Chapter Text
Foreword (Unauthorized. Not at all.) by Suigetsu Hōzuki
"Because if the world is going to end, I at least want to laugh at the end." – Sui.H .
Hello there. Retired shinobi? Traumatized civilian? Curious young reader who survived the Infinite Tsukuyomi and is now trying to understand why the world is messier than Sasuke's hair after three days without washing it? Welcome to the official-unofficial, unauthorized record of what remains of the Fourth Shinobi World War!
Yes, the war is over. The good guys won. But no one agreed with the planet beforehand that it should remain whole and normal afterward.
Now, we have:
Pandemonium and social anarchy
Two highly dangerous Uchihas being taken to the Moon as if they were defective packages returned to their cosmic sender — much to the chagrin of the Raikage, who couldn't execute them as he wished.
We have: Albino gods floating around, judging everyone with pupil-less eyes and zero empathy. They waited until the last possible minute before intervening; how benevolent they are, these alien people.
We also have countless attempts by courts to organize trials for war criminals and the like, to deliver "justice" and appease the people's anger, but these efforts completely backfire — several times, I should warn you.
Civil demonstrations take place in every nation, demanding things like " basic rights " and " Shinobi! Stop almost destroying the world every ten years! ” or, most hilariously, " Shinobi, get lost! ”
We have the Raikage — a media favorite, and my favorite too, by the way — with his authoritarian and controversial statements that are the terror of any lawyer or PR firm working for him, who constantly have to soften his words. (Spoiler: The Raikage doesn't care. Not one bit. And he can't contain himself either. Kumo idolizes him for it.)
We have several newly created and hastily expanded departments to meet the insane demand for: environmental restoration, public and legal relations, and national/global security, and the creation of the UN/Ninja – YES! Now we have that . We also have the WHO/Ninja, and several other departments full of desperate, traumatized, stressed-out people addicted to coffee with aspirin instead of sugar.
And of course, the most important question of all: Who won? The heroes or the villains? I tell you! The only ones who "won" were deported to the Moon. There wasn't even time for a victory toast. How unlucky for them.
Conclusion: It was a draw! The important thing is that the world was saved. More or less. By a hair's breadth. And for now.
I was there. I saw it all. Every fiery speech, every "this is unforgivable!" tear, every rebuilding/union plan that fell apart when someone remembered we don't have enough bricks and mortar to fill all the holes. Nor mental health.
And before you ask: no, I didn't fight on the front lines. I fought behind the scenes. Providing moral support to Sasuke. Facing mandatory court summons from Team Taka and facing legal charges without a lawyer.
This book is an attempt (probably futile) to organize the chaos, record the post-war collapse, and perhaps elicit a laugh or two from the reader on this tragicomic journey as everything slowly but stylishly falls apart.
Because if the whole world is going to freak out, crack, or implode in the very near future, then someone needs to be there to laugh a little while sipping a cup of cheap sake with a satisfied expression.
With acidic affection,
Suigetsu Hōzuki
(Team Taka Member | Current Survivor of Global Disaster | Amateur Disaster Critic in his spare and generally inappropriate time | Sword Collector and Volunteer Helper in his spare time)
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⚠️ Pay attention to the warnings. It's important. Don't skip them. ⚠️