Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“THAT MEAT THERE… DOESN’T BELONG TO YOU!!!”

Sanji’s voice screeched, as the anguish of his struggles exploded. His kick’s power was uncontrollable, as it was planted into the soldier’s face. The soldier who tried to take his meat. Luffy’s food. The food that Sanji now had to get to him.

He was panting, as the weight of his emotional exhaustion settled in. He had caught the meat that went flying into the air and felt his mind swim in disarray. Moments earlier, he had given up. He thought he would die with his family in an execution on his altar. He had cried helplessly in the rain, unable to find light as he drowned in his darker thoughts.

Hours earlier, he declared the end of his adventure with his proposal. He had kicked his captain to near death, a sin so unforgivable that he wouldn’t be allowed back.

Even before that, he had been threatened – if he acted out of line, his father’s head would go flying. If he left the island, his precious treasure, his hands, would’ve exploded.

He was treated like he was nothing his entire time here. And Sanji had accepted it, because that’s what he was.

But.

“What are you… doing here…?!” the soldier had choked out, as others had begun yelling in the background about the disruption.

Yeah… what AM I doing?!

Despite everything, why did he turn heel and sprint down the hallways like this? Ignoring the noise in the background, why the hell was the only thing on his mind that he had to get to Luffy?

“And if you don’t come back… I’ll sit here and starve!!!”

Luffy was starving. Sanji never left anyone to starve. That’s why he was running. Its not because he wanted hope. Its not because he wanted to be forgiven. Its not because he wanted to go home.

He just needed to fulfil his duty, because he was Luffy’s cook.

~~~

He was sweating so much. The cold syrupy rain had long dampened him, and it was uncomfortable. His clothes had stuck to his body, and it had a sweet scent. Sanji had already been doused in it when he cried outside Pudding’s window. His lungs heaved uncomfortably, as he gripped tightly to the picnic basket in his hand.

It hurt, but no thought surpassed the one that pulsed in his head. He had to find Luffy. He needed to feed Luffy. He had to make sure the food in his hand made it to Luffy.

A dog attacked his basket, and Sanji briefly stopped to yank the food away.

“No! Stop!!” Sanji cried, as the hungry dog viciously ripped through the basket, “that’s not your food!!”

In the struggle, Sanji had dropped the everything. The contents of his food went spilling around in the rain, and the dog jumped in. Sanji caught the animal in his hands before smiling softly at him. It was probably a stupid sight; a miserable prince sat on the floor in the cold rain, holding back a rabid dog.

“I’m sorry…” he whispered, as he took a rice ball and handed it to the dog, “but I need to get this to someone important.”

The dog sniffed at the rice ball and began devouring it as Sanji picked up the spilled contents of food in haste. He shoved it into the lunch box and then kept going.

He tried not to think about how this was probably the worst dish he would ever give his captain. How fitting, the last dish Sanji would prepare for his captain is a useless failure.

If he had been idle, he would have let out a dry chuckle at that one.

He only kept running.

~~~

Wheezing out breath, he had stumbled upon that field. It was a mess of soldiers. Corpses of chess piece soldiers. He was huffing as he stared out into the sea of bodies.

“It looks like they’re heading out… to find and vanquish the straw hat.”

Sanji stepped through the field.

Seems like it was a hell of a battle.

He was cataloguing the state of these guys. There was no life in this field at all, and a pang of terror filled Sanji again. The emotion feels incredibly permanent.

“It says here that they’ve apprehended both Straw Hat Luffy and the Cat Burglar!!!”

But you said you’d be waiting for me right here!!

“Where are you?!” Sanji muttered frantically between gasps of air.

Sanji slowly lifted bodies up, checking people that looked vaguely like his straw hatted captain. His breaths came out short, as fear pulsed through him. Memories of the battle here came to mind as he remembered how his own captain really had been lying in his own blood. While Sanji stood over him feigning impassiveness.

~~~

“HEEEEY!!! SANJI!!! HAVEN’T SEEN YA IN A WHILE!!!”

?!!

Sanji was forcibly snapped out of his loud overthinking mind, as his instincts screamed at him that this was bad. This was wrong. His crew should’ve gone without him, Sanji had left a note. This place was a dangerous hell hole that Sanji felt closing in on him. Sanji himself was trapped with no way out. He had been threatened and cornered until he had no fight left in him.

So why the hell was Luffy here?!

He couldn’t stop gaping in horror – his eyes wide, and his mouth agape. Luffy was in the air, his stance in celebration as he jumped. There was this… giant tree stump that was probably Big Mom’s homies running at top speeds. On top of that was…

“It’s Sanji-kun!! Thank goodness, we made it in time!!! I thought I’d never see you again!!”

Luffy wasn’t even here alone. Nami was here too. Sanji has probably never seen Nami this relieved to see him. But that didn’t matter. His mind was a mess of questions. He was scared for their lives. They were going to die, and it’d be because they came to this hellish territory? But why?

“What are they… doing here…?” Sanji gritted out to himself.

This was Big Mom’s territory! One of the four emperors of the sea! If Luffy was here, then another emperor would be after their crew? Why the hell did he come anyway? It made no sense!!

“YOOOO!!” Luffy cheered, as his arms outstretched to grab the edge of the carriage and he sling-shotted forward, “WE CAME TO GET YOU, SANJI!!!”

He looks so happy. The carriage wobbled unsteadily, and Sanji had closed his eyes tightly in emotional turmoil.

“I know you wrote that you’d be back in the letter… but…!”

His teeth gritted his lit cigarette, and he was sweating uncontrollably. Luffy’s chipper voice didn’t even register in his mind anymore. Behind his closed eyes, he saw his friends. Happier times.

A banquet. Cheers and celebration.

“IT’S A PARTY!!”

Luffy would’ve cheered as they all toasted in celebration for being… being alive. There would be music and food and smiling faces.

Sanji turned his head away and began trembling. His breathing was short, as he opened his eyes again. He couldn’t hear what Luffy was saying. But he did see his hands. His cuffed hands that trapped him here. Voices began to echo in his head.

“If you try to escape this island… it will blow your hands off at the wrist!!”

He was trapped and Luffy was here for him.

But he can’t leave.

“If you should decline Mama’s invitation…”

He can’t leave.

“Do you want his head to fly from his shoulders?!”

He can’t leave.

And so, in a swift motion, Sanji got up from his seat. He saw a flash of Luffy’s grin, before he sent a foot into his jaw. Everything was silent, except for the deafening sound of Luffy hitting the floor.

He can’t leave, but he had to make sure Luffy, and the others did. And so…

And so…

And so, he would…

“Hey!! What was that for, Sanji-kun?!” Nami questioned in confusion and shock.

Sanji’s heartbeat pulsed in his chest. There was no turning back now. Sanji had let his own fear take the helm of the ship that was his body. Because he had to. He didn’t want anyone important to him dying and he was scared it’d come to that.

And so, he would show the highest amount of disrespect towards his captain.

“Get lost… you miserable, inferior pirates!!”

Sanji’s voice sounded so cold to him. He had to detach himself from the man he followed. The person in front of him… wasn’t important at all. The expression of shock on his face, Sanji didn’t care about it.

Somehow, the thought hurt more than the words he began spew next.

“My name… is Vinsmoke Sanji,” Sanji spoke with a stab to his heart, “and I am… a prince of Germa Kingdom!!”

He was a Vinsmoke now. He would be like his brothers now. Sanji would resist the urge to collapse to his knees, bow his head and apologise. To take it all back and cry.

“Forgive me for hiding this from you!!” Sanji continued despite that, “if I had told you, it would only have made you self-conscious. The difference in status between us is obvious.”

He was babbling cruelties now. But he paid attention to every word he was saying. He etched it into his mind forever. Because he would make sure he never forgave himself.

“Here, I have all the money, soldiers and servants I can use!!” Sanji yelled, breathing in the nicotine that provided no comfort he was speaking of, “if my choice is between returning to you and your chuckleheaded crewmates and living in luxury here with Big Mom’s beautiful daughter as my wife… which do you think would make me happier??”

The answer was so obvious. He was happy with Luffy. Chasing his dream to find the All Blue, he was at his happiest. He couldn’t have been happier.

And with another stab to his heart, he kept going.

“There’s no comparison!! Stop taking that letter seriously!! I’m not going back!!!” Sanji let rage contort his features, “I’m amazed you came all this way. Poor sap… just go… whatever your name is.”

Sanji would never forget Luffy’s name for the rest of his life. But he hoped that he would get the idea. Luffy should hate him now.

“Hell no!! What are you talking about?! This makes no sense!!” Luffy yelled in disbelief.

Oh.

“HAHAHA! Hey! I wanna help!!” Yonji’s cruel laugh bellowed.

Sanji held his hand up.

“Don’t get involved,” he instructed, with another stab to his heart, “I’ll drive him off!!”

He hopped off the carriage and slowly began walking towards his now standing captain.

“What do you mean drive me off, Sanji?!” Luffy questioned, his own rage seeping out.

“Get lost,” Sanji translated coldly, a strange sense of calmness settling him as the pain numbed into something akin to resolve, “what other meaning do you need?! I don’t know what got into your head, but I appreciate that you came all this way to see me. Here’s the thing though, if you really care about me, aren’t you going about this backwards?”

The look on Luffy’s face was one of hurt.

“Aligning myself with the rich and powerful Big Mom Pirates can bring me much more happiness than sticking around with your tiny, poor crew,” Sanji talked, his pulse beating into him as the knife in his heart twisted venomously, “if I’m being honest, I don’t even know if you have what it takes to be Pirate King. It’s just common sense, if you want to win the race, you must choose the right horse.”

Sanji felt sick. Luffy’s expression morphed into something unreadable.

“STOP JOKING AROUND SANJI-KUN!! WHAT’S GOTTEN INTO YOU?!” Nami cried out. Sanji didn’t miss a beat when he glared at her. Fear washed over her face as she gasped. She looked hurt too, as her fragile trust burst into pieces. Sanji didn’t let his own hurt show on his face, as he willed his leg to set into flames.

“So… what you’re saying is… you’ve been lying to me all along…” Luffy calmly deciphered. Finally, this was going somewhere. Sanji didn’t know what he’d do if Luffy was adamantly in denial.

“Yeah, that’s right! I’ve been looking down on you on the inside,” Sanji replied, getting into fighting stance, “I realise it’s probably hard to accept reality when it comes so suddenly. So, I’ll beat it into you instead. Put up your fists!!!”

Beating things into helpless people was… a very Vinsmoke thing to do. Sanji gritted his teeth as he jumped into a fast sky walk.

“DIABLE JAMBE!!” Sanji flew into Luffy, hoping the boy was bracing himself, “JOUE SHOT!!”

Sanji kicked him in the face but was met with no resistance. But inside, he was wailing in sorrow with how painful this was. Every single time Luffy hit the ground as he got sent flying with incredible force made Sanji want to flinch. Luffy tumbled in mid air and then skidded onto his feet.

Sanji only watched in horror as Luffy planted his feet into the ground and stood before him. His face was red; blood was gushing down his nose. His expression didn’t change, and Sanji knew that there was no attempt at defence.

But why did he not…

It doesn’t matter.

“Put up your fists,” Sanji ordered, grimacing at the boy in front of him. He did not want to do this.

He had to detach himself.

“I’m not going to fight you,” Luffy replied.  

Sanji narrowed his eyes in frustration. But he had to detach himself.

If he didn’t then this would… just hurt.

“FINE!! THEN DISAPPEAR!!” Sanji screamed out, running to him and jumping into the air.

“I won’t do that either!!” Luffy declared.

“YOU ALWAYS INSIST ON GETTING YOUR OWN WAY!!!” Sanji yelled out, kicking Luffy in the face – once again with such a force that Luffy went tumbling. He hit the ground so many times. But he still managed to land on his feet and stand in front of him.

He was so obviously in pain.

Why was he still standing in front of him?

Why was he so insistent!?

“Hey cook!! Join us! Be the cook for my pirate crew!!”

Sanji’s heart wailed in grief.

“STOP IT SANJI-KUN!! WE’RE ONLY HERE TO BRING YOU BACK!!” Nami cried out from the top of the tree, grabbing his attention with her shrill voice, “LUFFY FOUGHT WITH AN ENEMY OFFICER ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT TO GET HERE! HE’S IN BAD CONDITION!!”

“ENOUGH NAMI!!” Luffy interrupted, “don’t interfere… this is a duel.”

Sanji ran to him, gritting out his next words, “you call this a duel?”

He kicked Luffy in the side. Then he kicked into his gut. He kicked Luffy’s jaw and sent him into the air. He gave his former captain no time to recover. And Luffy kept landing on his feet.

Blood dripped down his rubbery skin.

And Sanji wanted to die.

“LUFFY!!!” Nami called out.

“GET LOST ALREADY!!” Sanji cried in frustration, kicking him over and over and over, “BEGONE FROM MY SIGHT!!”

Luffy still remained on his feet, his breath coming in short wheezes. He looked him in the eye with fierce determination.

“No.”

Sanji felt his mind stop working, as he kicked Luffy before he even processed the refusal. Luffy was so persistent. Sanji had to put an end to this. There was no end in sight. But he had to.

He had sent Luffy into rubble, before he pivoted himself into the sky. He than spun his entire body around and set it aflame. His strongest momentum. His strongest kick.

“ALRIGHT, SANJI-KUN, ALRIGHT!! WE’LL LEAVE!!!!!” Nami sobbed out frantically, and Sanji’s face contorted in grief at hearing her despair.

“I’M NOT LEAVING!!” Luffy’s voice yelled in resolution.

But Sanji was stubborn.

“You’re a good cook, and you’re joining my crew!!”

“CONCASSE!!!!!” Sanji screamed out, landing a flaming kick into Luffy’s skull.

There was still no resistance, and he could see Luffy’s consciousness slipping out of him as he fell to the ground. Sanji stared soullessly into the burning mess he’d made of him, before he turned around and walked away. His gaze was cold, as he tried not to think.

“Hang on, Sanji!!” Nami’s voice called out.

Sanji turned briefly, only to be met with a large slap to the face. It hurt. And with the pain, shame joined in. Nami had lost respect for him.

“Goodbye,” Nami said, her voice shaking, “sorry for overstepping our bounds.”

Sanji couldn’t look her in the eye.

He climbed onto the carriage.

“Well, it seems that unnecessary connection has been served at last…” Judge commented.

“Sorry about that, let’s go,” Sanji huffed out in chilling exhaustion. He took his seat, and the carriage started moving.

He let it settle in, the thought that this was actually goodbye. The last memory of his crew would never be a happy one now, forever tainted by him. Just like how he tainted everything. He let his hand cover his face, not wanting the world to see him like this.

“WAIT, SANJI!!!” Luffy’s voice echoed through the field.

Why…

Sanji gritted his teeth, as his hand tangled into his hair. He can’t get attached. He had to detach himself. This hurt too much, the emotions, the pain, the suffering. The self-hatred, the shame, the… the terror.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘INFERIOR PIRATES’?! YOU KNOW YOU DON’T MEAN THAT!!! STOP LYING!!!” Luffy screamed out.

He had seen through the lie.

“DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN DRIVE ME OFF LIKE THIS?!! DON’T BE STUPID!!!” Luffy cried, high levels of emotions seeping through his speech, “YOU CAN KICK ME ALL YOU WANT… BUT YOU’RE THE ONE FEELING THE PAIN!!!”

Sanji’s foot jerked. He was trembling. And despite all his attempts to hold his own emotions at bay, he began to cry. He pursed his lips, as a stream of tears and snot had dripped down his face. He just let them fall.

Sanji was a mess, and the pain was overwhelming.

He could hear Nami protesting. He could hear Luffy telling Nami to shut up.

Reiju’s voice pierced him, “should we stop, Sanji?”

Sanji’s quiet, shaky voice came out with a whisper, “no.”

“Ever hear of the All Blue??”

“THIS VOYAGE ISN’T OVER YET!!!”

No. It was over. And the grief made him sob. His breath hitched as he couldn’t control himself anymore. But like he latched onto his own cruel words, his ears strained to hear Luffy’s.

“I’LL BE WAITING RIGHT HERE!!” Luffy’s voice became louder to compensate for the distance between them growing, “AND IF YOU DON’T COME BACK… I’LL JUST SIT HERE AND STARVE!!!”

No.

“I MEAN, YOU’RE THE COOK FOR MY SHIP!!”

His brothers were laughing. But Sanji couldn’t stop himself. His body shook as pure emotion coarsed through him. There was no logic here. He didn’t deserve this.

“Eww! He was cooking for rats again!!”

Luffy loved his cooking.

“I WON’T EAT ANYONE’S FOOD BUT YOURS ANYMORE!!!”

He couldn’t take this anymore.

“I’LL JUST STAND HERE AND STARVE, OUT IN THE RAIN AND THE SNOW, WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK!!!” Luffy screamed.

And Sanji was overwhelmed. He didn’t want to see anyone starve. He didn’t want his crewmates to starve. But Luffy was the last person he wanted to witness starving. Especially for his sake.

He loves food so much, he can’t!

“COME BACK SANJI!!! WITHOUT YOUR HELP…” Luffy cried with emotion, “I CAN’T BECOME… THE PIRATE KING!”

And that line broke a quiet wail out of him. He gritted his teeth, as his own pathetic voice cried in pain and hurt.

Luffy was the man who’d be Pirate King. But Sanji finished telling the boy that he didn’t believe that would be true.

And Luffy agreed.

Because he couldn’t do it without Sanji.

Sanji wished with all his heart that Luffy was lying about this. But he knew it was true; his former captain kept to his word.

And like that… Sanji saw another one of his dreams shatter in front of him.

~~~

As he searched through the endless bodies, Sanji felt his eyes sting. There was no hope to go back anymore. But he just wanted to see Luffy. He wanted to say sorry, and he wanted to say a proper goodbye.

He searched as the rain poured. The night dulled, as Sanji frantically searched through bodies. If Luffy was dead, what would Sanji do? It would all be his fault.

And Nami was here, were there others too? He couldn’t stand the thought of his friends hurting for his sake too.

The sun was rising, and the rain was less hostile.

“LUFFY!!!” Sanji screamed out in panic. There was no response. He searched through several dead bodies, and the stench of syrup hung into the air. His heart sunk into dread.

What was he expecting? Luffy could still be captured, or something.

And yet, the fact that his captain couldn’t keep to his word pushed into his heart irrationally. He wanted Luffy to have stayed here for him. It was a stupid thought, childish even, but he had been told that he’d be waiting here.

The sun rose, and Sanji collapsed to his knees. The grass soaked his black pants, as he stared into the field in agony. The picnic basket was firmly in his grasp.

“LUFFY!! I’M HERE!!!” Sanji tried.

The response he got was a gust of wind. Sanji breathed heavily. He took another deep breath. And another one.

He hoisted himself up and looked.

Again, and again and again. Maybe Sanji’s repeated motions made him look insane. But he didn’t care.

He lifted corpses, checked where he thought he hadn’t. He tripped on his feet and fell into the grass. He looked around. His breathing came out funny.

“LUFFY, WHERE ARE YOU!?!?” Sanji cried out again.

He’s probably captured, his mind supplied.

But he promised.

“LUFFY!!!!” Sanji yelled out, as he unceremoniously punched his fists into the floor. His voice crackled with the high-pitched volume, as tears filled his eyes.

This was so overwhelmingly irrational. Sanji felt like a child, insistent on getting what he wanted, even if the world worked against him. Kind of like his dream to find the All Blue.

But Luffy wasn’t here, like he said he would be. Maybe the All Blue didn’t exist either.

Sanji was useless.

And he screamed into the air, as he let out a shrill wail. Tears fell down his face again, as he sobbed. He felt like the child he was when Judge had denounced him once and for all. But he couldn’t stop himself. His pursuit of hope was… was futile.

He would go back to the chateau and try to figure out a way to get Luffy and Nami out of prison on his own later.

But he would not run from the wedding.

The sun rose, dictating the final morning of Sanji’s life. It was filled with tears.

Chapter Text

“HEEEEY!!! SANJI!!! HAVEN’T SEEN YA IN A WHILE!!!”

Luffy jumped off the tree guy, arms in the air and celebrating. Finally! After spending so long wondering where Sanji went, he could talk to him and take him home!! He didn’t even have to strain his eyes. Amongst the people that sat in that carriage, his blond-haired cook was indeed there, swivelling his head to look at him in shock.

Luffy promptly landed on his feet and jumped high into the air again. The grin never left his face. Luffy didn’t like staying away from people on his crew – and it’s been extra-long since he’s had some of Sanji’s food. He met his whole crew on Zou, except his cook too.

“It’s Sanji-kun! Thank goodness, we made it in time!! I thought I’d never see you again!!” Nami cheered behind him.

Luffy knew how worried she had been. Nami spent countless nights pacing around and being antsy – thinking about Sanji more than anyone else. Knowing that Sanji coming back again would put her at ease made Luffy feel even better. His crew can go back to being happy again.

He was mid-air when he used his gum powers to stretch and grab onto the edge of the carriage, and then he slung himself closer.

“YOOO! WE CAME TO GET YOU, SANJI!!” Luffy announced, ignoring the green Sanji that screamed in surprise. The carriage started wobbling, and there was a bit of chaos around him; but Luffy kept his excited gaze on his cook.

“I know you wrote that you’d be back in the letter, but I hate waiting!” Luffy explained with a bright grin, as he barely noticed Sanji turn away from him, “originally I was just gonna come get you myself, but it was a bit much for me alone… so Zoro’s group is heading for Wano now while we’ve got Nami, Chopper and Brook – and also, because they wouldn’t take no for an answer…”

Before he could talk about Pedro and Carrot, Luffy’s observation haki flared. It caught him by surprise.

“Hmm?” Luffy began, and then suddenly he was sent flying. Pain rattled through his jaw bones, and right up to the base of his skull. He screamed as his back skidded along the grasp, when he finally realised.

His observation haki had warned him. But Luffy simply didn’t believe it to be true until the last second it happened.

Sanji had really kicked him.

“Hey!! What was that for, Sanji-kun?!” Nami questioned in horror.

“Get lost… you miserable, inferior pirates!!” Sanji spoke, his voice sounding tight.

Luffy’s heart stopped as he brought a fist too his face to wipe off blood. It was at that moment he knew that the person speaking in front of him was not Sanji. Because his cook would never say those words to him and mean it.

“My name is Vinsmoke Sanji, and I am… a prince of Germa Kingdom!!” Sanji revealed, and as Luffy placed his straw hat over his head, “forgive me for hiding this from you!! If I had told you, it would only have made you self-conscious. The difference in status between us is obvious.”

Luffy saw the blond standing at the entrance of the carriage, donning a long red robe and golden accessories shining on his wrists. He looked and sounded like he was really a prince.

This was not Sanji.

“Here, I have all the money, soldiers and servants I can use!!” Sanji continued harshly, “if my choice is between returning to you and your chuckleheaded crewmates and living in luxury here with Big Mom’s beautiful daughter as my wife… which do you think will make me happier??”

Luffy could only watch him in disbelief. What exactly was making his cook say this to him?

His hand clutched his hat tighter, hoping to find some explanation. Besides, Sanji wasn’t done yet. Luffy stood to face him and listen.

“There’s no comparison!! Stop taking that letter seriously!! I’m not going back!!!” Sanji finished angrily, “I’m amazed you actually came all this way. Poor sap… just go, whatever your name is.”

Yeah, this wasn’t Sanji and Luffy was pissed.

“Hell no!! What are you talking about?! This makes no sense!!” Luffy screamed.

The Sanji he knew was kind. He thought about other people before he thought of himself. Luxury wasn’t what made his cook happy, but Luffy liked the fond smile Sanji gave when he cooked food for the crew.

Sanji loved his crew more than his own dream; that’s the kind of person he was.

So, the crap that this person in front of him was spouting made absolutely no sense. This was not Sanji. Or rather - the words he spoke, the actions he took, his cruel expression – all of it was not who Sanji truly was.

And Luffy saw it.

“HAHAHA! Hey, I wanna help!” green Sanji laughed.

“Don’t get involved!” Sanji refused, holding his hand up, but keeping his glare onto Luffy, “I’ll drive him off!!”

The rage building up in Luffy was going to explode.

“What do you mean you’ll drive me off, Sanji!?!” Luffy questioned with frustration.

“Get lost. What other meaning do you need?!” Sanji replied, as he stepped off the carriage and walked towards him, “I don’t know what got into your head, but I appreciate that you came all this way to see me. Here’s the thing, though. If you really care about me, aren’t you going about this all backward?”

His tone had shifted. As Sanji walked closer to him, Luffy watched his expression. Sanji’s face showed no sign of what the truth really was. And it began to hurt. Luffy searched all over his face for some sort of hint, but there was nothing.

“Aligning myself with the rich and powerful Big Mom Pirates can bring me much more happiness than sticking around with your tiny, poor crew,” Sanji kept talking, “if I’m being honest, I don’t even know if you have what it takes to be the Pirate King. It’s just common sense. If you want to win the race, you have to choose the right horse.”

Luffy pondered over the situation. He didn’t have enough information to properly know what was going on, and it seemed that Sanji didn’t want to tell him. Luffy couldn’t force him to.

And if that was the case, then he had to wait for Sanji himself to ask them for help. He shouldn’t really interfere, because Sanji was strong enough to solve his own problems.

But.

“Stop joking around, Sanji-kun!!” Nami yelled, “what’s gotten into you?!!”

Sanji’s glare was piercing.

“So, what you’re saying is, you’ve been lying to me all along,” Luffy calmly confirmed.

Sanji was kind. He thought about other people before he thought of himself. He smiled fondly when he got to cook food for the crew.

“Yeah, that’s right! I’ve been looking down on you on the inside,” Sanji replied, setting his foot aflame and getting into fighting stance, “I realise it’s probably hard to accept reality when it comes so suddenly. So, I’ll beat it into you instead. Put up your fists!!”

Sanji loved his crew more than his own dream. And the thing was, Luffy loved his crew – loved Sanji – more than his own dream too. If Sanji was really suffering to the point of saying things he didn’t really mean, then Luffy had to let him know – that his crew really were there to help him.

Luffy gritted his teeth and watched Sanji hop towards him in top speeds while aiming a kick. This would hurt, and his observation haki was desperately warning him.

“DIABLE JAMBE!!” Sanji screamed out, as burning impact crushed his face, “JOUE SHOT!!”

The pain was searing. And like that, Luffy was sent flying. He tumbled in mid-air and slammed into the ground several times – unable to get his bearings. But he was determined to land on his feet, so he adjusted his stance and landed - skidding across the grass. His hat had flown off his head, hanging off the string around his neck. Blood exploded from his nose, and he lifted his hand to wipe it.

Luffy stood firm. It was a message – that this wasn’t enough to make him leave. It didn’t hurt enough. What hurt more was… the message he got himself. Sanji… Sanji didn’t want to be here – he desperately did not want to fight him.

“Put up your fists,” Sanji warned.

“I’m not going to fight you,” Luffy replied earnestly. And why would he when that would just hurt Sanji more?

“FINE!! THEN DISAPPEAR!!” Sanji screamed, running towards him in mid air while aiming a kick.

“I won’t do that either!!” Luffy declared, clenching his fists for impact.

“YOU ALWAYS INSIST ON GETTING YOUR WAY!!” Sanji cried, his flaming foot crashing into his cheek, and once again sending him tumbling.

He had to stand again. The kick that connected to his face spoke volumes.

The pain was nothing.

It was nothing!

It doesn’t hurt!!

It doesn’t hurt as much as the way Sanji’s heart was crying out desperately. Save me. I don’t want to be here. Make me stop.

“Hey cook!! Join us! Be the cook for my pirate crew!”

Luffy huffed out wheezing breaths. He remembered the day he first met Sanji very clearly. He saw kindness worth more than gold, when he saw the blond feeding a starving man. Luffy himself valued people who fed him. And so, he knew that this person, who cannot stand the sight of anyone starving, had to be his cook.

It was a love at first sight that he could only feel for his crew.

“STOP IT SANJI-KUN!! WE’RE ONLY HERE TO BRING YOU BACK!!” Nami’s shrill voice rung, as alarm bells rang in Luffy’s head, “LUFFY FOUGHT WITH AN ENEMY OFFICER ALL THROUGH THE NIGHT TO GET HERE! HE’S IN BAD CONDITION!!”

“ENOUGH, NAMI!!!” Luffy ordered, his eyes focused on the flash of guilt that threatened to creep on Sanji’s face, “don’t interfere… this is a duel.”

Sanji was running to him, “you call this a duel??”

There was a kick to his side, a kick to his stomach, a kick that sent him flying from the jaw – but Luffy made sure to land on his feet even as his own blood splattered on the floor.

It hurt. It hurt a lot. Because Luffy could feel each hit carrying only a fraction of Sanji’s pain. His cook was really hurt, and the thought made Luffy want to cry for him.

“GET LOST ALREADY!!” Sanji cried, a barrage of kicks hitting Luffy in succession, “BEGONE FROM MY SIGHT!!”

Luffy’s rubbery skin was smoking, as he stood firm and let the pain run through him. He was Sanji’s captain; he would take on this much pain as long as he could get his message across.

“No.”

There was a flash of terror on his face, before Luffy could even register being kicked into an absurd amount of rubble.

Sanji wasn’t just hurt; he was scared too. Luffy wanted to ease whatever suffering he was going through. But this was the most he could do.

Luffy gained his bearings and noticed that Sanji was sky walking into the air.

“ALL RIGHT, SANJI-KUN, ALL RIGHT!! WE’LL LEAVE!!” Nami sobbed in despair.

No!

Hell no!

“I’M NOT LEAVING!!” Luffy screamed out, as he stood up and clenched his fists again in determination. It didn’t matter if Nami wanted to leave, but Luffy would not leave his cook – and he had to know that. His terrified, lonely and impossibly kind cook had to know that he could lean on him if he wanted to.

“You’re a good cook and you’re joining my crew!”

That was Luffy’s duty, as his captain.

“CONCASSE!!!” Sanji screamed, as the impact of the blazing kick rained down on him. Luffy’s vision blacked out, as the searing pain finally rendered him unable to stand anymore.

No.

Everything was fading to black, but he could hear Sanji’s footsteps walking away from him.

No!

Luffy couldn’t let Sanji walk away like this. His cook had won the duel, but Luffy’s message would not reach him like this. Sanji would leave forever, never returning to the place he belonged.

He had to stand.

And he had to stand now.

He just had to will himself to do it.

He could barely hear Nami talk, as he came to again. His head was spinning, and his blood was gushing into his head.

But then the sound of the carriage moving away made Luffy muster all his strength to stand.

“Luffy!” Nami protested.

His ears were ringing, as he panted out choked breaths. From the angle of the carriage, he couldn’t see him anymore. He couldn’t know if Sanji would take his words. But he still had to call out to him.

Sanji had to know how Luffy truly felt.

“WAIT, SANJI!!!” Luffy cried out, his voice shaking with the pain that Sanji was feeling, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘INFERIOR PIRATES’?! YOU KNOW YOU DON’T MEAN THAT!! STOP LYING!! DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN DRIVE ME OFF LIKE THIS?!! DON’T BE STUPID!!!”

And Luffy was angry. He was angry that Sanji thought so low of himself that he really thought that Luffy wouldn’t come for him. He was angry that Sanji wasn’t being honest with himself – to the point that he just wasn’t Sanji.

“YOU CAN KICK ME ALL YOU WANT… BUT YOU’RE THE ONE FEELING THE PAIN!!” Luffy screamed.

Luffy was sad for Sanji. He could feel his sorrow through the entire fight. How trapped he felt, how scared he was. The people that had sat behind him locked his heart in a cage, even though Sanji was meant to be free. Luffy knew now, that Sanji took the actions he did because he was kind. He was so kind that he’d take all the pain for himself and cry alone. Luffy did not want him to do that.

“Why are you saying this, Luffy?!” Nami questioned, “whatever his reason, he turned on you-”

“SHUT UP!!” Luffy screamed. He appreciated Nami’s concern for him the entire time, but she didn’t see it. She couldn’t see that this wasn’t Sanji. She thought it was and that would make reaching out to Sanji even harder.

“Ever hear of the All Blue?”

All Sanji wanted was to find the All Blue, and Luffy would never forget the smile on his face and the sparkle in his eye as he told him about it. But Sanji was trying to end the adventure without ever finding what he lived for.

“THIS VOYAGE ISN’T OVER YET!!!” Luffy cried, desperation seeping into his tone as the carriage just kept moving away. Was Sanji listening to him? Was he really getting through to him?

Would he lose his cook forever??

But Luffy couldn’t live without Sanji.

“I’LL BE WAITING RIGHT HERE!! AND IF YOU DON’T COME BACK, I’LL JUST SIT HERE AND STARVE!!” Luffy screamed out, knowing that Sanji would never let that happen, “I MEAN, YOU’RE THE COOK FOR MY SHIP!! I WON’T EAT ANYONE’S FOOD BUT YOURS ANYMORE!!”

Luffy’s head was spinning just by standing. If his body would let him, he’d run after the carriage. His voice was crackling in pain. But he wasn’t done.

“I’LL JUST STAND HERE AND STARVE OUT IN THE RAIN AND THE SNOW, WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK!!” Luffy yelled, before his chest began to heave out large breath. He was truly straining himself. But the carriage just kept moving. Luffy felt like he could collapse into his own despair as he kept watching it.

But he had to stand firm. Sanji was almost gone now, and Luffy was certain that he’d come back. Luffy had to believe in Sanji – just like how his cook truly believed in him to achieve his dream.

How he truly believed Luffy could become Pirate King.

“COME BACK SANJI!!! WITHOUT YOUR HELP…” Luffy cried out one more time, the weight of his words desperately ringing through the air, “I CAN’T BECOME THE PIRATE KING!!!”

And Luffy knew that his words had to reach Sanji. His cook would come back to him. His kind, adventurous and romantic cook; his friend.

Sanji would come for him.

~~~

“I wanted to let you know that Sanji-san proposed to me.”

Luffy couldn’t help the gasp that escaped him. So Sanji really had given up on hope.

“It was a wonderful feeling, b-but…” Pudding continued softly, “I know he’s just being considerate of me, my presence here is causing pain to everyone. So don’t worry, I’m not going to marry him.”

Luffy was about to protest, when Pudding knelt her face between Luffy and Nami who’s hands had been strapped against the wall.  

“Listen close,” she instructed quietly into their ears, “if you want to know why we’re not getting married...its because that love-struck idiot…”

What.

“…will be riddled with bullets during the ceremony, courtesy of me!!” Pudding’s voice was suddenly sinister and horrifying – and Luffy almost didn’t understand what she was saying.

“Wait, Pudding!! What did you say?!!” Luffy questioned, as he tried to fathom this reality. Sanji, who already was giving up on hope, was going to be further betrayed and cornered by this messed up and awful family. Did she not understand how much that would shatter him?

Nami’s scream interrupted his rapid thought process, and Luffy glared up at Pudding who had…

Removed a film from Nami’s head.

“What are you doing?! STOP!!!” Luffy growled.

“This is the Memo-Memo fruit,” Pudding explained mockingly, pointing to the pictures of her on the reel, “everyone has a film of memories in their head, its all in here!!”

“Stop, don’t do this,” Nami choked out in pain.

“Don’t touch that!!” Luffy threatened, stretching his arms and trying to stand and get to her.

Pudding smiled softly.

Nami was screaming, “STOP! DON’T DO IT!! PLEASE!!”

“And if I cut through the middle of someone’s face, their entire existence can be wiped from your memory!!” Pudding laughed, as she took scissors, “so say goodbye to Sanji, you won’t remember him ever again!”

“NO!!” Nami wailed, her tears unstoppable, “DON’T DO THAT! I CAN’T! I CAN’T FORGET HIM!!”

Luffy screamed too, “STOP!!!”

“And edit!”

Luffy was still trying to stretch as he watched the reel slide back into Nami, who fell limp against the wall.

“No…” Nami mumbled weakly.

“You… you DIDN’T JUST DO THAT!!!” Luffy roared as he tried lunging at her. Pudding pulled out a pistol and shot him in the soldier.

“Don’t want you moving around,” Pudding smiled sinisterly, “Mama’s willing to help you escape y’know! Apparently, it’s what Sanji asked!”

“Sanji wouldn’t ask for our memories to be removed!!” Luffy protested.

“Oh no! He didn’t! He just wanted you guys to escape safely!!” Pudding replied innocently, “it’s what Mama’s doing for him now! And now, Sanji won’t be escaping from the wedding.”

This was bad. If they all forgot about him then Sanji would really be alone. Luffy couldn’t let this happen.

And so, he struggled, shifting his head around frantically.

“NO! SANJI!! IT’S OKAY! I’M COMING FOR YOU!! I’LL BE AT THAT FIELD!! SANJI!!!” Luffy cried out, as Pudding snickered. She shot him another two times and then grabbed him by the collar and threw her hand into his face.

“STOP! SANJI’S GOING TO BE ALONE AT THIS RATE! I’D BE BREAKING MY PROMISE TO HIM STOP!! I CAN’T FORGET HIM!” Luffy screamed, struggling desperately to yank his forehead away from her, “I CAN’T FORGET HIM, I CAN’T FORGET HIM! HE’S TOO IMPORTANT TO ME FOR THAT! STOP NOW PUDDING!”

Pudding began laughing, “how miserable!! Edit!!!”

Luffy felt his mind become confused, as he fell back against the wall.

Suddenly, the sense of urgency diminished into nothing. Then he didn’t know why he was here. And then, he remembered his crew, the other seven of them.

And finally, he remembered how he was starving. He was so hungry.

“Sanji… food…” Luffy muttered in his last bit of consciousness.

Chapter Text

“Straw Hat Luffy and Cat Burglar have escaped.”

Sanji couldn’t believe his ears when he re-entered the Chateau. On his way back, he had been considering his options on how to help his crew get out. But they escaped on their own?

Then just maybe Luffy was at the field, and Sanji had just missed him. In that case, if he turned around now then surely, he could make it in time.

“Sanji-san, is that you?”

The voice was sweet and melodic. But it made Sanji’s stomach churn when he remembered how sinister it had sounded yesterday. He felt like throwing up.

He turned around with a wry smile instead.

“Pudding-chan, how are you?” he asked, his voice strained. He took in her appearance – she was wearing a nice casual gown and her hair looked like it had just been dried after wash. She looked fresh, clean and well-slept. The opposite of how he felt.

She also looked incredibly cute. Sanji would drop everything to praise her looks alone. It almost made him wonder if the night before even happened, and if she was still the sweet girl who had been his ray of light.

Don’t delude yourself. She thinks you’re pathetic.

“I mean, I’m doing fine but…” Pudding trailed off, as she took in his miserable appearance, “is everything okay? Why are you drenched in mud and rain?”

Nothing is okay.

“Everything’s okay,” Sanji replied, hiding his picnic basket in shame, “I was just outside, took a bit of a walk.”

He was concerned that he wasn’t supposed to be outside, and she knows that. He was about to turn tail and run to find Luffy again.

“Oh, it’s okay,” Pudding gently sympathised, “I know it must be very overwhelming for you right now. I’m very sorry about how my mother’s been treating you. I hope the walk cleared your mind a little.”

Sanji didn’t know if what she was saying was making him feel better or worse. He pretended that it was the former.

“Thank you Pudding-chan,” Sanji smiled tiredly, “your concern means the world to me.”

If it was real.

“But I have good news for you!” Pudding clasped her hands together with a smile, “did you hear that your friends have escaped?”

“Uh, yeah I did,” Sanji responded, his fingers fiddling with the basket handle, “I heard they were being held prisoner, so I wonder how they managed.”

Pudding looked around, and it made Sanji raise an eyebrow. Then she went on her tiptoes and went close to his ear. Her breath tickled his sensitive skin, as he felt himself getting flustered in her presence.

“Can we talk in my room?” she asked with a whisper.

Sanji broke into a cold sweat. He was honestly a bit terrified of being alone with her in her room. The night before, he had proposed to her over there – the moment being incredibly personal to him. But then, in that same room, Pudding’s high-pitched laughter had filled the air. Making fun of Sanji’s vulnerability.

But she wanted to discuss Luffy and the others. Sanji needed to know how they were doing – even if it was for his own sanity.

“Okay,” he agreed reluctantly.

~~~

The two of them were sat on the couch of her room – the same couch they had discussed how trapped Sanji was. Somehow, he felt more trapped than before.

“I went to visit Luffy-kun and Nami-san,” Pudding began to explain, “I wanted to apologise for getting in the way. After all, this wedding isn’t making anyone happy, and I’m only getting in the way.”

She closed her eyes and shook her head in sorrow. Sanji wanted to comfort her. He kept his mouth shut instead.

Pudding glanced at him, and then sighed, “that’s when Jinbe-san showed up to help them escape.”

“Jinbe did?” Sanji questioned, perking up at the random but familiar name, “he was here?”

Pudding nodded, “his crew was under our flag. But it seems that he wanted to join the Straw Hat Pirates? I didn’t know the full details myself.”

Sanji knew the details. After the chaotic events of Fishman Island, Luffy asked Jinbe to join. But the fishman had refused, postponing his recruitment to after he had settled some unfinished business. Everyone had been looking forward to him joining later down the line.

He ignored the feeling of longing that crept into his heart as he remembered the past.

Realising he fell silent, and Pudding was just staring at him, Sanji quickly spoke up, “ah, yeah. I know about that.”

“Yes, and after he burned the book that they were kept inside, they were able to escape,” Pudding replied proudly, “and so, I told them that Mama was going to let them escape the island if they managed to outrun the guards!”

“Wait what? She was?” Sanji questioned.

“Weren’t you the one that asked for it?” Pudding asked innocently. Sanji felt degraded. Of course, he was the one who asked for Big Mom to let them go. But Sanji thought that it wouldn’t be that simple once he found out Pudding’s truth.

“We ended up meeting up with your friends – the reindeer and the mink – in my sister’s mirror world,” Pudding continued, “they rescued Brook-san from the grasps of my mother, and another mink from his fight. Nami-san and Luffy-san convinced the rest that I was trustworthy, and Brook-san revealed that he had gotten a copy of one of Mama’s Road Poneglyphs.”

Sanji felt his heart beating into his chest at the thought that Pudding had been interacting with them. She was probably deceiving them too. Sanji had to wonder how much of what she was telling him was a lie.

A man always forgives a woman’s lies.

Sanji closed his eyes tightly in shame. He was frustrated with himself for not knowing the answer when he saw it. But he also realised with horror that… he would probably forgive her for deceiving him. It was just as horrifying as the fact that he didn’t want to witness his blood family dying.

Sanji was always like this. Digging himself a hole that could never be climbed out of. He gave so much of his heart to people who would keep shattering it, and yet he wouldn’t be against giving more. Even if it caused trouble to the people who mattered more.

He swallowed his turmoil down, as he remembered that Pudding was talking. He didn’t know what a Road Poneglyph even was, but it was probably important to Robin. So then, did his crew have ulterior motives for coming here?

“What’s a Road Poneglyph?” Sanji asked.

Pudding kept her gaze on him. It felt like she was staring into his soul, and it frightened him.

“Something the pirates of this world absolutely require to reach the One Piece,” Pudding replied evenly.

Sanji’s breath caught. So, coming here… had somehow brought Luffy and the others one step closer to making him Pirate King. The thought made him feel relieved; they didn’t come here for nothing.

“WITHOUT YOUR HELP…I CAN’T BECOME THE PIRATE KING!!!”

“I see, that’s… that’s great,” Sanji finally let himself genuinely smile, “that’s really awesome.”

So, Luffy would do it even if he wasn’t there after all. That might be the smallest hope he could ever have.

“I’m glad it made you so happy. Your face completely lit up just there!” Pudding beamed, “you’ve been so sad over here, so I’m glad I could tell you all this.”

“Yeah, thanks for telling me,” Sanji replied.

“Anyways, since they had the copy, the group of them ran through the mirror world to find their boat. They’ve probably set sail by now,” Pudding finished, and Sanji felt his head began to spin, “my mother had also confirmed to me that it was okay, though she was a bit annoyed that someone else has the copy for her poneglyph. But she was fine with it – she was fine because you asked for this.”

Sanji was the one who asked for this. He wanted them to leave him behind and set sail. That much was true.

“I’LL BE WAITING RIGHT HERE!!”

Sanji didn’t want Luffy to wait for him. He never asked him to. He wanted his friends to all be safe. Sanji would take on any kind of pain for those guys. This was fine. This was fine.

“AND IF YOU DON’T COME BACK, I’LL JUST SIT HERE AND STARVE!!”

Luffy might be a pest while they try to find another cook to feed him, but he would be eating and partying every day. He would not starve. He wouldn’t wait for him at that field. And he would go onto becoming King of the Pirates without Sanji.

And Sanji would not live to see the day it happens. He would die alongside the family he hated but cannot abandon. He would be shot in the head by a beautiful woman after pretending to marry her.

And that was okay. It was fine.

This is fine. You asked for this, you idiot.

Sanji took laboured breaths. He needed to come to terms with all of it. He wouldn’t see those guys again. But they would be happy without him.

“Sanji-san?” Pudding prodded, “why do you look so… sad?”

Sanji looked at her sorrowfully.

“Because…” Sanji began, as his hand moved up to his hair and began combing through it, “I… I don’t know. I should be happy about this but…”

Pudding shuffled over to him and then guided Sanji’s head down to her shoulder. Sanji froze, removing his hand from his hair as it began to tremble. The girl who had chosen to embrace him drew circles on his shoulders.

“It must be so lonely…” Pudding said quietly, “they left you behind, and now you’re all alone. But I told you, didn’t I? I won’t let this marriage be hell. So, um…you’re allowed to lean on me, okay?”

She almost sounded shy. He tried to pull away, but she began caressing his hair. He leant into the touch instead, feeling his tenseness soften by the comfort she brought.

Logically, he knew that the girl in front of him hated him with everything. She was about to be his killer. And she had laughed at him with such cruelty. It filled Sanji with shame to the point of wanting to disappear. But emotionally, this was the kindest anyone’s been to him on this island.

Well, besides Reiju and Luffy – but his sister was insistent on marching to her death with a smile on her face. And Luffy…

Luffy.

Had the words he told him on that field really been lies?? The loyalty he pledged, and the emotions that rung through his promises – were they not real at all?

Those words, which Sanji had not believed himself… it came from someone who was incapable of being anything but honest.

Did that mean that Sanji had secretly believed Luffy’s words? Is that why he went running to that field to check if his captain was really there?

What was he even expecting then? What was he supposed to believe?

Did Sanji even matter to this world if even Luffy didn’t stay for him?

“Pudding-chan…” Sanji breathed out, his forehead leaning onto her shoulder, “I feel like… I should die.”

Pudding was now the one who froze. Sanji knew that she and her family planned to kill him anyway. But maybe he didn’t hate the idea entirely.

Even though his mother gave her life away to protect his life and emotions. Was he that ungrateful?

But what if he was only useful in death anyway?

“I feel like whether I live or die… doesn’t matter to anyone,” Sanji continued, the words painful to even say, “I’m useless. That’s… that’s why I ended up alone. And I’m selfish for wanting people to love someone like me – to stay for a failure like me. Even if it’ll only cause them trouble.”

 “Oh, Sanji-san,” Pudding began, as Sanji lifted his head and watched tears well in her eyes, “don’t say that. Please… please don’t say that. Sanji-san you need to live, because… because I… I love you, okay?”

Sanji gave her a defeated smile. She doesn’t actually love him. She’s acting. Somehow it was becoming easier to believe the more he pushed himself down.

“No,” Sanji replied, his hand grabbing hers and squeezing it, “I give up.”

“Huh?” Pudding gasped.

“I already know… that I won’t live past today,” Sanji admitted, and he watched the surprise leak into her face, “and that’s fine. It’s okay.”

“Wait what?” Pudding questioned.

Sanji raised his hands, “I’m not going to resist. I know that you guys are planning on killing the Vinsmokes, including me.”

Pudding gaped at him in shock, covering her mouth, “wait, Mama’s planning on doing that to you guys?! That’s awful!!”

Sanji stared at her.

“I also know that you’re lying to me,” he revealed. Pudding’s eyes widened.

“What…?”

“I told you though. I won’t resist if Luffy and the other’s leave the island safely, and my family back in the East is spared,” Sanji explained, standing up, “this life is nothing in comparison to all of that. I’m fine with giving my life over here.”

Pudding just stared at him in shock.

“I’m sorry you had to put up with me. I’m sorry for causing you trouble” Sanji faced her, before bowing to her, “and thank you so much for helping them escape.”

“Sanji-san, wait-”

Sanji lifted a hand, “drop the act.”

Pudding’s face morphed into shocked frustration, “are you serious??! When did you even find out about this??!”

Sanji took out a cigarette and lit it.

“You talked about it with Reiju last night,” Sanji responded, holding it to his mouth, “I was at the window. And I heard everything. I also saw you erase her memories.”

Pudding pursed her lips.

“Now tell me, did they really escape the island?” Sanji confirmed.

Pudding sighed angrily, “I can’t believe you’re this much of an idiot. You think you’re such a martyr, sacrificing yourself for those guys. It makes me sick.”

Sanji breathed out nicotine.

“Though they did actually leave you behind y’know!” Pudding mockingly spat, “they were actually so sick of you, it was funny!”

“Is that so?” Sanji replied coldly.

“Yep,” Pudding smirked, “though honestly, you knowing about my true identity puts a bit of a wrench in my plan – I was going to take pleasure in watching your face morph into despair!”

“I know,” Sanji said.

 “But you’re telling me that you’ll die quietly?” Pudding asked, pulling out a gun from behind her and blowing on it.

“Yes,” Sanji replied, as Pudding stepped forward and placed the gun on his chest.

“You know I’ll tell Mama that you know,” Pudding threatened, glaring at him, “she could go and kill those pathetic chefs at the Baratie, along with that Red Leg Zeff, in a heartbeat. And…”

Her free hand traced the golden bracelet on his hand, which started beeping.

“This will explode, if you’re not careful,” Pudding reminded. Though Sanji knew those cuffs were fake anyway. The threat on the crap geezer on its own is enough.

“I know,” Sanji said again, “I know what I have on the line here, Pudding-chan. That’s why, I’m going to comply with this wedding. I’ll throw a fit and escape if she kills them.”

“So… you’re telling me that Red Leg Zeff is an insurance on both sides,” Pudding confirmed.

“I guess that’d be right,” Sanji replied, averting his gaze, “its not like you gave me much of a choice.”

Pudding laughed, walking past him towards the door, “what a stupid caged bird you are. Die like the poor rat you are then! I’ll let Mama know.”

Sanji smirked, “I’m glad I could get your honesty in my last moments, my lady.”

Because he couldn’t stand to delude himself that he was loved any longer. He would die like the worthless failure he was.

Or so he thought.

~~~

He was having breakfast. Because he couldn’t let himself waste it, he was eating the dirty bento box that was meant for Luffy. It tasted absolutely disgusting, he couldn’t believe that he prepared this for his former captain.

The wedding was inching closer, and Sanji would have to change into his suit. He would be at his most presentable when he died. But his heart ached as the minutes went by. For every passing thought about how these would be his final moments, there were ten different thoughts condemning him for giving up.

It was funny, it was almost as if Sanji didn’t want to die.

He would remember things like how he’d die without finding the All Blue. He’d die without being able to tell Zeff that the miracle ocean existed. He’d die and never see his crew achieve their dreams. He’d die so pathetically by giving up, not even struggling. He’d die so easily despite being 177 million berry bounty. He’d die without proving to that stupid moss head that he was capable. He’d die without being able to apologise to Luffy and Nami. He’d without being able to cook for Luffy and the crew anymore. He’d die before seeing any of his friends ever again. He’d die. He’d die. He’d die. He’d die.

He was going to die.

But he didn’t want to.

Sanji didn’t know when his hand flew into his hair and began to roughly grasp at it. He gritted his teeth and exhaled harshly. He was backtracking on himself. Or rather his emotions were. Everything would be okay, he would die with his family, and he practically surrendered his life to Pudding and the Big Mom Pirates.

So why?

He got his answer when he finished his pathetic bento. Keeping true to his morals of not wasting food.

“It tastes so bad…” Sanji muttered to himself, before letting out snort. This was so stupid. He suddenly remembered Zeff – the man who passed everything down to him.

He remembered that day, where he saw Luffy fight a pirate that held too many weapons. And where he started truly believing in Luffy’s strength.

“Once in a long while, a fool comes along who, having set his sights on something, won’t quit fighting ‘til he dies. It’s a real nuisance to have a feller like that for an enemy. Whether he wins or loses this fight, I admire a man like that.”

Sanji’s eyes watered, and he closed them tightly.

“Even a man bristling with powerful weapons can be skewered by the spear of blind grit. In the life-and-death struggles of a pirate… those who hesitate croak the fastest.”

“What are you saying?” Sanji had questioned.

“I’ll say this for that kid…there’s no hesitation in him. Is it a weapon that ensures your survival… or the conviction to not fear even death…?”

“Conviction,” Sanji spoke, echoing the boy that had heard this lecture in person.

“If that ragtag fleet of Krieg’s is a military might, and his fancy weapons are military might… then that kid’s spear of grit is military might too.”

The words fell out of his mouth, “grit… conviction…”

Something Sanji thought that he lacked.

“But I know a fool who’s chewing a spear of his own for no good reason.”

Sanji pulled his knees up and let his head fall onto them. So that’s why he didn’t want to die. Because… because he had a spear of conviction too. One that believed that he’d reach the All Blue for himself and the geezer one day.

Sanji let out a muffled chuckle. What’s the point of realising that this late, you stupid moron?

It was too late. Sanji was going to die, he felt like he had to. But, for the first time, he admitted to himself that it wasn’t okay.

The clock kept ticking towards his final breath.

Luffy, crap geezer… what do I do? I… I don’t want to die right now.

Chapter Text

The events of Zou had been chaotic when the Curly Hat Pirate crew had arrived. There was this huge elephant, and on top of that elephant were the mink race… and they had been brutally assaulted and tortured by pirates, the Beast Pirates. Their homes were destroyed, and lives had been lost. The air reeked of suffering, blood and tears, and the clearing poison was proof of death looming over these guys.

And it hit close to home for Nami, even when she didn’t have all the context.  

“WHAT GRUDGE DO YOU HAVE AGAINST US?!! WHAT DO YOU STAND TO GAIN BY KILLING US?!!” Wanda had cried as she held an explosive in the air, “THE ONE YOUTEIA SEEK IS NOT HERE!! HOW MUCH OF OUR THOUSAND-YEAR HISTORY MUST YOU DESTROY BEFORE YOU ARE SATISFIED?!!”

She had been crying in despair and Nami’s heart cried in empathy. There were people in this world capable of destroying the peaceful lives of innocent people and leaving nothing but pain and torture behind them. And those innocent people could do nothing else but endure. Even as things most important to them was crushed and destroyed.

After that, two other minks had reassured Wanda, that Nami and the others were safe. Chopper had urged everyone to move quickly, as time was of the essence if they wanted to save lives.

Wanda’s voice sounded vulnerable when she spoke just after that, “will you help us…? I was afraid… that everyone would die!!”

Nami knew the feeling all too well. Being afraid of losing people important to you, it was the greatest horror of her life.

“We won’t abandon a single one!!!” Nami responded earnestly, as Wanda began to cry wholeheartedly in relief.

Being attacked by pirates and suffering a cruel torture. Leaving despair and pain behind and being forced to endure the worst. To be damned if these people were a ferocious race. Who cares if they regretted it later? This spoke to Nami’s heart. These guys were the same as a girl who sobbed loudly when her mother got shot in the head.

They needed help. And Nami was with a crew who had the power to do just that.

~~~

They spent days helping the people of Zou after that. They had found the people of Law’s crew too. Chopper had a lot of heavy lifting in terms of treating injuries but Brook and Nami did their best to help. Brook played music and Sanji was also constantly on his feet – doing jobs that required brute force when he wasn’t cooking large portions of food. Nami had begun bonding with Wanda too, hugging her through the tears as she explained the true story of what happened.

It was one of the calmer nights where Nami decided to go on a walk around the forest to clear her mind. She was exhausted – physically and emotionally. But life had finally begun to spark in the village again. It made a soft smile grace her lips.

But darker memories did resurface during this as well. The last time it had happened was at Fishman Island and granted that the conflict there heavily recontextualised Arlong’s reign on her village – she hadn’t been surprised. But now, the emotions that she was faced with was immensely heart-wrenching.

It made her want to go back to Cocoyasi in the East Blue, just to check if they were okay. Nojiko and Gen. The rest of the smiling faces she left behind. Whenever Nami felt homesick, she would usually hang around her tangerine trees. The mixed smell of sea salt and tanginess would usually calm her.

But now, she found herself really missing her mother.

“Oh, Bell’mere-san,” Nami whispered to herself, as she gazed upwards. The stars were beautiful. They were up so high, and the night sky was easier to see too. There were tears filling her eyes and she wiped them with the tip of her finger.

“Nami-san? Is that you?” a quiet voice spoke up. It made Nami startle, but she sunk into the familiarity when she recognised it. It was dark, but then a small light flickered at a place beneath a large tree. Sanji smiled gently at her from the place he had sat, with lighter in hand.

“Sanji-kun…” Nami frowned, before she folded her arms in attempt to hide her moment of vulnerability, “what are you doing here?”

“I needed to smoke,” Sanji replied, “and a place to think.”

Nami raised an eyebrow and then shrugged. Sanji’s smoking habits helped him cope with stressful situations. It was why, even at Punk Hazard when he was in her body, she had allowed him to smoke cigarettes. The situation on this island was emotionally intense, and Sanji particularly hasn’t had the time to have a break alongside Chopper.

Sanji gestured next to him, “do you want to take a seat? I feel like you shouldn’t be alone.”

Nami gasped, before stuttering, “wh-what makes you say that?!”

“I know when a woman has shed tears from a mile away,” Sanji replied with a grin, and it was the world’s lamest response. But it was Sanji, the perverted and idiotic cook. Resident moron that only lost to Luffy and Zoro (and sometimes Usopp) in that department.

“Stupid,” Nami sighed, before taking a seat next to him. She hugged her knees as Sanji exhaled a breath of nicotine. They both looked up at the sky. Minutes had gone by, and they were both in their thoughts. The smell of nicotine… somehow also reminded her of Bell’mere.

She hasn’t felt this choked up in a while. Sanji was right. She didn’t want be alone.

“Sanji-kun,” Nami quietly spoke, “can I talk to you about something?”

“I’m listening,” Sanji replied, matching her tone.

“Nojiko told me that she told you guys about… my mother and what happened to her,” Nami began, turning to him and watching the recognition appear on his face, illuminated by the lighter, “and uh. I’ve begun remembering it again. All those horrible memories.”

Sanji didn’t say anything. He looked contemplative. It was that expression that made Nami think to herself that she could always trust this man to be on her side. No matter what.

“When I hear about the cruelty that these minks have gone through, I couldn’t help but remember the time our village suffered thanks to Arlong,” Nami admitted, her hands gripping her knees tightly, “and I remembered the day that… Bell’mere-san was taken from me. It makes me feel so alone. After she died, it felt like I couldn’t turn to anyone for comfort. I didn’t want to cry in front of people, and I had to learn how to endure. It hurts… and… and it makes me want to see my mom again.”

She didn’t know when her voice became shaky. She might start crying again. She looked at the sky instead. The stars really were pretty.

“What happened after that?” Sanji asked.

“Huh?” Nami turned her head to her, and saw the cook stare her in the eye.

“You lost your mother, and your village was under a monstrous pirate,” Sanji explained, “and you alone tried to hold everything together. You persisted, you endured, and you fought for… eight whole years. Even when you could have run away y’know?”

Nami had tears falling out of her eyes again, remembering just how painful that had all been. Sometimes she wondered when it became easier for her to cry like this in front of someone.

Sanji smiled, “you were a strong girl for so long, just like your mom wanted you to be. And then, what do you think happened after that?”

Nami sniffled, as she brought her hand up to wipe her tears.

“Luffy… help me.”

“OF COURSE I WILL!!”

“I found you guys,” Nami smiled through her tears. Sanji nodded, as his hands extended to pull her close.

“And I’m sure she’s proud of you for finding us,” he said.

Nami’s head was at his chest, hearing his steady heartbeat. Sanji’s single arm had wrapped around her shoulders protectively, as she began to cry softly. She felt safe. She wasn’t alone. She had her friends with her. Even if she couldn’t see her mom anymore, she lived the way her mom wanted her too. Nami felt like she was a child again in this hold.

“Sanji-kun,” Nami said quietly with a tearful giggle, “you know, you kinda remind me of Bell’mere-san.”

“I do?” Sanji questioned, “but from what I’ve heard from your sister, she reminds me of you more.”

Nami shook her head, “its small things y’know? Your smoking habits are identical, and you guys would both be so happy to cook lavish meals for us. And you both try so hard to make me happy, and I feel safe with both of you. Not to mention, some aspects of your personalities are pretty darn rude, especially if anyone tries to hurt me. You guys would always be on my side.”

“Oh…” Sanji responded thoughtfully, “it’s an honour then. I remind you of someone that important to you.”

Nami pulled away from his hug and looked at the sky, “the stars would be so clear from our tangerine grove too.”

“Ah yeah, that’s right,” Sanji replied, “your village looked really nice in the night.”

“I really miss home,” Nami said, wiping her tears.

Sanji huffed out a snort, “I don’t.”

“Liar,” Nami commented.

Sanji grinned at her, “it’s just the crap geezer and his crappy chef line up. There’s nothing to miss about them! I think I can wait several years before I even begin to!”

Nami began to laugh, and Sanji stubbed his cigarette while chuckling himself.

“I would call you awful, but I’d say the same on a normal day,” Nami smiled after her laughter calmed, standing in her place, “Thanks for hearing me out, Sanji-kun. Ready to head back?”

“I guess we can do that, let’s get some rest. My cigarette’s finished now,” Sanji stood too, “I hope I haven’t been mom-zoned just there, I’m not ready for a broken heart.”

Nami lightly slapped him, “you’re trying to win the heart of every woman you see. And then I turn around and you’re being an idiotic pervert. I still can’t believe you almost died of a nosebleed because of how stupid you are!!”

“But I’m always surrounded by angels!!” Sanji exclaimed with glee. Nami could practically see the hearts in his eyes as he twirled on his spot. She punched him.

“Let’s head back,” Nami groaned with a facepalm as Sanji fell to the floor, a heap of hearts and blood.

~~~

Nami felt like she could trust Sanji with anything. Her past, her vulnerability and her tears – all of it. And he didn’t ask for anything in return – and Nami could only call it kindness.

But she truly wondered if Sanji had trusted her in return. It had only been a few days later when she realised this on the day Sanji had gotten abducted.

“Give this to Luffy and the others. Nami-san, Chopper, Brook… please believe me. I never meant to hide anything from you,” Sanji reassured, sounding like he was putting effort into keeping his voice calm, “my past was never meant to come back for me again. But now it’s time for me to face it once and for all!!”

Sanji had knelt to their level and Nami could finally see the tense frown on his face. He spoke in a voice that was a stark contrast to his frustrated one from before. But before Nami had known it, he had thrown them out of Bege’s room. She couldn’t hear exactly what was going on inside, but Sanji was screaming a lot.

“I’M GOING WITH YOU TO SETTLE THINGS WITH THEM!! SO DON’T YOU DARE TOUCH MY CREW!!!”

Was Sanji going to leave without an explanation???

She ran to the tiny door on Bege’s chest that they had been thrown out from. Brook and Chopper were not too far behind her as she called out to her friend.

“Sanji-kun, come out!! Why are you standing in there?!” Nami cried desperately.

“Explain what’s happening to us, Sanji-san!!” Brook yelled.

“Let’s wait here for Luffy’s group to arrive!! Come out, Sanji!!!” Chopper tried to persuade.

“This is my problem,” Sanji responded, with a gentle smile on his face, “I will be back. So, tell them that.”

The smile was too gentle. Like the one Bell’mere gave right before she died.

“Nojiko, Nami! I love you.”

Bege had kidnapped Sanji. And he had left a single note.

To the crew: I’m gonna meet a woman. I will be back. – Sanji.

And as she read the note, Brook declared with tears in his eyes, “It’s pointless. Even if you caught him, he does not intend to return…”

Nami wondered how much Sanji had really trusted them. But the thought of losing such a kind-hearted friend forever was enough to make her terrified.

~~~

Vinsmoke, Vinsmoke, Vinsmoke. Nami was sick of hearing the name that she knew next to nothing about. So, when Sanji had declared that his name was Vinsmoke Sanji, prince of the Germa Kingdom. Well, Nami was frustrated – and she especially didn’t expect him to glare at her.

But then each kick to her captain that followed was another piece of her trust stomped. Shattered. Crushed. Broken.

Nami felt betrayed, as she watched Sanji beat Luffy with such cruelty. She was angry, hurt and terrified. And so, when the fight ended, she called out to him.

“Hang on, Sanji!!”

Dropping the respect, she walked right up to him and slapped him.

“Goodbye, sorry for overstepping our bounds.”

Tears were in her eyes, as she noticed that Sanji couldn’t even look at her. But even after all that, Luffy stood up and screamed for him. He’d never eat again if it wasn’t Sanji’s food. He wouldn’t leave without him. He wouldn’t become King of the Pirates without Sanji. Her heart twisted with such raw emotions, that she ended up crying.

They were in jail moments later though. This was chaotic, with Luffy threatening Big Mom about taking Sanji back and becoming King of the Pirates. But then Pudding had showed up.

“Don’t worry, I’m not going to marry him,” Pudding had declared.

Nami’s heart was beating in anxiety as the innocent girl had knelt in, and her voice came out in a whisper.

“Listen close. If you want to know why we’re not getting married...it’s because that love-struck idiot…”

Nami’s eyes widened in horror.

“…will be riddled with bullets during the ceremony, courtesy of me!!”

Sanji was going to die? No, it can’t happen. Even if she could never forgive him for the heartache, the time she had spent with him wasn’t a lie. She cared about him. She was scared for him.

She didn’t want to lose Sanji, but everything about this situation had her wondering if she’d ever see him again.

“Wait, Pudding!! What did you say?!!” Luffy screamed, and Nami felt Pudding’s hand jab into her forehead. She felt no resistance, but she did feel something be pulled out of her head. She screamed in terror.

“What are you doing?! STOP!!!” Luffy cried.

“This is the Memo-Memo fruit,” Pudding mocked, pointing to the pictures of her on the reel, “everyone has a film of memories in their head, it’s all in here!!”

“Stop, don’t do this,” Nami choked out with a flinch. If she was meddling with her memories, then something could be changed. It could be permanent. This was bad.

“Don’t touch that!!” Luffy threatened, struggling in his restraints to stand.

Pudding smiled softly, and Nami’s fright overtook her. This woman in front of her, this sly deceiving woman was going to mess with her memories. And then she’d take Sanji away. Nami would lose Sanji, someone else who was really precious to her. Just like how she lost Bell’mere.

“STOP! DON’T DO IT!! PLEASE!!” Nami begged, screaming for her life.

“And if I cut through the middle of someone’s face, their entire existence can be wiped from your memory!!” Pudding replied, ignoring her pleas as she took scissors, “so say goodbye to Sanji, you won’t remember him ever again!”

This can’t happen. She can’t forget Sanji!

Maybe after the fight he and Luffy had, she had truly wished they could forget about him and move on. But now that it’s come to that.

Sanji was being betrayed. And it would end in his death.

“NO!!” Nami wailed, “DON’T DO THAT! I CAN’T! I CAN’T FORGET HIM!!”

Nami feared losing anyone else important. She can’t lose him; she can’t lose him. She can’t forget him; she can’t forget him!

Luffy screamed, “STOP!!!”

“And edit!”

“No…” Nami mumbled weakly. She remembered Sanji’s smile. His sweet and tender smile that she felt safe with.

She would never remember it after that.

~~~

Nami questioned for the hundredth time what the hell they were doing in a Yonko territory when they already had Kaidou after them. Being threatened with torture to spill Lola’s location to her captors. Luffy was awake, but he had been shot a few times and was bleeding out. This was bad, they needed to get out of here. She just hoped that Brook had the Road Poneglyph that they were after.

“Don’t worry Nami. I’ll get up eventually, and we’ll get out of here!” Luffy weakly declared.

That’s when Jinbe turned up with perfect timing, instantly defeating their guards. Nami didn’t know why he was here, but this was a huge help.

“JINBEEEEEEE!!!”

“Ahh! Luffy-kun, Nami-kun! I heard they had you prisoner. I’m glad you’re both all right. We can talk later. But first, wouldn’t you rather get out of there??” Jinbe asked.

“YES, YES, YES!!” Nami cried, alongside Luffy who cheered with her at a lower volume. He needs medical attention immediately. 

“Luffy-kun! Nami-san!!” the voice of Pudding called from behind, “I’m glad you guys can escape now! I saw Jinbe-san looking for you guys and decided to lead him to you! And I also have news!”

“Can that wait until I’ve gotten them out?” Jinbe asked.

~~~

So, Jinbe was here to remove the Sun Pirates from the allegiance of the Big Mom Pirates – that was the unfinished business he had before joining the crew. This means Jinbe would join them now!

With Luffy being as weakened as he was, Jinbe threw him over his shoulder and began to carry him. Nami and Pudding rode on Jinbe’s back too. Pudding had given her some supplies to tend to Luffy, who had passed out from loss of blood. Once they found Chopper, Jinbe offered to donate some of his blood again to make things fast.

“Listen, Mama said that she was fine with you guys leaving,” Pudding informed, “I saw to it that she was.”

“Really? That easily?” Nami questioned.

“Well… it is a matter of outrunning her guards,” Pudding replied, “this wedding is really important to her, so she wants you guys to leave before we cause trouble.”

“The wedding is between yourself and Sanji-kun right? What are we doing about that?” Jinbe asked.

“Huh?” Nami questioned. Why would they care about the wedding?

“Give me a minute, I just want to give you guys an escape route,” Pudding replied, “is it okay if I meddle with your memory a bit, Jinbe-san? I’ll give you the memory of an escape route. I’ve eaten the Memo-Memo fruit, and I can add memories for you.”

“Are you sure?” Jinbe asked.

“Yes, it’s a much easier way out of here!!” Pudding responded.

“Can we trust her?” Jinbe questioned to Nami.

“Of course we can! She’s our friend who’s helped us out so much!!” Nami replied, without a single doubt in mind, “if anyone has a way to get out safely, it’s her!”

“Well, if you say so.”

Nami went back to treating Luffy, while Pudding planted her hand into Jinbe’s head and fished out a memory reel.

~~~

So Nami had ended up accidentally zapping Chopper while Jinbe began taking the faster escape route. He was with Carrot and Pedro and apparently, they had an even safer method of getting out – through the world of mirrors. It was mesmerising to be inside of one, thanks to Chopper defeating the devil fruit user Brulee.

Chopper immediately moved to treat Luffy, and Nami decided to help him. Pedro glared at Pudding, before going to talk to Jinbe. Once they had calibrated, everyone had hopped into a wagon and kept going.

“All that’s left is Brook and Sanji!!” Chopper announced.

“Sanji?” Nami questioned.

“Yeah, Sanji!” Carrot replied. Nami frowned. She didn’t noticed people giving her a look of confusion too.

“On that matter, I think it’s okay!” Pudding reassured, “Sanji-san will be fine. I’ll bring him later, okay? I know you wanted to save him, Chopper-kun.”

“You will??” Chopper asked, “are you sure?? We can grab him now if you want since we’re in the mirror world.”

“No, he’s with Mama at the moment,” Pudding replied, and fear wracked Chopper’s expression.

“OH NO!!” Chopper screamed.

“Well, it can’t be helped,” Pedro sighed, before narrowing his eyes at her, “though I still don’t trust you. So, if you don’t mind, I’ll come with you.”

“What?? You’re still doubting Pudding at this stage, Pedro??” Nami frowned in annoyance. After all the help Pudding has given them over here, why would he still not trust her?

“Safe to say, I can’t trust anyone over here,” Pedro responded coldly. Nami sighed, it can’t be helped.

“No, that’s okay,” Pudding replied, “Chopper-kun and Carrot-san can come too, so that we have more people to work with!”

“Oh okay! I’m fine with that! I’m excited to see Sanji again!!” Chopper giggled. He must be close to the groom. Nami wondered if he had given Chopper cotton candy or something.

“Yeah!! Me too!” Carrot cheered.

“Fine, I guess,” Pedro replied reluctantly.

“We weren’t planning to crash the wedding or anything, were we?” Nami asked, trying to wrap ahead around the conversation. Chopper probably found out something about the wedding and wanted to help the groom. That was his business. She just wanted to know how it’d be relevant to them.

“No! Of course not!” Chopper replied, “we’re just grabbing Sanji and running! It’s not like it’ll get to that!”

“And what about the Road Poneglyph?” Nami asked, seeing as that was their main objective.

“I left Brook to it,” Pedro replied, “we may need to try and rescue him.”

“In that case, let’s find Brook first!” Chopper suggested.

“Sure,” Nami replied.

~~~

And it turns out; Brook was sleeping with Big Mom. He was SNORING too. What a situation this was…

Well, they had to find a way to rescue him.

Attempt 1:

They had a plan. To sneak in a fake Brook next to Big Mom and collect the real Brook. Chopper attempted to enter first, sneaking in. The situation was so tense that Nami barely noticed Pudding pull Carrot aside to talk to her.

Chopper had sneezed. Big Mom slammed her palm into the floor. Chopper had run for his life.

Attempt 2:

It was Carrot’s turn. She had taken one big leap onto Big Mom’s bed and tried to wake her up. Pudding was whispering something to Chopper.

Carrot had barely dodged Big Mom’s snot bubble and then the cloud in the room had tried to zap her, thinking it was a fly. Carrot had to run for her life.

Attempt 3:

Now it was Pedro’s turn. Big Mom only had to roll over in her sleep, mumbling something about a wedding cake. Pedro had to run for his life.

The attempt had loosened Big Mom’s grip on Brook.

Attempt 4:

Nami had gone in while Pudding was trying to get Pedro’s attention. The navigator was desperately whispering to Brook, trying to shake the skeleton awake. And he had stirred, but when Nami tried to talk to him, he suddenly screamed:

“AHHHHHHHHHHHH! G-G-GHOOST!!!!”

Big Mom had stirred and angrily muttered something about an obnoxious fly. Jinbe had to run in and save them. He ran through the mirror and tumbled into landing. Inside the room was a hellscape. But they survived.

Safe to say it was the most terrifying experience of Nami’s life.

~~~

Nami screamed at Brook until her throat was sore. Because THEY COULD’VE DIED THANKS TO HIM. But then moments later, she was in shock because Brook casually removed a Road Poneglyph copy from his skull. And suddenly he turned from a major source of danger to the MVP of the entire mission.

Nami let the perverted skeleton have a hug from her but then… he just had to make a panty joke. So, she punched him.

“Okay, so now we’re going to go after Sanji?” Nami asked.

“Huh? What are you talking about?” Chopper asked, “now we need to get out of here!”

“Yeah?” Carrot replied, tilting her head.

“I guess so,” Pedro replied, frowning at Pudding. They must’ve discussed something while Nami was fighting for her life. She ignored them.

Nami looked at Jinbe, “but you heard them say that they wanted to meet him, right?”

“I think I did,” Jinbe responded.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve got it!” Pudding replied.  

“I mean, I’m okay with it,” Nami reluctantly shrugged. She turned to Pedro, who seemed to be in thought, narrowing his eyes at her.

“You’re okay with not going then?” Nami asked as he quickly snapped out of it, “we don’t need to see him anymore?”

“I’m fine with it, but I feel like we’re forgetting something important,” Pedro pondered, “but everyone’s here and we got our Road Poneglyph too. So, I guess all that’s left to do is to leave? I mean, I am a bit worried about Peckoms, but he’ll manage.”

“Oh, if we’re talking about Peckoms, my crew’s got him,” Jinbe responded.

“Alright, let’s get going then!” Nami suggested, “I don’t want to be here a moment longer!!”

“Same!!” Chopper added.

“Agreed!” Brook said.

“In that case, I’ll be taking my leave,” Pudding waved, “thank you guys for everything. I’m glad I could be of help to you!”

“No problem!” Nami smiled, “thanks for helping us out!! I hope you enjoy your wedding with Sanji! I’m sure he’ll be a good and kind man to you!”

“Thank you,” Pudding smiled sweetly, before getting on the wagon man and going off.

“Meat…” Luffy grumbled in his sleep.

Nami smiled, “and we need to get our captain something to eat!”

~~~

The group of Luffy, Nami, Brook, Jinbe, Chopper, Pedro and Carrot had returned through the mirror of Nami and Robin’s dresser. Instantly, they made the preparations to set sail – with Nami heavy on the orders as navigator. She had her work cut out for her with the intense rain. Chopper was the exception to this, having to take care of Luffy now that he had access to a proper infirmary.

Once they had departed from Whole Cake Island, Nami had finally left the steering of the helm to Pedro before entering the kitchen. She’s had to manage between cooking and navigating her entire time here (thanks to Luffy almost starving them) and it was weird.

But when she entered the kitchen, something felt off. The once lively atmosphere almost looked dead to her. All the life that was within it had vanished. Nami had frozen in place, taking in the fact that something integral was missing here.

It brought tears to her eyes. She didn’t know why that was even happening. But it felt like how she felt when she entered Bell’mere’s kitchen after she had died. She covered her mouth, stifling her cries. She felt like she had lost something important. Her heart ached, and the kitchen’s quietness became too much for her.

What was this sense of longing? What was this sense of loss?

Everything had gone so well, and they were able to escape.

So, what was even missing from here?

The only answer she could find was that she wanted to see her mom again.

Chapter Text

Sanji’s heart rate picked up when he saw the colourful assortment of Ichiji, Niji, Yonji and Judge walking down the hallway towards him. He had been on his way to the waiting room for the wedding to start and just the sight of those guys sent him into internal terror. He had no words he wanted to exchange with them, so while masking the trembling of his hands, he walked past them.

“Oh, Sanji! You’re ignoring us?” The crude voice of Niji mocked, “what’s the matter?”

Sanji kept walking, clenching his fists and closing his eyes. The one thought that entered his mind was that they didn’t know it was their last morning. These guys would die too. And Sanji hated it.

“He’s probably been crying all night,” Yonji snickered, “I can’t imagine what it’s like to be him. His crew even abandoned him because they thought he was such a failure.”

Ignore them. They aren’t worth your time.

“Well, the one thing he seems to be useful for is to give his life to Big Mom now!!” Niji chuckled.

“Right???” Yonji agreed.

Sanji was still walking, but their voices weren’t going further away. Were they following him?

“Sons, I’m going ahead,” Judge sounded uncharacteristically chipper, “I’m looking forward to the spectacle that’ll be this wedding, and I’d like to speak with some of the guests.”

“Alright, father,” Ichiji responded coldly. Sanji grimaced, glaring at his feet as he broke into a brisk walk. Yonji grabbed his hand. The bracelet started beeping and Sanji’s trembling hands flinched. Sanji’s breath stopped.

The cuffs are fake; he had to remind himself.

“Look at yourself, how pathetic are you??” Niji laughed, “you’re so scared of your hands flying off. Well, what use are they anyway? It’s not like you’ll be cooking once you’re royalty again.”

Sanji yanked his hand out of his grip, “I don’t have time to deal with your crappy attitudes. I’m the groom, I need to get to the wedding. Or do you expect us all to piss Big Mom off?”

His eyes narrowed in hatred, as Niji and Yonji began to laugh loudly.

“Sanji! We have a whole hour left!!” Niji exclaimed.

“Yeah!” Yonji replied, “let’s have fun!!”

Sanji averted his gaze and kept his eyes on the ground. It’s not like these guys can harm him right now, at least not this close to the wedding.

Sanji’s observation haki spiked, and that’s when Ichiji grabbed his right hand and harshly bent his four fingers backwards. There was a snap of bone.

Sanji didn’t realise what had happened at first. In fact, the shrill scream of pain erupted from him before his mind had caught up to what had happened.

What did he just do? What did he just do?!

WHAT DID HE JUST DO?!

There was cruel laughter in the air, as Sanji brought his left hand over to injured one and prodded at his dislocated fingers. There was a burning pain as he tried to push his fingers back in place. It was probably better not to move them at all, but Sanji didn’t know. He wasn’t a doctor, and as far as he knew, Ichiji could’ve just permanently destroyed his hand for good.

What he did know was that he was heaving out terrified breaths. He fell to his knees as his vision became blurry with tears. His wide eyes stared at his hand in absolute horror.

“That was a nice scream, Sanji!!” Niji sneered, “and he’s toppled over too!”

“Look, he’s got tears in his eyes too, are you gonna cry again?” Yonji cooed.

Sanji’s mind was whizzing, unsure of what to think.

“Why…?” Sanji whimpered with bubbling despair, “why… why would you guys…”

Ichiji knelt to Sanji’s level. The cook couldn’t look him in the eye, his mind had tunnel visioned on the bruising injury that his hand just sustained.

“Don’t you see how worthless you are?” Ichiji questioned monotonously, and Sanji wanted to desperately pull on his hair, “you’re such an embarrassment that you ran off to a pirate crew and delved into menial tasks like cooking. You’re like a servant.”

Sanji was going to go crazy here. While he knew that in the end, this might not matter; these hands were his treasures. His real father had given him clear instruction to make sure they weren’t harmed. They were for cooking. Not for… being used to degrade himself and certainly not as a bargaining chip. Even if he would probably not cook again in his life, this wasn’t how it was supposed to go. These hands were supposed to be his pride.

Beneath all of this, Sanji didn’t want to die. But even more than that, he didn’t want to live a life where he disappointed Zeff. He would actually rather die.

Would Zeff be disappointed that Sanji let this happen?

Ichiji attempted to grab his injured hand again, but Sanji jerked it away – holding it to his chest.

“Leave me alone,” Sanji growled. Ichiji tutted his head in response.

“Yonji, you were right. His crew probably saw how much of a failure this filth was, and left him for good,” he said, standing up.

“But doesn’t that make Sanji’s captain a fool?” Niji questioned, and Sanji’s blood ran cold.

“Oh definitely,” Yonji replied, “think about it. He said all that about how he would starve for Sanji and how he couldn’t be Pirate King without Sanji. All those undeserved promises to an undeserving miserable failure cook. What an idiot.”

Sanji shelved the insults to himself, but he suddenly forgot the pain in his fingers. He stood up, enraged.

“Say what you want about me, but don’t bring Luffy into this!!!” Sanji screamed angrily, slamming his foot into the floor, “he’s not an idiot or a fool! He’s the next Pirate King!”

“Now he’s biting back!!” Niji mocked, and Sanji realised with clarity that he probably shouldn’t have spoken up. But they were trying to insult Luffy. Unfulfilled promises aside, that was someone greatly important to him. Sanji couldn’t stand there and let Luffy be insulted.

“You care about everything,” Ichiji sighed, “and I still fundamentally don’t understand it.”

Sanji became rigid when his oldest sibling talked. It was that idea that preceded the beating of a lifetime the day before.

“Well, see ya Sanji!” Yonji smiled, “I hope you enjoy your wedding!”

“Give us a good smile up there, okay?” Niji snickered.

“You better hide that hand of yours when we take photos,” Ichiji smirked.

His siblings began to walk off, loudly yapping to each other about how funny that was. Sanji let out ragged breaths, suddenly feeling nauseous as a distinct ringing noise sounded in his ears. He felt chills going up his spine and he was going pale very quickly. Shoot, it was a panic attack.

Sanji crouched into a foetal position and hugged himself. The burn in his fingers brought tears to his eyes as he focused on breathing and grounding himself. And the more he brought himself back, the more his emotions took control. Then he began to weep, letting the pain in his hand translate to the expression on his face. He had let out a sound; a small, stifled cry.

His brothers were right. There was a time where Sanji had teased Zoro about how a swordsman without swords was just an incapable moron. But a cook without his hands, might as well be nothing.

Sanji used his left arm to hug his right one. It’s like he was forced to watch pieces of himself crumble away until he finally lost his life. He didn’t think it could get worse than this. He really didn’t.

But Sanji didn’t want to lose everything. He wanted Zeff. He wanted his friends. And somehow, not wanting to die made all this so much more painful than it needed to be.

~~~

“Your eyes are red, are you really going to go out there like this?” Pudding questioned harshly. She looked beautiful in her wedding dress – ethereal and mesmerising. Sanji was almost placed in a stun-lock as his heart skipped a beat.

“You’re right,” Sanji replied quickly, his voice coming out quietly, “I tried to fix it, but I look miserable and dishevelled huh.”

“Hah, foolish failure,” Pudding commented, “you really want to die while looking like that?”

“It doesn’t matter how I look,” Sanji distantly responded, holding his injured hand behind him and clutching the wrist with his other hand, “I think my choice on the matter’s vanished anyway.”

“Oh?” Pudding smirked, as she stood from her seat and walked to him, “and why don’t you capitalize on the few choices you do have?”

She finds pleasure in his suffering. Sanji took a step back, cringing away from her. But Pudding grabbed his injured hand. Before she could mock anything, she froze in surprise. It looked like she was trying to activate the beeping noise on the wristlet to remind him of his situation.

“What… happened??” She asked.

“Nothing different to what happened to my face yesterday,” Sanji grimaced, “this isn’t anything new, and so it doesn’t really matter.”

Or that’s what he’d been trying to tell himself. Along with the other garbage like how he was okay with dying and how it’d be better this way.

Even though he now consciously knows that’s not true.

Pudding looked at it thoughtfully before sighing again, “your family’s full of sadists.”

“Is yours any different?” Sanji questioned with no life.

Pudding shrugged, “touché.”

They both walked towards their chair and sat down. Sanji went back to crazily staring at his hand, willing it to somehow get better. It needed medical attention if Sanji wanted to prevent permanent damage. He wasn’t sure if it was worth bargaining Zeff’s life like playing with fire. He wanted to kick something. Hard.

“Pudding-chan, you bake right?” Sanji quietly asked, holding his arm up to inspect it, “do you… understand the gravity of this?”

Pudding didn’t respond immediately.

“Without these, there’s nothing I can be proud of as I die,” Sanji continued, “this was my treasure. These hands were everything to me. And… and now I’m going to die like this…”

“What does it matter if you’ll die anyway?” Pudding questioned.

“I’m dying without any kind of honour,” Sanji answered, “no honour as a chef, no honour as a son and no honour as a pirate. Without that, who the hell am I supposed to be?”

“I don’t care,” Pudding spat.

Sanji chuckled, “I guess you wouldn’t.”

They fell into mutual silence again. But then finally, a small voice spoke up again.

“How pitiable,” Pudding muttered, “you can’t cook again.”

“That’s not even the worst part,” Sanji responded quietly, playing with his hair now, “I think I’ve disappointed the person I consider my father too.”

“I guess once a disappointment, always a disappointment,” Pudding dismissed.

Sanji felt a lump in his throat. The silence returned, and he felt like his voice would never be heard by anyone ever again. As death slowly approached him, he realised that no one would ever know how he felt over here. No one would care. He was going to die alone.

But he didn’t want any of that. He wanted his voice to reach someone. He didn’t want to be alone. He didn’t want to die as a disappointment with no pride. He didn’t want to die.

And so, this was it. This was his final hour. This was the only time of his life he could be truly honest with himself.

“Hey,” Sanji whispered to the air, as his hand fell to caress his injured one, “I… don’t want to die like this.”

“What are you-”

“I hate it here, this place… this place is hell – funny how that works considering I grew up in hell, and I’ve even survived something as hellish as starvation. But this time, I’ve really lost everything and everyone,” Sanji continued quietly, closing his eyes so that he was speaking to the void, “I lost my dreams, my friends, my pride, and… my happiness.”

The more he thought about it, the more he felt like he was dying with too many regrets.

“I just wanted to find the All Blue. I wanted to find it and prove it was real. It was my only hope, and it led me to find the people most important to me. So, I wanted to feed those guys and make them smile. I wanted to really show how much I love them.”

Sanji’s breath hitched in emotion.

“With these hands of mine, I wanted to make them happy. Because I’m so grateful to have met them, being with them has been the best moments of my life.”

He desperately didn’t want any of this and wanted to fight for it. But he honestly knew that it was too late. Sanji wondered what would be different if he told Luffy what he truly wanted.

Luffy, I…

“I… want to go back to the Sunny.”

But I just don’t have the guts to run away. Once the ceremony starts, I can’t stop any of it on my own. And yet… I still want to save those scumbags whom I don’t even think of as family.

Even though he couldn’t.

“I don’t want to be here; I don’t want to die. I just want to go home.”

Sanji closed his eyes tighter as he felt his entire body shaking. But then there was a hand placed on his shoulder. He wasn’t sure it was a comforting gesture, but when he opened his eyes again, Pudding was standing over him with a cold look.

“The wedding’s starting,” she stated, “we’re going to that altar. And I’m going to shoot you.”

Sanji stood up, meeting her expression with a cold one of his own.

“I know,” he replied solemnly, “I’m sorry you had to hear that, I know you don’t care. And I already know – that there’s no going back after exiting this room.”

“Worthless,” Pudding muttered, as she turned around and walked to the exit of the room.

Sanji already knew that too. What he did was worthless, his voice really wouldn’t reach anyone.

~~~

The wedding was colourful and loud. It was a stark contrast to how he felt, like every single other damn thing on this island. Pudding and Sanji stood atop a teacup, floating down towards the altar. Pudding was smiling sweetly as she clutched to Sanji’s arm. The cook let himself tiredly smile too, his heart beating like the sound of a clock. There was dancing food, trumpets, happy guests and cheers. Confetti flew everywhere.

This was certainly more bombastic than the weddings he imagined in his deepest fantasies. Nami would look stunning in a wedding dress. Robin would walk gracefully, handling her bouquet of flowers with care. Vivi would’ve excitedly hugged him in celebration. Violet from Dressrosa would’ve grabbed his hand and it would’ve made his heart flutter. The mermaids of Fishman Island would have caressed his cheek and led him through to the All Blue. He would’ve settled down there and started a restaurant with all the lovely ladies in the world by his side. Maybe his crew would be there, and he would’ve cooked for all of them.

Brook would’ve played music and Usopp would’ve made the world’s funniest priest. Franky would’ve probably built the altar and made everything look grand. Chopper would’ve marvelled at the wedding cake and sweets, and Jinbe would calmly enjoy the happy atmosphere. Zoro would’ve gotten lost. Sanji would’ve probably found him looking for where the sake was in the middle of a field, and they would’ve argued a ton on the way back. And then, Luffy would’ve been eating all the food, not leaving enough for other guests. They all would’ve been eating around the table and thanking Sanji for making such good food despite it being his wedding.

Sanji would’ve been happy and surrounded by love. This was loveless. Pudding didn’t even love him, and there wasn’t a single ally here for him. His eyes had met his brothers’, and they were jeering at him. The burning pain in his fingers reminded him that those guys would also die too.

It hurt a lot – both his hand and the thought.

The cake had been unveiled, and Sanji felt like it was the biggest he had ever seen. He could tell that there was a lot of effort going into making it. He could see that the spongy texture would easily melt on the tongue, and the icing had a smooth texture. By scent, he knew that it was sweet and sugary, and the chefs had used a hidden ingredient that Sanji recognised. It was impressive work, and he suddenly felt the urge to start cooking to replicate it.

His injured fingers twitched, and Sanji knew that his small wish was impossible. But Luffy would’ve loved it.

Soon, Pudding and Sanji stood face to face on the altar, exchanging their vows. This would be the final moments of his life. Sanji wondered what he should even be thinking about.

Should he think about Luffy? The crew? His dreams and how he couldn’t achieve them?

Should he remember his happier times? Remember how sad things were now?

Should he remember Zeff? His teachings and his morals? The Baratie?

“I’m going to lift it now,” Sanji spoke, trying to focus on what he was supposed to do.

“Okay,” Pudding responded.

His heart was beating loudly through the silence. And in that moment, Sanji suddenly remembered his mother.

“Mmm, yummy!!”

“Really?!”

“Yes! Will you cook for me again?”

Sanji lifted the veil, as he remembered that he never did cook for her again. She died before he could. But she was the reason he wanted to be a cook in the first place.

And then, Sanji froze in shock. He had come face to face with three eyes glaring at him.

The third eye had graced Pudding’s forehead like a diamond. It glistened like the stars in the night sky. The gaze of such a lovely eye was on him, and suddenly Sanji felt like he was dying in the presence of an angel. It was funny, he had been thinking of his mother and then the beauty of the person in front of him had revealed itself. So, in his final moments, Sanji was a romantic.

Sure, this world was hell, but there were beautiful things in this world too. A floating sea restaurant, an island of giants and dinosaurs. Cherry blossoms in the snow and miraculous rain in the desert. An island in the sky and the city of gold Sanji had only read about. A lively town of shipwrights, a boat with a sheep figurehead and another boat with a lion figurehead. A horror themed ghost-ship and a town of bubbles. A pink island of trials and a reunion with smiles. An island under the sea with mermaids that Sanji had idolised, and an island where hot and cold existed together. A land of love and passion and a giant elephant with a wonderful race living atop it. An island full of sweets, with infinite amounts of food that Sanji could only see in fairy tales.

A crew with dreams as big as becoming the Pirate King and becoming the strongest swordsman. Becoming a great warrior of the sea and mapping the entire world. Being an all-curing doctor and discovering lost history. Building a dream ship and a skeleton wanting to meet a whale who waited fifty years for his crew to return. And a fishman that would join soon after. Friends as wonderful as the Straw Hat Pirates and a father as giving as Zeff.

And the beautiful third eye that sparkled in front of him.

“What a… beautiful eye…” Sanji breathed out, as he gazed at her in wonder.

“Huh?”

Tears fell out of Pudding’s eyes instantly, as she stared at him in surprise. She went to cover her eyes and cried with her entire body.

“Oh… s-sorry! Its just, up close, I got entranced…” Sanji quickly justified, “I couldn’t help it…”

But Pudding had collapsed onto the floor, wailing out loud.

“Pudding-chan!!” Sanji called out, moving to kneel to her level. To comfort her.

“Damnit… Damnit!!” Pudding cried, covering her mouth, “I’m going… to kill you!!!”

“Pudding-chan?!” Sanji called out, incredibly confused by her sudden emotional outburst.

Sanji’s observation haki went off. He was going to be shot here, and the cook knew he was supposed to die here. But he dodged the bullet, white noise ringing in his ears. And suddenly the priest behind him had been shot. Sanji glared at the fresh corpse in horror, as he realised, he was doing this.

He really was doing this.

He was supposed to die here. But for some reason, his body had moved on its own.

Was it because he didn’t want to die? Was it because he had hope that he’d make it out of this?

No. That hadn’t been the case before.

Sanji turned to Pudding and noticed her crying her entire heart out. And for some reason, he had seen himself in her. Small, frail, vulnerable and in tears. At this point, Sanji innately knew that he would never forgive himself if he left a lady alone to cry because of something he said. And Sanji was well acquainted with the loneliness of crying alone, without a single helping hand.

Sanji knew there would probably be dire consequences, and he’d have to fight with his entire life on the line to make sure the people he cared about were safe. But right now, he wanted to extend his hand out to a girl who just needed someone for her to cry on.

And so, surrounded by absolute chaos, and a hell of bullets; Sanji grabbed Pudding with his uninjured hand and held her face to his chest – letting her sob into his chest.

“Don’t worry, Pudding-chan. I’m with you. I won’t let you be alone.”

Chapter Text

“THE GROOM’S RUNNING AWAY!!!”

Sanji had grabbed a sobbing Pudding with one arm and started sky-walking off the altar. His trajectory was upwards, as he heard Big Mom screaming at the top of her lungs.

“BLACK LEG SANJI?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!? ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN THE PARTY THAT EVERYONE WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO?!!?”

The cogs in Sanji’s brain were turning. He was incredibly stressed as he reminded himself what was on the line. His gaze quickly landed on the table of Vinsmokes, as they watched everything play out in horror. He remembered Zeff, and how his life was in the crossfire as well. His friends, who had only barely escaped that morning and were definitely not out of Totto Land territory, their lives were all on his shoulders right now.

Pudding was trembling violently in his arm, as Big Mom began screaming for people to catch him. He grunted as he kept dodging bullets aimed at him, as his observation haki went into overdrive. He honestly wondered if they cared about shooting Pudding in the process.

“ANYONE WHO RUINS THE FUN WILL HAVE THEIR LIFE TAKEN FROM THEM!! I’LL KILL YOU, BLACK LEG!!” Big Mom screamed, “HOW DARE YOU!!”

Like you weren’t already trying to do that!

Sanji gritted his teeth as Big Mom began jumping and swatting at him. He simply went higher into the air. But the cook honestly didn’t have much to work with. If he really was doing this, he had to make sure his family was safe. And then he needed to get himself into a position where he can bargain his usefulness in exchange for Zeff’s life.

And he needed to make sure Pudding was okay.

At this point, Sanji had begun to fight for his survival. Even if he was alone. But it was only one man up against an entire Yonko crew. The thought was terrifying.

“ZEUS! PROMETHEUS! GET HIM!!” Big Mom screamed.

“YES MAMA!!” they cheered, as they flew up to him. And oh god, do they not actually care that they could harm Pudding here?!

Sanji’s observation haki spiked again, and suddenly he was being punched by haki infused… mochi? Sanji could tell by the smell it was mochi, and the substance was so sticky that he felt his body being sucked into it. He tried to squirm out of the grasp, but it didn’t work well.

But based off what he sensed, he knew that there was one person behind this attack. A devil fruit user? Sanji struggled hard, and Pudding was still crying. And who the hell were these guys, not even trying to make sure she was safe. Was it because she didn’t shoot him?!

“Damnit,” Sanji muttered, “I’m sorry I got you caught up in this, Pudding-chan…but… but I really wanted to stop your tears… it’s okay though, I won’t let you be alone.”

Pudding buried her face further into Sanji’s chest, as he weakly struggled.

“I’ve got him constrained!” A deep voice yelled out, “I’ll deal with this man, you have something else to do!!”

“HUH!? WHO SAID YOU COULD TELL ME WHAT TO DO, KATAKURI!?” Big Mom bellowed.

“Listen Mama!!” Katakuri called out, “you need to target Bege, he’s planning a betrayal!! He’s been trying to target Mother Carmel’s picture!!”

“What?!” Big Mom exclaimed.

There was a bunch of screaming and chaos as guests went searching for Bege, desperately trying to stop him it seemed. Sanji didn’t even know why that picture was important, but his gaze travelled around the tables to look for it anyway. He wanted to find Bege, this could be his chance to turn things in his favour since he was betraying. Even if Sanji didn’t really like the guy, he could probably strike a deal with him somehow.

Sanji got pulled back to Katakuri, being slammed into the floor by his foot. He quickly released Pudding from his grasp as it happened, as she landed on top of him. It seemed that Katakuri at least wasn’t trying to harm Pudding, and Sanji also realised that this man’s foot had been mochi itself. So, he was a devil fruit user. Now, Sanji was now pinned to the floor by Katakuri’s foot which may as well be a mochi restraint.

“What’s the meaning of this, Pudding?” Katakuri asked coldly, “why did you fail?”

“Ka-Katakuri-nii-san,” Pudding stuttered, and Sanji watched her pull out her gun, “leave it to me, I’ll make sure he’s dead.”

“That’s not the point,” Katakuri said, “what happened up there? Why didn’t you shoot this man at the altar? It seems that you’ve been messing up quite extensively with him finding out about the true plan and your true nature. And now you couldn’t shoot him.”

Pudding’s eyes widened in slight fear, and Sanji felt his heart melt. He slowly was understanding what was going on with her.

“I’ll do it Katakuri-nii-san. I swear I will!!” Pudding yelled, holding the gun out at him, “Look, this is my true nature, Sanji! Weren’t you shocked? Weren’t you disillusioned?! Don’t worry – you’ll die very soon!! I’ve fooled plenty of people before like this!!”

“I know,” Sanji replied with a sympathetic frown, “I was… I was shocked when I found out about you. But in the middle of that, I had been lying to myself too. I told myself I wanted to die and that I was okay with it. But only now I’ve begun fighting to live. And now I’ve realised that the person who had been fooling myself the most was me.”

Pudding shot the gun towards his head, and Sanji swivelled his neck to dodge. It grazed his cheek.

“Tell me Pudding-chan,” Sanji asked, “when you say that you’ve fooled plenty of people, did you mean even yourself?”

Pudding gasped, “SH-SHUT UP!! WHAT WOULD YOU KNOW…”

Katakuri used his mochi arm to stop an attack aimed at Pudding.

“Daifuku-nii-san?!!” Pudding exclaimed.

“YOU SCREWED UP, YOU USELESS KLUTZ!! THE PLAN GOES NOWHERE UNLESS HE DIES!!” Daifuku screamed, with a genie summoned next to him.

“No! I’ll do it!!” Pudding cried.

“You had your chance, and you failed in the moment!!” You’re done here!!” Daifuku yelled, as he smacked her away with lots of force. Pudding let out a scream of pain.

“Pudding-chan!!” Sanji yelled, before he glared up at Katakuri, “that’s your crewmate and family, isn’t it?! WHY AREN’T YOU TRYING TO SAVE HER?! SHE’S YOUR SISTER!!”

Katakuri’s cold eyes went to him, “don’t you understand that caring too much can be a weakness in itself? Don’t worry, he won’t kill her.”

“Huh?!” Sanji reacted in disbelief, suddenly being reminded of Ichiji, “but you’re still hurting her!!”

Katakuri used his mochi to pull him up. They were face to face with each other now, and Sanji shot a feral glare at him. Mochi was now around his neck, as he was held in the air. It was at this point Sanji thought to himself that Katakuri’s build was huge.

“This won’t matter to you,” Katakuri said, “but as long as your death is important to our plan, you won’t be leaving this place alive.”

Pudding was outright sobbing from his peripheral, and Sanji was desperate to stop the abuse there. Beating a woman senseless was something Sanji couldn’t stand for, but this was happening because Sanji had said something he wasn’t supposed to. Pudding would have shot him, if he didn’t say anything. Now she was suffering thanks to him. Just like when Niji had beaten Cosette to a pulp the day before. And he was trying to live because he wanted to stop her from crying? Because he didn’t want her to be alone?

Maybe Sanji had just made a huge mistake. He shouldn’t be selfish; he shouldn’t try to resist anymore. Because this was his fault.

No more.

“Listen, she’s crying,” Sanji tried desperately, “she’s in pain, she’s suffering and she’s your sibling. I don’t know how your crew does things, but please! Just save her! If I die, she will have accomplished her mission, right? So… so just kill me and leave her alone!!”

Katakuri’s expression mildly flinched, “you said you’d willingly give up your life before and this was the result. How do I not know that Pudding’s not being traitorous and helping you escape?”

“What the hell can I do against an entire Yonko crew?” Sanji gritted out, feeling his will to live slowly dying, “just… just kill me. I’m sorry… I’m sorry for trying to live. But your sister… your own sister is being beaten right now. Please, please save her. That’s all I want.”

The mochi tightened around his neck as his airway got obstructed.

“I’m going to protect my family,” Katakuri said, his expression stone cold as Sanji felt his lungs burn and his head spin, “I’m going to protect them, so you don’t need to worry about her in your final moments, Black Leg.”

Katakuri then twisted his mochi so that Sanji was turned away from him. And he came face to face with the table of Vinsmokes behind him, strapped down to their seats with candy. All five of them with guns to their head. His eyes widened with fear, as Katakuri’s grip on him released so that he wasn’t choking.

“As I said before, caring too much is a weakness,” Katakuri repeated, “and it seems that you’re a man that bares too much kindness. But in this world, you can only choose one important thing to protect, even if it means sacrificing everything else. If you chose to protect Pudding, then you’ll have to see the result of everything else.”

Sanji’s blood ran cold. No. They’re going to die.

“WHAT’S THE MEANING OF THIS, BIG MOM?!! I TRUSTED YOU!!!” Judge cried out, “EVEN IN THE UNDERWORLD, THERE IS A KIND OF HONOUR!!”

“It’s too late to complain now, father. There’s no hope for us,” Ichiji smirked, “this candy has us stuck in place.”

“They took our weapons at the entrance, even our raid suits,” Yonji laughed.

“Looks like we aimed for the top and fell hard,” Niji chuckled.

“What is so funny about this?!!!” Judge growled.

Reiju was entirely silent even as a gun was to her head. Sanji began trying to struggle. He was using both his hands, the injured one searing in pain, to claw at the mochi holding his neck.

“No… no stop it,” Sanji begged, “I don’t want to see them die. Just kill me already! Don’t… don’t make me watch them die…!”

Katakuri didn’t respond. His attention was on Bege, and when Sanji had turned to him, he had seen the man beaten to the floor. Big Mom was gleefully approaching the scene, playfully skipping towards the Vinsmokes.

So, with Bege unconscious, and Pudding’s screams of pain as Daifuku had beaten her, and the Vinsmokes being strapped to the table; his brothers outright laughing as they approached their demise; Sanji could only think that this was a hellscape. Sanji would die with this engrained in his memory. Even if he lived, Sanji would never be able to forget this moment.

And now Judge was in tears, “tell me… that this is all a lie!!!”

For once in his life, Sanji shared a sentiment with Judge.

“I have given my entire life – my everything! – for the sake of vengeance against the nations of the North Blue!! I have pledged it all for the return of the Germa Empire, Big Mom!!” Judge cried, “WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF, BIG MOM!?”

“Hm,” Big Mom smiled eerily, “it seems that you guys were a bunch of failures.”

Sanji felt sick, but suddenly Katakuri had dropped him. The cook landed with a thud, and when he turned around, the commander had long began running towards… Bege?

Sanji somehow figured that this was his chance. Maybe he could fight with everything on the line after all. He was internally grateful to Bege, as he glanced between Pudding and the Vinsmokes.

“EVERYONE EQUIP YOUR INVISIBLE SYMPHONIA SYSTEMS!!!” Bege’s voice weakly screamed out.

Everyone had been confused by it. Sanji didn’t know what it meant either, but he didn’t have time. He didn’t know if he had the time to save them both. The gunners at the Vinsmoke table had hesitated, and Big Mom had swivelled herself towards Bege too. Daifuku had stopped for Bege’s large speech.

“You can see a bit into the future. That’s all,” Bege declared to Katakuri, standing to his feet with a smirk, “but that ain’t some special privilege. Everyone has an equal right to change the future!!!”

Sanji used his observation haki and instantly charged towards the Vinsmokes. He somehow knew that Daifuku would be off Pudding to target him, so before he could even start, Sanji decided to try to save the rest of them. Once he did, he would bargain his skillset with Big Mom. He was the best chef in the world, and he was a great fighter too. Surely, he could appeal it to her.

There was a gunshot and the sound of glass hitting the floor.

“Hurry up and shoot them, Peros-nii!!” Katakuri yelled out, running towards Bege. And Sanji knew he had to hurry up, because Perospero stood right at the Vinsmoke table.

“RUN FOR IT, REIJU!!!” Sanji cried out desperately, unsure about whether she even could, but trying anyway. But before he could reach her, reach them, Daifuku’s genie had arrived and slammed his face into the ground. And he struggled violently in its grasp, an animalistic instinct to save his own blood overcoming him. He couldn’t watch them die; he couldn’t let them die.

“REIJU!!!” Sanji yelled out again, as he met her smiling expression. She was happy with dying, but he couldn’t allow this. He didn’t want this to happen.

Not Reiju. Not them. No. They can’t die. They can’t!!

“HYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!”

The noise was piercing, as a burst of powerful Conqeurors Haki burst through the air. Sanji began heaving through his nose and closed his eyes tightly, as he did his best to not fall unconscious. But it was everything to do that, and Sanji realised with horror that he couldn’t move, even if Daifuku had let go of him. It took everything for Sanji to move his hands up to his ears to desperately cover them.

What the hell is going on?!

The screaming was high pitch and there was a loud thud. That’s when Sanji realised that the source of the scream came from Big Mom herself. He grounded himself with trying to gauge the situation. He opened his eyes and looked around desperately while gritting his teeth. His vision had blurred but he blinked to bring it back.

The gunners at the Vinsmoke table had collapsed. They weren’t dead. Bege and his crew were moving around just fine and looked like they were planning to kill her. So, it seems that the Fire Tank Pirates had planned to assassinate the emperor during this wedding. So, if this succeeded, then this would probably be beneficial to Sanji and his chances of surviving.

Sanji couldn’t hear anything outside of Big Mom’s screaming which had soon turned into sobbing. But as he got himself used to the sound, he slowly began to stand and stumble his way towards the Vinsmoke table. There was a ton of gun shots, but Big Mom’s wailing continued. Sanji turned around in horror and watched the Fire Tank Pirates began to run away in fear.

So, what, their plan failed?! They were going to flee now; did Sanji lose his advantage?

Suddenly, Daifuku had appeared behind him as he was almost at the table and slammed him into the floor again. Sanji turned his head towards him and noticed in his captor’s ears. Crap. They had free movement now. That was mochi, so Katakuri had acted here.

Daifuku grinned at him ominously, and Sanji shivered in fear. This was going wrong. This was going all wrong. Sanji watched Bege turn himself into a castle so that the last of his men could come in. And that’s when Sanji knew that his advantage had disappeared. No one would be able to hear him if he had tried to bargain now.

Sanji squirmed in horror, but his movement had been weakened by Big Mom’s constant screaming. Everything was falling apart. Sure, Sanji didn’t have much of a plan to begin with but, he could’ve accounted for this chaos factor. Maybe he should’ve gone for Pudding and tried to knock out Daifuku? But Sanji alone was not strong enough!

The gunners had gotten back up again, and Sanji was screaming in unheard terror.

“REIJU! GUYS!! RUN! JUST RUN!” Sanji thrashed around, setting himself aflame and trying to release himself from the genie’s grasp, “YOU GUYS CAN’T DIE!”

Because if these guys died, then Sanji would have no choice but to die with them. He would never abandon them. Zeff didn’t raise him to be a man who turned the other way if he saw his own blood family die in front of him. Sanji didn’t want to disappoint Zeff even more than he already has.

And more simply, Sanji didn’t even want to see them die. They may have been the source of his nightmares, but he didn’t hate them enough that he wanted them dead.

Maybe Katakuri was right. Maybe Sanji did care too much. About everything.

He couldn’t even hear the gun shots. But he saw everything. From the trigger being pulled right at their heads, the cruelty plastered on his brothers’ faces and the tears Judge had shed. And Reiju’s soft smile as she mouthed a silent two words.

“Live, Sanji.”

The five of their heads slammed into the table as they went limp. And then, blood had begun dropping off the table. And that’s when Big Mom’s sobbing finally stopped, as Sanji distantly inputted people screaming about a wedding cake.

The moment felt like it had been in slow motion. But everything happened in an instant. And Sanji had reached his injured hand out, as if he could make this moment stop playing somehow.

His heart was pounding and suddenly that was all he could hear. It was like, he had lost something more permanent than the use of his hands. His breathing was heavy, and his eyes went wide in terror.

That was all four of his siblings and his birth father. Dead.

“Get on that ship right there, Sanji! And stop crying! You have to be a man!!”

Tears began to fill Sanji’s eyes as they darted between Reiju, his father and his brothers. He wanted to close them, but for some reason, he felt like he couldn’t. He didn’t understand why, he just couldn’t.

“Understand?! Don’t ever come back here!!!”

“Yeah…!!!”

Tears fell down his face, as he narrowed his eyes in pain. This was it. This was probably the worst day of his life. He whimpered as he weakly struggled in the grasp of Daifuku.

“The sea’s a huge place. Someday… you’ll find people who are good to you!!!”

Sanji screamed out a wail. It was rawer than any emotion he had felt, and he hadn’t felt this level of grief since his own mother died. It was over. He truly lost everything. Sanji didn’t think he could lose more here. He had nothing else. His friends have left him, and Zeff’s on the other side of the ocean. There was nothing worth fighting for anymore.

And with his entire body, his grief overtook his body as he cried his entire suffering out.

“Now run!! Don’t turn back!!!”

“WAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!”

Sanji was echoing the young boy who had desperately run away from home. Desperate for a chance at a new life.

He didn’t want to die. He wanted to go home to his friends and find the All Blue. He wanted to tell Zeff it existed and smile again. He would’ve preferred if he had never seen his blood family ever again, and he would’ve preferred to never see them die. It hurt more than it was supposed to.

He had nothing but himself now. But he wasn’t motivated to save even his own life. And now, because of him…

“No! Don’t you dare take it that way! She was truly happy over how you turned out. She had no regrets with her decision!!”

Sanji was a worthless failure, who couldn’t save anything.

“Of course you’re not a failure, mother gave her life in resistance to protect you and the emotions you were born with. That’s what you stand for, Sanji!! It’s why you were born kinder and gentler than anyone!!!”

Sanji should just die.

“Live, Sanji.”

But… But Reiju. I…

I don’t deserve to live.

“Live, Sanji.”

Stop.

“Live, Sanji.”

No, I don’t want to live.

“Live, Sanji.”

…

“GETTING KILLED IS NO WAY TO REPAY YOUR DEBT!!! HE DIDN’T SAVE YOUR LIFE SO YOU COULD THROW IT AWAY!!”

But Luffy… how else am I supposed to repay my debt to someone who’s given their life?

“Live, Sanji.”

Sanji rapidly burst into flames. Flames hotter than anything he’s ever produced. Flames that burnt even his own skin. Daifuku flinched off him, and Sanji instantly hopped into a skywalk. Going face to face with Big Mom.

“Huh? You haven’t died yet?” Big Mom questioned, raising an eyebrow. Sanji was breathing heavily, as the flames became redder. His injured hand was not taking this well, pain being sent over his entire body.

This was the pain that came with trying to live.

“I… I don’t want to die,” Sanji breathed out with adrenaline, “I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die!! I DON’T WANT TO DIE!!!”

“Well, that’s too bad,” Big Mom smirked, “you’re going to die, Sanji. And then Germa 66 will be ALL MINE. Do you know why I let your crew escape? Its so I can show them your corpse and show them their greatest torture!!!”

She was laughing with cruelty as Sanji’s flames dissipated. Some of his skin had been charred even with the use of his best Arnament Haki, and it hurt to breathe. He watched her blankly, feeling the weight of exhaustion beginning to overtake him. He took the small effort to finally wipe his tears. His crew had willingly made the choice to leave him, but they were the kindest people he knew. If Sanji’s corpse had been shown to them, they would feel guilty and hurt.

“YOU KNOW WHAT THE STRAW HAT SAID?!” Big Mom yelled, “he said that HE would take you back and become King of the Pirates!!! So of course, I’ll make him suffer in the best way possible by killing you! And without you…”

“WITHOUT YOUR HELP…!”

 “…he’ll fly into despair and never pursue the One Piece ever again…” Big Mom grinned maniacally.

“I CAN’T BECOME… THE PIRATE KING!”

“Then…!” Sanji choked out, feeling like he couldn’t breathe with how he forced himself to stay awake, “then…if you want Luffy to suffer then… let me join your crew.”

“What??” Big Mom questioned.

“I’m the best chef in the world!” Sanji wheezed, pointing at the large wedding cake with a portion bit out of it, “and I can make cakes… way better than this one.”

“Oh? You’re bargaining with me?” Big Mom asked. Sanji was suddenly reminded of Zoro bargaining with Kuma with his own life. Of how he tried to do the same thing and failed.

But this time he was fighting to live. And he would carry the guilt of letting his blood family die for the rest of his life. Was he abandoning his blood family to their fate? Maybe. But Reiju, until her final breath, had wanted Sanji to live.

“Luffy will fall into despair,” Sanji said weakly, he didn’t want Luffy to suffer, “because… because he wants… the best chef in the world… on his crew… and he told me that… that he can’t be the Pirate King without me.”

“Hmm,” Big Mom tilted her head, “you can really make a cake better than this one?”

“Yes,” Sanji replied confidently, “I promise you I can and will make a cake better than this one. I’m the best, you can’t have cakes as good as mine ever. So… so let me join your crew.”

“But that’ll make you the King of-”

“I…! I’m not… I’m not a Vinsmoke,” Sanji panted out, “I’m not so, you can have Germa, and everything that comes with it.”

“Hmmm, tasty and delicious wedding cake…” Big Mom drooled.

“And… and I’m a great fighter, I’ll do whatever you want, as long as you don’t hurt Red Leg Zeff,” Sanji added, wondering if this was even working. She seems very food motivated; that’s for sure.

“Mamma mamma! Hmm, okay!” Big Mom laughed happily, “I suppose I can let you live for a little while longer! Make good use of you and then dispose of you once you’ve outlived your usefulness. You have a week to make your cake for me and if you leave the island in that time, I'll explode your cuffs; do we have an agreement on that?”

She eyed Pudding, who had been nervously staring up at her.

“Yeah, I can make it in a week,” Sanji replied, feeling lightheaded at how easy this was. There was probably some catch to this. But Sanji could work with this, she didn't seem to know that his cuffs are fake...

Reiju, thank you for this. 

“And that's why, I’ll let you marry Pudding!!” Big Mom declared, “it won’t be a ceremony like this though, I’ll tell the public you guys are already married and have you actually marry tomorrow with a new priest!”

Sanji paled, as he watched Pudding’s face morph into confusion and then fear. He then turned up to Big Mom again and saw sinister smile. His heart rate was in his ears and his breaths felt too short. And he was sweating a lot.

“I…” Sanji began but was unsure on whether he got a sentence out. Because within the next moment, everything went black.

And that was the end of the hellish wedding of Whole Cake Island.

Chapter Text

Sanji woke up to the familiar rocking of a boat. The room he was in was dark and silent, and he allowed himself the relief of a deep breath. He sat himself up on the bed he rested on, trying to blink himself awake. He used his right hand to reach into his pocket for a lighter and a cigarette. He’d have to wake up and make breakfast soon before Luffy-

No, that wasn’t it.

Sanji’s right hand was injured, and the mere act of trying to move his fingers sent a jolting pain into his nerves. He noticed that they were fixed into place by the thick casts that adorned his fingers. It brought a lot of clarity to the fact that… he didn’t just wake up from a nightmare. He was living in one.

Sanji fished out his cigarette and lighter with his left hand. He had to fumble around with the box to even get a cigarette out, and he had to struggle more with the lighter. Eventually nicotine was in his system, and he felt a lot better than he had.

It made him feel like he wasn’t a walking corpse. He was living and breathing.

Sanji was alive.

His family wasn’t.

And like that, Sanji’s left hand flew into his head and pulled harshly. He pulled on his hair until it hurt and scratched at it until he drew blood. He took out his frustration. The frustration that came with not being able to save them. For abandoning them to their fate like that. For being so selfish that he chose to live while they drew their last breaths in front of him.

Why was Sanji alive? And why did they have to die? Judge and his brothers may have been cruel and awful to him, they were monsters to him, but that didn’t mean that…

That-

Sanji drew a stuttered breath as he remembered their heads hitting the table. The expressions they had held. His brothers’ cruel smiles as they laughed in the face of demise, while Judge… he was crying.

And Reiju’s smile as she accepted her fate.

Sanji gave a sharp pull of his hair again and hissed in pain, before folding in his knees and resting his forehead onto them. He was trembling, and his body was sweating despite the bandages that were wrapped around him. Bandages that were there because he had burned himself with his own flames.

He lifted his head and breathed out nicotine from his cigarette, and then just held it in his left hand miserably as he placed his chin back onto his knees. He focused on breathing and tried to ground himself into reality.

It can’t be undone. There was no going back now. Sanji had made his choice. His birth family was dead, but Sanji had chosen to live. He’s left the Straw Hat Pirates and joined the Big Mom Pirates. His benefactor was safe if Sanji kept himself in line.

If Sanji died now, it’d be an insult to Reiju and his own mother too. It’d be an insult to Zeff, who had given up everything for him to be out on the sea. It’d be an insult to Luffy, who charged into Yonko territory for him, even if he had left. It’d be an insult to his crew, who he was still trying to protect by being here, as they fought for their dreams.  

It didn’t relieve the guilt and self-blame. He hated that he was still alive.

~~~

Sanji walked onto the deck of the ship he was on, as it sailed under the night sky. It took him an absurd amount of time to ground himself, considering that his loud thoughts sent him into a panic attack whenever he remembered the wedding itself. The room was too quiet after a while, and so he decided he wanted to hear the waves. He had no idea why he was on a boat right now, so he figured he’d get his answer to that.

He saw Pudding staring into sea from the railing and was reminded that he was going to marry her soon. Really this time.

“You’ve got to be dreaming!! Me, marry that stupid thug?! Of course not!”

Sanji clenched his left fist, as it began shaking uncontrollably again. This was a miserable day, it’s like his body and thoughts weren’t aligning. If this was on the Sunny, Sanji would openly be irritated. But he didn’t have an outlet like Zoro to just spar with until his overthinking mind calmed down. He couldn’t even cook his comfort foods to make himself forget either.

“Who in their right mind would ever get married to a disgraceful failure like you?!”

Damnit. Stop thinking about that!

Sanji let out a large sigh. Pudding turned around in surprise. The two of them locked eyes for a moment, before Sanji realised, he hadn’t wanted to grab her attention.

They stared at each other awkwardly, and Sanji began scratching the back of his head in nervousness.

“Um, hey,” Sanji began, averting his gaze from her, “sorry I interrupted you.”

“Hmph, how dare you!” Pudding replied, with random energy, “I didn’t want to see your face this early in the morning, stupid Sanji! …san.”

“Right…” Sanji responded, walking closer to stand next to her, “its morning huh?”

Did Sanji sleep through an entire day? He thought it had been somewhere around midday when he collapsed considering the wedding had been at ten in the morning.

“That’s right, we’ll be getting married once we get to Chocola Town,” Pudding explained, her voice sounding irritated, “Mama’s on this ship too.”

Sanji pursed his lips around the cigarette he had in his mouth. His seventh one.

“I see,” Sanji sighed, not wanting to think about Big Mom, “and why aren’t we getting married at Whole Cake Island?”

“Ugh,” Pudding groaned, “because the Tamate Box was a bomb and the Whole Cake Chateau got destroyed.”

The Tamate Box. As in the one that Luffy offered Big Mom after eating all the sweets at Fishman Island? The thought of Luffy sending a bomb over to an emperor on the day he declared war with her almost earnt a snort from him.

Almost.

He had to remember who he was talking to.

“That’s a shame,” Sanji said stiffly, trying not to smile. It seemed that as depressed as he was, Luffy’s stupidity still made him happy. It reminded him of better times: if Sanji had found out and Luffy was in the same room as him, he’d kick him and scream about how stupid he was. Nami may have punched him and Zoro for not stopping him again.

God, he missed them.

“Mama’s pretty pissed off about that,” Pudding sighed, and Sanji’s moment of amusement became short lived. He was rigid now.

“Is she… she’s not going after those guys, is she?” Sanji asked. He would write promises in his own blood to try and stop her. He was prepared for it.

“No,” Pudding scoffed, her voice low, “you said that you being on her crew would torture them. She’s looking forward to it. And your cuffs explode if you leave Totto Land now.”

Sanji narrowed his eyes. The future wasn’t bright at all. It was a miracle he was even alive. He ignored the rabbit hole that was… the guilt he tried not to think about.

Unfortunately, some of it did resurface, and Sanji saw the sun beginning to rise along with it. From the corner of his eyes, he saw the bandages that graced Pudding’s arms and face. It made him remember the reason she had been like that in the first place. Hell, he was going to be marrying her now and further staining the perfectly normal life she was living. Well, as normal as it could’ve been in this family.

“Hey, how are your injuries?” Sanji asked, turning to her with concern, “I hope they’re doing okay. I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you there.”

“Huh?!” Pudding exclaimed in anger, and it made Sanji shiver in slight agitation, “I don’t need your petty concern!!”

“Sorry,” Sanji responded, trying to remain civil. When it was with Pudding, he couldn’t help but think that she despised him when she reacted this way. It’s strange, because he’s gotten that reaction before, in a much more friendlier setting. In fact, Sanji was the one who instigated the rudeness.

“You look like a mummy, need a hand so that you don’t get yourself more injured, weakling marimo?”

“Huh?! I don’t need your petty concern, stupid love cook!”

“I just thought you needed my help! I am that much better than you are! It looks like I have to make sure you don’t bleed out while we can’t find you these days!”

“Are you picking a fight?!?!?!”

Did every damn thought have to lead back to those guys? It’d probably hurt less if he forgot about them.

“I’m doing fine for your information, stupid Sanji! …san,” Pudding spat.

“That’s good to know,” Sanji replied, giving her a smile, “I’m glad.” 

Pudding looked away. Sanji looked away too and watched the sunrise. Maybe… maybe she didn’t want to talk to him anymore. He wouldn’t blame her. To Pudding, Sanji had merely been a target to manipulate and kill. She probably thought he was comparable to dirt beneath her, and he probably wasn’t the first person to die by her hand. Actually marrying him was definitely not in her plan, and even though she did her best to follow orders, she’d be suffering for it.

All because Sanji was fighting to stay alive.

“Hey, I’m really sorry,” Sanji spoke up, turning to face her directly, “I… I was really planning to die out there, but things spiralled into this.”

Pudding gave him a look of bitterness. Sanji forced himself to keep staring her in the eye.

“I… uh. I know you probably didn’t want to marry me,” Sanji continued, “and you don’t have to forgive me for anything. I’m the one being selfish here, and you’re suffering the consequences. And I feel awful about it; you should’ve had a choice on who you married, and I took it away from you.”

Pudding looked like she was tearing up. Sanji didn’t plan this speech, and he was practically spewing his thoughts. But what he wanted to say was not just an apology. Because there was no way he could repair this without choosing to die. 

Sanji felt his voice break, as stepped away and bowed on the spot. The sunrise was glaringly bright as the water reflected the light all around them.

“I promise though, I won’t treat you badly,” Sanji vowed, closing his eyes, “I’ll make sure that… that this marriage isn’t hell to you. So… I hope we have a good future together. None of us asked for this, but I’ll do my best to make you happy.”

Sanji remained in that position. This was what he wanted to get out. He saw the girl that cried on the altar and wanted to live so he could comfort her. But that… turned out horribly. But he wanted to show that he cared.

“As I said before, caring too much is a weakness.”

Sanji’s entire body jerked as he remembered Katakuri’s words. He finally looked up and saw Pudding look… distressed. And before he could say anything, she ran away from him. And within seconds, Sanji’s breaths came out short and sharp. His fingers trembled as he took his cigarette from his mouth and stubbed it on the railing of the deck. His head was pounding, and he felt too warm in his clothes.

“It seems that you’re a man that bares too much kindness.”

Sanji’s hand was in his hair within seconds, as he stumbled forward.

“But in this world, you can only choose one important thing to protect, even if it means sacrificing everything else.”

“No,” his voice came out as a whisper.

“If you chose to protect Pudding, then you’ll have to see the result of everything else.”

His family’s heads hit the table and there was blood. And Sanji had to cover his mouth before letting out a pained, muffled scream. He felt like he could vomit, and his wide eyes watered. He knew he was having another panic attack. When did they become so uncontrollable?

Sanji sunk to his knees and hugged himself again, leaning on the railings of the deck. He was shivering a lot as he remembered the horrible scenes. Sanji took a deep breath, and blinked the tears out of his eyes, trying to bring himself back from the moment. He tried to remember happier times. His adventures on the Sunny, his friends, their smiles when he gave them food.

It all swelled in his heart and transformed into unbearable grief that joined his family’s deaths.

“Luffy…” Sanji told himself, his voice shaking, “everyone… I need… I need to be strong… I miss you guys, but… I need… to be strong.”

He couldn’t afford to be this weak. He needed to be strong so that he could stay alive. So that his father could live. So that his crew could sail the seas for another day.

~~~

The wedding was on another bright morning at Chocola Town. Pudding and Sanji stepped onto a makeshift altar in an empty clearing in the presence of only Big Mom and a singular priest and spoke their vows.

But then, when Sanji lifted the veil, there was no gunshot to expect. The girl in front of him looked miserable and that may as well have been a shot to the heart though.

“Hey, I can kiss you on the forehead,” Sanji whispered as he began to lean in, “it’s okay.”

Pudding didn’t respond. Sanji closed his eyes in pure anguish. His hands went to Pudding’s shoulders, as his lips descended on her hair line – just above her third eye. It was soft and quick. Sanji wasn’t looking to linger. When he lifted his head to face Pudding, she looked resigned. He smiled at her as gently as he could.

“Now you guys are husband and wife, mamma mamma!!” Big Mom laughed, “I don’t understand why you guys are so shy about kissing on the lips!”

Sanji side-eyed a glare at her. He was beginning to see that she did not care about the well-being of her daughter at all. And Pudding was tensed up next to him too.

“Congratulations though!” Big Mom cheered, “Pudding, I hope you understand that this is because you messed up our plan.”

“Yes Mama,” Pudding responded, sounding despondent. Sanji felt rage building up.

“Oh, and you’re giving such a feisty look, Black Leg,” Big Mom pointed out with amusement, “something got you angry? You got exactly what you wanted! You’re on my crew now, so you need to start acting like it!”

“That doesn’t mean that I have to smile in front of a sadist hag,” Sanji spat coldly, “you’re my captain, and I’ll give you respect as a crewmate. But I’m not going out of my way to praise your actions.”

“Oh well, you still have six days to make that cake,” Big Mom mused while drooling, “if you fail, I’ll have you killed and all your effort to beg for your life will be in vain.”

“You don’t have to worry about a thing,” Sanji gritted out, “I’ll get your cake to you.”

He should be grateful that she’s even letting him do this. But he has nothing but absolute hatred for the person who orchestrated everything. It was because of her power that the Vinsmokes wanted Sanji back, snatching her from his crew. It was because of her connections that Zeff had been threatened at all. It was because of her orders that Pudding had manipulated him. It was because of her greed that… Sanji had to see his family die.

“By the way,” Big Mom informed, “you’re marrying into the family as Vinsmoke Sanji, King of the Germa Kingdom.”

Sanji blinked as he took in the words. He wanted to vehemently deny it.

“I…! I’m not… I’m not a Vinsmoke! I’m not so, you can have Germa, and everything that comes with it.”

Sanji long didn’t want to associate with that damn last name. But…

“Let me join your crew.”

He wasn’t joining as a Straw Hat Pirate. He didn’t have that title backing him anymore, and even if he did – he would die before letting Luffy fall under an emperor. Being a Vinsmoke, begrudgingly, was the only thing he had left to prove his worth until he baked the cake for Big Mom though. It was the worst, but Sanji had to say yes to this. Even if it means ruling over the kingdom that only caused Sanji suffering. Even if it means going back to that place and calling it his home again.

Big Mom would have him killed if he could give nothing else.

He desperately wanted to say no though. He wanted to scream it with all his heart.

I’m not a Vinsmoke! I’m not a Vinsmoke! I’m not a damn Vinsmoke!!

“Okay, I guess I’m the king,” Sanji said, “it’s just a title though. I’m pretty sure I gave everything else away to you in exchange for my life.”

Along with his cooking and his fighting skills. Sanji tried to give away everything he owned to make sure Big Mom would let him live.

“That’s right,” Big Mom smiled, “my dear Pudding is the queen too. But you can have the kingdom itself as property; it’ll be docked on Cacao Island. I just want Germa’s clone technology and research. But it’s such a shame; with practically no subjects, you’re basically ruling over no one.”

“I don’t care,” Sanji replied coldly, “it’s not like this title gave me power anyway.”

Not in the face of a pirate emperor and certainly not in the face of the world government. Sanji was still one man, that too, one man with a bounty.

“Yeah, since you’re all under me anyway, mamma mamma!!” Big Mom laughed sadistically, “but then, it’s that title that’s making me intrigued.”

Sanji raised an eyebrow. But in his peripheral, he saw Pudding trembling in fear.

“Why?” Sanji carefully asked.

“Because, that title is going to be passed down to one of my grandchildren!!” Big Mom exclaimed with absolute glee, “So, how about tonight you consummate your marriage, and, in this week, you keep trying for children?!”

“I- what?!” Sanji gasped in horror, “you’ve got to be kidding me! I’m not having kids on your crappy territory!!”

“Mama!!” Pudding protested, “I think that’s a bit much! I’m not ready to be a mother!”

“Oh but, I really do want to raise an actual heir to the throne. It’ll certify the Charlotte-Vinsmoke union for sure! Then this kingdom can officially be considered mine!!” Big Mom cheered.

“Like hell I’m following through with that!!” Sanji yelled angrily, “I’m not having your grandchildren right now! I refuse! You can’t just decide that!! That’s not how it works!”

“Yeah, Mama, please understand!” Pudding cried, “its too soon! I only just turned sixteen!!”

“And I was only two years older when I had my first child,” Big Mom responded harshly, now glaring at Pudding, “you’re completely fertile, and you’re married now too! Not to mention you’re part of the Big Mom Pirates, and you haven’t pledged your loyalty to me as a child, but as a grown woman.”

“Mama…” Pudding shrunk into herself. Sanji watched her take a step back. He then glared back up at Big Mom.

“Listen! I agreed to join your crew! I agreed to make you a cake and I agreed to give my fighting assets to you! I even gave you Germa!!” Sanji persuaded, “I’m giving you everything, you can’t make me do this! I have a title, and I can use it to break off this alliance!”

“And kill Red Leg Zeff in the process?” Big Mom asked eerily.  

Sanji flinched at the threat.

“Or I’ll give you another option! Maybe instead of grandchildren, you’ll give me children instead! If I take you by force, then I’ll get what I want anyway,” Big Mom continued.

Sanji let out ragged breaths. This was not actually happening.

“Or I’ll just kill you here and none of this happened,” Big Mom added.

He felt like his throat was going dry at all the threats. He had too much on him. A voice did whisper that his suffering would end if he just chose to die. Then he wouldn’t be making Pudding suffer like this with him. And he wouldn’t have to lose something sacred. But then… what had he been fighting for this whole time?

“I don’t want to do this,” Sanji closed his eyes, “Pudding-chan doesn’t need to deal with this. She’s too young and… and while she deceived me, that doesn’t mean I want to see her suffer.”

“Hey wait-!” Pudding began.

“But I want to live,” Sanji sighed out, “and that’s why I’ll… I’ll give you… I’ll give you, my children.”

 And his virginity and another shattered piece of himself.

“Wait really? Oh gosh, it’s been a while since I’ve been pregnant!” Big Mom asked, feigning the bashfulness of a maiden, “but since you’re not consummating your marriage with Pudding, I’ll make you spin the wheel as well and give up something else too.”

Sanji felt humiliation like no other, when he narrowed his eyes, “I don’t mind.”

“Wait, Sanji!” Pudding gasped in horror, “you don’t know what you’re doing! Stop! I told you I don’t need your petty concern!!”

Sanji turned to her in absolute despair, “but Pudding-chan! I can’t… I can’t let you get hurt! I told you that I won’t let this marriage be hell, so I-”

Pudding pulled his face down to hers so that they were forehead to forehead, “I’m not scared of kissing you on the lips.”

“Wha-”

“And I’m not scared of consummating our marriage either,” Pudding glared into his eyes.

Sanji went silent as he just gaped at her. But then a bubbling desperation filled him.

“Why though?!” Sanji protested, “you don’t have to do this for me! I didn’t want to drag you into this!”

Pudding’s eyes began to water as she kept her glare on him.

“Are you stupid? You’ve dragged me into this enough!” Pudding cried, her voice shaking, “I’m not doing this for you! I… I just thought… that it’d be good to bear the child of a king.”

“You’re lying,” Sanji muttered, “be honest. You don’t really want this.”

Pudding pushed him away and slapped him.

“The one who isn’t being honest is you!” Pudding yelled, “didn’t you want to survive?! Didn’t you just marry me because you didn’t want to die?!”

Sanji’s face contorted in grief, as his left hand held his cheek.

“Spinning the wheel with Mama is not a good thing to do if you want to survive! She takes your lifespan, and you could die anyway!” Pudding explained, “and as for me, if I’m going to marry someone, I’d rather not be widowed before the first day even ends. And since it’s you, I’ll… I’ll make you suffer the humiliation I did on the altar! I promise you that! So just… just work with me here! Our wedding vows were to survive the thick and thin together!”

Sanji went quiet. He just didn’t understand what was going through her mind. But from how firmly her hands were placed on his face to hold him to her forehead, he knew she was serious about this.

He didn’t know why. He just knew.

“I guess… I don’t know the first thing about surviving in this territory,” Sanji whispered to her, before turning to Big Mom in defeat, “you heard her. We’ll do it… we’ll… consummate our marriage.”

“Perfect! Glad to know we could come to an understanding!” Big Mom grinned. Sanji blanched, as he wondered if this emperor could make him do anything.

~~~

That night, in the privacy of her room, Pudding and Sanji awkwardly sat side by side on her bed. None of them had bothered to change from their wedding outfits. All things said and done, they both agreed to share an extremely private moment together. And… none of them knew what they were doing. It wasn’t like they wanted to do it anyway, so procrastinating like this worked. Sanji had lit a cigarette to calm himself down.

“I don’t understand,” Sanji said, staring at the wall in front of him, “I don’t know why you’d agree to this. If I died, then you’d be free from me. Same for if I lost my lifespan and died, you’d be free from me then too – and I would be the only one struggling. I don’t get why you had to do this too. I thought you hated me.”

Pudding shifted in her place uncomfortably. There was an incredibly long moment of silence, and Sanji started fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. It was when his thoughts began to trail off to darker places, when Pudding finally spoke up.

“Because I…” Pudding started, and Sanji almost didn’t hear her, “I don’t want you to… I don’t want you…”

She was tearing up. It seemed like she was constantly on the brink of tears in this entire situation. It was awful, it’s not like Sanji wanted to see her cry.

“I-I don’t understand it either,” Pudding finally said firmly, desperately wiping her tears, “I don’t understand you.”

Sanji let out a puff of smoke, before talking, “that’s a pretty difficult thing to do. These days, I don’t understand myself.”

Like why he was pushing to live when he wanted to die, even though he didn’t want to die. Not to mention, Sanji’s desire to not abandon his family to die, only to abandon them to die and then feel guilty about it. And also the fact that Sanji hated his family with his entire being, and yet when they die in front of him, he’s in this endless cycle of grief. And also how Sanji didn't want Luffy to come for him, and yet when he left, Sanji had felt worse because he happened to believe his former captain's words of staying for him. It was complicated in his own head. Sanji didn’t understand his own mind.

“I don’t understand you, and I don’t understand me either,” Pudding continued, as she brought her knees up. She placed her head onto her knees and began twirling her hair. Sanji eyed her and then went back to staring at the wall in front of them.

“I see,” Sanji responded. He was right then. Pudding had spent so much time fooling everyone around her to the point that she fooled herself.

“It’s irritating,” Pudding complained quietly, “I sometimes wish I had never met you.”

“I feel the same way,” Sanji smiled bitterly, “I don’t understand you, and I don’t understand myself. I wish I never met you too.”

“I bet you really hate me then,” Pudding stated.

“Funny enough, I don’t hate you,” Sanji replied evenly, “I hate your mother, I hate this entire crappy situation, I hated my father, and I hated my brothers. But I can’t find it in myself to hate you.”

There was a small moment of silence, before Pudding then asked, “why not?”

Sanji turned his face to her, “it’s because, while I don’t understand you, I feel like we’re pretty similar.”

Pudding shuffled again, “I don’t agree.”

“Okay,” Sanji said, “you don’t have to. That’s just how I feel.”

“Whatever,” Pudding responded and then stood up to finally fumble with her clothing, “whether we like it or not, we’re stuck with each other. Through the thick and thin. So don’t make stupid decisions.”

And that was probably one of few kind gestures he’s received on this island.

“I appreciate it,” Sanji replied, standing up himself to start removing his suit jacket.

He wondered when it would stop hurting. His virginity wasn’t the worst thing he’s lost in his time over here, but it was up there in terms of importance. Sure, Sanji was very openly attracted to women, and he’d spend an absurd amount of time fantasizing about them. The curves of their body, the softness of their skin, the beautiful smiles on their faces, and the sparkle of their eyes. Hell, he almost died to his hormonal impulses on Fishman Island. It was probably one of the best times of his life.

However, the more romantic side of him yearned to find someone to love with all his heart. He wanted to give everything to them, and… he wanted to be loved in return.

He wanted to experience dating. He wanted to save up for a ring and propose. He wanted to take his time to shower the girl he liked with love. He wanted to be surrounded by his friends and cherish the memory of his marriage. He wanted to make love when his relationship had reached a point where they trusted each other with their entire heart.

But now. This was just another part of himself that he’d lose on this island. And Sanji couldn’t bring himself to grieve when it happened. That night was filled with pleasure, swallowed by shame and sorrow. There was no love there. The consummation of their marriage signified the completion of their wedding, and it was a mutual agreement that they would survive together.

It meant the world, but it wasn’t enough.

And when that night ended, the two of them had their backs to each other. None of them were able to sleep. And Sanji closed his eyes and quietly shed some tears of mourning.  

For those who had died. For those he was forced to leave behind. And for his deepest wishes that were left unfulfilled.