Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Open on a blank, abyss-like planet. There is darkness as far as the eye can see. Within, there is a large, boxy, medium-light brown building. 

Within it, a man appears to be working on something. The most notable part of their appearance were the ears, which resembled those of a hedgehog or porcupine.

This, is Nottingham Kevingston Raspketing III. Or, as they prefer, Not Kevin.

Not Kevin: “Alright, simple as that, here we go….”

They cannot hear me, for your information. While they are a smart fella, they are unable to gaze beyond the fourth wall.

Although, it seems they are almost finished with their device. They put it on the ground, and plug something into it, the cable of a computer.

They smile proudly, observing the fruits of their creation.

Not Kevin: “.... My multiversal connection is finally complete.”

And so, they are finally able to begin the project they have waited millennia to do. Figuratively. Maybe.

They made one simple post. A sign-up to a game show.

It did not take long for entries to come in. They sat back in their chair.

Not Kevin: “The time has finally come….”

And here we are.

Chapter Text

“Vote for me, or I'll crush you!”

Name - Flower.

Origin - Battle For Dream Island.

Species - Wrinkled Rose.

Gender - Female.

Other Information - Her actual flower species was never specified, this is simply the closest one. I’m also basing her more on BFDI and pre-split.

–

“Which is?”

Name - Eraser.

Origin - Battle For Dream Island.

Species - Rubber school eraser.

Gender - Male.

Other Information - I’m not writing anything here, what are you gonna do about it?

–

“Hush now, my child, you're safe now.”

Name - Ringu/Specimen 4.

Origin - Spooky's Jumpscare Mansion.

Species - Non-specific Japanese spirit.

Gender - Female.

Other Information - Prior to an update, her kill screen used the wrong version of “your”.

– 

“....”

Name - The Chosen One.

Origin - Animator vs Animation.

Species - Animated stick figure.

Gender - It's a stick figure, who cares?

Other Information - Free them.

–

“....”

Name - Mitsi.

Origin - Animator vs Animation.

Species - Newgrounds animation.

Gender - Fem-presenting.

Other Information - Her death is like the bite of 87, no one agrees who did it but it doesn't matter either way.

–

“The show LITERALLY CAN'T run without me! You'll doom it!"

Name - Infringio.

Origin - DMCA Royale/Super Mario Super Challenge.

Species - Human.

Gender - Male.

Other Information - He just does his own thing, really.

–

“25,000 dollars, man…. That's 25,000 dollars of MY money down the drain!”

Name - Parker Jay Robins.

Origin - ONE.

Species - Non-specific wrapped candy bar.

Gender - Male.

Other Information - Gaslighting victim.

–

“FEeling sAD? FEeling lonELY? Well, DON'T worry, yOU will fInD yoUR spEciAL someONE ONE Day. And other HILARIous jOkes yOu can tell yoUrSelf, VOluME tWO is OUT now by BoB BobOWSKi! Only 900 dollARS.”

Name - Bob Bobowski.

Origin - SMG4.

Species - Garo? Unspecified man in a robe? He’s just Bob.

Gender - Transmasc (he has ovaries).

Other Information - I’d smash not gonna lie.

–

“My friends are disappearing one-by-one, I'm just... Upset, that I can't do anything about it, and I have nowhere else to go!”

Name - Polka Dot.

Origin - It’s Time For The.

Species - Set of polka dots/Square decorated by polka dots.

Gender - Female.

Other Information - I’m not up to date with this show.

–

“You aren't afraid? Oh, but you are, little liar!”

Name - Shadow Milk Cookie.

Origin - Cookie Run.

Species - Beast Cookie.

Gender - Male.

Other Information - It's only a matter of time until they face banishment.

–

“Leave the demon to his demons. Rest your own soul. There is nothing else.”

Name - Old Man Consequences.

Origin - Five Nights at Freddy's.

Species - Hard to decipher sprite.

Gender - Man.

Other Information - This guy foreshadowed Ultimate Custom Night’s plot, of all characters.

–

“....”

Name - Unknown (no one asked it).

Origin - Real Life.

Species - Raw salmon.

Gender - Unknown (we forgot to check).

Other Information - it's just raw salmon.

–

“Just because I almost killed you guys doesn't mean I don't get to live.”

Name - Demon Core.

Origin - Animatic Battle/Object Fool.

Species - Plutonium sphere.

Gender - Male.

Other Information - Not safe for work.

–

“The party has started! I’m so excited!”

Name - Birdo/Birdetta.

Origin - Super Mario.

Species - Birdo.

Gender - Transfem.

Other Information - She has some horrifying voice lines in that one Mario 2 remake i forgot it's name.

–

“Ya wanna piece of me! Well, you're gonna get it!”

Name - Tape.

Origin - Paper Mario: The Origami King.

Species - roll of tape.

Gender - Uh who cares it's a roll of tape.

Other Information - Fuggetaboutit.

–

“Hmph….”

Name - “Hat Kid”.

Origin - A Hat In Time.

Species - Child.

Gender - Female.

Other Information - What happened to them?

–

“I’m…. Feeling…. Mischievous….”

Name - B Block.

Origin - Animatic Battle/Object Fool.

Species - Building block.

Gender - Female.

Other Information - She was the last character to be added to the cast.

–

“Look at the time!”

Name - Tony the talking Clock.

Origin - Don't Hug Me, I’m Scared.

Species - Talking clock.

Gender - Male.

Other Information - Time never stops, not even to add something else to this section.

–

“You guys need a ride?”

Name - Ellie Rose.

Origin - Fleeing the Complex/The Henry Stickmin Collection.

Species - Stick figure.

Gender - Female.

Other Information - Toppat King ending, because why not.

–

“Yes, yes! Hello, valued customer...Welcome to my shop! Please buy something! Kekeke…”

Name - MAILBOX.

Origin - OMORI.

Species - Unknown.

Gender - Unknown.

Other Information - It's likely that it was based on a random mailbox in Faraway Town that looks exactly like it.

–

“My sources are my solace. And these files are my evidence.”

Name - Cabby.

Origin - Inanimate Insanity.

Species - File cabinet.

Gender - Female.

Other Information - For no particular reason, I refuse to finish Season 2 of this series.

–

“Haven't you ever seen a cute girl rotate her head horizontally while stabbing pictures of your boss?”

Name - Mad Mew Mew.

Origin - Undertale.

Species - Ghost.

Gender - Transfem.

Other Information - She once inhabited a training dummy.

–

“I do have power. But not enough.”

Name - One.

Origin - Battle For Dream Island.

Species - Algebrailien.

Gender - None, fem-presenting.

Other Information - Bitch.

–

“Car-nite-as!”

Name - Bradley Silva.

Origin - hfjONE.

Species - Metal spoon.

Gender - Male.

Other Information - Divorced.

Chapter Text

i have not lost interest.

i am not completely demotivated.

i am simply slow and bad at managing time.

this will come out eventually.

i prommy.

Chapter Text

Open on the interior of the building from last time. Not Kevin is hard at work, a few cans of Sprite neatly thrown into the trash can nearby.

It seems they have finished going through the applications, having selected a clean cast of 24 to take part.

Not Kevin: “I never thought this day would really come….”

And so, they stepped off the chair, and towards another machine of their creation. They slowly booted it up, before also plugging it into the computer.

They press a combination of buttons, before the machine lights up. 

Now, on the outside, everyone is here. Zoom in on the BFDI contenders.

Eraser: “Huh…. Damn, bitch, we living in here?”

Flower: “Eraser? I thought you were competing with Two?”

Eraser: “Yeah, emphasis on was. I got bored of staying with the other eliminated folks, so signed up for this. How did you do with Four?”

Flower: “Oh, I actually won! I just signed up for this for the hell of it.”

Eraser: “You won?”

Flower: “What's that supposed to mean?”

Eraser: “Well, you know-”

Flower: “I managed to grow and evolve, jerk!”

Eraser: “I mean, if you actually have, then you would probably-”

The plant glared daggers into the school supply, who did not appear to care. As they argued, move over to the next two competitors. A strange pink creature walking next to a roll of tape. Not like an OSC character, just a roll of tape rolling around.

Birdo: “-As simple as that! So, how about you?”

Tape: “Little ol’ me? The King didn't need my job, so I went out and signed up, spread the word a little bit.”

Birdo: “Must say, this Origami King sounds like an upright guy. Don't get why we should change all the Toads, though-”

Tape: “They're no good, I tell you what! They're nothing but-”

Unbeknownst to the thing, something else was close behind. A building block with legs, which quickly grabs a piece of tape hanging off of the roll, and sticks it to the ground, leaving it unable to move.

B Block: “Good luck, buddy!”

Tape: “The fuck-”

B Block has already left. Witnessing the stunt, Birdo just giggles.

But, where is the block running towards? Sure wonder. Anyway, a random red head wearing a top hat is here now.

Ellie: “.... Is anyone else around?”

Hey look, B Block is here. And she ran straight into her.

Ellie: “Ow-”

And off the block runs, off into the distance, where no one can ever see them again because it is way too dark.

Ellie: “.... Damn.”

She looks back to the side. There is now a child by her side.

Hat Kid: “....”

Ellie: “Huh. I think I know you from somewhere.”

The kid shrugs, not recognizing her back.

Ellie: “Huh. So, signed up for a gameshow?”

Hat Kid: nod, nod.

Ellie: “Cool.”

Beat of silence.

Fade away.

–

And here, we have a lone stick figure. Their head hollow, their posture relaxed. They believed joining this show would be safer than what they usually delve in, while keeping a sense of thrill, so they were eager to get things started. 

Inadvertently, they had caught the attention of someone else. She was similar in some ways, different in others, notably having more width to her body and not being bald.

She believed they were similar to someone else, and so, approached. Now, getting a better look, she noticed they were not who she was looking for.

They both stared back at each other, neither able to recognize each other. Neither aware of each other.

…. The darker one decided it would be better to walk away.

Causing them to bonk into someone.

Old Man Consequences: “Good day, young man.”

He was fishing. Somehow.

Hard to name dark faceless guy does not respond.

Old Man Consequences: “I know you’ve been through a lot. Would you like to sit back with me for a second?”

The Chosen One: “....”

They shrug, before sitting back besides the man. They simply watch as he fishes.

It was nice.

–

And then, we have the other one. She decides against following, going her separate ways.

Unlike them, she looked closely at her surroundings, curious. A bit impressive how she managed to see them in all this darkness, maybe she just has good eyes.

Strange, with how she has no visible eyes-

Tony the Talking Clock: “You!”

She stops, staring at the fancily dressed wall clock in her path.

Tony: “Yes, I am talking to you! Have you seen the hour? Our host will arrive soon, and we must not be late for his arrival! Follow along, I know where he will appear.”

Mitsi: “....”

She shrugs, before following his lead.

It was a bit strange to her, but she does know several quirky individuals from back home.

–

Random guy, go!

Infringio: “Where am I going?”

No, as in, you are on screen. With this thing too.

Demon Core: “Hello.”

Infringio: “Hello! My name is Infringio, former host of Super Mario Super Challenge.”

Demon Core: “Good day, my name is Demon Core. I’m more than that, however.”

Infringio: “Huh, that's neat. How do you keep that screwdriver-” 

Demon Core: “Did you not hear me? I’m more than just a bomb held back by a screwdriver.”

Infringio: “Well, it's just notable, don't you agree?”

Demon Core: “I suppose…. I simply prefer to avoid talking about it.”

Infringio: “Fair. I’m more than just-”

Cabby: “A former competition host?”

Oh, hi Cabby.

Infringio: “.... How’d you know that?”

Cabby: “I was looking through other applications, don’t know why they were left public. You're Infringio, right?”

Infringio: “Right, former host of Super Mario Super Challenge.”

Cabby: “Who previously worked in-”

Infringio: “Don't bring that up, please.”

Cabby: “Alright, that's fair.”

Demon Core: “Have you read anything about me?”

Cabby: “Unfortunately, I have not.”

Demon Core: “Ah, dang.”

Cabby: “Hey, maybe I'll get to know you better. Now, let's see if we can find-”

As she starts to stroll, Cabby is thrown off balance. She looks down, to see her wheel has gone over a bit of raw salmon.

Cabby: “Ew…”

Demon Core: “Who left that around?”

Infringio: “If there's already a mess, our competition can't be the cleanest.”

Cabby: “Heh, you could say that again.”

–

A polka-dotted white square stands around, seeing if anyone could be around. No one appears to be in sight. To scout the area better, their body begins to shift.

This ends up catching the attention of someone from up above.

Shadow Milk Cookie: “Oh, what could this be?”

Polka Dot: “Huh?”

With their attention caught, their body starts shifting back.

Shadow Milk Cookie: “No, no, keep doing that.”

Polka Dot: “Doing what?”

Shadow Milk Cookie: “Are you about to pretend you were doing nothing? Oh, you liar, you.”

Polka Dot: “I was just-”

Shadow Milk Cookie: “Come on, show me! I want to see the extent of your potential!”

Polka Dot: “Al- alright, I'll just….”

The sheet of dots morphs, becoming a bunch of separate dots.

Shadow Milk Cookie: “How interesting…. What do they do?”

Polka Dot: “These are portals, they can take you anywhere.”

Shadow Milk Cookie: “So useful, it seems…. If you would be a dear and let me try one?”

Polka Dot: “Actually-”

The cookie had already passed through a portal.

Polka Dot: “-Oh.”

Where did he go, you wonder. Not all too far, it seems, still within the darkness. But also, right by some pink thing.

Birdo: “Hey, hi-!”

Shadow Milk Cookie: “Ah, they do work!”

The cookie dashed back through.

Birdo: “.... Bye, then.”

–

Here is a spoon. Right by is a life-sized anime statue with a mean face. They speak.

Mad Mew Mew: “-Yeah, I know jack shit about the actual show, this thing just called to me, mew~!”

Bradley: “A shame, looks like something my son would get into.”

Silence.

Bradley: “.... I’m taking the existence of ghosts very casually.”

Mad Mew Mew: “What are you, anyways?”

Bradley: “A spoon?”

Mad Mew Mew: “Yeah, I get that, but like-”

Mad Mew Mew: “Wait, hold that though.”

She did not hesitate to leave him alone.

Just like his wife.

But, what had caught this statue's eyes? Why, it was a mailbox. Not like an OSC character, just a mailbox with eyes coming out of its slot.

Mailbox: “Oh, hello! Do I have your interest? Kehehe!”

Mad Mew Mew: “The heck is with you? Mew~! I see no limbs, how do you do anything?”

Mailbox: “Secret of the business, kekeke…. Now, ready to purchase?

Mad Mew Mew: “Is this a shop?”

Mailbox: “Of the highest caliber!”

Mad Mew Mew: “.... Nah, not interested.”

Mailbox: “Damn. Suppose I shall find customers elsewhere.”

The mailbox slot closes. Curious, the ghost opens it up, finding no eyes visible.

Mad Mew Mew: “Huh….”

–

Here, is Parker. Candy bar guy. Regular person.

He doesn't remember why he signed up for this. He has someone to find. He has things to do. Why did he want to join this show?

Now, he’s surrounded by nothing but darkness. Is anyone else here, or was he taken here alone?

…. No, there was someone there. Or maybe something. It blended in with the darkness, what was it-

Ringu: “Come here.”

That…. was creepy. Parker backed off, trying to understand what he was looking at.

Parker: “.... Who are you-”

That was before, she rushed towards him.

Ringu: “Allow me to care for you.”

The candy bar didn't hesitate to run. He dashed as fast as he could, not letting the creature gain ground on him.

He was running out of breath. Strangely, the only footsteps he could hear were his own. Maybe, she had stopped. Maybe, if he just looked back, he wouldn't see-

She was floating.

Ringu: “Come to me, innocent one…..”

He had no choice but to keep running. He knew it was hopeless. But his survival instinct just told him to escape.

To run. To get out of there. He didn't even know where he was going, just dashing through the bleak darkness. 

Until, he lost his footing, hitting the ground harshly. Barely registering the pain, he checked behind himself in a panic, only to see what he had tripped on, chastising him.

Bob: “HanDs oFf tHE MERch, assHOLe!”

But even with this, Parker was unfettered. He stood once again, dashing as fast as his injured legs could take him.

Bob simply watched him leave, now deadpan.

Bob: “Fuck waS his prOBLEm-”

Until, he saw her too. And she was already too close, having her arms on his shoulder. Her jaw begins to unhinge.

Ringu: “Stay safe, my child….”

She is then bitchslapped, knocking her to the floor.

Ringu: “Ow, fuck!”

Bob: “sTUpiD bitCH.”

Ringu: “I was trying to-”

She is then bitchslapped a second time, as someone from the discord suggested. Bob then walks off, hoping to find a new place to sit back and wait.

–

Finally, we cut back to the BFDI reps. They have not moved from their spot.

Eraser: “I still don't see it.”

Flower: “It's been an hour-”

Eraser: “Whatevs. We had our own issues back in TPOT anyway, glad to be away from them.”

One: “Are you, now?”

Oh yeah, she's here now. Hi, One.

One: “Hi!”

Flower: “Four? Are you, like, ill?”

One: “I’m not them, I'm even better. Lovely getting to meet you!”

(author’s note: one comes from before tpot nineteen if you know you know why).

Eraser: “I swear I've seen your face somewhere…. Whatever.”

One: “That's the spirit! Let's all get along, shall we?”

Eraser: “Cool, cool.”

Click!

Flower: “What was-”

Suddenly, something emerged from the ground. It appeared to be a pole with a loudspeaker atop. It also elevated One off the ground, which didn't appear to bother her.

Holy smokes a voice from the speak: “Hello, everyone! Please, approach the source of my voice.”

And right on time.

Tony: “Aha, right on time!”

I already said that-

To save you the boredom, let us cut to the moment everyone became a crowd around the speaker. Dear old Parker stood away from this crowd, not daring to be close to that spooky ghost girl who tried to end his life, even if she appeared to be cooperating.

In this crowd, most did not know of each other, some who did know others had already seen them, and then we have-

Birdo: “OMG, hi Bob!”

Bob: “Yo, birdETTA!.”

Ooooooh an unknown voice how nifty: "Thank you all for being timely! I would like to introduce you all to our set, where you will spend the foreseeable future.”

Old Man Consequences: “Why can't we spend our time somewhere less empty?”

Wow i wonder who this could be: “No worries, let me fix that.”

In the blink of an eye, everything lights up. I’d describe it, but just imagine something nice, okay?

Infringio: “Nice….”

One: “How’d you do that? You must hold a lot of power.”

I sure wonder: “Actually, no, it's technology. This was always how this area looked, I just obscured it before through-.”

Eraser: “Can we start already?”

Wonder who: “Not yet, we need to recover someone. Check to your left.”

Right there, a large machine sat. This was-

So mysterious: “This is the Master Recovery Center, found it in another universe and reprogrammed it to my needs.”

Suddenly, the machine spits something out. It's raw salmon.

Cabby: “.... That's competing?”

Mysteryyyyyy: “Correct. Now, before I show up in person, how about you all split into teams?”

Bradley: “Why can't you-”

Ooooooooh who is it: “I have generated them randomly. Please group up as follows.”

They clear their throat, before starting to announce.

Voice Guy: “First group…. Birdo, Mad Mew Mew, The Chosen One, Infringio, Hat Kid, Tape, Polka Dot, and Tony the Talking Clock.”

These named characters soon make a space for themselves, Polka Dot looking especially grateful for someone not being within the group.

No clue who this is: “Second team…. Flower, Ellie Rose, Shadow Milk Cookie, B Block, Mitzi, Parker Robins, salmon, and Eraser.”

Another team next to each other, although no one bothers to go pick up the salmon.

Flower: “Do we really have to?”

Not Kevin: “We are not changing the teams.”

Shadow Milk Cookie: “Accept what fate decreed, my friend.”

Really there is no way to tell: “Lastly…. Demon Core, Mailbox Vendor, Old Man Consequences, Bradley Silva, Specimen 4, Cabby, Bob Bobowski, and One.”

Birdo: “Awww, we’re separate….”

Bob: “HOEsT mAN, yOu beTTER-”

da voice: “We are not changing the teams.”

Bob: “whatEVER.”

Most of the team groups up, however, the mailbox does not move.

Bradley: “Hey, don't you need to come too?”

Mailbox: “No worries, all is fine.”

Bradley: “.... Okay, but-”

VOice: “Now!”

A bit of darkness suddenly returns to the area, leaving everyone blind to what's going on in one spot.

the voice but now in the darkness: “I could not thank all of you enough for your presence here today. Now, let me make my presence known.”

…. Yeah, it's Not Kevin. I will not describe his appearance, for our author has yet to come up with one.

Eraser: “Ugly.”

Not Kevin: “.... I will be ignoring that. I assume you all understand the rules I laid out in the application form.”

No sounds of disagreement spoke out.

Not Kevin: “Very well, no time to waste. For your first challenge, let me divert your attention to your immediate left.”

On their immediate left, as just stated, something had been laid out. Six large chicken nuggets, in batches of two, a number corresponding to each team overtop.

Not Kevin: “You must not eat them, you must destroy them. Get rid of them by any means other than eating. Is that understood.”

Bradley: “.... Why this as our first challenge?”

Not Kevin: “It just felt right, to be honest. Now…. Begin!”

The challenge was not long. Team 1’s batch was obliterated by a laser blast from the chosen one, Team 2’s was destroyed by some force, who knows from who; and Team 3’s glowed blue before combusting. It has not been 6 seconds.

Not Kevin: “.... In hindsight, this was not a good challenge idea. I suppose I'll make this round a freebie, no elimination.”

Flower: “Who did that, anyway?”

Ellie coughs.

Not Kevin: “Whatever the case, I have nothing else for anyone to do today. You may head to your new quarters.”

Despite the slight let down this beginning has made them feel, the teams dispersed. All of them had read up on everything, they knew where to go.

The mailbox did not leave, but it did close.

And with a sigh, Not Kevin left as well.

That was their first experience, hopefully things would get better.

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