Chapter Text
He unsaddled Merlin when he arrived home. In part because he couldn't believe he was considering what Isaac had suggested, and if he should need the horse before he did it, he was hoping that needing to resaddle him would provide him with even more time to think about whether or not it was truly a good idea.
Belle. She was his guiding light, his partner in all things, she had been since the day they met, even when he hadn't known it. He was going to need to be careful about how he discussed this with her. He was going to have to leave out a few details in order to spare her from the terrible knowledge he couldn't get out of his mind. But it was worth it. Her opinion was worth it.
When he arrived back at the house, Belle was sitting with the crib at her feet, some tea on the table beside her as she gazed down at their son. At least…he thought he was their son. He hoped…
"What's wrong?" Belle inquired immediately. He must have looked worried and panicked for her to have picked up on it so quickly.
With a hard swallow, he grabbed a chair for himself as he so often did when they needed to have a talk between the two of them. For now, he was grateful infant ears had no concept of sensical words, though he was aware that doing things this way would be more difficult as Neal got older and more curious.
If…
If Neal got older. Oh, he hated this burden.
"I've just learned of a threat to our realm," he answered, sitting down in the chair beside her. "If left unchecked, it'll destroy all that we've built together…all our happiness."
She took the heavily modified news just about as well as he figured that she would. Though he could see the panic and horror at such an idea settle into her face first, she quickly shook it off, looking at him like the hero she knew he was, the hero he wanted to be.
"But you're the Light One," she scoffed. "Whatever this force is, you'll overcome it." She had confidence in him, in his abilities. He knew that before she ever opened her mouth. What he wouldn't give to go back to being sure of that fact. To be as confident as she was.
"It's more complicated than that," he explained, knowing that he was getting to the part where he was going to have to be careful with how he discussed things with her. The possibilities Isaac presented him with were tearing him up inside; he couldn't bear to have her look at him with even the smallest tint of deception or uncertainty.
"Eliminating this threat means I have to make a difficult choice. And if I make the wrong one-"
"But you won't!" she exclaimed, leaning forward and placing her hand over his own. "You never do. You're a hero, Rumple."
"Yeah, but what if I'm not?"
He hadn't meant to give voice to the words in his head, to doubt his heroism in the face of his potential villainy. But it was a fact that sometimes, when he looked into her eyes, he struggled not to tell her everything on his mind. He needed to be more careful.
Now he stared at her, at his beloved wife, wondering what she'd taken away from that comment, what she would assume he'd meant. Her gaze softened, it went pitiful for a moment, then she rolled her eyes and shifted in her seat to grab another teacup on the table behind her. He could smell it from a mile away—it was his favorite brew. She was always thoughtful like that.
"Here, things never seem quite as bleak after a cup of tea…"
He smiled as she handed him the cup. Those were his words, not hers. Just after he'd rescued her, he'd returned one day to find her in tears because she'd burned the soup she'd made for their dinner. He found it hysterical that it mattered that much, but the tears in her eyes had told him that it had meant something to her, something he hadn't understood yet because he couldn't see how deeply rooted the title of "caretaker" ran in her veins. He hadn't really known what to do then, only remembered that when he was upset over things that seemed big, his aunts had always prepared him a cup of his favorite tea and recited those very words. "Things never seem quite as bleak after a cup of tea." So, in that moment, he'd sat her down on the couch, made her a cup of tea, served it with those words, and smiled when the corners of her mouth turned up and she proclaimed he was right.
He took the cup from her with a smile. His aunts were right then, they were right now. A brief cup of tea with the woman he loved did have a tendency to make things better. It had a tendency to-
His stomach lurched as he shifted in his seat with the tea and felt himself lose his grip on it, sending it to the floor with the unmistakable clatter of broken porcelain.
"Oh, Belle, I'm so sorry!" he muttered as he reached down to pick up the pieces and examine the damage he'd done.
"It's all right," she assured him, looking over the pieces in his hands. "It's fine! See, it's just chipped! We can fix it."
A chip in the cup…was that all that this was bound to be for him? Could it be? The right answer was the wrong answer. To preserve his life, his happiness, the happiness of all the realm…could he remove one life to save the rest? It would be shameful, a chink in his armor, a chip in the cup. Was it really something that could be easily fixed or ignored and not cause harm to the story unfolding before him?
"I'm not so sure it's as simple as that…"
Again, he hadn't meant to say those words out loud! And yet they'd come out. As he'd sat there with his thoughts and his wife considering doing the worst, most villainous thing of his life, at least as far as he could remember, they simply popped out! And Belle had heard.
"Rumple…what's going on?" she questioned, leaning forward and taking his hand again. "Tell me. Talk to me. You can always talk to me."
"I know that, it's just…"
Perhaps this was a mistake. He didn't keep secrets from his wife for good reason, but this was too much for any one person to handle, too much for him to handle.
A chip in the cup, a chink in his armor…that look in her eyes…perhaps she'd already given him the answer that he needed. He couldn't imagine a world where they didn't have this, where he didn't have her or Neal, where she didn't look at him as a hero. It was an awful thing that Isaac was asking of him to preserve this life. But it wasn't just for him. What about her? What about the people?! If he had truly been one of the worst villains of all, then wasn't it better for everyone if he was the hero? He glanced at the clock. There was a wedding today for Robin Hood, which was the wedding he was told he couldn't allow Regina to stop. Perhaps taking time to think about it like this had been the true problem.
"I'm afraid someone is in trouble. Now."
"Now?" she balked, looking at him in shock. Excusing himself for immediate danger wasn't unheard of, but it was a little suspicious, he knew. Besides that fact, he'd promised they'd have the evening together, but…wasn't that what this was all for? An evening together? If he could stop Regina from stopping the wedding, then wouldn't he be able to simply return here quickly so that they could have the evening they wanted together? Have the life they'd built?!
The right thing to do was the wrong thing. It was awful, and terrible…but it was for the greater good.
"I don't want to disappoint you. We had such a wonderful evening planned, and I know we've looked forward to it-"
She leaned forward and kissed him before he could say anything else. She kissed him with understanding as well as passion because he knew that she understood; she always did.
"You could never disappoint me," she promised when she broke their kiss. "Go! We'll be here when you return."
Even with less than half the details, she always understood. That was what he wanted out of life. This. Every day for the rest of his life, he wanted it. With her. And their child. If he did this, then he'd never have to think about the possibility of what he might have been or who he might become ever again. They deserved that.
"How was I ever so lucky as to have ended up with such a wonderful wife?"
She beamed at the words he hadn't meant to say aloud. "I'm the lucky one," she whispered before leaning in and kissing him once more. "Go! Be a hero, my Rumpelstiltskin."
"I'll be back later!" he assured her as he got up and went to the door for his sword. "And then we're going to be together. Always, we'll be together."
"I know," she stated with perfect confidence as he strapped the piece of metal to him and left to do what needed to be done. He would protect this life, this realm, no matter what the cost to himself. It was the right thing to do.