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Chapter Text

“What do you think you’re doing?”

The voice sliced through the air like a cold blade, shattering the hush of the secluded garden. Maomao’s fingers froze mid-reach. A soft snicker had just escaped her lips, yet now it felt stuck to her throat.

“Crap. Of all people - it’s Suirei. I shouldn’t be here.” Maomao thought to herself, feeling the weight looming behind her as a cold sweat dripped down her cheek.

She had wandered into the outer court after disposing some trash - a minor chore being Jinshi’s new maid. Unable to resist after spotting some rare herbs, she stumbled upon a flourishing garden, hidden on a quiet hill.

Unfortunately for her, it was Suirei’s gardening area.

Maomao turned, steadily facing the court lady as she tried to explain herself. Suirei stood with a scythe tight in her grasp, wielding it with casual threatening.

Her lips curved into a sheepish smile. “I haven’t taken anything yet.”

“So you were planning on taking something?” The courtlady narrowed her eyes, slowly lowering her scythe.

The maid shrugged lightly, her gaze drifting - not out of guilt, but curiosity and slight unease.
..
Blue eyes.
Her bare skin made them quite prominent.

Maomao stared back at Suirei, briefly in thought..

The court lady sighed, offering no further conversation. She lowered herself next to the maid, her hands glancing across the greenery, swiftly gathering the herbs that she needed.

Maomao’s eyes lit up - gleaming like a polished crystal.

“Is this your garden?”

“.. I suppose I’m the only one that uses it.”

Vague. Unclear. That only peaked Maomao’s interest. The foliage had an extended diversity, barely anything there seemed familiar to the young maid.

“What are you harvesting?”

“White sages.”

A name unfamiliar to Maomao’s inner library. She felt stuck and unaware.

“What are they for?”

“Its scent calms the mind and can moderate anxiety.” Suirei muttered, lifting up a stem.

Maomao’s eyes shimmered listening to Suirei talk, already visualizing how it could be used as an ingredient.

“They could also be brewed into many drugs.”

Maomao’s apothecary mind was fascinated, her face writing it out. She gently placed a hand on Suirei’s arm - seeking an answer.

“I’ve never seen most of these herbs, could you tell me where you found them?” Maomao asked, her voice trying to sound as polite as possible.

There was a tide of silence between the two, anticipation filling the air.

“No.”

Visible irritation painted Suirei’s face, firmly pulling away.

The court lady rose, tall and unyielding. “I am far too busy to be entertaining you.”

With that, Suirei walked away, the white sage clutched tightly in her palm. Maomao remained kneeling, lips twitching with restrained defeat.

She wasn’t gonna chase after Suirei.

But she had to return. Determined to find out more about the herbs, and about the woman who guarded them with a thousand blades.

Chapter Text

That night, Maomao lied in bed, tossing and turning, cursing under her breath. Her mind was tangled with curiosity. The herbs she saw that day had sent a sharp yearning to her, the need to touch, the need to study, the need to get her hands on those plants. She will come back. She had to.

..

Immediately after completing her chores at Jinshi’s chambers, she excused herself and hurried to the garden on the hill, crossing her fingers praying that Suirei would be there.

To her favor, there Suirei was. Crouching down, sprinkling fertilizer over her greenery. Maomao soon approached the hill and quietly sat down. She sat concerningly close to Suirei, making the court lady raise an eyebrow, not saying anything just yet.

They sat there in silence for some time. Maomao analyzes the herbs and follows Suirei around the garden, while Suirei waters and nourishes every single plant, like a mother caring for her child.

After some time of being monitored around the foliage, Suirei started glaring at Maomao, uncomfortable.

“Now why are you here again?”

“I’m interested in the herbs. A lot of these smell like they are medicinal herbs, are they?”

Maomao took quiet pleasure in the fact that this place didn't officially belong to anyone, it just happened to be free space which Suirei happened to use. This place will turn into Maomao’s playground soon enough.

Suirei’s breath hissed through her teeth. Her eyes turned to Maomao - dry and exasperated. “None of your business.”

 Seems like they are. Maomao smiled awkwardly.

The young maid spots a plant with a weirdly colored stem and doesn’t hesitate to touch it, lifting it up.

Within a few seconds, Suirei smacked Maomao’s hand, her expression tight with irritation rather than concern.

“The stem’s poisonous. Go sanitize your hand.”

Maomao raises an eyebrow, bringing her hand to her nose to have a sniff of the bitter scent. Her curiosity and love for herbs will always get the best of her. The court lady, on the other hand, stared, staying quiet.

“What are they? Tell me.”

“Did you not hear me? Go sanitize your hand, you’ll become sick.” The court lady repeated, her eyes narrowing at the maid’s stubborn persistence.

“I’ll be fine.”

From then on, Suirei ignored Maomao, not bothering to initiate any further conversation. The two girls simply focused on their own things, their shared interest for medicinal herbs the only string between them. Maomao observed every single plant with a shimmer in her eyes, fascinated. While Suirei’s hand dexterously moved, gently lifting each plant up.

Same love, different love languages.

“Where did you learn about these things?” Maomao spoke up first.

“From someone I knew.”

Maomao frowned a little with Suirei’s terseness. Truthfully, vague answers did piss her off quite a bit, but she did her best to mask it, not wanting to lose such a knowledgeable person. 

The young maid suddenly remembered something and grabbed a small cloth bag from her ruqun and handed it to Suirei, putting on another awkward smile.

“What’s that?” The court lady questioned, slightly pulling away.”

“Trogopterus dung. It’s a gift.”

Trogopterus dung was the dried up feces of a flying squirrel, hard to find and could be potent in herbal formulations to relieve pain and improve blood circulation. Maomao had struggled quite a lot in the forest just to get that small bag.

“Wha- Where did you find this?” 

Suirei pushed the cloth bag back to Maomao’s side, not taking the gift. Before the maid could speak up, Suirei continued - “If you think this will get me to teach you, you’re wrong.”

Maomao uncomfortably smiled, a drop of sweat running down her cheek.

“It’s just a gift. It can relieve pain and improve blood circulation.”

Suirei scoffed, her face heating up a little. “Tch, I know that.”

Quietly, she took the cloth bag from Maomao’s hand and tucked it away, their hands brushing against each other momentarily. 

“I’m quite envious of you, you know. Plus what do you do all day that keeps you so busy? I’m sure you have some time to spare. Teach me.”

Suirei let out a soft sigh.

“Could you not sound so impudent? Why I'm busy is none of your concern.”

The sky had been cloudy for quite a few hours by then. Soon enough, the first few droplets fell, slowly and quietly, just like the atmosphere between the two. The cold drips of water began kissing their skin, yet no one moved. They just sat there, staring at each other as the scent of the damp earth surrounded them. 

“..Just so you know, I’m not the type of person to give up.”

“..”

Chapter Text

It was obvious Maomao would come back the next day, same time, same place. There hasn’t been much going on lately with Jinshi, so she was basically free after some minor cleaning. She reminded herself she was coming for the herbs - not out of mere curiosity for that stale voice and that stone-like face.

Maomao returned to the garden, taking memory of all the buildings on the way at this point. She approached Suirei and crouched down, trying to see what the court lady was doing.

It didn’t take long before Suirei got a little pressured, her every move being observed by the maid. She slightly pulled away before speaking up.

“Stop that.”

“Stop what?”

“Stop pestering me while I’m busy.”

The young maid sighed, unimpressed by Suirei’s behavior. She knew the court lady wasn’t that fond of her, even disliking her at some point.

“Why do you dislike me so much?” 

Maomao didn’t really expect an answer, maybe denial, maybe a scoff, maybe silence. She was never really good at reading people.

“I don’t dislike you.” Suirei’s expression tightened, betraying her words.

“..Right, right.” 

Quietly, Maomao shifted away from Suirei, wiping her sweaty palms onto her clothes. The atmosphere around the two felt tense, but it wasn’t really any different from yesterday. Deep inside, Suirei felt faintly guilty. The maid hasn’t done any particular harm to her after all.

“Is it because of Master Jinshi?” 

Maomao thought it could be because of their previous encounter with the other court ladies. Generally, who wouldn’t want to work for Jinshi? 

“What?”

“Is it because I work for Master Jinshi?”

“Of course it’s not that. And I’ve mentioned I don’t dislike you.”

A breath slid through Maomao’s lips, somewhere between relief and disappointment, incapable of getting much out of Suirei. The court lady plucked something out from the grass - showing it to the young maid. Maomao could feel her hands quivering - resisting the urge to pluck another herb just like Suirei.

The faint scent of the plucked greenery hung in the air, surrounding the two.

“Fine since you’re so persistent. If you can tell me what this is, I’ll tell you what I know about these herbs.” Suirei waved it in front of Maomao’s face.

Maomao’s pupils dilated, her lips curving into a grin as she took hold of the plant. It looked completely unfamiliar to her. Foreign. And gorgeous. She hadn’t forgotten the way their hands had brushed yesterday - fleeting, but warm. A different kind of contact than the ones she'd grown used to in the apothecary world.

The plant felt brittle in her fingers, curling like crisp threads soaked in red blood. Delicate, rare and probably powerful, the type of herb that only hands with dexterity could hold.

“I’ll give you some time, let’s meet again tomorrow.”

Suirei stood up, leaving without another word. Seems like she’s calmed down from her earlier annoyance while Maomao remained. Her eyes drifted with Suirei’s back until it vanished behind a row of bushes. After that, the maid spent some time at the garden, recalling all the methods she learnt to examine a herb.

Giving Maomao a task like this challenged her in every way possible. She was determined to prove herself to Suirei and get the answers she desired.

Chapter Text

Aside from medicinal herbs and medicine, Maomao loved taking on a challenge - especially one that would have her head tangled for hours. The red plant was neatly huddled inside of her ruqun, the strands tucked safely like a treasure. Now, to figure out what it actually was. Maomao had a structure to follow; she was going to go to the palace dispensary, cross-reference every resource she could get her hands on and compare samples until she got an answer.

Maomao traced the walls of the palace under the radiant autumn sun, feeling the warm seasonal breeze brush past her cheeks. However, once she arrived at the dispensary, she realized there’d be no way the physician here would allow her to rummage freely through the cabinets, unlike the royal physician. She had no authority here working as Jinshi’s maid.

Feeling frustrated, she cursed under her breath and turned around to leave, contemplating her next actions. Naturally, she ended up in front of Jinshi, having to ask the eunuch for help.

“Hmm? Why would you have to go look through the dispensary?” Jinshi questioned, tilting his head. 

“I was challenged to find out what this rare herb is.” 

Maomao’s enthusiasm peaked Jinshi’s amusement, her eyes practically glowing as she spoke. She showed Jinshi the few strands of the unknown plant, waving it infront of him before slipping them back into her ruqun.

Jinshi squinted his eyes at the vivid fragments, reaching his hand out. “Let me see, it seems fishy.” 

“No.” Maomao said, shaking her head.

“Are you sure it’s safe?”

“No.”

“..Fantastic.” 

Despite Jinshi’s initial worry, he took Maomao to the dispensary anyway, easily getting full access. Maomao’s heart was slamming against her ribs, her pulse surging. Getting to inspect every singular cabinet, to hold and smell the contents without anyone interfering her felt like slipping into a dream. She trembled with delight, forcing herself to stay on track.

The maid quickly got to work, her eyes searching labels, examining similar herbs with various testing methods. Yet all she found was disappointment and exasperation. None of the ingredients at the pharmacy had the distinct properties she needed - from color to taste, nothing felt right. The physician didn’t seem sure either, offering no insight. 

Eventually, she found her way back to Jinshi, knowing the eunuch would gladly assist her.

And with Jinshi’s help, she managed to get to the royal physician’s place and back into the rear palace. Of course, gossip surrounding the two was inevitable, from eunuchs to maids hissing their tongues at the two. Even so, none of those lousy whispers mattered to her. The only thing on her head right now was the plant.

Books through books and Maomao wasn’t making much progress. Whenever she happened to find something useful, a minor discrepancy would pop up. The roots didn’t match. The smell wasn’t right. The texture felt different. Each passing minute tormented her self-esteem a little more.

Then, her eyes caught notice of an empty gap on the shelf. The maid leaned in forward, squinting at the faded spine labels surrounding the gap. Of course, the missing book had to be Foreign Greenery, Volume II , part of an diverse encyclopedia series. Perfect timing. 

Just as Maomao was starting to get pessimistic, she scanned through another book and found a remarkable illustration. Her eyes paused. Thin, curling strings dyed a dark, wine-like red. Her hand slapped onto the page as her breath became ragged, guttural even.

“It’s a red madder!” She squealed, her eyes gaining life again.

After hours of searching, flipping, second-guessing - this was it. The match wasn’t perfect, but it had to be this. Maomao was confident. Her chest tightened, ecstatic with these red strands seemed to be.

By the time Maomao returned to Jinshi’s residence, the maid was restless. She paced around her room constantly, giggling and laughing to herself while she waved the plant in her hand. She felt so satisfied that she even brought the cat from the royal physician’s place, also called Maomao, to her bedroom. The maid’s pride was one thing, but deeper down, she felt quite happy there was someone who shared the same love as she did for medicinal herbs and plants.

Still, all this confusion did lead her to wonder; “Where on earth did Suirei get all these plants?” 

Afterall, Suirei was a mere court lady, probably middle ranked at best. Most couldn’t name any medicinal herbs, let alone know how to cultivate them or handle them. What could Suirei be doing? Was she sick? What was she trying to make?

Maomao curled up beneath her blanket, stroking the cat’s fur absent-mindedly. She lowered her eyelids, muttering under her breath, as the day soon came to an end. “It’s none of my business.”

Chapter Text

As the next morning came, Maomao woke up with great pride and dignity bursting out of her heart. She did her chores with a wide grin on her face, thinking about all the things she’ll get to know after she proves herself to Suirei later on. Even Jinshi was a little surprised seeing how giddy Maomao was.

Once she was done, she tucked the crimson threads back into the sleeve of her ruqun and even brought Maomao, the cat with her. Just like clockwork, she headed to the garden, same time as usual.

“Suirei!”

With her voice high pitched and filled with exhilaration, Maomao called out to Suirei, approaching the court lady with the cat cradled in her arms. An eyebrow was raised upon seeing Maomao’s beaming smile, and the cat as well.

“Is that your cat?”

“Sort of. It was rescued by me and a friend but it mostly stays at the royal physician’s place.”

Suirei nodded, slowly reaching her hand over to pet the creature.

“What’s its name?”

“Maomao.”

The court lady froze mid-motion, staring at Maomao before speaking up again.

“What a foolish name.” She answered, her face stoic while holding a slight hint of playfulness, mocking Maomao’s name.

A faint curve formed on Maomao’s lips, her cheeks slightly flushed, mainly out of embarrassment. Suirei’s fingers began doing their thing again, the cat quickly taking a liking to the court lady, almost mirroring how Maomao did.

“So,”
“What’d you think the plants I gave you yesterday were?”

A mix of surprise and enthusiasm was sent to Maomao hearing Suirei bring the topic up again. She wasn’t expecting the court lady to mention the herb yesterday, considering how closed up she seemed. Yet now it appeared to look like Suirei was inviting Maomao in.

“A red madder.” 

The young maid raised her voice, looking poised and sure of herself.

“That’s not it.”

“Wha-”

Before Maomao could finish her sentence, everything was stuck in her throat. A frosty breeze of wind passed through their bodies, brushing the back of Maomao’s neck as if it was taunting the maid. She could feel herself slowly.. falling into a spiral of failure and shame. 

How could this have possibly happened? I got it wrong? She had spent hours searching and searching, going through every book possible. Even after visiting two physicians, she still got it wrong? Curse the missing book.

Once Suirei saw Maomao’s defeated face, she let out a small chuckle. She’s heard of Maomao and Jinshi going to the dispensary together, definitely for the herb, through the gossip in the palace.

“It’s called saffron.” Suirei said, calmly.

Everything around Maomao felt clouded and suffocating. Those shining eyes from just a minute ago had turned.. mundane.

“Ri..Right. Saffron..” 

Seeing the young maid completely obliterated gave Suirei a slight push. Maomao did seem serious with her desires to study, plus she seemed docile enough. Perhaps it wouldn’t hurt if Suirei told her a little bit.

“..If you’re that desperate I guess I could tell you some of the things I know.”

Maomao’s eyes regained their spark as she blankly stared at Suirei, a fuzzy and euphoric feeling racing through her head. Is she being serious?

“Really?” Her tone rising in both excitement, and volume.

“I guess.”

Suirei averted her gaze back to the seeds she were planting, cutting off eye contact from Maomao as she began laughing, giggling, feeling the same pride she felt yesterday, but even stronger. Truthfully, the young maid’s behavior seemed disturbing to Suirei at times, but it was rather tolerable.

“When can we start?” Maomao questioned eagerly, making it seem like Suirei was giving her extra tutoring.

“..Ask away?”

“Alright- Where did you get the saffron from? What is it for? Where did it come from..”

..

The sun was starting to hide beneath the palace walls, casting long shadows onto the timid garden. They’ve been sitting together for nearly 2 hours by now, and Maomao wasn’t even close to being satisfied. Partially because she still had lots of unanswered questions, and partially because of Suirei’s vague responses. She’d never tell Maomao where she got the seeds from, just discarding the question or something like that.

Suirei, on the other hand, claimed to be too busy to entertain a mere maid, yet spent nearly 2 hours conversing with the same maid. She wasn’t expecting the two to get along well, but the discussion felt okay . Maomao wasn’t insufferable or anything.

The court lady paused mid-sentence, noticing how it was starting to become dark. She let out a huff, turning her head to the Maomao.

“It’s late, we should get going by now.”

“What? But-”

“Master Jinshi won’t want you to be coming home too late.”

Suirei sighed as if she was coaching to a child, that was her impression of Maomao. The young maid returned a disappointed frown, not giving up just yet.

“It’ll be fine as long as I tell him. We can go to your room and continue.”

A breath escaped Suirei’s lips as she stood up, shaking her head.

“I share my quarters with the other court ladies,” Suirei spoke placidly, brushing off the dirt from her hands. “They aren’t too fond of you.”

“The court ladies that you usually walk with?” Maomao also stood up, taking note of how tall Suirei was for a second - She was nearly as tall as Master Jinshi. She could potentially even be the tallest court lady in the whole palace.

“That’s correct. Leave the rest for another day.”

The two took one last stare at each other before splitting paths. Maomao even walked off with a few strands of saffron in her hand - a gift from Suirei. She didn’t think much of it. Perhaps it could be an establishment of their relationship..

Back at Jinshi’s chambers, her suspicion still lingered. Indeed, Suirei was knowledgeable, but she was so guarded it became.. Irritating. Still, she decided to brush it off, mumbling before going to bed.

“It’s none of my business.”

Chapter Text

It had been some time since Maomao had first mistaken saffron for red madder. Three weeks? Four weeks? Time felt like a blur for the maid, not being able to get over the moment just yet. She cursed at herself on a daily basis for her incomplete knowledge - or for making a fool out of herself. 

Nonetheless, she still kept going back to the garden. Same time. Same path. Same woman being there. Everyday. Only because she wanted to learn more. That’s what she told herself, anyway.

Correspondingly, Suirei had become accustomed to Maomao’s presence just as much. She doesn’t look agitated whenever the maid was around anymore, at most a little worn out.

Just like always, the two were sitting next to each other - Suirei planting in some new seeds while Maomao leaned onto her uncomfortably, practically breathing down her neck.

“Stop that.” Suirei mumbled, shifting away. Her tone didn’t hold as much venom as usual, sounding more like a mere complaint rather than a snap. 

Maomao kept still, watching how Suirei wielded her fingers. It was evident how she had done this countless times before, it didn’t seem to be anything new to those swift fingers.

“What are you growing in?” Maomao asked, peering at the seeds cupped in Suirei’s palm.

“Tea leaves.”

“To drink?”

Suirei nodded, giving Maomao a flat gaze. She took the maid’s hand and flipped it over, handing her the seeds. “You can keep those, or plant them if you’d like.”

There were only 2 people who’d give Maomao medicinal gifts in the palace, Suirei and Jinshi, yet the two weren’t alike at all. In her mind, Suirei gave her gifts out of their shared interest, while Jinshi gave her gifts to repay the maid for often helping him.

Maomao’s face lit up, her lips twitching into a wide grin as if the seeds were a sacred treasure. She was squealing like a child with candy. “Really?”

She popped one in her mouth, the adrenaline racing through her head visible despite the bitter taste.

“Tastes awful.”

“They aren’t meant to be eaten raw,” Suirei said dryly. 

A few moments passed, the only sound present between the two being Maomao’s giggling and her hands digging into the soil to plant the seeds.

“Thanks.” 

“It’s nothing. These are easy to get.”

That small sentence made Maomao pause. Her grin fading a tad bit.

“Easy to get where?” She blurted out without thinking.

Suirei didn’t look up. “Here and there.”

The vague answer irked Maomao, clinging onto her skin. She took a glance at the neat row of seedlings, unfamiliar crops she had minimal knowledge of, and the threatening court woman in front of her. The palace had strict boundaries, Maomao knew that better than most.

The maid brushed the remaining dirt off her fingers after she planted the last tea seed. She didn’t press any further, despite her rising doubt.

She’d have to start asking the right questions soon.

Chapter Text

It’s been a long day for Maomao.

She left Jinshi’s residence with the eunuch from dawn, chasing down a theft case in the rear palace. Running around the inner court looking for clues wasn’t an easy job. Even walking around her bedroom made her feet throb. After all that, the last thing she wanted to do was leave and abandon the warmth of her bedding.

She sat in bed, staring at the clock. It was a little past the time she and Suirei’d usually meet. She was starting to feel a little guilty. What if Suirei was expecting her? No, Suirei probably wouldn’t . But what if she did? 

The quivering doubt made Maomao rise. She slipped on her shoes and clutched the sleeves of her ruqun, leaving her room and walking to the garden as fast as possible.

Their gazes soon met upon Maomao’s arrival, the same sculptured expression on Suirei per usual. Maomao shuffled onto the small hill and collapsed beside the court lady, sighing as the strands of grass poked into her neck. Neither of the two spoke up just yet. The scent of earthy herbs and the palace dew hanging among the garden. Their silence was natural, nothing out of the ordinary.

“You’re late.” Suirei mumbled at last, slight hesitation in her tone.

“Sorry.” 

.. A pause.

“I had to help Jinshi with something. I’m worn out..” Maomao groaned, exhaling.

The court lady turned her head, looking down at the stretched out maid next to her. She slowly reached over, fixing Maomao’s disheveled collar, slightly breathing on to Maomao. Her fingers lightly brushed onto the maid’s skin.

This is weird. She’s never this genuine. The maid closed her eyes, being unable to move a single muscle. Suirei drew her hand back, carrying on with whatever she was previously doing.

“Did you wait for me?” 

“I did.”

“Thanks.”

Their conversation was dry, yet natural. 

“You seem tired.” Suirei said, trying to seep a hint of sincerity into her tone.

“I’ve been out all day. You know, there’s a lot of things going missing in the rear palace recently. One item missing for each pavilion.” Maomao spilled, besides Xiaolan and Jinshi, the only person she conversed with was Suirei. Talking to Suirei was the only moment where she was the one doing the majority. 

“Really. What went missing?”

“For the crystal pavilion a vase, for the jade..” Maomao continued, her eyes still closed. She wondered if Suirei was even listening half the time, yet kept going on anyway. 

“Good luck with that.”

The scent of the garden made the place feel even better than her bed. Everything was quiet as well.

“Suirei.” The name she’d been saying casually for a few weeks.

“Hmm?”

“Tell me why you’re growing these herbs.” 

The question that occasionally strangled Maomao. The question that Suirei discarded every time. This time however, their silence felt heavier, as if there was acetylene setting fire in the air.

Then, calmly-

“I’m trying to make a resurrection drug.”

Maomao’s eyes snapped open, her chest tightening and her eyes widening like a hawk. “What?”

Suirei looked straight at Maomao. She had no reason to tell Maomao that, especially considering how she used to despise the maid. The atmosphere became quiet again, while Maomao’s lips jerked unsettlingly.

“I’m trying to make a resurrection drug.” Suirei repeated, as if that’d help.

Maomao sat upright, the rush of adrenaline and blood in her ears toying with her head.

“Something like that.. Exists?”

“Of course.”

“Why would you need a resurrection drug?

“Because I’m going to fake my death.”

The sun dipped further, casting a marigold shine under the hill. The air became more muffled between the two. Maomao’s speculation was right, once again. Suirei was not ordinary.

“Why? What are you talking about?”

“I need to change the hell I’m living in.”

“The palace?” Maomao’s voice cracked.

“It’s not just that.” Suirei sighed, finding Maomao’s naivety somewhat pitiful. “I want to disappear from this life completely. Start over somewhere no one will know me.” 

Maomao was taken aback, her inner confusion battling her. The court lady stood up, as if about to leave like always. Yet this time, Maomao reached out, grabbing onto Suirei's wrist, her pressure tight enough to break a limb. “ Wait.”

“What do you mean escape the life you’re living in?”

Despite their momentary silence, Maomao could sense the wall between the two. Suirei was right in front of her, why did she feel so far away? Haven't they become friends?

Suirei didn’t like when people get in her way, nor did she like pulling people into her way. Still, she didn’t pull away. 

“I’m not going to involve you, this is something I should deal with myself.”

Don’t be so distant, damn it. Maomao hesitated, while attempting to pull Suirei back.

“No, tell me.”

“I said-” She huffed. “I’m not going to involve you.”

“Tell me.”

“Stop being so stubborn.”

“You’re the stubborn one!” Maomao snapped, her patience gone. Her voice hitching with something she couldn’t understand herself. Regardless, she didn’t want to push Suirei away.

..

Suirei shouldn’t have told Maomao that. The regret and reluctance was inking into her every move. “I’m not who you think I am.” She murmured.

“The only way for me to change my life around is to disappear. I’ll be considered dead and discarded.” 

Maomao couldn’t speak. She let go of Suirei’s wrist, while her face held this sheepish look that twitched in frustration. Hearing Suirei speak felt like torture. But Maomao wasn’t the type to forget something and give up, she made that clear.

“Aren’t we friends?” The words caught in her throat, yet she couldn’t spit it out.

“I should know about what you’re going through. I tell you everything. From concubine stuff to the crap I go through with Jinshi.”

“I never asked you to say anything.” Suirei didn’t look back, she walked away, rebuilding the wall Maomao thought she had broken down between the two. The maid watched the tall silhouette disappear, before flopping back down onto the grass. She rolled around, kicked her feet, dug her fingers into the dirt, resisted the urge to pluck out one of Suirei’s plants out of spite.

“Am I just someone you tolerate?   Why do you have to be so unyielding? “

At the end, all she did for the rest of the day was huff and groan.