Work Text:
Jax is not bothered by the fact he's playing softball, really.
It was only Softball because it was co-ed, and Ragatha obviously didn't target him. Ragatha was too scared to feel pain, to take up space. There's no way she would have done something maliciously to Jax, even if he was pissing her off.
Besides, that meant Ragatha would have to know-
Okay! Painful thought, switching back to the game.
Jax grinned, as the game went on watching Ragatha up to bat, wondering how this would shake out. She hits the ball and begins booking it to first base, Evil Orbsman muttering something under his breath as she does. Jax truthfully thought it was kind of funny that Gangle didn't get a clone. Oh well, at least it was better than Evil Jax. That rabbit was evil alright, and once Jax got his hands on him-
Evil Pomni stands up from where she was laying in the outfield, half-lidded.
"Aw, check this 
Ragatha softly throws her softball cap to the ground, "
Jax grinned, peaking his head up from the dugout. "Get owned!" He yelled automatically, as he always did. The responses never fully formulated in his brain before they were out of his mouth. It's something he knew he had to work on, but he honestly believed these people didn't deserve the effort. If something was funny to him, it didn't matter what the others thought. He was the target audience of his own jokes.
"
Jax felt a rush of excitement course through his body all at once, in the same way moments before mainlining felt. Used to feel. Jax knew that drugs were bad, but when life is fighting for you to be in pain, sometimes the only way to keep going is by trying to survive the only way you can.
Being trapped in a VR game really sobers you up, I suppose. Though, it was weird that alcohol had an effect a couple adventures ago. As Jax drank his egg-white free (blechk-) Whiskey Sour he had really felt his body warm and his mind blank just a little. He thought Caine wasn't allowed to alter the minds of the inhabitants, though? Oh well, who knows. Jax was shaken back to the convo, just letting slip the first thing on the top of his tongue.
"Ahh- she's cool." Jax grins. It was true, Evil Pomni was pretty cool. She didn't like a filtered version of Jax like he's sure would be more palatable for the others in the circus, she thought he was funny enough as is.
Jax is surprised that Caine can even make an enjoyable NPC. All of them were either reoccurring or similar enough to each other. Jax, truthfully, hated Caine. Jax hated everybody, and everybody hated him. Oh well, there's no point in letting people know him for real, if they wouldn't like what they'd find. Especially not these guys. He HATED these guys. But, maybe today was enjoyable in its own way.
He's so caught up in his fun he doesn't notice there was a vote called, at first.
Jax hears a sound behind him, the sound of the voting screen popping up. "Wait- what's that?"
Before he can even udder a protest, the voting finishes. Jax felt his body tingle, and he awkwardly looked at the group with a genuine look of confusion. He was already vegan, what more pain could you do to someone?
A soft chime sound plays, and Jax felt his footing change, and his clothing shift. It takes him a brief second to realize what happened.
It was a dress. A maid dress, to be more specific. In all of its frilly glory.
Nonononono- no no no- WHAT THE
This couldn't be happening. He felt time freeze. THIS COULDN'T BE HAPPENING.
He's not a girl. He's not a girl. Girls wear dresses, he's not a girl.
Stop lying Jax-
They know, whoever did this knows. He's not a real boy, he's pretending. He's pretending to be a boy. He was born a girl and he couldn't accept that- he couldn't.
Jax couldn't quite put a name to the emotion that hit him like a ripping tidal wave in that instance. Maybe- Anger? Fear? Disgust? Embarrassment? All of them, and then some was probably closest to the feeling that ripped through his chest like a bullet.
He was distressed. In such an extreme distress he could feel his heart about to explode.
"WHAT THE HECK-?" Jax stammers out, "Who did this?!" He grits with an extreme anger and embarrassment clawing up his throat.
Gangle begins to giggle to herself and Jax feels a wave of genuine disgust and unbridled rage wash over him. His thoughts scrambled in his mind, turning to word salad as he tried to comprehend what was happening.
"YOU-!" Jax manages to scream out, albeit rather weakly. His cheeks had heated up to an extreme degree and the only thing he felt in that moment was fury. Extreme fury. When he gave Gangle a hard time it made him a bad person, but when Gangle did this she was just trying to have fun?
Before he even could piece together a course of action he had lept at her. He kept going. It felt right. He ignored Gangles cries as she ducked, Jax wasn't actually going to beat her! Damn it, he wasn't going to actually beat her!
He didn't know what he was planning on doing.
Kinger cupped his hands and yelled, "Jax! You're up to bat!"
Almost instantly Jax tried to shoot back a reply, any reply, to stop this.
He couldn't go out there. Evil Pomni was out there. The other NPCs were out there.
Caine would take one look at him and realize he's only been pretending to be a boy this whole time. He couldn't handle that. He can't be a girl he-
"I can't- Don't wanna- I- I- look like this, though!" Jax yelled, his words failing him as he gestured, desperately hoping Kinger would somehow understand. He couldn't run from his problems here. Not in the Digital Circus.
If he went out there he'd have to live with it for all of all time, and be miserable literally for infinity. He was so despaired at the thought he felt like he could abstract right there.
A voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Zooble's voice gritted through Jax's pounding ears despite the cool tone she usually talks in. "Seems fitting for you, though. I figured you'd be into this."
WHAT??!!
Worst case scenarios pounded through Jax's head. Zooble knows. She's always known. She's kept quiet for this long and told Gangle- Gangle is trying to hurt him. Zooble is trying to hurt him. They hate him and know he's not a real boy.
"What does that mean?! What's that supposed to mean??" Jax responded weakily.
He could burst into tears right there, but then that would just be proving them right. Girls cry. Boys don't.
"I'm just having fun!" Zooble makes a lip-smack sound, despite having no mouth. "I forgot you hate fun."
Jax feels another wave of nausea climb his throat, and his body feels like it doesn't exist for a second. He can't think of anything to say to Zooble in response. Jax can't think.
"I don't wanna wear this!" He practically whines in a pathetic attempt to do- something? He just wanted it gone. He just wanted it all gone. He took ragged angry breaths as his body moved up and down as he did.
Practically panting like or dog-- or, well, a rabbit-- in self-loathing.
He couldn't think. He couldn't think.
He's a girl. They all know he's a girl. They hate him. He can't go out there.
A million thoughts crashed through Jax's brain before Kinger's voice snapped at him. "Jax! Bat!"
Jax snapped up, settling into the inevitable and snatching the bat. He gritted at Zooble as he hit the field. "I'm gonna kill you when this is over." He spat out, before storming onto the field.
His Mary Janes hit the grass with a soft tussling sound as he practically stomped up to bat. His mind was blank.
"Let's see what you're made of!" Evil Zooble- Bazooble- practically jeered at him.
"S-Sh-Shut up!" He whined in an extreme distressing anger. There was no going back from this. They knew and there was no going back from this.
"Don't worry- I think you look good!" Evil Jax half-smiled, nervously calling out.
NO-
Evil Jax represented everything he hated in himself- but amplified by a lot. Just the thought of Evil Jax existing around anyone else was enough in itself to make Jax want to tear his fake skin off in chunks until his fake blood came out.
"I- I don't wanna hear that!" Jax squeaked, "I want you dead!" He motioned with a swipe to the ground.
He hit the first pitch straight to the bleachers, an actual centipede catching it and eating it. He hoped Ragatha at least got a kick out of it.
"Well, guess there's no more ball. We're done." Jax said defeatedly, not by the outcome, no. He could care less about this game. Just defeated by the day. He wanted to curl up in his bed and shut his eyes to sleep and never be perceived again.
Jax turned on his heel to leave, when Kinger suddenly threw Zooble's eye onto the field. Straight to the pitcher. Bazooble.
Bazooble stuck it to the side of her head, as he blinked dumbly, settling their hands on their hips.
"I'm not doing this anymore-" Jax muttered, turning out Kinger's protests he elected to ignore.
The started walking back to the dugout, but the face of his team was enough to fill him with rage. So, instead, he chose to go talk to Evil Pomni, and salvage whatever dignity he had left.
"You look stupid-" Evil Pomni grinned, before genuinely asking, "Why would they put a boy in a maid dress?"
Jax felt a genuine grin flash across his face, lighting up his eyes ever so slightly. Maybe all wasn't lost yet.
"I know right- Gangle's idea, of course. She just loves seeing people look stupid. I'm sure if she wanted to see someone wear it I'm sure Zooble would have been more than happy." Jax covered, giggling to himself, and Evil Pomni laughed too.
Before he could get his next couple of thoughts out of his mouth, Zooble called out, "Jax! We have a ball now! What are you doing?"
"Ugh- see ya!" Jax waved to Evil Pomni, going back up to bat. He steeled himself for the same feeling of irritation to hit him, though it did way more numbly.
"Whoops, I missed. Oh darn- I'm out." He said slightly, hardly having the energy to be sarcastic, dragging his feet back to the dugout, and throwing himself against the bench.
Pomni looked up with her blue and red eyes, her gaze flickering over Jax.
Jax expected her to call him slurs, to want him dead, to want him to get away from her.
To his surprise, none of that happened.
"Having fun?" Pomni asked, looking at him with sympathetic eyes.
Is that what she was most worried about? Huh.
"Oh you know it." Jax mumbled, half-smiling. It was hard to keep the grin of amusement off his face.
God, he still felt sick.