Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The last thing James could remember was a terrible screeching sound before a hot unbearable pain shot through his body. After that there was nothing but darkness. And he was out.

-
It had been a very busy morning, because apparently graduating was important- so much so that even Barty left early. And one thing about Barty Crouch Jr. was that he never. Ever. Left early for anything.

They had eaten breakfast together with Euphumia and Fleamont (James had moved out of his dorm early and so stayed with them right now), then got ready after which Barty and James' parents had left. James had two reasons to stay behind, tho Barty only knew of one. The reason that Barty knew of was that James just wanted a little more alone time to practice his speech more. As the most popular voted student of his year he would hold a speech right after Lily, who had the highest grades. Barty would have had the highest grades but he just had to skip his business class and exam to annoy his father, which resulted in Barty failing that class and Lily being the top student of their year.

The second reason was that James wanted to ask Barty two things that night and he still had to find and bring the key attached to a little raccoon key-chain with him, without Barty noticing. Because James would ask Barty to move in together tonight. James had secretly bought a little house in which he could not imagine living without Barty. It had a lot of windows, was not in the city but not too far away to get to work, had three bedrooms as well as two bathrooms, a kitchen, a living-room, and a backyard. It was perfect and James knew Barty and him could make it their own place, their heart.

Only that James had to ask Barty what exactly they were first.

They had been going on dates for two years, flirted, Barty slept over a lot, as far as James knew didn't have any side business, and slept together. But they weren't official. Didn't have a label or name to slap onto their relationship. And James wanted nothing more than to be boyfriends. Partners. Lovers. Dating.

It sounded like a dream to him.

And so he told Barty he needed to practice his speech and would come after but not late. And after looking at the Polaroid picture of Barty- he had held his middle fingers to look like they belonged to a random raccoon that had randomly sat down watching Barty and Evan as they were hanging at an abandoned place, which was slightly visible in the background of the photograph. Barty had gifted the Polaroid to James a year ago on his birthday because, quote: “He deserved to have a hot raccoon to flip him off” And that the raccoon was hot because “Duhhh I am the raccoon! It's me because its my fingers, and you Potter, deserve to have my hotness around twenty-four-seven.”

Looking at it now James couldn't help but chuckle. It was so stupid, yet so Barty, which made it so perfect.

A deep breathe and a last glance into the mirror later James was on his way, he practically jumped into the car and put his phone in the holder connecting it to the Bluetooth of the car. He put on his playlist and “Damage gets done” by Hozier filled the car with a nice calming and familiar tune. He only came as far as the middle of the song tho, before a call from “Raccoon monster boy” interrupted the song, he accepted the call immediately.

“Hey Barts,” James said cheerfully the second the line connected, “Whats up? Miss my voice already?”

“Yeah I am in the bathroom right now, thought if you talk dirty enough I could use a little fun with your voice and myself. You know how much I enjoy doing that in public toilets.”

“Okay, I need to know if you're being serious, since I happen to know you do like that Barts.” James could feel his face heating up. Barty had never been a person not to expect a lot of blunt sex talk from, but guessing weather the boy was completely joking or dead serious was impossible.

“Potter! I am not your best friend, I am Barty! Your- well I am not Sirius and also not serious. I am standing only about half a meter away from your family and friends so very much not in a toilet to get off. Sadly.” Barty answered quickly recovering from the what is he to James issue.

“Haha.” He deadpanned “Then why did you call? Not that I don't enjoy the lovely sound of your voice, just curious.”

“Because the ceremony starts in 15 minutes and if you're late you'll make a fool of yourself and as much as you know I'd love that, I can't get hard with your parents around on graduation day.” The teasing tone in Barty's voice was hard to miss. Now you may be wondering: Does he ever stop with the sex jokes? And the answer is easy. No. Never. “Where are you right now?”

“Uhhh I am five minutes out. Ten max. Don't worry I wont be late, Loony Raccoony. I'll be there to sweep you of your feet in the blink of an eye.”

“Alright drive safe, you idiotic beam of sunshine. And remember, holding a speech doesn't make you special it makes you-”

“Obnoxious.” James finished the sentence for Barty. “I know I know. And of course I'll drive safe. You know me. Check the mirror ten times and never speed. I will arrive hot, perfect, and completely uninjure-”

James didn't get to finish his sentence as he felt impact followed by a loud crash. His body jerked to the side and his seat-belt cut painfully against his throat as his head smashed into the airbag. His glasses had flown off his face. Everything was blurry but James doesn't believe he would have been able to see much anyway, with how much the insane pain affected his head and hence that his vision. He could vaguely make out screams and shouts for help. Saw a blurry colorful mess of cars and fire. Then he blacked out. He couldn't handle this much pain.

Chapter Text

The line just crashed. One moment James was teasing him and the next-

“James? Sunshine idiot? You there?” Barty looked at his phone, the call disconnected, >>great<<. Typical, James probably forgot to charge his phone and it just died. Honestly, how was James allowed to have a phone if he couldn't be bothered to charge it?

With a sigh Barty returned to the group that had gathered. Lupin, Sirius, Dorcas, Mckinnon, McDonald, Evans, Monty, and Effie. “James is five minutes out. Ten max. Tho his phone probably just died, so whoever has something to charge it, he'll need it.”

Euphumia laughed and took a sip of her sparkling wine, “I swear, that boy probably wouldn't even recognize a charger when handed to him. But as long as he is not running late I will forgive him.”

They laughed and time had quickly passed them by without them really noticing. Only when headmistress McGonagall walked on stage to start the ceremony, they noticed how much time had passed without James arriving. Immediately all of them started texting James and trying to call him. Obviously to no avail. Lily had gone up to the stage to be there immediately for her own speech, once McGonagall finished her opening speech and after Marlene had told her to make her speech longer somehow so James has more time to arrive.

“Damn you Jamie boy...” Barty mumbled angrily typing out yet another message he knew would not arrive. The messages hadn't been and no call was even going to the ringing. “You and your stupid charging problem... 'I'll be there in ten minutes, mimimi'. Well where the hell are you?!”

Jamie boy (Sunshine reincarnated)

Last online 1 hour ago

James. Where are you? The ceremony

has already begun. 3:30 PM

Minnie is holding her speech how dare

you miss that? 3:30 PM

JAMES 3:31 PM

JAMES 3.31 PM

POTTER 3:31PM

I won't have sex with you if

you are late. 3:33PM

IGERKJFHKEHJHHWvv 3:33PM

Okay this is ridiculous 3:34PM

sunshineeee boyyyyy 3:35PM

I your phone actually dead? 3:35PM

6 unanswered calls 3:51PM

DUDE 3:52PM

Evans is already on stage. 4:01PM

I told you not to make me horny

by making a fool of yourself 4:01PM

“Why am I da- Why am I halfly committed to this guy?” Barty sighed as he glanced at the parking area yet again. Ten minutes later Lily had finished the official part of her speech and was struggling to continue making time.

“And really I also want to thank the wonderful kitchen staff for truly amazing food we got to eat for lunch... uh and the school property always was a very pretty place to study and be educated in and... uh... well.. okay you guys can probably tell I am done with my actual speech but... if I am honest we have no clue where James is. He said he'd be here by now but he is not...” Honestly Barty could not reasonably blame her for just being honest now. Still he did. He wasn't a reasonable person, never was.

How dare she throw James under the bus like that?! It was rude. Simply rude. And as everyone started mumbling and talking about James Potter being late to graduation, Barty finally began to really worry.

Jamie boy (Sunshine reincarnated)

Last online 1 hour and 30 minutes ago

I know you wont get this but I hate you

for making me worry. 4:19 PM

Now everyone knows you are late 4:19 PM

Looser 4:19 PM

I hope you are okay 4:23 PM

And the thing was? Barty really did hope James was okay.

But James was okay. He was James Potter. Barty had never ever even heard of the guy not being okay. Maybe that was why Barty liked him so much. WELL not like like just like in a “like” way.

He enjoyed the sex. The spoiling. The dates even. Usually Barty did not do dates. But that had changed two years ago and that all just because James Potter did not do sex without a date first.

And the asshole just had to make it a perfect date. But that did not matter now, It didn't. James was late and making a fool of himself and is making Barty worry. Its disgusting. And as McGonagall went on stage to solve the chaos, Barty's phone started ringing. A number he did not recognize. Probably James with the random phone of a stranger to tell Barty just why he is late.

He stood up went away from the ceremony and answered the call. “Hello? James? Is this you, you idiot?”

“No this is Jenny from St. Mungos hospital. Am I speaking with Bartimius Crouch Jr.?”

“Uh yes but its Barty. To what do I own the pleasure?” Probably his ghast father had an accident and Barty was the only relative or something, then he could quickly tell them off.

“You live with James Fleamont Potter and are his emergency contact. Is that correct?” The lady, Jenny, asked and Barty's stomach dropped.

“Live with-? I uh... I mean sure. Whats wrong with him?”

“Mr. Potter was in a car accident. He was brought in about 45 minutes ago, it took the police a little to identify him, hence why we are only now able to inform you. He is in critical condition an-”

“WHAT?!” Barty couldn't stop himself from getting louder and he definitely wasn't far away enough from where everyone was sitting because everyone started looking at him. Effi, Monty, Remus, Sirius, Peter, and Marlene, made their way over, but Barty's thoughts were sprinting. James was in a.. a.. “A car accident? No. No thats impossible. I was- I was on the phone with him and- and he was fine! He is fine you got the wrong guy!”

“I am sorry Mr. Crouch. Very very sorry. But he looked like a very bruised version of the guy on his identification papers and it was his car. Like I said he is in critical condition and we are not yet sure he will pull through.” Jenny's voice was calm. So annoyingly stupidly calm. It felt wrong.

“I am on my way.. I will be there with his friends and parents. I will be there.” Barty hung up and turned around. They had heard his part of the conversation. Looking shocked. Effi was crying. “We have to go. St. Mungos he is at St. Mungos.”

They were in the car quicker than flash could run, Mckinnon had texted McDonald what was going on and to tell McGonagall and Evans, but no one else cared about that. All they cared about was that James was in critical condition and in emergency surgery.

They sat in complete silence when: “They thought I lived with James... why did they... They said I lived with him... that nI am his emergency contact... I- why would he make me his emergency contact that little shit? And why would he state I live- I- I don't...”

“He wanted to ask you to be his boyfriend today” Remus mumbled.

“Yeah and he bought a house just outside of town. Wanted to ask if you'd move in with him. Probably already did all that official stuff.” Sirius chuckled despite the situation.

“He bought a raccoon key chain because you're his loony raccoony...” Marlene sniffed.

“I- He- What?” Barty couldn't believe anything he was hearing. James wanted to be his boyfriend and to live with him. Wanted to ask him those things but couldn't because he was in a crash.

And the worst thing?

Barty would have said No.

Chapter Text

They waited for what felt like hours as they watched the news that knew more than them for some reason. And Barty couldn't stand this. When the doctor came and told them James was in a coma now and stable. But that he had died for two minutes on his way to the hospital, Barty got up without a word and left.

He couldn't do this. It was too much. Way. Too. Much. He felt like smashing a brick into his head. Or the doctors head for not making James wake up so Barty could yell at him. But he also felt like jumping from a cliff and ripping out his hair. He didn't even notice he was scratching himself the entire way from the hospital to the bus station, to Evan's and Regulus' dorm, since they did not skip a year they had not graduated yet. Only then, when Evan opened the door, and pointed it out he noticed.

“Ye- Barty? What are you doing here? Why are you so mopy? Is everything oka- Hey.” Evan grabbed his wrist and pulled the scratching hand from his arm, a few bleeding scratches had formed. Honestly the scratching looked disgusting.

“Turn on the News, Ev.” Barty mumbled just walking in. The news had been reporting the crash for hours. With Rita Skeeter clinging to every oh so tiny piece of information she could get her hands on, telling it over and over to be the first to bring these news of this oh so interesting tragic thing to the public.

“O-kay? Reg! Turn on the news will ya?” It took a few seconds but the TV turned on and Barty sat down between Evan and Regulus on the Couch.

“And we are back with a few more info's. If you are just now joining us now, today at 3:16 a car accident took place. Jason Harrington a 45 year-old man, crashed with his truck loading and transporting five 3 meter long and 5 centimeter big metal bars, into the car of the 21 year-old James Potter who was in the car and on his way to his graduation. Witnesses claim to have seen how paramedics got James out of his car, and how James had one of the metal bars stuck in his abdomen and was bleeding a terrifying amount. It was described as well that he was unconscious with a bleeding head and even more wounds they couldn't properly see. We now have word from the hospital that James is out of surgery and in a coma, but that his heart had stopped beating for two minutes while being transported. His survival is already a miracle, now all we can hope for is that he'll wake up soon.”

Both Evan and Regulus were staring at Barty when he spoke again, “James wanted to ask me to be his boyfriend and move in with him today. He bought a house. I would have said no and ruined the best thing that ever happened to me and now? Now he is in a bloody coma.”

“Wait. I thought you said you were developing feelings for James? Like blown super crush? So it would be a good thing he wants a relationship? And to move in together? That's amazing especially because you have not found a place yet!” Evan genuinely seemed confused. Barty wanted to strangle him for making him explain.

“Ev. It's me. Barty. You know? The guy who can't do relationships to save his life? If I date James, I'll ruin him. Or go into full on obsessive possessive stalker mode. He doesn't deserve that. And anyway you know what my old therapist said, Relationships aren't made for guys like me.”

“There is a reason she is not your current therapist, Barty. Regulus, who started disinfecting Barty's scratch wounds, chimed in And anyway, you have not been acting like a possessive obsessive stalker in the past two years, and you two have been semi-official, why would that change with a stupid label?”

Barty flinched at the disinfectant, man he hated that sting. “Because I am very possessive over him. Its like every time he talks to anyone else, who I am not 100% sure has no interest in him, I want to kill in horrendous ways. I feel like my brain is melting in fury when he takes even ten minutes to answer me. Living with him would- it would destroy me and if he is officially mine- I am not made for that. My brain would fry me and then my actions would fry him.”

“What's that supposed to mean you maniac?! James loves you. And if he wants to be your boyfriend and live with you that means he trusts you. If you can't trust yourself, trust his judgment. Evan said playing with Barty's hair, And anyway, Barts, if Potter really is in a coma... you'll have some time to think.”

“Yeah, I say visit the house he bought, if it's nice, say yes if not he doesn't deserve you. Regulus, not so helpfully, added after bandaging Barty's arm.”

“Yeah behave like the spoiled brat you are, Barts. And for now its time we eat and then you rest. Lucky you, we ordered too much pizza. I'll heat you a few slices up. Evan said with a pat on Barty's back, before he got up to do as he said.”

Regulus got Barty a blanket- despite it being a hot summer day, and finally turned off the news, it went without saying Barty would stay the night and maybe even longer. Regulus also took Barty's phone away which was currently being spammed by James' friends and family wanting to know where Barty was and why he had left.

But Barty couldn't talk to them right now.

The rest of the evening and night were spent eating pizza and drinking soda, it was an unspoken rule between the three that they weren't allowed to drink when one or all of them were sad. Especially since all three had alcoholic parents, Regulus' father, both of Barty's parents, Evan's mother. And so alcohol was avoided the best it could be whenever something was wrong.

Then Regulus and Evan finally managed to get Barty to fall asleep. They knew better than anyone that the real issues would only start now. Getting Barty to take his meds. Getting Barty to eat. Or in general to do anything. And to get him to not destroy the love he felt and received.

Chapter Text

It had been a week since the accident.

Barty had moved into Regulus' and Evan's dorm, where they stayed over summer anyway, so that he would not sleep on the street while searching a place to work at as well as a place to live at. Pandora had visited a few times to help deal with Barty's sadness.

It was almost nice.

Barty hadn't visited James at the hospital. Not even once. He avoided Mckinnon, Sirius, Lupin, even Cas. He couldn't look them in the eyes and explain why he wasn't there for James.

Finally Regulus had talked to Sirius, explaining some half lie about Barty not being able to handle seeing James like that. Half lie because, truly, Barty was sure he'd break if he saw his sunshine idiot- or not his sunshine idiot... no, the sunshine idiot, lying there all bruised and not moving.

James Potter did not stop moving. He was an always moving ball of energy and love. He didn't stop moving. He didn't stop being. But now he had... and Barty couldn't accept that, like the selfish boy he was.

Barty was feeling so much it was overwhelming. Worry. Fear. Guilt. Anger. And more guilt about his anger. He didn't get to be angry at James for this. It wasn't James' fault. Still. James had promised him he'd be fine. That he'd arrive soon and uninjured. That he'd drive safe. And yet? He was injured. He wasn't fine. He wasn't safe. And he hadn't arrived. And Barty was so so angry at him for that.

And so Barty didn't visit James, he knew James wasn't awake tho. Because Regulus got updates from Sirius.

"He is still unconscious, the doctors say when- if he'll wake up, he'll be very uncoordinated and probably won't remember what happened." Regulus had told Barty "I am so sorry that I can't tell you any better news."

"It doesn't matter. Even if James wakes up... it will be best for me to just stay away from him. I don't need to get his hopes up to crash them. I might be cruel sometimes but not like that. Not to him." Regulus sighed as those words left Barty's mouth, obviously disappointed. "What?! Do you want me to be cruel to him?!" Barty couldn't help snapping, it was the way his brain worked.

"No. But I want you to give your happiness a try. A chance. I want you to give that chance to James when- if he wakes up. You love him and he loves you, if you communicate your feelings and problems, he'll listen. If you'd only communicate then you two could work out. But you won't even try. You can't succeed if you never try."

"Yeah, but I can't fail and get hurt when I don't ever try either. And that's the goal I am shooting for." Barty mumbled. He knew Regulus had a point. Of course he knew. But that did not matter. He would not ruin James. No matter how much it would hurt Barty himself.

"Honestly, Barty I hate to say this, but you're being really pathetic right now." Regulus sighed, "and I think it'll hurt Potter more if he wakes up and finds out you just left him without a word while he was in a coma." With that Regulus left, leaving Barty to his job applications.

He really should've taken care of all this earlier. Now he was stuck worrying about James while trying to find a job and place. And on top of that he pissed off Reg.

How the fuck did he piss of Reg over Potter? He fucking used to hated Potter!

It was yet another week later - >>Fuck how did time pass so quick yet so slowly?! What the fuck was going on with time?!<< - that Barty had a job interview. It was a thrift-shop close to the hospital. And of course because the universe hated him, he just had to run into Sirius Orion Black on his way. Why not run into the best friend of the guy whose life you're trying to disappear from? Fucking perfect. Just fucking perfect.

"Crouch! Hey! Barty wait up!" Sirius ran up to the younger boy that was very clearly trying to ignore and avoid his presence. When he finally caught up he grabbed Barty's arm. A little too hard, but Barty barely felt it.

"Black. I have a job interview so I would enjoy it if you weren't causing my tardiness."

"A job interview? Good for you. However. I know, that you would struggle to see James but... despite all of us warning him- no offense, about you, he fell in love with you and it'd mean so much to him if you were there when he wakes up. I know that."

"You mean if he wakes up." Barty growled.

"He will wake-" Sirius tried but Barty immediately interrupted.

"Black. I'll tell you this right now. And then never again. I won't visit Potter. I won't be there for him when he wakes up. I never want to see him again. Got it?" Barty knew he was being harsh, but he also knew if he wasn't that he would crack and go to see James. Man. He really was pathetic.

"What? Why?! I thought everything was going well between you two!" Sirius' confusion mixed with his anger and it was obvious, not only through his hardening grip on Barty's wrists, but also the volume and sound of his voice.

"He deserves better than me. You know that. I know that. We all know that. The only one unwilling to accept that is Potter. So tell him some terrible lie that'll make him hate me. I don't care. I have a job interview so good bye." And with that Barty left snatching his own wrist out of Sirius' grip. He felt like crying but he wouldn't.

Not when all of this was because of his own doings. Not when he was about to have a job interview. Not when he knew this was all his own fault.

-

The Interview went well and Barty got hired, he went home after buying chips, monster energy and chocolate. He didn't feel like celebrating, but maybe it would help distract him from everything else. He had a job now. That should have meant something or made him happy.

It didn't.

Back at the dorm they celebrated with the chocolate, chips and energy drinks. On top of that they ordered pizza. Pandora was over and even Dorcas, tho she seemed a little distant toward Barty. Nobody could blame her, really.

“Sooooo Barty, does that mean I get a discount?” Evan asked cheekily.

“Nope. The thrift store is already cheap enough. However your wonderful sister will be the first to know when things she will like arrive.” Barty winked at Pandora who smiled.

“Oh yes that would be great. I will be spending so much money tho... “

“BUT the thrift-shop donates a lot, so it'll be for a good cause, and I am sure Barts- Barty here will make them extra cheap just for you.” Dorcas chimed in, still munching on her last pizza slice- four cheese and mushroom.

Barty stood up without excusing himself to go to the bathroom and Dorcas followed him. “What? Cas, no need to follow me to the bathroom, we both know you are a lesbian. I don't think you'd enjoy me very much,” Barty tried to tease as Dorcas matched his step.

“That's not what I followed you for and you know it. Why do you feel the need to ruin every goddamn good thing in your life?”

“Straight to it huh?” Barty sighed, “Really, the first straight thing about you.” He mumbled the addition under his breath. “Now. I would prefer it if you were to be kinde-“

“Stop the bull-crap, Crouch. You know Potter is the best person you could have found to love you and yet you still decide to drop him, while he is in a coma, unable to even react?! Why. Tell me fucking why?” Dorcas was almost shouting now.

Since starting to date Mckinnon- who was practically James' sister with how long they've been close, Dorcas got protective over James. Apparently that was just something that happened when you were close to someone that was close to James. Even Regulus had been growing protective of Jamie.

And it would be a lie to say he wasn't too. Of course he was tho. That was no secret to anyone. “Dorcas. Think about this. You know me-”

“YES! I know you! Hence why I know you are head over heals in love with the guy! Hence why I know your 'issues' could be less of an issue if you considered trying!” Dorcas exclaimed and Barty could just sigh. Really. Did Regulus and Dorcas just coincidentally make the same points or did they discuss this beforehand?

In the end it didn't matter. They all didn't get it. Didn't get him. “Sure, Cas. I still won't visit him. Now I am going to take a piss, so you can piss off. Unless of course, you decide watching men piss is your new kink.”

“Very funny Crouch. Just-” She sighed, “Just think about it you love James and he loves you.”

Barty flipped her off and went into the bathroom, locking the door, a few tears were quietly shed. He hated crying. So. Much. Yet he cried.

Chapter Text

Sirius was sitting at James' bed, Marlene sleeping in the second chair, waiting for Remus and the others to return with some coffee and breakfast. They had just left about a minute ago, finally giving into their hunger and admitting to themselves that their worry did not give them the super power to survive a week without eating. Every week since the accident it had been this way, at some point they had to give into their mortal needs for food and sleep, so most left while two stayed with James. He tried not to lose hope. But the doctors only ever said 'if' when speaking about James waking up. Never about 'when'. Still. So far it had been one and a half months, that was only 41 days. Giving up now would be stupid.

That's when Sirius heard a groan. “Marlene.” Sirius mumbled eyes half closed too tired to really care, “What are you groaning about? We all know the chairs are horrible to sleep in, but if it is that bad, ask the nurses if you can lay in one of the free beds.”

“Barts...” A quiet voice, rough from disuse and confusion whispered. But not just a voice. A voice Sirius had missed so so much. A voice he had started to believe he'd never hear again. James's voice.

“Prongs?!” Sirius jumped up before remembering he was already as close as he could possible get without being on top of James. He sat back down and grabbed James' hand tightly. Trying to anchor them both. “Prongs.. can you hear me?”

James came to himself in pain and with no clue where he was, but he felt someone hold his hand tightly he could faintly hear someone talking. Sirius. Slowly James opened his eyes. The light was too bright. But other than that everything was blurry. Where were his glasses? He wanted to reach for them but movement hurt so much, and Sirius wouldn't let him anyway.

“Wha- Where... Siri-?” He could barely get the words out but still he pushed through, “Glasses... I-I need... glasses a-and... Barts.” While his glasses were immediately sat on his face, James' plea for Barty fell on deaf ears.

“Do you know what happened? What do you remember? Hold on I'll call a nurse.” Sirius pressed the call button. James could see his worried expression.

“I don't... what... what happened? Where's everyone? Nurse.. so this is a hospital.. Why am I...” James could barely think let alone talk, he hated this. He also very much hated that he could not move and that everything ached. And that he couldn't remember anything.

“You were in a crash.. o-on your way to graduation... You've been in a coma since. It was bad. Really bad, Prongs..” Sirius looked at him with so much pity in his eyes. James hated that too.

“How long?”

“Maybe don't focus on that right-”

“How. Long. Sirius?” James interrupted Sirius. He needed answers more than politeness or pity right now.

“One month and a half... 41 days. It was about 960 hours, give or take.”

“Shit... Where.. where is everyone...” James blinked around, Marlene was sleeping in a corner and a nurse had just walked in to check his vitals, smiling brightly at the sight of James awake.

“The others are out right now, getting breakfast... but uhm... Barty he-”

“What happened to Barty?! Is he- OUCH shit, is he okay?!” James was flooded by panic- and by pain because he tried to sit up which didn't even work but did cause a lot of burning pain. So, there was that.

“He is fine but... but he told me, to tell you that he doesn't want to see you again...” Sirius wasn't even looking at James anymore, but as the words left the black-haired boys mouth James' heart dropped and confusion clouded his mind.

“What? No. Why? Did I do something? Did he and I fight before the crash? What did I do wrong?” He knew he was rambling but he couldn't care less. He needed answers. Barty wouldn't just leave him. James must have done something. Something bad or something unforgivable.

“No James I think all of this- the crash, the you wanting to make things official and live together, I think that was too much for him. But you didn't do anything wrong I am sure of that. Ba- Crouch is just a frightened asshole who runs when things get serious or hard. That is in his stupid stupid nature.” Sirius had hoped his words would be comforting, but by the look on James' face he could tell they surely weren't.

“W-What? But I thought I crashed on my way to graduation? Then how could Barty have- Wait. He doesn't want that? But I thought he would want that. Gods I am an idiot!” At James' exclaim Marlene woke up with a startle but James barely noticed. “I am such an utterly stupid idiot! How could I have thought- FUCK!”

“James? You- Holy shit! Jamie! How are you? Are you in pain? Did a nurse check over you already? What's wrong? Can you remember anything from the crash? Holy fucking mother of god! Iamsogladyou'reawake!” At the end Marlene spoke so quickly it all slurred together. While she seemed to notice something was wrong she could not have possibly known that James already had been informed about Barty leaving him.

So James turned to Marlene, guilt washing over his panicked face. “I am sorry for worrying you, Marls.. I didn't-”

“Don't you dare apologize for being hit by a truck James.” Marlene was crying as she gently hugged him, so so gently, as if James would break if she wasn't gentle enough, “That- that was not your fault. Do you hear me? The police said you couldn't have avoided it.”

“I guess. I am a bit hungry right now... where is my phone?”

“Your phone was destroyed in the crash James, and anyway you really probably shouldn't have your face glued to a screen right now.” Sirius mumbled and Marlene nodded in agreement.

“Then give me one of your phones. Please. I just need to text Barty and ask if I can make it right somehow. Tell him there is no pressure to live together or to be official. I just want him in my life. That is all that matters.” Sirius sighed at James' pleading and Marlene left out a pained “Oh”.

“Look, Prongs. I can text Regulus and tell him to tell Crouch you are okay. Or Dorcas can tell Crouch you are awake, but I don't think it will help your recovery to be focusing on him right now. You need to focus on yourself. I mean- You were hit by a truck and had metal stuck in you, for Christ's sake. You were dead for two minutes and then in a coma for over a month.” Sirius let out another pained sigh, “If that doesn't scream focus on yourself for a minute, what does?”

Again Marlene nodded, “I agree. If Bartimius wants to run, let him run. You can't really run after him right now anyway. First focus on walking for yourself again and maybe then you can run after an asshole of a guy.”

James obviously didn't agree or want that but he could feel exhaustion, seep into his bones. Too much exhaustion to argue. Really. here he had been, sleeping for one and a half months and still he was tired and exhausted. Twisted is what it was. Fucking twisted. “He's not an asshole.”

Marls and Siri both let out a sigh before Marlene went to find a nurse and ask her to bring James some soup, Sirius smiled at James, sadly, as if he were a goddamn miracle. James did not feel like a miracle. He felt like a broken piece of nothing. He couldn't move without pain, Barty had left him, Sirius looked like death because of him, and James wanted to puke from huger and pain all at once. If that made him a miracle in Sirius' eyes, he sure as hell didn't aspire being one.

“Prongs I am so so happy that you have woken up. I can't even believe it. You really are a miracle.” Sirius said, tears shimmering in his eyes. James still did not in anyway like that title at all. A miracle was supposed to be a good thing after all.

“Who else was in the crash?”

“Only the other driver- luckily.” Sirius quickly reassured James. The boy knew that no matter that James couldn't have avoided the crash, he would blame himself and that he'd feel more and more guilty for every injured person. James was too good for this world. Really really too good. His heart was too big and bright. Because that was James. Big and bright. Or at least usually it was.

“And the other driver? Is he okay?” James looked scared to even ask.

“He- He died still at the scene. His name was Jason Harrington. He was 41. He had no chance. But he also caused the crash s-”

“FUCK! He died? He- H e is dead? How could I survive? He died and I survived how is that fucking fair?” James was panicking and drowning in self blame. If Sirius were Barty he would slap James to snap him out of it and make the boy listen. But Sirius wasn't Barty.

So instead Sirius took James' hand and squeezed it at tightly as he could until James's eyes focused on Sirius, it had taken a while but at least it had worked. “Alright, you listen to me, Prongs. You are not at fault for this. You are the victim here. You did not kill that guy. You did not do anything wrong by surviving. I beg you please, please, don't blame yourself. Please prongs, Jamie, please. You are not to blame. Okay?” Sirius had never ever been more nervous about how James would react to something, not when he came out, not when he told James he'd drop their literature class in favor of going into art class. Not even when he confessed to James on having used to have a crush on the boy. He had not ever before been just this nervous.

“I don't- I should have driven with you guys instead of driving there later... then this never would have happened... Then Jason Harrington would still be alive today.. did he have kids? Family? What about his friends? They just lost him. They- they lost him and instead I am alive sitting here when I couldn't even- When I couldn't even make Barty happy.” James was spiraling. >>Shit. That's what I was trying to avoid.<< Sirius thought, trying to somehow make the boy understand that he was not at fault or a loser or a bad person. But before he could James already spoke again, “Please call your brother. I need to speak to Barty, to at least try.”

Sirius of course knew this was a bad idea but he also knew that James wouldn't stop asking until he at least tried, so Sirius decided to just comply and call Regulus. Maybe they would be lucky and Barty would be out of reach right now giving James no chance to get hurt. Sirius pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contact list until his fingers hovered over Regulus' contact. >> Please, to whatever gods or god is out there, don't let Barty be there. James can't handle that right now.<<

It rang once.. twice.. maybe Regulus wouldn't pick up. That'd be good. But Regulus did pick up and Sirius quickly explained that James woke up, and that he wanted to speak to Barty. He obviously couldn't say that it was, in his eyes, a horrible idea. James was right there after all, but luckily Sirius knew Regulus would know what Sirius thought of this without him having to say it. Still. Sirius also knew that Regulus wouldn't lie if Barty was there. So the hope that his prayers were somehow heard stayed. As Sirius put his phone on speaker he took a deep breathe. >> Please, please, please be absent.<<

“Potter can you hear me now too?”

“Yes! Hi Regulus, is Barty there? I need to set things right.” James seemed to light up simply at the possibility of 'Setting things right'. Sirius hated this. Hated seeing James treated this way, especially with what he is going through. Fuck Sirius hated Crouch. Sure Barty was going through something, but that wasn't an excuse to hurt James like this. So Barty seriously needed to grow some fucking balls, because James didn't deserve this treatment simply because Barty was scared.

“Potter, first of all I am glad to hear you are conscious. You had us all worried there for a second. Secondly... I am sorry, but Barty is at work. I will tell him you're awake tho and send him over. I promise.” Regulus said. One good thing that came from Barty's and James's... thing, was that Regulus had not only become nicer toward James but started caring about James- which truly is all Sirius ever wanted.

“Oh.. Okay, but it would really be nice if you could actually inform Barty... I really, really need to talk to him. I really need to set things straight. In really can't lose him- though you probably don't care, so I will leave you alone. Thank you Regulus.” James was just ratting out every thought that came to his mind at this point but then again if t didn't go out it would stay stuck and nobody wanted that. So he just talked, even though that was probably annoying. Man why did people stick around him at all? A mystery is what that was.

“I will, but, Potter, don't blame yourself so much. Barty is just... well he is Barty. Bye.” And just like that the phone call was over. And all James could do was hope that he could somehow fix everything.

Chapter Text

Barty was at the shop hanging up new donations when he got a call from Regulus. He declined the call since he was very much at work and very much needed this Job, though Vega wouldn't fire him if he lit up the place. She was a sweet girl, pink mullet, red glasses, a maximalist style- Like really maximalist, she would wear at least five bracelets per arm, always had at least one ring on each finger, around seven thousand necklaces and huge earrings, like sometimes those earrings would be old cola cans the girl drank, cleaned and turned into earrings- Barty found them so cool because duhhh, and other times they would be large golden skeletons of which each joint moved. Her style consisted of layering skirts and wearing clothes on way other than they were intended to be worn. Shirts as skirts, pants as shirts, Skirts as shirts, dresses tied out of ties, scars as shirts or skirts, and the list goes on.

She was 25, so still young, and yet somehow she owned the little thrift shop- Well she opened it to have a good income while working on her career as an author. Her girlfriend, Sybill, was the owner of a small witchcraft shop close to the thrift-shop. The witchcraft store was focused on Hellenic Polytheism. As much as Vega is kind, Barty doubts he would have gotten the job if Pandora wasn't friends with Sybill, since- well Vega hadn't actually been looking for any workers.

Hence why Barty had been even more grateful to get this job. Hence why he would not take calls while he was working. Even from Regulus. He went back to work hanging up clothes and talking to customers. He received donations and sold some things, until Regulus walked in going straight to where Barty stood putting a price tag onto a Tiffany lamp- which they were way under pricing by making it only 21,65 pounds, when the door opened and he soon felt a presence behind him, “How can I help yo- Regulus. What are you doing here?”

Regulus sighed, “Well you wouldn't pick up your phone so I decided to come here. These news are better to deliver personally anyway. Its about James he-”

“I don't care.” Lie. That was a lie. He cared. Oh he cared. His mind was running miles

trying to fathom what could have happened. Because obviously something about James' state had changed. Barty settled on the fact that James must have died. He didn't dare hoping for good news. And he couldn't hear Regulus confirm his thoughts either. So he'd rather live without confirmation.

“Barty please just listen to me.” Regulus tried but Barty merely shook his head and left to go to Vega's office. He needed space. Desperately. So so desperately, so he'd take his break early, he had a flat to look at today anyway. He'd just do that earlier than planned, the women from it had told him to come by whenever was good after all. The longer he'd live with Reg and Ev, the harder avoiding would become. The less weeks he continues living them, the less they could force information on him.

“Vega? Could I take my break early?” Barty couldn't stop the tremble in his voice and immediately Vega looked worried. How she grew to care about him so much, was a mystery to him. Truly there was not a reason for her to care that much about her employee.

“Yes of course. Or no- just take the rest of the day off, okay?” She stood up and put a hand on his arm. A motion of comfort. “Not much is going on today and I can stand in the front. And if you need to talk we can do that. Whatever you need.”

Of course Barty tried protesting, he needed the money of the shifts since the little money he had received after his fathers death wasn't enough to pay rent- Bartimius Crouch Sr. had to let Barty get the state inclined minimum inheritance as he is his son, but beyond that the guy did his best to not leave Barty a penny more and he had spent a lot of money on worthless crap so he had less money to give after his death. The asshole had died two weeks before graduation which obviously hadn't been enough time to save the grades Barty purposely mucked up to annoy the guy- which was insanely frustrating. “No that's not-”

“I insist. I will pay you the full loan of this shift still, so don't worry about money. You matter more than your work, Barty.” Vega interrupted him with a stern look. Barty had learned by now that this meant he didn't get a choice. He didn't have enough energy to really argue right now anyway. Especially with the stubborn witch that was Vega. And it wasn't like this was a thing of inconvenience or evilness. It was kind and generous.

“Alright, thanks.” Barty wrote down his signing out time in the calendar thingy they had and grabbed his things going out through the back, knowing Regulus would still be waiting for him and trying to avoid the boy with the black curls and cold as ice gaze.

He almost ran to the bank and from there to his meeting with the owner of the flat he planned to move into. It was cheap hence why he knew he'd move in no matter what. The tour was quick and it wasn't long before Barty had asked how soon he could move in after he handed over the first three months of rent. He needed this flat. The women, noticing how desperate he was, said he could move in the next day. Perfect.

Barty thanked her, singed the contract and went to Ev's and Reg's dorm to pack up his things. Luckily no one was there, so Barty ate lunch, packed his things into boxes, and went to bed. He wanted to move in as early as possible so that he could move in without being late to work and so he could avoid his friends, he didn't have that much stuff anyway so moving alone wouldn't be that hard.

As he fell asleep he was mourning James. James who was probably dead. James who, from all the people Barty knew, probably deserved to die the least. James who had been his sunshine, tho sure also his idiot, after all he had been his sunshine idiot. Barty shouldn't have let James stay behind. He shouldn't have left him to drive alone and later than them. He should have made James drive with them and told him to suck his nerves up because he'd do great. And then he would have broken James' heart the correct way. The way it was supposed to happen.

Maybe it was selfish to wish he would have gotten to break James' heart because then James would still at least be alive. But he'd been selfish everyday of his life, so really it wasn't anything new.

Though he was starting to wonder if he would have been able to say no had he come face to face with James in the moment of James asking him. He knew the answer was probably that he would have said yes to being official, of living together. And that in itself was worse than anything else. Because he craved it. So much.

Now James was dead and Barty was alive and alone and if Jason Harrington had survived the crash, he would have killed the guy himself. It wasn't fair. But the world was never fair. >>Stupid space rock with stupid capitalist fascist asshole people and enough unfairness to kill even James fucking Potter.<<