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Language:
English
Series:
Part 9 of Sorrowful and Immaculate Hearts
Stats:
Published:
2016-04-29
Words:
1,146
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
538
Kudos:
19,468
Bookmarks:
2,477
Hits:
178,482

Bad Publicity

Summary:

Bruce Wayne is either really bad at Twitter, or really, really good.

Notes:

Either Tumblr or Imgur will resize images to your screen if you're on mobile; screenshots are bigger and prettier on Imgur. A transcript only viewable to screen readers has been added. Disabling the work skin will make the text visible above the images.

(See the end of the work for more notes and other works inspired by this one.)

Work Text:

(A Twitter post of a screenshot of Bruce Wayne's Twitter profile, username @BruceWayne. He is verified. His location is Gotham, USA; his homepage link is http://ow.ly/4ndGc2. He is following one account and has 2.34 million followers. His profile header is a picture of a mansion, and his avatar is Tom from MySpace. He has not tweeted.)

(An avatar of Chris Hayes, a white man with glasses and short hair.) Christopher Hayes @ChrisLHayes - Aug 14

Am I the last person on earth to notice how weird @BruceWayne's twitter is?

(783 ReTweets) (1.1K Favorites)

Christopher Hayes tweets: So, yes.

Quote-tweeting Clark Kent @DailyPlanetKent who tweeted: @ChrisLHayes It's been like that since 2009.

Christopher Hayes tweets: Apparently there is a whole meme about this and I had no idea.

Quote-tweeting Seb @NebulousFork who tweeted: @ChrisLHayes whenever a new site or app comes out he claims his username and never uses it

Christopher Hayes tweets: This is starting to seem like an elaborate form of performance art.

Quote-tweeting Maxine @ToTheMaxine who tweeted: @ChrisLHayes Has anyone mentioned yet that his header is the mansion from that made-for-tv movie? And the bio link goes to the iTunes TOS.

Christopher Hayes tweets: Do you think I can have him on the show just to ask about this?

(He has posted a screenshot of @BruceWayne's following page. The only account he follows is wint @dril.)

(An avatar of a pretty Black woman with an afro, leaning out of a car and holding a camera to her eye. Her display name is The Girl From The Thing, username @TrickieNickie. A Twitter thread from March 13th, 2016 follows, beginning at 7:07 PM)

@TrickieNickie tweets: (In all-caps for emphasis) I fucked up!

(980 ReTweets, 1.5K Favorites)

@TrickieNickie tweets: (All-Caps) OMFG @BruceWayne I'm so sorry! 😭😭😭

(1.3K ReTweets, 2K Favorites)

@TrickieNickie tweets: I am so dumb, OMG

(48 ReTweets, 464 Favorites)

@TrickieNickie tweets: We were hanging out at @BruceWayne's house, right? (All-Caps) Like ya do!

(893 ReTweets, 1.2K Favorites)

@TrickieNickie tweets: (All-Caps) Except I forgot about my ring tone! I never fixed my fucking ring tone after #JokerPocalypse last week!

(1.2K ReTweets, 1.9K Favorites)

@TrickieNickie tweets: Okay fine two weeks ago I forgot about the other #JokerPocalypse so sue me (All-Caps) I've been busy!

(616 ReTweets, 1.1K Favorites)

@TrickieNickie tweets: The point is, (All-Caps) my phone did the Joker laugh while I was hanging out with @BruceWayne! The guy who got held hostage last April!

(987 ReTweets, 2.5K Favorites)

@TrickieNickie tweets: (All-Caps) I nearly gave @BruceWayne a goddamn heart attack! 😱💀 He almost died! I'm so sorry Bruce! 🙇🏾‍♀️🙏🏿

(994 ReTweets, 3K Favorites)

@TrickieNickie tweets: He said he had to go run errands but (All-Caps) I don't believe him, he's rich, why would he be running his own errands!

(995 ReTweets, 3K Favorites)

@TrickieNickie tweets: (All-Caps) You are a terrible liar @BruceWayne!

(1.1K ReTweets, 2.3K Favorites)

@TrickieNickie tweets: (All-Caps) If anyone sees Bruce Wayne at the Piggly Wiggly, tell him Nickie is sorry and he needs to text her back! 😫😭

(A tweet from the verified account of Bruce Wayne, @BruceWayne, posted at 8:21 PM on March 13th, 2016.)

@BruceWayne tweets: Everything is fine. Don't worry about it.

(2.3K ReTweets, 9K Favorites)

(A screenshot of a text conversation with someone whose contact name is Papa Bear. The time on the phone is 8:41 PM and the battery is at 17%. The conversation reads:)

Sent: (All-Caps) Why didn't you just text me that!

Received: That tweet was for everyone.

Received: The only reason anyone ever Tweets at me is to ask if I'm mad at someone, or make sure I'm okay.

Received: It is the only Tweet I will ever need.

Sent: Bruce, no

Sent: That's now how checking in on you works 😓

Received: Bruce, yes.

Received: I'm always fine, I'm just being efficient.

Sent: (All-Caps, with spaces between each letter for further emphasis) Bruce! 😫

Sent: (All-Caps) Twitter is not the place to be efficient I swear to god 😣😓

@TrickieNickie tweets: I texted @BruceWayne about #BruceWayneTweets

(6.7K ReTweets, 11K Favorites)

(A screenshot of a Twitter DM conversation.)

User with an avatar of a small while puppy: lmao fuck them

and their fancy fucking prom

5:18 PM

User with an avatar of SpongeBob holding a rainbow: Our prom will be gay trash, to accurately reflect our values

5:19 PM

User taking screenshots: maybe their yacht will catch fire

5:20 PM

User with a MySpace Tom avatar: So these parents are actually throwing an entire separate prom just to be assholes?

5:21 PM

User taking screenshots: (All-Caps) Um!

5:22 PM

User with a Shrek 'just right' meme avatar: (All-Caps) Are you shitting me!

(A tweet from a user named VoidFucker @TeenGhostDad with an avatar of the genderqueer pride flag, posted April 16th, 2016)

i added @BruceWayne to our group chat like a month ago as a joke but (All-Caps, with some lower case letters to convey frantic confusion) He just started talking to us??? Help

(2.5K ReTweets, 7K Favorites)

@TeenGhostDad tweets at 6:36 PM: (All-Caps) @BruceWayne just called my mom and offered to throw us a fancy gay prom! What even is happening!

(9.2K ReTweets, 12.6K Favorites)

(A tweet in all-caps from user Space Ace @GeckoMancer with an avatar of Data from Star Trek: TNG dressed as Sherlock Holmes, posted at 6:54 PM.)

I'm screaming! @BruceWayne just dragged our vice principal straight to hell! #FancyGayProm

(A screenshot of a Twitter DM that reads: Don't let anyone tell you how to dress, but especially not someone who looks like a Confederate general fell through a wormhole and landed in the Riddler's closet.)

(1.1 ReTweets, 4.6 Favorites)

(A screenshot of a Twitter DM conversation. The first message is a picture of Matt Furie's Pepe the frog from the comic Boy's Club. It has been edited to have styled black hair, a tuxedo, and a pink bowtie. He is wearing pixellated sunglasses from the 'Deal With It' meme. The rest of the conversation reads:)

Sent: I don't know how to thank you so have this one of a kind artisanal pepe

7:16 PM

Received: I thought you said you didn't know how to thank me.

Received: But seriously, do me a favor and don't talk to strange men on the internet. Seriously.

7:18 PM

Bruce Wayne has left the group chat.

@TeenGhostDad tweets: I don't understand anything that just happened

(1.6K ReTweets, 2.4K Favorites)

(A screenshot of Bruce Wayne's Twitter profile. The header image is still a mansion used in a made-for-TV movie, and his homepage link is still the iTunes TOS. He is still only following one user. His icon is now a one-of-a-kind artisinal Pepe. He has a single tweet from March 13th: "Everything is fine. Don't worry about it.")

Notes:

Bruce changed his avatar after creeps appropriated Pepe. He paid Matt Furie to draw him an egg, which was the default avatar at the time.

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