Archive of Our Own ^beta

Jesper and Inej stole through the empty streets to the nearest store that would help them replenish the dwindling storage that they had back at the safe house.

The whole experience was reminding Jesper just a little too much of when the Crows had come together for a job the first time. They had been trapped on the Black Veil with help from the outside world. Rotty and Specht had brought them food, water, and information whenever they needed it without the worry that they would betray their team. This time, they didn’t have that because they weren’t sure if the rest of the Dregs would turn against them or not.

Kaz had taken over as the leader of the gang for years now. He had them all under his thumb either by providing them with the information and resources that they needed to live their best lives, or because he had blackmail on them that prevented them from being able to betray them. However, the tables had been turned and the power that they held was just enough to make sure that none of the Dregs revealed where their safehouse was. The Stadwatch, Merchant Council, and a new gang called the Fold Destroyers were all standing against them. That much danger was enough to turn even the most loyal of their gang against them for the foreseeable future.

That was why they were sneaking around in the first place. It had been a long while since they had been forced to dawn the cloaks, masks, and veils of the Comedie Brute , but it was the only way that they could traverse the streets of Ketterdam without being shot or killed on sight. Though, with the lack of people they did look a bit silly emerging from the shadows while covered in the red of the Madman and the blue of the Scarab Queen.

It was Ghezen’s Day, the first of four holidays in which the entirety of Kerch would shut down to go to church. Even the people that claimed they were in no way religious would find themselves amongst the most pious in the pews of the cathedral that stood tall in the center of Ketterdam. The day was directly after the totals of the quarter were taken, it was a day in which people were supposed to give thanks to the god for providing them with profits or repent for not being able to live up to what they had been provided with.

Jesper thought that the entire thing was rather silly, especially since it was putting them in danger. A few of the crucial shops were still open, but only for a half day so that the keepers and workers could make their way to the church for the most important of the sermons. That meant that they were forced out of their safehouse and into the danger of the alleys and streets when everyone else was. Most tourists from countries other than Kerch either sat in to see what the native people were like when they worshiped or stayed in their boarding houses and hotels on that day. Usually people planned around the holiday entirely, which meant that they were lacking in the crowds that would have helped them blend in and disappear.

“You go get bread, I’ll get the cheese and dried fruit,” Jesper said when he spotted the shops that they had been planning to go to. They were finally out of the Barrel and the Lid, now surrounded by businesses that the common people needed and used often. There was a modiste next to them, then down the road was the butcher’s and farming supplies store. To Inej’s right was the bakery where they would be able to pick up the food that made up the majority of their meals and to Jesper’s left was the general store where they would be able to buy the protein that kept them energized.

It was frustrating to be reduced back down to such meager foods after he had worked so hard to pull himself out of almost poverty. He had grown up on a farm, so he knew that sometimes there were days or weeks or months where food was scarce. He had a distinctive memory from his fourth winter when his parents had a particularly hard year and they had nothing but cornbread and milk from the cow to eat. He hadn’t thought anything of it then, he liked the meal very well, but he knew now that it had almost stunted his health because of the lack of nutrition.

He had left the farm in Novyi Zem with profit to burn, especially now that he had paid off all of his gambling debts and saved the land that his mother had owned before her death. In Ketterdam he had joined the Dregs after experiencing true hunger once more after being kicked out of his college. The food cooked and provided for all members in the kitchen had never been good, but the stew was hearty and the bread was food for the watery broth. His stomach had been full all the way until Black Veil. Then after that, he had been rewarded for his troubles with the rich and plentiful food of a Mercher.

Wylan had been allowing them to live with him for the majority of the year that they had been together. It had been two years since the Ice Court, which meant that they’d all had the time that they needed to figure themselves and their feelings for one another out. After the romantic feelings that they had all apparently been harboring each other were spread out in the open air, it had only made sense for them to find solace in living with each other again. Inej had her ship that she sailed on during the calmer months when the slavers were out and stealing people out of their beds and away from their homes. Kaz had the Slat, but he also had a series of tunnels under the city that allowed him to appear like he was sleeping in the same building as the rest of the Dregs when that couldn’t be further from the truth. Nina and Matthias continued to travel back and forth from Fjerda as they got more Druskelle deprogrammed and infiltrated their way deeper and deeper into the government, so they had rooms that they would occupy whenever they were back in Ketterdam. Jesper stayed with Wylan almost all the time, though he came back to his room at the Slat when he was on a job or wanted to remind the Dregs who Kaz’s right hand man was.

“I think that sounds like a wonderful plan,” Inej said. Her voice was melodious and quiet to keep her identity hidden from the few people that were milling about the storefronts. The disguises that they were wearing would do enough to keep the people hunting them off their backs while they were walking around, but the Fold Destroyers knew what they sounded like from the first fight that they had together. 

“See you in a couple of minutes,” Jesper smiled under his mask. He watched her turn and walk into the bakery with the grace and elegance that she always carried with her. He had seen her blocked from her energy and unable to see, fighting like she was still performing in the center of a big top tent. He was so in love with that woman that it felt like he was going to die, but he was glad that she loved him back so he wouldn’t waste away into nothing due to his pining.

Jesper walked into the little general shop, pretending to gaze at some of the things that were on the wall while the worker finished the page in her book. He removed a box of matches, turning it over and over in his hand before he placed it back. He looked around the shop as he stepped closer to the front desk so he could ask for the things that they kept in the back room. The general store was a relatively plain room, they didn’t need to attract the clientele over other shops because everyone needed the things that they sold. The floors were scuffed brown wood, the walls the same but stained a slightly bit darker. The upper walls were painted dark green with golden accents painted in flowers and vines stretching above the shelves. It was stocked with things like matches, jars for canning, spoons, bowls, plates, and everything else that someone would need to live.

“What can I do for you?” the worker behind the front counter asked. She was a stout girl with long hair that was pinned up in a bun. She was obviously preparing to go to church when she got off her shift, because the book that she was reading was a collection of psalms and her dress was completely black. Jesper knew that she wasn’t an entirely pious person, he had seen her with her hair loose around her shoulders and colors adorning her outfit when he had come in the previous time to collect their rations.

“I need some dried fruit, what do you have?” Jesper asked. They got different shipments depending on what season it was in other parts of the world. Last time they had gotten stuck with far more raisins and apricots than they would ever want to eat, though they had choked them down anyway. At least Wylan had been able to sneak down some whisky so that they could make that dragon-food that Nina remembered from Ravka.

“We have prunes, I think that’s it,” the girl replied.

“You don’t even have dried peaches?” he asked, a little put out. He hated dried prunes and figs, but he supposed that it as the only thing that they were going to be able to get right then.

“Quite a lot of the recipes that the Kerch make for this holiday include dried fruit. Do you want it or not?” she huffed. Jesper assumed that the caveat for her leaving to church was that the store had been empty for a certain amount of time and he had just reset it for her.

“I do. Give me a pound of that and a pound of dry cheese,” Jesper said.

She looked at him like she couldn’t believe that he had actually asked her that. She blew a breath out of her nose as she turned around and walked into the back room so that she could get the things that he had asked. He had come in here enough that he knew what the dried fruit and cheese would cost, so he was able to reach into his pockets and get out the kruge that Kaz had sent with him for this. He pocketed the goods that she had provided him with and then left the store as quickly as she could.

The only reason that he had been sticking around as much as he had was to try and make himself look like more of a clueless tourist. Now that it was clear how much she wanted him out of the store then he had an excuse to make his way out as quickly as he had originally wanted to. Once he was back in the street, he noticed that Inej was also heading out of the bakery. She was tucking the loaf that she had gotten into her pocket, but she was also holding a sticky bun.

“Did you charm him into getting something more?” Jesper asked as she met him in the middle of the cobbled street.

“I may have,” she grinned. “Apparently my small stature makes me appear to be a child to some of the less informed,” she split the bun in half and then offered him a chunk of it.

“Well, there’s something good that came from you being so short,” Jesper joked. Inej used the size and shape of her body to the fullest extent that it could be. She managed to get into and out of the smallest spaces, like she was a cat that wasn’t entirely out of their world. 

She smacked his arm with the hand that had just offered him the bun, smearing some of the sticky icing onto his shoulder. He let out an offended noise around the bread in his mouth as he tried to rub it off. He walked forward down the street so that they could return to the alley where they could slip back into the shadows and make their way to the safe house. They needed to stop at the butchers as well, but it looked like it had already closed based on the fact that there were no people around it. 

Jesper straightened his back as he realized that there was barely anyone in the street anymore. They shouldn’t have all cleared off during the brief time that he was inside the general store, he also would have noticed something like that happening despite being inside of a building. He walked alongside Inej with his senses as heightened as they could be.

It had been two years since he had accepted his abilities as a part of him instead of thinking of them as a burden that he had to hide for his own safety. He had worked on them extensively in the little workshop that Wylan had hidden in the attic of the mansion, right next to where he worked with chemicals to make explosives and elixirs for Kaz. He knew how to feel the vibrations in the floorboards of their home and the cobbles of the roads to tell when someone was coming up behind him.

It was the only thing that allowed him to avoid the fist that was pummeling right towards his head. He turned around and leaned back as far as he could, which cause the attacker to stumble and round on him from the other direction. Jesper reached out and grabbed both of his arms, pulling his arms behind him before he asked, “Can I help you?”

“No, but now that I’ve distracted you, the two of you are going to be a lot easier to deal with,” the man in his arms grinned. He turned his head back after the mask that he had poorly tied around his face so that Jesper could see the sun mark that was tattooed over his eye.

He dropped the man as quickly as he could and then dropped down to the ground. He managed to do it just in the right amount of time because a massive burst of fire came from either side of him, meeting in the middle and heating up to the point of being a sun flare on earth. He let out a breath as he reached down to his hips and unlatched his guns from where they always rested on his hips. Jesper only took a second to look to the right where Inej had been before.

She was locked into a fight with someone that looked to be an alkemi. They had a stripe of brown leather that held several tiny vials of fluid and powder. As they thought, they reached down and grabbed them before uncorking them with their mouth. The liquid would swirl in the air for just a second before landing near her, doing things that he had never heard of substances doing before.

Jesper grasped the gun in his right hand and then cocked it, firing it off without even thinking about it. He had aimed it for the alkemi’s ankle, which meant that the moment it connected it took them down to their knee. The Grisha then reached down and uncorked three vials at once before tossing it out at Inej. “Fucking stop!” he snarled as he rolled over onto his belly and then shot another bullet into his wrist so that he wasn’t able to bend anymore.

He had forgotten about the Grisha pyros that were attacking him in his attempts to get Inej to be okay. He turned around and was met with a hot blast of fire in his face in return. He put his arms over his head while he manipulated the leather covering his arms so that it would create a shield. It was something that he had discovered he could do once before when something had gone wrong with a prototype bomb that Wylan had been making while Jesper was hanging out with him.

He could feel the heat of the sparks getting dangerously close to the edges of his mask and the hair that was behind it. The flames licked at the leather of his jacket after they had burned the fabric cloak that lay over top of it, melting some of the inner lining in the direct area of the attack into his skin. He let out a scream of agony but was able to keep up the shield to keep himself safe.

Jesper kicked out blindly to be able to take down at least one of the Grisha that was attacking him. Nina had told them that Inferni usually worked with each other and developed very strong, borderline unhealthy, bonds with the ones that they decided to pair up with. That meant that if he got one of the attackers that the other was going to be quick to go to their fallen partner’s side.

The moment that he made contact, he made sure that he put all of his effort into it as he could. He kicked as hard as he could and heard the sound of bone snapping. He then dropped the shield and picked up the other gun from the holster, firing off two shots to take down the arm that was closest to him. “How dare you?” the partner of the Grisha he’d just incapacitated snarled at him.

“How dare I? You’re the one that attacked me, you asshole,” Jesper said. He swore as he felt someone grab his shoulders and drag him upwards. He couldn’t break away from them as easily as he might have had he been able to tell that they were coming and gotten into a better position. He had been in a gang for long enough to know how to fake someone out when he was pretending to be captured, doing so in a way that allowed him to have the upper hand.

“Check his sleeves, something is going on,” the person holding Jesper said. He immediately recognized that voice, it was the leader of the Fold Destroyers ad the one that had gotten him in this mess in the first place.

Inej used her ship to waylay slavers when they were taking the innocent people that they had stolen to the lands that they were going to sell them on. She would return them back to their true countries, or wherever else they wanted to go. It was only possible to do that when the ships were sailing far and wide enough to actually find the right ones, though. When the off season came and it was dangerous to sail her massive ship, she touched down back in Ketterdam and began to undo the damage that had been done before she became the Pirate Queen. She would remove indentures from work houses, pleasure dens, and all other locations where people had been sold into contracts they couldn’t read nor would ever pay off.

They had been on one such mission when the Fold Destroyers and stuck themselves into the middle of it. The new gang had popped up not long after the Ravkan government had begun to change how the Grisha worked thanks to the rule of the triumvirate. They based themselves off the things that the Sun Summoner had done before she had destroyed the Fold, subsequently freeing Ravka and the Grisha from the hold of the Darkling. Jesper had never been in the Second Army nor had he ever been taught by the Little Palace so he didn’t know how accurate all that was.

He did, however, know that they had no idea how Ketterdam or Kerch worked in general. They wandered around the city while pulling Grisha from their homes and their contracts without even asking. They didn’t seem to understand that some Grisha sold themselves into indenture contracts on purpose, especially the ones that had escaped the civil war a few years before. Jesper knew at least one squaller that worked with Inej and was indentured to the Dregs for the utmost protection. The Fold Destroyers didn’t ask questions about if they liked their life or if they had entered into something legally and fully consenting, speaking the Kerch language and everything. They just took people and kidnapped them back to Ravka.

They had recently gone and undermined Inej when she was trying to destroy a pleasure house called the Heart Melter. Seven out of the twenty Heartrenders that worked at the Heart Melter had been forced into the work, stolen specifically from Novyi Zem ships when they were traveling to a farmer’s co-op in the Wandering Isles. They had been going to make sure that their friends and families weren’t scammed into bad deals, but then they were forced to work making sure that the tourists and businessmen of Ketterdam didn’t carry too much tension. Inej had been planning on getting the girls out and then destroying the business form the inside out so that Kaz could buy it and treat the workers properly.

Unfortunately, the Fold Destroyers had come in and set the entire place ablaze. Several of the Heartrenders with genuine contracts that liked their work were forced onto the Ravkan ship while some had escaped and were no once more on the lam. The Novyi Zem Grisha had been the ones forced onto the ship for the most part, which made Jesper so angry that he could almost explode. 

The new gang was reckless, selfish, and entitled. They were lead by a woman that could wield fire. She had bleached blond hair that was so treated that it looked almost like straw was growing from her head, trying to mimic the way that Sankta Alina had looked like before her death. She had the sunburst tattoo spread out over her blue eyes and a sour expression almost permanently plastered onto her face.

The person that was currently holding him was said leader, none other than Nevena. One of the other Grisha stepped forward and grabbed his arm, twisting it over so that they could see his sleeve. More of the leather had attached itself to his arm since he had moved it back to where it was before he turned it into the shield.

“This wouldn’t have been able to protect him from our attack,” the Inferni that he had shot said as they looked over his damaged sleeve.

“Maybe you should let me go and then we can try again, see if you like the repercussions after that,” Jesper snarled. He pushed back and forth in the hold of Nevena. She tightened her grasp around his neck before he felt something cold and metal touching his stomach. He looked down and saw that she had pulled his mother’s gun from where he had re-holstered it near his hip. She was point it directly at the bone and meat of the organs sheltered in his abdomen. That really wasn’t good, he could feel the panic building in his gut and up the back of his neck. He knew that he could direct the bullet when he was the one shooting, but he wasn’t going to be abe to do anything without destroying his beloved weapon and possibly hurting himself worse.

“I wouldn’t try anything else like that,” Nevena warned. “You’re a traitor to your kind. I cant believe that you would dare to use the power that was gifted to you against your own people.”

“You fucks aren’t my people. You’re a bunch of entitled kids that were coddled in a palace where you never had to fight for anything and then thought that you could change the world because you’ve never had to live in it,” Jesper snarled. He knew that he should keep his mouth shut when someone was holding a gun to his gut, but he couldn’t help it. He was the one that had actually lived in a country where if anyone found out his power they could steal him from his bed and then throw him into slavery. They had all been taught by the best of the best teachers, never having to wonder where their next meal would come from or if they were going to have enough money for good shoes come the winter. They were spoiled and now they thought that they could change injustices they didn’t really understand.

“How dare you?” a squaller shouted as she stepped toward Jesper with her hand raised. Some of the moisture on his skin from when he had hit the semi-damp cobblestones began to creep closer to his eyes.

Nevena snarled, “He’s a traitor and a coward but he could still be useful to us. We can figure out a way for the Heartrenders that we saved to puppet him so that we can use his powers for our own gain.”

“Like fuck you will,” Jesper grumbled. They obviously had grandiose ideas of what Grisha could be. Jesper may have only known the theory from the conversations that he’d had with Nina, but he knew that it was incredibly difficult for even a team of Heartrenders to be able to puppet someone. The only people that would be able to do it were the fabled saints or someone that was doped up on so much parem that their body would be eating itself from the inside out.

“What are you going to do about it, traitor? We have the upper hand on you and that weird little bitch you travel with,” the alkemi that he had shot earlier said. “I managed to get it through her clothes and onto her shirt, so she’s not going to be able to get far without someone supporting her.”

“You managed to get what on her?” Jesper asked as he once again pulled on the hold that Nevena had on his arms. Whatever the alkemi had been using in the fight was no doubt dangerous, otherwise he was a total idiot. They belonged to the same classification of Grisha, Jesper knew that they were always inventing new things and that said things could kill a person in an instant. The idea of Inej being somewhere away from him and hurting so bad that she wouldn’t be able to travel on his own made his blood boil in a way that he wasn’t quite familiar with.

He knew that he loved her with his entire heart, it was hard not to love Inej like that. She was kind and compassionate, she was devout to her gods but had never tried to force them on anyone else because she understood the way of the world. She was forgiving but harsh, she was everything that he had ever wanted to be and more. She was also hurt right now, out there in the streets of Ketterdam when the Merchant Council was one meeting without Wylan away from trying to kill them outright. He had to get to her, he just had to.

“Does it matter? We’re going to take you back with us and you’ll never have to see her again. Soon you’ll understand that what we’re doing is the right way. You’ll understand that Grisha were meant to rule the world and liberating them is the right thing. You’ve just been brainwashed,” the alkemi said. He looked behind Jesper to the leader, who was nodding along with him.

“Oh, you guys are fucking crazy,” Jesper commented. He had gotten his boot halfway down his foot and now kicked it off so that it went flying at the inferni in front of him. They turned to the side and blasted an arc of fire high and wide, so that the squaller also had to fall back. Jesper then knocked his head backwards and up as hard as he could so that Nevena was hit in the nose and had to let go of him.

He let out a scream of pain as he felt the gun go off and slice through is flesh. His entire body became a white hot poker, blood oozing out of the new wound that had been added to the collection he was gathering. It hurt like nothing he had ever known before but the adrenaline in his system was preventing him from really feeling it. He holstered both of his guns and then ran into the nearest alley. He made sure that it was the right one before he slipped into the false wall that Kaz had made a long time ago. Allegedly the passage he now found himself in had been made so that servants of a late king that had resided in Ketterdam could complete their chores faster, but he was almost certain that they were used for smuggling.

“Jes?” Inej asked. She was laying against one of the tall stone walls with her head lolling from side to side. Her eyes were unfocused and the goop on her chest had melted her shirt.

“It’s me,” he replied. He removed his jacket and then pulled it over her, buttoning it in the front so that some of her modesty was protected. He had spent many intimate nights with her before, but she had always had total control of her faculties and had been able to retract consent whenever she wanted to. She hadn’t given her consent for Jesper to see her naked this time so it felt wrong to betray her.

“He put something on me that made me feel awful. Jes, I threw up,” she whimpered. She sounded almost like a kid when they got upset about something. He had helped raise and watch enough of the little ones during harvest season to know what that voice was. He could see some of her skin and it had taken on a sickly green appearance, but it wasn’t enough that he thought she was properly poisoned. It was likely something that would make her sick but wouldn’t kill her permanently. The Fold Destroyers had no qualms about killing people, but they liked to take them hostage more often than not so that they could interrogate them.

“You’re going to be okay, Inej,” Jesper assured her. He made sure that his jacket was all the way over her and then slung her arm around his shoulders. He stood up despite the way that it caused the injured muscles where he had been shot to scream with pain. His body was running on nothing but the energy that the fight had given him, but that was enough for him to fight with teeth and nails to get them somewhere safe.

They stepped down the tunnel, one foot after another. Neither of them said anything to the other. They stepped slowly through the dark tunnels, passing a few windows that looked into storefronts and alleyways. Kaz had done a good job leading them back to the safehouse because they were able to find them even while heavily injured and in the dark.

Jesper kicked at the door with his foot. He had one of his arms around Inej’s waist to hold her too limp body to him and the other holding onto her arm so that she was upright. He was so worried that his too-slow shot during the fight was going to result in her never being the same. He wasn’t an alkemi, he was a durast and a poorly trained one at that. He didn’t know how to identify the substance on her chest or what was going to help her overcome what it was doing to her.

As soon as the code knock had wrung out through the safehouse, the door into the tunnels was unlocked to reveal the other crows standing there. “We thought that something had happened, you’re both back late,” Kaz said. “Nina, Wylan!”

“I’ve got it,” Nina said as she rushed in. She took Inej into her arms and then helped the other girl up the few steps into the house. Wylan rushed over to her, pulling back the two sides of Jesper’s jacket so that he could see the wound on her chest. “Do you know what it is?” Nina asked.

Kaz and Matthias were trailing after the duo as they made their way to the nearest bedroom. Jesper stepped up into the house on his own despite how much moving his abdomen like that hurt. He had to make suer that he didn’t bleed out before he got the chance to tell Inej that he was sorry for not protecting her.

Memories washed over him as he remembered the fact that two years ago, he was the one that had gotten her hurt. He was the one that had too many debts and too loose lips so that the other gangs could figure out where they were going and try to stop them. He was the reason that she had been so pale and fragile on that bed, only saved because Nina knew enough battle healing to keep her alive and let her body fight.

He stopped in his tracks and turned to the side, retching out the remnants of the sticky bun that he and Inej had shared before the fight. He let her get hurt again when he was the reason that she had almost died all those years ago. He wasn’t sure that any of the Crows had really forgiven him for what he had done, he knew that he hadn’t. He loved Inej more than anything because she was kind and forgiving, but he wasn’t. He knew that he was a failure and a liability to the team, so having the confirmation that he was getting her hurt by doing it again was breaking him inside.

He pressed his messy fingers to the wound on his side and then stumbled to another part of the house. The living room had the same hardwood as the rest of the safehouse did, but the couch and chairs were all the same kind of plush that merchers would have throughout their mansions. He felt bad about it, but he figured that it was better the couch than into the floor that would never come out. No one needed to be reminded of his own mistakes or the selfishness of his wound when Inej had been so hurt on this fight.

Jesper fell down onto the couch and then let out a low breath. He knew what he had to do, but it was going to take a lot of energy that he didn’t have to do it correctly. He had only ever done it on small cuts that he had gotten that were annoying, nothing as serious as a bullet wound that didn’t even go through his entire body. He knew that there were no other options, though, he wasn’t going to take more attention away from Inej.

Firstly, he pulled the food that they had went out to buy out of his pockets and then set it down on the coffee table. He didn’t know what the Fold Destroyers might do to the Crows now that they knew at least one Grisha in their midsts. They needed time to plan before they went out to get food and they wouldn’t be able to do that if they had to go out within the next couple of days. Then, he got to work on the more serious matter.

He placed his palm up on his back so that it was cupping his hip bone and pelvis. He placed his other hand over the top of the wound that the bullet had caused. He let out a low breath as he focused on his power and figuring out what was inside of him.

His body was a mess of conflicting feelings. He could feel his power surging through his veins, summoned from the place where it lay dormant inside of him. It felt like every gunfight that he had gotten in when he was running around with the Crows. It felt like an adrenaline rush like nothing ever had before, like his body was borrowing from those around him to fill him up with that magical chemical.

Warring against that was something monstrous and overwhelming. It was eating up the adrenaline and making his eyes black out with a film that couldn’t be removed. The pain sparked from the place where the bullet had entered his body and then sparked out in lightning formations all over his body. He could feel it traveling from his hip down to the very edges of his toes and then back up. It was so different than the emotional pain of knowing that he had hurt Inej. That ached in his heart and made his skin feel as though it had been lit on fire. He didn’t know how to deal with either of them in a way that was better than just gritting his teeth and deciding that he could ride it out.

He searched for something more substantial and found it oozing out through his fingers. The iron element that had microscopic pieces floating around in his blood was reaching out to him and his powers. It was essentially begging him to be able to wield it into something useful or to go back into his body where it would be processed to help with the daily functions of his organs. He could do nothing with it though, his powers were too messy and unrefined to be able to manipulate something so loose.

If he had been pumped full of parem then he might have been facing a different story, but that drug was long gone thanks to the Ravkan government and the efforts of the Crows. 

Jesper let out a little whimper. He knew what the effects of that damned drug was and yet he couldn’t help but long for it. He had watched Nina battle with what it had turned her into, both in the immediate after when she had been suffering from her withdrawals and then later when she had realized the way that it had changed his powers. He also understood what Fabrikators such as himself were ordered to do when they were on the drug, he had seen the beasts of people that had been created with iron skeletons and wings leaching to their back. He didn’t want that, but he did want to live.

That thought alone was enough to make him cry. A few years ago he would have only had this strong of a desire to live if someone had reminded him of his father. Then it would have been squashed as he remembered what an embarrassing failure he had become. He had left the farm so that he could go to college and bring back more money and resources for them to lead their lives with. Instead, he had found a gang and gotten so wrapped up in that mess that it had almost cost him the farm that he was fighting so hard to protect.

His father knew all of those things now, or at least the parts that they had felt safe to tell him, and still accepted Jesper. Colm was a good man and even better for immediately rolling with the punches that Jesper had dealt him. He was supportive of Jesper bringing back five partners instead of just one, for braiding his hair in the way of the Zemini but singing in the way of the Kerch, and for being a gangster that lived in the worst part of Ketterdam. The two still had a strained relationship, it wasn’t something that Jesper would fight too hard for when the little voice in the back of his mind was there to remind him that Colm would keep living as he always had. It was the way of people that came from the Wandering Isle, especially given how harsh those lands were to live in.

Now, though, he had something that he wanted to hold onto with both of his hands and never let go of. He had partners that he adored more than anything, and he had to apologize to Inej. He had to apologize to everyone for not being able to get them the things that they had asked for, for bringing Inej home without being able to protect her like he had promised, and for getting blood on the couch that Nina had deemed her favorite in their hideout.

He found the bullet buried inside of him then. It was like the love that he felt swelling up in his heart was enough to amplify his power more than the scales, talons, teeth, or bones of any animal would. In his mind, he was glowing the way that Sankta Alina had when she brought down the Fold. He grunted as he pushed the bullet with one hand and pulled it with the other. The amount of concentration that required was enough to make him feel like he was going to burst a blood vessel in his forehead.

He screamed in agony as the pellet of metal began to scrape through the nerve endings and veins that it had already cut through. He kept his teeth shut as he tried to keep himself from biting his tongue or making more noise than he absolutely had to.

“Jesper?” Someone shouted from down the hall. He knew that it wasn’t Nina or Inej, which made him more comfortable with opening his eyes to see who it was. Nina knew a lot about how to heal people even if she no longer had the powers that she once did. Inej was hurt and needed to be tended to, so it would have broken him entirely if he had interrupted her chance to rest.

“I’m sorry,” was the only thing that he managed to get out before the world went black around the edges of his vision.

When he next came to, he recognized the room that he was in. He knew that there were several bedrooms throughout the safehouse that Kaz had chosen to hole them up in. This one specifically had six so that they could have their own space or bunk together if it was necessary to keep away the nightmares and worries. Jesper was in the one that he had decided was his own, with the light pink walls that had flower wallpaper around the topmost edge of the wall and a big window with billowing purple curtains. The bed itself had an iron frame so he felt it when he was really beginning to drift down into his dreams, steady and affirming that he had lived to see another day despite everything trying to stop him from doing so.

He then became aware of the way that his body felt, once more reminded that he had been through something brutal. His mouth felt like it had been stuffed with cotton just long enough to dry up all the spit he had ever produced in his life before it was removed. His limbs felt heavy and tingly, like blood was still attempting to return to them after too long being still. His side where he had gotten shot with the bullet was radiating pain that felt more like a dull ache than a knife running directly over his nerves. He could feel some warmth on the wound and his forehead as well, which made him worry that he had somehow contracted an infection.

He couldn't remember what had happened after the bullet had hit his hand, though. He knew that someone had walked in and seen what he was doing, but he didn’t know who that was or what they had done about the entire fiasco. 

Jesper slowly sat up on the bed and propped himself up against the headboard so that he could look around the room more. There was a plate and a glass of water on the top of the dresser that was pressed to the wall next to the window. On the plate was a piece of cheese, something that looked like cake, and bits of dried meat. It was a meal, or what passed as one while they were hiding out, and he desperately wanted some of it and the water.

He inched his way to the edge of the bed and then slowly pulled himself to his feet. He had one hand over his wound like he was holding his organs inside of his body while he shuffled his way over to the dresser. He picked up the glass and down all of it before he realized that he wasn’t alone in the room.

Kaz was sitting in the chair that was in the opposite corner to the dresser, his black clothing making him appear to be one with the shadows. His head was bowed down towards the ground and his arms were crossed over his chest. Jesper could tell that he was sleeping because he could see Kaz breathing, something that the other man usually managed to hide somehow. 

Quietly, he picked up the plate and then shuffled back over to the bed. He sat down on the warm quilts as he began to hungrily dig into the food. He hadn’t realized just how famished he was until the first crumbs of cheese hit his tongue. He watched Kaz has he slept, paying attention to every single twitch of his cheeks and mouth. He knew what it looked like when his partner was having a nightmare, but this appeared to just be a particularly vexing dream.

He turned his head when the door to the room opened to let in another person. Nina pursed her lips and placed her hands on her hips as she stepped in so that she could fully see what was happening. “Kaz Brekker! I thought that you said you were good to watch Jesper so that the rest of us could go out on a supply run.”

The man in question jerked awake, his dark eyes darting around the room like they always did when he awoke. He assessed what was happening and what Nina had said before he replied, “He’s clearly fine, Zenik.”

“He took a bullet for you, Brekker. The least you could do is keep your demon eyes open so that you can get him his meal when he woke,” she chided. She sounded every bit the motherly figure that someone would expect to see in a sickroom. Kaz just rolled his eyes and looked out the window sullenly, clearly brooding over something that Jesper couldn’t put his finger on.

She walked over to Jesper and took the now empty plate from his hands, setting it down on the nightstand. She placed her hand on his head and then underneath his jaw so that she could check his glands. She then pressed to his stomach and watched for the places that were tender and what wasn’t. She laid him back on the bed and put the quilts over his long legs, something that made him feel very guilty.

“Is Inej okay?” he asked.

“She’s just fine. The drug that they gave her was something similar to what Wylan used when he mimicked the firepox. This, however, made her feel like she had the flu and gave her some blisters because it got on her skin. She’s been recovered since the moment she came back here,” Nina replied. “You, on the other hand-”

“Are a complete idiot,” Kaz finished for her. He had stood from the chair and was now limping over to the bed. Jesper didn’t know why he didn’t have his cane in his hand, it was laying right next to the chair and easily reachable. “Why didn’t you come and tell us that you had been shot after you gave Inej to us?”

“Because it was my fault that she got hurt in the first place,” Jesper admitted with his head hanging low. “I was the reason that she got stabbed before we left and the reason that she got kidnapped. I’m the cause of everything that hurts her.”

“I’m going to go get her to prove just how wrong you are,” Nina replied. She got up and flounced out of the room before either of her partners had a chance to object to it. 

Jesper refused to raise his head and meet Kaz’s gaze. He kept remembering the fight that they had the first time that they were on the run. Kaz had blatantly put it out there that Jesper was the reason that their plan had almost failed and they had all almost died. Somewhere along the way, Jesper had been forgiven and welcomed back in with open arms. The fight still stuck around in his worst nightmares, reminding him that there was something that he could do that would push him away from them all. He didn’t want to lose them, he wasn’t sure what he would do without his Crows.

“I was worried about you, Jes,” Kaz said quietly.

It was the only thing that he was able to see before the door banged open and in came Nina and Inej. Matthias and Wylan followed a couple minutes later, taking up residence in the chair that Kaz had been sleeping in after giving Jesper a kiss and a hug each. Nina crawled onto the baseboard and sat there while watching everything unfold. Kaz creakily sat down on the edge of the bed with his gaze towards the painting.

“So Nina has informed me that you think it’s your fault I got splashed with that gross stuff when I was fighting the Alkemi? And that every bad thing that happened to me is your fault?” Inej said as she reached over and took his hand.

“I was the reason that you got stabbed before we even got to the Ferolind,” Jesper shrugged. He winced when the action pulled awkwardly at his wound and laid back properly in the bed.

“You were the one that leaked the information, yes, but if you hadn’t then someone else would have. It would have been Wylan’s nervousness or Matthias’ bluntness or Nina’s something or other. It could have been anyone that leaked the information, especially since we were taking non-Crows with us. You leaked the information and it did end up in me getting hurt, but you weren’t the one to drive the knife into my side. You also weren’t responsible for defending me the time I got kidnapped or when that Alkemi made me sick,” she said. She reached up and trailed her calloused fingers down his face, which made him lean into the touch. “I love you, Jesper. I want you to be able to see us as your tribe or family or lovers or whatever it is you want to call us. You can rely on us because we do not blame you for something that you did not do.”

“I was just trying to be independent and self-sufficient. It’s very important in the Zemini frontier,” he replied. While that was true, he was stretching the meaning of it as far as it could. Out on the edges of civilization they had to rely on themselves and the land, but a farm was still usually at least five people to manage the fields during the time that people would really be getting hurt and needing to rely on others. They were his farm, and he was okay with that.

“Have you ever considered that perhaps those things are overrated? You’re another one of my investments, Fahey, and I want to be able to get my money back tenfold,” Kaz replied. He removed one of his thick leather gloves and sat it down on the end table. It had been a long time since Kaz had told them all about his issues with touch and not nearly as long since he had started trusting them enough to touch him with his bare skin. There were still some days where he couldn’t bare it and they all respected that, which was why Jesper was so surprised when he felt fingers against his face.

“You may have chosen the wrong person to trust with that kind of money,” Jesper mumbled as his face was tilted upwards.

“I am never wrong,” Kaz replied breathlessly. Their lips connected in a gentle and compassionate kiss, one that made Jesper feel as though he were melting.