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Chapter Text

He woke up. Just like every day. If only the recent days have been normal. He was used to the routine. Being woken up by Sebastian at some ungodly hour depending on schedule then drinking the morning tea and being told the breakfast options. After the meal he would proceed to do his chores and act as the head of the house of Phantomhive. In the afternoon his butler usually insisted to take care of the young master’s education. He didn’t hate that, maybe except from the dancing classes. Ciel knew this was also his duty and always declining the invitations to the balls wasn’t polite at all so he didn’t complain. He didn’t complain about many things in his life, always thinking about how to come out on top in every situation, calculating every outcome. He always knew he has to take matters in his own hands. He wasn’t scared anymore, just thinking about his main goal usually made him feel better.

But now, everything he knew was gone. There was something utterly wrong with his schedule right now. It wasn’t because of the change in said plan it was more about its foundations. His everyday activities did not change. He did. He couldn’t eat or drink anymore. His reflexes became faster. His learning skills improved too. He didn’t have to revise, the informations just stucked in his head. Many people would be happy about those things but Ciel couldn’t come to terms with them. Life couldn’t just become easier. There was always a catch somewhere. Those disadvantages came later. He was haunted by more and more nightmares. That’s because he felt alienated like never before . He couldn’t help but keep a distance from most of the people, even those who were once close to him. Elizabeth did not come that much these days, his servants who always behaved cheerfully and greeted him upon the every occasion became more quiet. They probably felt something about their young master is different.

His head was a mess these days. This was probably his body changing into something new but also known. There was something growing, spreading its roots all over his body just like a disease. But what is a difference between being a demon and some kind of epidemic? Both lead to something terrible. Good thing he was never afraid of this kind of things. It didn’t change his plans for the foreseeable future. He did not plan to hunt and eat souls for his own pleasure, even putting a target on one never came to his mind. Maybe except from the souls of those who hurt his family. That way he would not get his eyes off the goal. He thought to himself wheater to leave them be and only make sure they go to hell or to just consume them and make them disappear from existence. The boy could always ask Sebastian. He came from hell so he should know which fate would be worse. Sebastian. This was the person who surprised him lately.

“Young master, your morning tea. Today’s the ceylon tea from the Royal Doulton” said his butler pretending to serve him freshly brewed tea leaves.

They played this game ever since that day. This was all about pretending that everything was just as right as before. Sebastian then proceeded to tell him what was to be done that day. Ciel switched off and didn’t really listen to what the servant was saying. He didn’t feel like it today. If he could he would stay in bed. He was thinking about leaving the manor and vanishing anyway. There was no use in keeping up the good name of Phantomhive anymore that way. Ciel was surprised of how much his ideals changed after the incident. He didn’t think the thought such as this would come to his mind before that. He was once very attached to his legacy as the head of the house. That reminded him why was he doing all those things. Sure, he enjoyed the work too. Dealing with the cases that Scotland Yard couldn’t was verry fun. Especially when he and his butler showed up for the first time or solved the case in the end. The looks on their faces were priceless. The young Earl could not help but laugh at Randall’s helplessness. If he left London he wouldn’t do this anymore. His life before wasn’t happy but now it just became harder to admire small things. Ciel realized it’s harder when there are fewer people around.

He couldn’t help but think. Why? Why this demon still tried to keep the old order. Was he just as used to this as Ciel? He was a demon. Just like him now. Sebastian shouldn’t be even here anymore. He couldn’t take his soul. It must have made him really angry to even look at Ciel knowing that in the end he doesn’t get anything from the contract they agreed on years ago. Ciel was surprised that the demon hasn’t left yet. He could go on his merry way and come back every hundred years or so. Maybe he was still bound by the contract, but it didn’t stop him from leaving Ciel during the fire of London. He had to come back on his own, without no one watching over him. He learned very important lesson back then. The contract was a very powerful tool, but he should know how to fully rely on himself. The Earl was still overthinking how it was possible for the demon to leave his master in that situation. The current behavior made him suspicious about his butler’s actions. Mabye he was going behind him and was working out how to get his soul in the end? A few months ago, Ciel would do anything to interfere with his plans just to make the demon angry and annoyed. Now he didn’t care anymore. He was not that concerned about opposing his plans. Ciel did not want to wish him well, he knew he was nothing but another soul, but he didn’t really have anyone to rely on these days. In the end, he knew that if Sebastian was still here, he had further plans and keeping him alive was in his main interest. The boy could live like that. He would sometimes imagine that Sebastian cared about him. For some time, he was the only adult figure in Ciel’s life, so it was only natural for him to grow attached to that feeling. Sebastian taught him many things and always watched over him to not be socially awkard. He noticed that he had taken over many gestures and habits from his butler. They literally could read each other's mind just by looking. They shared some kind of connection. They disliked the same type of people. They both were more introverted and didn’t like to be interrupted. They hated when a person pretended to know everything but in reality, just tried to impress people. They respected hard work but also weren’t afraid to take shortcuts. The duo managed to outsmart many people. It was just as if Sebastian raised him. They were very often mistook for a father and a son. Sebastian looked like Ciel’s father as for the circumstances of the death of his parents were blurry, some people only knew there was just some kind of fire. They did not know that the only survivor was a little boy. After some time they stopped correcting people and just carried on with the investigation. There once was a situation when they had to work with a man who used to study with his father. He also did not know that Vincent was dead. They were trying to put together some information and Ciel expressed his opinion on the case. The older man then said “No wonder you take him to work Vincent. He’s a smart one!”. Ciel will always remember Sebastian’s answer.

“He is brilliant for sure. I believe whenever he puts his mind into something it will turn out amazing. I could never be more proud of my son.” He said it all with a soft smile and shining eyes as if he was saying those things from the bottom of his heart. He then ruffled his hair and the moment was gone but the warm feeling stayed. Ciel really felt like just a boy that time. All these emotions were useless at the end. It was just to keep the act. Then why Ciel wanted more of that affection. He managed without it for that long. What changed?

Sebastian announced, that there were no important matters scheduled for today and all young master had to do was paperwork. He also had violin classes before in the afternoon. Latest days were all like that. Blurred. He felt like there was nothing special about his life now. The continuous boredom tired him. Not just his body but also his mind. His body was no problem. He was a demon after all. He couldn’t get sick or anything. He treated it more like a shell. An empty one.

“Anything on your mind my Lord?” asked his butler as Ciel was probably behaving very strange staring straight ahead but not actually seeing anything for a long time.

“No.” he said shortly. There wasn’t anything else to add. Lately he just let his days pass. As there wasn’t anything else to do. No letters from the queen. It’s not like he would order anything else but to burn them. Tanaka took care of his duties as the director of the Funtom Company because of Ciel’s young age. He couldn’t do even that much.

There were no surprises that day. As expected. In the evening Ciel was finally left alone to do as he pleases. He still had to go to bed in two hours but that time was always a moment of silence just for him. He looked at the starry sky. He always felt a special connection with the stars. From the Earth they looked small and fragile as if they were nothing more than shiny objects that very famous, smart and rich people could name and then just leave, thinking there was nothing more to them. Some people found looking at them romantic. They took their loved ones out for a night to make the atmosphere treating them like nothing more than a background for their confessions. Regular people didn’t mind them at all. Thinking they didn’t need them in their ordinary lives. Did they know that sometimes when a star looses it’s power it turns into a black hole? An object that consumes everything around it. Even light couldn’t escape from them. Sebastian once told him that. Cie did not believe at first but then he remembered that the demon can not lie to him. How did he have that kind of knowledge in the first place was still a mistery.

It always seemed kind of weird. Just because one star didn’t have enough power and exploded shouldn’t make so much mess. It was just it’s fault that it didn’t have what it takes to survive. The same logic occurred to people. If one was too weak to live on, they shouldn’t make it everyone else’s problem. They should pass in silence.

Ciel sighted. All of this was weird. Even if he did not approve of the way stars worked, he still admired them. He always wanted to get closer. That would give him a quiet end. If one star decided to destroy itself, it could take him in the process. The boy would just vanish from the existence. That would be very easy. He wouldn’t have to plan anything. It would just happen. He always preferred easy solutions.

The boy decided to go out. Although he could not go to the garden. That could bring unnecessary attention. The manor had some kind of terrace on the top floor. That will do. He could go there unseen and unheard. He went out of his room closing the door quietly. He still was in his day outfit so he had to be careful so the heels of his shoes would not make any noise. The way there was covered in soft carpet so there was no problem. When he got to the entrance to the roof, he realized that the door was locked. Tanaka always said to do so because it often broke as a result of strong winds. That was no problem for Ciel. He was experienced in picking locks anyway. He opened it swiftly with the needle of his brooch. The night air was very refreshing. It didn’t make his thoughts go but at least worked as a cool compress for his tired head.

Walking all the way to the railing all he did was look up. The stars. They shined so bright in the dark sky. Just like his childhood before the death of his parents. They were very busy people, they weren’t perfect. Nobody in this world was or ever will. The last three years of his life felt like a void. The connection he had to the starry sky was so deep rotten that it sometimes hurt. He doesn’t think anyone could understand this. They brought simultaneously comfort and pain.

He put all of his body weight on the railing and suddenly looked down. There was nothing special there. The look above him was far more interesting but he felt like he suddenly did not belong in the sky. His existence no longer benefited this world. He was a dying star. Soon he would only make everyone around him the same. The staff already was silent. Sebastian repeated mostly the same phrases every day. All that just because Ciel was not able to handle his new form and the world around him. He did not want them to worry. He thought suddenly that it would be better if he stopped existing. He already died when he became a demon so there was no problem in ending it. He did not pity himself. He merely stated a fact, justified by a logical reasoning. Those thoughts weren’t new. He now just had a real opportunity to implement them. He did not have anything to live for a long time now. He also did not want to be a problem for anyone. They will move on. Sebastian will find a new master. He will be way happier. The demon must be starving now. Ciel was a little bit sad that he will find a new lord. He could admit that he thought for a few days, taht it will be him and Sebastian against the world forever, but that would be too cheerful scenario. Tanaka will take over The Funtom Company as stated in the will. It’s not like he was preparing himself for that moment. He did not want to cause more paperwork than it was needed in case of his death, so one day he wrote the document. Mey-Rin, Finny and Baldroy will also manage. Those tree will probably stick together weather they decide to stay in the manor or look for work somewhere else.

Ciel took a deep breath. One of his lasts, he thought. It was for the better. Maybe, just maybe he will reunite with his parents. What if they won’t like what their son has become? He will deal with this later. Wait. He won’t have to. Ciel will never see his parents. He does not have a soul. If he really dies, he will just disappear. That’s all. He could do that. He can’t overthink it forever. As a newborn demon he still has some human physical features. Maybe his asthma is gone but a fall from this terrace could still kill him. If he waited a few years that would be out of question.

He leaned forward. He wondered how much pain will he feel. How long will he fall. Tears started to fill his eyes. He undone his eyepatch. There was nothing he could hide before the cold claws of death. He crossed the barrier. He was already standing on the edge of the roof, a cold wind blowing at his face. Now there was nothing that would stop him from leaving this world. He reminded himself that every time he was in life and death situation Sebastian always was there to save him but now, he wasn’t in the eyesight. If he focused enough, he could probably sense the demonic aura. He hoped that Sebastian won’t appear this time. It would be a shame if someone saw him in this state of mind. Maybe the demon was there at his lowest, but this was something different. He knew deep down Sebastian wouldn’t approve of his actions. He didn’t know why. He just knew. He would stop him. Ciel didn’t know how long he stood at that roof. He did not know how much time he had before Sebastian comes to his bedroom to put the young master to sleep and find an empty room.

He looked at the stars again. Ciel decided that he wants to pass staring at them. He didn’t mind dying like that. He smiled as he started to let go of the rail. He suddenly felt as if he was flying but the invisible force dragged him down. He didn’t mind that. As long as he saw the sky above him everything was alright. He didn’t want to close his eyes. A singe tear escaped his eye.

“I died nothing more than I could ever been” he thought for himself.

Chapter Text

The pain never came. At least not physical. His insides hurt ever since he put a foot on that roof. He did not give much thought about how much pain hitting the ground would cause, but this couldn’t be it. The feeling reminded him of being held. As if the darkness above him reached to catch him and put somewhere safe. Somewhere where pain was nothing more than some kind of tale that parents tell their children goodnight.

He must be imagining things. He was sure that was just a wishful thinking. That the end took him in its arms providing peaceful death. A person like him did not deserve to pass away in such way. He did many awful things, and he did not regret them. People are cruel and if you are not strong enough, you might as well make place to someone else. If he was more forgiving, he wouldn’t survive that long. Of course, there exceptions. There was a police officer. Abberline. He was too good for his own sake, but he somehow managed to maintain his position among short-sighted and greedy people of Scotland Yard. He was standing out for sure, but he seemed not to mind numerous comments of his colleagues. He always tried to understand the situation from the victim’s perspective and never declined if a person tried to talk to him, even knowing that was completely useless for the case. He truly cared about those people. He was trying to make this world a better place. Look where it got him. He died thinking he had saved Ciel’s future, which he did not even have, leaving his loving fiancée. He felt bad for wasting a gift he got from that man, but there was nothing he could do as he was now.

Ciel really hoped the end would come fast. He must have closed his eyes along the way down and when he opened them, the world seemed to be covered in thick fog. The boy did not know what was happening. It took him a while to realize he did not die. He was alive and someone was in fact holding in their arms, hugging him close to the chest covered in very soft material. Even though his vision did not work very well he was able to recognize who interrupted his fall. The scent was very familiar and the clothes that person wore felt as if they were made of high-quality material. And of course, there was only one living being in this house that could move as fast as a shadow.

“What were you trying to do?” asked Sebastian. Even though his voice was calm his brows were furrowed, and face put in some form of helpless grimace.

“Don’t ask stupid questions. Why did you come here?” Ciel knew he was acting childish now but what other thing could he do than behaving as if he did not jump from the top floor. If he acted normal maybe Sebastian would ignore what happened and carry on with preparing young master to go to bed. Just as usual.

Sebastian did not meet his expectations. He looked shocked. As if his demon mind could not process what happened. He could not probably come to terms that his master tried taking his life. That could happen to everyone. As far as Ciel knew it was not that uncommon, a demon should know about this. His butler should be happy if the major inconvenience that stopped him from living decent life as a demon disappeared.

“You were not present in your bedroom, and I sensed you here. If I arrived any second later, we would not be having this conversation.”

“Maybe that would be for the better. If this ever happens in the future you are allowed not to bother yourself coming and trying to rescue me” he did manage to form a reasonable sentence, but he knew that will not last long. His body was shaking. The fact that Sebastian was still holding him just made things worse. He started to free himself from his servant still holding the boy for dear life.

“Excuse me, young master is this some kind of test?”

“No, Sebastian you are free to leave and never come back again. I do not care. Now can you please let me stand on my own. This is an order” demon loosened his hold a bit but did not release the boy. If he did not listen to his orders, what was he still doing at the manor? His transformation must have weakened their contract a bit. But even if that was the case why did Sebastian stay? It should not be a problem to go and don’t look back.

“I am not willing to leave my master in such state. Please, let me take you inside. It is no time to be outside without the right clothing at this hour. If you wish, I can make some hot chocolate. It may calm you down and then we can have a talk.”

“There is nothing to talk about! This situation is not worth overthinking or even mentioning in the future!”

“Judging from my perspective, it is something of great importance. If it was not, as you were saying, worth mentioning it would not make you want to end your life.”

“My life had ended when I became a demon! I know when to come off the scene. If I cannot take my revenge I should at least do something with my life.”

“Even if that means ending it? Excuse me my lord, but I do not agree with your methods.”

“Then should I try doing it in a different way next time?” the words ‘killing himself’ could not escape his throat. He was not like that. He was not seeking help or attention. He simply knew his borders. When he thought about a person that called themselves suicidal, he treated them as if that fact simply did not exist. Who never thought about ending their life? As far as he was concerned it was a common problem but many people who said it out loud seemed helpless and weak. He was not weak. He was not like that.

“You should not try doing anything like that ever again” he said in a tone that left no room for discussion. Ciel was used to Sebastian scolding him like this, so he never bothered to listen in situations like this. “I’m taking you to your room.”

“Can you just leave me alone?! There is nothing wrong with me!” the boy started to make his butler let him go more aggressively. He started to kick and hit the demon, but his hug was still firm.

“I never said that there was something wrong with you, young master” Sebastian raised his voice a bit. “I just want to have a chat with you, that’s all. You were very quiet ever since That Day. I thought you have to come to terms with the new situation, but I must have been very wrong. My apologies, I will pay more attention to your current behavior and take a different look on your situation.”

It all sounded more like a learnt by heart role than real words of comfort, but what else could a demon do? Ciel did not know what to think anymore. He wanted to go someplace that no one would ever find him, but at the same time he wished someone would look for him. Not because of some benefits but out of pure care. He felt torn apart.

It hurt. It hurts so bad. Why does it hurt so much? He deserved that pain. He thought. Why wouldn’t he?

Tears started to come out of his eyes. Why? He did not wish to cry. Crying was for the weak. Everything started to feel wrong. His hair was too long. His sleeves too tight. His skin was itching. But the touch was the worst. Why there were hands on him? Now he hysterically tried to make them go. Why were they holding him so tight?

Suddenly he found himself on the ground. Touching the wet grass. Why was everything so sticky? He started hyperventilating, he felt like something heavy was on his ribs. The boy started to scratch his chest, but the weight did not go. He felt he was not far from passing out. What was all this for? He could not blame anyone but himself. He could not even die without bringing attention to himself. Sebastian was probably disgusted and disappointed by the way he acted now. Ciel was really happy that tears that gathered in his eyes made it impossible to see this picture. He really was a useless brat after all. He did not look like a noble he was. If the afterlife did exist, his ancestors were probably looking down on him now. No head of house od Phantomhive should be seen in this state.

Ciel wished those emotions to go. All those irritating sensations. What were they for? If only his life ended right now. He would never have to look Sebastian in the eyes again. After this incident the demon would consider him weak and pathetic. Why did he care about his opinion anyway? In his mind it mattered more than Tanaka’s words. And he knew Tanaka for much longer time. Maybe because the old servant never gave the boy as much attention as Sebastian? But it was literally said in the contract that he has to take care of his master. Behing all those acts was nothing but only craving for his soul.

“...ster? Hey, my lord. Ciel, can you hear me? Please, do as I say” he heard his butler saying. Did his brain really just turn off? How long has he spoken to him? “Take a deep breath. Like this. Yes. You are doing very well.” He tried to follow his breathing pattern. He managed to do so after what seemed to be hours. His body was still shaking but at least the weight on his chest was gone.

The view in front of him started to clear. He saw Sebastian kneeling before him in wet grass. He hated getting his uniform damaged. Still, the demon somehow had a patient expression on his face. As if he could stay in this position as long as the boy needed to regain his calm. One look at his eyes and Ciel just knew, as always, that for now he can rely on his butler.

“May I take you to your bedroom now? It’s getting quite late” he said as his hand reached with the intention of lifting his master from the ground.

“Don’t touch me!” Ciel screamed unintentionally, as he withdrew. His back touched some bush. The leaves sticked to his hair. He tried to ignore that. It would be such a shame if he busted into tears again. “I mean, I can walk on my own” he said now in more steady voice, as he rose from the grass himself. His legs were shaky, and the exhaustion finally caught up on him, but it was nothing worse from the thought that someone’s hands would be on him. He just had to watch his steps very carefully.

Suddenly, out of the corner of his eye, he saw a movement. Sebastian took off his coat and, much slower than normally, gently put it on his master, minding not to lay a finger on him, knowing his every move is watched. They proceeded to walk, keeping a distance from each other. They did not talk. Sebastian seemed to give up on that. That’s good. He thought. Maybe this incident will be forgotten. When they came to the front door, Ciel took the last look at the stars. In the end, he was not parting with them. At least not today. He will be able to admire them for some more time.

They made their way to the bedroom. It was one of the hardest things in the young boy’s life. His muscles hurt, but he did not try to lay against a wall. He had enough of acting like helpless child today. As soon as he sat on the bed, still in the dirty clothes, Sebastian excused himself and said he will be right back. Taking advantage of the butler’s absence, he changed into the pijamas. He knew that today, having someone help change his clothes was out of question He did not do this himself for a long time. Was he really that dependent on his servant? He had to stop that, he did not need help with such things.

Just as he buttoned up his shirt, the doors opened. He expected Sebastian to come in sooner. He had to wait in front of that door for some time, using his supernatural hearing to know when his master was done. Ciel gave him a knowing look. The demon only smiled back. This is what he missed. Easy interactions, that meant nothing but also everything. They came more naturally when he was still a human. Now he felt like he had to learn everything from the beginning.

“I brought some hot chocolate. It’s still hot, so please be careful.”

The moment his fingers touched the cup, he realized how cold he was. Sebastian, as if he knew his thoughts, put a blanket around, still avoiding a physical contact. Even a thought of eating or drinking something made his stomach tighten. He did not know why his butler made a drink that he could not even taste, despite that just a smell of it brought a familiar feeling. He was very grateful for that but if he said anything, that would bring only trouble. He did not know how to show his emotions very well nor the demon knew how to react to them. He put the chocolate away and looked up on Sebastian, who seemed curious how this small gesture made his master feel. He must have really took to himself to pay more attention to the way he acted. He did not expect that turn of situation. His servant swore to never lie but the words did not mean that, he had to pretend to be concerned.

“Thank you” that should do. “You may leave now” as soon as his head touched the soft pillow he understood, that despite his tiredness he will not rest. He mentally prepared himself for a sleepless night. He turned his back to the door, where Sebastian standed.

“Shouldn’t I stay? I believe this was very hard day for you, young master.”

The demon did not get his answer. Ciel was just too exhausted to form one. He already realized that his butler had some kind of free will so he could do what he wanted with his time. If he chose to spend the night standing in the room, he had no strength to stop him. He heard a chair being moved closer to the bed. He opened his eyes. There was a huge window in front of him. Ciel felt as if many years passed since he was standing and looking at the same sky.

Chapter Text

The morning did not come fast. Even though he was not able to sleep for a most of the night, he kept his eyes closed. It was probably very immature, but he thought that if he acted to be asleep, it would be easier. He was good at pretending. It came to him almost naturally.

When he decided to open his eyes, after one of his short naps, his mind still seemed not to work properly yet. His head was heavy and he could sense his own sweat. He turned over to the other side and saw what he did not expect. For a bare moment there was his father sitting on the chair by the bed. He rested his cheek on the hand. His arm leaned on the armrest. His eyes closed. This must have been some kind of fever dream. His parents were long gone. He still wanted to reach out for a person in front of him. “Dad?” he nearly whispered.

Ciel blinked and the picture was gone. The shook cleared his view and awakened him properly. In the place previously occupied by his father, Sebastian was sitting. How could his brain mix up these two people? If he really spoke that one word out loud, that would wake up his butler for sure and leave them with the uncomfortable situation. How would Sebastian react to this? Would he let that pass or would he want to talk about it later? Or maybe he would laugh at the boy for saying such a stupid thing? Why was he even curious about it? He did not know, but it is not like he could get an answer anyway.

Ciel knew that demons could sleep but they do not do this frequently and even then, they stay alert. It was weird for him to be here. It drew his attention to the fact that Sebastian has been probably sitting here for the whole night, and he did not even manage to sense that. Was he that tired? And the most important question. Why was he even there? Did he feel the urge to babysit him after that night? It would only make things worse. He could not try anything similar to what happened at the roof. At least not now. Probably. It is not like he was specifically planning to do anything like that in the future, but the constant supervision made him very uncomfortable. It felt like being on a golden cage. Staying alive but with the cost of acting in a certain way. Just like at the theatre. Many actors, even though they do not like the role, play because they need money to live their lives. If that was the case, he would be provided everything, but his actions would be watched and judged. Every time he would make a mistake and show how bad he really feels inside, the cage will go smaller and smaller. In the end he will not be able to take any actions on his own. He will be locked in his room and watched carefully. Will Sebastian take advantage in situation like this? Find a way to take his soul? Was that really so important in the end? He realized that he does not care. How did it come to this? Him not caring about anything? That was highly unusual. He was shocked by his own thoughts. He must stop that, whatever this is, or at least make sure no one will notice anything strange.

Ciel put his hands on the face and tried not to scream. How could be that stupid? And why Sebastian was so... different? Yes, the demon changed through the years they spent together, but it was never so serious as it is now. Since That Day he seemed to walk on eggshells over his master. Doig anything to please him without directly talking or staying in the same room for too long. Now it will get only worse just because of the incident, as he named it in his mind. He can vaguely remember that his butler said something about changing the approach to the situation. He did not need a nanny. His childhood was a lost cause, and he proved many times that he can manage on his own if needed. Now, Ciel had two different imagines of his butler in mind. One, plotting behind his back to get what he wanted, but still taking care of his master because the contract was still too strong for him to leave. The second one was loyal and caring. This one stayed because he got used to the manor and mostly unsurprising routine of people around him. The first option was logically more accurate but deep down the boy hoped that Sebastian had grown quite fond of living among humas. He knew that the demon always found them interesting and tried to objectively understand the true nature emotions and relationships, but he wondered if it was enough to stay by his side that long. A cup standing on the bedside table caught his attention. The hot chocolate his butler made for him at night. It must have gone cold already. What a waste of perfectly good chocolate.

Making sure his servant forgot about the latest behavior of the Earl would be challenging, but there was no other option. If he ever found out how hopeless Ciel felt, things would only change for the worse. And considering that he was now immortal the outcome would be even more brutal. He could not take an eternity of being looked after like some child.

The boy tried to sit on the bed but when he put some weight on his arms, he felt they were already shaking. He was sure that even grabbing a piece of paper would be too challenging for now. He abandoned further attempts to get up and laid on his back. Stupid body. Maybe he was good in logical activity, but pure strength never was one of his strong points. Even as a demon he seemed very weak. Some things never change.

The sounds of his turning must have woken up the demon. For a second Ciel did not know weather to pretend to be asleep or try to raise himself from the bed again. The second option seemed more rational because Sebastian could easily figure out if his master is asleep. But there was a major obstacle. His arms were still unable to take his bodyweight. He knew that his legs were not any better. In the end he decided to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling, wondering weather the demon will say anything about the night. Some time passed and there was no sound from the right side of the bed where the butler sat. He turned his head and found out that the red eyes were staring at him with a glimpse of concern. It was only the eyes that spoke of any emotions, the rest of his face remained calm. For a moment, the demon did not seem to realize that the boy looked at him. After he became aware of the surroundings, he took his usual stance again.

“Good morning, Young Master” he said as if he could not figure out what else to do. Ciel never stroke his servant as someone who can ever be lost for words.

“Morning” no other answer seemed to fit.

They were caught in an uncomfortable silence, both trying to come up with something. Ciel looked around his room. The curtains only covered half of the view behind the window, so the raising sun made the place look warmer. Since he turned into a demon that feeling was not very common. Some of the last letters from the Queen still laid on the desk. He did not manage to put them away. He could see some dust gathering all over the countertop, a sign that this place was no longer used so often. He did not know why the letters stopped. Did the Queen know the true story? Did she think that he was no longer able to do his job in this state?

With a corner of his eye, he caught a movement. His butler kneeled on the side of the bed. He must have remembered that order about no touching. It calmed him down a bit. With his body still useless, he felt endangered. In this state he was hopeless and it remined him of the time when he was being held captive by that cult. He wondered if he will ever forget about that.

“I know you must be still shocked about the events of last night, so I suggest a relaxing warm bath. How does that sound?” he really did not forget about that.

“I am already fine, but it might be a good idea” he wanted to make this conversation as normal as possible.

“Then I will be back in a moment to take you to the bathroom”

“I can walk by myself. I am not disabled as far as I know. Just prepare the water, I can manage.”

He finally took a look at Sebastian who did not look pleased with the outcome but still nodded. He seemed to have something on his mind, but no other word was spoken. The moment his butler closed the door to the bathroom, he attempted to come out of the bed. It was more troubling than expected, he must have not regained his strength yet. He wondered how long state is going to take. He should look as presentable as usual soon. But why? The question formed in his mind. Why would he dress up? There was no one coming anyway. No one cared. But he had to prove them he was alright. He was not broken. He did not need mercy. When he finally sat on the edge of the bed his head started to hurt. It was probably a simple migraine from not sleeping enough. It has been bothering for the last few days, but he did not pay much attention to this. After he finally takes a bath it will get better. It gave him a purpose to finally stand on his own feet. The floor seemed very cold and the night clothes he was wearing were not enough to keep him warm. The leaves already started to fall. The winter was coming. It was only going to get colder.

Ciel knew that Sebastian finished preparing water and all the cosmetics. He heard almost every move if he concentrated hard enough. There was no sound coming from the next room but the demon was still present.

“You can leave now” the boy said as he walked to the closed door.

“Are you sure my Lord?” that question was followed with a confused look. He always helped with washing his hair.

“Yes”

He started undressing once the butler bowed and left the room. He had to be more independent from now on. His future was still unstable and he had to come out with a plan what to do with the time given to him. There was no use in lying the whole night in bed and taking a walks in the garden in daytime. He had to either at least try living now or end it already. Firstly, Sebastian should no longer be the constant part of the equation, he has to keep him away from some of his moves. He wanted to work for the Queen. Even if begging to return to his position did not feel very appealing he had to try it. The benefits coming with it were worth all the humiliation needed. Secondly, he should ask Tanaka for help. He had a lot of experience what could be useful, considering the actual state of The Funtom company. He also needed to come up with the ideas for new sweets or toys. The business did not flow since he came back from dealing with the Spider.

He sighted. This all because he was feeling off for some time. This had to stop. After he came out the bath he had to start behaving like his old self. If his plan would not go well he could always quit and this time Sebastian would not stop him. Sebastian was the whole different problem but for now he did not have enough strength to deal with it. His headache did not stop. The warm bath calmed him down a bit and eased the pain but it was still there.

After he used a towel to dry himself and dressed up, he looked at the mirror. He felt a shiver. He still did not get used to seeing one of his eyes red. He had to stay concentrated to keep it normal but Sebastian said that it will only get easier. He already improved but in times like this it was really hard to do anything. He blinked a few times and his eye was blue again. He covered the other with an eyepatch. Once he managed to tie it he checked if he looked acceptable for today. Ciel was once again was met with an image of his demon eye. Now he felt frustrated. Was he that exhausted? This time it took more strength to make it almost normal. It still had a weird red spark if he looked at light but it had to do for today.

Ciel was just about to leave the bathroom when he froze from the feeling he had not experienced in a while. He was hungry. It was not an usual hunger as he remembered. What was he even supposed to eat as a demon?