Chapter Text
Tonight was supposed to be the night.
After years of denying himself, of believing that whatever attraction he harbored for men to be a fluke, some sort of homosexuality by proxy, Namjoon finally realized that no, wanting to suck a man’s dick on occasion isn’t normal for a straight man, even if they only hangout with people in the LGBTQ+ community, and tonight was the night; his first time at a gay club seeking out a hookup, not just as his friend’s boring straight sidekick, and yet…
“I don’t know how to be queer,” Namjoon announces to the first familiar face he found in the crowd, five minutes after politely declining a third request to meet a hunk in the bathroom. “I’m too old to be bisexual all of a sudden.”
“What are you talking about?!” Jungkook laughs, wavy hair moving from one side to the other as he shakes his head. “You’ve been bi for two days and you wanna quit already? Come on, hyung, try a little harder!”
“I’ve never even held a dick,” Namjoon deadpans, looking his friend straight in the eye, but Jungkook can never hold eye-contact with him so he quickly looks away. “I’m 31 years old and I’ve never held a dick that isn’t my own . That’s embarrassing, Jungkook, how am I supposed to just go to the bathroom with a guy twice my size and give him a blowie?!”
Jungkook laughs again, slapping him on the arm. “Fuck, that’s funny. Ah, hyung, everyone’s done it for the first time at some point!”
“Yeah, how old were you when you first blew someone?”
“16, I think…” Jungkook takes another sip of his beer, eyes on the dance floor. “Wow, I’ve been sucking dick for 12 years?! That’s what you call commitment to the cause.”
“Right, so basically everyone here who would be of interest to me has had all that shit figured out for a decade already! What if I drop to my knees to blow someone and I completely make a fool of myself? I’m too old to be a beginner.”
With a heavy sigh and another chuckle, Jungkook downs the rest of his beer and turns to him, neon lights flashing all over his face. “Has anyone ever sucked you off before?”
“Of course,” Namjoon frowns. “Women have.”
“How do you like it?”
“What?”
Jungkook rolls his eyes. “How do you like getting it? Just think about that and apply to the blowjob you’ll offer another man. It isn’t that hard, just mind your teeth and work on your gag reflexes.”
“Damn, you should give a crash course on homosexuality. Gay 101; Blow them like you’d wanna be blown.”
“Stop being a dick!” Jungkook kicks him on the shin. “I’m trying to help your old bisexual ass.”
“I know,” Namjoon offers him a smile, kicking him on the shin right back. He turns his eyes away from Jungkook, taking another full glance around the room and the multitude of men flirting, dancing and making out with each other.
It looks easy for them.
Namjoon exhales a breath through his lips. Perhaps he rushed into this. It had indeed only been a few days since his big breakthrough, and putting on a pretty navy blue silk shirt with the determination of someone who never even kissed another man to come to a gay club without any real knowledge on how queer men flirt with one another was, maybe, a big leap.
“We can go if you want,” Jungkook mutters softly, eyes scanning the crowd again. “We just… need to find Taehyung. I haven’t seen him in a while.”
“Probably blowing someone in the bathroom,” Namjoon replies with a click of his tongue. “All of you know how to do it, all of you are experienced cocksuckers.”
“You’re such a little shit,” Jungkook wheezes out in a giggle, holding his arm for a moment. “I’ll find him, okay? Just stay here and try not to freak out if a pretty boy offers you a drink.”
“No promises.”
He watches as Jungkook disappears in the sea of male bodies and takes a few steps to the left to place his back against the wall. Namjoon runs a hand over his face, trying to decide if he’s overthinking the whole thing. Most likely, yes; Namjoon is a known overthinker, after all. But what to do, then? Small leaps, perhaps? Baby steps, in a way. What should he have started his journey with? Gay porn? Gay movies? Namjoon’s seen Brokeback Mountain , Call Me By Your Name and Happy Together . He’s read The Song of Achilles , The Picture of Dorian Gray and Maurice . Fiction is beautiful, but he’s ready to actually live it.
Except he’s not and none of these stories have a happy ending, so.
Namjoon lets his head fall back against the wall, eyes on the ceiling. He’s so silly.
No one comes up to him for the time he stands alone next to the wall, and when he finally sees Jungkook’s face again, over twenty minutes later, his other friend Taehyung still isn’t with him.
“Couldn’t find him, so I texted,” Jungkook says, showing his phone’s screen to Namjoon. His KaKaoTalk chat with Taehyung is open and the last few exchanges let Namjoon know he met up with an old fling and asked Jungkook if it would be okay if he went home with the guy. “I hate his ass.”
“Does big D stand for big dick?”
“You know it.” Jungkook shakes his head, smiling down at the phone as he quickly types a reply. “I told him it was fine, you know, since we’re going home, anyway. He’s told me about this guy before, his name is Wooshik. They hooked up for a while a few years ago.”
“Yeah, it’s fine.” Namjoon pulls himself away from the wall. “At least someone is getting some tonight.”
Jungkook looks up at him, pouting a little. “My baby gay! We’re gonna get you a man, don’t worry. Let’s take it slow, okay? Baby steps.”
“Yeah,” Namjoon agrees. “Baby steps.”
They move out of the club unhurriedly, with Jungkook stopping by the bar to order two glasses of somaek to go. Once finally out, Namjoon breathes in the cold night air and takes a big sip of his drink, walking beside Jungkook as they make their way to the bus stop.
“It’s not even midnight ,” Namjoon sighs. “I’m really too fucking old for this…”
“You’re being dramatic now,” Jungkook reasons, glancing at him. He shoves his free hand in the pocket of his leather jacket and takes a big gulp of the soju and beer mixed drink. “A lot of people discover they’re queer in their 30s.”
“I know, but I like to be hard on myself for funzies,” he replies truthfully, which earns him another cheerful Jungkook laugh. “Maybe I should’ve started with something simpler. Like a kiss.”
“You’ve never kissed a boy?”
Namjoon rolls his eyes at him. “Is that really so surprising? I was deep in the closet, Jungkook. So deep, in fact, I didn’t even know I was in it.”
“Okay, okay,” Jungkook clicks his tongue, raising his cup up. “Starting with a kiss is a good idea.”
“I’d say we should go back, but…”
“It’s okay to not be ready.”
“I think I am ready for a kiss, it’s just a kiss, but…” Namjoon takes another gulp of the drink. “Fuck, this will probably sound stupid, but I didn’t want my first gay kiss to be with a random man, you know? Like, not even a date, but someone I said hi to and pulled me by the waist in the middle of the club? So impersonal.”
He half expects Jungkook to offer him another one of his pretty laughs, but all his friend does is nod and place his cup back between his lips.
“You don’t think it’s stupid?”
“No, I don’t.” Jungkook shakes his head, halting at a red light. As they wait for the cars to pass, he looks at Namjoon. “My first kiss was with my high school best friend, Lee Dongmin. He’s handsome as fuck, I had this pathetic crush on him. Never in a million years thought he’d like me back.”
“But he did.”
“Yup,” Jungkook chuckles, cheeks flushed. “It’s always been really important to me that I got to have it with someone I cared about, someone that cared about me, too. The only thing better than a friend is the love of your life.”
The traffic light turns green. Jungkook steps into the road first, and Namjoon walks slightly behind him to the other side. There’s no one else at the bus stop despite not being that late. Namjoon finishes his drink and waits for Jungkook to finish his before walking to a trash can nearby, mind completely puzzled. When he comes back, he stops right in front of his friend.
“What?” Jungkook asks, big eyes staring at him.
“Would you kiss me?”
Jungkook’s eyes grow even bigger. “Uh?”
“Come on, you heard me.” Namjoon kicks the floor, both hands in the pockets of his coat. “No pressure, I’m just wondering.”
“You want me to be your first gay kiss?” Jungkook lifts an eyebrow, surprise giving room to his usual witty self.
“Yeah, you’re handsome and cute.”
“Aw, you really think so?” Jungkook pouts, cheeks growing even redder. It’s adorable, really; the way he gets shy but tries to hide it. Namjoon has always been fond of this side of him, even if he doesn’t get to see it often these days any longer. “Well, thank you, hyung.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I think you’re handsome, too.”
“Thank you.”
Jungkook hums, gaze going from his eyes to his lips.
“You sure about this, hyung? Are you sober?”
“Yes, I’m sober, you moron.” Namjoon runs his tongue over his lower lip, looking at the tiny hoop circling Jungkook’s lower lip. He wonders what that feels like. “Come on, do it. Just kiss me. Help me take the first step, Jungkookie.”
With a swallow, Jungkook’s witty smile disappears. He nudges at him. “Well, close your eyes, then. It’s bad manners to kiss someone with your eyes open!”
“Alright, alright!” Namjoon chuckles, closing his eyes. “Done.”
A second later, a pair of hands find themselves on each side of Namjoon’s neck, pulling him closer. He pulls a breath through his nose and soft lips press against his. He feels the coldness of the hoop. Jungkook doesn’t open his lips at first, as if waiting for Namjoon to give up and pull away, but once the seconds tick by and all Namjoon does is place his own hands on Jungkook’s impressively small waist, his friend exhales and turns his face to the side, deepening the kiss.
Namjoon goes with it, heart hammering against his chest, mind both full and blank of any thoughts. He’s not used to letting someone else lead a kiss; the women he’s been with always preferred for him to do it, but Jungkook’s the one choosing the rhythm, the way. He licks inside Namjoon’s mouth, making a pathetic hum break through him and heat spread across his limbs, head tilting further to the side to allow Jungkook’s tongue to explore his mouth. Namjoon can’t help but feel conscious of the hoop, how he rolls his own tongue around it and how Jungkook seems to swallow a sound when it happens. He tastes like beer, and soju, and mint, and right when their tongues swirl around one another, several honks rush through them, blowing against the wind as a car speeds on the street.
They pull away, slick lips and wide eyes. Jungkook looks at the now empty road, shaking his head.
“Lunatics,” he breathes out, a hand against his heart as he turns back toward Namjoon. “Scared the living shit out of me.”
“I thought they were honking at us,” Namjoon says, wiping the wetness of the sides of his lips. “For a split second I thought no way I’m going to be hate-crimed on my first week out and proud .”
Jungkook breaks out into a fit of giggles, doubling forward with laughter. Namjoon quickly follows along, pulling in the cold November air to feed his own amusement. His heart is still beating way too fast, but Namjoon is no longer sure on why. He looks down the street, at the two buses coming closer to their stop and narrows his eyes, confirming that the first one is for them. He lifts his hand.
“Come on, let’s go, Jungkookie,” Namjoon calls, holding his friend by the leather jacket and pulling him forward.
Once they are safely secured inside the much warmer vehicle, Jungkook takes the window seat and Namjoon sits right next to him. The bus is mostly empty, only a few late workers and early party deserters on it, all of them in their own little worlds, with their earbuds plugged right in. Still, Namjoon makes sure to keep his voice low;
“Thank you for that.”
“No need to thank me,” Jungkook snorts, eyes out the window. “We’re friends.”
“Yeah, we are.”
“And I’m going to help you.”
“Help me?” Namjoon frowns, eyes on Jungkook’s cheek and the perfect line of his jaw. “What do you mean?”
Jungkook rolls his head around, eyes big and unimpressed. “The very first thing you said to me after I left you unattended for all of twenty-two minutes at the club was I don’t know how to be queer . Well, my favorite baby gay, I’m going to help you learn it. What was it that you called? Homosexuality 101.”
“Well, will you offer better advice than telling me to mind my teeth when giving a blowjob?”
“Yes, you little shit,” Jungkook kicks him when Namjoon starts laughing. He turns back to the window. “Not that you deserve it…”
“Oh, no, don’t be upset, I’m just messing with you, seonsaengnim.”
“Did you just-” Jungkook stops mid-sentence, eyes suddenly burning on his, a smile playing on his lips. “You’re so deeply annoying.”
“Yes, seonsaengnim, I am.” With a sigh, Jungkook flicks his finger on Namjoon’s forehead. “You’re too mean for a teacher.”
“Well,” Jungkook mutters, chin up. “Get used to it.”
“No promises.”
They fall into an easy silence. How long ago did they meet again? Either five or six years. Brought together by their respective friends once they got into a relationship. At first, Namjoon didn’t think he could have anything in common with Jimin’s friends, but they all cozied up pretty fast; adult life does that to a bunch of broke, slightly depressed people. Not even his supposed straightness kept him from becoming close to them. Jungkook was the hardest, though. He and Namjoon were acquaintances for over a year after Yoongi first introduced them to each other, but then, one night, after way too many drinks, they just… clicked.
“So, what are you going to teach me, exactly?” Namjoon asks a few stops later, as they near their district. “Like, how and where do we start? And what’s the goal?”
“You sure have a lot of questions, hyung,” Jungkook jokes, sitting up straighter. He glances at him. “The goal is you feeling more comfortable to flirt, and if you want, fuck, other men.”
“Alright,” Namjoon takes a breath. “How?”
“First things first.” Jungkook opens the palm of his left hand. “Give me your phone.”
“What, why?” Namjoon frowns, already taking the device from his pocket and placing it on Jungkook’s awaiting palm. “What are you going to do?”
“Like I said, first things first.” Jungkook takes the phone, puts in Namjoon’s password like it’s his own and opens the App Store. With a wink and a very mischievous glance, Jungkook clicks on an orange app. “It’s time to download Jack’d.”
Namjoon lifts an eyebrow. “You think I’m ready for a dating app, seonsaengnim?”
“It’ll help you see how queer men flirt and interact…” Jungkook trails off, giving him his phone back. “It might scare you a little, I’ll be honest, but you gotta know. If you’re going to enter this world, you have to know how it is, baby.”
“Okay.” Namjoon looks at the app. “Will you help me build a profile, then?”
“I will,” Jungkook agrees. “But tomorrow. Small steps, remember?”
“How many steps did I take when you stuck your tongue in my mouth?” Namjoon hums. “I’m thinking, like, ten.”
Jungkook’s cheeks grow red again and he rolls his eyes for the millionth time that night. “You’re an idiot.”
“Should I add that to my profile on Jack’d, seonsaengnim?”
“Shut up, Kim Namjoon.”
Namjoon puts his phone away and takes two fingers to his lips, zipping them up. As if on cue, Jungkook laughs and turns his head back to the window, making them fall into yet another easy silence the rest of the way home.
“I have never seen so many dicks in my life,” Namjoon announces, dropping his phone over Jungkook’s lap, who starts laughing immediately, grabbing the device to take a look. He hums, lifting both his eyebrows.
“Not bad. Above the national average.”
“Yeah, well, big fucking deal, so am I.”
Jungkook turns his eyes to him, a tiny smile playing on his lips. “Did you add that to your profile, Mister Hung?”
“Oh, shut the fuck up, will you?!” Namjoon chuckles, yanking his phone away from his friend’s tattooed fingers. He takes another glance at the dick pic and sighs heavily, locking the device. “All these men match with me and ask bottom , hung , PNP, height, size … It’s maddening. And it’s the first message, too! Only one guy said hello as his first text. One, Jungkook. One .”
“Do you even know what PNP stands for?”
“Naver did, so now I do, too.”
Jungkook giggles, sitting up straighter. He takes a deep, overdramatic breath and presses his lips together. “I know the dating scene for queer men can be overwhelming, especially for a baby gay like you.”
“Stop calling me baby gay!”
“Baby bi?”
“Now that just makes me wanna sing N’SYNC.”
“ How did you ever think you were straight is beyond me.”
Namjoon shrugs. “I brushed it off. I liked women, I liked fucking women, and that was enough for me. I never let myself think too far beyond that, and then… I took the shrooms.”
“You took the shrooms,” Jungkook repeats, voice amused. “Wait, you mean that you realized you liked men at Suri’s birthday party?!”
“I can see the irony in that, you don’t have to tell me.”
Jungkook claps his hands, laughing in that loud, free way that makes Namjoon smile and roll his eyes at the same time.
“No, seriously, realizing you’re into sucking cock at your ex-girlfriend’s birthday party because Seulgi, her current girlfriend , brought a stash of shrooms for everyone to do together is top notch, congratulations.”
Namjoon sighs. “Isn’t occasionally hanging out with your ex part of queer culture?”
“We’re out numbered,” Jungkook says, nodding. “We gotta stick together, man.”
“And we can’t say hello, how are you before sending a picture of an erect penis?”
“Most men in Jack’d are looking for a hookup, a one night stand,” Jungkook mutters, expression turning a little more serious. “Do you want a relationship? Or do you want to explore your sexuality?”
“Both?” Namjoon asks, then drops himself on the armchair directly in front of Jungkook. “I don’t know, dude. I’ve been watching gay porn, and I can get off on that, so I don’t need any further confirmation that I am, in fact, queer, but I’m not at all sure on how to go about that… Like what do I reply to the very profound question of ‘ bottom?’ ”
Jungkook licks his lips. “Yes, no, vers.”
“ I know what the answers are ,” Namjoon throws a cushion at him. “I just don’t know what I am. A top, I guess. I like having my dick… in places.”
“In places.”
“Holes.”
“Okay,” Jungkook snorts, hiding his face behind his hands for a few seconds. When he looks at Namjoon again, his cheeks are red, but he’s smiling again. “You’re a top, then. Just put that up in your profile and other exclusive tops won’t even match with you anymore. And you know what else you should put in your profile?”
Namjoon rolls his eyes. “Not this again. I’m not letting everyone know I’m a baby queer, that’s embarrassing, I’m thirty-one!”
“Just say you’re starting to explore your sexuality, and you wanna go on a proper date . Less men will send you dick pics because they won’t match with you at all.”
“And why the fuck didn’t you say that four hours ago when we first set up my profile?!”
Jungkook shrugs. “I wanted you to see the nastiness first.”
“You’re mean,” Namjoon decides, pointing at him. “Terrible friend!”
“I gave you your first gay kiss! How can I be a terrible friend?!”
Namjoon leans back on the chair. “Speaking of… Was I any good?”
“You’re asking me if you’re a good kisser, Kim Namjoon?” Jungkook tilts his head to the side, narrowing his eyes. “It was… interesting.”
“That’s not a good word– interesting ?” Namjoon gapes. “Do you fucking hate me?”
His friend shakes his head, a hand over his mouth to contain yet another giggle. “No, no, it’s just… Well, we’re friends. I know it’s also part of queer culture to make out with your friends sometimes, and I’ve kissed Jimin and Taehyung before, but-”
“You have what? ”
“But you were straight until two minutes ago,” Jungkook continued as if Namjoon hadn’t spoken at all. “I never thought I’d kiss you, and then I did, and it was interesting. Not bad, okay, you’re a good kisser.”
Namjoon pumps his chest a bit. “Really?”
“Really,” Jungkook hums. “Not too rough, but not too soft either. You let me lead, too, which was nice. Not too much tongue as well. Just the right amount of tongue. 8 out of 10.”
“ 8 out of 10? ” Namjoon exclaims, pulling his body forward. “Yeah, you fucking hate me. You’re a 5 out of 10, by the way. Too much tongue! ”
Jungkook licks over his lower lip, throwing a very pointed look at him. “Now, now. We both know that’s not true. I’m a 10 out of 10, Kim Namjoon. A 10 out of 10.”
“You’re too fucking smug, that’s what you are,” Namjoon replies, unlocking his phone to update his profile, deciding petulance to be a better alternative than admitting Jungkook is right.
After Namjoon adapts his dating profile, the amount of matches lessens considerably, but so do the quantity of random erect cocks he has to see every hour, so he’s fine with it.
By the second day, Namjoon has matched with about twenty different men, and only two of them send dick pics (both below national average). Jungkook had gone home already, but left him with dating tips (he called them instructions ), and as he attempts to flirt, Namjoon tries to keep them in mind, but every time a man asks him what he’s looking for on the app and he goes with the response his friend instructed , the person he’s talking to asks him to elaborate .
“ Elaborate ,” Namjoon tells Seokjin that evening, when his friend is brushing his teeth with the spare toothbrush he leaves in Namjoon’s apartment because he has separation issues and has yet to conform to the fact they are no longer roommates. “So it’s either straight up erect penises or please, elaborate on what you mean by I want something casual, I want to explore a little . Like, what is so hard to understand about that sentence?! It’s on my profile, too, so I don’t know why they’re even asking!”
Seokjin spits on the sink, sighing as he turns around to face him. “The sentence doesn’t make it clear if they can already send you dick pics or if they have to butter you up a little beforehand.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
“I’m fucking with you,” Seokjin chuckles, shaking his head. “I actually don’t know why, Namjoon-ah, I’m not exactly an expert at sex, am I?”
“I guess not…” Namjoon trails off, taking his phone from his pocket after it buzzes three times. Jack’d notifications. “I swear if it’s another dick pic or please, elaborate text… Oh.”
“What is it?” Seokjin asks, quickly coming to stand next to him, toothbrush still in hand. “‘ Sounds cool, I like a little exploration myself. Let’s go on a date.’ Wow, nicely done, Joon-ah! Let me see his face.”
Namjoon clicks on the man’s profile; they had matched only a couple hours before, and had exchanged about twenty texts. His name was Jackson , he was from Hong Kong, and had been living in Korea for over a decade. Same age as Namjoon. When they matched, Namjoon honestly didn’t think the man would even message him because he seemed way out of his league, but then again, what even is Namjoon’s league if he’s never done this before?
“Should I tell him I don’t know how to suck dick?”
“I’ll pretend you just didn’t ask me that,” Seokjin replies. “Just accept the date, go on it, and then you can decide if you want to suck his dick.”
“But what if I do?” Namjoon whines, heart racing. “I’m just gonna make a fool of myself in front of a pretty boy!”
Seokjin clicks his tongue. “Just do to him what you’d want done to you. It can’t be that hard.”
“Oh, great, the only other non-cock sucker in the friend group is now instructing me on how to give a blowjob.”
“You clearly need all the help you can get…”
“You’re lucky I respect my elders.”
Seokjin smiles, turning back to the sink to finish brushing his teeth. After overthinking his reply for another five minutes, Namjoon accepts Jackson’s invite and tells him he can choose the place, and to only keep in mind that Namjoon doesn’t like seafood. Then, he screenshots the exchange and sends it on his private KaKao chat with Jungkook.
Namjoon: got myself a date with a pretty boy but I need help. HELP ME! You MUST teach me how to suck a cooooooock
Jungkook: congrats, he really is very handsome…
Namjoon: help meeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Jungkook: you have a cooooooock, you know how to suck oneeeeeee, stop being an idioooooooot, lick his baaaaalls, pull down the foreskin if he has oneeeeee, twist and jeeeerk it, THE FRENELUUUUUM
Namjoon reads the text giggling.
“Is he making you laugh already?” Seokjin asks after finishing rinsing his mouth. “Damn, he’s good.”
“No, it’s just Jungkook being silly,” Namjoon mutters with a smile, turning his phone so Seokjin can take a look at their conversation. “But I guess he’s right. I probably know how to do it.”
Seokjin looks up from the phone, tapping him on the shoulder. “That’s my boy.”
Going on dates has always been nervewrecking for Namjoon; he finds himself to be too awkward, too talkative, fairly weird and too much into art for the average human being, so the fact he’s dripping with anxiety as he grabs a cab to the restaurant Jackson chose for them isn’t necessarily new, just different.
Namjoon had put on a black shirt with a sweater over it, but quickly opted out of the sweater and put on a leather jacket he absolutely never used because the glasses were already enough to make him look like a nerd. Namjoon looked for his contact lenses all over his apartment, but couldn’t seem to find them; an unfortunately normal occurrence for him, so he had to accept having to put on the damn prescription glasses.
You look very pretty with glasses on , Jimin says when he sends a selfie on the group chat from the car. Stop being silly!
Embrace the glasses! Taehyung proclaims with a bunch of emojis.
Good luck on your date, hyung , Jungkook replies. Keep us updated!
After thanking the encouragements, Namjoon takes a deep breath and wills himself to calm the fuck down.
Jackson turns out to be even more handsome in person, almost like a K-POP idol. Namjoon tells him as much, which makes him laugh. He chose a Korean barbecue restaurant, said it’s his favorite meal in the world, and Namjoon is never one to say no to meat. They eat and talk, and eat and drink, and Namjoon has a really nice time. The stakes that seemed so high on his way over, or even through text, disappear quite quickly as the night goes on.
“It’s so easy talking to you,” Jackson mutters, smiling softly. “You’re very intelligent.”
“I am?” Namjoon lifts both his eyebrows. “Oh, wow, thank you. You’re very smart yourself. Witty, too. I like that.”
“Thank you.” Jackson takes another sip of his beer, eyes traveling over Namjoon’s face. He won’t deny that being looked at like that , so intensely and openly, by another man feels a bit odd, but not in a bad way. It’s just different. New. Like kissing Jungkook had been different and new. “So, you’re looking for something casual. To explore a little.”
Namjoon swallows, nodding quickly. His glasses fall a bit over the bridge of his nose, so he pulls them back with the tip of his index finger.
“Yeah, I, uh… I would like that a lot, yeah.”
“Good to know,” Jackson hums, tilting his head slightly to the side. “Would it be too bold of me to suggest we go somewhere more private?”
“Not at all,” Namjoon says, all high-pitched and idiotically. He pinches himself on the thigh, opening a small smile. “Do you have a place in mind?”
“Mine?” Jackson leans a bit forward, eyes burning on his. Namjoon feels his cheeks hot. “Or yours. Your choice, pretty one.”
Pretty one . Namjoon bites down his lower lip, stomach twisting in wonderful knots. That’s fucking crazy, man, when has he ever be called pretty in a romantic way? Maybe his high-school girlfriend did? He isn’t sure. But wow . It does feel nice.
“I don’t know where you live, but my apartment is… I think it’s 25 minutes away.”
“Yours is closest, then.” Jackson finishes his beer and points at Namjoon’s empty glass. “Do you want another one?”
Do you know how to suck a dick?
“No,” Namjoon replies, heart pulsing in his ears. “About the beer. I don’t want another one, we can, uh, go to my place. Together.”
Jackson offers him a truly dazzling smile.
“Interesting.”
Jungkook lifts an eyebrow, leaning back against the leathered seat. “ Interesting? Is that really the word you’re going for to describe your first time sucking dick?!”
“It was the word you used to describe kissing me,” Namjoon reminds him, slurping on his smoothie. He has no idea why he even ordered one; maybe because Jungkook had. “8 out of 10.”
“Our kiss or your first time giving a blowjob?”
Namjoon clicks his tongue. “I can’t know what he thought of my… abilities. He did cum, but… You know. We cum with everything, it doesn’t mean it was spectacular every time.”
“It means it was at least good, though,” Jungkook encourages, only a faint blush on his cheeks. Before, he used to get furiously red whenever someone mentioned sex, and yet, here they are, here they’ve been , and Jungkook’s only turned a little flushed sometimes. “Did he text you yet? Wait, did he return the favor?”
“Yes.”
“Yes to which question?”
Namjoon sighs. “The second one.”
“I see.” Jungkook keeps his eyes on him a few seconds longer, then takes them to his almost empty banana smoothie and slurps on the straw. “Well, it’s still 10am.”
“I don’t even know if I want him to text me,” Namjoon confesses, running a hand over his hair. “I mean, look. Jackson’s handsome and funny and I did have a good time. I… Fuck. I think it was a little awkward, though, because I didn’t… finish.”
“Oh…” Jungkook leans back on the seat again, playing with the hoop around his lower lip. “Was he bad at it? If he was bad at it, you shouldn’t worry about your performance so much, hyung.”
“He wasn’t bad at it, Jungkook-ah. He was great . I just… I was too in my head.”
Jungkook hums. “You overthought it.”
“Classic Joon, right?”
His friend doesn’t reply right away, which makes Namjoon’s gaze go to the table and his thoughts fly right back to the previous night and Jackson’s lips wrapped around his cock. It felt so good, it truly did, but his fucking mind… It just wouldn’t quiet down.
“What if I was wrong?” Namjoon asks, looking back up at him. “Like, what if my attraction to men is so small it doesn’t really translate well into action?”
Jungkook frowns. “Was that the first time you’ve ever not orgasmed when having sex?”
“Uh, no, I don’t think so.”
“Then, why would you think one experience defines your attraction to men?”
“Because…” Namjoon trails off, feeling a bit stupid. He pouts. “I guess I shouldn’t do that. But I’m so upset, Jungkookie, because he is so hot and so good at sucking dick, honestly. I ruined it. He won’t ever text me again.”
“You should text him,” Jungkook suggests, circling the glass with his index finger. Namjoon keeps his eyes on the motion, wondering what each of his hand tattoos mean; he has never asked. He should. “Jackson probably thinks he sucked at it. Maybe he’s embarrassed. You said you’d feel embarrassed if you didn’t make the guy cum, so what makes you think that feeling would be any different for him? This type of insecurity doesn’t really disappear the more blowjobs you give, Namjoon-hyung.”
“Are you insecure about your blowjob abilities?”
Jungkook chuckles airly, and doesn’t reply.
“You’re too fucking smug for your own good.”
“I’m not smug, hyung,” Jungkook mutters, licking over his bottom lip, trapping the tiny silver hook between his teeth for a second. “But yeah, take my advice for it. Text the dude.”
“Okay, I will.”
Namjoon texts Jackson, and the man does reply, but another date isn’t set by either of them.
With a woman, the text exchange would’ve probably gone on a little longer, if he had been the first to send a message, like he was, and if he had made her orgasm, like he did. Even if he doesn’t always know whether he did something wrong, or if they simply didn’t vibe, Namjoon likes to believe he’s been somewhat successful at dating women.
After ten days and three more dates with different people, he does not feel the same way about men.
“First guy, his name was Youngjae,” Namjoon starts, looking between his friends, who have all eagerly gathered around his living room to hear the humorous tales of the first few steps he’s taken as a baby queer. “He was so chill through text, but as soon as we met in person, he kept making all of these sexual jokes and I was like, can we please share a meal? Turns out, the only meal he was interested in was me .”
Taehyung and Jimin laugh wholeheartedly, while Yoongi shakes his head in feign disapproval as a tiny smile creeps up his lips. Seokjin, who’s leaning his back completely against Jungkook, smiles softly since he, much like Jungkook himself (eyes cast to the ceiling, an equally soft smile on display), has heard all of this before.
“I felt a bit disposable, so I made an excuse and got the fuck out of there,” Namjoon continues, taking a large gulp off his beer bottle. “The second guy was the following night, but I was hopeful for this one, and I was right to be! He was charming, and funny, and he did get me to go to his place with him, because I am not against putting it out on the first date, I just want them to treat me like a human being first, you know?”
“I’m glad you finally know what it’s like to date men, oppa,” Yunjin mutters, coming out of the kitchen with her hand on Chaewon’s. “Honestly a fucking nightmare.”
Every man in the room raises their glasses in agreement as Namjoon’s sister and her girlfriend sit on the only available armchair together.
“So, how did it go this time?” Jimin asks, resting his cheek on Yoongi’s shoulder. “Was it better than the first dude you had sex with?”
“Is it even sex if it’s just a blowj—”
“ Yes! ”
“Straight man mentality!”
“Get it off you!”
Namjoon chuckles, raising both his hands in fake surrender. “I’m joking, Jesus! You’d all cancel me in a heartbeat…”
“Stop stalling, tell us!”
“Yes,” Namjoon confirms, glad he’s had a few too many to drink already, otherwise he might get a little more flushed than just a little flushed. “But because I respect my little sister, I won’t go into detail.”
“Bullshit,” Yunjin snorts, throwing a cushion at him. “Tell us, oppa.”
“What’s the matter with you?!” Namjoon shakes his head in disapproval, throwing the pillow right back at us. “It was satisfactory— alright, don’t need to fucking boo me! It was good, it was good, I managed to move past whatever internal mind-fucking bullshit I was going through and… Yeah, I did… get there.”
Everyone applauds and whistles and Namjoon feels truly mortified, but he also finds it funny and light, as it’s always been between them all.
“But then he quite literally kicked me out of his apartment.”
“Men suck so bad,” Chaewon irks.
All the men in the room raise their beer bottles in agreement.
“It’s fine, though,” Namjoon says, finishing the beer in his hand. “During my bus ride home of shame, I was already chatting up other dudes.”
“Of course you were,” Yoongi sighs, making his voice known for the very first time in over an hour. Namjoon narrows his eyes at him, flipping his best friend the finger. “Please, go on, I love you, too.”
“Since when do you give out I love yous so easily?”
“Since me,” Jimin exclaims. “Go on, hyung! What was your third date like?”
“It was at a bar,” Namjoon starts, accepting another bottle Taehyung extends in his direction. “Thanks. I thought it’d be fine. After that fiasco two weeks ago, I was finally ready for it, you know, he had sent me a dick pic, I… sent one back—”
“ You did? ”
“Jungkook told me to!”
“ You did? ”
Jungkook yawns, eyes focused on Seokjin’s ear. “I only told him it was fine if he wanted to send one back, that’s all.”
“But I had no dick pics on my phone, so I had to take one and—”
“Alright, maybe it’s becoming too much for me…” Yunjin trails off, making a gagging motion. Everyone laughs. “Focus on the date, oppa.”
“Okay, so… I barely got two words in and he was already kissing me, and he was so brute!” Namjoon exclaims, giggling. “I had never kissed anyone that brute, I was so taken aback.”
“How many guys have you kissed so far?”
Namjoon hums, taking another sip. “Four.”
“So you kissed the guy from date one?” Jimin asks, frowning a bit. “I thought you said you left!”
“Oh, no, I didn’t kiss him.”
“So you kissed that first guy Jackson, then the guy from the first date, what’s his name? Youngjae, right! This third guy you didn’t even name…” Jimin has three fingers up. “Who’s the fourth?”
It’s then that it occurs to Namjoon he simply never told anyone about his kiss with Jungkook. He chances a quick look at his friend, who’s unsurprisingly flushed, and doesn’t know what to say. If Jungkook hasn’t mentioned it to anyone there either, including his best friend Jimin, should Namjoon just air it all out? Probably not.
“I…”
“It was me,” Jungkook says before Namjoon can figure out how to finish his sentence. “We kissed.”
“Really?” Taehyung asks, lips parted. “When?!”
“That night you ditched us to sit on Wooshik’s cock!” Jungkook exclaims with a chuckle, a finger pointed in Taehyung’s direction. “Hyung didn’t want his first gay kiss to be with someone random he didn’t even know, so he asked if it could be me.”
“By that logic, shouldn’t you have been the first guy whose cock he gagged on, too?” Yoongi wonders, which earns him loud laughs from almost everyone, except the two people they are currently discussing. Namjoon gives him the finger again. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding. That’s sweet, guys.”
Jungkook shrugs, “That’s what friends are for.”
Namjoon smiles at him as he puts his beer bottle down on the center table. Hems about to continue to recall the events that led him to getting jerked off in a cramped club bathroom three nights ago, but Taehyung speaks first;
“How was it?”
“Yeah, how was it?” Seokjin encourages, turning his face to the side to look at Jungkook. “Is he a good kisser, Jungkookie?”
“8 out of 10,” Jungkook states, and it still rubs Namjoon off, even after two whole weeks. He doesn’t want to be an 8 to a 10! That’s embarrassing. “But we only kissed for a little bit, a car honked several times and it scared the fuck out of us, Namjoon thought we were being hate crimed.”
“ On my first week out of the closet! ”
Laughs spread across the room.
“Let’s focus on the most important part of the story,” Yunjin says, eyes on Namjoon. “You’re an eight, oppa. He called you an eight .”
“That’s not what I said!”
“It is,” Namjoon agrees, pouting towards him. “You don’t think I’m good enough for your lips.”
“8 out of 10 for a kiss that was interrupted is great, though,” Jimin argues, giving Namjoon a thumbs up. “When I kissed Jungkookie, it was definitely a 7 out of 10.”
“You two kissed, too?” Taehyung asks.
“What do you mean too ?” Jimin replies.
“ A 7 out of 10?! ” Jungkook screeches, abruptly pulling himself from under Seokjin to stare at Jimin, mouth agape. “No way you think that!”
“We were high as fuck, and laughed more than we kissed!” Jimin exclaims, placing both hands on his cheeks as he sits up straight. “You know that, stop being whiny!”
Jungkook relaxes, leaning against the couch again. “Yeah, he’s right.”
“I give you a 9 out of 10,” Taehyung chimes in. “Good kiss, but I’m 98% sure I threw up on your feet ten seconds later because we were so drunk…”
“Yeah…” Jungkook sighs. “You did. That’s why our kiss is a 5 out of 10.”
“You know what, considering you got literally puked at, I think that’s fair,” Taehyung decides, turning to Namjoon. “So, what score do you give him ?”
Namjoon shrugs, grabbing his beer bottle again. “He doesn’t deserve to know his score.”
“It’s because he thinks it’s a 10,” Jungkook snickers, trapping his tongue in between his teeth for a moment. “Namjoon just doesn’t want to give me that satisfaction.”
“Since when did you become so smug?” Yoongi asks, all flushed cheeks and lively smiles. “Ah, our Jungkookie, growing up so fast…”
“I was 22 when we met.”
Yoongi places a hand on his heart. “I raised you with my blood, sweat and tears…”
“Here you go again,” Jungkook complains with a click of his tongue, closing his eyes, a tiny smile playing on his lips. Namjoon keeps his eyes on the tiny silver ring around the lower one for a few moments longer before turning his gaze away. “Can we just let hyung finish his story?”
“Right! Namjoon-ah, what happened during the third date?”
Namjoon chugs down the rest of his beer and proceeds to tell them about getting his world rocked by a man he actually doesn’t remember the name of in the night club’s bathroom.
“So it was good?”
“The best so far,” Namjoon hums. “But afterwards, he just unlocked the door and left, didn’t even let me do it to him back… So, my conclusion so far is, the best fucks always come with the worst men.”
“And I told you,” Jungkook mutters as the others laugh. “That’s not always the case, hyung.”
“I’m yet to see it, Jungkookie,” Namjoon replies, licking over his beer stained lips. “I’m yet to see it.”
Later that same night something that Namjoon will have a clear and yet somehow still confused recollection in the morning happens.
He’s drunk, he’s been drunk, and most of his friends have gone home already. Seokjin’s sleeping in the guest bedroom that is more his room than an actual guest bedroom, and Namjoon’s looking out the window on his tiny balcony with Jungkook by his side.
“I don’t want to be an 8 out of 10,” he says all of a sudden, mind light as a feather. “If we had kissed for longer, I wouldn’t be.”
Jungkook hums. “If you say so.”
“You don’t believe me?” Namjoon turns to him, eyes narrowed. He feels so bold, so ready to prove his friend wrong. “Let’s do it again, then.”
“What?” Jungkook looks at him, eyebrows raised. “You’re not serious.”
“I am very serious, what’s the harm?” Namjoon asks, eyes going down to the hoop around his lower lip for a brief moment. “I want to show you I can be a 10.”
“Why?”
“It’s bugging me,” he replies sincerely.
Jungkook swallows, shaking his head as a tiny smile shows itself on his pretty face. “Fine.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, what’s the harm?” Jungkook spins his body so they are facing each other. “But you have to kiss me this time and lead.”
“Okay.”
Namjoon watches as Jungkook shuts his eyes closed, lips slightly parted. He takes a breath, gaze travelling over Jungkook’s features; the curve of his nose, the curled eyelashes, the soft strands of her falling over his eyes, the silver spot around his bottom lip. Namjoon still remembers how it felt against his own.
Boldly, he takes a step forward and takes his hand to Jungkook’s nape, intertwining his fingers with his friend’s hair before leaning forward and pressing his lips to Jungkook’s, breathing out against him as he immediately deepens the kiss, tasting beer and mint. Perhaps Jungkook had been expecting Namjoon to go slowly at first, so he makes a low surprised sound in his throat that quickly turns into a soft pleasured whimper. The younger man places both his hands around Namjoon’s neck as Namjoon’s tongue licks the roof of his mouth.
It’s wet and breathless, and Namjoon feels grounded in it at the same time his mind and thoughts are afloat. He needs to prove to Jungkook he can be unforgettable, he needs his friend to know Namjoon is a 10 out of 10, too, but if one were to ask Namjoon why , his answer would be the same shallow because it’s bugging me he offered Jungkook only three minutes before.
Jungkook’s tongue rolls around his and Namjoon grunts, sliding the hand that had been on his hair to the small of Jungkook’s waist to meet his other set of fingers, already pressed against the fabric of his sweater. They flush their bodies together, desperation clear in both the way they cling onto one another and in the moans that they swallow from each other’s mouths. Namjoon feels his body ache, the need to walk Jungkook back to the wall and press him against it’s almost too inebriating for him to handle. He takes Jungkook’s bottom lip between his own, sucking on it and feeling the metal hoop as his friend trembles against him, fingers pulling at Namjoon’s hair.
It’s too much and not enough, and the more Namjoon kisses him, the longer he wants to be kissing him. Differently from the others, Jungkook’s hands don’t wander off to undo the buttons off his jeans, desperate to get to the other part before this one has been thoroughly appreciated. His friend just keeps kissing him, and kissing him, until they are both breathless. When they finally break apart, Namjoon blinks his eyes open to find Jungkook already staring, lips red and swollen, eyes dark. His hands are still around Namjoon’s shoulders, his still on Jungkook’s waist.
“So?” Namjoon asks, throat dry, decidedly ignoring the pulsing of his cock inside his baggy jeans. “How was it?”
Jungkook takes a breath before pulling his hands away. Namjoon does the same. His friend chuckles a little bit, running his tongue over his swollen bottom lip. “Alright, hyung, that was… something. 10 out of 10.”
“Fuck yeah,” Namjoon grunts in celebration, clapping his hands together once. “I knew I could do it! You shouldn’t have doubted me, Jungkook-ah.”
“You’re right,” his friend replies, both elbows resting on the handrail, eyeing Namjoon over his own shoulder. “I shouldn’t have.”
By mid December, Namjoon has gone out on seven more dates and sucked three new cocks, building quite an impressive gay dating portfolio for someone who took 31 years to figure out he’s not straight as a kite.
Jackson ends up messaging him again, asking if Namjoon’s free to grab a bite, and despite all of his friends claiming it to be a bad idea to circle back to someone like this, Namjoon accepts the invite. He’s glad he does because they both make up for the lackluster first time by properly pulling out earth-shattering orgasms out of each other.
“Are you meeting up again, then?” Jungkook wonders when they are Christmas shopping with Yoongi and Jimin, the couple several steps ahead of them with three bags on each of their hands.
“I don’t know,” Namjoon shrugs, checking his list to see which gifts he has left to buy. “Maybe that’ll be the thing with Jackson and I… as casual as possible, sliding into each other’s DMs every other month for a quick fuck, no feelings attached.”
Jungkook hums. “Be careful with that, hyung. It’s not that hard to catch feelings for fuck buddies.”
“Have you ever?”
“I’ve never had a fuck buddy.”
“So you can’t give me experienced advice, seosaengnim?”
Jungkook rolls his eyes, smiling a bit. “I guess I can’t.”
“Don’t worry, though, I’m alright.” Namjoon pulls him toward a shop window, checking out the display earrings so he can get Yunjin and Chaewon a pair each. “I haven’t done anything beyond blowjobs, made it clear that’s all I’d be doing, and except for this one dude, everyone was chill about it.”
“What do you mean except for this one dude?” Jungkook asks, holding his wrist. “Did he force himself on you?”
“No, but he insisted, it was a drag.” Namjoon points at a silver and rosé gold pair. “Do you think my sister will like that one?”
“Uh, yes, she will. Hyung, what happened? When was this?”
Namjoon looks at him, a bit surprised at how alarmed his friend appears to be.
“Oh, Jungkookie, don’t worry! I’m alright. I handled it. I was firm and he gave up, and went to the bathroom, so I just left.” Namjoon’s gaze goes back to the earrings. “That happened last week, I think on Friday.”
“Okay…” Jungkook trails off. “Be careful, hyung. Some men are just… horrible.”
“I can handle myself, seosaengnim.” Namjoon gives him a wink. “I think I’ve gotten a pretty good handle on this queer men dating shit.”
“So you don’t need my help anymore?”
Namjoon ruffles Jungkook’s hair, giggling as he pulls his arm around his friend’s shoulder and walks them inside the store. “Maybe not, Jungkookie, but I’ll always need you.”
“How cheesy…”
“Don’t pretend you don’t like it when I’m cheesy,” Namjoon replies, smiling at the approaching saleswoman. “Hello, I want to take a look at a few earrings, please.”
“Of course, sir, may I ask who it is for, mother or girlfriend?”
“Neither,” Namjoon says, and maybe it’s the way he says it, or the fact he still has his arm around Jungkook’s shoulders, but the saleswoman’s smile falters and the lines on her face harden. “It’s for my sister and her girlfriend.”
The woman’s eyes grow bigger and for the first time in his life, Namjoon is hit with a very specific disgusted stare. He frowns, swallowing a weird lump on his throat.
“You know what,” Jungkook mutters, taking his hand to the one Namjoon has over his shoulder and intertwining their fingers. The woman’s lips turn downward. What the fuck . “I think we’ll go to another store. You missed out on a very generous sale because of this, ahjumma. Do better next time.”
Before either Namjoon or the saleswoman can say anything, Jungkook’s turning both of them around and pulling Namjoon out of the store. They walk in silence for a little while, hands still intertwined, and Namjoon notices it. He fucking notices them ; the stares. They make their way through the mall and so many people are just looking and judging, and maybe it should’ve made Namjoon scared to the point of pulling his hand away from his friend’s, but it only makes him angry enough to hold it harder.
“We can let go now, hyung,” Jungkook suggests, glancing at him.
“I don’t want to, I want to piss them off,” Namjoon replies, openly staring at a man who visibly scowled at them. “The audacity! This is insane.”
“I know,” Jungkook hums, thumb caressing the back of Namjoon’s hand. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong. These people are fucked up.”
They see Jimin and Yoongi just up ahead and make their way to them. Before they reach the couple, Jungkook squeezes Namjoon’s fingers and finally lets them go.
“You guys won’t believe what just happened to us…” Jungkook starts as soon as Jimin and Yoongi notice their presence. “So, we got into a jewelry store…”
Namjoon clenches his fingers open and closed, cleaning the sweat off his palms on his black coat, eyes on the defined lines of Jungkook’s jaw as he speaks.
On the night after Christmas, Namjoon’s scrolling through his phone when he gets a new message from Jack’d.
He wouldn’t normally open as soon as the notification pops up, but the guy’s so handsome in the picture he can’t help himself. He remembers having swapped right on him while sitting on the toilet a few hours earlier, which would be a funny tale to tell if they were ever to go on more than five dates (something that seems quite literally impossible to do with men).
Happy late Christmas. How are you, Namjoon-ssi?
Formal, but cute. Namjoon types out a reply.
Happy late Christmas. I’m very bored, Hoseok-ssi, I’ll have to admit. You?
Hoseok’s next text comes only thirty seconds later.
Better now that I’m talking to you ;)
Namjoon bites down his lower lip to contain a smile, turning on the bed so he can type more comfortably, back now against the mattress.
But if you’re so bored , his next message reads. Why don’t we meet up and I can try to entertain you? I know it’s too cold for ice cream, but I have a favorite hotteok spot I can take you to .
“Oh, shit,” Namjoon whispers, eyes wide. “He wants to go out right now?”
You mean you want to go on a date now?
Hoseok’s reply comes through quickly again.
Why not? You’re bored, and I feel better talking to you. It’s a win, win.
“Damn, he’s good,” Namjoon chuckles.
Okay. Tell me where to meet you.
After Hoseok sends the location, Namjoon contemplates for a few brief seconds before he’s scrambling out of bed and under the hot shower stream.
Jung Hoseok is by far the nicest man Namjoon has ever gone on a date with. He’s funny, charming and smart.
“I’m a dancer,” he says. “Well, part-time. I’m a lawyer the other half of the time.”
“So there are two sides of you.”
“Not just two.”
Namjoon chuckles. “I’m a journalist during the week and a museum lover during the weekends.”
“That’s awesome, what do you write about?”
“Art.”
“Yup, that makes sense.”
They continue talking and by the time they deem it too cold to be outside, Namjoon’s cheeks hurt more from how much he’s smiling than from the actual cold. Hoseok rubs his hands together, eyes on Namjoon.
“So, we should do this again.”
Oh. Namjoon’s face falls a bit. He didn’t like spending time with him as much as Namjoon did. Ouch.
“Let me rephrase this,” Hoseok mutters, nose red from the harsh wind. “I want to see you again, and I’d love for it to happen before the New Year arrives.”
Ooooooh. Damn. This one is built differently.
Namjoon opens a probably pathetically huge smile, but it’s okay, because Hoseok’s is just as big.
“Are you still coming to the New Year’s Eve party?” Seokjin asks, scaring the shit out of Namjoon as he looks up to watch his friend come out of his kitchen with a ham sandwich in hand. “You haven’t replied in the group chat all week.”
Namjoon places a hand over his heart. “Fuck, have you always been here?!”
“No, I’ve only been here fifteen minutes or so.” Seokjin sits on the armchair opposed to his. “You normally notice when I use my key…”
“You were supposed to give that back, by the way.”
“Who are you talking to that’s getting you all giggly and shit,” Seokjin asks, ignoring him. “Jungkookie again?”
“What?” Namjoon frowns. “Uh, no, it’s this new guy I’ve been talking to. His name is Hoseok, the same age as me. Lawyer by day, dancer by night. We’ve gone on three dates so far.”
“Three?” Seokjin gapes. “You didn’t mention him on Christmas!”
“We met a day after Christmas.”
“But it’s only been five days since Christmas.”
Namjoon grins. “I am aware.”
“Okay, okay,” Seokjin smiles, leaning his body forward, elbows on his knees. “Seems like you’ve finally found someone worth your attention for more than one night.”
“It seems that way, yeah.” Namjoon looks at the brand new photo Hoseok just sent him with his senior dog, Mickey and he feels so fond it almost bursts out of his chest. “Do you think it’d be okay if I brought him to the party?”
“Of course! A bunch of people are coming, I don’t even remember who’s actually hosting it…”
“Suri.”
“Ah, right, your ex.”
Namjoon hums, nodding as he types out the invite and sends the text. Hoseok replies right away, making Namjoon smile like an idiot once again;
I’d love to come! What time should I be there?
The party is in full bloom by the time Namjoon arrives; he had waited for Hoseok outside, afraid they’d be unable to find one another in the sea of bodies, and it was probably the right call considering how fucking packed the club is. Sometimes Namjoon forgets he dated someone so rich.
Hoseok keeps their hands intertwined as they make their way to the bar, dressed in a sparkly off white jacket, hair slicked back. Namjoon had texted his friends’ group chat, and Yoongi replied they were all on the second floor, so after they grab their drinks, the two of them make their way up.
He had told his friends about bringing Hoseok, even sent a picture of him in the group chat to everyone’s thorough approval. It takes Namjoon a few minutes to see the first one of his friends, Jungkook, standing against a wall with a half-drunk bottle of beer. Their eyes meet, but Jungkook quickly diverts his downward, to the hand Namjoon’s holding.
“There you are!” Taehyung exclaims, wrapping his arms around Namjoon for a moment, pulling away to look at Hoseok. “You must be his date!”
“I’m Jung Hoseok, nice to meet you.”
As they bow to each other, Namjoon takes his eyes to Jungkook again, but his friend is nowhere to be seen any longer. Taehyung takes them to see the others, and everyone is screaming and laughing and drinking, and they are all welcoming of Hoseok, which is both exciting and anxiety inducing for Namjoon. He has no idea if he got too ahead of himself by bringing him to meet his friends not a full week after they met when they hadn’t even kissed yet, but it just felt right to him, to bring Hoseok.
Namjoon’s not much for dancing, but he had promised Hoseok he would try, so he does, and he probably looks very unattractive doing so. Hoseok doesn’t seem to mind; he keeps his hand on Namjoon’s waist and guides their movements to the beat of every song, eyes drowning on his, and it’s hard not to let his breath catch on his throat, being looked at like that. Is he finally going to kiss Namjoon? Is it happening at last? This type of expectation, Namjoon hadn’t experienced in a while. The men he’s been on dates with were all eager to kiss, to fuck. Not Hoseok. He’s taken his time, and maybe that’s why Namjoon is so desperate to bring their lips together.
“Can I kiss you?”
Hoseok smiles, nodding.
It starts slow, like most of the kisses Namjoon’s been experiencing lately, but there’s a certain softness to it that wasn’t there in any of the others, except, maybe, for that first time Namjoon kissed Jungkook. He places his arms on Hoseok’s waist and leads the kiss, humming at the taste of alcohol on the other man’s tongue and lips. Hoseok’s a good kisser; soft, precise. He allows the kiss to build itself up instead of going all the way in, and Namjoon feels comfortable and safe in his arms. They kiss for the duration of the song, and halfway into the next, and when they break apart, Hoseok drops several soft pecks to his lips.
“Can I say Happy New Year already?”
Namjoon chuckles, pecking his lips back. Hoseok hums, bringing him in for a tight hug, and Namjoon feels even safer, even more comfortable. He inhales Hoseok’s woody scent, smiling against the smaller man’s shoulder, eyes finally blinking open.
A few meters away from them, in the middle of the crowd, Jungkook has his body flushed against another man’s, much taller than either of them. Namjoon keeps his eyes on the pair, frown deepening further at every swirl of Jungkook’s tongue inside that man’s mouth. When was the last time he saw Jungkook kissing someone that… wasn’t him? Namjoon doesn’t remember, but it’s certainly been a while, and he knows he shouldn’t just stare like that. He just feels a bit entranced. Is that what it looked like when they kissed that second time? Was it that intense? Does Jungkook kiss everyone like that?
Namjoon swallows, taking a breath before diverting his eyes. He pulls away from the hug, focusing his gaze back on Hoseok’s beautiful face. His stomach feels a little off, he shouldn’t drink anymore. Doesn’t want to make a fool of himself by getting sick even before the clock strikes midnight. Without him meaning them to, Namjoon’s eyes fly back to where Jungkook still stands, still kissing that same man.
“Hey,” Hoseok calls. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” Namjoon looks back at him, smiling softly. “You?”
Hoseok smiles softly. “I’m alright.”
“Good.”
Namjoon puts his hands on each of Hoseok’s cheeks and leans forward to kiss him again, making sure all of his thoughts are focused on the man in front of him instead of anywhere further behind.