Chapter Text
scene: team movie night | title: “the war for peter’s love”
It starts innocent enough.
A classic movie night in the common room. Couches were covered with blankets, and the table was full of bowls of half eaten snacks.
Peter is curled up on one end of the couch, hoodie sleeves over his hands, a bowl of m&ms on his lap and way too much attention focused on his surroundings instead of the screen.
He notices that Steve is drawing a scene that had come up in the movie as Wanda levitates popcorn into Clint’s mouth with disturbingly accurate aim.
Tony is sitting just behind him on the armrest, one hand lazily ruffling his curls every few minutes.
And that’s when it begins.
Clint points at the screen.
“You know, I was the inspiration for that archer character in this movie.”
Bucky raises a brow.
“Really?”
Clint grins.
“Yep. They got my whole vibe.”
“Pretty sure his vibe is ‘doesn’t shower,’” Sam mutters.
“You wanna go, wings?”
“Anytime, arrow boy.”
Natasha sighs.
then looks at Peter.
“You could have done that stunt in under a minute without violence. You remember I taught you how to silently disarm six people in an elevator with a paperclip, right?.”
“I thought that was just a game!” Peter yelps.
“...Was it?” Nat smirks.
“Okay okay,” Sam says, pointing at Peter. “Hold on. I have a question that needs answering. Who’s your favorite avenger? Don’t think. Answer.”
A hush falls.
Tony smirks.
He knows.
He leans back smugly. Arms crossed. Already mentally composing a "Peter loves me the most" victory speech.
Peter owlishly blinks at them.
Then grins sheepishly.
“Um… Mr. Stark will always be my favorite superhero. Sorry guys.”
Tony fist-pumps the air and then pretends he didn't just do that.
“Boom. Trophy accepted. Tears accepted. Everyone, go cry in the corner.”
“Favoritism,” Clint mutters.
“Parental bonding,” Tony replies smugly.
“But,” Peter continues, holding up a finger. “Mr. Professor Bruce Banner sir, is my favorite scientist.”
The entire room halts like someone hit pause.
Tony slowly turns.
“...Excuse me?”
Bruce, who'd just entered with a mug of tea and a confused look, freezes.
“What did I miss?”
“Oh nothing,” Tony says, overly sweet. “Just my so-called favorite child pledging loyalty to you.”
Peter shrinks into Mr Stark's stolen hoodie a bit.
“Sorry Mr. Stark, but Mr. Professor Bruce Banner sir has seven PhDs. You have like… two. You’re five PhDs behind.”
Clint chokes on popcorn.
Steve snorts.
“Five PhDs behind. That’s a brutal ratio.”
Tony glares.
“Whose lab do you destroy twice a week, kid?”
“Yours,” Peter says cheerfully. “because it has more fun buttons.”
Natasha leans over.
“I have to say even I'm surprised you still choose Bruce. Bruce has quiet science. Tony has ‘accidentally built a murder bot again’ science. That seems more of Peter's style too.”
“One time,” Tony grumbles.
“Twice,” Steve corrects gently.
“Can we please just reacknowledge the seven PhDs?” Peter adds, starry-eyed, looking at Bruce like he's just invented gravity.
Bruce looks mildly horrified.
“I'm honoured, Pete, really but I also really don’t want to be in the middle of this.”
“It’s too late, Banner,” Tony snaps. “You’ve stolen my son.”
Wanda, giggling quietly, levitates a soda into Peter’s hand.
“You’re very loved, you know.”
“Yeah,” Peter says, sipping with a smile. “I’m like, the mission backup plus emotional support spider. Who knew Avengers needed therapy in the form of a sunshine teenager?”
Halfway through the movie, Peter has fallen asleep under two stolen Avengers hoodies.
Tony’s still beside him, mumbling about “lab loyalty traitor” while brushing his curls back.
Bruce leaves a sticky note on the fridge that reads:
I’m sorry for being more educated than you. Please don’t sabotage my microscope again.
Tony replies with:
ur face is a microscope. 🖕
Okay so maybe that was not a real insult.
But he's petty. He’s dramatic. He’s Tony Stark.
And yes, it is something he’d say when emotionally outmaneuvered by a teenager and a mild-mannered gamma scientist.