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Chapter Text

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus

Peter: Hey. I heard you’re handling some pretty bad guys today.

Perry: You heard correctly.  I was covering a shift today, and it escalated a bit. I finished a little while ago.

Peter: I haven’t heard any details. What happened?

Perry: Well, it definitely wasn’t the best mission I’ve ever had. I was dealing with Aloyse von Roddenstein.

Peter: Who?

Perry: Dr. D calls him Rodney.

Peter: Oh, him. I’ve heard a bit about him.

Perry: Good. He managed to team up with three other evil scientists and convince them to head off to Rapid City with him.

Peter: Rapid City?

Perry: It’s in South Dakota. It’s pretty close to Mount Rushmore.

Peter: You know, I’ve never been to Mount Rushmore.

Perry: My family went there for Candace’s birthday. Don’t ask me why. It’s definitely not her thing. Anyway, do you want to guess what today’s scheme was?

Peter: Were they trying to recarve Mount Rushmore into a monument to themselves?

Perry: Bingo. I don’t know why they’re doing this in February. It’s freezing out there, Peter.

Peter: I bet. Are you somewhere warm now?

Perry: I suppose. I’m inside at least. I haven’t been able to start driving back yet, though.

Peter: Why not?

Perry: A snowstorm started up towards the end of the fight. It’s a bad one, too. There’s fifty miles per hour winds, and it’s not showing any signs of letting up.

Peter: That’s too bad. Will you be able to get back tonight?

Perry: At this point, probably not. I didn’t tell Ferb I wasn’t helping Dr. D today, but I’m going to have to let him know what happened or he’ll be worried.

Peter: I’m surprised you haven’t done that yet. He’s getting out of school soon.

Perry: I was hoping something would change, and I’d be able to get home after all. Although, I suppose I could try to drive back anyway. 

Peter: You want to drive through a bad snowstorm in a tiny flying vehicle after a day spent fighting four villains at once? That sounds like a categorically horrible idea.

Perry: You don’t know that. It could work out all right.

Peter: How are you going to keep yourself from freezing to death?

Perry: I’ve got a coat. It’s not that crazy of an idea.

Peter: Yes it is. Did the cold do something to your decision making abilities?

Perry: Look, I know it’s more risky than would normally be acceptable, but I need to get back, Peter.

Peter: Why? Just stay put for the night. Tomorrow is Saturday. Dr. D won’t be teaching. Monogram can’t blame you for the weather, and even if he does, that’s no reason to risk your own health. There’s no rush.

Perry: Yes there is.

Peter: Why?

Perry: There just is.

Peter: That’s not an answer. What aren’t you telling me?

Peter: Perry?

Peter: Can you at least tell me if you’re seriously going to do this? Because there’s no way I’m going to be okay with that.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Ferb Fletcher

Peter: Has Perry contacted you recently?

Ferb: No. Should he have? 

Peter: Probably.

Ferb: Is everything all right? I only just got back from school. I assumed Perry was just helping Dr. D with something for a tick.

Peter: That’s a perfectly logical train of thought, Ferb, and I wish that was the case. Unfortunately, Perry wasn’t at school today. He had a different mission, and now he’s in South Dakota.

Ferb: Where in South Dakota?

Peter: I think he’s still near Mount Rushmore.

Ferb: Oh. According to my phone, there’s quite a large snowstorm in the area. It looks as though it’s only getting worse.

Peter: Wonderful. That’s just what we need. 

Ferb: Was that sarcasm?

Peter: Yeah. Ferb, I have a genuine question for you. Do you think Perry will listen to you more than he will to me?

Ferb: I suppose it would depend. If he wanted to know how to fight someone, I’d imagine he’d put more stock in your opinion, but if he wanted to know about something mechanical, he’d want my input.

Peter: I was thinking more about which one of us would be better at convincing him not to do something dangerous.

Ferb: I’m not sure. Is this relevant to him being in South Dakota?

Peter: Yeah. Do you want to try helping? He’s stopped responding to me, but I know he wouldn’t ignore you if you messaged him. 

Ferb: I suppose. What dangerous thing is he planning to do?

Peter: He wants to try driving to Danville tonight. Our vehicles are well built, but they’re not going to be able to withstand a blizzard. Besides, they don’t have much in the way of protection from the cold.

Ferb: Oh. Do you think this has something to do with the fact that we’re celebrating my birthday tonight?

Peter: It’s your birthday?

Ferb: Technically, my actual birthday won’t come for another three years, but since it’s the 28th, we’re celebrating that I’m just about a year older.

Peter: Well, isn’t this just perfect? Your platypus is a self-sacrificing idiot. 

Ferb: Peter?

Peter: Sorry. That wasn’t helpful. Happy birthday, kiddo. Nine, right?

Ferb: Yes. Should we figure out what to do about Perry?

Peter: Yes. He’ll just do anything for you guys, no matter the consequences. How did he convince himself this was something he needed to feel guilty about?

Ferb: I wouldn’t be upset with him. I understand.

Peter: I know that. Perry should know that too.

Ferb: I’ll remind him.

Peter: Good. Thanks, Ferb.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Ferb Fletcher

Ferb: Perry, you really shouldn’t be flying in a blizzard.

Perry: What did Peter tell you?

Ferb: Most likely, exactly what you think he did.

Perry: Okay. You don’t have to worry. I’m staying put until the storm gets better. 

Ferb: Good. Peter was worried.

Perry: I know. I really considered leaving, but eventually, I had to admit I’d never make it a mile in this weather.

Ferb: I’m glad.

Perry: I’m sorry about everything, kiddo.

Ferb: Perry, it’s okay. I don’t mind if you miss my birthday party. 

Perry: I miss so much already, Ferb. I’m not even on a mission right now; I should be with you. 

Ferb: No, you should be taking care of yourself. I don’t want you to get hurt. That would be a very bad birthday present.

Perry: I know. I’m staying safe, I promise.

Ferb: Then I’ll see you once it’s safe for you to come back.

Perry: Yeah, all right. Happy birthday, Ferb.

Ferb: Thank you. Maybe you should tell Peter he can stop worrying.

Perry: Okay.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus

Perry: I’m not trying to drive back.

Peter: The fact that this is a sentence that needed to be said is terrifying, Perry.

Perry: Why?

Peter: Because in no way did the situation justify even considering putting yourself in that much danger. I care about you, buddy. I don’t want to have to wonder whether you’re going to get yourself killed over something like this.

Perry: I’m sorry. If it helps, I’m fully aware of how bad it would be to try to go outside in this weather.

Peter: I should hope so! 

Peter: Perry?

Perry: Sorry. I got lost in my thoughts.

Peter: That’s all right. Seriously, though, Ferb’s not upset about this. He completely understands why you can’t be there.

Perry: He shouldn’t have to understand. I should be a good pet who’s actually there .

Peter: Buddy, you’re an amazing pet. If anybody says anything different, they’re lying to you.

Peter: Perry, if anything in particular is bothering you, you can tell me what it is.

Peter: It’s hard to convince you of things when you don’t respond to my arguments.

Perry: Sorry. I just completely zoned out. I think I’m a lot more tired than I realized earlier.

Peter: What, you thought you’d be perfectly alert after fighting a gang of evil scientists?

Perry: I’m a very highly ranked agent, Peter. I can handle a bit of a challenge.

Peter: That doesn't make it any less exhausting, and we both know it.

Perry: I’m getting why you were so worried about me earlier.

Peter: Well, that’s something at least. Where are you anyway? You said you were out of the cold but other than that, I have no information.

Perry: I’m in the visitor’s center. Technically, it’s closed because of the weather, but I didn’t have much trouble getting in.

Peter: Good. I’m glad you’re somewhere safe.

Perry: Yep. I’m safe.

Peter: Perry, do you want to fall asleep right now?

Perry: Maybe.

Peter: You should do that then. Let me know before you go anywhere.

Chapter Text

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Ferb Fletcher

Ferb: I just checked the weather. You’re going to be stuck for a while longer, aren’t you?

Perry: You’d know more than me. I’ve only been awake for a few minutes. Does it really look that bad?

Ferb: Yes. The winds are still very high, and it’s much too cold out for a platypus.

Perry: All right. I’ll trust you on that.

Ferb: Thank you. Do you have anything to do where you are?

Perry: I can read a lot about the history of Mount Rushmore, I suppose.

Ferb: Did you know that the sculptor behind Mount Rushmore had ties to the KKK?

Perry: I did not. That’s horrible.

Ferb: I only learned it recently myself. It’s debated whether he was actually a member or not. He did attend meetings and communicate politely with its leaders.

Perry: Well, that’s certainly food for thought.

Ferb: Indeed.

Perry: At any rate, there are definitely places I’d rather be than a national monument’s visitor’s center, especially one with a racist history.

Ferb: Unfortunately, you don’t have much of a choice.

Perry: I know.

Ferb: What did Dr. D do without you yesterday?

Perry: Actually, I’m not sure. I know he suggested drilling to the center of the Earth with the kids. I shot that down immediately.

Ferb: That sounds wise.

Perry: Maybe I should check up on how things went.

Ferb: I’ll let you do that.

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz

Perry: Hey, Dr. D. How did class go yesterday?

Dr. D: It was good. At least, as good as it could have been after you made me scrap my lesson about the earth’s layers.

Perry: I don’t think anyone would have enjoyed that lesson if it went wrong.

Dr. D: Oh, come on! I was just going to get the class into a modified school bus that could drive down to the Earth’s core. There was only a small chance of suffocation and/or dying of heat.

Perry: Right. To be clear, I would not like that lesson to ever occur.

Dr. D: What about when you’re back?

Perry: Absolutely not.

Dr. D: Fine. You’re so annoying sometimes.

Perry: I’ll take that over having to deal with Monogram after one of your classes goes wrong.

Dr. D: Is he really that bad?

Perry: It’s my job to make things go smoothly. If they don’t, that’s my fault.

Dr. D: He’s such a jerk! Why would it be your fault if something I made went wrong?

Perry: It is my daily mission now. He has some justification for expecting me to be able to keep things under control. Besides, you wouldn’t want anyone to actually get hurt, right?

Dr. D: Of course not!

Perry: There you go. What did you end up doing for class?

Dr. D: Well, Roger was saying he wanted to come in to talk to the high school students about civic duty and voting stuff. At the time, I told him that sounded like the most boring thing in the world, but since I didn’t have anything else planned, it was better than nothing.

Perry: That actually sounds like a great idea. Why would Roger come to a science class for that, though?

Dr. D: Well, apparently, the social studies classes claim not to have time for it. They’re too busy teaching about how the government works to explain how the kids fit into the democratic process. It sounds a little backwards to me.

Perry: It does. Really, though, it worked out well for you.

Dr. D: I suppose. What was your mission for anyway? 

Perry: I had to fight Rodney.

Dr. D: That guy? I hate him!

Perry: I know. I do too. He’s a pain to fight. He doesn’t really care about the well-being of O.W.C.A. agents, so it can get pretty dangerous.

Dr. D: Sheesh. How did that go?

Perry: Well, I defeated him and his friends, so that’s good. The problem is that I’m now stuck in South Dakota because of a blizzard.

Dr. D: Oh no! Are you going to be back for class on Monday?

Perry: Yes. I’m not staying here that long.

Dr. D: What if the weather stays bad?

Perry: I don’t know. I’m just going to hope that it doesn’t.

Dr. D: Okay. Well, stay safe. Good luck getting back to Danville, Perry the Platypus!

Perry: Thanks. I have a feeling I’ll need it.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus

Perry: I am now leaving the visitor’s center.

Peter: What?

Perry: You told me to tell you when I was leaving.

Peter: No, I got that, but why are you going outside? Aren’t conditions still very bad?

Perry: Rodnry cane bak

Peter: Rodney came back? Is it safe for you to be fighting him right now?

Perry: howepfuly

Perry: sory cld

Peter: No part of this is reassuring to me, Perry. 

Peter: If it’s too cold for you to type, doesn’t that mean this is a very bad idea?

Peter: Perry, you’re legitimately scaring me.

Peter: You’re right. Why would you ever prioritize your own health above your job? Ludicrous. 

Peter: Message me as soon as you either finish with Rodney or decide to actually be smart about this and go inside.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Ferb Fletcher

Ferb: Have you heard anything from Perry recently?

Peter: He told me the evil scientist he was fighting came back.

Ferb: What was the evil scientist doing?

Peter: I think he wants to deface Mount Rushmore. The point is that Perry is now outside, and I’m a bit concerned about his well-being.

Ferb: I’m not sure if Mount Rushmore is worth getting hypothermia for.

Peter: Even if it isn’t, Perry’s dedication to his job is too strong to consider willingly giving up on a mission. Unfortunately.

Ferb: Should I do something to help?

Peter: No. I can’t think of anything at the moment. Hopefully, Perry messages me soon, and we can stop worrying.

Chapter Text

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda, Stacy Hirano, and Ferb Fletcher

Stacy: Hey, guys? Do any of you know what Perry’s been doing today?

Peter: He was in South Dakota fighting bad guys in a blizzard. Why?

Stacy: Okay, the blizzard definitely checks out. I just found him outside.

Ferb: Outside where?

Stacy: His little car had landed outside your guys’ fence. I took him into my house so nobody would see.

Peter: What state is he in?

Stacy: He’s not conscious, and he feels really cold. I don’t know how he got here, honestly.

Peter: He probably set his car on auto-pilot once he’d finished his mission.

Ferb: Can I come see him?

Stacy: I think so. I don’t know what to do with him, though. He definitely doesn’t seem in a healthy state right now.

Peter: Can you get him medical attention?

Stacy: I suppose I could take him to the vet, but what am I supposed to say to them?

Ferb: Isn’t your mother a doctor?

Stacy: She specializes in ears, nose, and throat, Ferb.

Ferb: She should still be able to perform first aid of the kind we need, though.

Stacy: Oh, you’re right. I’ll get her help.

Peter: Good. Keep me updated please.

Ferb: We will, Peter.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Stacy Hirano

Stacy: Okay, the good news is that my mom says Perry will be fine. He’s still pretty out of it, but I think he’s just sleeping normally now.

Peter: That’s great, Stace. Is there bad news?

Stacy: My mom’s concerned about how Ferb’s pet platypus managed to get hypothermia. Danville’s not super cold right now, and she’s looked up how platypuses can handle pretty cold water temperatures. I think she’s kind of suspicious.

Peter: Okay. I’ll have to think about how to deal with that.

Stacy: Maybe Ferb will have ideas. I’ll ask him later. Phineas came over too, and they’re currently just sitting and staring at Perry.

Peter: How upset are they?

Stacy: They understand that he’ll be fine. They’re just being attentive, I think.

Peter: Fair enough.

Stacy: I’m going to have to go. Candace is hanging out with me, and I don’t want her to get suspicious too. 

Peter: Is she there for Perry or just to hang out with you?

Stacy: I think it’s for Perry. She keeps coming up with excuses for going to check on him. Not that she’d admit it. 

Peter: That’s sweet. All right. I’ll think about how to handle your mom.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus

Perry: Peter?

Peter: You’re awake! How are you feeling?

Perry: Foggy.

Peter: I think that’s normal. 

Perry: Ferb told me stuff.

Peter: All right. Do you remember much of what you did before going back to Danville?

Perry: What?

Peter: You were fighting Rodney. Do you remember that at all?

Perry: Maybe. I can’t do thinking right.

Peter: Don’t push it. Just rest.

Perry: Rest. Okay.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Ferb Fletcher

Peter: You might want to keep an eye on Perry if he’s still awake. He’s not thinking clearly, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he forgot about his cover.

Ferb: All right. We took him back home and left him in our room so he could get some rest. I’ll go up there and make sure he’s okay.

Peter: Great. What does Stacy’s mom think about everything now?

Ferb: I suggested Perry became trapped in a walk-in freezer, and she didn’t say anything more about it.

Peter: I hate to suggest it, but is it possible she just dropped it because you’re a kid who made a funny child-like guess?

Ferb: Stacy backed me up. She said Perry liked wandering around in freezers. I’m not sure why Dr. Hirano believed that, but I think she did.

Peter: To be fair, that’s probably easier to accept than the truth would be.

Ferb: Perhaps.

Peter: I do wonder about the image of a platypus who’s just decided they want to spend time in uncomfortably cold environments. What kind of horrible life has that platypus gone through? Anyway, what about Phineas and Candace? Are they curious about this at all?

Ferb: They tend to let strange occurrences go fairly easily. At least, Phineas does. Candace becomes annoyed but has long given up on ever figuring out all the weirdness that goes on in this town.

Peter: Cool. How was your birthday, by the way?

Ferb: It was all right. Phineas made an over-the-top celebration that disappeared just when Mum came with the cake. Our friends were there, and we had fun.

Peter: I’m glad.

Ferb: My age is a perfect square now.

Peter: Is that good?

Ferb: It’s a fact.

Peter: Fair enough.

Ferb: I’ll go see if I can do anything for Perry now.

Peter: Awesome plan.

Direct Messages between Peter the Panda and Perry the Platypus

Perry: I don’t think I like hypothermia.

Peter: Really? That’s a shocker.

Perry: It’s not like I thought it would be fun. It’s just really frustrating. I have these weird scraps of memory about what happened, I’m so sore, and Ferb keeps making me drink water.

Peter: You’re probably dehydrated.

Perry: I know I am, but that doesn’t make it fun!

Peter: Well, maybe next time you can remember how this feels and make choices accordingly.

Perry: What?

Peter: I don’t know if you realize this, but if you don’t make stupidly risky decisions, the chances of getting hurt significantly decrease.

Peter: Perry?

Peter: Are you still there?

Perry: Yes.

Peter: Is one of your host family there?

Perry: No.

Peter: Then what’s going on?

Perry: Why are you being so mean?

Peter: Buddy?

Peter: I’m not trying to be mean, I swear. I’ve just been really worried about you, and I wish you could be more careful with yourself. I’m not angry at you. I’m stressed out about the situation in general and think that you should be more careful in the future.

Peter: Are you okay?

Perry: I don’t know.

Peter: I really am sorry.

Perry: I think I’m being a lot more sensitive than normal right now.

Peter: That might be at least partially down to the dehydration.

Perry: Maybe.

Peter: Also, you’re not feeling great, which can’t help. Yeah, I should have approached this differently. Do you want to try messaging a bit more? I’ll be more gentle.

Perry: I think I’d like that.

Peter: Okay. I am sorry you’re not feeling well. I didn’t make that clear enough before.

Perry: That’s okay. I’m sorry I made you worried.

Peter: You just need to be more careful with yourself, yeah? You have a lot of people who care about you and who don’t want you to get hurt.

Perry: I know.

Peter: Is there anything else bothering you right now?

Perry: I think I ruined Ferb’s birthday.

Peter: No, you didn’t. He’s concerned about you, but he did tell me he had a good birthday.

Perry: Are you sure?

Peter: Positive. You didn’t ruin anything. I mean, I’m sure he would have preferred it if you had been there, but he still had a lot of fun.

Perry: Okay.

Peter: Are you agreeing because you actually believe me or because you want to stop talking about it?

Perry: I don’t know. I believe that Ferb’s not upset.

Peter: But you’re still blaming yourself?

Perry: A little.

Peter: Well, stop doing that. It’s completely pointless, right? Everyone who knows you knows that you will always try your best to be there. Feeling guilty when you can’t isn’t going to change anything about the situation.

Perry: It’s not a light switch, Peter. I can’t just turn it off.

Peter: Can you at least work on being more gentle with yourself? In every way? Don’t go running off into snowstorms just because of a mission, and don’t beat yourself up for things outside of your control.

Perry: I’ll try.

Peter: Good. 

Perry: I think the boys are finishing up dinner. They’ll come upstairs soon.

Peter: And then you’ll have to go?

Perry: Yeah. I’m kind of glad Linda made them go downstairs for a bit. For some reason Ferb wouldn’t leave before that, and of course, Phineas stuck with him.

Peter: I did tell Ferb to keep an eye on you.

Perry: Why? I’m not helpless.

Peter: You weren’t thinking clearly, and I didn’t want your cover to be blown. I didn’t know what else to do.

Perry: Fine. Thanks.

Peter: No problem.

Perry: Okay, I do actually need to go now.

Peter: Sure. Feel better soon, Perry.

Chapter Text

Direct Messages between Stacy Hirano and Ferb Fletcher

Stacy: Is Perry feeling okay now?

Ferb: Yes. He’s much better.

Stacy: Good. I was scared for a little while there.

Ferb: Well, your mother is a very good doctor.

Stacy: Yeah. She is.

Ferb: Did she seem convinced by our explanation for Perry’s condition?

Stacy: I think so. She’s pretty open about not knowing much about platypuses, so I think she’s okay with not fully understanding how one would manage to get that cold.

Ferb: Good.

Stacy: Do you think Perry would mind if I messaged him?

Ferb: Not at all. I think he’d like that.

Stacy: Coolness! I didn’t want to bother him if he was resting.

Ferb: Don’t worry. He’s mostly back to his old, normal self.

Stacy: Awesome. See ya, Ferb!

Direct Messages between Perry the Platypus and Stacy Hirano

Stacy: Hey, Perry. Ferb said you were feeling better.

Perry: I really am. Thanks for your help earlier. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.

Stacy: Don’t worry about it. What are friends for if not bringing you inside to protect your secret agent cover and treat your hypothermia?

Perry: I can think of several other reasons.

Stacy: Good, because if that was the only reason to be friends with someone, everyone would be a lot lonelier.

Perry: I think that it’s implied that in that scenario, loneliness wouldn’t be an issue. It’s a reason to be friends with someone.

Stacy: I guess. Hey, while we’re talking, I’ve been meaning to ask you about something. Do you know why I got a giant box of Flawless Girl makeup in the mail a few days ago?

Perry: Blanca Dishon got arrested for some shady business dealings recently, and because she’s so tied to the brand, it went out of business really quickly. They were selling things at a ridiculous discount.

Stacy: I heard that. It doesn’t explain this, though. They sold out so fast! By the time Candace and I heard about it, everything was already gone.

Perry: I’ve worked with the agent who got the evidence against her, and she told me about it at a meeting. She happened to know when things were going on sale, so she helped me get a bunch of stuff. I snuck some to Candace, and sent the rest to you. I thought I remembered you liking it.

Stacy: I do like it! You’re the best, Perry! Thank you so much!

Perry: Don’t worry about it. Think of it as a thank you gift for helping me out so much.

Stacy: I’d do it anyway, you know.

Perry: I do. You’re a good friend, and I wanted to do something nice for you.

Stacy: Well, this is really nice. Thanks!

Perry: No problem. What are you up to today?

Stacy: Candace wants me to come see what the boys are doing and help her bust them, so I guess I’m coming over to your house.

Perry: All right. The kids are making a sort of Rube Goldberg style machine that bakes cake, so you might want to check that out before it disappears.

Stacy: That’s awesome! I’ll do that. See you in a minute!

Perry: See you.