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"Don't you think it would be better to address it, Rui? You'll only destroy yourself." Nene sighed empathetically.
Tsukasa needed longer to get ready today. He wanted to dress up, not only because he was going to escort Rui home, but also because he was set on asking him if he wanted to spend the weekend with him again. His director had been acting strangely lately and he was eager to find out what was going on.
It was after dusk, Nene had something planned with Emu, so he couldn't just let his director head off home alone! Not when he was the future star of the world and had to take care of his friends!
That's also why he was so confused, what was Nene still doing here? Was Emu still here too? He felt like a fool but he couldn't help but listen to the conversation. If there was something wrong with Rui, he needed to know what it was so he could help him in the best way he could.
As he peeked slightly out from his hiding place, he could only see the back of Rui's head, Nene stood in front of him with a look full of pity. What was going on? Following far too long in silence, Nene tried again
“Rui...”
Another pause, he had never witnessed Rui this hesitant. The way his shoulders shook for just a moment and he drew in a long breath was completely unfamiliar to him. From his viewpoint, he could see that Rui brought his hand up to his face.
Tsukasa freaked out. He didn't know whether he should come out of hiding and comfort Rui. Everything in him wanted to be there for him, to hug him and tell him how special he was. But when he finally found the courage to say something, Rui beat him to it. His eyes widened at the words.
“...Sometimes I wonder if Tsukasa is just my best actor and not more...”
Oh.
He averted his gaze. The thought dug into Tsukasa's chest like a cold dagger, slowly but inexorably sinking deeper. The words echoed in his head, and each time he repeated them to himself, his throat constricted tighter.
All the ridiculous bliss of them walking home was gone, maybe he was being dramatic but those words could only mean one thing.
He doesn't even see us as friends, we're just colleagues.
Just thinking about it left a bitter taste lingering in his mouth. He thought they had known each other long enough to claim Wonderlands x Showtime were friends, best friends. They had known each other for so long, but he only saw him as one of his actors?
He turned back to them and immediately saw that Nene couldn't say anything. Her eyes were full of concern, but she was at a loss for words.
All she could do was put her hand on Rui's upper arm. She left it there and stroked it lightly. He was a wreck.
Then suddenly Emu was approaching them again and immediately Rui was wearing that cheerful smile again that was far too perfect to be real. That brought up some thoughts in him.
Was he doing the same with Tsukasa?
Was it all just an act?
He still stood by what he had said: he would not let Rui walk alone in the dark. But he knew it would be awkward.
"Rui-kun, Nene-chan! I'm back!!!"
Emu ran back to them, with drinks for each of them in her hands. He glanced at the ramune candy flavored one and his heart aced. But he put that thinking aside.
Now was his chance.
“I'm done changing!” He stepped out onto the stage and laughed as best as he could, striking whatever pose came into his mind first. Emu quickly handed him his drink with a smile.
Tsukasa immediately felt Rui's eyes on him. His gaze seemed mesmerized. He stared at him as if he were the center of his universe, and the smile he wore was so warm that it hurt Tsukasa even more. How could he think something like that, as if there was nothing between them?
Just like the actor he was...?
“Tsukasa-kun!” The smile never vanished from his face.
Tsukasa's eyes darted to Nene, he wanted to know what she was thinking, she knew of his thoughts, but her look gave nothing away. Did Emu know too? When she realized that he was staring at her, he immediately turned away.
“Tsukasa-kun...?” Rui tilted his head, and if Tsukasa wasn't so heartbroken about his new discovery he would have even found it cute.
"Ah-! Rui!" He let out one more loud laugh.
He knew Rui was very observant, he wouldn't be surprised if he saw right through him. But the purple haired boy chose to stay silent.
"Nene-chan and I are going then! Have fun!" Emu said goodbye with a broad smile. Nene shot Rui another worried look, but quickly said goodbye too and then focused her full attention on Emu.
Tsukasa sighed, now it was just the two of them, if he had just taken longer and not overheard their conversation then he might have stayed oblivious to the whole thing. He just had to survive the walk home, no sleepover.
“Are you okay, Tsukasa-kun?” He still looked so confused it almost broke Tsukasa's heart.
"Of course! Let's go, Rui!" Usually, he would have walked next to him but now he just walked ahead not daring to look him into his eyes.
“Ah... okay!” Rui knew something was wrong, it was more than obvious, but he remained silent. Perhaps he was afraid to hear the answer.
Tsukasa led the way, but he made sure Rui was right behind him all the time. Not a word was spoken between them, only the sound of their footsteps on the asphalt filled the silence. When they finally reached Rui's street, Tsukasa stopped abruptly.
“You'll manage the rest on your own right?”
Another long silence passed and Tsukasa was about to turn and walk away, but Rui finally began to speak.
“...Did I do something wrong?”
The question burned on his tongue the whole journey. It wasn't an accusation, just a genuine question. He tried to understand and desperately searched for an explanation for Tsukasa's behavior that happened abruptly.
The blond sighed and closed his eyes, Rui hit him exactly where he didn't want it.
"No, everything is alright, I just had a rough day. I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?" He tried to smile but it was just another fake smile.
“...Goodnight Tsukasa-kun, thanks for bringing me home...” But it fell to deaf ears as he was already alone waving his hand to no one, and trying to smile for no one.
Slowly, he lowered his hand as the silence around him began to overwhelm him.
---
Rui stood anxiously at the school gate, his shoulders stiff and his fingers tensely clutching his bag, Nene silently next to him. She knew something must have happened yesterday, Rui was never this quiet and especially not when they were alone.
“Did... Did something happen?”
Rui didn't say anything right away. Instead, he looked at her fleetingly, his gaze tired. Then he looked away again and let his eyes drift off into space, as if he was just looking somewhere so he wouldn't have to think about what had happened.
“I think he heard us.”
Nene stayed quiet, she didn't know what to say. Was this such a bad thing? She was unsure why he was struggling so much with it.
Suddenly Nene noticed Rui stiffening up next to her. Then she understood why. Tsukasa arrived at school.
Normally Rui would have stayed. He would never have just left, notably not so suddenly and when it was related to Tsukasa. But now he just had to leave.
"I'm sorry, Nene... I'll see you at rehearsal. I... I'm skipping lunch at the Sekai today."
He waited for no reply and the next moment he had already turned and left. His steps were quick, far too quick.
Nene stopped and looked after him, debating whether she should follow him or just let him be. Her heart felt heavy because she knew it well.
He wasn't just fleeing. He was running away from something that was hurting him much more than he wanted to show.
“Good morning, Nene!”
She turned to the voice, Tsukasa had reached her, but when she took a closer look at him she recognized a certain tension in him as well. He looked like he didn't sleep a second, despite the fact that he always tries to sleep 8 hours a day. And now that she thought about it, Rui and her are never in school before him.
“Good morning...” She eyed him worriedly. “Didn't sleep well?”
He just nodded. Quite out of character for him. Normally he would have shouted a loud ‘Good morning!!! ’ so that the whole school would have heard. And he would have been at Rui's side by now. Rui would already be teasing him with one of his ideas, to which Tsukasa would immediately retort with a loud speech about ‘having to keep Rui in line’. Their usual back and forth.
But today? There was none of that today.
"Ah, I just approached you to tell you won't be spending lunch in Sekai today. I... I've got studying to do." Weird. “And don't wait for me to head to rehearsal, I'll just meet you there!” Even weirder.
And just like Rui he was gone. Walking way too fast and glancing around suspiciously like he was avoiding someone. Nene wasn't stupid, she was far from it. She knew her friends, especially Rui. They were childhood friends after all. Both avoiding each other and ditching lunch to not see the other?
What happened between those two?
---
"What?! That doesn't sound like the two of them at all! Normally they're more like Smiley Wiley~!!! " Emu pouted sadly.
It was lunch time. Nene sat with Emu in Sekai and quietly told her what had happened in the morning. She described every detail of how tense Rui and Tsukasa had been, how suddenly they had both left, and how wrong it had all felt.
As she spoke, something was different even in Wonderland Sekai. The usually vibrant, vibrant world seemed muted today. The colors seemed paler, the cheerful sounds softer, almost like an echo of her own mood.
It was as if even Sekai sensed that something was wrong.
Beside them, the dog plushie suddenly dashed past. Its eyes were fixed tensely on the cat-plushie, who was eager to run away. But after just a few moments, the dog averted its eyes and fled.
“Hey, stop right there!” A voice suddenly called out. It was KAITO.
The cat also wanted to escape again, but KAITO was quicker. He gently stopped it up and took it carefully in his arms. The plush sobbed quietly, tears streaming down its face. The dog, on the other hand, appeared to be stomping away angrily, but there was sadness in its eyes, which it tried desperately to hide.
KAITO stepped up to Nene and Emu, who had been quietly watching the whole thing. He stroked the cat's head reassuringly and then smiled weakly at the two of them.
“Hello you two... The two misunderstood each other.” He sighed exhaustedly, he must have been chasing after them for some time now. “They handle it differently... but in some ways the same.”
He glanced briefly at the two plushies, then heaved again. ''The dog plushie overheard something and misunderstood. And now the cat is thinking its own story. Both are hurt. Both are afraid to talk to each other. I'm trying to show them that it would actually be quite simple..." He bit his lip for a second. "But they don't risk it. They're afraid of each other and of what they feel."
Suddenly the cat plushie jumped from KAITO'S arms and fled into one direction, the dog in the other.
“I'm sorry, I would like to chat longer, but I need to get them before they do something...” And off he went.
Emu and Nene just stared at each other, their brains almost working as if connected. And suddenly it hit Nene what they talked about yesterday.
“I get it... I get what Tsukasa misunderstood!” She felt stupid for only realizing now, Rui's reaction made so much more sense now.
“And now Rui-kun thinks...” Emu caught on.
When suddenly everything made sense, they just exchanged a look and smiled. Without a word, they both knew exactly what to do.
---
The rehearsal on the Wonder Stage was anything but normal. Rui and Tsukasa hardly spoke to each other, and when they did, it was only the bare minimum. Rui couldn't even manage to look him in the eye, and Tsukasa just looked hurt.
When they usually argued, they were full of fire. Both stubbornly held on to their opinions, both desperate to settle things with words and passion.
But now? The usually loud troupe leader was silent. And the smart director didn't say anything either. There was an eerie silence between them.
“Let's go over this scene again, Emu-kun will you please say your lines to... say your lines in your own way and not as the character?” Rui couldn't even say his name, this was bad. Emu and Nene had to act fast.
“Acually, how about we take a short break.” Nene suggested and Tsukasa looked like he was more than grateful for the suggestion.
"Alright then! We'll continue in 15 minutes!" Announced the troupe leader leaving the group to read over his lines alone. Rui turned his attention to a small robot adjusting its posture a bit.
Now it was time to start their plan.
When Nene saw that Emu was keeping Tsukasa busy, it was her job to grab Rui.
“Could you please help me get some props?”
Of course Rui agreed and they both made their way to the storage room of the stage. The walk was silent, Nene really hoped the plan would work because seeing her friends like that really hurt.
The room was rather small, so it was really packed. Nene asked Rui, if he could get her the box from one of the storage units, he didn't notice Nene leaving the room.
As he was stretching to get the job done he suddenly heard Emu's voice getting closer.
“Yeah, just one second Tsukasa-kun!”
Rui froze in mid-motion as footsteps entered the room. But with Emu and Nene in the room, he could still handle Tsukasa. He had to calm down.
“What-” Tsukasa began, but before he could even continue talking, the door slammed behind him and the lock was turned.
Behind the locked door, they could only hear Emu and Nene.
“We won't let you out until you've finally spoken to each other!” Emu stated.
Rui just held the box uselessly in his hands as they both could hear the girls steps getting away. Tsukasa began to rattle at the door.
“Hey! What are you doing, let us out!” He yelled.
“It's useless...” Rui slowly slid down the wall, the box slipped from his fingers and landed on the floor with a thud. He didn't look at Tsukasa. He couldn't.
“...”
Tsukasa had been holding back. But why, really?
Now Rui was there, right in front of him, and he felt he couldn't keep it to himself any longer.
He turned to him and simply said the first thing that came to his mind.
“I never thought you'd be like this, Rui.”
The words hit as if they were a sting. Rui winced as he heard Tsukasa say his name with such disappointment. Guilt welled up inside him as he knew exactly what Tsukasa meant.
“I'm sorry, I know it's wrong... You must think I'm disgusting now.”
“What?” Tsukasa looked confused and frowned.
“You must think I'm disgusting.” Rui repeated, but he still didn't look at him. His hands cramped into the fabric of his pants.
"Disgusting? No... I'm just sad that you think that about me."
Now it was Rui who looked up in surprise.
“Sad?” He repeated incredulously.
Not disgusted?
“Of course!” Tsukasa replied sharply. "I thought... Maybe I shouldn't be so angry about it, but damn it, I am! And I just don't understand... why you... we've known each other for so long, Rui!"
Rui dropped his gaze back to the floor, his shoulders slumped heavily as he sighed softly.
"That just makes it worse, doesn't it? You must be disappointed in me... that I see you like this..."
He pressed his lips together. He wasn't usually this emotional, he was used to being abandoned. Why did it hurt so much more now?
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll try to stop... really... but... please..." He finally looked at Tsukasa again. His eyes were shining.
“Please... don't leave me, Tsukasa-kun.”
Tsukasa didn't understand what he was trying to say.
"Leave you? You said I was just your actor!"
Rui blinked. His breath hitched.
A fleeting look of utter confusion flitted across his face and then realization struck Rui like a bolt of lightning.
Oh.
His eyes searched for Tsukasa. Rui looked at him like he was watching everything fall apart before his eyes.
“I...” His voice was barely a whisper. “I said I wasn't sure if you...”
He couldn't say anything, he didn't dare say one more word.
And then, finally, Tsukasa's eyes widened. You could see the moment it clicked .
All the unspoken things. The uncertainty. Rui's strange hints. The way he sometimes looked away so quickly when Tsukasa looked at him....
Oh my god.
“Did you...” He swallowed. “Did you mean...?”
Silence.
“I... I'm sorry.” Was all he could say. “I didn't mean to drag you into something like this.” His hands clasped together.
“I thought if I just kept it to myself, then...it would go away.” He laughed softly, it wasn't real. "But that was stupid. Because the more I kept quiet, the worse it all felt."
Rui's breathing was shallow, progressively more overwhelming.
“I really loved what we had on stage.” Rui voiced quietly. "The days at school. When we met up with the others... when you walked me home."
He looked to the side for a moment and took a deep breath.
"I felt safe with you. And... I was jealous. So much. Of everyone who was allowed to be close to you without hiding."
His voice trembled.
"I didn't want to lose that. I didn't want to lose you." He gestured with his arms between them. “That's why I just told myself it was okay if I just kept it to myself... If I just felt it in secret.”
Tsukasa could only listen and stare, Rui was revealing so much he was compelled to listen to every single word.
"That I see you like this. More than just... more than just a colleague. More than just a friend."
He closed his eyes briefly, as if it would hurt less if he didn't have to look.
"I... I wrote a play in my head, just for the two of us. In which you are my brightest star. My hero. The one who really sees me."
He pressed his hand against his chest.
"I never wanted you to be part of it. Because you're too good to be part of something so tainted. But I couldn't help it. I just couldn't... stop loving you."
It was dead silent for a moment.
Tsukasa stood there, frozen.
“I don't want to lose you, Tsukasa-kun... I just... I just thought you'd hate me if you knew.”
Rui suddenly looked so small and so insecure.
"I ruined our work, didn't I? I ruined it..." His gaze finally lifted, very carefully.
“...”
He had suspected it. No, hoped. Somewhere. Deep inside himself.
“Rui...” Hesitantly, he held out his hand. “Please get up.”
To his surprise, Rui actually grabbed it, his fingers trembling slightly, letting him pull him to his feet.
Tsukasa did not let go of his hand. On the contrary. He took Rui's other one too and held them both tightly.
Rui looked exhausted. He was sad. Far too sad.
It hurt Tsukasa deeply to hear him talk about himself like that and to see how much he despised himself.
Now it was his turn for a speech.
“This whole thing between us is just a big misunderstanding.” Tsukasa felt Rui's hands tense up a little and he wanted to look away, but Tsukasa gently stroked his hand with his thumb to calm him down.
“Not like you think!” Rui looked into his eyes again, even though they were still hesitant. “It wasn't my right to eavesdrop on you, and I'm sorry, but I've been worried about you for a long time.”
It made sense now, but when it happened in front of him he couldn't put the pieces together.
“Actually, I was supposed to invite you once more to my place last night to talk about it...” The little smile he got out of Rui made this whole conversation already worth it.
“But what I actually want to say is...” Tsukasa took a deep breath to prepare himself for his next words.
“Kamishiro Rui!” He ended up a little louder again, but in his next words he calmed down again. "The first time I saw you, you already had me under your spell! Your eyes, your way of thinking, your whole being, everything about you drew me in!"
“I didn't want to admit it at first, but the closer I got to you, the clearer it became...” He smiled so brightly it almost dazzled Rui. “I've fallen in love with you!”
Tsukasa squeezed Rui's hands a little as his eyes widened like he couldn't believe it and went on. “Hearing you call yourself disgusting...” He swallowed. "That hurts. It really breaks my heart."
"You're not disgusting, Rui. Not one bit. You're... you. And that's enough. More than that! It's perfect. Just the way you are!" A small smile twitched across Tsukasa's face. “And if you still want that, I'd be more than happy to make the script you wrote in your head a reality, because I love you.”
At first he didn't get any reaction out of Rui, but like all the words were suddenly reaching him slowly but surely, his eyes suddenly glazed over and a slight tremble could be felt in his hands.
"Are... are you serious? Are you sure?" Rui pressed his lips together.
Tsukasa didn't answer for now, he let go of Rui's hands and stepped closer to him to press his forehead against the directors.
“I'm more than sure, Rui.”
And that was what broke the dam in Rui. He wasn't someone who could just cry in front of others, Tsukasa knew that too, so a small part of him was really proud that Rui felt so protected to reveal all his feelings to him.
All the sleepless nights, the constant feeling of being wrong, it burst out of Rui with no moderation. The disgust in himself, the guilt of tarnishing Tsukasa's light, of ruining what they had....
Tsukasa shifted his position and wrapped his arms around Rui instead, hugging him as the director pressed his head against his shoulder.
Rui felt like a flaw in a perfect picture, a crack in the gloss. He thought he had no chance. He thought he didn't deserve his place at his side. He thought he had to get away from Tsukasa before he pulled him down with him.
But he stayed. His embrace felt firm and secure. His eyes were full of warmth. No withdrawal. Tsukasa made him feel like Rui was someone to love despite everything.
It took a little bit, but after Rui calmed down he lifted his head, he looked at Tsukasa, and he got the most understanding look he ever got.
“Do you feel better?” Tsukasa smiled a bit, wiping off the smudged eyeliner with his thumb a bit.
“Yes, thank you.” Rui tried to smile back as best as he could. “I feel like a stone has fallen from my heart... even if part of me can't believe it.” The director finally admitted.
"Then I'll remind you every day until you have no choice but to believe it! I'll spoil you till you're sick of me!" Tsukasa laughed loudly, he missed talking so casually with Rui, even if it was only a day.
“I don't think I'll ever get sick of you, Tsukasa-kun.” That little, honest smile Tsukasa got in return was everything to him.
“I never gave you a proper answer, now that I think about it... I can't promise my words will be as grand as yours, though.” Rui chuckled but Tsukasa was quick to counter him. “It's your words, everything you say is bliss to me!” Rui chuckled at his silly remark.
“Then listen to me carefully before I change my mind.” Rui took a deep breath. "I'm not very good at this sort of thing. Not when it comes to my feelings."
Tsukasa smiled softly, but said nothing to give him the spotlight.
"You've bathed my life in light I didn't realize I was missing. I used to think I didn't need any more closeness... warmth. I told myself I was okay alone, I didn't need anyone. But with you by my side, everything was suddenly brighter. Radiant."
A short, uncertain chuckle came out of Rui. “I know I'm talking in metaphors, but it's the only way I can express what you mean to me.”
Tsukasa stared at him, and Rui could literally see him shaking inside, looking like he was going to explode with joy at any moment. But he said nothing, giving Rui time to say whatever he desired.
"You're messing with my heart. Not like a storm, but like a play that makes me cry in the center of the finale." Rui averted his eyes for a moment, then looked back again, more determined this time. “I love you, Tsukasa-kun.”
There was silence for a moment. Without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around Rui again and held him tightly. So firmly that Rui almost laughed.
“Say that again.” Mumbled Tsukasa. “Say it again, just for me.”
Rui smiled and closed his eyes, hugging him back.
“I love you.”
Tsukasa quickly released the embrace and looked deeply into Rui's eyes.
“Can I kiss you?”
Rui faltered. His eyes widened for a moment, not because the question was unexpected, but because it was so direct.
Everything inside him tightened, fear, hope, everything at once. But then, very slowly, an honest smile formed on his lips and he nodded.
“Go ahead.”
Tsukasa cautiously stepped closer. His hands found their way to Rui's hips, not firmly, just enough for Rui to feel him.
Rui, on the other side, placed his hands on Tsukasa's shoulders, clutching them lightly. Their nervousness hung in the air.
Then Tsukasa leaned in.
The kiss was careful, it was the first time for both of them. It was so gentle that it hardly seemed real. After a moment, they broke away and just looked at each other.
There was so much that was unsaid in Rui's gaze. So many words that had never found their way out.
Then Tsukasa leaned forward again. The second kiss was longer. Deeper. And Rui simply let it be. He liked the feeling. He could just let himself fall into this moment, which was so quiet and yet changed everything.
When they separated again, they stood there in silence.
But suddenly there was the soft click of the door lock, so real and loud in the calmness between them that it almost startled them. They quickly broke away from each other and stared intently towards the sound.
The door opened and Emu and Nene stepped inside.
Rui and Tsukasa remained there, hand in hand,
The pair looked at the two of them, they didn't have to say anything, Emu and Nene knew what they were showing them.
It was gratitude. Words would only have made it smaller.
Emu immediately beamed. "Yaaaay! You did it!!!" She immediately turned to Nene. “Then we can rehearse the big scene with the light change now!!!” Nene just looked at her, then at Tsukasa and lastly at Rui, and her gaze was soft, almost relieved.
“I'm happy for you guys.” She murmured with a smile before following Emu.
As both were already talking about props and stepped out of the room, Rui wanted to follow them, he was already coming up with countless ideas to improve the scene!
But then, a quick tug on his arm.
Tsukasa turned Rui towards him and looked at him with an expression that said everything he couldn't yet put into words. Then he leaned forward and kissed him again, very briefly.
“Do you want to sleep over tonight?” He asked softly. “Just like I planned yesterday...”
Rui didn't hesitate for a second and nodded. “Of course, Tsukasa-kun.”
They exchanged one last look that said more than words and finally followed the girls.