Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Every self-respecting dragon must fill their cave with treasures and kidnap their own princess. So decreed the fairy tales and legends. This rule was eternal and unrelenting. This was what all worthy dragons aspired to.

Wei Wuxian was a worthy dragon and respected himself greatly.

His cave was already filled with treasures, no matter what his younger brother said. Scrolls were knowledge, and knowledge was treasure! Only one thing remained…

Wei Wuxian was already twenty years old. He was a grown, brave, and intelligent dragon. He came to the conclusion that it was time to find himself a princess.

Humans had many kingdoms, which was a plus. But not every one would suit Wei Wuxian—that was a minus. He wasn’t some starving mutt that would leap at the first drumstick in sight. So, he had to search. The princess had to be virtuous, beautiful, pure as white snow, kind, brave, and absolutely beloved by all.

Jiang Cheng said he would never find such a woman until the end of time. Wei Wuxian thought it over, shrugged, and only grew more determined in his pursuit. He would accept nothing but the best!

***

Lan Wangji was playing the guqin when the insolent dragon kidnapped him. The shameless reptile knocked him unconscious and carried him off to its mountain. To his own shame, he never even understood how it happened. However, when he woke up, he saw a black, scaly snout looming over him and felt a long claw flipping him back and forth on the ground, which was strewn with… scrolls?

The dragon rumbled something, and its eyes burned with a strange red flame.

Lan Wangji clenched his fist, trying not to make any sudden movements.

So, he had been kidnapped. The sword wasn't there, and neither was Guqin. He could have tried to attack the dragon with his spiritual power, but he knew it was useless.

Why was he abducted at all? Don't... don't dragons just kidnap princesses? 

There was no way it could have mistaken Lan Wangji for a princess. That was impossible. Look at him—where was he, and where was a princess? Even by physique alone, it was clear he was a powerful man in his prime. Right?

***

In his defense, Wei Wuxian could say he had never seen humans before. Dragons could take human form, but they rarely did. And also… dragons could change their sex, so they didn’t really have strict divisions between genders. Often, young dragons simply didn’t understand the differences between women and men…

So—yes. Wei Wuxian had indeed mistaken Lan Wangji for a princess…

But who could blame him?! Had they even seen this man?! The moment Wei Wuxian saw him, he immediately thought: "My princess!" Who else could possess such grace, beauty, and the aura of a celestial being if not a princess?! This was definitely the one—his ideal princess! "Choke on your words, Jiang Cheng!" Fate favored Wei Wuxian.

***

"While the princess was coming to her senses, Wei Wuxian sighed adoringly over her, occasionally flipping her over to assess her figure. The figure was stunning. One hundred points out of ten. Wei Wuxian approves. Astonishing that other dragons hadn't stolen her... To miss such a treasure! Surely the knights from her kingdom had already raised the alarm and begun preparing a rescue operation. Soon his mountain would become very lively...

Wei Wuxian poked the princess again with his claw, sighed, and suddenly realized he didn't want to give her back to the knights - not even for a sea of scrolls and books.

'My princess...' the dragon purred and decided to keep her forever."

Chapter Text

When Jiang Cheng found out that his brother had returned to his mountain, he immediately sensed something was wrong. That curious idiot never did anything the way normal dragons would. Honestly, keeping an eye on a dozen baby dragons was far easier than keeping an eye on a single Wei Wuxian—only their elder sister was capable of that.

Well… Jiang Cheng wasn’t wrong. Something like this was to be expected. Because. This. Was. Damn. Wei. Wuxian. Of course, he couldn’t just kidnap a princess and demand a decent ransom.

Jiang Cheng looked at his brother like he was an idiot and hissed through gritted teeth:

"Are you stupid?"

Those big, expressive black eyes filled with cosmic levels of offense.

"The hell did you roll a man in spices for?! Planning to eat him?!"

Wei Wuxian snorted softly and replied in a lecturing tone:

"The book says every self-respecting dragon must find a nice-smelling princess. My princess is already the best, but I like the scent of spices. So, to strengthen our bond and make it perfect, I took this step. Do you think she’ll like it?"

What kind of nonsense was he spouting?! Jiang Cheng was ready to tear his hair out, but wait...

"Princess?" the purple dragon asked skeptically. "This? Her? Why is she so… kinda ugly? And all red? And why is she shaking?!"

"You're ugly yourself!"

Wei Wuxian shot his brother an offended look, his eyes practically screaming, "My princess is the prettiest!" Then he turned his gaze to Lan Wangji and rumbled excitedly:

"Oh! Maybe she’s waking up?"

Jiang Cheng poked the princess with his claw in disgust, flipping her onto her other side, then asked uncertainly:

"Don’t you think she’s dying? Is it normal for humans to be so… y’know… like this? Hand me that book of yours."

Wei Wuxian tossed him the book and leaned closer to his princess.

She wasn’t ugly at all! She was actually very pretty, no matter what Cheng-Cheng said.

Jiang Cheng, however, read the title of the guide—"Humans: Their Properties and Proper Care"—turned even purpler, and roared furiously:

"Idiot! This is a cookbook! It’s about cooking humans, not 'strengthening your bond'! Humans can’t handle dragonfire! If you so much as bathe her in your flames, you’ll end up with a stinky kebab! She’s already kinda ugly, she’ll get even uglier!"

"Hah? How do you know what she’ll look like after my fire? I’ll be gentle!"

Jiang Cheng groaned loudly, smacked his brother upside the head, and snarled:

"You know what? Do whatever you want! But don’t come crying to me later!"

With that, he turned his back on his brother and flew off proudly.

Wei Wuxian stood for a moment, looked at the blushing princess, who was twitching strangely, and decided not to take any chances. So what if she didn’t smell like spices? He'll love her just like this!

***

Lan Wangji glared venomously with his golden eyes at the nasty dragon who seemed intent on eating him and bitterly regretted not attacking him back in that cave when he had the chance. But who knew that as soon as he woke up, he’d be knocked out again?! And now, he was writhing from the damn pepper he’d been smeared with, struggling just to breathe. But he couldn’t! Everything burned, inside and out.

That is, until another dragon flew in, roared something, and then Lan Wangji was tossed into the river…

What did this dragon even want from him?!

Lan Wangji decided there was no point waiting for fate to take its course and resolutely lunged at the dragon. If he was going to die, he’d die with dignity.

***

Wei Wuxian lay on his belly, sighing and casting curious glances at his princess. She was doing some weird dance and trying to pet him.

Were all humans this funny? Should he try dancing too?

Wei Wuxian imagined how that would look and concluded it was a fantastic idea! But… what if he accidentally squished his princess? It's better to save it for another time.

Wei Wuxian wagged his tail in approval of her dance and exhaled a tiny flame in encouragement.

"Scoundrel…" Lan Wangji gasped, diving underwater to avoid the dragonfire. If only he had his sword!