivering orders, they had the store for themselves and they got chatty. For the most part, she would observe him, eyeing at his expressions. Pointing out that he got extremely animated ever since you visited him had him flustered. He tried to deny it, but it was true; he had noticed his own behavior drastically changed because of your presence, especially after you admitted to living together for the rest of your lives. Once again, Irene scolded him about not daring to take your relationship a step further and he shot her down, like he did most of the time. 

Levi met up with you after work and recommended doing a few chores, so the work was divided in two days. You got home and skipped lunch. Instead, you changed into something more comfortable and started dusting off the place, wiped down the windows and did half the laundry, while Levi did the other half. In addition, he tidied up the kitchen and his bedroom, making sure it was nice enough for you. After you were done with cleaning, you headed to your bedroom and organized your space and removed the bedsheets, as well as the pillowcases, in order to wash them and change into new ones for Mikasa. 

As soon as those tasks were out of the way, the only remaining errands left were the bathroom, sweeping the floor and mopping, which you agreed to finish the following day. With that said, you finally showered, one after another, and then you prepared dinner. Hange's stew had become a weekly delight in your house and you always enjoyed it just the same. Each time, Levi recalled the last time he had it; during the Rumbling, along with his remaining squad and the Marleyans, the Warriors, the kiddos. He vividly remembered Jean and Reiner getting into a fist fight, how Pieck was in her Titan form the whole time, Yelena's real identity being revealed. And yet, through the conflict and the tension, the four-eyed freak still cooked a meal for everyone to share equally. He gazed at you, and gratitude flooded his chest, as he watched you eat the stew. Had it not been for them, he wouldn't be sitting there, under a sturdy roof he was blessed to call his own home, opposite to you, as you rambled on about your day at work. If ghosts were real, like Gabi once told him, he prayed he was able to see and talk to them once more, even as an intangible being. 

Entry 369: Ever since those Marleyans arrived on our island, we have been acquiring so much information about the world outside the little bubble we had been living in this whole time. Although at the beginning they were skeptical and scared of us, thanks to Hange and Levi's genius, they are cooperating with us and even getting accustomed to our ways. I had the chance of meeting Niccolo, whose cooking has swept Sasha off her feet and, my gear, was it delicious! Some of the tastiest meals I've ever had in my whole life. I also met Onyankopon, who Hange seems to be rather attached to. There's also this strange woman, Yelena, who I don't particularly like. Something about her is suspicious. Either way, since they're not causing us problems, I've decided to keep my thoughts to myself. The other day, while I was at the orphanage, I was visited by Hange. They had brought me food straight from Niccolo’s kitchen and I devoured it right then and there. They sat beside me and talked about building railways throughout the island that could help us travel everywhere, even faster than horses, the introduction of new weapons and the construction of harbors, where the ships will arrive and set sail from. We have secured the Marleyans’ assistance in all of this and with the help of our own people, the work will begin very soon. I offered to participate, but I was told to remain by Historia's side, especially now that she has to run so many errands. Speaking of her, I've started calling her “princess” as a joke and she loves it. After so long in each other's constant presence, we're treating each other like friends. Well, for me personally, since she's so much younger than me, she's more like a little sister. 

Entry 373: Since Historia got sick about a week ago, I've been playing nurse, along with the doctor that takes care of her. The other two soldiers that occasionally stay here as support aren't needed so it's just me and her. The workers in the orphanage are handling everything just fine without us present, which is positive. I try to avoid coming into contact with her too much or too close, since I don't want to get sick as well. Levi caught wind of it and visited us with a supply of new medicine, brought by the Marley people. He's very caring towards her and I feel some part of him tries to atone for forcing her to shoulder the responsibility of a Queen at such a young age. I don't believe he regrets it, but still feels somewhat bad about it. We sat on the porch for a long time, always inseparable from each other, our bodies firmly touching while talking about everything and nothing in particular. I would try to come up with literally anything, even the weather, just so I can hear his voice a little longer, to have him close to me some more. Every time he has to leave, I feel like he steals a piece of my heart away and I miss him terribly. During that visit, I watched him play with a lavender stem. Inevitably, my eyes were locked on his hands and I was aware I was looking at them for too long, until he noticed. “Something wrong?” he asked, and, truthfully, I wanted to say that he had nice hands, but I didn't. “Have your fingers grown?” “What the hell are you saying?” I laughed at how incredulous he sounded. I grabbed his hand and placed my open palm on top of it, pretending to compare the size of our hands. The contact made my heart race, but I ignored it. “Seems like they're the same as always,” I said. I expected him to snatch his hand away, but he didn't. I didn't look at him, I was horrified by how flustered I felt, so I kept staring down at our hands on top of my lap. I shifted my fingers slightly and intertwined them with his. My heart was hammering in my chest by that point. I looked away and after a moment of quietness, I started talking about the kids in the orphanage and how they are picking up books to read by themselves. He didn't let go of my hand until it was time for him to leave and even then, I felt him caress my skin with his thumb before he did. 

Entry 380: Life keeps moving normally for the most part. It's actually jarring how peaceful it is; we are so used to conflict and destruction that it feels like something bad will occur at any moment. Today I was on leave and visited Hange, who treated me to lunch. They have been working on multiple projects and I can tell they're exhausted, but happy nonetheless. “I wish Moblit was here to witness all this alongside me,” they commented while ranting about the redevelopment of the thunderspears, as well as the guns. I also think of him often, especially during moments like this, since he'd be delighted to see the person he loved and cared for so lively. Other than that, they informed me that the head of the Azumabito clan, from the nation of Hizuru, will be visiting us soon, in hopes of forming an alliance. There's so many kinds of people we're being introduced to and it's honestly thrilling to me, although I'm not part of the action as much as everyone else, not even Historia. While Hange was talking, I fixated on their eye patch and wondered what their eye looked like underneath. “Would you mind removing it so I can see?” They didn't even hesitate. The wound had healed a lot and I carefully traced the scar with my thumb. At first, they tensed and then immediately relaxed. “It looks badass,” I said, earning a cackle from them. “You think so? Levi calls me ‘three-eyes’ now and it just doesn't hit the same.” It was my turn to laugh. Soon enough, they explained how they had grown even closer than before with him and it made my chest swell with emotion. I'm glad they have each other, it's reassuring to know they got each other's company. On top of that, Hange mentioned how Levi always looks unusually excited whenever he's supposed to visit us, as if he's in a hurry and nervous. “Don't raise my expectations,” I said bitterly, but they nudged me playfully. I told them what we do whenever he visits and they deadpanned at me. “That's why he's always so late?! Just so he can stay back and flirt unabashedly?” I smacked their arm, wordlessly pleading with them to stop teasing me. “When will either of you throw away your pride and do something about those feelings?” “You know we can't.”  They did know, but they didn't want to discourage me either, that much was understood. “I just think it's foolish behavior on both of your behalves.” I rolled my eyes and changed the subject. I almost forgot! In a couple weeks, they will send a tailor to where I currently live, in order to take my measurements for the new Corps uniforms. New uniforms!!! We're getting a slight makeover, for both formal and battle uniforms. I can't wait to see what they'll look like. 

Entry 388: Haven’t had a day that eventful in such a long time! It's past midnight and Historia is sleeping soundly in the next room, so I'm up journaling. So, today was the day that the tailor was coming. It wasn't the same guy we used to have back then, unfortunately he and his son have both died. The new man is just as skilled, even more than the previous ones, based on Hange's words. I waited for him to arrive around 11 in the morning, but instead of H, it was Levi who showed up. That was surprising. He was wearing his own uniform and I almost gasped at the sight: it was all black and tight on him, with a low turtleneck. There were some silver/metal parts on the legs, especially around the knees and on top, he was wearing our signature green cape. The color is slightly darker now and I like it. It looked so good on him that I couldn't stop staring. The tailor's name was Felix and he was younger than the both of us, but not that much. I invited him inside the cottage and I helped him carry some of the equipment he had brought along with him. At first, we mostly talked idly and then he suggested we move on to taking my measurements. The scenery was suddenly awfully familiar. After asking me about my weight and height, he asked me to stand up and used the tape to calculate my height down to the millimeter. Then, he stood in front of me and asked for permission to measure my limbs separately, as well as my shoulders, chest, waist, butt and the foot size. After a glance at Levi, who was watching us quietly from the couch, I nodded affirmatively and Felix smiled. “Would you be comfortable undressing? We need the least amount of layers on you as possible to get the sizes precisely,” he added. I had done this before, so I didn't hesitate to agree, but Levi interfered. “She won't be undressing in front of you.” Felix smiled awkwardly, the atmosphere in the room really intense. “I'll be fine, Captain. It's not my first time, you know this well.” I tried to bite back my smirk and immediately took off my clothes, right in front of both of them. Thankfully, I was wearing a simple white shirt underneath my clothes, so I wasn't entirely nude. Felix quickly proceeded with looking over my proportions, writing down everything in a notepad. In the meantime, Levi's alert gaze didn't shy away for even a second. The last part that needed to be calculated was my chest. I wasn't thinking much of anything, until Levi stepped up again. “I'll do this.” The tailor stared at him bewildered. “Is there something wrong, Captain?” I feel like he knew exactly what was wrong. “It's inappropriate to touch her chest.” Since when?! I was baffled. “Captain, I’ve measured multiple people and I assure you, I have never touched anyone in a manner that would cause them to feel uncomfortable, which is why I always inform everyone of the process beforehand and listen to their personal requests, so I can work more efficiently. Unless she's not consenting me to touch her, I'll have to ask you to not intervene any longer.” I was stunned by his firm disposition, which evidently startled Levi. He didn't respond and allowed the man to continue. It really wasn't that big of a deal, I didn't even feel his hand on me at all. It was hilarious (and pretty attractive) to think about how heated and overprotective he got over this matter. Anyway, after the procedure was over, I treated Felix to tea and some home-baked cookies that Historia had prepared last night. Oh my gear, this is a long entry. I'll continue tomorrow, because I'm getting really sleepy. 

Entry 389: Continuing yesterday's note, Felix ended up leaving by himself and let me know that my new uniforms would be delivered as soon as possible. After he left, it was just us in the house. I asked Levi when he was returning to HQ, but he claimed that there was nothing to attend to that day. He offered to stay with me and help me around with work. Historia was in the orphanage and was able to manage by herself. She wasn't feeling particularly chatty or sociable, so I kept my distance, so as to not irritate her. “Do you want to see the ocean?” Levi proposed, and I agreed right away. I was skeptical at first, but after receiving Historia's permission, me and Levi headed out to the shore. There was a part of it that they call a beach. He advised me to bring a towel and a spare change of clothes, so I did. After an hour or so on horseback, we finally reached the sea. The water was endless and salty, just like it was described to me multiple times. I could distinguish various types of creatures swimming inside and, although it was slightly cold, it was so inviting. I quickly realized why he told me to bring the towel and the extra clothes. I looked at him enthusiastically and, after making sure it was just the two of us, I got rid of all my clothes and underwear and jumped in the water naked. The temperature grew on me and the cold feeling from earlier didn't bother me anymore. Levi stayed back watching me, his arms crossed over his chest. Even though I had drifted pretty deep out in the sea, I could still detect the smile on his face as he watched me. I stood up out of the water and gestured at him to join me, but he grimaced and turned around. I thought, there's no way he got embarrassed from seeing me nude, right? It wasn't the first time. Since he refused my invitation, I continued splashing around and enjoying the water for a little while. I walked out and creeped up behind him. I kept questioning why he refused to look at me, accusing him teasingly of having grown shy, while he kept his eyes closed and twisted around to avoid facing me. I stopped bothering him and grabbed my towel, patting myself dry. “You sure talked big in front of that poor guy. He was just trying to do his job.” “I don't trust men who get handsy.” “But that's his job.” “It's easy to take advantage of that fact.” I guess he wasn't wrong, but still. An evil idea was born in my head and decided to try something out. “Would you have preferred to be the one touching my chest?” “Tsk. Shut up.” I giggled and he paced around the sand. “Honestly, I wouldn't mind if he touched me. He was pretty attractive, to be truthful.” I didn't mean any of it, by the way, I simply desired a reaction from him. I pulled up my pants and started to button my shirt, when I noticed him turning to look at me. “Don't get ideas,” he spat warningly. “Why not?! I mean, I love Historia and spending time with her is fun, but I'm out of action, I don't have you guys around anymore and I'm bored. No cadets or other Captains to flirt and mess around with.” His expression didn't change, but I spotted his ears turning an alarming shade of red. I approached him after wearing my shoes and walked past him, heading to my horse, when my wrist was grabbed and I was yanked towards him, my body colliding against his. His stare was consuming, almost frenzied. “What part of this is amusing to you?” “Excuse me?” My heart was pounding with adrenaline. “You enjoy getting on my nerves?” “What do your nerves have to do with me finding someone else hot and wanting some excitement in my life?” The realization dawned on him and he glared at me, glancing down at my lips for a second too long, then let my arm free from his grip. Needless to say, my question wasn't answered and we returned back to the cottage. However, I feel like I know the answer. If it wasn't his personal feelings, wouldn't he respond honestly? 

Mikasa disembarked in Odiha at dawn, right before you got to work. Levi avoided waking you up, in an attempt to keep her arrival a surprise, and visited the train station to pick her up. Her hair had gotten longer since the last time he saw her, reaching down to her shoulders. The scarf, the one Eren gifted her, was draped around her shoulders loosely. From a quick scan of her appearance, Levi smiled in relief; she looked healthier than ever. Before getting back home, he treated her to a sandwich from his favorite place, assuming she hadn't eaten in a couple hours. She laughed out loud and spoke softly, but louder than usual – there was nothing holding her down after all anymore. Through their brief catching up, she confessed that travelling had her seriously sleep deprived and couldn't wait to take a nap. Other than that, she pointed out how warm the weather was and how glad she was to have the opportunity to vacation outside of Paradis. 

When the two of them reached the front door, Levi removed the keys from his pocket and unlocked it, urging Mikasa to enter first. She took a step inside and her eyes examined the house. “It's really cosy, Levi,” she whispered, knowing you were still asleep. The decorations on the walls and around the furniture caught her eye and grinned. “Didn't take you for an interior stylist. I assume this is the Chief's doing?” Levi nodded and guided her to her appointed bedroom. 

The previous night, you and Levi had agreed to share his bed, so you wouldn't have to prepare her bed last minute. Since he went to sleep before you did, he never noticed you coming in and laying down. In the morning, he felt your body against him, your back facing him, as you slumbered peacefully next to him. Had it not been for Mikasa, he would have spent several minutes watching you. 

The guest walked into her bedroom and gasped delightedly. The windowsills were open, allowing the sunlight to light up the room. The desk was neatly organized, almost empty, so she could use it as she pleased. Mikasa placed her bag on top of the chair and looked at Levi with a beaming smile. “Is this for me?” He nodded in response, humming quietly. “Is she still asleep? I want to thank her personally.” 

Levi checked the clock on the wall, an addition of your own volition. “It's almost time for her to wake up, so I'll go take care of it. You can join us for breakfast if you want.”

With that, he left the room and moved to his, pushing the door open slowly. You were splayed on top of his bed like a starfish, limbs tangled in his bedsheets, your nightgown bunched up to your stomach. With a flushed face, he approached the bed and took a deep breath, as he nudged you awake, your name falling from his lips sweetly. You moaned in frustration, your cheek pressed against the pillow. He chuckled to himself, tucking a few strands of hair away from your face. I could get used to this, actually. 

He leaned in closer and you could feel his breath caressing the skin on your face. “Our guest of honor is here,” he spoke softly, your eyes fluttering at him. 

You cocked an eyebrow at him, processing his words. “Mikasa's here? When did she come?!” You sprung upwards, supporting your torso on your elbows. 

“I picked her up a while ago, I just didn't tell you,” he said, biting back an amused laugh. “I figured you could use some extra sleep.” 

“But we agreed to pick her up together,” you pouted, sliding off the bed and slipping into your work clothes swiftly. “How did you manage to wake up so early?” 

The answer to that would alarm you; he didn't get a lick of sleep that night. Something about expecting a guest, combined with his insecurity of his unusual sleeping habits, kept him up all night. “I set my alarm.” 

“I didn't hear it, though.” 

“You were probably in deep sleep,” he retorted, heading outside. “Come say hi when you're ready.” 

Moving at the speed of light, you rushed outside and found Mikasa in the kitchen, preparing breakfast next to Levi. Your eyes immediately watered, unable to comprehend she was right there, right in front of you. You took two long strides and reached her, embracing her tightly. There was so much you wanted to say; “I'm proud of you.” “Thank you for being here.” “Do you miss him?” “Has it been hard for you?” “Your hair looks so pretty.” “How is life treating you?” “You still wear that scarf.” “The scar underneath your eye has faded a lot.” 

In a moment of sentimentality, you rested your forehead against hers, your eyes closed. The faint scent of soap and sage emanating from her clothes filled your nostrils. You took a step back, opting to reduce your overly display of affection. Your hands squeezed her shoulders and encouraged her to sit at the table and have breakfast before you left for work. 

The rest of the day you weren't completely focused on teaching, although it didn't seriously hinder your performance. The kids didn't mind either, since class was more relaxed and enjoyable than usual. As soon as the bell rang, signifying the day was over, you packed your bags and waited for the kids to empty the classroom, so you could tidy up and leave. Marching as fast as you could, you picked up Levi from the shoe store, waved goodbye to Irene and immediately headed home. 

Mikasa was in the living room, flipping through the pages of a book she picked up from the shelves, her legs curled up to her chest. Her scarf wasn't around, so you assumed it was left in the bedroom. You greeted her cheerfully, as both you and Levi moved to his bedroom and tossed your belongings in some corner. 

“Did you sleep at all?” you asked, sitting beside her on the couch. 

She hummed, placing the book on top of the coffee table in front of you. “I woke up around half an hour ago, and then I waited for you guys to return. How was work?” 

You recounted the events of your day at school as briefly as possible, not wanting to bore or bombard her with too much information at once. Then, Levi simply stated that it was a tiring day with a lot of orders to take care of. He looked at you and then Mikasa, who listened attentively to the both of you. In a strange manner, it felt like his little sister was there. He was excited to have the only other Ackerman alive with him. There was so much he wanted to learn about his lineage, but neither of them had a clue about their families. Based on that, he considered her family already. While watching you conversate with her about the technicalities of your job, his mind wandered. He dreamed of a life where his mother was alive, as well as Furlan and Isabel. He pictured them in your midst and wished things had turned out differently. 

Levi thought of his mother often. Kuchel was so loving and caring, she would have adored having Mikasa and Isabel as her adoptive family, and Furlan as a second son. Sometimes, when it was just the two of you, he imagined how he would bring up your relationship to her, her reactions, her words; he guessed she would be furious, just like Irene, but supportive nonetheless. He missed his mother, although a significant amount of time had passed since her death. However, he didn't remember the sight of her corpse anymore, just the beautiful image of her, healthy and happy with him. 

A snap of your fingers dragged him back to reality. His eyes focused on yours and he stared at you sheepishly. It wasn't uncommon for him to not pay attention, you were aware he didn't do it on purpose or because he was uninterested, but you had asked him a question and needed an answer. At times like this, you never made fun of him or teased him. 

“I was wondering what we're going to have for lunch,” you repeated. “All of us are starving, so we should get something to eat.” 

Levi pouted pensively. “Should we eat something easy to prepare and go out for dinner later?” he suggested, glancing at you and Mikasa interchangeably. “We’ll treat you.”

“Oh, absolutely not,” Mikasa frowned. “If we're going out, I'll be the one treating you, for inviting me and letting me stay at your place.” 

Levi put up a fight, unaccepting of her offer, until he eventually gave up. Her stubbornness was everlasting and he couldn't deny her. He surrendered to her want with a smile and raised his arms in retaliation, wheeling to the kitchen as you followed behind. 

Clicking his tongue, Levi let Mikasa push his wheelchair, although he didn't want her to, at first. With you walking by his side, he realized that it wasn't actually that bad. In an attempt to make light conversation, he acknowledged her genuine concern about his health, regarding his knee. You could tell that Mikasa didn't want to sound impolite or invasive, noticing her biting her lip nervously before asking for more details, but that was Levi's reality, so there was nothing improper about her curiosity. 

“The bum leg isn't doing worse, but it's not doing better either,” he declared. “I'm lucky that I got away with the physical trauma that I did. As long as it's not interfering severely with my daily life, I can manage the rest.” 

And, for the most part, it was true. Levi was able to do all sorts of things throughout his day, maybe slower or differently than he normally would, but it didn't bother him. In a way, it was assuaging completing tasks at his own pace, without the rush and frenzy he used to. Back when you were in the Scouts and you were on cleaning duty, he was stressed out of his mind, so he took everything out on maintaining his space clean. It was a way to keep some sort of control in this life that he led, where nothing was certain and tomorrow wasn't promised. But now, he didn't need to worry, especially with you by his side. 

As you entered the restaurant, music was playing and people were dancing on stage, next to the band. Mikasa's astounded expression was priceless; it wasn't that she didn't experience similar situations in Paradis, but it wasn't as often. Probingly, you asked her when was the last time she attended an event of that nature and her prolonged silence was telling enough. Your eyes found Levi's as you took a seat at your table and giggled. 

“Are the others not going out?” you wondered out loud. 

“Not that often, but I usually don't join them,” she revealed. The statement was a little concerning, but you didn't comment on it. “I started going out more in the recent months.”

“Oh! How so?” 

“Jean invites me to places frequently, be it dinner or drinks, sometimes a morning coffee before he heads to work.” She spoke of it so nonchalantly that it surprised you. Was she actually that dense? Not that you were any better. You received a suggestive glance from Levi, who was sitting opposite to you and you wiggled your eyebrows in response. 

“That's nice,” you voiced, your eyes skimming over the menu. “I talk with Jean on the phone from time to time, he sounds like he's doing well. The others too.” 

“I know, they're all working really hard to make progress happen,” she smiled, her finger tracing a page of the catalogue. “I have a neighbor who's pregnant lately and I take care of her garden, as well as my own,” she said. “Sometimes, I feel like I should be with them, helping them in their efforts, but–”

“But you don't want to,” Levi challenged, earning a timid nod from her. “It's alright to feel that way. We both do,” he continued, pointing at himself, then you. “But we've done enough, haven't we? We deserve to live our lives. Especially you,” he insisted, staring at her. “You handled one of the hardest tasks during the Rumbling and you executed it perfectly. Let others take it from here.” 

Mikasa smiled at him agreeably. “I guess you're right.” She paused for a while, waiting for the waiter to take your orders and disappear. “My pregnant neighbor, she has another kid that's around five years old. Her husband is a mailman and he's a great father. I watch them and I feel… sort of jealous.” She peered at you and you grinned. 

“Are you thinking of putting yourself out there?” 

Mikasa's eyes drifted away, gazing at the people dancing. “I would like to. It's not because I'm lonely or anything like that,” she clarified, pink dusting the apples of her cheeks. “But it would be nice to have someone, you know,” she trailed off, slightly embarrassed. 

“Do you have anyone in mind?” you interrogated, with a glint of hope.

“Not at the moment,” she replied with rosy cheeks. “I spend most of my time gardening, so it's hard meeting new people.”

“What about people you know already?” Levi chimed in. Mikasa shook her head decidedly, her lips twitching in thought, and rocked her body back and forth, enjoying the music. 

The rest of the evening went by rather leisurely. The joy you felt watching Mikasa savoring every bite and every sip of her meal was enough to make your heart feel full. Since she was still tired from the trip, she politely requested you leave the store at a reasonable time and you complied. 

Upon returning home, she headed to bed right after taking a quick shower. Although there was no energy left in you, you felt restless and urged Levi to go to bed without you. Out of concern, he offered to accompany you outside, but you declined his offer and closed the door behind you, as you headed to the backyard, wearing your outside slippers. 

There was a gentle breeze blowing, the rustling of the leaves and the choir of chirping crickets soothing you. You seated yourself at the bench next to the door and gazed up at the sky. Your mind was swirling with thoughts, but nothing in particular. It was so quiet and peaceful and you recalled the tugging on your heartstrings when Levi rushed to keep you company. 

Suddenly, all you could think of was him. You wondered if he had already fallen asleep or whether he was waiting for you, wide awake out of concern. You took a moment to appreciate your current reality and, for the most part, you were grateful to him. You tugged at your jacket, the night weather making you shiver. Had he not invited you, you would still be stuck with Historia and her family. No, you didn't hate them, not in the slightest, but you had grown miserable and exhausted. Your life now has gained a new purpose, a new meaning. After the Rumbling was over, you pondered how long you were going to be able to continue down that path, but you simply couldn't see yourself working as a shield for the rest of your life. However, you don't need to do that anymore. Levi convinced you that there was more to this life than holding on to pain. 

You found yourself contemplating how on Earth would you be able to part from this house, from this city, your job… him. It seemed absurd spending even a second away from him, at this point. Levi always meant the world to you, hence your complicated relationship. The fact that both of you survived the horrors of your duties and won the chance to reunite was a miracle you didn't take for granted. You pouted at yourself, your brain projecting a short flashback of your whole life ever since you joined the Corps. How adventurous. The moon above you shone brightly down at you and you reminisced about all the times you spent hours stargazing next to him, how your heart thundered in your chest, listening to his relaxed breathing so close to you. Occasionally, you would share a drink, other times, it was so unbelievably cold you couldn't stand the frigid surface you were sitting on and, sometimes, neither of you were in the mood to marvel at the sky, occupied by grief and remorse. Despite everything, you didn't miss the opportunity to be there for each other, even if not a single word was uttered between the two of you. 

The intimacy that you had developed towards each other was unique. It wasn't like anything you had ever experienced with any other relationship in your life, not even with Hange. Your connection to Levi always tethered on a fine line between romantic and platonic and you could never tell if the first was reciprocated on his part. You were well aware you were in love with him back then, but a lot had transpired in the meantime. It would be blasphemous to even imply you weren't still in love with him. Madly so. 

The weather was growing chillier the longer you stayed outside, so you returned to your bedroom. Just as you had assumed, Levi waited for you awake, reading a book he kept on his bedside table. His eyes darted to you when you walked through the door and he placed the book back to its previous place. 

“You alright?” he asked, his voice quiet and filled with tenderness. 

“Just needed some fresh air,” you answered, removing your jacket and your pants. You plopped down on the bed, impossibly close to him. With your back against the headrest, you tilted your head to the side, reclined against his shoulder, and your leg draped over his. The thoughts from earlier flooded you and you had half a mind reaching for his hand to hold it – but you decided against it. “Did you know Mikasa snores super loud?” 

Chapter Text

Erwin sends a soldier to my office, requesting my attendance. It's strange, since he rarely bothers me after midnight, but it's better than having to listen to four-eyes babble on about titan brain juices and whatnot. The walk to his office is short, but despite the late hour, other soldiers seem to be awake and greet me on the way there. The halls are dimly lit and it's quiet around the headquarters. As I knock on the door, I hear his voice invite me inside. 

“You called?” I shut the door behind me and my hands sneak inside the pockets of my coat. The winter cold is unbelievable these days. 

Erwin is fully turned towards the tall bookcase, searching for something. “I did,” he replies, without looking at me. 

“Something important? It's rare for you to call me this late.” 

The book he's holding shuts with a loud thud and he finally faces me, taking a seat on his desk chair. “How have you been, Levi?” 

I quirk an eyebrow at him. “Huh? Where did that come from?” 

“Just curious,” he says, but I know him well enough by now. There's something inquisitive in his tone, not concern, but almost interrogative. He gestures at the armchair in front of his desk and I hesitantly draw closer, but avoid sitting. 

“Are there complaints? Was there a mishap on my end that I didn't notice?” There couldn't be, I would know. More than anyone, he would have told me if there was. 

He shakes his head and I notice his mouth attempting to conceal a grin. “No complaints, Levi. Like I said, just curious.”

“You blond bastard,” I scoff. “Did you call me at this hour to chitchat?” 

“Excuse me, I wasn't aware I deprived you of your beauty sleep, Captain.” Such smug demeanor is a first. Oh, I could kill him right now. “There’s nothing wrong,” he shakes his head, still staring at me. “As you know, I care about the well-being of the Scout members – every single person that comprises our legion is important.” I listen to him attentively, waiting to see where this goes. “It's like a machine; if one screw is loose, the whole mechanism malfunctions.” For a moment, he looks out of the window, watching the snow stick to the glass. “It has come to my attention that you have been rather… distracted lately.” 

“Excuse me?” I frown at him. Me? Distracted? “Have you lost your mind? What could possibly have me distracted?” 

He sneers, cocking a thick eyebrow. “You should be able to explain that.” 

I'm aghast. “I have no idea what you're ta–”

“Is it her fault?” He cuts me off and I freeze in my spot. Suddenly, I need to sit down, because my legs have become useless at supporting me. His eyes widen and mouth parts in surprise. “Ha! So Hange was right,” he exclaims. Fuck, they gossip about me? No, I cannot let them find out. 

“Were you dropped on your head as a kid? What are you saying?” The crack in my voice is apparent and my attempt at feigning ignorance isn't working as I had hoped. “Who is her?”

Erwin leans forward, his hands clasped together. “Bug,” he whispers. “Isn't that what you call her?” I don't realize it myself, but he cackles as he studies my expression. “Your face is flushed, Levi.”

“Don't fuck with me, Smith,” I mutter through gritted teeth. “There's nothing going on with her and I'm certainly not distracted because of such a ridiculous reason.” He seems surprised by my response. Good, I need to convince him. 

“During today's meeting, you were very quiet,” he states persistently. “While Dhalis was complaining about the Scout Regiment’s funds being cut down, you didn't participate at all. You're usually rather outspoken on the matter, but when I checked on you, your eyes were glued on her on the opposite side of the table.” My hands have formed into fists inside my pockets and the skin of my face feels disturbingly warm. Shit, I hate this. I can't believe I allowed such a slipup to happen. 

There's no way I can admit to any of that. I absolutely cannot tell him that, yes, I was staring at her because I was worried about her. That morning, before the summit began, Hange burst into my office, their eyes teeming with worry. “She won't stop vomiting!” My stomach twisted, I felt cold sweat washing over me. They rushed me to their dorm room and, indeed, she was in a horrible state. Bug's face was almost sunken, her lips pale and the circles under her eyes dark, as if she had received a punch in the face. I gathered her hair in a ponytail while she threw up in a bucket, Hange panicking and pacing around the room, trying to find some medicine that could help. With a firm grip on my arm, she stood on her feet and used a napkin to wipe her mouth with. Her breath stank, but I couldn't tell her that. Instead, I brought her a small loaf of bread and some water, which she wolfed down in under two minutes. “I'll be fine,” she said, but in the state that she was, it was hard to believe. Sitting on her bed with Hange next to her, she concentrated on her breathing and then encouraged us to join the meeting as soon as possible. As soon as we all assembled in the meeting room, I couldn't pry my eyes away from her. 

How did that fucker notice? Was it that obvious? I thought I was being discreet. 

“It's not like that,” I blurt out, as solemnly as I can. “She was feeling sick, so I was looking out for her.” Erwin isn't persuaded, but I stand my ground. “Is there anything else you need me for?” 

There's a naughty glint in his eyes that pisses me off. I can practically see the words begging to be freed from the confines of his mouth. 

“That's it?” he finally asks. I nod once, without uttering a word. “It didn't seem like it to me, Levi. Hange said–” 

“Don't know what you're expecting me to say,” I sigh defeatedly. “I apologize if my carelessness caused any problems. I assure you it won't happen again.” Deep in my gut, I know what that bespectacled blabbermouth has said. Their teasing hasn't gone unnoticed, either towards me or her. Regardless, I don't want him to expand on that. 

At last, his previous playfulness vanishes. Without sparing me a glance, he dismisses me, but before I step out of the office, he calls my name one final time. I hover at the door, expecting him to bid me goodnight, since he forgot. It appears as if he's reluctant, then his eyes scan around the room. First, he reaches for a couple different books from the shelves, picking three thick ones out of the many he owns. Then, he grabs the packaged sandwich on top of his desk and, lastly, a stack of paperwork. He collects all the aforementioned items in the middle of the table and orders me to deliver them to her. In a futile attempt, I argue that her office is right next to his, along with ours, but he shakes his head. 

“I would prefer it if you delivered these directly to her room.” This sly shithead. He knows what he's doing. My mouth barely parts in order to protest against it, but he's faster and wittier. “It's an order, by the way.” 

I strike my fist against my chest and exit Erwin's office. It could have gone worse, I grumble. Making my way to the dormitory, I visit Hange's lab first, where I find them researching, engrossed in their piles of notes and mountains of books. Moblit is also there, watching over them like their personal guardian. I don't bother greeting them and rush to Bug's room. At this hour, I assume she's either sleeping or in the process of sleeping. It's awfully silent and I can hear the snowstorm raging outside the building. I peek at the nearest window and notice that there's already a hefty layer of white covering everything, from the streets to the hats of the soldiers patrolling. Poor guys. 

Their room is on the second floor, at the right side of the hallway. One can tell it's their room, because the door has a large burn on the outside, from an experiment Hange was conducting in the room, before they were allowed to use the lab. There's only a few lanterns providing any light. I knock gently, but there's no answer. Since the door only opens from inside, I can't just walk in. By now, I've learned that she hides the key whenever Hange is late inside the wall, underneath a brick that's loose. Checking my surroundings, I remove the brick from the wall and acquire the key. The door unlocks and I can now enter the room. 

As expected, she's sleeping. The lantern that's burning is about to give out, so I take it upon myself to replace the candle. The items that Erwin gave me are placed on top of her desk, which is neatly organized. From a quick look at her, she seems cold; I can see her body shivering underneath the sheets, so I cover her with the heavy blanket that lies on the feet of her bed. The shivering stops and she breathes out deeply. She looks so peaceful that I can't help but stare at her. Using a chair, I take a seat beside her. I could wait until the four-eyed freak comes back. Through some slight observation, it's obvious that she's exhausted. A rumbling sound interrupts the total stillness of the room. She's probably hungry. For a while, I debate waking her up. If she wakes up with an empty stomach in the morning, she will make it everyone's problem, and especially mine. 

Squeezing her arm, I gently rock her back and forth until she squints at me. “What do you want?” she asks in a groggy voice. 

“Tsk, I brought you something to eat.” I point at her desk and she immediately springs up on the bed. 

Her eyes flutter at me, still puffy from sleep. “You did?” She smiles at me, which is creepy.

“Erwin gave it to me, along with some other stuff,” I explain, and she seems disappointed. I hand her the sandwich and she sits with her back against the headboard, legs still under the blanket. “How are you feeling?” Color has returned to her features, which is positive. Some strands of hair are hiding her face, so I tuck them behind her ear and I hear her breath hitch. 

“I'm alright,” she stutters. “Much better now.” Fiddling with the wrapper of the sandwich, she steals glances at me sheepishly. 

“What's wrong? Something on my face?”

“No,” she shakes her head. “I just feel horrible for today. I made you two worry and it was all so gross.” Her bottom lip juts out, pouting like an embarrassed child. 

I can't help but smile at her. “There's no reason to feel bad. It's human, it could happen to anyone.”

She's blushing and her cheeks are red. “Thank you,” she whispers. “What did Erwin send?” I point at the books and the paperwork, which she conveniently ignores. “Books?! Oh, he's so sweet,” she praises excitedly. 

I can't explain what I feel at that moment, but something stings inside of me, as if I just tasted something sour. All of a sudden, I'm overcome with the need to leave and I stand up, fixing the chair back to its original spot. Before I'm out of the room, her voice repeatedly calls for me. When I look at her, her arms are stretched out towards me, inviting me back inside. My jaw clenches and I shut the door, walking back to the bed. My arms rest on my hips and she's eyeing me up and down. 

“Stay with me,” she says, patting on the bed. “Need your company. I still don't feel that well.” The blush on her face is deeper than before. I don't know what it is about her expression, but I feel awkward. “Hange will probably take forever to come back,” she adds, her fingers now tugging at my sleeve. Her eyes are pleading with me to stay and I can't refuse, as much as I want to. 

“I’m not that much of a good company.”

“You're perfect,” she rebukes instantly. “I like your company. You don't need to be a yapper to be pleasant.” 

A knot climbs up my throat and I can't respond. I simply take a seat beside her and remove my coat and the belts of my uniform. In the meantime, she's sliding a little to the left, creating space between us, then gestures at the spot on the bed next to her. 

“What?” 

“Lay down with me, will you?” She sounds so nonchalant, but she's visibly flustered. 

“I can't do that,” I stammer. “It's forbidden. Dorm rules and all.”

She tuts and rolls her eyes. “I'm sick and require a fellow comrade's assistance,” she laughs. “Who will reprimand me for that? Even if it comes down to that, I'll take the blame–”

“No, that's not my issue.” Besides, I'll explain everything to Erwin, so he'll be understanding. “I don't sleep that long. I need to be alert at all times.” 

Without a word, she drags me against her, my chest landing on hers. I can feel that she's not wearing anything underneath her shirt, and cold sweat seeps from every pore of my body. “You still need to rest, Captain.” Her voice is lower and her breath tickles my face. The way she pronounces my title makes my chest feel numb, as if I'm shot with electricity. What the fuck is happening to me? Is this a panic attack? “Now, lay down.” 

Against my better judgement, I follow her instructions. First, I remove my pants and then my shirt, so I don't bring all the disgusting germs into her bedsheets. Now in my underwear and tank top, I hide under the covers and try to keep my distance as much as possible. Shortly after, she falls asleep next to me, snoring lightly like a kitten. Normally, I could have simply gotten up and left, but I don't. I don't want to. Moments of peace as this one are rare and I don't get to share them with anyone else – except for her. I don't understand how she does that, how she manages to bend my will so effortlessly. 

The room is empty and the candle in the lantern continues to burn. It's so quiet. I can hear her breath and mine, as well as the snow howling outside. The blanket is warm and the sheets smell nice and freshly cleaned. She's so close that I can detect the scent of her shampoo. Hange once told me that she sometimes moves around in her sleep, jumping and groaning, but none of that happens. 

A yawn stretches my mouth open and I feel my eyelids heavy; maybe I should rest. With my eyes closed, I focus on my breathing. The mattress plunges and I can hear her shuffling beside me, then I feel my arm being gripped. I'm too tired to look, but I can tell she wrapped her entire arm around mine, and her leg is straddling my waist. She's so impossibly close that I should push her away, somehow force her to get off of me… but I don't. I'll worry about that in the morning. 

And when the morning came, I worried. 

The sunlight creeps through the blinds and lands directly on my face, as if it's on purpose. I blink a few times and try to discern my surroundings. It's not my room and it's not my bed either. My head tilts to the side, when I feel something twitch against me and I glance down. 

Oh. Right. 

Fuck. 

On the other bed, Hange is snoring like a growling titan. Upon realizing that they definitely saw us sleeping together, my blood runs cold. They're definitely telling Erwin about this. Who knows what impression this must have left on them? I start to panic, not because I particularly care about others believing I fuck around, but I can't stand the teasing. In addition, I don't want Bug to suffer any consequences because of this. 

My own brain is playing tricks on me. There's no reason to panic, after all. We will explain what happened and I'm sure Hange will understand. And if I leave before they wake up, they might think they were seeing things. 

Easier said than done. Bug is attached to my side like a vice and won't budge no matter how much I move around. If anything, she clings closer to me, as if she doesn't want to let me go. A part of me that I refuse to acknowledge doesn't want to let go either, but I have duties to attend. Eventually, I manually remove her arms from me and slip away from the bed without waking her up. I quickly dress up and leave. 

As discreetly as possible, I make my way to my office. I can see that the snow has covered everything outside and the scenery is serene. Bug always gets excited when it snows, so I know she will appreciate this. I shake my head vigorously, pushing the thought away. I need to stop thinking about her. The inside of the headquarters is really cold and humid at this hour. I check the clock in the hallway and it says it's seven in the morning. While strutting to my office, I realize something: I slept for a full six hours last night. This has never happened before. I'm frozen still outside of my office, unable to process this. I didn't wake up once, not even for a visit to the bathroom. I push through the door and scurry to my desk, collapsing against the chair. My elbows are planted on the mahogany and my head is buried in my hands in distress. I'm unclear why, but the idea that I never once slept more than three or four hours a day, even with Isabel or Furlan by my side, but I did next to her… 

“Levi? Captain Levi?” A voice rattled me out of my headspace. My eyes shot up and… of course it's Erwin. A sigh slips out and betrays my irritation. “Are you alright?” he asks again, stepping closer to my desk. “Did you not notice me entering?” 

“No, sorry,” I exhale, trying to catch my breath. “My apologies, I wasn't paying attention.” His expression changes immediately, cocking an eyebrow at me and the corner of his mouth tweaks. “Don't start,” I whine, hiding my face again. 

“So you did sleep with her!” he whisper-shouts and I shoot him a glare. Despite the threats that I spew at him, he cackles like never before. “Hange was right, after all.” I don't react to any of his words and pretend to look through my own paperwork. He hasn't moved from my line of sight, but I don't pay him any attention. He'll get bored and leave me alone. Unfortunately, his patience is made of steel. “So, how was it?” I can practically hear the suggestiveness in his voice, and my heart palpitates. 

“I don't know what you're insinuating or what that titan-obsessed freak told you, but nothing happened,” I snap at him, gripping my pen tightly. “I went to her room right after I left your office. She was asleep, but I woke her up because her stomach was gurgling. She liked the sandwich, said you are oh so sweet, and then asked me to keep her company for the night.” His eyes were staring right into mine, almost suffocatingly. “Nothing happened, I literally just slept there, woke up and came here immediately.” 

He squints at the sound of that. “You… slept?” He sounds bewildered, the shit-eating grin stretching increasingly. 

“Erwin, I swear,” I groan and he laughs, gesturing at me to sit down. 

“Alright, alright,” he chuckles. “I'll take your word for it.” He paces around the room and looms over the window, gazing outside. “If you wish to be involved with her, you know I won't stop you, right?” 

“Erwin!” I bark at him. “It's nothing like that. Stop bringing this up.”

I notice a bitter smile forming and I'm relieved; he'll finally drop the matter. I've exhausted his patience. Silence lingers between us for a while, until he announces his departure. There's a banquet that he needs to attend by himself and it's starting soon. Right before his hand touches the doorknob, he looks back at me. “Oh, before I forget, your squad and hers will be patrolling the Wall tonight.” 

I bite down on my tongue and try my hardest not to throw the table at him. “Is nobody else available?”

“No, just the two of you.” 

I attempt to argue, but the door shuts with a loud thump. Great. Fucking great. Neither him nor Hange will let me live this down. 

I'm pacing around the tent like a maniac. Hange's eye is glued on me and I can practically feel their burning need to bombard me with questions, but they don't. In that regard, I appreciate that they're respecting my boundaries. There's a million thoughts running through my mind and I feel like I can't get them in any kind of order. However, one thing is prevalent. 

Bug is furious at me. And I hate that. It makes me delirious and I feel like vomiting. She rarely gets mad at me and this time it's serious. And when Bug is genuinely angry, I feel like running away and hiding. 

It started as a non-issue. Even though I am the one who insisted on her becoming Historia's personal guard and I was the one who suggested they live in that cottage close to the orphanage, it drives me insane how badly I crave her presence. Every now and then, I visit the two, and every time I make sure to bring as many gifts as possible. I'm well aware how tough this role that Historia has shouldered is and I know that this change in duties is difficult for Bug to get used to, so I try to… sweeten the pot, if possible. But her absence is palpable. I feel it every single day that I wake up and get to work. I feel it every time I have dinner, and every time we gather up for a meeting. Hange, who's now the Commander of the Scouts, needs help more than ever. It's still early for them to behave like a seasoned Commander would. They grumble about Bug not being here, how they wish they could at least see her once a day, how they would appreciate her input in all of this, but it's impossible. “Can we transfer her back here? Can't we leave that task to someone else? Mikasa is just as skilled and trustworthy! Please Levi,” they whine and beg, and it takes everything in me not to succumb to their pleas. At the end of the day, we all have our duties to fulfill, even if we don't enjoy it. It's not a matter of enjoyment, but this is what we vowed to do when we joined the Scouts. 

Still… I hate it. I hate how empty and boring it is without her. And I hate that I feel that way over somebody. I hate how disorienting this emotion is. It's distracting. It's complicated. It's making me uncomfortable with myself. 

Fuck. Fuck my feelings. 

Back to the problem at hand. I infuriated her with my ridiculous behavior. Every month, she has to go through evaluation, just like any other soldier. Usually, it's Shadis that conducts the assessment, but because of the large number of people that have joined recently, it's impractical and laborious to do it by himself, so I offered assistance. She was the last person I was going to examine for the day, so we would be able to spend some time together afterwards – such was my ingenious plan. But before she started, I visited her in the waiting hall. There were other soldiers, surrounding her and nearly interrogating her on her experience as a veteran. I signaled her to come outside where the ODM gear aptitude test machine was. Before she strapped herself there, she demonstrated perfectly how to use the controller grip, the compressed gas mechanism and the hand grips. Then, she was supposed to climb on the aptitude swing so I could  determine her balance skills. As expected of her, she remained upright from the first second. I waited a minute, as I was instructed to. I waited three minutes. Five minutes. She grew worried and asked me what was taking me so long. I didn't know how to respond. I didn't control what I did next. 

I grabbed a couple blades that were lying around and tossed them towards her. She was startled, but avoided them all. I threw another blade towards one of the wires of the hooks that were holding her up and accidentally sliced it clean, causing her to lose balance and collapse on the ground. Of course, skilled as she is, she didn't just topple over, as anyone else would have. She held onto the other wire, swung around until she unhooked herself from the straps and landed gracefully with a flip. It was majestic and earned endless applause and cheers from the soldiers, but when she stood up, I could detect the livid look in her eyes. I knew I fucked up. I hadn't done this with any other examinees, so it definitely seemed suspicious. She rushed up to me and I expected to be yelled at in front of everyone, but instead she walked past me and vanished from the training grounds. I chased after her until we reached the headquarters. I followed her up to her room and, surprisingly, she didn't shut the door in my face. 

With hasty movements, she removed her uniform, piece by piece. I coughed awkwardly, trying to divert her attention. “Hey, can we ta–” 

“Shut the fuck up, Levi.” Her tone was so harsh that I could barely stand it. Bug rarely uses such language, so she must have been severely enraged. 

“Why are you–”

“Don't you dare ask,” she snarled. “You sabotaged me! It's a simple routine that should have been over in less than two minutes and you nearly killed me.” She took a deep breath and then looked at me. “How could you do this to me?” Her voice sounded so dejected that I felt so deeply ashamed I couldn't handle it. 

“But you didn't fail,” I replied. It was a horrible, shitty excuse, but that was all I had. “I made it difficult to make it obvious how skilled and capable you are as a soldier.” 

Her lips twisted in pain – she was heartbroken. “Get out of my room.” 

Up until now, I haven't received a single word from her. Since we're now on an expedition, I can't afford to be sidetracked. And yet, I'm still pacing around Hange's tent. They know what happened, in great detail. They've heard both her account and mine and still, they sit quietly in the chair, legs curled up to their chest, watching me roam around frantically. 

When I first told them, they cackled and called me an idiot; deserved, I guess. After the expected teasing, they questioned my intentions and through a long conversation, I realized that I acted on impulse. My initial explanation was correct; I was trying to make the task difficult on purpose, so she received a more thorough evaluation. Those evaluations, especially hers, are reviewed, not only by the head of the Scouts, but also other Military higher-ups, who know her past. I assumed that it would elevate her in their eyes. 

But then a word got stuck in my head. “You sabotaged me!” I mentioned it to Hange and they stared at me for a while, pensive and lost in thought for the most part. The silence was interrupted by something that I didn't expect. “Maybe you were trying to sabotage her, in order to protect her.” I gaped at them in disbelief. Why would I do that? “If she failed, they would most likely kick her out of the Corps. Staying with Historia wouldn't be possible if she got negative feedback.” 

And that's how I ended up circling around inside their tent. The mere suggestion that I could have done this for such a selfish reason was unfathomable to me. No, I can't be so irrational. I know I shouldn't. 

Hange's still seated there, eyeing me up and down. I must look crazy to them. It's true, I never behave so out of character, so this is a first for the both of us. Finally, I stop pacing and turn to face them. They jump from the chair and stand tall in front of me, their eyes determined. 

“You should send her a letter immediately. I'll help you compose it if you want me to,” they recommend, and I squint at them. “Oh, like you have better options! You need to apologize.” I know I do. And I will. But it doesn't explain the reason behind my motive. Our new Commander, in their infinite genius, notices that there's something still bothering me. They know me too well by now. “You love her, don't you?” The question makes my throat dry. My mouth parts to deny it, but they interrupt me. “It's alright if you don't want to confirm my speculation. But if you care about her that much, you won't try this again. So send her a letter and apologize as quickly as possible. You know she tends to forgive you easily.” 

My skin feels so disgustingly hot I must have looked like I was sick. “She forgives you easily too,” I say, teasing back. 

“Are you kidding? She never forgave me for those pants.”

“You stole her good pair of pants and used them during titan experiments, you freak,” I retort, earning a laugh from them. 

Without further ado, they help me compose a letter articulate enough for her to read. Hange handles most of the sentimental parts and I simply follow their word as I write. The final product isn't like me at all. It sounds like both of us are trying to apologize for something we did. Eventually, I end up writing the letter by myself; it's genuine and unfiltered. Hange checks for possible mistakes, since I'm not quite paying attention to that, and they find no fault. I immediately put the letter in an envelope and pass it to our messenger, who's leaving soon to deliver letters and news back to base. 

The waiting game beats my ass. Nothing has felt as dreadful as this. The messenger returns the following day and hands me a letter with my name on it; it's her writing. My heart pounds incessantly and I open it, as composedly and calmly as I can. Hange looms over my shoulder and we both read. 

“Hey Levi, it's alright! In retrospect, that was the most action I've had in a while, so I enjoyed it. Still, you should have told me beforehand, I was completely taken by surprise. I guess that was the point, but I would appreciate a heads-up next time. Take care of yourself and tell Hans I miss them a lot.” 

Staring blankly at the paper, I hear Hange's breath become shallow and soon they burst into laughter. It takes everything in me not to blow up, but since we're surrounded by soldiers, I need to keep my cool. I shoot them a glare and they're heaving, tears hanging from their bottom lashes. There's something bothering me, but I can't voice it. As if they're reading my mind, they gasp and point at me. 

“She said she misses me, but not you!” I try not to show that their teasing affects me and scoff. 

“She didn't say that,” I mutter, folding the letter back in the envelope. 

A draw-out oooh reverberates around the tent and Hange tiptoes around me in a circle. “You're jealous, aren't you?!” They poke at my sides, but I'm out of deadly glares. 

At least she's not mad at me anymore. 

Occasionally, I find myself in the Underground to visit my mother's grave. The circumstances are unfortunately such that I can't see her as often as I would like, but I try o drop by once a month, if my schedule allows it. When duties aren't piling up and drowning me, I send a request to Erwin for a day off for that exact reason. Today is such a day. 

It's been raining all morning, so most of my schedule was cleared. Without alerting anyone, I packed a small bag and went back where I was born and raised. It's always a whirlpool of emotions to walk these streets. A number of memories flood me, both hurtful and bright ones. Life hadn't been entirely bad or good, even though struggle outweighs everything. I've met joy despite my struggle and I hold those moments close to my heart. Before I descend the stairs that lead underground, I wonder how she would react if I asked her to accompany me. Would she feel pity and tag along? Would she think I'm an emotional loser stuck to his past? Or would she sympathize? Would she feel awkward? When recounting her background, she revealed to me that she didn't have a good relationship with her parents, so losing them didn't mean much to her. I would like to invite her one day, though. 

The cemetery is peaceful at this hour. Not many people come anyway. There's a girl named Flora that has been working here since forever; when we buried my mom, she must have been around my age and she picked up cleaning the graves to earn money. We're both grown up now and she's still here. In a way, it's comforting to know some things don't change. I stroll around the graveyard until I stumble upon my mom. The tombstone is dirty as shit, there's trash around and weeds have climbed up the marble. Flora brings me a bucket of water, a sponge and a hand weeder so I can start cleaning up. First, I pick up the trash and then I begin removing the overgrown plants that have populated around the grave. The chore makes me sweat and I need to take breaks every now and then. For the last task, I've brought a toothbrush so I can clean the letters and dates that are carved into the stone. The sponge can only scrub so much after all. 

Time passes soundly. It's been over an hour and a half and I just got done. People are passing by, leaving flowers to their deceased loved ones. It goes without saying that I've also brought my mother a bouquet and placed it already inside a vase filled with water. With everything done, I finally sit opposite to her and stare at the marble. 

Oh mom, there's so much I wish I could tell you. The friends I've lost, the unspeakable situations we have been through. I wish I could get you to meet Hange and let them ramble your ear off about titans. I wish I could introduce you to Erwin. You'd be worried sick for him, I know that already. I believe you would be baffled by how dedicated and hardworking he was. You'd praise his manners and how proper he was about everything, even his appearance. Isabel and Furlan, you'd treat them as your own children. And you'd especially love her. Every time I think of you two meeting, my heart aches. I can tell she's curious about you, but she holds back on her questioning, I guess so she won't overwhelm me. But, honestly, she wouldn't. The few times I've mentioned you to her, I watch her eyes spark while I'm talking and it makes my head spin with emotion. 

Oh, mom. What am I doing? What should I do? I don't know what I feel for her. Actually, I do. I think I'm perfectly aware of what I feel, but I'm terrified of it. I have never felt that way before about anyone. There's so much at stake. Hange might be a pain in the ass, but they're right; I care for that woman so much. Too much. To a point where I can't breathe when she's next to me and when she invites me to sleep together, my heart races and then I feel so calm that I actually manage to sleep. It's risky, mom. I can't afford distractions of that nature. I'm not a commoner who can enjoy such luxuries. I'm a soldier and I've sworn to protect humanity, but she reminds me of my own humanity, how fragile and mortal I truly am. 

It's nearly eight in the afternoon and I'm back at the headquarters. After taking care of the grave, I feel exhausted so I take a shower first and then head to my room. Shortly after, I hear a knock on my door. Initially, I assume it's somebody from my squad, but before I open the door, I can sense her presence. It sounds ridiculous, but it's true. Bug is standing in front of me, hands behind her back and swinging back and forth on her heels, a wide smile plastered on her face. Oh mom, you'd think she's the most adorable creature in the world. 

Without needing an exclusive invitation, she enters my room and takes a seat on my desk chair. I still haven't changed into my clothes; the towel is still around my hips and I catch her staring at me, diverting her eyes elsewhere, her face red as a tomato. For the most part, we chat about our day. She goes first, letting me know of every single detail, even the most mundane information, and I listen attentively. She was excited to try out a lemon pie from the new store that opened nearby, where the owner is an old lady whose husband cheated on her. She also stumbled across an ex-cadet of ours, who got transferred to the Military Police. Apparently, he's shaved his head clean and it seems like his cranium is shaped like a pear. Such stories she shares. It's my turn to speak and I bring up my mother's grave. The glint of curiosity sparks in her eyes, but she listens to me, although I don't say a lot. “I cleaned her tombstone, I had a talk with the girl that works there and I left.” I can tell there's something she wants to ask, but hesitates. I quirk an eyebrow at her and she gets me right away.

“I don't remember the Underground cemetery at all,” she confesses, almost shyly. The way she traps her arms between her legs shows me she feels embarrassed. I know what she wants to ask, but I remain silent, giving her time. “Can I come with you next time you visit?” 

Heavens above, thank you.

“Sure you can,” I reply, rather dryly. Her eyes glimmer under the subtle light of the room. “I could use a pair of hands.” She's grinning so hard that I can see a piece of lemon pie stuck in her teeth. 

I keep thinking of that story I heard a long time ago, about how the dead can hear us from beyond the grave. I wonder if my mom can listen when I talk to her. If I bring Bug with me, would she be able to eavesdrop? What would she think? Would she feel grateful that I brought someone along for the first time? Would she try to reach out to us from the other side and, if so, would we be able to perceive her? 

“Was it Kenny that buried your mom?” The question seems rather bold coming from her, but it's not unwelcome, just surprising. Her entire expression changes, as if she had just seen a titan devour someone in front of her.

“It was,” I answer truthfully. “I didn't know it at the time, but since he was her only other relative, he managed to take care of the burial.” 

Her bottom lip disappears between her teeth. “Were you present when they buried her?” 

I certainly was. I witnessed everything without mercy or filter. It was part of Kenny's upbringing tactics to expose me to ruthless, cruel situations. My mother was a shadow of herself as her casket was lowered on the ground. I remember feeling desperate, because I realized that, once the soil covered her casket, I would never see her again. Her skin was nearly decomposed and the smell emanating from her was unbearable, but that was my mother – it could never bother me. Kenny was never the sentimental type, so I wasn't allowed to dwell on her grave after they buried her. 

Her eyes are fixed on me, as if I'm somehow the only thing that exists in her world at that moment. It's endearing how concentrated she is on my story, entranced by every word. It's a peculiar sight, to see somebody so intrigued by what I have to say, especially when it has nothing to do with being a soldier or titan-killing. Oh mom, every time I open up to her about something, even the most insignificant of things, this is exactly the look she has in her eyes. I could be talking about whether it's more preferable to wash your bedsheets with slow, circular movements rather than fast-paced ones and she'd still stare at me like I'm some brainiac like Hange, who makes world-charging discoveries. 

However, I'm not that kind of man. I'm just a soldier. I try to do good with what I got and, somehow, people flock around me, like a moth to a flame. And especially this woman. Sometimes, when I'm struck with a sense of understanding, I'm able to see her efforts. Yes, those efforts. When she attempts to get closer, when she gazes at my lips and runs her tongue over hers, when we're much closer than two friends should be and I can feel the heat of her body. More often than not, she asks me questions and discloses information about herself that she doesn't with others. There are times where I'll absentmindedly mention something and Hange will start whining. “How could you possibly know that? I've been her friend longer than you and even I didn't know that!” Every time, I act like it's nothing, but it makes me feel giddy, like I've unlocked another secret of the universe that only I've been blessed to know of. 

And yet, I do nothing about it. I'm unable to reciprocate her affections. Whenever I consider the possibility of doing so, it's like a huge boulder plummets from the sky on top of my head that prevents me from acting on anything. The boulder is named duty. Other times, the boulder has the shape of my heart, the one I've dedicated to humanity. During those moments, I despair. It's unfair. Not for me, but her. Because I know damn well that the right thing to do is to keep my distance, but I don't. All the walls that I've built up, she's jumped over them with her brilliant ODM gear skills, and she finds herself beside me again, like a magnet pulling metal. It's selfish, I know. Even when Erwin assured me it's not, I didn't believe a word coming out of his mouth. I don't believe the bespectacled freak either. I've been called the strongest multiple times, the most powerful of every human, but even I bend and break. I also have my weaknesses. My weaknesses almost forced me to choose Erwin over Armin. I've hesitated to terminate people I shouldn't have bothered sparing. My weaknesses had Isabel and Furlan killed. And now, her, my ultimate weakness.

Chapter Text

The second day of Mikasa's stay, you got out of bed with a mission: to take her shopping in town. Ever since she commented on a couple attires people were sporting at the restaurant, you took that personally. Like most days, Levi woke up the earliest, followed by your guest. Is it an Ackerman thing? She knocked on your door and you made your way to your closet, picking out an outfit, comfortable enough to roam around the streets and appropriate for the current (really warm) weather. The three of you had breakfast together; pancakes with peach jam, porridge and orange juice. Everything had been sprucely prepared by Levi, who seemed more talkative than usual. You sat quietly, dotingly beholding them interact with each other, like relatives who haven't caught up in a while. He would crack jokes and tease her lightheartedly and she would bite back ten times worse, catching him off-guard, making the whole table break out in laughter. It truly felt like you were a family.

Breakfast was over and you encouraged Mikasa to get dressed so you could take your leave. Levi peered at you from the table curiously, wondering where you were heading to and you invited him to accompany you on your day out. He didn't waste a second to agree and rushed to his bedroom, in order to get dressed: a simple dress shirt with short sleeves, long, tight pants and his favorite black loafers. The top button was unclasped, revealing a peek of his chest, riling you up. You had half a mind asking him to unbutton another one, but you were well aware he would stare daggers into you and didn't want to piss him off before you even made it out the door. Mikasa walked out of her room in a light blue skirt and a simple white shirt, with a pair of ankle boots. 

“Is there anything specific you're looking for?” Levi asked, making conversation. 

She placed her finger on top of her lips, thinking. “I would like a pair of heels,” she answered honestly. “Not too tall though. The only shoes I own are flats and boots, so I'd appreciate an upgrade.” You smiled at her and nodded, a silent promise to fulfill her request. 

Unlike most times, Levi followed behind the two of you, pushing his chair while you prattled on about your daily life to Mikasa, her arm hooked around yours. Not that he minded, of course. Just watching you be so spirited and bubbly was enough for him. It was like you were visited by your daughter who had been living abroad for a while and you couldn't get enough of her presence; that's how it felt to him. The thought flustered him. Whenever he caught himself imagining scenarios of such nature, he cursed himself. I shouldn't be thinking of her that way. And then, a terrifying idea was born in his mind: What if you wanted to have a family some day? Sure, you had never expressed such concerns before, at least not in front of him, but you worked with children for years. What if your mind had changed? He always believed you would make a wonderful parent, ever since you provided assistance at Historia's orphanage. The memory of the kids adoring you, playing with you for hours and holding you in such high regard was vivid to him still. How could someone like him, in his state, grant you a family? He wasn't an easy person to deal with either, and, since he never had a father figure, he had no idea how he could even pretend to be one. 

Before descending further into despair, he shook his head and cleared his throat. From a quick glance around, he realized the two of you were gazing at a storefront display, pointing at various pairs of shoes. It was your voice that dragged him out of his miserable spiraling, requiring his opinion on the yellow, flare-heeled pair of shoes. His attention was directed to the window and he inspected the heels. 

“They look alright to me,” he deadpanned. 

“Should I try them on?” Mikasa gleamed, and you felt relieved that she received his response positively. 

“Go ahead,” he encouraged, wiggling his eyebrows towards the store. 

Mikasa grabbed your hand and pulled you inside, then Levi followed. The store wasn't crowded, so he found a corner to park while you helped Mikasa choose the right fit of the yellow heels. He observed her, at first timid and hesitant; they were nothing like the ones she was used to, and so they felt foreign to her. After years of wearing shabby shoes and combat boots most of her time, trying on something so out of her league was daunting. However, with you and Levi by her side, she felt emboldened. Without overanalyzing it, she removed the heels and handed them to the employee, politely stating that she had decided to buy them. A crooked grin tugged at the edge of her lips as she looked up at you, already staring at her with beaming pride. Mikasa then turned and flashed an appreciative smile at Levi, who momentarily felt awkward, yet warm inside. 

The next store you visited exclusively sold clothes. There was a wide range of dresses, ones that Mikasa had never seen before, with a broad spectrum of colors, length and cuts. She browsed through them, her eye catching a glimpse of a burgundy red fabric with dark lace. She raised the hanger with the dress and gasped at the sight: it was so flamboyant that Levi snickered from his seat. 

“You sure about that? You'll look like a chandelier,” he teased, earning a glare from you. Indeed the dress was… a bit too much for your liking, but Mikasa's eyes were practically glimmering looking at it. 

You turned to her, tugging at the frills of the bottom part of the dress. “You like this one?” you asked her, her eyes glued on the garment. She nodded frantically at you and rushed to the fitting room. You sat quietly next to Levi on top of a stool and tilted your head towards him. “Don’t discourage her.” Sure, it wasn't the type of article you would have ever pictured her wearing, but if she liked it... who were to tear her down?

“I'm not,” he whispered, tapping his fingers on the armrest. “Did you honestly like that crap?” 

You elbowed him with a frown. “I'll kill you, I swear, Ackerman.” 

At that moment, Mikasa stepped out of the fitting room and marched excitedly towards the two of you. Your jaw dropped upon seeing her; she looked like royalty. She smiled at your reaction and twirled around herself, showing off the dress with coltish yanks of the skirt. 

“How about now?” she challenged Levi. Judging by his expression, he had definitely changed his mind. “Looks beautiful, doesn't it?” She earned a chuckle of defeat from him and giggled. “I knew you'd like it.” Mikasa searched for the store owner and nodded, expressing her desire to finalize her purchase. “I wonder how I'm supposed to transfer this back home,” she pondered out loud, carrying the bag outside. 

The final stop for the time being was a trinket store. It was in fact Levi who wanted to take a look inside, but Mikasa remembered her hardworking friends back in Paradis and intended to return with souvenirs. You wandered around the shelves, checking every single item closely. A brooch caught your attention, with a light brown gemstone and golden integument. For some reason, you thought of Gabi and how well it would suit her beautiful umber eyes. You held onto it and continued roaming around the store. Somehow, you ended up getting something for everyone else but you: the brooch for Gabi, nail polish for Historia, a pair of glasses for Levi and an accessory case for Mikasa. The latter bought numerous presents for her friends, even Pieck, who she got acquainted with much later in life. 

Much to your surprise, Levi was already waiting in line in order to pay, right in front of you. You inspected the basket with the pieces he had picked up and noticed a ring with a tiny, green gemstone. It was the same color as the necklace he got for you at the festival you attended with the kiddos. There was also a music box, a gold-plated pocket watch and a perfume bottle. You decided to question him about the goods later and left the store. 

It was early afternoon by that point. The three of you had started to get hungry and dropped by the first restaurant that you came across. It was one that neither Levi nor you had visited before, but nevertheless, a pleasant space. As soon as you entered, the entire establishment smelled of something delicious. There were a couple other occupied tables and you decided to finally take a seat. A young man wearing an apron approached you, greeting you brightly and handing out a menu catalog to each one of you. He began listing the signature dishes, which included rabbit stew, duck soup, spicy seafood soup and pasta salad. Your mouth watered at the sound of each dish and you glanced at Levi, who was reading through the menu. Eventually, you picked the spicy seafood soup, Mikasa wished to try the pasta salad and Levi ordered the rabbit stew. 

When your orders arrived, the scent overwhelmed you. Your fingers moved quickly and shovelled the food in your mouth ravenously. A moan slid off your lips, eyeing down at the food. You urged your two companions to try some and promised to ask for the recipe, in order to try preparing it at home, especially since Levi approved of the taste. 

“What should we do tonight?” you asked, absorbed in your meal. 

Mikasa hummed, then went quiet for a few seconds. “Can we visit the port?” Her eyes found Levi's, as if she was asking permission from her superior, and you immediately realized what it was about. She then looked at you, slowly chewing on her food. 

“Let's go,” he said, stuffing his face with the stew. “We can get dessert from the stalls and sit somewhere quiet to enjoy the view.” 

Mikasa looked back at you for approval and you nodded. “Let's do that!” 

Entry 394: The annual lantern festival was held yesterday and, although I was hoping to take the day off, I still ended up working. Since Historia is the Queen, she had to be present during the ceremony and I was most urgently required by her side, in case anything happened. Although it was an event meant to unite the people and for everyone to enjoy themselves, danger always lurks. We arrived at the castle and spent most of the day inside, as she met with a thousand different officials and distinguished individuals. Even though I was within close distance from the Corps’ headquarters, I wasn't able to meet anybody. I asked one cadet that accompanied us to inform Levi and Hange of my presence and hoped we could arrange even a brief meeting. The cadet returned and announced that Hange was busy with the Marleyans, showing them around and keeping them up to speed regarding our traditions and such. No word from Levi. I assumed he preferred to stick with Hange, which I honestly appreciated. Ever since they became Commander, the weight on their shoulders has increased dramatically, and I know he likes to be there to share some of that burden, as much as possible. Later in the afternoon, when the festivities began, we joined the crowd, as Historia flamed the first lantern and the rest of the attendees followed after her. The sky was filled with colorful lanterns, while I struggled with my own. A familiar hand pried the lantern away from my grasp and I exclaimed in irritation, until my eyes were met with Levi's stern expression. “It's embarrassing for the royal guard to agonize over something so trivial. Just light the damn thing up,” he spoke through gritted teeth. I eyed him discreetly from top to bottom and I almost lost my mind. He was wearing a white shirt, of which the top buttons were open just enough to reveal some of his sternum, a pair of plum-colored pants and tall, black boots. I had never seen him dressed that way before. Remembering I was in front of a crowd, I composed myself and, after he lit up the lantern for me, we sent it flying together, our arms glued to one another. I felt my face grow warm and Historia noticed (unfortunately), then asked me to take a walk around the festival and bring her food and sweets. I had no choice but to obey, and Levi accompanied me on my little task. “Four-eyes said they'll come, they just had some business to take care of first.” “What about you? I thought you were with them.” “I was, but I got bored, there's better things to do than hear them ramble all day about history.” My heart skipped a beat. “Better things? As in what?” I asked, clearly putting him on the spot. I noticed his eyes frantically scanning the area until he spotted a food stall and pointed at it, distracting me momentarily. I rushed to pick up Historia's order, Levi always by my side. While I waited for the woman to pack the meal, I repeated my question to him. “You're a far better company,” he muttered quickly, looking away. I was just as flustered, so I nudged him playfully. “You really can't live without me, can you?” He didn't respond, but I saw his lip twitch. The rest of the evening, I remained by Historia's side and guarded her, while Levi kept treating me to food and desserts every now and then. That night, we slept in the palace and I invited Hange and Levi to my bedroom. They brought me beer, knowing I wasn't allowed to drink earlier and I chugged down the first bottle in one desperate gulp. The two of them didn't drink and we spent a couple hours just chatting. Hange removed their eye patch and asked me to help them apply the ointment for the damaged skin. Levi intervened, complaining about how “a drunkard shouldn't stick her fingers in a person's eye”, to which I cackled loudly. He took it upon himself and applied the ointment himself with gentleness and care. I don't know when it happened, but I eventually fell asleep and woke up the following morning on top of my bed (someone definitely carried me there and tucked me in) with Hange laying beside me. Levi was reading the newspaper next to us and I wondered if he managed to sleep at all. 

Entry 397: Checking my entries, I realize that my writing is getting infrequent. The last time I journaled was a month ago. There's not much going on, apart from two entries ago, about the people that tried to break into the house and I slaughtered them, after they got physical with me and killed one of our cadets. Other than that, every day feels repetitive and honestly boring. It's not a jab at Historia, not at all. It's just that there's nothing to do most of the time. The most entertainment that I experience is whenever Levi or Hange visit me, occasionally our previous trainees, especially Jean. Sometimes, he talks about Mikasa and how envious he is of Eren and he claims the latter is undeserving of her affections. I can't encourage him, because I know it's not true, but I feel bad for the guy. Other than that, I don't get many visitors or talk to many people. I've become great friends with the orphans, who love to playfully fight with me. These rascals convinced me to spend 1 hour teaching them how to fight; I think this is because some of them witnessed me battling with those assholes that ambushed us that day. It's pretty flattering how highly they think of me and how much they trust me. Today, right after practice, one of them walked up to me and asked where Levi was. I didn't know, so I responded honestly, then the kid asked, “Isn't he your boyfriend? How could you not know?” My mouth dropped. I rushed to defend myself against the accusation and they laughed at my flustered face. Then, they all started chanting “Miss Bug likes Captain Levi!” over and over, until I left the building and headed back to the cottage, my skin flushed hot everywhere. Sometimes I hate those little shits. → (I don't really mean that.) 

Entry 400: The past 2 weeks I've been dealing with horrible nightmares and my sleeping schedule has been messed up. In my desperation, I requested Levi's presence and he arrived within the day. It was late in the evening, but I heard his horse neighing outside the house and I stormed out in my nightgown and slippers, nearly collapsing onto him from the vicious combination of sleep deprivation and excitement. He caught me and embraced me, his arms low on my waist, supporting me upright, my arms wrapped around his neck. “Can't sleep?” I shook my head and he hummed shortly. “I'm so tired, Levi, I don't know what to do.” I explained the situation and my heart almost immediately felt lighter. We sat on the porch, him allowing me to sit on top of his splayed jacket. I thought ‘he's my knight in shining armor’ and blushed to myself. Without warning, his arms slithered underneath me and carried me to my bedroom. Historia saw us and I shot her a warning glare, after she winked at me. He closed the door behind him with his foot and carefully laid me down on my bed, then motioned me to move closer to the wall, as he scooched next to me after removing most of his clothes, except for his shirt. My arm found purchase around his waist and my leg hooked over his, right between his thighs. “Tell me a bedtime story, pretty please,” I teased, earning a snicker from him. “You think you're so hilarious, don't you?” I nodded and he laughed. “Thank you for coming by, it means a lot to me.” “Don't mention it.” “But I want to, though. I know you're busy and have a thousand responsibilities now, but I was feeling unbelievably desperate and didn't know what else to do.” “What did you call me here for?” My heartbeat sped up, but I suppressed it. “Your presence is soothing to me. I feel safe with you.” I let my words linger between us for a bit. As I lied against his chest, I felt his heart drumming inside his ribcage. “I figured if you slept with me, it'd help me relax.” Silence. “Then sleep.” “Are you comfortable?” “Sure. Make sure you are and get some rest.” I closed my eyes and waited to fall asleep, but I couldn't. I stayed awake for about an hour, until I heard the faint, soft snore of his. As slowly as possible, I looked up at him and noticed he had fallen asleep first. I smiled to myself and yawned, my eyelids finally heavy. 

Entry 404: The past 2 weeks, Levi has been staying with us every night so I can sleep. We noticed that, not only did I manage to sleep better, but so did he. His sleeping habits are very alarming, but he's always been like this. I have noticed, however, that every time we've slept around each other, we both wake up well rested. I didn't even ask him to go to such great lengths, I just wanted him to stay with me for a single night, but he ended up coming every day. I begged him not to strain himself and do all this unnecessary back-and-forth for my sake, but he didn't listen. Although he wouldn't explain himself, no matter how much I asked, I knew he cared. I could feel it in the way he played with my hair and caressed my back with his fingertips, until I surrendered to deep slumber. In addition, I see it in the way he pulls me tightly against him when I wake up from a nightmare, shushing me softly and massaging the back of my nape. “I'm here, don't worry. Nothing is going to hurt you. Close your eyes and go back to sleep,” he whispers and I feel like I couldn't love him more. One morning, Historia walked in the room, noticing I had overslept and discovered us cuddling. She brought us cookies, tea (for him) and juice (for me) and placed the disk on top of my nightstand. I was awake and I glared at her for giggling at me: Levi had wrapped his entire body around mine, his face nestled against the curve of my chest. It was agonizing, but not unwelcome. Princess definitely laughed as she walked out of the room. I played with his hair and I heard him exhale deeply in his sleep. After a while, he jerked awake, realizing the compromising position we were in and quickly moved away, stretching out and yawning. He drank the tea and munched on the cookies that Historia left for us and we chatted about our plans for the day. All I could think was, “How I wish that was our lives forever” and it was abundantly clear to me I was doomed in love. 

Entry 410: In a month’s time, the head of the Azumabito clan and their people will visit us here in Paradis. Hange told me that Historia's presence is required, so I will be participating in the meeting. I'm honestly thrilled for this experience. I'm going to be wearing my new uniform, finally! I'm realizing I don't have a lot to write right now other than how desperately I'm expecting this meeting to take place. In their letter, Hange mentioned how rejuvenated Levi has looked lately after spending so many nights at our place and teased me vulgarly about it. I couldn't keep that letter because I accidentally spilled tea on it, but they sound more mellow, compared to the last time I saw them. They also invited me to go shopping and wander around Wall Maria, where the destruction has mostly been cleared of ruble and half of the city has already been rebuilt. For the most part, it's been the common people's willingness and precious help that contributed to this massive upgrade. Hange also entrusted to me something that I'm not allowed to share with anyone else, but I can write it down here: next year, they, along with Levi, Onyankopon and the remaining 104th soldiers, will be traveling to Marley. The trip is supposed to happen in order to educate ourselves more on their culture, technology and customs. I wrote back, asking if I could be included, but Historia won't be joining them, so I'll have to stay back with her. However, they did promise me to bring back souvenirs, so I'll hold them to that. 

The rest of your afternoon was spent back at home. The sun had grown unbearably hot and you couldn't bear it any longer. Besides, you needed to free your arms from all the bags you were carrying. Levi lied down on the couch, reading a newspaper while you took a shower and Mikasa organized her newly bought items inside her luggage. Thankfully, there was enough space for everything. She heard you leaving the bathroom and followed after you, almost sneakingly, shutting the door behind her. You were startled by the action, since she was always so polite and demure around you. 

“Are you alright?” you asked, staring at her with wide eyes. She sat beside you on the bed and fiddled with her thumbs. “What's on your mind?”

“I brought something for the Captain,” she stated, her eyes now focused on yours. “I like to crochet, it's an old passion of mine that I picked up again. I made some dolls – one of himself, one of Erwin and one of Hange.” She fiddled with her fingers and looked up at you. “I'm not sure how to give them to him.”

You grinned at her confession. “Are you feeling shy?” From her eyes, you could tell the answer was yes. “I know he's a grouch, but he'll love it, because you made it for him. It's the thought that counts, y'know.” 

You continued on your chat, while you were getting dressed. There was a question on Mikasa's mind for a while that she had been delaying. “What are you planning to do here?” Her words were low, careful not to be heard. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I think you know what I mean by that,” she trailed off. Her gaze shifted away from yours and glided down your body; scars and bruises from the past that will always adorn your skin. You didn't feel insecure at all about the way you presented, you had long made peace with yourself. Mikasa's eyes weren't deprecatory, but, instead, held admiration. “I know you aren't planning on coming back to Paradis, so what are you going to do here?” 

There's something about her tone that sounded interrogative, as if she was expecting a very specific response. You dried out your hair using the towel before you responded. “I want to stay with him.”

“Why, though?” she persisted, her voice more absolute. 

You squinted at her sceptically. “What's with the stubbornness, little Ackerman?” As much as you wanted to change the subject, her silence forced you to go on. “He means everything to me, that's why,” you admitted, sitting beside her again. “I abandoned my family when I was criminally young and joined the Scouts to find some purpose in life. Him and Hange were my everything, my family, my best friends,” you sighed. “After Hange died, I thought I lost everything.”

“You still had him, though,” she interrupted. While that was true, in a way, there were details you couldn't disclose to her. 

You breathed in deeply. “It was a tough period of time. My mind wasn't the kindest place to be after the Rumbling ended. The day I picked up the phone and heard his voice, it felt like the empty canvas was splashed with a liquid rainbow.” You laughed at your own metaphor, at how corny it probably sounded to her. “I realized that life makes sense beside him, and I don't want to lose that, under no circumstances.” 

Mikasa remained silent, listening raptly to you. She bit down on her lip, lost in her thoughts. “Have you ever thought of finding love? Meeting someone new, getting married, all of that,” she posed, watching your face contort with instant disapproval. 

“Where did that come from?!” you whisper-shouted, feeling put on the spot. “My gear, of course I don't.” An involuntary cackle left you.

She smirked and bit back a snicker. “So Jean was right.” 

If your face wasn't sufficient evidence of your confusion, a huge, imaginary question mark popped over your head. “What are you saying?” 

Shaking her head, she waved her hand dismissively and jolted up, heading to the door. “You really are in love.” 

Mikasa reached for the door and you both were met with Levi, in his chair, right outside of your bedroom, his eyes wide like an owl's. 

“I, uh, was just about to knock,” he stammered, his eyes wandering frantically everywhere. “Needed something from the bedroom and you two have occupied it for a while.” Yeah, they'll totally believe I wasn't eavesdropping with this excuse. 

Up until it was time to visit the port, you spent those two hours chatting with your guest in the living room or taking care of minor chores. Levi was holed up in his bedroom, his eyes fixated on the wall, processing what he had just heard the two of you discuss in private. He didn't mean to listen in on your conversation, but when he saw Mikasa closing the door and the silence that followed after, he got worried. At first, he decided to give the two of you some space, but when a significant amount of time passed where no sound was coming from the room, he decided to investigate. He got up from the couch slowly and used his chair to approach the room as quietly as possible. 

“He means everything to me.” “I realized that life makes sense beside him and I don't want to lose that.” “You really are in love.” 

It couldn't possibly be about him, right? But it clearly was. He heard the part about you not wanting to find love – a new love – and getting married. But would that include him? Levi felt exasperated and ridiculous, worrying about marriage even though he hadn't even properly confessed to you yet. His chest caved in at the thought; acknowledging his feelings out loud, in your face, was terrifying. There were a lot of matters, personal ones even, that he was willing to come clean about, but not this. How could he muster up the courage to speak truthfully about his emotions, about how he felt all those years, without making a fool of himself? 

At around eight in the afternoon, you called out to him. You appeared at the door, knocking gently against the wooden frame. He was lying down, with a pillow underneath his knee for support. Worry painted your face and you approached the bed you shared, plopping next to him. 

“Are you not feeling well?” Your hand immediately gripped his leg, right above the injured spot and massaged it. The gesture occurred to you naturally by that point. “Are you in pain?” 

Heavens, your concern set his chest aflame, the fervent need to kiss you overpowering him. He simply shook his head, his hand landing on top of yours. “I'm fine, don't worry about it.”

“We don't need to go anywhere if you're in discomfort,” you insisted, making sure he understood that he didn't force himself, just to entertain Mikasa. 

“I swear, Bug, I'm not in any kind of pain. I just needed some leverage, since I was lying flat on the mattress.” You glowered at him and he sighed. “Will you help me get to my chair, please?” After a moment passed, reading his expression carefully, you surrendered and picked him up, carrying him to the mobility aid. 

The weather outside was chilly, colder than other nights, a strong breeze withered and you were glad you brought your jacket along. The port from your house was a fifteen-minute walk, but pleasant nonetheless. It was still early, people busking and the town vibrant as ever. Levi paid attention to the people, spotting a couple familiar faces – most of them customers – and waved at them with a smile. In the same way, you detected some of your students and briefly stopped to introduce your company to their families. You hadn't met those children's parents yet, but from the passing meeting, they seemed to get along with you well. 

An old man behind a stall invited you to try his crepes, topped with ice cream. Mikasa fluttered her eyelashes at you and ran to the stand, ordering two crepes for yourselves. Levi opted out, not a huge fan of sweets. He always said that, but ended up stealing a few bites from your desserts anyway. For that reason, you asked the seller to make yours a little bigger and add one more scoop of ice cream. 

As you started to approach the port, you pushed Levi slower. The change in the atmosphere was palpable, but you decided to not mention it. Instead, you pointed at the sea and how beautifully the moon reflected against it. You urged Mikasa to soak up the view, knowing that she didn't get to see something alike back at home. Levi, on the other hand, was eerily quiet. You couldn't see his face, pushing behind him, but you noticed his head turning side to side, as if he was searching for something. 

As if, somehow, Hange would appear out of thin air and yell out, “I'm back! Sorry for disappearing for so long, you guys!” You certainly hoped that would be the case. 

You lowered your arm and handed him your dessert, seeing as he chewed down on it. At least his appetite is still there. Upon seeing a bench, you stopped moving and invited Mikasa to take a seat next to you, with Levi on your other side, facing the ocean. 

The first one to break the silence was her. “It's really breathtaking,” she breathed, never prying her eyes away from the endless water. “Brings back memories, doesn't it?” The question was directed to Levi, who hummed dryly. 

“It surely does,” he muttered. “Not happy ones, though.” 

You stilled yourself, your hands buried between your thighs. There was something about being left out of their common experience that relieved and bothered you at the same time. No, it was neither sentiment; you mostly felt guilty. A sense of shame, for not being present for your best friend's final act of heroism, their ultimate sacrifice. Deep down, you understood that it was irrational to feel that way, unnecessary and diminished the value of your part in all this. Regardless, those two shared a memory that you would never be able to comprehend in its entirety and you felt isolated. 

Almost as if she read your mind, Mikasa's hand reached out for yours, engulfing your tightened fist in her tender grasp. You smiled weakly at her and you focused back to the crescent moon up in the sky. “What is the memory you hold dearest of your favorite person?” you asked. The question was unanticipated, but welcome in spite of that. 

Mikasa grinned to herself, her mind swarmed with fond images of Eren. “There's too many to pick, as boring as that sounds.” A giggle left her lips, her cheeks blushed. “Probably sharing a bed as kids, his mother reading us bedtime stories so we could fall asleep. I remember one night, I woke up from a nightmare and I cuddled up to him. He was holding my hand, squeezing and caressing the back of my palm with his thumb until I fell back asleep.”

That's who Eren was to you. A sweet, kindhearted kid with clumsy manners. That was the person you decided to trust. You laughed bitterly and looked at Mikasa, biting the inside of your cheek. “Did he ever pee on the bed?” 

“You're insufferable,” Levi protested next to you, holding back a laugh. 

“What about you?” A part of you wondered if he would recount a memory between the two of you. 

Levi was skeptical for a while, before he answered. “Isabel had this little wounded bird, which she nursed back to health. We found an opening in the Underground and set it free, watching it fly away from the miserable, dark place we lived in. It felt meaningful at the time.” He had mentioned this event before, many moons ago. Back then, you thought it was sweet, despite how life transpired for his little family. It was no surprise that would be his memory of choice. 

Somehow, you avoided answering your own question. Taking advantage of the increasingly nipping temperature, you suggested getting back home. You didn't even notice that an hour had already passed.

The house was warmer than you expected. Mikasa headed straight to her bedroom and bid the two of you goodnight, disappearing behind the door with a loud yawn. Levi crawled to bed and removed his clothes, his eyes heavy. You took it upon yourself to fold his clothes and carefully place them on top of the desk chair for him. He thanked you sheepishly, as you undressed yourself and hid under the blankets, latching onto his broad back. 

“You that cold?” he mumbled lowly, his head slightly turning to the side. 

“Mmyeah.” 

“You didn't answer the question from earlier.” Fuck you, Ackerman. 

“What question?” 

“The one you posed at the harbor,” he reminded you, slurring his words. “About your dearest memory of your favorite person.” 

“Do I really need to answer? I'm sleepy.”

“It's only fair.” 

You groaned in response, mostly because you truly were exhausted and wanted to sleep, but also because your most cherished memories of anyone were of him. Suddenly, you could relate to Mikasa's “boring” statement. 

There were just too many wonderful moments to pick from, but one in particular stood out in your mind at that moment. “Remember when you visited the orphanage, around six months after it was built, and the sheltered kids?” With his affirmative hum, you continued, “The kids liked you so much, they thought of you as a brave hero. Do you remember that little girl named Mia? With the red, curly hair and the green eyes? We used to comment on how unique her appearance was. She had you carry her as if she was on horseback and then more kids started climbing on top of you. I joined you and both of us pretended to be horses for, like, two hours, until Historia had to intervene. I remember the look on your face before you left, just a big, goofy grin plastered all over. It was a rare sight that I hold close to my heart.” 

Maybe you hadn't heard him correctly or you didn't remember your own question, but why would you bring up that particular memory out of everything? Before he was able to ask you to expand on it, he heard your breathing steady and slow, signifying you had already fallen asleep. He sighed, quietly and still in his spot on the bed, feeling the warmth of your body against him. Of all the people and events you could have recounted, that was the one you picked? Was that why you didn't mention it earlier? Was it meant just for his ears? Either way, it made him feel absurdly giddy inside. 

Chapter Text

Entry 414: Princess has been tired lately and asked me to do her hair. I've never been great at coming up with complex hairstyles, since the most I ever did by myself was a simple ponytail or a bun on top of my head. Braids were usually the product of my lovely Squad girls and, admittedly, I never put effort into learning any of it. Now that I have this young lady to take care of, I've picked up the habit of trying out all sorts of new things, including braiding. Although she's perfectly capable of doing it by herself, I can tell she doesn't have the strength to put effort into it, so I assist. Today, she sat by her dresser, her eyes closed, while I brushed her hair slowly and gently for a while. Knowing how much Levi enjoyed my scalp massages, I performed some on her, noticing her whole body relax instantly. I smiled proudly at myself and started to split her hair into a bunch of strands and plaited them neatly into a simple braid. The whole process took me about an hour, since I kept untangling and rebraiding and untangling and rebraiding in a vicious loop of failure. Regardless, she enjoyed that hour of pampering and so did I. When I was done, she spun around on her chair and hugged me, her head resting on my stomach. It was really intimate and heartwarming; we didn't share many moments like this, so when opportunities such as this occurred, we cherished them. “Do you want me to call off everything today? I'll threaten them if I have to,” I said teasingly, with a slight hint of optimism. She nodded, her face rubbing against me, pouting and humming affirmatively. I informed one of our cadets of the situation and we spent the rest of the day at home, only visiting the orphanage and playing with the kids. Later in the evening, we lounged on the porch, relishing the nightly tranquility. “So, what's going on with you and the Captain?” she asked out of nowhere. I glared at her for a moment, but she didn't back down. “Have you gone mad?” “Not as mad as you are for each other,” she purred, winking at me. I gasped as if I was offended (I wasn't, though). “You don't know what you're talking about.” “All I know is that you care a great deal about each other.” “Well, we've known each other for years–” “You know that's not what I mean.” I did know, but I couldn't bother her highness with my personal troubles. Because of her stubborn head, I ended up revealing some portion of the situation between me and him to her. She stared at me with a dumbfounded look, as if I was an idiot (she wasn't wrong, honestly). “So the fact that he spent every single night with you the other month just so you could sleep soundly didn't ring any bells? And don't give me that friendship nonsense.” I didn't have anything to respond with. Hesitantly, I asked, “So, you believe he likes me as… more than a friend?” She nodded with a smile and bid me goodnight, walking inside the house and heading to her bedroom. I remained outside for a little while, contemplating her words. I knew Hange felt similarly about the situation, so I really had no excuse believing otherwise. Unless I'm getting ahead of myself again. 

Entry 419: It's been a year since Shiganshina was reclaimed and it was decided to celebrate the occasion accordingly. The people of the city organized a huge event, with music and other such entertainment. Since it wasn't initiated by her Majesty, she was going to attend, but this time, I didn't need to be guarding her. In addition to that, there was another event held at the castle, which I did have to be present for. However, every Military branch was invited, so Hange and Levi were there. There was a live band performing music and plenty of food to go around. The Marleyans were also accommodated, although I think it was kind of ironic. Still, they seemed to enjoy themselves, dancing and chatting and drinking along with everyone else, as if we were one. (Although my interactions with them aren't frequent, I feel like we could all learn to work together and sort out our differences. I don't know if the rest of Marley would be just as willing, but I want to believe they could.) It had been quite a while since I last had any alcohol in me, so I made sure to take advantage of the situation and drank as much beer as possible. Somehow, I ended up dancing with Hange, who, after a very long time, decided to join me in drinking. Not anything excessive, but they had 2 glasses of wine. Unfortunately, they got sleepy almost instantly and I had to carry them back to their room. I caught myself thinking, “I wish Moblit was here, I know he'd love to sit by their side and watch over them all night.” Instead, I asked one of my trusty cadets and returned to the celebratory gathering. I had another beer and started to dance by myself, when I noticed Levi sitting somewhere in the distance, someone standing next to him and chatting. I couldn't make out who it was, probably one of the newly recruited soldiers, but I noticed they were giggling and blushing next to him, and I felt a boiling heat rush through my whole body, as if someone was stealing something of mine. (In retrospect, I realize I felt utterly and stupidly jealous.) I sped up towards them and excused myself to the soldier (they had long hair up in a ponytail and wore a dress, but my memory's still fuzzy), as I pulled Levi's hand and led him towards the center of the room, where other people were dancing. He protested against it, but he didn't leave. I kept holding his hand as I danced clumsily in front of him. At one point, I stepped even closer and turned around, swaying my hips against him. For whatever reason, I feel like I was trying to seduce him, but I must have looked ridiculous, moving as awkwardly as I did. However, I heard him call my name a couple times and his hands grabbed my waist, guiding me away from the crowd and out of the hall. I kept whining and complaining to him for ruining my fun, until he turned to a quiet, hidden corner and pushed me against the wall, his face breathtakingly close to mine. “Are you crazy?!” “Why?” “Grinding against me in front of all these people? There were soldiers and officials in there, you idiot.” His voice was so low and deep I felt like passing out from how aroused I was. This is also hard to admit, but I liked that he was mad at me. “So?” He sighed at my question, his head dropping in defeat. “Are you angry because you wanted me to grind on you in private?” Before I completed the sentence, his palm flew over my mouth. My heartbeat accelerated and I had half a mind darting my tongue out and licking his hand. I didn't, of course. He glared at me, his eyes wide and frantic. “Stop.” He finally removed his arm from my mouth. “Or what? Will you pretend you didn't enjoy it?” His gaze was ferocious and I knew I had irritated him with my sudden urge of audacity. He gripped my wrist and led me to the dorms, where my room used to be. It was locked and unused, but still thoroughly cleaned and maintained. He shut the door behind him and sighed again. “We could have gotten in trouble, y'know.” “Yet you're not denying it.” “Not denying what?” “That you enjoyed it.” He gave me a heavy ‘tsk’ and turned around, not looking at me anymore. I lied down on my bed, my head pounding. “I still think you're mad over the fact that there were other people present more than my grinding.” He didn't respond for a while and I knew I was once again victorious. “I'm gonna make you some tea and come back.”  I don't remember him coming back,  since I had fallen asleep by that point. 

Entry 420: I woke up yesterday in my bed back at the cottage. I think I had way too much to drink and didn't even realize that I was being transferred from one place to another. Next to me was Levi, who was chatting with Historia. They were both cheerful, snacking on sandwiches that she had prepared. It was around 1pm and the sun was up. My whole body felt numb and my head was too heavy to lift from the pillow. On top of my desk was a bowl of soup, one meant for hangovers. “The Captain prepared this as soon as he came,” she stated, and I noticed his eyebrow twitch; I figured he didn't want me to know that. We stared at each other and I chewed on my lip, recalling the previous night's events. I felt so deeply embarrassed that I couldn't even bring myself to say ‘good morning’ and just remained quiet and nodded in acknowledgment. I think Historia read the room and left, with the excuse of preparing lunch. Levi stood up and dragged his chair even closer to my bed, then grabbed the bowl and gestured at me to sit up against the headboard. Following his instructions, I lowered my eyes and waited. “Eat.” He started to feed me the soup and it felt even more embarrassing, but, in a way, endearing too. I sheepishly glanced up at him and I realized he never pried his eyes off of me. I opened my mouth and allowed him to spoil me. “Is this chicken?” I asked, in an attempt to break the ice. “It’s really tasty. You made it spicy,” I pointed out, trying to get him to warm up to me. “I know you like spicy stuff,” he replied and I blushed at his thoughtfulness. “Thank you.” “Don't mention it. Just don't drink that much again.” His voice was softer now, less stern and aloof. “If you want to drink more often just ask me to bring you a dozen,” he added and it made my insides melt. “I'd appreciate that a lot, actually.” “Roger that, then.” He finally smiled at me and I felt relaxed for the first time ever since I woke up. “About what I said–” “I don't remember you saying anything.” “What I did, though, it wasn't–” “You didn't do anything, you just went overboard with drinking. That's all.” There was a certain austerity in his tone that I didn't like. Maybe he did that to make me feel less uncomfortable or ashamed, but I would have preferred if we had actually discussed it. Since we weren't on the same page, I gave up on the conversation and finished my soup. Historia invited him to stay for lunch, but he needed to attend a Corps meeting and “hated to leave Hange by themself at times like these.” He ruffled my hair and mounted his horse, galloping away fast. “So, about that…” “Shut up, Princess.” “He's the one who carried you here, you know. He was carrying you in his arms on a carriage while a cadet was riding the horse and he showed up at dawn, knocking on my door. I had just woken up so I let him inside and I went back to bed while he stayed in your room, taking care of you. You looked like a couple who had just come back from a fun night out.” I elbowed her and she laughed at me. “He looked rather disheveled though. I haven't seen the Captain in that state before, unless he was in battle. Did something happen between you two?” Without disclosing all the shameful details, I simply told her that I flirted with him pretty flagrantly and she hummed. “I think he liked it too much and didn't know what to do about it.” I elbowed her again and she hissed this time. The rest of the day I was in bed resting, so nothing eventful happened. I received a letter from Levi, asking how I was feeling, along with half a dozen beer bottles and a bar of chocolate made by Niccolo. 
“You should try this. It's really sweet and has pieces of fruit inside. Not for me, but I figured you'd like it. Enjoy the drinks responsibly, you're still on duty. Finish the soup in the pot, as well. — L” 

Entry 425: The weather has grown overly cold lately. I've been using the heavy blanket and it's so hard to get out of bed in the morning, since it's so warm and comforting. We have a fireplace in the house and we got the fire started tonight, to provide some extra warmth inside the area. I think they said it's going to snow soon and I can't wait for it. I received a letter from Levi, informing me that Hange has been under the weather lately, saying that they have been overworking themself, didn't get much sleep, always occupied with something. I got worried sick and asked Historia for permission to visit them in the afternoon. I rode my horse to the city and found them in their office, hunched over their desk, buried underneath numerous stacks of paper. “You're stressed out, aren't you?” They reacted to my voice instantly, jumping from the chair and dashed towards me, flailing their arms and legs around me. “I can't do this without you,” they mewled on my shoulder. “This Commander business isn't for me. Sometimes, I feel like digging up Erwin's grave and performing sorcery to force him back alive.” I had never heard them say such a thing before, and I completely understood how exhausted and out of their mind they were. “And Moblit isn't here anymore, you aren't here either. And don't get me wrong, Levi's a great help, more than great actually, all my subordinates are doing a fantastic job, but I still have to take the responsibility for everything and I can never know if I'm making the right decisions.” I led them to the couch of their office and both of us took a seat impossibly close to each other. Their eyes were avoiding me, as if they feared judgement. “You know I'm proud of you, no matter what. You're my best friend and I believe in your intelligence and intuition, I always have.” They nodded, indicating they were listening. “You're not Erwin, sure, but you're Hange Zoë. My Hans. You don't need to imitate anyone. You do things your own way and you have people who support and believe in you wholeheartedly. Me, Levi, the 104th kids, your subordinates, even the Marleyans. Don't doubt your capabilities and allow yourself to rely on others. And don't forget, we have direct connections to the Queen of the Walls. Nothing can touch you.” They finally cackled, laughing heartily. They hugged me and we stayed embraced for a long while, relaxing and soaking in each other's presence. “There's always room in our cottage if you need to get away from everything for a bit.” “Oh, I'm aware. Levi enjoyed that room to the fullest.” They winked at me and my mouth parted in shock. A devilish smirk appeared on their face and proceeded to remove their glasses and eyepatch. “It hurts to wear this too long, but I can't take it off when I'm always around people.” I gazed at their wound, not realizing I was smiling. “You're creepy.” “I just love how it looks. It resembles a star.” They gaped at me in befuddlement. “I know, it sounds stupid. It's not pleasant for you to be missing an eye.” My cheeks were hot with shame, afraid I offended them somehow. “No, I just never thought of it that way. You think it looks like a star?” “I do.” “That's interesting. Levi said the same thing.” Shyly, I asked, “Really?” and they nodded. “You two still being idiots about it?” It was my turn to nod. “I didn't come here to talk about him, though, I'm here for you.” “I feel better now,” they teased, elbowing me playfully. “You're unbelievable.” “Don't go sounding like him! One is enough. And, by the way? That period of time when he was visiting you to help with your insomnia? He was so happy that everyone in the Scouts was starting to genuinely believe he had gone mad.” I stared at them with my jaw hanging. “What do you mean everyone in the Scouts?” “I mean that he was smiling to himself all the time and he was in such a great mood, much more lenient with everyone. It was freaky.” They wrapped their hands around their throat and pretended to choke themself, sticking their tongue out for dramatic effect. I rolled my eyes at them and chuckled. “I struggle to believe you.” “Would I lie to my best friend?” “I guess you wouldn't.” We spent the rest of the time together outside, strolling through the city, buying street food and talking about the latest news. When the sun had finally set, it was time for me to return to the cottage. They escorted me to the stables where my horse was and we hugged one last time, unable to physically part from each other. “And don't forget, we have the Azumabito clan meeting in a couple weeks!” they shouted as I departed, waving back at them. 

Entry 430: I know I've mentioned this before, but, although we have way more people working at the orphanage now, we still get visited by the 104th kids. Connie, along with Jean and Sasha, come by often and help with laborious work, such as carrying and transporting crates with supplies or furniture. When they're done, they play with the children, who remember their names by now and have a lovely time together. While C and S were busy with the kids, Jean approached me, visibly tired. He was standing next to me, leaning against the fence, his eyes marvelling at the view. Even though he started off as this selfish, arrogant prick, he transformed into this wonderful, caring person, reliable enough to be trusted by Hange as their underling. We gossiped about Corps matters and I laughed at how things haven't really changed since my Cadet days. “How's it going with Mikasa? Any progress in that department?” He smiled bitterly. “I stand no chance. But that won't stop me from caring for and loving her.” “Why would you say that?” “She's clearly in love with Eren, has been ever since the beginning. I think neither of them realize it and it's frustrating.” He was right about that, and momentarily, I wondered if that's how Hange and Historia felt towards me. “We miss you, you know. We attempted to make a request to have you transferred back to your previous position, or something similar to that, but we got denied by the council.” I was astounded. “When did that happen?” “It's been a few months now. It was Commander Hange who initiated it, with our help, but Captain Levi was against it.” “Was he?” “I guess I can't blame him. It's much better to stay alive and guard Historia. His reasoning was rational and we couldn't really back up our own arguments.” My eyes searched for the children, playing with Connie and Sasha, noticing that the Princess had joined them. “To be honest, I don't want to leave. Staying out of action certainly is hard to get used to, but I don't have to see dead people and titans all the time. And she's nice, you know? She's fun to be around and it's pleasant spending time with her. It's like having a little sister and I never experienced that growing up. I wouldn't want to abandon her. I know she feels comfortable around me and it would be difficult to trust and get used to someone new. I have a new purpose and I'm totally satisfied with how things are.” He smiled at me, nodding in understanding. Play time was over and CJS had to leave. At night, Historia and I relaxed in the living room by ourselves, challenging each other in card games. We took turns beating each other over dinner and that was when my previous statement really dawned on me: she truly was like family. After I abandoned mine, I rarely ever experienced this feeling. Hange and Levi, my squad. I wasn't sure what family was supposed to feel like, it's not like I was bonded with any of my actual family members. I gazed at her while she was calculating her next move, her lips pouting, a frown so deep that a wrinkle formed between her eyebrows and her nose scrunched. I wish there was a way to capture this moment, maybe in a painting or something, but for now, I will treasure it as a memory. Eventually, she won the last game and we went to bed. I keep thinking of Jean's words, about Levi being against me rejoining the Corps. At first, I felt irritated. “Doesn't he want me around?” But I know that's not the case. Yes, guarding Historia is vital for maintaining the current state of affairs intact, but… was that really all? Anyone could do it in my stead, that much is obvious. But him wanting me here isn't just because I'm capable enough, right? Once again, I might be getting ahead of myself, but I believe that's his way of making sure I'm safe. That's the only way it makes sense. Or maybe that's what I want to believe. I can never be sure with that guy. 

It couldn't have been earlier than nine in the morning. That was the time Levi usually woke up during the weekends. It took a while for his eye to get used to his surroundings, but his body could definitely sense yours wrapped around him. Your leg was thrown over his waist, your knee pressing against his morning wood. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying not to move. Lying on his back, he looked down at you, your head resting against his chest, your right arm draped over his torso. How could one be so clingy, even in their sleep? 

It was still pretty early, and he didn't want to wake you up just yet. A selfish thought, but he enjoyed that feeling: Sunday morning, sprawled out in his comfortable bed with you cuddling him tightly, safe inside of your shared home. A wish was born in him, which was to never let this moment end. Tilting his head slightly, he noticed that the strap of your nightgown had slid down your shoulder. As stealthily as possible, he raised his arm and his fingers snaked underneath the thin string, grazing your hot skin, as he lifted it back over your shoulder. It was entirely unnecessary to fix it for you, he knew that much, but he couldn't resist the tiny opportunity to touch you. Your body was so unbelievably warm that it made his heart race. It was as if he was being embraced by a radiator. His own, personal heater. 

You had shared a bed countless times before and, even if there wasn't a bed, you always gravitated towards him any chance you slept anywhere close to him. He used to think you had weird sleeping habits, kind of like him, but you never cuddled up with anyone else, not even Hange. It made him feel special, as if he was the only one allowed this privilege. Not only that, but he realized that, when he slept next to you, his own habits died down. 

Just like now. 

For the past three nights, he didn't wake up frightened in the middle of the night once. The first night, he opened his eyes, not because of a nightmare or restlessness, but because he needed to visit the bathroom. The other two nights, he fell asleep with you and didn't even flinch. He felt safe around you, just like you did with him. That much was obvious to him by now. 

You shifted in your sleep and accidentally kneed his crotch with your leg, making him whine internally. His hand flew over his mouth, eyes wide in terror in case you heard him or woke you up. You moaned softly, your arm unwrapping his torso and curling between your chest and his. He peered down at you, his head rising ever so slightly from the pillow, and saw your eyes still closed, your breathing soft and steady. He let out a long exhale in relief, his head dropping back on the pillow. He glanced down at you again, but this time, he noticed that your nightgown was tugged while you moved, revealing more of your – already exposed – chest. His eyes lingered there for a second too long and looked away, face red with shame. He felt dirty for taking advantage of the situation, but your knee pressing firmly against his sensitive dick was definitely not helping his case. His eyes were fixed on the ceiling, focusing on counting the dark spots of the stones that comprised it. Much to his misfortune, the only thing occupying his mind was how much his cock was hurting. 

He needed to take care of this in the bathroom. 

Gently, he pried your body away from his, when your hand gripped his bicep, pulling him back closer. “Don't leave yet,” you slurred, and he felt his heart about to leap out of his chest. “Let's stay in bed all day, hm?” You nuzzled your face against his chest like a cat and he puffed out his cheeks, his stomach doing somersaults. He never told you, for lack of finding the perfect way of phrasing it without making you feel uneasy or embarrassed, but ever since the first time you napped in his presence, you were mumbling in your sleep. What if he acknowledged it and you decided to refrain from sleeping with him? He couldn't afford that. At first, he thought it was annoying and creepy, but eventually, as he got to know you better and spent more time around you, especially at night, it became his favorite habit of yours. 

“Bug? Are you awake?” he whispered, mellow and quiet. When he received no response, he smiled. You're such a heavy sleeper. However, the intimacy and the sweetness of the moment shot straight down his core and the soreness in his crotch only worsened. He held his breath and nudged you away, slowly and carefully, as he got up from the bed, using his crutch. 

Making his way to the bathroom, he locked the door and reclined against it. His hand immediately reached for his aching girth, creating a rather visible tent in his pants. Fuck. Shit. Why did this have to happen? Levi quickly undressed himself and stepped inside the shower, taking a seat on his supporting stool and let the water cascade down on him, as he relieved himself. The feeling of your leg pressing on his bulge, the image of your barely-covered form clinging to him, the sound of your sluggish voice begging him to stay; everything was too much for his infatuated heart. He came in his trembling hand in less than ten minutes, babbling your name inaudibly between heavy pants and tears in his eyes. As soon as his soul returned to his body after that benumbing orgasm, he bathed himself and returned to his bedroom.

Levi was pleased to discover you were awake, stretching out your limbs, your body tangled in the bedsheets. You raised your eyes at him and smiled sweetly, waving at him.

“Rise and shine, Bug,” he greeted you, earning a yawn in response. “Slept well?” 

“Mhm! You were gone when I woke up,” you pointed out, gazing at him. He was just in his underwear and a loose, grey shirt, his hair damp and skin glowing. Delectable. “Is Mikasa awake?” 

“Not yet. Wanna cook breakfast before she gets up?” 

“Yes!” you exclaimed, jumping out of the bed. Levi's eyes skimmed your body, the wrinkled nightgown falling unevenly over your frame. He could see your bare legs and a peek of your ass, short as that ghastly little dress was. Forcing himself to avert his gaze, he changed into a clean pair of pants and sat down on the bed, patting his hair dry with a towel. “Let me do it for you,” you suggested, crawling back on the mattress, right next to where he was. He watched you approaching like a cat creeping up to its prey. Gods, I can't get hard a second time today. 

“I'm fine, I got it,” he refused, yanking the towel away from your quick hands. You pouted at him, and he cursed in his head, for you looked irresistible. “Get dressed and wait for me in the kitchen.”

“But you're always rough when you dry off your hair, you know I'm more gentle,” you retorted and his ears rang at your choice of words. It was as if everything had conspired to make him aroused. 

He sighed and shook his head. “Go get the pancake mix started.”

Your face lit up in excitement and you rushed outside, still in your sleepwear and slippers. Levi looked up, wondering what divine entities had it out for him that morning. 

Both of you now in the kitchen, you had already started to prepare the mix, while he chopped up strawberries, in order to turn them into jam. It was his second time making it and, unsure of whether the taste had turned out well, he stuck his finger inside the spread and tasted it. You stared at him, waiting for a reaction. His eyebrows twitched in surprise and stuck a different finger for a second try. He nodded and turned to look at you excitedly. 

“You should try this, I think it came out pretty we–” Before he was able to finish the sentence, you grabbed his wrist and pulled his hand towards your face, your lips circling around the jam-covered fingers. Your tongue lapped up the paste, while holding eye contact with him. Of course it was intentional on your part, but you also felt too lazy to clean another spoon or get your hands dirty. You watched as sheer panic was painted all over his face, his ears bright red and his breathing shallow. You closed your eyes, suckling on his fingers and moaning. 

With his brain reduced to pudding, he felt something dripping onto the skin of his palm and down his wrist. What made everything worse, was that this was his injured hand, with two fingers missing and everything. Levi was overwhelmed with emotion; should he feel repulsed or horny? Was this appropriate, considering their guest could walk in on them at any moment? Could this be considered unhygienic and too forward on your part? What about his insecurity? Why weren't you disgusted to have his malformed hand in your mouth? It was unclear to him. All he knew for sure was that you did have his fingers between your lips, with your eyes shut and pushing his fingers deeper, saliva coating his entire palm, and the glances you stole from him momentarily weren't casual. Those glossy lips and eyes staring down at him were nothing but innocent or naive. 

You let his hand free and released his fingers with a pop. “Yeah, it's really tasty, Chef. Keep going,” you smirked at him and turned to the counter, where the bowl with the pancake mix was, pouring it into the pan. 

Did that actually happen just now? 

The creaking of a door reverberated through the house and it was your cue that Mikasa had emerged from her bed. Levi stood next to you and washed his hands, shaking while doing so. Your guest walked into the kitchen and greeted you with a tiny wave, taking a seat at the table. She offered to help the two of you out, but you immediately declined politely. Levi stated firmly that his visitor wouldn't do chores in his presence and she smiled, blushing in appreciation. Instead, he asked her what it was that she desired to do, since it was her last day at your place. 

Mikasa reclined against the kitchen chair and crossed her arms against her chest, deep in thought. An idea sprung in her mind and she toyed with the hem of her sleeve. “Would you guys like me to plant some vegetables for you?” With a puzzled gaze, you glanced over at Levi, who was equally stunned. “We could find some seeds in the market and I can plant them for you, as a token of appreciation for your invitation.”

“But we're gonna have to keep tending to them,” Levi pointed out, earning a snicker from your guest. “It'd be a pity to go through all this work just for them to rot in a week.”

“It's truly not that hard to take care of,” she replied, shaking her head. “Besides, I noticed that the plants in the backyard seem healthy and well-groomed.” She looked at you and you blushed. “I'm assuming you're doing all the work.”

“My gear, it couldn't be just me,” you cackled. “Your uncle over here helps out a lot. We spend hours cleaning and cutting down overgrown branches and the like.” You peered at Levi, who remained silent for the most part. “We could try!” you urged him with a nudge to his arm. 

He looked at you, then Mikasa. “I guess it wouldn't hurt to try.” 

“Of course! And if you'd like, I could teach you how to turn your produce into herbs, like peppers into spice for your food,” she rambled enthusiastically. “How does that sound?” 

After a quick visit to a local florist, Mikasa was able to purchase potato seeds, hot pepper seeds and broccoli. As soon as she returned home, she rushed to the garden and supplied herself with the appropriate tools. Next to her, you loomed over her awkwardly, awaiting instructions, although she did most of the work by herself. Levi was seated comfortably next to the backyard door, under the shade, watching the two of you dig into the earth and planting the seeds carefully. It was rather entertaining to you, but it required your full attention, since Mikasa was teaching you everything you needed to know about maintaining the plants; when to water them, how long it would take for each of them to grow, what signs to look out for, what not to do. Upon seeing your overwhelmed expression, she giggled and promised to write everything down later. 

Two hours later, Levi called out your names, your heads snapping towards him. He pointed at the house and urged you to get back inside for a meal break. Without either of you knowing, he had ordered takeout; pasta with minced meat for himself, chicken and vegetable skewers for you and four large pieces of pie for Mikasa. You both sprinted inside and you took turns taking a bath before dinner. All the dishes smelled delicious and you shared a portion with each other before you dug in. 

While enjoying your food, you asked Mikasa what other plans she had for her last day. Once again, she was unsure of what to come up with. There wasn't a lot she was interested in doing, not because she wasn't having a good time, but she was more of a homebody. Levi laughed at her confession, patting her head lovingly. Truthfully, you also loved to stay at home and do nothing. You pouted, stating how you wanted her to make nice memories before leaving, despite staying for such a short period of time. The guest smiled at you, her hand extending towards yours, gripping it tightly. Unfalteringly, she reassured the both of you that she had cherished every minute of her stay and promised to visit you as soon as possible. 

Interrupting the heartfelt moment, Levi cleared his throat and proposed spending the rest of the day inside, since the weather had started to deteriorate. You checked outside of the window and, indeed, the sky had grown a deep shade of grey and the winds were picking up speed. On top of that, he pointed out how the two of you had to go to work the following day and should be able to rest as much as possible. Mikasa didn't raise any objections, but instead offered to treat you to store-bought drinks and dessert. You both consented to her idea and finished your meal, chatting away until late afternoon. 

For a while, you occupied Levi's room, ironing yours and his clothes; the shirts, his pants and your skirt. Your guest was nearby, sitting atop of the bed, cross-legged with her hands supporting her weight behind her against the bed. She watched you move your arms steadily and with determination, as you gossiped about this and that. Unintentionally, the conversation surrounded Eren. You quickly realized that she had a hard time processing her feelings, not because she brought him up, but because the pain of their unrequited love still lingered. It certainly did, unquestionably so. You weren't cruel or unsympathetic. Besides, she was the one who loved him so much, she was willing to release him from his torment herself, by her own hand. There was no greater declaration of love, you believed. 

Mikasa's eyes shied away from yours for a while. With a reluctance that made your heart ache, she confessed to the fear of spending the rest of her life alone. Instantly, you ordered her – yes, ordered – to forget about this outcome. A person with a heart as loving and vast as hers could never meet such a dreary fate. 

“You think so?” Her voice sounded so small, like your students talked when feeling unsure or insecure. 

“I know so, Mikasa.” 

Although, you did make sure to reassure her that, if she decided so, there was nothing wrong with not finding a life-long partner. “You can just have fun,” you jested, winking at her. She laughed and straightened her back. 

“I don't think I feel confident enough for such shenanigans,” she snickered. 

Your eyes shot wide. “How so? You're a strong, smart woman with sentimentality as eternal as the sky, Mikasa.” You pressed the iron on a stubborn wrinkle at the top of the sleeve. “And you're unbelievably beautiful. Seriously, you Ackermans are cursed with stunning looks,” you said, your tone made to sound purposely peeved. 

The younger woman disappeared in her appointed bedroom, after announcing that she wanted to write down the instructions regarding the plans she had set in your soil earlier. In the meantime, you finished up the ironing task and folded the clothes neatly before sorting them out inside your shared wardrobe. With that out of the way, you slumped against the bed, your back slightly sore from standing that long. Am I getting too old? I was in top shape before I left Paradis! 

Something nudging at your knee interrupted your thoughts. You lifted your head and was faced with Levi, who was on his chair before you, squinting at you. 

“Out of shape, Bug?” 

“Piss off.”

He grinned wickedly and touched your leg, poking at it. “The brat left to get drinks and ice-cream.” 

“She did? I didn't even notice.” You rose upwards, Levi pulling you with one arm attached to yours. 

You hadn't forgotten about the… incident from that morning. Quite frankly, you didn't know what you were thinking. You acted on a whim, half impulsively, half intentionally. It was thrilling watching him flustered and you did wish to taste the fruits of his labor right from his fingers. Had his ears not turned crimson, you would have felt scared that you made him uncomfortable, but that wasn't the case. Levi was awkward at times, clumsy when expressing his feelings, but if something bothered him, if someone invaded his space, he didn't hesitate to speak up against it. But he rarely ever did that to you. Thinking back to your entire friendship, his relationships and interactions with others, he truly despised having his boundaries crossed and he reminded those around him often. However, towards those he really had a soft spot for – even if he didn't outright admit it – he usually overlooked the breach of his personal bubble, for the sake of allowing others to express themselves as they pleased. 

With your knees pressed together, he cleared his throat. He wanted to prepare an evening snack for the three of you, those burgers he liked. However, Levi exclusively ate the ones you made; somehow, you had discovered the right amount of time that the meat required to be grilled, in order to be thoroughly cooked, but also juicy enough. You followed him in the kitchen and he forced himself to stand, towering over the counter, with you beside him. 

“So,” he started off, his hands preoccupied with slicing the bread. “You think I'm cursed with stunning looks?” 

Dammit, he heard that. Curse him and his hypervigilant hearing. “Don't act so surprised. I've told you countless times to your face that you're handsome.” 

He couldn't argue with that. One thing about you, you didn't get stingy with your compliments. There was nothing for him to respond with and he started to chop down the vegetables – tomato, lettuce and onions. He minced the garlic cloves and mashed them into fine paste, so you could mix it in the sauce you would later prepare. 

The house was quiet, even more than usual. If Hange was here, they would fill the silence with endless rambling and noise. In a way, you were glad that it was just the two of you. You enjoyed the peace that accompanied living with Levi. As chatty and energetic as you could be, moments of total silence were greatly appreciated. It's not like you never talked amongst yourselves, anyway. Levi could get seriously talkative when he felt like it. Ever since you were still in the Scouts, you were astounded by the impression other people had of him; unsociable, avoidant, tight-lipped, inconsiderate, bullheaded. If one pointed a gun to your head, you couldn't, for the life of you, describe him with any of these traits. At the time, Hange told you, “You don't see him that way because he never behaves like that around you.” But you didn't detect that type of behavior in the way he acted around others. Surely, he needed to be firm and absolute, just and impartial, levelheaded and swift. He was the Squad Captain after all. But try as you might, you could never paint him as heartless or cruel, even when you disagreed, even when your worldviews clashed. If anything, Levi always wore his heart on his sleeve. He cared and loved deeply and unconditionally, but duty was hanging like a curse above his head at all times. 

You lodged next to him in the sink and began to wash a few dishes that had been used, along with forks and spoons. You searched for the skillet inside the cupboards and placed it on top of the stove, pouring oil inside and turning the heat on. In the meantime, you prepared the sauce and he leaned against the counter, his whole body resting on top of it as he watched you work your magic. You craned your neck, trying to sway the hair that kept blocking your vision, but your hands were slathered with food. He noticed and his hands flew to your face, lithe fingers tucking the stray strands behind your ear. The gesture came naturally to him and you flashed him a tiny smile, but you couldn't prevent the blush from creeping to your cheeks. And, oh, how he adored that flustered look on your face, especially when he was the cause behind it. His eyes traced your neck, your skin, the silver in your hair and the scar on your lip. He found that little blemish beautiful. He remembered asking you about it when you were still getting to know each other. It was right after he lost Isabel and Furlan; he shared his story from the Underground with you and you opened up about your own life. It was a thug, one of the countless that terrorized the streets down there, that gave it to you, when you tried to protect your father. He never thanked you or acknowledged it, although your lip was busted for his sake. That was when you decided to steal all their money and make your way up. Erwin found you roaming the streets with your lip still bleeding, but you wore it as a badge of honor. It was Miche who stitched it up for you. Your decision to join the Wings of Freedom was taken in a matter of seconds. 

“Ackerman, pass me the beef,” you said, dragging him back to the present. Without a word, he slid the burgers towards you, moving and twisting his body so he could be closer to you, impossibly so. “I suggest you sit elsewhere, or the oil might pop on you.” 

“I've had worse done to me,” he sneered. You rolled your eyes in response and he smirked at your reaction. 

“My fault for not wanting you to burn, I guess.” 

His answer was uttered as easily as flowing water. “I burn all the time with you.” 

The bewilderment in your features was so intense that you both had half a mind burying your heads into the floor like those giant birds you saw in the nature books. The sizzling sound of the meat forced you to snap out of your trance and you faced away from him, your body in heat. Did he really just say that? No, he can't mean it that way. He was probably being dramatic or sarcastic about it. You shifted fumblingly in your spot, looming over the skillet, trying to keep your hands and mind as busy as possible, your heart hammering behind your ribcage. Levi wasn't fairing any better and yet, he was right there, unmoving and flustered all the way down to his scarcely exposed chest, his stare glued on your face.

“Could you stop staring? You're distracting me.” 

“I'm just looking, Bug,” he replied, fighting back the satisfied grin. “How am I distracting?” 

You groaned and shook your head, flipping the patties. It was agonizing when he did that. Using your nickname, the nickname he gave you, and flirting. (Was he flirting? Was this considered flirting? You wouldn't know, but it was the closest you've ever experienced when it came to him.) You gnawed at the inside of your cheek, playing it as relaxed as possible. 

“Your eyes–”

“It’s just one, now.” 

You sighed in retaliation and stomped around the corner, knocking on Mikasa's door, letting her know food was ready. The guest found her seat at the kitchen table and examined the meal you had diligently prepared, awestricken. The expressions she made while savoring the burgers was too precious and you wished you could capture the moment in a photograph. I wonder when those devices will be available to everyone. 

Satiated and with your belly full, you brought the drinks that Mikasa had treated you to to the table. It was a couple beers, a bottle of wine and a flask of whiskey. You opened the wine first, curious of the taste. It was of fairly recent production, but the taste was sweet and heavy. Pouring glass after glass, time passed swimmingly, with laughter and lively conversation. 

Since your guest had to catch the train early the following day, she withdrew to her bedroom in order to assemble her luggage before going to sleep. You remained in the kitchen, collecting the dishes and the cutlery in the sink. It was Levi's turn to take care of the washing, but instead of heading to the bathroom for a shower, you kept him company, lending a hand. With every clean item, he would pass it on to you and you toweled it dry, putting it away in the cabinets. 

The chore was over and you both headed to your room as well. Wine had made you giggly and lightheaded and Levi kept shushing you, placing a finger on his lips. You sucked your lips between your teeth and nodded, obeying his scolding. With the windows shut and secured, you pulled the curtains and began to undress yourself, slowly and languidly. You were only in your underwear, as you leaned back against the bed. The feeling of the soft bedsheets against your naked skin was soothing, as if you were laying down on a cloud. 

From the other side of the room, right in front of the wardrobe, Levi peered at you, his heart racing, each beat pounding in his ears. He watched you sprawled out on his bed, your bare chest in display, your eyes lidded with drowsiness, the apples of your cheeks, as well as the bridge of your nose, flushed scarlet. He had most definitely witnessed you in a similar state before, but it wasn't his bed, in the house you shared, during peaceful times. He was unsure if you were able to recall that incident – sometimes, he can barely do that himself, since it was so long ago – but, while you were both still cadets, your whole team was taken out for a meal and drinks, a special delight provided by your then sergeants. It was the first time he saw you pissed drunk and out of your mind; you could barely stand on your own two feet, neither was Hange, but he could only carry so many people. He hoisted you in his arms and delivered you to your dorm room. It was hot at the time, but he didn't want to bother helping you remove your clothes – “The four-eyed freak can do that shit,” he thought – and made his way out, when he heard your plea for help. You could barely move without feeling sick and took pity on you, in that sorry state you were. He started to peel off your garments one by one, squirming out of your pants, an accidental flash of your bush making an appearance, since your pants dragged them along. 

You were so vulnerable and fragile in that moment that something in him shifted. Although you were a skilled fighter, your movements flexible and unhesitating when faced with an enemy or other opponent, this side of you was new to him. You never showed it to anyone other than Hange, so he felt… honored, in a way. Special. After that followed your broken arm, when he had to help you bathe and he knew it couldn't be anyone else but him. 

So, with you now splayed in his sheets in that same state, it did something to him. Around your chest, your arms and your thighs, he could still see the faint marks imprinted on your skin by your ODM gear harnesses that fastened on your body for so many years. But above all, he wasn't a creep, so he quickly grabbed a loose shirt of his, since your nightgown was nowhere to be found, and urged you to spring up and get dressed. 

Your gaze flicked up to his eyes with a dopey smile. You marveled his injured eye, clouded and pale grey. “Beautiful,” you mumbled, tracing your finger across the right side of his face. He was sitting beside you, the wounded leg outstretched on the mattress in front of you. 

His movements faltered momentarily. “Huh?” 

“Your eye, s’beautiful,” you repeated, slurring your words.

Levi swallowed thickly, trying his best to keep his cool in front of you. “You think so?” Your eager nod was enough to make him smile. “How so?”

“‘M’not sure, but I think s’because you've always been handsome t’ me.” You paused for a moment, breathing in. “You were the prettiest guy ‘n the Scouts.” 

He didn't know what to do with himself. Was I, really? I doubt it. However, he knew better than to defy you. He grinned and applied ointment on his busted knee. Your forehead dropped on top of his shoulder and his heart resumed its racing. 

“You should sleep–”

“What did you think of me?” His head was buzzing with emotion. Of course you were the prettiest girl in the Scouts, but he wouldn't dare say it. 

Back then, at least. Currently, he has a mission. 

His hands found your shoulders and gently pressed you down on the bed. Compliantly and moving instinctively, guided by his motions, you tucked yourself in, as he covered you with the cotton blanket. He hovered over you, his face unbearably adjacent to yours. You stared at each other and you could have sworn he glanced down to your lips a couple times. His mouth planted a kiss on top of your forehead and settled down comfortably next to you, the proximity between you as narrow as it could possibly be. 

“The greatest,” he whispered. If he wasn't as drunk and lethargic, he could have sworn he saw your eyes widen and glimmer in surprise. “The greatest of the Scouts.” He wanted to call you beautiful, to admit that, in passing, he heard other cadets and sergeants alike call you a beauty, a sweet, a hottie, even. Comments like those ticked him off. “She's not just some sack of meat for you to salivate over,” he used to think. It would be hypocritical of him to say he didn't have similar thoughts, but these people didn't know you like he did. They didn't know you were kind and funny and so very loving, they didn't know about how brave and selfless you were or how you got that scar they considered a flaw on your mouth. They didn't know you trembled when you were naked around others, although you didn't show it. 

Your eyes beamed like the blinking stars in the sky. “Just the Scouts?”

He smiled, barely awake, catching a glimpse of your shimmering irises. “Of the whole world.” 

In the middle of the night, the creaking of a door alerted Levi awake. He focused his ear on the sound, picking up the subtle sound of bare footsteps against the floor; Mikasa was awake. She didn't visit the bathroom, so he started to wonder what she was doing. The footsteps extended to the living room and then stopped. Out of concern, he decided to get up and check up on her. 

Using his cane, he limped outside of the bedroom, as quietly as possible – he didn't want to wake you up and cause a scene, especially if that wasn't Mikasa's intention. Her eyes found his in the darkness, and she smiled at him, fatigue evident on her features. He sat beside her, as she shifted a little, allowing him more space on the large cushions. 

“What brings you here?” he asked, referring to the living room. “Can't sleep?” Mikasa shook her head, fiddling with her scarf. “Wanna talk about it?” 

“It's just… I had a lot of fun here,” she whispered, and her eyes immediately turned glossy. Oh no, please don't cry right now. “It was lovely seeing you both after such a long time.” 

Levi lifted his arm and stroked her back gently. “You’re always welcome here, kid. Anytime you want, for as long as you need. And the offer stands for the others as well. We would be glad to have you here.”

Her mouth formed into a smirk. “We, huh?” 

“Don't start,” he spat, earning a laugh from Mikasa. 

“I have a gift for you,” she breathed, and dashed to her bedroom, then back to the couch, holding the plushies in her arms. She was studying Levi's expression, searching for some hint of satisfaction. 

He blinked, his fingers tracing the thick lines of yarn on the Erwin doll. “You crocheted them?” He looked into her eyes, his gaze intense and surprised. “These are amazing,” he murmured, moving the detachable glasses of Hange's doll. “Thank you,” he stuttered, blushing slightly. “I'll prop them up somewhere tomorrow.”

Mikasa toyed with a strand of her black hair and smiled in appreciation. “Next time, I'll bring you one of her, to keep it at your bed at all times.” 

He squinted at her, the glare making her giggly. “Go to bed, brat. You got a long trip ahead of you tomorrow.”  

Chapter Text

Mikasa left for Paradis the following morning, right before dawn painted the sky a pretty violet. As her hosts, you accompanied her to the train station and sent her off, with warm embraces and heartfelt goodbyes, as well as a promise to visit your island when the situation is more appropriate. When she climbed up the wagon, you waved at her and turned around, pushing Levi's wheelchair down the street. 

Since it was almost time to leave for work, you dropped him off at the shoe store and headed to the school. Upon arrival, Ida urgently called you to her office. Your heart palpitated, expecting the worst already. With hurried movements, you discarded your jacket and the bag you carried and headed straight to her desk. There were millions of fears and negative scenarios swirling around in your mind; you weren't doing a good job (although she was usually present during your lectures to aid you during the beginning), parents complained about you, the kids were dissatisfied (although they never not mentioned how you were their favorite teacher), something went wrong with the Paradis negotiations and the Marleyans are going to arrest you… Irrational, absurd, but fears nonetheless.

You knocked on her door and her melodic voice invited you inside. With trembling hands, you entered the cramped room and greeted her warmly, with evident unease. Ida’s hair was plaited in a simple braid, as she paced around frantically. Judging by her body language, your previous fears bubbled up again, a knot forming in your throat. 

“Is everything alright, Miss Meyer?” you asked, after clearing your throat.

She sat down on her chair and looked at you, her eyes black and intense. It was uncommon to see her that worked up. “I need your help,” she uttered coldly. 

A blink and then another. “My help?” Your voice came out hoarse, like nails on chalkboard. 

She shifted in her seat stiffly. “One of the girls in your class might be facing abuse at home.” 

You gaped at her, dumbfounded. One of my girls? Abuse at home? Ida sighed deeply, her palm covering her forehead. “Are you– How did you–”

“It’s Eleanor. Her mother brought her to school today,” she started off, lighting a cigarette; that's how you knew she was stressed out for good. “She was wearing sunglasses and, for a moment, I saw bruises on her arm, definitely finger-shaped, I'm positive about it.” She took another long drag of smoke and blew it away from your direction. “The gears in my head immediately started to turn, because I have personal experience of this issue. I took the girl inside and her mom followed, although she wasn't really supposed to. I allowed her to and she pleaded with me that, if her father showed up, we shouldn't let her go with him.” 

Your insides felt hot and the quivering in your body was hard to go unnoticed. “What should we do?” You felt worried. Worried about Eleanor, worried about her mother, the other children. As much as you hated to think that way, you were used to situations such as this one from living in the Underground. However, things didn't work that way anymore. You couldn't just walk up to that sorry excuse of a man and kill him, even though your instincts screamed at you to do it. Your heart had no patience anymore. “Do you want me to–”

The principal shook her head, noticing your gaze darken. “I wouldn't risk my employees being charged with murder and have their freedom stripped from them for that piece of shit.” Another blank stare, somewhere behind you, but not really there. “Could you let her stay at your place for today? We can't ask other parents for that since they all pretty much know each other and where they live. Also - and forgive me if this is rubbing salt on any wounds - I can only entrust this task with you because of your history. I know that you can protect that child, if it comes down to that.” 

That was true, you thought. You might not be able to hold a blade any more, but you could take anyone in a fight, even the biggest and burliest of people. Scumbags from the so-called underworld? Piece of cake. For your gear’s sake, you had been killing titans most of your life. Without a trace of hesitation, you nodded in agreement. Determined, you reassured Ida that class would roll as usual and you would take little Eleanor along with you with the excuse that her parents were urgently busy and she needed to stay with you. It wouldn't be hard to snuggle a child outside. In the meantime, the headmaster, along with two other teachers who were aware of the situation, would take care of the domestic violence matter. 

And that's exactly what you did. Around ten minutes before school ended for the day, you encouraged the students to pack their bags and wait outside. According to the plan, you pulled the girl to the side and informed her that her parents had urgent matters to take care of and you would take care of her for a short while. At first, she seemed reluctant, almost as if she knew something was amiss, but then smiled, excited over the fact her teacher would take her home. A chance like that was rare among students. After all the parents picked up their children, you quickly left the school grounds before Eleanor's father arrived. 

Acting as if nothing happened, you marched towards the city, leading up to Levi's workplace. He was waiting outside alongside Irene, who greeted you animatedly as always. They both stared at you with puzzled expressions, seeing the unfamiliar child next to you. You introduced her to them and they both smiled warmly. 

Levi was no stranger to fearful children. “Are you cold?” Eleanor shook her head timidly and snuck behind you. “Are you scared of me?” The girl averted her eyes, vividly awkward. “Is it my face?” he leaned down, trying to get closer to her eye level. Despite her fidgety disposition, she nodded. “I lost my eye in battle. The stitches were given to me by a friend, after they saved my life.” 

Eleanor's eyes peered at him. “Really? Who did you fight against?” 

“Titans,” he answered. The girl looked up at him in awe. “Yeah, I've fought many of them. Have you ever seen a titan up close?” 

The two kept chattering until you reached the house. It was mostly Eleanor listening to Levi's stories from his Survey Corps days attentively, probably more so than she did in your class. However, you didn't mind, even if he described some more gruesome situations – as long as she was kept occupied. 

You encouraged her to step inside and she glanced around, her eyes scanning the new space she found herself in. It was early in the afternoon, so you prepared soup while she drew on a piece of paper, with crayons that you kept in your room, just in case. Levi approached you in the kitchen and asked for an explanation. He couldn't hide the seething anger in his face even if he wanted to. You both felt the same, the voracious urge to slaughter the wrongdoer. That was the only way you knew things worked, otherwise justice could not be served. Even if they caught the bastard, he'd simply rot in a prison, with the chance to escape or be released lingering in the back of that poor mother's brain at all times. How could someone live with this kind of paranoia? Such were Levi's thoughts. You agreed completely without a retort. 

“If only I could still fight,” he hissed. “This damn leg.” He smacked his knee in frustration. “I could find him and break each one of his bones, so he can continue living, but only as a mangled lump of meat.” His tone was so rough and menacing that it made your heart flutter. It was the worst of moments to feel this way, but his sense of justice and overprotectiveness tugged at your heartstrings. 

A blaring, incessant knock on the door resounded through the place. Then, a roaring, masculine voice yelled, “Bring my child outside, you whore!” Eleanor shot up from her spot on the floor and ran towards you, trembling with fear, her eyes already wet with tears and her lips twisted as she held back a sob. “I know my daughter is in there, I followed you all the way out here!” She hid behind Levi's chair, as he wrapped his arm around her shivering frame. “Open the fucking door or I'll break it down and kill you!” You were fuming with rage and nothing would have held you back from storming outside and snapping that man's neck, had it not been for the little girl lurking between you and Levi. You grabbed a large knife and asked him to stay back and make sure he was close to the boiling pot. It was a strategic move and he caught on immediately. 

You approached the door and stood behind, the banging more intense and violent. You breathed out, every muscle in your body taut. I just need to immobilize him. I'll break his legs if it comes down to it. With the corner of your eye, you noticed the window on the side. Through quick yet quiet steps, you reached for it and climbed outside. Ducking around the corner, you saw him: he was entirely too big, tall, with great body mass, but you could tell he wasn't battle-trained or anything like that. You sneaked up on him from behind and kicked the back of his left knee, watching him tumble on the ground. Before he had time to move, you plunged your knee into his face with all your might, smashing his nose. His blood splattered all over you, as you dropped the knife somewhere behind you. You attacked him, your hands flying to his neck, strangling him as he struggled to shove you away from him. 

It was futile work, for you had fought creatures way stronger and bigger and more frightening than a pitiful man with a balding head. 

“How does it feel now, hm? Not being the scary one, the one causing the pain, huh?” you spat, seeing foam rising from his mouth. “I could kill you right now, but you're not worth my time. This little girl and her mother don't deserve to live with this burden, so I'll let you off the hook with just this,” you croaked, and stomped your foot down on his knee. He howled in pain and, for a second, you freed his neck, then landed a punch right in the middle of his throat. There was no sound coming from him any more, only strangled whines. You jolted upwards and grabbed your knife again, inching it close to his face. “Have I made myself clear, you piece of shit?” He nodded, his eyes barely open. “Good.” With a particularly harsh kick on the crotch, he passed out from the immense pain. 

After making sure he was completely unconscious, you stormed inside the house. Eleanor and Levi had moved closer to the door, possibly listening to what was going on outside. When she saw her father in that state, her lips parted, as if to say something. The girl looked up at you, noticing the blood and dirt on your clothes. Kneeling down in front of her, you refrained from touching her and simply smiled, as composedly as possible. 

“He's just beaten up, not dead,” you clarified, in case she was wondering. 

“Did you do this? By yourself?” There was pain and curiosity and awe in her eyes. You nodded without a word. “Wow… How did you do that?” 

“Well, Mr. Levi isn't the only cool one around here,” you spoke playfully, trying to lighten up the mood. “I took care of him. Don't go outside, I'll call the authorities.” 

First, you called Ida, then the police. Everyone arrived in a hurry in less than fifteen minutes. The father was still lying on the ground, alive but completely motionless. The mother rushed to Eleanor's side and collapsed before her, embracing her tightly. The police questioned you and Levi, as well as your student and collected the almost-corpse, driving away. Louise, the girl's mother, grabbed your hands and brought them towards her mouth, leaving a kiss of appreciation on each one. 

“I'm so sorry you had to dirty your hands for us,” she cried, Eleanor clinging to her side, her tiny hands fisting at her mother's dress. “I could never repay you for what you did.” 

“Miss, there's no need to repay me,” you replied softly, wrapping your arms around her. She surrendered to your touch, as if the weight of the world was lifted off of her shoulders at that moment. You backed away, and glanced down at your student. You grinned and snickered at yourself. “Although, I would appreciate homework being done on time.” 

Entry 436: I woke up in the middle of the night yesterday, because I heard the galloping of horses outside. It was around 2 in the morning and I rushed outside with my gear in hand. It was Levi. Our cadets were justifiably startled, but thankfully Historia was still asleep. She had had a rough day, so she was slumbering soundly in her room. I jumped down the stairs and ran up to him, my heart beating fast from his sudden arrival. He was disheveled and he could barely stand. I didn't know what was happening but I asked the soldiers to retreat back to their posts and I would take care of the Captain. He collapsed on the ground and I kneeled beside him, asking what's wrong. He mumbled something, but all I caught was Erwin's name. It was extremely rare that he brought him up. He tried not to dwell that much on the dead, always suppressing his feelings. “Did you have a dream about him?” He shook his head. “I kept thinking about everything that happened and…,” he trailed off. He was heaving and panting, his eyes lidded and hands trembling. He was panicking. I placed my hand on top of his chest and I could feel his heart pounding under my touch. I reassured him a hundred times. We were all there, alive, together. But that wasn't the issue. Through incomprehensible mutterings, I figured out the problem was guilt. Although I knew that he didn't regret giving that serum to the Arlert boy, occasionally, he had that little voice in the back of his head whispering doubts into him. I was curious what triggered that, and he explained that he witnessed Hange kicking down some chairs in their office, their hands shaking. They were anxious and frustrated with work, fed up with how demanding the role of a Commander is, how they didn't feel appropriate for the job. It wasn't the first time I heard those complaints and I was aware the feeling wouldn't go away easily (or at all). “If I kept Erwin alive, they wouldn't feel that way.” It was unlike him to speak or think that way. I didn't know he felt that strongly towards them. Or maybe it was a combination of everything. I sat next to him and held his hand, leaning my head against his shoulder. “Erwin is in a better place now. He needed to rest. Hange is definitely struggling, but I want to believe the struggle won't last too long. We all have to be responsible for roles that we don't necessarily like, but duty is above all.” He knew I was referring to myself and Historia and he remained silent. “But we do our best, despite the hard days.” I didn't know what to say to make him feel better. I was half-believing my words. “Erwin wouldn't want you to pick him and you know it. It's unfair he wasn't able to witness all this, but he died nobly. He'll always be the person who saved us. And if he didn't trust that role to Hange, he wouldn't have bestowed it upon them.” He nodded at that last part. We were quiet for a while and then he got up. “I should go.” “Stay here for the night,” I said, grabbing his arm. He stared at me for a little while and shook his head. “Was it something I said?” “I just don't think it's a good idea for me to stay here in this state. I will manage.” “I can make you some tea and we can relax in my room. Historia hasn't even blinked.” He ended up in my bed, wearing a loose shirt of mine. It was a chilly night. We covered ourselves with the blanket and I handed him the teacup. He was tired and I could feel his agitation dissipating. We lied down and he turned to his side, as I rolled up behind him, clinging to him, my fingers tracing patterns on his back and all the way up to his scalp. I played with the undercut and I felt him shiver. He was knocked out cold in a matter of minutes. I didn't know why, but my arm reached over his torso and found his, grasping it gently until I fell asleep. 

Entry 439: We're meeting the people from the Azumabito clan today! I was so excited I couldn't stay still, so I brought my diary with me. Historia is beside me, leaning against my shoulder and taking a nap while we're in the hooded carriage. We're meeting inside the castle of course, so we need to get there early for preparations. Poor girl is exhausted, but she's equally thrilled about today's gathering. Levi's squad will be present, Eren as well. Although I'm giddy, I have to be present and focused at all times, because you never know. Kiyomi Azumabito approached us with peaceful intentions and I hope they will keep their word, but we can never be too sure. It's obviously not Eren that we're afraid of, but Princess is a vital part of our nation – and not just that. I keep gazing out of the window; the weather is favorable, not too cold, not too windy and warm enough. I wore my new uniform, so I feel gorgeous. Historia took the time to braid my hair before we left. Not sure what the style is called, but it's 3 sections of hair plaited together from the top of the head down to the edges. It's really pretty. I promised to massage her body when we get back home after everything. 
↝We just got done with the meeting. There's a bureaucratic process taking place, so I have time to write. The people of Hizuru are wonderful! Miss Kiyomi was so elegant and soft-spoken, serious and her presence was reassuring. There was a crowd accompanying her, but nobody was armed, neither were we. I always keep a switchblade on me, just in case, but I know I'm capable enough of ending one's life with just my hands. Hange was nervous and maintained a serious disposition during the entire time. The meeting went incredibly well. They discussed protecting Paradis from external threats and proposed 3 conditions and it was all fine until the 3rd one: the continuous possession of the Founding and a titan with royal blood. I flinched upon hearing that, because I knew it involved Historia's well-being. She immediately agreed to inherit the Beast Titan. However, Eren voiced his refusal to go along with it. He claimed it was risky and unfair. I was glad he did, since I wasn't allowed to express any opinions, as a soldier. I know Hange thought the same, judging by their face. All in all, the alliance was formed. In addition, Mikasa revealed that she was connected to the Azumabito clan through her mother. She had a mark on her body, but was forced to conceal it for her safety. Her lineage always amazes me. A royalty and an Ackerman. Wow. 
Following the agreement, we spent a couple hours after that touring them around our humble city. I kept close to both Historia and Hange, Levi always by their side. I held their hand when I noticed they were shivering. 
In truth, my worry was mostly concerning Historia's future. If she has to pass down the titan powers, she has to bear children. Those children will inherit the Founding Titan and we have the most powerful weapon in the world. But we don't need that, I believe. It's like preemptively unloading the burden of a horrible curse upon the future generations. It's just unfair, like Eren said. It pisses me off that Historia feels so obligated to do it. I know she fulfills her role as Queen of the Walls dutifully, but I think it's just too much. 

Entry 441: Since early morning, I've been doing work in the orphanage. The Hizuru people brought along gifts for us, like specially crafted furniture and other items, based on the architecture and techniques of their culture. Some of those gifts remained in the castle, but most of them were transported to the orphanage. The place could use some nicer decorations. The kids were so excited. Other than that, Kiyomi and her people are still on the island, but now it's Hange taking care of them. Historia is still shaken, although she won't admit it. I was mad. I was so fucking mad. She was a child when she was forced into this role. A role Levi forced upon her. The thought made me so angry. I know our duty as soldiers. I know she would have taken the role even if he didn't get rough about it. I was irrationally mad and I didn't want to see him. I think he got alarmed after not hearing from me and visited me last night. I recognized his horse's sound, but I didn't come out until my presence was requested outside. I stepped out and I asked Historia to stay inside, telling her it was nothing serious. I guided him to the stables, quiet and my chest unbearably heavy. At some point, I said, “You did this to her” and he stared at me baffled. He frowned and scoffed. “She had to do it, for the sake of maintaining some peace. There was no other way.” “We're adults, Levi. We could have found another way. We forced a child to bear a crown and now she'll be forced to breed like a dog and doom her child with a monster.” For a moment, he averted his eyes from mine. Deep down, he knew I was right, or that I at least had a reasonable argument. “You think having her be a soldier was any better? Soldiers are weapons, Bug, and you know this. We're tools and she was part of that same toolbox you and I are in. Becoming Queen was the best choice for her.” It was my turn to stay quiet. I looked up to the sky and felt my eyes stinging with tears. The image of her snoozing against me flashed through my mind, and all the times I braided her hair and played card games with her. I was so mad again. I couldn't believe this was happening to her. Something in his face shifted and his eyes glimmered, as if some kind of realization dawned on him.“You point your finger at me, but you're no better,” he said bitterly. My jaw dropped– it felt so uncalled for, but it was probably how he felt. “You act like you care, but you can do nothing. You don't dare do anything, afraid to lose your position, just so you won't stop being a tool, since you're so accustomed to that role. Isn't that right?” Tears spilled and I bit down on my lip so hard I could taste blood. I had so many things to say, but nothing would come out. My vision was so blurry that I couldn't see him anymore, just a dark silhouette before me. “Get out of my sight.” That's all I said and I walked back to the cottage. I had hoped he would follow me, beg for forgiveness, grab my hand and yell at me to figure it out, but he did none of that. I stormed inside the house and rushed past Princess, who seemed worried, but I paid her no mind. I feel so horrible. My heart hurts like it's going to stop from the ache. How could he say this to me? After everything we've said, when I've spilled my guts to him, I've shared my innermost feelings. He should know better than to accuse me of such heartless nonsense. 

Entry 447: It's been a few weeks since that fight with Levi. He hasn't visited since then and I haven't summoned him either. Everyone can tell the atmosphere has changed. I'm even more protective of Historia than before. I'm always worried. Worried sick, I should say. I haven't been feeling well and I keep getting pestered by her to eat properly. “I was told that you tend to skip your meals when you're not in good spirits.” She hesitated saying that and I wondered who told her. Probably Hange. Levi seems to have only ever noticed my greed for my position. Since Historia decided to create a flower garden in the back of the cottage, I help her take care of it every day. It helps me get my mind off of everything. Hange visited while I was planting some lavender seeds. They got curious and I explained that lavender withstands warm weather and can be used as incense, a medical herb or tea. As I mentioned the last part, they cocked an eyebrow at me. I knew why, but I ignored it. They updated me on the Hizuru visitors and how excitable they are with everything. They promised to supply us with anything we need as a nation. They are leaving tomorrow and we will meet soon, they said. I noticed them looking over at Historia, who was replanting a few zinnias from their pots to the ground. We were both thinking the same. “You're not on board with this, are you?” “Of course I'm not,” I spat. “But I'm only a shield. I'm meant to protect the Queen with my life, if I have to. My opinion on this matter is of nobody’s concern.” I planted another seed and I heard Hange sigh. They loomed over me, tall as they are. “Are you still mad about that?” “Not really. I just realized my place. The more I keep to myself the better.” They pulled me up and yanked me so I could face them. “You can't do this. You can't speak that way to me. I don't care what happened between you and him, but I'm your best friend, aren't I? You have no right spewing such bullshit. We trust each other, don't we?” Their words struck me like a brick. I glanced at the blonde girl and smiled at her, her eyes vast as the ocean. Hange's eyes were still on me, waiting for an answer. “I apologize. Although it's no excuse, I haven't been feeling great. I'm worried for the little one over there.” “I know you are.” Hange was always understanding. But they acknowledged when something was off. This was one of those times. “I know it hurts you. I know how much you care for this girl. You could have quit any time, but you didn't. You could have lived a normal life and it would all be fine and dandy for you, but you didn't choose that path. And it's a wonderful path, it truly is. But it's not for you, it doesn't suit you. If you have doubts about this, so do I. And I truly appreciate your opinion.” Without thinking, I leaned in and wrapped my arms around their neck, tugging them close to me. They froze for a moment, until they embraced me back. I shared my thoughts with them as we both planted more seeds, far away from Historia's hearing range. Before they left that evening, they kissed my forehead, a rare gesture, yet always welcome. “And please, make sure you two make up. I hate how miserable he is and I'm seriously done with his whining.” They left with a crooked wink and I watched their horse ride into the distance. I have to calm down. 

Entry 450: After the visitors from Hizuru left, the soldiers from the Scouts organized a party to celebrate the alliance. It was our first nation from the outside world to have by our side and the treaty was important, it was radical and liberating. Historia was invited, but she didn't want to join this once, claiming a headache. She encouraged me to go and our trusty cadets remained by her side. I assured her that I wasn't going to be late, so as to not startle her in the middle of the night. I wore a long skirt with a simple white shirt on top, tucked inside the bottom part of my outfit, and a pair of comfortable boots. I didn't fix my hair, I didn't have it in me to put any effort. I arrived early at the party and immediately started to shovel food in my mouth, then grabbed whatever liquor was available to drink. Hange showed up and I ran up to them. I greeted all the kids; Sasha was there, Jean and Connie always attached to the hip. Mikasa stood next to Eren, who appeared to be fairly unimpressed by the whole ordeal. Armin was chatting with Onyankopon, who looked rather dashing that evening. He was wearing a light blue shirt that complimented his dark skin tone so beautifully. His face was glowing and I wondered how he didn't have people throwing themselves at him. If I wasn't so preoccupied with… other matters, I might have done so. I struck conversation with everyone I could talk to whenever Hange wasn't around, just to soak up some human interaction. It wasn't every day I had the chance to talk to new faces or anyone else other than the 3 people I'm surrounded by all day (plus the orphans that I now know by name). I heard some gasps and people cheering for Levi's entrance. “We didn't think you'd come!” I heard Sasha tease him. “I didn't think I would either, but here I am.” His voice was gruff and monotone as usual. I didn't turn to face him. If he wants to talk to me, he should approach first, I thought. I was chugging down a beer while talking to a new recruit. She was around the age I was when I joined the Scouts, so I decided to share some knowledge and tips. I felt a presence behind me and the girl's face stiffened, then lifted her arm for a formal salute. “Greetings, Captain!” I rolled my eyes and turned around, mustering a polite smile. “Hello, Captain.” He winced at the sound of that. “Can we talk? Privately, if possible.” I excused myself to the soldier and walked behind him. I followed him outside, where the corridor was empty. “I only came here because of you,” he said. I was surprised, but I didn't let it show. “How so?” “I needed to see you.” Needed. My palms started to feel sweaty, especially since I was holding a bottle. Despite that, I stood my ground. “I said I don't want to see your face.” “Wrong, you only ordered me to get out of your sight.” This sly fucker. “If you called me out here to ridicule me, I will go back and enjoy my time.” “I wanted to apologize for what I said,” he blurted out, gripping my wrist as I turned around. “I fucked up and I'm sorry. Saying that I didn't mean it is useless, because I did end up saying it anyway. I apologize for hurting you.” I stared at him, my eyes piercing through him. With my arms crossed on top of my chest, I scoffed. “I stated a fact and you called me selfish and a coward, Levi. You acted on your anger, just like I did, but I simply pointed out a fact, an action you acknowledged yourself back then, because I was angry – and I still am – over a young girl becoming a sacrificial lamb and being deprived of her life. You used harsh methods to persuade her to take on this role and, in return, you painted me as an opportunist, that I do this for a job, a paycheck, because I'm desperate and hopeless.” He didn't speak a word nor did he dare part his mouth while I rambled on. “I know, and I'm truly sorry. I sincerely apologize for talking to you that way, for the things I said. I got angry because you lashed out on me.” “I know I did, Levi. And I felt bad at the time for doing so, but then you treated me horribly.” “I know. I'm sorry.” No matter what I threw at him, that's all he said. We stared at each other, as I panted after running out of breath. “Will you forgive me?” he asked when I had nothing else to say. I nodded, “Will you forgive me?” “I do.” His voice was rough, as if he was choked up and barely managed to utter those words. We stood awkwardly, facing each other. That damn feeling of wanting to kiss him resurfaced. I turned around and he grabbed my hand, his fingers touching mine so gingerly. Suddenly, he grew sheepish, his eyes darting away. “You look nice tonight. Your hair is pretty.” My face flushed immediately and I hurried back to the party, him following behind me. Hange peered at me from the other side of the room and I could see them very obviously giggle mischievously. I went back home 2 hours later, on top of Levi's horse. I was too drunk to ride by myself and, like always, he guided me to my bedroom, undressed me and tucked me to bed. I don't remember a single thing after that, but I swear, I think he kissed my forehead before I completely surrendered to sleep. 

With everything that took place that day, you had almost entirely forgotten to eat or the fact you had parted from Mikasa that same morning. You were lying on your bed, sheets freshly changed and your room rearranged back to how it was before your guest arrived. It was late in the evening when you heard a knock on your door. You flinched for a moment, the memory of that monster banging on your front door earlier. 

Levi entered your room, one arm holding his crutch, the other holding a tray; there was a glass of wine, a tiny loaf of bread, still warm and soft to the touch, a bowl filled with soup and a small plate filled with cheese. You perked up from your mattress and extended your arms towards him, receiving the platter with a weak smile. He settled at the foot of the bed, securing the cane between his legs. Hunched over the tray, you began to eat, almost hesitantly. You glanced up at him, your appetite lost. 

“Don't look at me like that,” he warned sternly. “You need to eat. Finish the soup, at least.” 

You pouted and took a bite from the bread. It was so warm it brought tears to your eyes. Spoon after delicious spoon, you eradicated the soup in no time. You used pieces of bread to soak up any remaining liquids that had gathered at the bottom of the bowl, then started to nibble on the dairy. 

“You did amazing today, you know that?” His voice was mellow as he stared at you. “That asshole stood no chance.” 

“You watched me?” 

“Through the keyhole,” he sneered. “I would be a fool to miss such entertainment.” 

You blushed at the compliment. “A part of me felt like I will never not be a soldier.” 

He understood the sentiment. However, he knew that that was not all there was to you. “You're not a soldier anymore. You simply remember how to fight.” 

You felt too exhausted to even speak. Your hands trembled with fatigue and the bread vanished with one last bite of yours. “Do you think that was the correct approach? I didn't want to get violent in front of the kid.”

He glared at you. “The kid has been experiencing violence for God knows how long. She finally had the chance to see that violence had consequences.” 

“With more violence.” 

Levi shrugged nonchalantly. “He stalked us and threatened to kill us. He had it coming.” 

“I suppose you're right.” You peeped at him through your lashes. “I'm sorry for dragging you into this.” 

“Don't worry about it, Bug,” he said, his fingers massaging your knee. It was a gesture born out of habit. “It was exciting, to be honest. I haven't had this much action since I fired those thunderspears at Eren's face.” 

There was something unspoken dangling between the two of you. Levi stared at your face, tracing every inch of skin and mark and hair. Even in this state – worn out, eyes puffy from tiredness, your mouth chewing on cheese – you were the most beautiful you had ever looked in this eyes. Once again, the painful reminder of how fragile and unpredictable life hung over his head like a guillotine blade. He wanted to tell you everything, to reveal his feelings and come clear to you, but it didn't feel like the time was right. 

Not today, perhaps. 

That night, although your bedroom was returned to you, you didn't feel like sleeping there by yourself. You implored Levi to cuddle with you, at least until you fell asleep. Undoubtedly, he wouldn't refuse your invitation. With his arm draped over your waist, his fingers traced patterns on your stomach. You felt butterflies grow underneath, and, for a single instant, you wondered how it would feel if they slid any lower. That's inappropriate. You shook your head slightly and breathed in, deeply and slowly, relaxing in his embrace. You felt safe. Levi felt the same. Although he was the one spooning you, he felt like nothing could trouble him, as long as you were there. 

Chapter Text

Two months since you moved in with Levi. It felt like you had been staying there your whole life, somehow. The weather was way warmer now, the sun blazing hot for as long as it was looming over everything and everyone. When it was the moon's turn to shine its light in the sky, the atmosphere was more bearable. Occasionally, you would sit outside in the backyard together and enjoy the breezy evening while sharing a meal or drinking a cup of tea. In passing, you pointed out how you should invest in a table set for the backyard. “Sounds like more stuff to clean. Do you even think of the birds that would take a shit on it?” You called him vain and brushed his comment off. “We can just cover it with something, a veil of sorts. Problem solved!” Your ability to come up with solutions to every problem drove him up the wall. But, deep down, he couldn't deny you. Levi would tear the stars out of the sky if you asked him to. 

One day at work, he was repairing a pair of heels. He peered over at Irene, who was also focused on her own tasks. However, feeling the intense stare on her, her eyes met his. 

“What is it?”

His lips pulled in a straight line. “Do you know where I can find an outdoor table?” 

She deadpanned at him. “An outdoor table.”

“Yeah, an outdoor table,” he repeated, equally flat. “Like, as in a set, with chairs and all.” 

“An outdoor table with chairs.” 

He tutted, rolling his eyes. “Are you mocking me, brat?” 

“Me? I wouldn't dare!” she feigned offense, dramatically grasping at her chest. “I was just buying time, in order to remember the store I was looking for.” She tapped her chin with her glove pensively. “I think it's called Giulio's or something. They have all kinds of furniture you could ask for and you can even place a commission and they'll make anything you want, exactly as you want it to be.” 

Levi squinted at her. “Interesting,” he mumbled. 

“You looking for something specific?” He proceeded to explain to his young coworker your wish for a table set. He also pointed out that you needed a wardrobe or a set of drawers for your bedroom. Irene's eyes beamed with curiosity. “Do you wanna visit the store together after work? We could choose something together and make it into a surprise for her!”

Considering she was an expert and knowledgeable in what's fashionable and modern, he accepted her offer. “I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a look at what's available in the market.” 

Although her proposition was not bad, he didn't want to rush into spending money without exploring more options. While Irene was on break, Levi gave Onyankopon a call. 

Entry 454: By far one of the wildest days of my life so far – and I've gone through a lot. The Garrison people showed up to our doorstep, demanding me to be handcuffed and brought to court. Their warrant was flimsy, so I didn't comply immediately. I stood firmly in front of Historia, holding her arm with one hand, while my other was gripping at my blades. They went on for a while, but their point was this: I can't keep guarding the Queen, since my position was granted to me through connections and favors. They claimed that I needed to be tried and a new person should be appointed as her guard, someone who got the job fairly and based on skill. Historia objected immediately, standing by my side. She told them that she would not allow the Garrison Dept to meddle in her business. After all, she was the one who chose and kept me as her guard, because I was accomplished enough for that role. They attempted to use the eradication of my squad against me, but she didn't have any of it. Hearing her support and backing me up meant the world to me. Their gazes grew dark. The female officer tried to pry Historia away from me, while her male assistant yanked my arm. In a matter of seconds, I had bashed his head on the hardwood floor and the lady was shoved against the wall, her nose broken, before she collapsed unconscious at my feet. Our cadets outside were handcuffed, so I freed them and ordered them to run at the Scouts’ headquarters and inform Hange and Levi of what had taken place. In the meantime, I searched their bodies to check if they had anything useful on their person. There was no official warrant, just a flimsily composed file with no legitimate signatures or a cachet. I bound their hands and legs and sealed their mouths as we waited. H & L showed up and rushed inside. Their eyes scanned us with terror that I had never seen in them before, at least regarding me. They noticed the intruders and Hange kicked their stomachs in frustration. The soldier that accompanied them carried them outside and I reported to them what transpired. Levi's eyes were staring at me as if I had just come back from the dead. Jean appeared through the door and sprinted towards me, grasping my shoulders with genuine concern in his eyes. The other 104th kids circled around me, their voices filled with worry and I felt like crying. For safety reasons, they accompanied us back to the headquarters, where we'll stay for some time, until the issue is resolved. On the way back, the female officer woke up, and I gripped her neck, applying pressure. “Who sent you and why? If you're not truthful, death will be the least of your problems.” I sounded so cool in front of everyone and I felt slightly proud of myself at that moment. She didn't hesitate, watching everyone around her holding powerful weapons right in her face. “The military police planned this scheme so the Queen fell prey into their hands. If they control the Queen, they can do anything.” Bold move on their part. “You'll go ahead and tell them that the Queen’s royal guard doesn't fuck around, alright? And tell them that I'm flat out threatening them to try me. I will have all their necks snapped at once. I might have lost my squad because of inobedience, but I became their Leader for a reason. So make sure to report that to them, as well. Oh, and you'll report everything back to me, even if it costs you your life, am I understood?” The woman agreed immediately. I'm now in Historia's chamber, yawning my jaw off while she's brushing her hair. Levi is outside the room, keeping watch. Our personal cadets are in the nurse's office treating minor injuries. 

Entry 457: We're still in the hq, and after yesterday's meeting with the Garrison Dept, who assumed that my threats were empty, I repeated them in front of the Court for everyone to hear. Thankfully, Hange and Historia were by my side and defended me. The latter made it clear that my position remains unchanged and nobody will replace me unless it's absolutely urgent. I also made sure to tell them that next time they send their people with invalid warrants, I will assume they're imposters and kill them on the spot, no matter who it is. I left the meeting and nobody has dared approach or bother us ever since. Since we're in town, I went on a walk with Levi. I was stressed out of my mind, having to put on a violent front wasn't easy. “You were very tough back there,” he said, meant as a compliment. “Didn't know you had it in you.” “I had to, for her sake.” “I know you meant it.” We were strolling next to each other, our arms brushing occasionally. “There's a flower exhibition in town, wanna check it out?” I was surprised by his suggestion, but I still agreed. It was 10 minutes away. The exhibition was in the middle of the town, with a wide variety of flowers and plants, seeds and trees. I was so excited to see such a colorful display in the heart of our city. I kept nudging at Levi to look at this flower and that flower and this peculiar plant and that odd-looking succulent. He followed me around patiently, although I could tell he had no interest in the exhibition. He left me for a while and picked up something to drink; a beer for the two of us to share. I took a sip first and then passed the bottle to him. His lips touched the same place mine did and I felt my insides twist. I took the bottle back and gulped down the drink, staring at him as I did so. An hour later, we left and decided to return to hq, still sharing the bottle of beer. He was the last one to drink and I saw his mouth part from the rim, a small string of saliva connecting the two. My heart pounded and my stomach churned in itself. The intensity was killing me. He threw the bottle away and we walked up to my room. There was nobody there at the time, so we stood outside, knowing Historia was in there. I could hear her singing a song by herself. I looked at him and we were silent, one expecting the other to say something. He called my name and my gaze met his. I was leaning against the door and he canted closer. My breath was trapped in my throat as we looked at each other's lips. He mumbled something and I could feel his breath on my face, that's how close to me he was. It was a dizzying sensation and my eyes closed, waiting for something to happen, for a kiss perhaps. It was dark and I could barely see anything anyway. The door behind me swung open and I fell backwards onto the floor. Historia gasped and shrieked, watching me trip on my ass. I searched for Levi, whose eyes were wide and his ears and neck were flushed red, lips parted in shock. He disappeared from my sight and down the corridor, but I ran after him and pinned him against the nearest wall. “What happened? Why did you leave?” He stammered his way through a poor excuse: “I have to meet up with Hange” or something to that effect. I didn't buy it, of course. “What did you want from me? Don't scowl at me, you called my name and you were a breath away from my face. What did that mean?” He gently pushed me away and held his stare, until he bid me goodnight and left. The rest of the night I tossed and turned, unable to forget about sharing a bottle; I could still feel the warmth of his mouth around the glass, the moist traces of his tongue. It felt like an indirect kiss and I had to lock myself in the bathroom in the middle of the night to relieve myself from the ache between my legs once more. 

Entry 461: It was Eren's birthday today, so his friends organized a party for him. The whole regiment was in disarray, but I guess it was for a good reason. They're supposed to leave for Marley in two days, so they decided to celebrate his big day properly. Historia and I attended and as soon as I stepped inside the bar, I knew disaster was coming in some way. Competitive as always, Sasha dared Levi to drink 3 pints of beer in one sitting. I stood behind the crowd that had gathered around them and watched as they downed glass after glass. It was Sasha who finished faster, but Levi wouldn't give up. He left defeated and I could see his irritation as they teased him. I picked him up and had him sit with me. Instead of beer, we shared some wine. I had too much and I know… 5 glasses was too much, but I was having fun. There was music playing and the food was delicious, the cake they prepared for him as well. I was sitting opposite Levi at the table and I knew I was drunk when I asked him to follow me outside. He was wearing a black shirt and grey pants, looking handsome as ever. I didn't know what I had in mind but I dragged him out in the alley. I looked at him and he stared at me through lidded eyes. I laughed for no reason and collapsed on the ground, reclining against the wall. He slumped down next to me and I giggled. “What are you laughing about?” “I don't even know! I'm so drunk I have no idea what I'm doing.” My head dropped against his shoulder and I closed my eyes, trying to gain some composure. I can't remember most of what happened after that, since it was a blur, but I remember feeling a pair of fingers graze my chin and tilt my head up. I remember looking at his eyes, dark and grey, his face red and lips parted. Next thing I knew, we were kissing. I don't really know if I was the one initiating it, but I remember my heart had stopped and I couldn't breathe. Our lips were simply touching, nothing else. They were soft and still moist from drinking and I think his bottom lip was quivering. My insides felt warm, as if I was eating soup on a cold winter day. I couldn't speak or think, it was simply… lovely. I almost immediately passed out and I woke up in the middle of the night in my room. I roamed around the cottage and I saw Historia in her bed, sprawled out like a starfish. My head was buzzing and I could barely stand. Levi was nowhere to be found. I decided to write everything down now that I'm still awake in case I forget in the morning, but… My gear, I cannot believe we kissed! I truly cannot remember if it was me or him who initiated it, but I would guess it was my doing, knowing my terrible crush on him and how long I've been wanting to kiss him. I must find him and apologize. 

Entry 463: I couldn't see him yesterday at all, but today we have to meet up with them, since they're leaving for Marley. I'm excited for everyone, but I'm slightly jealous; I wish I was able to go. Hange and Levi visited me, along with Onyankopon, the 3 of them wearing suits. Hange looked so handsome I almost fell in love with them. Levi was breathtaking too. I wasn't used to him in such attire; even when he dressed formally, his outfits were simpler. Now, with that deep blue suit, his tie and the hat, there was a different essence to him. I begged them to be careful and come back in one piece and asked to send my warmest regards to our little soldiers. I shook hands with Onyankopon and implored him to keep an eye on the 2 idiots that I call friends, especially Hange. He smiled at me, charming as ever and nodded in earnest compliance. “Don't worry, I can't leave them alone for too long in a foreign land, anyway.” His reassuring tone relaxed me. As we said our goodbyes, Levi stayed back and called for me before I walked away. I felt nervous, just the two of us talking. “Be careful,” he said somberly. I couldn't look away from his piercing eyes, as if I was spellbound. “Need you to be in one piece when I come back.” “I will. You know I'm a tough nut to crack,” I sneered. A semblance of a smile appeared on his face and my heart palpitated. “Levi, before you go, what happened at the party?” His eyebrow twitched ever so slightly. “Nothing happened, Bug.” “I remember differently.” A long, agonizing pause. “We were both too drunk, if you can't remember, what makes you believe I do?” I guess I couldn't retort back with anything. “How did I get home?” “Jean carried you, and Connie carried Historia.” My sweet Jean, always a gentleman. He began to walk away and before he got out of reach, I whispered “I'll miss you” loud enough for him to hear, and nobody else. I noticed his fist clenching on his side, his thumb scratching the inside of his palm. It's late in the evening, they've probably arrived in Marley by now. It feels like a part of me left with him. I don't know if he meant that he can't remember, but I could be wrong too. 

Entry 466: I can't get the thought out of my mind, but before they left for Marley, Eren visited us by himself. As always, we chatted pleasantly and then he walked out with Historia to talk by themselves. I couldn't follow them, since they asked for privacy, and I didn't want to be rude. However, while I was busy taking care of the flower garden, I spotted them by the fence, having a conversation. They both seemed really serious and, at one point, I saw an expression of terror in Historia's face. I could hear her voice rising in pitch as she spoke to him, as if she was pleading with him for something. He left soon after and she returned home, clearly shaken up over something. Her eyelashes were wet and the capillaries in her eyes reddened. I tried to gather some information on the matter, but she clearly lied about it with a made up excuse. Later, I asked her straightforward, demanding answers. “If there's something upsetting you and you need me to intervene I will.” “I know you will,” she spat. “Eren just started talking nonsense and I got overwhelmed.” “Do you need me to set him straight?” She smiled bitterly and looked down. “I'm afraid none of us can do it.” Her answer was cryptic and I decided to let go of the matter, since she wasn't cooperating. I will make sure to ask him about it personally when they're back. In other news, today she introduced me to this boy, a farmer. His name is James and they used to know each other during their childhoods. I’ve met him before, since he works at the orphanage, but I vaguely remembered him. The two have been hanging out a lot together lately and I feel sort of relaxed, since it's rare for her to make new friends. He's very polite, especially around me, but I can tell he feels scared. As he should. 

The place Irene suggested was huge. Not only did they display furniture inside, but also outside in the backyard. The two roamed around the store for a while, taking a look at everything. There were wall decorations, which he could give you as a present for your bedroom. There was a medium-sized, carved wood piece with a painted lemon tree and the sea showing behind it. He thought it would look nice on the space above your bed. He picked it up without second thought and then continued looking for the item he had initially come for. 

“I think we should check the backyard, that's where they usually keep the outdoor furniture,” Irene remarked and walked towards the back of the store, pushing his wheelchair. 

There was an enormous window that led to the backyard. They stepped outside and Levi quickly scanned the showcased equipment. There was a variety of table sets to choose from, but most of them were designed to serve a larger crowd. 

“I need a set for a couple,” he said absentmindedly, and felt Irene's intense stare on him. He scoffed and shook his head, unable to hide how flustered he was. “You know what I mean, for two people.” He examined each set, making mental notes of the prices. I'd rather build it myself. 

With the research complete, he thanked Irene for her help and patience and returned home. He found you there already, having dinner by yourself. You looked gloomy, but as soon as he caught your attention, your eyes shined, as if the light had returned to them, your whole demeanor changing. He excused himself for being late and explained that he had to stay overtime to complete some shoes that needed to be done urgently. Understanding, you welcomed him and stood up to serve him his portion of the meal. The large box he was holding didn't go unnoticed, neither did your curiosity. 

“This is for you,” he said, placing the painting on the couch for you. 

You stared at him baffled. “For me? Where did you get this?” 

“Some store I was passing by while coming home. Take a look at it,” he urged, and you rushed to the living room. With quick hands, you unwrapped the box and lifted the cover. Your face illuminated with excitement and Levi grinned at himself for his choice. “I thought it'd look good over your headboard.” Not that I think of your headboard that often. He searched your face for a reaction. “What do you think?” 

You jolted from the couch and dashed towards him, your arms embracing him tightly. Almost reflexively, you seated yourself on top of his lap, your head resting on his shoulder. “Thank you, Levi. I love it so much, it's fantastic.” There was something about him, not only buying something for you, but also having thought of a way to utilize it already that truly had your heart racing. You wondered if he could feel the palpitations against his chest. 

A timid hand reached for your waist and you shuddered. “You're welcome, Bug. I didn't expect it to warrant such an emotional reaction.” He knew how sentimental you were, though. Of course he expected that. 

You pulled away from him, your noses almost touching. “Will you help me hang it up on the wall?” 

“Sure will.” Very quickly, he became unbearably aware of how close to him you were. It was his turn to wonder if you could feel his heart pounding against your sternum. He also noticed how many times your eyes glanced down to his lips. Were you staring at the fading stitches of his mouth? He moisturized his lips with his tongue and he caught the way your face blushed. He smirked and you gasped quietly, getting up from his lap. 

The telephone rang incessantly, while you were hammering a nail into the wall. Levi limped as quickly as he could towards the nagging device and flumped onto the chair next to it. 

“Hey, ‘Vi.” He smiled at the nickname. He wasn't used to nicknames, so that alias of endearment made him feel giddy. “What's this noise? Is your roomie doing construction work now?” 

Levi cackled. “It would probably be less noisy if she did. She's just putting up a painting I got her.” 

“You got her a painting?” He could practically hear the smirk forming on his face. After a moment of silence, Onyankopon cleared his throat. “Anyway, how have you been?”

He thought of the incident regarding your student, but that was a story to share face-to-face. “Quiet, for the most part. Work is tiring, as always. What about you? How's Liberio?”

The man on the other line made a noise with his lips. “This is the busiest I've ever been. Fighting the Rumbling was light work.” 

He earned a cackle from Levi. “That bad? Do you get any breaks at all?” 

“I'm actually going to take a few days off, so I thought of paying you a visit. Would that be alright?”

“Are you seriously asking me?” Levi asked, almost offended at the question. “You can stay as long as you want.”

“Thanks, man. I'm just asking in case your lady might not agree–”

“She's not my lady,” Levi whispered, interrupting him. He glanced towards your room, making sure you were still occupied with your wall work instead of listening. “And she won't mind. We recently had Mikasa stay over for a weekend and it's nice to have guests. She gets excited.” Back to his normal tone, he asked, “And what prompted this break?” 

“Just needed a breather, honestly,” Onyankopon replied. “And also, since we have a great partnership with your port, I thought it would be a nice opportunity to pay them a visit myself.” 

“Sounds like a smart plan,” Levi said, nodding to himself. “Are you traveling by train?” 

“Gods, no! I have a car I can use.” 

“Isn't that expensive?” 

Onyankopon shrugged. “It was provided by my job, and they pay for the oil changes too, so I don't mind.” His amused voice was one Levi had grown accustomed to overtime. “I'll call you again soon, let you know of the details and everything.” 

“I'll be waiting,” he replied enthusiastically. “Oh, I have a favor to ask you before we hang up.”

The telephone handle was placed back to its place and Levi walked back to your room. You were kneeling on top of your bed with your hands on your hips, staring at the wall. Tilting your head to the side like a curious puppy, you turned to look at him. With a smile, he complimented your work, as he stood right behind you, examining the painting's placement.  

Summer was approaching much faster than anticipated. Your clothes got more revealing and sometimes shorter, like your skirts or pants. Before Onyankopon's arrival, you moved your belongings over to Levi's bedroom, just like you did when Mikasa visited. It felt nice sleeping on his bed. His sheets were always soft and the mattress so welcoming; or at least you felt that way. Maybe because it was his bed. Everything was dreamier around him, because of him, with him. 

You had propped a mirror on top of his desk, using it as a makeshift dresser table. Inside a toiletry bag that took up a small space in the corner, you were playing around with some make-up products that you had found in the market. The one you were currently trying out was called eyeshadow, a tiny, compact case containing colored powder with specks of glitter inside. It was fascinating to you, since you had never used anything similar before. In Paradis, it was usually the women who used these on their faces, but not a soldier like you, not even for formal events. Levi was lounging on the bed behind you, reading a book, while you experimented with the pigment. It was a dark, pinkish color and you smothered your eyes with it, as well as the apples of your cheeks. You peeked at yourself in the mirror and chortled, seeing your ridiculous image. I look like a clown. You used a wet wipe and cleared your skin off of the cosmetic. 

While lathering your face with a product meant to help with discoloration on the face, you remembered that man you had seen on the street; he had – what felt like – dozens of piercings everywhere on his head. You weren't entirely unfamiliar with the sight, but the pierced ears appealed to you. Maybe I could get one on each ear. Or just one ear and see how that works out for me. You noticed Levi's reflection on the mirror in front of you; he was staring at you. You pretended not to notice, but smiled regardless. 

The attention was welcome. It was flattering to catch him staring at times, to know that he consumed you with his eyes. That feeling was present ever since you met him. At the beginning, you assumed it was because he was vigilant and suspicious of everyone around him, so it made sense he was extra cautious of those close to him, especially new people. Later, after your friendship deepened, you assumed that those lingering stares were coincidental, that maybe he was just attentive towards his friends and comrades. But his gaze was always on you. When he gave encouraging speeches to his squad or other soldiers, during expeditions or other such situations, he would look right at you, as if he was speaking directly to you. If you were amongst friendly company, Erwin or Hange for instance, he would sit or stand right beside you at all times. You started to observe him, notice if he did the same to other people and, partially, it happened, but definitely not as much. You were unsure if you were deluding yourself with that finding, until Hange validated you. 

“What is it that you're trying on?” he finally asked, his interest piqued. 

You were drawing colorful designs on top of your eyelids was what you were doing, trying out shapes and sizes that you approved of. “It’s called eyeshadow. It's make-up, like that lipstick you got me.” 

The book in his hand was lowered down on his lap. “Can I see?” 

Turning around hesitantly, you crawled on the bed and moved as close to him as possible so he could see clearly. His eye examined your face, feeling electrified because of the proximity. “How does it look? You don't look as excited as I hoped.” 

He cocked his head, raising an eyebrow. “You wanted me to like it?” You nodded in response and he thought you stole the air from his lungs, staring at him with your glimmering eyes. “I do like it.”

“Don't lie,” you scoffed, climbing off the bed and returning back to the desk. 

“I'm not,” he said. “I just didn't know about this thing and needed time to process it.” 

While wiping away the eyeshadow, you paused and faced him. “You mean that?” His eyes were confident and steady on yours. “So you think it looks good on me?” His nod made you giggle joyfully. “I'm trying to get the hang of these pretty things. I never bothered to learn back when I was a soldier and I feel like I have a thousand things to catch up on.”

He watched you pace around the bedroom, untying your hair from the ponytail it was in. You changed into your nightgown (you had heard some of your students call them pajamas) and rolled in bed. Your body relaxed and you let out a deep exhale. 

“You have plenty of time,” he said, placing the book on his nightstand. “We're both young, not on the brink of death.” 

“Sounds weird when you say that.” Using a tool you bought from the same store you supplied yourself with the make-up, you massaged your scalp. “Are you excited for tomorrow?” You were aware he was. Onyankopon was a dear friend to Levi, an irreplaceable one at that. 

He sank under the covers and you helped him place the pillow under his leg. “Very much,” he breathed out. “I was thinking we could take advantage of his vehicle and visit the beach during the weekend. Are you up for it?” 

Your ears perked up, quite similarly to a dog's. “That sounds like a lovely idea! If he's up for it, we should totally do that. The weather is getting dangerously warm and I'm dreading it honestly.” 

“Yeah, me too. I hate sweating like a pig.” 

A soft, drawn out hum left your throat and you scooched closer to him. Right before you surrendered to sleep, you felt him shift next to you. He mumbled something you didn't catch and he lifted his upper body, just enough to remove his shirt. He felt too hot, he said. Your eyes scanned his bare skin in the dark and you felt your chest burning with sudden discomposure, a sizzling rush that you had to suppress no matter what. However, your eyes never left his torso. The scars that expanded across his middle were fascinating to you, wounds from battles long past and proof of his durability. The one on his bicep was your favorite, though. Possibly because you found his physique attractive, so these scars could only become traits you loved along with the rest of him. 

Chapter Text

Right after you got home from school, you found Onyankopon waiting outside of the house, laying in the backseat of his car. Both you and Levi had forgotten to hide a set of keys somewhere for him to unlock the house with, so the poor man waited two hours outside for you to return. You apologized a thousand times and it still felt not enough. Onyankopon, on the other hand, didn't mind. After greeting you with a warm hug, lifting you from the ground, he reassured you that he was well-fed and hydrated. Apparently, he was solving mathematical quizzes, to keep himself occupied, and also cleaned the car, using your garden hose, which took him more than half an hour. You scanned the house for signs of disorder, but it was exactly as you had left it that morning; for some reason, you couldn't shake the feeling that you hadn't tidied up the living room, but it was actually presentable. 

After you encouraged your guest to make himself at home, you rushed to take a shower and started to prepare dinner, then Levi followed. Onyankopon towered over you in the kitchen, smiling widely. You hadn't had many chances to have a proper discussion with him, so you decided to make the most out of it. You didn't mean to do it, but you caught yourself staring at him when he wasn't looking. He seemed to have grown taller and more muscular since the last time you saw him, which was years ago already. There were moments where you wished Hange was in your midst, for they would know how to make the conversation entertaining. Eventually, you started with normal, mundane questions about his life, his job, Liberio and in the process, you would press for as many details as possible. That way, you gathered information on him and didn't need to talk while cooking. He was a pleasant speaker, with his deep voice and his smooth laughter, constantly gesturing with his hands or grimacing animatedly. His expressiveness was undeniably endearing to you. 

Levi barged in your conversation, pretending to clear his throat, a towel hanging around his neck. Balancing himself on his good leg, he glanced at you, then towards the direction of the bedroom and wordlessly signalled you to follow him; he wanted you to help out with his medication for his leg and scars. You excused yourself to your guest and went along. He dropped on top of his bed and you sat beside him, bringing the ointments along with you. The process had become second nature to you by that point. First, you squirted some lotion on your finger and patted it into the skin of his face. Secretly, you loved doing that for him. Not only did you want to take care of him, but it was a great opportunity to stare at and touch him as much as you wanted. He was so peaceful during those moments. At first, he was more reluctant, unsure and shy to ask for your assistance, since it wasn't a task he couldn't do. After all, he had been taking care of himself for quite a long time. Despite that, you were so eager to nurture him that he didn't object more than once. 

While massaging his knee, your eyes were fixated on his bare chest. Not because you were actually looking at anything, but you were lost in thought and hungry. He cocked his head to the side and searched for your gaze. 

“What are you staring at?” He tried his hardest to bite back the grin that was creeping to form. 

“My gear, I'm sorry,” you apologized, focusing back on his leg. “I feel bad to leave him alone out there.” 

It could have been your imagination, but you thought his expression turned sour for a second. “He’ll be fine, Bug. I only needed you for a moment. You don't need to tail after him all day.” 

“I know, I know,” you sighed. “It's just that I don’t know him that well, so I feel like I have to act like a good host.” 

Levi smirked. “Since when did you become owner of this house?” 

You blushed at the question. It was meant as teasing, of course. Everything in here is yours if you wish so. He felt his heart flutter at the thought. The amount of times he had considered this was ridiculous to him, almost pathetic. 

“You know what I mean,” you blurted out in one breath, placing the medicine back inside the box he had them collected in. “I'm going back to our guest. Don't forget your cane when you walk out,” you reminded him and returned to the kitchen. 

Onyankopon was still there, reading a pamphlet from the ones you had accumulated over the weeks. He joked about how he had a whole drawer filled with those back in Liberio and you chatted about his favorite foods. You discovered that he was actually more into desserts – he loved anything sweet more than savory dishes. I should learn how to prepare a cake. Maybe it was time to put those cookie baking skills you had obtained from Historia to good use. 

When Levi decided to join the two of you, he prepared some tea, standing close to you the entire time. He couldn't explain this sudden wave of clinginess within him, but he didn't wish to leave your side for even a minute. No, he was certainly not jealous of Onyankopon. That was his dear friend, a person he once considered a comrade, someone he trusted his life with. There was no reason to feel envy. 

Since you had homework to grade, you retreated to Levi's bedroom, shutting the door behind you. The two men were left by themselves for the time you were absent from their company. That allowed them time to catch up. Spirited as ever, Onyankopon recounted everything that had happened after Levi left for Odiha in detail. It was mostly events and situations that he had already heard of, but he still listened, patiently and keenly. One thing he found wholesome about him was how mobile he was while speaking, combined with his evocative face. Hange was like that, you as well. Erwin behaved that way either when he was excited about something or had had a few drinks. Isabel used to be full of movement too. He attempted to ask her to tone it down once, but he regretted it immediately; it was unfair to ask her to change her way of expressing herself, when she had never asked or expected that of him. 

Two hours later, you emerged from your bedroom and found the other two in the living room, sipping on tea and challenging each other in a card game. Onyankopon noticed you first, since Levi had his back towards you. They greeted you and invited you to join them in their game, but you were famished. There were some leftovers from earlier, so you decided to serve them as your last meal of the day. Needless to say, none of you minded. Your visitor volunteered to help you set the table while Levi watched the two of you move around the kitchen as if you had lived there for years. He had noticed a similar atmosphere when Mikasa stayed over, the kiddos too. Maybe it was the familiarity they felt within his home, or they felt that comfortable around you and in his presence. Either way, he was glad to see this lack of reserve between his loved ones. Once again, you explained the details of your current job, as well as your previous one; Onyankopon wasn't entirely aware of what your role was supposed to be in Historia's circle. He had a faint idea at the time, from random remarks and comments Hange had made. With the full picture now, his admiration for you ignited. His jaw slacked, mouth parted in awe, as he listened to your tale. 

“Wait till you hear about her childhood,” Levi commented, noticing the reverence in his eyes. 

Onyankopon’s head snapped back at you. “There's more?!” 

The way his voice cracked earned a snort out of you and you shook your head. “It's truly not that big a deal of a story, I promise.” 

Levi interjected again. “She's from the Underground.” 

Your guest gaped at you. “You have to tell me everything.” 

“I will,” you agreed, then stood up. “But now we need to go to bed. We have work tomorrow.” You eyed the clock on the wall. “My gear, Levi, it's so late! Why didn't you say anything?” 

He didn't want to, that was his reasoning. He didn't even register the passage of time, seeing his friends talk and have fun, listening to your voice for so long with no interruption. A draw-out yawn was his cue to get up from the couch and head to bed. That night, he lied next to you with his heart swollen with a sentiment akin to happiness. It wasn't a common feeling. In fact, the times Levi had actually experienced happiness were so few he could count them on one hand. Or so he thought.

The problem is, when being forced into a constant survival mode from a young age, all you truly know is how to expect and be prepared for the worst at all times. Levi had come to realize that, growing up, he had experienced moments of pure bliss more than he assumed he did. Whether it was with Isabel and Furlan or after joining the Scouts and meeting you, Erwin and Hange, his squad members, the 104th soldiers, he had felt genuine joy. Only he wouldn't allow himself to process it or comprehend it. That was due to the unfortunate circumstances that occurred after he dared to permit himself any semblance of happiness; people would die around him and drop like flies every other day. The fragility of human life had become his undoing. Isabel and Furlan were both killed. Erwin died partially because of his decision to not inject him with the serum. Hange sacrificed themself to protect their comrades and friends. In consequence, he prioritized ‘feeling his feelings’, as Gabi once put it, even if it meant he'd sleep an hour less on a work day. 

Entry 470: Since everyone's away in Marley, I'm constantly with Historia. Every day, we take care of the cattle, the garden and the orphanage, while also attending and completing her Queen duties. Although it was repetitive already, now that I can’t write back and forth with my friends or see them, I feel that mundane reality in my bones more than ever. Still, I’m grateful that I can take it easy and do normal, everyday tasks that don’t involve violence all the time. For example, today I was clearing the flower garden from some weeds and maintaining the growing stems that have sprouted from the ground. Some of them grow faster than others, but they all look healthy. I also shaved the fur off the goats so we can make clothes and fabrics for various purposes. At the end of the day, I helped Princess bake a pie and Jason, her new friend, was over. They chatted amicably, but I can tell he’s nervous around me. I’m glad to keep him on his toes. I wonder if that’s how Levi feels sometimes.

Entry 474: A few entries ago, I mentioned how grateful I am of this repetitive, mundane life that I get to experience, but sometimes, I’m proven wrong. The past few days, I’ve been feeling as if we’re being watched. Granted, it’s my soldier and guard instincts kicking in, but I was sensing something odd that I couldn’t shake off. Last night, I was unable to sleep because of this feeling, as if my brain was expecting something to happen and unfortunately, it did. The lights were out, until I heard a scratching sound on the window. I usually keep my door slightly open and I got up from the bed, thinking it could be some animal that I could shoo away. However, after I detected what window the sound was coming from, I crawled on the floor and looked up; it was a person trying to break in. I heard Historia’s footsteps from the other room and I snapped my fingers 3 times, signalling her to stay put. The window was pried open and when the first person climbed inside, I grabbed them by the neck and flung them back, smashing their head against the wall as hard as I could. Another person jumped inside and before they could do anything, I snapped their arms, twisting their elbows and before they let out a screech of pain, I slit their throat. Blood splattered everywhere and the first person looked at me in horror. They tried to attack me but, since they were dizzy from the impact, their movements were sluggish and clumsy. I grabbed them viciously and punched them in the eye to inflict damage in the eye socket. They finally tripped and fell backwards, collapsing on the ground. I kneeled over them and forced them to admit to me who had sent them. The terrified look in their eyes as they shook their head and begged for mercy didn’t move me. I gave them 5 seconds to respond or I would slit their throat too. I counted down and they continued to beg, despite my warning, so I killed them too. Historia finally revealed herself from her room and rushed towards me, holding her breath in. If our cadets didn’t notify us of their intrusion, I assumed they were dead already. I asked her to stay hidden and walked outside, discovering that my assumptions were correct. My heart stopped for a second, seeing their bodies on the ground, mangled and still as a rock. I regretted killing both of them, until I heard Historia shriek from the house and I ran back inside. There was a third person that hadn’t revealed themself before. “Great opportunity,” I thought. Historia fought them bravely, but I could see her hesitating a little. I ambushed them from behind, putting them in a headlock and pulled them away from her. They choked and struggled against my hold, but I was stronger. I forced them around and pointed at the dead intruders. “If you don’t wanna end up like them, you better fess up or I won’t hesitate to kill you too. None of you will be recognizable after I’m done, so speak,” I said through gritted teeth. Historia quickly tied the legs and I made sure to break both of their arms in advance. They writhed on the floor and I tortured the information out of them. They were from the Military Police, of course, but didn’t reveal who gave them the order. All 3 of them were promised safety and better working conditions, had they succeeded in abducting the Queen. I glanced at Historia and I could discern how painful it was for her to hear that. I gouged one of their eyes out and ordered them to return to their superiors, in order to report everything that had transpired. “Oh, and tell them to not bother sending people to retrieve their bodies, they will be gone by the time you leave.” The soldier nodded, pale and trembling as they headed back. After cleaning up, I urged Historia to go to bed and I stood outside as I vomited profusely. All 3 of them were very young, could not have been older than 20-23 years old. I felt pity and rage simultaneously. When the morning came, as soon as the sun first shone, the workers started to arrive and I asked a few people to report to the Scouts what happened and send us more cadets. With Hange and Levi gone, I felt anxious. The soldiers arrived, 5 in number, and I instructed them to keep watch around the house at all times. The others that accompanied them kept a record of the events that had taken place and reported back to the temporary Commander that Hange had appointed in their absence. My gear, I can’t wait for them to be back.

Entry 478: While I was taking a shower this morning, I heard Historia welcome Christoph in. He had just arrived straight from the Scouts headquarters and announced that Commander Hange and Captain Levi had returned. I washed up and got out of the bathroom so fast that I almost tripped over the bathtub. I exited the bathroom and walked up to him, barefoot and covered with towels. He blushed upon seeing me and I held back a smile. He said that they were all safe and sound, but there was one thing: Eren wasn’t with them. I froze as I listened to him explain how he suddenly disappeared and, since they couldn’t find him, they had to call the trip off. “You mean to tell me he just vanished? No traces of him, a note, nothing?” Christoph shook his head coldly. “The Commander disclosed that they were attending an international conference and, at one point, he got up and left. They didn’t see him after that, no matter how meticulously they searched for him.” I looked at Historia and we were both stunned into silence. “I heard Captain Levi mention that they referred to us as the ‘devils of Paradis’ and how non-Eldian Subjects of Ymir should direct their hatred towards us and the Captain speculated that this was what set him off.” It surely sounds like something that would rile Eren up, but to leave without notice? “Is there any way we could guess where he stormed off to?” The soldier shook his head and resumed his guarding post. Historia’s face was indiscernible. She seemed despondent and irritated, but there was something in her expression, as if she was thinking ‘I saw that coming’. Regardless, there was nothing to do about him now. “If he knows his own good, he’ll return.” “Do you think he might have been abducted again?” “I highly doubt it. But I can’t tell what’s on his mind lately. Ever since he retrieved all those titan memories, he’s become unreadable.” “I’m worried something will happen to him.” I could clearly see the concern in her eyes, but there was nothing we could do without any leads. I can only trust he won’t do anything stupid. 

Entry 480: I finally met Hange and Levi! They visited our residence and brought me gifts. Onyankopon was tagging along; he seems to have taken a liking to our dear Commander (or maybe he’s too scared to make the wrong move). I hugged both of them tightly, whining about how much I had missed them. Hange kissed the top of my head and I nearly blushed at the gesture. Levi handed me 2 bags: one contained snacks and sweets from Marley and the other was smaller and contained a box. I opened it up, visibly flustered by the deed, and it revealed a hair pin. I was surprised, since I don’t usually wear such ornaments, but I immediately tried it on and he grinned slightly. “Suits you,” he said. “Our dear Captain picked this out just for you! He didn’t buy anything else during the trip,” Hange pointed out and he elbowed their ribs. I giggled and thanked him for the souvenir, which I kept in my hair all day. We spent a few hours together, as they rambled about everything they experienced in Marley. While listening, I found myself envying them. Hange spoke so enthusiastically of everything that I couldn’t help but feel like I was part of their adventure. It was all nice, until Levi brought up the Eren incident. “I can only hope that shithead won’t get himself in trouble,” he said exasperated. Hange pouted and I could tell they were distressed. In return, I recounted the MP invasion and they both gaped at me. “You did all that by yourself?” Levi asked, evidently amazed by me. I nodded timidly and H gasped, then embraced me. “I can’t even begin to imagine how stressful that must have been for you.” “It was. I wonder if that soldier that I let go back actually made it or if they died along the way from the pain I inflicted on them.” “As far as I’m concerned, the MP announced that 3 of their soldiers had died under mysterious circumstances,” Levi pointed out. “Is that what they called it?” I scoffed. Astounded by the situation, Hange mounted their horse and returned to HQ, determined to handle the situation accordingly. Meanwhile, Levi stayed with me a little longer. He asked questions about the way I spent my time while they were away, how the kids at the orphanage have been, about Historia and whatever else he could think of. He always listened so attentively that it made me a little nervous, having his eyes concentrated on me for that long. In addition, he told me the story of a little boy that attempted to steal Sasha’s money pouch and he caught the child red-handed. The adults in the area ganged up on the boy, but he picked him up and they all started to run away from the mob. In the end, the boy sneaked Levi’s pouch instead and fled. I could tell that he wasn’t mad from the way his lips curled up while narrating the episode. “I couldn’t be mad, I have been in this boy’s place. Of course I let him get away. I will be fine.” I certainly sympathized, because I’ve also been there. We sat on the porch for another 2 hours. Multiple times I would stare at his face, admiring his under-eye wrinkles and the color of his eyes. His hair has grown out too. I wonder if he’ll let me help him cut it. Before he departed, I asked him to visit me more often. As he seated himself on top of his horse, I patted the animal’s butt and I looked up at him, knowing I must have appeared totally mischievous. “Did you miss me at all?” He tutted and his horse galloped away, but I caught a glimpse of his reddened ears. 

Entry 485: Out of nowhere, Historia asked me to allow her time alone for a day. I had just woken up when she posed her request. I questioned her, curious and alarmed. I could tell from her overall demeanor that she wasn’t feeling well and she needed her alone time. However, I’m not supposed to leave her side, especially after all these attacks. She acknowledged my apprehension, but she insisted on her demands. “Princess, you know I can’t go. I can set up a camp outside the house if you need the place by yourself, but I can’t be far away.” She groaned. I couldn’t understand why she was acting like a petulant child, but I couldn’t tell her such a thing. “Just one night, please,” she pleaded, tugging at my shirt. I was trying to make breakfast and she was distracting me. “Do you not want me specifically or should the other guards leave?” I could see hesitancy settle. “So you don’t want me here.” “It’s not like that,” she rushed to explain. “I just need to be alone. I really need it.” I frowned at her. “Is there something wrong, Princess?” “I just haven’t been able to rest ever since they attempted to intrude the house and I need to be alone for a single night, to prove to myself that it will be fine.” “This doesn’t make sense, Historia.” “I know it doesn’t, but I need to be alone. It’s just one night, I promise.” She cupped my hands in hers and stared at me. “You can be back at dawn, if you want.” I glared at her. “The guards will be outside all night. There will be a hound dog too.” She agreed to everything I said and I left late in the afternoon. Hange wasn’t present when I reached the HQ, so I searched for Levi. He was in his office, asleep on his desk. I tiptoed inside and gently nudged him awake. He didn’t expect to see me there and I briefly updated him on the situation. “Seems you could use some sleep,” I teased him. There were imprints on his cheek from the desk he had leaned against. Apparently, my room was occupied by a newbie, so I couldn’t utilize it and there was no other spare room for me to stay in. “You can use my room,” he suggested, trying to sound plain as he finished some paperwork. We had a late dinner and headed to his place, walking together side by side. His room was simple as it always was, but the bed had changed. It was wider than the previous one he had. “It’s more comfortable that way,” he explained. As I was setting my bags down, I smirked, “Just admit you wanted a bigger bed for my sake.” “Don’t get ahead of yourself,” he sneered. “I’m not, I simply know that you barely use the bed for sleep,” I taunted back. “Unless you need it for… other activities.” He snapped his head at me while undressing himself and I was caught off-guard. He removed his cravat slowly, his gaze locked with mine, and the motion was so attractive. With most clothes removed, I stole glances at his body; the marks from the ODM gear belts had imprinted on his skin after so many years of strapping himself on the daily. His shoulders were broader than before and his torso seemed bulkier. I felt heat rise to my face and pried my eyes away as I changed into my nightgown. As we both laid down on the bed, there was distance between us, which I closed by rolling closer to him. We were face-to-face and I could hear a ringing in my ears. He was only in his underwear and I felt like I was going to explode. My hand moved on its own as I brushed some of his hair away from his face, him stilled in front of me. I could see that he was holding his breath, while mine was deep and drawn out. “Can you sing something?” His question took me by surprise, but I smiled nonetheless. I hummed and chanted a short melody that I came up with on the spot, lulling him to sleep. Before the sun illuminated the sky, I was awake. I slid off the bed as carefully as possible, in an attempt to not wake him up, but I failed. His eyes blinked open and he rose from underneath the covers. “I’ll come with you,” he mumbled languidly. I told him there was no need to, but he insisted. “It’s still pretty dark outside. I won’t let you travel by yourself at this hour.” We got dressed up and left immediately. We didn’t really speak on the way to Historia’s place, but it was not uncomfortable between us. When I arrived, the sun had started to cast its first rays. From the distance, I spotted James walking away from the house and he walked towards my direction, rather awkwardly. He greeted me and headed towards the orphanage. Historia was in bed, sleeping soundly. I hadn’t seen her so peaceful in forever. The cadets were pacing around the house as instructed and smacked their chests with their fists. I walked back out, Levi waiting for me. “She’s fine,” I announced. “I guess she did need some alone time.” He hummed in response and, without thinking, I kissed his cheek, as a ‘thank you’ for accompanying me out here at the ass crack of dawn. We both blushed and I turned around, encouraging him to go home and rest some more. The house didn't show any signs of damage or intrusion and all the cadets were alive, not a single one missing. I worried a lot, but I'm glad everything was alright. 

Finally, it was Friday. You couldn't wait to get home and take a shower. The temperature was abnormally high and you were sweating what felt like buckets. When you stepped out of the school grounds, Onyankopon's car was parked right outside the gate. He poked his head out of the window and waved at you, gesturing at you to enter the car. You sped up and entered the vehicle, tossing your bags in the backseat. 

“I thought I should pick you up today, it's too warm to walk all the way home in that heat,” he said, starting the engine. “We'll pick up ‘Vi too.” 

“Gladly,” you replied, exhaling and wiping the salty droplets away from your brows. “You're a lifesaver.”

The store was still open, surprisingly. You walked inside and greeted everyone, along with the customer that was paying for their order. After they left, you looked at Levi, who quickly explained how they had to work overtime today and asked if you were willing to wait a couple minutes for him to finish his job. You reassured him and returned to the car, letting your guest know of the change of plans. While waiting, Onyankopon brought up your untold story of your life in the Underground. Since there was time to spare, you thought it would serve as a great way of bonding with him. You prefaced your narration by mentioning – yet again – how uninspiring it was. Your companion squinted at you and encouraged you to start either way. 

“My parents were both from the Underground prior to my birth. My father was a drunkard who worked at a bar to make any amount of money to get by and my mother was a cleaner,” you explained. “There were some wealthy people who paid better, so then they called her a maid. Anyway, I was their first child, then five years later, my brother was born. My father was working an absurd amount of hours, with no stable shifts or anything and many times he wouldn't get paid on time. My mother was the main breadwinner of the family and he was jealous of that. He would snatch the money from her purse and when she noticed that it was missing, they'd fight. It got physical and violent many times. I had to take care of my little brother mostly by myself.” You took in a deep breath and exhaled sharply. “When I was around thirteen, my father found out that my mother was sleeping with some customers to gain extra money. I didn't blame her for it, but he felt ridiculed, on top of feeling emasculated. My brother was a smart kid and he would go around stealing more often than not, despite how young he was. When our parents found out, instead of reprimanding him, they praised him and allowed him to continue doing it. I was usually at home, taking care of chores. I would go out late at night, strolling and frolicking with my best friend, Laureen. She was very beautiful and smart and she had those banned books, describing how the world outside the Walls was. We'd sit in her room and read these books over and over again.” You smiled at the memory and momentarily gazed out of the window. “Unfortunately, she died of some undiagnosed sickness when I was around fourteen years old. I was devastated for a long while, until I met some Scouts. I overheard them discuss matters of their occupation, about titan killing, about them going out of the Walls every now and then. I was charmed, you know,” you chuckled at the listener. “I spent the next couple years trying to escape the Underground, but it was impossible for a kid like me. I couldn't get a job or earn money in some way. I started to train by myself then.” Onyankopon raised a brow at you. “My version of training at the time was running laps around the neighborhood until I passed out. I thought it'd help build stamina – and it did! – and then I would do push-ups and try to learn how to balance.” The memories came flooding to you; the late night exercising sessions, scraping your knees against the ground from tumbling over. “When I was sixteen, the fights at home had become unbearable to listen to or witness. All they were talking about was money, they forced my brother to do more than stealing, help them at work, while I was the lazy, incompetent one. My father, bitter and old, attempted to hit me and I broke his arm. I still don't understand how I did that,” you laughed. “I ran into their bedroom and gathered all the money they were hiding, along with my brother's share in our room. They thought I was throwing a fit, but I was basically stealing from them. I locked myself in the bathroom and sneaked out the window, then rushed to the Underground's entrance and paid the fee to get upstairs.” Upon recalling the first image of Shiganshina, your vision blurred. The air was refreshing and crisp and cold, due to the harsh winter. “I was meandering the streets for a long time and I stumbled across a group of Scouts. They noticed me stumbling my way towards them, shivering and lost and I told them that I had just escaped from the Underground and needed shelter. I can still remember the look in Commander Erwin's eyes. It was solemn and curious. I spilled everything about myself, my family, the reason I had come. Miche, one of the other Leaders at the time, pointed out how badly I smelled and I laughed at his comment. Erwin considered my pleas for a minute and picked me up on his horse.”

“That Smith guy trusted a homeless rascal from the Underground in no time, huh?” Onyankopon pondered out loud. 

You nodded. “I can assure you, this was one of the least reckless things he'd done,” you remarked. “He took me back to the Scout Regiment headquarters and they assigned me a dorm room and the following day, I was a registered citizen. Training also started right away. A year or two later, they told me I was going to have a roommate called Hange Zoë, who I bonded with immediately. And the rest was history,” you grinned. 

Onyankopon hadn't realized it, but he had been gripping the steering wheel to the point his knuckles had turned white, his mouth hanging. “You undermined how interesting this was,” he said. “I can't believe what you went through.”

“Others have had it far worse than me,” you replied, shaking your head. 

“Life isn't a competition of who's had it worse,” he retorted. I guess that's true. “What happened to your family? Did you ever get ahold of them after you left?”

“Not really. I found out they died when the Colossal and Armoured Titans first invaded Wall Maria.” Onyankopon shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “In case you were wondering, I didn't really get sad. I mostly mourned my brother, who was really young and didn't deserve to live that life. But other than that, I didn't care much. I always felt like a stranger under their roof.”

“You were different from them,” he noted. 

“I don't know about that,” you snickered. “I rendered them dirt poor in a single night and disappeared, leaving them behind in the hands of fate.”

“Do you regret it?” 

The question made your ears ring. “Of course not, not in the slightest.” Your answer came faster than you wanted. 

Levi finally appeared from the inside of the store and greeted the both of you. He was sweating profusely and his face was flushed red. As Onyankopon drove back home, he watched you chat with him, laugh and moved so animatedly around him, as if you had always been friends. Technically, you knew the guy already, but you acted so naturally around him that a part of him felt envious. Not because you didn't behave like that around him, but… Fuck, I don't even know what I'm jealous of. 

After showering and having your first meal of the day, you decided to finally change the flickering lightbulb in Levi's bedroom, assuming that there was something wrong with the socket. Unfortunately, stepping on top of the bed or a stool didn't give you the necessary amount of height to reach it. Onyankopon noticed your struggle and walked into the room after alerting you with a knock on the door. He inspected the light switch and discovered that that wasn't the problem. It actually needed a new light bulb. 

“You think you can reach it? You're definitely taller than me,” you said playfully. 

He hummed pensively and got on top of the stool; somehow he couldn't get around it either. There wasn't a ladder available in the house and you created a mental note to get one at some point. He glanced at you and it seemed like an idea was born in his mind. After asking for your permission, he bent down and you climbed on top of his shoulders. Straightening his torso, he handed you the spare light bulb and you were able to unscrew it and replace the old one with the new. Levi was standing by the door, leaning against his crutch as he watched you team up with your guest. He didn't know what had come over him, but his earlier sense of envy heightened. I could never do this for her. 

The thought frightened him. Although you had reassured him countless times, he still felt like he wasn't enough. He watched Onyankopon carry you like you weighed nothing, knowing he could never lift you up like that, not anymore. Flashes of memories from his Scouts days appeared before him, of the multiple occasions where he had to carry you to your room or somewhere else while you were asleep or hurt or tired. He recalled that one time you passed out while cleaning the stables in a hidden corner, your knees bunched up to your chest. It was the dead of night on a particularly freezing winter week. You were dressed in the thickest of coats you owned, numerous layers of garments underneath. He spotted you leaning against the wall, with the bucket and the broom propped up against your legs. He sighed, muttering to himself that you'd get sick by being so reckless. Without a word, he picked you up in his arms and exhaled, feeling heavier in his hold than usual. Regardless, he carried you to your room and used a warm towel on your face, neck and sternum. Hange was present at the time; your friendship with him was still in the early stages then, so they were surprised he went out of his way to do that for you. But to him, he couldn't have possibly left you out in the harsh weather to freeze. “You could have asked someone else to help you carry her,” they remarked snarkily. That was true, there were other soldiers passing by that could lend a hand. But he didn't want anyone's assistance. He wanted to be the one holding you. And he continued to do that numerous times after that. But now? He couldn't perform such tasks anymore. 

Levi walked away from the room and moved to the kitchen. You followed right behind him, as your guest announced that he was going to take a nap. He started to wash the dishes, but you snatched the plates and the sponge away from his hands and manoeuvred him to sit on the chair right behind you. 

He felt frustrated. “You know I have been doing chores by myself long before you arrived, right?” 

“I do, but now it's two of us, we can share the chores. We don't need to go over this again.”

“I don't like you treating me like I'm some fragile man who can't do anything by himself.” The words lingered between you, as he stared at your back, seeing your shoulders fall. 

You bit down on your tongue, irritated by his accusation. “Is that what you think? You think me trying to help you is me treating you like you're unable to do things by yourself?” Before he was able to respond, you continued, “I hate that you think I pity you, Levi.” You turned around, his eyes meeting yours, a mixture of frustration and worry. He looked at you like a scolded dog. “The fact that I want to help you as much as I can so you don't overexert your leg doesn't equate to me considering you fragile. You might have forgotten, but your doctor is supposed to visit soon, do you want to be told that your condition got worse?” He lowered his eyes, unable to hold eye contact any longer. You hated that feeling. You hated knowing that he believed you considered him unfortunate or incapable, because you didn't feel that way at all. However, he still needed to take care of the injured knee. You stared at the blurry eye moving around, then the faded stitches on his face. 

“It's not like it's gonna get any better,” he replied, his tone laced with bitterness. 

“So? That doesn't mean it has to deteriorate, you know.” You finished washing the cutlery and patted your hands dry on a towel next to you. “Look at me when I'm talking to you,” you demanded, and his eyes immediately darted up to yours. “Stop being stubborn and accept my help, alright? I have never thought of you as weak, not in spirit and certainly not in physical capabilities.” You stepped closer and sunk into his lap. The action took him by surprise and with your arms now wrapped around his neck, all of his inhibitions vanished. With your breath hot on his neck and your body embracing him, there was no time to feel insecure anymore. “I apologize for making you feel that way, it's not my intention in the slightest. You know that, right?” He nodded, holding his breath. “I believe you're the strongest man in the world and I’ve always felt that way about you.” And it's not the only thing I've felt about you. “I simply want you to take care of yourself and allow me to help. If I make you feel a certain way, please tell me and I will immediately fix it.”

“Just don't pry things out of my grasp again,” he whispered. That's the loudest his voice could go. His heart thundered in his chest and he swallowed thickly. 

“Alright then, next time I'll ask you first. But if you're going to do something that requires you to stand for too long, I'd rather you use your chair.” He nodded in response and you hummed softly. You pulled away, your face impossibly close to his. “I didn't mean to make you feel bad,” you pouted. 

There was no way for you to know, but you were killing him. “S’fine,” he muttered, his breath stuck in his throat. “I know you didn't mean to.” 

You let your head rest on his sturdy shoulder, your face faintly nuzzling against his neck. His hands were pinned to his sides, until his right hand raised and clutched at your sides. His remaining fingers traced uneven patterns on your shirt and you closed your eyes, enjoying the soothing sensation. In return, your digits slithered underneath his hair, caressing the back of his head and scratching his scalp with your nails, the trimmed undercut tickling you. Levi could've sworn he was dreaming, had it not been for the pounding in his ribcage. Sure, he might not be able to lift you high up, but he could have you cuddling him on his lap. “Would you be interested in a nap, too?” He nodded again and you smirked, then carried him to your shared bedroom and snuggled up to him, your leg thrown over his hips and your face buried in the crook of his neck once more.