Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

'I've grown tired of this body

Cumbersome and heavy body

I've grown tired of this body

Fall apart without me, body

I've grown tired of this body

Cumbersome and heavy

Tired of this body

Fall apart without me'

Ethan's crackly car radio blared as he pulled into the trailer park's rather cozy car park. He should get the speakers fixed - at least, his dad thinks so, as with a lot of the janky old thing's parts - but, honestly? To him, it was just another constant that made life worth living. That, and, of course, the girl in his passenger seat.

He'd always have Lex.

"The Ethan express has arrived at your destination, all passengers depart now, this train termites at the next station" Ethan announced to her proudly in his best train-conductor voice, smiling ear to ear as Lex rolled her eyes at him.

"I think it's 'terminates', babe" She corrected

"Uh, no, its termites"

"...Are we sure?"

"Yeah. Because Lex, riddle me this: what do you do with termites?"

"Fucking kill on sight"

"Exactlyyy. And, what happens at the last station of a train's journey?"

"... the journey ends?? Where are you going-"

"Bare with, bare with. If you end something, you could say you...?"

"You killed it." She gasped, wide eyed, "you're so right"

"I know" he said, cartoonishly smug. That earned him yet another eye roll and what he could've sworn to have been a giggle too.

"Yeah yeah, don't let it get to your head" she paused, before adding:

"Can I kiss the conductor?"

"I'll never say no to that, lexie"

They locked lips and ethan melted, just like he did the first time they'd kissed and every time after that. He'd never get used to it, but he'd never want to let it go, either.

Lex jumped out of the car door and smiled back to him,

"Dont forget to pick up that shit from past the witchwood that your dad wanted. Oh! And text me when you can, okay? I love you!"

It was his time to roll his eyes this time at lex's distrust of his memory (although he very much had forgotten about that), "I won't, I will and I love you too. 

And... what is it that good moms say? 'Have fun, be safe, make good choices’ or some shit like that?

Yeah, something like that I think"

Lex laughed; one of his favorite sounds in the world.

"I'll see you later, Eth"

"See you later baby"

And with that, she closed his door, he watched her head to her trailer to make sure she got there safe (the view of her ass was a bonus, he realised), and he drove off.

╰── ──╮

He turned off onto a dirt road into the witchwood forest. He'd planned it to be a shortcut through to the other side - in a way, it was

He drove fast - there wasn't a speed limit in the witchwood for reasons he didn't know but were massivley greatful for, seeing as he was going to be home late anyway and was well in need of a lie down. 

His father was going to be so pleased, he thought. 

Thats when the deer ran across the road.

When he cursed so loudly it echoed through the whole wood.

When the jalopy's faulty breaks stopped working completely.

When he hit the tree, when the hood crumpled sending shockwaves akin to the power of a hundred men through his body, when the windshield shattered flinging glass into his face, when all the world exploded with pain, blood and gore,

When it all went black

Now, typically, it would be impossible to describe what happens to a person after they die. Talking about what happens to the body is easy enough, but the person themself? Nothingness happens, so one would have to write nothing.

But, while yes, ethan was dead - absoloutley and certainly dead - and he did experience nothingness just for a bit, what happened to him was far from normal...

He gasped for air, panicking

They were going to take his fucking licence

Oh my god how long has it been

Did he pass out?

He ran everything through his mind, again and again, and again until he stopped himself. He was panicking, he needed to calm down.

Deep breaths

Hand over heart, follow his heartbeat as it slows do-

He didn't have a heartbeat

Oh my good lord, he didn't have a heartbeat

He jumped out of the car - nothing.

He took three deep breaths to try and get it started - nothing.

What the fuck.

He needed a doctor.

No he could NOT afford medical fees right now.

Does he call his family? Does he curl up and cry?

Panicking, he finally decides to run, without a plan at first, though eventually settling on going home, to his room

To somewhere safe.

Chapter Text

It had been an hour, or so he thought.

Maybe more.

The raging nothingness in his chest hadn't disappeared.

Which meant he was probably... he knew there was a word for it. Its what they called that singer that passed. Its what they'd called his Nona when she went. It's what they called his old dog when he had to say goodbye. Then, he could say it. Now? When it was him? He just couldn't muster it up.

He, with all his heart, didn't want it to be true.

But he had to be real with himself

He was probably... d-word. But he wasnt. He was there. So what on earth did that make him? Some kind of walking corpse? Zombie?

It made him wrong. That was certain. It made him a freak.

And not the kind of freak he could be proud of, no, he was a monster.

He let out a guttural sob as he shrunk into his blanket, alone, scared and - like he was a tiny child - wanting his dad by his side. Damned night shift. He couldn't do this alone.

That's when it hit him: he'd have to do it alone. He couldn't tell a soul - how could he? What kind of horrible person would dump "hey I'm fucking dead now" on the people they care about. Especially when those people are going through shit already (and when you live in Hatchetfield, you probrably are). Fuck that.

He'd have to keep going as normal.

Even though it wasn't normal.

Even though he wasn't

╰── ──╮

Lex bit her nails as she messaged Ethan. Again.

Lex: Babeeee

Lex: Its been hourz

Lex: :(

Lex: r we still gonna call 2night?

Lex: Jesus how long does it take for you to do whatever you had to do

Dead nothingness messaged her back.

This wasn't like ethan, at all.

Lex: Babe

Lex: Im getting a little worried about you

She tried calling - nothing.

"Webby says... heart," she heard a timid voice behind her say. Lex whipped around to se Hannah, who she could've sworn was asleep. "Heartbeat."

"About who, banana?" She asked. Not that she believed in webby a little bit or anything. Don't be stupid.

"Ethan"

Lex felt a chill down her spine as she tried to decipher what Hannah might mean.

... oh. Of course. They'd been cuddling earlier, she listened to his heartbeat. Simple as that.

She kicked herself for forgetting that what webby said often could be good too.

She smiled and said softly, "I think it's time for you and Webby to go to bed," as she tucked her sister back in, "sweet dreams, banana"

"Sweet dreams, Lexie"

Regardless of wether webby was feeling good about things, Ethans lack of presence was worrying. Lex decided to keep trying.

Lex: Ethan

Lex: Ethan cmon this isnt funny

Lex eventually fell asleep that night still desperatley trying to call Ethan.

It went to voicemail, just like all of the others before it.