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Lukey and Pangi meet in Tubbo’s Tavern one night and immediately hit it off. They get absolutely hammered, Pangi brings him back to his place to hang out, they both fall asleep in his big ol’ bed- fully clothed, mind you, they aren’t that drunk
And then it’s noon the next day and Bad is breaking down Pangi’s door shouting about ‘royal duties’ and he sees them both curled up with each other in bed, peacefully asleep. And he SCREAMS, and Lukey wakes up, and Pangi wakes up, and Lukey looks at Bad, and Bad looks at him, and Lukey feels dread like he’s never felt before because. Oh, no, oh, no.
King Bad of the Green Kingdom drags him out of Prince Pangi’s bed and threatens to throw him off the balcony for the terrible crime of ruining his Pangi’s innocence. And Lukey is hungover, and Pangi is even MORE hungover, and, it turns out, Pangi had snuck out of the castle to drink his misery away Yet Again and he neglected to tell his new best friend that he’s, you know, the goddamn prince.
And what does our hungover and miserable Prince Pangi do upon watching his sort-of-dad try and kill his new best friend?
“Bad, no!” Pangi cries, big wet eyes glistening with tears. “I love him!”
Bad pauses in his murder attempt.
Lukey pauses in his escape attempt.
Pangi blinks his adorable big blue eyes and bats his eyelashes.
And Bad, of course, immediately drops Lukey, and a royal declaration goes out later that day:
“My darling Prince Pangi and his jezebel of a romantic partner shall be married in a month’s time!”
(And what does Lukey think about this? Well, he’s thinking that maybe he should’ve told Pangi that he’s actually an escaped convict who really shouldn’t have his name and face broadcasted to the entire world, but it’s too late for that now, isn’t it?)
Problems soon arise, such as…
Problem One: Pangi, allegedly, is straight
He’s very apologetic over the whole ‘marriage’ thing, but he also is like. “No, dude, we have to share a bed. We have to, just- we’ll put a pillow between us so nothing happens.”
And he’s like. “I might be marrying a man, but I’m still straight by the way. Sorry, Lukey.” (“Why are you apologizing for being straight??” “I don’t want you to get your hopes up.” “Uh, hello??? What???”)
And he gets super nervous when he and Lukey start having to do Couples Activities. Like, say, dancing with each other at a royal ball. Or doing (closely monitored) strolls together through the gardens. Or like… dinner.
(If Lukey didn’t know any better, he’d say that Pangi is flustered. But that would imply a crush, and Lukey… really doesn’t want to get his hopes up.)
(Because Lukey, unlike Pangi, is gay, and he doesn’t want to read too much into things and get executed by the king for making his precious Pangi uncomfortable.)
Problem two, three, and four come in the forms of Pangi’s… evil exes.
Lukey isn’t much of a fighter (as far as he remembers, anyway), but, suddenly, he’s constantly having to fend off attacks from not only Princess Zam from the Yellow Kingdom, but also the mythical snail himself- Derapchu the Yaoiphobic, and even the literal ghost of Pangi’s dead best friend Mocha.
And it’s like! How! Is Lukey supposed to fight off the LITERAL best warriors in the land when all he can do is maybe use a shield. Maybe.
And so the assassination attempts begin: Lukey will be in the Green Library reading up on local customs when he’ll have to duck for cover from Princess Zam and his Light Arrows. Lukey will be hanging out at the tavern with Tubbo when he’ll be getting kidnapped and thrown off a cliff by Derapchu. Lukey isn’t even safe in the castle; Mocha fades in through the walls and attempts to cut his head off during his mid-afternoon nap
And what does Pangi say to this?
“I’m sorry.” he frowns. “I didn’t think they’d care this much about me getting married. We’re just friends.”
And Lukey had to fight to keep himself from throwing himself off the balcony and ending his misery once and for all
Problem Five… is actually Lukey’s fault, and it’s the strange black-hooded wizard following him around with a little notebook and quill
See, Lukey’s childhood best friend turned out to actually be the Kingdom of Null’s lost prince, kidnapped as a baby and raised in the countryside by his kidnappers. But then there was a fire, and then he and Lukey moved to the capital city, and, eventually, the prince was rediscovered and brought back to the palace to learn how to be royalty
Unfortunately for the prince, Lukey is problematic. And, a few magical mishaps later, Lukey was on the run from the government missing 75% of his memories. He ended up hiding out in the Green Kingdom, where he met Pangi and got engaged, but-
But-
There’s the strange black-hooded figure following Lukey around in secret, and Lukey knows for a fact that only half of the Null’s wanted posters have his face on them; the other half, including the poster currently being used as kindling in Lukey and Pangi’s bedroom, depict the runaway Prince of Null
If Null wants its prince back, it’ll have to bring Lukey back, too, and that. Is NOT happening
So. Problem five: the Prince of Null, whose name Lukey has completely forgotten due to his own mistakes, and who doesn’t seem to know what to do about the upcoming royal wedding
Problem six: Lukey likes Pangi.
Like. He likes him
It was an accident, really. Lukey didn’t mean to like him, but then they were in the gardens together looking at the duck pond and Pangi was talking about how he’s never really actually had a friend stay alive around him for as long as Lukey already has, and then he turned around and stabbed an assassin sent by Problem Number Two and killed them without even blinking, and it was…
(Pangi pulls his knife from out of the assassin’s chest and twirls it in his hand, blood spattered across his fingers and his cheek.
Absently, Lukey reaches out and wipes the blood from his cheek with the end of his sleeve.
Face stony, Pangi tucks his knife away and kicks the body into the duck pond.
“I’m happy you’re still alive, Lukey,” he says. And he looks right at Lukey, puts a hand on his shoulder; his thumb curls slightly into the fabric of Lukey’s shirt. “Let’s keep it that way, yeah?”)
…it’s just… he’s…
(“Of course,” Lukey breathlessly says, the wind knocked out of him by the force of Pangi’s gaze.
Pangi smiles, then, eyes crinkling and nose scrunching like a rabbit’s.
“Love you, man,” he says- and that’s another punch to the gut right there. “Let’s go back inside before I get any more blood on my shoes.”
His nose wrinkles. “They’re new.”
“Of course,” Lukey manages to say, “I’m very worried about your shoes.”
“Exactly! I knew you’d get me. Come on.”
And he held Lukey’s hand the entire way inside, only letting go once they were back within the castle’s walls.)
…wow.
Problem Seven is barely even a problem, it’s just that. They get married.
Lukey has known Pangi for a month, and now they’re married. And that whole month went by in the blink of an eye: walks with Pangi, ‘royalty lessons’ with Bad, hiding from the mysterious hooded figure who may or may not be the Prince of Null. Falling in love with a man who won’t ever love Lukey back.
And Lukey is married.
The wedding was long and grandiose with lots of official ceremonies and traditions and whatever, Lukey was too busy trying not to pass out at the sight of King Bad holding a loaded crossbow the whole time. And then he and Pangi kissed, and Pangi looked vaguely sick afterwards, and Lukey just wanted to melt into the ground and die.
“We’re just friends,” Pangi had whispered during the final moments before the end of the ceremony.
“Husbands for tax benefits,” Lukey quietly agreed, already working out in his head a plan to fall out of love and back into like with his new husband
Because they’re married, and they’re husbands, and one day they’re going to rule the Green Kingdom together, but Lukey would just be happy to be Pangi’s friend. He is happy just being Pangi’s friend, and he doesn’t need anything more. (He just has to convince his heart of that.)
(But then there’s Problem A, and this one is actually Pangi’s problem:
Pangi’s heart skips a beat when he sees Lukey across the room at the wedding reception smiling and laughing at something Owen is saying, cheeks flushed red from wine and hair a mess from all the dancing he’s been doing.
Pangi’s stomach flutters hours later as he rolls over in bed and sees Lukey’s sleeping face glowing in the moonlight. His mouth is slightly open and his expression is relaxed for once, and his hand, splayed across his pillow next to his head, is just inches away from Pangi’s face.
Pangi dreams of kissing Lukey, but for real this time, and he wakes up feeling so empty afterwards, and…
Problem A: Pangi, contrary to popular belief, is 100%, absolutely, totally, and completely straight.)
Problem eight: Bad wants grandkids.
Bad wants 40 grandkids. Immediately.
“I don’t think? My biology? Allows for that?” Lukey tries telling him
Bad scoffs, “Not with that attitude. Now, get to work, Lukey!”
And so Lukey and Pangi get locked in their bedroom for their entire first week as husbands. Instead of… getting to work, they just sort of. Sit. And hang out. And talk.
Lukey finds out that Pangi can actually turn into a pangolin at will, but he doesn’t do it as much now that he’s, like, royalty and stuff. It’s embarrassing, everyone just calls him cute, but he is not cute. He’s powerful. And rich. And six feet tall and humble and a feminist
Pangi finds out that Lukey is wanted for alleged treason against the Kingdom of Null. He listens as Lukey spills his entire backstory- the village fire, the prince, his spells backfiring, the resulting amnesia. And he puts his hand over Lukey’s and says that he’ll make sure that nothing happens to him; who cares if he’s some kind of criminal? He’s still Pangi’s best friend
Soon after, the prince can occasionally be seen being carried around the castle by his husband, looking as cool and badass as a cute little pangolin can. And, soon enough, the prince consort can be seen showing off his magic for the first time by making his husband’s favorite flowers bloom a whole season early
(No grandchildren, though)
(Problem B:
Pangi finds himself smiling every time someone refers to Lukey as his husband.
Pangi finds himself with the sudden and inexplicable urge to draw his sword every time Lukey hangs out with Owen for an extended amount of time (say, ten minutes)
Pangi finds himself laughing more now that he has Lukey in his life than he did for as long as he can remember
Problem B: Lukey makes Pangi feel weird, and he doesn’t want to know why)
Problem Nine comes in the form of the disappearance of the mysterious hooded figure and the hiring of a new palace gardener named Newt
Lukey might not remember his best friend’s face or name, but he remembers his smile and the way he would always hold a watering can like it was his sword
Newt the Gardener hides behind rosebushes and trees and keeps to himself. Pangi likes to bully him, because he’s a bastard and Lukey hates him
(Newt the Gardener is taken by surprise one evening when he’s alone talking to the flowers. The royal family is supposed to be inside having dinner together, so he’s supposed to be alone
But then… footsteps. And someone kneeling on the grass next to him and staining his expensive clothes green
Newt doesn’t dare look up, he doesn’t think he could handle the lack of recognition in his eyes
But then he says, “I saw you at the wedding. I’m glad you were there, even if you weren’t in the front row”
He looks up out of shock and meets Lucas’ eyes; they’re both crying, but for different reasons
“You know,” Lucas laughs, “you’re taller than I thought you’d be”
And when they hug, it feels like coming home)
But Lukey… is glad to have an old friend around, even if it means dealing with the Kingdom of Null’s annoying ambassadors for the rest of his life
(Problem C:
Pangi wants to punch the stupid new gardener in his stupid idiot stupid face, fuuuuuck)
Problem ten is actually all Pangi’s fault, because why else would Lukey be in the castle’s infirmary if not because his stupid bastard husband fucking stabbed him by accident over the goddamn gardener???
(“Who is he, huh?” Pangi demands
They’re in the training grounds, Pangi trying to teach Lukey some basic footwork to go with the practice sword he’s started carrying around in case of ‘surprise attacks’
“He’s nobody!” Lukey huffs, ducking backwards and narrowly avoiding a stab to the chest. “We’re just- hey, stop! You’re actually going to-”
Pangi swings, emotions going wild and not knowing why. “You’re just what, Lukey?”
“Just friends! You’re taking this far too seriously, am I not allowed to have friends now?”
“Oh, please, I’m not stupid! I have eyes, you know.”
A thought strikes Lukey. “Wait, are you actually jea-”
And then a sword strikes Lukey, and he collapses to the ground in numb shock)
He’s fine, really, the practice swords aren’t very sharp, it’s just a lot of bruising and a broken rib
But Pangi has been by his bedside the whole time looking ten times more miserable than Lukey feels, accepting any future punishments he might get for skipping out on his duties without so much as a blink in Bad’s direction. He gets things for the doctors, plays nurse by helping Lukey walk to the bathroom and back and helping him sit up and even trying to help him eat and drink (that much, Lukey turned down with a firm smack to the hand)
Lukey is pissed beyond all belief, but Pangi took his threat of making him sleep on the royal sofa for a year with just a small little nod
In his pangolin form, Pangi snuggles up into Lukey’s side and presses his cold nose against Lukey’s shirt as if trying to kiss his bruises better.
“You’re still in trouble,” Lukey scolds him.
Pangi Pangolin just nods and closes his eyes for a nap that Lukey soon joins him in
Problem eleven is… it’s…
Lukey has been married to Pangi for almost three months now, and he’s still desperately, terribly, horrifyingly in love with him. And he doesn’t know how to stop because everything Pangi does just makes him fall even harder
Like:
They’re lounging under a tree. Lukey is reading, Pangi is eating grapes and throwing the seeds at Newt across the way; inexplicably, Lukey is laying with his head in Pangi’s lap, and, even more inexplicably, Pangi hasn’t told him to move
Lukey jokingly looks up at Pangi through his eyelashes. “Can I have one? Please?”
Pangi freezes momentarily before plucking a grape from its stem and popping it into Lukey’s mouth.
Lukey is too shocked to even chew
Pangi just keeps eating, pretending that nothing happened (even with his ears turning as red as they are)
It’s just. He’s so sweet, how can Lukey not be in love with him. Isn’t everybody?
(But it just hurts all the more when Pangi reminds the world that he’s straight)
(Problem D:
Pangi wakes up one morning, rolls over in bed, sees Lukey fast asleep with drool coming out of his mouth and his hair a complete wreck and his face red and imprinted with his pillow’s wrinkles, and he realizes that he might actually be in love with his own husband
Uh-oh)
Problem twelve is actually kind of ridiculous:
Pangi and Lukey wake up one morning to find themselves snuggled together for the first time, Lukey curled into a hamster-like ball and Pangi holding him from behind
They immediately scramble away from each other, but, that night, there’s a silent agreement to remove the pillow that’s been between them since day one
But…
“I am not being the little spoon, Lukey.”
“Well I’m not, either. I’m older.”
“So what? You’re smaller.”
“Okay, no, first off, and, second- Hey!!”
Lukey protests as Pangi tackles him onto the bed and lays on top of him; he smirks at Lukey’s struggling and tries to make himself even heavier
“Sure, I’ll let you be the big spoon,” he taunts. “When you can actually beat me in a fight.”
Lukey’s face goes red, but so the challenge is set
And it’s a challenge… that both of them know he has no chance of winning
(Problem E:
Okay, fuck you, Lukey, stop being such a damn hamster. So… uuuuugh, cute! How is Pangi supposed to be straight under these conditions!!)
Problem thirteen is that, as Crown Prince Pangi’s husband, Lukey is supposed to eventually rule the Green Kingdom with him one day. Unfortunately, Lukey was raised on a farm in a village in another kingdom, and he doesn’t know a Thing about being royalty
…But there is one thing that he can do that Pangi can’t, and it’s called goddamn diplomacy
So, naturally, he starts sitting in on Bad’s meetings with the royal council and with ambassadors and kings and queens and all sorts of important people. He’s introduced as Pangi’s husband at first, and then people slowly start recognizing him by name as ‘Sir Lukey’ despite his lack of official title
Pangi, of course, gets offended the first time he’s recognized as ‘Sir Lukey’s husband’. But, to Lukey’s surprise, he accepts it pretty quickly. Worse, he starts using Lukey’s new status as the future diplomatic leader of the kingdom to skip out on the more boring meetings because, well, he’ll take care of everything else
(“Don’t worry, honey,” Pangi tells him one afternoon after a skipped meeting, “when I’m king, all you’ll have to do is sit there and look pretty.”
Lukey scoffs, “As if. I’ll be the king, more like. The people love me, Pangi.”
“Of course they do, and so do I, but I’m the crown prince. I’ll be the king.”
“Oh, yeah? Then what does that make me?”
Pangi beams. “My trophy husband!”
He just laughs when Lukey starts trying to beat him up. Eventually the fight turns into an embrace that would be actually sweet if it didn’t include them both arguing tenderly under their breaths over who, exactly, in their relationship is the trophy husband)
(Problem F:
Pangi really wants to kiss Lukey. Like, on the lips and everything! But there are… obstacles.)
Problem fourteen:
Pangi is being really fucking weird, okay?
…Weirder than usual, anyway.
He keeps doing just… weird stuff. Like saying there’s something on Lukey’s mouth after a meal and leaning in and looking upset when Lukey uses a napkin. And saying that Hannah gave him some lip tint to try and asking if Lukey wants to try it too even though neither of them wear makeup. And opening an expensive wine, offering to let Lukey try some, and immediately pouring the full glass into his mouth- cheeks puffing out like a squirrel’s- and getting right into Lukey’s face, like? Hello?
Strangest of all, maybe, is when Pangi accidentally punches him in the face during one of their training sessions, splitting Lukey’s bottom lip wide open. And then, instead of doing anything normal, he fucking. Asks if Lukey wants him to kiss it better.
Honestly? Maybe Pangi is sick. Or under a curse, because why else would he be acting this way?
(Unless he’s… no, surely not…)
(Problem F-1:
The problem is goddamn Lukey.)
Problem fifteen is… well…
“Pangi,” Lukey says, “you can’t charge me for entering my own bedroom.”
Pangi, smug, shakes his head with a bratty, “Mm-mm.”
He smirks bastardly. “I’m not going to lie, Lukey, it’s my room. I’m the prince.”
Lukey is Not impressed. “And I’m your husband. It’s our room. That we share.”
Pangi is in front of the door with his arms crossed firmly across his chest. He’s already in his fancy silk night dress, of course, but he’s wearing Lukey’s goddamn slippers, the piece of-
“I’ve decided,” Pangi grandly says, “to start making you pay rent.”
Lukey narrows his eyes. “Technically, I’m royalty now. I don’t have to pay rent.”
“Yeah, well, you have to now.”
Pangi nods firmly. He also sticks his tongue out.
Interestingly, he’s blushing. Just a little, just slightly, just enough to make Lukey take a step back and calm down and actually analyze the situation.
Cautiously, Lukey asks, “How much do I owe the landlord?”
“Fuck the landlord,” Pangi quickly says, because the landlord is goddamn King Bad. “You’re paying me rent. And you owe me…” (He steels himself, knees threatening to give out from under him.) “…a kiss.”
Lukey blinks. And then he blinks again. And then, because he’s alarmingly weak-willed when it comes to his husband, he turns a bright pink and laughs nervously.
“A kiss?” he repeats, disbelief in his voice. “That’s it?”
“That’s it. Just one kiss every night from now on.”
Lukey’s heart skips a beat because he knows when Pangi is lying to him, and this? He isn’t lying, and this isn’t a game; Pangi has always been kind, he wouldn’t be this cruel, not to him.
So, hesitantly, Lukey steps up and puts his hands on Pangi’s shoulders. He has to look up to meet his eyes.
“Right,” he says. “A kiss.”
And so he does it: a light brush of the lips against Pangi’s cheek, and a second, more sure one when Pangi doesn’t immediately recoil
And then, because he’s also a bastard, Lukey ducks past Pangi and runs into their bedroom giggling.
Pangi, dazed, can only raise his fingers to his cheek, a blinding smile growing on his face
“He-llo, husband!” Lukey calls. “The servants put my nightclothes on top of the wardrobe again!”
His voice snaps Pangi (who has putting Lukey’s nightclothes on top of the wardrobe for weeks now) out of his bliss
He spins around and says, “Coming, honey!”
He runs into their bedroom, slamming the door shut behind him
Problem sixteen:
Lukey has a new addiction, and his name is Pangi
One kiss a night slowly turns into Pangi asking for one every morning as well, slowly turns into Pangi wanting one to go with their lunch, turns into Pangi stealing one every time he wins a match in the training yard.
Soon enough, Bad is asking for his 40 grandkids again, and it’s. Horrible, because Pangi just winks and Lukey has to suffer for it
Stupid husband. Terrible, stupid, kissable husband
(Problem G:
Pangi loves Lukey. He’s said it enough times, too. But…
Lukey was practically forced into this marriage. And he’s so close with the gardener. And he…
Pangi loves Lukey, but he doesn’t know if Lukey loves him.)
Problem seventeen:
Pangi is sad.
And Lukey doesn’t know why
Problem eighteen:
Pangi stops asking for kisses
Problem nineteen:
Pangi puts the pillow back between them in bed
Problem twenty:
Lukey misses his husband even though he’s right there. Inches away, just the same as he’s been since the night they met all those months ago. But he’s… quiet. His smile doesn’t reach his eyes
(“Newt’s… nice,” Pangi says
Lukey frowns. “He is. Why?”
Pangi shrugs. “No reason. He’s just… nice, isn’t he?”
He goes quiet, and that’s how he stays for the rest of the night.)
Problem twenty one:
Pangi is in a meeting, and Lukey is in the garden with Newt
Abruptly, Newt says, “Lucas, I think… I need to go.”
Lukey is instantly panicked: “What? Why?”
Newt looks down at his hands where they are buried in the dirt. “The Keepers want me to go back. To the Kingdom of Null. They want me to… go home.”
Oh. Right.
Lukey is quiet. He’s quiet for a long time as Newt plants his final row of poppies in the Green Kingdom’s garden, simply watching his friend at work
And then:
“Okay,” Lukey breathes. He nods, swallows his tears, and tries to smile through the disappointment. “Do you want an escort back? I am the prince’s husband, you know. I can send some of our knights with you. Or, like. Tubbo, he’s always wanted to see the Null.”
Because, really, Newt seemed more at home in the Null Palace than he ever did back in their village. It was like something just clicked for him, whether it was the environment or his blurred childhood memories finally making sense. He brought Lukey with him, of course, but he spent more time breaking him out of the palace dungeons than actually hanging out with him
Newt gives him a… complicated look. “You… don’t want to come with me?”
“What? No, Newt, I-“ Lukey sputters, mind immediately flashing to his husband. “-I’m married, Newt. I can’t just leave!”
Newt’s shoulders sag. “I know, and you’re happy here. I just… miss you, Lucas.”
Lukey sighs. “I miss you, too. But I have- but Pangi is…”
He puts his head in his hands. “I can’t just leave him. I don’t even know if I could do a trip to another kingdom without him, Newt, I’m attached. I- he’s…”
“Lucas…” Newt puts a dirty hand on Lukey’s knee, gentle. “It’s fine. I didn’t mean to upset you…”
“It’s fine, Newt. It’s… it’s fine.”
Silence, then:
“You… really do like him, don’t you?”
Lukey smiles a bit sadly. “I love him. I really do. I’d like to think that he loves me back, I just… I don’t know how to tell him, and-“
Newt squeezes Lukey’s knee. “I’m… happy for you. I’m happy that you finally found someone worth staying for.”
“Newt-“
But then there’s darkness- a spell that every child in the Kingdom of Null has to learn- and then Newt is gone
(Lukey is so caught up in his distraught that he doesn’t even notice the tiny little pangolin hiding around the corner who heard the whole thing)
Solution One:
Pangi pulls Lukey into a corner as Lukey is on his way to the library, and he kisses him until they’re both seeing stars
Lukey pulls back to gasp for breath, face red and eyes wide and pupils even wider. “Wha- Pangi-?”
But Pangi just winks and runs off, leaving a dazed and confused Lukey behind
For you see, loyal readers, war has been declared
Solution two:
Lukey comes out of an important diplomatic meeting with a migraine building. He walks through the hallways blindly towards his bedroom, footsteps staggered and heavy
But then, suddenly, he’s scooped up and hoisted into a bridal carry by a pair of strong, familiar arms
Lukey’s eyes open in alarm and surprise, but his husband just shushes him and says, “Shhh, honey, relax.”
Lukey rolls his eyes, but he loops his arms around Pangi’s neck and lets himself be carried to bed
Solution three:
Pangi blindfolds Lukey and leads him outside despite Lukey’s various loud protests
And what’s outside?
Lukey’s blindfold is pulled off, and before him is an entire section of the garden full of lilies of the valley and black roses
Behind him, Pangi slings his arms over Lukey’s shoulders and rests his chin on the top of Lukey’s head
“Like it?” he asks
“Pangi, I… I love it.” He tilts his head back with a smile, fingers knitting themselves through Pangi’s. “Thank you.”
(Pangi swears internally. So close…!)
Solution four:
Lukey is sick and stuck in bed and miserable, and his husband, the crown prince and future king, is kneeling by his bedside pressing a damp cloth to his face and gently encouraging him to take his medicine. None of the usual arguing is there, even Pangi knows better than to tease Lukey when he’s in this state
Feverishly, Lukey grabs onto Pangi’s cold, cold hand and holds it against his fever-stricken face. He sighs in relief, eyes fluttering shut
And then he immediately rolls over and throws up right across Pangi’s lap
Pangi groans and calls for a servant and the castle cleric, but he wipes the bile out from under Lukey’s lip and brushes the hair out of his eyes
“‘m sorry,” Lukey mumbles
“Don’t worry about it,” Pangi simply replies
(A confession in this state wouldn’t even count, Pangi thinks)
Solution five:
Their half-year anniversary comes and goes with little fanfare because they’ve both snuck out of the castle to celebrate by themselves at Tubbo’s Tavern
It’s the perfect night for a love confession, Pangi thinks as he leads Lukey in a dance
And he swears Lukey is about to say it, too, but then, suddenly:
“There you two ragamuffins are!” the King shouts
Lukey and Pangi only share one glance before fleeing together, hand-in-hand and laughing all the while
Solution six:
Lukey wakes up and realizes that it’s his birthday only because there’s a Pangi in bed next to him holding a tray of all his favorite foods with a smile
“Happy birthday, love,” Pangi says, sappy and stupid
He leans in for a kiss that Lukey only halfway complains about (“I haven’t even brushed my teeth yet, you freak!”)
Solution seven:
“I don’t even see why we’re arguing about this,” Pangi snaps. “There isn’t anything to argue about!”
Lukey yells, “Of course there is, you idiot! I’m your husband! Do you really think I’ll just let you duel Sneegsnag? Really?”
Ten minutes of arguing, and the entire meeting room has been emptied of the officials who were there to discuss the Yellow Kingdom’s numerous attacks on Green; more specifically, the repeated attacks on Sir Lukey. It had started out civil, but the second Pangi suggested he engage in a one-on-one duel with Sir Sneegsnag the Smith Daddy, all hell broke loose
Pangi looks at his husband like he’s an idiot. “Oh, you’re letting me do things? Don’t I have free will?”
Lukey rolls his eyes. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
“Is it? Is it really?”
“Yes! I don’t want you getting killed, you idiot!”
“Please,” Pangi scoffs. “Like Sneeg can kill me.”
Lukey takes an angry step closer. “He can, and you know it. And even if he doesn’t, he can hurt you, and-”
“So what!” Pangi throws his arms up in the air. “Who cares if he hurts me? I’ll be fine! It’s his kingdom that’s-”
“I care!” Lukey shouts, tears in his eyes that Pangi is just now noticing. “I love you, you absolute- just- ugh, who cares if Zam and Ros want me dead? I don’t want you getting hurt on my behalf.”
He continues ranting, but Pangi is only halfway listening because…
Softly, Pangi asks, “You love me?”
And Lukey freezes.
Pangi takes a step closer, and then another, until they’re an arm’s length apart.
He smiles, all anger and frustration gone from his face. His hands loosely grip Lukey’s upper arms, slowly sliding down until they’re holding hands.
Lukey looks up at him like a deer who’s been caught in a hunter’s sights
“I-“ he sputters, more flustered than Pangi has ever seen him. “I- well, yes, of course, I-“
He’s cut off by a kiss, one that quickly turns into a laugh as he realizes just how happy his husband is.
“You’re shaking, dear,” he murmurs against Pangi’s lips
“Nah,” Pangi responds. “I’m cool.”
He’s so cool, in fact, that he loses control and, suddenly, POOF! Lukey is kissing thin air and there’s a very cross pangolin stuck in his human form’s clothes on the floor.
Pangi Pangolin burrows his way to the surface and looks up at Lukey with big blue eyes: Carry me, husband!
Lukey sighs wearily, but he crouches and takes Pangi Pangolin into his arms.
“This discussion is not over,” he firmly tells him. “You’re lucky I love you, or I’d just leave you here and order an assassination attempt on Sneegsnag myself.”
And, if pangolins could purr, Pangi would be doing so
Resolution:
On the one-year anniversary of their first meeting and thus also their engagement, Pangi gifts his husband an arctic fox. Lukey names her Donut, and Donut becomes the Royal Fox
That night, Lukey introduces her to King Bad and has this to say:
“Bad, I’d like you to meet your first grandchild.”
And Pangi, who has not known a Thing about any grandchildren this entire time, immediately drags Lukey away to their bedroom and ignores any and all protests about biology and anatomy on the way